April 14, 2025 • 40 mins
When a loved one develops dementia, our instinct is often to correct their misperceptions and pull them back to our reality. But what if there's a more compassionate, effective approach hiding in an unlikely place – Improv?
In today's episode, we speak with Dr. Candace Kemp and Amanda Lee Williams about their research showing how improv principles can transform Dementia care. At the heart of their approach is the fundamental improv concept of "yes, and" – accepting whatever reality is presented and building upon it rather than contradicting it. When Amanda's father with Parkinson's dementia believed he needed to prepare for a board meeting, instead of correcting him, she asked to hear his speech. The result? Reduced anxiety and a meaningful connection.
What makes this work particularly valuable is the scientific validation behind these techniques. Supported by institutions including the NIH and NIA, the research demonstrates that these improv-based approaches lead to more successful interactions across various care settings. The evidence confirms what many family members discover through trial and error – meeting people where they are produces better outcomes than trying to force them back to our reality.
Have you struggled with connecting with a loved one who has dementia? How might viewing yourself as a "care partner" rather than a "caregiver" change your approach? Join us as we explore this revolutionary intersection of comedy and care that's changing lives.
Visit improvingthroughimprov.com and gerontology.gsu.edu for more information about Dr. Candace and Amanda's work.
Host: J Smiles Comedy
Producer: Mia Hall
DP: Annelise Udoye
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"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The concept of yes and and that is principle and
improv where if we're doing ascene and you make an offer to
me like we're going to Mars,then I'm going to say, yes,
we're going to Mars, so I'maccepting your offer and we're
wearing these hot pink suits.
(00:21):
So I've accepted your offer andI'm building on it.
Wherever we're going, exactly,we're definitely wearing hot
pink suits.
So I've accepted your offer andI'm building on it.
Wherever we're going, exactly,we're definitely wearing hot
pink suits.
There's never a lack of those.
So that's an improv.
Whatever your partner offersyou, you accept as the reality
and you build on it.
Things that help you do thatare listening.
(00:41):
Listening is one of the biggestnotes that you get in improv.
Like Amanda, I didn't think youwere listening very well in
that scene.
You really have to be keyed inthe eye contact we were talking
about.
Those are all things that'llhelp you accept the offer that's
given and then build on it.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Parenting Up Caregiving Adventures with
Comedian Jay Smiles is theintense journey of unexpectedly
being fully responsible for mymama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
(01:18):
Spoiler alert this shit isheavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver, you are inthe right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
(01:39):
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
Today's supporter shout out isfrom YouTube Nicole Houston
Johnson, 8405.
This was very helpful.
(02:01):
My 90-year-old grandmother isvery independent.
This was very helpful.
My 90 year old grandmother isvery independent Dot dot dot.
Still able to cook, clean anddrive short distances.
However, I do worry that shemay be lonely sometimes.
She has outlived all hersiblings, friends and church
connections.
I will continue to ask what sheenjoys, encourage my children
(02:25):
to call her weekly and extendedfamily to call consistently.
Thank you so much for that wholepoint and for giving us so much
detail.
It does matter those loved onesof ours who age gracefully and
(02:51):
hang on and end by themselves.
We got to give them a littleextra snuggle up, if you would
like to be a shout out recipient, you know what to do Leave a
review.
I would prefer if it's on ApplePodcasts, but you know it could
be YouTube or Instagram.
We're the same everywhere.
Parenting up Thank you inadvance.
(03:12):
Today's episode yes.
And caregiving, the improv act.
You did not audition forParenting up family.
Y'all know how I feel and youknow how we do this.
How do I get so excited eachand every time?
Well, it's because the dementiauniverse keeps blessing us with
(03:34):
more and more reasons to makesure our community keeps enough
fuel to go on and on, and on andon.
Today we have what I call thedynamic duo, these two ladies,
females, chicks, gals, whateveryou want to call them.
(03:54):
They are busting wide open thenotion that you can't be a
caregiver for years, that yougot to do it by yourself, that
you got to be sad.
One of them does a whole bunchof research with a whole lot of
papers and uses big old wordsthat you might not understand,
and the other one gets on stageand acts a fool.
(04:17):
Now, y'all know a combo likethat.
How happy am I?
All right, how y'all doing.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Wonderful.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Thank you so much.
So in a very in a more formalsense, I would like to introduce
Dr Candice Kemp.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Hello everyone.
My pleasure to be here today.
Thank you so much for having us.
