December 9, 2024 • 28 mins
We know that you may think Zetty was from the south and surely was known for some famous recipes we grew up enjoying - but that's not exactly what I remember about my mom during the holidays. Zetty may not have been baking holiday treats, but one thing she did make sure to do was go shopping for her loved ones - and take me and my cousins with her.
Join me as I reminisce on out-of-the-ordinary shopping adventures with my mama and cousins. My mom worked very hard during the year and didn't have much time to shop for birthdays and anniversaries, but during the last six weeks of the year, it was go time!
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"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My mama comes in me and she fussing at my cousin
these are all white.
That's so boring.
I don't want to give all whitetennis shoes to Uncle So-and-so.
Why would you do that?
I don't think you tried hard atall.
I think you just want to hurryup and rush to get to the Krispy
(00:22):
Kreme.
These are the kind ofconversations she was having
with middle schoolers.
Lady, you know what you coulddo.
You could hire some realshoppers and let us go outside
and play.
Parenting up.
Caregiving adventures withcomedian Jay Smiles is the
intense journey of unexpectedlybeing fully responsible for my
(00:43):
mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeatSpoiler alert.
This shit is heavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
(01:09):
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast, is that okay?
My Daughters Podcast Is thatokay?
(01:33):
Today's reporter shout-out comesfrom Zeddy To JG Parenting Up
community.
Go with me on this one.
This is something that I knowfor sure.
My mom would say if she had thewherewithal.
She would say something likehuh JG baby, I'm so proud of you
(01:56):
and this is so good.
You won the Boss Her Award inhonor of your outstanding
leadership.
Janae J Smile Smith.
Elite entertainer presentedOctober 17th 2024.
(02:19):
24.
I am certain that Zetty wouldbe over the moon that I received
this award for my work as acomedian and a podcaster, a
philanthropist and an advocatefor caregivers and Alzheimer's
awareness.
So, on behalf of Zetty and Ibelieve her, her social media
(02:43):
handle would be Maverick8.
Thank you, zetty.
Festive frenzy holidays withZetty Parenting up family.
Zetty had one time a year thatwas so important.
(03:06):
We called it Zedster, zeddy,zedmeister, all that kind of
stuff, and it was the holidays.
It was somewhere around thethird or fourth week of November
through the first week ofJanuary.
It didn't matter what year itwas, it didn't matter where we
were in the world, it didn'tmatter what the temperature was.
(03:26):
It was Zeddy time, it was gotime, it was OK.
We went from being broke in mylifetime to having what I'm
going to call non broke money.
Now I ain't talking, we're notsuper wealthy like over there,
like with oil money where youcan go buy an island and all
that kind of stuff I'm talkingabout, no matter how many monies
(03:51):
were or were not in the bank.
That was Zeddy's time of year,you know how people would say,
for the NBA players, or shall Isay NBA fans, jordan and June,
if you like basketball, michaelJordan and June that just meant
Jordan in the playoffs.
What's hilarious is Zaydendidn't cook.
So you would think it's theSouth.
(04:13):
She's a Southern woman.
Oh, I bet she had a recipe.
Hell, no, her recipe wasshopping, but not for herself.
S&p was shopping but not forherself, and she didn't want to
get what was on your list.
Can y'all believe that?
So she would make everybodygive her a list.
(04:35):
So you had to give a list ofeverything that you think you
didn't get all the rest of theyear, for your birthday, your
anniversary, whatever, becauseshe may have missed all them
other days your birthday, yourwedding anniversary, anything
like that.
(04:55):
She might have missed that andshe didn't really care.
But those last six weeks or soof the calendar year, baby, she
was coming in strong In Zeddy'smind.
She was about to make up forthe whole other 11 months that
she may or may not have made itto any of your events.
(05:17):
If you had a housewarming.
She probably wasn't therebecause what Zeddy was at work,
she is still making up forwhatever Dr King's dream that he
didn't finish.
She got to go to work but notthem last six weeks.
It is time to show everybodywhatever she didn't get done.
But this to catch y'all why yourgirl get you to make a list of
(05:42):
all the things you wanted ordidn't get, but she didn't
really adhere to the list.
Then it was good for sayingokay.
So JG says she wants a computerand a pair of boots and a
leather coat.
She don't need no boots, she'lljust decide off of your list
(06:09):
what she don't really think youneed In the mall.
Or even better than that, ifyour girl has and I'm licking my
finger and folded, I'm dogearring I'm folding back the
corners of the magazine my mamaflew so much Delta Airlines.
(06:31):
She exclusively flew DeltaAirlines, and not because she's
a member of Delta, sigma, theta,sorority Incorporated, but
because from Montgomery Alabama,going through Atlanta, either
you flew Delta or you were goingto ride the bus.
Either it's Delta or Greyhound.
