May 12, 2025 • 45 mins
When Dr. Fayron Epps launched the Altar program, she was told repeatedly that no one would fund research connecting faith and dementia care in the Black community. Fast forward to today, and her groundbreaking initiative has expanded to 23 states, 112 faith communities, and 14 Christian denominations—with millions in funding from government agencies, corporate sponsors, and foundations.
What makes this program revolutionary is its dual approach: utilizing the "altar" of the church while "altering" perceptions about dementia in Black communities. By training faith leaders to support caregivers over a committed two-year partnership, Alter creates sustainable support systems where judgment is replaced with understanding and practical assistance.
During our conversation at what I insisted on calling the "summit convention" , Dr. Epps revealed how her own experience of not wearing stockings to church and feeling judged informed her passion for creating more inclusive faith spaces. She shared powerful stories of pastors who initially seemed hesitant but eventually became champions for caregivers in their congregations.
Most compelling was learning about Altar's newest focus on youth caregivers—teenagers who silently shoulder adult responsibilities without recognition or emotional support.
For caregivers feeling isolated or judged within their faith communities, Dr. Epps offers a vision of what could be—churches that recognize your struggle, make space for your loved one's changing behaviors, and provide genuine support rather than mere platitudes.
Want to learn more about bringing the Altar program to your community? Visit their website at alterdementia.com.
Host: J Smiles Comedy
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: Annelise Udoye
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
That's what altar is.
Yeah, it is us altering ourperception of dementia, altering
our attitude toward dementia.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
This is me snapping my fingers, okay.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
And that's what altar is.
So we are playing off the altarof the church.
Come to the altar, yes, butalso let's alter our perception
in the black community so wedon't be so judgmental.
We understand and we're like,oh, how can I help?
Or let me just help, don't evenask how to help, let me just
okay, let me do that.
(00:30):
And that's what we're workingtoward and that's why we're here
this evening.
We got the power of the pulpit,so we have faith leaders
talking about how important itis, and then you brought up how
people are investing.
I've got to let people knowthat when you're doing God's
work, you're letting Him orderyour steps and you're serving
His people.
(00:50):
He will make provision.
How many times we've heard thatin a sermon?
And I'm here to say that itactually is true Parenting Up.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Caregiving Adventures with comedian Jay Smiles is the
intense journey of unexpectedlybeing fully responsible for my
mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
(01:19):
Spoiler alert this shit isheavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Hi, this is Betty.
(01:40):
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
Today's supporter shout outcomes from Instagram.
Dst 37, rebel.
She be so serious about readingher magazines.
(02:05):
Emoji with all the kissy hearts.
I assume that she is Zetty.
Yeah, yeah, she is.
And what's crazy y'all is?
You know she ain't reallyreading out loud, no more, but
that baby remembers loving toread.
Thank you, dst.
(02:28):
If you want to receive asupportive shout out, you know
what to do.
Leave a review Apple podcast,youtube or Instagram.
We are parenting up everywhere,thank you.
Today's episode altering theperception of caregivers and
dementia.
Thank you.
(03:45):
What's up parenting parents andother family.
Once again, it ain't me, but wehave outdone ourselves as a
community.
It is the dementia gods tryingto say we know it's hard, but we
are going to give you all areason to smile and a reason to
keep going.
I ain't do it, but some kind ofway I am in right in the middle
(04:10):
of the altar conferenceconvention.
I am sitting here with thefounder, the one and only Dr
Faye Ron Epps.
Now let me tell you something.
She got so many commas behindher name.
I ain't going to mess aroundand get that thing out of order.
My grandmama told me you can'tmess up people's schooling, okay
(04:32):
.
So I'm going to just tell y'allto go look her up.
But this is the thing.
She has research behind her andshe has community activists
behind her.
She got the government M-I-N-Tbehind her.
She got corporate money behindher.
She got hip-hop artists behindher.
(04:53):
She got civil rightsorganizations behind her and she
ain't even on a cane.
Y'all feel what I'm saying.
She ain't no old legacy purse,this baby about 18, 18, 19 years
old.
She got baby skin.
Get some shea butter on here.
I smell.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
it ain't no white diamonds, okay I can't dr x how
you doing honey, I can't, Ican't I'm doing good.
Thank.
And did you say a convention?
Wow, that's just a littlemeaning.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
No, it ain't you called it a convention?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
No, it ain't.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Let me tell you why I called it a convention.
Tell me she can be humble.
I ain't got to be humbleBecause, since it's doing it in
the middle of the world being onfire, in the middle of listen,
for legacy's sake, it is 2025.
It's 2025.
The government is firing peopleand slashing things.
(05:50):
Talking about some ain't nodiversity.
I was put on a cool shuttle togo from the exhibit registration
over to where we are right nowgovernment and academic and
corporate sponsors, front andcenter and happy as you know
(06:14):
what to be sponsoring thisconvention.
Because I saw bags when you get, I got a badge on, and when you
have a bag with goodies in it,and there is a shuttle because
there are multiple points.
And then you got in, I got intothis particular site and there
(06:38):
are signs, y'all colorful signs,saying if you go into this
session, go left.
If you go into this session, goleft.
If you go into this session, goupstairs.
If you go into the thirdsession, go to the right.
Okay, and we got multipleBathrooms, y'all.
This ain't even part Of theinterview, drl.
This just me trying to prove tothese people that we at a
(06:58):
convention Alright, I'm going toreceive it.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
I'm going to receive it.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
We'll talk offline about you and your convention.
Okay, all right, okay, anyway,but it is a convention.
So I am so honored that I wasable to steal you away a little
bit in the midst of such aphenomenal event.
It is alter, okay, on yourshirt it says dementia summit.
(07:25):
That's bigger than a convention.
So play me All right, anyway,we're going, I'm gonna let this
go.
Okay, okay, it's a summitconvention.
All right Now, top that I don'tknow.
Ain't nobody had a summitconvention?
All right Now.
What is so magical to me aboutyou is that you have a PhD in
(07:49):
nursing.
Is that correct?
Yes, okay, and y'all, I swearshe looked 12.
I don't know how she got out ofthat school and but anyway, she
has a PhD in nursing.
And you have put your life'swork into the intersection of
caregiving the underservedpopulation and the faith
(08:14):
community.
Yes, and some kind of way youhave gotten mainstream to give
you money to do it.
Yes, do tell, do tell, dear DrEpps, do tell.
How did you have the courage totell that dream out loud?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, well, you know, thank you for bringing that up
because I have to just tell youit's nothing but God it really
is.
It's nothing but Him Becausewhen I started off with my
schooling I am a woman of faiththat has been very constant in
my rearing.
It's in my family.
And when I wanted to do myresearch studies I wanted to
look at religiosity.
I wanted to study it more.
(08:56):
I was interested why I got putout of church.
Because I had stockings onright.
I mean, I didn't have stockingson.
I should say you know all thatjudging that goes on in church.
I just really wanted to justdig into it.
But people kept on saying noone's going to give you money
for studying religion.
No one cares about religion.
Caregiving was big in my family.
No one cares about religion,the caregiver's religion and
(09:20):
their faith and how that plays.
Everyone just kept on puttingit off and so I followed them.
I said, okay, no one cares, letme go over here and do this.
But I knew one thing I alwayswant to do work in my community
and that's with the blackcommunity.
So it doesn't matter what youresearch, what you do, faith is
going to come out Church, thepastor.
It's going to come out in theirresponses.
(09:42):
It's going to come out Churchthe pastor.
It's going to come out in theirresponses.
It's going to come out in theirstories.
And at that point I couldn'tignore it and I had to just step
out on my faith and be like Ihear you, god.
I have to say this is what I'mgoing to do in my professional
role.
I am going to really explorehow I can make sure that these
(10:03):
caregivers are still beingspiritually supported, how those
persons living with dementiacan still be spiritually
supported, what faith-basedinterventions I can develop.
And I had someone at GeorgiaState, as a matter of fact.
She said how did you get thisfunded?
You got a whole faith hat wasthe name of my intervention.
But the thing is, god gave methe gift of how to highlight
(10:27):
health outcomes, because that'swhat people are interested in,
and they forgot they read aboutall that religion and faith by
the time they got to theirhealth outcomes.
And here we are, and so that'show that research got started.
And as I started working withfamilies and in the community, I
heard from the community.
I moved to Atlanta in 2016.
(10:47):
They said start with the church.
I was like what Start with thechurch?
My bishop, who will be speakingduring this keynote this
evening.
He said start a ministry.
What?
No, no, no.
