September 6, 2023 • 39 mins
As the back-to-school season unfurls, wrapping us in its unique swirl of emotions and expectations, I sat down with the inspirational Lisa Sarnowski to dissect our personal experiences. We pondered the powerful concept of releasing expectations, managing our emotional responses, and the importance of self-love and self-care amid the chaos.
Our conversation flowed, unveiling the transformative role self-love can play in our lives. We explored how detaching ourselves from specific outcomes, being honest, and modeling these behaviors for our children can catalyze growth. We dug into the relevance of these strategies, especially during conflicts. We even teased out the concept of zero attachment, a self-awareness tool that could help us become better role models for our children.
As we wound down, Lisa and I reflected on the shifting landscape of education and the pressing need to balance traditional learning with the skills our kids need to thrive. We exchanged personal stories about parenting, the evolving expectations with each new season, and how the right mindset can ease the journey. We discussed the importance of self-advocacy and carving out moments to breathe. So, take a moment for yourself and join Lisa and I as we share our stories and wisdom. And, if our conversation resonates with you, we encourage you to share it with your friends and family, as we aim for a thousand downloads.
Get DEEPER with April, Lisa & The ParadigmU Team. Connect with Us HERE.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Paradigm you podcast.
You're listening to theParadigm you podcast.
On this week's episode, lisaand I dive into the topic of
going back to school howimportant it is to love up on
ourselves and everyone elsearound us, and the importance of
releasing expectations andbeing intentional with how we're
showing up during this uniqueand delicate season of life.
(00:23):
Listen in.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
You're listening to the Paradigm you podcast.
You're about to starttransforming your life by
growing your mind and expandingyour paradigms.
Here we'll cover real lifetopics, just like the stuff
you'd share with a good friend.
This podcast will serve uptopics that weigh on our hearts
and keep us up at night, whetherit's navigating parenthood and
becoming an adult, or wayfinding, personal development, marriage
and money.
You, my friend, are in theright place.
(00:47):
I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
All right.
Well, welcome to the Paradigmyou podcast.
It is another great week andhere today I have the lovely
Lisa Sarnowski joining me and,for a lot of you listeners, you
probably have someone in yourlife who's going back to school.
We are in a season of back toschool, back to some routines,
(01:10):
some are maybe back to work andwe're all coming off of a
three-day week.
Well, not all, but most peopleare coming off of a three-day
weekend, and I just had aconversation with somebody who
said this is the most delicatetime of the year, because
emotions are high, energies areperhaps low or all over the
(01:32):
place, and some people havedifferent expectations of what
this season is going to looklike.
But before we get into any ofthat, I just want to check in
and say, lisa, how's it going?
Speaker 4 (01:42):
I'm good April.
It's so good to be back withyou.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Another week.
You are literally listening toLisa and I each week showing up
and figuring out how to do this,and we are having so much fun
figuring it out.
So thank you for all of thelisteners who are cheering us on
and coming back every week.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Absolutely.
It's so good to be back herewith you and I'm excited for our
topic today.
Really am.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah, I think that there's a lot we can cover, but
I would love, before we get intoany of the main topics that I
was hoping to cover this week,to just check in.
How's your week then, lisa?
We had a full moon, we had aholiday weekend.
I'm guessing your kids are backto school by this point.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Yeah, you're right.
By the time this airs they willbe back to school.
Hopefully.
We're a part of the Milwaukeepublic school system and our
school unfortunately does nothave air conditioning, so it's
shaping up to be a pretty hotweek.
So it's actually there's a lotup in the air right now, as
we're recording this, whether ornot they're actually going back
to school.
It says it's been a really goodweek, but to your point, it's
(02:53):
been a delicate week and onewhere I've noticed and sat in
awareness of OK, my energy is alittle bit off and I'm going to
just sit back and be inawareness with all of it and
figure out how I can bestpresent myself to the world and
engage with how I need things togo.
(03:13):
And basically what that hasmeant is I just I kind of
defaulted into a whole lot oflove pouring this week, just
going to out pour loveeverywhere I go, to everyone I
meet, not that I never do that,I do that but it was a very
aware moment where my energy wasso off.
(03:35):
If I hadn't trained myself alittle bit more previously, I
think I could have maybe notpresented myself as well.
Does that make sense?
I don't know if I'marticulating that as well as it
could be it totally does.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think we've all been in that moment where we are
responding to something,perhaps from an old paradigm,
from an old behavior, and maybewe've been triggered by
something.
Our energy is off, maybe we'rejust feeling fatigued and we get
triggered and we respond acertain way, and I think that
(04:08):
there's usually two routes wecan go.
I mean, we've all seen thatperson who just kind of loses
their crap.
I've definitely been thatperson.
My kids witnessed it one timeand they don't let me forget
that easily.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
And that was a great moment of unpacking and
recognizing like, okay, thiswasn't my best self and how can
can we learn from that?
And you know, especially rolemodeling how to go apologize to
someone is, I think, a reallyimportant piece, and I had that
opportunity when I did lose mymind on someone one time.
But I think also you touched ona piece of.
(04:43):
You've retrained your brain in adifferent way now, and now you
have that awareness that maybeyour energy is off a little bit,
maybe you're you know, feelingthose fatigues, maybe you're
feeling the overwhelm or justthe delicacy of you know a lot
of things happening right now.
But having that awarenessallows you to shift that and say
(05:04):
, okay, how can I show up thebest version of myself, even
when maybe I'm not feeling it?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Yeah, absolutely, and I love that word delicacy, I
think it really.
It really speaks to me.
This you know this last week andgoing into next week, my son's
birthday is an early Septemberbirthday, so we have birthday
parties coming up on top ofeverything and just learning to
to love myself enough to show upin a way that does present as
(05:32):
well as it can in this moment.
That was definitely a journeyfor me.
In fact, it was a few years agothat I realized, through the
journey that I had undertaken, Ihad gotten to a point as a
mother, as a professional, as aspouse, that I didn't it's not,
it wasn't that I didn't lovemyself, I didn't even like
(05:53):
myself.
And so the journey to reallyget there and to retrain myself
and to get back into that coregratitude and loving myself
enough to say, okay, in thismoment I'm feeling low and what
I can do to support myself andlove myself enough is to love
others as well and really bethat, be the person out in the
(06:15):
world that I need, also in theworld right now, right Cause I
think we're all kind of treadingwater a little bit going into
this back to school season.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah, and you know that when you're talking about
loving yourself a couple ofyears ago, I had a practice
because I realized somethingvery similar.
I just was really unhappy and Ididn't realize it, but it was
like this constant thing thatwas running in the background of
my life, like I was showing upevery day, I was pouring out
(06:49):
into other people, I was doing,doing, doing.
I was trying to do the best Icould, but at the end of the day
I wasn't feeling the love sodeeply that I would actually
choose to love myself.
And I got this message.
At one point.
I got a nudge, we'll call itthat said, when you take care of
yourself, everything else getseasier.
(07:09):
And boy, oh my gosh, I'mfeeling emotional just saying
that.
When I heard that, I was likethat seems so simple.
Yeah, and really that'sprobably been one of my bigger
lessons to work on this lifetime, today For sure.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Yeah, it's like daily .
Yeah, I agree, and you knowthere's so much out in the world
today about self care,especially for moms, and, quite
honestly, I would see thosemessages and I would actually be
repulsed by them because Iwould internalize it at that
time when I had this negativestory going on in my head that
(07:52):
it's just another thing to doand who actually takes two hours
to have a morning routinethat's just like perfect,
journal and run and do all thethings.
And then when you take a stepback and you go, okay, do I love
myself?
Just as an honest question, nojudgment.
You're having the conversationwith yourself.
(08:13):
And when you realize, of courseI do.
Well, what do you do for othersthat you love?
You take care of them, right,and you show up for them.
And when I realized that I mean, there really was a big part of
my journey as well where I wasnot showing up for myself and I
loved to play the martyr as themom, I gotta take care of
(08:34):
everybody else.
