September 25, 2024 • 37 mins
In this episode, we sit down with fan-favorite, comedian Kelly Kellz. Known for her side-splitting stand-up and hilarious videos online, Kelly isn't just funny—she’s real. Kelly opens up about her life beyond the laughs, sharing her love for her family, maternal influences, the ups and downs of having the gift of comedy, and how transparency heals.
J Smiles dives deep with Kelly as she talks about her journey helping her grandmother care for one of her great-grandmothers, both 'spunky' women who lived into their 90s, passing recently. Kelly also shares her raw experiences as a mom, balancing comedy, caregiving, and motherhood. Discover her heartwarming and hilarious stories about both of her great-grandmothers, how she’s earned the title of "#GrandmaWhisperer," and practical tips for anyone navigating the challenges of caregiving.
Tune in for candid conversations, expert caregiver advice, and hilarious anecdotes that only Kelly Kellz and J Smiles can deliver. If you love comedy, caregiving stories, and authentic, no-filter conversations, this episode is for you!
Visit Kellykellz.com for more on today's guest!
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#sandwichgeneration
#FamilyCaregiver
#BlackFamilyStories
#CaregivingTips
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#EndAlz
Host: J Smiles
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: AnneliseTV
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You find them, opening up in ways you like I
didn't know you went throughthis type of trauma.
I didn't know that youexperienced this type of grace.
I didn't know that you, you hada job.
You worked when, when, everytime I saw you were available.
That's right, and it just mademe a better person.
(00:21):
And now I call myself GrandmaWhisperer, because now it's
weird.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hashtag Grandma Whisperer, put that on your
Kelly Qs, please do, becauseit's another adjective added to
my name.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
However, I literally am on planes, I'm in airports,
restaurants and older people areattracted to me and I find them
letting their guards down.
You talking about those men.
I'm talking about all the older, older, more mature crowd, Like
(00:55):
they open up to me.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Parenting Up, caregiving adventures with
comedian day smiles is theintense journey of unexpectedly
being fully responsible for mymama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
Spoiler alert.
(01:17):
I started comedy because thisshit is so heavy, so be ready
for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
(01:41):
Is that okay?
Parenting Up Family.
We are here today doingsomething special and action.
(02:03):
Y'all we're ready for that.
There you go.
Okay, y'all saw that, andsomebody got a little extra side
side waist in this mug.
Today's guest is none otherthan the fabulous
multi-hyphenate actor, comedianpodcaster double PhD'd Is that
(02:30):
how you say it?
I mean, yeah, double.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
D's, double, d's, double PhD's.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Throw some.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
D's on them y'all.
They're doctors.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
baby, throw some D's on them A major social media
influencer, an advocate, anactivist, and my soror yeah,
we're deltas.
We ain't gonna even wait fory'all to ask, we're not even
gonna wait for y'all to ask.
Thank, you for being heremaking time.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
You're busy, You're all over the place, but I just
parenting up is just somethingthat you can't even let.
Just slip through the cracks.
You've got to get there.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yes, you ain't lying.
It calls.
Can't even let just slipthrough the cracks.
You've got to get there.
Yes, you got a line.
It calls you.
You don't know if you call forit.
That's.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
That's a good thing and I'm here for the calling
right, hello so she's an idiot,which is why I love her.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Thank you, so many, many people know your story.
Yeah, because you you sharewith us on social media and I
appreciate it, thank you.
You give us the laughs, youtell us about what's going great
, what might make you kind ofsad.
Everybody doesn't do that,kelly, I know what even gives
you the strength to share thatmuch of your personal life
(03:36):
online.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
To be completely honest, I know transparency
heals right, and so it wassomebody else's transparency
that gave me strength.
And so, now that I have thismajor platform, I always ask God
if you give me a platform, Iknow it's going to be bigger
than me.
I know it's not just for me andI'm going to use it for your
glory or however I see fit.
So a lot of times my storiesand my testament help people get
(03:59):
through, because people assumethat just because you are
influenced or you all thesethings great, that you don't
have trials and tribulationsYou're like no, I have the most,
what I have the most, because Irequire so much more and I'm
giving and people are alwaystaking.
So I have to tell you this ishow I'm feeling right now, and
you would be surprised.
(04:20):
Getting two or three messageslike I needed that today will
make you say, well, I'm gonna doit tomorrow, see who else need
it.
And then it turns into a five,and then you have groups.
You're in.
You like, oh my god, this is acalling.
So it's just something I feellike I have to do and I'm not
embarrassed of who I am.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
That's what makes me Kelly Kells neither one of us
have long enough legs or toes toactually and fingers to touch,
but this was a touch it was.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
That was a touch.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Now it's the parenting up community, and
we're here because at some pointwe have either been cared for,
we are currently caring forsomeone in our family or someone
care for us, and it's astruggle.
A lot of people don't want totalk about it, a lot of people
are scared to talk about it,which is why I wanted you to
(05:14):
open with how comfortable youare sharing your story, and it's
because it's helped otherpeople.
Now you're originally fromMilwaukee, yeah, and you didn't
made a whole lot of places onthe big screen, the short screen
, the little screen, the cellphone screen, yeah.
Hbo, yeah, man, okay, come onnow.
Come on, pop yourself.
But before that, yeah, you wassomebody's daughter,
(05:38):
granddaughter, mm-hmm At home.
So often we are found our realcalling in talking with our
maternal influences.
Yeah, I know, you got somestrong ones.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I have extreme deep connections with my, my
grandmothers andgreat-grandmothers and I find so
much confidence in that becausea lot of people like dang you
still have yourgreat-grandmother.
Well, I did up until about sixmonths ago.
I lost my great grandmother andthen, like three months after
that, I lost my my mother'sgrandma.
(06:13):
So I lost two great grandmaswithin three months, but they
were going strong 93 and 96years old when they, when they
finally transitioned, they werein a right state of mind.
One of them needed a little bitmore care than the other and
that was the blessing.
I was able to do that and I sawmyself reaping the benefits of
(06:35):
just being in her presence andhearing her stories and
connecting with her.
So my grandmother was theprimary caregiver.
However, whenever I'm around mygrandmother, you sit down and
relax.
That's right.
You have a grandchild in here,that's right, I can do all this.
As a matter of fact, I can do itso efficiently.
You didn't even know that itcould be done in a short amount
of time.
You know what I mean.
She's like wait a minute youshould come.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
You washed the dishes and vacuumed it.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
It would have Kelly in a week, and so that was the
beauty in it and I found so muchjoy in that.
And I wasn't Kelly Kells, I wasKelly and I was grandbaby.
And to love on someone who hasloved on you your entire life is
a reward.
It's rewarding, it's the giftthat keeps on giving.
And then you find them openingup in ways you, like I didn't
know you went through this typeof trauma.
I didn't know that youexperienced this type of grace,
(07:27):
right, I didn't know that you.
You had a job.
You worked when, when, everytime I saw you we're available,
that's right, and it just mademe a better person.
And now I call myself GrandmaWhisperer, because now it's
weird.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Hashtag Grandma Whisperer, put that on your
Kelly Qs, please do, becauseit's another adjective added to
my name.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
However, I literally am on planes, I'm in airports,
restaurants and older people areattracted to me and I find them
letting their guards down.
Talk about those men.
I'm talking about all the older,older, more mature crowd, like
(08:13):
they open up to me.
I go to Samson gym and if youknow about anything about Samson
gym, it's connected to newbirth church.
The demographic in there isabout 50 and up, and then it's
me in here Pump it, pump it,pump it Now I.
It's me in here, pump it, pump,pump, pump it, pump it Now.
I'm playing picket ball.
I play picket ball, you're notsupposed to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
I play it.
We're not supposed to do that,and.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I'm going so hard on them.
They 50 trying to spike it upLike you gotta.
Yeah, but all that stemmed fromloving on my grandmother when
she didn't expect me to do thosethings Right, and my family
probably didn't expect me tocome in and be hands on what you
need.
