September 9, 2024 • 53 mins
Welcome to our new series - Comedians Care! First up we have multi-talented comedienne Cocoa Brown!
Ever wondered how humor can become a lifeline when facing life's toughest challenges? Cocoa Brown shares her personal journey of balancing comedy and caregiving. Cocoa's parents unfortunately faced devastating health issues, including early onset dementia, diabetes, and cancer, nonetheless, she was able to find ways to take care of them through their last days.
This episode delves into the complexities of family dynamics and the emotional toll of caregiving. Cocoa talks about the heart-wrenching yet beautiful moments spent with her parents, including difficult decisions about their living arrangements and the pressures of managing two households. Through her reflections, Cocoa offers wisdom on maintaining relationships, managing financial stress, and the honor of fulfilling a loved one's final wishes.
Cocoa's journey is not just about caregiving but also about maintaining her flourishing career in comedy. Don't miss this powerful and uplifting conversation with the J Smiles and Cocoa Brown.
Visit https://cocoabrown4life.com/ for updates on Cocoa's happenings.
Host: J Smiles Comedy
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: Annelise Udoye
#ComediansCare
#CocoaBrown
#ComedyAndCaregiving
#CaregivingJourney
#FamilyDynamics
#HumorInHardTimes
#EmotionalWellness
#CaregivingChallenges
#DementiaAwareness
#DiabetesSupport
#ComedyAndHealing
#CaregivingStories
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Parenting Up, caregiving Adventures with
Comedienne Day Smiles is theintense journey of unexpectedly
being fully responsible for mymama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
Spoiler alert I started comedybecause this shit is so heavy,
(00:24):
so be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast, is that okay?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Parents it up, family , we in for something special,
and this is a what Boom, cut,let's go.
No, cut and go, we're going todo all of it together.
Listen, woo Might go to WNBAtoday.
We have none other than the oneand only Coco Brown.
(01:13):
It's an A on that, coco too,and if you don't do it, baby,
it's Coco now.
We know her from a bunch ofTyler Perry stuff.
We know her from 9-1-1, her owncomedy special.
Famous enough, famous enough.
I can't tell you how many timesI watched that thing.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Oh, really I watched it.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
And I because, as a comedian who absolutely looks up
to you and adores you, I wasbreaking down three minute
segments and five minutes.
I was like how did shetransition to this and then get
that bit?
And I was like, yeah, that'stight, that's tight.
So, um, we're going to get evenmore into what Coco has going
on now and what's going to becoming up, but it's the parents
(01:56):
of no podcast.
So we're here talking aboutbeing comedians who are also
caregivers, and so oftencaregivers don't get enough
public shine.
There's an expectation, orshall I say, family caregivers?
Let me clarify that.
There's the expectation thatyou got to be an LPN, a nurse, a
(02:20):
RN or you went to school for it, but then it's people like me
and Coco where your folks getsick and you got to school for
it.
But then it's people like meand Coco where your folks get
sick and you got to figure itout, and while the most of the
world's like, oh, but you're sogood at being funny, I'm sure
you could just make everybodylaugh and it's easy.
Ain't nothing funny?
Ain't nothing funny when it'syour people.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
You have to find the humor in it.
But that initial first year itwas hard.
It was hard to be given thosediagnosis with the two people
that you loved first.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Let everyone know who you cared for.
Okay, the order, and I know alittle bit of the background.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Right, right right.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
You were doing double duty, yeah, yeah, which is
another whole thing.
I care for my mom, but only mymom, and you're a mother.
So we're talking about thesandwich generation which I
speak on a lot, when youmentally and emotionally and
physically, you've got to dosomething for someone younger
than you, yeah, and then yourelders, yeah, and when that
(03:27):
elder becomes your child too?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yes, they don't talk about that.
2020, my father was diagnosedwith early onset dementia.
2021, my mother was diagnosedwith stage four adrenal kidney
failure.
Stage five COPD and breastcancer.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Okay, hold up, I ain't even did anybody know that
you could have five stages.
I thought stuff stopped at fourstages.
Real talk?
No, I never heard.
I didn't know that either.
I didn't know either.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Well, basically it was when you the stage four is
usually what they say, stagefive, stage four I think they
give you that maybe, cause it'sa, it's a sliver of hope.
Okay, stage five, five is ain'tnothing we can do and you just
got to make them as comfortableas humanly possible.
Um, it's almost like being toldthey're going to hospice as
soon as they get the.
I got you know, they get thediagnosis.
(04:16):
I, because I had never heard ofa stage five before, right, I
was like what you know?
Um, but I guess that's how herdoctor wanted to prepare me for
the you know news and ithappened fast.
I mean, you know, I literallyfound out what was going on.
(04:36):
My dad had suffered already withdiabetes and his diabetes was
bad.
Like my father's pancreas didnot work.
Without insulin my father woulddie Like within hours, oh wow,
because his pancreas had nofunction.
So he was on like literallylike anywhere from five to eight
shots a day.
If he breathed food or anythingwith sugar in it, he had to
(04:57):
give himself a shot.
It was crazy watching that mymom's diagnosis was so out of
nowhere.
So she was healthy she washealthy, she was fine.
She was fine.
But I do believe a verytraumatic incident in our family
threw my mom into a tailspin ofillness.
Because when that happened,that's when everything started
(05:21):
going haywire, where it was onediagnosis after another with my
mother and prior to thattraumatic experience that
happened in our family, mom wasfine and she tried to deny it.
She tried to go oh, it's this,it's that she was trying to get,
you know, self-diagnosed andthen she finally decided to
figure out what it was.
My mother was having this issuewhere she was swelling
(05:43):
constantly and like puffing up,like her face would puff up out
of nowhere, like her eyes wouldswell, it just, and it kept
happening and they thought itwas an allergic reaction, what
it was.
Her kidneys were not processing, her kidneys were shutting down
and she had no idea.
And that came from years andyears and years of my mother
(06:04):
having high blood pressure andnever having that addressed,
like it tore up her kidneys.
And you know I see now, becauseyou know I lived in LA for 12
years and I was in LA.
I was, you know, rooted andbooted in LA and after my
divorce I was coming back andforth to film with Tyler when I
was on For Better or Worse mydivorce.
(06:25):
I was coming back and forth tofilm with Tyler when I was on
For Better or Worse and I endedup buying some property here in
Atlanta, not thinking I wasgoing to have to move, but I
moved like a couple of yearsbefore everything went down.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
One second, that's what you call success.
When you buy some property inAtlanta but you also still live
in LA, that's called puttingyour money in brick and mortar
because Uncle Sam will rape you.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Anyway, uncle Sam will rape you, anyway, Uncle Sam
will get you if you ain't gotnothing, okay, and I moved here,
calling myself going to healfrom my divorce and regroup and
go back to LA.
But then my parents got sickand then it got to a point that
I realized they did not havetheir affairs in order as I
thought they did, realized theydid not have their affairs in
(07:05):
order as I thought they did.
My parents did not have wills,my parents did not have medical
you know power of attorney.
My parents didn't have burialplots.
They had nothing.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Now Coco along the way, had they been telling you,
don't worry, we got this.
Oh, absolutely Absolutely.
All of it's in order and in afile cabinet, in a file cabinet,
in a file cabinet In a filecabinet, in a file cabinet In
the closet Right, I mean my mom,had a little plastic container
with a handle and a latch on itand she said all the important
papers are in here.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
So I always knew that .
But you know, all these years,my brother and I, we had to
laugh about it after the fact.
But our parents drilled in us,drilled in us get your affairs
order, handle your business,don't be out here slipping.
And then we were like but youdidn't, but what I had to get?
Wills, power of attorney,durable medical power of
attorney and conservatorship allat the same time, before my
(07:57):
dad's dementia really kicked in.
I Right, because he had justhad a stroke and he had lost
some of his memory.
But they said, with thedementia, it might be rapid.
Had a stroke and he had lostsome of his memory.
But they said, with thedementia, it might be rapid, it
might be slow.
They didn't know.
So I knew why he was in hisright mind.
I had a very small window tomake sure that I got medical
power of attorneys and I gotwills done.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Now this you said 2020 and 2021.
So this is, the pandemic israging, yeah, and they, the
medical world, is saying, hey,you don't even come to the
hospital or call your doctor, orcall 911.
My mom was having a dialysis infull blown, covid, unless you
are on the edge Right.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
So you're dealing with two parents on the edge and
all this stuff.
My father's home going throughhis situation, my mom's going
out every day in full-blownCOVID to get dialysis.
This is one of the situationsthat I don't.
I will never question God andwhat he can do.
Okay, because I couldn't get tothem to be there physically,
(08:58):
but ever so often, because ofthe pandemic, I was able to hire
a nurse to go and take care ofmy parents and to this day, I
don't know where I got 11 granda month from.
To this day, I don't know.
I don't know, but I was writingthat check.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Nor do you probably care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
But somehow during the pandemic and after the
pandemic, up until 22, when mymother passed away.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I literally he go live in grand.
Please take care of my parents.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Like seriously I don't know where it came from,
but somehow it alwaysmiraculously popped up.
I was able to write thosechecks every week to make sure
that that nurse was there takingcare of my parents, feeding my
parents, cooking for my parents,taking my parents to doctor's
appointments.
You know, keeping me abreast ofwhat's going on.
I mean, I still don't know howthat happened, that's right.
But God did it, you know, and Ididn't skip a beat in my own
(09:54):
household.
You know, it wasn't you Right,I know it wasn't me.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
That's the point you know it wasn't you.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
It was a full-blown pandemic and most of my I
started a couple of businessesthat were very lucrative during
the pandemic, but I was alsostill trying to tell jokes
online and on zoom, and all thatand you were doing very good at
that and everybody startedlaughing.
I had something, you know, yeahand, but somehow I was able to
continue to write those checksand then, when the pandemic was
over, I was able to go back towork and god bless me, at one
(10:22):
point I was on five TV shows atthe same time.
I was reoccurring on five TVshows.
I was reoccurring on five TVshows.
All right, young folks, I wasable to go to LA, work, you know
, get tested, be on mask on set,get to my parents, you know.
You know, I became a millionmiler on Delta, flying back and
forth to Virginia.
I know that's right.
(10:42):
Because I was having to go somuch because daddy's dementia
started kicking in and hestarted forgetting people,
forgetting things.
We had to hide his car keysbecause he'd come home and a
whole side view mirror would begoing and he don't know where it
went, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Okay, yes, well, you know what, dad?
We got an idea.
We got an idea that the mirrordidn't just fall off.
You probably hit something.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So give us the keys.
Like running joke, was me andmy brother would say go check
the bottom of the car, make sureain't no body under there.
But we didn't know what daddyhad done.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
You know, like you go check.
No, you go check.
You know what were the signsBecause, with the Parenting Up
community, there are a lot ofpeople, coco, who follow us, who
are new to the community, andthey, they are caregivers.
Yeah, kinda they.
Just they still stopping bymama's house on Sunday.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Right After church to check on her once a week.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Yeah, they might see some slipping, but they don't
know.
Is this just old age?
Do I need to get involved?
Yeah, what were some of thethings that you said.
You know what?
No, this is not just someregular old age.
I got to get in this, me, mybrother, somebody.
We got to get a nurse, right?
Speaker 2 (11:49):
now I realized that my parents, even though they
were one of the old schoolparents, that they refused to
leave their home.
You know, their home was theirpride and joy.
That was my granddaddy, Ioffered to put them in an
assisted living community.
You know one of those likereally nice high rises for
people 55 and up.
I like let's sell the house,let's do this and put the money
(12:11):
from the house in a trust andthat pays your rent.
I mean, I was, I'm, I'm, I'mOkay trust you, better talk it.
