July 8, 2024 • 41 mins
Have you ever felt the frustration of juggling caregiving with everyday life hassles? Well, you're not alone. Today, we hear the life-changing story of family caregiver, Sheri Atwood, who turned daily annoyances into an innovative creation. I share my deeply personal experience of caring for my mother with Alzheimer's, shedding light on the urgency of early detection and the complex world of family dynamics. Sheri joins us to offer her heartfelt story about managing caregiving, indifferent siblings, and her business, SupportPay.
Are you curious about how to navigate the financial maze of caregiving? We've got you covered. In our discussion on managing caregiving finances, Sheri introduces SupportPay—a game-changing app initially developed for divorced parents but now catering to the broader caregiving community. By consolidating financial tasks and communications into one seamless platform, SupportPay relieves the administrative burden, allowing caregivers to focus on what truly matters: providing emotional support and care. We dive into the app's features, user experiences, and practical benefits that can make a real difference in your caregiving journey.
Don’t miss out on more updates from the J Smile Studios Patreon! You can get exclusive access to behind-the-scenes insights and live broadcasts. Join our community and transform your caregiving experience with us.
Visit supportpay.com for more information about the app.
Host: J Smiles
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: Annelise Udoye
#Caregiving
#FamilyCaregiver
#AlzheimersAwareness
#CaregiverSupport
#SupportPay
#FamilyDynamics
#InnovativeSolutions
#CaregiverStories
#CaregivingCommunity
#CaregivingApp
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The number of times I am pissed off because my shoes
don't quite fit right, or I'mdriving down the street and my
coffee spills in my lap becausethe coffee cup doesn't quite fit
right in the holder of my caror my laptop bag.
(00:24):
The wheel breaks, so now I'mrunning through the airport
holding the bag and the laptopthinking it might drop, and I
don't have the AppleCare.
Whoever really extends thewarranty on a laptop.
The number of times that I havean idea yeah, I could invent
(00:47):
this product.
Or how come somebody doesn'treally have a way for me to
clean my bathtub and my showerwithout having to bend over?
You got brooms and mops for thefloor.
Why don't you have a broom andmop for the bathtub?
And on and on and on.
(01:07):
But what happens?
I'll never make it.
I haven't invented it, I justtalk about it.
But what if somebody got pissedoff with something that didn't
work as a caregiver, as a familycaregiver, and then they went
(01:29):
and made a product that can helpall of the rest of us and we
found them.
That's exactly what happened.
So come on.
What happened?
So come on.
I found a family caregiver thatmade a product for a service
that we can all use.
Hurry up, hurry up, don't gonowhere.
(01:52):
Come on, listen and watch,listen and watch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, comeon.
Parenting Up.
Caregiving Adventures with Com,with comedian Jay Smiles, is
the intense journey ofunexpectedly being fully
responsible for my mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
(02:15):
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything, with a heartbeatSpoiler alert.
I started comedy because thisshit is so heavy, so be ready
for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
(02:38):
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
Today's supporter shout out isInstagram A to the F.
(03:06):
She says great advice.
Seems too many are in denialwhen they see the subtle signs
something has changed.
Seeking out info confirms theirfear, but it's best to know in
advance, in my opinion.
(03:27):
She was referring to theepisode where I say hey, if you
see your LO maybe showing somedecline, try not to be in denial
.
Decline, try not to be indenial.
(03:50):
Don't wait until everything isfalling apart to send them to
the doctor or an expert.
Better be safe than sorry.
Go ahead and let them go talkto somebody.
So thank you A to the FReducing Family Conflict
Platform for SplittingCaregiving Expenses.
Sherry, when you knew it wastime to be your mom's caregiver,
(04:23):
was time to be your mom'scaregiver.
How difficult was that process.
Did you already have the legaldocumentation in place, or did
mom acquiesce?
Or was it like pulling candyfrom a baby?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
It was like pulling candy from a baby.
So I was raised by anincredibly strong single mother
who was used to doing everythingon her own and thought she
could handle it.
My siblings didn't want to getinvolved financially Right, and
a little bit even there and youknow she did suffer from had
(05:01):
mental health issues, right, shewas an alcoholic and at that
time a prescription drug addictbecause of some injuries she
suffered, but she always thoughtshe could handle it.
So it unfortunately having toget law enforcement involved
Right, get her help, get her inthe hospital, get her through
rehab.
It was not no step of, it waseasy.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
No step of it was easy.
Oh, did you also find yourselfbattling your siblings?
Because it's one thing if yoursiblings aren't assisting you.
It's another thing if theyactually say hey, Sherry, stop,
leave mom alone, she's going towork this out herself.
Which way did they fall?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
So one was completely uninvolved.
All he was interested in mybrother's the only thing he was
interested in what electronicsor what money he could get,
always.
So he wasn't involved.
My sister agreed that she needhelp, but she didn't have the
financial means or know so, andyou know she would take the
phone calls and unfortunately,as you know, when you have
(06:06):
somebody that is maybe not attheir top of their game, right,
and whether it's dementia or analcoholic or that, you have to
let a lot of the stuff justslide off your back and not get
so impacted by what they say andthey certainly don't remember
it.
It became more troublesomebecause I not only had to deal
with my mom, but then I had todeal with the emotional impact
(06:27):
of my sister, who would get hurtover everything that my mom
would say, and so it's likealmost like I'm and I had a
child that I was dealing withtoo and I'm like which one can I
deal with Right At the sametime.
So it made it a lot harder, Ithink, having that and again me
having to have both the stressof taking care of her, the
(06:48):
finances, being a single mom,and then dealing with my
siblings and trying to manageall that plus work, and I had
just started this company, so itwas a lot at the same time.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
What's your company?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So my company's support pay, and the goal was I
started this, my company'ssupport pay, and the goal was I
started this.
Actually I was a.
I got divorced with myex-husband and I never wanted.
My parents had a horrificdivorce and so I never wanted my
daughter to go through what Idid.
But no one tells you that afteryour divorce.
Now, all of a sudden, you haveto share money, schedules, right
, communicate with each other,and I was at work and it was so
(07:23):
time consuming all theseindividual tasks and payments
and my money I don't believe itcosts that much and did you send
the payment?
So I was looking for a solutionmyself and was shocked that
there was nothing out there.
So I started SupportPay forparents to help share in the
finances, the payments, theexpenses, schedules and
communication, photos, videos oftheir kids.
(07:43):
But then I went through thesituation with my mom and got
approached by thousands ofpeople that had heard about
support pay and said wait asecond, it isn't just parents
taking care of kids.
It's, for example, siblingstaking care of parents right, or
grandparents or another familymember, and we all know that the
(08:06):
fights come when it comes tomoney, and so is there a way,
right to have that transparencyin the family and allow an app
to do it, automate it, put itall in one place.
Then there's never any questionand then maybe you can spend
more time like I.
Should have been able to spendmore time like with my sister on
the emotional side, but Ididn't have time to correct,
(08:28):
correct.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
So have you found that between parents versus
family and siblings, are bothgroups uh, warming up to support
paid the same, or is one groupenjoying it more than the other?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Yeah, so we started.
