November 10, 2025 • 48 mins
What does it look like to choose love—and keep choosing it, day after day? We sit down with JET, a grandson who decided his grandmother with dementia wouldn’t go to a facility. He brought her into his home, rebuilt his life around her needs, and learned how dignity lives in small rituals: clean sheets, a sharp outfit, a slow stroll through every aisle at the market just to smell the spices. It’s funny, tender, and honest about what caretaking really takes.
JET walks us through the first clues that something was off—credit-card charges, memberships, late-night orders—and how financial habits can be early flags in Alzheimer’s and dementia care. You’ll hear how a neighbor, Miss Tommy, became an unsung hero, how overnight shifts kept the lights on, and why community might be the most underrated part of elder care.
We talk about men in caregiving, identity, and what competence really looks like when schedules, bathing, meds, and meals collide. There’s laughter—coriander adventures and “field trips” down grocery aisles—and there’s grief.
If you’re navigating dementia, Alzheimer’s, or family caregiving, you’ll leave with practical ideas: build your support early, accept help without guilt, protect dignity through small routines, and keep joy on the calendar. Most of all, you’ll feel less alone. Subscribe, leave a review, and share this with someone who’s carrying the load—what’s one small ritual that kept you going?
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_03 (00:00):
Up said hey Mop needs to go and ask someone else
out.
I'm gonna get it in a tell youwhat's not gonna happen.
How does that go?
SPEAKER_01 (00:19):
If you press on, that means there's a good rest
of the heavy that might havebeen like you don't think it was
(01:07):
just with comedian data.
SPEAKER_03 (01:09):
It's the expectation of unexpected and fully
responsible for my mom.
I've been full of the windows ofthe training for her.
(01:47):
I hope you enjoy my daughter'stoday's supporter shout out is
from YouTube at Latrell Petit4066.
(02:07):
Congratulations, Janae.
Happy birthday, Queen Zetti.
Party hat emoji and red heartemoji.
Thank you so very much.
Zetty is a queen, and it was ahappy birthday indeed.
If you would like to be therecipient of a supporter shout
out, and I hope you want to be,because I can't wait to hear
from you, please leave a reviewon Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or
(02:31):
Instagram.
We are Parenting Up Everywhere.
Today's episode is CaregivingYour Calling.
Family, you know what it is, youknow what it does.
It's your girl Jay Smiles, andwe're about to pop into a hot
and hilarious episode with myguy.
(02:54):
Some call him Jet, like themagazine.
Some people say he said JetBlack because he happens to not
be light-skinned.
I don't think that's any of it.
I see Jet because what he doesis take over the room fast.
Phew! Just like airplanes do.
Okay?
So my guy, Jamel Terrell.
(03:16):
Nope, that's not his middlename.
That is the last name, which iswhy I told y'all Jet.
There's an E in there.
We ain't getting into all ofthat.
I met this dude before anythingabout caregiving.
He knew my daddy.
So y'all know this is a softspot in my heart.
All right, Jet, how you doing,baby?
SPEAKER_01 (03:35):
Good, baby.
Good to be here with you, Janae.
Good to be here with you.
Thank you.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (03:39):
Now, listen, we met, I ain't gonna even say.
SPEAKER_01 (03:42):
Right, please.
SPEAKER_03 (03:43):
And emons to you young people, that means two
weeks, okay?
Exactly.
Pick it up, ask your mama.
We'll get to how I met you andwhy I've known you that long.
Okay.
A little later.
Okay.
But right now, this is theParenting Up Podcast.
We are here to talk about beinga family caregiver for
(04:05):
individuals with dementia,Alzheimer's, uh, Parkinson's,
anything in a dementia family.
And before we get into how crazyyou are, just for no reason, I
want to talk about your life asa caregiver.
So you actually were deep in it.
SPEAKER_01 (04:24):
Deep.
SPEAKER_03 (04:25):
Tell us about who did you care for?
SPEAKER_01 (04:26):
My grandmother.
SPEAKER_03 (04:28):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (04:28):
Murphy May.
SPEAKER_03 (04:30):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (04:30):
Okay.
Murfree.
Okay.
Oh, Murphy.
Murphy.
SPEAKER_03 (04:34):
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (04:35):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (04:35):
Um, yeah, my grandmother.
Um, very, very important figurein my life.
Okay.
Very important figure in mylife.
And um, just a really uniquelady.
And I mean, like all of us, wehave grandmothers that we love
just poured into us andeverything like that.
So um, when it got time for herto, when she started to decline
(04:57):
um some really hard questions,you know, going on in the
family.
And to me, I'm like a really,you know me, I'm really
lighthearted and everything likethat.
And to me, it just wasn't aquestion.
Like, this lady taught me how tolove me.
So how I cannot like give thatback.
Exactly.
So it was just one of thosethings, it was just like a
no-brainer.
(05:17):
Now I did not know what I wasgetting myself into.
Had you known.
Well, no, no, okay.
Okay.
Had I known, I think I stillwould have done it, but um I
probably would have uh imploreda lot more help.
SPEAKER_03 (05:31):
I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (05:32):
I would have.
I definitely.
SPEAKER_03 (05:33):
Looking back on it, you would have established a
crew, a network, a supportsystem in advance.
So tell me, and this is for ourviewers and listeners who might
be very new to this, okay?
Because we get people from allover the world.
Some, their family members gotdiagnosed last week.
SPEAKER_04 (05:54):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (05:54):
Others, the family member is now in heaven.
So it's a wide range.
Okay.
Did you see your grandmotherdeclining before she was
diagnosed?
Did you say, hey, you know what?
I know people get old and theyforget where your purse is, but
something ain't right with her.
Did you have that?
SPEAKER_01 (06:13):
No.
Embarrassingly, I did not.
SPEAKER_03 (06:15):
Don't be embarrassed.
SPEAKER_01 (06:16):
I was embarrassed because I'm so close with her.
And it was like, what happened,Janae?
She started reverting back to,like, yes, she had gotten older
and everything like that, alittle bit of slow pace and
things like that.
Um, her mind was still really,really good all the way up until
the end.
SPEAKER_04 (06:30):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (06:31):
But this is what um the triggers that the little
indicators that started to come.
Um, one day, my uncle, who livedin DC, he um, we were talking
about, because he was her powerof attorney.
Okay.
And so we were talking about umsome of her bills.
Something, something that hadhappened or whatever.
(06:51):
My grandmother would stay uplate and watch these
infomercials, and all of asudden, she was paying like
$2,000 for the Cat Society.
And she had bought like uh, shehad re-established her um wine
club collection and everythinglike that.
Now, as embarrassed as I wasabout not knowing that the
dementia was onset of the, I'mthinking that my grandfather,
(07:12):
she always had book clubs, wineclubs, all that stuff like that.
I'm just thinking that, hey,she's still turning up.
SPEAKER_03 (07:17):
She's still turning up, right?
SPEAKER_01 (07:18):
And it was, and the wine was great.
So And who doesn't want a littlewine?
Who don't want a little wine?
SPEAKER_03 (07:25):
Okay, okay.
So, um Now, where was she livingat the time?
SPEAKER_01 (07:28):
In St.
Louis.
Me and my grandmother were inSt.
Louis, and my Uncle Donald wasin D.C.
He was an attorney, and youknow, obviously, because that's
her son, you know, she feltcomfortable with having him as
power of attorney.
But I was day-to-day uhcaregiver.
SPEAKER_03 (07:40):
I gotcha.
SPEAKER_01 (07:40):
And so initially it was fine because she was in her
house, I was in my house.
SPEAKER_03 (07:45):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (07:46):
Um, but then after he so many calls started to
come, okay, I knew that I hadto, we had to be together.
SPEAKER_03 (07:52):
Okay.
So did she ask you to move in?
Did the family ask you to movein, or you did that on your own?
SPEAKER_01 (07:59):
Um, I did that on my own.
And I I did it on my own.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, my uncle had made this, hadmade this executive decision
that he was going to come andput her in a facility.
And that just did not work forme.
So I made the decision thatshe's just gonna come to my
house.
SPEAKER_03 (08:14):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (08:14):
And that's what we're gonna do.
SPEAKER_03 (08:15):
Unc said, hey, mama needs to go and have someone
help out.
I'm gonna get her in a facility.
Jet said, I'm gonna tell youwhat's not gonna happen.
Mama about to be with me.
Here's my question.
How did that go over in thefamily?
Because you, if you thegrandson, that means there's a
(08:37):
generation ahead of you,children that might have
opinions that you don't share.
SPEAKER_01 (08:44):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (08:45):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (08:45):
And that was a great way of saying that, Jay.
Because that it really wasexactly how it happened in my
family.
Um, yeah, I guess I didoverstep.
You know, in hindsight, I guessI did.
Um, but I don't regret it, A,because I know my heart was in a
good place.
And then B, um, which isprobably more importantly, is
(09:09):
that I was boots on the ground.
Okay.
So my Uncle Donald, like I said,was in DC.
I had another uncle in SanFrancisco, and then my dad was
there, but um There we go.
That's a whole notherconversation.
That's right.
Because I care good, I was a hiscaregiver as well.
SPEAKER_03 (09:23):
Okay.
All right.
SPEAKER_01 (09:25):
So, um, because they weren't there, um, I felt like
my opinion superseded theirs.
SPEAKER_03 (09:34):
Yeah, I'm for it.
So I don't think there'sanything to apologize about.
I just wondered if they gave youhell.
SPEAKER_01 (09:40):
Well, they did give me hell, and I do all so, you
know, black folks, southernfamilies, and stuff like that.
It's not necessarily apologies,but you are very um concerned
about stepping on toes,especially when it's uh members
of the the the previousgeneration.
It's just something about asense of respect and like it's
just how hierarchy of things andhow we all go.
(10:01):
So I was concerned, and it andthey did kind of give me a
little hard of, you know, alittle hard time.
Um but I think that after theyall realized how well I was
taking care of their mother,then it just became like, oh,
okay, okay.
And then I honestly think thatthey were happy that somebody, I
(10:21):
kind of relieved them in acertain kind of way.
SPEAKER_03 (10:24):
Right.
In a way that they could trust,they could trust you.
SPEAKER_01 (10:27):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (10:27):
They knew you were connected to her.
SPEAKER_04 (10:29):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (10:30):
And like, let's just be bold and frank with it, that
meant they didn't have to payfor the facilities.
They didn't have to check onher.
SPEAKER_04 (10:38):
Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (10:39):
They didn't have to come do a weekend.
Yep.
Because baby boy got it.
Exactly.
I noticed you named a daddy anda couple of uncles.
That's all men.
SPEAKER_01 (10:50):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (10:50):
And there were any daughters, granddaughters?
No.
SPEAKER_01 (10:54):
No daughters, no granddaughters.
SPEAKER_03 (10:56):
Now, you know, it's not the most common story in
family caregiving.
SPEAKER_01 (11:00):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03 (11:01):
Where it's all sons and grandsons, and then the
grandson says, I got mama.
SPEAKER_02 (11:08):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:09):
Had you been a caregiver ever before?
Did you think about nursing?
Did look, did you do um CPR atthe Y?
Nope.
SPEAKER_01 (11:17):
Nope, nope, no.
Um, but I wasn't afraid of that.
SPEAKER_03 (11:24):
Why not?
SPEAKER_01 (11:25):
Because I had spent a lot of time with my
grandmother.
SPEAKER_03 (11:27):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (11:28):
Like, like a lot of time.
SPEAKER_03 (11:31):
Like all the time.
Like all the time.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:33):
And she was um, when I tell you, when I say, I kind
of like uh kind of tongue incheek when I say um she taught
me how to love myself before Ishe taught me how to love me.
Okay.
That's not hyperbole at all.
This is a real, real thing.
And because of that, our bondwas just there.
(11:54):
Now, she was a particular woman.
So I didn't know um all of thatuntil I got into it.
Uh-huh.
Um, but I just felt like even ifwe were able to find the best
facility ever with the bestcaregivers ever, they're gonna
have more than just her to dealwith.
