March 10, 2025 • 36 mins
Happy Women's History Month!
On this episode, we had the pleasure of speaking with Mrs. Aisha Taylor Issah, who founded TheSistahShop.com, an e-commerce store featuring all Black Women Owned Businesses. We filmed this episode a couple of weeks before she closed the doors of her brick-and-mortar store in Atlanta, Georgia, and had the chance to learn more about her caregiving journey. Tune in for laughs and real talk about caring for a parent living with Dementia while also balancing entrepreneurship, parenting, and more.
Notes:
• Early signs of dementia appeared as repetition, short-term memory loss, and difficulty with everyday tasks
• Family history of Alzheimer's helped with recognizing symptoms and accepting the diagnosis
• Routine plays a crucial role in managing Alzheimer's symptoms and improving quality of life
• Shared caregiving responsibilities between siblings makes the journey more manageable
• Finding the right living arrangement (memory care facility) dramatically improved both caregiver and patient wellbeing
• Establishing boundaries and giving yourself grace are essential for caregiver mental health
• Entrepreneurship can continue alongside caregiving with proper support systems
• Savoring good moments and finding humor helps balance the emotional weight of caregiving
Visit thesistahshop.com to shop Aisha's store today!
Host: @jsmilescomedy
Producer: @MiaHallTV
Editor: @annelisetv2624
DP: Isaiah Joseph
#CaregivingJourney
#DementiaAwareness
#AlzheimersCare
#CaregiverSupport
#HumorInCaregiving
#endalz
#memorycare
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Happy Women's History Month.
We are celebrating equality,inclusion, diversity, everything
fantastic and fabulous aboutbeing the majority of humans on
this planet.
What's up Parenting, up family?
It's your girl, jay Smiles.
We about to get into it.
(00:21):
Right now, I'm here at thesister shop.
We about to get into it.
Right now, I'm here at thesister shop.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
But then, when you dug a, little deeper, you
learned that, yeah, we're thelargest and fastest growing, but
we are also the least funded,the least earning, the least
supported, I'm like.
So, yeah, y'all are praisingthe fact that we're starting all
these businesses, but what arewe doing to help these
businesses grow?
What are we doing to help thesebusinesses scale?
Speaker 1 (00:43):
And so that's why the focus has been on my position.
We're about to have aphenomenal conversation on
entrepreneurship, commerce andcaregiving.
Parenting Up CaregivingAdventures with Comedian J
Smiles is the intense journey ofunexpectedly being fully
responsible for my mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
(01:07):
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
Spoiler alert this shit isheavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
(01:28):
prop up a caregiver you are inthe right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
Today's supporter shout out isfrom YouTube at my Lynn Smith
(01:51):
one, six, eight, three.
Being a caregiver oftenrequires putting the needs of
others above your own.
You are demonstrating your lovethrough your sacrifice.
Exclamation point heart emoji.
Thank you so much.
Now, if you want to receive asupporter shout out, you know
what to do.
Leave a review on where.
(02:13):
Yep, we really want you to do.
Apple podcast, that's right.
If not YouTube, ig, that'llwork too.
Thank you so much.
Ig that'll work too.
Thank you so much.
Caregiving and commerce thedelicate balance.
(02:33):
What's up?
Family?
You know I get excited when weare on site just like that.
And boom today.
And boom today.
I have a sore roar of mine.
So, yes, y'all gonna hate,because we might, oop, we might
throw up the mid, we might setout a step, and y'all got to
(02:54):
keep watching because you ain'tgot no choice.
It's Women's History Month andmy actual initiation date
happens to be on InternationalWomen's Day, march 8th.
Listen, there's a whole lot oflove going on and we are in the
sister shop.
If you don't know about it,you're going to learn today.
(03:17):
What's up, aisha?
Hey, so-and-so, that thingsounds so good.
It's like the first day I wasable to say it baby.
Now let me tell y'all why wechose this phenomenal soror of
mine for this episode.
Yeah, she's a Delta Girl girl,so that makes it all extra juicy
(03:39):
and fabulous for me.
She's an entrepreneur, but thisis the Parenting Up podcast,
Y'all.
Her mama has Alzheimer's.
Did y'all know that?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
How many of y'all knew that you?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
may or may not have known that she is so busy in
these entrepreneur streetsselling stuff and helping y'all
sell stuff.
You may not not have known.
Not only is she a mother, sheis a caregiver, she is smack dab
in that sandwich generation.
She has a little one and shehas a mom who has all sides.
(04:16):
So we're about to dig into allof that, pull it apart and
figure out how my sorrel holdsit all together with them.
Five glasses Y'all ready, nice.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
I knew you was coming , so I had to find something in
the crate.
That's what we do.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
That's what we do.
Okay, we're going to get allinto the sister shop.
Currently we are sitting in herbrick and mortar, but we are
going all online, right?
Yes, we're getting rid of thisjust so that she can give you
all more options and get it toyou to service it faster.
(04:54):
So don't worry about figuringout what the address is.
We're gonna go to the dot com.
That's how you're gonna get toher.
That's right.
But now we're gonna ease it toyour mom.
Yeah, okay, parenting ourpodcast is around.
How do we fortify ourselves ascaregivers to be there for our
loved ones?
(05:15):
How long has your mom hadalzheimer's?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
so, you know, um, the progression, right right,
doesn't start as Alzheimer's.
So we actually began to see,you know, the early signs of
dementia over 10 years ago,maybe a little longer than that,
maybe 12 years ago, if not more.
Unfortunately, the disease hasbeen prevalent in my family, so
(05:43):
my mom was not the first.
You know, I certainly pay honorto and respect the memory of my
aunt, my mom's sister and oneof her best friends, who also,
uh, had Alzheimer's and passedaway in 2016.
Um, my uncle, um, and also,many years ago, uh, suffered
with Alzheimer's and passed away.
Uh, so, um, our family wasn'tunfamiliar with the disease.
(06:04):
Unfortunately, um,unfortunately, um, but, yeah, my
mom, um, has been dealing withit well over 10 to 12 years, if
not more y'all heard, aunt,that's that Brooklyn coming out?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
okay, so I just want yeah, period, we in the ATM
right now, but you know what Imean, and that's good, because
my dad is from Queens, what isit?
No, my okay.
They say and uh, but mygrandmother is from New Orleans.
Okay, she made me say aunt.
(06:35):
Okay, she was like, what you'renot gonna do is sound like
these other people.
Yeah, okay, you're gonnapronounce all of the syllables
Right right Now.
You said that 10 years ago youall saw some signs.
Let us know what that means,because a lot of times, people
who are tuning into our podcastthey're newbies and maybe no one
(06:58):
in their family has ever hadAlzheimer's and they don't know
what the signs look like.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
How can?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
you tell the difference between hey, my mama
is just, she had a bad night'ssleep and just don't know what
the signs look like?
How can you tell the differencebetween a my mama is just she
had a bad night's sleep and justcan't find her purse versus
this looks like what auntie hador what uncle had.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yeah, Um, you know, uh, repeating things.
Um, you know, beginning to havemore repetition of, you know,
phrases, statements, questions.
Uh, with repetition of, youknow, phrases, statements,
questions.
With our mom it was more of theshort-term memory that went
immediately.
She can remember things from 20years ago.
She couldn't remember you knowwhat happened an hour ago.
So we began to see a lot ofthat.
(07:35):
And then, you know, as itprogresses, you get more into
the frustration.