No, I don't want to put nogloves on.
I know this sound crazy, right,Because in my mind this gloves
making me feel like ew, nah youokay, Like I'm not in the
(08:54):
hospital, I'm not a nurse.
You, my grandma.
Yeah, yeah, you can touch yourskin and whatever come out your
body.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
We got soap don't we and, and we got soap and I'm
taking something, so he boughthis.
Why did you buy all this soap?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
we're taking a couple of people your, uh, your story
to me is extra special becauseyou're talking about multiple
generations of women who werestrong in their influence in
your life.
And then you come back and thenyou get to help Share a little
bit about how that role reversalfelt.
(09:30):
Was it hard for you?
Was it hard for your elders?
Because now you know you littlebaby Gally and then now you
come and you actually have to ofyour great grandmama for
however long that you can.
How'd that go over?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I think it was just more of an endearing feeling for
her.
I am extremely loving and kindand gentle, so I can listen to
the long-winded stories, so Inever made her feel
uncomfortable in any space thatshe was in, so it was rewarding
for me.
I felt as if I'm only doingthis because I could pray to be
(10:08):
93 years old and sit there and Iwant somebody to have grace,
patience with me, right?
And that was the thoughtprocess at one moment.
And then it just became anatural instinct.
You don't even think about itwhen you're parenting up, right?
Ah Bam, ding Ding, you don'teven think about it, because
(10:28):
that's what love is, ittranscends.
So they loved on me, so I canlove on them and I can't wait
for my daughter to love on meand my grandchildren to love on
me, because I already plantedthat seed and it was like
(10:50):
planting a seed and thenwatching it grow.
And then, of course, everythingthat grows must, you know,
ungrow and but.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
But I found peace in the ungrowing process because I
already did all the the lovingand the curating them and
digging the dirt and and makingsure it was fresh mulch and
everything.
Oh, it was, it was good and shesaw you and she saw me.
Get, get your dreams.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Tell a funny story, please.
Yes, like literally mygrandmother.
We were born and raised in achurch.
Right, there was a trend goingon about tell your grandmother
or tell someone you love, like,hey, I'm trying to get this
money from a scholarship, but Ineed to tell them that you were
a prostitute.
(11:24):
I remember that I did that withmy great-grandma, but my
grandma was recording.
So I'm like Grandma hey, I'mtalking to my grandma.
She's sitting on her bed.
I'm like Grandma hey, it was sohard raising eight children.
How did you do it, coming fromthe streets of being a
prostitute?
She said it was hard.
It was hard.
(11:44):
She didn't know what was goingon.
She said but I made it, mygrandma couldn't.
My grandma recorded.
My grandma said what, mom?
You were never a prostitute.
She said we're getting themoney right.
Oh, this is why I'm who I amRight.
Oh, that was so good.
She was willing to be aprostitute to get me that
(12:04):
scholarship money.
Listen Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Wow, you know what?
And what I just learned fromyou too is it seemed like it
skipped a generation.
So you know, the grandmama inthe middle might not have had as
much of the spice as you, nope,and the one above her.
That's the same in my family.
Yeah, my mama the blonde, justin case y'all ain't know.
Yeah, I can see it.
My mama is so demure, so demureand quiet.
(12:31):
She doesn't curse or smoke ordrink.
She walks on the correct sideof the street.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
All the things Blah blah, blah Blah.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
She doesn't know where I came from.
Yeah, and I remind her, baby, Icame from your mama.
My grandmother, my mom's mom,was smoking cigarettes at 14 and
skipping school.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
And getting guys to take her to the bar.
I love her.
Come on this is 19th grade.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
She lived life, what, what?
That's what I'm telling you.
My grandma, both of mygreat-grandmas, spunky, yeah, no
, no, no, okay, hold on.
My great-grandma spunky, mygrandma, that's my mom.
That's my daddy's side, yeah,but on my mama's side, my
great-grandma, oh boy, and thenmy grandma spunky.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Right, so I'm like okay ding, ding ding ding, ding.
It all came out in you on bothsides.
Yeah, I'm like oh, look at God.
Car ain't got no roof, we be inthe city, all right.
That's a song.
Absolutely it is a song, it is.
Maybe they'll give us somemoney for that.
Please, you know what I mean.
I love how grandma was like didwe get that scholarship?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I'm absolutely about to repost that video.
Please do.
I have to, please do.
It was classic, I love it Anypart.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
that was hard for you , though, kelly.
When you're seeing a personthat you've loved and respected
maybe not just the last fewmonths, just to say over the
last couple of years as you see,you're like, wow, she's not
walking the same or not talkingas quickly, or maybe she used to
love the way I had the churchand now she forgot that she
don't even have the wig on, orwhatever.
(14:10):
That might not be your story,but that happens, yeah.
Did you find yourself startingto turn the dial to damn?
They not grandmama's?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
not quite, I didn't have that with both instances
One I obviously was a morecaretaker of, and one it was
just knowing the situation.
It happened and suddenly, right, they went from being in
perfect health.
It was almost like a dagger.
We know that they're gettingolder, we know that they have
potential health issues, butthey were living with them and
they were fine.
These are things that werestreamlined, yeah, but then when
(14:40):
they got sick, they just gotsick, and then it was done.
And when they got sick, theyjust got sick, and then it was
and it was done.
So I didn't have a chance tohonestly process it in those
type of segments of oh man,she's moving slower, because it
was like I see her one day andshe's in Milwaukee, they're both
, they both were in Milwaukee.
I see her one day and she'slike, hey, we talk, we eat, my
(15:01):
grandma just made breakfast, weenjoy ourselves, and then,
literally like three days later,they like, hey, you may need to
get down here, and I'm likewhat, what, just how?
And it just happened.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
You got the wrong Kelly Cash.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
You got the wrong, Kelly Cash, and it just happened
suddenly.
But I wasn't able to just godown there because I have a life
that contracts and I have somany type of commitments.
But I was on FaceTime and I sawjust the dwindling down and it
was probably hard for them morethan me, but I was like kind of
(15:33):
lived in the moment of nah, Ijust was there like four days
ago, yeah like nah, this is notwhat I'm accepting.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
It's a technology glitch, maybe it's just not.
Yeah, no, it seriously feltlike that I was like is the
phone froze?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
It was like no, she's really not responding as fast
as you think.
So, I think it was just a moredenial thing and not being in
the actual moment, because I wasremoved from it then.
Yeah, I wasn't back here inAtlanta, so I didn't experience
it more like that.
I kind of took the joy aspectLike God, thank you for the time
that you gave me.
Nice, you get what I'm saying.
That's beautiful.
Honestly, if I could choose, Iwould never go to hospitals, I
(16:11):
would never go to funerals,right, I would live in the
moment, the most fresh moment ofus spending great time together
.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
That would be my last impression, so sore.
Yeah, I would love to do that.
I would love to do that, if youfigure that out, yeah, just
text me DM, whatever it is howwe can not go to funerals in
hospitals, unfortunately, whenyou're the strength of your
family right don't point at meno, it's too late, it's on you.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
You can't not be it.
They know it's on you.
You have to be there and youhave to be there full-fledged,
ten toes down standing on.
Ha ha, ha, yeah, yeah,everybody's happy.
Oh, everything's good, Great.
Oh, no, no, it's true, truly.
And then you get in your carlike ha ha Right, all the
emotions, all the emotions.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Every last one Because of all the emotions that
happen in the car, particularlywhen you're a caregiver who
happens to be a comedian, soeverybody expects you to walk in
the room with a joke.
Enlighten it up.
Who did you just meet?
What set were you just?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
on.
Where are you going next?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Show me your new purse.
Yeah, what's your next set?
What's the theme going to be?
And you're like, but I was herebecause Uncle Jack is dying,
can we talk about that?
I don't want to talk aboutnothing in Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
But I just want to say that that's our gift.