(12:15):
And I just didn't want her tohave to wait one second for
anything, any of the stuff, anyof the services that she needed.
SPEAKER_03 (12:23):
My grandmama ain't gonna be sitting peeked.
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_03 (12:26):
See, I tried to.
So tell the truth, baby.
Parents and up podcasts, wecuss, we dime out other family
members.
SPEAKER_01 (12:34):
Yes, yes, okay.
SPEAKER_03 (12:35):
Because shit, they did it.
We didn't do it, we just tellingthe story.
SPEAKER_01 (12:38):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And that's so okay, so now Ididn't want her to sit in
nothing.
SPEAKER_03 (12:42):
That's fine.
SPEAKER_01 (12:43):
For too long.
That's fine.
You know, she this lady was avery particular one the way she
didn't leave the house without aface on and all of the stuff.
And so I wanted her totransition with some dignity.
SPEAKER_03 (12:55):
I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (12:56):
And integrity.
SPEAKER_03 (12:57):
And um now, what was your career at the time?
SPEAKER_01 (13:01):
So the legal part.
Well, so I had taken a break.
So I was working for the mayorin Atlanta, and then I had um
left because she had a slip andfall first.
SPEAKER_03 (13:14):
Um you went you moved back because of her.
SPEAKER_01 (13:18):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (13:19):
Even before you were full-time per se.
SPEAKER_01 (13:21):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (13:22):
You actually moved back home because of her needs.
SPEAKER_01 (13:24):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (13:25):
That's my story too.
That's what got me back to theSouth.
Caring for people.
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (13:28):
Wow.
I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_03 (13:30):
My grandparents.
Oh.
It was my mom's mom who got ill,and I said, I gotta get back to
the South.
SPEAKER_01 (13:35):
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I I found it though for aminute, because I didn't want to
go back home.
St.
Louis is not any.
SPEAKER_03 (13:42):
It's not Atlanta.
SPEAKER_01 (13:43):
It's not Atlanta.
SPEAKER_03 (13:43):
Let's leave it at that.
Okay.
Just in case somebody from theloo watched this.
SPEAKER_01 (13:46):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (13:47):
And they're like, I know he damn sure didn't.
Alright, so but you get backthere.
Yes.
How old was she when she wasdiagnosed?
Ish.
SPEAKER_01 (13:55):
Um 91.
SPEAKER_03 (13:58):
Oh, so she was kicking it.
Oh, yeah.
She had been living by herselfthat long.
SPEAKER_01 (14:02):
That long.
SPEAKER_03 (14:03):
What did she eat?
I need to go ahead and pick thatup on the way home.
SPEAKER_01 (14:06):
Well, she raised and she taught me how to raise some
Swiss shards.
Okay.
We raised um so much peas, uh,cabbage, uh, tomatoes.
Um one year we did a um somewatermelon up the tree, you
know, because they gotta grow upand with a little yellow flower
in there.
Yeah, so we had to do all ofthat.
But um, so she and she alwaysfelt like So that's organic.
(14:28):
It's organic.
SPEAKER_03 (14:28):
Look, for the kids, that means organic.
If you grow it in your ownbackyard, organic.
SPEAKER_01 (14:33):
Please and thanks.
Yes, okra.
SPEAKER_03 (14:36):
Okay, I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (14:37):
Um just all the things, man.
And it was um it was a blessingto be able to spend that kind of
quality time with her.
And I didn't know it at thetime.
You never know um the assignmentwhen you're in it, kind of
thing.
But some of the nuggets that shegave me, like I remember one
time we were out back in ourgarden and she was and she was
like, Jamel, I believe that thisis the key to life.
(15:00):
It's like you have to physicallyput your hands in the earth.
SPEAKER_03 (15:03):
Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01 (15:04):
And um, and that always stuck with me.
SPEAKER_03 (15:06):
That's a big deal.
SPEAKER_01 (15:07):
It is.
I thought so anyway.
SPEAKER_03 (15:09):
I mean, we out here in this beautiful park.
I'm about to go grab me somedirt and just roll it all around
my arms.
SPEAKER_01 (15:15):
Take your shoes off.
It can't hurt nothing.
SPEAKER_03 (15:18):
Everything is crazy as hell right now.
You can't hurt.
SPEAKER_01 (15:20):
Gosh, don't even mention it.
I'm not, I'm not.
Don't even mention it.
SPEAKER_03 (15:23):
I'm not.
Did you find yourself needingcaregivers to come into the home
to give you breaks?
Did you have family members,neighbors?
Obviously, you weren't in thehouse 24-7.
In the moments where you weren'tin the house, how did you handle
that?
SPEAKER_01 (15:41):
Um, not the best, I don't, looking back in
hindsight.
So I think that um.
Oh wow, you are really unpackinga lot of stuff here.
Okay, so Janae, because therewas an all-male crew in my in a
family or whatever, I thinkthat, and it was a little
contentious first.
(16:01):
I think that I was hell bent onbeing right.
Uh I was hell bent on beingright.
And because of that, I didn'temploy help from my uncles and
from my cousins and stuff likethat.
So um I had a hard time.
SPEAKER_04 (16:18):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (16:19):
Um, but I had a neighbor that was two, three
doors down.
Okay.
And she saw me one day, me andmy grandmother, we used to go on
Saturday mornings, we would go,we would do our three S's.
Schnooks, Sular, and Sam's.
Oh.
Okay.
And that's what my grandmotherthing.
She loved doing all of that.
Soulard was a um uh uh was a umis a farmer's market.
(16:42):
Okay.
And then Schnooks is anothergrocery store, and then Sam's
for her bulk.
Okay.
And then we come back in andthen she starts preparing stuff.
SPEAKER_03 (16:48):
I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (16:49):
So this neighbor, uh, Miss Tommy, Miss Tommy saw
me and my grandmother coming inone Saturday, and she didn't say
anything or whatever, but acouple weeks later she was like,
Oh, you take care of yourgrandmother.
I was like, Yeah, she's like,okay.
She was like, Well, you know, ifyou ever need anything, kind of
let me know.
So I was like, all right, fine.
(17:09):
Now nobody's independentlywealthy.
So I need to, so I need to work.
SPEAKER_03 (17:14):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (17:14):
But how can I work?
So I got this job at this hoteltwo blocks away from the house.
SPEAKER_04 (17:21):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (17:22):
Overnight.
SPEAKER_04 (17:23):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (17:23):
So after I put her down, I would call Miss Tommy
and be like, Miss Tommy, shedown.
SPEAKER_04 (17:28):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (17:29):
You got a key.
When I'm about to go to work,I'll be back at 7 o'clock.
Like, you know, if anythinghappened between, just let me
know.
So that's how I manage that.
And then all the other stuff,um, I didn't really didn't get a
pregnant.
SPEAKER_03 (17:42):
I gotta say this.
Shout out to all the MissTommies, okay, across the world
that see the family caregiverand ask us what we need before
we even know to make a request.
SPEAKER_00 (17:57):
Yes.
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (17:58):
And then they actually show up and do it.
SPEAKER_01 (18:00):
Well, see, this is the thing about that, Janae.
I think that I think that welose, I think we lost community
as the generation's gotten downbecause it seemed like to me
that all the older people likethat that were concerned with
her, anytime we would go out andthey would see me with her, like
(18:21):
it just was, it was, it was, itwas unbelievable, like a whole
world unlocked.
Okay of of elderly people.
This is this weren't people likemy age or whatever, they just
saw me taking care of her, andthen they would come up to me at
Sam's and say, Oh, this is allgood, baby.
You need anything, let me grabthat for you.
Like, I'm 6'6, I can get it,ma'am, but thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (18:42):
And thank you, stranger.
SPEAKER_01 (18:44):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (18:44):
When my family members and friends and maybe
not have been around as often.
SPEAKER_01 (18:49):
I think that when people um share a common bond,
it makes them want to be of inservice.
SPEAKER_03 (18:57):
I love it.
You know.
I love it.
I love it.
I remember you telling me in ourlittle prep pre- uh chat about
this that uh it was funny to me.
SPEAKER_04 (19:08):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (19:09):
That you said uh the men in your family and the
generation above, they said,Well, we know we know why you're
good at taking care of mama.
That shit had me rolling.
SPEAKER_00 (19:22):
Yeah, it is.
You know what?
SPEAKER_03 (19:24):
Go ahead and share with the people why why your
uncles and your daddies said,well, the only reason why you
better than us at taking care ofmama is because you gay.
SPEAKER_02 (19:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (19:39):
That is listening.
I we are, let me say this, weare sitting in the park.
We just participated in the walkto end Alzheimer's.
It is the biggest Alzheimer'sday of awareness and money
raising ever to exist.
And we have watched everybodybreak the stuff down, and now
(20:01):
the sun is shining, and we gottrees behind us and birds
chirping.
I almost fell off the chair theway he said, Well, because you
gay.
Now, what's hilarious to me andalso bullshit is that why they
couldn't just let you have it.
Just let it be that you're goodat something that they could use
(20:22):
some improvement.
But no, no, no, no, no.
They got to figure out how comethere is an excuse as to why you
good and they not good.
Sometimes we just better thanour elders.
Sometimes we're just better.
We're just better.
Not at everything, but at somestuff, we're just better.
But that tickled me.
SPEAKER_01 (20:42):
You know what?
Um it was one of those thingsfor me.
Um yes, I laughed it off.
Um, but because of my familyhistory, I know, I knew it
before they said it.
Okay.
Okay, that's so let me like thatwasn't a new phenomenal dynamic
(21:04):
that like why would they saysomething like that?
I knew what that what it wasbefore they said it.
Um, I don't know.
Listen, it may be, I listen, Idon't care.
The book cares.
As long as this lady gets whatshe needs, I don't care how she
got it.
Um, but I think that I thinkthat, Janae, sometimes men feel
(21:25):
so inept when they can't do umprovide for loved ones.
Um that that frustration turnsinto anger or or they lash out
at that.
And it's and it um it's simplybecause and then and I'm not
listening I'm not trying to, youknow, I didn't have knockdown,
(21:47):
drag out fights with these guysor with these men in my family
or whatever, but I do know thatthey not know they they aren't
um evil heart or you know, gotmaliciousness in their hearts.
Um but I do think that sometimesum I can do better things.
SPEAKER_03 (22:04):
And you were better.
And I was better.
Everybody saw it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:07):
And everybody saw it.
SPEAKER_03 (22:09):
We don't really care why.
We don't really care why.
SPEAKER_01 (22:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:12):
What were some things that happened while you
were caring for your grandmotherthat really gave you a belly
laugh or made you say, I justcan't believe that that just
happened?
Like what in the world, youknow, like what just happened?
SPEAKER_01 (22:32):
Oh my god, where do I start with that?
SPEAKER_03 (22:34):
Anyone you want, baby.
SPEAKER_01 (22:35):
Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03 (22:37):
Um anything about um maybe the patterns that you all
had or the schedule that youthought you were gonna keep.
Oh, yeah.
But then she ain't want to keepthe same schedule you wanted to
keep.
Or food.
SPEAKER_01 (22:53):
Food was a big one.
SPEAKER_03 (22:55):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (22:56):
Um again, my grandmother taught me how to
raise food.
So food was a big thing, right?
She's the only female, so shealways cooked for all of us.
So food was a big thing.
But in the end, or during theend, she could not eat anything.
But I was still used to her orwhatever.
So I baking big meals, preparingbig.
SPEAKER_03 (23:18):
You like, it's Easter Sunday dinner on Tuesday.
SPEAKER_01 (23:21):
On a Tuesday.
SPEAKER_03 (23:21):
In June.
SPEAKER_01 (23:22):
And then she's gonna get to the table and very, very
peckish.
And that's real nice.
SPEAKER_03 (23:29):
Right, and you like, I know so well.
I didn't just slave over thisstove.
And then I started kind ofcomplex, because can I not cook
as good?
Right, you like, is it not good?
It don't taste good.
SPEAKER_01 (23:39):
No, she just didn't have any appetite.