You know, because I am thatperson that sits on a pew, let
me pay my little money and maybepledge money, tithe money, I
(11:08):
don't know, but I'm gonna pay mylittle money and I'm gonna
leave before even he says amenat the end.
I'm out the door in the car andfor him to say, no, you need to
start a ministry.
And the whole thing is I waslike well, what ministry I start
because I don't get to churchon time?
Can't be, usher, right, can'tbe.
No, greeter, start Because Idon't get to church on time.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Can't be usher right?
Can't be no greeter.
Come on now, I don't sing.
Tell me this, dr Elsie.
Tell the truth, how long did?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
you fight that I'm not going to start that ministry
.
You know what?
It wasn't that long.
It wasn't Because that eveningwhen he told me that and he
asked me, he said well, what doyou do?
Because I had a whole list ofthings I don't do and I said I
do older people and I startedexplaining about dementia and
caregiving.
He said, well, that's yourministry.
(11:54):
And I just left puzzled andthen when I went home I called
some colleagues, ladies that Ihad met when I moved to Atlanta
and I told them what he said andthey say let's do this.
And I was like, are y'allserious?
And we put together a proposaland brought it back to my bishop
and he said this is it.
And it was just started offwith us going out and educating,
(12:16):
giving our time, educating thecommunity about dementia and
awareness, and it started offwith three people.
Next thing, you know, we hadpeople all outside the door
because they heard about it andthey wanted to be part of this
and it's all about responding tothe community.
And that's when I seen oh okay,this is it, this is the
ministry, and it has really ithas transformed and the reason
(12:41):
it's transformed and I'll telleverybody that's listening.
You have to listen to hear tobe able to respond.
And so when I'm out in thecommunity, I'm talking to any
family, any individual.
I'm listening to hear andrespond.
And the altar program wascreated because of a response to
(13:04):
a bishop.
Bishop Aaron Lackey, after hiseducation session, came to me he
said so what I'm supposed to dowith this?
And I didn't even have ananswer because I thought I was
doing good, because I was justeducating people, because that's
what they told us Go out andeducate.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
You got to educate and you're like Bishop you told
me to educate.
I got some folks.
I'm educating him right here inAtlanta and okay, check, let me
go on back to work.
Yeah, and Bishop said uh-uh,what do we do?
This thing has struck like fire, it's spreading.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
What's next?
Yes, and that's how we createdthis full-fledged program,
because I said, oh, I need tocoach the faith leaders on how
to respond to their parishioners.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Okay, hold on now.
Wait Now you.
My granddaddy would say you'retaking me too fast.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Oh, okay, okay, Now we got to slow this down.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
All right, because you've been living in this and
breathing it like oxygen.
Yes, but for people in theParent Up community, because our
podcast look, we, we, thelittle podcast that could okay,
we got folks all over the world,all over the world.
We have listeners, that's right,so we got to take them slowly.
(14:17):
A non getting to church on time, not wearing stockings person
is going to tell the leaders inthe black church, the good
reverend and deaconesses, okay,how to do something in their
(14:47):
congregations.
Now we just got to sit withthat.
You're not supposed to be ableto tell them nothing about
nothing.
I don't care what yourexpertise is, you can't touch
their flock.
All right, and that's why youhave in a summit convention, ok,
so I'm coming back to that, ok,ok, and y'all?
(15:09):
I want to go in and stop forthis for a second.
There are people from all overthis country.
I was on my shuttle.
I was sitting beside a speakerfrom Los Angeles.
Now, you can't get much furtherfrom Atlanta than Los Angeles.
Who's coming to this summitconvention?
(15:31):
Summit convention, yes, or thepath that got this secret
society Real.
(15:51):
Talk, the African-Americanlevel of bishops and ordained
people.
They don't let anybody in.
You got to have your stripes onhow many years you've been in
the pulpit before you can evenget to the level of you can even
be a visiting pastor.
Yeah, how did you get them tolet you do that?
(16:16):
God can I just say there we go.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
But you know, no, what.
Everything you're saying iswhat I felt in the beginning
Like what in the world?
How am I going to do this?
Who's not intimidated by thatsenior pastor, the bishop,
because you just talked aboutthis society of them we have
held all our life and we still Irespect them, hold them, have
that reverence toward them,whatever they say.
(16:40):
That's what it is and that'show our parents they kind of
followed them.
So I was intimidated in thebeginning, but I know what God
laid on my heart.
So when I showed up at Alliancemeetings you can see it in my
voice I was intimidated andnobody was listening to me.
(17:00):
But the thing is me.
But the thing is he put keypeople in these meetings, key
leaders that did hear me, hearme mumble, and one Pastor, jakes
.
He came to me.
He said now, everybody notgoing to hear you, they're not
going to follow you, but they'regoing to have prophets out here
that's going to see what you'retrying to do and they're going
to jump on and they're going tojoin this movement.
(17:23):
And I was like what he said?
So don't worry about those thatdon't open up their door, that
don't respond to you.
He said that's all right.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
They're going to come , but there's people like me
that are ready to do this workand I was like, oh OK, so that's
one pastor.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
And then once I looked at it like that and I
wasn't expecting.
I knew it was going to be theones that God wanted me to work
with, that's the ones that hewas going to let hear me.
And then my confidence built up, and then, of course, you know,
they're going to tell theirpastor friends about me and this
and that.
And here we are here.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
We are here we are here, we are here, we are here,
we are, here, we are.
So the altar program had itsfirst gathering in 2019.
Is that correct?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
No, our first summit convention was last year, okay,
but we in 2019 is when we putthe concept together to create a
full program and we sign, andwhat we do is part of this
program.
We sign and we partner withchurches or alliances,
conferences, districts, whateverdenomination you're going by,
(18:39):
you know what you have, right,we?
We partner with them and now weprovide a framework and that's
the coaching.
Now we're coaching the faithleaders, the ministry leaders,
how to better support theircaregivers, their parishioners
they're sitting right there inthe pews and the chairs, so
we're training them over the twoyears.
So January 2020 is when weactually signed our first church
(19:01):
, which was my church, of courseand then it spread throughout
that and five years later, wewere in 23 states, 112 faith
community partners individual,some are alliances, some of the
districts, whatever it is 14Christian denominations and
(19:22):
we're looking to expand.
The thing is, I want to gowherever black people go to
worship.
I want to make sure that I ambringing resources, because you
talked about this currentclimate.
Y'all we need.
We cannot.
We need us.
We cannot wait on others.
(19:43):
We've been doing that for years.
We've been waiting on others tocreate solutions for us for
years, decades, decades.
Yeah, right, yeah, you're right.
Decades Take out, years,decades, and so we have to stop.
Absolutely we have to stop.
And so I really think I knoweverybody may not be religious,
(20:03):
but so many people still.
Even though I don't go to, Istill pay attention.
If I need help, I know where togo.
Absolutely, and I want to makesure that our faith communities
across the country,internationally, up in the Ghana
, have what they need.
So when that family membercomes to that pastor and say
(20:24):
what I'm going through, thatpastor now knows how to respond
and that family can walk awaywith something to help them on
their journey.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Oh, you're giving me chills.
I did go to the.
I saw your stuff on theinternet webs and I saw the
Alter Ghana person.
Why you keep trying to callthis not a summit convention.
Now, who else, who hired ain'ta convention and we got us an
international member.
But I'm gonna let you.
I'm trying.
I'm trying to bring you slow,we're trying to bring you slow
into the vision I see for whatwe already are.
(20:57):
Give us a bit of a idea on whatthe training looks like for
someone who may want to contactyou to say, hey, I, this sounds
great.
I live somewhere.
I don't think my church has it.
I don't think my faithcommunity has it.
Maybe I'm non-denominational,maybe I don't go to church at
(21:19):
all.
However, I would love to betrained, or to have a
non-medical point of view first,right, I would love to get this
from a non-hospital setting,right?
So, cause, I could see thatalso being interesting.
So what does it look like?
(21:41):
Uh, I know you're a nurse, butif they're getting it from their
pastor, it's, it's gonna feeldifferent, even though you gave
it to the pastor with a wholelot of schooling.
So how long?
That's?
My first question is how longis the training, and how can
(22:01):
someone say hey, I want to tryto make my community be a part
of the altar program.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, and so how long is the training?
I would say our initialpartnership is for two years.
Ok, because, and when we'reworking with a church, they
identify someone in the churchand we have a framework where
they go to a dementia-friendlyworkshop that we put on and then
we teach them how to do atimeline, a roadmap on how to do
(22:28):
things, so they're assigned astaff person, a volunteer.