No, trust me.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Okay, look, y'all better learn.
Okay, okay and um, they justrefused to leave the house.
And then I realized, you know,my mom was like well, what you
could want well, mommy, I can'tgive up my career because if I
come home and I do this 24 7,how am I going to pay for you
right?
You know you guys are living ona fixed budget on your
retirement did that click withwith them?
Speaker 1 (12:39):
did they, did they follow you, daddy yes, well see,
daddy was different.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
If daddy had known I was doing a third of what I was
doing, he would have lost hismind.
I had to hide everything I wasdoing for my dad, like no joke.
He found out that I had asubscription for his depends and
he went ballistic because I waspaying for his depends.
So if he had known that I waspaying for this nurse and paying
for this, oh, he'd have lost it.
(13:04):
Mom, on the other hand, was weneed more?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
We need more.
We need more.
Why don't you come home, sinceyou over there doing all that
working, come on, send us somemore.
No disrespect.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Love you, mommy, but it was never enough.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
It was always something more.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
And I was always going above, trying to be that
good daughter, like okay, okay.
And it was situations where youknow it caused a divide between
me and my brother.
Really, because I was doing waymore than him, okay.
But I also understood he was ina position that he had a wife
and kids, okay, and he had tokeep a happy home, okay, and he
couldn't do but so much withouttaking away from his wife and
kids.
And that was a double entendrefor him when me it was like once
(13:53):
I realized the situation he wasin of not being able to do as
much as he wanted to do becausecertain individuals didn't want
to change their lifestyle toaccommodate what needed to be
done.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Okay, certain individuals let's just keep it
one-handed Picking it up, got it.
Certain individuals didn't wantto change their lifestyle.
I had certain individuals in myfamily too Is that on the other
like black, white, asian.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Certain individuals that's a new box to check Didn't
want to change the lifestyle toaccommodate my brother helping
me and it almost caused aserious divide between me and my
brother.
But when we finally it wasliterally after my mom passed
because daddy passed first andmommy that we had a conversation
and I had to accept andunderstand the position he was
(14:32):
in.
I had no one to answer to, soeverything I did, unless my kid,
and my kid at the timeunderstood the assignment.
I've been blessed with a verymature kid to get stuff and he
knew that I had to take care ofgrandma and papa.
Right, you have one child.
I have one child.
I've been blessed with a verymature kid to get stuff and he
knew that I had to take care ofgrandma and papa.
You have one child, right, Ihave one child, and during the
time he was like 9, 10.
And he kind of got it becausehe didn't see anything missing
(14:53):
in his life, even though I wastaking from us and trying to
replenish it to Like he didn'tknow, because I made sure he
didn't know that, okay, we maynot be able to go to Disney this
year, but let's go to Six Flags, that's right.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
What we still going to do is be on some rides.
Right, we're going to be onsome rides, get some cotton
candy and we're going to beoutside.
We're going to be outside.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
We might just be able to go and stay in Florida for a
week.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Listen black women make it work.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Right, because I was still of those things that I
began to see daddy, when dadcouldn't remember certain things
and dad's personality began tochange.
My father was a very distinctman Okay, Like his personality
was very distinct.
Quiet man, a few words, butwhen he spoke you stopped.
That man would drop a gem onyou and you'd be like, and then
(15:45):
he'd go right back to watchingAndy.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Griffith when he wasn't even there.
I love those kind of people,you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
My dad.
He would just be sitting theretalking you know what love bug
and he would drop something andhe'd go right back to watching.
You know, texas Walker Ranger.
That's right, like it off thatone phrase.
And then, when I saw hispersonality changing, where
daddy started being way moretalkative, that was a sign to me
, because my dad was not achatterbox.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Listen, parents in our community, we're going to
take just a sneak of a button onthat.
That is what comes with being afamily caregiver when somebody
has been locked in Becausesomeone who didn't talk a lot,
who now is just talking more, adoctor or someone in the
hospital wouldn't say, well,what's wrong, that's not
anything.
(16:32):
But you're like, oh, what'swrong?
Speaker 2 (16:34):
That ain't my daddy, that ain't my daddy, that's not
how my daddy is.
Me and my dad could sit in thatFlorida room.
He'd be in his favorite lazyboy.
I'd be sitting on the love seatand we'd be watching old shows
like Gunsmoke.
Yeah, you know, and you knowcaught right and it'd be silence
.
It was like me and my fatherhad a relationship, that we
could have silent conversations.
I always say that, okay, that'sscary Me and my father.
(16:56):
We could literally be sitting.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
That's very scary.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I mean, like seriously, we could laugh at the
same time and he'd look at meand I look at him like you know
what I'm saying and it's like we, we knew like that was crazy,
or whatever.
So when my father became achatterbox and then it was to
the point that he wasn't makingsense okay, that was the like.
Okay, wait, dad is talking waymore and he's not making sense
(17:22):
that's when I knew the dementiawas kicking in.
Uh, when he would be like uh,uh, uh, call, call.
I'm like call who, daddy?
Call the woman down the hall,your wife, you know.
And you know it got to a pointI literally made a joke about
this that towards the end, mydad's dementia got to the point
that he thought I was his wife.
I'm Love bug, I'm Farrah, youknow.
(17:45):
And he's like baby sweetie and Iknow he called my mama baby and
sweetie.
He called me love bug.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
You know what I'm saying?
Only Farrah, when he was likeseriously like, mad at me.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Very not happy, yeah, not happy.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah and so.
But I remember you know how Godis so good when they brought my
dad home, when they said therewas nothing more that they could
do and we put him in hospiceand he had mentioned to me
before he got sick that hewanted to be in his own home.
He didn't want to be innobody's hospital, and I
promised him that and we set upmy brother's old bedroom for the
hospice people and all that.
And I remember that day I wasat the hospital.
(18:17):
My dad was comatose.
They had doped him up so muchbecause of the pain and stuff
him up so much because of thepain and stuff.
When they walked him throughthat door that night I had my
daddy.
He was talking.
He was so normal, it wasfreakish, I don't know what it
was.
He was like love who won thegame tonight?
Love, I want some oatmeal.
(18:38):
I'm like I just left you in thehospital hours ago and you were
comatose.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
You were doped up and then you're coming through the
door and the guys are bringingthem through.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Hey little boy, hey little boy.
And I'll never forget.
I said I thank God for thisevery day.
I had not heard my daddy say heloved me in a while Because of
the dementia and everything, andI'll never forget.
I was in there and daddy wasjust talking.
It's nice.
It's nice Because I had hookedthe room up.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
The hospital bed was in there.
There's.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
TV.
You know all this stuff, somestuff from home like a blanket
or something like that he washome.
He was home.
He was at our little childhoodhome.
He was just in my brother'sroom.
That's right, and I'm like okay, okay.
I said you want peanut butterin it Because my dad would put a
scoop of peanut butter in his.
It was crazy.
I'm going to have to try that.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
I eat oatmeal.
I never heard about puttingpeanut butter, my dad would put
a scoop of peanut butter in hisoatmeal.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Let me tell you something my dad cooked some
very strange things for us whenwe were growing up.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I'm going.
I love you, I love you, pop.
He goes.
I love you back, little bug.
I had not heard those words.
I had not heard those words inso long and I remember I just
froze and I looked back at himand I said, God, I love you.
You know, I love you back.
Love you back, little bug.
By the time I went to thekitchen and came back with his
(20:03):
oatmeal he was back to beingcomatose and when I asked the
hospice nurse what the hell wasthat, she said it's called
rallies.
Yeah, it's called rallies.
I didn't know anything aboutrallies.
Yep and uh.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I learned about him the hard way, much like what you
just described.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yes, it's like God gives them one more chance.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
To tell the people they want to goodbye.
Yes, say something sweet, butfor him to call you love bug,
right, which is what he alwayscalled me.
The peanut butter and oatmeal.
Whatever that exchange was.
That let you know.
This is my daddy talking to me.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
I have a video of me feeding my father like a baby
Because he couldn't feed himselfanymore, and I'm doing
airplanes with my fatherAirplanes, you know what I'm
saying and he's looking like alittle baby laying there.
And to hear him say I love youback, little bug.
I hadn't heard that in so long.
You know he would go into thesemoments.
(20:52):
What did you?
Do I froze.
I froze and just was like youknow, and I kind of looked back
at him and he was just kind ofgrinning and I kissed him on the
forehead.
I said I'll be right back withyour oatmeal.
All right, little bug, allright.
And by the time I got back withthat oatmeal he was back in
that.
Uh, you know state.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Comatose.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Comatose.
He wasn't comatose, but he waslike gone Right and then we lost
him.
There was no later and hedidn't utter another word other
than moans and groans.
I remember a funny story whenhe was in the facility before we
brought him to brought him home, you know, the hospice to bring
(21:33):
him home, or whatever and Iremember they called my mother
and said he keeps asking forlove books and we figured he
wanted you and she said nah,that ain't me, that's my
daughter, call her.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Like they literally thought he was asking for his
wife because he kept asking forlove, but it must be his wife,
and that sounds, she said nah,that ain't me.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
That's his daughter Call his daughter.
That ain't me Like he was likecall that other one.
He became like my child, likewhen he would.
They would have him doing alittle therapy and stuff, you
know.
And the nurse, she was so sweetat the at the facility and she
would call me on FaceTime andshe said and she said, look, mr
Brown, love bug on the phone,love bug, look better, go boy.
(22:19):
I know that's right, you betterpull.
It was like talking to my son.
It was like my son because hewas like a little kid, just so
happy and I'm like I'm literallyraising my father.
He was happy to make you happyright which is what I have found
.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I'm in year 12 with my mom and it is amazing, um,
just the other night, when whatI noticed was she smiled harder
because I was smiling she don'teven know what the hell I was
smiling, and laughing about, butbecause I was smiling and
laughing, she decided to returnit.
So it does become this um, inthe role reversal, there becomes
(22:51):
periods where, well, I foundthere are periods where they dig
in and they are so happy thatwe the kid looks happy or looks
settled or has something to saywe look proud of them.
Your dad's like, oh, I'm makinglove proud, yeah, and those
small things is what I really inmy head as being a family,
(23:13):
caregiver, advocate, had, asbeing a family caregiver
advocate.
I stress so much to politiciansand to lobbyists to say, hey,
there are things that familycaregivers can do, that no hired
help or trained medicalposition person will ever be
able to do, and y'all got tofigure out how to take better
(23:36):
care of us, because there arepeople now.
You were, you had, you wereable.
The eleven thousand dollarscame from somewhere, it came
from somewhere.
Take care of everything,because I still ain't got it now
I wish to god.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I did, I don't know where it came from lord.
But thank you, jesus, I knowthat's right tides and offerings
I gave, and that's right cameback.
That's right.
It came when you needed it.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
It did.
It did so often for familycaregivers.
They lose their job or theybecome underemployed and then
they're having to move in withfamily members.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
I tried to get my parents to move in.
I bought a home with an in-lawsuite just for the anticipation
of mommy and daddy coming tolive with me, and they refused
yeah.
They both got their wishes.
They both passed in their homes.
They both got their wishes.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Daddy passed in our from the bottom of my heart.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Congratulations they both passed where they wanted to
and that was at home.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Um, that's a.
That is, that's major.
So many, so many familiesaren't able to give that wish.
Yeah Right, I just thank.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
God every day because you know it's funny.
I laugh all the time.
I said my daddy probably inheaven right now, laughing that
I finally listened to himbecause he used to fuss to me
and say money burn a hole inyour hand.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
You can't keep no money.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
You need to put something away for a rainy day.
What's wrong with you?
And because of that, I finallylistened to him.
I think that's where that11,000 came from.