Why isn't anyone taking care ofme?
And I thought what a horriblerole model I was being to my
kids and even my spouse, and Iwas training them to not to
equally not take care ofthemselves right and to expect
other people to take care ofthem, and wait, wait.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
can we pause right there To expect we were teaching
others to expect someone totake care of you?
That's how.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
That's how I interpreted it.
Yeah, that when I really took astep back and I thought, what
am I really?
What's, what am I doing here,right, and that was that season
of life of people have listenedto the podcast where I just
looked around and realized thatI had the life that I had
created, but I just didn't knowwhat was next.
And so, yeah, I realized, holycow, I'm teaching my kids to
(09:26):
expect other people to take careof them.
I'm teaching my kids to beupset when other people just
don't magically know what theirneeds are and do all those
things.
And I they deserve better.
I signed up to take care ofthem and a role model for them,
but, most importantly, I alsodeserve better.
And so how interesting for thatto cycle through through the
(09:48):
genre, if you will, of self love.
And every day I started askingmyself if I really love myself.
What would I do?
I really love myself?
What would I do now?
What would I do in thissituation?
What would I like?
Would I eat this?
Would I?
Would I?
How would I engage in thisemail conversation?
How would I respond to thisteacher situation that I'm
(10:09):
having?
How you know anything?
How would someone who loveshimself enough, show up.
What's fascinating is so much ofit was showing up with honesty,
because I realized in a lot ofconversations and a lot of
different areas of my life I wasnot actually being forthright
(10:30):
and honest.
I thought I'll just be passive,I won't use my voice, I won't,
I won't stir the pot, becauseI've been known to always ask
the hard questions right.
And I realized, and that justled to a very, very tumultuous
year for my son at school, oneyear.
Now I'm on the flip side andactually just a couple nights
(10:52):
ago, I started laughing at myhusband because I'm like, haha,
she's back.
She's back with a vengeance,because I'm just being honest
with people and not beingattached to their, to to their
agenda, not being attached toany outcome on my end, just
truly sharing.
This is what's happening.
How do we best move forward?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
So I think what you just said about not being
attached and showing up andbeing honest with yourself and
also, I think, probably,trusting yourself yeah,
something that I tend tostruggle with, because if you
don't trust yourself, then youquestion speaking up, you
(11:34):
question is my voice worthy?
Is this something that I shouldeven be speaking up about?
And I really like how you saidthat.
That was a really, I think, apoint in piece that I think all
of us can learn from.
We can all learn to trustourselves, to listen and get
quiet, take care of ourselvesand to remember that if I love
(11:56):
myself, how am I going torespond?
Or how am I going to show uptoday?
And if you have little ones inyour life, you can also ask
yourself if they're watching,how am I going to behave in a
way that I am happy with, howI'm role modeling this?
Speaker 4 (12:12):
Absolutely.
I had a moment a few months agowhere I looked in the mirror
and I thought would I want mydaughter to turn out like me?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Oh my gosh, such a good question, and it really
gave me pause.
Speaker 4 (12:27):
I thought, holy cow, I need to sit with that one some
more.
And the short answer is yes,and and so it was a.
Really I chose in that momentto saw the answer as an
empowering opportunity for me tocontinue to grow and to role
model for her and to useintentional language, and she's
(12:52):
a hoot and a riot and she bringsus so much joy.
So I really have no concerns,I'm not worried there.
But it was a moment ofself-reflection For me to say,
okay, where's the growth here?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yeah, you know, tony and I have that conversation for
anyone listening who'sunfamiliar.
Tony is my partner and we'veactually been having that theme
conversation lease latelyBecause we've I've realized so I
have I have a daughter who'sthe oldest of my children and
she we joke that we should havejust named her karma Go similar
(13:27):
to me in so many ways and sodifferent To me in so many
different ways that it'sfascinating.
But the the similarities arethe areas clearly of growth
opportunity for me.
And what I've realized is she'sshe's really Stepping into a
lot of the role modeling thatI've been doing, but she's so
(13:48):
much more empowered and sofeisty because I have role
modeled for her ways to speakher mind and to have opinions
and to have that confidence andindependence, and I worked
really hard to make sure that Irole modeled and advocated that
for her.
But now what I've realized isshe's picking up on a lot of
other habits that I have andshe's starting to Embrace, maybe
(14:12):
, things that aren't my, my bestpieces of myself, and so I'm
having conversations with her ona regular basis like, hey, you
need to do this.
I'm gonna use this exampleBecause this one's a full circle
example.
Lisa, I don't know if youremember this, but After I had
my second child and for everyonelistening, you may have not
heard this full story, but afterI had my second child, I owned
(14:34):
a business that I felt like hadrun its course and,
energetically, I was reallystruggling and I actually hired
Lisa to be my coach To help mefigure out what was the next
step in that journey.
And at the time I had had mysecond child and I was really
struggling to take care ofmyself and At the end of
(14:56):
probably our first conversation,she said okay, these are your
daily ten things you need to do,and one of them was just a
shower.
Do you remember that, lisa?
That was I do.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I remember your non-negotiable list right.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yes, so I had to have on there.
I had to shower every day justto just change my energy and to
like set the tone because I hadgotten into a Living off of dry
shampoo.
And just like throwing my hairin a ponytail and just going
because I was just trying, I wasspread so thin and what so
clear you came up with that list.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
I didn't give you the list.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yes, yes, thank you.
Yes, that's a good point.
So everybody's non-negotiablelist of the things that they
need to do to feel better.
It's gonna be a little bitdifferent, but what I realized
was one of mine was I needed toshower just to change that
energy.
Yeah, here's the crazy part.
I am negotiating with my childnow how important it is to
(15:49):
shower, to take care of herself,and it's so interesting and I'm
not saying like I was a stinkykid, but I was like you know
what I'm?
Just, I'm fine, I'll just, youknow, throw on a hoodie and a
baseball cap and call it a daywhen, in reality, when I take
that extra time to just takecare of myself in a different
way, I show up differently.
(16:09):
And now I'm trying to havethose same conversations, or I'm
, I am having thoseconversations with my daughter
and it's so interesting how fullcircle and how they pick up on
things, whether you say it ornot.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Yeah, I mean, they really do watch more than.
More you know even more thanthey listen.
Right, I was having aconversation Stella asked me
yesterday.
So, for all the listeners, Ihave two kids.
My youngest, stella, is sixcurrently, and my oldest is 11,
about to be 12.
And my oldest and I have ourown Humor and you know he's my
(16:42):
karma.
We get each other and if otherpeople are listening, I think
they think he's being reallymean to me.
So I'm equally aware of that,because I and so Stella had
asked me why is Desmond so meanto you?
And I said he's not.
And I said that's a goodobservation.
What Desmond is doing right nowis he is learning how to be
(17:03):
funny and what works and whatdoesn't.
And in our house you need tolearn these skills for life and
the people you practice them on,or mom and dad, so you can
always practice them on me.
And I said part of what youdon't see Stella is.
Sometimes I will tell him hey,does that really miss the mark?
You know, I know you're tryingto be funny, but that was too
(17:24):
far or that was reallyinappropriate.
I go, but he's not mad.
You know he's willing to gothere and test things and I
think you know continuing tofoster that environment For our
kids to be able to learn from usby what we do.
Karma is a great word for thesechildren.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah, you know, it's a way to empower them, isn't?
Speaker 4 (17:50):
it.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Yeah, and my hope is that when we're role modeling
this, it's not just our children.
When we're showing up in theworld and we're.
If we have that voice, then wecan go out there and say hey, I
think you actually missed themark.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Or you know you can actually call things out and not
in a way where you're beingdisrespectful, but you're
actually establishing thoseboundaries in a really healthy
way.
You know, I don't I, for thosewho are listening I have a
property management company andwe had a person reach out to us
who had a vehicle accident thisweek on one of our properties in
(18:27):
a very large parking lot, andthey managed to completely rip
off the bottom of their vehicleon one of our speed bumps.
