October 29, 2024 • 29 mins
In this episode, J Smiles talks about Zetty's life before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Zetty, or better known to her friends as 'T.Y.' was passionate about voting and instilled in J a great sense of responsibility for exercising her civil rights and responsibilities.
From being mentored by Dr. Martin Luther King himself, to meeting her future husband while debating about politics, Zetty was all in when it came to making sure that she was fighting for social justice and for what was right. Though appearing demure, Zetty did not take just anything from candidates who wanted her support. Listen to the episode for more and make sure that like Zetty, you vote - your life depends on it!
Host: @jsmilescomedy
Producer: @MiaHallTV
Editor: @annelise9152
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"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So y'all know good and well my mama was not
supposed to be walking up to thepolls with a kid who couldn't
vote, but she was so about thatlife and everybody at the polls
knew her.
She took my look behind,grabbed me by the hand and said
(00:20):
come on in here.
You're going to vote, don'ttalk, but I want you to see and
know where it is.
I want you to watch mama checkfor my name.
This is Alabama.
We have nothing digital.
We're nothing fancy.
Ever it was you writing yourname or scratching your name off
or bubbling something andcoloring in something.
You stand here and don't saynothing.
Parenting Up caregivingadventures with Comedian Day day
(00:44):
smiles is the intense journeyof unexpectedly being fully
responsible for my mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingalzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
Spoiler alert I started comedybecause this shit is so heavy,
(01:05):
so be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver you are inthe right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
(01:26):
Is that okay?
Today's supporter.
Shout out Tori Lux Quote soreal Mom drives from the
passenger side.
(01:47):
Now Dementia sucks.
Thank you for sharing Emojiheart end quote.
We appreciate it, tori Lux, andfor the rest of you, you too
can have your support, a shoutout, leave your comment on Apple
(02:07):
Podcasts, instagram or YouTubeand leave a review on Apple
Podcasts, please.
It really helps us grow andsecure sponsorship, thank you,
thank you.
Today's episode Balance andBeliefs Zeddy's Passion for
(02:33):
Voting.
There are so many stories I tellabout Zeddy.
99.9% of them are postAlzheimer's dementia.
The brain shunt.
When her memory started to fail, when her gait started to be
(02:54):
crappy, when she failed, whenshe had urine running down her
leg and didn't know.
And you know, at this time Isaid let me say something about
this chick, this glorious,fantastic boss, old, bad ass
woman.
That's my mama.
Before this stupid disease.
There's so much life andvitality that I know is still in
(03:21):
there.
But listen, let me tell yousomething about this lady.
Her friends from back in theday called her TY.
Her first name is Thelma,middle name Yvette and meant a
thing that my mama cared about.
I don't know that she caredabout anything more than voting.
(03:45):
That's what I'm trying to say,and when I, I know she cares
more about me, but I'm a personI said I don't know a thing,
right?
Not a car, not a vacation, nota job, not a concert, not money,
(04:06):
voting.
And growing up I was like youknow.
I mean, why this election?
Why this candidate?
And the look on her face youwouldn't think I told her that
she was a horrible mom and I wasabout to run away.
Don't ever come for me, don'ttry to find me, I hate you.
(04:30):
She was so dedicated to thepursuit of equity through our
civil liberty of voting, and soI've got to share with you all a
little bit about how thatimpacted me and how it seemed to
come to play for her, trying todetermine if Alabama Democrats
(05:11):
needed to break off and start awhole new Democratic thing.
You know, it's kind of like innational politics or global
politics.
You always hear do we need anew party, democrats,
republicans, they are not doingright by anybody.
So we want the Green Party, wewant the independents, we want
the Tea Party, whatever.
Well, that's where my parentsmet Talking trash at a political
(05:32):
event, talking about voting.
My mom always told me no,voting is insignificant.
If it was insignificant and itdidn't matter, they would have
(05:53):
given us the right to vote fromthe beginning.
And so even if you don'tunderstand, jay, why you should
vote, understand that the peoplein the power don't want you to.
That's why you should do it.
So think about like when you'rea kid and you're growing up and
(06:17):
your parents say don't datethat guy, don't date that girl,
come home by midnight.
What's the first thing you do?
You're like forget that.
If you say, come on by midnight, I'm trying to figure out
immediately how at least to stayout to 1 am.
It's the same psychology for mymom at least.
If they don't want us to vote,then damn it.
I'm voting every time.
(06:39):
Local, state, federal, she wasin it.
Local state, federal, she wasin it.
Now, of course, it does nothurt that she was born and
raised in Montgomery, alabama,and Martin Luther King Jr was a
personal mentor of hers.
But I will tell you this all ofher contemporaries, all of her
(07:08):
cousins, everybody she grew upwith, didn't keep that same fire
in their belly, and I mean,technically speaking, dr King
was there with them too, like Iwasn't there.
