May 11, 2025 • 23 mins
Send me a text to ask a question or share a thought!
Discover how to train children to respect wake-up times and stay in bed, allowing parents to reclaim their mornings for essential quiet time with God. In this episode we share 7 practical tips and a step-by-step training process that works for even the most determined early risers.
If you haven't downloaded our Free Bedtime Routine Visual Schedule, check out this link. And for more on establishing a meaningful quiet time with God, listen to our previous episode on that topic.
Helpful Links from this Episode:
- Bedtime Routines that Work, Part 1
- Free Bedtime Routine Visual Schedule
- How to Have a Quiet Time
- Wake-up Clocks for Kids (affiliate link)
- Psalm 4:8 - In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
- Love and Logic (affiliate link)
Episode Sponsor: ABCJesusLovesMe.com, an educational ministry that equips adults with the materials needed to be intentional in educating children.
Get connected with Parenting to Impress:
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Facebook: /heidi.franz.2911
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Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Heidi Franz (00:00):
In the last Parenting to Impress podcast, we
talked about building a solidbedtime routine that would work.
We showed you how to introducethe routine and gave five tips
that make a huge difference.
If you haven't taken the timeto download the free bedtime
visual schedule, be sure to seethe show notes.
(00:21):
But, melanie, you and I bothknow that just because you get
the kids in bed doesn't meanthat they stay in bed, and for
us, our big challenge was thosekiddos that rose early in the
morning.
How do you train a child tosleep in and not want to get up
(00:42):
just because they woke up in themiddle of the night?
That's what we're going tocover today in this podcast
episode.
Welcome back to Parenting toImpress, your go-to podcast to
learn practical ways to love Godand love others and impress
this on the hearts of yourchildren.
I am your host, heidi Franz,and I am joined by my dear
friend, melanie Simpson.
(01:03):
Heidi Franz and I am joined bymy dear friend, melanie Simpson
two moms who have made a lot ofmistakes but have found grace
and truth along the way.
So here's the challenge we'regoing to talk about today
Melanie Early risers, exhaustedmamas, but yet we still want to
spend time with God.
Is it even possible?
Melanie Simpson (01:21):
Well, sure, all things are possible through
Christ who loves us.
To take a Bible verse out ofcontext, it is you and I have
both seen the fruit of this, butas with everything else, it
comes down to training.
Heidi Franz (01:36):
Absolutely, and I've said many times in this
podcast.
My life changed.
My life changed.
It changed the day I chose towake up before my young children
to spend time with God.
It really did.
It's not all.
The days went well, nobodydisobeyed anymore and all meals
(01:57):
on the supper table were gourmet.
That's not it at all, but itchanged my heart.
It changed my attitude.
Melanie Simpson (02:05):
It makes all the difference in the world when
you have 15, 20 minutes, 30minutes to be alone with the
Lord.
Like you said, it's not apromise that your day is going
to go perfect, but it is ananchor because the rest of the
day you can return to whateveryou read or meditated on or
prayed, or worship song you sang.
(02:28):
It really does make adifference.
Heidi Franz (02:30):
Yeah, this Holy Spirit brings to mind those
ideas that you read, listened to, prayed about, heard from God
while you had that time.
Now let me just say realquickly, if we're talking about
a quiet time and you are going,I have no idea what they're
talking about we'll put in theshow notes a podcast that we did
(02:51):
on quiet time and how to spendtime with God.
I encourage you to check thatout.
But this one we're going tospecifically talk about how to
instill it when you have thoseyoung kids at home.
So, first off, we have seventips for early risers.
Melanie, let's start with tipnumber one.
Set a family wake-up time Forus.
(03:15):
That meant our kiddos couldleave their rooms at seven
o'clock in the morning.
What was the wake-up time thatyou guys had?
And it's changed, obviously asyour kids get older and the
dynamics.
But what was the wake-up timethat you guys had?
And it's changed, obviously asyour kids get older and the
dynamics.
But what was yours?
Right, right.
Melanie Simpson (03:29):
I would love to tell my teenagers you have to
stay in your room until seven.
It's more like you have to getup before 10 am.
Heidi Franz (03:37):
Yes, yes, yes, teenagers is a very different
problem, isn't it?
Yes?
Melanie Simpson (03:41):
Yes, I mean ours was similar.
There was a season where we hadkiddos I think 630 was the time
because they were alreadygetting up between five and 530.
And so it was pushing it forthem to be alone in a room.
And that's the other thing too,is our kids shared rooms, right
?
We also had kind of a differentsituation where if they got up,
they could come and sit in achair like a specific place in
(04:03):
the living room with a basket ofbooks.
I love that, but it was quiet.
It was not, you know, notplaying drums and you know all
the noisy toys.
Heidi Franz (04:13):
Yeah for sure.