It is, and so that's why we wasin the room and that's why we
get in the car and go.
Yeah, yeah, right, because yousink in your body like whoa and
yeah, but a lot of times for meI don't have time to process
anything Blessings, struggles,the stuff because it's happening
(17:48):
so fast.
I'm gone, gone.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Yeah, and sometimes I ask am I numb?
No, well, listen, I don't thinkyou're Buddhist, but they say,
over there, all the Buddhapeople, all the Buddha people
and people like Buddha live inthe moment.
We're not supposed to worryabout the past or the future.
So then boom, it's gone.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
It's gone, there's nothing you can do about it.
Now, that's the truth, that's ahard fact.
Yes, yeah, so by yeah.
That's why I'm like, okay,what's next?
And I and quick solution,because I got to go.
Now, if you don't take thesolution, I really can't bring
it back.
(18:28):
Either way I got to go, eitherway I got to go.
Now you can take that witch andgo on, go on somewhere, go on,
go on and sit down, or you'regoing to be left with that.
And I'm like hey, I tried, I'mnot going to keep trying.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
You're a part of the sandwich generation which
everyone just in case you don'tknow, the sandwich generation
which everyone let's, just incase you don't know the sandwich
generation, we're the firstpeople, like around our age
range, to be in it, because wehave elders that are still alive
, and then we have kids andyou're a mom and we're so we're
caring for both.
I am beating the drum so often,uh, kelly kells, to let moms hey
(19:03):
, you know you're a caregiverJust because your kid can be
healthy and doing great inschool.
Chick, you're a caregiver,you're a caregiver.
Yeah, now, don't let the babyget sick or have an ailment
that's chronic or somethingwhere there's special needs.
Well, now, it just means thatin your role as caregiver, you
(19:25):
got more responsibilities.
Yeah, but part of the push inmy advocacy for caregiving is if
more people put on the hat ofcaregiving and recognize their
role, then maybe the movementpushes a little faster, a little
harder.
People in Congress, in thestate legislatures and all this
(19:46):
kind of stuff will pitch it tothem and be like damn, it's a
lot of caregivers, it's not justpeople caring for Alzheimer's
patients, it's mamas like KellyKells, who got a mama, a great
grandmama and a great, greatgrandmama and a daughter all at
the same time.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I love that and, as a caregiver for your younger
children, that is the mostextensive caregiving, because
now you're also caregiving inyour building and molding Right.
So if you're not in the bestmental state, if you can't care
for the elders that didn't carefor you, if you don't, if you
have all those different issues,if you're not seeing your way
through, you're going to pourall of that trauma, all of that
(20:24):
energy onto this baby thatyou're supposed to be caregiving
for.
And so it's so ironic that youeven bring that up and it's so
easy hearing that, because I wastelling my husband I was like
dude, I love my daughter.
She did drop husband.
I did drop husband.
I was telling my husband likedude, I love my daughter so much
.
And I just don't want toinflict my fears on her Like the
(20:45):
things that I went through, andsometimes I run up on her about
stuff and she's like what?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
And I'm like oh, I'm sorry, I've never even heard of
that.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I've never.
I don't even know what you'retalking about.
So it's almost like now I'm notplanting that damn seed in her
and I gotta do.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
I explain.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Do you try?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
to explain, or you just act like I ain't saying it.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
It depends on how inquisitive she is about it
after I ran up on her about it.
But if she like mama, okay,you're tweaking.
Cool, I'm like yeah, I am Allright, Are you hungry?
Moving on, moving on.
But the caregiver in me, thatinstinct of wanting everything
to be okay, can sometimes beoverbearing, and even, I'm sure,
(21:26):
for my grandmother, right, yeah, and I'll share with them.
Now I just share with you mygreat, or I share with your
producer, my grandma she saidproducer.
Y'all heard that.
Yeah, yeah, we got a producer Ishare with your producer that my
grandma is actually in thehospital.
I just found out last night mygrandma, who moves at the speed
(21:47):
of light.
They admit her.
What is it?
They don't know.
They just they're running testsright now.
Right, they ruled out COVID,they ruled out pneumonia, they
ruled out so many differentthings.
But her temperature is so highthey can't send her home, they
can't get her temperatureregulated.
And it's just mind-blowingbecause I have a grandmother
that is sharp right and when Ispoke with her she seemed a
little bit discombobulated andit and it, it crushed me.
(22:11):
But I couldn't show her thatbecause it's going to.
I already know if she see me,all right, I already know she
see me weak, it's gonna make herweaker.
So I'm like I just got thephone, like, and then Get off
the phone and let it out.
Oh God, you did let it out whenyou got off the phone.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Right, I had to.
It's my grandma.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I want you to, though it's my grandma.
We literally just took ourfirst right, my grandma, we just
took our first and they clearedher like two weeks before her
knee surgery and she said shewanted to film the trip and I
said we're doing it and we didit and it was amazing.
(22:51):
And she walked up and down thecruise ship and guess what?
Everybody's on a cruise shipsaying hey grandma, hey grandma,
and before we knew it she wasthe cruise ship grandma.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
So you're right, that's right.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
She became that.
So it's just living in thosemoments, literally like three or
four weeks ago, and then thisis just mind blowing.
It's fast, it's fast.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
That's what I was telling you, the, that the
caregiving thing is so fast andfor people who are not in it,
it's unbelievable how quick itcan occur.
Ugh, and then emotionally, youstill have.
Not only do you have yourdaughter, but you have your
career.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And I have a husband.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
And a husband.
One more time.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
One more time.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
I have all, and they like each other too.
I don't know if y'all can tellit's a whole lot alike so, and,
as everyone can see and hear,your personality is so bubbly
and so uplifting.
How, when you have thosemoments after where you cry or
(23:56):
you let it out, is it then over?
It come back.
How do, how do you manage yourself-care or your mental health
with these differentresponsibilities?
Speaker 1 (24:09):
for sure, it comes back.
Um, for to be transparent, likemy, I deal with my emotions
like at three, four, fiveo'clock in the morning.
I don't sound crazy.
God wakes me up and and I dealwith my emotions like at three,
four, five o'clock in themorning.
I know it sounds crazy.
God wakes me up and I deal withit then, and then I have to go
start my day.
It comes back, but I'm reallykeen on like, okay, god, I'm
gonna give it to you and I'mgonna walk away, and so when it
(24:30):
comes up, I literally don'taddress it with people.
I'm not one of those peoplethat you can keep talking to me
about the same thing I said thatearlier but not even my issue.
Right?
Don't keep bringing up my issuebecause I'm not giving life to
it.
So that's my, that's just mything.
I'm done with it.
I know that what it's trying todo, but I also know what I'm
(24:50):
manifesting against it.
So I'm not going to keepreliving it with explaining it
to someone else trying to gettheir opinion.
I don't need that and you don'tcare and I do not.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
That's what I need people to understand.
When we get heavy in thiscaregiving world, we'll listen a
little bit, but after we say,oh, I got it, thank you, I heard
you Thank you for thatsuggestion, or whatever that
means.
That's enough, please.
We don't want no more Exitstage left.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Thank you.
Now, if you do think that youcan do it better than me, or if
there's something else by allmeans I'm okay with and I'm open
enough and I'm not anego-driven person Go do it,
because I would love to have thelow lifting.
Yeah, you go do it lifting.
But yeah, you gonna do it andthat'll be somebody gotta get
(25:42):
off the stage.
Yeah, because, this is aone-man.
Both of us.
What a one man.
Oh, no, pun intended yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Come on now.
Come on now.
Um, your, your two grandmothers, that you, that uh, got their
heavenly wings recently.
What were their ailments?
Or did they have ailments, orwas anything described as what
might have caused them to passon?
Speaker 1 (26:04):
So ironically, the 96-year-old.
They say it was from COVID,complications of COVID.
Right, and here it is.
We're thinking that COVID isnull and void.