I have a number of volunteersand they help them create these
programs and we do quarterlyforums online that they will
come in and just learn, becauseit's all about also pouring into
them as well, because they'repouring into our caregivers.
So I need to make sure I pourinto them professionally with
(22:50):
more resources and moreeducation.
So that's a roundabout answer toyour question, because it's not
like.
Oh, it's a two-week training.
No, it's ongoing for these twoyears.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Hey, what's up?
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Guess what.
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(23:21):
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(23:42):
I'm happy that it's not twoweeks Because, as a family
caregiver I think I shared withyou I in year 13, with my mother
.
She has Alzheimer's.
We live together.
I used to say she lives with me, doc, but my close friends have
said uh-uh, girl, you know theway you were raised.
(24:03):
If your mama is you and yourmama under the same roof, it's
her house.
It don't matter who paid for it.
That is your mama's house.
I said you know what?
Show you right, that's probablywhat she would say if she had
enough cognitive abilities.
So I live with my mama and herfather had dementia and I was a
(24:23):
part of the family village incaring for him.
So I had seven years of being,but I, you know, I was second
tier.
My mom and her siblings hadfirst roles and responsibilities
and I was on second tier.
But with my mom is really justme, because I'm an only child
(24:48):
and it is so awesome to hear acommitment of two years by the
power structure of.
So for you, you're letting achurch or a faith community know
hey, we're not playing around.
So if you want to do this,you're going to get some.
You're going to get trainingbecause people are going to come
(25:11):
in and out Some.
You might lose some folks.
You're going to get trainingbecause people are going to come
in and out.
You might lose some folks.
You're going to gain some folks.
But it's a marathon, becausecaregiving is a marathon,
because dementia is a marathonand you can't get enough
training in those two weeks?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
No, you can't, and we're there.
So over those two years, afterthose two years, it's okay.
Do we want to continue?
Yeah, because now you canbecome a legacy partner and
continue to work with us.
So it is so true, this just not, it's not overnight.
And we people say some peoplelike, well, every church should
be on board.
No, every church should not beon board, because we do have an
(25:46):
application process.
We are looking at the readinessof that church.
We provide, we do providefinancial contributions, and so
you know how we are.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Money, Okay, well, I signed, but no, because we want
to make sure this money I'mlaughing Listen for those who
are listening, cause we have avideo, we have a watch, you can
watch us component and we got ayou listen component.
And for those who are not, whoare watching, oh doc said stop,
because I am laughing over here,trying to keep it together with
(26:16):
the money component and the wayI sign.
So that means this is funded ifa church joins.
Yeah, so we invest in them.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
So it's not just me giving my time and our staff
working with you.
We do a financial investmentbecause we are truly, we are
serious.
So we need that commitment andthey have to sign.
And so I brought this upbecause many churches they're
like, oh okay, I'm going to takethat money, but when I say no,
you need to sign and commit tome for two years, they back away
.
And I think we need and I'mokay with that.
(26:47):
At first I was like what'swrong?
There's nothing wrong.
They're not ready.
Wrong, there's nothing wrong.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
They're not ready, they're just not ready, and that
is okay, right, because theygot certain you know what.
Watch this.
Leave them at the altar.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Leave them at the altar.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
All the puns intended baby.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
So, but it's a process.
And we want those churches thatare ready to go beyond just say
I'm doing education once a year.
We want those that are reallycommitted to supporting those
that are ready to go beyond justsay I'm doing an education once
a year.
We want those that are reallycommitted to supporting those
that are sitting in their pews,those parishioners that are
caregivers, those living withdementia.
They want to do more than justsay, hey, I got education for
you.
They want to do support groups.
(27:26):
They want to talk aboutbereavement and how that starts
before the person passes away.
They want to make sure thattheir caregivers are healthy.
That's right.
They're concerned about theirwell-being and you know that's
what I had caregivers say when Iasked them what you want from
your church.
They wanted them to beconcerned about my well-being.
Yeah, give me resources, beinclusive, don't judge me,
(27:49):
because that's where a lot ofpeople stop coming to church
because black people judge, andin church they judge, oh so much
who you telling, let me tellyou.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Let me tell you something.
So I'm Catholic and my church.
For the first maybe three, fouror five years, I took mom every
Sunday because she was stillbehaving in a way that was
appropriate for sitting inchurch.
(28:21):
Because I'm going to tell youy'all got to look her up.
Her CV is 31 pages and it'sonline.
She is everywhere and everybodyin the dementia space white,
black, asian, latino seriously,she's not getting just black
money, you know what I mean.
She's getting Jew money.
She's getting everybody money.
(28:42):
That means she is good andthey're giving her money to
bring it back to put it in blackcommunity.
Now I'm telling you now don'tnobody do that.
They didn't give it to Oprah.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
They didn't give it to.
Oprah Listen listen now checkme on it.
I don't need Oprah calling menow.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I'm saying it.
This ain't Oprah, I'm saying it.
They didn't give Oprah themoney to put in our community.
They gave Oprah money, butanyway, that's enough of that.
Okay so, but with my mom wewould go to church, but as the
disease progressed and she mayhave gotten a little more
agitated, or maybe we came latebecause she just didn't get
(29:28):
dressed as easily as she used to.
So what am I supposed to do?
Do we just miss church alltogether?
Because now I'm about to be 15minutes late, but church is an
hour and a half.
Why don't we just get the otherhour and 15 minutes?
But I need y'all to not belooking at me like I can't
believe.
You late and you walking downthe center aisle where my if I
(29:49):
don't let her sit in the centerwhere she used to sit, and right
there I, if I don't let her sitin the center where she needs
to sit, and right there I needy'all to scoot over.
Y'all know where she said scootover and scoot over and move,
move to another place.
Y'all know what this is.
You know what this is and youknow if I'm doing it, something
must be going on.
I need you to look at me and Igive you the look.
The look kind of like hey, lookkind of like hey, and I shrug
(30:11):
my shoulders, move, move.
If I walked in with a baby,everybody would go, oh, and
assume that I had a difficultmorning getting my child ready.
And everybody would go to movein and saying I'll hold a baby
and burping them.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Help me burp my mama Move your ass, and so that's
what alter is.
It is us altering ourperception of dementia, altering
our attitude toward dementiaour caregivers.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
This is me snapping my fingers, okay.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
And that's what altar is.
So we are playing off the altarof the church.
Come to the altar, yes, butalso let's alter our perception
in the black community so wedon't be so judgmental.
We understand and we're like,oh, how can I help?
Or let me just help, don't evenask how to help, let me just
okay, let me do that.
(31:02):
And that's what we're workingtoward and that's why we're here
this evening.
We got the power of the pulpit,so we have faith leaders talking
about how important it is.
And then you brought up howpeople are investing.
I got to let people know thatwhen you're doing God's work,
you've letting him order yoursteps and you're serving his
people.
(31:22):
He will make provision.
How many times we've heard thatin a sermon?
And I'm here to say that itactually is true.
So, as I'm planning this, justin January January someone calls
me up, say we have some moneyto give you.
I said, oh, okay, what I needto do, what you need from me?
Yeah, oh, we want you to giveblood pressure cuffs to
(31:42):
everybody that comes to thesummit.
Oh, I could do that.
And so here we are.
We was awarded $40,000 to giveevery person here at the summit
convention See, I'm feeling it Ablood pressure cuff and teach
them how to truly manage theirblood pressure, even caregivers,
because it's a risk factor forvascular dementia.
(32:06):
I didn't seek that out, theysought us out and so I'm sharing
that.
As we're serving and we'redoing, we're walking in our
purpose and we are truly helpingpeople.
People are going to see andthey're going to want to be part
of this and at the same time,we've got to be good stewards.
Okay, listen if you're not okay,then the world star, okay, is
(32:29):
going to be ugly.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Okay, I'm about to wrap this up for real, oh, for
real this time.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
This is for real, for real, oh for real this time.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
This is for real.
For real because, look, Doc'steam is looking at me like you
ain't never going to be allowedback and I don't want that to
happen.
It's about to be.
I'm going to say three things,but you can't give long answers,
Doc, Because I'm going to getin trouble, Because I got you.
Just remember what's thebiggest grant you ever got.
(32:56):
Give me the juicy bits.
The largest grant you ever gotawarded.
You know you'd be getting themillion dollar grants.
Well, I don't look at the money, I don't care.
We got to know.
I know the biggest one I saw,but that don't mean I don't know
.
Okay, I saw one for $4 million.
So anyway, let's move on.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Okay, maybe I was working with someone.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I don't care, I don't care.