So the key here to this stepnumber one is to decide as a
family what is that time goingto be.
And then step number two isgive the child a visual clue of
when that time is or is not,Because kids don't understand
(04:34):
numbers.
When they see 545 on theirclock, they have no idea if that
is five minutes to seveno'clock or four hours to seven
o'clock, and so giving them thatvisual cue can really help.
We used a timer on a nightlight.
That was one of the first oneswe used.
(04:57):
What did you use?
Melanie Simpson (04:58):
We had a piece of tape that we had.
We had an old analog clock andwe had a piece of tape and so
when they could see when the twohands two pieces of tape that
we had we had an old analogclock and we had a piece of tape
and so when they could see whenthe two hands two pieces of
tape, when the two hands werehit the tape they could get up.
But we have all sorts likethey've got a hatch nightlight
now, they have alarm clocks thathave like colors.
Heidi Franz (05:19):
They have all sorts of nifty things now Things that
we didn't have when our kidswere little.
Right, I use tape, yeah, yes,well, and I use tape also, but
with a digital clock.
I covered up the minutes soonly the hour was showing, and
then I put a piece of paper withthe number seven on it, so when
(05:40):
the seven matched the seven,they knew they could get up.
So it depends upon the age ofyour kids what you can use, but
there are so many options foryou during those younger years
to help them know what time itis.
That's tip number two.
Here's tip number three Don'trush in just because the child
(06:07):
is awake, and this is one that Ithink instinctively.
We want to be there for our kidsand so when we hear them, we
automatically go in.
But a lot of times the childwill go back to sleep if we just
leave them.
I mean, you think about it asan adult, how many times you
(06:28):
wake up in the middle of thenight.
But we instinctively look atthe clock and know, oh, I have
so much more time to sleep andwe just need to allow our bodies
to go back to sleep.
Melanie Simpson (06:39):
Like I said, our kids shared rooms and so
stirring from another childwould cause them to stir and,
like you said, waiting it out.
Now I will say there were times, because of that sharing
situation, where I could go graba kid before they woke up
everybody else and just settlethem on the couch and they would
go back to sleep.
Every situation is different,but our goal was to let the
(07:02):
majority of the kids sleep thelongest.
Heidi Franz (07:05):
Exactly Okay.
Tip number four I wrote thisone because it's one that I
really failed on, and I thinkthat's what made some of our
sleeping a struggle.
And this is it Don't make sleepthe goal.
What do you mean by that?
I realized that I could notmake my children sleep, and
(07:26):
sometimes they would wake up,let's say, at 5.30 in the
morning.
I'd be like they must go tosleep, they must go to sleep
when, if I would have made thegoal that they could just stay
in their bed, they could read,they just had to stay calm and
quiet, it would have taken a lotof pressure off me.
It would have taken a lot ofpressure off me.
It would have taken a lot ofpressure off of them.
Melanie Simpson (07:48):
That's true.
I mean and I think that's thesame thing with making kids eat
there are some things that yousimply cannot do, and having
that established routine is 95%of the battle.
Realizing what is out of yourcontrol is very freeing, you
know, because then you go.
Okay.
My goal is not to hover and tokeep going back in and
(08:10):
comforting.
It's just to realize thatthey're okay in their crib with
a lovey and a book.
Heidi Franz (08:16):
Okay, tip number five remember sleep phases
happen, melanie.
I remember so well when my kidswere little.
I would feel like we got into areally good routine and then
something would happen and I'dbe like why in the world?
Now we're waking up in themiddle of the night and we've
(08:37):
done this for three nights.
Everything is lost.
We have to start over when inreality, it was just a phase.
Melanie Simpson (08:45):
Yeah, especially when you have more
than one kid, because you feellike at least one child is going
through that at a time.
Yeah, you're right about thatone.
Can everybody just sleep at thesame time, please?
Yeah.
Heidi Franz (08:57):
Yeah, and understanding that those phases
are typically very short, right,and so we work through them and
then we go right back to thoseroutines, those procedures that
we have set up.
Yeah, we kind of mentioned thisone before.
But tip number six is a smalltoy can sometimes help.
We don't want it to turn intoplaytime, right, you know, two
(09:21):
o'clock in the morning playingwith Legos is not at all what we
want.
But just giving the child alovey to hold can really help
them go back to sleep.
Melanie Simpson (09:32):
They have all sorts of sweet little toys that
like glow or they have lavenderin them.
It's just figuring out what ishelpful.
But also can I just say don'tgive your child 15,000 options.
Then it becomes every singlenight I want something different
.
So maybe have two items andthat's it.
(09:53):
Like these are your two choicesfor bedtime or for being in
your bed.
Heidi Franz (09:58):
I like that idea.
Okay, tip number seven is beconsistent.