You know, not reallyremembering how to do certain
tasks.
You know the mood changes.
You know, thankfully, my sisterand it's just the two of us is
a mental therapist, licensedprofessional counselor, I should
say, by trade and profession.
(07:55):
So she is very knowledgeable,you know, of the clinical side
of these types of diseases andwe share in the caregiving task
and I don't know what I would dowithout her.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
So, ayana, I love you um but yes, so, and aisha, okay
, that part that sounds like yesa song.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Well, you know um, so you know our parents.
My sister was born in the 70s,I was born in the 80s so you
know I'm named after um.
The stevie wonder song um aisha.
Isn't she lovely.
That's about his daughter namedaisha um, and I don't know
where they got aiana from, butit means love or something like
(08:42):
that but yes, we are.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Aiana mom was struggling with tasks.
What are a few examples of thetasks?
Were they like household tasks?
Was she still working?
Was she driving?
Was she?
In new york was she in atlanta,so she was in new york.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
My mom was born in the South South Carolina but had
been living in New York sinceshe was 18 years old.
You know, back in the dayeverybody.
They graduated high school andthey were out of there.
So she followed her oldersisters and brothers and came to
New York and started working.
So she's has that good Southernroots, but very much a city
girl, and so this day is stillvery much a city girl.
We did eventually move her hereto Georgia, but she it was.
(09:26):
It was not without kicking andscreaming.
Ok, and so she, you know, shewas not working because she had
been with her company for over39 years 39 and a half years to
be exact and they, they laid offeveryone, they eliminated the
department and they were movingeveryone to another state.
My mom was like I'm not going.
They eliminated the departmentand they were moving everyone to
(09:47):
another state.
My mom was like I'm not going.
So she actually had, just, youknow, left that role, retired
early from her job.
She worked for MetLifeInsurance Company processing
death benefits for federalemployees, ok, and then she did
some low part time work here andthere of time work here and
there.
And then that's when we beganto see some of the challenges
(10:08):
with the memory and the tasksand just remembering, you know
how to do certain things aroundthe house.
You know, like where she putcertain things.
It was a lot of misplacingthings, a lot of.
I can't find this was after sheretired.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yes, it became more obvious to you.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yes, yes, absolutely, there were were.
No, she was perfectly finewhile she was still working you
know what?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I have seen that be the case so often?
Well, I shouldn't say I've seen, I have heard, yes, the
feedback when the routinechanges.
Yeah, it seems to become moreprevalent yes to family members
or medical professors, which, inyour case, with you and your
sister, that's both familymembers and medical professors
to say, hey, maybe like theroutine for our LOs who may have
(10:53):
some form of dementia is likeduct tape together, and when you
start to change, however theywere going to work, or maybe the
church or whoever uh, if theirneighbors move or whatever they
used to do on a daily basisthose things, rather than saying
(11:14):
, oh man, look at this new way Iget to live, it's more like oh
hell, what do I do now?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
yeah that's crazy and the routine, definitely, even
now, at this stage of herdisease, which is advanced,
routine still matters, right,like it's very important to keep
a routine to help them, uh, tojust be in the best space
possible in terms of mood, interms of, um, you know, just
cognitive, you know function, uh.
So, as much as possible, we tryto keep a routine with her.
(11:43):
We learned, you know, a lot oftrial and error and we've
learned that keeping a routineworks best.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
So who told her hey, mama, you got it.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
So you know it's so funny to see how the disease
manifests itself differently indifferent people Right,
differently in different peopleRight.
So with my aunt, she neverreally embraced or accepted the
fact that she had the disease,was very defensive and, you know
, did not ever really accept it.
(12:16):
My mom, when she began tonotice it I guess because we had
just gone through with hersister she was much more verbal
about it and aware of it.
So she would tell us Really.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Absolutely, you know she would say Marie, let me tell
you something.
Shout out, marie.
Okay, I'm hoping that theuniverse is sending love
offerings from Jasoniles to MamaMarie.
I have not heard of an example.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Listen, you need to take this show on the road to
Marie, okay, because she a riot,okay, well listen, we going to
come to Marie, we going toschedule with you, honey, let me
tell you now, listen, we dotravel, don't we team?
Listen me and my team willtravel.
She's amazing.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Can we borrow your light?
Yeah Okay, Bring it on.
Bring it on Because no,seriously, that is uncommon.
Yeah Okay For a person in theearly stages to actually say to
their children hey, something ishappening.
(13:20):
Yeah, it's not quite right.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
I think I might be struggling with dementia and I
mean she didn't necessarily callit that right, but she was
definitely saying you know, I'mgetting loose to forget things.
Um one of her phrases she wouldsay uh is my mind is going from
me, you know things like thatso, um, yeah, so she definitely
definitely knew that it washappening and it made her very
(13:46):
sad, of course, but shedefinitely made me sad the way
you said it, yeah, but that'ssweet, she's a sweet lady, and
yeah.
So so that you know, I thank Godfor that actually, though,
because I think it helped.
I know it helped, you know usto begin her caregiving because
there wasn't any resistance,right?
(14:10):
Whereas with our aunt, on theother hand, there was resistance
and it was just the way thatshe dealt with it, you know, of
no fault of her own.
Everybody deals with it indifferent ways.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Absolutely, absolutely so.
With mom or your aunt or youruncle, with mom or your aunt or
your uncle, are there stories orremembrances that you have that
lean into a more humorous orlighthearted side?
Here at the parenting uppodcast, uh, jay smiles comedy
(14:40):
we really hope to help.
Especially newbie say listen,listen, yes, this shit is hard
but there are bright spots whereyou can say you know what?
That?
That was kind of funny and that.
And thank you to the universefor that moment where I could
laugh, I could hug my elo andget through to the next moment.
(15:01):
Yeah, absolutely.
And that's why I said my mom isa riot, because even to this
day, I mean, I could hug my LOand get through to the next one.
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
And that's why I said my mom is a riot, because even
to this day, I mean, she'shilarious.
You never know what's going tocome out of her mouth at any
moment.
And I tell my sister all thetime like we have to thank God
for these moments right, becausethere are so many hard moments.
So when you do get a good moment, when you do get a funny moment
, you have to thank God for it,and so there are many.
I mean the beautiful thingabout our family we're very
(15:26):
close, knit back in Brooklyn.
We all grew up in the samehouse, right?
So my uncle had a three familyhome not the one that had
Alzheimer's, but another uncleand so my my mom and dad and my
sister and I were on the topfloor, my aunt, who had
Alzheimer's, on the second floor, the uncle who owned the home,
was at the third floor, but theneverybody came over at all
(15:50):
different times, right?
Um?
And so we were very close.
So we've got a lifetime fromour childhood until we left that
home just a few years ago.
Um, you know of memories of goodtimes, um, and a lot of that
character, a lot of that fun andliveliness is still in my mom.
You know, if you put some musicon, she gonna cut a rug and not
think twice about it.
She loves loves to dance, sheloves music, she loves men.
Her and my dad were married for46 years or something like that
(16:12):
, and so my dad passed away acouple of years ago, in 2023.
And then that's when ourcaregiving really kicked it up a
notch, because we had to, youknow, take over 100%.
You know we were always therehelping, but really take over
100%.
And so she still talks abouthim and you know things we don't
want to hear you know and howwe got here, and all of that.
(16:33):
And so, child, yeah, she a trip,she is a trip I'm telling you
Please bring this show to aretailer, okay.