And then she started kind oflike, um, so and then the
doctors were telling me likethat was a part of the decline.
Yeah.
You know, the loss of appetite.
Um, but there was just a lot ofroad trips, a lot of funnies, a
lot of um Road trips?
Oh, yeah.
Like our Saturday morning tripswas a thing.
SPEAKER_03 (24:00):
And you, and but she got in the car and went with
you?
Yes.
I ain't know if Miss Neighborstayed in the city.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no.
SPEAKER_01 (24:05):
We got these streets.
And we have to go through everyaisle.
Every one of them.
SPEAKER_03 (24:13):
Was she pointing at stuff?
SPEAKER_01 (24:15):
Or you just knew what to get?
Point.
So the things that I knew toget, I knew to get.
Okay.
But she still likes the see theaisle is the field trip.
SPEAKER_03 (24:22):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (24:22):
She's gonna discover some stuff and it was.
I love that.
SPEAKER_03 (24:26):
I never thought about that.
The aisle is the field trip.
SPEAKER_01 (24:29):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (24:30):
Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_01 (24:31):
Yes, go to the into the spice, uh, little spice
store where all the fresh spicesis.
So you smelling this, and shewants to get a what are we doing
it for?
We ain't gonna eat it.
We're not gonna eat it.
What she wants to smell, sookay, give me some of that.
SPEAKER_03 (24:45):
Like, I'm going home.
I'm going on.
Basket full of coriander.
Coriolander.
I don't even know how you saythat.
Yes, yes.
Okay, okay.
As she started to slow down andtransition to maybe not being
able to get out of the bed, ormaybe not being able to
(25:07):
communicate with you, how didyou manage internally?
SPEAKER_01 (25:12):
Um maybe you didn't manage.
I don't think that I did.
Okay.
You know, in hindsight, you youknow, hindsight is always better
or whatever, but um, in themoments of that, you just um go
through it and you don't reallyprocess, you can't um um assess
it at the time that you wereyou're experiencing it.
(25:35):
So I just would say these thiswas a bad day.
This wasn't such a great day,you know.
Or um, and just have those ifshe had a one-off today, or
those kinds of things.
Um and then just kind of go bygo with it.
And a gro and a beautiful thing,because we had such a bond,
(25:56):
those kind of um um momentswhere it was you didn't know
what to do, right?
They were they were kind offleeting because then she'll
come back to herself and thenit's me here.
So then me and her would comeback with us like what we do.
SPEAKER_03 (26:10):
So yeah, but it but did you end up having to take a
little brown look at night afterthat?
I did.
SPEAKER_01 (26:16):
A little.
SPEAKER_03 (26:16):
Okay.
Well, I didn't I was just tryingto ease into it.
SPEAKER_01 (26:19):
Okay.
Remy Martin 1738 was what gotme.
Well, I'm gonna tell thatWooford.
SPEAKER_03 (26:24):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (26:24):
I like a little one.
SPEAKER_03 (26:25):
The Woof made it work.
SPEAKER_01 (26:27):
The Woofer made it work.
SPEAKER_03 (26:28):
Listen, ain't nothing wrong with it.
SPEAKER_01 (26:30):
Splash of ginger beer.
You got you do like ginger.
I like it.
SPEAKER_03 (26:34):
Y'all, he just went and bought$700 worth of ginger
from the food truck lady rightoutside the Alzheimer's walk.
And that's fine.
It was his money.
I didn't see him do anythingillegal to get it.
I said I didn't see it, and it'sfine.
Either way, I might have tostop.
And get some of that ginger withthat splash, okay?
(26:55):
I've heard this many times whenyou've been so deeply entrenched
into giving care to a familymember.
And then with you, it's you andyour grandmama, y'all been thick
steeds, and now y'all become onepee in the pie.
SPEAKER_01 (27:11):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (27:13):
Then she leaves Earth in a physical sense.
All of a sudden, there's a lotof time open for you.
Maybe there's a lot more money.
Yeah.
Uh you can leave St.
Louis if you want to.
What was that modification oflife like for you?
(27:35):
How did you feel?
What did you do?
Was it like, oh shit, I don'tknow what to do with myself?
SPEAKER_01 (27:40):
Oh, wow.
That was really, really goodbecause uh really good question.
Because um, I had come to St.
Louis eight years earlier, and Ihad come because she had a slip
and fall, and it was nothing todo with anything about her
having dementia because shedidn't have dementia at that
time.
It was just a slip and fallinjury.
Um, so and I stayed in the housewith her for about a year, and
(28:02):
then I got my own space, my ownhouse.
They gave me my own house.
Um but when she left we neverdid really get the kind of
chance to talk to her about myfather.
My father was also in her house.
I told you that I had taken herhouse, taken her to brought her
to my house.
SPEAKER_04 (28:19):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (28:20):
But my dad was living at with her at her house,
and so he stayed there.
My father ended up dying fivedays before my grandmother.
SPEAKER_03 (28:27):
Shut up, everybody.
Wait a minute now.
You done buried the lead.
You didn't buried the lead.
Not five days.
And in her house.
SPEAKER_01 (28:36):
In her house.
SPEAKER_03 (28:37):
Your daddy, which is what makes her your grandmama.
SPEAKER_01 (28:40):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (28:40):
Okay, like you can't get to her without him.
SPEAKER_01 (28:43):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_03 (28:44):
Damn it.
SPEAKER_01 (28:44):
Yes.
So.
SPEAKER_03 (28:47):
Had he been ill?
Um kinda, or kinda.
It was a surprise.
SPEAKER_01 (28:52):
It was.
It really, really was.
It really was.
And as a matter of fact, thatthe uh the our last conversation
was, I mean, I knew I wastaking, I was taking care of
both of them.
She was the more um urgent toprioritize, the priority.
But we knew that she was goingto go, transition.
Yeah.
Um, so I had talking to him,like, okay, I can't be in St.
(29:18):
Louis.
I had I've grown this place.
Like, listen, love you, daddy,but you're gonna pack a bag and
come with me.
That's right.
So I was like, look.
SPEAKER_03 (29:23):
When grandmama decides to go, me and you gonna
leave too.
SPEAKER_01 (29:28):
Right.
So let me, and and and rightnow, I don't, I'm not working
like overnight.
I'm gonna leave that job becauseI can't be in St.
Louis anyway.
It was a it was just an uh uhopportunity to unemployment just
so I can have some money, somehaircut money.
That's the grandmama said.
You need some haircut money,boy.
SPEAKER_03 (29:43):
My grandmama used to say something for a cold
Coca-Cola.
SPEAKER_01 (29:46):
A cold Coca-Cola?
SPEAKER_03 (29:47):
Oh, in a bottle.
In a bottle, baby.
If you had enough money for acold Coca-Cola, not a Coke, a
cold Coca-Cola, then your lifeis fine.
SPEAKER_01 (29:57):
Absolutely, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (29:58):
All right, so you said, all right, Dad, we're
gonna have.
SPEAKER_01 (30:00):
So we gonna have to leave.
SPEAKER_03 (30:01):
So this How did he what did he say today?
SPEAKER_01 (30:03):
Nay, this was the most amazing conversation.
Our last conversation thatSunday, Easter morning.
Um, I had gotten up early and Iwasn't, and I got up real, real
early.
Remember, I told you that Iwould go overnight or whatever
because she could stay down.
I gotten up really, really earlyso that I could go have
breakfast with him for Easterand then be back by the time she
(30:24):
gets really.
SPEAKER_03 (30:25):
You better be a double depth.
SPEAKER_01 (30:27):
We gotta uh this thing.
Yes, you know, take it and makeit.
Right.
So we go, have breakfast, comeback, I get in front of the
house.
We're having this conversation.
We're talking about, you know,the transition.
I was like, listen, is there anyplace that you've read about my
dad's the Isle Reaving, as youread or that you you've seen, or
(30:48):
you just saw on TV or somewherethat you wanna go?
Just think of a place, any placethat you want to go, and let's
do it.
We just gonna do that.
We're gonna start it out likethat.
We won't move.
We just gonna go and we're gonnaexplore wherever the place that
is that you want to explore.
And because I had to kind oflike.
SPEAKER_03 (31:07):
You are leaving me breathless at the way you were
loving on your family.
Now you keep talking, but yougot me fucked up.
Keep on.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (31:15):
Because I don't, you know, when you in it, you don't
think of it like that.
You just think of it like theseare the things that I have to do
to survive to make it work.
Um, I knew that I.
SPEAKER_03 (31:24):
I'm just saying, because you were putting them
first.
SPEAKER_01 (31:27):
Yeah.
But they have been putting mefirst for so long.
Like, Janae, really, that ladylove the.
SPEAKER_03 (31:34):
I know you spoiled you ain't gotta tell me.
Listen, listen.
SPEAKER_01 (31:37):
And I don't want to say it like that, but like.
SPEAKER_00 (31:39):
You talk.
I love her.
She loved me.
SPEAKER_03 (31:42):
Yeah, yeah, so um So he so he said, we think of
somewhere.
Did he ever say anything?
SPEAKER_01 (31:48):
He so he said, okay, I'm gonna think about it.
Now this is Sunday.
Jamel, I get my money, my checkon Tuesday.
Okay?
Okay.
And then I when I get my money,I want you to take me clothes
shopping.
You always looking good.
I want you to take me clothesshopping.
SPEAKER_03 (32:02):
I know that's right.
SPEAKER_01 (32:03):
I said, all right, we listen, I got him on the
hook.
I got him.
About to reel this thing in.
Tuesday come.
Okay.
He didn't call.
Ah, shit.
So I said, you know what, okay.
He probably went and got someliquor.
And he at the he in the house byhimself.
Now he's kicking it.
He kicked it.
He didn't, whatever he does.
SPEAKER_03 (32:24):
Got that air on cool, because Easter is hot.
SPEAKER_01 (32:26):
Well, in St.
Louis, it's a little Oh, it is,okay.
Yeah.
So he um, so that was Tuesday.
He didn't call.
Wednesday, I forgot to call him.
Okay.
Thursday I called.
A couple times Thursday.
He didn't, he didn't respond,and I got caught up that day
with my grandmother and somestuff, or whatever.
Then I went to work that night.
(32:48):
But Friday had come.
Oh, Miss Tommy called me Fridaymorning while I was at work.
SPEAKER_03 (32:55):
Miss Tommy.
Everybody need a Miss Tommy.
SPEAKER_01 (32:57):
Miss Tommy called me Friday morning.
My grandmother had gotten up andwent to the front porch and
opened the door.
She did, I don't know if shewent out or not or whatever, but
my door was open.
So that's why Miss Tommy calledand said, the door's open.
What's going on?
So it was like six something orwhatever.
So I was just about to get offat seven.
So I come home or whatever.
And then I get her, take care ofher, get her down, get her
(33:18):
stabled and stuff like that.
Blah, blah, blah.
The day got away from me.
And later on that night, I wasthinking about I ain't talking
to my daddy.
I didn't talk to my daddy.
He told me you want me to show.
Like, so am I gonna do thistomorrow Saturday?
We're gonna make this a part ofthe Saturday tour with my
grandma and the channel.
SPEAKER_03 (33:34):
Yeah, we're gonna, right.
I'm gonna have to go to the I'mahave to go to the mall and the
grocery place.
SPEAKER_01 (33:40):
So Friday night, about eight o'clock, I um leave
my house and I go over to theirhouse.
And I drove past and I and I wasgot in front of the house and I
see that the door is open, and Isee that it's a lot of mail.
Like, so we she had the screendoor where there's a the screen
(34:04):
door had the mail thing.
So her real door was, I mean thereal door was open.
A jar.
But yeah, a jar, but the greendoor was locked.
But you could see all the mail.
And honestly, I knew.
I honestly I knew it.
My heart sunk.
Um now we talked about how Imight be brave in some moments.
(34:27):
In that moment, I was not brave.
Um, I could not go in the houseand see my dad.
So I called my cousins.
SPEAKER_03 (34:35):
I know that's right.
