November 17, 2025 • 37 mins
Parenting Up Family! Tune in for a special episode during National Family Caregivers Month! We are usually bi-weekly, but thanks to the Alzheimer's Association of Georgia, we are releasing this bonus episode this month!
In this episode, Actor Brandon Claybon joins us to unpack the shift that happens when family members forget your name and start losing their memory, with honesty and heart. He speaks with us about how Alzheimer’s touched both sides of his family, what he learned as a ten-year-old watching elders change, and why his purpose goes far beyond the screen. Brandon also talks about carrying light for his community, the accountability that keeps him grounded, and the practical ways a tight-knit family can share care without losing dignity in the process.
We also explore the grief of lost recipes and why recording family culture is important. Brandon shares how he protects his energy with rest and travel, and why intuition can save caregivers time, pain, and frustration.
For teens and young adults stepping in to help, there’s clear guidance here: tune in for more. You may also watch the visual version on Youtube.com/@parentingup.
If this resonates, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs a village today. Your support helps amplify Alzheimer’s awareness, fuel research, and keep these stories—and solutions—within reach.
To join the fight against Alzheimer's, visit alz.org/georgia
Executive Producer/Host: J Smiles Comedy
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: Annelise Udoye
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
IG: https://www.instagram.com/parentingup
FB: https://www.facebook.com/parentingup
YT: https://www.youtube.com/@parentingup
TEXT 'PODCAST" to +1 404 737 1449 - to give J topic ideas, feedback, say hi!
Be sure to leave us a review!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
How have you balanced your professional
responsibilities, requirements,desires, passions, things that
you maybe haven't even done yet,with finding space and time to
care for family members and toadvocate for Alzheimer's.
SPEAKER_03 (00:18):
To be honest with you, I've always been this
person in my family.
It's not just because of Beyondthe Gates or the team of Grey's
Anatomy.
SPEAKER_01 (00:26):
I hear that and it's more too.
I'm gonna tell y'all that again.
That's so casually.
You know what I mean?
I'm over here saying I casuallymade it to Starbucks this
morning.
You know what I mean?
And the brother drops down,well, just uh hit after it.
Hit after it.
SPEAKER_03 (00:42):
You move or be moved.
And so for me, I don't want tobe moved.
That's like, because when hemoves me, I was like, you know
what?
Lord, forget me.
Uh but you get it, you know whatit is, you recognize it, and
then go ahead, press on.
SPEAKER_01 (00:58):
Parenting up Caregiving Adventures with
comedian Jay Smiles.
It's the intense journey ofunexpectedly being fully
responsible for my mama.
For over a decade, I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her, and pushingall time of awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
(01:27):
Caregiver Newbie, OG, andvillage members just willing to
prop up with Caregiver.
You are in the right place.
SPEAKER_00 (01:37):
Hi, this is Z.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
SPEAKER_01 (01:52):
Today's supporter shout out comes from YouTube.
Nicole Houston Johnson 8405.
You did it! It is allcapitalized, and it's three
exclamation points.
Thank you so much.
Whatever it is we do is onlypossible because of our global
care village.
(02:13):
It is a big deal that you allhave continued to take this
journey with me and my team.
I don't have enough gratitude toshare.
If you would like to be therecipient of a supporter shout
out, you know what to do.
Go to YouTube, leave a review,go to Apple's Podcast, leave a
review, leave a comment, shareit with somebody.
SPEAKER_02 (02:35):
Y'all want to do it.
SPEAKER_01 (02:42):
Today's episode, Beyond the Actor, why Brandon
Claybon is passionate aboutAlzheimer's advocacy.
What's up, fam?
It's your girl Jay Smiles.
And once again, you know what Imean?
It's like, ah, the universekeeps blessing me.
I think maybe they're like, hey,if you gotta put up with your
(03:02):
mama having Alzheimer's, whatwe're gonna do is keep getting
better and better and betterguests.
All right, I'll take it.
I wish my mom didn't have thedisease, but give me something.
You know what I mean?
And today is just that instance.
You always hear, hey, it's onlywomen doing this.
Men are not involved as beingfamily caregivers.
Uh not.
We're about to put that in thetrash for once and for all.
(03:26):
You've seen him on a bunch ofstuff, all right?
But what I know people like themost is Beyond the Gate.
Listen, Zatima, yes.
Beyond the Gates, whoo, thenumber of people who are trying
to find this man somewhere isprobably illegal, but right now
I got it, okay?
(03:47):
Brandon Clavon.
How you doing, Brandon?
SPEAKER_03 (03:51):
I'm doing great, great.
Thanks so much for having me.
SPEAKER_01 (03:54):
Thank you for being here.
And to have a platform like youhave, and then to choose to
advocate for something outsideof your profession is
commendable, and thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (04:05):
Well, um, once again, thank you for having me.
I um I'm a person that believesthat your purpose in life is not
always what you do.
And of course, I'm an actor.
Uh, that's what I do, but Ithink my purpose in life is to
uplift, encourage, um, educate,uh, and entertain others.
(04:28):
So I'm just happy to be here.
SPEAKER_01 (04:29):
You also must drink copious amounts of water because
your skin is flawless.
So I don't know.
But they got to do the acting.
But I'm gonna try to figure outhow to get his water regimen and
I'm gonna let y'all in on it.
So here at the Parenting UpPodcast, we elevate and support
family caregivers.
Probably many of your fans don'tknow how connected you have been
(04:52):
to the world of dementia, toAlzheimer's specifically, and
how it has impacted your life.
Share with us the family memberswho have been diagnosed with the
disease.
Let us know are they alive, notalive.
SPEAKER_03 (05:08):
Well, the disease um runs on both sides of my family.
From my grandmother to my aunt,um, a cousin.
Um it's been with me throughoutmy life, um, until this moment
here.
So I feel like I've been touchedby the disease, and I feel like
(05:28):
since there isn't a cure, um, weneed to continue to advocate,
um, tell people about it, um,and find a cure.
I I think uh at some point in mylifetime, I hope to see it.
SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
Yes.
So what he's also saying, fam,is that means donate, right?
There's gonna be, we're gonnahave links and buttons
everywhere.
So find a cure is code for weneed money.
Cure comes with research andtrials, and we'll get more into
that.
For sure.
How old were you when the firstperson in your family that you
(06:05):
were that you knew of uhactually was starting to have
problems or showed signs?
SPEAKER_03 (06:11):
10, 10 years old.
Whoa.
Um and my gr grandmother umcalled me by my dad's name.
And at the time I I didn'tunderstand.
Um, but my father was letting meknow no, this happens when you
get older, but that necessarilywasn't the case.
He was just trying to explain itin a way that um I could grasp.
SPEAKER_01 (06:32):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (06:33):
Um but that was difficult for me because I was
one of her favoritegrandchildren, you know.
She also made uh sweet potatopies for me, like um throughout
the year.
Okay, and she wouldn't letanyone else touch these pies
until I made it to the house,and it's like, no, that's that's
(06:53):
Brema's Pie.
That was my nickname.
Brema or Bam Bam, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:57):
Oh, Brema and Bam Bam.
So listen, on the Parents andOut Podcasts, you always get
those juicy bits.
Okay, okay.
Where did you grow up?
SPEAKER_03 (07:05):
I grew up in a small town called Oakland, Tennessee,
which is 15, 20 minutes outsideof Memphis, Tennessee.
SPEAKER_01 (07:11):
All right.
SPEAKER_03 (07:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (07:12):
So it's not West Side, it's just Tennessee.
No, I'm I'm joking on beingCalifornia.
SPEAKER_03 (07:18):
Oh no.
No, but but I have lived in LosAngeles for the past 14 years.
So a little west side in me.
SPEAKER_01 (07:26):
Yeah, that's right.
That's right, that's right, fromthe acting, of course.
That makes perfect sense.
At 10, that's pretty heavy.
And I know that we are currentlyas a system of family caregivers
and advocates really trying tolet adults know hey, you can't
(07:46):
um expect children to not seeand feel, right?
You 10 years old, even if youdidn't know what was happening,
you could tell grandmama's notquite the same.