That's right.
That's where I was able to dothe things, cause they, you know
, this country is ridiculouswith medication.
Yes, they are ridiculous.
Well, my father had amedication that costs $780 every
month.
That's the one my mom was.
That's crazy.
(25:12):
To me it is.
It's like they want us to dieFast.
Who can afford that?
Not many.
My mom had one for $1,100 amonth and I'm thinking are you
kidding me right now?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Right, and that's one pill.
As if they were on one pill.
That was one thing so she couldbreathe.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
That was one little pump.
Yeah, what do you call it?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
A breather or something.
Yeah, yeah, thing yeah, and I'mthinking to myself what the
devil I said.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Can we move to England?
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Let's go to Canada.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
That's right, they got universal health care.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
This is ridiculous and they'll just drive by and
drop it off in the mailbox.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Seriously, it is ridiculous, but you know, it's
so funny to me because, you know, mommy, daddy, I knew was
happening and I made such apeace with it, you know, and I
was so grateful because myfather, like I said, my father
and I I was a daddy's girl.
I was a daddy's girl, handsdown.
I think sometimes my mom was alittle jealous of our
relationship because she wouldmake comments like oh, if love
(26:06):
book cooking and honey, he gonnalove it.
I don't care, she can fry apiece of doodoo and he love it.
You know, and I used to be likecause my dad loved my cooking,
you know, and I used to be likebecause my dad loved my cooking,
but I also had taken all of hismother's cookbooks, All of his
aunts, all of them.
Country women gave me theirrecipes and I learned to perfect
(26:26):
them for my daddy.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
So I could make his mama's biscuits.
You did Okay, I could make hismama's biscuits.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
You put the work in.
You know what I'm saying.
So whenever I would come home,I would say to him okay, what's
the menu while I'm here, Papi,you know that's right, I sure
like them.
Pork chops, you do the porkchops.
You going to do the pork chops,I'm going to do the pork chops,
daddy.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I'm going to do the pork chops.
I don't need them.
Pork chops you going to do thatgumbo I'm going to do that
gumbo, papi, I spoiled.
That's another thing, I try toreally encourage to family
caregivers, because sometimesthe medical profession will say,
well, don't do that.
You should make them be moreindependent.
(27:03):
Listen, fuck that.
My mom has gone through enoughand if something that she needs,
I can actually give her, she'sgoing to have it.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
My dad loved my chicken and dumplings.
You think I ain't stopping tostore on the way home and get
them chicken and dumplings tomake.
And dumplings, that's what hegonna do.
That's what he gonna do.
You know what I'm saying, justlike my mama's.
I know, daddy, because I gotthe recipe you know, whatever my
mom.
You know she was.
She was dealing with so muchemotionally because of that
traumatic experience that hadhappened, that I think, threw
(27:34):
her into that tailspin of hersickness and you know she was
processing that, but also beingtold that you ain't got much
longer and unfortunately it cameout in a different way with her
.
You know what I'm saying.
The patience I had to have withShirley Okay, because, honey,
(27:55):
that mouth, I know where I getmy slick mouth from Okay, but I
wasn't ready, wasn't ready tohave it thrown back on you, just
in a way that I knew she wasangry, she was hurting, she was
scared.
It taught me such a level ofpatience to not get invested in
what was coming out of her mouth.
But seeing her spirit I had tolook beyond.
(28:17):
I had to go deaf and just lookat her heart that she was
hurting, she was afraid.
I remember when my daddy didyou get there?
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Let me just ask you this Did you get to that point?
In the middle of it yes, in themiddle of it, was that prayer
meditation, the Holy spirit justpicking my battles?
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Okay, picking my battles and Picking my battles,
and then shout out my mom'scaregiver.
Oh my God, this woman wasabsolutely amazing.
Like she would call me, like mymom would go to the emergency
room, she'd look, it's like itbecame a thing Okay, whatever,
(28:55):
and I would be jumping on aplane canceling shows, jumping
on a plane running home, andI'll never forget that one time.
I'll never forget it.
My mom called me.
Oh, the Lord's coming child, Ifeel it.
It's the time.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
That's right, elizabeth, help me, I'm going to
cancel some shows.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
And I'm going to hop on a plane and her caregiver,
her nurse, she calls me and shesaid don't you go in that day,
I'm going to play what?
And I said what do you mean?
She said I'm going to send yousomething.
Five minutes after I hung upthe phone, she sends me a video
of my mom.
I sent it to you.
She's on the phone with me,right?
Oh Lord, you're coming to getme.
I can see the angels, lord.
(29:33):
She sent me a video of my mamain the room talking about, yeah,
the daughter coming in.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
She told me to see me later.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Yeah, uh-huh, she get on a plane right now.
I'm like how come you were juston the phone with me, like you
about to die, and she called meand I loved her for that,
because and that's- why I stillto this day.
You know, I absolutely lovethis woman, I take care of her.
I still send her Christmascards and birthday cards, you
know, because she would get youon the plane, because she was
(29:58):
like she's faking, she's faking,she's trying to get you home
and so then she would tell herwell, farrah can't make it, why?
Well, she just you know, and shewould be the heavy for me
sometimes.
That's beautiful, the personthat traumatized my mother.
They would try to come see herand she would not answer the
door.
Come see her and she would notanswer the door.
She said, no, we're not doingthis with them today.
I know that's right.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
We're not doing this with them today.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Shout out those high caregivers that become a part of
the family, and she called meand said you know, so-and-so
came by, but I just didn'tanswer the door because your
mama didn't need the day.
I was like thank you, yes,Thank you, I appreciate you.
You know what.
I'm such an amazing woman.
Like I said, we consider herfamily she had my back.
She was there because my mompassed in my arms and she was
(30:41):
there.
Whoa Hold on.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Coco.
We need better transitions.
Okay, I'm sorry you just wentright from the funny into the in
the arms.
I don't even know if there wasa pause.
Was there a comma in that?
I ain't hear, no, I ain't feel.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
No comma, I guess that's my way of processing it.
Well, that's fine.
I'm going to try to catch you,because I always say I was.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
this may sound crazy, but I always say Well, you all
at home, y'all at home.
You said y'all, you were home.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
My daddy passed in front of me.
My daddy took, I had just gavehim his morphine and I had went
in the guest room.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
This is real.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
And I had baby monitors in my mama's room and
my daddy's room just so I couldhear them Right.
And I was in the guest room andmy son was in my old bedroom
and I just gave my daddy hismedication, kissed him on the
forehead you know, I knew hecouldn't.
You know I knew he could hearme and I said I'll be right next
(31:37):
door, papa, you need me.
I laid down, I was praying andI was actually just thanking God
that he had given me theability to take care of him.
I was just thanking him,thanking him thanking him.
And as God is my witness, as Iwas laying there, praying, I
(31:58):
felt a weight on me.
This is so real, right now, Ifelt a weight on me, okay, like
somebody laid on top of me, andI was like okay, okay, I said
God, okay.
And then I heard my daddy sayoh.
And I jumped up, cut the lighton Daddy, looked at me, took
that last breath and I say tothis day I feel that was his
spirit passing through me.
That was him saying goodbye.
(32:19):
I feel that in my spirit I'mwith you.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
I believe that.
I believe that, and I'm notjust saying that because we
sitting here talking.
I had to tell my mother herhusband of 54 years was gone.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
I had to go in the room and wake my mother up and
say Poppy gone, what's crazy is?
My son was there for both ofhis grandparents passing and he
slept through everything.
He slept through the nurse, thehospice nurse coming to to
confirm daddy was gone.
He slept through this funeralhomecoming to get daddy's body.
Slept through it all.
(32:49):
When my mom passed, uh, she hadjust gotten out the hospital.
She was having some issues andthey were trying to get her to
go to hospice, but she didn'twant to go.
She refused I ain't going tohospice.
I said, mommy, they're sayingthere's nothing more you can do.
I don't care, I don't care, Idon't care, I was okay.
Whatever you know, we're goingto let you have your moment I
(33:11):
will give you, I will honor yourwishes.
That's right.
And in LA, filming 911, Ibelieve and her caregiver had
called me and said I need you toget here.
Your mom is in the hospital.
I said, ok, as soon as I finishfilming I'll be there.
So I literally flew from LA,went to Atlanta, grabbed my son,
flew to Virginia.
I had been home.
I got in that day aboutnoon-ish.
(33:34):
That night me and my mom weregoing to watch queen sugar and
my mom was having some bowelissues right and, uh, she kept
going back and forth to thebathroom and I was messing with
her kid would you get my mama?
You know whatever.
And I remember I was on thephone with a friend of mine
making sure.
They called to make sure I gotinto virginia and I heard my
(33:56):
mama say farrah, and I ran theroom.
She was in the room, she wassitting there in bed and she
said baby, baby, you know I gotto get to the bathroom.
I said mama, I ain't going tomake it.
I said ma, just do it rightthere.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
That's right, just go , we're going to clean it up.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
We can clean all of it up.
And she was like I got to go.
I got, but when we went to gether to say okay, let's lift you
up, we realized it was blood.
My mother had an internalaneurysm, she had a rupture and
she bled out.
She bled out right in front ofme.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
What in the hell?
Speaker 2 (34:30):
And I remember her caregiver.
We realized it was blood shemouthed to me call 911.
And I called him and I saidthis is what happening the whole
time.
My mom is talking regular she'slike oh lord, she's like oh,
lord, y'all gonna have to cleanup all this crap, lord, and
she's not realizing what isblood shooting out of her?
That's blood right and um, Iremember, uh, you just wiping
(34:57):
her feet.
She said Farrah don't let itget on the carpet.
And I'm calling myself and I'mseeing the blood.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
But that's old school .
I can smell the blood, butshe's still concerned about her
wound and she's still thinkingshe's going number two.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Yeah, not knowing this is what's happening, that's
right.
And then, as I was cleaning herfeet, she her feet.
She fell on me and I yelled.
I yelled for her caregiver, Iyelled for her nurse and I got
up and I lifted her off of meand I was like mommy and she, I
said roll back.
And she was throwing at themouth and she was mouthing
something and I said daddy'scalling you, ain't he?
(35:32):
I said daddy's calling you andshe was just mouthing.
I said it's okay, go be withdaddy, go be with daddy.
And I remember they came intothe ambulance and they were
trying to resuscitate her and Isaid look, my mother has a dnr.
We just do not resuscitate,right?
that's right I said hold on.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
I said real talk, my mama has a dnr right, and this
is part of that, just for anylook all parents enough
community anybody new listening?
Dnr United States, western partof the globe.
Dnr means don't help me, stayalive.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Like if the Lord has decided I ain't supposed to
breathe then leave me alone andI remember my neighbors because,
you know, we grew up in a greatneighborhood, because all the
neighbors were coming up,because they saw the fire truck
and the ambulance, theparamedics, everything, and they
were coming over, you know, andthey brought, they took mommy
out and and I knew she was gone.
I knew because I saw it.
Yeah, I watched her.
She was talking to somebody.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
I said you're talking to daddy, daddy calling you,
and she was just talking and asclose as you were to your dad,
and you were there when hetransitioned.
But she's amazing.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
My mama prepared me for that moment because
literally the day after mydaddy's funeral, I remember me
and my mom were sitting on herbed.
My mother was as sick as shewas could still sit on a bed
completely Indian style.
Are you serious, as God is mywitness?
Speaker 1 (36:51):
And I realized I sit like that.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
How she did I sit like that when I sit on my bed?
I'm the same way.
My mother was 77 years old withall her ailments.
I could sit perfect indian soy'all just got all.
Of your hips and your knees aregood, all right so, um, I
remember we were sitting in thebed and, uh, this was the day
after my dad's funeral and wewere kind of just talking and
she said baby.