Get y'all's raggedy ass overhere.
It's time for y'all to do it.
Look, the straights, look.
SPEAKER_00 (34:41):
Y'all talking about this is what the gays, the
straights, come do it.
That's some straight shit.
SPEAKER_03 (34:47):
That's some straight shit.
We party and eat and drink.
Right.
This dying shit, that's fory'all.
Yeah.
Come here.
Come on.
I would be gay if that's what ithappened.
Come on.
Look, I'd rather be with theparty and drink it.
I don't want to be with thego-find that dead people.
SPEAKER_01 (35:02):
Did they come?
Yeah, he came.
My cousin came.
My cousin Corey came.
And um he went in and he then myother cousin came and they went
in and everything.
I never did go in.
I never did go in.
And um, they came out together,and then they just hugged me,
(35:24):
and they just start crying, theyhugging, and I was like, she's
like, I'm so sorry, I'm sosorry, I'm sorry, sorry, and all
that, blah, blah, blah.
And then I was like, okay, okay,okay, okay.
Yeah, I stay here and deal withthis, or whatever, because my
grandmama still is at the at myhouse.
So I gotta go back.
By herself, I gotta go.
So I went home, and then I guessafter the ambulance had done
whatever, whatever at the house,they both came over to my house
(35:46):
and um we had a couple drinks.
And then she was like, You gonnatell her?
And I was like, it's no sense oftelling her.
I'm with you.
Like, come on.
Like, uh why?
Yeah, why?
So, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (35:59):
She may she may have known that might have been why
she got up and opened the door.
SPEAKER_01 (36:02):
Maybe, maybe.
SPEAKER_03 (36:03):
I don't know nothing about it, but I've heard people
say that people can feel stuff,and that's her son.
SPEAKER_01 (36:08):
And that was her, you know.
Okay.
Her favorite son.
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (36:12):
And well, yeah.
And then, look, we don't know ifhe ain't stopped by the house
before he went on upstairs.
SPEAKER_01 (36:17):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (36:18):
I'ma just put it like that.
Absolutely.
He might.
He might have.
Um, when your grandmotherpassed, did you know?
All right, I'm about to get upout of St.
Louis.
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (36:32):
I know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I know.
I love it.
I know.
SPEAKER_03 (36:35):
And you took care of yourself and you went on and got
how long did it take you toleave?
SPEAKER_01 (36:38):
A month.
Six weeks.
SPEAKER_03 (36:40):
Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_01 (36:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (36:41):
And I'm pointing that out because uh I want to
congratulate you on having thecourage and the commitment to
stick to what you originallysaid.
Uh, as a care advocate and um inthis caregiving community, we
can have grand ideas of what weor will do the moment our loved
(37:06):
one is no longer a human being.
But then life happens and you'resad, or you're depressed, or the
money don't look right, orpeople, other people in the
family like, well, don't gohere, I need you to do this.
And before you know it, you lookaround, two, three, four years
have came, have passed, and youhaven't moved on to regain your
life.
(37:26):
Right, right.
So I want to congratulate youfor being so thoughtful, so
intentional, and for choosingyou.
Like for a number of years, youwere very clearly choosing your
grandma.
And then now she might have madeyou choose you.
She might have got up there andtold Jesus, like, listen here,
I'm gonna need you to go thereand make that boy get up out of
(37:46):
St.
Louis as fast as you can.
So I hope in any of the lookback and the reflection that you
are able to say, not only did Itake good care of her, when the
time was appropriate, I turnedthat love inward and took care
of me.
SPEAKER_01 (38:04):
Oh.
Yo, yo.
Um I think I'm doing that now.
Okay.
I know that I'm doing that now.
Um initially that that's notwhat happened.
Okay.
Um Initially, I knew I neededto, I knew that I could, I knew
I was suffocating in St.
(38:25):
Louis.
Okay.
So Atlanta has always I waseducated here.
I came to the age, age of here,here, so and it has always been
vibrant and good for me, for mysoul here.
Always.
SPEAKER_04 (38:34):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (38:35):
Um, but I knew I was getting it back here, but I was
like, okay.
Take your time and do it.
Well, Janae, a lot of stuff,like my grandmother was the
person that I was taking careof.
But there was like there wereeight deaths in my family then
(38:57):
this year.
My grandfather, my fatherstarted off them next with my
grandmother, but then I had thiscousin, which is the craziest
stuff.
She was a caregiver.
She had moved, she was in NewYork.
She had just come to St.
Louis just to take her how mamaand got sick.
She asked me, she was an artistin New York.
She asked me, um, she she neverdid make it like kind of big,
(39:19):
but at the end of her life, shestarted getting all of this,
these inquiries, the Met, theStudio Museum of Harlem, all
these stuff.
And they started to wanted tocome, they came into the house,
getting the artwork.
So she asked me to help tocatalog her work.
SPEAKER_03 (39:33):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (39:34):
I promised her that I would.
I promised her I would.
I promised her I would.
SPEAKER_03 (39:38):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01 (39:38):
I moved to Atlanta and I started getting my life
together.
Okay.
July 3rd, she died.
SPEAKER_03 (39:45):
Ah.
SPEAKER_01 (39:46):
I now.
So we got April 5th.
I'm sorry, April 10th, my dad.
April 15th, my grandmother.
SPEAKER_03 (39:57):
Tax date.
That's it.
Tax day.
SPEAKER_01 (39:59):
Right.
And then July 3rd, this cousinSandra.
Okay.
And in between that, I moved toAtlanta.
So I'm starting up trying to getmyself.
So after that, I got scared.
I just started going to work.
Just got me a couple jobs, and Ijust started working, working,
working, working, working,working, working.
SPEAKER_03 (40:20):
That was your coping.
SPEAKER_01 (40:21):
That was my coping thing.
SPEAKER_03 (40:22):
I'm like in that way, it's a distraction.
Yeah, and you don't have tothink about something.
I got something to do, I gotsomewhere to be.
Yeah.
And they ain't not gonna ask meabout anybody in my family.
I I have I witnessed that and Ialso live that.
That's how I ultimately got intocomedy, which is crazy enough.
SPEAKER_01 (40:38):
Really?
SPEAKER_03 (40:39):
I I said, I know I need to do something to stop um
thinking and dwelling on myreality.
Let me go somewhere when don'tnobody know me.
They ain't gonna ask about mymom, they ain't gonna ask about
my daddy, they're gonna ask howI'm doing.
They don't know.
Right.
I ain't gonna tell them.
I can just show up and do mything and then go home and then
show back up.
(40:59):
And so I fully understand whatit is you're saying.
Uh, this has been an amazingconversation with you.
SPEAKER_01 (41:08):
Thank you, Janae.
SPEAKER_03 (41:09):
I really mean that.
SPEAKER_01 (41:10):
Yeah, this is it.
Well, you know what?
I I'm so honored and thankful tobe able to do this with you
because I've watched this beforewith my grandmother as well.
And yeah, yes, like I've beenfollowing.
So I I've known you, but then Ikind of did know you, but I was
still following you.
I was still following you.
(41:32):
So um is it full circle?
SPEAKER_03 (41:34):
Absolutely.
And I'm gonna say how we met,which is one of my dearest
friends, one of my Neos, HowardDelta, I'm her dean.
Yes, grew up with you.
Yes, Camille Young.
SPEAKER_01 (41:46):
Camille Young.
SPEAKER_03 (41:46):
And so my dad wrote uh his autobiography and went on
a book tour.
He had a uh book signing inBrooklyn.
SPEAKER_01 (41:55):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (41:56):
You happened to be in New York at the time.
In New York, visiting Camille.
You came, met my dad, we hungout, we kicked it, New York
style.
Yes.
Okay, and then you ended up alsobeing really, really close with
one of my line sisters.
So it has been really crazy tosee how we we have just been
(42:16):
kind of merging and meeting andmerging and meeting, and then we
both find out we are knee deepin this caregiving thing, and
how can we get through it?
I've always been so taken withyour vibrancy.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, with the amount of umlaughter and the quick wit that
(42:37):
you have and that you spread.
The world needs more of it.
And so I was so grateful thatyou agreed to be uh on the
podcast because to a point thatyou made a little earlier, a lot
of men don't want to talk aboutit.
If they have the stamina toactually become a caregiver,
(42:57):
that's already rare.
Yes.
And now you want me to talk outloud about it.
About it, yes.
No, I'm not.
Ain't nobody doing all that.
And so I'm grateful to you.
I this will encourage countlessmen to be more vocal about this.
I'm hoping so.
Yeah, that's right.
Get it up.
Y'all, for anybody who can't seehe is wisping mosquitoes from
(43:19):
around, that's what you do,right?
SPEAKER_02 (43:21):
We don't protect the baby.
Protect the baby.
I love it.
SPEAKER_03 (43:27):
Okay, so before we get out of here, is there one
thing you can think of that youwould share with the new keg?
I call them the newbies, right?
And my term is a snuggle up.
What I consider a snuggle up isthat thing that you might not
(43:48):
really want to do it, but youknow if you just go on and
swaddle up, snuggle up to it,life is gonna be better, it's
gonna feel comfortable later,you're gonna need that thing.
Is there something that you canshare as a personal snuggle up
to tell new caregivers, hey, ifyou do this or if you consider
this, your caregiving journeymight be a little easier, it
(44:10):
might go a little smooth.
SPEAKER_01 (44:11):
I think that think about all of the assistance that
you can employ and kind of writeyourself a list and you know,
your your uh be very mindfulabout your uh support group.
Okay.
And um, and and every now andagain have a go hang out.
Go hang out.
It's okay.
Yeah, it's okay.
It's more than okay, it'sneeded.
(44:33):
It's needed.
SPEAKER_03 (44:34):
I love it.
This was needed.
SPEAKER_01 (44:36):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (44:37):
Thank you for buttoning that up so good, baby.
This thing was good.
We are shoulder shoulder.
SPEAKER_01 (44:43):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_03 (44:45):
Everybody that's listening.
SPEAKER_01 (44:46):
Thank you for the work that you do.
Like, Janae, I think that, youknow, um I love the podcast, I
love the community that you workwith, I love the demographic,
and I love the seriousness ofwhat you talk about and what our
experiences are.
This stuff is, this is not forthe faint of heart.
It's not for the faint of heart.
So then just to know thatthere's some other people out
there that's going through thesame kind of things that you are
(45:08):
going through and gotta makethese appointments, gotta make
the food, gotta clean the bed,gotta wash the clothes because
some we have some accidents andlaughing.
Yes.
You know, so all of the stuff,um, and some kind of way you
make it feel like it's not soyou'll be okay.
I know it's overwhelming, butyou'll be fine.
SPEAKER_03 (45:27):
You can get through this.
Yeah, the rest of us did.
Or are?
R.
SPEAKER_01 (45:31):
So, like, so yeah, I am grateful to you for that.
SPEAKER_03 (45:35):
Absolutely, baby.
SPEAKER_01 (45:36):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (45:36):
Well, we'll have you back sometime soon.
Please.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (45:39):
All right.
Thanks, Janae.
SPEAKER_03 (45:42):
The snuggle up.
Y'all getting one day, one big,fat, juicy, concise one.
It doesn't matter how much youplan, how much education, how
many contacts, how much money,how much desire or drive that
you have, when somebody you loveis in need, your heart is gonna
(46:09):
bubble up.
And if you were like our guesttoday, intuition tells you you
don't have a choice.
So why fight it?
That's a big deal to me.
If more of us could lean intowhere life and the universe
gives us a pivot, you may nothave planned it, but it is
(46:34):
better for you.
Jet let us know today that hefeels better because of the way
he cared for his grandmother.
What was extremely touching tome is not once did he say what I
didn't get to do, what I turnedaway from, what I had to
(46:54):
sacrifice.
He only talked about how muchshe poured into him.
So it was only right that he doit back for her.
So it didn't matter that he hadbeen in LA and New York and
doing all this stuff in politicsand entertainment.
In the end, when grandmamaneeded him, that's where he was.