So I ain't trying to startnothing and I ain't trying to
say who did this, who robbedPeter to pay Paul, but I grew up
with him and I know some peopledidn't quite make it.
(07:30):
Y'all, zeddy gave her employeesthe day off to go vote.
She's a private employer, aconsultant, and let me tell you
why.
That's a big deal they had tonegotiate.
(07:51):
They asked off to get regularvacation because my mama
believed that you should work.
You got sick days and then youshould come to work because if
you ain't sick you should be atwork.
Vacation from what?
What?
You vacationing from?
You should be happy to have ajob and if you ain't sick you
should come to work.
But for voting she gave him theday off, hey, and all she was
(08:16):
waiting for them to do was tocome back into work with a
little sticker on that said Ivoted.
That's how serious my mama wasfrom day one about voting.
Funny story about voting with mymom, okay.
(08:36):
So back in the day, especiallyMontgomery, alabama, you got to
realize when I was growing up wewere still under all kind of
federal jurisdiction because ofthe crap that happened back in
the 1940s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s,you know what?
For the crap that happened fromJesus and Moses up till about
(09:00):
1997, we were still underfederal rule.
So how we voted and when wevoted and gerrymandering and red
displeasing all of that.
We had a lot of federaloversight.
So you know good and well mymama was not supposed to be
(09:23):
walking up to the polls with akid who couldn't vote, but she
was so about that life andeverybody at the polls knew her.
She took my look behind, grabbedme by the hand and said come on
in here.
You're going to vote, don'ttalk.
But I want you to see and knowwhere it is.
(09:45):
I want you to watch.
Mama.
Check for my name.
This is Alabama.
We have nothing digital.
We're nothing fancy ever.
You were writing your name orscratching your name off or
bubbling something and coloringin something.
You stand here and don't saynothing.
And she walked in and hilariouswas to watch Zeddy go from
badass I will negotiate with adrug kingpin and the devil to
(10:12):
sweet and demure like she'sabout to hand somebody a piece
of cake.
So she was talking all thistrash with me in the car.
You're not supposed to be inhere, but don't say nothing.
If you just don't talk anddon't do nothing, don't touch
nothing, you can't bring no toyin here and don't look at nobody
, you just hold my hand.
(10:33):
She gets in Hi, how are you?
Ooh, how's your mama?
Yeah, oh, my God, it is hotoutside, isn't it?
I barely made it here, yeah,yeah, oh, my God, it is hot
outside, isn't it?
I barely made it here.
Yeah, yeah, uh-huh, oh, shouldI get in this line off here?
Oh well, thank you so much.
Yeah, yeah, well, you know, Ihad to go pick my child up.
(10:58):
I just I didn't have anybodyelse to go and get, so is it
okay if she just she's justgoing to be just right over,
she's not going to make up?
Oh, is that okay?
Oh, thank you so much, becauseI understand Y'all.
Okay.
By the time she has cotton air,talked these people into talking
about the weather and theirkids and a piece of cake.
(11:19):
I'm at 9, 11, 12, 13, allstanding with her watching the
whole process.
That's my mama.
And then she walks back out andshe said did you see what I
just did?
You don't take no for an answer.
If you not trying to shootnobody or kill nobody or steal
(11:39):
nothing, you better not standdown.
And then I was thinking tomyself I don don't even know,
but I wasn't supposed to be here.
But I wasn't supposed to behere.
But what I didn't do was talkback to her, because there were
two times during the year thatmy mama got riled up and got
(12:02):
like big like a grizzly bear,that my mama got riled up and
got like big like a grizzly bearTax time and voting.
And you let her be right.
It didn't matter what she said.
If she told me that I was nother daughter and that I was a
tree, the answer is like right,yes.
And I couldn't say yes, ma'am,because if you say yes, ma'am,
(12:23):
because if you say yes ma'am toZeddy, you are in immediate
trouble.
That is, that is like asuspension from the family.
I could say okay, mama, I heardyou.
Okay, zeddy, I got you, Iunderstand.
She said yes, ma'am, you listen?
(12:45):
That's what white people madeus say to them after they had
either whipped us or beat us ortreated us poorly, even after
slavery was over.
Don't you tell me, yes, ma'am,we weren't even supposed to be
(13:06):
voting.
Okay, I wasn't supposed to.
Okay, all right, whatever, mama, the reason I can approach
strangers to this very day, Iowe a lot of credit to my mom
making me go canvassing.
I ain't have a choice.
(13:26):
I actually had to go door todoor, knocking, passing out
leaflets and stuff forcandidates.
Now, these are candidates,clearly I'm not learning about,
I can't vote.