It's worth it Because that goalof being able to spend time
with Jesus it's attainable, it'svery attainable.
But consistency is what's goingto get you there.
Being wishy-washy, tryingdifferent toys or trying
(10:22):
different wake-up clocks.
Trying different toys or tryingdifferent wake-up clocks as we
talked about in last episode,part one, about blackout
curtains Continually tryingdifferent things is just going
to frustrate you.
You're going to have a lot ofexpense and the child is going
to realize you're not beingconsistent.
So be consistent, it will payoff.
Melanie Simpson (10:43):
I'll just throw in here too.
Psalm 4, verse 8 is In peace, Iwill lie down and sleep for you
alone, lord.
Make me dwell in safety.
Now, as a two and three yearold, we would just say I can go
to sleep because God keeps mesafe.
So we would tell them if youwake up in the middle of the
night and you feel worried andnot say scared, just worried say
(11:04):
I can go to sleep because Godis keeping me safe.
You train on this, not atbedtime, it can be part of your
nighttime wind down routine whenyou pray, and then just say
what are we going to do if wewake up?
We're going to pray to God.
I can go to sleep because Godis keeping me safe.
Heidi Franz (11:20):
Yeah, I like that.
So, after reading these sevengentle tips when I put them on
the Parenting to Impress blog,shelly asked this question, and
this is a great question.
I understand your tips, but howdo I actually train a child to
stay in their room until I comeand get them?
(11:41):
My three year old comes intoour bed every morning between 4
and 5 am and goes back to sleep.
I know he needs more sleep, butI also need my morning quiet
time help.
Many of us can relate to thatproblem.
We know our child needs moresleep, but we've gotten into
this habit and we're unsure howto break it.
(12:03):
So, taking these seven tips,plus the points that we made
last time about creatingroutines, let's talk about
Shelly's question, and I willbegin with yes, it is possible,
just with some time andconsistency.
(12:25):
So here we go.
Step number one introduce thevisual cue to the child.
That's where we talked aboutthat wake-up clock using the
tape on clocks, a timer on anightlight.
Introduce it to the child and Iencourage you to begin using it
(12:46):
in a really exciting, positiveway.
Like you, are a big boy now andbecause of that I'm going to
let you have some responsibility.
Melanie Simpson (12:58):
You will be able to know when to wake up,
when to come out of your room.
Heidi Franz (13:02):
In just very simple ways, explain that mommy wants
to have quiet, to wake up whento come out of your room.
In just very simple ways,explain that mommy wants to have
quiet time with God and thusyou need to stay in your room.
You can do X, y and Z.
Choose what the child can doand what the child can't do.
And then I would encourage youto actually practice this
(13:23):
procedure.
Set a timer and tell the childI want you to go sit on your bed
until the timer goes off andyou can read as soon as the
timer goes off, whether this isa wake-up clock or the light on
the night light turns on.
Whatever you do, practice withthat for one minute and then
(13:45):
have the child come to you andthen go in and do it again, and
this time set it so it will gooff in two minutes and let the
child practice, have greatsuccess quickly and reward that
success with a great big hug andpraise of that child being
patient, patient, of using thevisual clue that you gave them
(14:08):
to use.
Then step number two talk aboutit at bedtime.
If it's a nightlight, plug itin together.
If it is tape on the clock,remind the child.
This is what we're looking for.
Don't put a lot of pressure onthe child.
We don't want this to be astressful thing.
We want it to be a positiveexperience.
(14:32):
And then step number three,morning.
How does it work out?
What you do in the morning isso important for that child.
If you have an angel child,they will stay on their bed and
wait for you and things will gogreat.
You praise them and it's allall good, and you continue with
your day.
(14:52):
If you have a textbook child,they may forget or they may just
want to see.
If that boundary is going to befirm, that's okay.
Calmly, without words.
Take them back to their bedthen when, when the timer goes
off, then they can get out.
But the next one we're going totalk about is the spirited child
(15:15):
.
And, melanie, I wish I couldsay that I had a wealth of
wisdom on the spirit tutorial.
It can be a challenge, but thebiggest thing that I can say is
be consistent.
Don't yield.
That child is looking to seeare the boundaries going to be
(15:36):
firm?
And it may take more than two,three, four mornings.
The one thing that I would addif you have a spirited child is
bring in support.
If you need, do this on aSaturday when your husband can
provide extra support when thatchild gets out of their bed.
And then step number four isyou just keep doing it Day after
(16:00):
day.
Stay the course, even when it'stough, reinforce with
consistency and celebrateprogress.
Melanie, tell me, did you havean angel child, textbook child,
spirited child?
How was this process for?
Melanie Simpson (16:16):
you.
We had all three of those oftenin the same child at different
times.
