Is My Teen a Monster? Understanding & De-Escalating Intense Emotions

Dr. Cam sits down with Leslie Cohen-Rubery, a clinical social worker, to tackle one of the toughest challenges parents face—handling teens with intense emotions. If you’ve ever felt like your child’s outbursts are out of control or completely illogical, this episode is for you. Leslie shares insights on emotional regulation, validation, and how to de-escalate heated moments. They also discuss why parents shouldn't try to "fix" their teen’s feelings and how reflection and repair after conflicts can strengthen your relationship.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE

• Why your teen’s emotions aren’t as irrational as they seem
• The biological and social factors behind emotional outbursts
• How validation can calm a crisis and improve communication
• The power of witnessing emotions without rushing to fix them
• How to repair after a conflict and strengthen your connection

5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS

1. Your child's intense emotions aren’t a reflection of your parenting. Feeling guilt or shame doesn’t help—understanding does.
2. Validation is a game-changer. Acknowledging your teen’s emotions without judgment helps them feel heard.
3. Your teen's brain is still developing. Their reactions may feel extreme, but there’s often a biological and social reason behind them.
4. Don’t rush to fix their emotions. Sometimes, just sitting with them in their discomfort is the best support.
5. Conflict can lead to growth. Post-conflict discussions should focus on solutions, not blame, to strengthen your relationship.

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  EPISODE CHAPTERS

00:00 Understanding the 'Monster' in Our Teens 04:06 The Roots of Intense Emotions 09:45 Navigating Emotional Turbulence 14:00 Effective Strategies for De-escalation 20:01 Post-Conflict Reflection and Repair 30:09 Building a Strong Parent-Child Connection

  CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Leslie Cohen-Rubery

• Facebook: @lesliecohenrubury
• Instagram: @lesliecohenrubury
• YouTube: @lesliecohenrubury
• TikTok: @lesliecohenrubury

  CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell

• Website: AskDrCam.com
• Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
• TikTok: @the.teen.translator
• YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam
• Facebook: @DrCamCaswell

  THE FULL TRANSCRIPT

 

Dr. Cam (00:01.902)

Hey parents, if your teen is prone to outbursts or dramatic reactions, this episode is for you. Joining us today is the insightful Leslie Cohen-Ruberry, a licensed clinical social worker with 39 years of experience supporting families. Leslie is the creator of the podcast, Is My Child a Monster? Where she helps parents navigate the often rocky waters of parenting.

 

In this episode, Leslie is going to share some effective strategies for addressing our teens' monstrous emotions. Welcome, Leslie.

 

Leslie Cohen-Rubury (00:35.759)

Well, hello, thank you Dr. Cam for having me today.

 

Dr. Cam (00:39.264)

Absolutely, let's start with, I always like to start with the backstory. How did you come up with the title and the idea of, is my child a monster?

 

Leslie Cohen-Rubury (00:48.987)

Well, it's very real. And that's actually a piece of advice I might talk about later when we talk about how to be with our kids. It's about being real. So parents would come to me and in that very first session, they'd sit down and they'd say, is my child a monster? Like they really were upset and it upset them to ask that question. They felt guilty, they felt shame. Sometimes it was even more extreme. Is my child sociopathic? And I'm like, my heart broke. And I said, no.

 

And that is what I say every time I have not met a monster, every time a parent comes into me and says, is my child a monster? So it was very real. I heard it over and over again. And then when I thought about doing a podcast, said, I can't do anything but that title because you know, it's so powerful. And what it is, it's no, your child is not a monster, but they may be misunderstood. And that's the whole premise behind the podcast. That's where it came from.

 

And that's what therapy is about. some parents don't feel like their child's a monster, but man