Oh baby, I'm going to find it,I'm going to find it, I'm going
to find it.
Don't you worry about that.
You're going to say stoptexting me J.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Smiles.
I said we're going to set thisup later.
Hey, what's up?
Parented Up family.
Guess what.
Have you ever wanted to connectwith other caregivers?
You want to see morebehind-the-scenes footage?
Want to know what me and Zeddyare doing?
I know you do All things.
Jsmiles are finally ready foryou, Even when I go live.
(17:10):
Do it now with us on Patreon.
Join us in the Patreoncommunity.
Catch everything we're doing.
Visit Patreoncom forward.
Slash JSmilesStudios with an S.
What are?
(17:33):
The best way for me to put thisis for you and your sister.
It's not all.
It sounds like you all havedivided the roles fairly well,
or you manage caring for yourmom well as a team.
(17:55):
You don't always hear that howy'all do that.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
So it has a lot to do with the way we were raised
Okay, shout out to mama againand grandma.
And we were just raised rightlike our family, and it runs
through our family.
So, while my sister and I, um,you know, are primarily
responsible, really our wholefamily whenever asked or needed,
or sometimes without beingasked or needed, we'll, we'll
(18:21):
pitch in and help.
Uh, so we are very grateful andthankful.
We were taught by ourgrandmothers you always stick
together, you let nothing comebetween you, and that has stayed
true to our family.
This business is here because ofmy family.
I would not be able to do anyof this work without my family.
So I know a lot of people havethat testimony that you know
they can't work with family.
(18:42):
That is not my testimony.
I know that's that you knowthey can't work with family.
That is not my testimony andI'm thankful.
I thank God for that.
So, yeah, so it was just it was.
It was no question.
You know, like when, when myparents were living in New York
and I was in New York and thenin New Jersey, you know I was
closer, so I did most of the youknow daily things that they
needed or whatever, but anythingI couldn't do, especially so we
(19:03):
kind of all the medical stuff Iget to my sister right.
So the appointments, theinsurance questions, cause
that's her area of expertise,you know any other regular tasks
grocery shopping, whatever youknow I would do, getting mommy's
hair done, whatever Um, we justjust did it, you know, didn't
even think twice about it.
Um, cause we all we got rightand um, there's no reason why
(19:23):
one of us should have to bearthe burden alone, you know.
And then when my parents, whenwe moved my parents down here at
the time I was still living inNew Jersey, so then they came
more on my sister Right, andthat ultimately really was the
reason why I moved to Georgia sothat I could help with my
parents, because they weregetting older.
My mom's condition was worsening, my dad began to have some
health challenges and I saw itwas just becoming a lot on my
(19:45):
sister, so that was really whymy family and I ended up moving
here.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
yeah, and have you regretted any of?
Speaker 2 (19:52):
oh no, never, not at all, not at all.
I'm.
It was the best decision.
Um, especially once my dadpassed away.
I couldn't imagine having tonavigate that remotely, you know
not being in the same placewith my sister.
You know, my sister and I areextremely close and for most of
our lives we have livedseparately.
So when she graduated from highschool, she went away to
(20:13):
college and then she moved here.
And then, a couple of yearslater, I graduated from high
school, I went away to collegeand then I moved back to New
York.
So we were living separate morethan we were living longer than
we were living together.
So this is the first time inour lives that we've been living
close again.
We're 10 minutes apart fromeach other.
Yeah, girl, she'd be in mypantry all the time.
(20:33):
I'd be cracking jokes at her.
I'm like girl, what are youdoing over here again?
But that's just the fun jokesthat we have.
We see each other all the time.
Now.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
And it's a beautiful thing.
Yeah, and we can, we can dothis work together.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Um, she actually just started a caregiver group.
Um it was on her heart um forseveral years, and so she
started a a care of caregiversupport group called take care.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Okay, how do you spell that?
Uh take care.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
T A K E C A R E take care.
You can find a group onFacebook.
Um, it's in its early stages hejust launched it a couple of
weeks ago but we're very excitedabout that and I'm happy to
support her in that venture, thesame way she has supported me
in all of mine, Because she justreally understands the weight
of being a caregiver and wantedto provide some support for
others.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
So yeah, I love that.
Ok, so you hear that.
You hear that parenting up,family care, regular spelling
and think tell her thank you forthat.
Okay, sometimes people are likebut how you put a z and take
care, the z is solid yeah, hell,yeah, it's solid it's so solid
I ain't going to never find yourpage.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Baby Take care, Caregiver support community on
Facebook.
We'd love to have you join us.
And we'll be doing more in themonths and years to come, but
just getting started but reallyneeded.
We've already gotten a greatresponse because there's so many
out there and she, like you,mentioned the sandwich
generation which we both arepart of.
Both of us have young children.
(21:58):
My nephew is 12.
My son is four, and then my,you know, we have, you know, our
elders, and then there's somany other types of caregivers.
Right, so not just Alzheimer's,that's the one we hear about
the most, but it manifests in somany different ways.
It absolutely does.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
It absolutely does.
A few more questions about yourmom, just to see how that could
assist some other people in ourcommunity about your mom, just
to see how that could assistsome other people in our
community.
Does your mom live with eitheryou?
Is she um in a facility?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
so she is in a facility, okay, um, when my dad
first passed away, um, weimmediately, of course, moved
her in with us.
Okay, and she was splitting hertime between the two of us.
Um, because my son is smallerand needs more, you know,
assistance with getting readyfor school and that kind of
thing.
Uh, she would be with my sisterduring the week and then she
would be with me on the weekends, and this is when that routine
(22:48):
thing comes into play.
Um, because, to put it simply,it was not working.
Um, my, the back and forth, theconstantly switching of homes,
of routines, of surroundings,did not do well for my mom.
She began to have a lot of moodswings and just a lot of
(23:10):
challenges, and it also becamedangerous because she was trying
to leave.
You know, and you know, it justwas.
She became more combative.
So we kept her with us as longas we could, as long as it was
safe, as long it began to affectus, because she would literally
be up all night, would notsleep.
So we were not sleeping, weboth had to work, and so we kept
(23:33):
her home as long as we could.
We, at that time we found, likea day center that she was able
to go to, but it was just for afew hours a day.
Then we tried to get someone tocome into the home.
Hot mess, totally unreliable.
We just not show up, we'll getit, you know, that's all that's
right.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
That's another Try to be positive today.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
That's part two.
Oh, disgusting.
It's all right, yeah.
So ultimately we had to make avery difficult decision yes, To
place her in a facility, andshe's in a memory care facility.
So not a nursing home, butsimilar Right In a memory care
facility.
We tried to find the best onethat we could and that we could
(24:14):
afford, and it was the bestthing we could have ever done.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
It was the best thing we could have ever done for her
and for us.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
She has adjusted so well, she and again, the routine
, because they have a routine.
It's a consistent surroundingfor her.
So a lot of the outbursts, theaggression that we were seeing
when she was with us completelywent away.
Now it's very sporadic, if evenat all very rare.
So her mood is so much better.
(24:44):
Her health is.
She's doing well, you know,health-wise, no other major
health conditions or anythinglike that.
And then it also just gave ussome peace, you know, to be able
to get back to some sort ofroutine for ourselves too.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
So yeah, peace is a big deal.
I champion caregivers forfinding what works best for you
and your LO, whether the LOneeds to be with a family member
or in a facility, and then whattype of facility, and then
(25:17):
where and in which city andclosest to which family member.