And there's so many um adultswho believe, well, there that's
just a child, he's just a child,we're not gonna bog him down, he
wouldn't understand, we're justgonna say grandmama doesn't feel
(08:09):
well.
But the number of people I'veinterviewed, Brandon, who
actually have carried that intotheir teenage years, into their
early adult years, thinking,could I have done something
differently?
Why didn't they tell me more?
Did you experience any of that?
SPEAKER_03 (08:25):
I did.
Um, because you know, we look atchildren as if they don't see or
they don't feel.
Um, but that's not the truth ofthe situation.
Um I've learned throughout theyears that I'm an empath, and so
I take on the feelings andenergy of everyone that I come
in contact with.
As a child, I didn't understandthat.
(08:47):
Um, but I get it.
I get it a lot more now becauseI knew something was wrong even
back then when my fatherwouldn't explain it to me.
Um I could just feel in his inhis eyes, or seeing my aunt, uh,
she was the caregiver for mygrandmother, just seeing how
(09:08):
things made her feel when mygrandmother would forget, or
just she just wouldn't know, orcall her by a different name.
Um, and it stuck with me.
Uh, and I knew that I wanted tobe an advocate for um
Alzheimer's awareness.
And um, yeah, and that's that'swhy I'm here.
SPEAKER_01 (09:25):
I love it.
I love it.
Uh, fam, for you all torecognize those who are not on
video and you're listening, itis amazing to sit with someone
who has been a part of thefamily caregiver village.
And so I'm smiling really bigwhen I say this for decades.
(09:46):
The world has not alwaysacknowledged the secondary and
tertiary levels of familycaregiving.
So children may be asked, hey,just go sit with grandmama for
an hour until your parents getoff work.
Well, in that one hour, thatchild is a caregiver.
(10:07):
Because they're responsible tocall 911 or to find the pills or
to keep grandmama from walkingoutside.
But so often the adults who say,well, just go sit with
grandmama, won't recognize thischild is the caregiver.
So what I am asking anyonelistening or watching is to
recognize that when thosechildren become a part of the
(10:30):
care process, please allow themto get uh some it may it may be
support, but I know theAll-Times Association actually
has a um support system foryoung people who they don't know
what to say, they don't evenknow what to ask, they don't
even know how to say, I don'tfeel right, I'm scared, I'm
(10:50):
nervous.
What if somebody comes to thehouse and asks to get in and
grandmama wants to leave?
I'm 10 years old.
I don't know how to makegrandmama stay in the house.
You know?
So that is something that uh Iappreciate you sharing, sharing
that with us.
Um with your cousin and youraunt.
Now, was this the aunt, the auntthat uh eventually had
(11:13):
Alzheimer's?
Is this the one who also caredfor your grandmother?
SPEAKER_03 (11:17):
Uh yes, it is.
Um and I I should say that hersiblings were involved as well.
So, of course, my dad helped.
Um, it was actually in his housethat she was staying.
Um my other aunt, she helped aswell.
Um it it takes a village, yes,you really to come together.
(11:38):
Like the entire family isaffected.
I don't care if you're 99 yearsold or you're one.
Everyone is affected in thefamily.
And um it's a blessing to seefamily come together uh for a
loved one like that as well.
So that's how I knew I wasblessed with great families on
(12:00):
both sides, my mom and dad.
Yes.
Um, it's a tight knit, you know,and we come together for each
other, for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (12:08):
That doesn't always happen.
SPEAKER_03 (12:10):
I and I understand.
SPEAKER_01 (12:11):
That doesn't always happen at all.
As you observed your elders,right?
So you're saying like one andtwo generations above you coming
together, connecting, to carefor whoever had Alzheimer's at
the time.
What did you see them doing thatyou say, wow, that really
(12:31):
worked?
Part of their strategy, or howthey divvied up the
responsibilities.
SPEAKER_03 (12:38):
It's quite interesting that you asked that.
So sometimes um adults try toget you to do something, they
try to tell you what to do.
So you have to think likethey're talking to their parent.
And telling a parent what to do,it's kind of difficult at times.
I don't care if you haveAlzheimer's or not.
(12:59):
So my grandmother's like, no,I'm not doing that.
So it's kind of like I just sawthem um, you know, basically
easing their way into doingthings.
I'm not gonna tell you exactly,but you might like to do this.
Or would you like to, you know,eat this cantaloupe?
Or um, would you like to have abanana?
(13:22):
It's it's kind of like askingover and over again, basically
getting on their nerves.
It's like, fine, just give it tome.
unknown (13:29):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (13:30):
Instead of um really demanding, because sometimes
that goes arrive.
It's like, no, who are youtalking to?
You you're not my, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (13:38):
That's I'm the mama.
SPEAKER_03 (13:39):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (13:40):
I've gotten that several times.
She remembers she's the mama.
SPEAKER_03 (13:43):
Yeah.
At the end of the day.
SPEAKER_01 (13:45):
Yes, and I am not the mama, and I am not in
charge.
Exactly.
And she has let my mother, uhZeti, who we're approaching year
14 right now, with uhAlzheimer's, she will let me and
the caregivers know.
So there's a caregiver with herright now, and there are times
when they say, Well, well, youknow, please, to use your
(14:06):
reference, eat this cantaloupe.
I don't want the cantaloupe.
Please eat the cantaloupe.
I don't want the cantaloupe.
I don't like cantaloupe.
Now, mind you, my mama lovescantaloupe, okay?
But that day she doesn't want tolove it.
So the best part is when thecaregivers tell me, I told her,
well, Jay said, please eat thecantaloupe.
(14:26):
And then she responds, sheretorts, Jay, Jay can't tell me
what to do.
She is my child.
I'm like, dang, oh, butcantaloupe?
Are we are we really about tobattle over this mama?
But it happens because, like yousaid, once the Alzheimer's is
attack attacks the brain, it'snot the same family member
(14:48):
anymore.
SPEAKER_03 (14:49):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:50):
Um, did most of your family members live in the same
city, same area?
Same city, okay.
SPEAKER_03 (14:57):
Same area.
Uh, most of them do.
Um, and once again, I didn'tknow how much of a blessing this
was until you go to school as akid and you're talking to other
friends about their families,and they tell you, oh, my family
lives in Montana and inWisconsin.
And I'm like, what?
SPEAKER_01 (15:14):
What?
Like, who was that?
Those are strangers that livethat far away.
SPEAKER_03 (15:18):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_01 (15:19):
Understood, understood.
Um, as you um your grand uh yourgrandmother, I believe, is not
correct.
What changes did you see umwithin yourself as well as your
family members who had offeredcare to her when she passed?
I'm asking this specificallybecause um families are often
(15:43):
torn.
In one way you are so happythey're no longer suffering, but
because there were so manyadditional intimate moments,
right, then there becomes thisbig void and gap because you're
like, hey, I was with her everyday, or I I was the one who was
responsible to shampoo her hair.
(16:03):
And there's sometimes we foundhere at the Panting Up
Community, that there's almostlike uh a sense of purpose
that's now vanished.
SPEAKER_03 (16:17):
Of course, you spend a lot of time and energy with um
the loved one.
Um once that once that person isno longer with us, I think what
I saw the most wasacknowledgement of the memories
in every moment that you had,even in the disease, because
(16:42):
sometimes it's just a lightbulb, something just happens,
and guess what?
They're on.
You know, they're on today.
You know, you start knocking,they was like, Yeah, I'm here.
That's right.
I'm I'm here.
What's up?
Um I think it was just momentswe we'll sit down and um like
family gatherings and we talkabout those moments.
(17:03):
Okay.
We talk about how my cousin umwould cook us cheesecakes every
holiday.
Like he was really, really goodat recipes.
Um, and of course, um withdementia, that all changed and
he couldn't remember it, and itwas upsetting because we didn't
get any of the recipes before.
(17:23):
And it was not like it waswritten down or anything.
And so my mom, she, you know, Ithink she tried.
Um, but it it would, it wasnever the same.
So we'd always have thememories, and just to talk about
them, that took up space andthat energy was still there, and
we we knew they're right aroundthe corner, they're right over
(17:44):
our shoulder.