Anyway, moving on to this, yousee what I'm saying.
That is so amazing, she don'teven keep up.
One of them was $4 million.
I'm not saying she got the $4million, but she's putting $4
million into the work that she'sdoing and her name is so tight
that they gave her that.
She works with NIH and WAM.
(33:39):
You ain't got to look it up.
But let me just tell you thisthat's a Kennedy.
All right, everybody know whatthat is.
That's Maria Shriver's thing.
That's a Kennedy.
Now, that's another wholesituation.
Okay, also, tell everybodywhere you went to undergraduate
school, please.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Oh, t-u.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
You know, I know I'm sorry, I just get excited about
that, my father also went toTuskegee oh, my goodness, the
Tuskegee Institute at the time.
He used to always make me saythat he is deceased now, but
he's the reason why my daddydied.
Then my mama got Alzheimer'sall in 90 days.
We'll talk about that later.
So he's kind of the reason whyI'm a caregiver.
I went to Howard but HBCU love,HBCU love.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
like the Southern as well.
I saw that too.
Yes, HBCU love.
Thank you for saying that.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
And I wanted to make sure that got out, to show that
the excellence that comes fromour universities and then the
heart to serve our community,that continues when one comes
from those universities, yes,yes.
And the final thing I want tosay is what has you most excited
(34:46):
about this year's summit?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
convention, summit convention.
Well, this year we added ayouth caregiving track, because
last year we had a couple ofyouth come on stage and
everybody was in tears or theirmouth dropped, because so many
times we're talking about theblack community being overlooked
, underserved, but we just groupus all together and then when
we're caregiving we know theyneed help but we never think
(35:10):
about our youth that are 15, 16,17.
That's in your household givinggrandma some water, sitting
with grandma while you cook,giving grandma some water
sitting with grandma while youcook.
We don't think about them andwhat it does to their mental and
how we often silence them.
Because they got questions,they want to talk.
What do we say in the blackcommunity?
Don't ask no questions, just dowhat I say.
(35:30):
And so now we're creating thissafe space for them so they can
learn now truly what this is,what grandma has, what pawpaw
has.
Give them the skills on how tonow properly, when you do sit
with mama, this is what youshould be doing.
That's right, right and knowwhatever she tells you, that is
(35:51):
not her.
That is the disease.
Because we've also heard fromour youth how that trauma,
because now when grandma theysay you ain't worth nothing.
Imagine what that's doing toour young black men, right, and
we didn't think nothing of it.
And so we're even bringingsomeone in to talk about youth
trauma so the adults can knowhow to deal with this.
So we're really highlightingthis and we have a contest for
(36:13):
the youth so they can expresstheir self.
They've submitted their entries.
They've singing songs aboutcaregiving.
We're letting them know thatyou can let this out, and so
we're really looking forward.
That'll be Saturday on HBCU Dayas well, yay, but we're looking
forward to really growing thatso we as a community can also
(36:34):
know that our youth exists, andthey're part of this with
caregiving, and we need to getour spirit fed.
We need exists, and they'repart of this with caregiving,
and we need to get our spiritfed.
We need skills and they needthem as well.
So that's what I'm most excitedabout.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
I'm excited about that for you.
I know I didn't even realizethat I was a part of the care
village.
When I was a teenager, mygrandparents would have me
taking care of their siblingsbecause everybody was at work.
Jay, when you get out of blahblah blah in high school, go sit
(37:07):
with Uncle Buddy, because theblah blah blah and the nurse
ain't getting off.
So that meant I couldn't go tothe pep rally, couldn't go to
the game, couldn't go to themoves with my friend, because
that day, that night I got to gosit over there and he was
paraplegic.
So you make a great point.
Nobody ever asked me if Iwanted to go or how I felt
watching my great uncle just sitthere and drool through
(37:27):
applesauce.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Yeah, so we want to support our youth?
I might make sure, because Isaid the same thing.
I didn't even know.
I was a caregiver and I waswhat.
After hearing this young manspeak last year, I was like, oh
shucks, I've been a caregiverBecause every college break I
went home I was either with mypaternal or my maternal
grandmother.
I was there because I noted myaunt and uncle needed a break.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
And I just did it.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
And I just did it, but I didn't think of myself as
a caregiver.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
And I was like so I know there's many of us out
there, we just I want to makesure that our youth, those as
under the age of 21, 22, thatthey know we see them as well,
and make sure the churches seethem.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
All right, we over.
Well, that's it.
They are never going to let meback in here, but I tell you
what y'all pray for me that I'mallowed to come back to the
Altar Summit Conference nextyear.
I want to say thank you onbehalf of every black family
caregiver.
I'm not going to say black andbrown, I'm just saying black,
(38:31):
yeah, okay, because it's adifference, I feel, for the
brown people.
I'm talking about black peoplethat were born in the United
States.
We're under attack, yes, and Iwant to say thank you for the
way you have committed to serveus.
You're welcome.
The Snuggle Ups Number one, yo.
(38:57):
The first thing I want everybodyin the Parenting Up community
to digest is Dr Faye.
Ron Epps ignored a little bitwhat her heart was telling her
to do, and then her heart kepttelling her to do it Right.
(39:18):
Like initially she wanted to dosomething with the faith
community and then the faithcommunity or somebody kept
telling her you can't do that,you can't do that, you can't do
that.
And the universe brought itback around to her because
that's her life's work, to her,because that's her life's work.
(39:39):
So what is that thing thatkeeps bubbling up in your spirit
?
It might have to do with theway you give care to your LO, or
it might have to do with youneed to lose weight or you
should change your job or youshould get in a different
relationship.
Weight or you should changeyour job or you should get in a
(40:01):
different relationship.
Here at the Parenting Up podcast, j Smiles is about supporting
caregivers.
And when we give you support,it's not just how you care for
your LO, it's how you live yourlife.
It's how you live your life.
And when Dr Faye Ron Epps wenton and leaned in yo, she is
(40:25):
changing the world, she'schanging the landscape and she's
happy.
Did you all hear, did you seehow lighthearted she was?
She don't even realize how damnhard she's working it is.
I can't believe how much she'sdoing and she ain't even weary
(40:50):
because she's on her right path.
So I think that's something wegot to.
All you know what I mean.
Anyway, y'all got it.
Number two who knew that faithgroups, community groups,
(41:13):
political organizations,non-profits, for-profits and
government organizations werewilling to agree on something
for black people in the unitedstates in 2000 to 2025?
Who would have guessed it?
(41:33):
So we're talking about posttrayvon martin up and around
george floyd.
Would you have thought that.
Would you have believed it?
I don't know if I would havebelieved it if I hadn't heard it
from the horse's mouth mytakeaway, a breath of fresh air.
There are people out there whowill do the right thing if you
(42:01):
put a proposal and an option forright in front of them.
You feel what I'm saying.
Dr Faron Epps gave all theseindividuals, institutions and
organizations an opportunity todo better and do the right thing
, and they chose the light.
(42:23):
So strong J, dr Ips, strong J,and let's all take the lesson of
hell.
Yeah, let's snuggle up to thatRather than complaining about
what ain't going right.
Where can you give people anopportunity to choose the light?
(42:49):
Number three Y'all.
Stop making your kids, yourteenagers, sit with the
grandmama, the uncle, yoursister and not explain to them
the gravity of the disease.
Hey, just go sit over there andwatch them.
(43:09):
You ain't got to do nothing,just keep the door locked.
That is very traumatic for ayoung person.
That is very traumatic for ayoung person.
Why is this adult needing to beadult sat?
I don't know why we call itbabysitting they're not babies
(43:30):
why they need to be adult sat.
Why is it that I can't go hangout with my friends, or I got to
stop playing my video game togo sit with grandmama.
And why is grandmama boo-booingon herself?
You can't?
Well, I shouldn't say you can't.
It might not be a good look toavoid the conversation and ask
(43:54):
this teenager, young adult,middle schooler, to take on an
adult responsibility withoutgiving them adult information or
a forum to explain how theyfeel about either what they had
to sacrifice or what theyactually saw when they get
(44:19):
through adult sitting.
Do you ask them?
Were you scared?
Did you see something that wasupsetting?
Do you say thank you so muchbecause I know you too young to
have to do some shit like this?
Yo, they're just kids.
Do some shit like this?
Yo, they're just kids.
(44:40):
And just because you had to doit or your mama had to do it,
don't make it right.
You remember?
I'm a comedian, I'm about to gohard in this one.