Whoa yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
Is everybody okay.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Everybody's perfectly fine.
The car is not drivable becausethey're missing a lot of pieces
.
Here's the interesting thing.
This is a good example.
This is what happened to methis week.
This person reaches out to meand says hey, I was driving in
your parking lot and now myvehicle doesn't have, like the
(19:01):
oil pan, all of these things.
He listed off all of thesethings that are now not attached
to his vehicle.
And I'm like gosh.
I've owned this property formany years.
Many of people come throughthis on a, you know, a monthly
basis.
This is a very large, popularproperty and I've never had
anybody have this example likeissue with this property.
And he said the first thing.
(19:23):
He says I need to contact yourinsurance because I need them to
cover all of the towing and mycar is totaled.
Hmm, Right, that's the firstthing, Not a?
Hey, I might have been drivingtoo fast, Right, Can you?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
imagine, don't assume responsibility.
No.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And that was the interesting piece.
So I I could have easily beenlike whoa, whoa, whoa, back off
man, like what are you doing?
But instead I chose to justwitness how he was showing up,
what he was saying, and to pourout love, because I'm like gosh,
you know what.
That would be really stressfulif my vehicle was missing all of
the pieces down below and inthat moment, if I wasn't
(20:02):
equipped to have the awarenessto actually recognize, like oh,
maybe I made a little bit of thethe choices that would have, I
mean, if you're hitting a speedbump so fast that you lose half
your vehicle, right, Good jobyeah.
And I'm trying so hard in thismoment to, like you know, be
compassionate but equally nottry to giggle, cause I also was
(20:24):
a young person at one pointcruising very fast in vehicles,
but I could have easily flownoff the handlebars or been
triggered in different ways.
Or I could have been reallyangry or defensive, and because
I had that awareness that youwere talking about and because
I've been working so hard ontaking care of myself, I had a
lot more compassion and I wasable to step up to that
(20:48):
conversation and to have thoseconversations with that person
and with my team so that wecould actually respond in a
really respectful way and notnecessarily just immediately
jump to you know all thenegative things or placing blame
or anything that could havehappened.
So when you're saying like eyesare watching, we can also role
(21:11):
model how we show up to any ofthese conflicts or situations
and and show up with a lens oflove, Like I went into this and
I'm like, okay, I'm going topour out love under this guy
because this has got to bepretty hard.
He doesn't have a vehicleanymore.
Obviously, that's working.
He's immediately looking for myinsurance information instead
of like, hey, you know, here'sall the steps I took.
(21:34):
Yeah, you know, it was veryinteresting to witness how he
responded and then how I wasable to role model how I
responded, but then also how Icould teach my team to respond.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Yeah Well, your ripple effect?
It absolutely is.
Learning how to respond versusreact in that moment is quite a
journey, especially when youfind yourself personally
triggered in certain situations,right, and so learning how to
retrain your brain to say, okay,I'm going to pause and I'm
going to choose to respond tothis in a way that I would want
(22:09):
to receive Ooh, that's a goodone, right, like that's.
That's been part of my journeyeven through the school system
is trying to have theseconversations with staff at
administrators, particularteachers, to say, okay, how can
we have a really healthydialogue here and how can I
respond in a way that's equallybeneficial and accountable and
(22:34):
show up also in a way that Iwould want to be receiving that
back from a parent, you know,because I think we can.
We can be entangled inattachment to what things look
like.
So good for you for being ableto hold that boundary.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah Well, thank you, but I think it's it's all about
our intentions.
Yeah, it's all about how weintend to show up and what we
want the outcome to be, but thennot being attached to what it
actually is going to end upbeing.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Right there, that one , the zero attachment.
That's been fascinating for meto detach and I think I almost
went too far on the spectrum ofreally embracing that that I
almost feel like I'm so detached.
I had to learn how to reattachto certain things.
So just it became this journeyof like, whatever you guys do,
(23:30):
right, whatever, verylaissez-faire approach to
parenting and school and justeverything, and finally I had to
go.
I think I'm way too, way toochill and I need to come back to
some standards andaccountability as well, as you
know, approaching all this withlove.
But again, you know, school isreally top of my mind right now
(23:55):
and and I'm I'm excited for theyear ahead because I really had
to sit back and just embrace anew philosophy and a new belief
system.
For those of you that don't know, I started my professional
career in higher education, muchlike April, and so I have my
master's in higher ed.
I hold a deep, deep passion foreducation and yet we can all
(24:19):
agree that the world is changingand perhaps some of the
traditional skill sets ordegrees that people once needed
to be financially secure orsuccessful no longer exist right
.
So there's a lot moreopportunities now and we're all
kind of learning it together.
Yet the educational system hastheir own pathway, and so
(24:42):
learning for me that okay.
Education can provide learningin a way that my kids will
absolutely learn, but maybe notwhat I was always expecting them
to learn, and they're learningdifferent skill sets than what
I'm going to be teaching them athome.
And how can I, you know, marryall of that together?
(25:04):
So it's been a reallyinteresting year for me to just
start the school year.
This is the first school yearwe've started in gosh because of
COVID and then things that werehappening with my oldest,
probably in four, five years,five, four years, excuse me, in
four years, where I have justfelt really, really great.
(25:26):
That's pretty awesome, and Ifeel so great that I'm so
exhausted because I'm like Iforget what this feels like.
I usually had my guard up and Ijust I felt like what if I just
took that down?
And what if I reestablishedwhat learning means in the
school system, and what if Ireestablished my love and voice
(25:48):
within, you know, thepartnership of the school
district?
And what if I reestablishedwhat learning means at home as
well?
And so it's really flipped mybelief structure upside down and
the outcome has been verypositive for me, but it's still
a delicate week overall.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Well, and I think what you said about taking the
guard down is a really importantpiece, because if we're not
aware of what those guards are,you know those shields that
we're putting up to protect somepart of our hearts or our
belief system or whatever we'redoing a lot of times that's a
(26:34):
lot of energy actually to put upthose guards to combat whatever
it is that we're trying toprotect.
Yeah, we might be fighting abattle that we don't even
realize that matters to us, orthat's maybe wearing us out For
sure.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
Yeah, Do you ever did you have a part of your journey
at all where you felt like youput guards up around your heart?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
I think I still do.
I think I do especially in therelationships and friendship
world, and that's probably aconversation for another podcast
.
But I think, well, probablyrelationships in general.
Actually, recently I put somesocial posts out on social media
about finding my voice andfinding that confidence in my
(27:23):
business partnerships because Ihad guarded myself and my voice
and my opinion so much and partof that was because I didn't
have that confidence.
I didn't have that self-loveenough to believe that what I
had to say or my opinionsmattered or were worthy enough
to come to the table.
So I would sit quiet a lot moreand that's for another
(27:45):
conversation.
But I definitely had those.
But one of the other things Iwanted to share really quickly
is kind of on a fun note, myyoungest is starting preschool
this year.
How exciting, I know.
Right, that's been quite thejourney, holy smokes.
But what's been reallyinteresting?
(28:05):
When you were talking aboutzero attachment and just kind of
having that freedom or thatsense of lightness it sounded
like by coming into it with adifferent approach, it was so
interesting.
We rolled into preschoolorientation the other night and
we rolled in hot.
We were trying to cram in everyounce of summer and so we
(28:28):
literally came from a parkstraight to orientation, like
take out food in the car in theparking lot before we roll in,
and my youngest was ahead of me.
She was so excited that she ranup ahead and she went into the
auditorium ahead of me like sofar that they didn't know I was
there.
And she gets to the entry andthe people who are welcoming her
(28:51):
are her new teachers and weknew them already and so it
wasn't a stranger that she waswalking into.
But it was so funny because shewas walking in with all these
other families and they're likeoh, froggy, are you coming in by
yourself?
And they were looking aroundand I was behind a couple other
families and so I heard them askher that and she's like yep, I
am, I'm actually here.