You know our background.
So we as with for parents right, we started as a co-parenting.
We just launched the version,the release version in March,
and we have had an enormous signsign up.
We haven't even done a lot ofmarketing around it for the
caregiving platform becausewe're the only ones out there.
Again, it's being able to.
(09:12):
So we already have over 100,000parents on our platform.
We're already in all 50 statesand territories.
We're in 70 countries, butusing the same architecture, the
same product that's proven andscalable, being able to use it
for this completely differentuse case.
And it addresses again that sameproblem.
Because you can enter anexpense with the receipt.
(09:32):
You can upload a bill right, itcan be split among your
siblings, you can send areimbursement to your sibling.
You can send a payment directlyto the merchant.
You can record payments.
You can have all your schedulesand whether you're going to
visit mom or take dad to thedoctor all of those things.
You can communicate, sharephotos, videos, prescriptions
all of that in one place,instead of going to Venmo over
(09:55):
here and a spreadsheet over hereand a box of receipts over here
and then arguing and fightingevery time you get together.
So we have had just an amazingfeedback from caregivers and
saying, gosh, this is the onepiece that no one is talking
about when it comes tocaregiving, that at the end of
the day, once I got it, you know, I may have gotten an assistant
, maybe I've gotten all this,but when the burden falls back
(10:17):
on the family, how do I make iteasier?
And that's our goal.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
I could cry.
I could cry.
I could just cry, sherry,because when you go to caregiver
support meetings or onlinevirtual groups, this doesn't
(10:47):
even get talked about Yet andstill it has to be one of the
major, shall we say, breakingpoints for caregivers.
But so often you're dealingwith the biggest fire, and
usually the biggest fire isyou're physically and mentally
(11:10):
burned out with actually liftingyour LO off the floor or
getting them to a doctor'sappointment or did they take the
right medicine.
So, because you are trying totackle that monster, the thing
around, my brother has not sentme the $200 that he owed me for
(11:30):
the, you know, the co-pay, or hewas supposed to come last month
and since he didn't come, I hadto hire in-home health services
.
So that costs $350 and heshould pay me that back.
And another thing is you maybeyou start to feel like, is this
shit petty, right?
So as a, should I ask them forthat Cause it is my mom.
(11:52):
What is totally amazing is thatyou are offering an opportunity
to remove a boulder for familycaregivers.
That many people who are tryingto help us don't even get down
to that depth of our pain,because so often when we meet in
(12:15):
groups or we talk to ourtherapists, we're hitting the
largest parts of the fire, whichis dealing with our LO and
getting to doctor's appointmentsand making sure that the lights
are on and the bills are paid,and they took their medicine,
and they ate something and dranksomething.
And we start to feel sometimeslike hey, am I being petty?
(12:38):
Is this small minded of me tosay you know, why don't you give
me half of the gas that ittakes me to drive back and forth
to the doctor's office?
Well, I mean truthfully.
Well, I mean truthfully, weshould be splitting all of this.
And if the app would allow meto not have to talk about it
(13:03):
every month or every week, I canjust text hey, go in the app,
please go look in the app.
I just put all the receipts inthere, so now I don't have to
call you, I don't have to try toget you on a Zoom call, just go
(13:30):
look.
Oh my, omg.
So what?
How do people sign up?
Is there a fee to use the app?
Are there limits to how manypeople can join, like per family
?
How are the payouts done?
I don't I'm not saying that youhave to do a whole tutorial
here, but just trying to givepeople an idea of the simplicity
and or the way they would useit.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Yeah.
So first, to your point aboutthe notifications.
The best part is we do all thenotifications, so, again, you
don't even have to notify them.
And if you use your example andthis is the way that I used it
I didn't think my siblings weregoing to contribute or help, but
I wanted to document how much Iwas spending.
I wanted to document how muchtime I was spending doing these
(14:16):
things so that at least in somesmall way they saw right, maybe
if they're not going to, thenit's petty yes, it is petty, but
gas is expensive.
And if they're not going tocontribute now there's a record
right.
And then where this became mostvaluable was during probate.
So what people don't realize isone if you have a power of
attorney for your parent, youhave got to by law document
(14:40):
where all the money's going.
But also, when it came toprobate, we not only used it for
the day to day, we used it tosplit up fairly her assets that
were in her home, right.
So we put it in there and wesplit up the value of it to make
sure what little she had, youknow, was split up fairly.
The nice thing.
So with SupportPay to answeryour question it's super easy.
It's a web and mobile appAndroid and iOS they can simply
(15:07):
go to supportpaycom.
It's a free version, so we havelight features for a free
version and then an individualcan pay for themselves and their
family members can be freeversion, or they can pay for a
family and unlimited familymembers.
They can download it, oranother option is we are also
available as an employee benefit.
So if you believe that youremployer should offer this as a
(15:30):
free benefit, right wherethey're funding it, simply come
back to our website,supportpaycom.
Right where they're funding it.
Simply come back to our website, supportpaycom and you can tell
your employer about it or justsend your employer and say this
is something that would reallyhelp me as a caregiver.
We try to make it incrediblyaffordable, so it starts at
$9.99 a month.
Also, we do a discount forMedicare and Medicaid, as well
(15:51):
as military domestic violencesurvivors.
They get it all free.
So we'll work with you.
My goal here of course I needsome revenue to keep the lights
on and give us ability to dosupport, but the goal here is
how can we work together andreally help caregivers and take
away that fight, because thatmoment that you need your
(16:12):
brother to be there becauseyou're exhausted, but you had
just got into a fight about themoney two days ago and now you
won't return your calls.
Right, then he's not there foryou emotionally either.
So how can we take stuff?
Put that over here.
Let support pay be thecommunicator and then that way
you can rely on your siblings,because we all know it is an
(16:33):
incredibly lonely time, rightwhen you're trying to now take
care of somebody that you sawwas so strong growing up and
they need you and you have noone else to lean on.
So that's really our goal.
So, again, supportpaycom, youcan search for support pay in
the mobile, in the app store orGoogle play, and download it.
And again, if you can't affordit, just contact us, our support
(16:56):
center, say you heard about meon this podcast and we will work
with you to make it asaffordable for you, to make sure
you can use it and get to takeadvantage of it.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Fantastic.
Is that a standard spelling ofsupport pay?
Yep.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yep S-U-P-P-O-R-T-P-A-Y.
We help you.
Support and pay.
Yep S-U-P-P-O-R-T-P-A-Y.
We help you support and pay andsupportpaycom.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I love it.
That keeps it simple.
And will the distributions goright to the individual's
preferred bank or yeah, sothat's a great part.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
So we have.
We offer multiple options.
One, if you're, the familymembers are all on support pay,
if you can, they all want to useit.
They just connect their bankaccount and the money moves as
fast as it would move from Venmointo your bank account.
So it's the three-day ACH.
If, say, one of the familymembers is not connected, you
can still send them a digitalcheck so they get emailed a
check, or you can evenphysically mail them a check.
(17:57):
Or the new feature we justreleased was bill pay.