I mean, if you were sexuallyassaulted, you about to put them
in a position to get sexuallyassaulted and say, well, it
happened to me, come on, come on, we better than that.
(45:03):
It's the parenting up community, baby, we do better.
Thank you for tuning in.
I mean really, really, really.
Thank you so very much fortuning in, whether you watching
this on YouTube or if you'relistening on your favorite
(45:24):
podcast audio platform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe, come back.
That's the way you're going toknow when we do something next.
Y'all know how it is.
I'm J Smiles.
I might just drop something hotin the middle of the night.
That's what altar is.
Yeah, it is us altering ourperception of dementia, altering
our attitude toward dementia.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
This is me snapping my fingers, okay.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
And that's what altar is.
So we are playing off the altarof the church.
Come to the altar, yes, butalso let's alter our perception
in the black community so wedon't be so judgmental.
We understand and we're like,oh, how can I help?
Or let me just help, don't evenask how to help, let me just
okay, let me do that.
(00:30):
And that's what we're workingtoward and that's why we're here
this evening.
We got the power of the pulpit,so we have faith leaders
talking about how important itis, and then you brought up how
people are investing.
I've got to let people knowthat when you're doing God's
work, you're letting Him orderyour steps and you're serving
His people.
(00:50):
He will make provision.
How many times we've heard thatin a sermon?
And I'm here to say that itactually is true Parenting Up.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Caregiving Adventures with comedian Jay Smiles is the
intense journey of unexpectedlybeing fully responsible for my
mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
(01:19):
Spoiler alert this shit isheavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Hi, this is Betty.
(01:40):
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
Today's supporter shout outcomes from Instagram.
Dst 37, rebel.
She be so serious about readingher magazines.
(02:05):
Emoji with all the kissy hearts.
I assume that she is Zetty.
Yeah, yeah, she is.
And what's crazy y'all is?
You know she ain't reallyreading out loud, no more, but
that baby remembers loving toread.
Thank you, dst.
(02:28):
If you want to receive asupportive shout out, you know
what to do.
Leave a review Apple podcast,youtube or Instagram.
We are parenting up everywhere,thank you.
Today's episode altering theperception of caregivers and
dementia.
Thank you.
(03:45):
What's up parenting parents andother family.
Once again, it ain't me, but wehave outdone ourselves as a
community.
It is the dementia gods tryingto say we know it's hard, but we
are going to give you all areason to smile and a reason to
keep going.
I ain't do it, but some kind ofway I am in right in the middle
(04:10):
of the altar conferenceconvention.
I am sitting here with thefounder, the one and only Dr
Faye Ron Epps.
Now let me tell you something.
She got so many commas behindher name.
I ain't going to mess aroundand get that thing out of order.
My grandmama told me you can'tmess up people's schooling, okay
(04:32):
.
So I'm going to just tell y'allto go look her up.
But this is the thing.
She has research behind her andshe has community activists
behind her.
She got the government M-I-N-Tbehind her.
She got corporate money behindher.
She got hip-hop artists behindher.
(04:53):
She got civil rightsorganizations behind her and she
ain't even on a cane.
Y'all feel what I'm saying.
She ain't no old legacy purse,this baby about 18, 18, 19 years
old.
She got baby skin.
Get some shea butter on here.
I smell.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
it ain't no white diamonds, okay I can't dr x how
you doing honey, I can't, Ican't I'm doing good.
Thank.
And did you say a convention?
Wow, that's just a littlemeaning.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
No, it ain't you called it a convention?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
No, it ain't.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Let me tell you why I called it a convention.
Tell me she can be humble.
I ain't got to be humbleBecause, since it's doing it in
the middle of the world being onfire, in the middle of listen,
for legacy's sake, it is 2025.
It's 2025.
The government is firing peopleand slashing things.
(05:50):
Talking about some ain't nodiversity.
I was put on a cool shuttle togo from the exhibit registration
over to where we are right nowgovernment and academic and
corporate sponsors, front andcenter and happy as you know
(06:14):
what to be sponsoring thisconvention.
Because I saw bags when you get, I got a badge on, and when you
have a bag with goodies in it,and there is a shuttle because
there are multiple points.
And then you got in, I got intothis particular site and there
(06:38):
are signs, y'all colorful signs,saying if you go into this
session, go left.
If you go into this session, goleft.
If you go into this session, goupstairs.
If you go into the thirdsession, go to the right.
Okay, and we got multipleBathrooms, y'all.
This ain't even part Of theinterview, drl.
This just me trying to prove tothese people that we at a
(06:58):
convention Alright, I'm going toreceive it.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
I'm going to receive it.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
We'll talk offline about you and your convention.
Okay, all right, okay, anyway,but it is a convention.
So I am so honored that I wasable to steal you away a little
bit in the midst of such aphenomenal event.
It is alter, okay, on yourshirt it says dementia summit.
(07:25):
That's bigger than a convention.
So play me All right, anyway,we're going, I'm gonna let this
go.
Okay, okay, it's a summitconvention.
All right Now, top that I don'tknow.
Ain't nobody had a summitconvention?
All right Now.
What is so magical to me aboutyou is that you have a PhD in
(07:49):
nursing.
Is that correct?
Yes, okay, and y'all, I swearshe looked 12.
I don't know how she got out ofthat school and but anyway, she
has a PhD in nursing.
And you have put your life'swork into the intersection of
caregiving the underservedpopulation and the faith
(08:14):
community.
Yes, and some kind of way youhave gotten mainstream to give
you money to do it.
Yes, do tell, do tell, dear DrEpps, do tell.
How did you have the courage totell that dream out loud?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, well, you know, thank you for bringing that up
because I have to just tell youit's nothing but God it really
is.
It's nothing but Him Becausewhen I started off with my
schooling I am a woman of faiththat has been very constant in
my rearing.
It's in my family.
And when I wanted to do myresearch studies I wanted to
look at religiosity.
I wanted to study it more.
(08:56):
I was interested why I got putout of church.
Because I had stockings onright.
I mean, I didn't have stockingson.
I should say you know all thatjudging that goes on in church.
I just really wanted to justdig into it.
But people kept on saying noone's going to give you money
for studying religion.
No one cares about religion.
Caregiving was big in my family.
No one cares about religion,the caregiver's religion and
(09:20):
their faith and how that plays.
Everyone just kept on puttingit off and so I followed them.
I said, okay, no one cares, letme go over here and do this.
But I knew one thing I alwayswant to do work in my community
and that's with the blackcommunity.
So it doesn't matter what youresearch, what you do, faith is
going to come out Church, thepastor.
It's going to come out in theirresponses.
(09:42):
It's going to come out Churchthe pastor.
It's going to come out in theirresponses.
It's going to come out in theirstories.
And at that point I couldn'tignore it and I had to just step
out on my faith and be like Ihear you, god.
I have to say this is what I'mgoing to do in my professional
role.
I am going to really explorehow I can make sure that these
(10:03):
caregivers are still beingspiritually supported, how those
persons living with dementiacan still be spiritually
supported, what faith-basedinterventions I can develop.
And I had someone at GeorgiaState, as a matter of fact.
She said how did you get thisfunded?
You got a whole faith hat wasthe name of my intervention.
But the thing is, god gave methe gift of how to highlight
(10:27):
health outcomes, because that'swhat people are interested in,
and they forgot they read aboutall that religion and faith by
the time they got to theirhealth outcomes.
And here we are, and so that'show that research got started.
And as I started working withfamilies and in the community, I
heard from the community.
I moved to Atlanta in 2016.
(10:47):
They said start with the church.
I was like what Start with thechurch?
My bishop, who will be speakingduring this keynote this
evening.
He said start a ministry.
What?
No, no, no.
You know, because I am thatperson that sits on a pew, let
me pay my little money and maybepledge money, tithe money, I
(11:08):
don't know, but I'm gonna pay mylittle money and I'm gonna
leave before even he says amenat the end.
I'm out the door in the car andfor him to say, no, you need to
start a ministry.
And the whole thing is I waslike well, what ministry I start
because I don't get to churchon time?
Can't be, usher, right, can'tbe.
No, greeter, start Because Idon't get to church on time.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Can't be usher right?
Can't be no greeter.
Come on now, I don't sing.
Tell me this, dr Elsie.
Tell the truth, how long did?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
you fight that I'm not going to start that ministry
.
You know what?
It wasn't that long.
It wasn't Because that eveningwhen he told me that and he
asked me, he said well, what doyou do?
Because I had a whole list ofthings I don't do and I said I
do older people and I startedexplaining about dementia and
caregiving.
He said, well, that's yourministry.