SPEAKER_01 (17:45):
Okay, I'm gonna take this as a moment of personal
privilege.
Fam, get the recipes.
I don't have I don't even wantto name the recipes I don't have
for my grandmother.
But the point is, even if youhave a person who doesn't appear
to be sick at this time, thenext family gathering where you
are there, or you could just askthem, hey, just put the cell
(18:09):
phone on record.
You don't even have to talk.
We'll just watch what are youadding?
Why are you adding bacon soda toa pork chop?
No, and you because they dothings that you're like, I would
have that's not going to be onanything on Google.
Right.
But to get those recipes orstories, that's a part of how
the culture, whatever yourculture is, how it not only uh
(18:33):
survives but thrives.
SPEAKER_02 (18:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (18:35):
And I know I I uh really lament the things that I
don't have from my grandparents,um, for my dad for that matter,
things that they were justreally, really good at.
And they had uh kind ofuncovered a secret or two.
And I didn't get the secrets,you know.
I'm like, I messed around andlet you go without getting your
(18:56):
secrets.
So that I got to go figure thisthing out from scratch.
SPEAKER_03 (18:59):
But in the black family, all the secrets, we
couldn't keep up with themahogany.
SPEAKER_01 (19:03):
Well, I don't want all to be quite honest, Brandon.
So I don't, please don't tellme.
And if you tell me, I'm puttingmy fingers in my ears, I ain't
listening.
Also, for anybody who is notwatching video, I need to say
that these Jordans that he hason, I just look down and
laughed.
They so clean.
Cut it out.
(19:24):
They so clean, they so clean,and he probably didn't buy them
yesterday, which just means thatthis brother is clean.
I like a cleanness.
I like a cleanness, I like acleanness.
SPEAKER_03 (19:37):
Well, what did the old people say?
Cleanliness is next togodliness.
SPEAKER_01 (19:40):
That is what they say.
SPEAKER_03 (19:41):
That's what they say.
SPEAKER_01 (19:42):
So well, his shoes are godlike.
I don't know about the rest ofthem.
I'm not making this an intimatepodcast.
I'm just saying, his shoes isgoing to heaven.
Um as you have uh ascended inthe world of acting, you have
(20:02):
had a very successful career,and we wish you continued
success for sure.
Thank you.
How have you balanced yourprofessional responsibilities,
requirements, desires, passions,things that you maybe haven't
even done yet, with findingspace and time to care for
family members and to advocatefor uh Alzheimer's?
SPEAKER_03 (20:26):
To be honest with you, I'm still learning.
I'm still learning how tobalance everything.
I'm a Libra, and so balance isimportant, um, for sure.
Um, but I think it's a greatteam.
It's having a great team, um,having a great family that
checks in and, you know, it'slike, hey, they hold me
accountable.
(20:47):
Okay.
Um, and I know theresponsibility that's on my
shoulders, you know.
I've I've always been thisperson in my family.
It's not just because of Beyondthe Gates or Zatima or Grey's
Anatomy.
SPEAKER_01 (21:00):
I hear that, and there's some more too.
I'm gonna tell y'all that again.
But they so casually, you knowwhat I mean?
I'm over here saying I casuallymade it to Starbucks this
morning, you know what I mean?
And then brother drops down.
Well, just uh hit after hitafter hit after hit, keep going.
SPEAKER_03 (21:15):
But but I've always been this person.
Um, and I know the light that Icarry and I know the
responsibility that I have formy family members and my
community.
SPEAKER_01 (21:25):
So boom.
SPEAKER_03 (21:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:27):
How do you care for yourself?
SPEAKER_03 (21:31):
I like to vacation a lot.
So um I just got back from NewOrleans uh for my birthday, and
I ate everything in sight fromshrimp po boys to um uh what
else did I have?
Gambo and beignets and etuffe.
(21:51):
I said no to nothing.
Yeah.
So now I'm going on a diet.
unknown (21:58):
That's okay.
SPEAKER_01 (21:59):
You look you that you went hard and now you're
gonna go hard getting back intothe balance.
Like what the Libra needs.
I uh my maternal grandmother'soriginally from New Orleans, so
I think I feel I grew up inMontgomery, Alabama, but New
Orleans it feels like a secondhome because so many of my
summers were spent there umhanging out with cousins and
(22:21):
great-grandparents.
And if you think grandparents,okay, family, if you think
grandparents spoil you, if youhave the honor and the privilege
of having a great grandparentalive as you come of age, that
is, it probably is ridiculous.
Probably whatever part of me isrotten, it started with my
mama's grandmama, mama T down inthe seventh ward in New Orleans.
(22:45):
So all of the things you justmentioned, eating, uh, now my
mouth is extra watering.
I got to make sure that I don'tstart doing spit bubbles because
that was what I had every daywhen I was down there.
SPEAKER_03 (22:55):
You know, I didn't Now I know you're an empath as
well.
I am.
Okay, so now we're in NewOrleans, and everybody kept
asking me about the witches andwarlocks and the vampires.
I told them, I said, I knew whothey were.
I said, but um, I was at theheight of my power, so I was
like, I'm okay.
unknown (23:12):
Okay, that's right.
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (23:14):
You going to them, you say, Oh no, thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (23:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:17):
And you keep walking.
SPEAKER_03 (23:18):
You keep walking.
SPEAKER_01 (23:19):
Some of them might be in your family.
You just don't spend the nightat their houses.
SPEAKER_03 (23:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:22):
Well, I don't.
I can't tell you what everybodydoes, but I don't.
Uh I have found that were it notfor intuition, I already
wouldn't be here.
SPEAKER_03 (23:31):
Yeah.
Um God given.
SPEAKER_01 (23:33):
And if even if my physical body would be here, the
spirit of who I am, thestrength, the resilience that
has uh been a part of my journeycomes from intuition, which is
the Holy Spirit.
Which is it's the part of methat defies all logic, right?
And in human reason andrationale.
(23:53):
And I'm grateful for it.
And it really did start with myNew Orleanian side.
My grandmother, who would mygrandfather's a good old
Southern Baptist Alabama boy,and he's like, you he needed to
see it and experience it tobelieve it.
And my my grandmother, his wife,thought that was the most
idiotic thing.
SPEAKER_02 (24:14):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:14):
She would tell him, and all of us, hey, experience
is not the best teacher, but afool will learn no other way.
Now, I was probably up to lastweek before I fully understood
all the parts of that phrase.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (24:31):
You have to go through it on your own.
SPEAKER_01 (24:32):
You don't have to always, sometimes you ain't
gotta go through it.
Sometimes if I watch you gothrough it, that's good for me,
Brandon.
I'm like, you know what?
If it didn't work for Brandon,yeah.
I'm gonna go and say it probablywon't work for me.
SPEAKER_03 (24:42):
But you know, you all people aren't like that.
SPEAKER_01 (24:44):
I know, but I'm I'm leaning into it more.
Yeah, I'm leaning into that.
SPEAKER_03 (24:47):
But it was something you you told me earlier.
Um you were moved to um become acomedian.
Yes.
Um, but you said the spirit toldyou it's time to move.
And I said, you move or bemoved.
And so for me, I I don't want tobe moved.
I was like, because when hemoves me, I was like, you know
(25:10):
what, Lord forgive me.
Yeah.
But you get it, you know what itis, you recognize it, and then
go ahead, press on.
SPEAKER_01 (25:19):
You're absolutely right.
It is much more, it is moredifficult when you are moved
versus if you move.
SPEAKER_03 (25:27):
For sure.
SPEAKER_01 (25:28):
Because um, whatever obstacles and resistance that I
have tried to give to the HolySpirit, it doesn't work.
And then now I just got uh I'mout of breath and I got bruises
and scrapes and bad memories.
And I wasted time.
So uh that is a major part Ibelieve in being a family
(25:49):
caregiver is going with the flowand don't resist it.
So many people believe in the inthe initial stages that their
loved one, their family member,the person they're caring for,
is choosing to forget or notworking hard enough to remember.
SPEAKER_03 (26:12):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (26:12):
And then they so they may be providing care, but
they're providing care with alittle bit of a grain of salt in
their spirit or a little bit offrustration.