Yes, and then.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Amanda Lee Williams.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Now, I met both of you through this wonderful
lecture series that waspresented by well in conjunction
with Georgia State University,parenting Up Family.
For those of you who arelistening and not watching us,
it was amazing.
I didn't even take notes andit's so rare that I don't take
(05:11):
notes, but that's how glued Iwas to listening and watching
your presentation Improving carethrough improv.
We could almost stop the wholepodcast episode right now.
Just the thought we're going toimprove care through improv
that's radical.
That is a radical notion thatit can even be done, let alone
(05:34):
you're going to teach otherpeople how to do it.
Who decided that that was worthinvestigating?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
decided that that was worth investigating.
Come on, Dr Camp.
Both of us we kind of came tothis idea of improv and the
value of improv in teaching thecommunication skills, the
ability to be in the moment, toaccept where people are and to
meet them where they are, tomake people look good and to
collaborate, and to meet themwhere they are, to make people
(06:07):
look good and to collaborate allseem to be really important
skills in caregiving and alsolead to successful improv
performances.
We aren't the first people todo this.
Karen Stobie and her partner,Mondi Carter, have been doing
this for a long time.
We're the first people to doresearch really to this extent,
(06:28):
although there have been a fewother researchers who've done
some small studies.
So, yeah, we put our researchbrains together and our
improviser brain together, andhere we are.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Dr Candice is being humble, I'm not going to allow
it.
Anyway, there's some otherpeople that did something kind
of like it.
It's like somebody saying, yeah, I, you know, kind of, were in
flight to before the Wrightbrothers, but OK, but were you
really, though Nobody saw it andyou didn't build something
better to let two people get inthe plane.
So I'm giving you all thecredit because I've been out
(07:02):
here in these caregiving streetsdoing stand-up comedy and the
way you all connect the two, itfeels a little different.
Thank you, but I'll let you behumble and we're going to move
right on.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
We're standing on other people's shoulders.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
What made you all say we havethis information, we know it
works and we're going to teachother people how to do it?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I'll take it.
Well, when I first learnedabout Karen Stobie's work, I
started trying it with my dad,who had Parkinson's dementia,
and it worked so well and I hadalready been an improviser, um.
And so, seeing that, I was soexcited, um, about that idea
(07:53):
that once we partnered up, we,we, we knew we had to spread the
word, the good word, and I'vebeen teaching improv and theater
since 1998.
So I felt like our two skillscombined really helped, and for
Candice to be able to addlegitimacy to what I was
(08:16):
thinking about really wasdifferent.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I love it.
Yeah, I love it.
Now you mentioned that yourfather had Parkinson's.
Your father is no longerphysically on Earth.
Is that correct, Correct?
What's something that's veryimportant to our community here
Parenting up is we're primarilyfamily caregivers.
There are a lot of people inthe community because we're.
(08:40):
We have members all over theglobe.
Now we're very excited aboutthat.
Yay, everybody.
Everyone likes to know.
We've gotten feedback Like howdid you, your family, recognize
something's not quite right withdad and we probably need to get
him seen by a doctor?
(09:02):
What was some of the firstthings that let you know?
This is not that.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Yeah, well, he had gotten the Parkinson's just
Parkinson's diagnosis probably2002, but the dementia side of
things didn't kick in reallynoticeably until maybe 10 years
later or so where we reallystarted noticing things.
The first thing was my dad waslike CFO of a company a nursing
(09:31):
home company actually Whoa, Iknow, and so smart, such a great
business guy and he startedbuying like properties where we
were like what, just makingweird business decisions.
We were like what, Just makingweird business decisions.
The other thing was hisexecutive functioning was not
happening the way it used to, solike he got up on a ladder, he
(09:54):
fell.
This is like a shortened versionof this.
Two days later he got up on thesame ladder, he fell, and then
he kept doing it, even though heand my mom had talked, like you
can't get up on that ladderdoing it, even though he and my
mom had talked, like you can'tget up on that ladder you don't
have, like the Parkinson's istoo much for you, and he
couldn't either remember or makethe make a right choice.
And I think one thing that Iwish someone had told me is
(10:16):
dementia is not always memorybased, that there's a lot of
different signs that I probablycould have seen earlier, but
those were the first two, andthe day that I knew like we had
a real problem was we had lostmy parents dog and everybody was
just like, okay, we got to findMeg and that's a cool name for
(10:38):
a dog.
Yeah, she was a good dog and sowe were all looking around.
Suddenly I didn't see papa well, that's why I call him papa and
um.