So say, you're all splittingyour mom's nursing home, you
upload the bill for nursing homeand each family member can send
their individual paymentdirectly to the nursing home.
We also allow you to recordmanual payments.
So maybe your brother handedyou $20 cash for it.
You can record that in our appright there.
(18:17):
Or maybe you paid through Venmoor PayPal or however.
You screenshot that as a proofand you attach the payment proof
so it not only has the expensein the item, it has the proof
that you've paid, and that isagain critical.
It's one of the things peopledon't think about, but having
that history one, it'sincredibly difficult to find it
(18:38):
again.
I challenge anybody to go findall their payments to one person
on Venmo and download it.
Like you can't and you're notthinking about it right now, but
you will need a record of thisat some point and that's the
last thing you want to deal withis trying to find where all
this information is.
So it's all there.
So, and we offer all of thatmanual payments connect to your
bank if you want, send checks,and then we're going to be
(19:00):
coming out with prepaid cardswhere you can actually fund
cards and give it to your mom,give it to your dad, give it to
your brother and spend on thosecards.
So we're just trying to make itas easy as possible and work in
the way that caregivers need.
And again I will say, 98% of myemployees are not only working
for support pay.
They are directly impacted bythis problem.
(19:20):
So we care a lot, from bottomto the top, about who we're
serving and really just want tohelp people and make a
difference in their lives.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
I 100% dig this.
I don't remember which cartoonit was, but when they got
excited they would say hotdiggity dog.
That's.
That's how I feel it is nosmall feat to to have a central
(19:50):
location for that many receipts.
I have been the executor withthe executrix and the
administrator and the power ofattorney more times than I care
to have done so, you know, inone way is you know, it's great
(20:13):
that someone trusted me so muchto be in charge of their affairs
.
And then it sucks that so manypeople that I love have either
left this earth already or havenot been able to take care of
their own stuff.
(20:52):
And what I'm here to tell youparenting of family is, when you
cannot find the internationalgovernment, they are going to
lean into what will benefit them, the government.
So if you cannot prove that youspent $50 a week in adult
underwear, they're going to saywell then, you didn't spend it.
(21:14):
So then you're not going to beable to make those deductions
toward reducing the amount ofthe estate and whatever tax
benefit you may have receivedgoes out the window.
So to Sherry's point yeah, youmay not go to jail because you
(21:34):
can't find these receipts, butthe money that you spent
basically just vanishes and youdon't get credit for it because
your tax returns and your LOs,estate and probate process.
It just is a big old goose eggif you don't have proof that it
(21:58):
happened and it's like damn.
I should at least be able toget some deductions for this so
we can maybe not have to pay asmuch or get some money back, or
anyway, it's worth it.
The point is it's worth it.
It is worth it, man, wow, wow,go ahead.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Sorry, I was going to say, if you do a little bit
every day, cause the last timeyou want to deal with finding
those receipts or diggingthrough bank account records or
is during probate right, it'sthe last thing you're worried
about.
So having it there with a clickof a button, cause you've done
it like literally on the roadyou buy something, take a
picture of the receipt, weautomatically scan it, we'll
(22:40):
split it, we do the notificationLiterally 30 seconds it takes
you, then it's there.
So at the time when you reallyyou think you're tired, now you
really don't want to deal withit, that part is just taken care
of, right just taken care of,right?
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How long did it take you to sayyou know what this thing I made
for my ex-husband and my kids?
I think it has even maybe agreater use, or at least as good
of a use, in the caregivercommunity.
Was it an automatic light bulb?
I mean, how long did that takefor you to see the synergy?
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah.
So I really saw the synergywhen I went through it.
But I'm also a seed stagestartup, female founded.
We still get less than 2% ofthe money out there, so I didn't
have the resources to expandbecause it's a whole new target
market.
But I can't tell you how manypeople I get inundated was
getting inundated.
Our support was was like hey,we saw this and I am a single
(23:40):
parent using this, but I'd loveto be able to use this for right
.
My parents, so it was me, itwas several of my employees Same
thing, they're all caregivers.
In fact, four employees in thepast month.
My employees have had to becomecaregivers right, unexpectedly,
and so we didn't have theresources to expand.
(24:00):
The product part was easy.
Right now it's just getting theword out there that you know,
people know that this is aproblem, but they don't know a
solution's out there againbecause there's no one else out
doing it.
And having the resources to youknow, connect with people like
you who are part of thiscommunity, just to let them know
.
That's our biggest barrierright now is doing that because
(24:21):
the product works, it scales,it's been proven.
It's now just saying hey, we'reout here to help and a problem
you're not really talking about,but we know you're struggling
with and hey, we've got asolution for you.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
And every little, every boulderand stone and hurdle and
mountain that we can move out ofthe way for a family caregiver
to just focus on the care andthe concern of the LO is a win
(24:54):
for caregivers.
We might not be able to beatthe disease just yet, but we can
certainly make the daily lifeof the caregiver easier.
And, to your point, when thatis easier, then we're going to
show up better for our lovedones.
We're in a better mental state,a better physical state, in
(25:16):
everything.
It's just up, up, up from there.
Uh, we've got.
We wouldn't be the parenting upcommunity with, uh, caregiving
adventures, with comedian Jaysmiles, if I didn't pitch to you
, um, the request to share a fewof the comical things that you
(25:37):
experienced with your mom orthat you've heard from other
caregivers along your journey ofdeveloping this app, this
business.
What are some things where youjust have to shake your head and
say I got to laugh to keep fromcrying, because how the hell
would you even think this wouldhappen.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I think one of the funniest things is,
unfortunately, when my mompassed and we were in her very
small mobile home splitting upher very not valuable things and
my brother literally wanted toput in the value of her
scrapbooking paper as part ofthe pieces of it.
We ended up at that time mysister and again she had a very
(26:18):
small mobile home.
She didn't have a lot.
It ended up being 16 pages onan Excel spreadsheet because my
brother forced her to write downevery single item and the value
of it and then split it up tomake sure that things were fair,
right it up to make sure thatthings were fair, right, and
(26:38):
you're like, are you like?
And it came down to likeliterally like $5,000, $2,000,
like in total after all these 16pages of stuff.
And it was like and finally Iwas like I give up, you can have
it all.
Like I don't have time for this, right, I'm a single mom, I'm
running a company, like take it,but it's like it just shocks
you of the amount of pettiness,right, that comes in when it
(27:01):
comes to money and family.
So those were the things andbut at the same time, no
recognition for the amount oftime that I took off work and
you doing all of that.
So it's, I find it.
I found it comical after thefact.
Right, we had to go through allof that and waste all that time
.
And then now I say, hey, look,now I'm lucky because the
(27:21):
benefit is, if I ever gotremarried again I would say, hey
, you never have to worry aboutwhether an in-law likes you, we
don't have to fight about whereyou're going to go for Christmas
because, like now, I can gothere.
And unfortunately, this causedrelationships to end with my
siblings Right and still to thisday because of that stress.
So learning, saying is there away to make this better?
(27:41):
And then just again laughing itoff and making a joke.
