75 - How to Stop Nagging Your Kids (And Get Better Results)

How to Stop Nagging Your Kids (And Get Better Results)

The Problem: You're repeating yourself constantly, and it's exhausting everyone. Nagging doesn't work, damages relationships, and prevents kids from developing independence.

What You'll Learn:

• Why nagging fails and what it teaches your children
• How to use natural consequences effectively
• The power of saying things once (and meaning it)
• Creating routines that eliminate daily battles
• Transferring ownership so kids manage their own responsibilities

The Goal: Raise responsible, independent kids while building a stronger relationship—without being the household taskmaster.

Perfect for: Parents tired of the nagging cycle and ready to try strategies that actually work.

Email me at [e-mail] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
Welcome to Parenting Decoded, a podcast for practical
approaches to parenting.
I'm Mary Eshin.
Today we're tackling somethingevery parent struggles with.
Nagging.
Clean your room.
Did you do your homework?
Brush your teeth.
And then five minutes later,you're saying it all again.

Here's the thing (00:24):
nagging doesn't work.
We all know it, yet we keepdoing it, but there are better
ways to get things done thatactually work and don't leave
everyone exhausted andresentful.
Let's dive in.
Why does nagging fail?
Is the first question.
When we nag, we become ourchildren's external brain.

(00:46):
We take responsibility for theirtasks.
And kids learn they don't haveto remember anything because mom
or dad will remind them.
Nagging also damagesrelationships.
Nobody likes being nagged.
It breeds resentment on bothsides and teaches learned
helplessness.
Kids never develop their owninternal motivation or executive

(01:08):
function skills.
We're trying to be loving andhelpful, but nagging winds up
being none of those things.
Here's a list of strategies thatI want you to consider.
The first strategy is usingnatural consequences.
One of your most powerful toolsis allowing natural consequences

(01:29):
to do the teaching.
Forgot their lunch, they gethungry.
Didn't put their clothes in thehamper?
No clean clothes.
Didn't do their homework?
They face consequences atschool, not at home.
I know this is hard.
You want to rescue them, you'retrying to be loving, but would
you rather they learn now whenthe stakes are low and they are

(01:51):
young?
Or later as adults whenconsequences are serious, like
not paying their bills orshowing up for work late because
they can't set an alarm clock.
Use judgment for safety issues,but for most daily
responsibilities, stepping backis incredibly effective.
Strategy 2.
Say it once.

(02:11):
This is a game changer.
Say it once, then stop.
Dinner is in 10 minutes, pleaseset the table.
That's it.
No repeating, no reminding, nofollowing them around.
If you say something more thanonce, it means you're telling
them that you don't mean it,that you'll handle the reminders
instead of them learning toremind themselves.

(02:32):
If you say something once, thendo it yourself, you've also
taught them to ignore you.
What happens when they don't doit?
The consequence kicks in.
Yes, you do have to figure outthe consequences.
They miss eating with thefamily, or they sit there while
the food gets cold and they setit then, or maybe mom is only

(02:54):
available to take kids to themall to shop who've set the
table as they were asked.
The key is following throughconsistently.
Strategy three, create routines.
Instead of nagging about thesame things daily, build them
into predictable routines.
Morning routine, wake up, makebed, get dressed, brush teeth,

(03:15):
eat breakfast, pack backpack.
Visual charts work wonders foryounger kids.
Create a checklist they canfollow independently.
For older kids, have weeklycheck-ins to review what needs
to happen.
Then it's on them to manage it.
Strategy 4.
Problem solve together.

(03:35):
This is totally my favoritestrategy.
Instead of telling kids what todo, involve them in finding
solutions.
Getting ready for school hasbeen really stressful.
What ideas do you have formaking it smoother?
Kids are much more likely tofollow through on solutions
they've helped create.
Make it collaborative.
How can we work together so Idon't have to remind you about

(03:57):
your homework?
Keep in mind that problemsolving is a process and it
might take several attempts toget a workable solution that
sticks.
Keep at it, model for your kidsthat problems take time to
solve.
Strategy five, transferownership.
Have a conversation where yousay explicitly, from now on,

(04:19):
your homework is yourresponsibility.
I'm not going to remind you.
If you need help, ask me, butmanaging it is up to you.
Then stick to it.
When they forget, resist theurge to rescue and nag.
When they face consequences,show empathy, but don't bail
them out.
That must have been hard.

(04:41):
What will you do differentlytomorrow?
Yes, they might fail a fewtimes.
That's okay, that's learning.
Always, always feel free to backup to strategy four and start
problem solving again with them.

The bottom line (04:56):
when we stop nagging, we're raising capable,
responsible kids.
We're teaching them to managetheir own lives and face
consequences.
Yes, it's harder in the shortterm, but we're not raising
children, we're raising futureadults, and future adults need

(05:16):
to know how to function withoutsomeone following them around.
Start with one strategy, pickthe area where your nagging is
worst, and try to find a newapproach.
Give it at least two weeksbefore deciding if it's working.
You're not being lazy when youstop nagging, you're being
intentional about raisingresponsible, independent kids.

(05:36):
You've got this.
If you need help, please reachout to me via email.
Thanks for listening.
Have a blessed rest of your day.