SPEAKER_02 (26:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (26:23):
Because it's like, well, you you knew this two
hours ago.
How is it possible that youdon't know it now?
And I think a part of theadvocacy and awareness is that
the disease is just that tricky.
It is just that fleeting.
They could remember everythingand five minutes later not know
(26:45):
where they are.
And that is real.
That is an experience that ifyou don't have the disease, you
can't relate.
And we have yet to have thefirst person as an Alzheimer's
survivor, so we don't haveanybody who could tell us on the
other side what the experiencewas like.
Um, did you have personalexperiences with any of your uh
(27:08):
loved ones who had the disease,either forgetting who you were
or trying to leave the house orsomething that was really
jarring in your spirit?
SPEAKER_03 (27:17):
Um yes, forgetting who they were, um trying to
leave uh out of the room, uh notbeing fully dressed, because at
this time, you know, they forgothow to uh put clothes on, uh,
how to bathe themselves.
Um and this is me seeing this ata young age.
(27:40):
And it shook me.
It shook me, uh, especially uhduring that time because I
didn't fully understand what washappening, but I just knew that
my grandmother or my aunt or mycousin, they just weren't the
same as before.
And I think I had that level ofuh frustration as well.
It's like what you know, it wasjust you know, last week when I
(28:02):
saw you, you know.
Um, and I I get that and I Iunderstand it, but I would say
to anyone, um, patience.
Patience with your loved ones.
You know how much they loved andcared for you.
That's how much love and care umyou have to give back.
SPEAKER_01 (28:18):
So oh wow, this has been an amazing conversation.
Um I again cannot uh show enoughgratitude on behalf of the
parenting up family and familycaregivers for you to choose.
I don't want to highlight it,choose to be an advocate.
Because everyone who is a familycaregiver, whether you are the
(28:40):
person actually putting the pillin the um Alzheimer's sufferer's
mouth, or you the one writingthe check for the pills, or
you're just calling the familycaregiver to say, hey, are you
okay?
I'm gonna send you a gift card.
There are so many layers to whatthis village needs to be.
And uh for you to choose,because all of us choose to be
(29:02):
family caregivers, and nobody,nobody, and we don't want it.
Like because you don't want itto, you don't want to be needed.
That's what I try to tellpeople.
I don't want my mother to needme in this way.
Of course I love her, and I'lldo anything in the world, but I
sure wish it was something elsethat she needed me to do for
her.
SPEAKER_03 (29:19):
Um so as we And you know she wouldn't want that as
well.
SPEAKER_01 (29:23):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (29:23):
You know.
SPEAKER_01 (29:24):
At all.
Yeah.
Anyone, if you met my mom forfive minutes, this is not at all
what she wants.
As a matter of fact, sheactually would do things to not
get Alzheimer's, Brandon.
Can you believe that?
The irony of it.
She was the first person in ourfamily to have this disease.
(29:45):
Normally, I mean, her dad hadit, but he had a lot of other
stuff going on.
And he was in his late 80s,okay?
When it came, so they were like,Yeah, he was probably gonna die
from round robin.
Let's pick the short straw.
You know what I mean?
He had a number.
But so Alzheimer's had not beena part of our family on either
side.
One side was strokes and heartattacks, the other side was
(30:07):
cancer.
Neither happened to my mom.
And she actually would do likeuh sudoku puzzles, and I
remember her saying, I readsomething, Jay, that you need to
uh brush your teeth with yournon-dominant hand three times a
week to say so she was readingthese things in her late 40s,
early 50s, almost as apremonition.
(30:30):
I don't know.
I was like, what?
Mama Alzheimer's.
And the disease got her, itattacked her.
I will admit, and I'm going toask you this, only answer if you
feel comfortable, that I have myown trepidations around will I
acquire the this this diseasesince it was my mom?
And and what part of mygenealogy is like hers, what
(30:54):
part of my lifestyle is likehers.
So I have concerns.
Do you have any of thoseconcerns because of your family
history?
SPEAKER_03 (31:01):
Of course I do.
And not just for myself, but formy parents.
It's on both sides of my family,so I think about them all the
time.
You know?
SPEAKER_01 (31:10):
Yeah, yeah.
I got it.
I got it.
Give us a bit of hope andpositivity for people who are
family caregivers, especially ifthey are younger, let's say
teenagers, early 20s, andthere's an uncle or a
grandparent, or maybe a parentwho is starting to show signs
(31:30):
and they're needing to stop by alittle more, go to the grocery
store, maybe do their laundry.
What can you suggest that cankeep them fortified and
energized at such a young agewhen they're needing to kind of
step in and help out?
SPEAKER_03 (31:46):
Um, well, definitely at a young age, I would tell all
the kids out there time is soexpensive.
And you don't know it nowbecause you're so young, but
cherish your moments that youhave with your loved ones now.
Every small moment you have, ifeven if you could just have
(32:07):
breakfast with a parent or agrandparent, um really be
present, put the phone down andjust be right there with your
loved ones.
That's the most important thingI could tell anyone.
SPEAKER_01 (32:24):
Put the phone down.
Did you hear that?
Brandon Bam Bam said, put thephone down.
That's a whole word.
Yeah.
And this man, you know,arguably, PR media, social
media, that's his job, that'shis job.
That helps his career be morelong-lasting.
(32:44):
But in those moments, he's like,uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
Not right now.
SPEAKER_03 (32:47):
Not this time.
SPEAKER_01 (32:48):
Not at this time.
SPEAKER_03 (32:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:49):
Thank you so much for sharing that.
SPEAKER_03 (32:51):
No, thank you for having me.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (32:53):
Now, let everybody know about any uh about your
projects that are current, maybesomething that hadn't been
announced yet, but it's notunder contractual obligation,
and you ain't you can tell us,uh, or also everywhere they can
find you.
SPEAKER_03 (33:08):
Well, guys, you can find me um Monday through Friday
on Beyond the Gates on CBS, 2p.m.
Eastern, 1 p.m.
Central.
Um, also, you can find me on allsocial media.
It's just my name, BrandonClaybon.
And yeah, uh, hope to see youguys around and talk to you soon
and connect.
And um, thanks for listening tous.
SPEAKER_01 (33:29):
Fantastic.
That's a wrap.
The snuggle ups.
Number one.
Y'all, we have to do better byour kids.
The kids who are in the family,the neighborhood kids that
actually come in and sit withadults who have dementia,
(33:50):
Alzheimer's Parkinson, even ifit's cancer.
I know it's the Parents of UpPodcast, and we focus on
Alzheimer's, but our kids arebeing really smushed emotionally
and psychologically because theydon't know what's happening, but
they see the change occurring infront of them.
So don't discount what theyneed.
(34:13):
You know, maybe there's asupport group at an Alzheimer's
Association chapter near you.
Maybe you can find something ifyou talk to um the loved ones'
doctor, their neurologist, theirprimary care physician, they may
have suggestions.
They're books that help childrenunderstand what's happening and
their place in it.
(34:33):
Because this is what you need toknow.
They are caregivers.
If they have the help at all,then they are also a caregiver.
And they deserve a way to knowthat they are also supported.
Number two, if you are somebodyunder 25 years old, please do
everything you can to takeadvantage of the time that you
(34:57):
have with people who are olderthan you.
It might be a grandparent, itcould be a teacher, but you
don't know what thoseconversations could mean later.
And when you look back overlife, regret is the one thing
you really don't want to have.
Because you can't get rid of it,you can't erase it, you can't uh
(35:19):
work yourself out of it, andain't enough money to get rid of
regret.
The big thing is be ten toesdown, fully experienced and
enjoy wherever you are in thatmoment with those individuals.
Maybe they're just a little bitolder than you, they might be an
older cousin, but you don't knowhow that will impact you and get
(35:40):
you prepared for things later inlife, like caregiving.
They don't have caregivingschool yet, at least not that I
know about.
Number three, this is to all myexisting family caregivers.
Yes, this shit is hard, butthere are more and more people
who are becoming aware of ourflight, of our journey, of our
(36:01):
struggle.
So don't lose heart.
Don't give up.