As I always say, if you don'thave a story to tell, at the end
you didn't have an adventure100 percent honey.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
One hundred million, trillion percent.
One hundred million, trillionpercent.
Oh yeah, you know that that wasthe same thing that had with my
father.
My father's mother passed andhe and his sister did not agree
(28:13):
at all with the division of herassets.
And there was a point where mydad just said I don't want to
talk about it anymore, I don'twant to fight, so like, whatever
my sister wants, but it hurthim so to the core that it
changed the trajectory of theirrelationship forever, like
there's nothing to say, you know, because you can't, you can't
take that back, right, we sharedthat parent, we shared that
(28:34):
parent, shared that parent, weshared that parent and you can't
just all of a sudden decidethat the parent was more yours.
Oh, but I was the favorite, orI think I did more, or I think I
had the last conversation.
Listen, sit down, just sit down, just sit down, sit down, just
(28:57):
sit down.
Well, this has been, I have totell you, sherry, you have, you
have done something fanaticallyfantastic to me.
My career before caregivingincluded being a product
(29:18):
designer, and a major purpose ofbeing a product designer, which
is very different fromengineering, is that product
designers meet the needs of themarket.
Engineers create things thatmay or may not have a current
market gap.
Engineers might createsomething that nobody even needs
(29:41):
.
The same thing.
Artists might create somethingthat nobody even needs or wants,
but product designers are areborn to say no, the market has a
gap and people need this thing,this service, this into this,
(30:04):
this technology, and that'sprecisely what you did.
People need this thing and, uh,you double down on it.
You were like, hey, I got thisthing and I believe it can serve
two different groups who aresuffering through loss because
(30:26):
in divorce and in familycaregiving, you're suffering
through loss, through very youwere, you were, you're.
You're talking about really,really close ties that now are
strained and worn and tetheredand money's in the middle, worn
(30:54):
and tattered and money's in themiddle, and you have created
something that can help usswallow the pill a little, a
little easier.
So I thank you for that as a asa person who can utilize it, I
thank you for it and as aproduct designer, I'm like, hell
, yeah, chicks rule.
Another chick champion, anotherchick champion.
(31:14):
So thank you so much.
I really enjoyed thisconversation.
(31:34):
I end we end each episode withsnuggle ups, and snuggle ups are
my version of saying hey, theseare a few takeaways that I
believe, as a family caregiver,if you go ahead and lean into
these things, it'll make yourjourney easier.
They are hard and, yes, they dosuck.
However, the faster you goahead and snuggle up to fill in
the blank, you will find it tobe less troublesome and you will
(32:03):
have less friction on your roadas a family caregiver.
So I ask you, ms Sherry Atwood,what would you share with the
Parenting Up community as asnuggle up?
Now, it could be something thatyou think from the conversation
we've had today or justsomething that has come to you
(32:27):
over your lifetime.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
Yeah, of course I'm going to say you take away of
going in, at least checking outsupport, pay, but it's, what can
you do to alleviate the thingsthat usually the things that
cause the most fight could bethe most obvious, and thereby
you risk the time that you youneed those family members in
that support.
(32:50):
So, being able to look at thetwo and, if nothing else, if you
have a sibling or siblingslistening to this and you know
of a sibling that's a caregiver,put yourself in their shoes for
one day, right, so being ableto do that and see on the other
side.
It's not an easy journey.
It's like, as I say, it'sunfair, where I tell my daughter
(33:10):
nothing on your birthcertificate said life would be
fair, right, but if there areways that you can help each
other or improve or recommend orshare those stories, right, at
least have a place and a safeplace to go and you know, in
some ways, if there is any waysto be able to lean onto your
family members for support, takeout all the financial fights
(33:31):
and all of the stuff thatdoesn't matter and enjoy the
time that you do have left withyour parents.
That's one of the biggestregrets I have is.
I didn't have a chance to dothat, so that's what I would say
you nailed it thank you younailed it.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Thank you, you nailed it.
That's.
That's clear, that's concise,and I'm sure it will be very
beneficial to the parenting ofcommunity.
Well, thank you, sherry.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Absolutely.
That's it for now.
You are welcome back at anytime.
Make sure that we know as newiterations of support pay come
up.
Yes, everybody in the parentingup community support pay dot
com.
It's Android and Apple ready.
(34:23):
Yeah, I can't wait yes.
And support pay dot com, yes,yep, I can't wait.
The web, yes, and supportpaycom, yes, and I cannot wait, uh,
for you all to let us know whatyou think about it, how you're
using it, which parts of uh ifbells and whistles you utilize
the most, and I'll make surethat I let Sherry know.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Absolutely, and we are open.
Right, we're building this foreach other, right?
It's one thing to buildsomething.
It's another thing toexperience it yourself.
So we are always open tofeedback.
How can we make it better?
What do you need?
How can we make your liveseasier?
That's, again, my mission andit's a mission of all my
employees.
So please download it, try itright, Come to us, tell us if
(35:08):
you need other things, if youlike other things, if you like
it, if you don't.
We love all of that feedback,again, just to help more and
more people out there ease thisconflict and make their life
just a little bit less stressfulso they can enjoy the time with
their loved ones more.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
And that is the button that will end this
conversation because to make thecaregiver's life easier so that
they can enjoy more time withtheir loved one.
That's it.
(35:45):
You put a bow on that baby.
You put a bow on it.
Well, you take care, you have agood one and I'll talk to you
soon.
Let's snuggle up.
Number one what is causing youconsistent, frequent stress?
That's a part of your caregiverjourney responsibility.
(36:08):
That's a part of your caregiverjourney responsibility.
Maybe it's a bunch of things,but if you can pinpoint at least
one thing that is consistentlyfrequently causing you stress,
tackle that thing, because ifit's happening that much and
it's stressing you out, there islikely a way that you can
(36:31):
minimize it.
Right, you can't cure your LO'sdisease, but every damn thing
doesn't have to stress you out,okay.
Number two money causes all kindof extra feelings.
If you are a hip hop head likeme, more money, more problems
(36:57):
and less money, even moreproblems.
All those extra feelings thatyou and your family members may
(37:18):
be experiencing get you in sucha rut, in a dark space, that you
think it has to be this way.
All we gonna do is fuss andfight about these bills or how
we split up the time, hell.
No, it doesn't have to be thatway.
Everything can change.
Time can allow you to shift andmodify any and everything.
(37:38):
There are systems and solutionsall over the place, the place.
Don't accept the behavior ofyour family members, siblings,
or even the hired help that youhave, just because somebody from
the church has beenvolunteering to come over and
(37:59):
help your mama owe the clothes.
If they're doing it in a waythat you don't like it, say
something.
If the money is coming up short, say something.
It's enough stress that your LOhas this disease.
Listen, trust me, every littlebit of mental health that you
(38:25):
can snatch back will be worth it.
Okay, yeah, number three,breathe with me.
One, two, three, four.
(39:00):
Now my eyes are closed becauseI'm not driving.
If you're driving or walking orsomething, don't close your
eyes.