(29:15):
And so I'm like raising my handlike I'm here, I'm just not
right next to her.
And so we walk in and what Irealized was that all of the
other family not all of them,but for the most part all of the
other families that were goinginto orientation this was their
first child that was going inpreschool and I'm rolling in
(29:35):
third child, literally sendingher clearly into orientation all
by herself.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
All by herself.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Yeah, and I've gone through this journey already so
I have a different understandingand so I can have different
attachments and differentexpectations and I can show up
really differently.
And it felt so much more calm,I read.
I very clearly remember sendingmy first out into the world a
little bit more and you know,sitting in my car many times I'm
(30:02):
sure I even maybe called you atone of those points, just
bawling my eyes out, because I'mlike, oh my gosh, am I doing
the right thing?
I can't believe.
I just sent her, you know, onher own into the world for a
couple hours, whatever it was.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
And we get into orientation and those are the
conversations that they'rehaving in orientation.
Be graceful with yourself onthose first couple of days.
It might feel harder for youthan it might feel for other,
for your students or for others.
Don't look outward at how otherfamilies and parents are
responding, because they may bein a different path or journey.
(30:38):
And I was like man, these aresuch good lessons and realizing
that.
You know, I had time to talk tosome of the other families
afterwards and One of them theywere like oh my gosh, we are so
nervous, we're.
You know, this is a big, bigdeal and you know I'm sitting
there like rolling in with myflip flops, you know, and
(31:01):
they're all dressed up liketotally dressed.
Yes, yes, first kid going in,right, totally.
But what was so interesting wastheir expectations and how much
pressure that they were puttingon themselves and how I did
that.
I could relate to that, but I'mat a different season because
I've already gone and walkedthat journey.
(31:21):
So now I can roll in a littlebit differently, a little bit
lighter, and know thateverything's gonna be okay.
And it reminded me of howimportant it is to surround
yourself with others who aremaybe a few steps ahead of you,
to kind of gut, check you alittle bit and then, also to
have that grace for others,because they may be going
through a different part oftheir journey and they have some
(31:43):
of those lessons to learn stillthat maybe you or I have
already learned.
So, it was a good reminder andexpectations, because I rolled
in like, yep, this is gonna begreat, I'm sure whatever
information we're gonna have iswonderful, and I saw other
families.
They're literally like takingnotes, yeah.
I didn't even bring a pen orpaper.
I was lucky I had, you know, mykid and you know, rolled in
(32:08):
with my water bottle.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Perspective and experience is just a fascinating
thing in the parenting world,right and to your point, being
able to hold that compassion andgrace for the newbies and just
say, hey, we got you whateverquestions like, without being
condescending, and just agenuine offer to support and
connect.
That's truly what makescommunities so great, and it
(32:31):
sounds like you have a reallygood one there and they're so
lucky to have you as the hotmess mom, as you were first.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Why wouldn't call it a hot mess?
I think it's the intention,right Like I'm trying to model
that this isn't a big deal forFroggy right.
Because if I make it a big dealbecause I've done that with
other kids I realized it's likeripping off a bandaid really,
really slowly and it's morepainful for me and it's more
(32:59):
painful for them.
And so I've realized, if I canroll in and say you know what,
I'm not too attached to thisyou're gonna do great, you're
gonna do amazing.
My intention for you is you'regonna go out into the world and
be an amazing human being andyou're gonna learn from other
people completely differentlessons, like you were talking
about what you're learning inschool is different than what
you're learning at home.
(33:21):
And it's my job to make surethat I'm giving you all of those
opportunities.
I'm filling all the bucketsbecause I can't do all the
teaching myself and I don'texpect any of the teachers of my
children to do that too.
Speaker 4 (33:33):
Absolutely.
I almost wish there was aroadmap to say you know, this is
what educational instruction ismeant to.
You know, here are the outcomes.
I'm sure DPI in Wisconsin hasthose for us, right.
But equally, where's the gapfor the parents to be filling,
especially with things surfacingnowadays like AI, and how does
that integrate with education?
You know that that's a big hottopic button for me right now
(33:57):
because I don't think we shouldjust be dismissing it as a
educational tool.
So there's so manyopportunities.
My kids this week for Open House.
They both have their owndifferent reasons for a little
bit of trepidation, simplybecause of classroom friends,
right, they either don't haveany friends in their classroom
(34:18):
or none that they really knowwell.
And I just kept it light andbreezy too.
I'm like it's gonna be a greatyear and you know what.
You might have classroomfriends and then you might have,
you know, lifelong friends.
But these are different bucketsand they're all great.
You know.
Just, we're gonna figure it outtogether and really selling it
(34:39):
that way and reframing it forthem Absolutely, I think, is the
healthiest thing we can do.
But equally, parental advocacyis a big deal for me and
learning that, and again, we canpark that for another
conversation.
But there is this dance of allright.
Also, I'm gonna be here as yourparent.
So when things surface and youneed to talk about it, I'm here
(35:00):
for you, I'm gonna listen, we'regonna support you and we're
gonna figure out how to workthrough anything that could
possibly surface together.
I think it's equally good.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
So I think it's all about setting the tone setting
the intention and then justhaving that awareness.
And when you take care ofyourself and you have that love
for yourself, you have morecapacity to do those things and
to be that person for others.
So as we're going into this newseason.
I just wanna advocate foranybody who's listening.
(35:32):
First, we are here for you,friend.
We are right there alongsideyou, walking on the same journey
, maybe a different path, but weare right there with you,
high-fiving you any chance youneed it and a willingness to
lift you up as you need it aswell.
And then also advocating forall of us to give ourselves and
(35:53):
others a little bit of graceduring this delicate season.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
Absolutely.
And love upon our teachers,right?
I mean, teachers are wonderfulhumans, so let's show them some
extra love at the beginning ofschool year as well.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Anybody in education right Like yeah, yeah,
absolutely.
Well, at least you know.
I think this has been a reallygreat conversation For listeners
.
We wanted to keep this reallylate because we know that this
is a season where you might havea lot of other things happening
in your life.
You might have a lot of otherthings just swirling around in
your mind and we wanted to giveyou an opportunity to maybe just
(36:31):
like catch your breath a littlebit, to know that there's
someone else in the world whocan relate, who is here to
support you, to advocate for youand to be here when you maybe
you're sitting in your carcrying right.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Like holy cow.
What am I?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
doing when you start to question like, oh my gosh, I
have this weight that I'mfeeling.
What do I do with that?
Maybe I'm feeling a little bitmore stressed this time of year,
overwhelmed, or maybe I'm justhaving that low energy.
We want you to know that you'renot alone.
Speaker 4 (37:05):
Not at all.
We are right.
Yeah, absolutely, April.
We're right there with you andtruly, from our experience
perhaps because of the age ofour children or coaching journey
but really having thatawareness and loving yourself
enough to just love up on otherpeople as well and really be the
person that you want otherpeople to be in return, because
(37:28):
that's what you need.
I think that's the best waythrough these delicate times,
for sure.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Yeah, I would agree with that.
Well, on that note, I wannawish everybody a great start to
September.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
We are gonna be amazing.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Oh man, we are entering into fall season.
Who's ready game on?
I can't wait Whoo well.
I really appreciate theconversation with you, leigh,
and for all of you listening.
We are just so grateful for youand for the journey that you
are on, and we're so gratefulthat you have welcomed us into
your world.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
Thank you so much and do us a favor.
We have a big goal.
We've set a big, audacious goalfor ourselves to reach a
thousand downloads here on thepodcast.
So, if you would not mind,please go ahead and share the
podcast with other people,because we are just getting
started and we're super excitedfor fall to kick off, because we
(38:26):
have some really big, deepertopics that we intend to share
with you.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Share this with your friends,your family, for that mom who is
dropping off their kids rightnext to you, that's right, you
guys got this game on All right.
On that note, it is closingtime.