So we talked about I think inthe first part of this episode
is we did things a little bitdifferently.
Think in the first part of thisepisode is we did things a
little bit differently.
We allowed our children to comesleep on the floor next to our
bed, not in our bed, and theyweren't supposed to wake us up.
(16:36):
They just came in and theycould lay down.
Then I was up and I had anearly riser.
They knew they could sit intheir chair quietly, they could
color or read, but they knew mytime with Jesus was important to
everyone in the house.
So I would just say, regardlessof where you fall on the
(16:58):
spectrum of how you handlebedtimes, bed routines, it is
still the same pathway forward,which is you decide as a family
this is what we're going to doand you stay consistent, Because
children do not thrive inconfusion People don't right,
Adults don't either, butparticularly children and make
that decision.
(17:18):
This is what we're going to doand this is what's acceptable.
This is what's not acceptable.
I will say this there have beenseasons in our lives, Heidi,
where things were just not greatfor me personally, and I tried
to take training off the tablein those moments, those days.
And what I mean by that is Iopted not to introduce a new
(17:42):
thing during a time when I wasstressed out, because it never
ended well, absolutely, and thatis so wise.
Heidi Franz (17:55):
I appreciate you saying that.
Psychiatrists say focus on onething at a time with that child,
do not try to change everythingin their world.
I think for us a really goodtime was for me to introduce it
on a Friday.
We typically did not haveevents or activities that day.
Done it on Friday morning,practice it Friday morning, we
(18:17):
would talk about it Friday nightand then Daddy was home on
Saturday and Sunday to help.
Now again, every family isgoing to be a little bit
different, but that's how we didit.
Also, for us to introduce it onFriday morning.
Then the child was able to talkto daddy about it Friday night
(18:37):
and that added to the excitement.
Also, it helped me know if theyunderstood how they described
it to daddy.
Melanie Simpson (18:45):
I think, overall.
Your note, though, is none ofthis lasts forever.
Think about when you have acolicky baby.
You think that you're going tohave a colicky teenager, but you
won't, I promise.
It can feel really wearyingwhen you have a kiddo that is
all out of sorts at bedtime, allout of sorts with wake times,
(19:06):
really, at the end of the day,I'm all out of sorts with wake
times, really at the end of theday.
Heidi and I are justencouraging you to stay the
course.
You may only have one victoryin four days, but the next week
you will have two, and itcompounds.
So just stay the course.
Heidi Franz (19:25):
As my husband reminds me frequently, parenting
is a marathon.
We are not going to be able tofix all problems in a week, two
weeks, a month, a year, and Iwill say even in 18 years.
Melanie Simpson (19:38):
And you remind me, I think it's Love and Logic.
They talk about the time ittakes to replace a I'll call it
a bad habit with a new one in achild.
What's the ratio?
Again, yeah.
Heidi Franz (19:50):
So for every one year of poor behavior or routine
, it takes one month to turnthat around.
That's according to love andlogic.
For every one year, it takesone month.
So let's say you have athree-year-old never created a
bedtime routine or they get upwhenever they want to A
(20:15):
three-year-old, it would takethree months to turn things
around.
Okay, three months is 12 weeks.
Yeah, 12 weeks of consistency.
12 weeks of consistency and,lord willing, for most kids, in
(20:36):
12 weeks you would be able toenjoy bedtime and you would be
able to have a quiet time withthe Lord man.
12 weeks it's one of thosesayings I can do anything for 12
weeks.
Melanie Simpson (20:47):
And a lot of kiddos.
It won't take that long.
It really doesn't.
Their physical little bodiesneed sleep, so it'll happen
faster than that.
I wanted to remind ourlisteners of that because it is
an encouragement to know thatit's possible.
I think for me like to have atimeframe in my mind just to
kind of shoot, for it reminds meit's not going to take me three
(21:08):
more years to redo it.
Heidi Franz (21:12):
If we could sit down on a couch across from you,
the listener, we would say it'sworth it for that time with the
Lord.
And when you're consistent,setting those expectations with
that child, it's going to makeeverything better.
It really will make thingsbetter.
(21:34):
Because sleep is so important,I would say to you, mama, you
got this and if you need support, please reach out to us.
We would love to walk alongsideyou and encourage you.
Melanie, can you close inprayer for the sweet mamas who
are listening, please?
Yes.
Melanie Simpson (21:54):
Heavenly Father , you are so good to us and you
love us so much.
You made us to have thesephysical bodies that require
rest.
So, lord, would you help us toknow best how to build a healthy
routine for our children andfor ourselves, to build healthy
routines for sleep and forwaking not just so that we can
(22:18):
be healthy and maybe even moreimportantly, that the moms and
dads and caregivers out therewill have time in the mornings
to devote to seeing your word,to reading your word, to
spending time with you in prayerand worship, so that, lord,
they are prepared to take onwhatever comes their way that
(22:39):
day.