Four, five you feel that tinglein your spine.
(39:25):
I did Six.
Yep, we made it.
That's it, yo.
(39:46):
What's up y'all?
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
reminding y'all.
Patreon is open, it is open andready for you.
You, you, you and your mama too.
We are loading up things.
All things eddie, all thingspodcast.
(40:08):
All things Zetty, all thingspodcast.
All things caregiving behindthe scenes.
Extra stuff J Smile's comedy isdropping with her own little
collection within the J SmileStudio Patreon, very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
there because there's exclusives.
That's kind of time sensitiveto whoever is in there first.
(40:30):
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'll be honest,because of, you know, branding
matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
World Wide Web that I can do inthe Patreon pantry.
(40:55):
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
Patreon pantry.
The number of times I am pissed off because my shoes
don't quite fit right, or I'mdriving down the street and my
coffee spills in my lap becausethe coffee cup doesn't quite fit
right in the holder of my caror my laptop bag.
(00:24):
The wheel breaks, so now I'mrunning through the airport
holding the bag and the laptopthinking it might drop, and I
don't have the AppleCare.
Whoever really extends thewarranty on a laptop.
The number of times that I havean idea yeah, I could invent
(00:47):
this product.
Or how come somebody doesn'treally have a way for me to
clean my bathtub and my showerwithout having to bend over?
You got brooms and mops for thefloor.
Why don't you have a broom andmop for the bathtub?
And on and on and on.
(01:07):
But what happens?
I'll never make it.
I haven't invented it, I justtalk about it.
But what if somebody got pissedoff with something that didn't
work as a caregiver, as a familycaregiver, and then they went
(01:29):
and made a product that can helpall of the rest of us and we
found them.
That's exactly what happened.
So come on.
What happened?
So come on.
I found a family caregiver thatmade a product for a service
that we can all use.
Hurry up, hurry up, don't gonowhere.
(01:52):
Come on, listen and watch,listen and watch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, comeon.
Parenting Up.
Caregiving Adventures with Com,with comedian Jay Smiles, is
the intense journey ofunexpectedly being fully
responsible for my mama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
(02:15):
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything, with a heartbeatSpoiler alert.
I started comedy because thisshit is so heavy, so be ready
for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
(02:38):
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
Today's supporter shout out isInstagram A to the F.
(03:06):
She says great advice.
Seems too many are in denialwhen they see the subtle signs
something has changed.
Seeking out info confirms theirfear, but it's best to know in
advance, in my opinion.
(03:27):
She was referring to theepisode where I say hey, if you
see your LO maybe showing somedecline, try not to be in denial
.
Decline, try not to be indenial.
(03:50):
Don't wait until everything isfalling apart to send them to
the doctor or an expert.
Better be safe than sorry.
Go ahead and let them go talkto somebody.
So thank you A to the FReducing Family Conflict
Platform for SplittingCaregiving Expenses.
Sherry, when you knew it wastime to be your mom's caregiver,
(04:23):
was time to be your mom'scaregiver.
How difficult was that process.
Did you already have the legaldocumentation in place, or did
mom acquiesce?
Or was it like pulling candyfrom a baby?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
It was like pulling candy from a baby.
So I was raised by anincredibly strong single mother
who was used to doing everythingon her own and thought she
could handle it.
My siblings didn't want to getinvolved financially Right, and
a little bit even there and youknow she did suffer from had
(05:01):
mental health issues, right, shewas an alcoholic and at that
time a prescription drug addictbecause of some injuries she
suffered, but she always thoughtshe could handle it.
So it unfortunately having toget law enforcement involved
Right, get her help, get her inthe hospital, get her through
rehab.
It was not no step of, it waseasy.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
No step of it was easy.
Oh, did you also find yourselfbattling your siblings?
Because it's one thing if yoursiblings aren't assisting you.
It's another thing if theyactually say hey, Sherry, stop,
leave mom alone, she's going towork this out herself.
Which way did they fall?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
So one was completely uninvolved.
All he was interested in mybrother's the only thing he was
interested in what electronicsor what money he could get,
always.
So he wasn't involved.
My sister agreed that she needhelp, but she didn't have the
financial means or know so, andyou know she would take the
phone calls and unfortunately,as you know, when you have
(06:06):
somebody that is maybe not attheir top of their game, right,
and whether it's dementia or analcoholic or that, you have to
let a lot of the stuff justslide off your back and not get
so impacted by what they say andthey certainly don't remember
it.
It became more troublesomebecause I not only had to deal
with my mom, but then I had todeal with the emotional impact
(06:27):
of my sister, who would get hurtover everything that my mom
would say, and so it's likealmost like I'm and I had a
child that I was dealing withtoo and I'm like which one can I
deal with Right At the sametime.
So it made it a lot harder, Ithink, having that and again me
having to have both the stressof taking care of her, the
(06:48):
finances, being a single mom,and then dealing with my
siblings and trying to manageall that plus work, and I had
just started this company, so itwas a lot at the same time.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
What's your company?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So my company's support pay, and the goal was I
started this, my company'ssupport pay, and the goal was I
started this.
Actually I was a.
I got divorced with myex-husband and I never wanted.
My parents had a horrificdivorce and so I never wanted my
daughter to go through what Idid.
But no one tells you that afteryour divorce.
Now, all of a sudden, you haveto share money, schedules, right
, communicate with each other,and I was at work and it was so
(07:23):
time consuming all theseindividual tasks and payments
and my money I don't believe itcosts that much and did you send
the payment?
So I was looking for a solutionmyself and was shocked that
there was nothing out there.
So I started SupportPay forparents to help share in the
finances, the payments, theexpenses, schedules and
communication, photos, videos oftheir kids.
(07:43):
But then I went through thesituation with my mom and got
approached by thousands ofpeople that had heard about
support pay and said wait asecond, it isn't just parents
taking care of kids.
It's, for example, siblingstaking care of parents right, or
grandparents or another familymember, and we all know that the
(08:06):
fights come when it comes tomoney, and so is there a way,
right to have that transparencyin the family and allow an app
to do it, automate it, put itall in one place.
Then there's never any questionand then maybe you can spend
more time like I.
Should have been able to spendmore time like with my sister on
the emotional side, but Ididn't have time to correct,
(08:28):
correct.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
So have you found that between parents versus
family and siblings, are bothgroups uh, warming up to support
paid the same, or is one groupenjoying it more than the other?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Yeah, so we started.
You know our background.
So we as with for parents right, we started as a co-parenting.
We just launched the version,the release version in March,
and we have had an enormous signsign up.
We haven't even done a lot ofmarketing around it for the
caregiving platform becausewe're the only ones out there.
Again, it's being able to.
(09:12):
So we already have over 100,000parents on our platform.
We're already in all 50 statesand territories.
We're in 70 countries, butusing the same architecture, the
same product that's proven andscalable, being able to use it
for this completely differentuse case.
And it addresses again that sameproblem.
Because you can enter anexpense with the receipt.
(09:32):
You can upload a bill right, itcan be split among your
siblings, you can send areimbursement to your sibling.