All of that is very specific tothe circumstances at hand and
it warms my heart to hear thatyou all found something that
works for everybody involved.
You speaking about your mombeing so much calmer.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Speaking about your mom being so much calmer.
Do you know?
Is there any medication they'vegiven her that might be helping
with this calmness?
Yeah, you know she's on, andthis is one of my sister
questions.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Okay, all right, we should add her in.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
So she is on.
She's on medication, obviously,you know most patients, most
elders are, but you knowdementia, alzheimer's patients.
So she is on medications and wework very closely with her
medical team.
You know we have an.
She has an amazing doctor whois great with Emory.
Dr Romelina absolutely love him.
So he specializes in, you know,geriatric care and in, you know
(26:20):
, the diseases of the brain andthat kind of thing.
So I think they help.
And I do also think that andagain, everybody's situation is
so different.
So I hate to give anyone afalse hope but I believe that in
my mom's situation, while thereis no cure Right, I do believe
that the medication may, for her, have slowed things down a bit,
(26:40):
because there was a good spanof years where there was no
progression Right, where it wasjust kind of steady, kind of
consistent, and we were like, ok, she has this, but she's still
able to do a lot of things.
We're still, and it reallywasn't until maybe I don't know,
seven years in or eight years,and then we kind of saw a bit of
a decline and then we wouldmake some adjustments.
Or eight years, and then wekind of saw a bit of a decline
(27:02):
and then we would make someadjustments and you know so.
Um, yes, she's on medication.
I think it helps.
Obviously it doesn't cure it,um, and they do have different
medications and things like thattoo, but I think the real
contributing factor is theroutine love it, love it, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Well, we're about to wrap this up, okay, and this has
been so fantastic but we havetwo points to make before we
wrap this up.
Yes, um, first, is we closeeverything out with a segment we
call the snuggle up.
Okay, right, and it's, uh,mostly something I made up, so I
(27:37):
to go ahead and tell you thatright, it's.
Basically the concept is as acaregiver.
If you would go ahead andsnuggle up to this idea, it will
make your journey as acaregiver easier.
What snuggle up would you giveas a suggestion to people?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
I think what we, what we talked about earlier, which
was really savoring the goodtimes right, like trying to find
that glimmer of hope or joyeven in this seemingly sad and
depressing situation, and reallyholding on to those Right.
So at any time, you know, mysister and I can be talking and
(28:28):
just start cracking up aboutsomething mommy said last week
or this morning.
You know, sometimes we'll eventext each other like girl, your
mother, you will not believewhat your mother just said, have
just said, you know.
So I think that that um reallyhelps to balance out some of the
um, the the mental and theemotional stress and strain that
(28:50):
come along with, you know, withbeing a caregiver.
uh, it's just embracing andremembering the good times you
know, and even I know again somesituations different, so some
people may not have seen timeslike that in a while.
But if you can just go back,you know, to remember who they
were, how they were um, the loveand the joy that you shared um,
and and hold on to that and andgive yourself grace.
Give yourself grace um.
(29:11):
Give them grace, yes, right.
Give them grace Um, becausemost people who need caregiving
um did not sign up for it, andso what?
Speaker 1 (29:22):
you got to say that 18 times give them grace and
give yourself grace.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
What was your line number Fifty four?
Ok, well, I'm the first part ofthat.
Know how they can find andsupport the sister shop.
Okay, wait, let me tell y'allwhy it's so great.
(29:50):
She's going to tell y'all whereto find it, but let me tell you
why it's so great unique brandsby women that are black and of
color, and the stuff is funkyand flat and fresh and great.
(30:11):
And she owns the distributionchannel.
And now tell them where you canfind it, okay.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
That was good.
Yes, so this is the shop, isyour e-commerce destination
where you can shop an exclusivecollection of black women owned
brands, and you can shop onlineat the sister shopcom, spelled
just like that S I S T A H, sothe sister shopcom.
We ship all across the U?
S.
We hope to be addinginternational shipping soon, so
stay tuned for that.
S-i-s-t-a-h.
So the sister shopcom.
We ship all across the U?
S.
We hope to be addinginternational shipping soon, so
(30:45):
stay tuned for that.
But also, our store is a partof our larger brand called
sisters in business, where weprovide courses, coaching,
community all about helpingblack women successfully start
growing, scale their businesses.
So be sure to join our mailinglist so you can get updates on
the different opportunities thatwe have available.
Uh, for our sisters to win intheir business, because when my
sister wins, we all win you'resupposed to do at the end.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Oh my bad, I was waiting for you to say we all
win.
Oh, dang, let's do it again,okay.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Okay, come on because when my sister wins, we all win
, we all win Woo.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
I love it.
Thank you so much, sweetheart,thank you.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
I can't wait to do this again.
Yes, With Marie Honey I'm doingit with Marie first, and then
I'm going to do it back with you.
I'm going to show you somepictures and video of her.
You're going to see what I'mtalking about.
She's too fast.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I am standing here in the sister shop.
I love this journal.
For those who are listening onthe audio, it is a bold, yellow
journal.
I am blessed, beautiful enough,strong, confident, love,
powerful.
Ok, I don't even know if I feelall these words every day, but
(32:06):
if I read them I'm like hellyeah, yes, I'm ill.
And then look, ok, I'm aCapricorn.
All right, I knew you were aCapricorn when dot dot dot.
I don't even care what's on theinside of this card, the fact
that it starts with I knew youwere a Capricorn when dot dot
dot.
I don't even care what's on theinside of this card, the fact
that it starts with I knew youwere a Capricorn when let's be
noted, is positive.
(32:27):
And hell yeah, if you know I'ma Capricorn, I already like you.
This store is so dope.
There are hats.
Okay, anyway, I'm gonna stopright now.
Y'all this is the point Go tothe sister shopcom.
And sister is spelled S, I, s,t, a, H.
(32:48):
Deuces Number one listen, ifsomeone in your family has
already been diagnosed withAlzheimer's just one person I
(33:18):
need you to go ahead and thinkabout what were their precursor
activities.
Were they forgetful?
Did they hallucinate?
Did they have a hard timedriving home after work.
Write those activities down.
What were they presenting?
That was different years beforethe diagnosis.
Make a mental note, put itsomewhere, because that could
(33:41):
happen to you later.
It could happen to someone elsein the family, and there's no
reason to have to reinvent thewheel.
Perhaps your DNA is going totell you later it could be you.
Or maybe auntie, or maybe acousin Listen y'all.
Or maybe auntie, or maybe acousin, listen y'all.
We don't have to depend on theinternet for everything.
(34:03):
Sometimes, when you know more,do better.
Number two rebuke guilt.
If you are giving care toanybody, whether it happens to
be an LO or a neighbor, hey, youare doing the best you can.
You dug in and you acceptedresponsibility.
(34:26):
Don't bother at any point tothen feel guilty about oh man,
they used to live with me, nowthey're in a facility, or
they're not living with me,they're living with a neighbor,
or they're living with anotherfamily member.
I bet I used to maybe be ableto do more.
No, you're doing the best youcan.
(34:47):
You know how, because that'sall you got and that's okay.
Do not find a way to feelguilty about the part that
you're not doing.
We don't have time for that.
Whatever you're giving today oryesterday is enough.
Tomorrow you might have more,but we don't even care about
(35:09):
tomorrow yet.