Cheers to good karma.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Thank you for listening to this entire podcast
.
I hope this episode has leftyou feeling curious and inspired
.
This podcast is intended tocreate expansion in your life
through unique stories andshared experiences, and if you
enjoyed today's episode, I havea request.
I'd like to ask you to sharethis podcast with your friends
and family.
(39:08):
I bet they'd enjoy it just asmuch as you have.
And, if you found value, pleaseshare this on your social media
outlets.
That is good karma in action,my friends.
All right, it is now closingtime.
Cheers to good karma and thepower to choose joy.
If you like this, tell yourfriends.
Thanks for listening.
Welcome to the.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Paradigm you podcast.
You're listening to theParadigm you podcast.
On this week's episode, lisaand I dive into the topic of
going back to school howimportant it is to love up on
ourselves and everyone elsearound us, and the importance of
releasing expectations andbeing intentional with how we're
showing up during this uniqueand delicate season of life.
(00:23):
Listen in.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
You're listening to the Paradigm you podcast.
You're about to starttransforming your life by
growing your mind and expandingyour paradigms.
Here we'll cover real lifetopics, just like the stuff
you'd share with a good friend.
This podcast will serve uptopics that weigh on our hearts
and keep us up at night, whetherit's navigating parenthood and
becoming an adult, or wayfinding, personal development, marriage
and money.
You, my friend, are in theright place.
(00:47):
I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
All right.
Well, welcome to the Paradigmyou podcast.
It is another great week andhere today I have the lovely
Lisa Sarnowski joining me and,for a lot of you listeners, you
probably have someone in yourlife who's going back to school.
We are in a season of back toschool, back to some routines,
(01:10):
some are maybe back to work andwe're all coming off of a
three-day week.
Well, not all, but most peopleare coming off of a three-day
weekend, and I just had aconversation with somebody who
said this is the most delicatetime of the year, because
emotions are high, energies areperhaps low or all over the
(01:32):
place, and some people havedifferent expectations of what
this season is going to looklike.
But before we get into any ofthat, I just want to check in
and say, lisa, how's it going?
Speaker 4 (01:42):
I'm good April.
It's so good to be back withyou.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Another week.
You are literally listening toLisa and I each week showing up
and figuring out how to do this,and we are having so much fun
figuring it out.
So thank you for all of thelisteners who are cheering us on
and coming back every week.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Absolutely.
It's so good to be back herewith you and I'm excited for our
topic today.
Really am.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah, I think that there's a lot we can cover, but
I would love, before we get intoany of the main topics that I
was hoping to cover this week,to just check in.
How's your week then, lisa?
We had a full moon, we had aholiday weekend.
I'm guessing your kids are backto school by this point.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Yeah, you're right.
By the time this airs they willbe back to school.
Hopefully.
We're a part of the Milwaukeepublic school system and our
school unfortunately does nothave air conditioning, so it's
shaping up to be a pretty hotweek.
So it's actually there's a lotup in the air right now, as
we're recording this, whether ornot they're actually going back
to school.
It says it's been a really goodweek, but to your point, it's
(02:53):
been a delicate week and onewhere I've noticed and sat in
awareness of OK, my energy is alittle bit off and I'm going to
just sit back and be inawareness with all of it and
figure out how I can bestpresent myself to the world and
engage with how I need things togo.
(03:13):
And basically what that hasmeant is I just I kind of
defaulted into a whole lot oflove pouring this week, just
going to out pour loveeverywhere I go, to everyone I
meet, not that I never do that,I do that but it was a very
aware moment where my energy wasso off.
(03:35):
If I hadn't trained myself alittle bit more previously, I
think I could have maybe notpresented myself as well.
Does that make sense?
I don't know if I'marticulating that as well as it
could be it totally does.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think we've all been in that moment where we are
responding to something,perhaps from an old paradigm,
from an old behavior, and maybewe've been triggered by
something.
Our energy is off, maybe we'rejust feeling fatigued and we get
triggered and we respond acertain way, and I think that
(04:08):
there's usually two routes wecan go.
I mean, we've all seen thatperson who just kind of loses
their crap.
I've definitely been thatperson.
My kids witnessed it one timeand they don't let me forget
that easily.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
And that was a great moment of unpacking and
recognizing like, okay, thiswasn't my best self and how can
can we learn from that?
And you know, especially rolemodeling how to go apologize to
someone is, I think, a reallyimportant piece, and I had that
opportunity when I did lose mymind on someone one time.
But I think also you touched ona piece of.
(04:43):
You've retrained your brain in adifferent way now, and now you
have that awareness that maybeyour energy is off a little bit,
maybe you're you know, feelingthose fatigues, maybe you're
feeling the overwhelm or justthe delicacy of you know a lot
of things happening right now.
But having that awarenessallows you to shift that and say
(05:04):
, okay, how can I show up thebest version of myself, even
when maybe I'm not feeling it?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Yeah, absolutely, and I love that word delicacy, I
think it really.
It really speaks to me.
This you know this last week andgoing into next week, my son's
birthday is an early Septemberbirthday, so we have birthday
parties coming up on top ofeverything and just learning to
to love myself enough to show upin a way that does present as
(05:32):
well as it can in this moment.
That was definitely a journeyfor me.
In fact, it was a few years agothat I realized, through the
journey that I had undertaken, Ihad gotten to a point as a
mother, as a professional, as aspouse, that I didn't it's not,
it wasn't that I didn't lovemyself, I didn't even like
(05:53):
myself.
And so the journey to reallyget there and to retrain myself
and to get back into that coregratitude and loving myself
enough to say, okay, in thismoment I'm feeling low and what
I can do to support myself andlove myself enough is to love
others as well and really bethat, be the person out in the
(06:15):
world that I need, also in theworld right now, right Cause I
think we're all kind of treadingwater a little bit going into
this back to school season.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah, and you know that when you're talking about
loving yourself a couple ofyears ago, I had a practice
because I realized somethingvery similar.
I just was really unhappy and Ididn't realize it, but it was
like this constant thing thatwas running in the background of
my life, like I was showing upevery day, I was pouring out
(06:49):
into other people, I was doing,doing, doing.
I was trying to do the best Icould, but at the end of the day
I wasn't feeling the love sodeeply that I would actually
choose to love myself.
And I got this message.
At one point.
I got a nudge, we'll call itthat said, when you take care of
yourself, everything else getseasier.
(07:09):
And boy, oh my gosh, I'mfeeling emotional just saying
that.
When I heard that, I was likethat seems so simple.
Yeah, and really that'sprobably been one of my bigger
lessons to work on this lifetime, today For sure.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Yeah, it's like daily .
Yeah, I agree, and you knowthere's so much out in the world
today about self care,especially for moms, and, quite
honestly, I would see thosemessages and I would actually be
repulsed by them because Iwould internalize it at that
time when I had this negativestory going on in my head that
(07:52):
it's just another thing to doand who actually takes two hours
to have a morning routinethat's just like perfect,
journal and run and do all thethings.
And then when you take a stepback and you go, okay, do I love
myself?
Just as an honest question, nojudgment.
You're having the conversationwith yourself.
(08:13):
And when you realize, of courseI do.
Well, what do you do for othersthat you love?
You take care of them, right,and you show up for them.
And when I realized that I mean, there really was a big part of
my journey as well where I wasnot showing up for myself and I
loved to play the martyr as themom, I gotta take care of
(08:34):
everybody else.
Why isn't anyone taking care ofme?
And I thought what a horriblerole model I was being to my
kids and even my spouse, and Iwas training them to not to
equally not take care ofthemselves right and to expect
other people to take care ofthem, and wait, wait.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
can we pause right there To expect we were teaching
others to expect someone totake care of you?
That's how.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
That's how I interpreted it.
Yeah, that when I really took astep back and I thought, what
am I really?
What's, what am I doing here,right, and that was that season
of life of people have listenedto the podcast where I just
looked around and realized thatI had the life that I had
created, but I just didn't knowwhat was next.