But COVID is obviously stillalive and well and the older you
are it's going to attack theimmune system.
So it was COVID, but she, youknow, she was diabetic and that
was it.
That was it really with her.
(26:25):
But COVID was the cause.
And then my great-grandmotherthat passed after her, which is
the one that I did more of thecaregiving, loving on.
Hers was man, she beat cancer,she had both.
(26:47):
She had breasts removed.
Hers was just organs and thingsfailing, so just stuff, just
shutting down kidneys, thingsfailing right, so just stuff,
just shutting down kidneys.
It couldn't go back to chemobecause it was just going.
It wasn't going to help.
Her body was refusing the chemo.
So it was just like, okay, weknew yeah, and then it just
(27:10):
happened, Exactly yeah, but withboth of them that's what I'm
saying With both of them I had apeace that I can't describe and
you don't need to Uh-uh.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
It was a peace, like uh, when you've had that peace,
there actually aren't words, andI was explaining this to
somebody not too long ago.
They also asked me well, jay,how do you know?
Okay, this was not aboutparents, no, but this is a point
.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you love himor not?
well, first of all, well, tellme why, list the things.
And I said well, honey, if Ican list the things on why I
(27:41):
love you, then I'm not.
I might love you and like you,but I'm not in love with you.
Yeah, because it's that peaceand that goody good that goes
past all understanding when Iknow, oh, I'm in this, I'm in,
I'm in this with my mama, mygrandmama, this dude, whatever
it is, I'm in it.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, and I can't describe it.
I can't say I love you, becausethe way you buckle your shoe,
the way you make the bag, it allsounds superficial and if they
stop doing those things, thenwhat the love turns off right,
but it's that indescribablething, that indescribable peace,
and that's what it is.
That's when it's good standing,that's when it's good yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
We uh, oh man, I just want to keep going.
I gotta start wrapping this up.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Do you?
Yeah, man, I want to spend thenight.
I know that's right.
I want to stay.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Well, we do have something to drink.
I don't want to parent down, Idon't do it.
Um, give, give us one, give theParenting Up community one good
story, a funny story, yeah, toyou, okay, from either of your
(28:45):
grandmothers, or more in yourcaregiving experience, where you
, like, I cannot believe, evenduring all of this, and what we?
You still got me laughingbecause of something.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
She did well.
Funny story mygreat-grandmother and my grandma
came down for my daughter's10th birthday and we said, hey,
let's go to the sugar factorybecause my daughter wanted to go
.
I don't know why.
Of course we know why.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Sugar factory.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
First of all, I love the sugar factory.
Okay, so go play.
The kids love the sugar factory, so we'll go.
Right, so we go to the sugarfactory.
My great-grandmother baby ain'teven got no teeth in the mouth.
Okay, she didn't have.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
That's even better for ice cream and brownies, but
she told me she wanted to surfand turf.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Yeah, we, like you, want to surf and turf.
And my grandma looked at herand said mom, the surfing turf.
And I said let her order it.
We gonna.
You know, we taking care of it.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Let her order it.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Baby, when I tell you she cut that, that that turf up
and passed it out.
We said you could have justordered some mashed potatoes.
She ate the lobster tail, right, because that was more softer,
that steak.
She did not.
I don't even think she smelledthe steak.
She put that steak oneverybody's plate.
We, like you, could haveliterally just ordered something
else, but she was adamant thatshe wanted the surfer turf
(30:01):
because my grandma got thesurfer turf.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
So we were just laughing like because, ah,
that's $150 or whatever that was, and you know what really just
went down, though she said I canorder this, now I can order
this.
Can you remember when shecouldn't order that?
Or she might not even been ableto sit in a restaurant where
they had that on the menu.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
You're right.
She was like that's what I'mordering, that's what.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I'm getting.
Y'all ain't ask me what I'meating.
Yeah, you asked me what.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
I was ordering and then she ordered that baby.
We just laughed the whole timeLike baby I'm and whatever
they're having.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
And I might be helping you all in the kitchen
watching dishes.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
It's cool, but they're going to get two, but
they're getting two servingturfs.
So, yeah, just letting her livein the moment of whatever, and
that's exactly what it was.
Whatever she wanted to do, justlet her do it.
But she did it and didn't care.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
So she had some lobster and you all had some
extra steak.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Yeah, baby, that's right, however, that goes All
right.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Last.
Oh, my God, I'm having so muchfun, okay, so now I'm just I'm
skipping to the final questionbecause it's time to be final,
okay, and we have to have KellyKelly's back, right, absolutely,
I'm popping a wheelie.
Yeah, I end each episode with asegment called the snuggle up.
(31:16):
Oh, yes, iuggle up.
Oh yes, I like it.
Yes, it's not sexual.
Oh, boo, I know, I just wantedto lower your expectations.
I saw it with the way yourubbed my knee.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
I rubbed my knee, yeah, and I was like I just want
to bring you back down.
What?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
What.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
The snuggle up.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
So it is advice either to other caregivers, or
you wish somebody would havetold you, looking back on it,
and you say you know whatCaregiving will be easier.
If you go on and snuggle up tothis fact or this approach,
(31:56):
it'll just make it Caregiving isgoing to always be easy.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
If you just care to this fact or this approach,
it'll just make it go better.
Caregiving is going to alwaysbe easy if you just care right.
You have to care and then thelifting will be easier.
But if you look at it as ifit's a chore, if you look at it
as if it's an obligation, if youlook at it anything besides
(32:21):
positive, you're going to feeloverwhelmed and drained, because
those things, those feelings,come naturally.
But if you look at it as a care, as a blessing, as an
opportunity, as a privilege,then the low will be much
lighter and people around youwill feel it, and then the
transition, however itultimately turns out, will leave
you feeling fulfilled versusfeeling empty, overwhelmed and
regretful.
What Listen?
Speaker 2 (32:45):
This is the Prince Rainmaker.
For the end of the Snuggler.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
That was the Snuggler right there.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
That was good.
And you know, Minnesota iscloser to Wisconsin than it is
to Georgia, so y'all areneighbors, kind of All right
yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
We'll take it.
I've been, I've been to themuseum.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
I love it Okay, when can people find you follow you?
What's going on with KellyKells?
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Please stay locked in on all things.
Kelly Kells.
I'm super proud of my journey.
I have never been as proud ofmyself as I am now.
My podcast is doing wellthrough thick and thin.
The podcast I just wrapped on afilm featuring starring myself
but just betting on myself.
It's called Toxic Friends.
That will be released on mybirthday, october 29th.
(33:33):
Shout out to all the Scorpiosand just follow all things Kelly
.
Kellykellscom is the website.
I have my lipstick.
Okkk, I have the movement.
I'm really her and yeah, it'sjust a season of giving back and
it's a season of shift.
So, kelly Kells, k-e-l-l-y,k-e-l-l-z.
22 on all social mediaplatforms.
(33:54):
If you follow my journey,you'll see me shifting and
evolving to this new thing thatI have nothing to do with, but
it's happening.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Yeah, yeah, it's happening.
It's better when we're not incharge, thank you, god, or in
control, thank you.
I usually screw it up.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
I'm going to, because I'm going to try to make plans
and preparations that don't eventhat don't even fit with what's
next for me.
So it's happening, Thank youfor joining us, Kelly.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
This is an amazing outlet, the snuggle up.
You notice I only said up, noups this time because we had a
lot going on.
I'm going to give you one bigold summary for my girl, kelly
Kells Basically, stay in themoment and stay happy, because
(34:47):
if you are a family caregiver,think of it as a blessing and an
honor that you have theopportunity to love on someone
who has loved on you.
It doesn't really matter ifthey always loved on you.
Well, maybe they did, maybethey didn't, but that's my
(35:07):
takeaway from Kelly and I thinkit's damn worth considering.
What's up y'all?
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
reminding y'all Patreon is open.
It is open and ready for you,you, you, you and your mom too.