And I said, yeah, mama.
(37:13):
She said I don't know how muchlonger I'm going to be here.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
And I'm like, ma, Don't start that.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
And I'm like ma, and she's like I don't know how much
longer I'm going to be herebecause I don't know how to live
without him.
I don't know how to livewithout him.
And eight months later she wasgone.
Go be with her baby.
And you know what's crazy, whenI I got to the hospital because
I followed the ambulance andeverything, and I got to the
hospital I knew she was gone.
But when I got there, you know,and I'm sitting there and they
(37:40):
came out, the lady came out todo intake forms and then she
said wait a minute, Are you herefor Shirley Brown?
I said yes, ma'am.
She says does she have a DNR?
I said yes, ma'am, I knew.
Then, you know, I said theycame and took me to the back
room.
That's when they told me mymommy was gone and I had my
brother on speakerphone and hewas actually hauling tail down
(38:00):
from Maryland to get to Virginiabecause I had called him like
mommy's on the edge.
Because he had just left.
He had just left what's crazy.
Both times he had just left mydaddy, he had just left my mama.
I said so.
I guess it was meant for me.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Because he had just left, like the day before.
It was crazy.
I believe your parents want todo that.
Yeah, I don't know nothing.
I believe them.
It's like my mother waited forme.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
It's like my daddy waited for me and my mommy
waited for me to be there and Iremember I went in there to see
her to ask me did I want to seeher?
And I said yes, and I went inthe room and I saw her and then
she had a smile on her face.
She was still warm and she waslaying there With a smile on her
face and she had the sweetest,most peaceful smile on her face.
(38:42):
It was crazy and I said youwith daddy, ain't you?
Speaker 1 (38:46):
She's like I'm good she's back with her baby.
It's like I hope you all rightbecause I'm good.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
She said I don't know if they told you when you see
that vein going around.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
No, I know about the vein.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Okay, so that's when they're getting ready to Really
go.
And so the hospice nurse thatday, the night my daddy died,
that day the hospice nurse cameto check him out and that vein
was just.
I mean, it was like this andshe said that's a sign that the
heart is overworking, becausethe organs are shutting down
Gotcha.
And she said it was very close,okay, and I remember my dad was
just moaning and oh you know,yeah, and I had given him
(39:23):
morphine and I remember Iwhispered in his ear.
I said you worried aboutsweetie, ain't you?
That's my mama, mm-hmm.
I said you know, I'm going totake care of her.
You know I'm going to be alittle man.
My dad, my brother, little man,I said he going to be high.
I said well, you ain't got tofight, daddy, it's okay.
And, as God is my witness, hestopped moaning and he went to
(39:45):
sleep.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
You knew what to say.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
You were so close to him.
You knew what to say to ease hisspirit, because I don't know
who he was talking to.
He was, you know, we were likeDaddy Poppy Poppy, whoever was
calling him, and so I told him Isaid you're worried about
Sweetie, aren't you?
I said, now you know, I got her.
What you worried about he'slike all right.
And it's literally like hecalmed down.
(40:07):
He's like all sis, I wasn'tsupposed to be there.
No, you weren't.
I was constantly traveling,working, filming.
(40:28):
I was overseas.
How I was there For those twoslices of time that won't number
, god Okay.
With the $11,000, two slices oftime.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
I still don't know where that came from, and I
wasn't the only fan of none, atleast not under Coco Brown.
You know what I'm saying, okay.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
But it's crazy that you know.
I looked at how lucky I was,blessed I was, that I was in a
position to take care of myparents yes, give them their
wishes and be there, like Iremember.
At both their funerals I saidwhat an honor it has been to
know that they were there when Itook my first breath and I was
(41:10):
there when they took their last.
What an honor, what an honor.
And everybody in the church youhear people go, you know,
because I meant that they werethere for me when I took my
first breath.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
And I was there for them when they took their last.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
That's it.
You know, and I remember goinghome this past Mother's Day and
I was.
You know, a lot of my family isburied in the same cemetery in
Hampton, virginia, and I was.
I went by Michael's and prettymuch wiped them out of all silk
arrangements and I was putting,you know, arrangements on my
(41:51):
parents mausoleum yes, because Igot my parents the mausoleum
where they're buried togethernice I didn't get them separate.
Like right I got a mausoleumyeah, because they go together
and mommy's right on top andthey're the same, they go
together.
And um, I said y'all stopstealing my parents, because I
know they ain't dying.
They can't die.
They still where they go.
I was working in Richmond atthe Funny Bone.
(42:11):
I drove down to Hampton.
I said I'm going to do this,I'm going to go visit mommy and
daddy, and I put flowers ontheirs and I said well, let me
go see everybody else.
And I found my greatgrandparents.
Really, I didn't know they wereburied out there.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
Just roaming around you, just roaming around in the
cemetery I went to mygrandmother's.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
I went to my grandmother and my grandfather's
grave sites, yeah, and then Ilooked over and I said uh-uh.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
You had never noticed it.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
I never knew that.
My great-grandparents wereright there, never knew.
And then my uncle that diedbefore I was born my Uncle Bubby
was right there, never knew.
And then my uncle that diedbefore I was born my uncle Bubby
was right there.
What so?
Next thing I know I'm literallywalking around the whole
cemetery it's a family reunionof spirits With a big old basket
of flowers?
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
And I'm putting flowers on my cousin Reggie, my
uncle Frank, my aunt Alice and I, literally, and I went back to
Michael's twice you had toBecause I wanted to get more
flowers, because I was findingmore family members, right, but
I felt, I felt so like, I felttheir spirits, I felt their
energy.
(43:17):
You know, I cried all the waygoing down there.
Yeah, I cried all the way goingdown there and I came back just
reminiscing about, you know,the parties at Uncle Frank's
where he let me sip a little bitof his beer you know and my
grandmama, you know my grandmamayou know telling me, honey, you
don't fry chicken or fish innothing but a cast iron skillet.
(43:39):
It ain't real if you over.
You know.
I just went back to Richmond anddid my shows that night and
just felt so connected to them.
You know, people like, how didyou get over?
How you?
But you gotta stand the honor,yes.
And then the blessing of it allthat you know and trust me, I'm
not rich sis, I'm not over herebawling.
(44:00):
You know I got two paid offcars.
That are what 2008 and 2015like I, you know I I just my
father, I know is in heavengoing.
She finally got it and learnedhow to keep a dollar, save a
dollar right because you cancare.
Two households now.
Then get two households andthree people my mom and my daddy
and my son.
That's right so I had to learnand you figured it out quickly,
(44:22):
right, but it's like for real,for real, just knowing that.
What gives me peace is that inno arrogant, cocky way
whatsoever, I know I was a damngood daughter.
I know, that's right, I was adamn good daughter.
You know what I'm saying, Iknow that's right.
Can't nobody ever take thatfrom?
Speaker 1 (44:37):
me.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Period Ever take that from me.
Period.
And I gave them what theywanted and I still honor them.
You know what I'm saying andit's like you know, and they
both chose to take that lastbreath in front of me.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Coco, at the end of every episode I have a segment
called the snuggle up.
Basically, it's just if you gotto tell any caregiver, a family
caregiver, hey, if you justsnuggle up, just scooch on up to
this one thing, this one pieceof advice, your journey as a
caregiver will be a whole loteasier.
(45:12):
And we're going to shake thisto say we are now doing a
snuggle up segment.
So what you got?
Speaker 2 (45:22):
I know it may be hard and tiring and frustrating, but
just know, take it as a badgeof honor that you can, because
there are people who throw theirparents in nursing homes,
convalescent homes, and never,ever go back, ever.
There are people who wipe theirparents' bank account out and
(45:45):
now they're somewhere stuck insome county city facility being
treated like crap.
That was my grandmother's bestfriend, because trust and
believe, honey, and nodisrespect, but most of them
facilities I wouldn't put a dogin.
They not right.
I wouldn't put a dog in, that'sright.
So, real talk, if you have theability to care for the ones who
cared for you, take that as abadge of honor, man, do it, do
(46:08):
it, put that chip on yourshoulder, baby.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
I'm with Coco.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Do it Because I'm cocky with mine, Do it.
I said I know that my blessingsare lined up.
What?
Because I went above and beyonddoing what I was expected to do
and God gave me the ability todo so.
So, if you're walking aroundwith a bunch of guilt, did you
bite the hand that fed you what,or did you comfort it and carry
(46:32):
it to the end.
Speaker 1 (46:33):
Hello, real talk.
Did you seek or you didn't?
I'm saying you were justshutting people out.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Trust and believe honey, and it's funny because
that's why I still feel I'mconnected to both of them,
because Shirley haunt me everyday on when I'm going to get
married.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
I don't want to get married, okay, okay.
Madison Brown haunt me everyday talking about he a little
ugly little boy.
On that note, that is it, man.
We have had such a fantastictime with you today here on
Parenting Up.
You always got that good goodgoing on.
It's live, it's live, it's live.
(47:07):
It's on the big screen.
The small screen I can find itin my hip pocket on my cell
phone, so let everyone knowwhat's coming up for you.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Well, what's coming up?
You guys can catch me right nowon Lifetime on Call Me Now the
Rise and Fall of Miss Cleo.
Yes, you guys can also check meon those wonderful reruns of
9-1-1.
I'm constantly on there as wellas Never have I Ever on Netflix
.
You guys can definitely checkme on Single Moms Club that they
play every weekend on BET.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
You guys, can check me.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
Yes, they do I see it ?
I also have another Lifetimemovie coming out with Eva Marcel
and Tyler Play called BuriedAlive Nice, that's coming out.
And I'm about to actually go doa Christmas movie with Tia
Mowry and Donna Briscoe Superexcited, called A Beauty Salon
Christmas and I get to playsomething I've always wanted to
play.
I get to play a rich auntie.
I'm not even going to be acting, what?
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Won't he do it?
Speaker 2 (48:07):
Won't he will, and you guys can check.
Check me out as cousin coke onthe country.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
Wayne skits honey yeah, I'm a little bit of
everywhere.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Those skits are hilarious, girl them people are
diehard hilarious I didn't evenknock on the star while I was
peeing, asking me when I wasgonna do something about
so-and-so on a skit, and I'mlike, can I pee?
so yeah and I don't write it Idon't, I don't write it, you
know.
But yeah, I just show up andyou know know, do what I got to
do.
But yeah, you know, and rightnow I'm finishing up.
(48:31):
I'm really proud of this.
I can't wait till it drops, youknow, but I'm taking my time.
I'm writing a book called theCare Forgiver, about how I
learned it.
Well, you got to come back forthat.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
God, my goal is to be done with that December 1st.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Well, all right.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
We'll be right here.
Speaker 2 (48:47):
Launching the first of the year, but I'm just
learning how to forgive myforgive, the ones I take care of
.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
You are welcome back.
We're going to have to have youback to talk even more about
your parents, your journey andthen your time as a mother,
because there's there's a lot ofups and downs with that too.
So thank you so much.
Thank you for having me girl,thank you so much for having me.
Yes, you're very welcome.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
You're very welcome.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Just snuggle up.
Hey, y'all notice I ain't sayan S Because we got a lot going
on in the studio.
So I'm going to give you onebig old snuggle up summary for
my girl, coco Brown.
You don't know what the hellsomebody is going through.
I know all the things that Isaw Coco on producing on TV and
(49:37):
movies during the period whereshe was also caring for her
parents.
So, as they say, oh, the grassis always greener.
No, it ain't.
You don't know what the hellsomebody else is going through,
so you just better take yourlumps, whatever they are, and
stick with them, because shefigured out a way to balance all
(49:57):
of those things through herbelief in her faith and her
commitment to be there for herparents.