Take the breaks.
Brandon said he made sure thathe gets vacation.
What is the thing that you knowyou got to get and you got to do
to stay psychologically whole,to stay physically healthy, to
stay well.
(36:22):
What is it that you have to do?
Because we can't get throughthis without you.
Yes, we want a cure, we wantresearch, but until then, it's
family caregivers that aremaking this thing work.
Alright?
So take care of you.
Thank you for tuning in.
I mean, really, really, reallythank you so very much for
(36:43):
tuning in.
Whether you're watching this onYouTube or if you're listening
on your favorite podcast audioplatform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe.
Come back.
That's the way you're gonna knowwhen we do something next.
Y'all know how it is.
I'm Jay Smiles.
I might just drop something hotin the middle of the night.
How have you balanced your professional
responsibilities, requirements,desires, passions, things that
you maybe haven't even done yet,with finding space and time to
care for family members and toadvocate for Alzheimer's.
SPEAKER_03 (00:18):
To be honest with you, I've always been this
person in my family.
It's not just because of Beyondthe Gates or the team of Grey's
Anatomy.
SPEAKER_01 (00:26):
I hear that and it's more too.
I'm gonna tell y'all that again.
That's so casually.
You know what I mean?
I'm over here saying I casuallymade it to Starbucks this
morning.
You know what I mean?
And the brother drops down,well, just uh hit after it.
Hit after it.
SPEAKER_03 (00:42):
You move or be moved.
And so for me, I don't want tobe moved.
That's like, because when hemoves me, I was like, you know
what?
Lord, forget me.
Uh but you get it, you know whatit is, you recognize it, and
then go ahead, press on.
SPEAKER_01 (00:58):
Parenting up Caregiving Adventures with
comedian Jay Smiles.
It's the intense journey ofunexpectedly being fully
responsible for my mama.
For over a decade, I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her, and pushingall time of awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
(01:27):
Caregiver Newbie, OG, andvillage members just willing to
prop up with Caregiver.
You are in the right place.
SPEAKER_00 (01:37):
Hi, this is Z.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
SPEAKER_01 (01:52):
Today's supporter shout out comes from YouTube.
Nicole Houston Johnson 8405.
You did it! It is allcapitalized, and it's three
exclamation points.
Thank you so much.
Whatever it is we do is onlypossible because of our global
care village.
(02:13):
It is a big deal that you allhave continued to take this
journey with me and my team.
I don't have enough gratitude toshare.
If you would like to be therecipient of a supporter shout
out, you know what to do.
Go to YouTube, leave a review,go to Apple's Podcast, leave a
review, leave a comment, shareit with somebody.
SPEAKER_02 (02:35):
Y'all want to do it.
SPEAKER_01 (02:42):
Today's episode, Beyond the Actor, why Brandon
Claybon is passionate aboutAlzheimer's advocacy.
What's up, fam?
It's your girl Jay Smiles.
And once again, you know what Imean?
It's like, ah, the universekeeps blessing me.
I think maybe they're like, hey,if you gotta put up with your
(03:02):
mama having Alzheimer's, whatwe're gonna do is keep getting
better and better and betterguests.
All right, I'll take it.
I wish my mom didn't have thedisease, but give me something.
You know what I mean?
And today is just that instance.
You always hear, hey, it's onlywomen doing this.
Men are not involved as beingfamily caregivers.
Uh not.
We're about to put that in thetrash for once and for all.
(03:26):
You've seen him on a bunch ofstuff, all right?
But what I know people like themost is Beyond the Gate.
Listen, Zatima, yes.
Beyond the Gates, whoo, thenumber of people who are trying
to find this man somewhere isprobably illegal, but right now
I got it, okay?
(03:47):
Brandon Clavon.
How you doing, Brandon?
SPEAKER_03 (03:51):
I'm doing great, great.
Thanks so much for having me.
SPEAKER_01 (03:54):
Thank you for being here.
And to have a platform like youhave, and then to choose to
advocate for something outsideof your profession is
commendable, and thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (04:05):
Well, um, once again, thank you for having me.
I um I'm a person that believesthat your purpose in life is not
always what you do.
And of course, I'm an actor.
Uh, that's what I do, but Ithink my purpose in life is to
uplift, encourage, um, educate,uh, and entertain others.
(04:28):
So I'm just happy to be here.
SPEAKER_01 (04:29):
You also must drink copious amounts of water because
your skin is flawless.
So I don't know.
But they got to do the acting.
But I'm gonna try to figure outhow to get his water regimen and
I'm gonna let y'all in on it.
So here at the Parenting UpPodcast, we elevate and support
family caregivers.
Probably many of your fans don'tknow how connected you have been
(04:52):
to the world of dementia, toAlzheimer's specifically, and
how it has impacted your life.
Share with us the family memberswho have been diagnosed with the
disease.
Let us know are they alive, notalive.
SPEAKER_03 (05:08):
Well, the disease um runs on both sides of my family.
From my grandmother to my aunt,um, a cousin.
Um it's been with me throughoutmy life, um, until this moment
here.
So I feel like I've been touchedby the disease, and I feel like
(05:28):
since there isn't a cure, um, weneed to continue to advocate,
um, tell people about it, um,and find a cure.
I I think uh at some point in mylifetime, I hope to see it.
SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
Yes.
So what he's also saying, fam,is that means donate, right?
There's gonna be, we're gonnahave links and buttons
everywhere.
So find a cure is code for weneed money.
Cure comes with research andtrials, and we'll get more into
that.
For sure.
How old were you when the firstperson in your family that you
(06:05):
were that you knew of uhactually was starting to have
problems or showed signs?
SPEAKER_03 (06:11):
10, 10 years old.
Whoa.
Um and my gr grandmother umcalled me by my dad's name.
And at the time I I didn'tunderstand.
Um, but my father was letting meknow no, this happens when you
get older, but that necessarilywasn't the case.
He was just trying to explain itin a way that um I could grasp.
SPEAKER_01 (06:32):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (06:33):
Um but that was difficult for me because I was
one of her favoritegrandchildren, you know.
She also made uh sweet potatopies for me, like um throughout
the year.
Okay, and she wouldn't letanyone else touch these pies
until I made it to the house,and it's like, no, that's that's
(06:53):
Brema's Pie.
That was my nickname.
Brema or Bam Bam, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:57):
Oh, Brema and Bam Bam.
So listen, on the Parents andOut Podcasts, you always get
those juicy bits.
Okay, okay.
Where did you grow up?
SPEAKER_03 (07:05):
I grew up in a small town called Oakland, Tennessee,
which is 15, 20 minutes outsideof Memphis, Tennessee.
SPEAKER_01 (07:11):
All right.
SPEAKER_03 (07:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (07:12):
So it's not West Side, it's just Tennessee.
No, I'm I'm joking on beingCalifornia.
SPEAKER_03 (07:18):
Oh no.
No, but but I have lived in LosAngeles for the past 14 years.
So a little west side in me.
SPEAKER_01 (07:26):
Yeah, that's right.
That's right, that's right, fromthe acting, of course.
That makes perfect sense.
At 10, that's pretty heavy.
And I know that we are currentlyas a system of family caregivers
and advocates really trying tolet adults know hey, you can't
(07:46):
um expect children to not seeand feel, right?
You 10 years old, even if youdidn't know what was happening,
you could tell grandmama's notquite the same.
And there's so many um adultswho believe, well, there that's
just a child, he's just a child,we're not gonna bog him down, he
wouldn't understand, we're justgonna say grandmama doesn't feel
(08:09):
well.
But the number of people I'veinterviewed, Brandon, who
actually have carried that intotheir teenage years, into their
early adult years, thinking,could I have done something
differently?
Why didn't they tell me more?
Did you experience any of that?
SPEAKER_03 (08:25):
I did.
Um, because you know, we look atchildren as if they don't see or
they don't feel.
Um, but that's not the truth ofthe situation.
Um I've learned throughout theyears that I'm an empath, and so
I take on the feelings andenergy of everyone that I come
in contact with.
As a child, I didn't understandthat.
(08:47):
Um, but I get it.