Lord, we thank you for thesefamilies.
We thank you for the way youhave created us to love others
and love you.
And so, lord, we just pray thatin all of these things, that
you would be glorified.
Amen, amen.
We want to thank you forlistening to the Parenting to
Impress podcast.
(23:00):
Be sure to visitabcjesuslesbiancom and check out
the show notes for moreinformation on topics shared in
this episode.
Please subscribe and share withyour friends.
In the last Parenting to Impress podcast, we
talked about building a solidbedtime routine that would work.
We showed you how to introducethe routine and gave five tips
that make a huge difference.
If you haven't taken the timeto download the free bedtime
visual schedule, be sure to seethe show notes.
(00:21):
But, melanie, you and I bothknow that just because you get
the kids in bed doesn't meanthat they stay in bed, and for
us, our big challenge was thosekiddos that rose early in the
morning.
How do you train a child tosleep in and not want to get up
(00:42):
just because they woke up in themiddle of the night?
That's what we're going tocover today in this podcast
episode.
Welcome back to Parenting toImpress, your go-to podcast to
learn practical ways to love Godand love others and impress
this on the hearts of yourchildren.
I am your host, heidi Franz,and I am joined by my dear
friend, melanie Simpson.
(01:03):
Heidi Franz and I am joined bymy dear friend, melanie Simpson
two moms who have made a lot ofmistakes but have found grace
and truth along the way.
So here's the challenge we'regoing to talk about today
Melanie Early risers, exhaustedmamas, but yet we still want to
spend time with God.
Is it even possible?
Melanie Simpson (01:21):
Well, sure, all things are possible through
Christ who loves us.
To take a Bible verse out ofcontext, it is you and I have
both seen the fruit of this, butas with everything else, it
comes down to training.
Heidi Franz (01:36):
Absolutely, and I've said many times in this
podcast.
My life changed.
My life changed.
It changed the day I chose towake up before my young children
to spend time with God.
It really did.
It's not all.
The days went well, nobodydisobeyed anymore and all meals
(01:57):
on the supper table were gourmet.
That's not it at all, but itchanged my heart.
It changed my attitude.
Melanie Simpson (02:05):
It makes all the difference in the world when
you have 15, 20 minutes, 30minutes to be alone with the
Lord.
Like you said, it's not apromise that your day is going
to go perfect, but it is ananchor because the rest of the
day you can return to whateveryou read or meditated on or
prayed, or worship song you sang.
(02:28):
It really does make adifference.
Heidi Franz (02:30):
Yeah, this Holy Spirit brings to mind those
ideas that you read, listened to, prayed about, heard from God
while you had that time.
Now let me just say realquickly, if we're talking about
a quiet time and you are going,I have no idea what they're
talking about we'll put in theshow notes a podcast that we did
(02:51):
on quiet time and how to spendtime with God.
I encourage you to check thatout.
But this one we're going tospecifically talk about how to
instill it when you have thoseyoung kids at home.
So, first off, we have seventips for early risers.
Melanie, let's start with tipnumber one.
Set a family wake-up time Forus.
(03:15):
That meant our kiddos couldleave their rooms at seven
o'clock in the morning.
What was the wake-up time thatyou guys had?
And it's changed, obviously asyour kids get older and the
dynamics.
But what was the wake-up timethat you guys had?
And it's changed, obviously asyour kids get older and the
dynamics.
But what was yours?
Right, right.
Melanie Simpson (03:29):
I would love to tell my teenagers you have to
stay in your room until seven.
It's more like you have to getup before 10 am.
Heidi Franz (03:37):
Yes, yes, yes, teenagers is a very different
problem, isn't it?
Yes?
Melanie Simpson (03:41):
Yes, I mean ours was similar.
There was a season where we hadkiddos I think 630 was the time
because they were alreadygetting up between five and 530.
And so it was pushing it forthem to be alone in a room.
And that's the other thing too,is our kids shared rooms, right
?
We also had kind of a differentsituation where if they got up,
they could come and sit in achair like a specific place in
(04:03):
the living room with a basket ofbooks.
I love that, but it was quiet.
It was not, you know, notplaying drums and you know all
the noisy toys.
Heidi Franz (04:13):
Yeah for sure.
So the key here to this stepnumber one is to decide as a
family what is that time goingto be.
And then step number two isgive the child a visual clue of
when that time is or is not,Because kids don't understand
(04:34):
numbers.
When they see 545 on theirclock, they have no idea if that
is five minutes to seveno'clock or four hours to seven
o'clock, and so giving them thatvisual cue can really help.
We used a timer on a nightlight.
That was one of the first oneswe used.
(04:57):
What did you use?