So who the hell wants to flyGreyhound?
That sounds stupid.
So SkyMile magazine.
(06:53):
Before the internet, you couldget the cutest, most unique
gifts out of SkyMile magazine.
Zetty was infamous for decidingsomewhere around September and
October what she thought whoeverin the family really needed.
That they didn't know nothingabout because they weren't
(07:14):
flying as much as she was.
And she saw it in this magazinethat she was picking the color
and the size.
So people who might not haveeven known the thing exists, she
getting them like stampcollectors.
Oh, I just thought this wouldbe.
You know you were going toretire and this Zeddy is like
moving her shoulders left andright like a little Southern
(07:37):
belle.
You know how you were talkingabout retiring next year.
Well, they have this book ofstamps and I have gotten it for
you.
So you will be able to have anew hobby.
This lady might not auntieso-and-so, who I'm calling.
This lady might not have givena damn about stamps her whole
life, but Zeddy has fallen inlove with this thing in the Sky
(07:58):
Miles magazine, sky Mallmagazine, excuse me.
And Zeddy thinks that when sheretires she would like to
collect stamps.
So she's thinking auntie mightlike to do it.
Y'all get your girl Zeddy.
Jj says she wanted some boots.
How come I can't get the boots?
Well, jj, look at this.
(08:20):
Look what mama found this.
Look what mama found.
Look at this.
This is a calculator that'spocket size, that has
rhinestones on it and, likey'all know anybody who's like a
real accountant or whatever, youknow how they had a little tape
(08:41):
with the little paper on it onthe back.
So she's getting me thatbecause she's like that's what
mama has.
So now you and mommy can match.
I don't want to match.
I don't need the little tape atthe end.
I'm doing regular math.
Nobody at my school has askedme to ever have these little
tape things.
But this is how she went aboutspending the last six weeks of
(09:06):
the year, every year.
But she was so sweet and soloving.
She didn't cuss, she didn'tdrink, she didn't smoke, she
didn't try to take nobody man.
She didn't even take nobody'snumber from nobody else.
It's a man who's trying to hiton her.
So nobody ever told her hey,why didn't you just get stuff
(09:27):
that was on my list?
Now I will say this the giftsthat she did buy were high
quality, normally colorful.
She would give you the warrantyand she'd give you the receipt
and say you could take it backif you wanted to.
So it was hard to tell her hey,lady, why didn't you just get
the thing I asked for?
(09:48):
Oh, this is so sweet.
A lot of people call her MamaZeddy or Mama Vet, and they fell
for it Over and over again.
Now let me tell you what elseabout your girl.
Now, all of this is what I'mgoing to call BA.
(10:11):
Y'all know how they got BCbefore Christ, ba Before
Alzheimer's.
This is Zeddy beforeAlzheimer's.
I ain't talking about arts, I'mtalking about before the
Alzheimer's got it.
Let me tell you what you ain'tnever want to do.
This is part two baby by Zeddyin them last six weeks.
(10:32):
What you didn't ever want to dois go shopping with her.
It could sound like fun.
She would make it sound fun toyou.
Ooh, you want to go with me?
Mama's going to the mall.
Or she'd tell my cousins hey,mama Beth's going to the mall.
Y'all want to go with me?
At the end we can get pizza, orwe can get Krispy Kreme hot
(10:55):
donuts from anybody who ain'tfrom the deep South.
Listen, the way they timed itin Montgomery they had the red
light come on right when themall was closing and my mama
would get everybody their ownhalf dozen box, so you didn't
have to share, but she wassetting you up to go to the mall
and then you thought, well,she'll probably get you $20 to
(11:18):
go get you something.
What you did not want to do wasgo to the mall with her in that
last six weeks.
It wasn't worth the KrispyKreme and it wasn't worth the
$20 that you might be able touse to go to the arcade or to go
get yourself some candy or at-shirt or something.
Cause, baby, let me tell yousomething Reality TV, whether
(11:44):
it's survivor or love, is blindor big brother, any.
From the beginning of realityTV all the way down to Atlanta
Housewives Nobody ain't got areality TV or all of the ones
where you go shopping real fastthrough the grocery store and
(12:07):
got nothing on Zeddy.
Zeddy would get us in that mall.
And I'm going to tell you allabout this and divide us up with
lists.
And divide us up with lists andyou felt like you were a
failure if you didn't finishyour list.
Okay, she gave you a list andit has circles on.
(12:32):
Everything had a legend, so,like the list had circles on
Okay.
So you go in the departmentstore, jj, you go in the
department store and you'relooking for a scarf and a man's
wallet and a lady's purse.
I'm like 12 and 13.
(13:03):
How the hell am I picking out aman's wallet, a lady's scarf
and a purse?
For what lady mama, and forwhat man?
Well, just get black and get abrown one and get a nice scarf
about yay big and she's gonnahold her hands out I know what
yay big is for a scarf.