I get it a lot more now becauseI knew something was wrong even
back then when my fatherwouldn't explain it to me.
Um I could just feel in his inhis eyes, or seeing my aunt, uh,
she was the caregiver for mygrandmother, just seeing how
(09:08):
things made her feel when mygrandmother would forget, or
just she just wouldn't know, orcall her by a different name.
Um, and it stuck with me.
Uh, and I knew that I wanted tobe an advocate for um
Alzheimer's awareness.
And um, yeah, and that's that'swhy I'm here.
SPEAKER_01 (09:25):
I love it.
I love it.
Uh, fam, for you all torecognize those who are not on
video and you're listening, itis amazing to sit with someone
who has been a part of thefamily caregiver village.
And so I'm smiling really bigwhen I say this for decades.
(09:46):
The world has not alwaysacknowledged the secondary and
tertiary levels of familycaregiving.
So children may be asked, hey,just go sit with grandmama for
an hour until your parents getoff work.
Well, in that one hour, thatchild is a caregiver.
(10:07):
Because they're responsible tocall 911 or to find the pills or
to keep grandmama from walkingoutside.
But so often the adults who say,well, just go sit with
grandmama, won't recognize thischild is the caregiver.
So what I am asking anyonelistening or watching is to
recognize that when thosechildren become a part of the
(10:30):
care process, please allow themto get uh some it may it may be
support, but I know theAll-Times Association actually
has a um support system foryoung people who they don't know
what to say, they don't evenknow what to ask, they don't
even know how to say, I don'tfeel right, I'm scared, I'm
(10:50):
nervous.
What if somebody comes to thehouse and asks to get in and
grandmama wants to leave?
I'm 10 years old.
I don't know how to makegrandmama stay in the house.
You know?
So that is something that uh Iappreciate you sharing, sharing
that with us.
Um with your cousin and youraunt.
Now, was this the aunt, the auntthat uh eventually had
(11:13):
Alzheimer's?
Is this the one who also caredfor your grandmother?
SPEAKER_03 (11:17):
Uh yes, it is.
Um and I I should say that hersiblings were involved as well.
So, of course, my dad helped.
Um, it was actually in his housethat she was staying.
Um my other aunt, she helped aswell.
Um it it takes a village, yes,you really to come together.
(11:38):
Like the entire family isaffected.
I don't care if you're 99 yearsold or you're one.
Everyone is affected in thefamily.
And um it's a blessing to seefamily come together uh for a
loved one like that as well.
So that's how I knew I wasblessed with great families on
(12:00):
both sides, my mom and dad.
Yes.
Um, it's a tight knit, you know,and we come together for each
other, for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (12:08):
That doesn't always happen.
SPEAKER_03 (12:10):
I and I understand.
SPEAKER_01 (12:11):
That doesn't always happen at all.
As you observed your elders,right?
So you're saying like one andtwo generations above you coming
together, connecting, to carefor whoever had Alzheimer's at
the time.
What did you see them doing thatyou say, wow, that really
(12:31):
worked?
Part of their strategy, or howthey divvied up the
responsibilities.
SPEAKER_03 (12:38):
It's quite interesting that you asked that.
So sometimes um adults try toget you to do something, they
try to tell you what to do.
So you have to think likethey're talking to their parent.
And telling a parent what to do,it's kind of difficult at times.
I don't care if you haveAlzheimer's or not.
(12:59):
So my grandmother's like, no,I'm not doing that.
So it's kind of like I just sawthem um, you know, basically
easing their way into doingthings.
I'm not gonna tell you exactly,but you might like to do this.
Or would you like to, you know,eat this cantaloupe?
Or um, would you like to have abanana?
(13:22):
It's it's kind of like askingover and over again, basically
getting on their nerves.
It's like, fine, just give it tome.
unknown (13:29):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (13:30):
Instead of um really demanding, because sometimes
that goes arrive.
It's like, no, who are youtalking to?
You you're not my, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (13:38):
That's I'm the mama.
SPEAKER_03 (13:39):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (13:40):
I've gotten that several times.
She remembers she's the mama.
SPEAKER_03 (13:43):
Yeah.
At the end of the day.
SPEAKER_01 (13:45):
Yes, and I am not the mama, and I am not in
charge.
Exactly.
And she has let my mother, uhZeti, who we're approaching year
14 right now, with uhAlzheimer's, she will let me and
the caregivers know.
So there's a caregiver with herright now, and there are times
when they say, Well, well, youknow, please, to use your
(14:06):
reference, eat this cantaloupe.
I don't want the cantaloupe.
Please eat the cantaloupe.
I don't want the cantaloupe.
I don't like cantaloupe.
Now, mind you, my mama lovescantaloupe, okay?
But that day she doesn't want tolove it.
So the best part is when thecaregivers tell me, I told her,
well, Jay said, please eat thecantaloupe.
(14:26):
And then she responds, sheretorts, Jay, Jay can't tell me
what to do.
She is my child.
I'm like, dang, oh, butcantaloupe?
Are we are we really about tobattle over this mama?
But it happens because, like yousaid, once the Alzheimer's is
attack attacks the brain, it'snot the same family member
(14:48):
anymore.
SPEAKER_03 (14:49):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:50):
Um, did most of your family members live in the same
city, same area?
Same city, okay.
SPEAKER_03 (14:57):
Same area.
Uh, most of them do.
Um, and once again, I didn'tknow how much of a blessing this
was until you go to school as akid and you're talking to other
friends about their families,and they tell you, oh, my family
lives in Montana and inWisconsin.
And I'm like, what?
SPEAKER_01 (15:14):
What?
Like, who was that?
Those are strangers that livethat far away.
SPEAKER_03 (15:18):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_01 (15:19):
Understood, understood.
Um, as you um your grand uh yourgrandmother, I believe, is not
correct.
What changes did you see umwithin yourself as well as your
family members who had offeredcare to her when she passed?
I'm asking this specificallybecause um families are often
(15:43):
torn.
In one way you are so happythey're no longer suffering, but
because there were so manyadditional intimate moments,
right, then there becomes thisbig void and gap because you're
like, hey, I was with her everyday, or I I was the one who was
responsible to shampoo her hair.
(16:03):
And there's sometimes we foundhere at the Panting Up
Community, that there's almostlike uh a sense of purpose
that's now vanished.
SPEAKER_03 (16:17):
Of course, you spend a lot of time and energy with um
the loved one.
Um once that once that person isno longer with us, I think what
I saw the most wasacknowledgement of the memories
in every moment that you had,even in the disease, because
(16:42):
sometimes it's just a lightbulb, something just happens,
and guess what?
They're on.
You know, they're on today.
You know, you start knocking,they was like, Yeah, I'm here.
That's right.
I'm I'm here.
What's up?
Um I think it was just momentswe we'll sit down and um like
family gatherings and we talkabout those moments.
(17:03):
Okay.
We talk about how my cousin umwould cook us cheesecakes every
holiday.
Like he was really, really goodat recipes.
Um, and of course, um withdementia, that all changed and
he couldn't remember it, and itwas upsetting because we didn't
get any of the recipes before.
(17:23):
And it was not like it waswritten down or anything.
And so my mom, she, you know, Ithink she tried.
Um, but it it would, it wasnever the same.
So we'd always have thememories, and just to talk about
them, that took up space andthat energy was still there, and
we we knew they're right aroundthe corner, they're right over
(17:44):
our shoulder.
SPEAKER_01 (17:45):
Okay, I'm gonna take this as a moment of personal
privilege.
Fam, get the recipes.
I don't have I don't even wantto name the recipes I don't have
for my grandmother.
But the point is, even if youhave a person who doesn't appear
to be sick at this time, thenext family gathering where you
are there, or you could just askthem, hey, just put the cell
(18:09):
phone on record.
You don't even have to talk.
We'll just watch what are youadding?
Why are you adding bacon soda toa pork chop?
No, and you because they dothings that you're like, I would
have that's not going to be onanything on Google.
Right.
But to get those recipes orstories, that's a part of how
the culture, whatever yourculture is, how it not only uh
(18:33):
survives but thrives.