So I got in the truck andstarted looking for him and he
was walking down the middle ofthe road and it's like a busy
road with a turn and I was likeget in the car and that's what I
(11:02):
was like.
I gotta move home, we gotta, youknow.
So those are kind of likestarting with the land, then the
ladder, and then those are likethe ones that stick in my
memory the most.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah, yeah those are, those were your points of pain.
That said, this is differentyeah, this is different.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
A lot of times, my mom and I would be like just
having a hard time accepting itand be like this is weird, right
?
Yeah, this is weird, you know,like something's not you know,
but it was hard to because hewas very good at masking,
because he was very smart, andso he would trick us and they're
like oh, everything seemsnormal now.
Just had a bad day.
Yeah, just had a bad day, andthen there would be three bad
(11:47):
days and then it just started tobecome all the time.
That's the other thing I wishsomeone had told me which
probably you've already toldyour audience but is that it's
not like a steady downward, itwas like a roller coaster.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, no, but it's great for you to say it.
It doesn't matter what I mayhave said.
The more people who give astory that may have similar
points, then different membersof the community can say all
right, okay.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It starts to sink in and it takes a minute for it to
sink in.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Denial is major.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Yeah, you don't want that to be your reality.
No, it's not for a long time.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
You're in denial.
I think we, the family members,can be in denial, maybe as much
as the person who is suffering,because you're like no, not my
dad, not my mom, and don't, hey,if I didn't, you just jump
(12:44):
right in there and pop me allaround.
You have not experienced beinga caregiver for someone in your
immediate family.
Is that correct?
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Not dementia related.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Not dementia related.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Okay, yes, I knew it was something.
I'm now pointing at the camerasaying I was something,
something like that.
I'm now pointing at the camerasaying something like that.
I find it fascinating.
(13:20):
The amount of research that youare digging in and doing that
is groundbreaking in an areathat you don't have personal
experience.
That is not the most typicalway that you find someone like
yourself, with their mission andtheir why, so please share with
us.
Let us know like what is thatburning desire little pit in
your belly that got you socaught up in these weeds?
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I think being very passionate about wanting to
improve quality of life andquality of care, very passionate
about wanting to improvequality of life and quality of
care, and the work that I'vedone is inspired by my family
and watching and participatingin caring for family members.
Not everyone has had experiencewith dementia in my family, but
we have experienced peopleliving in long-term care
(14:03):
settings and that's kind of whatbrought me to do work in
long-term care, and the moretime that I spend in long-term
care, the more experience I havewith dementia and seeing people
who have dementia and alsopeople who are caring for loved
ones with dementia or care staffas well, and that just seems to
be a huge area of need.
(14:24):
Caregiving for anybody with anysituation can be challenging,
but I think adding dementia intothe equation can add different
challenges and so, I think,compassion and also seeing a
need and, hopefully, an abilityto make a difference.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Yeah, the two of you are making a huge difference.
I mean, I was speechless in themiddle of your program and I
kept nudging my team saying didyou see that?
Like, how did they?
Those two sides of our brain,and certainly sides of industry,
(15:11):
don't even want to get along.
And here you all are married onthe front end, nobody's even
having to make you all you know,mesh, and so I want to
congratulate you all on havingthe foresight to put it together
from the beginning, when youare now bringing it to society,
so to speak, something that Isaw.
(15:33):
Thank you so much, dr Kent, forbringing up the assisted living
facilities, because I've seenthis and you actually did extra
research on this, which isrelationships and even like how
people are getting along, howtheir sex and all of these
(15:56):
things that's going on inassisted living, because it's
happening A lot, because nowpeople are living without
chaperones, they don't have togo to work you know what I mean
they don't have nothing to doand it's their home.
So, it is home, but ideally.
Well, we've signed them in andnobody comes to sign them out,
(16:17):
Right?
But you've even dug into howthose relationships work,
Correct?
So share a little bit aboutthat with us, because I have
lots of caregivers in thecommunity who they don't know
how to feel when their LO inassisted living may or may not
be intimate with somebody.
And they get that call andthey're weird.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Right.
Well, in the work that we'vedone, we actually have
identified intimacy as a careneed and so if you think about
intimacy more broadly not justincluding the sexual contact or
the romantic situation you'retouched, maybe not in the most
loving way.
So, thinking about theimportance of touch and that
(17:13):
tactile piece, that becomesreally important and something
that sometimes people miss.
I think the sexual intimacyalso is a really important piece
and it often freaks familymembers out and I think there
are important ethicalconsiderations when considering
consent, when people maybeliving with dementia and don't
(17:36):
necessarily have the capacity toconsent.