And, like my cousin might haveto go to a shoe store or to the
mother cousin got to go to theathletic store.
He's supposed to be picking outmaybe sweatshirts and tennis
(13:24):
shoes and we all have sizes andman or woman, kid or not kid.
And then at the end of the mallis Toys R Us.
Yes, this is when Toys R Us wasstill a store.
Now everybody else in the mallour size, meaning our age
(13:47):
they're walking around andthey're picking out gifts for
themselves.
You understand what I'm saying.
Y'all they're going aroundpicking out gifts for themselves
, for their birthday or for asleepover.
We are shopping.
Here comes the best part wedon't have no money.
Remember we're in middle school?
(14:09):
We ain't got no credit card.
She about to give us enoughcash to go buy Nikes and Reeboks
and suede shoes and ill skin.
Yeah, y'all remember that oldschool ill skin wallets.
So everybody had to go to theirrespective store pick out all
(14:29):
this stuff.
Yeah, that means I got to talkthe lady behind the counter into
believing my mama is reallyabout to come pay for this shit
later.
But, ma'am, could you pleaseI'm sorry, ma'am, could I see
that black ill skin?
Okay, and then I need this graypurse over here and then that
(14:51):
that um scar, that's yay big,with the flowers on it, and can
you just hold them all over hereto the side Because my mama's
going to come pay for it.
Do you know how crazy thatsounds when you're in middle
school?
But my cousins are saying thesame thing, that same kind of
thing, in the foot locker store,and somebody else is down in
(15:18):
the tours.
Are us trying to find the games?
But Zeddy wanted to buyeducational toys.
Who the hell wants educationaltoys?
And we're trying to talk herout of that.
She's like no, no, no, no.
I know that they want, uh, thevideo games.
But look at this, look at these.
This is even better.
(15:40):
What?
Because she saw it in thestupid SkyMall magazine.
So these are supposedly boardgames for kids, where you're
going to learn math and you'regoing to learn how to do a
chemistry experiment.
Chemistry experiment Didn't?
(16:04):
Nobody want to do that?
Do you know how many adultsalespersons did not want to
wait on us and did not want tohold all these products off to
the side?
Why would they believe us?
They are like ah, little girl,where is your mama, and don't
have me holding this stuff overhere and I could get a real sale
.
And your mama don't come.
Y'all, we don't have no pagers,no cell phones, no way to
(16:30):
communicate with each other.
Hey, has Zeddy showed up inyour store?
Have you gotten your stuff?
Did you get to?
Have you been freed to go toget to the arcade game or get
your candy?
Because, you know, after shecame and paid for the stuff,
(16:50):
then you got to go spend your$20.
Well, you under spent it.
I'm sitting here with my handsfull right now.
This is shit, is making me madall over again.
It was awful Every freakingyear, but she would come
bouncing in to your store whenit was your turn.
She was like hey, let me seewhat you got.
(17:10):
What'd you pick out and correctthis?
Heifer, remember, I didn't toldy'all you can't call your mama
the B word.
But in the deep south you can'tcall a heifer.
This heifer would never satisfywith what I picked.
Jg, what kind of purse is that?
Who would want a gray purse?
(17:32):
It's so dank, it's so drab.
Mama, I don't even have a purse.
I'm in middle school, I'm 12,I'm 13.
I got a backpack.
I put all my books in there, Iput my lip gloss in my jean
pocket and now you mad at me andyou said you're gonna be back
in 30 minutes.
It's been an hour and this ladyover here thinks I'm either
(17:55):
trying to steal or I'm wastingher time.
Oh, jj, don't be like that.
Who would think you would steal?
Look at you, baby, come on,come on.
Where's that winning smile Mamataught you to have?
Oh, listen, listen.
(18:30):
This woman that y'all love andknows is always so festive and
loving and sweet and kind.
Now, on all the little videos,I'm not saying I didn't love her
in those moments, her in thosemoments.
I'm just saying she could befrustrated and she could be
trying, because while it was,you know, the season of joy and
jolliness, right, because youknow, november through December,
there are a lot of peoplecelebrating a lot of stuff and a
whole lot of people with theirfamily.
(18:51):
But what you didn't want to dois be in middle school buying
gifts for not yourself and notyour friends and being treated
like you were under child laborlaws.
That was awful.
But what I can say about Zettyis she kept her promise.
(19:21):
We did always go to Krispy Kremeand everybody did always get
their own box of six hot glazeddonuts.
We got our own thing of milk.
I always wanted chocolate, mycousins always wanted the
regular plain white milk and wealways had so many jokes in the
(19:44):
car about my mama and how sheplayed us because whatever she
put on the list, we did our bestto get what was on our list and
she wasn't ever satisfied withwhat we picked, because she's a
grown woman, she knows what shemean about.