But she would give me thepamphlets and the papers and I
either had to go, put it intheir mailbox, knock on the door
(13:50):
like if we were at a footballgame or basketball game.
Sometimes we were doing it atthe mall and we just handed it
to people.
I'm just supposed to smile Hi,how you doing?
Have a good day.
How many of you had to go ring adoorbell, wait for people to
come outside, like my zeddydidn't allow me to just leave
(14:11):
the pamphlet or the little pieceof paper under the doormat, I
had to ring the doorbell firstand try to say please vote for
so-and-so for the board ofeducation, please vote for
so-and-so for countycommissioner.
You know what?
To this day, most Americans,most of my friends who call
(14:32):
themselves engaged and informed,they don't have no damn idea
who their county commissioner is.
I was before I could drive acar.
I'm canvassing because daddysaid I had to and she's sitting
in the car watching me do it.
Why aren't you canvassing?
Why do I have to go do it?
(14:55):
I want to go play.
I want to go outside and play,because if these people ask me a
question about the candidate, Idon't even have anything to say
.
She said don't you worry aboutthat.
You read these top threebullets on the back of this
little card, hand it to whoeveranswers the door and come back
to the car, and then she wouldblow and wave at him and they
(15:17):
say all right, how you doingwhat you talk about not having a
choice?
Yeah yeah, zeddy's reputationwas so solid and so pure that
many candidates came to her andwent looking for an endorsement.
(15:42):
Looking for an endorsement.
She didn't care where theystood in the polls if they were
an incumbent, black, white,conservative, liberal, moderate.
What are your issues?
What's your voting record?
Zetty actually went and foundpeople's voting records.
(16:03):
I don't even know how you didit.
How did she do that shit?
This was before the internet.
I literally don't know.
But I don't know.
Did you go to the library, mama?
Like, did you go to the library?
Did you go down to the stateCapitol and ask somebody to like
, print it off?
I don't even know what you do.
And then she would ask him.
Well, you told us last electionyou were going to vote for
(16:28):
extra.
You know garbage and recyclingand you didn't.
So why would I trust you now?
That's how she would come atpeople when they asked for her
endorsement, sweetly.
Now my dad, on the other hand,is cussing and dropping F-bombs
because he's from New York, butthey could win him over with a
(16:49):
martini or hey man.
You know, I got caught outthere.
I was caught between a rock anda hard place.
I had to negotiate.
He's a lawyer.
My mama said you don't evernegotiate with your word for
your constituents, period.
So she wouldn't.
She wouldn't rock with him, nomore.
When they did decide to back acandidate, my parents would host
(17:16):
political, end up being thebabysitter.
My parents didn't hire nobabysitter to be taking care of
these folks' kids.
(17:37):
That was me or the valet.
Yes, here I am.
This is about the valet.
Yes, here I am.
This is about the deep south.
Here I am, with no license,getting people's keys and
parking the cars all over theneighborhood and then putting
some kind of little tape orgarbage bag, twisty tie and
(18:00):
putting their name on it.
Twisty tie and putting theirname on it.
Zetty knew election day, likeher birthday.
If it moved up, if it was aspecial election, she knew it
(18:21):
and she refused to go onvacation or have any kind of
civil litigation because therewas an expert witness happening
on election day.
Do y'all hear me?
I mean, she was going to thepoll, walking in that brick and
mortar building with her pencilor pen or punching whatever
(18:45):
thing in the box.
She had no love for absenteeballots.
I'm pausing right now to saythis is not the parenting up
community opinion about absenteeballots.
If you need an absentee ballot,please use one.
(19:05):
All of my brothers and sistersin the military, most of you
have to do it.
Often you don't have a choice.
I'm just letting y'all knowabout the girl she said so.
You telling me the same peoplethat chased me with dogs and put
(19:29):
a fire hose on me with enoughwater pressure to rip my skin
off my knees.
They gonna open some mail Isend and count it.
Oh okay, yeah, I tell you whatyou wait on that.
(19:52):
My daddy would be mad as hellat first when she would reshift
all the damn holiday plans orvacation plans, or it didn't
matter what I had going on atschool.
It was oh my, it's my play,it's my team.
(20:13):
We made it to the playoffs.
Baby, I can't make it.
Y'all traveling to Florida.
Good, mama's gonna give yousome extra spending money and do
the best you can with y'allgoing.
On voting day I got to walk inthe building and punch my ticket
and watch them punching andwatch the thing fall down into
(20:38):
whatever or go into the lock boxthat had somebody standing
there with a gun.
That's the mentality that Zeddycarried around voting.
And when I tell you she gave itto me voting, and when I tell
(21:04):
you she gave it to me, I can'tlie and say I have been as
judicious as she is.