That shit ain't easy.
What's up y'all?
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
reminding y'all.
Patreon is open.
(50:18):
It is open and ready for you,you, you, you and your mama too.
We are loading up things, allthings Zetty, all things podcast
, all things.
Caregiving Behind the scenes,extra stuff.
J Smile's comedy is droppingwith her own little collection
(50:39):
within the J Smile StudioPatreon, very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
there, because there'sexclusives, that's kind of time
sensitive to whoever is in therefirst.
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'm going to behonest because of, you know,
(51:04):
branding matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
World Wide Web that I can do inthe Patreon pantry.
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
(51:24):
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
Patreon pantry.
Parenting Up, caregiving Adventures with
Comedienne Day Smiles is theintense journey of unexpectedly
being fully responsible for mymama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
Spoiler alert I started comedybecause this shit is so heavy,
(00:24):
so be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast, is that okay?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Parents it up, family , we in for something special,
and this is a what Boom, cut,let's go.
No, cut and go, we're going todo all of it together.
Listen, woo Might go to WNBAtoday.
We have none other than the oneand only Coco Brown.
(01:13):
It's an A on that, coco too,and if you don't do it, baby,
it's Coco now.
We know her from a bunch ofTyler Perry stuff.
We know her from 9-1-1, her owncomedy special.
Famous enough, famous enough.
I can't tell you how many timesI watched that thing.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Oh, really I watched it.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
And I because, as a comedian who absolutely looks up
to you and adores you, I wasbreaking down three minute
segments and five minutes.
I was like how did shetransition to this and then get
that bit?
And I was like, yeah, that'stight, that's tight.
So, um, we're going to get evenmore into what Coco has going
on now and what's going to becoming up, but it's the parents
(01:56):
of no podcast.
So we're here talking aboutbeing comedians who are also
caregivers, and so oftencaregivers don't get enough
public shine.
There's an expectation, orshall I say, family caregivers?
Let me clarify that.
There's the expectation thatyou got to be an LPN, a nurse, a
(02:20):
RN or you went to school for it, but then it's people like me
and Coco where your folks getsick and you got to school for
it.
But then it's people like meand Coco where your folks get
sick and you got to figure itout, and while the most of the
world's like, oh, but you're sogood at being funny, I'm sure
you could just make everybodylaugh and it's easy.
Ain't nothing funny?
Ain't nothing funny when it'syour people.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
You have to find the humor in it.
But that initial first year itwas hard.
It was hard to be given thosediagnosis with the two people
that you loved first.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Let everyone know who you cared for.
Okay, the order, and I know alittle bit of the background.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Right, right right.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
You were doing double duty, yeah, yeah, which is
another whole thing.
I care for my mom, but only mymom, and you're a mother.
So we're talking about thesandwich generation which I
speak on a lot, when youmentally and emotionally and
physically, you've got to dosomething for someone younger
than you, yeah, and then yourelders, yeah, and when that
(03:27):
elder becomes your child too?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yes, they don't talk about that.
2020, my father was diagnosedwith early onset dementia.
2021, my mother was diagnosedwith stage four adrenal kidney
failure.
Stage five COPD and breastcancer.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Okay, hold up, I ain't even did anybody know that
you could have five stages.
I thought stuff stopped at fourstages.
Real talk?
No, I never heard.
I didn't know that either.
I didn't know either.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Well, basically it was when you the stage four is
usually what they say, stagefive, stage four I think they
give you that maybe, cause it'sa, it's a sliver of hope.
Okay, stage five, five is ain'tnothing we can do and you just
got to make them as comfortableas humanly possible.
Um, it's almost like being toldthey're going to hospice as
soon as they get the.
I got you know, they get thediagnosis.
(04:16):
I, because I had never heard ofa stage five before, right, I
was like what you know?
Um, but I guess that's how herdoctor wanted to prepare me for
the you know news and ithappened fast.
I mean, you know, I literallyfound out what was going on.
(04:36):
My dad had suffered already withdiabetes and his diabetes was
bad.
Like my father's pancreas didnot work.
Without insulin my father woulddie Like within hours, oh wow,
because his pancreas had nofunction.
So he was on like literallylike anywhere from five to eight
shots a day.
If he breathed food or anythingwith sugar in it, he had to
(04:57):
give himself a shot.
It was crazy watching that mymom's diagnosis was so out of
nowhere.
So she was healthy she washealthy, she was fine.
She was fine.
But I do believe a verytraumatic incident in our family
threw my mom into a tailspin ofillness.
Because when that happened,that's when everything started
(05:21):
going haywire, where it was onediagnosis after another with my
mother and prior to thattraumatic experience that
happened in our family, mom wasfine and she tried to deny it.
She tried to go oh, it's this,it's that she was trying to get,
you know, self-diagnosed andthen she finally decided to
figure out what it was.
My mother was having this issuewhere she was swelling
(05:43):
constantly and like puffing up,like her face would puff up out
of nowhere, like her eyes wouldswell, it just, and it kept
happening and they thought itwas an allergic reaction, what
it was.
Her kidneys were not processing, her kidneys were shutting down
and she had no idea.
And that came from years andyears and years of my mother
(06:04):
having high blood pressure andnever having that addressed,
like it tore up her kidneys.
And you know I see now, becauseyou know I lived in LA for 12
years and I was in LA.
I was, you know, rooted andbooted in LA and after my
divorce I was coming back andforth to film with Tyler when I
was on For Better or Worse mydivorce.
(06:25):
I was coming back and forth tofilm with Tyler when I was on
For Better or Worse and I endedup buying some property here in
Atlanta, not thinking I wasgoing to have to move, but I
moved like a couple of yearsbefore everything went down.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
One second, that's what you call success.
When you buy some property inAtlanta but you also still live
in LA, that's called puttingyour money in brick and mortar
because Uncle Sam will rape you.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Anyway, uncle Sam will rape you, anyway, Uncle Sam
will get you if you ain't gotnothing, okay, and I moved here,
calling myself going to healfrom my divorce and regroup and
go back to LA.
But then my parents got sickand then it got to a point that
I realized they did not havetheir affairs in order as I
thought they did, realized theydid not have their affairs in
(07:05):
order as I thought they did.
My parents did not have wills,my parents did not have medical
you know power of attorney.
My parents didn't have burialplots.
They had nothing.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Now Coco along the way, had they been telling you,
don't worry, we got this.
Oh, absolutely Absolutely.
All of it's in order and in afile cabinet, in a file cabinet,
in a file cabinet In a filecabinet, in a file cabinet In
the closet Right, I mean my mom,had a little plastic container
with a handle and a latch on itand she said all the important
papers are in here.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
So I always knew that .
But you know, all these years,my brother and I, we had to
laugh about it after the fact.
But our parents drilled in us,drilled in us get your affairs
order, handle your business,don't be out here slipping.
And then we were like but youdidn't, but what I had to get?
Wills, power of attorney,durable medical power of
attorney and conservatorship allat the same time, before my
(07:57):
dad's dementia really kicked in.
I Right, because he had justhad a stroke and he had lost
some of his memory.
But they said, with thedementia, it might be rapid.
Had a stroke and he had lostsome of his memory.
But they said, with thedementia, it might be rapid, it
might be slow.
They didn't know.
So I knew why he was in hisright mind.
I had a very small window tomake sure that I got medical
power of attorneys and I gotwills done.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Now this you said 2020 and 2021.
So this is, the pandemic israging, yeah, and they, the
medical world, is saying, hey,you don't even come to the
hospital or call your doctor, orcall 911.
My mom was having a dialysis infull blown, covid, unless you
are on the edge Right.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
So you're dealing with two parents on the edge and
all this stuff.
My father's home going throughhis situation, my mom's going
out every day in full-blownCOVID to get dialysis.
This is one of the situationsthat I don't.
I will never question God andwhat he can do.
Okay, because I couldn't get tothem to be there physically,
(08:58):
but ever so often, because ofthe pandemic, I was able to hire
a nurse to go and take care ofmy parents and to this day, I
don't know where I got 11 granda month from.
To this day, I don't know.
I don't know, but I was writingthat check.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Nor do you probably care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
But somehow during the pandemic and after the
pandemic, up until 22, when mymother passed away.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I literally he go live in grand.
Please take care of my parents.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Like seriously I don't know where it came from,
but somehow it alwaysmiraculously popped up.
I was able to write thosechecks every week to make sure
that that nurse was there takingcare of my parents, feeding my
parents, cooking for my parents,taking my parents to doctor's
appointments.
You know, keeping me abreast ofwhat's going on.
I mean, I still don't know howthat happened, that's right.
But God did it, you know, and Ididn't skip a beat in my own
(09:54):
household.
You know, it wasn't you Right,I know it wasn't me.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
That's the point you know it wasn't you.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
It was a full-blown pandemic and most of my I
started a couple of businessesthat were very lucrative during
the pandemic, but I was alsostill trying to tell jokes
online and on zoom, and all thatand you were doing very good at
that and everybody startedlaughing.
I had something, you know, yeahand, but somehow I was able to
continue to write those checksand then, when the pandemic was
over, I was able to go back towork and god bless me, at one
(10:22):
point I was on five TV shows atthe same time.
I was reoccurring on five TVshows.
I was reoccurring on five TVshows.
All right, young folks, I wasable to go to LA, work, you know
, get tested, be on mask on set,get to my parents, you know.
You know, I became a millionmiler on Delta, flying back and
forth to Virginia.
I know that's right.
(10:42):
Because I was having to go somuch because daddy's dementia
started kicking in and hestarted forgetting people,
forgetting things.
We had to hide his car keysbecause he'd come home and a
whole side view mirror would begoing and he don't know where it
went, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Okay, yes, well, you know what, dad?
We got an idea.
We got an idea that the mirrordidn't just fall off.
You probably hit something.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So give us the keys.
Like running joke, was me andmy brother would say go check
the bottom of the car, make sureain't no body under there.
But we didn't know what daddyhad done.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
You know, like you go check.
No, you go check.
You know what were the signsBecause, with the Parenting Up
community, there are a lot ofpeople, coco, who follow us, who
are new to the community, andthey, they are caregivers.
Yeah, kinda they.
Just they still stopping bymama's house on Sunday.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Right After church to check on her once a week.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Yeah, they might see some slipping, but they don't
know.
Is this just old age?
Do I need to get involved?
Yeah, what were some of thethings that you said.
You know what?
No, this is not just someregular old age.
I got to get in this, me, mybrother, somebody.
We got to get a nurse, right?
Speaker 2 (11:49):
now I realized that my parents, even though they
were one of the old schoolparents, that they refused to
leave their home.
You know, their home was theirpride and joy.
That was my granddaddy, Ioffered to put them in an
assisted living community.
You know one of those likereally nice high rises for
people 55 and up.
I like let's sell the house,let's do this and put the money
(12:11):
from the house in a trust andthat pays your rent.
I mean, I was, I'm, I'm, I'mOkay trust you, better talk it.
No, trust me.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Okay, look, y'all better learn.
Okay, okay and um, they justrefused to leave the house.
And then I realized, you know,my mom was like well, what you
could want well, mommy, I can'tgive up my career because if I
come home and I do this 24 7,how am I going to pay for you
right?
You know you guys are living ona fixed budget on your
retirement did that click withwith them?
Speaker 1 (12:39):
did they, did they follow you, daddy yes, well see,
daddy was different.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
If daddy had known I was doing a third of what I was
doing, he would have lost hismind.
I had to hide everything I wasdoing for my dad, like no joke.
He found out that I had asubscription for his depends and
he went ballistic because I waspaying for his depends.