Just take care today.
Number three keep living.
That's the biggest thing that Igot from today's guest, my
soror Aisha.
She moved from another state.
She is managing being her mom'scaregiver.
(35:32):
She opened a brick and mortarstore.
She is encouraging otherentrepreneurs to live their
dreams through brands, t-shirts,greeting cards, pajamas,
furniture.
She has a baby.
(35:53):
Okay, not a baby, he's four.
This is the point Keep living.
Her mom would want her to keepliving, but she's 10 toes down
in both sides of the coin, soyou can do it too.
She's no different than you,and neither am I.
Every day, you may not have thesame amount of energy.
(36:18):
That's cool.
That's cool.
Sometimes you need a nap.
Other times you can run amarathon.
Don't beat yourself up.
Happy Women's History Month.
We are celebrating equality,inclusion, diversity, everything
fantastic and fabulous aboutbeing the majority of humans on
this planet.
What's up Parenting, up family?
It's your girl, jay Smiles.
We about to get into it.
(00:21):
Right now, I'm here at thesister shop.
We about to get into it.
Right now, I'm here at thesister shop.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
But then, when you dug a, little deeper, you
learned that, yeah, we're thelargest and fastest growing, but
we are also the least funded,the least earning, the least
supported, I'm like.
So, yeah, y'all are praisingthe fact that we're starting all
these businesses, but what arewe doing to help these
businesses grow?
What are we doing to help thesebusinesses scale?
Speaker 1 (00:43):
And so that's why the focus has been on my position.
We're about to have aphenomenal conversation on
entrepreneurship, commerce andcaregiving.
Parenting Up CaregivingAdventures with Comedian J
Smiles is the intense journey ofunexpectedly being fully
responsible for my mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
(01:07):
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
Spoiler alert this shit isheavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
(01:28):
prop up a caregiver you are inthe right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
Today's supporter shout out isfrom YouTube at my Lynn Smith
(01:51):
one, six, eight, three.
Being a caregiver oftenrequires putting the needs of
others above your own.
You are demonstrating your lovethrough your sacrifice.
Exclamation point heart emoji.
Thank you so much.
Now, if you want to receive asupporter shout out, you know
what to do.
Leave a review on where.
(02:13):
Yep, we really want you to do.
Apple podcast, that's right.
If not YouTube, ig, that'llwork too.
Thank you so much.
Ig that'll work too.
Thank you so much.
Caregiving and commerce thedelicate balance.
(02:33):
What's up?
Family?
You know I get excited when weare on site just like that.
And boom today.
And boom today.
I have a sore roar of mine.
So, yes, y'all gonna hate,because we might, oop, we might
throw up the mid, we might setout a step, and y'all got to
(02:54):
keep watching because you ain'tgot no choice.
It's Women's History Month andmy actual initiation date
happens to be on InternationalWomen's Day, march 8th.
Listen, there's a whole lot oflove going on and we are in the
sister shop.
If you don't know about it,you're going to learn today.
(03:17):
What's up, aisha?
Hey, so-and-so, that thingsounds so good.
It's like the first day I wasable to say it baby.
Now let me tell y'all why wechose this phenomenal soror of
mine for this episode.
Yeah, she's a Delta Girl girl,so that makes it all extra juicy
(03:39):
and fabulous for me.
She's an entrepreneur, but thisis the Parenting Up podcast,
Y'all.
Her mama has Alzheimer's.
Did y'all know that?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
How many of y'all knew that you?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
may or may not have known that she is so busy in
these entrepreneur streetsselling stuff and helping y'all
sell stuff.
You may not not have known.
Not only is she a mother, sheis a caregiver, she is smack dab
in that sandwich generation.
She has a little one and shehas a mom who has all sides.
(04:16):
So we're about to dig into allof that, pull it apart and
figure out how my sorrel holdsit all together with them.
Five glasses Y'all ready, nice.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
I knew you was coming , so I had to find something in
the crate.
That's what we do.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
That's what we do.
Okay, we're going to get allinto the sister shop.
Currently we are sitting in herbrick and mortar, but we are
going all online, right?
Yes, we're getting rid of thisjust so that she can give you
all more options and get it toyou to service it faster.
(04:54):
So don't worry about figuringout what the address is.
We're gonna go to the dot com.
That's how you're gonna get toher.
That's right.
But now we're gonna ease it toyour mom.
Yeah, okay, parenting ourpodcast is around.
How do we fortify ourselves ascaregivers to be there for our
loved ones?
(05:15):
How long has your mom hadalzheimer's?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
so, you know, um, the progression, right right,
doesn't start as Alzheimer's.
So we actually began to see,you know, the early signs of
dementia over 10 years ago,maybe a little longer than that,
maybe 12 years ago, if not more.
Unfortunately, the disease hasbeen prevalent in my family, so
(05:43):
my mom was not the first.
You know, I certainly pay honorto and respect the memory of my
aunt, my mom's sister and oneof her best friends, who also,
uh, had Alzheimer's and passedaway in 2016.
Um, my uncle, um, and also,many years ago, uh, suffered
with Alzheimer's and passed away.
Uh, so, um, our family wasn'tunfamiliar with the disease.
(06:04):
Unfortunately, um,unfortunately, um, but, yeah, my
mom, um, has been dealing withit well over 10 to 12 years, if
not more y'all heard, aunt,that's that Brooklyn coming out?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
okay, so I just want yeah, period, we in the ATM
right now, but you know what Imean, and that's good, because
my dad is from Queens, what isit?
No, my okay.
They say and uh, but mygrandmother is from New Orleans.
Okay, she made me say aunt.
(06:35):
Okay, she was like, what you'renot gonna do is sound like
these other people.
Yeah, okay, you're gonnapronounce all of the syllables
Right right Now.
You said that 10 years ago youall saw some signs.
Let us know what that means,because a lot of times, people
who are tuning into our podcastthey're newbies and maybe no one
(06:58):
in their family has ever hadAlzheimer's and they don't know
what the signs look like.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
How can?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
you tell the difference between hey, my mama
is just, she had a bad night'ssleep and just don't know what
the signs look like?
How can you tell the differencebetween a my mama is just she
had a bad night's sleep and justcan't find her purse versus
this looks like what auntie hador what uncle had.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yeah, Um, you know, uh, repeating things.
Um, you know, beginning to havemore repetition of, you know,
phrases, statements, questions.
Uh, with repetition of, youknow, phrases, statements,
questions.
With our mom it was more of theshort-term memory that went
immediately.
She can remember things from 20years ago.
She couldn't remember you knowwhat happened an hour ago.
So we began to see a lot ofthat.
(07:35):
And then, you know, as itprogresses, you get more into
the frustration.
You know, not reallyremembering how to do certain
tasks.
You know the mood changes.
You know, thankfully, my sisterand it's just the two of us is
a mental therapist, licensedprofessional counselor, I should
say, by trade and profession.
(07:55):
So she is very knowledgeable,you know, of the clinical side
of these types of diseases andwe share in the caregiving task
and I don't know what I would dowithout her.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
So, ayana, I love you um but yes, so, and aisha, okay
, that part that sounds like yesa song.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Well, you know um, so you know our parents.
My sister was born in the 70s,I was born in the 80s so you
know I'm named after um.
The stevie wonder song um aisha.
Isn't she lovely.
That's about his daughter namedaisha um, and I don't know
where they got aiana from, butit means love or something like
(08:42):
that but yes, we are.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Aiana mom was struggling with tasks.