And so, yeah, I realized, holycow, I'm teaching my kids to
(09:26):
expect other people to take careof them.
I'm teaching my kids to beupset when other people just
don't magically know what theirneeds are and do all those
things.
And I they deserve better.
I signed up to take care ofthem and a role model for them,
but, most importantly, I alsodeserve better.
And so how interesting for thatto cycle through through the
(09:48):
genre, if you will, of self love.
And every day I started askingmyself if I really love myself.
What would I do?
I really love myself?
What would I do now?
What would I do in thissituation?
What would I like?
Would I eat this?
Would I?
Would I?
How would I engage in thisemail conversation?
How would I respond to thisteacher situation that I'm
(10:09):
having?
How you know anything?
How would someone who loveshimself enough, show up.
What's fascinating is so much ofit was showing up with honesty,
because I realized in a lot ofconversations and a lot of
different areas of my life I wasnot actually being forthright
(10:30):
and honest.
I thought I'll just be passive,I won't use my voice, I won't,
I won't stir the pot, becauseI've been known to always ask
the hard questions right.
And I realized, and that justled to a very, very tumultuous
year for my son at school, oneyear.
Now I'm on the flip side andactually just a couple nights
(10:52):
ago, I started laughing at myhusband because I'm like, haha,
she's back.
She's back with a vengeance,because I'm just being honest
with people and not beingattached to their, to to their
agenda, not being attached toany outcome on my end, just
truly sharing.
This is what's happening.
How do we best move forward?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
So I think what you just said about not being
attached and showing up andbeing honest with yourself and
also, I think, probably,trusting yourself yeah,
something that I tend tostruggle with, because if you
don't trust yourself, then youquestion speaking up, you
(11:34):
question is my voice worthy?
Is this something that I shouldeven be speaking up about?
And I really like how you saidthat.
That was a really, I think, apoint in piece that I think all
of us can learn from.
We can all learn to trustourselves, to listen and get
quiet, take care of ourselvesand to remember that if I love
(11:56):
myself, how am I going torespond?
Or how am I going to show uptoday?
And if you have little ones inyour life, you can also ask
yourself if they're watching,how am I going to behave in a
way that I am happy with, howI'm role modeling this?
Speaker 4 (12:12):
Absolutely.
I had a moment a few months agowhere I looked in the mirror
and I thought would I want mydaughter to turn out like me?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Oh my gosh, such a good question, and it really
gave me pause.
Speaker 4 (12:27):
I thought, holy cow, I need to sit with that one some
more.
And the short answer is yes,and and so it was a.
Really I chose in that momentto saw the answer as an
empowering opportunity for me tocontinue to grow and to role
model for her and to useintentional language, and she's
(12:52):
a hoot and a riot and she bringsus so much joy.
So I really have no concerns,I'm not worried there.
But it was a moment ofself-reflection For me to say,
okay, where's the growth here?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yeah, you know, tony and I have that conversation for
anyone listening who'sunfamiliar.
Tony is my partner and we'veactually been having that theme
conversation lease latelyBecause we've I've realized so I
have I have a daughter who'sthe oldest of my children and
she we joke that we should havejust named her karma Go similar
(13:27):
to me in so many ways and sodifferent To me in so many
different ways that it'sfascinating.
But the the similarities arethe areas clearly of growth
opportunity for me.
And what I've realized is she'sshe's really Stepping into a
lot of the role modeling thatI've been doing, but she's so
(13:48):
much more empowered and sofeisty because I have role
modeled for her ways to speakher mind and to have opinions
and to have that confidence andindependence, and I worked
really hard to make sure that Irole modeled and advocated that
for her.
But now what I've realized isshe's picking up on a lot of
other habits that I have andshe's starting to Embrace, maybe
(14:12):
, things that aren't my, my bestpieces of myself, and so I'm
having conversations with her ona regular basis like, hey, you
need to do this.
I'm gonna use this exampleBecause this one's a full circle
example.
Lisa, I don't know if youremember this, but After I had
my second child and for everyonelistening, you may have not
heard this full story, but afterI had my second child, I owned
(14:34):
a business that I felt like hadrun its course and,
energetically, I was reallystruggling and I actually hired
Lisa to be my coach To help mefigure out what was the next
step in that journey.
And at the time I had had mysecond child and I was really
struggling to take care ofmyself and At the end of
(14:56):
probably our first conversation,she said okay, these are your
daily ten things you need to do,and one of them was just a
shower.
Do you remember that, lisa?
That was I do.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I remember your non-negotiable list right.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yes, so I had to have on there.
I had to shower every day justto just change my energy and to
like set the tone because I hadgotten into a Living off of dry
shampoo.
And just like throwing my hairin a ponytail and just going
because I was just trying, I wasspread so thin and what so
clear you came up with that list.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
I didn't give you the list.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yes, yes, thank you.
Yes, that's a good point.
So everybody's non-negotiablelist of the things that they
need to do to feel better.
It's gonna be a little bitdifferent, but what I realized
was one of mine was I needed toshower just to change that
energy.
Yeah, here's the crazy part.
I am negotiating with my childnow how important it is to
(15:49):
shower, to take care of herself,and it's so interesting and I'm
not saying like I was a stinkykid, but I was like you know
what I'm?
Just, I'm fine, I'll just, youknow, throw on a hoodie and a
baseball cap and call it a daywhen, in reality, when I take
that extra time to just takecare of myself in a different
way, I show up differently.
(16:09):
And now I'm trying to havethose same conversations, or I'm
, I am having thoseconversations with my daughter
and it's so interesting how fullcircle and how they pick up on
things, whether you say it ornot.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Yeah, I mean, they really do watch more than.
More you know even more thanthey listen.
Right, I was having aconversation Stella asked me
yesterday.
So, for all the listeners, Ihave two kids.
My youngest, stella, is sixcurrently, and my oldest is 11,
about to be 12.
And my oldest and I have ourown Humor and you know he's my
(16:42):
karma.
We get each other and if otherpeople are listening, I think
they think he's being reallymean to me.
So I'm equally aware of that,because I and so Stella had
asked me why is Desmond so meanto you?
And I said he's not.
And I said that's a goodobservation.
What Desmond is doing right nowis he is learning how to be
(17:03):
funny and what works and whatdoesn't.
And in our house you need tolearn these skills for life and
the people you practice them on,or mom and dad, so you can
always practice them on me.
And I said part of what youdon't see Stella is.
Sometimes I will tell him hey,does that really miss the mark?
You know, I know you're tryingto be funny, but that was too
(17:24):
far or that was reallyinappropriate.
I go, but he's not mad.
You know he's willing to gothere and test things and I
think you know continuing tofoster that environment For our
kids to be able to learn from usby what we do.
Karma is a great word for thesechildren.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah, you know, it's a way to empower them, isn't?
Speaker 4 (17:50):
it.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Yeah, and my hope is that when we're role modeling
this, it's not just our children.
When we're showing up in theworld and we're.
If we have that voice, then wecan go out there and say hey, I
think you actually missed themark.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Or you know you can actually call things out and not
in a way where you're beingdisrespectful, but you're
actually establishing thoseboundaries in a really healthy
way.
You know, I don't I, for thosewho are listening I have a
property management company andwe had a person reach out to us
who had a vehicle accident thisweek on one of our properties in
(18:27):
a very large parking lot, andthey managed to completely rip
off the bottom of their vehicleon one of our speed bumps.
Whoa yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
Is everybody okay.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Everybody's perfectly fine.
The car is not drivable becausethey're missing a lot of pieces
.
Here's the interesting thing.
This is a good example.
This is what happened to methis week.
This person reaches out to meand says hey, I was driving in
your parking lot and now myvehicle doesn't have, like the
(19:01):
oil pan, all of these things.
He listed off all of thesethings that are now not attached
to his vehicle.
And I'm like gosh.
I've owned this property formany years.
Many of people come throughthis on a, you know, a monthly
basis.