Melanie Simpson (04:58):
We had a piece of tape that we had.
We had an old analog clock andwe had a piece of tape and so
when they could see when the twohands two pieces of tape that
we had we had an old analogclock and we had a piece of tape
and so when they could see whenthe two hands two pieces of
tape, when the two hands werehit the tape they could get up.
But we have all sorts likethey've got a hatch nightlight
now, they have alarm clocks thathave like colors.
Heidi Franz (05:19):
They have all sorts of nifty things now Things that
we didn't have when our kidswere little.
Right, I use tape, yeah, yes,well, and I use tape also, but
with a digital clock.
I covered up the minutes soonly the hour was showing, and
then I put a piece of paper withthe number seven on it, so when
(05:40):
the seven matched the seven,they knew they could get up.
So it depends upon the age ofyour kids what you can use, but
there are so many options foryou during those younger years
to help them know what time itis.
That's tip number two.
Here's tip number three Don'trush in just because the child
(06:07):
is awake, and this is one that Ithink instinctively.
We want to be there for our kidsand so when we hear them, we
automatically go in.
But a lot of times the childwill go back to sleep if we just
leave them.
I mean, you think about it asan adult, how many times you
(06:28):
wake up in the middle of thenight.
But we instinctively look atthe clock and know, oh, I have
so much more time to sleep andwe just need to allow our bodies
to go back to sleep.
Melanie Simpson (06:39):
Like I said, our kids shared rooms and so
stirring from another childwould cause them to stir and,
like you said, waiting it out.
Now I will say there were times, because of that sharing
situation, where I could go graba kid before they woke up
everybody else and just settlethem on the couch and they would
go back to sleep.
Every situation is different,but our goal was to let the
(07:02):
majority of the kids sleep thelongest.
Heidi Franz (07:05):
Exactly Okay.
Tip number four I wrote thisone because it's one that I
really failed on, and I thinkthat's what made some of our
sleeping a struggle.
And this is it Don't make sleepthe goal.
What do you mean by that?
I realized that I could notmake my children sleep, and
(07:26):
sometimes they would wake up,let's say, at 5.30 in the
morning.
I'd be like they must go tosleep, they must go to sleep
when, if I would have made thegoal that they could just stay
in their bed, they could read,they just had to stay calm and
quiet, it would have taken a lotof pressure off me.
It would have taken a lot ofpressure off me.
It would have taken a lot ofpressure off of them.
Melanie Simpson (07:48):
That's true.
I mean and I think that's thesame thing with making kids eat
there are some things that yousimply cannot do, and having
that established routine is 95%of the battle.
Realizing what is out of yourcontrol is very freeing, you
know, because then you go.
Okay.
My goal is not to hover and tokeep going back in and
(08:10):
comforting.
It's just to realize thatthey're okay in their crib with
a lovey and a book.
Heidi Franz (08:16):
Okay, tip number five remember sleep phases
happen, melanie.
I remember so well when my kidswere little.
I would feel like we got into areally good routine and then
something would happen and I'dbe like why in the world?
Now we're waking up in themiddle of the night and we've
(08:37):
done this for three nights.
Everything is lost.
We have to start over when inreality, it was just a phase.
Melanie Simpson (08:45):
Yeah, especially when you have more
than one kid, because you feellike at least one child is going
through that at a time.
Yeah, you're right about thatone.
Can everybody just sleep at thesame time, please?
Yeah.
Heidi Franz (08:57):
Yeah, and understanding that those phases
are typically very short, right,and so we work through them and
then we go right back to thoseroutines, those procedures that
we have set up.
Yeah, we kind of mentioned thisone before.
But tip number six is a smalltoy can sometimes help.
We don't want it to turn intoplaytime, right, you know, two
(09:21):
o'clock in the morning playingwith Legos is not at all what we
want.
But just giving the child alovey to hold can really help
them go back to sleep.
Melanie Simpson (09:32):
They have all sorts of sweet little toys that
like glow or they have lavenderin them.
It's just figuring out what ishelpful.
But also can I just say don'tgive your child 15,000 options.
Then it becomes every singlenight I want something different
.
So maybe have two items andthat's it.
(09:53):
Like these are your two choicesfor bedtime or for being in
your bed.
Heidi Franz (09:58):
I like that idea.
Okay, tip number seven is beconsistent.
It's worth it Because that goalof being able to spend time
with Jesus it's attainable, it'svery attainable.
But consistency is what's goingto get you there.
Being wishy-washy, tryingdifferent toys or trying
(10:22):
different wake-up clocks.
Trying different toys or tryingdifferent wake-up clocks as we
talked about in last episode,part one, about blackout
curtains Continually tryingdifferent things is just going
to frustrate you.
You're going to have a lot ofexpense and the child is going
to realize you're not beingconsistent.