Oh get it, oh get the.
Get the nikes that have thesuch and such and the this, with
(20:06):
the blue top and the black what.
We just walk in and say, hey, Ineed a pair of Nikes that's a
size 10 for a man, that's blackwith some blue on it and
whatever.
They bring that back.
Guess what?
Size 10 is the most common sizefor men.
So when they come back and tellyou they don't have that size.
(20:26):
Then you just say, well, justgive me some Nikes, that's a 10
for a man.
So then they bring notes andthey all white.
My mama comes in Me and shefussing at my cousin these are
all white.
That's so boring.
I don't want to give all whitetennis shoes to Uncle So-and-so.
(20:46):
Why would you do that?
I don't think you tried hard atall.
I think you just want to hurryup and rush to get to the Krispy
Kreme.
These are the kind ofconversations she was having
with middle schoolers.
Lady, you know what you coulddo.
You could hire some realshoppers and let us go outside
and play or leave us alone, butyou're going to chastise us.
(21:09):
My cousin went there and askedfor what you said.
They ain't had a size.
Now you going to beat him overthe head.
Why didn't you order these damnshoes back in February from the
Sears and Roebuck catalog, likeeverybody else?
For good sense?
No, no, no, no.
You want to take the bad newsbears with you to the mall.
(21:32):
Anyway, on the way home it was awhole lot of singing and
laughing and Krispy Kreme eatingand bless her heart every year.
Some kind of way she ran out oftime and ended up where no
adult would go shopping with usand she would have to talk her
daughter and my janky asscousins into it again.
(21:54):
We were the best she could have.
We were the best.
We was Eddie's crew, we wereher crew literally through
college Kind of the same crewand every year we would be like,
damn, are we doing this again?
What we got suckered in again,that's Eddie Snuggle up.
(22:24):
Number one Make moments worthrecalling.
Who knew all of that?
Back and forth mall BS withZetty would actually bring me
some joy Now, decades later.
(22:59):
It felt painful at the time,but I was with my mom and
cousins doing something that wedid actually enjoy.
I mean, we liked buying giftsfor people, and who doesn't like
hot Krispy Kreme donuts?
If you never had one, figureout how to do it.
It's a really, really goodtreat.
But real talk, it is worthbeing intentional to create
moments right now with healthypeople or with your LO who is
(23:26):
suffering from a disease that amonth from now or years from now
, it will be the thing that letsyou laugh or cry or have that
recollection that soothes thesoul.
Number two give yourself a bitof grace.
(23:49):
Caregivers, family caregiversespecially.
It's okay if your recollectionof your lo before the disease is
a little, you know, pissy orfrustrating.
It might not always be a funand fond memory.
(24:14):
It might be a memory ofsomething when you like oh man,
I used to hate it when my mamamade me fill in the blank, put
on clean underwear before I leftthe house that was a real
Southern thing.
Or always brush my teeth beforeI went to bed.
(24:35):
Or she always tried to tell mewho I should date.
Or the fact that she hated myhusband, even though we've been
married now for 30 years andhe's the one that's wiping her
butt.
Whatever the thing is, it'sokay.
All of the memories may not fitinto a nice neat little happy
bucket.
Give yourself the freedom andthe room to let even those
(25:00):
emotions out.
Bottling stuff up is not theway to go.
That is room for stress,anguish and anxiety.
That will just get in the wayof you having a smoother journey
as a caregiver.
Yeah, number three considercontacting a person that was
(25:26):
really, really meaningful toyour LO and you as a unit BA
before the Alzheimer's or BDbefore the disease Like is there
a cousin or a neighbor or arelative that you, just you can
(25:49):
recall like that, my mom used toreally be close to Miss Pat
from the old neighborhood, like30 years ago.
They went to the farmer'smarket every Saturday.
I wonder where she is.
I wonder how she's doing.
(26:26):
I'm not suggesting this for MsPat to come and visit your mom.
I'm wasn't so bogged down withbills and despair.
You might not even want to takethe neighbor through all the
(26:46):
problems that you and your momare facing right now.
You just might want to say, hey, I'm just calling to see how
you're doing and talk about someof the things that used to go
down between you and my mom andhear some of the stories.
Even if your mom is no longeralive on earth, it could still
be healing for you.
Just consider it.
(27:07):
I'm not saying you gotta do it.
You can stay a part of theparenting up community
regardless, all right, but ifyou do, let me know what's up.
Y'all.
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
(27:27):
reminding y'all Patreon is open.
It is open and ready for you,you, you, you and your mama too.
We are loading up things.
All things Zetty, all thingspodcast, all things.
Caregiving behind the scenes,extra stuff.
J Smiles comedy is droppingwith her own little collection
(27:52):
within the jay smiles studio,patreon, very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
there, because there'sexclusives, that's kind of time
sensitive to whoever is in therefirst.