What are a few examples of thetasks?
Were they like household tasks?
Was she still working?
Was she driving?
Was she?
In new york was she in atlanta,so she was in new york.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
My mom was born in the South South Carolina but had
been living in New York sinceshe was 18 years old.
You know, back in the dayeverybody.
They graduated high school andthey were out of there.
So she followed her oldersisters and brothers and came to
New York and started working.
So she's has that good Southernroots, but very much a city
girl, and so this day is stillvery much a city girl.
We did eventually move her hereto Georgia, but she it was.
(09:26):
It was not without kicking andscreaming.
Ok, and so she, you know, shewas not working because she had
been with her company for over39 years 39 and a half years to
be exact and they, they laid offeveryone, they eliminated the
department and they were movingeveryone to another state.
My mom was like I'm not going.
They eliminated the departmentand they were moving everyone to
(09:47):
another state.
My mom was like I'm not going.
So she actually had, just, youknow, left that role, retired
early from her job.
She worked for MetLifeInsurance Company processing
death benefits for federalemployees, ok, and then she did
some low part time work here andthere of time work here and
there.
And then that's when we beganto see some of the challenges
(10:08):
with the memory and the tasksand just remembering, you know
how to do certain things aroundthe house.
You know, like where she putcertain things.
It was a lot of misplacingthings, a lot of.
I can't find this was after sheretired.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yes, it became more obvious to you.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yes, yes, absolutely, there were were.
No, she was perfectly finewhile she was still working you
know what?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I have seen that be the case so often?
Well, I shouldn't say I've seen, I have heard, yes, the
feedback when the routinechanges.
Yeah, it seems to become moreprevalent yes to family members
or medical professors, which, inyour case, with you and your
sister, that's both familymembers and medical professors
to say, hey, maybe like theroutine for our LOs who may have
(10:53):
some form of dementia is likeduct tape together, and when you
start to change, however theywere going to work, or maybe the
church or whoever uh, if theirneighbors move or whatever they
used to do on a daily basisthose things, rather than saying
(11:14):
, oh man, look at this new way Iget to live, it's more like oh
hell, what do I do now?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
yeah that's crazy and the routine, definitely, even
now, at this stage of herdisease, which is advanced,
routine still matters, right,like it's very important to keep
a routine to help them, uh, tojust be in the best space
possible in terms of mood, interms of, um, you know, just
cognitive, you know function, uh.
So, as much as possible, we tryto keep a routine with her.
(11:43):
We learned, you know, a lot oftrial and error and we've
learned that keeping a routineworks best.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
So who told her hey, mama, you got it.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
So you know it's so funny to see how the disease
manifests itself differently indifferent people Right,
differently in different peopleRight.
So with my aunt, she neverreally embraced or accepted the
fact that she had the disease,was very defensive and, you know
, did not ever really accept it.
(12:16):
My mom, when she began tonotice it I guess because we had
just gone through with hersister she was much more verbal
about it and aware of it.
So she would tell us Really.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Absolutely, you know she would say Marie, let me tell
you something.
Shout out, marie.
Okay, I'm hoping that theuniverse is sending love
offerings from Jasoniles to MamaMarie.
I have not heard of an example.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Listen, you need to take this show on the road to
Marie, okay, because she a riot,okay, well listen, we going to
come to Marie, we going toschedule with you, honey, let me
tell you now, listen, we dotravel, don't we team?
Listen me and my team willtravel.
She's amazing.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Can we borrow your light?
Yeah Okay, Bring it on.
Bring it on Because no,seriously, that is uncommon.
Yeah Okay For a person in theearly stages to actually say to
their children hey, something ishappening.
(13:20):
Yeah, it's not quite right.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
I think I might be struggling with dementia and I
mean she didn't necessarily callit that right, but she was
definitely saying you know, I'mgetting loose to forget things.
Um one of her phrases she wouldsay uh is my mind is going from
me, you know things like thatso, um, yeah, so she definitely
definitely knew that it washappening and it made her very
(13:46):
sad, of course, but shedefinitely made me sad the way
you said it, yeah, but that'ssweet, she's a sweet lady, and
yeah.
So so that you know, I thank Godfor that actually, though,
because I think it helped.
I know it helped, you know usto begin her caregiving because
there wasn't any resistance,right?
(14:10):
Whereas with our aunt, on theother hand, there was resistance
and it was just the way thatshe dealt with it, you know, of
no fault of her own.
Everybody deals with it indifferent ways.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Absolutely, absolutely so.
With mom or your aunt or youruncle, with mom or your aunt or
your uncle, are there stories orremembrances that you have that
lean into a more humorous orlighthearted side?
Here at the parenting uppodcast, uh, jay smiles comedy
(14:40):
we really hope to help.
Especially newbie say listen,listen, yes, this shit is hard
but there are bright spots whereyou can say you know what?
That?
That was kind of funny and that.
And thank you to the universefor that moment where I could
laugh, I could hug my elo andget through to the next moment.
(15:01):
Yeah, absolutely.
And that's why I said my mom isa riot, because even to this
day, I mean, I could hug my LOand get through to the next one.
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
And that's why I said my mom is a riot, because even
to this day, I mean, she'shilarious.
You never know what's going tocome out of her mouth at any
moment.
And I tell my sister all thetime like we have to thank God
for these moments right, becausethere are so many hard moments.
So when you do get a good moment, when you do get a funny moment
, you have to thank God for it,and so there are many.
I mean the beautiful thingabout our family we're very
(15:26):
close, knit back in Brooklyn.
We all grew up in the samehouse, right?
So my uncle had a three familyhome not the one that had
Alzheimer's, but another uncleand so my my mom and dad and my
sister and I were on the topfloor, my aunt, who had
Alzheimer's, on the second floor, the uncle who owned the home,
was at the third floor, but theneverybody came over at all
(15:50):
different times, right?
Um?
And so we were very close.
So we've got a lifetime fromour childhood until we left that
home just a few years ago.
Um, you know of memories of goodtimes, um, and a lot of that
character, a lot of that fun andliveliness is still in my mom.
You know, if you put some musicon, she gonna cut a rug and not
think twice about it.
She loves loves to dance, sheloves music, she loves men.
Her and my dad were married for46 years or something like that
(16:12):
, and so my dad passed away acouple of years ago, in 2023.
And then that's when ourcaregiving really kicked it up a
notch, because we had to, youknow, take over 100%.
You know we were always therehelping, but really take over
100%.
And so she still talks abouthim and you know things we don't
want to hear you know and howwe got here, and all of that.
(16:33):
And so, child, yeah, she a trip,she is a trip I'm telling you
Please bring this show to aretailer, okay.
Oh baby, I'm going to find it,I'm going to find it, I'm going
to find it.
Don't you worry about that.
You're going to say stoptexting me J.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Smiles.
I said we're going to set thisup later.
Hey, what's up?
Parented Up family.
Guess what.
Have you ever wanted to connectwith other caregivers?
You want to see morebehind-the-scenes footage?
Want to know what me and Zeddyare doing?
I know you do All things.
Jsmiles are finally ready foryou, Even when I go live.
(17:10):
Do it now with us on Patreon.
Join us in the Patreoncommunity.
Catch everything we're doing.
Visit Patreoncom forward.
Slash JSmilesStudios with an S.
What are?
(17:33):
The best way for me to put thisis for you and your sister.