So be consistent, it will payoff.
Melanie Simpson (10:43):
I'll just throw in here too.
Psalm 4, verse 8 is In peace, Iwill lie down and sleep for you
alone, lord.
Make me dwell in safety.
Now, as a two and three yearold, we would just say I can go
to sleep because God keeps mesafe.
So we would tell them if youwake up in the middle of the
night and you feel worried andnot say scared, just worried say
(11:04):
I can go to sleep because Godis keeping me safe.
You train on this, not atbedtime, it can be part of your
nighttime wind down routine whenyou pray, and then just say
what are we going to do if wewake up?
We're going to pray to God.
I can go to sleep because Godis keeping me safe.
Heidi Franz (11:20):
Yeah, I like that.
So, after reading these sevengentle tips when I put them on
the Parenting to Impress blog,shelly asked this question, and
this is a great question.
I understand your tips, but howdo I actually train a child to
stay in their room until I comeand get them?
(11:41):
My three year old comes intoour bed every morning between 4
and 5 am and goes back to sleep.
I know he needs more sleep, butI also need my morning quiet
time help.
Many of us can relate to thatproblem.
We know our child needs moresleep, but we've gotten into
this habit and we're unsure howto break it.
(12:03):
So, taking these seven tips,plus the points that we made
last time about creatingroutines, let's talk about
Shelly's question, and I willbegin with yes, it is possible,
just with some time andconsistency.
(12:25):
So here we go.
Step number one introduce thevisual cue to the child.
That's where we talked aboutthat wake-up clock using the
tape on clocks, a timer on anightlight.
Introduce it to the child and Iencourage you to begin using it
(12:46):
in a really exciting, positiveway.
Like you, are a big boy now andbecause of that I'm going to
let you have some responsibility.
Melanie Simpson (12:58):
You will be able to know when to wake up,
when to come out of your room.
Heidi Franz (13:02):
In just very simple ways, explain that mommy wants
to have quiet, to wake up whento come out of your room.
In just very simple ways,explain that mommy wants to have
quiet time with God and thusyou need to stay in your room.
You can do X, y and Z.
Choose what the child can doand what the child can't do.
And then I would encourage youto actually practice this
(13:23):
procedure.
Set a timer and tell the childI want you to go sit on your bed
until the timer goes off andyou can read as soon as the
timer goes off, whether this isa wake-up clock or the light on
the night light turns on.
Whatever you do, practice withthat for one minute and then
(13:45):
have the child come to you andthen go in and do it again, and
this time set it so it will gooff in two minutes and let the
child practice, have greatsuccess quickly and reward that
success with a great big hug andpraise of that child being
patient, patient, of using thevisual clue that you gave them
(14:08):
to use.
Then step number two talk aboutit at bedtime.
If it's a nightlight, plug itin together.
If it is tape on the clock,remind the child.
This is what we're looking for.
Don't put a lot of pressure onthe child.
We don't want this to be astressful thing.
We want it to be a positiveexperience.
(14:32):
And then step number three,morning.
How does it work out?
What you do in the morning isso important for that child.
If you have an angel child,they will stay on their bed and
wait for you and things will gogreat.
You praise them and it's allall good, and you continue with
your day.
(14:52):
If you have a textbook child,they may forget or they may just
want to see.
If that boundary is going to befirm, that's okay.
Calmly, without words.
Take them back to their bedthen when, when the timer goes
off, then they can get out.
But the next one we're going totalk about is the spirited child
(15:15):
.
And, melanie, I wish I couldsay that I had a wealth of
wisdom on the spirit tutorial.
It can be a challenge, but thebiggest thing that I can say is
be consistent.
Don't yield.
That child is looking to seeare the boundaries going to be
(15:36):
firm?
And it may take more than two,three, four mornings.
The one thing that I would addif you have a spirited child is
bring in support.
If you need, do this on aSaturday when your husband can
provide extra support when thatchild gets out of their bed.
And then step number four isyou just keep doing it Day after
(16:00):
day.
Stay the course, even when it'stough, reinforce with
consistency and celebrateprogress.
Melanie, tell me, did you havean angel child, textbook child,
spirited child?
How was this process for?
Melanie Simpson (16:16):
you.
We had all three of those oftenin the same child at different
times.
So we talked about I think inthe first part of this episode
is we did things a little bitdifferently.
Think in the first part of thisepisode is we did things a
little bit differently.
We allowed our children to comesleep on the floor next to our
bed, not in our bed, and theyweren't supposed to wake us up.
(16:36):
They just came in and theycould lay down.
Then I was up and I had anearly riser.
They knew they could sit intheir chair quietly, they could
color or read, but they knew mytime with Jesus was important to
everyone in the house.