(11:54):
And I just left puzzled andthen when I went home I called
some colleagues, ladies that Ihad met when I moved to Atlanta
and I told them what he said andthey say let's do this.
And I was like, are y'allserious?
And we put together a proposaland brought it back to my bishop
and he said this is it.
And it was just started offwith us going out and educating,
(12:16):
giving our time, educating thecommunity about dementia and
awareness, and it started offwith three people.
Next thing, you know, we hadpeople all outside the door
because they heard about it andthey wanted to be part of this
and it's all about responding tothe community.
And that's when I seen oh okay,this is it, this is the
ministry, and it has really ithas transformed and the reason
(12:41):
it's transformed and I'll telleverybody that's listening.
You have to listen to hear tobe able to respond.
And so when I'm out in thecommunity, I'm talking to any
family, any individual.
I'm listening to hear andrespond.
And the altar program wascreated because of a response to
(13:04):
a bishop.
Bishop Aaron Lackey, after hiseducation session, came to me he
said so what I'm supposed to dowith this?
And I didn't even have ananswer because I thought I was
doing good, because I was justeducating people, because that's
what they told us Go out andeducate.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
You got to educate and you're like Bishop you told
me to educate.
I got some folks.
I'm educating him right here inAtlanta and okay, check, let me
go on back to work.
Yeah, and Bishop said uh-uh,what do we do?
This thing has struck like fire, it's spreading.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
What's next?
Yes, and that's how we createdthis full-fledged program,
because I said, oh, I need tocoach the faith leaders on how
to respond to their parishioners.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Okay, hold on now.
Wait Now you.
My granddaddy would say you'retaking me too fast.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Oh, okay, okay, Now we got to slow this down.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
All right, because you've been living in this and
breathing it like oxygen.
Yes, but for people in theParent Up community, because our
podcast look, we, we, thelittle podcast that could okay,
we got folks all over the world,all over the world.
We have listeners, that's right,so we got to take them slowly.
(14:17):
A non getting to church on time, not wearing stockings person
is going to tell the leaders inthe black church, the good
reverend and deaconesses, okay,how to do something in their
(14:47):
congregations.
Now we just got to sit withthat.
You're not supposed to be ableto tell them nothing about
nothing.
I don't care what yourexpertise is, you can't touch
their flock.
All right, and that's why youhave in a summit convention, ok,
so I'm coming back to that, ok,ok, and y'all?
(15:09):
I want to go in and stop forthis for a second.
There are people from all overthis country.
I was on my shuttle.
I was sitting beside a speakerfrom Los Angeles.
Now, you can't get much furtherfrom Atlanta than Los Angeles.
Who's coming to this summitconvention?
(15:31):
Summit convention, yes, or thepath that got this secret
society Real.
(15:51):
Talk, the African-Americanlevel of bishops and ordained
people.
They don't let anybody in.
You got to have your stripes onhow many years you've been in
the pulpit before you can evenget to the level of you can even
be a visiting pastor.
Yeah, how did you get them tolet you do that?
(16:16):
God can I just say there we go.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
But you know, no, what.
Everything you're saying iswhat I felt in the beginning
Like what in the world?
How am I going to do this?
Who's not intimidated by thatsenior pastor, the bishop,
because you just talked aboutthis society of them we have
held all our life and we still Irespect them, hold them, have
that reverence toward them,whatever they say.
(16:40):
That's what it is and that'show our parents they kind of
followed them.
So I was intimidated in thebeginning, but I know what God
laid on my heart.
So when I showed up at Alliancemeetings you can see it in my
voice I was intimidated andnobody was listening to me.
(17:00):
But the thing is me.
But the thing is he put keypeople in these meetings, key
leaders that did hear me, hearme mumble, and one Pastor, jakes
.
He came to me.
He said now, everybody notgoing to hear you, they're not
going to follow you, but they'regoing to have prophets out here
that's going to see what you'retrying to do and they're going
to jump on and they're going tojoin this movement.
(17:23):
And I was like what he said?
So don't worry about those thatdon't open up their door, that
don't respond to you.
He said that's all right.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
They're going to come , but there's people like me
that are ready to do this workand I was like, oh OK, so that's
one pastor.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
And then once I looked at it like that and I
wasn't expecting.
I knew it was going to be theones that God wanted me to work
with, that's the ones that hewas going to let hear me.
And then my confidence built up, and then, of course, you know,
they're going to tell theirpastor friends about me and this
and that.
And here we are here.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
We are here we are here, we are here, we are here,
we are, here, we are.
So the altar program had itsfirst gathering in 2019.
Is that correct?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
No, our first summit convention was last year, okay,
but we in 2019 is when we putthe concept together to create a
full program and we sign, andwhat we do is part of this
program.
We sign and we partner withchurches or alliances,
conferences, districts, whateverdenomination you're going by,
(18:39):
you know what you have, right,we?
We partner with them and now weprovide a framework and that's
the coaching.
Now we're coaching the faithleaders, the ministry leaders,
how to better support theircaregivers, their parishioners
they're sitting right there inthe pews and the chairs, so
we're training them over the twoyears.
So January 2020 is when weactually signed our first church
(19:01):
, which was my church, of courseand then it spread throughout
that and five years later, wewere in 23 states, 112 faith
community partners individual,some are alliances, some of the
districts, whatever it is 14Christian denominations and
(19:22):
we're looking to expand.
The thing is, I want to gowherever black people go to
worship.
I want to make sure that I ambringing resources, because you
talked about this currentclimate.
Y'all we need.
We cannot.
We need us.
We cannot wait on others.
(19:43):
We've been doing that for years.
We've been waiting on others tocreate solutions for us for
years, decades, decades.
Yeah, right, yeah, you're right.
Decades Take out, years,decades, and so we have to stop.
Absolutely we have to stop.
And so I really think I knoweverybody may not be religious,
(20:03):
but so many people still.
Even though I don't go to, Istill pay attention.
If I need help, I know where togo.
Absolutely, and I want to makesure that our faith communities
across the country,internationally, up in the Ghana
, have what they need.
So when that family membercomes to that pastor and say
(20:24):
what I'm going through, thatpastor now knows how to respond
and that family can walk awaywith something to help them on
their journey.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Oh, you're giving me chills.
I did go to the.
I saw your stuff on theinternet webs and I saw the
Alter Ghana person.
Why you keep trying to callthis not a summit convention.
Now, who else, who hired ain'ta convention and we got us an
international member.
But I'm gonna let you.
I'm trying.
I'm trying to bring you slow,we're trying to bring you slow
into the vision I see for whatwe already are.
(20:57):
Give us a bit of a idea on whatthe training looks like for
someone who may want to contactyou to say, hey, I, this sounds
great.
I live somewhere.
I don't think my church has it.
I don't think my faithcommunity has it.
Maybe I'm non-denominational,maybe I don't go to church at
(21:19):
all.
However, I would love to betrained, or to have a
non-medical point of view first,right, I would love to get this
from a non-hospital setting,right?
So, cause, I could see thatalso being interesting.
So what does it look like?
(21:41):
Uh, I know you're a nurse, butif they're getting it from their
pastor, it's, it's gonna feeldifferent, even though you gave
it to the pastor with a wholelot of schooling.
So how long?
That's?
My first question is how longis the training, and how can
(22:01):
someone say hey, I want to tryto make my community be a part
of the altar program.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, and so how long is the training?
I would say our initialpartnership is for two years.
Ok, because, and when we'reworking with a church, they
identify someone in the churchand we have a framework where
they go to a dementia-friendlyworkshop that we put on and then
we teach them how to do atimeline, a roadmap on how to do
(22:28):
things, so they're assigned astaff person, a volunteer.
I have a number of volunteersand they help them create these
programs and we do quarterlyforums online that they will
come in and just learn, becauseit's all about also pouring into
them as well, because they'repouring into our caregivers.
So I need to make sure I pourinto them professionally with
(22:50):
more resources and moreeducation.
So that's a roundabout answer toyour question, because it's not
like.
Oh, it's a two-week training.
No, it's ongoing for these twoyears.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Hey, what's up?
Parented Up family.
Guess what.
Have you ever wanted to connectwith other caregivers?
You want to see morebehind-the-scenes footage?
Want to know what me and Zeddyare doing?
I know you do All things.
Jsmiles are finally ready foryou, even when I go live.
(23:21):
Do it now with us on Patreon.
Join us in the Patreoncommunity.
Catch everything we're doing.
Visit Patreoncom forward.
Slash JSmilesStudios with an S,thank you.