So if he had known that I waspaying for this nurse and paying
for this, oh, he'd have lost it.
(13:04):
Mom, on the other hand, was weneed more?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
We need more.
We need more.
Why don't you come home, sinceyou over there doing all that
working, come on, send us somemore.
No disrespect.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Love you, mommy, but it was never enough.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
It was always something more.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
And I was always going above, trying to be that
good daughter, like okay, okay.
And it was situations where youknow it caused a divide between
me and my brother.
Really, because I was doing waymore than him, okay.
But I also understood he was ina position that he had a wife
and kids, okay, and he had tokeep a happy home, okay, and he
couldn't do but so much withouttaking away from his wife and
kids.
And that was a double entendrefor him when me it was like once
(13:53):
I realized the situation he wasin of not being able to do as
much as he wanted to do becausecertain individuals didn't want
to change their lifestyle toaccommodate what needed to be
done.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Okay, certain individuals let's just keep it
one-handed Picking it up, got it.
Certain individuals didn't wantto change their lifestyle.
I had certain individuals in myfamily too Is that on the other
like black, white, asian.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Certain individuals that's a new box to check Didn't
want to change the lifestyle toaccommodate my brother helping
me and it almost caused aserious divide between me and my
brother.
But when we finally it wasliterally after my mom passed
because daddy passed first andmommy that we had a conversation
and I had to accept andunderstand the position he was
(14:32):
in.
I had no one to answer to, soeverything I did, unless my kid,
and my kid at the timeunderstood the assignment.
I've been blessed with a verymature kid to get stuff and he
knew that I had to take care ofgrandma and papa.
Right, you have one child.
I have one child.
I've been blessed with a verymature kid to get stuff and he
knew that I had to take care ofgrandma and papa.
You have one child, right, Ihave one child, and during the
time he was like 9, 10.
And he kind of got it becausehe didn't see anything missing
(14:53):
in his life, even though I wastaking from us and trying to
replenish it to Like he didn'tknow, because I made sure he
didn't know that, okay, we maynot be able to go to Disney this
year, but let's go to Six Flags, that's right.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
What we still going to do is be on some rides.
Right, we're going to be onsome rides, get some cotton
candy and we're going to beoutside.
We're going to be outside.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
We might just be able to go and stay in Florida for a
week.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Listen black women make it work.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Right, because I was still of those things that I
began to see daddy, when dadcouldn't remember certain things
and dad's personality began tochange.
My father was a very distinctman Okay, Like his personality
was very distinct.
Quiet man, a few words, butwhen he spoke you stopped.
That man would drop a gem onyou and you'd be like, and then
(15:45):
he'd go right back to watchingAndy.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Griffith when he wasn't even there.
I love those kind of people,you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
My dad.
He would just be sitting theretalking you know what love bug
and he would drop something andhe'd go right back to watching.
You know, texas Walker Ranger.
That's right, like it off thatone phrase.
And then, when I saw hispersonality changing, where
daddy started being way moretalkative, that was a sign to me
, because my dad was not achatterbox.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Listen, parents in our community, we're going to
take just a sneak of a button onthat.
That is what comes with being afamily caregiver when somebody
has been locked in Becausesomeone who didn't talk a lot,
who now is just talking more, adoctor or someone in the
hospital wouldn't say, well,what's wrong, that's not
anything.
(16:32):
But you're like, oh, what'swrong?
Speaker 2 (16:34):
That ain't my daddy, that ain't my daddy, that's not
how my daddy is.
Me and my dad could sit in thatFlorida room.
He'd be in his favorite lazyboy.
I'd be sitting on the love seatand we'd be watching old shows
like Gunsmoke.
Yeah, you know, and you knowcaught right and it'd be silence
.
It was like me and my fatherhad a relationship, that we
could have silent conversations.
I always say that, okay, that'sscary Me and my father.
(16:56):
We could literally be sitting.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
That's very scary.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I mean, like seriously, we could laugh at the
same time and he'd look at meand I look at him like you know
what I'm saying and it's like we, we knew like that was crazy,
or whatever.
So when my father became achatterbox and then it was to
the point that he wasn't makingsense okay, that was the like.
Okay, wait, dad is talking waymore and he's not making sense
(17:22):
that's when I knew the dementiawas kicking in.
Uh, when he would be like uh,uh, uh, call, call.
I'm like call who, daddy?
Call the woman down the hall,your wife, you know.
And you know it got to a pointI literally made a joke about
this that towards the end, mydad's dementia got to the point
that he thought I was his wife.
I'm Love bug, I'm Farrah, youknow.
(17:45):
And he's like baby sweetie and Iknow he called my mama baby and
sweetie.
He called me love bug.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
You know what I'm saying?
Only Farrah, when he was likeseriously like, mad at me.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Very not happy, yeah, not happy.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah and so.
But I remember you know how Godis so good when they brought my
dad home, when they said therewas nothing more that they could
do and we put him in hospiceand he had mentioned to me
before he got sick that hewanted to be in his own home.
He didn't want to be innobody's hospital, and I
promised him that and we set upmy brother's old bedroom for the
hospice people and all that.
And I remember that day I wasat the hospital.
(18:17):
My dad was comatose.
They had doped him up so muchbecause of the pain and stuff
him up so much because of thepain and stuff.
When they walked him throughthat door that night I had my
daddy.
He was talking.
He was so normal, it wasfreakish, I don't know what it
was.
He was like love who won thegame tonight?
Love, I want some oatmeal.
(18:38):
I'm like I just left you in thehospital hours ago and you were
comatose.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
You were doped up and then you're coming through the
door and the guys are bringingthem through.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Hey little boy, hey little boy.
And I'll never forget.
I said I thank God for thisevery day.
I had not heard my daddy say heloved me in a while Because of
the dementia and everything, andI'll never forget.
I was in there and daddy wasjust talking.
It's nice.
It's nice Because I had hookedthe room up.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
The hospital bed was in there.
There's.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
TV.
You know all this stuff, somestuff from home like a blanket
or something like that he washome.
He was home.
He was at our little childhoodhome.
He was just in my brother'sroom.
That's right, and I'm like okay, okay.
I said you want peanut butterin it Because my dad would put a
scoop of peanut butter in his.
It was crazy.
I'm going to have to try that.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
I eat oatmeal.
I never heard about puttingpeanut butter, my dad would put
a scoop of peanut butter in hisoatmeal.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Let me tell you something my dad cooked some
very strange things for us whenwe were growing up.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I'm going.
I love you, I love you, pop.
He goes.
I love you back, little bug.
I had not heard those words.
I had not heard those words inso long and I remember I just
froze and I looked back at himand I said, God, I love you.
You know, I love you back.
Love you back, little bug.
By the time I went to thekitchen and came back with his
(20:03):
oatmeal he was back to beingcomatose and when I asked the
hospice nurse what the hell wasthat, she said it's called
rallies.
Yeah, it's called rallies.
I didn't know anything aboutrallies.
Yep and uh.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I learned about him the hard way, much like what you
just described.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yes, it's like God gives them one more chance.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
To tell the people they want to goodbye.
Yes, say something sweet, butfor him to call you love bug,
right, which is what he alwayscalled me.
The peanut butter and oatmeal.
Whatever that exchange was.
That let you know.
This is my daddy talking to me.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
I have a video of me feeding my father like a baby
Because he couldn't feed himselfanymore, and I'm doing
airplanes with my fatherAirplanes, you know what I'm
saying and he's looking like alittle baby laying there.
And to hear him say I love youback, little bug.
I hadn't heard that in so long.
You know he would go into thesemoments.
(20:52):
What did you?
Do I froze.
I froze and just was like youknow, and I kind of looked back
at him and he was just kind ofgrinning and I kissed him on the
forehead.
I said I'll be right back withyour oatmeal.
All right, little bug, allright.
And by the time I got back withthat oatmeal he was back in
that.
Uh, you know state.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Comatose.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Comatose.
He wasn't comatose, but he waslike gone Right and then we lost
him.
There was no later and hedidn't utter another word other
than moans and groans.
I remember a funny story whenhe was in the facility before we
brought him to brought him home, you know, the hospice to bring
(21:33):
him home, or whatever and Iremember they called my mother
and said he keeps asking forlove books and we figured he
wanted you and she said nah,that ain't me, that's my
daughter, call her.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Like they literally thought he was asking for his
wife because he kept asking forlove, but it must be his wife,
and that sounds, she said nah,that ain't me.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
That's his daughter Call his daughter.
That ain't me Like he was likecall that other one.
He became like my child, likewhen he would.
They would have him doing alittle therapy and stuff, you
know.
And the nurse, she was so sweetat the at the facility and she
would call me on FaceTime andshe said and she said, look, mr
Brown, love bug on the phone,love bug, look better, go boy.
(22:19):
I know that's right, you betterpull.
It was like talking to my son.
It was like my son because hewas like a little kid, just so
happy and I'm like I'm literallyraising my father.
He was happy to make you happyright which is what I have found
.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I'm in year 12 with my mom and it is amazing, um,
just the other night, when whatI noticed was she smiled harder
because I was smiling she don'teven know what the hell I was
smiling, and laughing about, butbecause I was smiling and
laughing, she decided to returnit.
So it does become this um, inthe role reversal, there becomes
(22:51):
periods where, well, I foundthere are periods where they dig
in and they are so happy thatwe the kid looks happy or looks
settled or has something to saywe look proud of them.
Your dad's like, oh, I'm makinglove proud, yeah, and those
small things is what I really inmy head as being a family,
(23:13):
caregiver, advocate, had, asbeing a family caregiver
advocate.
I stress so much to politiciansand to lobbyists to say, hey,
there are things that familycaregivers can do, that no hired
help or trained medicalposition person will ever be
able to do, and y'all got tofigure out how to take better
(23:36):
care of us, because there arepeople now.
You were, you had, you wereable.
The eleven thousand dollarscame from somewhere, it came
from somewhere.
Take care of everything,because I still ain't got it now
I wish to god.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I did, I don't know where it came from lord.
But thank you, jesus, I knowthat's right tides and offerings
I gave, and that's right cameback.
That's right.
It came when you needed it.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
It did.
It did so often for familycaregivers.
They lose their job or theybecome underemployed and then
they're having to move in withfamily members.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
I tried to get my parents to move in.
I bought a home with an in-lawsuite just for the anticipation
of mommy and daddy coming tolive with me, and they refused
yeah.
They both got their wishes.
They both passed in their homes.
They both got their wishes.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Daddy passed in our from the bottom of my heart.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Congratulations they both passed where they wanted to
and that was at home.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Um, that's a.
That is, that's major.
So many, so many familiesaren't able to give that wish.
Yeah Right, I just thank.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
God every day because you know it's funny.
I laugh all the time.
I said my daddy probably inheaven right now, laughing that
I finally listened to himbecause he used to fuss to me
and say money burn a hole inyour hand.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
You can't keep no money.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
You need to put something away for a rainy day.
What's wrong with you?
And because of that, I finallylistened to him.
I think that's where that11,000 came from.
That's right.
That's where I was able to dothe things, cause they, you know
, this country is ridiculouswith medication.
Yes, they are ridiculous.
Well, my father had amedication that costs $780 every
month.
That's the one my mom was.
That's crazy.
(25:12):
To me it is.
It's like they want us to dieFast.
Who can afford that?
Not many.
My mom had one for $1,100 amonth and I'm thinking are you
kidding me right now?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Right, and that's one pill.
As if they were on one pill.
That was one thing so she couldbreathe.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
That was one little pump.
Yeah, what do you call it?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
A breather or something.
Yeah, yeah, thing yeah, and I'mthinking to myself what the
devil I said.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Can we move to England?