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'm going to behonest because of, you know,
(28:17):
branding matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
World Wide Web that I can do inthe Patreon pantry.
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
(28:37):
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
Patreon pantry.
This is Deion Pantry.
My mama comes in me and she fussing at my cousin
these are all white.
That's so boring.
I don't want to give all whitetennis shoes to Uncle So-and-so.
Why would you do that?
I don't think you tried hard atall.
I think you just want to hurryup and rush to get to the Krispy
(00:22):
Kreme.
These are the kind ofconversations she was having
with middle schoolers.
Lady, you know what you coulddo.
You could hire some realshoppers and let us go outside
and play.
Parenting up.
Caregiving adventures withcomedian Jay Smiles is the
intense journey of unexpectedlybeing fully responsible for my
(00:43):
mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeatSpoiler alert.
This shit is heavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
(01:09):
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast, is that okay?
My Daughters Podcast Is thatokay?
(01:33):
Today's reporter shout-out comesfrom Zeddy To JG Parenting Up
community.
Go with me on this one.
This is something that I knowfor sure.
My mom would say if she had thewherewithal.
She would say something likehuh JG baby, I'm so proud of you
(01:56):
and this is so good.
You won the Boss Her Award inhonor of your outstanding
leadership.
Janae J Smile Smith.
Elite entertainer presentedOctober 17th 2024.
(02:19):
24.
I am certain that Zetty wouldbe over the moon that I received
this award for my work as acomedian and a podcaster, a
philanthropist and an advocatefor caregivers and Alzheimer's
awareness.
So, on behalf of Zetty and Ibelieve her, her social media
(02:43):
handle would be Maverick8.
Thank you, zetty.
Festive frenzy holidays withZetty Parenting up family.
Zetty had one time a year thatwas so important.
(03:06):
We called it Zedster, zeddy,zedmeister, all that kind of
stuff, and it was the holidays.
It was somewhere around thethird or fourth week of November
through the first week ofJanuary.
It didn't matter what year itwas, it didn't matter where we
were in the world, it didn'tmatter what the temperature was.
(03:26):
It was Zeddy time, it was gotime, it was OK.
We went from being broke in mylifetime to having what I'm
going to call non broke money.
Now I ain't talking, we're notsuper wealthy like over there,
like with oil money where youcan go buy an island and all
that kind of stuff I'm talkingabout, no matter how many monies
(03:51):
were or were not in the bank.
That was Zeddy's time of year,you know how people would say,
for the NBA players, or shall Isay NBA fans, jordan and June,
if you like basketball, michaelJordan and June that just meant
Jordan in the playoffs.
What's hilarious is Zaydendidn't cook.
So you would think it's theSouth.
(04:13):
She's a Southern woman.
Oh, I bet she had a recipe.
Hell, no, her recipe wasshopping, but not for herself.
S&p was shopping but not forherself, and she didn't want to
get what was on your list.
Can y'all believe that?
So she would make everybodygive her a list.
(04:35):
So you had to give a list ofeverything that you think you
didn't get all the rest of theyear, for your birthday, your
anniversary, whatever, becauseshe may have missed all them
other days your birthday, yourwedding anniversary, anything
like that.
(04:55):
She might have missed that andshe didn't really care.
But those last six weeks or soof the calendar year, baby, she
was coming in strong In Zeddy'smind.
She was about to make up forthe whole other 11 months that
she may or may not have made itto any of your events.
(05:17):
If you had a housewarming.
She probably wasn't therebecause what Zeddy was at work,
she is still making up forwhatever Dr King's dream that he
didn't finish.
She got to go to work but notthem last six weeks.
It is time to show everybodywhatever she didn't get done.
But this to catch y'all why yourgirl get you to make a list of
(05:42):
all the things you wanted ordidn't get, but she didn't
really adhere to the list.
Then it was good for sayingokay.
So JG says she wants a computerand a pair of boots and a
leather coat.
She don't need no boots, she'lljust decide off of your list
(06:09):
what she don't really think youneed In the mall.
Or even better than that, ifyour girl has and I'm licking my
finger and folded, I'm dogearring I'm folding back the
corners of the magazine my mamaflew so much Delta Airlines.
(06:31):
She exclusively flew DeltaAirlines, and not because she's
a member of Delta, sigma, theta,sorority Incorporated, but
because from Montgomery Alabama,going through Atlanta, either
you flew Delta or you were goingto ride the bus.
Either it's Delta or Greyhound.
So who the hell wants to flyGreyhound?
That sounds stupid.
So SkyMile magazine.
(06:53):
Before the internet, you couldget the cutest, most unique
gifts out of SkyMile magazine.
Zetty was infamous for decidingsomewhere around September and
October what she thought whoeverin the family really needed.