You can send a payment directlyto the merchant.
You can record payments.
You can have all your schedulesand whether you're going to
visit mom or take dad to thedoctor all of those things.
You can communicate, sharephotos, videos, prescriptions
all of that in one place,instead of going to Venmo over
(09:55):
here and a spreadsheet over hereand a box of receipts over here
and then arguing and fightingevery time you get together.
So we have had just an amazingfeedback from caregivers and
saying, gosh, this is the onepiece that no one is talking
about when it comes tocaregiving, that at the end of
the day, once I got it, you know, I may have gotten an assistant
, maybe I've gotten all this,but when the burden falls back
(10:17):
on the family, how do I make iteasier?
And that's our goal.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
I could cry.
I could cry.
I could just cry, sherry,because when you go to caregiver
support meetings or onlinevirtual groups, this doesn't
(10:47):
even get talked about Yet andstill it has to be one of the
major, shall we say, breakingpoints for caregivers.
But so often you're dealingwith the biggest fire, and
usually the biggest fire isyou're physically and mentally
(11:10):
burned out with actually liftingyour LO off the floor or
getting them to a doctor'sappointment or did they take the
right medicine.
So, because you are trying totackle that monster, the thing
around, my brother has not sentme the $200 that he owed me for
(11:30):
the, you know, the co-pay, or hewas supposed to come last month
and since he didn't come, I hadto hire in-home health services
.
So that costs $350 and heshould pay me that back.
And another thing is you maybeyou start to feel like, is this
shit petty, right?
So as a, should I ask them forthat Cause it is my mom.
(11:52):
What is totally amazing is thatyou are offering an opportunity
to remove a boulder for familycaregivers.
That many people who are tryingto help us don't even get down
to that depth of our pain,because so often when we meet in
(12:15):
groups or we talk to ourtherapists, we're hitting the
largest parts of the fire, whichis dealing with our LO and
getting to doctor's appointmentsand making sure that the lights
are on and the bills are paid,and they took their medicine,
and they ate something and dranksomething.
And we start to feel sometimeslike hey, am I being petty?
(12:38):
Is this small minded of me tosay you know, why don't you give
me half of the gas that ittakes me to drive back and forth
to the doctor's office?
Well, I mean truthfully.
Well, I mean truthfully, weshould be splitting all of this.
And if the app would allow meto not have to talk about it
(13:03):
every month or every week, I canjust text hey, go in the app,
please go look in the app.
I just put all the receipts inthere, so now I don't have to
call you, I don't have to try toget you on a Zoom call, just go
(13:30):
look.
Oh my, omg.
So what?
How do people sign up?
Is there a fee to use the app?
Are there limits to how manypeople can join, like per family
?
How are the payouts done?
I don't I'm not saying that youhave to do a whole tutorial
here, but just trying to givepeople an idea of the simplicity
and or the way they would useit.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Yeah.
So first, to your point aboutthe notifications.
The best part is we do all thenotifications, so, again, you
don't even have to notify them.
And if you use your example andthis is the way that I used it
I didn't think my siblings weregoing to contribute or help, but
I wanted to document how much Iwas spending.
I wanted to document how muchtime I was spending doing these
(14:16):
things so that at least in somesmall way they saw right, maybe
if they're not going to, thenit's petty yes, it is petty, but
gas is expensive.
And if they're not going tocontribute now there's a record
right.
And then where this became mostvaluable was during probate.
So what people don't realize isone if you have a power of
attorney for your parent, youhave got to by law document
(14:40):
where all the money's going.
But also, when it came toprobate, we not only used it for
the day to day, we used it tosplit up fairly her assets that
were in her home, right.
So we put it in there and wesplit up the value of it to make
sure what little she had, youknow, was split up fairly.
The nice thing.
So with SupportPay to answeryour question it's super easy.
It's a web and mobile appAndroid and iOS they can simply
(15:07):
go to supportpaycom.
It's a free version, so we havelight features for a free
version and then an individualcan pay for themselves and their
family members can be freeversion, or they can pay for a
family and unlimited familymembers.
They can download it, oranother option is we are also
available as an employee benefit.
So if you believe that youremployer should offer this as a
(15:30):
free benefit, right wherethey're funding it, simply come
back to our website,supportpaycom.
Right where they're funding it.
Simply come back to our website, supportpaycom and you can tell
your employer about it or justsend your employer and say this
is something that would reallyhelp me as a caregiver.
We try to make it incrediblyaffordable, so it starts at
$9.99 a month.
Also, we do a discount forMedicare and Medicaid, as well
(15:51):
as military domestic violencesurvivors.
They get it all free.
So we'll work with you.
My goal here of course I needsome revenue to keep the lights
on and give us ability to dosupport, but the goal here is
how can we work together andreally help caregivers and take
away that fight, because thatmoment that you need your
(16:12):
brother to be there becauseyou're exhausted, but you had
just got into a fight about themoney two days ago and now you
won't return your calls.
Right, then he's not there foryou emotionally either.
So how can we take stuff?
Put that over here.
Let support pay be thecommunicator and then that way
you can rely on your siblings,because we all know it is an
(16:33):
incredibly lonely time, rightwhen you're trying to now take
care of somebody that you sawwas so strong growing up and
they need you and you have noone else to lean on.
So that's really our goal.
So, again, supportpaycom, youcan search for support pay in
the mobile, in the app store orGoogle play, and download it.
And again, if you can't affordit, just contact us, our support
(16:56):
center, say you heard about meon this podcast and we will work
with you to make it asaffordable for you, to make sure
you can use it and get to takeadvantage of it.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Fantastic.
Is that a standard spelling ofsupport pay?
Yep.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yep S-U-P-P-O-R-T-P-A-Y.
We help you.
Support and pay.
Yep S-U-P-P-O-R-T-P-A-Y.
We help you support and pay andsupportpaycom.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I love it.
That keeps it simple.
And will the distributions goright to the individual's
preferred bank or yeah, sothat's a great part.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
So we have.
We offer multiple options.
One, if you're, the familymembers are all on support pay,
if you can, they all want to useit.
They just connect their bankaccount and the money moves as
fast as it would move from Venmointo your bank account.
So it's the three-day ACH.
If, say, one of the familymembers is not connected, you
can still send them a digitalcheck so they get emailed a
check, or you can evenphysically mail them a check.
(17:57):
Or the new feature we justreleased was bill pay.
So say, you're all splittingyour mom's nursing home, you
upload the bill for nursing homeand each family member can send
their individual paymentdirectly to the nursing home.
We also allow you to recordmanual payments.
So maybe your brother handedyou $20 cash for it.
You can record that in our appright there.
(18:17):
Or maybe you paid through Venmoor PayPal or however.
You screenshot that as a proofand you attach the payment proof
so it not only has the expensein the item, it has the proof
that you've paid, and that isagain critical.
It's one of the things peopledon't think about, but having
that history one, it'sincredibly difficult to find it
(18:38):
again.
I challenge anybody to go findall their payments to one person
on Venmo and download it.