It's not all.
It sounds like you all havedivided the roles fairly well,
or you manage caring for yourmom well as a team.
(17:55):
You don't always hear that howy'all do that.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
So it has a lot to do with the way we were raised
Okay, shout out to mama againand grandma.
And we were just raised rightlike our family, and it runs
through our family.
So, while my sister and I, um,you know, are primarily
responsible, really our wholefamily whenever asked or needed,
or sometimes without beingasked or needed, we'll, we'll
(18:21):
pitch in and help.
Uh, so we are very grateful andthankful.
We were taught by ourgrandmothers you always stick
together, you let nothing comebetween you, and that has stayed
true to our family.
This business is here because ofmy family.
I would not be able to do anyof this work without my family.
So I know a lot of people havethat testimony that you know
they can't work with family.
(18:42):
That is not my testimony.
I know that's that you knowthey can't work with family.
That is not my testimony andI'm thankful.
I thank God for that.
So, yeah, so it was just it was.
It was no question.
You know, like when, when myparents were living in New York
and I was in New York and thenin New Jersey, you know I was
closer, so I did most of the youknow daily things that they
needed or whatever, but anythingI couldn't do, especially so we
(19:03):
kind of all the medical stuff Iget to my sister right.
So the appointments, theinsurance questions, cause
that's her area of expertise,you know any other regular tasks
grocery shopping, whatever youknow I would do, getting mommy's
hair done, whatever Um, we justjust did it, you know, didn't
even think twice about it.
Um, cause we all we got rightand um, there's no reason why
(19:23):
one of us should have to bearthe burden alone, you know.
And then when my parents, whenwe moved my parents down here at
the time I was still living inNew Jersey, so then they came
more on my sister Right, andthat ultimately really was the
reason why I moved to Georgia sothat I could help with my
parents, because they weregetting older.
My mom's condition was worsening, my dad began to have some
health challenges and I saw itwas just becoming a lot on my
(19:45):
sister, so that was really whymy family and I ended up moving
here.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
yeah, and have you regretted any of?
Speaker 2 (19:52):
oh no, never, not at all, not at all.
I'm.
It was the best decision.
Um, especially once my dadpassed away.
I couldn't imagine having tonavigate that remotely, you know
not being in the same placewith my sister.
You know, my sister and I areextremely close and for most of
our lives we have livedseparately.
So when she graduated from highschool, she went away to
(20:13):
college and then she moved here.
And then, a couple of yearslater, I graduated from high
school, I went away to collegeand then I moved back to New
York.
So we were living separate morethan we were living longer than
we were living together.
So this is the first time inour lives that we've been living
close again.
We're 10 minutes apart fromeach other.
Yeah, girl, she'd be in mypantry all the time.
(20:33):
I'd be cracking jokes at her.
I'm like girl, what are youdoing over here again?
But that's just the fun jokesthat we have.
We see each other all the time.
Now.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
And it's a beautiful thing.
Yeah, and we can, we can dothis work together.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Um, she actually just started a caregiver group.
Um it was on her heart um forseveral years, and so she
started a a care of caregiversupport group called take care.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Okay, how do you spell that?
Uh take care.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
T A K E C A R E take care.
You can find a group onFacebook.
Um, it's in its early stages hejust launched it a couple of
weeks ago but we're very excitedabout that and I'm happy to
support her in that venture, thesame way she has supported me
in all of mine, Because she justreally understands the weight
of being a caregiver and wantedto provide some support for
others.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
So yeah, I love that.
Ok, so you hear that.
You hear that parenting up,family care, regular spelling
and think tell her thank you forthat.
Okay, sometimes people are likebut how you put a z and take
care, the z is solid yeah, hell,yeah, it's solid it's so solid
I ain't going to never find yourpage.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Baby Take care, Caregiver support community on
Facebook.
We'd love to have you join us.
And we'll be doing more in themonths and years to come, but
just getting started but reallyneeded.
We've already gotten a greatresponse because there's so many
out there and she, like you,mentioned the sandwich
generation which we both arepart of.
Both of us have young children.
(21:58):
My nephew is 12.
My son is four, and then my,you know, we have, you know, our
elders, and then there's somany other types of caregivers.
Right, so not just Alzheimer's,that's the one we hear about
the most, but it manifests in somany different ways.
It absolutely does.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
It absolutely does.
A few more questions about yourmom, just to see how that could
assist some other people in ourcommunity about your mom, just
to see how that could assistsome other people in our
community.
Does your mom live with eitheryou?
Is she um in a facility?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
so she is in a facility, okay, um, when my dad
first passed away, um, weimmediately, of course, moved
her in with us.
Okay, and she was splitting hertime between the two of us.
Um, because my son is smallerand needs more, you know,
assistance with getting readyfor school and that kind of
thing.
Uh, she would be with my sisterduring the week and then she
would be with me on the weekends, and this is when that routine
(22:48):
thing comes into play.
Um, because, to put it simply,it was not working.
Um, my, the back and forth, theconstantly switching of homes,
of routines, of surroundings,did not do well for my mom.
She began to have a lot of moodswings and just a lot of
(23:10):
challenges, and it also becamedangerous because she was trying
to leave.
You know, and you know, it justwas.
She became more combative.
So we kept her with us as longas we could, as long as it was
safe, as long it began to affectus, because she would literally
be up all night, would notsleep.
So we were not sleeping, weboth had to work, and so we kept
(23:33):
her home as long as we could.
We, at that time we found, likea day center that she was able
to go to, but it was just for afew hours a day.
Then we tried to get someone tocome into the home.
Hot mess, totally unreliable.
We just not show up, we'll getit, you know, that's all that's
right.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
That's another Try to be positive today.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
That's part two.
Oh, disgusting.
It's all right, yeah.
So ultimately we had to make avery difficult decision yes, To
place her in a facility, andshe's in a memory care facility.
So not a nursing home, butsimilar Right In a memory care
facility.
We tried to find the best onethat we could and that we could
(24:14):
afford, and it was the bestthing we could have ever done.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
It was the best thing we could have ever done for her
and for us.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
She has adjusted so well, she and again, the routine
, because they have a routine.
It's a consistent surroundingfor her.
So a lot of the outbursts, theaggression that we were seeing
when she was with us completelywent away.
Now it's very sporadic, if evenat all very rare.
So her mood is so much better.
(24:44):
Her health is.
She's doing well, you know,health-wise, no other major
health conditions or anythinglike that.
And then it also just gave ussome peace, you know, to be able
to get back to some sort ofroutine for ourselves too.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
So yeah, peace is a big deal.
I champion caregivers forfinding what works best for you
and your LO, whether the LOneeds to be with a family member
or in a facility, and then whattype of facility, and then
(25:17):
where and in which city andclosest to which family member.
All of that is very specific tothe circumstances at hand and
it warms my heart to hear thatyou all found something that
works for everybody involved.
You speaking about your mombeing so much calmer.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Speaking about your mom being so much calmer.
Do you know?
Is there any medication they'vegiven her that might be helping
with this calmness?
Yeah, you know she's on, andthis is one of my sister
questions.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Okay, all right, we should add her in.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
So she is on.
She's on medication, obviously,you know most patients, most
elders are, but you knowdementia, alzheimer's patients.
So she is on medications and wework very closely with her
medical team.
You know we have an.
She has an amazing doctor whois great with Emory.
Dr Romelina absolutely love him.