But there have been times whenI lived in Europe or I lived in
other states and I said I got toget my ass back to where I live
to go vote.
There are times where I havedriven eight hours one way to
(21:29):
turn around and go back becauseI needed to vote the way.
My mama said vote.
Now.
I'm not saying it makes sense.
I'm just sharing with y'allwhat I did because she made me
scared.
I was like, well, I can't come.
This was before she hadAlzheimer's.
Now I can vote absentee and Idon't feel bad about it.
Now is that trippy y'all?
That's trippy huh.
Right Now I feel like I canvote absentee because if she
(21:55):
she's not gonna ask me.
But before, if she said, well,jay, did you go vote?
Well, where did you vote?
I couldn't tell her.
I sent in no damn absenteeballot.
You know what I mean.
Now she gonna make it soundlike I put us all back in
slavery.
Can't about take that from her.
Can't about take that from her.
My mama hazed me and didn'tbelieve in child work, labor
(22:15):
laws.
Countless times we would get tothe polls.
The line was long.
It's raining Off and on.
She sent me to stand in herplace, umbrella or not, while
(22:40):
she was in the car finishing herwork.
Whatever, zed was alwaysworking.
If she was awake, she wasworking.
So if she was reading onsomething or taking notes to
prepare herself for the case, orbecause after she voted she was
going back to her office, andif she thought the line was
longer than about 10 to 15minutes, uh, jg, go stand in
(23:01):
line for mama and hold my place,ma'am.
Uh, there's a newspaper.
Put the newspaper over yourhead.
Go stand in line.
Just tell the person in frontof you or behind you.
Your mama's in the car.
I'm finishing my work.
I'm two.
I might not have been two, butI'm a kid.
(23:29):
What about food?
Or getting the flu?
My granddad would say the pinuumanya catch a cold shit.
I didn't care about that andthen I mentioned it now, at the
end, I would say this she wouldbe very excited about the fact
that we voted and we got to goget some ice cream or a
(23:50):
hamburger or something.
Clearly, I didn't vote, but shecreated such a celebration
around the process that I don'tknow how to not vote to this day
.
Like if I go to a fast foodrestaurant and they're like hey,
punch on our app if you want usto keep the strawberry lemonade
(24:11):
or replace it with theraspberry lemonade.
I'm like, hey, punch on our appif you want us to keep the
strawberry lemonade or replaceit with the raspberry lemonade.
I'm like I got to vote on oneof these because you let me.
That's how deep it is.
If I go to an NBA game andthey're like raise your hand if
you.
You know if you went to EastCoast or West Coast?
(24:33):
Or do you want a hot dog or youwant a pretzel?
And people on their phones.
I'm just jumping up.
I'm like a pretzel.
I don't know if I'm going toget a damn pretzel, but what
you're going to do is hear myopinion Because, at the end of
the day, all I am is Eddie Jrand I'm fucking voting.
Let's snuggle up.
(24:59):
Number one voting is a verb.
That's what Zeddy taught me.
It's an action, it's anexecution.
It is telling the whole world Iam here, this is what matters.
This is what matters, this iswhat I stand for, what I think,
(25:20):
what I value, my community isthis.
And when you don't vote, youare laying down and you're
letting other people decide yourlife for you.
It's almost like deciding neverto eat, and whatever somebody
(25:46):
else choose is what your stomachis going to digest.
And then you're looking aroundand wondering ugh, why am I sick
?
Why do I have acne?
Why did I gain 100 pounds?
Or why am I losing weight?
Ugh, I wonder why.
(26:06):
I wonder why.
Number two what passion of yourLO can you continue to live out
to further, to contribute tosociety with?
(26:27):
For me, actually voting andbeing engaged politically is
likely the best thing I can doto honor Zay, think about it or
(26:48):
not.
What is something that you canstand behind and actually, with
joy and pride, honor your LO andnot really lose yourself?
Put some thought into it, putthat in a review and let me know
(27:11):
.
Maybe DM me Can't wait to hearNumber three Parenting up family
.
Lean into optimism, pound forpound.
We're living in the best timesince recorded history
(27:32):
Electricity, indoor plumbing,the internet, the whole digital
world Products, cars, airplanes,vaccinations, longevity of life
, medicine, world wars no longerpop off every 10 years.
(27:55):
Whether at the dinner table, atwork, in the neighborhood, in
class, research laboratories, ingovernment, voicing your
opinions, healthy sparringdebate, it's really just verbal
voting.
It happens everywhere.
(28:18):
Long live progress.
What's up y'all?
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
reminding y'all Patreon is open.
It is open and ready for you,you, you, you and your mama too.
(28:38):
We are loading up things, allthings Zetty, all things
caregiving Behind the scenes,extra stuff.