Like you can't and you're notthinking about it right now, but
you will need a record of thisat some point and that's the
last thing you want to deal withis trying to find where all
this information is.
So it's all there.
So, and we offer all of thatmanual payments connect to your
bank if you want, send checks,and then we're going to be
(19:00):
coming out with prepaid cardswhere you can actually fund
cards and give it to your mom,give it to your dad, give it to
your brother and spend on thosecards.
So we're just trying to make itas easy as possible and work in
the way that caregivers need.
And again I will say, 98% of myemployees are not only working
for support pay.
They are directly impacted bythis problem.
(19:20):
So we care a lot, from bottomto the top, about who we're
serving and really just want tohelp people and make a
difference in their lives.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
I 100% dig this.
I don't remember which cartoonit was, but when they got
excited they would say hotdiggity dog.
That's.
That's how I feel it is nosmall feat to to have a central
(19:50):
location for that many receipts.
I have been the executor withthe executrix and the
administrator and the power ofattorney more times than I care
to have done so, you know, inone way is you know, it's great
(20:13):
that someone trusted me so muchto be in charge of their affairs
.
And then it sucks that so manypeople that I love have either
left this earth already or havenot been able to take care of
their own stuff.
(20:52):
And what I'm here to tell youparenting of family is, when you
cannot find the internationalgovernment, they are going to
lean into what will benefit them, the government.
So if you cannot prove that youspent $50 a week in adult
underwear, they're going to saywell then, you didn't spend it.
(21:14):
So then you're not going to beable to make those deductions
toward reducing the amount ofthe estate and whatever tax
benefit you may have receivedgoes out the window.
So to Sherry's point yeah, youmay not go to jail because you
(21:34):
can't find these receipts, butthe money that you spent
basically just vanishes and youdon't get credit for it because
your tax returns and your LOs,estate and probate process.
It just is a big old goose eggif you don't have proof that it
(21:58):
happened and it's like damn.
I should at least be able toget some deductions for this so
we can maybe not have to pay asmuch or get some money back, or
anyway, it's worth it.
The point is it's worth it.
It is worth it, man, wow, wow,go ahead.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Sorry, I was going to say, if you do a little bit
every day, cause the last timeyou want to deal with finding
those receipts or diggingthrough bank account records or
is during probate right, it'sthe last thing you're worried
about.
So having it there with a clickof a button, cause you've done
it like literally on the roadyou buy something, take a
picture of the receipt, weautomatically scan it, we'll
(22:40):
split it, we do the notificationLiterally 30 seconds it takes
you, then it's there.
So at the time when you reallyyou think you're tired, now you
really don't want to deal withit, that part is just taken care
of, right just taken care of,right?
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How long did it take you to sayyou know what this thing I made
for my ex-husband and my kids?
I think it has even maybe agreater use, or at least as good
of a use, in the caregivercommunity.
Was it an automatic light bulb?
I mean, how long did that takefor you to see the synergy?
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah.
So I really saw the synergywhen I went through it.
But I'm also a seed stagestartup, female founded.
We still get less than 2% ofthe money out there, so I didn't
have the resources to expandbecause it's a whole new target
market.
But I can't tell you how manypeople I get inundated was
getting inundated.
Our support was was like hey,we saw this and I am a single
(23:40):
parent using this, but I'd loveto be able to use this for right
.
My parents, so it was me, itwas several of my employees Same
thing, they're all caregivers.
In fact, four employees in thepast month.
My employees have had to becomecaregivers right, unexpectedly,
and so we didn't have theresources to expand.
(24:00):
The product part was easy.
Right now it's just getting theword out there that you know,
people know that this is aproblem, but they don't know a
solution's out there againbecause there's no one else out
doing it.
And having the resources to youknow, connect with people like
you who are part of thiscommunity, just to let them know
.
That's our biggest barrierright now is doing that because
(24:21):
the product works, it scales,it's been proven.
It's now just saying hey, we'reout here to help and a problem
you're not really talking about,but we know you're struggling
with and hey, we've got asolution for you.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
And every little, every boulderand stone and hurdle and
mountain that we can move out ofthe way for a family caregiver
to just focus on the care andthe concern of the LO is a win
(24:54):
for caregivers.
We might not be able to beatthe disease just yet, but we can
certainly make the daily lifeof the caregiver easier.
And, to your point, when thatis easier, then we're going to
show up better for our lovedones.
We're in a better mental state,a better physical state, in
(25:16):
everything.
It's just up, up, up from there.
Uh, we've got.
We wouldn't be the parenting upcommunity with, uh, caregiving
adventures, with comedian Jaysmiles, if I didn't pitch to you
, um, the request to share a fewof the comical things that you
(25:37):
experienced with your mom orthat you've heard from other
caregivers along your journey ofdeveloping this app, this
business.
What are some things where youjust have to shake your head and
say I got to laugh to keep fromcrying, because how the hell
would you even think this wouldhappen.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I think one of the funniest things is,
unfortunately, when my mompassed and we were in her very
small mobile home splitting upher very not valuable things and
my brother literally wanted toput in the value of her
scrapbooking paper as part ofthe pieces of it.
We ended up at that time mysister and again she had a very
(26:18):
small mobile home.
She didn't have a lot.
It ended up being 16 pages onan Excel spreadsheet because my
brother forced her to write downevery single item and the value
of it and then split it up tomake sure that things were fair,
right it up to make sure thatthings were fair, right, and
(26:38):
you're like, are you like?
And it came down to likeliterally like $5,000, $2,000,
like in total after all these 16pages of stuff.
And it was like and finally Iwas like I give up, you can have
it all.
Like I don't have time for this, right, I'm a single mom, I'm
running a company, like take it,but it's like it just shocks
you of the amount of pettiness,right, that comes in when it
(27:01):
comes to money and family.
So those were the things andbut at the same time, no
recognition for the amount oftime that I took off work and
you doing all of that.
So it's, I find it.
I found it comical after thefact.
Right, we had to go through allof that and waste all that time
.
And then now I say, hey, look,now I'm lucky because the
(27:21):
benefit is, if I ever gotremarried again I would say, hey
, you never have to worry aboutwhether an in-law likes you, we
don't have to fight about whereyou're going to go for Christmas
because, like now, I can gothere.
And unfortunately, this causedrelationships to end with my
siblings Right and still to thisday because of that stress.
So learning, saying is there away to make this better?
(27:41):
And then just again laughing itoff and making a joke.
As I always say, if you don'thave a story to tell, at the end
you didn't have an adventure100 percent honey.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
One hundred million, trillion percent.
One hundred million, trillionpercent.
Oh yeah, you know that that wasthe same thing that had with my
father.
My father's mother passed andhe and his sister did not agree
(28:13):
at all with the division of herassets.
And there was a point where mydad just said I don't want to
talk about it anymore, I don'twant to fight, so like, whatever
my sister wants, but it hurthim so to the core that it
changed the trajectory of theirrelationship forever, like
there's nothing to say, you know, because you can't, you can't
take that back, right, we sharedthat parent, we shared that
(28:34):
parent, shared that parent, weshared that parent and you can't
just all of a sudden decidethat the parent was more yours.