This is a very large, popularproperty and I've never had
anybody have this example likeissue with this property.
And he said the first thing.
(19:23):
He says I need to contact yourinsurance because I need them to
cover all of the towing and mycar is totaled.
Hmm, Right, that's the firstthing, Not a?
Hey, I might have been drivingtoo fast, Right, Can you?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
imagine, don't assume responsibility.
No.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And that was the interesting piece.
So I I could have easily beenlike whoa, whoa, whoa, back off
man, like what are you doing?
But instead I chose to justwitness how he was showing up,
what he was saying, and to pourout love, because I'm like gosh,
you know what.
That would be really stressfulif my vehicle was missing all of
the pieces down below and inthat moment, if I wasn't
(20:02):
equipped to have the awarenessto actually recognize, like oh,
maybe I made a little bit of thethe choices that would have, I
mean, if you're hitting a speedbump so fast that you lose half
your vehicle, right, Good jobyeah.
And I'm trying so hard in thismoment to, like you know, be
compassionate but equally nottry to giggle, cause I also was
(20:24):
a young person at one pointcruising very fast in vehicles,
but I could have easily flownoff the handlebars or been
triggered in different ways.
Or I could have been reallyangry or defensive, and because
I had that awareness that youwere talking about and because
I've been working so hard ontaking care of myself, I had a
lot more compassion and I wasable to step up to that
(20:48):
conversation and to have thoseconversations with that person
and with my team so that wecould actually respond in a
really respectful way and notnecessarily just immediately
jump to you know all thenegative things or placing blame
or anything that could havehappened.
So when you're saying like eyesare watching, we can also role
(21:11):
model how we show up to any ofthese conflicts or situations
and and show up with a lens oflove, Like I went into this and
I'm like, okay, I'm going topour out love under this guy
because this has got to bepretty hard.
He doesn't have a vehicleanymore.
Obviously, that's working.
He's immediately looking for myinsurance information instead
of like, hey, you know, here'sall the steps I took.
(21:34):
Yeah, you know, it was veryinteresting to witness how he
responded and then how I wasable to role model how I
responded, but then also how Icould teach my team to respond.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Yeah Well, your ripple effect?
It absolutely is.
Learning how to respond versusreact in that moment is quite a
journey, especially when youfind yourself personally
triggered in certain situations,right, and so learning how to
retrain your brain to say, okay,I'm going to pause and I'm
going to choose to respond tothis in a way that I would want
(22:09):
to receive Ooh, that's a goodone, right, like that's.
That's been part of my journeyeven through the school system
is trying to have theseconversations with staff at
administrators, particularteachers, to say, okay, how can
we have a really healthydialogue here and how can I
respond in a way that's equallybeneficial and accountable and
(22:34):
show up also in a way that Iwould want to be receiving that
back from a parent, you know,because I think we can.
We can be entangled inattachment to what things look
like.
So good for you for being ableto hold that boundary.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah Well, thank you, but I think it's it's all about
our intentions.
Yeah, it's all about how weintend to show up and what we
want the outcome to be, but thennot being attached to what it
actually is going to end upbeing.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Right there, that one , the zero attachment.
That's been fascinating for meto detach and I think I almost
went too far on the spectrum ofreally embracing that that I
almost feel like I'm so detached.
I had to learn how to reattachto certain things.
So just it became this journeyof like, whatever you guys do,
(23:30):
right, whatever, verylaissez-faire approach to
parenting and school and justeverything, and finally I had to
go.
I think I'm way too, way toochill and I need to come back to
some standards andaccountability as well, as you
know, approaching all this withlove.
But again, you know, school isreally top of my mind right now
(23:55):
and and I'm I'm excited for theyear ahead because I really had
to sit back and just embrace anew philosophy and a new belief
system.
For those of you that don't know, I started my professional
career in higher education, muchlike April, and so I have my
master's in higher ed.
I hold a deep, deep passion foreducation and yet we can all
(24:19):
agree that the world is changingand perhaps some of the
traditional skill sets ordegrees that people once needed
to be financially secure orsuccessful no longer exist right
.
So there's a lot moreopportunities now and we're all
kind of learning it together.
Yet the educational system hastheir own pathway, and so
(24:42):
learning for me that okay.
Education can provide learningin a way that my kids will
absolutely learn, but maybe notwhat I was always expecting them
to learn, and they're learningdifferent skill sets than what
I'm going to be teaching them athome.
And how can I, you know, marryall of that together?
(25:04):
So it's been a reallyinteresting year for me to just
start the school year.
This is the first school yearwe've started in gosh because of
COVID and then things that werehappening with my oldest,
probably in four, five years,five, four years, excuse me, in
four years, where I have justfelt really, really great.
(25:26):
That's pretty awesome, and Ifeel so great that I'm so
exhausted because I'm like Iforget what this feels like.
I usually had my guard up and Ijust I felt like what if I just
took that down?
And what if I reestablishedwhat learning means in the
school system, and what if Ireestablished my love and voice
(25:48):
within, you know, thepartnership of the school
district?
And what if I reestablishedwhat learning means at home as
well?
And so it's really flipped mybelief structure upside down and
the outcome has been verypositive for me, but it's still
a delicate week overall.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Well, and I think what you said about taking the
guard down is a really importantpiece, because if we're not
aware of what those guards are,you know those shields that
we're putting up to protect somepart of our hearts or our
belief system or whatever we'redoing a lot of times that's a
(26:34):
lot of energy actually to put upthose guards to combat whatever
it is that we're trying toprotect.
Yeah, we might be fighting abattle that we don't even
realize that matters to us, orthat's maybe wearing us out For
sure.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
Yeah, Do you ever did you have a part of your journey
at all where you felt like youput guards up around your heart?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
I think I still do.
I think I do especially in therelationships and friendship
world, and that's probably aconversation for another podcast
.
But I think, well, probablyrelationships in general.
Actually, recently I put somesocial posts out on social media
about finding my voice andfinding that confidence in my
(27:23):
business partnerships because Ihad guarded myself and my voice
and my opinion so much and partof that was because I didn't
have that confidence.
I didn't have that self-loveenough to believe that what I
had to say or my opinionsmattered or were worthy enough
to come to the table.
So I would sit quiet a lot moreand that's for another
(27:45):
conversation.
But I definitely had those.
But one of the other things Iwanted to share really quickly
is kind of on a fun note, myyoungest is starting preschool
this year.
How exciting, I know.
Right, that's been quite thejourney, holy smokes.
But what's been reallyinteresting?
(28:05):
When you were talking aboutzero attachment and just kind of
having that freedom or thatsense of lightness it sounded
like by coming into it with adifferent approach, it was so
interesting.
We rolled into preschoolorientation the other night and
we rolled in hot.
We were trying to cram in everyounce of summer and so we
(28:28):
literally came from a parkstraight to orientation, like
take out food in the car in theparking lot before we roll in,
and my youngest was ahead of me.
She was so excited that she ranup ahead and she went into the
auditorium ahead of me like sofar that they didn't know I was
there.
And she gets to the entry andthe people who are welcoming her
(28:51):
are her new teachers and weknew them already and so it
wasn't a stranger that she waswalking into.
But it was so funny because shewas walking in with all these
other families and they're likeoh, froggy, are you coming in by
yourself?
And they were looking aroundand I was behind a couple other
families and so I heard them askher that and she's like yep, I
am, I'm actually here.
(29:15):
And so I'm like raising my handlike I'm here, I'm just not
right next to her.
And so we walk in and what Irealized was that all of the
other family not all of them,but for the most part all of the
other families that were goinginto orientation this was their
first child that was going inpreschool and I'm rolling in
(29:35):
third child, literally sendingher clearly into orientation all
by herself.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
All by herself.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Yeah, and I've gone through this journey already so
I have a different understandingand so I can have different
attachments and differentexpectations and I can show up
really differently.
And it felt so much more calm,I read.