SPEAKER_02 (18:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (18:35):
And I know I I uh really lament the things that I
don't have from my grandparents,um, for my dad for that matter,
things that they were justreally, really good at.
And they had uh kind ofuncovered a secret or two.
And I didn't get the secrets,you know.
I'm like, I messed around andlet you go without getting your
(18:56):
secrets.
So that I got to go figure thisthing out from scratch.
SPEAKER_03 (18:59):
But in the black family, all the secrets, we
couldn't keep up with themahogany.
SPEAKER_01 (19:03):
Well, I don't want all to be quite honest, Brandon.
So I don't, please don't tellme.
And if you tell me, I'm puttingmy fingers in my ears, I ain't
listening.
Also, for anybody who is notwatching video, I need to say
that these Jordans that he hason, I just look down and
laughed.
They so clean.
Cut it out.
(19:24):
They so clean, they so clean,and he probably didn't buy them
yesterday, which just means thatthis brother is clean.
I like a cleanness.
I like a cleanness, I like acleanness.
SPEAKER_03 (19:37):
Well, what did the old people say?
Cleanliness is next togodliness.
SPEAKER_01 (19:40):
That is what they say.
SPEAKER_03 (19:41):
That's what they say.
SPEAKER_01 (19:42):
So well, his shoes are godlike.
I don't know about the rest ofthem.
I'm not making this an intimatepodcast.
I'm just saying, his shoes isgoing to heaven.
Um as you have uh ascended inthe world of acting, you have
(20:02):
had a very successful career,and we wish you continued
success for sure.
Thank you.
How have you balanced yourprofessional responsibilities,
requirements, desires, passions,things that you maybe haven't
even done yet, with findingspace and time to care for
family members and to advocatefor uh Alzheimer's?
SPEAKER_03 (20:26):
To be honest with you, I'm still learning.
I'm still learning how tobalance everything.
I'm a Libra, and so balance isimportant, um, for sure.
Um, but I think it's a greatteam.
It's having a great team, um,having a great family that
checks in and, you know, it'slike, hey, they hold me
accountable.
(20:47):
Okay.
Um, and I know theresponsibility that's on my
shoulders, you know.
I've I've always been thisperson in my family.
It's not just because of Beyondthe Gates or Zatima or Grey's
Anatomy.
SPEAKER_01 (21:00):
I hear that, and there's some more too.
I'm gonna tell y'all that again.
But they so casually, you knowwhat I mean?
I'm over here saying I casuallymade it to Starbucks this
morning, you know what I mean?
And then brother drops down.
Well, just uh hit after hitafter hit after hit, keep going.
SPEAKER_03 (21:15):
But but I've always been this person.
Um, and I know the light that Icarry and I know the
responsibility that I have formy family members and my
community.
SPEAKER_01 (21:25):
So boom.
SPEAKER_03 (21:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:27):
How do you care for yourself?
SPEAKER_03 (21:31):
I like to vacation a lot.
So um I just got back from NewOrleans uh for my birthday, and
I ate everything in sight fromshrimp po boys to um uh what
else did I have?
Gambo and beignets and etuffe.
(21:51):
I said no to nothing.
Yeah.
So now I'm going on a diet.
unknown (21:58):
That's okay.
SPEAKER_01 (21:59):
You look you that you went hard and now you're
gonna go hard getting back intothe balance.
Like what the Libra needs.
I uh my maternal grandmother'soriginally from New Orleans, so
I think I feel I grew up inMontgomery, Alabama, but New
Orleans it feels like a secondhome because so many of my
summers were spent there umhanging out with cousins and
(22:21):
great-grandparents.
And if you think grandparents,okay, family, if you think
grandparents spoil you, if youhave the honor and the privilege
of having a great grandparentalive as you come of age, that
is, it probably is ridiculous.
Probably whatever part of me isrotten, it started with my
mama's grandmama, mama T down inthe seventh ward in New Orleans.
(22:45):
So all of the things you justmentioned, eating, uh, now my
mouth is extra watering.
I got to make sure that I don'tstart doing spit bubbles because
that was what I had every daywhen I was down there.
SPEAKER_03 (22:55):
You know, I didn't Now I know you're an empath as
well.
I am.
Okay, so now we're in NewOrleans, and everybody kept
asking me about the witches andwarlocks and the vampires.
I told them, I said, I knew whothey were.
I said, but um, I was at theheight of my power, so I was
like, I'm okay.
unknown (23:12):
Okay, that's right.
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (23:14):
You going to them, you say, Oh no, thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (23:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:17):
And you keep walking.
SPEAKER_03 (23:18):
You keep walking.
SPEAKER_01 (23:19):
Some of them might be in your family.
You just don't spend the nightat their houses.
SPEAKER_03 (23:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:22):
Well, I don't.
I can't tell you what everybodydoes, but I don't.
Uh I have found that were it notfor intuition, I already
wouldn't be here.
SPEAKER_03 (23:31):
Yeah.
Um God given.
SPEAKER_01 (23:33):
And if even if my physical body would be here, the
spirit of who I am, thestrength, the resilience that
has uh been a part of my journeycomes from intuition, which is
the Holy Spirit.
Which is it's the part of methat defies all logic, right?
And in human reason andrationale.
(23:53):
And I'm grateful for it.
And it really did start with myNew Orleanian side.
My grandmother, who would mygrandfather's a good old
Southern Baptist Alabama boy,and he's like, you he needed to
see it and experience it tobelieve it.
And my my grandmother, his wife,thought that was the most
idiotic thing.
SPEAKER_02 (24:14):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:14):
She would tell him, and all of us, hey, experience
is not the best teacher, but afool will learn no other way.
Now, I was probably up to lastweek before I fully understood
all the parts of that phrase.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (24:31):
You have to go through it on your own.
SPEAKER_01 (24:32):
You don't have to always, sometimes you ain't
gotta go through it.
Sometimes if I watch you gothrough it, that's good for me,
Brandon.
I'm like, you know what?
If it didn't work for Brandon,yeah.
I'm gonna go and say it probablywon't work for me.
SPEAKER_03 (24:42):
But you know, you all people aren't like that.
SPEAKER_01 (24:44):
I know, but I'm I'm leaning into it more.
Yeah, I'm leaning into that.
SPEAKER_03 (24:47):
But it was something you you told me earlier.
Um you were moved to um become acomedian.
Yes.
Um, but you said the spirit toldyou it's time to move.
And I said, you move or bemoved.
And so for me, I I don't want tobe moved.
I was like, because when hemoves me, I was like, you know
(25:10):
what, Lord forgive me.
Yeah.
But you get it, you know what itis, you recognize it, and then
go ahead, press on.
SPEAKER_01 (25:19):
You're absolutely right.
It is much more, it is moredifficult when you are moved
versus if you move.
SPEAKER_03 (25:27):
For sure.
SPEAKER_01 (25:28):
Because um, whatever obstacles and resistance that I
have tried to give to the HolySpirit, it doesn't work.
And then now I just got uh I'mout of breath and I got bruises
and scrapes and bad memories.
And I wasted time.
So uh that is a major part Ibelieve in being a family
(25:49):
caregiver is going with the flowand don't resist it.
So many people believe in the inthe initial stages that their
loved one, their family member,the person they're caring for,
is choosing to forget or notworking hard enough to remember.
SPEAKER_03 (26:12):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (26:12):
And then they so they may be providing care, but
they're providing care with alittle bit of a grain of salt in
their spirit or a little bit offrustration.
SPEAKER_02 (26:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (26:23):
Because it's like, well, you you knew this two
hours ago.
How is it possible that youdon't know it now?
And I think a part of theadvocacy and awareness is that
the disease is just that tricky.
It is just that fleeting.
They could remember everythingand five minutes later not know
(26:45):
where they are.
And that is real.
That is an experience that ifyou don't have the disease, you
can't relate.
And we have yet to have thefirst person as an Alzheimer's
survivor, so we don't haveanybody who could tell us on the
other side what the experiencewas like.
Um, did you have personalexperiences with any of your uh
(27:08):
loved ones who had the disease,either forgetting who you were
or trying to leave the house orsomething that was really
jarring in your spirit?