J Smiles comedy is droppingwith her own little collection
within the Jace Mouse Studio.
Patreon very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
(29:01):
there because there's exclusives.
That's kind of time sensitiveto whoever is in there first.
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'm going gonnabe honest because of, you know,
branding matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
(29:23):
world wide web that I can do inthe patreon Pantry.
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
(29:44):
Patreon pantry.
So y'all know good and well my mama was not
supposed to be walking up to thepolls with a kid who couldn't
vote, but she was so about thatlife and everybody at the polls
knew her.
She took my look behind,grabbed me by the hand and said
(00:20):
come on in here.
You're going to vote, don'ttalk, but I want you to see and
know where it is.
I want you to watch mama checkfor my name.
This is Alabama.
We have nothing digital.
We're nothing fancy.
Ever it was you writing yourname or scratching your name off
or bubbling something andcoloring in something.
You stand here and don't saynothing.
Parenting Up caregivingadventures with Comedian Day day
(00:44):
smiles is the intense journeyof unexpectedly being fully
responsible for my mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingalzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
Spoiler alert I started comedybecause this shit is so heavy,
(01:05):
so be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver you are inthe right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
(01:26):
Is that okay?
Today's supporter.
Shout out Tori Lux Quote soreal Mom drives from the
passenger side.
(01:47):
Now Dementia sucks.
Thank you for sharing Emojiheart end quote.
We appreciate it, tori Lux, andfor the rest of you, you too
can have your support, a shoutout, leave your comment on Apple
(02:07):
Podcasts, instagram or YouTubeand leave a review on Apple
Podcasts, please.
It really helps us grow andsecure sponsorship, thank you,
thank you.
Today's episode Balance andBeliefs Zeddy's Passion for
(02:33):
Voting.
There are so many stories I tellabout Zeddy.
99.9% of them are postAlzheimer's dementia.
The brain shunt.
When her memory started to fail, when her gait started to be
(02:54):
crappy, when she failed, whenshe had urine running down her
leg and didn't know.
And you know, at this time Isaid let me say something about
this chick, this glorious,fantastic boss, old, bad ass
woman.
That's my mama.
Before this stupid disease.
There's so much life andvitality that I know is still in
(03:21):
there.
But listen, let me tell yousomething about this lady.
Her friends from back in theday called her TY.
Her first name is Thelma,middle name Yvette and meant a
thing that my mama cared about.
I don't know that she caredabout anything more than voting.
(03:45):
That's what I'm trying to say,and when I, I know she cares
more about me, but I'm a personI said I don't know a thing,
right?
Not a car, not a vacation, nota job, not a concert, not money,
(04:06):
voting.
And growing up I was like youknow.
I mean, why this election?
Why this candidate?
And the look on her face youwouldn't think I told her that
she was a horrible mom and I wasabout to run away.
Don't ever come for me, don'ttry to find me, I hate you.
(04:30):
She was so dedicated to thepursuit of equity through our
civil liberty of voting, and soI've got to share with you all a
little bit about how thatimpacted me and how it seemed to
come to play for her, trying todetermine if Alabama Democrats
(05:11):
needed to break off and start awhole new Democratic thing.
You know, it's kind of like innational politics or global
politics.
You always hear do we need anew party, democrats,
republicans, they are not doingright by anybody.
So we want the Green Party, wewant the independents, we want
the Tea Party, whatever.
Well, that's where my parentsmet Talking trash at a political
(05:32):
event, talking about voting.
My mom always told me no,voting is insignificant.
If it was insignificant and itdidn't matter, they would have
(05:53):
given us the right to vote fromthe beginning.
And so even if you don'tunderstand, jay, why you should
vote, understand that the peoplein the power don't want you to.
That's why you should do it.
So think about like when you'rea kid and you're growing up and
(06:17):
your parents say don't datethat guy, don't date that girl,
come home by midnight.
What's the first thing you do?
You're like forget that.
If you say, come on by midnight, I'm trying to figure out
immediately how at least to stayout to 1 am.
It's the same psychology for mymom at least.
If they don't want us to vote,then damn it.
I'm voting every time.
(06:39):
Local, state, federal, she wasin it.
Local state, federal, she wasin it.
Now, of course, it does nothurt that she was born and
raised in Montgomery, alabama,and Martin Luther King Jr was a
personal mentor of hers.
But I will tell you this all ofher contemporaries, all of her
(07:08):
cousins, everybody she grew upwith, didn't keep that same fire
in their belly, and I mean,technically speaking, dr King
was there with them too, like Iwasn't there.
So I ain't trying to startnothing and I ain't trying to
say who did this, who robbedPeter to pay Paul, but I grew up
with him and I know some peopledidn't quite make it.
(07:30):
Y'all, zeddy gave her employeesthe day off to go vote.