So he specializes in, you know,geriatric care and in, you know
(26:20):
, the diseases of the brain andthat kind of thing.
So I think they help.
And I do also think that andagain, everybody's situation is
so different.
So I hate to give anyone afalse hope but I believe that in
my mom's situation, while thereis no cure Right, I do believe
that the medication may, for her, have slowed things down a bit,
(26:40):
because there was a good spanof years where there was no
progression Right, where it wasjust kind of steady, kind of
consistent, and we were like, ok, she has this, but she's still
able to do a lot of things.
We're still, and it reallywasn't until maybe I don't know,
seven years in or eight years,and then we kind of saw a bit of
a decline and then we wouldmake some adjustments.
Or eight years, and then wekind of saw a bit of a decline
(27:02):
and then we would make someadjustments and you know so.
Um, yes, she's on medication.
I think it helps.
Obviously it doesn't cure it,um, and they do have different
medications and things like thattoo, but I think the real
contributing factor is theroutine love it, love it, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Well, we're about to wrap this up, okay, and this has
been so fantastic but we havetwo points to make before we
wrap this up.
Yes, um, first, is we closeeverything out with a segment we
call the snuggle up.
Okay, right, and it's, uh,mostly something I made up, so I
(27:37):
to go ahead and tell you thatright, it's.
Basically the concept is as acaregiver.
If you would go ahead andsnuggle up to this idea, it will
make your journey as acaregiver easier.
What snuggle up would you giveas a suggestion to people?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
I think what we, what we talked about earlier, which
was really savoring the goodtimes right, like trying to find
that glimmer of hope or joyeven in this seemingly sad and
depressing situation, and reallyholding on to those Right.
So at any time, you know, mysister and I can be talking and
(28:28):
just start cracking up aboutsomething mommy said last week
or this morning.
You know, sometimes we'll eventext each other like girl, your
mother, you will not believewhat your mother just said, have
just said, you know.
So I think that that um reallyhelps to balance out some of the
um, the the mental and theemotional stress and strain that
(28:50):
come along with, you know, withbeing a caregiver.
uh, it's just embracing andremembering the good times you
know, and even I know again somesituations different, so some
people may not have seen timeslike that in a while.
But if you can just go back,you know, to remember who they
were, how they were um, the loveand the joy that you shared um,
and and hold on to that and andgive yourself grace.
Give yourself grace um.
(29:11):
Give them grace, yes, right.
Give them grace Um, becausemost people who need caregiving
um did not sign up for it, andso what?
Speaker 1 (29:22):
you got to say that 18 times give them grace and
give yourself grace.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
What was your line number Fifty four?
Ok, well, I'm the first part ofthat.
Know how they can find andsupport the sister shop.
Okay, wait, let me tell y'allwhy it's so great.
(29:50):
She's going to tell y'all whereto find it, but let me tell you
why it's so great unique brandsby women that are black and of
color, and the stuff is funkyand flat and fresh and great.
(30:11):
And she owns the distributionchannel.
And now tell them where you canfind it, okay.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
That was good.
Yes, so this is the shop, isyour e-commerce destination
where you can shop an exclusivecollection of black women owned
brands, and you can shop onlineat the sister shopcom, spelled
just like that S I S T A H, sothe sister shopcom.
We ship all across the U?
S.
We hope to be addinginternational shipping soon, so
stay tuned for that.
S-i-s-t-a-h.
So the sister shopcom.
We ship all across the U?
S.
We hope to be addinginternational shipping soon, so
(30:45):
stay tuned for that.
But also, our store is a partof our larger brand called
sisters in business, where weprovide courses, coaching,
community all about helpingblack women successfully start
growing, scale their businesses.
So be sure to join our mailinglist so you can get updates on
the different opportunities thatwe have available.
Uh, for our sisters to win intheir business, because when my
sister wins, we all win you'resupposed to do at the end.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Oh my bad, I was waiting for you to say we all
win.
Oh, dang, let's do it again,okay.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Okay, come on because when my sister wins, we all win
, we all win Woo.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
I love it.
Thank you so much, sweetheart,thank you.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
I can't wait to do this again.
Yes, With Marie Honey I'm doingit with Marie first, and then
I'm going to do it back with you.
I'm going to show you somepictures and video of her.
You're going to see what I'mtalking about.
She's too fast.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I am standing here in the sister shop.
I love this journal.
For those who are listening onthe audio, it is a bold, yellow
journal.
I am blessed, beautiful enough,strong, confident, love,
powerful.
Ok, I don't even know if I feelall these words every day, but
(32:06):
if I read them I'm like hellyeah, yes, I'm ill.
And then look, ok, I'm aCapricorn.
All right, I knew you were aCapricorn when dot dot dot.
I don't even care what's on theinside of this card, the fact
that it starts with I knew youwere a Capricorn when dot dot
dot.
I don't even care what's on theinside of this card, the fact
that it starts with I knew youwere a Capricorn when let's be
noted, is positive.
(32:27):
And hell yeah, if you know I'ma Capricorn, I already like you.
This store is so dope.
There are hats.
Okay, anyway, I'm gonna stopright now.
Y'all this is the point Go tothe sister shopcom.
And sister is spelled S, I, s,t, a, H.
(32:48):
Deuces Number one listen, ifsomeone in your family has
already been diagnosed withAlzheimer's just one person I
(33:18):
need you to go ahead and thinkabout what were their precursor
activities.
Were they forgetful?
Did they hallucinate?
Did they have a hard timedriving home after work.
Write those activities down.
What were they presenting?
That was different years beforethe diagnosis.
Make a mental note, put itsomewhere, because that could
(33:41):
happen to you later.
It could happen to someone elsein the family, and there's no
reason to have to reinvent thewheel.
Perhaps your DNA is going totell you later it could be you.
Or maybe auntie, or maybe acousin Listen y'all.
Or maybe auntie, or maybe acousin, listen y'all.
We don't have to depend on theinternet for everything.
(34:03):
Sometimes, when you know more,do better.
Number two rebuke guilt.
If you are giving care toanybody, whether it happens to
be an LO or a neighbor, hey, youare doing the best you can.
You dug in and you acceptedresponsibility.
(34:26):
Don't bother at any point tothen feel guilty about oh man,
they used to live with me, nowthey're in a facility, or
they're not living with me,they're living with a neighbor,
or they're living with anotherfamily member.
I bet I used to maybe be ableto do more.
No, you're doing the best youcan.
(34:47):
You know how, because that'sall you got and that's okay.
Do not find a way to feelguilty about the part that
you're not doing.
We don't have time for that.
Whatever you're giving today oryesterday is enough.
Tomorrow you might have more,but we don't even care about
(35:09):
tomorrow yet.
Just take care today.
Number three keep living.
That's the biggest thing that Igot from today's guest, my
soror Aisha.
She moved from another state.
She is managing being her mom'scaregiver.
(35:32):
She opened a brick and mortarstore.
She is encouraging otherentrepreneurs to live their
dreams through brands, t-shirts,greeting cards, pajamas,
furniture.
She has a baby.
(35:53):
Okay, not a baby, he's four.
This is the point Keep living.
Her mom would want her to keepliving, but she's 10 toes down
in both sides of the coin, soyou can do it too.
She's no different than you,and neither am I.
Every day, you may not have thesame amount of energy.
(36:18):
That's cool.
That's cool.
Sometimes you need a nap.
Other times you can run amarathon.
Don't beat yourself up.
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