(23:42):
I'm happy that it's not twoweeks Because, as a family
caregiver I think I shared withyou I in year 13, with my mother
.
She has Alzheimer's.
We live together.
I used to say she lives with me, doc, but my close friends have
said uh-uh, girl, you know theway you were raised.
(24:03):
If your mama is you and yourmama under the same roof, it's
her house.
It don't matter who paid for it.
That is your mama's house.
I said you know what?
Show you right, that's probablywhat she would say if she had
enough cognitive abilities.
So I live with my mama and herfather had dementia and I was a
(24:23):
part of the family village incaring for him.
So I had seven years of being,but I, you know, I was second
tier.
My mom and her siblings hadfirst roles and responsibilities
and I was on second tier.
But with my mom is really justme, because I'm an only child
(24:48):
and it is so awesome to hear acommitment of two years by the
power structure of.
So for you, you're letting achurch or a faith community know
hey, we're not playing around.
So if you want to do this,you're going to get some.
You're going to get trainingbecause people are going to come
(25:11):
in and out Some.
You might lose some folks.
You're going to get trainingbecause people are going to come
in and out.
You might lose some folks.
You're going to gain some folks.
But it's a marathon, becausecaregiving is a marathon,
because dementia is a marathonand you can't get enough
training in those two weeks?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
No, you can't, and we're there.
So over those two years, afterthose two years, it's okay.
Do we want to continue?
Yeah, because now you canbecome a legacy partner and
continue to work with us.
So it is so true, this just not, it's not overnight.
And we people say some peoplelike, well, every church should
be on board.
No, every church should not beon board, because we do have an
(25:46):
application process.
We are looking at the readinessof that church.
We provide, we do providefinancial contributions, and so
you know how we are.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Money, Okay, well, I signed, but no, because we want
to make sure this money I'mlaughing Listen for those who
are listening, cause we have avideo, we have a watch, you can
watch us component and we got ayou listen component.
And for those who are not, whoare watching, oh doc said stop,
because I am laughing over here,trying to keep it together with
(26:16):
the money component and the wayI sign.
So that means this is funded ifa church joins.
Yeah, so we invest in them.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
So it's not just me giving my time and our staff
working with you.
We do a financial investmentbecause we are truly, we are
serious.
So we need that commitment andthey have to sign.
And so I brought this upbecause many churches they're
like, oh okay, I'm going to takethat money, but when I say no,
you need to sign and commit tome for two years, they back away
.
And I think we need and I'mokay with that.
(26:47):
At first I was like what'swrong?
There's nothing wrong.
They're not ready.
Wrong, there's nothing wrong.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
They're not ready, they're just not ready, and that
is okay, right, because theygot certain you know what.
Watch this.
Leave them at the altar.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Leave them at the altar.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
All the puns intended baby.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
So, but it's a process.
And we want those churches thatare ready to go beyond just say
I'm doing education once a year.
We want those that are reallycommitted to supporting those
that are ready to go beyond justsay I'm doing an education once
a year.
We want those that are reallycommitted to supporting those
that are sitting in their pews,those parishioners that are
caregivers, those living withdementia.
They want to do more than justsay, hey, I got education for
you.
They want to do support groups.
(27:26):
They want to talk aboutbereavement and how that starts
before the person passes away.
They want to make sure thattheir caregivers are healthy.
That's right.
They're concerned about theirwell-being and you know that's
what I had caregivers say when Iasked them what you want from
your church.
They wanted them to beconcerned about my well-being.
Yeah, give me resources, beinclusive, don't judge me,
(27:49):
because that's where a lot ofpeople stop coming to church
because black people judge, andin church they judge, oh so much
who you telling, let me tellyou.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Let me tell you something.
So I'm Catholic and my church.
For the first maybe three, fouror five years, I took mom every
Sunday because she was stillbehaving in a way that was
appropriate for sitting inchurch.
(28:21):
Because I'm going to tell youy'all got to look her up.
Her CV is 31 pages and it'sonline.
She is everywhere and everybodyin the dementia space white,
black, asian, latino seriously,she's not getting just black
money, you know what I mean.
She's getting Jew money.
She's getting everybody money.
(28:42):
That means she is good andthey're giving her money to
bring it back to put it in blackcommunity.
Now I'm telling you now don'tnobody do that.
They didn't give it to Oprah.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
They didn't give it to.
Oprah Listen listen now checkme on it.
I don't need Oprah calling menow.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I'm saying it.
This ain't Oprah, I'm saying it.
They didn't give Oprah themoney to put in our community.
They gave Oprah money, butanyway, that's enough of that.
Okay so, but with my mom wewould go to church, but as the
disease progressed and she mayhave gotten a little more
agitated, or maybe we came latebecause she just didn't get
(29:28):
dressed as easily as she used to.
So what am I supposed to do?
Do we just miss church alltogether?
Because now I'm about to be 15minutes late, but church is an
hour and a half.
Why don't we just get the otherhour and 15 minutes?
But I need y'all to not belooking at me like I can't
believe.
You late and you walking downthe center aisle where my if I
(29:49):
don't let her sit in the centerwhere she used to sit, and right
there I, if I don't let her sitin the center where she needs
to sit, and right there I needy'all to scoot over.
Y'all know where she said scootover and scoot over and move,
move to another place.
Y'all know what this is.
You know what this is and youknow if I'm doing it, something
must be going on.
I need you to look at me and Igive you the look.
The look kind of like hey, lookkind of like hey, and I shrug
(30:11):
my shoulders, move, move.
If I walked in with a baby,everybody would go, oh, and
assume that I had a difficultmorning getting my child ready.
And everybody would go to movein and saying I'll hold a baby
and burping them.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Help me burp my mama Move your ass, and so that's
what alter is.
It is us altering ourperception of dementia, altering
our attitude toward dementiaour caregivers.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
This is me snapping my fingers, okay.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
And that's what altar is.
So we are playing off the altarof the church.
Come to the altar, yes, butalso let's alter our perception
in the black community so wedon't be so judgmental.
We understand and we're like,oh, how can I help?
Or let me just help, don't evenask how to help, let me just
okay, let me do that.
(31:02):
And that's what we're workingtoward and that's why we're here
this evening.
We got the power of the pulpit,so we have faith leaders talking
about how important it is.
And then you brought up howpeople are investing.
I got to let people know thatwhen you're doing God's work,
you've letting him order yoursteps and you're serving his
people.
(31:22):
He will make provision.
How many times we've heard thatin a sermon?
And I'm here to say that itactually is true.
So, as I'm planning this, justin January January someone calls
me up, say we have some moneyto give you.
I said, oh, okay, what I needto do, what you need from me?
Yeah, oh, we want you to giveblood pressure cuffs to
(31:42):
everybody that comes to thesummit.
Oh, I could do that.
And so here we are.
We was awarded $40,000 to giveevery person here at the summit
convention See, I'm feeling it Ablood pressure cuff and teach
them how to truly manage theirblood pressure, even caregivers,
because it's a risk factor forvascular dementia.
(32:06):
I didn't seek that out, theysought us out and so I'm sharing
that.
As we're serving and we'redoing, we're walking in our
purpose and we are truly helpingpeople.
People are going to see andthey're going to want to be part
of this and at the same time,we've got to be good stewards.
Okay, listen if you're not okay,then the world star, okay, is
(32:29):
going to be ugly.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Okay, I'm about to wrap this up for real, oh, for
real this time.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
This is for real, for real, oh for real this time.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
This is for real.
For real because, look, Doc'steam is looking at me like you
ain't never going to be allowedback and I don't want that to
happen.
It's about to be.
I'm going to say three things,but you can't give long answers,
Doc, Because I'm going to getin trouble, Because I got you.
Just remember what's thebiggest grant you ever got.
(32:56):
Give me the juicy bits.
The largest grant you ever gotawarded.
You know you'd be getting themillion dollar grants.
Well, I don't look at the money, I don't care.
We got to know.
I know the biggest one I saw,but that don't mean I don't know
.
Okay, I saw one for $4 million.
So anyway, let's move on.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Okay, maybe I was working with someone.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I don't care, I don't care.
Anyway, moving on to this, yousee what I'm saying.
That is so amazing, she don'teven keep up.
One of them was $4 million.
I'm not saying she got the $4million, but she's putting $4
million into the work that she'sdoing and her name is so tight
that they gave her that.
She works with NIH and WAM.
(33:39):
You ain't got to look it up.
But let me just tell you thisthat's a Kennedy.
All right, everybody know whatthat is.
That's Maria Shriver's thing.
That's a Kennedy.