(47:16):
And when she went on to nolonger be human, he picked back
up wherever life needed him tobe.
So that's it, people.
If we could stress a littleless, just look forward to
whatever's next.
Don't worry about 10 years fromnow.
Who the hell knows where any ofus is?
(47:42):
Thank you for tuning in.
I mean, really, really, reallythank you so very much for
tuning in.
Whether you're watching this onYouTube or if you're listening
on your favorite podcast audioplatform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe.
Come back.
That's the way you're gonna knowwho we do stuff next.
(48:04):
Y'all know how it is.
I'm Jake Smiles, I might justdrop stuff hot in the middle of
the night.
Up said hey Mop needs to go and ask someone else
out.
I'm gonna get it in a tell youwhat's not gonna happen.
How does that go?
SPEAKER_01 (00:19):
If you press on, that means there's a good rest
of the heavy that might havebeen like you don't think it was
(01:07):
just with comedian data.
SPEAKER_03 (01:09):
It's the expectation of unexpected and fully
responsible for my mom.
I've been full of the windows ofthe training for her.
(01:47):
I hope you enjoy my daughter'stoday's supporter shout out is
from YouTube at Latrell Petit4066.
(02:07):
Congratulations, Janae.
Happy birthday, Queen Zetti.
Party hat emoji and red heartemoji.
Thank you so very much.
Zetty is a queen, and it was ahappy birthday indeed.
If you would like to be therecipient of a supporter shout
out, and I hope you want to be,because I can't wait to hear
from you, please leave a reviewon Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or
(02:31):
Instagram.
We are Parenting Up Everywhere.
Today's episode is CaregivingYour Calling.
Family, you know what it is, youknow what it does.
It's your girl Jay Smiles, andwe're about to pop into a hot
and hilarious episode with myguy.
(02:54):
Some call him Jet, like themagazine.
Some people say he said JetBlack because he happens to not
be light-skinned.
I don't think that's any of it.
I see Jet because what he doesis take over the room fast.
Phew! Just like airplanes do.
Okay?
So my guy, Jamel Terrell.
(03:16):
Nope, that's not his middlename.
That is the last name, which iswhy I told y'all Jet.
There's an E in there.
We ain't getting into all ofthat.
I met this dude before anythingabout caregiving.
He knew my daddy.
So y'all know this is a softspot in my heart.
All right, Jet, how you doing,baby?
SPEAKER_01 (03:35):
Good, baby.
Good to be here with you, Janae.
Good to be here with you.
Thank you.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (03:39):
Now, listen, we met, I ain't gonna even say.
SPEAKER_01 (03:42):
Right, please.
SPEAKER_03 (03:43):
And emons to you young people, that means two
weeks, okay?
Exactly.
Pick it up, ask your mama.
We'll get to how I met you andwhy I've known you that long.
Okay.
A little later.
Okay.
But right now, this is theParenting Up Podcast.
We are here to talk about beinga family caregiver for
(04:05):
individuals with dementia,Alzheimer's, uh, Parkinson's,
anything in a dementia family.
And before we get into how crazyyou are, just for no reason, I
want to talk about your life asa caregiver.
So you actually were deep in it.
SPEAKER_01 (04:24):
Deep.
SPEAKER_03 (04:25):
Tell us about who did you care for?
SPEAKER_01 (04:26):
My grandmother.
SPEAKER_03 (04:28):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (04:28):
Murphy May.
SPEAKER_03 (04:30):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (04:30):
Okay.
Murfree.
Okay.
Oh, Murphy.
Murphy.
SPEAKER_03 (04:34):
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (04:35):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (04:35):
Um, yeah, my grandmother.
Um, very, very important figurein my life.
Okay.
Very important figure in mylife.
And um, just a really uniquelady.
And I mean, like all of us, wehave grandmothers that we love
just poured into us andeverything like that.
So um, when it got time for herto, when she started to decline
(04:57):
um some really hard questions,you know, going on in the
family.
And to me, I'm like a really,you know me, I'm really
lighthearted and everything likethat.
And to me, it just wasn't aquestion.
Like, this lady taught me how tolove me.
So how I cannot like give thatback.
Exactly.
So it was just one of thosethings, it was just like a
no-brainer.
(05:17):
Now I did not know what I wasgetting myself into.
Had you known.
Well, no, no, okay.
Okay.
Had I known, I think I stillwould have done it, but um I
probably would have uh imploreda lot more help.
SPEAKER_03 (05:31):
I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (05:32):
I would have.
I definitely.
SPEAKER_03 (05:33):
Looking back on it, you would have established a
crew, a network, a supportsystem in advance.
So tell me, and this is for ourviewers and listeners who might
be very new to this, okay?
Because we get people from allover the world.
Some, their family members gotdiagnosed last week.
SPEAKER_04 (05:54):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (05:54):
Others, the family member is now in heaven.
So it's a wide range.
Okay.
Did you see your grandmotherdeclining before she was
diagnosed?
Did you say, hey, you know what?
I know people get old and theyforget where your purse is, but
something ain't right with her.
Did you have that?
SPEAKER_01 (06:13):
No.
Embarrassingly, I did not.
SPEAKER_03 (06:15):
Don't be embarrassed.
SPEAKER_01 (06:16):
I was embarrassed because I'm so close with her.
And it was like, what happened,Janae?
She started reverting back to,like, yes, she had gotten older
and everything like that, alittle bit of slow pace and
things like that.
Um, her mind was still really,really good all the way up until
the end.
SPEAKER_04 (06:30):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (06:31):
But this is what um the triggers that the little
indicators that started to come.
Um, one day, my uncle, who livedin DC, he um, we were talking
about, because he was her powerof attorney.
Okay.
And so we were talking about umsome of her bills.
Something, something that hadhappened or whatever.
(06:51):
My grandmother would stay uplate and watch these
infomercials, and all of asudden, she was paying like
$2,000 for the Cat Society.
And she had bought like uh, shehad re-established her um wine
club collection and everythinglike that.
Now, as embarrassed as I wasabout not knowing that the
dementia was onset of the, I'mthinking that my grandfather,
(07:12):
she always had book clubs, wineclubs, all that stuff like that.
I'm just thinking that, hey,she's still turning up.
SPEAKER_03 (07:17):
She's still turning up, right?
SPEAKER_01 (07:18):
And it was, and the wine was great.
So And who doesn't want a littlewine?
Who don't want a little wine?
SPEAKER_03 (07:25):
Okay, okay.
So, um Now, where was she livingat the time?
SPEAKER_01 (07:28):
In St.
Louis.
Me and my grandmother were inSt.
Louis, and my Uncle Donald wasin D.C.
He was an attorney, and youknow, obviously, because that's
her son, you know, she feltcomfortable with having him as
power of attorney.
But I was day-to-day uhcaregiver.
SPEAKER_03 (07:40):
I gotcha.
SPEAKER_01 (07:40):
And so initially it was fine because she was in her
house, I was in my house.
SPEAKER_03 (07:45):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (07:46):
Um, but then after he so many calls started to
come, okay, I knew that I hadto, we had to be together.
SPEAKER_03 (07:52):
Okay.
So did she ask you to move in?
Did the family ask you to movein, or you did that on your own?
SPEAKER_01 (07:59):
Um, I did that on my own.
And I I did it on my own.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, my uncle had made this, hadmade this executive decision
that he was going to come andput her in a facility.
And that just did not work forme.
So I made the decision thatshe's just gonna come to my
house.
SPEAKER_03 (08:14):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (08:14):
And that's what we're gonna do.
SPEAKER_03 (08:15):
Unc said, hey, mama needs to go and have someone
help out.
I'm gonna get her in a facility.
Jet said, I'm gonna tell youwhat's not gonna happen.
Mama about to be with me.
Here's my question.
How did that go over in thefamily?
Because you, if you thegrandson, that means there's a
(08:37):
generation ahead of you,children that might have
opinions that you don't share.
SPEAKER_01 (08:44):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (08:45):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (08:45):
And that was a great way of saying that, Jay.
Because that it really wasexactly how it happened in my
family.
Um, yeah, I guess I didoverstep.
You know, in hindsight, I guessI did.
Um, but I don't regret it, A,because I know my heart was in a
good place.
And then B, um, which isprobably more importantly, is
(09:09):
that I was boots on the ground.
Okay.
So my Uncle Donald, like I said,was in DC.
I had another uncle in SanFrancisco, and then my dad was
there, but um There we go.
That's a whole notherconversation.
That's right.
Because I care good, I was a hiscaregiver as well.
SPEAKER_03 (09:23):
Okay.
All right.
SPEAKER_01 (09:25):
So, um, because they weren't there, um, I felt like
my opinion superseded theirs.
SPEAKER_03 (09:34):
Yeah, I'm for it.
So I don't think there'sanything to apologize about.
I just wondered if they gave youhell.
SPEAKER_01 (09:40):
Well, they did give me hell, and I do all so, you
know, black folks, southernfamilies, and stuff like that.
It's not necessarily apologies,but you are very um concerned
about stepping on toes,especially when it's uh members
of the the the previousgeneration.
It's just something about asense of respect and like it's
just how hierarchy of things andhow we all go.
(10:01):
So I was concerned, and it andthey did kind of give me a
little hard of, you know, alittle hard time.
Um but I think that after theyall realized how well I was
taking care of their mother,then it just became like, oh,
okay, okay.
And then I honestly think thatthey were happy that somebody, I
(10:21):
kind of relieved them in acertain kind of way.
SPEAKER_03 (10:24):
Right.
In a way that they could trust,they could trust you.
SPEAKER_01 (10:27):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (10:27):
They knew you were connected to her.
SPEAKER_04 (10:29):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (10:30):
And like, let's just be bold and frank with it, that
meant they didn't have to payfor the facilities.
They didn't have to check onher.
SPEAKER_04 (10:38):
Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (10:39):
They didn't have to come do a weekend.
Yep.
Because baby boy got it.
Exactly.
I noticed you named a daddy anda couple of uncles.
That's all men.
SPEAKER_01 (10:50):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (10:50):
And there were any daughters, granddaughters?
No.
SPEAKER_01 (10:54):
No daughters, no granddaughters.
SPEAKER_03 (10:56):
Now, you know, it's not the most common story in
family caregiving.
SPEAKER_01 (11:00):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03 (11:01):
Where it's all sons and grandsons, and then the
grandson says, I got mama.
SPEAKER_02 (11:08):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:09):
Had you been a caregiver ever before?
Did you think about nursing?
Did look, did you do um CPR atthe Y?
Nope.
SPEAKER_01 (11:17):
Nope, nope, no.
Um, but I wasn't afraid of that.
SPEAKER_03 (11:24):
Why not?
SPEAKER_01 (11:25):
Because I had spent a lot of time with my
grandmother.
SPEAKER_03 (11:27):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (11:28):
Like, like a lot of time.
SPEAKER_03 (11:31):
Like all the time.
Like all the time.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:33):
And she was um, when I tell you, when I say, I kind
of like uh kind of tongue incheek when I say um she taught
me how to love myself before Ishe taught me how to love me.
Okay.
That's not hyperbole at all.
This is a real, real thing.
And because of that, our bondwas just there.
(11:54):
Now, she was a particular woman.
So I didn't know um all of thatuntil I got into it.
Uh-huh.
Um, but I just felt like even ifwe were able to find the best
facility ever with the bestcaregivers ever, they're gonna
have more than just her to dealwith.
(12:15):
And I just didn't want her tohave to wait one second for
anything, any of the stuff, anyof the services that she needed.
SPEAKER_03 (12:23):
My grandmama ain't gonna be sitting peeked.
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_03 (12:26):
See, I tried to.
So tell the truth, baby.
Parents and up podcasts, wecuss, we dime out other family
members.
SPEAKER_01 (12:34):
Yes, yes, okay.
SPEAKER_03 (12:35):
Because shit, they did it.
We didn't do it, we just tellingthe story.
SPEAKER_01 (12:38):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And that's so okay, so now Ididn't want her to sit in
nothing.