That they didn't know nothingabout because they weren't
(07:14):
flying as much as she was.
And she saw it in this magazinethat she was picking the color
and the size.
So people who might not haveeven known the thing exists, she
getting them like stampcollectors.
Oh, I just thought this wouldbe.
You know you were going toretire and this Zeddy is like
moving her shoulders left andright like a little Southern
(07:37):
belle.
You know how you were talkingabout retiring next year.
Well, they have this book ofstamps and I have gotten it for
you.
So you will be able to have anew hobby.
This lady might not auntieso-and-so, who I'm calling.
This lady might not have givena damn about stamps her whole
life, but Zeddy has fallen inlove with this thing in the Sky
(07:58):
Miles magazine, sky Mallmagazine, excuse me.
And Zeddy thinks that when sheretires she would like to
collect stamps.
So she's thinking auntie mightlike to do it.
Y'all get your girl Zeddy.
Jj says she wanted some boots.
How come I can't get the boots?
Well, jj, look at this.
(08:20):
Look what mama found this.
Look what mama found.
Look at this.
This is a calculator that'spocket size, that has
rhinestones on it and, likey'all know anybody who's like a
real accountant or whatever, youknow how they had a little tape
(08:41):
with the little paper on it onthe back.
So she's getting me thatbecause she's like that's what
mama has.
So now you and mommy can match.
I don't want to match.
I don't need the little tape atthe end.
I'm doing regular math.
Nobody at my school has askedme to ever have these little
tape things.
But this is how she went aboutspending the last six weeks of
(09:06):
the year, every year.
But she was so sweet and soloving.
She didn't cuss, she didn'tdrink, she didn't smoke, she
didn't try to take nobody man.
She didn't even take nobody'snumber from nobody else.
It's a man who's trying to hiton her.
So nobody ever told her hey,why didn't you just get stuff
(09:27):
that was on my list?
Now I will say this the giftsthat she did buy were high
quality, normally colorful.
She would give you the warrantyand she'd give you the receipt
and say you could take it backif you wanted to.
So it was hard to tell her hey,lady, why didn't you just get
the thing I asked for?
(09:48):
Oh, this is so sweet.
A lot of people call her MamaZeddy or Mama Vet, and they fell
for it Over and over again.
Now let me tell you what elseabout your girl.
Now, all of this is what I'mgoing to call BA.
(10:11):
Y'all know how they got BCbefore Christ, ba Before
Alzheimer's.
This is Zeddy beforeAlzheimer's.
I ain't talking about arts, I'mtalking about before the
Alzheimer's got it.
Let me tell you what you ain'tnever want to do.
This is part two baby by Zeddyin them last six weeks.
(10:32):
What you didn't ever want to dois go shopping with her.
It could sound like fun.
She would make it sound fun toyou.
Ooh, you want to go with me?
Mama's going to the mall.
Or she'd tell my cousins hey,mama Beth's going to the mall.
Y'all want to go with me?
At the end we can get pizza, orwe can get Krispy Kreme hot
(10:55):
donuts from anybody who ain'tfrom the deep South.
Listen, the way they timed itin Montgomery they had the red
light come on right when themall was closing and my mama
would get everybody their ownhalf dozen box, so you didn't
have to share, but she wassetting you up to go to the mall
and then you thought, well,she'll probably get you $20 to
(11:18):
go get you something.
What you did not want to do wasgo to the mall with her in that
last six weeks.
It wasn't worth the KrispyKreme and it wasn't worth the
$20 that you might be able touse to go to the arcade or to go
get yourself some candy or at-shirt or something.
Cause, baby, let me tell yousomething Reality TV, whether
(11:44):
it's survivor or love, is blindor big brother, any.
From the beginning of realityTV all the way down to Atlanta
Housewives Nobody ain't got areality TV or all of the ones
where you go shopping real fastthrough the grocery store and
(12:07):
got nothing on Zeddy.
Zeddy would get us in that mall.
And I'm going to tell you allabout this and divide us up with
lists.
And divide us up with lists andyou felt like you were a
failure if you didn't finishyour list.
Okay, she gave you a list andit has circles on.
(12:32):
Everything had a legend, so,like the list had circles on
Okay.
So you go in the departmentstore, jj, you go in the
department store and you'relooking for a scarf and a man's
wallet and a lady's purse.
I'm like 12 and 13.
(13:03):
How the hell am I picking out aman's wallet, a lady's scarf
and a purse?
For what lady mama, and forwhat man?
Well, just get black and get abrown one and get a nice scarf
about yay big and she's gonnahold her hands out I know what
yay big is for a scarf.
And, like my cousin might haveto go to a shoe store or to the
mother cousin got to go to theathletic store.
He's supposed to be picking outmaybe sweatshirts and tennis
(13:24):
shoes and we all have sizes andman or woman, kid or not kid.