(35:31):
We are loading up things, allthings Zetty, all things podcast
, all things caregiving Behindthe scenes, extra stuff.
J Smile's comedy is droppingwith her own little collection
within the J Smile Studio.
Patreon, very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
(35:53):
there, because there'sexclusives.
That's kind of time sensitiveto whoever is in there first.
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'm going to behonest because of you know
branding matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
(36:16):
World Wide Web, that I can do inthe Patreon pantry.
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
(36:37):
Patreon pantry.
You find them, opening up in ways you like I
didn't know you went throughthis type of trauma.
I didn't know that youexperienced this type of grace.
I didn't know that you, you hada job.
You worked when, when, everytime I saw you were available.
That's right, and it just mademe a better person.
(00:21):
And now I call myself GrandmaWhisperer, because now it's
weird.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hashtag Grandma Whisperer, put that on your
Kelly Qs, please do, becauseit's another adjective added to
my name.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
However, I literally am on planes, I'm in airports,
restaurants and older people areattracted to me and I find them
letting their guards down.
You talking about those men.
I'm talking about all the older, older, more mature crowd, Like
(00:55):
they open up to me.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Parenting Up, caregiving adventures with
comedian day smiles is theintense journey of unexpectedly
being fully responsible for mymama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
Spoiler alert.
(01:17):
I started comedy because thisshit is so heavy, so be ready
for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver.
You are in the right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
(01:41):
Is that okay?
Parenting Up Family.
We are here today doingsomething special and action.
(02:03):
Y'all we're ready for that.
There you go.
Okay, y'all saw that, andsomebody got a little extra side
side waist in this mug.
Today's guest is none otherthan the fabulous
multi-hyphenate actor, comedianpodcaster double PhD'd Is that
(02:30):
how you say it?
I mean, yeah, double.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
D's, double, d's, double PhD's.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Throw some.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
D's on them y'all.
They're doctors.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
baby, throw some D's on them A major social media
influencer, an advocate, anactivist, and my soror yeah,
we're deltas.
We ain't gonna even wait fory'all to ask, we're not even
gonna wait for y'all to ask.
Thank, you for being heremaking time.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
You're busy, You're all over the place, but I just
parenting up is just somethingthat you can't even let.
Just slip through the cracks.
You've got to get there.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yes, you ain't lying.
It calls.
Can't even let just slipthrough the cracks.
You've got to get there.
Yes, you got a line.
It calls you.
You don't know if you call forit.
That's.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
That's a good thing and I'm here for the calling
right, hello so she's an idiot,which is why I love her.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Thank you, so many, many people know your story.
Yeah, because you you sharewith us on social media and I
appreciate it, thank you.
You give us the laughs, youtell us about what's going great
, what might make you kind ofsad.
Everybody doesn't do that,kelly, I know what even gives
you the strength to share thatmuch of your personal life
(03:36):
online.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
To be completely honest, I know transparency
heals right, and so it wassomebody else's transparency
that gave me strength.
And so, now that I have thismajor platform, I always ask God
if you give me a platform, Iknow it's going to be bigger
than me.
I know it's not just for me andI'm going to use it for your
glory or however I see fit.
So a lot of times my storiesand my testament help people get
(03:59):
through, because people assumethat just because you are
influenced or you all thesethings great, that you don't
have trials and tribulationsYou're like no, I have the most,
what I have the most, because Irequire so much more and I'm
giving and people are alwaystaking.
So I have to tell you this ishow I'm feeling right now, and
you would be surprised.
(04:20):
Getting two or three messageslike I needed that today will
make you say, well, I'm gonna doit tomorrow, see who else need
it.
And then it turns into a five,and then you have groups.
You're in.
You like, oh my god, this is acalling.
So it's just something I feellike I have to do and I'm not
embarrassed of who I am.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
That's what makes me Kelly Kells neither one of us
have long enough legs or toes toactually and fingers to touch,
but this was a touch it was.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
That was a touch.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Now it's the parenting up community, and
we're here because at some pointwe have either been cared for,
we are currently caring forsomeone in our family or someone
care for us, and it's astruggle.
A lot of people don't want totalk about it, a lot of people
are scared to talk about it,which is why I wanted you to
(05:14):
open with how comfortable youare sharing your story, and it's
because it's helped otherpeople.
Now you're originally fromMilwaukee, yeah, and you didn't
made a whole lot of places onthe big screen, the short screen
, the little screen, the cellphone screen, yeah.
Hbo, yeah, man, okay, come onnow.
Come on, pop yourself.
But before that, yeah, you wassomebody's daughter,
(05:38):
granddaughter, mm-hmm At home.
So often we are found our realcalling in talking with our
maternal influences.
Yeah, I know, you got somestrong ones.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I have extreme deep connections with my, my
grandmothers andgreat-grandmothers and I find so
much confidence in that becausea lot of people like dang you
still have yourgreat-grandmother.
Well, I did up until about sixmonths ago.
I lost my great grandmother andthen, like three months after
that, I lost my my mother'sgrandma.
(06:13):
So I lost two great grandmaswithin three months, but they
were going strong 93 and 96years old when they, when they
finally transitioned, they werein a right state of mind.
One of them needed a little bitmore care than the other and
that was the blessing.
I was able to do that and I sawmyself reaping the benefits of
(06:35):
just being in her presence andhearing her stories and
connecting with her.
So my grandmother was theprimary caregiver.
However, whenever I'm around mygrandmother, you sit down and
relax.
That's right.
You have a grandchild in here,that's right, I can do all this.
As a matter of fact, I can do itso efficiently.
You didn't even know that itcould be done in a short amount
of time.
You know what I mean.
She's like wait a minute youshould come.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
You washed the dishes and vacuumed it.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
It would have Kelly in a week, and so that was the
beauty in it and I found so muchjoy in that.
And I wasn't Kelly Kells, I wasKelly and I was grandbaby.
And to love on someone who hasloved on you your entire life is
a reward.
It's rewarding, it's the giftthat keeps on giving.
And then you find them openingup in ways you, like I didn't
know you went through this typeof trauma.
I didn't know that youexperienced this type of grace,
(07:27):
right, I didn't know that you.
You had a job.
You worked when, when, everytime I saw you we're available,
that's right, and it just mademe a better person.
And now I call myself GrandmaWhisperer, because now it's
weird.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Hashtag Grandma Whisperer, put that on your
Kelly Qs, please do, becauseit's another adjective added to
my name.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
However, I literally am on planes, I'm in airports,
restaurants and older people areattracted to me and I find them
letting their guards down.
Talk about those men.
I'm talking about all the older,older, more mature crowd, like
(08:13):
they open up to me.
I go to Samson gym and if youknow about anything about Samson
gym, it's connected to newbirth church.
The demographic in there isabout 50 and up, and then it's
me in here Pump it, pump it,pump it Now I.
It's me in here, pump it, pump,pump, pump it, pump it Now.
I'm playing picket ball.
I play picket ball, you're notsupposed to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
I play it.
We're not supposed to do that,and.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I'm going so hard on them.
They 50 trying to spike it upLike you gotta.
Yeah, but all that stemmed fromloving on my grandmother when
she didn't expect me to do thosethings Right, and my family
probably didn't expect me tocome in and be hands on what you
need.
No, I don't want to put nogloves on.
I know this sound crazy, right,Because in my mind this gloves
making me feel like ew, nah youokay, Like I'm not in the
(08:54):
hospital, I'm not a nurse.
You, my grandma.
Yeah, yeah, you can touch yourskin and whatever come out your
body.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
We got soap don't we and, and we got soap and I'm
taking something, so he boughthis.
Why did you buy all this soap?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
we're taking a couple of people your, uh, your story
to me is extra special becauseyou're talking about multiple
generations of women who werestrong in their influence in
your life.
And then you come back and thenyou get to help Share a little
bit about how that role reversalfelt.
(09:30):
Was it hard for you?