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Let's go to Canada.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
That's right, they got universal health care.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
This is ridiculous and they'll just drive by and
drop it off in the mailbox.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Seriously, it is ridiculous, but you know, it's
so funny to me because, you know, mommy, daddy, I knew was
happening and I made such apeace with it, you know, and I
was so grateful because myfather, like I said, my father
and I I was a daddy's girl.
I was a daddy's girl, handsdown.
I think sometimes my mom was alittle jealous of our
relationship because she wouldmake comments like oh, if love
(26:06):
book cooking and honey, he gonnalove it.
I don't care, she can fry apiece of doodoo and he love it.
You know, and I used to be likecause my dad loved my cooking,
you know, and I used to be likebecause my dad loved my cooking,
but I also had taken all of hismother's cookbooks, All of his
aunts, all of them.
Country women gave me theirrecipes and I learned to perfect
(26:26):
them for my daddy.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
So I could make his mama's biscuits.
You did Okay, I could make hismama's biscuits.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
You put the work in.
You know what I'm saying.
So whenever I would come home,I would say to him okay, what's
the menu while I'm here, Papi,you know that's right, I sure
like them.
Pork chops, you do the porkchops.
You going to do the pork chops,I'm going to do the pork chops,
daddy.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I'm going to do the pork chops.
I don't need them.
Pork chops you going to do thatgumbo I'm going to do that
gumbo, papi, I spoiled.
That's another thing, I try toreally encourage to family
caregivers, because sometimesthe medical profession will say,
well, don't do that.
You should make them be moreindependent.
(27:03):
Listen, fuck that.
My mom has gone through enoughand if something that she needs,
I can actually give her, she'sgoing to have it.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
My dad loved my chicken and dumplings.
You think I ain't stopping tostore on the way home and get
them chicken and dumplings tomake.
And dumplings, that's what hegonna do.
That's what he gonna do.
You know what I'm saying, justlike my mama's.
I know, daddy, because I gotthe recipe you know, whatever my
mom.
You know she was.
She was dealing with so muchemotionally because of that
traumatic experience that hadhappened, that I think, threw
(27:34):
her into that tailspin of hersickness and you know she was
processing that, but also beingtold that you ain't got much
longer and unfortunately it cameout in a different way with her
.
You know what I'm saying.
The patience I had to have withShirley Okay, because, honey,
(27:55):
that mouth, I know where I getmy slick mouth from Okay, but I
wasn't ready, wasn't ready tohave it thrown back on you, just
in a way that I knew she wasangry, she was hurting, she was
scared.
It taught me such a level ofpatience to not get invested in
what was coming out of her mouth.
But seeing her spirit I had tolook beyond.
(28:17):
I had to go deaf and just lookat her heart that she was
hurting, she was afraid.
I remember when my daddy didyou get there?
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Let me just ask you this Did you get to that point?
In the middle of it yes, in themiddle of it, was that prayer
meditation, the Holy spirit justpicking my battles?
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Okay, picking my battles and Picking my battles,
and then shout out my mom'scaregiver.
Oh my God, this woman wasabsolutely amazing.
Like she would call me, like mymom would go to the emergency
room, she'd look, it's like itbecame a thing Okay, whatever,
(28:55):
and I would be jumping on aplane canceling shows, jumping
on a plane running home, andI'll never forget that one time.
I'll never forget it.
My mom called me.
Oh, the Lord's coming child, Ifeel it.
It's the time.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
That's right, elizabeth, help me, I'm going to
cancel some shows.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
And I'm going to hop on a plane and her caregiver,
her nurse, she calls me and shesaid don't you go in that day,
I'm going to play what?
And I said what do you mean?
She said I'm going to send yousomething.
Five minutes after I hung upthe phone, she sends me a video
of my mom.
I sent it to you.
She's on the phone with me,right?
Oh Lord, you're coming to getme.
I can see the angels, lord.
(29:33):
She sent me a video of my mamain the room talking about, yeah,
the daughter coming in.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
She told me to see me later.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Yeah, uh-huh, she get on a plane right now.
I'm like how come you were juston the phone with me, like you
about to die, and she called meand I loved her for that,
because and that's- why I stillto this day.
You know, I absolutely lovethis woman, I take care of her.
I still send her Christmascards and birthday cards, you
know, because she would get youon the plane, because she was
(29:58):
like she's faking, she's faking,she's trying to get you home
and so then she would tell herwell, farrah can't make it, why?
Well, she just you know, and shewould be the heavy for me
sometimes.
That's beautiful, the personthat traumatized my mother.
They would try to come see herand she would not answer the
door.
Come see her and she would notanswer the door.
She said, no, we're not doingthis with them today.
I know that's right.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
We're not doing this with them today.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Shout out those high caregivers that become a part of
the family, and she called meand said you know, so-and-so
came by, but I just didn'tanswer the door because your
mama didn't need the day.
I was like thank you, yes,Thank you, I appreciate you.
You know what.
I'm such an amazing woman.
Like I said, we consider herfamily she had my back.
She was there because my mompassed in my arms and she was
(30:41):
there.
Whoa Hold on.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Coco.
We need better transitions.
Okay, I'm sorry you just wentright from the funny into the in
the arms.
I don't even know if there wasa pause.
Was there a comma in that?
I ain't hear, no, I ain't feel.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
No comma, I guess that's my way of processing it.
Well, that's fine.
I'm going to try to catch you,because I always say I was.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
this may sound crazy, but I always say Well, you all
at home, y'all at home.
You said y'all, you were home.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
My daddy passed in front of me.
My daddy took, I had just gavehim his morphine and I had went
in the guest room.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
This is real.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
And I had baby monitors in my mama's room and
my daddy's room just so I couldhear them Right.
And I was in the guest room andmy son was in my old bedroom
and I just gave my daddy hismedication, kissed him on the
forehead you know, I knew hecouldn't.
You know I knew he could hearme and I said I'll be right next
(31:37):
door, papa, you need me.
I laid down, I was praying andI was actually just thanking God
that he had given me theability to take care of him.
I was just thanking him,thanking him thanking him.
And as God is my witness, as Iwas laying there, praying, I
(31:58):
felt a weight on me.
This is so real, right now, Ifelt a weight on me, okay, like
somebody laid on top of me, andI was like okay, okay, I said
God, okay.
And then I heard my daddy sayoh.
And I jumped up, cut the lighton Daddy, looked at me, took
that last breath and I say tothis day I feel that was his
spirit passing through me.
That was him saying goodbye.
(32:19):
I feel that in my spirit I'mwith you.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
I believe that.
I believe that, and I'm notjust saying that because we
sitting here talking.
I had to tell my mother herhusband of 54 years was gone.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
I had to go in the room and wake my mother up and
say Poppy gone, what's crazy is?
My son was there for both ofhis grandparents passing and he
slept through everything.
He slept through the nurse, thehospice nurse coming to to
confirm daddy was gone.
He slept through this funeralhomecoming to get daddy's body.
Slept through it all.
(32:49):
When my mom passed, uh, she hadjust gotten out the hospital.
She was having some issues andthey were trying to get her to
go to hospice, but she didn'twant to go.
She refused I ain't going tohospice.
I said, mommy, they're sayingthere's nothing more you can do.
I don't care, I don't care, Idon't care, I was okay.
Whatever you know, we're goingto let you have your moment I
(33:11):
will give you, I will honor yourwishes.
That's right.
And in LA, filming 911, Ibelieve and her caregiver had
called me and said I need you toget here.
Your mom is in the hospital.
I said, ok, as soon as I finishfilming I'll be there.
So I literally flew from LA,went to Atlanta, grabbed my son,
flew to Virginia.
I had been home.
I got in that day aboutnoon-ish.
(33:34):
That night me and my mom weregoing to watch queen sugar and
my mom was having some bowelissues right and, uh, she kept
going back and forth to thebathroom and I was messing with
her kid would you get my mama?
You know whatever.
And I remember I was on thephone with a friend of mine
making sure.
They called to make sure I gotinto virginia and I heard my
(33:56):
mama say farrah, and I ran theroom.
She was in the room, she wassitting there in bed and she
said baby, baby, you know I gotto get to the bathroom.
I said mama, I ain't going tomake it.
I said ma, just do it rightthere.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
That's right, just go , we're going to clean it up.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
We can clean all of it up.
And she was like I got to go.
I got, but when we went to gether to say okay, let's lift you
up, we realized it was blood.
My mother had an internalaneurysm, she had a rupture and
she bled out.
She bled out right in front ofme.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
What in the hell?
Speaker 2 (34:30):
And I remember her caregiver.
We realized it was blood shemouthed to me call 911.
And I called him and I saidthis is what happening the whole
time.
My mom is talking regular she'slike oh lord, she's like oh,
lord, y'all gonna have to cleanup all this crap, lord, and
she's not realizing what isblood shooting out of her?
That's blood right and um, Iremember, uh, you just wiping
(34:57):
her feet.
She said Farrah don't let itget on the carpet.
And I'm calling myself and I'mseeing the blood.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
But that's old school .
I can smell the blood, butshe's still concerned about her
wound and she's still thinkingshe's going number two.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Yeah, not knowing this is what's happening, that's
right.
And then, as I was cleaning herfeet, she her feet.
She fell on me and I yelled.
I yelled for her caregiver, Iyelled for her nurse and I got
up and I lifted her off of meand I was like mommy and she, I
said roll back.
And she was throwing at themouth and she was mouthing
something and I said daddy'scalling you, ain't he?
(35:32):
I said daddy's calling you andshe was just mouthing.
I said it's okay, go be withdaddy, go be with daddy.
And I remember they came intothe ambulance and they were
trying to resuscitate her and Isaid look, my mother has a dnr.
We just do not resuscitate,right?
that's right I said hold on.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
I said real talk, my mama has a dnr right, and this
is part of that, just for anylook all parents enough
community anybody new listening?
Dnr United States, western partof the globe.
Dnr means don't help me, stayalive.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Like if the Lord has decided I ain't supposed to
breathe then leave me alone andI remember my neighbors because,
you know, we grew up in a greatneighborhood, because all the
neighbors were coming up,because they saw the fire truck
and the ambulance, theparamedics, everything, and they
were coming over, you know, andthey brought, they took mommy
out and and I knew she was gone.
I knew because I saw it.
Yeah, I watched her.
She was talking to somebody.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
I said you're talking to daddy, daddy calling you,
and she was just talking and asclose as you were to your dad,
and you were there when hetransitioned.
But she's amazing.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
My mama prepared me for that moment because
literally the day after mydaddy's funeral, I remember me
and my mom were sitting on herbed.
My mother was as sick as shewas could still sit on a bed
completely Indian style.
Are you serious, as God is mywitness?
Speaker 1 (36:51):
And I realized I sit like that.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
How she did I sit like that when I sit on my bed?
I'm the same way.
My mother was 77 years old withall her ailments.
I could sit perfect indian soy'all just got all.
Of your hips and your knees aregood, all right so, um, I
remember we were sitting in thebed and, uh, this was the day
after my dad's funeral and wewere kind of just talking and
she said baby.
And I said, yeah, mama.
(37:13):
She said I don't know how muchlonger I'm going to be here.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
And I'm like, ma, Don't start that.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
And I'm like ma, and she's like I don't know how much
longer I'm going to be herebecause I don't know how to live
without him.
I don't know how to livewithout him.
And eight months later she wasgone.
Go be with her baby.
And you know what's crazy, whenI I got to the hospital because
I followed the ambulance andeverything, and I got to the
hospital I knew she was gone.
But when I got there, you know,and I'm sitting there and they
(37:40):
came out, the lady came out todo intake forms and then she
said wait a minute, Are you herefor Shirley Brown?