If family members and staff canwork with the person, if there
(17:56):
are those needs.
That's a human, that's a sortof basic human need and trying
to figure out what the bestsolution is to improve quality
of life and quality of care.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
So I wouldn't automatically try to shut it
down, but it's trying to workcollaboratively, collaboratively
, to find a solution.
That's a great way.
Yes, I would like to publiclystate.
That keeps people safe that ifI should be diagnosed with
dementia, I would like someoneto collaboratively try to help
me be intimate with somebodythat wants to consent To
collaboratively be intimate withme back Collaboratively.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Right.
So I think you know it'sthinking about what's meaningful
engagement, and for some peopleit is that sexual interaction.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, or just a hug and a good slow dance, you know,
whatever that may be, yes,whatever that may be, hey,
what's up?
Parented Up family, guess what.
Have you ever wanted to connectwith other caregivers?
You want to see morebehind-the-scenes footage?
Want to know what me and Zeddyare doing?
I know you do All things.
(18:50):
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Do it now with us on Patreon.
Join us in the Patreoncommunity.
Catch everything we're doing.
Visit patreoncom forward.
(19:11):
Slash JSmilesStudios with an Sthe improv portion of things.
Amanda, here we go.
There are things and you allhave to figure out somewhere
when these two take their showon the road.
(19:32):
And I'm going to try to push toget more and more research
dollars, which I think is alsofascinating the amount of
institutions that support yourwork the National Institutes of
Health, the National Instituteson Aging, georgia State Emory,
(19:52):
the technical schools of nursing, like I was like.
Oh yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Health and Health Resources and Services
Administration.
Thank you, georgia Gear andDad's Garage.
And Dad's.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Garage, yes, and that alone speaks volumes.
To have those heavy hitters andcommunity organizations that
are on the ground doing a bunchof work, seeing something that
is as transformative as this,and saying, yeah, we're with you
, here's the money, here are theresources.
(20:31):
Go figure this out.
This has legs.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yay, yeah, I think everybody, if you're lucky
enough to keep living, gets old.
So it is, you're going to be anolder adult, you're going to
need some help.
So I think that's what like Idon't know, but I feel like
that's why everyone can connectto it, because, whether there's
dementia involved or not,there's sort of that universal
(20:57):
like I'm a person and I'm goingto get older and I want someone
to help me, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Absolutely.
What are some of the techniquesor principles of improv that
you feel transfer the easiest,that you can share with us here,
even though someone has notgone through your wonderful
sessions and they could?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
grasp.
The first one is like a concept, I would say, is that part of
improvising is connecting withthe person on stage and, you
know, making them look good,making it where we're making eye
contact and we're a partnership.
I feel like as you get older,and especially as you have
(21:42):
dementia, a lot of your rightsare taken away, a lot of your
everything is taken away, and so, remembering that this is a
human person and that you twoare in this together and that is
part of what I love aboutimprov I tried stand up.
I was not good at it.
Go ahead and whisper that intothe mic.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
I'm going to whisper into the mic.
No one's going to hear me.
I was terrible at it.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
But I think that's because I like that partnership,
that collaboration.
So if you think of it like thatand you remember that you've
got a human person that wants tobe loved, that wants to be
cared for, I think that's at thecore.
But then the second thing wouldbe the concept of yes and.
And that is a principle inimprov, where if we're doing a
(22:33):
scene and you make an offer tome like we're going to Mars,
then I'm going to say yes, we'regoing to Mars, so I'm accepting
your offer, and we're wearingthese hot pink suits, so I've
accepted your offer and I'mbuilding on it.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Absolutely the hot pink suits wherever we're going
Exactly.
We're definitely wearing hotpink suits.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
There's never a lack of those, yeah, so that is a
huge thing.
So, whatever you're, so that'san improv and then taking it
over to being a care partnerwhatever your partner offers you
, you accept as the reality andyou build on it, and there's so
(23:17):
many different ways to do that.
Things that help you do thatare listening, like.
That seems like obvious, I feellike, but listening is one of
the biggest notes that you getin improv.
Like Amanda, I didn't think youwere listening very well in
that scene because so much iscoming at you so fast you really
have to be keyed in the eyecontact we were talking about.
(23:38):
Those are all things that willhelp you accept the offer that's
given and then build on it.
I could give you an example ifyou'd like, please.
Okay, this is a pretty simpleone.
My dad kept being stressedbecause he worked in nursing
homes and then he was in onewhile he was in assisted living,
but it felt similar.