Was it hard for your elders?
Because now you know you littlebaby Gally and then now you
come and you actually have to ofyour great grandmama for
however long that you can.
How'd that go over?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I think it was just more of an endearing feeling for
her.
I am extremely loving and kindand gentle, so I can listen to
the long-winded stories, so Inever made her feel
uncomfortable in any space thatshe was in, so it was rewarding
for me.
I felt as if I'm only doingthis because I could pray to be
(10:08):
93 years old and sit there and Iwant somebody to have grace,
patience with me, right?
And that was the thoughtprocess at one moment.
And then it just became anatural instinct.
You don't even think about itwhen you're parenting up, right?
Ah Bam, ding Ding, you don'teven think about it, because
(10:28):
that's what love is, ittranscends.
So they loved on me, so I canlove on them and I can't wait
for my daughter to love on meand my grandchildren to love on
me, because I already plantedthat seed and it was like
(10:50):
planting a seed and thenwatching it grow.
And then, of course, everythingthat grows must, you know,
ungrow and but.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
But I found peace in the ungrowing process because I
already did all the the lovingand the curating them and
digging the dirt and and makingsure it was fresh mulch and
everything.
Oh, it was, it was good and shesaw you and she saw me.
Get, get your dreams.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Tell a funny story, please.
Yes, like literally mygrandmother.
We were born and raised in achurch.
Right, there was a trend goingon about tell your grandmother
or tell someone you love, like,hey, I'm trying to get this
money from a scholarship, but Ineed to tell them that you were
a prostitute.
(11:24):
I remember that I did that withmy great-grandma, but my
grandma was recording.
So I'm like Grandma hey, I'mtalking to my grandma.
She's sitting on her bed.
I'm like Grandma hey, it was sohard raising eight children.
How did you do it, coming fromthe streets of being a
prostitute?
She said it was hard.
It was hard.
(11:44):
She didn't know what was goingon.
She said but I made it, mygrandma couldn't.
My grandma recorded.
My grandma said what, mom?
You were never a prostitute.
She said we're getting themoney right.
Oh, this is why I'm who I amRight.
Oh, that was so good.
She was willing to be aprostitute to get me that
(12:04):
scholarship money.
Listen Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Wow, you know what?
And what I just learned fromyou too is it seemed like it
skipped a generation.
So you know, the grandmama inthe middle might not have had as
much of the spice as you, nope,and the one above her.
That's the same in my family.
Yeah, my mama the blonde, justin case y'all ain't know.
Yeah, I can see it.
My mama is so demure, so demureand quiet.
(12:31):
She doesn't curse or smoke ordrink.
She walks on the correct sideof the street.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
All the things Blah blah, blah Blah.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
She doesn't know where I came from.
Yeah, and I remind her, baby, Icame from your mama.
My grandmother, my mom's mom,was smoking cigarettes at 14 and
skipping school.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
And getting guys to take her to the bar.
I love her.
Come on this is 19th grade.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
She lived life, what, what?
That's what I'm telling you.
My grandma, both of mygreat-grandmas, spunky, yeah, no
, no, no, okay, hold on.
My great-grandma spunky, mygrandma, that's my mom.
That's my daddy's side, yeah,but on my mama's side, my
great-grandma, oh boy, and thenmy grandma spunky.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Right, so I'm like okay ding, ding ding ding, ding.
It all came out in you on bothsides.
Yeah, I'm like oh, look at God.
Car ain't got no roof, we be inthe city, all right.
That's a song.
Absolutely it is a song, it is.
Maybe they'll give us somemoney for that.
Please, you know what I mean.
I love how grandma was like didwe get that scholarship?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I'm absolutely about to repost that video.
Please do.
I have to, please do.
It was classic, I love it Anypart.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
that was hard for you , though, kelly.
When you're seeing a personthat you've loved and respected
maybe not just the last fewmonths, just to say over the
last couple of years as you see,you're like, wow, she's not
walking the same or not talkingas quickly, or maybe she used to
love the way I had the churchand now she forgot that she
don't even have the wig on, orwhatever.
(14:10):
That might not be your story,but that happens, yeah.
Did you find yourself startingto turn the dial to damn?
They not grandmama's?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
not quite, I didn't have that with both instances
One I obviously was a morecaretaker of, and one it was
just knowing the situation.
It happened and suddenly, right, they went from being in
perfect health.
It was almost like a dagger.
We know that they're gettingolder, we know that they have
potential health issues, butthey were living with them and
they were fine.
These are things that werestreamlined, yeah, but then when
(14:40):
they got sick, they just gotsick, and then it was done.
And when they got sick, theyjust got sick, and then it was
and it was done.
So I didn't have a chance tohonestly process it in those
type of segments of oh man,she's moving slower, because it
was like I see her one day andshe's in Milwaukee, they're both
, they both were in Milwaukee.
I see her one day and she'slike, hey, we talk, we eat, my
(15:01):
grandma just made breakfast, weenjoy ourselves, and then,
literally like three days later,they like, hey, you may need to
get down here, and I'm likewhat, what, just how?
And it just happened.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
You got the wrong Kelly Cash.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
You got the wrong, Kelly Cash, and it just happened
suddenly.
But I wasn't able to just godown there because I have a life
that contracts and I have somany type of commitments.
But I was on FaceTime and I sawjust the dwindling down and it
was probably hard for them morethan me, but I was like kind of
(15:33):
lived in the moment of nah, Ijust was there like four days
ago, yeah like nah, this is notwhat I'm accepting.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
It's a technology glitch, maybe it's just not.
Yeah, no, it seriously feltlike that I was like is the
phone froze?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
It was like no, she's really not responding as fast
as you think.
So, I think it was just a moredenial thing and not being in
the actual moment, because I wasremoved from it then.
Yeah, I wasn't back here inAtlanta, so I didn't experience
it more like that.
I kind of took the joy aspectLike God, thank you for the time
that you gave me.
Nice, you get what I'm saying.
That's beautiful.
Honestly, if I could choose, Iwould never go to hospitals, I
(16:11):
would never go to funerals,right, I would live in the
moment, the most fresh moment ofus spending great time together
.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
That would be my last impression, so sore.
Yeah, I would love to do that.
I would love to do that, if youfigure that out, yeah, just
text me DM, whatever it is howwe can not go to funerals in
hospitals, unfortunately, whenyou're the strength of your
family right don't point at meno, it's too late, it's on you.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
You can't not be it.
They know it's on you.
You have to be there and youhave to be there full-fledged,
ten toes down standing on.
Ha ha, ha, yeah, yeah,everybody's happy.
Oh, everything's good, Great.
Oh, no, no, it's true, truly.
And then you get in your carlike ha ha Right, all the
emotions, all the emotions.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Every last one Because of all the emotions that
happen in the car, particularlywhen you're a caregiver who
happens to be a comedian, soeverybody expects you to walk in
the room with a joke.
Enlighten it up.
Who did you just meet?
What set were you just?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
on.
Where are you going next?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Show me your new purse.
Yeah, what's your next set?
What's the theme going to be?
And you're like, but I was herebecause Uncle Jack is dying,
can we talk about that?
I don't want to talk aboutnothing in Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
But I just want to say that that's our gift.
It is, and so that's why we wasin the room and that's why we
get in the car and go.
Yeah, yeah, right, because yousink in your body like whoa and
yeah, but a lot of times for meI don't have time to process
anything Blessings, struggles,the stuff because it's happening
(17:48):
so fast.
I'm gone, gone.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Yeah, and sometimes I ask am I numb?
No, well, listen, I don't thinkyou're Buddhist, but they say,
over there, all the Buddhapeople, all the Buddha people
and people like Buddha live inthe moment.
We're not supposed to worryabout the past or the future.
So then boom, it's gone.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
It's gone, there's nothing you can do about it.
Now, that's the truth, that's ahard fact.
Yes, yeah, so by yeah.
That's why I'm like, okay,what's next?