SPEAKER_03 (12:42):
That's fine.
SPEAKER_01 (12:43):
For too long.
That's fine.
You know, she this lady was avery particular one the way she
didn't leave the house without aface on and all of the stuff.
And so I wanted her totransition with some dignity.
SPEAKER_03 (12:55):
I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (12:56):
And integrity.
SPEAKER_03 (12:57):
And um now, what was your career at the time?
SPEAKER_01 (13:01):
So the legal part.
Well, so I had taken a break.
So I was working for the mayorin Atlanta, and then I had um
left because she had a slip andfall first.
SPEAKER_03 (13:14):
Um you went you moved back because of her.
SPEAKER_01 (13:18):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (13:19):
Even before you were full-time per se.
SPEAKER_01 (13:21):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (13:22):
You actually moved back home because of her needs.
SPEAKER_01 (13:24):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (13:25):
That's my story too.
That's what got me back to theSouth.
Caring for people.
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (13:28):
Wow.
I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_03 (13:30):
My grandparents.
Oh.
It was my mom's mom who got ill,and I said, I gotta get back to
the South.
SPEAKER_01 (13:35):
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I I found it though for aminute, because I didn't want to
go back home.
St.
Louis is not any.
SPEAKER_03 (13:42):
It's not Atlanta.
SPEAKER_01 (13:43):
It's not Atlanta.
SPEAKER_03 (13:43):
Let's leave it at that.
Okay.
Just in case somebody from theloo watched this.
SPEAKER_01 (13:46):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (13:47):
And they're like, I know he damn sure didn't.
Alright, so but you get backthere.
Yes.
How old was she when she wasdiagnosed?
Ish.
SPEAKER_01 (13:55):
Um 91.
SPEAKER_03 (13:58):
Oh, so she was kicking it.
Oh, yeah.
She had been living by herselfthat long.
SPEAKER_01 (14:02):
That long.
SPEAKER_03 (14:03):
What did she eat?
I need to go ahead and pick thatup on the way home.
SPEAKER_01 (14:06):
Well, she raised and she taught me how to raise some
Swiss shards.
Okay.
We raised um so much peas, uh,cabbage, uh, tomatoes.
Um one year we did a um somewatermelon up the tree, you
know, because they gotta grow upand with a little yellow flower
in there.
Yeah, so we had to do all ofthat.
But um, so she and she alwaysfelt like So that's organic.
(14:28):
It's organic.
SPEAKER_03 (14:28):
Look, for the kids, that means organic.
If you grow it in your ownbackyard, organic.
SPEAKER_01 (14:33):
Please and thanks.
Yes, okra.
SPEAKER_03 (14:36):
Okay, I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (14:37):
Um just all the things, man.
And it was um it was a blessingto be able to spend that kind of
quality time with her.
And I didn't know it at thetime.
You never know um the assignmentwhen you're in it, kind of
thing.
But some of the nuggets that shegave me, like I remember one
time we were out back in ourgarden and she was and she was
like, Jamel, I believe that thisis the key to life.
(15:00):
It's like you have to physicallyput your hands in the earth.
SPEAKER_03 (15:03):
Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01 (15:04):
And um, and that always stuck with me.
SPEAKER_03 (15:06):
That's a big deal.
SPEAKER_01 (15:07):
It is.
I thought so anyway.
SPEAKER_03 (15:09):
I mean, we out here in this beautiful park.
I'm about to go grab me somedirt and just roll it all around
my arms.
SPEAKER_01 (15:15):
Take your shoes off.
It can't hurt nothing.
SPEAKER_03 (15:18):
Everything is crazy as hell right now.
You can't hurt.
SPEAKER_01 (15:20):
Gosh, don't even mention it.
I'm not, I'm not.
Don't even mention it.
SPEAKER_03 (15:23):
I'm not.
Did you find yourself needingcaregivers to come into the home
to give you breaks?
Did you have family members,neighbors?
Obviously, you weren't in thehouse 24-7.
In the moments where you weren'tin the house, how did you handle
that?
SPEAKER_01 (15:41):
Um, not the best, I don't, looking back in
hindsight.
So I think that um.
Oh wow, you are really unpackinga lot of stuff here.
Okay, so Janae, because therewas an all-male crew in my in a
family or whatever, I thinkthat, and it was a little
contentious first.
(16:01):
I think that I was hell bent onbeing right.
Uh I was hell bent on beingright.
And because of that, I didn'temploy help from my uncles and
from my cousins and stuff likethat.
So um I had a hard time.
SPEAKER_04 (16:18):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (16:19):
Um, but I had a neighbor that was two, three
doors down.
Okay.
And she saw me one day, me andmy grandmother, we used to go on
Saturday mornings, we would go,we would do our three S's.
Schnooks, Sular, and Sam's.
Oh.
Okay.
And that's what my grandmotherthing.
She loved doing all of that.
Soulard was a um uh uh was a umis a farmer's market.
(16:42):
Okay.
And then Schnooks is anothergrocery store, and then Sam's
for her bulk.
Okay.
And then we come back in andthen she starts preparing stuff.
SPEAKER_03 (16:48):
I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (16:49):
So this neighbor, uh, Miss Tommy, Miss Tommy saw
me and my grandmother coming inone Saturday, and she didn't say
anything or whatever, but acouple weeks later she was like,
Oh, you take care of yourgrandmother.
I was like, Yeah, she's like,okay.
She was like, Well, you know, ifyou ever need anything, kind of
let me know.
So I was like, all right, fine.
(17:09):
Now nobody's independentlywealthy.
So I need to, so I need to work.
SPEAKER_03 (17:14):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (17:14):
But how can I work?
So I got this job at this hoteltwo blocks away from the house.
SPEAKER_04 (17:21):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (17:22):
Overnight.
SPEAKER_04 (17:23):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (17:23):
So after I put her down, I would call Miss Tommy
and be like, Miss Tommy, shedown.
SPEAKER_04 (17:28):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (17:29):
You got a key.
When I'm about to go to work,I'll be back at 7 o'clock.
Like, you know, if anythinghappened between, just let me
know.
So that's how I manage that.
And then all the other stuff,um, I didn't really didn't get a
pregnant.
SPEAKER_03 (17:42):
I gotta say this.
Shout out to all the MissTommies, okay, across the world
that see the family caregiverand ask us what we need before
we even know to make a request.
SPEAKER_00 (17:57):
Yes.
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (17:58):
And then they actually show up and do it.
SPEAKER_01 (18:00):
Well, see, this is the thing about that, Janae.
I think that I think that welose, I think we lost community
as the generation's gotten downbecause it seemed like to me
that all the older people likethat that were concerned with
her, anytime we would go out andthey would see me with her, like
(18:21):
it just was, it was, it was, itwas unbelievable, like a whole
world unlocked.
Okay of of elderly people.
This is this weren't people likemy age or whatever, they just
saw me taking care of her, andthen they would come up to me at
Sam's and say, Oh, this is allgood, baby.
You need anything, let me grabthat for you.
Like, I'm 6'6, I can get it,ma'am, but thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (18:42):
And thank you, stranger.
SPEAKER_01 (18:44):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (18:44):
When my family members and friends and maybe
not have been around as often.
SPEAKER_01 (18:49):
I think that when people um share a common bond,
it makes them want to be of inservice.
SPEAKER_03 (18:57):
I love it.
You know.
I love it.
I love it.
I remember you telling me in ourlittle prep pre- uh chat about
this that uh it was funny to me.
SPEAKER_04 (19:08):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (19:09):
That you said uh the men in your family and the
generation above, they said,Well, we know we know why you're
good at taking care of mama.
That shit had me rolling.
SPEAKER_00 (19:22):
Yeah, it is.
You know what?
SPEAKER_03 (19:24):
Go ahead and share with the people why why your
uncles and your daddies said,well, the only reason why you
better than us at taking care ofmama is because you gay.
SPEAKER_02 (19:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (19:39):
That is listening.
I we are, let me say this, weare sitting in the park.
We just participated in the walkto end Alzheimer's.
It is the biggest Alzheimer'sday of awareness and money
raising ever to exist.
And we have watched everybodybreak the stuff down, and now
(20:01):
the sun is shining, and we gottrees behind us and birds
chirping.
I almost fell off the chair theway he said, Well, because you
gay.
Now, what's hilarious to me andalso bullshit is that why they
couldn't just let you have it.
Just let it be that you're goodat something that they could use
(20:22):
some improvement.
But no, no, no, no, no.
They got to figure out how comethere is an excuse as to why you
good and they not good.
Sometimes we just better thanour elders.
Sometimes we're just better.
We're just better.
Not at everything, but at somestuff, we're just better.
But that tickled me.
SPEAKER_01 (20:42):
You know what?
Um it was one of those thingsfor me.
Um yes, I laughed it off.
Um, but because of my familyhistory, I know, I knew it
before they said it.
Okay.
Okay, that's so let me like thatwasn't a new phenomenal dynamic
(21:04):
that like why would they saysomething like that?
I knew what that what it wasbefore they said it.
Um, I don't know.
Listen, it may be, I listen, Idon't care.
The book cares.
As long as this lady gets whatshe needs, I don't care how she
got it.
Um, but I think that I thinkthat, Janae, sometimes men feel
(21:25):
so inept when they can't do umprovide for loved ones.
Um that that frustration turnsinto anger or or they lash out
at that.
And it's and it um it's simplybecause and then and I'm not
listening I'm not trying to, youknow, I didn't have knockdown,
(21:47):
drag out fights with these guysor with these men in my family
or whatever, but I do know thatthey not know they they aren't
um evil heart or you know, gotmaliciousness in their hearts.
Um but I do think that sometimesum I can do better things.
SPEAKER_03 (22:04):
And you were better.
And I was better.
Everybody saw it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:07):
And everybody saw it.
SPEAKER_03 (22:09):
We don't really care why.
We don't really care why.
SPEAKER_01 (22:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:12):
What were some things that happened while you
were caring for your grandmotherthat really gave you a belly
laugh or made you say, I justcan't believe that that just
happened?
Like what in the world, youknow, like what just happened?
SPEAKER_01 (22:32):
Oh my god, where do I start with that?
SPEAKER_03 (22:34):
Anyone you want, baby.
SPEAKER_01 (22:35):
Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03 (22:37):
Um anything about um maybe the patterns that you all
had or the schedule that youthought you were gonna keep.
Oh, yeah.
But then she ain't want to keepthe same schedule you wanted to
keep.
Or food.
SPEAKER_01 (22:53):
Food was a big one.
SPEAKER_03 (22:55):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (22:56):
Um again, my grandmother taught me how to
raise food.
So food was a big thing, right?
She's the only female, so shealways cooked for all of us.
So food was a big thing.
But in the end, or during theend, she could not eat anything.
But I was still used to her orwhatever.
So I baking big meals, preparingbig.
SPEAKER_03 (23:18):
You like, it's Easter Sunday dinner on Tuesday.
SPEAKER_01 (23:21):
On a Tuesday.
SPEAKER_03 (23:21):
In June.
SPEAKER_01 (23:22):
And then she's gonna get to the table and very, very
peckish.
And that's real nice.
SPEAKER_03 (23:29):
Right, and you like, I know so well.
I didn't just slave over thisstove.
And then I started kind ofcomplex, because can I not cook
as good?
Right, you like, is it not good?
It don't taste good.
SPEAKER_01 (23:39):
No, she just didn't have any appetite.
And then she started kind oflike, um, so and then the
doctors were telling me likethat was a part of the decline.
Yeah.
You know, the loss of appetite.
Um, but there was just a lot ofroad trips, a lot of funnies, a
lot of um Road trips?
Oh, yeah.
Like our Saturday morning tripswas a thing.
SPEAKER_03 (24:00):
And you, and but she got in the car and went with
you?
Yes.
I ain't know if Miss Neighborstayed in the city.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no.
SPEAKER_01 (24:05):
We got these streets.
And we have to go through everyaisle.
Every one of them.
SPEAKER_03 (24:13):
Was she pointing at stuff?