(23:59):
He kept thinking he was workingand so he would be stressed
because he would be like.
I have so many meetings todayand I hated to see him stressed,
but it also seemed like he kindof liked it.
I wasn't really sure.
That's not the point, okay.
So one day I came in and thiswas after I had started trying
(24:19):
some improv stuff and thisdoesn't seem like a crazy thing,
but I wasn't doing thispreviously he said I'm really
nervous because I have a bigspeech to give to the board
today.
And so I was like, okay, so Isaid yes, like I accepted that
he had a speech to give to theboard, yes, and let me hear it.
(24:40):
So then he, although he was notverbal enough to really give me
the actual speech, he felt sucha relief after, after going
through his notes, um, that thathe had been heard, and that's
what anybody wants, is to feelheard and validated.
Instead of before I would havesaid oh, you're fine, you don't,
(25:03):
you know, you're not, you'reretired, kick back, you know.
Which is literally what I wassaying before.
He was so much happier that dayand that was me accepting and
building on his offer, and so,yeah, that would be a good
example.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
That is a good example.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
I just want to add that research bears this out.
So the work that we've beendoing watching care partners
whether they be family membersor friends, or care staff in
long-term care communities,healthcare providers, when they
use these approaches, they havemore success.
So the yes and the listening,the meeting people where they're
(25:40):
at, and just that whole conceptof being flexible and being
open to accepting that reality.
And being empathetic andlistening.
I think that really can't bestressed enough, that the
listening and having somebody beheard is really important, and
the validation, yeah, and so thework bears that out, and so
(26:05):
it's not just anecdotal evidence.
I would say yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Two things that I've heard numerous times here with
you all.
Is you say care partner and notcaregiver?
That is major.
That is resonating in my spirit.
Is you say care partner and notcaregiver?
That is major.
That is resonating in my spirit.
And I think I'm about to startsaying, like I have caregiver
(26:31):
all over all of my literature.
This is going to cost a lot.
I'm going to need a part ofyour grant money to go redo all
of my merch, change my websitesearch, change my website.
But in your language of meetingsomeone where you are, we're in
(26:55):
this together.
Caregiver sounds way moreindependent.
Here I am giving you something.
That means you got to take itand then I'm putting it on you.
You're the receiver, but it'snot allowing this person, the
recipient, to give back, becauseyou're just a wall or a plant
or something.
You're not a human.
But if we are care partners, Igive you something, you give me
(27:16):
something.
It's back and forth and I'mlike whoa, that changes mentally
for me.
It changes my approach and howI review, how I take my position
and my responsibility.
If I'm my mother's care partnerand not her caregiver, I'm like
I'm over here, I feel myheart's on the race, so that's
(27:37):
major.
I'm over here, I feel myheart's on the race, so that's
major.
Yeah, so go ahead, dr Candice.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
I think language is difficult I don't think we have
great language to talk about anyof this and we did have an
experience with some of thefamily members and even
sometimes when we talk toclinicians, they prefer
caregiver, because there doesoftentimes become a point at
which it seems that thepartnership has shifted and so
(28:11):
it's not everyone that sees oruses the term care partner as
the term, but I think we like itfor the reasons that you
identified, that if you'reapplying improv techniques and
you're putting them intopractice, you can't do that
alone and it is a partnershipand it is a give and take and it
(28:32):
is important to acknowledge theother person and the person
who's living with dementia as anactive person in that
relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Yeah Well, I'm going to stand 10 toes down on behalf
of.
So don't feel so bad abouthaving caregiver on everything,
because I think, yeah, anyway,I'm changing it.
It's too late.
Okay, because I understand whatyou're saying and will put on
behalf of the other people and Imay not like run tonight and
(29:03):
switch everything.
However, I believe, even as mymother loses the ability to be
as involved, her spirit is stillgiving me something.
Her spirit will be giving methe energy to keep going, to do
(29:27):
whatever it is I'm doing.
So, no, maybe it might not be50-50, 60-40.
It might get to a point whereit's 98-2.
But whoever said that thepartnership was even-steven?
Because it's not even-steveneven with people who are alive
right now.
There are a lot of people I'mlike why am I giving?
so much more than you, boyfriend.
(29:47):
Anyway, that's a different.
That's a different podcast.
That's a different podcast.
That's a different podcast.
It's almost time for us to wrapup and I'm already mad about it
.
I'm mad about it because I knewyou guys were going.
You two, not guys.
You two were going to be great.
I'm about language, you knowyou're not guys, you're ladies.