Oh, but I was the favorite, orI think I did more, or I think I
had the last conversation.
Listen, sit down, just sit down, just sit down, sit down, just
(28:57):
sit down.
Well, this has been, I have totell you, sherry, you have, you
have done something fanaticallyfantastic to me.
My career before caregivingincluded being a product
(29:18):
designer, and a major purpose ofbeing a product designer, which
is very different fromengineering, is that product
designers meet the needs of themarket.
Engineers create things thatmay or may not have a current
market gap.
Engineers might createsomething that nobody even needs
(29:41):
.
The same thing.
Artists might create somethingthat nobody even needs or wants,
but product designers are areborn to say no, the market has a
gap and people need this thing,this service, this into this,
(30:04):
this technology, and that'sprecisely what you did.
People need this thing and, uh,you double down on it.
You were like, hey, I got thisthing and I believe it can serve
two different groups who aresuffering through loss because
(30:26):
in divorce and in familycaregiving, you're suffering
through loss, through very youwere, you were, you're.
You're talking about really,really close ties that now are
strained and worn and tetheredand money's in the middle, worn
(30:54):
and tattered and money's in themiddle, and you have created
something that can help usswallow the pill a little, a
little easier.
So I thank you for that as a asa person who can utilize it, I
thank you for it and as aproduct designer, I'm like, hell
, yeah, chicks rule.
Another chick champion, anotherchick champion.
(31:14):
So thank you so much.
I really enjoyed thisconversation.
(31:34):
I end we end each episode withsnuggle ups, and snuggle ups are
my version of saying hey, theseare a few takeaways that I
believe, as a family caregiver,if you go ahead and lean into
these things, it'll make yourjourney easier.
They are hard and, yes, they dosuck.
However, the faster you goahead and snuggle up to fill in
the blank, you will find it tobe less troublesome and you will
(32:03):
have less friction on your roadas a family caregiver.
So I ask you, ms Sherry Atwood,what would you share with the
Parenting Up community as asnuggle up?
Now, it could be something thatyou think from the conversation
we've had today or justsomething that has come to you
(32:27):
over your lifetime.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
Yeah, of course I'm going to say you take away of
going in, at least checking outsupport, pay, but it's, what can
you do to alleviate the thingsthat usually the things that
cause the most fight could bethe most obvious, and thereby
you risk the time that you youneed those family members in
that support.
(32:50):
So, being able to look at thetwo and, if nothing else, if you
have a sibling or siblingslistening to this and you know
of a sibling that's a caregiver,put yourself in their shoes for
one day, right, so being ableto do that and see on the other
side.
It's not an easy journey.
It's like, as I say, it'sunfair, where I tell my daughter
(33:10):
nothing on your birthcertificate said life would be
fair, right, but if there areways that you can help each
other or improve or recommend orshare those stories, right, at
least have a place and a safeplace to go and you know, in
some ways, if there is any waysto be able to lean onto your
family members for support, takeout all the financial fights
(33:31):
and all of the stuff thatdoesn't matter and enjoy the
time that you do have left withyour parents.
That's one of the biggestregrets I have is.
I didn't have a chance to dothat, so that's what I would say
you nailed it thank you younailed it.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Thank you, you nailed it.
That's.
That's clear, that's concise,and I'm sure it will be very
beneficial to the parenting ofcommunity.
Well, thank you, sherry.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Absolutely.
That's it for now.
You are welcome back at anytime.
Make sure that we know as newiterations of support pay come
up.
Yes, everybody in the parentingup community support pay dot
com.
It's Android and Apple ready.
(34:23):
Yeah, I can't wait yes.
And support pay dot com, yes,yep, I can't wait.
The web, yes, and supportpaycom, yes, and I cannot wait, uh,
for you all to let us know whatyou think about it, how you're
using it, which parts of uh ifbells and whistles you utilize
the most, and I'll make surethat I let Sherry know.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Absolutely, and we are open.
Right, we're building this foreach other, right?
It's one thing to buildsomething.
It's another thing toexperience it yourself.
So we are always open tofeedback.
How can we make it better?
What do you need?
How can we make your liveseasier?
That's, again, my mission andit's a mission of all my
employees.
So please download it, try itright, Come to us, tell us if
(35:08):
you need other things, if youlike other things, if you like
it, if you don't.
We love all of that feedback,again, just to help more and
more people out there ease thisconflict and make their life
just a little bit less stressfulso they can enjoy the time with
their loved ones more.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
And that is the button that will end this
conversation because to make thecaregiver's life easier so that
they can enjoy more time withtheir loved one.
That's it.
(35:45):
You put a bow on that baby.
You put a bow on it.
Well, you take care, you have agood one and I'll talk to you
soon.
Let's snuggle up.
Number one what is causing youconsistent, frequent stress?
That's a part of your caregiverjourney responsibility.
(36:08):
That's a part of your caregiverjourney responsibility.
Maybe it's a bunch of things,but if you can pinpoint at least
one thing that is consistentlyfrequently causing you stress,
tackle that thing, because ifit's happening that much and
it's stressing you out, there islikely a way that you can
(36:31):
minimize it.
Right, you can't cure your LO'sdisease, but every damn thing
doesn't have to stress you out,okay.
Number two money causes all kindof extra feelings.
If you are a hip hop head likeme, more money, more problems
(36:57):
and less money, even moreproblems.
All those extra feelings thatyou and your family members may
(37:18):
be experiencing get you in sucha rut, in a dark space, that you
think it has to be this way.
All we gonna do is fuss andfight about these bills or how
we split up the time, hell.
No, it doesn't have to be thatway.
Everything can change.
Time can allow you to shift andmodify any and everything.
(37:38):
There are systems and solutionsall over the place, the place.
Don't accept the behavior ofyour family members, siblings,
or even the hired help that youhave, just because somebody from
the church has beenvolunteering to come over and
(37:59):
help your mama owe the clothes.
If they're doing it in a waythat you don't like it, say
something.
If the money is coming up short, say something.
It's enough stress that your LOhas this disease.
Listen, trust me, every littlebit of mental health that you
(38:25):
can snatch back will be worth it.
Okay, yeah, number three,breathe with me.
One, two, three, four.
(39:00):
Now my eyes are closed becauseI'm not driving.
If you're driving or walking orsomething, don't close your
eyes.
Four, five you feel that tinglein your spine.
(39:25):
I did Six.
Yep, we made it.
That's it, yo.
(39:46):
What's up y'all?
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
reminding y'all.
Patreon is open, it is open andready for you.
You, you, you and your mama too.
We are loading up things.
All things eddie, all thingspodcast.
(40:08):
All things Zetty, all thingspodcast.
All things caregiving behindthe scenes.
Extra stuff J Smile's comedy isdropping with her own little
collection within the J SmileStudio Patreon, very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
there because there's exclusives.
That's kind of time sensitiveto whoever is in there first.
(40:30):
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'll be honest,because of, you know, branding
matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
World Wide Web that I can do inthe Patreon pantry.
(40:55):
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
Patreon pantry.
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