And I and quick solution,because I got to go.
Now, if you don't take thesolution, I really can't bring
it back.
(18:28):
Either way I got to go, eitherway I got to go.
Now you can take that witch andgo on, go on somewhere, go on,
go on and sit down, or you'regoing to be left with that.
And I'm like hey, I tried, I'mnot going to keep trying.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
You're a part of the sandwich generation which
everyone just in case you don'tknow, the sandwich generation
which everyone let's, just incase you don't know the sandwich
generation, we're the firstpeople, like around our age
range, to be in it, because wehave elders that are still alive
, and then we have kids andyou're a mom and we're so we're
caring for both.
I am beating the drum so often,uh, kelly kells, to let moms hey
(19:03):
, you know you're a caregiverJust because your kid can be
healthy and doing great inschool.
Chick, you're a caregiver,you're a caregiver.
Yeah, now, don't let the babyget sick or have an ailment
that's chronic or somethingwhere there's special needs.
Well, now, it just means thatin your role as caregiver, you
(19:25):
got more responsibilities.
Yeah, but part of the push inmy advocacy for caregiving is if
more people put on the hat ofcaregiving and recognize their
role, then maybe the movementpushes a little faster, a little
harder.
People in Congress, in thestate legislatures and all this
(19:46):
kind of stuff will pitch it tothem and be like damn, it's a
lot of caregivers, it's not justpeople caring for Alzheimer's
patients, it's mamas like KellyKells, who got a mama, a great
grandmama and a great, greatgrandmama and a daughter all at
the same time.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I love that and, as a caregiver for your younger
children, that is the mostextensive caregiving, because
now you're also caregiving inyour building and molding Right.
So if you're not in the bestmental state, if you can't care
for the elders that didn't carefor you, if you don't, if you
have all those different issues,if you're not seeing your way
through, you're going to pourall of that trauma, all of that
(20:24):
energy onto this baby thatyou're supposed to be caregiving
for.
And so it's so ironic that youeven bring that up and it's so
easy hearing that, because I wastelling my husband I was like
dude, I love my daughter.
She did drop husband.
I did drop husband.
I was telling my husband likedude, I love my daughter so much
.
And I just don't want toinflict my fears on her Like the
(20:45):
things that I went through, andsometimes I run up on her about
stuff and she's like what?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
And I'm like oh, I'm sorry, I've never even heard of
that.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I've never.
I don't even know what you'retalking about.
So it's almost like now I'm notplanting that damn seed in her
and I gotta do.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
I explain.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Do you try?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
to explain, or you just act like I ain't saying it.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
It depends on how inquisitive she is about it
after I ran up on her about it.
But if she like mama, okay,you're tweaking.
Cool, I'm like yeah, I am Allright, Are you hungry?
Moving on, moving on.
But the caregiver in me, thatinstinct of wanting everything
to be okay, can sometimes beoverbearing, and even, I'm sure,
(21:26):
for my grandmother, right, yeah, and I'll share with them.
Now I just share with you mygreat, or I share with your
producer, my grandma she saidproducer.
Y'all heard that.
Yeah, yeah, we got a producer Ishare with your producer that my
grandma is actually in thehospital.
I just found out last night mygrandma, who moves at the speed
(21:47):
of light.
They admit her.
What is it?
They don't know.
They just they're running testsright now.
Right, they ruled out COVID,they ruled out pneumonia, they
ruled out so many differentthings.
But her temperature is so highthey can't send her home, they
can't get her temperatureregulated.
And it's just mind-blowingbecause I have a grandmother
that is sharp right and when Ispoke with her she seemed a
little bit discombobulated andit and it, it crushed me.
(22:11):
But I couldn't show her thatbecause it's going to.
I already know if she see me,all right, I already know she
see me weak, it's gonna make herweaker.
So I'm like I just got thephone, like, and then Get off
the phone and let it out.
Oh God, you did let it out whenyou got off the phone.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Right, I had to.
It's my grandma.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I want you to, though it's my grandma.
We literally just took ourfirst right, my grandma, we just
took our first and they clearedher like two weeks before her
knee surgery and she said shewanted to film the trip and I
said we're doing it and we didit and it was amazing.
(22:51):
And she walked up and down thecruise ship and guess what?
Everybody's on a cruise shipsaying hey grandma, hey grandma,
and before we knew it she wasthe cruise ship grandma.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
So you're right, that's right.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
She became that.
So it's just living in thosemoments, literally like three or
four weeks ago, and then thisis just mind blowing.
It's fast, it's fast.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
That's what I was telling you, the, that the
caregiving thing is so fast andfor people who are not in it,
it's unbelievable how quick itcan occur.
Ugh, and then emotionally, youstill have.
Not only do you have yourdaughter, but you have your
career.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And I have a husband.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
And a husband.
One more time.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
One more time.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
I have all, and they like each other too.
I don't know if y'all can tellit's a whole lot alike so, and,
as everyone can see and hear,your personality is so bubbly
and so uplifting.
How, when you have thosemoments after where you cry or
(23:56):
you let it out, is it then over?
It come back.
How do, how do you manage yourself-care or your mental health
with these differentresponsibilities?
Speaker 1 (24:09):
for sure, it comes back.
Um, for to be transparent, likemy, I deal with my emotions
like at three, four, fiveo'clock in the morning.
I don't sound crazy.
God wakes me up and and I dealwith my emotions like at three,
four, five o'clock in themorning.
I know it sounds crazy.
God wakes me up and I deal withit then, and then I have to go
start my day.
It comes back, but I'm reallykeen on like, okay, god, I'm
gonna give it to you and I'mgonna walk away, and so when it
(24:30):
comes up, I literally don'taddress it with people.
I'm not one of those peoplethat you can keep talking to me
about the same thing I said thatearlier but not even my issue.
Right?
Don't keep bringing up my issuebecause I'm not giving life to
it.
So that's my, that's just mything.
I'm done with it.
I know that what it's trying todo, but I also know what I'm
(24:50):
manifesting against it.
So I'm not going to keepreliving it with explaining it
to someone else trying to gettheir opinion.
I don't need that and you don'tcare and I do not.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
That's what I need people to understand.
When we get heavy in thiscaregiving world, we'll listen a
little bit, but after we say,oh, I got it, thank you, I heard
you Thank you for thatsuggestion, or whatever that
means.
That's enough, please.
We don't want no more Exitstage left.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Thank you.
Now, if you do think that youcan do it better than me, or if
there's something else by allmeans I'm okay with and I'm open
enough and I'm not anego-driven person Go do it,
because I would love to have thelow lifting.
Yeah, you go do it lifting.
But yeah, you gonna do it andthat'll be somebody gotta get
(25:42):
off the stage.
Yeah, because, this is aone-man.
Both of us.
What a one man.
Oh, no, pun intended yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Come on now.
Come on now.
Um, your, your two grandmothers, that you, that uh, got their
heavenly wings recently.
What were their ailments?
Or did they have ailments, orwas anything described as what
might have caused them to passon?
Speaker 1 (26:04):
So ironically, the 96-year-old.
They say it was from COVID,complications of COVID.
Right, and here it is.
We're thinking that COVID isnull and void.
But COVID is obviously stillalive and well and the older you
are it's going to attack theimmune system.
So it was COVID, but she, youknow, she was diabetic and that
was it.
That was it really with her.
(26:25):
But COVID was the cause.
And then my great-grandmotherthat passed after her, which is
the one that I did more of thecaregiving, loving on.
Hers was man, she beat cancer,she had both.
(26:47):
She had breasts removed.
Hers was just organs and thingsfailing, so just stuff, just
shutting down kidneys, thingsfailing right, so just stuff,
just shutting down kidneys.
It couldn't go back to chemobecause it was just going.
It wasn't going to help.
Her body was refusing the chemo.