SPEAKER_03 (27:17):
Um yes, forgetting who they were, um trying to
leave uh out of the room, uh notbeing fully dressed, because at
this time, you know, they forgothow to uh put clothes on, uh,
how to bathe themselves.
Um and this is me seeing this ata young age.
(27:40):
And it shook me.
It shook me, uh, especially uhduring that time because I
didn't fully understand what washappening, but I just knew that
my grandmother or my aunt or mycousin, they just weren't the
same as before.
And I think I had that level ofuh frustration as well.
It's like what you know, it wasjust you know, last week when I
(28:02):
saw you, you know.
Um, and I I get that and I Iunderstand it, but I would say
to anyone, um, patience.
Patience with your loved ones.
You know how much they loved andcared for you.
That's how much love and care umyou have to give back.
SPEAKER_01 (28:18):
So oh wow, this has been an amazing conversation.
Um I again cannot uh show enoughgratitude on behalf of the
parenting up family and familycaregivers for you to choose.
I don't want to highlight it,choose to be an advocate.
Because everyone who is a familycaregiver, whether you are the
(28:40):
person actually putting the pillin the um Alzheimer's sufferer's
mouth, or you the one writingthe check for the pills, or
you're just calling the familycaregiver to say, hey, are you
okay?
I'm gonna send you a gift card.
There are so many layers to whatthis village needs to be.
And uh for you to choose,because all of us choose to be
(29:02):
family caregivers, and nobody,nobody, and we don't want it.
Like because you don't want itto, you don't want to be needed.
That's what I try to tellpeople.
I don't want my mother to needme in this way.
Of course I love her, and I'lldo anything in the world, but I
sure wish it was something elsethat she needed me to do for
her.
SPEAKER_03 (29:19):
Um so as we And you know she wouldn't want that as
well.
SPEAKER_01 (29:23):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (29:23):
You know.
SPEAKER_01 (29:24):
At all.
Yeah.
Anyone, if you met my mom forfive minutes, this is not at all
what she wants.
As a matter of fact, sheactually would do things to not
get Alzheimer's, Brandon.
Can you believe that?
The irony of it.
She was the first person in ourfamily to have this disease.
(29:45):
Normally, I mean, her dad hadit, but he had a lot of other
stuff going on.
And he was in his late 80s,okay?
When it came, so they were like,Yeah, he was probably gonna die
from round robin.
Let's pick the short straw.
You know what I mean?
He had a number.
But so Alzheimer's had not beena part of our family on either
side.
One side was strokes and heartattacks, the other side was
(30:07):
cancer.
Neither happened to my mom.
And she actually would do likeuh sudoku puzzles, and I
remember her saying, I readsomething, Jay, that you need to
uh brush your teeth with yournon-dominant hand three times a
week to say so she was readingthese things in her late 40s,
early 50s, almost as apremonition.
(30:30):
I don't know.
I was like, what?
Mama Alzheimer's.
And the disease got her, itattacked her.
I will admit, and I'm going toask you this, only answer if you
feel comfortable, that I have myown trepidations around will I
acquire the this this diseasesince it was my mom?
And and what part of mygenealogy is like hers, what
(30:54):
part of my lifestyle is likehers.
So I have concerns.
Do you have any of thoseconcerns because of your family
history?
SPEAKER_03 (31:01):
Of course I do.
And not just for myself, but formy parents.
It's on both sides of my family,so I think about them all the
time.
You know?
SPEAKER_01 (31:10):
Yeah, yeah.
I got it.
I got it.
Give us a bit of hope andpositivity for people who are
family caregivers, especially ifthey are younger, let's say
teenagers, early 20s, andthere's an uncle or a
grandparent, or maybe a parentwho is starting to show signs
(31:30):
and they're needing to stop by alittle more, go to the grocery
store, maybe do their laundry.
What can you suggest that cankeep them fortified and
energized at such a young agewhen they're needing to kind of
step in and help out?
SPEAKER_03 (31:46):
Um, well, definitely at a young age, I would tell all
the kids out there time is soexpensive.
And you don't know it nowbecause you're so young, but
cherish your moments that youhave with your loved ones now.
Every small moment you have, ifeven if you could just have
(32:07):
breakfast with a parent or agrandparent, um really be
present, put the phone down andjust be right there with your
loved ones.
That's the most important thingI could tell anyone.
SPEAKER_01 (32:24):
Put the phone down.
Did you hear that?
Brandon Bam Bam said, put thephone down.
That's a whole word.
Yeah.
And this man, you know,arguably, PR media, social
media, that's his job, that'shis job.
That helps his career be morelong-lasting.
(32:44):
But in those moments, he's like,uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
Not right now.
SPEAKER_03 (32:47):
Not this time.
SPEAKER_01 (32:48):
Not at this time.
SPEAKER_03 (32:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:49):
Thank you so much for sharing that.
SPEAKER_03 (32:51):
No, thank you for having me.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (32:53):
Now, let everybody know about any uh about your
projects that are current, maybesomething that hadn't been
announced yet, but it's notunder contractual obligation,
and you ain't you can tell us,uh, or also everywhere they can
find you.
SPEAKER_03 (33:08):
Well, guys, you can find me um Monday through Friday
on Beyond the Gates on CBS, 2p.m.
Eastern, 1 p.m.
Central.
Um, also, you can find me on allsocial media.
It's just my name, BrandonClaybon.
And yeah, uh, hope to see youguys around and talk to you soon
and connect.
And um, thanks for listening tous.
SPEAKER_01 (33:29):
Fantastic.
That's a wrap.
The snuggle ups.
Number one.
Y'all, we have to do better byour kids.
The kids who are in the family,the neighborhood kids that
actually come in and sit withadults who have dementia,
(33:50):
Alzheimer's Parkinson, even ifit's cancer.
I know it's the Parents of UpPodcast, and we focus on
Alzheimer's, but our kids arebeing really smushed emotionally
and psychologically because theydon't know what's happening, but
they see the change occurring infront of them.
So don't discount what theyneed.
(34:13):
You know, maybe there's asupport group at an Alzheimer's
Association chapter near you.
Maybe you can find something ifyou talk to um the loved ones'
doctor, their neurologist, theirprimary care physician, they may
have suggestions.
They're books that help childrenunderstand what's happening and
their place in it.
(34:33):
Because this is what you need toknow.
They are caregivers.
If they have the help at all,then they are also a caregiver.
And they deserve a way to knowthat they are also supported.
Number two, if you are somebodyunder 25 years old, please do
everything you can to takeadvantage of the time that you
(34:57):
have with people who are olderthan you.
It might be a grandparent, itcould be a teacher, but you
don't know what thoseconversations could mean later.
And when you look back overlife, regret is the one thing
you really don't want to have.
Because you can't get rid of it,you can't erase it, you can't uh
(35:19):
work yourself out of it, andain't enough money to get rid of
regret.
The big thing is be ten toesdown, fully experienced and
enjoy wherever you are in thatmoment with those individuals.
Maybe they're just a little bitolder than you, they might be an
older cousin, but you don't knowhow that will impact you and get
(35:40):
you prepared for things later inlife, like caregiving.
They don't have caregivingschool yet, at least not that I
know about.
Number three, this is to all myexisting family caregivers.
Yes, this shit is hard, butthere are more and more people
who are becoming aware of ourflight, of our journey, of our
(36:01):
struggle.
So don't lose heart.
Don't give up.
Take the breaks.
Brandon said he made sure thathe gets vacation.
What is the thing that you knowyou got to get and you got to do
to stay psychologically whole,to stay physically healthy, to
stay well.
(36:22):
What is it that you have to do?
Because we can't get throughthis without you.
Yes, we want a cure, we wantresearch, but until then, it's
family caregivers that aremaking this thing work.
Alright?
So take care of you.
Thank you for tuning in.
I mean, really, really, reallythank you so very much for
(36:43):
tuning in.
Whether you're watching this onYouTube or if you're listening
on your favorite podcast audioplatform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe.
Come back.
That's the way you're gonna knowwhen we do something next.
Y'all know how it is.
I'm Jay Smiles.
I might just drop something hotin the middle of the night.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.