SPEAKER_01 (24:15):
Or you just knew what to get?
Point.
So the things that I knew toget, I knew to get.
Okay.
But she still likes the see theaisle is the field trip.
SPEAKER_03 (24:22):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (24:22):
She's gonna discover some stuff and it was.
I love that.
SPEAKER_03 (24:26):
I never thought about that.
The aisle is the field trip.
SPEAKER_01 (24:29):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (24:30):
Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_01 (24:31):
Yes, go to the into the spice, uh, little spice
store where all the fresh spicesis.
So you smelling this, and shewants to get a what are we doing
it for?
We ain't gonna eat it.
We're not gonna eat it.
What she wants to smell, sookay, give me some of that.
SPEAKER_03 (24:45):
Like, I'm going home.
I'm going on.
Basket full of coriander.
Coriolander.
I don't even know how you saythat.
Yes, yes.
Okay, okay.
As she started to slow down andtransition to maybe not being
able to get out of the bed, ormaybe not being able to
(25:07):
communicate with you, how didyou manage internally?
SPEAKER_01 (25:12):
Um maybe you didn't manage.
I don't think that I did.
Okay.
You know, in hindsight, you youknow, hindsight is always better
or whatever, but um, in themoments of that, you just um go
through it and you don't reallyprocess, you can't um um assess
it at the time that you wereyou're experiencing it.
(25:35):
So I just would say these thiswas a bad day.
This wasn't such a great day,you know.
Or um, and just have those ifshe had a one-off today, or
those kinds of things.
Um and then just kind of go bygo with it.
And a gro and a beautiful thing,because we had such a bond,
(25:56):
those kind of um um momentswhere it was you didn't know
what to do, right?
They were they were kind offleeting because then she'll
come back to herself and thenit's me here.
So then me and her would comeback with us like what we do.
SPEAKER_03 (26:10):
So yeah, but it but did you end up having to take a
little brown look at night afterthat?
I did.
SPEAKER_01 (26:16):
A little.
SPEAKER_03 (26:16):
Okay.
Well, I didn't I was just tryingto ease into it.
SPEAKER_01 (26:19):
Okay.
Remy Martin 1738 was what gotme.
Well, I'm gonna tell thatWooford.
SPEAKER_03 (26:24):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (26:24):
I like a little one.
SPEAKER_03 (26:25):
The Woof made it work.
SPEAKER_01 (26:27):
The Woofer made it work.
SPEAKER_03 (26:28):
Listen, ain't nothing wrong with it.
SPEAKER_01 (26:30):
Splash of ginger beer.
You got you do like ginger.
I like it.
SPEAKER_03 (26:34):
Y'all, he just went and bought$700 worth of ginger
from the food truck lady rightoutside the Alzheimer's walk.
And that's fine.
It was his money.
I didn't see him do anythingillegal to get it.
I said I didn't see it, and it'sfine.
Either way, I might have tostop.
And get some of that ginger withthat splash, okay?
(26:55):
I've heard this many times whenyou've been so deeply entrenched
into giving care to a familymember.
And then with you, it's you andyour grandmama, y'all been thick
steeds, and now y'all become onepee in the pie.
SPEAKER_01 (27:11):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (27:13):
Then she leaves Earth in a physical sense.
All of a sudden, there's a lotof time open for you.
Maybe there's a lot more money.
Yeah.
Uh you can leave St.
Louis if you want to.
What was that modification oflife like for you?
(27:35):
How did you feel?
What did you do?
Was it like, oh shit, I don'tknow what to do with myself?
SPEAKER_01 (27:40):
Oh, wow.
That was really, really goodbecause uh really good question.
Because um, I had come to St.
Louis eight years earlier, and Ihad come because she had a slip
and fall, and it was nothing todo with anything about her
having dementia because shedidn't have dementia at that
time.
It was just a slip and fallinjury.
Um, so and I stayed in the housewith her for about a year, and
(28:02):
then I got my own space, my ownhouse.
They gave me my own house.
Um but when she left we neverdid really get the kind of
chance to talk to her about myfather.
My father was also in her house.
I told you that I had taken herhouse, taken her to brought her
to my house.
SPEAKER_04 (28:19):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (28:20):
But my dad was living at with her at her house,
and so he stayed there.
My father ended up dying fivedays before my grandmother.
SPEAKER_03 (28:27):
Shut up, everybody.
Wait a minute now.
You done buried the lead.
You didn't buried the lead.
Not five days.
And in her house.
SPEAKER_01 (28:36):
In her house.
SPEAKER_03 (28:37):
Your daddy, which is what makes her your grandmama.
SPEAKER_01 (28:40):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (28:40):
Okay, like you can't get to her without him.
SPEAKER_01 (28:43):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_03 (28:44):
Damn it.
SPEAKER_01 (28:44):
Yes.
So.
SPEAKER_03 (28:47):
Had he been ill?
Um kinda, or kinda.
It was a surprise.
SPEAKER_01 (28:52):
It was.
It really, really was.
It really was.
And as a matter of fact, thatthe uh the our last conversation
was, I mean, I knew I wastaking, I was taking care of
both of them.
She was the more um urgent toprioritize, the priority.
But we knew that she was goingto go, transition.
Yeah.
Um, so I had talking to him,like, okay, I can't be in St.
(29:18):
Louis.
I had I've grown this place.
Like, listen, love you, daddy,but you're gonna pack a bag and
come with me.
That's right.
So I was like, look.
SPEAKER_03 (29:23):
When grandmama decides to go, me and you gonna
leave too.
SPEAKER_01 (29:28):
Right.
So let me, and and and rightnow, I don't, I'm not working
like overnight.
I'm gonna leave that job becauseI can't be in St.
Louis anyway.
It was a it was just an uh uhopportunity to unemployment just
so I can have some money, somehaircut money.
That's the grandmama said.
You need some haircut money,boy.
SPEAKER_03 (29:43):
My grandmama used to say something for a cold
Coca-Cola.
SPEAKER_01 (29:46):
A cold Coca-Cola?
SPEAKER_03 (29:47):
Oh, in a bottle.
In a bottle, baby.
If you had enough money for acold Coca-Cola, not a Coke, a
cold Coca-Cola, then your lifeis fine.
SPEAKER_01 (29:57):
Absolutely, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (29:58):
All right, so you said, all right, Dad, we're
gonna have.
SPEAKER_01 (30:00):
So we gonna have to leave.
SPEAKER_03 (30:01):
So this How did he what did he say today?
SPEAKER_01 (30:03):
Nay, this was the most amazing conversation.
Our last conversation thatSunday, Easter morning.
Um, I had gotten up early and Iwasn't, and I got up real, real
early.
Remember, I told you that Iwould go overnight or whatever
because she could stay down.
I gotten up really, really earlyso that I could go have
breakfast with him for Easterand then be back by the time she
(30:24):
gets really.
SPEAKER_03 (30:25):
You better be a double depth.
SPEAKER_01 (30:27):
We gotta uh this thing.
Yes, you know, take it and makeit.
Right.
So we go, have breakfast, comeback, I get in front of the
house.
We're having this conversation.
We're talking about, you know,the transition.
I was like, listen, is there anyplace that you've read about my
dad's the Isle Reaving, as youread or that you you've seen, or
(30:48):
you just saw on TV or somewherethat you wanna go?
Just think of a place, any placethat you want to go, and let's
do it.
We just gonna do that.
We're gonna start it out likethat.
We won't move.
We just gonna go and we're gonnaexplore wherever the place that
is that you want to explore.
And because I had to kind oflike.
SPEAKER_03 (31:07):
You are leaving me breathless at the way you were
loving on your family.
Now you keep talking, but yougot me fucked up.
Keep on.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (31:15):
Because I don't, you know, when you in it, you don't
think of it like that.
You just think of it like theseare the things that I have to do
to survive to make it work.
Um, I knew that I.
SPEAKER_03 (31:24):
I'm just saying, because you were putting them
first.
SPEAKER_01 (31:27):
Yeah.
But they have been putting mefirst for so long.
Like, Janae, really, that ladylove the.
SPEAKER_03 (31:34):
I know you spoiled you ain't gotta tell me.
Listen, listen.
SPEAKER_01 (31:37):
And I don't want to say it like that, but like.
SPEAKER_00 (31:39):
You talk.
I love her.
She loved me.
SPEAKER_03 (31:42):
Yeah, yeah, so um So he so he said, we think of
somewhere.
Did he ever say anything?
SPEAKER_01 (31:48):
He so he said, okay, I'm gonna think about it.
Now this is Sunday.
Jamel, I get my money, my checkon Tuesday.
Okay?
Okay.
And then I when I get my money,I want you to take me clothes
shopping.
You always looking good.
I want you to take me clothesshopping.
SPEAKER_03 (32:02):
I know that's right.
SPEAKER_01 (32:03):
I said, all right, we listen, I got him on the
hook.
I got him.
About to reel this thing in.
Tuesday come.
Okay.
He didn't call.
Ah, shit.
So I said, you know what, okay.
He probably went and got someliquor.
And he at the he in the house byhimself.
Now he's kicking it.
He kicked it.
He didn't, whatever he does.
SPEAKER_03 (32:24):
Got that air on cool, because Easter is hot.
SPEAKER_01 (32:26):
Well, in St.
Louis, it's a little Oh, it is,okay.
Yeah.
So he um, so that was Tuesday.
He didn't call.
Wednesday, I forgot to call him.
Okay.
Thursday I called.
A couple times Thursday.
He didn't, he didn't respond,and I got caught up that day
with my grandmother and somestuff, or whatever.
Then I went to work that night.
(32:48):
But Friday had come.
Oh, Miss Tommy called me Fridaymorning while I was at work.
SPEAKER_03 (32:55):
Miss Tommy.
Everybody need a Miss Tommy.
SPEAKER_01 (32:57):
Miss Tommy called me Friday morning.
My grandmother had gotten up andwent to the front porch and
opened the door.
She did, I don't know if shewent out or not or whatever, but
my door was open.
So that's why Miss Tommy calledand said, the door's open.
What's going on?
So it was like six something orwhatever.
So I was just about to get offat seven.
So I come home or whatever.
And then I get her, take care ofher, get her down, get her
(33:18):
stabled and stuff like that.
Blah, blah, blah.
The day got away from me.
And later on that night, I wasthinking about I ain't talking
to my daddy.
I didn't talk to my daddy.
He told me you want me to show.
Like, so am I gonna do thistomorrow Saturday?
We're gonna make this a part ofthe Saturday tour with my
grandma and the channel.
SPEAKER_03 (33:34):
Yeah, we're gonna, right.
I'm gonna have to go to the I'mahave to go to the mall and the
grocery place.
SPEAKER_01 (33:40):
So Friday night, about eight o'clock, I um leave
my house and I go over to theirhouse.
And I drove past and I and I wasgot in front of the house and I
see that the door is open, and Isee that it's a lot of mail.
Like, so we she had the screendoor where there's a the screen
(34:04):
door had the mail thing.
So her real door was, I mean thereal door was open.
A jar.
But yeah, a jar, but the greendoor was locked.
But you could see all the mail.
And honestly, I knew.
I honestly I knew it.
My heart sunk.
Um now we talked about how Imight be brave in some moments.
(34:27):
In that moment, I was not brave.
Um, I could not go in the houseand see my dad.
So I called my cousins.
SPEAKER_03 (34:35):
I know that's right.
Get y'all's raggedy ass overhere.
It's time for y'all to do it.
Look, the straights, look.
SPEAKER_00 (34:41):
Y'all talking about this is what the gays, the
straights, come do it.
That's some straight shit.
SPEAKER_03 (34:47):
That's some straight shit.
We party and eat and drink.
Right.
This dying shit, that's fory'all.
Yeah.
Come here.
Come on.
I would be gay if that's what ithappened.
Come on.
Look, I'd rather be with theparty and drink it.
I don't want to be with thego-find that dead people.
SPEAKER_01 (35:02):
Did they come?
Yeah, he came.
My cousin came.