So I would just say, regardlessof where you fall on the
(16:58):
spectrum of how you handlebedtimes, bed routines, it is
still the same pathway forward,which is you decide as a family
this is what we're going to doand you stay consistent, Because
children do not thrive inconfusion People don't right,
Adults don't either, butparticularly children and make
that decision.
(17:18):
This is what we're going to doand this is what's acceptable.
This is what's not acceptable.
I will say this there have beenseasons in our lives, Heidi,
where things were just not greatfor me personally, and I tried
to take training off the tablein those moments, those days.
And what I mean by that is Iopted not to introduce a new
(17:42):
thing during a time when I wasstressed out, because it never
ended well, absolutely, and thatis so wise.
Heidi Franz (17:55):
I appreciate you saying that.
Psychiatrists say focus on onething at a time with that child,
do not try to change everythingin their world.
I think for us a really goodtime was for me to introduce it
on a Friday.
We typically did not haveevents or activities that day.
Done it on Friday morning,practice it Friday morning, we
(18:17):
would talk about it Friday nightand then Daddy was home on
Saturday and Sunday to help.
Now again, every family isgoing to be a little bit
different, but that's how we didit.
Also, for us to introduce it onFriday morning.
Then the child was able to talkto daddy about it Friday night
(18:37):
and that added to the excitement.
Also, it helped me know if theyunderstood how they described
it to daddy.
Melanie Simpson (18:45):
I think, overall.
Your note, though, is none ofthis lasts forever.
Think about when you have acolicky baby.
You think that you're going tohave a colicky teenager, but you
won't, I promise.
It can feel really wearyingwhen you have a kiddo that is
all out of sorts at bedtime, allout of sorts with wake times,
(19:06):
really, at the end of the day,I'm all out of sorts with wake
times, really at the end of theday.
Heidi and I are justencouraging you to stay the
course.
You may only have one victoryin four days, but the next week
you will have two, and itcompounds.
So just stay the course.
Heidi Franz (19:25):
As my husband reminds me frequently, parenting
is a marathon.
We are not going to be able tofix all problems in a week, two
weeks, a month, a year, and Iwill say even in 18 years.
Melanie Simpson (19:38):
And you remind me, I think it's Love and Logic.
They talk about the time ittakes to replace a I'll call it
a bad habit with a new one in achild.
What's the ratio?
Again, yeah.
Heidi Franz (19:50):
So for every one year of poor behavior or routine
, it takes one month to turnthat around.
That's according to love andlogic.
For every one year, it takesone month.
So let's say you have athree-year-old never created a
bedtime routine or they get upwhenever they want to A
(20:15):
three-year-old, it would takethree months to turn things
around.
Okay, three months is 12 weeks.
Yeah, 12 weeks of consistency.
12 weeks of consistency and,lord willing, for most kids, in
(20:36):
12 weeks you would be able toenjoy bedtime and you would be
able to have a quiet time withthe Lord man.
12 weeks it's one of thosesayings I can do anything for 12
weeks.
Melanie Simpson (20:47):
And a lot of kiddos.
It won't take that long.
It really doesn't.
Their physical little bodiesneed sleep, so it'll happen
faster than that.
I wanted to remind ourlisteners of that because it is
an encouragement to know thatit's possible.
I think for me like to have atimeframe in my mind just to
kind of shoot, for it reminds meit's not going to take me three
(21:08):
more years to redo it.
Heidi Franz (21:12):
If we could sit down on a couch across from you,
the listener, we would say it'sworth it for that time with the
Lord.
And when you're consistent,setting those expectations with
that child, it's going to makeeverything better.
It really will make thingsbetter.
(21:34):
Because sleep is so important,I would say to you, mama, you
got this and if you need support, please reach out to us.
We would love to walk alongsideyou and encourage you.
Melanie, can you close inprayer for the sweet mamas who
are listening, please?
Yes.
Melanie Simpson (21:54):
Heavenly Father , you are so good to us and you
love us so much.
You made us to have thesephysical bodies that require
rest.
So, lord, would you help us toknow best how to build a healthy
routine for our children andfor ourselves, to build healthy
routines for sleep and forwaking not just so that we can
(22:18):
be healthy and maybe even moreimportantly, that the moms and
dads and caregivers out therewill have time in the mornings
to devote to seeing your word,to reading your word, to
spending time with you in prayerand worship, so that, lord,
they are prepared to take onwhatever comes their way that
(22:39):
day.
Lord, we thank you for thesefamilies.
We thank you for the way youhave created us to love others
and love you.
And so, lord, we just pray thatin all of these things, that
you would be glorified.
Amen, amen.
We want to thank you forlistening to the Parenting to
Impress podcast.
(23:00):
Be sure to visitabcjesuslesbiancom and check out
the show notes for moreinformation on topics shared in
this episode.
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