And then at the end of the mallis Toys R Us.
Yes, this is when Toys R Us wasstill a store.
Now everybody else in the mallour size, meaning our age
(13:47):
they're walking around andthey're picking out gifts for
themselves.
You understand what I'm saying.
Y'all they're going aroundpicking out gifts for themselves
, for their birthday or for asleepover.
We are shopping.
Here comes the best part wedon't have no money.
Remember we're in middle school?
(14:09):
We ain't got no credit card.
She about to give us enoughcash to go buy Nikes and Reeboks
and suede shoes and ill skin.
Yeah, y'all remember that oldschool ill skin wallets.
So everybody had to go to theirrespective store pick out all
(14:29):
this stuff.
Yeah, that means I got to talkthe lady behind the counter into
believing my mama is reallyabout to come pay for this shit
later.
But, ma'am, could you pleaseI'm sorry, ma'am, could I see
that black ill skin?
Okay, and then I need this graypurse over here and then that
(14:51):
that um scar, that's yay big,with the flowers on it, and can
you just hold them all over hereto the side Because my mama's
going to come pay for it.
Do you know how crazy thatsounds when you're in middle
school?
But my cousins are saying thesame thing, that same kind of
thing, in the foot locker store,and somebody else is down in
(15:18):
the tours.
Are us trying to find the games?
But Zeddy wanted to buyeducational toys.
Who the hell wants educationaltoys?
And we're trying to talk herout of that.
She's like no, no, no, no.
I know that they want, uh, thevideo games.
But look at this, look at these.
This is even better.
(15:40):
What?
Because she saw it in thestupid SkyMall magazine.
So these are supposedly boardgames for kids, where you're
going to learn math and you'regoing to learn how to do a
chemistry experiment.
Chemistry experiment Didn't?
(16:04):
Nobody want to do that?
Do you know how many adultsalespersons did not want to
wait on us and did not want tohold all these products off to
the side?
Why would they believe us?
They are like ah, little girl,where is your mama, and don't
have me holding this stuff overhere and I could get a real sale
.
And your mama don't come.
Y'all, we don't have no pagers,no cell phones, no way to
(16:30):
communicate with each other.
Hey, has Zeddy showed up inyour store?
Have you gotten your stuff?
Did you get to?
Have you been freed to go toget to the arcade game or get
your candy?
Because, you know, after shecame and paid for the stuff,
(16:50):
then you got to go spend your$20.
Well, you under spent it.
I'm sitting here with my handsfull right now.
This is shit, is making me madall over again.
It was awful Every freakingyear, but she would come
bouncing in to your store whenit was your turn.
She was like hey, let me seewhat you got.
(17:10):
What'd you pick out and correctthis?
Heifer, remember, I didn't toldy'all you can't call your mama
the B word.
But in the deep south you can'tcall a heifer.
This heifer would never satisfywith what I picked.
Jg, what kind of purse is that?
Who would want a gray purse?
(17:32):
It's so dank, it's so drab.
Mama, I don't even have a purse.
I'm in middle school, I'm 12,I'm 13.
I got a backpack.
I put all my books in there, Iput my lip gloss in my jean
pocket and now you mad at me andyou said you're gonna be back
in 30 minutes.
It's been an hour and this ladyover here thinks I'm either
(17:55):
trying to steal or I'm wastingher time.
Oh, jj, don't be like that.
Who would think you would steal?
Look at you, baby, come on,come on.
Where's that winning smile Mamataught you to have?
Oh, listen, listen.
(18:30):
This woman that y'all love andknows is always so festive and
loving and sweet and kind.
Now, on all the little videos,I'm not saying I didn't love her
in those moments, her in thosemoments.
I'm just saying she could befrustrated and she could be
trying, because while it was,you know, the season of joy and
jolliness, right, because youknow, november through December,
there are a lot of peoplecelebrating a lot of stuff and a
whole lot of people with theirfamily.
(18:51):
But what you didn't want to dois be in middle school buying
gifts for not yourself and notyour friends and being treated
like you were under child laborlaws.
That was awful.
But what I can say about Zettyis she kept her promise.
(19:21):
We did always go to Krispy Kremeand everybody did always get
their own box of six hot glazeddonuts.
We got our own thing of milk.
I always wanted chocolate, mycousins always wanted the
regular plain white milk and wealways had so many jokes in the
(19:44):
car about my mama and how sheplayed us because whatever she
put on the list, we did our bestto get what was on our list and
she wasn't ever satisfied withwhat we picked, because she's a
grown woman, she knows what shemean about.
Oh get it, oh get the.
Get the nikes that have thesuch and such and the this, with
(20:06):
the blue top and the black what.
We just walk in and say, hey, Ineed a pair of Nikes that's a
size 10 for a man, that's blackwith some blue on it and
whatever.