My cousin Corey came.
And um he went in and he then myother cousin came and they went
in and everything.
I never did go in.
I never did go in.
And um, they came out together,and then they just hugged me,
(35:24):
and they just start crying, theyhugging, and I was like, she's
like, I'm so sorry, I'm sosorry, I'm sorry, sorry, and all
that, blah, blah, blah.
And then I was like, okay, okay,okay, okay.
Yeah, I stay here and deal withthis, or whatever, because my
grandmama still is at the at myhouse.
So I gotta go back.
By herself, I gotta go.
So I went home, and then I guessafter the ambulance had done
whatever, whatever at the house,they both came over to my house
(35:46):
and um we had a couple drinks.
And then she was like, You gonnatell her?
And I was like, it's no sense oftelling her.
I'm with you.
Like, come on.
Like, uh why?
Yeah, why?
So, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (35:59):
She may she may have known that might have been why
she got up and opened the door.
SPEAKER_01 (36:02):
Maybe, maybe.
SPEAKER_03 (36:03):
I don't know nothing about it, but I've heard people
say that people can feel stuff,and that's her son.
SPEAKER_01 (36:08):
And that was her, you know.
Okay.
Her favorite son.
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (36:12):
And well, yeah.
And then, look, we don't know ifhe ain't stopped by the house
before he went on upstairs.
SPEAKER_01 (36:17):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (36:18):
I'ma just put it like that.
Absolutely.
He might.
He might have.
Um, when your grandmotherpassed, did you know?
All right, I'm about to get upout of St.
Louis.
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (36:32):
I know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I know.
I love it.
I know.
SPEAKER_03 (36:35):
And you took care of yourself and you went on and got
how long did it take you toleave?
SPEAKER_01 (36:38):
A month.
Six weeks.
SPEAKER_03 (36:40):
Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_01 (36:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (36:41):
And I'm pointing that out because uh I want to
congratulate you on having thecourage and the commitment to
stick to what you originallysaid.
Uh, as a care advocate and um inthis caregiving community, we
can have grand ideas of what weor will do the moment our loved
(37:06):
one is no longer a human being.
But then life happens and you'resad, or you're depressed, or the
money don't look right, orpeople, other people in the
family like, well, don't gohere, I need you to do this.
And before you know it, you lookaround, two, three, four years
have came, have passed, and youhaven't moved on to regain your
life.
(37:26):
Right, right.
So I want to congratulate youfor being so thoughtful, so
intentional, and for choosingyou.
Like for a number of years, youwere very clearly choosing your
grandma.
And then now she might have madeyou choose you.
She might have got up there andtold Jesus, like, listen here,
I'm gonna need you to go thereand make that boy get up out of
(37:46):
St.
Louis as fast as you can.
So I hope in any of the lookback and the reflection that you
are able to say, not only did Itake good care of her, when the
time was appropriate, I turnedthat love inward and took care
of me.
SPEAKER_01 (38:04):
Oh.
Yo, yo.
Um I think I'm doing that now.
Okay.
I know that I'm doing that now.
Um initially that that's notwhat happened.
Okay.
Um Initially, I knew I neededto, I knew that I could, I knew
I was suffocating in St.
(38:25):
Louis.
Okay.
So Atlanta has always I waseducated here.
I came to the age, age of here,here, so and it has always been
vibrant and good for me, for mysoul here.
Always.
SPEAKER_04 (38:34):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (38:35):
Um, but I knew I was getting it back here, but I was
like, okay.
Take your time and do it.
Well, Janae, a lot of stuff,like my grandmother was the
person that I was taking careof.
But there was like there wereeight deaths in my family then
(38:57):
this year.
My grandfather, my fatherstarted off them next with my
grandmother, but then I had thiscousin, which is the craziest
stuff.
She was a caregiver.
She had moved, she was in NewYork.
She had just come to St.
Louis just to take her how mamaand got sick.
She asked me, she was an artistin New York.
She asked me, um, she she neverdid make it like kind of big,
(39:19):
but at the end of her life, shestarted getting all of this,
these inquiries, the Met, theStudio Museum of Harlem, all
these stuff.
And they started to wanted tocome, they came into the house,
getting the artwork.
So she asked me to help tocatalog her work.
SPEAKER_03 (39:33):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (39:34):
I promised her that I would.
I promised her I would.
I promised her I would.
SPEAKER_03 (39:38):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01 (39:38):
I moved to Atlanta and I started getting my life
together.
Okay.
July 3rd, she died.
SPEAKER_03 (39:45):
Ah.
SPEAKER_01 (39:46):
I now.
So we got April 5th.
I'm sorry, April 10th, my dad.
April 15th, my grandmother.
SPEAKER_03 (39:57):
Tax date.
That's it.
Tax day.
SPEAKER_01 (39:59):
Right.
And then July 3rd, this cousinSandra.
Okay.
And in between that, I moved toAtlanta.
So I'm starting up trying to getmyself.
So after that, I got scared.
I just started going to work.
Just got me a couple jobs, and Ijust started working, working,
working, working, working,working, working.
SPEAKER_03 (40:20):
That was your coping.
SPEAKER_01 (40:21):
That was my coping thing.
SPEAKER_03 (40:22):
I'm like in that way, it's a distraction.
Yeah, and you don't have tothink about something.
I got something to do, I gotsomewhere to be.
Yeah.
And they ain't not gonna ask meabout anybody in my family.
I I have I witnessed that and Ialso live that.
That's how I ultimately got intocomedy, which is crazy enough.
SPEAKER_01 (40:38):
Really?
SPEAKER_03 (40:39):
I I said, I know I need to do something to stop um
thinking and dwelling on myreality.
Let me go somewhere when don'tnobody know me.
They ain't gonna ask about mymom, they ain't gonna ask about
my daddy, they're gonna ask howI'm doing.
They don't know.
Right.
I ain't gonna tell them.
I can just show up and do mything and then go home and then
show back up.
(40:59):
And so I fully understand whatit is you're saying.
Uh, this has been an amazingconversation with you.
SPEAKER_01 (41:08):
Thank you, Janae.
SPEAKER_03 (41:09):
I really mean that.
SPEAKER_01 (41:10):
Yeah, this is it.
Well, you know what?
I I'm so honored and thankful tobe able to do this with you
because I've watched this beforewith my grandmother as well.
And yeah, yes, like I've beenfollowing.
So I I've known you, but then Ikind of did know you, but I was
still following you.
I was still following you.
(41:32):
So um is it full circle?
SPEAKER_03 (41:34):
Absolutely.
And I'm gonna say how we met,which is one of my dearest
friends, one of my Neos, HowardDelta, I'm her dean.
Yes, grew up with you.
Yes, Camille Young.
SPEAKER_01 (41:46):
Camille Young.
SPEAKER_03 (41:46):
And so my dad wrote uh his autobiography and went on
a book tour.
He had a uh book signing inBrooklyn.
SPEAKER_01 (41:55):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (41:56):
You happened to be in New York at the time.
In New York, visiting Camille.
You came, met my dad, we hungout, we kicked it, New York
style.
Yes.
Okay, and then you ended up alsobeing really, really close with
one of my line sisters.
So it has been really crazy tosee how we we have just been
(42:16):
kind of merging and meeting andmerging and meeting, and then we
both find out we are knee deepin this caregiving thing, and
how can we get through it?
I've always been so taken withyour vibrancy.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, with the amount of umlaughter and the quick wit that
(42:37):
you have and that you spread.
The world needs more of it.
And so I was so grateful thatyou agreed to be uh on the
podcast because to a point thatyou made a little earlier, a lot
of men don't want to talk aboutit.
If they have the stamina toactually become a caregiver,
(42:57):
that's already rare.
Yes.
And now you want me to talk outloud about it.
About it, yes.
No, I'm not.
Ain't nobody doing all that.
And so I'm grateful to you.
I this will encourage countlessmen to be more vocal about this.
I'm hoping so.
Yeah, that's right.
Get it up.
Y'all, for anybody who can't seehe is wisping mosquitoes from
(43:19):
around, that's what you do,right?
SPEAKER_02 (43:21):
We don't protect the baby.
Protect the baby.
I love it.
SPEAKER_03 (43:27):
Okay, so before we get out of here, is there one
thing you can think of that youwould share with the new keg?
I call them the newbies, right?
And my term is a snuggle up.
What I consider a snuggle up isthat thing that you might not
(43:48):
really want to do it, but youknow if you just go on and
swaddle up, snuggle up to it,life is gonna be better, it's
gonna feel comfortable later,you're gonna need that thing.
Is there something that you canshare as a personal snuggle up
to tell new caregivers, hey, ifyou do this or if you consider
this, your caregiving journeymight be a little easier, it
(44:10):
might go a little smooth.
SPEAKER_01 (44:11):
I think that think about all of the assistance that
you can employ and kind of writeyourself a list and you know,
your your uh be very mindfulabout your uh support group.
Okay.
And um, and and every now andagain have a go hang out.
Go hang out.
It's okay.
Yeah, it's okay.
It's more than okay, it'sneeded.
(44:33):
It's needed.
SPEAKER_03 (44:34):
I love it.
This was needed.
SPEAKER_01 (44:36):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (44:37):
Thank you for buttoning that up so good, baby.
This thing was good.
We are shoulder shoulder.
SPEAKER_01 (44:43):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_03 (44:45):
Everybody that's listening.
SPEAKER_01 (44:46):
Thank you for the work that you do.
Like, Janae, I think that, youknow, um I love the podcast, I
love the community that you workwith, I love the demographic,
and I love the seriousness ofwhat you talk about and what our
experiences are.
This stuff is, this is not forthe faint of heart.
It's not for the faint of heart.
So then just to know thatthere's some other people out
there that's going through thesame kind of things that you are
(45:08):
going through and gotta makethese appointments, gotta make
the food, gotta clean the bed,gotta wash the clothes because
some we have some accidents andlaughing.
Yes.
You know, so all of the stuff,um, and some kind of way you
make it feel like it's not soyou'll be okay.
I know it's overwhelming, butyou'll be fine.
SPEAKER_03 (45:27):
You can get through this.
Yeah, the rest of us did.
Or are?
R.
SPEAKER_01 (45:31):
So, like, so yeah, I am grateful to you for that.
SPEAKER_03 (45:35):
Absolutely, baby.
SPEAKER_01 (45:36):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (45:36):
Well, we'll have you back sometime soon.
Please.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (45:39):
All right.
Thanks, Janae.
SPEAKER_03 (45:42):
The snuggle up.
Y'all getting one day, one big,fat, juicy, concise one.
It doesn't matter how much youplan, how much education, how
many contacts, how much money,how much desire or drive that
you have, when somebody you loveis in need, your heart is gonna
(46:09):
bubble up.
And if you were like our guesttoday, intuition tells you you
don't have a choice.
So why fight it?
That's a big deal to me.
If more of us could lean intowhere life and the universe
gives us a pivot, you may nothave planned it, but it is
(46:34):
better for you.
Jet let us know today that hefeels better because of the way
he cared for his grandmother.
What was extremely touching tome is not once did he say what I
didn't get to do, what I turnedaway from, what I had to
(46:54):
sacrifice.
He only talked about how muchshe poured into him.
So it was only right that he doit back for her.
So it didn't matter that he hadbeen in LA and New York and
doing all this stuff in politicsand entertainment.
In the end, when grandmamaneeded him, that's where he was.
(47:16):
And when she went on to nolonger be human, he picked back
up wherever life needed him tobe.
So that's it, people.
If we could stress a littleless, just look forward to
whatever's next.
Don't worry about 10 years fromnow.
Who the hell knows where any ofus is?
(47:42):
Thank you for tuning in.
I mean, really, really, reallythank you so very much for
tuning in.
Whether you're watching this onYouTube or if you're listening
on your favorite podcast audioplatform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe.
Come back.
That's the way you're gonna knowwho we do stuff next.
(48:04):
Y'all know how it is.
I'm Jake Smiles, I might justdrop stuff hot in the middle of
the night.
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