She's a private employer, aconsultant, and let me tell you
why.
That's a big deal they had tonegotiate.
(07:51):
They asked off to get regularvacation because my mama
believed that you should work.
You got sick days and then youshould come to work because if
you ain't sick you should be atwork.
Vacation from what?
What?
You vacationing from?
You should be happy to have ajob and if you ain't sick you
should come to work.
But for voting she gave him theday off, hey, and all she was
(08:16):
waiting for them to do was tocome back into work with a
little sticker on that said Ivoted.
That's how serious my mama wasfrom day one about voting.
Funny story about voting with mymom, okay.
(08:36):
So back in the day, especiallyMontgomery, alabama, you got to
realize when I was growing up wewere still under all kind of
federal jurisdiction because ofthe crap that happened back in
the 1940s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s,you know what?
For the crap that happened fromJesus and Moses up till about
(09:00):
1997, we were still underfederal rule.
So how we voted and when wevoted and gerrymandering and red
displeasing all of that.
We had a lot of federaloversight.
So you know good and well mymama was not supposed to be
(09:23):
walking up to the polls with akid who couldn't vote, but she
was so about that life andeverybody at the polls knew her.
She took my look behind, grabbedme by the hand and said come on
in here.
You're going to vote, don'ttalk.
But I want you to see and knowwhere it is.
(09:45):
I want you to watch.
Mama.
Check for my name.
This is Alabama.
We have nothing digital.
We're nothing fancy ever.
You were writing your name orscratching your name off or
bubbling something and coloringin something.
You stand here and don't saynothing.
And she walked in and hilariouswas to watch Zeddy go from
badass I will negotiate with adrug kingpin and the devil to
(10:12):
sweet and demure like she'sabout to hand somebody a piece
of cake.
So she was talking all thistrash with me in the car.
You're not supposed to be inhere, but don't say nothing.
If you just don't talk anddon't do nothing, don't touch
nothing, you can't bring no toyin here and don't look at nobody
, you just hold my hand.
(10:33):
She gets in Hi, how are you?
Ooh, how's your mama?
Yeah, oh, my God, it is hotoutside, isn't it?
I barely made it here, yeah,yeah, oh, my God, it is hot
outside, isn't it?
I barely made it here.
Yeah, yeah, uh-huh, oh, shouldI get in this line off here?
Oh well, thank you so much.
Yeah, yeah, well, you know, Ihad to go pick my child up.
(10:58):
I just I didn't have anybodyelse to go and get, so is it
okay if she just she's justgoing to be just right over,
she's not going to make up?
Oh, is that okay?
Oh, thank you so much, becauseI understand Y'all.
Okay.
By the time she has cotton air,talked these people into talking
about the weather and theirkids and a piece of cake.
(11:19):
I'm at 9, 11, 12, 13, allstanding with her watching the
whole process.
That's my mama.
And then she walks back out andshe said did you see what I
just did?
You don't take no for an answer.
If you not trying to shootnobody or kill nobody or steal
(11:39):
nothing, you better not standdown.
And then I was thinking tomyself I don don't even know,
but I wasn't supposed to be here.
But I wasn't supposed to behere.
But what I didn't do was talkback to her, because there were
two times during the year thatmy mama got riled up and got
(12:02):
like big like a grizzly bear,that my mama got riled up and
got like big like a grizzly bearTax time and voting.
And you let her be right.
It didn't matter what she said.
If she told me that I was nother daughter and that I was a
tree, the answer is like right,yes.
And I couldn't say yes, ma'am,because if you say yes, ma'am,
(12:23):
because if you say yes ma'am toZeddy, you are in immediate
trouble.
That is, that is like asuspension from the family.
I could say okay, mama, I heardyou.
Okay, zeddy, I got you, Iunderstand.
She said yes, ma'am, you listen?
(12:45):
That's what white people madeus say to them after they had
either whipped us or beat us ortreated us poorly, even after
slavery was over.
Don't you tell me, yes, ma'am,we weren't even supposed to be
(13:06):
voting.
Okay, I wasn't supposed to.
Okay, all right, whatever, mama, the reason I can approach
strangers to this very day, Iowe a lot of credit to my mom
making me go canvassing.
I ain't have a choice.
(13:26):
I actually had to go door todoor, knocking, passing out
leaflets and stuff forcandidates.
Now, these are candidates,clearly I'm not learning about,
I can't vote.
But she would give me thepamphlets and the papers and I
either had to go, put it intheir mailbox, knock on the door
(13:50):
like if we were at a footballgame or basketball game.
Sometimes we were doing it atthe mall and we just handed it
to people.
I'm just supposed to smile Hi,how you doing?
Have a good day.