They bring that back.
Guess what?
Size 10 is the most common sizefor men.
So when they come back and tellyou they don't have that size.
(20:26):
Then you just say, well, justgive me some Nikes, that's a 10
for a man.
So then they bring notes andthey all white.
My mama comes in Me and shefussing at my cousin these are
all white.
That's so boring.
I don't want to give all whitetennis shoes to Uncle So-and-so.
(20:46):
Why would you do that?
I don't think you tried hard atall.
I think you just want to hurryup and rush to get to the Krispy
Kreme.
These are the kind ofconversations she was having
with middle schoolers.
Lady, you know what you coulddo.
You could hire some realshoppers and let us go outside
and play or leave us alone, butyou're going to chastise us.
(21:09):
My cousin went there and askedfor what you said.
They ain't had a size.
Now you going to beat him overthe head.
Why didn't you order these damnshoes back in February from the
Sears and Roebuck catalog, likeeverybody else?
For good sense?
No, no, no, no.
You want to take the bad newsbears with you to the mall.
(21:32):
Anyway, on the way home it was awhole lot of singing and
laughing and Krispy Kreme eatingand bless her heart every year.
Some kind of way she ran out oftime and ended up where no
adult would go shopping with usand she would have to talk her
daughter and my janky asscousins into it again.
(21:54):
We were the best she could have.
We were the best.
We was Eddie's crew, we wereher crew literally through
college Kind of the same crewand every year we would be like,
damn, are we doing this again?
What we got suckered in again,that's Eddie Snuggle up.
(22:24):
Number one Make moments worthrecalling.
Who knew all of that?
Back and forth mall BS withZetty would actually bring me
some joy Now, decades later.
(22:59):
It felt painful at the time,but I was with my mom and
cousins doing something that wedid actually enjoy.
I mean, we liked buying giftsfor people, and who doesn't like
hot Krispy Kreme donuts?
If you never had one, figureout how to do it.
It's a really, really goodtreat.
But real talk, it is worthbeing intentional to create
moments right now with healthypeople or with your LO who is
(23:26):
suffering from a disease that amonth from now or years from now
, it will be the thing that letsyou laugh or cry or have that
recollection that soothes thesoul.
Number two give yourself a bitof grace.
(23:49):
Caregivers, family caregiversespecially.
It's okay if your recollectionof your lo before the disease is
a little, you know, pissy orfrustrating.
It might not always be a funand fond memory.
(24:14):
It might be a memory ofsomething when you like oh man,
I used to hate it when my mamamade me fill in the blank, put
on clean underwear before I leftthe house that was a real
Southern thing.
Or always brush my teeth beforeI went to bed.
(24:35):
Or she always tried to tell mewho I should date.
Or the fact that she hated myhusband, even though we've been
married now for 30 years andhe's the one that's wiping her
butt.
Whatever the thing is, it'sokay.
All of the memories may not fitinto a nice neat little happy
bucket.
Give yourself the freedom andthe room to let even those
(25:00):
emotions out.
Bottling stuff up is not theway to go.
That is room for stress,anguish and anxiety.
That will just get in the wayof you having a smoother journey
as a caregiver.
Yeah, number three considercontacting a person that was
(25:26):
really, really meaningful toyour LO and you as a unit BA
before the Alzheimer's or BDbefore the disease Like is there
a cousin or a neighbor or arelative that you, just you can
(25:49):
recall like that, my mom used toreally be close to Miss Pat
from the old neighborhood, like30 years ago.
They went to the farmer'smarket every Saturday.
I wonder where she is.
I wonder how she's doing.
(26:26):
I'm not suggesting this for MsPat to come and visit your mom.
I'm wasn't so bogged down withbills and despair.
You might not even want to takethe neighbor through all the
(26:46):
problems that you and your momare facing right now.
You just might want to say, hey, I'm just calling to see how
you're doing and talk about someof the things that used to go
down between you and my mom andhear some of the stories.
Even if your mom is no longeralive on earth, it could still
be healing for you.
Just consider it.
(27:07):
I'm not saying you gotta do it.
You can stay a part of theparenting up community
regardless, all right, but ifyou do, let me know what's up.
Y'all.
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
(27:27):
reminding y'all Patreon is open.
It is open and ready for you,you, you, you and your mama too.
We are loading up things.
All things Zetty, all thingspodcast, all things.
Caregiving behind the scenes,extra stuff.
J Smiles comedy is droppingwith her own little collection
(27:52):
within the jay smiles studio,patreon, very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
there, because there'sexclusives, that's kind of time
sensitive to whoever is in therefirst.
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'm going to behonest because of, you know,
(28:17):
branding matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
World Wide Web that I can do inthe Patreon pantry.
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
(28:37):
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
Patreon pantry.
This is Deion Pantry.
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