I said yes, ma'am.
She says does she have a DNR?
I said yes, ma'am, I knew.
Then, you know, I said theycame and took me to the back
room.
That's when they told me mymommy was gone and I had my
brother on speakerphone and hewas actually hauling tail down
(38:00):
from Maryland to get to Virginiabecause I had called him like
mommy's on the edge.
Because he had just left.
He had just left what's crazy.
Both times he had just left mydaddy, he had just left my mama.
I said so.
I guess it was meant for me.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Because he had just left, like the day before.
It was crazy.
I believe your parents want todo that.
Yeah, I don't know nothing.
I believe them.
It's like my mother waited forme.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
It's like my daddy waited for me and my mommy
waited for me to be there and Iremember I went in there to see
her to ask me did I want to seeher?
And I said yes, and I went inthe room and I saw her and then
she had a smile on her face.
She was still warm and she waslaying there With a smile on her
face and she had the sweetest,most peaceful smile on her face.
(38:42):
It was crazy and I said youwith daddy, ain't you?
Speaker 1 (38:46):
She's like I'm good she's back with her baby.
It's like I hope you all rightbecause I'm good.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
She said I don't know if they told you when you see
that vein going around.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
No, I know about the vein.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Okay, so that's when they're getting ready to Really
go.
And so the hospice nurse thatday, the night my daddy died,
that day the hospice nurse cameto check him out and that vein
was just.
I mean, it was like this andshe said that's a sign that the
heart is overworking, becausethe organs are shutting down
Gotcha.
And she said it was very close,okay, and I remember my dad was
just moaning and oh you know,yeah, and I had given him
(39:23):
morphine and I remember Iwhispered in his ear.
I said you worried aboutsweetie, ain't you?
That's my mama, mm-hmm.
I said you know, I'm going totake care of her.
You know I'm going to be alittle man.
My dad, my brother, little man,I said he going to be high.
I said well, you ain't got tofight, daddy, it's okay.
And, as God is my witness, hestopped moaning and he went to
(39:45):
sleep.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
You knew what to say.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
You were so close to him.
You knew what to say to ease hisspirit, because I don't know
who he was talking to.
He was, you know, we were likeDaddy Poppy Poppy, whoever was
calling him, and so I told him Isaid you're worried about
Sweetie, aren't you?
I said, now you know, I got her.
What you worried about he'slike all right.
And it's literally like hecalmed down.
(40:07):
He's like all sis, I wasn'tsupposed to be there.
No, you weren't.
I was constantly traveling,working, filming.
(40:28):
I was overseas.
How I was there For those twoslices of time that won't number
, god Okay.
With the $11,000, two slices oftime.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
I still don't know where that came from, and I
wasn't the only fan of none, atleast not under Coco Brown.
You know what I'm saying, okay.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
But it's crazy that you know.
I looked at how lucky I was,blessed I was, that I was in a
position to take care of myparents yes, give them their
wishes and be there, like Iremember.
At both their funerals I saidwhat an honor it has been to
know that they were there when Itook my first breath and I was
(41:10):
there when they took their last.
What an honor, what an honor.
And everybody in the church youhear people go, you know,
because I meant that they werethere for me when I took my
first breath.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
And I was there for them when they took their last.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
That's it.
You know, and I remember goinghome this past Mother's Day and
I was.
You know, a lot of my family isburied in the same cemetery in
Hampton, virginia, and I was.
I went by Michael's and prettymuch wiped them out of all silk
arrangements and I was putting,you know, arrangements on my
(41:51):
parents mausoleum yes, because Igot my parents the mausoleum
where they're buried togethernice I didn't get them separate.
Like right I got a mausoleumyeah, because they go together
and mommy's right on top andthey're the same, they go
together.
And um, I said y'all stopstealing my parents, because I
know they ain't dying.
They can't die.
They still where they go.
I was working in Richmond atthe Funny Bone.
(42:11):
I drove down to Hampton.
I said I'm going to do this,I'm going to go visit mommy and
daddy, and I put flowers ontheirs and I said well, let me
go see everybody else.
And I found my greatgrandparents.
Really, I didn't know they wereburied out there.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
Just roaming around you, just roaming around in the
cemetery I went to mygrandmother's.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
I went to my grandmother and my grandfather's
grave sites, yeah, and then Ilooked over and I said uh-uh.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
You had never noticed it.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
I never knew that.
My great-grandparents wereright there, never knew.
And then my uncle that diedbefore I was born my Uncle Bubby
was right there, never knew.
And then my uncle that diedbefore I was born my uncle Bubby
was right there.
What so?
Next thing I know I'm literallywalking around the whole
cemetery it's a family reunionof spirits With a big old basket
of flowers?
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
And I'm putting flowers on my cousin Reggie, my
uncle Frank, my aunt Alice and I, literally, and I went back to
Michael's twice you had toBecause I wanted to get more
flowers, because I was findingmore family members, right, but
I felt, I felt so like, I felttheir spirits, I felt their
energy.
(43:17):
You know, I cried all the waygoing down there.
Yeah, I cried all the way goingdown there and I came back just
reminiscing about, you know,the parties at Uncle Frank's
where he let me sip a little bitof his beer you know and my
grandmama, you know my grandmamayou know telling me, honey, you
don't fry chicken or fish innothing but a cast iron skillet.
(43:39):
It ain't real if you over.
You know.
I just went back to Richmond anddid my shows that night and
just felt so connected to them.
You know, people like, how didyou get over?
How you?
But you gotta stand the honor,yes.
And then the blessing of it allthat you know and trust me, I'm
not rich sis, I'm not over herebawling.
(44:00):
You know I got two paid offcars.
That are what 2008 and 2015like I, you know I I just my
father, I know is in heavengoing.
She finally got it and learnedhow to keep a dollar, save a
dollar right because you cancare.
Two households now.
Then get two households andthree people my mom and my daddy
and my son.
That's right so I had to learnand you figured it out quickly,
(44:22):
right, but it's like for real,for real, just knowing that.
What gives me peace is that inno arrogant, cocky way
whatsoever, I know I was a damngood daughter.
I know, that's right, I was adamn good daughter.
You know what I'm saying, Iknow that's right.
Can't nobody ever take thatfrom?
Speaker 1 (44:37):
me.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Period Ever take that from me.
Period.
And I gave them what theywanted and I still honor them.
You know what I'm saying andit's like you know, and they
both chose to take that lastbreath in front of me.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Coco, at the end of every episode I have a segment
called the snuggle up.
Basically, it's just if you gotto tell any caregiver, a family
caregiver, hey, if you justsnuggle up, just scooch on up to
this one thing, this one pieceof advice, your journey as a
caregiver will be a whole loteasier.
(45:12):
And we're going to shake thisto say we are now doing a
snuggle up segment.
So what you got?
Speaker 2 (45:22):
I know it may be hard and tiring and frustrating, but
just know, take it as a badgeof honor that you can, because
there are people who throw theirparents in nursing homes,
convalescent homes, and never,ever go back, ever.
There are people who wipe theirparents' bank account out and
(45:45):
now they're somewhere stuck insome county city facility being
treated like crap.
That was my grandmother's bestfriend, because trust and
believe, honey, and nodisrespect, but most of them
facilities I wouldn't put a dogin.
They not right.
I wouldn't put a dog in, that'sright.
So, real talk, if you have theability to care for the ones who
cared for you, take that as abadge of honor, man, do it, do
(46:08):
it, put that chip on yourshoulder, baby.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
I'm with Coco.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Do it Because I'm cocky with mine, Do it.
I said I know that my blessingsare lined up.
What?
Because I went above and beyonddoing what I was expected to do
and God gave me the ability todo so.
So, if you're walking aroundwith a bunch of guilt, did you
bite the hand that fed you what,or did you comfort it and carry
(46:32):
it to the end.
Speaker 1 (46:33):
Hello, real talk.
Did you seek or you didn't?
I'm saying you were justshutting people out.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Trust and believe honey, and it's funny because
that's why I still feel I'mconnected to both of them,
because Shirley haunt me everyday on when I'm going to get
married.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
I don't want to get married, okay, okay.
Madison Brown haunt me everyday talking about he a little
ugly little boy.
On that note, that is it, man.
We have had such a fantastictime with you today here on
Parenting Up.
You always got that good goodgoing on.
It's live, it's live, it's live.
(47:07):
It's on the big screen.
The small screen I can find itin my hip pocket on my cell
phone, so let everyone knowwhat's coming up for you.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Well, what's coming up?
You guys can catch me right nowon Lifetime on Call Me Now the
Rise and Fall of Miss Cleo.
Yes, you guys can also check meon those wonderful reruns of
9-1-1.
I'm constantly on there as wellas Never have I Ever on Netflix
.
You guys can definitely checkme on Single Moms Club that they
play every weekend on BET.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
You guys, can check me.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
Yes, they do I see it ?
I also have another Lifetimemovie coming out with Eva Marcel
and Tyler Play called BuriedAlive Nice, that's coming out.
And I'm about to actually go doa Christmas movie with Tia
Mowry and Donna Briscoe Superexcited, called A Beauty Salon
Christmas and I get to playsomething I've always wanted to
play.
I get to play a rich auntie.
I'm not even going to be acting, what?
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Won't he do it?
Speaker 2 (48:07):
Won't he will, and you guys can check.
Check me out as cousin coke onthe country.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
Wayne skits honey yeah, I'm a little bit of
everywhere.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Those skits are hilarious, girl them people are
diehard hilarious I didn't evenknock on the star while I was
peeing, asking me when I wasgonna do something about
so-and-so on a skit, and I'mlike, can I pee?
so yeah and I don't write it Idon't, I don't write it, you
know.
But yeah, I just show up andyou know know, do what I got to
do.
But yeah, you know, and rightnow I'm finishing up.
(48:31):
I'm really proud of this.
I can't wait till it drops, youknow, but I'm taking my time.
I'm writing a book called theCare Forgiver, about how I
learned it.
Well, you got to come back forthat.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
God, my goal is to be done with that December 1st.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Well, all right.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
We'll be right here.
Speaker 2 (48:47):
Launching the first of the year, but I'm just
learning how to forgive myforgive, the ones I take care of
.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
You are welcome back.
We're going to have to have youback to talk even more about
your parents, your journey andthen your time as a mother,
because there's there's a lot ofups and downs with that too.
So thank you so much.
Thank you for having me girl,thank you so much for having me.
Yes, you're very welcome.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
You're very welcome.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Just snuggle up.
Hey, y'all notice I ain't sayan S Because we got a lot going
on in the studio.
So I'm going to give you onebig old snuggle up summary for
my girl, coco Brown.
You don't know what the hellsomebody is going through.
I know all the things that Isaw Coco on producing on TV and
(49:37):
movies during the period whereshe was also caring for her
parents.
So, as they say, oh, the grassis always greener.
No, it ain't.
You don't know what the hellsomebody else is going through,
so you just better take yourlumps, whatever they are, and
stick with them, because shefigured out a way to balance all
(49:57):
of those things through herbelief in her faith and her
commitment to be there for herparents.
That shit ain't easy.
What's up y'all?
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
reminding y'all.
Patreon is open.
(50:18):
It is open and ready for you,you, you, you and your mama too.
We are loading up things, allthings Zetty, all things podcast
, all things.
Caregiving Behind the scenes,extra stuff.
J Smile's comedy is droppingwith her own little collection
(50:39):
within the J Smile StudioPatreon, very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
there, because there'sexclusives, that's kind of time
sensitive to whoever is in therefirst.
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'm going to behonest because of, you know,
(51:04):
branding matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
World Wide Web that I can do inthe Patreon pantry.
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
(51:24):
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
Patreon pantry.
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