How many of you had to go ring adoorbell, wait for people to
come outside, like my zeddydidn't allow me to just leave
(14:11):
the pamphlet or the little pieceof paper under the doormat, I
had to ring the doorbell firstand try to say please vote for
so-and-so for the board ofeducation, please vote for
so-and-so for countycommissioner.
You know what?
To this day, most Americans,most of my friends who call
(14:32):
themselves engaged and informed,they don't have no damn idea
who their county commissioner is.
I was before I could drive acar.
I'm canvassing because daddysaid I had to and she's sitting
in the car watching me do it.
Why aren't you canvassing?
Why do I have to go do it?
(14:55):
I want to go play.
I want to go outside and play,because if these people ask me a
question about the candidate, Idon't even have anything to say
.
She said don't you worry aboutthat.
You read these top threebullets on the back of this
little card, hand it to whoeveranswers the door and come back
to the car, and then she wouldblow and wave at him and they
(15:17):
say all right, how you doingwhat you talk about not having a
choice?
Yeah yeah, zeddy's reputationwas so solid and so pure that
many candidates came to her andwent looking for an endorsement.
(15:42):
Looking for an endorsement.
She didn't care where theystood in the polls if they were
an incumbent, black, white,conservative, liberal, moderate.
What are your issues?
What's your voting record?
Zetty actually went and foundpeople's voting records.
(16:03):
I don't even know how you didit.
How did she do that shit?
This was before the internet.
I literally don't know.
But I don't know.
Did you go to the library, mama?
Like, did you go to the library?
Did you go down to the stateCapitol and ask somebody to like
, print it off?
I don't even know what you do.
And then she would ask him.
Well, you told us last electionyou were going to vote for
(16:28):
extra.
You know garbage and recyclingand you didn't.
So why would I trust you now?
That's how she would come atpeople when they asked for her
endorsement, sweetly.
Now my dad, on the other hand,is cussing and dropping F-bombs
because he's from New York, butthey could win him over with a
(16:49):
martini or hey man.
You know, I got caught outthere.
I was caught between a rock anda hard place.
I had to negotiate.
He's a lawyer.
My mama said you don't evernegotiate with your word for
your constituents, period.
So she wouldn't.
She wouldn't rock with him, nomore.
When they did decide to back acandidate, my parents would host
(17:16):
political, end up being thebabysitter.
My parents didn't hire nobabysitter to be taking care of
these folks' kids.
(17:37):
That was me or the valet.
Yes, here I am.
This is about the valet.
Yes, here I am.
This is about the deep south.
Here I am, with no license,getting people's keys and
parking the cars all over theneighborhood and then putting
some kind of little tape orgarbage bag, twisty tie and
(18:00):
putting their name on it.
Twisty tie and putting theirname on it.
Zetty knew election day, likeher birthday.
If it moved up, if it was aspecial election, she knew it
(18:21):
and she refused to go onvacation or have any kind of
civil litigation because therewas an expert witness happening
on election day.
Do y'all hear me?
I mean, she was going to thepoll, walking in that brick and
mortar building with her pencilor pen or punching whatever
(18:45):
thing in the box.
She had no love for absenteeballots.
I'm pausing right now to saythis is not the parenting up
community opinion about absenteeballots.
If you need an absentee ballot,please use one.
(19:05):
All of my brothers and sistersin the military, most of you
have to do it.
Often you don't have a choice.
I'm just letting y'all knowabout the girl she said so.
You telling me the same peoplethat chased me with dogs and put
(19:29):
a fire hose on me with enoughwater pressure to rip my skin
off my knees.
They gonna open some mail Isend and count it.
Oh okay, yeah, I tell you whatyou wait on that.
(19:52):
My daddy would be mad as hellat first when she would reshift
all the damn holiday plans orvacation plans, or it didn't
matter what I had going on atschool.
It was oh my, it's my play,it's my team.
(20:13):
We made it to the playoffs.
Baby, I can't make it.
Y'all traveling to Florida.
Good, mama's gonna give yousome extra spending money and do
the best you can with y'allgoing.
On voting day I got to walk inthe building and punch my ticket
and watch them punching andwatch the thing fall down into
(20:38):
whatever or go into the lock boxthat had somebody standing
there with a gun.
That's the mentality that Zeddycarried around voting.
And when I tell you she gave itto me voting, and when I tell
(21:04):
you she gave it to me, I can'tlie and say I have been as
judicious as she is.
But there have been times whenI lived in Europe or I lived in
other states and I said I got toget my ass back to where I live
to go vote.
There are times where I havedriven eight hours one way to
(21:29):
turn around and go back becauseI needed to vote the way.
My mama said vote.
Now.
I'm not saying it makes sense.
I'm just sharing with y'allwhat I did because she made me
scared.
I was like, well, I can't come.