Now, that's another wholesituation.
Okay, also, tell everybodywhere you went to undergraduate
school, please.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Oh, t-u.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
You know, I know I'm sorry, I just get excited about
that, my father also went toTuskegee oh, my goodness, the
Tuskegee Institute at the time.
He used to always make me saythat he is deceased now, but
he's the reason why my daddydied.
Then my mama got Alzheimer'sall in 90 days.
We'll talk about that later.
So he's kind of the reason whyI'm a caregiver.
I went to Howard but HBCU love,HBCU love.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
like the Southern as well.
I saw that too.
Yes, HBCU love.
Thank you for saying that.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
And I wanted to make sure that got out, to show that
the excellence that comes fromour universities and then the
heart to serve our community,that continues when one comes
from those universities, yes,yes.
And the final thing I want tosay is what has you most excited
(34:46):
about this year's summit?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
convention, summit convention.
Well, this year we added ayouth caregiving track, because
last year we had a couple ofyouth come on stage and
everybody was in tears or theirmouth dropped, because so many
times we're talking about theblack community being overlooked
, underserved, but we just groupus all together and then when
we're caregiving we know theyneed help but we never think
(35:10):
about our youth that are 15, 16,17.
That's in your household givinggrandma some water, sitting
with grandma while you cook,giving grandma some water
sitting with grandma while youcook.
We don't think about them andwhat it does to their mental and
how we often silence them.
Because they got questions,they want to talk.
What do we say in the blackcommunity?
Don't ask no questions, just dowhat I say.
(35:30):
And so now we're creating thissafe space for them so they can
learn now truly what this is,what grandma has, what pawpaw
has.
Give them the skills on how tonow properly, when you do sit
with mama, this is what youshould be doing.
That's right, right and knowwhatever she tells you, that is
(35:51):
not her.
That is the disease.
Because we've also heard fromour youth how that trauma,
because now when grandma theysay you ain't worth nothing.
Imagine what that's doing toour young black men, right, and
we didn't think nothing of it.
And so we're even bringingsomeone in to talk about youth
trauma so the adults can knowhow to deal with this.
So we're really highlightingthis and we have a contest for
(36:13):
the youth so they can expresstheir self.
They've submitted their entries.
They've singing songs aboutcaregiving.
We're letting them know thatyou can let this out, and so
we're really looking forward.
That'll be Saturday on HBCU Dayas well, yay, but we're looking
forward to really growing thatso we as a community can also
(36:34):
know that our youth exists, andthey're part of this with
caregiving, and we need to getour spirit fed.
We need exists, and they'repart of this with caregiving,
and we need to get our spiritfed.
We need skills and they needthem as well.
So that's what I'm most excitedabout.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
I'm excited about that for you.
I know I didn't even realizethat I was a part of the care
village.
When I was a teenager, mygrandparents would have me
taking care of their siblingsbecause everybody was at work.
Jay, when you get out of blahblah blah in high school, go sit
(37:07):
with Uncle Buddy, because theblah blah blah and the nurse
ain't getting off.
So that meant I couldn't go tothe pep rally, couldn't go to
the game, couldn't go to themoves with my friend, because
that day, that night I got to gosit over there and he was
paraplegic.
So you make a great point.
Nobody ever asked me if Iwanted to go or how I felt
watching my great uncle just sitthere and drool through
(37:27):
applesauce.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Yeah, so we want to support our youth?
I might make sure, because Isaid the same thing.
I didn't even know.
I was a caregiver and I waswhat.
After hearing this young manspeak last year, I was like, oh
shucks, I've been a caregiverBecause every college break I
went home I was either with mypaternal or my maternal
grandmother.
I was there because I noted myaunt and uncle needed a break.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
And I just did it.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
And I just did it, but I didn't think of myself as
a caregiver.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
And I was like so I know there's many of us out
there, we just I want to makesure that our youth, those as
under the age of 21, 22, thatthey know we see them as well,
and make sure the churches seethem.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
All right, we over.
Well, that's it.
They are never going to let meback in here, but I tell you
what y'all pray for me that I'mallowed to come back to the
Altar Summit Conference nextyear.
I want to say thank you onbehalf of every black family
caregiver.
I'm not going to say black andbrown, I'm just saying black,
(38:31):
yeah, okay, because it's adifference, I feel, for the
brown people.
I'm talking about black peoplethat were born in the United
States.
We're under attack, yes, and Iwant to say thank you for the
way you have committed to serveus.
You're welcome.
The Snuggle Ups Number one, yo.
(38:57):
The first thing I want everybodyin the Parenting Up community
to digest is Dr Faye.
Ron Epps ignored a little bitwhat her heart was telling her
to do, and then her heart kepttelling her to do it Right.
(39:18):
Like initially she wanted to dosomething with the faith
community and then the faithcommunity or somebody kept
telling her you can't do that,you can't do that, you can't do
that.
And the universe brought itback around to her because
that's her life's work, to her,because that's her life's work.
(39:39):
So what is that thing thatkeeps bubbling up in your spirit
?
It might have to do with theway you give care to your LO, or
it might have to do with youneed to lose weight or you
should change your job or youshould get in a different
relationship.
Weight or you should changeyour job or you should get in a
(40:01):
different relationship.
Here at the Parenting Up podcast, j Smiles is about supporting
caregivers.
And when we give you support,it's not just how you care for
your LO, it's how you live yourlife.
It's how you live your life.
And when Dr Faye Ron Epps wenton and leaned in yo, she is
(40:25):
changing the world, she'schanging the landscape and she's
happy.
Did you all hear, did you seehow lighthearted she was?
She don't even realize how damnhard she's working it is.
I can't believe how much she'sdoing and she ain't even weary
(40:50):
because she's on her right path.
So I think that's something wegot to.
All you know what I mean.
Anyway, y'all got it.
Number two who knew that faithgroups, community groups,
(41:13):
political organizations,non-profits, for-profits and
government organizations werewilling to agree on something
for black people in the unitedstates in 2000 to 2025?
Who would have guessed it?
(41:33):
So we're talking about posttrayvon martin up and around
george floyd.
Would you have thought that.
Would you have believed it?
I don't know if I would havebelieved it if I hadn't heard it
from the horse's mouth mytakeaway, a breath of fresh air.
There are people out there whowill do the right thing if you
(42:01):
put a proposal and an option forright in front of them.
You feel what I'm saying.
Dr Faron Epps gave all theseindividuals, institutions and
organizations an opportunity todo better and do the right thing
, and they chose the light.
(42:23):
So strong J, dr Ips, strong J,and let's all take the lesson of
hell.
Yeah, let's snuggle up to thatRather than complaining about
what ain't going right.
Where can you give people anopportunity to choose the light?
(42:49):
Number three Y'all.
Stop making your kids, yourteenagers, sit with the
grandmama, the uncle, yoursister and not explain to them
the gravity of the disease.
Hey, just go sit over there andwatch them.
(43:09):
You ain't got to do nothing,just keep the door locked.
That is very traumatic for ayoung person.
That is very traumatic for ayoung person.
Why is this adult needing to beadult sat?
I don't know why we call itbabysitting they're not babies
(43:30):
why they need to be adult sat.
Why is it that I can't go hangout with my friends, or I got to
stop playing my video game togo sit with grandmama.
And why is grandmama boo-booingon herself?
You can't?
Well, I shouldn't say you can't.
It might not be a good look toavoid the conversation and ask
(43:54):
this teenager, young adult,middle schooler, to take on an
adult responsibility withoutgiving them adult information or
a forum to explain how theyfeel about either what they had
to sacrifice or what theyactually saw when they get
(44:19):
through adult sitting.
Do you ask them?
Were you scared?
Did you see something that wasupsetting?
Do you say thank you so muchbecause I know you too young to
have to do some shit like this?
Yo, they're just kids.
Do some shit like this?
Yo, they're just kids.
(44:40):
And just because you had to doit or your mama had to do it,
don't make it right.
You remember?
I'm a comedian, I'm about to gohard in this one.
I mean, if you were sexuallyassaulted, you about to put them
in a position to get sexuallyassaulted and say, well, it
happened to me, come on, come on, we better than that.
(45:03):
It's the parenting up community, baby, we do better.
Thank you for tuning in.
I mean really, really, really.
Thank you so very much fortuning in, whether you watching
this on YouTube or if you'relistening on your favorite
(45:24):
podcast audio platform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe, come back.
That's the way you're going toknow when we do something next.
Y'all know how it is.
I'm J Smiles.
I might just drop something hotin the middle of the night.
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