I very clearly remember sendingmy first out into the world a
little bit more and you know,sitting in my car many times I'm
(30:02):
sure I even maybe called you atone of those points, just
bawling my eyes out, because I'mlike, oh my gosh, am I doing
the right thing?
I can't believe.
I just sent her, you know, onher own into the world for a
couple hours, whatever it was.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
And we get into orientation and those are the
conversations that they'rehaving in orientation.
Be graceful with yourself onthose first couple of days.
It might feel harder for youthan it might feel for other,
for your students or for others.
Don't look outward at how otherfamilies and parents are
responding, because they may bein a different path or journey.
(30:38):
And I was like man, these aresuch good lessons and realizing
that.
You know, I had time to talk tosome of the other families
afterwards and One of them theywere like oh my gosh, we are so
nervous, we're.
You know, this is a big, bigdeal and you know I'm sitting
there like rolling in with myflip flops, you know, and
(31:01):
they're all dressed up liketotally dressed.
Yes, yes, first kid going in,right, totally.
But what was so interesting wastheir expectations and how much
pressure that they were puttingon themselves and how I did
that.
I could relate to that, but I'mat a different season because
I've already gone and walkedthat journey.
(31:21):
So now I can roll in a littlebit differently, a little bit
lighter, and know thateverything's gonna be okay.
And it reminded me of howimportant it is to surround
yourself with others who aremaybe a few steps ahead of you,
to kind of gut, check you alittle bit and then, also to
have that grace for others,because they may be going
through a different part oftheir journey and they have some
(31:43):
of those lessons to learn stillthat maybe you or I have
already learned.
So, it was a good reminder andexpectations, because I rolled
in like, yep, this is gonna begreat, I'm sure whatever
information we're gonna have iswonderful, and I saw other
families.
They're literally like takingnotes, yeah.
I didn't even bring a pen orpaper.
I was lucky I had, you know, mykid and you know, rolled in
(32:08):
with my water bottle.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Perspective and experience is just a fascinating
thing in the parenting world,right and to your point, being
able to hold that compassion andgrace for the newbies and just
say, hey, we got you whateverquestions like, without being
condescending, and just agenuine offer to support and
connect.
That's truly what makescommunities so great, and it
(32:31):
sounds like you have a reallygood one there and they're so
lucky to have you as the hotmess mom, as you were first.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Why wouldn't call it a hot mess?
I think it's the intention,right Like I'm trying to model
that this isn't a big deal forFroggy right.
Because if I make it a big dealbecause I've done that with
other kids I realized it's likeripping off a bandaid really,
really slowly and it's morepainful for me and it's more
(32:59):
painful for them.
And so I've realized, if I canroll in and say you know what,
I'm not too attached to thisyou're gonna do great, you're
gonna do amazing.
My intention for you is you'regonna go out into the world and
be an amazing human being andyou're gonna learn from other
people completely differentlessons, like you were talking
about what you're learning inschool is different than what
you're learning at home.
(33:21):
And it's my job to make surethat I'm giving you all of those
opportunities.
I'm filling all the bucketsbecause I can't do all the
teaching myself and I don'texpect any of the teachers of my
children to do that too.
Speaker 4 (33:33):
Absolutely.
I almost wish there was aroadmap to say you know, this is
what educational instruction ismeant to.
You know, here are the outcomes.
I'm sure DPI in Wisconsin hasthose for us, right.
But equally, where's the gapfor the parents to be filling,
especially with things surfacingnowadays like AI, and how does
that integrate with education?
You know that that's a big hottopic button for me right now
(33:57):
because I don't think we shouldjust be dismissing it as a
educational tool.
So there's so manyopportunities.
My kids this week for Open House.
They both have their owndifferent reasons for a little
bit of trepidation, simplybecause of classroom friends,
right, they either don't haveany friends in their classroom
(34:18):
or none that they really knowwell.
And I just kept it light andbreezy too.
I'm like it's gonna be a greatyear and you know what.
You might have classroomfriends and then you might have,
you know, lifelong friends.
But these are different bucketsand they're all great.
You know.
Just, we're gonna figure it outtogether and really selling it
(34:39):
that way and reframing it forthem Absolutely, I think, is the
healthiest thing we can do.
But equally, parental advocacyis a big deal for me and
learning that, and again, we canpark that for another
conversation.
But there is this dance of allright.
Also, I'm gonna be here as yourparent.
So when things surface and youneed to talk about it, I'm here
(35:00):
for you, I'm gonna listen, we'regonna support you and we're
gonna figure out how to workthrough anything that could
possibly surface together.
I think it's equally good.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
So I think it's all about setting the tone setting
the intention and then justhaving that awareness.
And when you take care ofyourself and you have that love
for yourself, you have morecapacity to do those things and
to be that person for others.
So as we're going into this newseason.
I just wanna advocate foranybody who's listening.
(35:32):
First, we are here for you,friend.
We are right there alongsideyou, walking on the same journey
, maybe a different path, but weare right there with you,
high-fiving you any chance youneed it and a willingness to
lift you up as you need it aswell.
And then also advocating forall of us to give ourselves and
(35:53):
others a little bit of graceduring this delicate season.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
Absolutely.
And love upon our teachers,right?
I mean, teachers are wonderfulhumans, so let's show them some
extra love at the beginning ofschool year as well.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Anybody in education right Like yeah, yeah,
absolutely.
Well, at least you know.
I think this has been a reallygreat conversation For listeners
.
We wanted to keep this reallylate because we know that this
is a season where you might havea lot of other things happening
in your life.
You might have a lot of otherthings just swirling around in
your mind and we wanted to giveyou an opportunity to maybe just
(36:31):
like catch your breath a littlebit, to know that there's
someone else in the world whocan relate, who is here to
support you, to advocate for youand to be here when you maybe
you're sitting in your carcrying right.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Like holy cow.
What am I?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
doing when you start to question like, oh my gosh, I
have this weight that I'mfeeling.
What do I do with that?
Maybe I'm feeling a little bitmore stressed this time of year,
overwhelmed, or maybe I'm justhaving that low energy.
We want you to know that you'renot alone.
Speaker 4 (37:05):
Not at all.
We are right.
Yeah, absolutely, April.
We're right there with you andtruly, from our experience
perhaps because of the age ofour children or coaching journey
but really having thatawareness and loving yourself
enough to just love up on otherpeople as well and really be the
person that you want otherpeople to be in return, because
(37:28):
that's what you need.
I think that's the best waythrough these delicate times,
for sure.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Yeah, I would agree with that.
Well, on that note, I wannawish everybody a great start to
September.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
We are gonna be amazing.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Oh man, we are entering into fall season.
Who's ready game on?
I can't wait Whoo well.
I really appreciate theconversation with you, leigh,
and for all of you listening.
We are just so grateful for youand for the journey that you
are on, and we're so gratefulthat you have welcomed us into
your world.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
Thank you so much and do us a favor.
We have a big goal.
We've set a big, audacious goalfor ourselves to reach a
thousand downloads here on thepodcast.
So, if you would not mind,please go ahead and share the
podcast with other people,because we are just getting
started and we're super excitedfor fall to kick off, because we
(38:26):
have some really big, deepertopics that we intend to share
with you.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Share this with your friends,your family, for that mom who is
dropping off their kids rightnext to you, that's right, you
guys got this game on All right.
On that note, it is closingtime.
Cheers to good karma.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Thank you for listening to this entire podcast
.
I hope this episode has leftyou feeling curious and inspired
.
This podcast is intended tocreate expansion in your life
through unique stories andshared experiences, and if you
enjoyed today's episode, I havea request.
I'd like to ask you to sharethis podcast with your friends
and family.
(39:08):
I bet they'd enjoy it just asmuch as you have.
And, if you found value, pleaseshare this on your social media
outlets.
That is good karma in action,my friends.
All right, it is now closingtime.
Cheers to good karma and thepower to choose joy.
If you like this, tell yourfriends.
Thanks for listening.
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