This was before she hadAlzheimer's.
Now I can vote absentee and Idon't feel bad about it.
Now is that trippy y'all?
That's trippy huh.
Right Now I feel like I canvote absentee because if she
(21:55):
she's not gonna ask me.
But before, if she said, well,jay, did you go vote?
Well, where did you vote?
I couldn't tell her.
I sent in no damn absenteeballot.
You know what I mean.
Now she gonna make it soundlike I put us all back in
slavery.
Can't about take that from her.
Can't about take that from her.
My mama hazed me and didn'tbelieve in child work, labor
(22:15):
laws.
Countless times we would get tothe polls.
The line was long.
It's raining Off and on.
She sent me to stand in herplace, umbrella or not, while
(22:40):
she was in the car finishing herwork.
Whatever, zed was alwaysworking.
If she was awake, she wasworking.
So if she was reading onsomething or taking notes to
prepare herself for the case, orbecause after she voted she was
going back to her office, andif she thought the line was
longer than about 10 to 15minutes, uh, jg, go stand in
(23:01):
line for mama and hold my place,ma'am.
Uh, there's a newspaper.
Put the newspaper over yourhead.
Go stand in line.
Just tell the person in frontof you or behind you.
Your mama's in the car.
I'm finishing my work.
I'm two.
I might not have been two, butI'm a kid.
(23:29):
What about food?
Or getting the flu?
My granddad would say the pinuumanya catch a cold shit.
I didn't care about that andthen I mentioned it now, at the
end, I would say this she wouldbe very excited about the fact
that we voted and we got to goget some ice cream or a
(23:50):
hamburger or something.
Clearly, I didn't vote, but shecreated such a celebration
around the process that I don'tknow how to not vote to this day
.
Like if I go to a fast foodrestaurant and they're like hey,
punch on our app if you want usto keep the strawberry lemonade
(24:11):
or replace it with theraspberry lemonade.
I'm like, hey, punch on our appif you want us to keep the
strawberry lemonade or replaceit with the raspberry lemonade.
I'm like I got to vote on oneof these because you let me.
That's how deep it is.
If I go to an NBA game andthey're like raise your hand if
you.
You know if you went to EastCoast or West Coast?
(24:33):
Or do you want a hot dog or youwant a pretzel?
And people on their phones.
I'm just jumping up.
I'm like a pretzel.
I don't know if I'm going toget a damn pretzel, but what
you're going to do is hear myopinion Because, at the end of
the day, all I am is Eddie Jrand I'm fucking voting.
Let's snuggle up.
(24:59):
Number one voting is a verb.
That's what Zeddy taught me.
It's an action, it's anexecution.
It is telling the whole world Iam here, this is what matters.
This is what matters, this iswhat I stand for, what I think,
(25:20):
what I value, my community isthis.
And when you don't vote, youare laying down and you're
letting other people decide yourlife for you.
It's almost like deciding neverto eat, and whatever somebody
(25:46):
else choose is what your stomachis going to digest.
And then you're looking aroundand wondering ugh, why am I sick
?
Why do I have acne?
Why did I gain 100 pounds?
Or why am I losing weight?
Ugh, I wonder why.
(26:06):
I wonder why.
Number two what passion of yourLO can you continue to live out
to further, to contribute tosociety with?
(26:27):
For me, actually voting andbeing engaged politically is
likely the best thing I can doto honor Zay, think about it or
(26:48):
not.
What is something that you canstand behind and actually, with
joy and pride, honor your LO andnot really lose yourself?
Put some thought into it, putthat in a review and let me know
(27:11):
.
Maybe DM me Can't wait to hearNumber three Parenting up family
.
Lean into optimism, pound forpound.
We're living in the best timesince recorded history
(27:32):
Electricity, indoor plumbing,the internet, the whole digital
world Products, cars, airplanes,vaccinations, longevity of life
, medicine, world wars no longerpop off every 10 years.
(27:55):
Whether at the dinner table, atwork, in the neighborhood, in
class, research laboratories, ingovernment, voicing your
opinions, healthy sparringdebate, it's really just verbal
voting.
It happens everywhere.
(28:18):
Long live progress.
What's up y'all?
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
reminding y'all Patreon is open.
It is open and ready for you,you, you, you and your mama too.
(28:38):
We are loading up things, allthings Zetty, all things
caregiving Behind the scenes,extra stuff.
J Smiles comedy is droppingwith her own little collection
within the Jace Mouse Studio.
Patreon very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
(29:01):
there because there's exclusives.
That's kind of time sensitiveto whoever is in there first.
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'm going gonnabe honest because of, you know,
branding matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
(29:23):
world wide web that I can do inthe patreon Pantry.
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
(29:44):
Patreon pantry.
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