So it was just like, okay, weknew yeah, and then it just
(27:10):
happened, Exactly yeah, but withboth of them that's what I'm
saying With both of them I had apeace that I can't describe and
you don't need to Uh-uh.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
It was a peace, like uh, when you've had that peace,
there actually aren't words, andI was explaining this to
somebody not too long ago.
They also asked me well, jay,how do you know?
Okay, this was not aboutparents, no, but this is a point
.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you love himor not?
well, first of all, well, tellme why, list the things.
And I said well, honey, if Ican list the things on why I
(27:41):
love you, then I'm not.
I might love you and like you,but I'm not in love with you.
Yeah, because it's that peaceand that goody good that goes
past all understanding when Iknow, oh, I'm in this, I'm in,
I'm in this with my mama, mygrandmama, this dude, whatever
it is, I'm in it.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, and I can't describe it.
I can't say I love you, becausethe way you buckle your shoe,
the way you make the bag, it allsounds superficial and if they
stop doing those things, thenwhat the love turns off right,
but it's that indescribablething, that indescribable peace,
and that's what it is.
That's when it's good standing,that's when it's good yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
We uh, oh man, I just want to keep going.
I gotta start wrapping this up.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Do you?
Yeah, man, I want to spend thenight.
I know that's right.
I want to stay.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Well, we do have something to drink.
I don't want to parent down, Idon't do it.
Um, give, give us one, give theParenting Up community one good
story, a funny story, yeah, toyou, okay, from either of your
(28:45):
grandmothers, or more in yourcaregiving experience, where you
, like, I cannot believe, evenduring all of this, and what we?
You still got me laughingbecause of something.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
She did well.
Funny story mygreat-grandmother and my grandma
came down for my daughter's10th birthday and we said, hey,
let's go to the sugar factorybecause my daughter wanted to go
.
I don't know why.
Of course we know why.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Sugar factory.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
First of all, I love the sugar factory.
Okay, so go play.
The kids love the sugar factory, so we'll go.
Right, so we go to the sugarfactory.
My great-grandmother baby ain'teven got no teeth in the mouth.
Okay, she didn't have.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
That's even better for ice cream and brownies, but
she told me she wanted to surfand turf.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Yeah, we, like you, want to surf and turf.
And my grandma looked at herand said mom, the surfing turf.
And I said let her order it.
We gonna.
You know, we taking care of it.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Let her order it.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Baby, when I tell you she cut that, that that turf up
and passed it out.
We said you could have justordered some mashed potatoes.
She ate the lobster tail, right, because that was more softer,
that steak.
She did not.
I don't even think she smelledthe steak.
She put that steak oneverybody's plate.
We, like you, could haveliterally just ordered something
else, but she was adamant thatshe wanted the surfer turf
(30:01):
because my grandma got thesurfer turf.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
So we were just laughing like because, ah,
that's $150 or whatever that was, and you know what really just
went down, though she said I canorder this, now I can order
this.
Can you remember when shecouldn't order that?
Or she might not even been ableto sit in a restaurant where
they had that on the menu.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
You're right.
She was like that's what I'mordering, that's what.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I'm getting.
Y'all ain't ask me what I'meating.
Yeah, you asked me what.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
I was ordering and then she ordered that baby.
We just laughed the whole timeLike baby I'm and whatever
they're having.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
And I might be helping you all in the kitchen
watching dishes.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
It's cool, but they're going to get two, but
they're getting two servingturfs.
So, yeah, just letting her livein the moment of whatever, and
that's exactly what it was.
Whatever she wanted to do, justlet her do it.
But she did it and didn't care.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
So she had some lobster and you all had some
extra steak.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Yeah, baby, that's right, however, that goes All
right.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Last.
Oh, my God, I'm having so muchfun, okay, so now I'm just I'm
skipping to the final questionbecause it's time to be final,
okay, and we have to have KellyKelly's back, right, absolutely,
I'm popping a wheelie.
Yeah, I end each episode with asegment called the snuggle up.
(31:16):
Oh, yes, iuggle up.
Oh yes, I like it.
Yes, it's not sexual.
Oh, boo, I know, I just wantedto lower your expectations.
I saw it with the way yourubbed my knee.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
I rubbed my knee, yeah, and I was like I just want
to bring you back down.
What?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
What.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
The snuggle up.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
So it is advice either to other caregivers, or
you wish somebody would havetold you, looking back on it,
and you say you know whatCaregiving will be easier.
If you go on and snuggle up tothis fact or this approach,
(31:56):
it'll just make it Caregiving isgoing to always be easy.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
If you just care to this fact or this approach,
it'll just make it go better.
Caregiving is going to alwaysbe easy if you just care right.
You have to care and then thelifting will be easier.
But if you look at it as ifit's a chore, if you look at it
as if it's an obligation, if youlook at it anything besides
(32:21):
positive, you're going to feeloverwhelmed and drained, because
those things, those feelings,come naturally.
But if you look at it as a care, as a blessing, as an
opportunity, as a privilege,then the low will be much
lighter and people around youwill feel it, and then the
transition, however itultimately turns out, will leave
you feeling fulfilled versusfeeling empty, overwhelmed and
regretful.
What Listen?
Speaker 2 (32:45):
This is the Prince Rainmaker.
For the end of the Snuggler.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
That was the Snuggler right there.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
That was good.
And you know, Minnesota iscloser to Wisconsin than it is
to Georgia, so y'all areneighbors, kind of All right
yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
We'll take it.
I've been, I've been to themuseum.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
I love it Okay, when can people find you follow you?
What's going on with KellyKells?
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Please stay locked in on all things.
Kelly Kells.
I'm super proud of my journey.
I have never been as proud ofmyself as I am now.
My podcast is doing wellthrough thick and thin.
The podcast I just wrapped on afilm featuring starring myself
but just betting on myself.
It's called Toxic Friends.
That will be released on mybirthday, october 29th.
(33:33):
Shout out to all the Scorpiosand just follow all things Kelly
.
Kellykellscom is the website.
I have my lipstick.
Okkk, I have the movement.
I'm really her and yeah, it'sjust a season of giving back and
it's a season of shift.
So, kelly Kells, k-e-l-l-y,k-e-l-l-z.
22 on all social mediaplatforms.
(33:54):
If you follow my journey,you'll see me shifting and
evolving to this new thing thatI have nothing to do with, but
it's happening.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Yeah, yeah, it's happening.
It's better when we're not incharge, thank you, god, or in
control, thank you.
I usually screw it up.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
I'm going to, because I'm going to try to make plans
and preparations that don't eventhat don't even fit with what's
next for me.
So it's happening, Thank youfor joining us, Kelly.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
This is an amazing outlet, the snuggle up.
You notice I only said up, noups this time because we had a
lot going on.
I'm going to give you one bigold summary for my girl, kelly
Kells Basically, stay in themoment and stay happy, because
(34:47):
if you are a family caregiver,think of it as a blessing and an
honor that you have theopportunity to love on someone
who has loved on you.
It doesn't really matter ifthey always loved on you.
Well, maybe they did, maybethey didn't, but that's my
(35:07):
takeaway from Kelly and I thinkit's damn worth considering.
What's up y'all?
I'm over here just mixing andscratching up stuff and
reminding y'all Patreon is open.
It is open and ready for you,you, you, you and your mom too.
(35:31):
We are loading up things, allthings Zetty, all things podcast
, all things caregiving Behindthe scenes, extra stuff.
J Smile's comedy is droppingwith her own little collection
within the J Smile Studio.
Patreon, very, very soon.
It'll be less than a month, butyou want to go on and get in
(35:53):
there, because there'sexclusives.
That's kind of time sensitiveto whoever is in there first.
We've already had livebroadcasts for people who are
already in and I'm going to behonest because of you know
branding matters.
So there's some stuff that Ijust can't say and do on the
(36:16):
World Wide Web, that I can do inthe Patreon pantry.
So if you want to see and knowand hear and experience more of
what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my
(36:37):
Patreon pantry.
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