(30:09):
You two ladies were going to begreat.
And the dynamic duo you didn'tdisappoint.
I knew you would not.
I knew you would not.
Is there anything either of youwant to end with or share about
how people can find you partnerwith you, utilize your
phenomenal resources and talents?
(30:30):
Okay, yes, I'll start.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
And you can take us home.
I think, just thinking aboutthe care partner, what I really
like about it is it can reallyfeel as a friend and family
(30:52):
member that you have lost thefriendship, the relationship,
the partnership that you hadpreviously and you might have,
but you can rebuild a newpartnership with who they are
now and it's going to bedifferent, but I was able to do
that with my dad and I know thissounds crazy, but I think it
was better than when before Ireally do, because it was a lot
more giving and loving and um, Idon't know.
(31:14):
So I just I feel like that'spart of what this does too.
As far as where you can reachme if you go to, I'm like if you
go, go right ahead.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Remember I'm a comedian, so we go for all of
the giggles.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Thank God, if you go to wwwimprovingthroughimprovcom
that is got everything.
Dot com, that is got everything, um, and if you put backslash
care, you'll go straight to oursection of things and you can
(31:49):
reach me at improving throughimprov at gmailcom as well and
reach out.
We've got a list going ofpeople who want to take our
workshop.
Um, so even if you're anindividual, I think it's worth
reaching out and getting on thelist and we can help you.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Yes, I just I want to say thank you very much for
having us and giving us anopportunity to share our work
with your listeners and yourfollowers, and we have been
really excited and I feel reallyblessed to be able to do this
work, because it's working withan amazing population who could
(32:26):
use a little uplifting and someresources, and this, the work
that we've been doing, thetraining is a little it's
different in that it's engaging,it's fun, and you mentioned
talking about sort of shiftingthe mindset and I think that's,
at the end of the day, our goal.
If you want to know more, alittle bit about the research
(32:47):
side, I can be reached at ckempat gsuedu, and there's plenty of
information about the researchpiece that we do here at Georgia
State and learning about theGerontology Institute and our
programs, and I think that'sgerontologygsuedu, I think.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Well, just Google it, google her, and then it's going
to take you to wherever she ishere.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Anyway, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Absolutely.
And look, I want to say that Ididn't know this until attending
your session.
Gerontologists are notgeriatric people who knew that?
I'm not going to ask you toexplain all that right now.
That's homework for everybodywho's listening and or watching.
But just know that that have tobe.
But they can.
Yeah, they don't know, see whatI mean.
(33:45):
I told you she knows everything, but, but they are.
They are not absolutely thesame, so that's just how
beautifully complex these thingscan be.
But, uh, she's a gerontologistand a sociologist and an
everythingologist who knowsabout improv too.
So, and I want to point outthat improv and improve, that's
(34:09):
just take one letter off, ok, sothat means they're supposed to
go together.
Yeah, thank you, ladies, somuch, thank you.
Thank you for being here.
Please keep up the good work.
We look forward to having youback.
Yes, maybe even having one ofyour sessions, one of your
exhibits, be a part of one ofour podcasts too.
(34:29):
Yeah, that'd be fun.
Yeah, all right, thanks, yesand Great.
The Snuggle Ups.
Number one y'all heard that wegot people out here with fancy
degrees, researching stuff tohelp us, and we didn't even know
(34:53):
.
We all out here thinking you byyourself and yes, I am rocking
back and forth making myearrings wiggle and wobble and
forth making my earrings wiggleand wobble, but think about it.
People like Amanda Lee and DrCandice are digging in the weeds
(35:14):
, researching, experimenting fortechniques and trends and
treatments that are not a pillor medicine, not something that
could ever harm or have someadverse reaction to your LO's
(35:35):
liver.
How cool is that?
How much can we say thank youand hell yeah to my tax dollars
being used for this, yes to allof the institutions, the federal
government, state governmentand all of that for using money
on that.
If that's the case, I'd ratheryou put the money in that damn
(35:57):
that pothole.
Let the pothole stay there.
I'll drive around it.
Number two y'all your LO is ahuman that needs love.
It is so easy as a familycaregiver for any of us, for all
(36:18):
of us and I am saying this withmy eyes closed and my fist
clenched because I do it too.
There's nobody there to recordme.
So a lot of times, all y'allsee from me and Zetty is the
good, good, gushy stuff.
But yes, I get pissed, I getfrustrated, I get worn out, and
(36:43):
in those moments you're justtrying to accomplish that thing
you want your loved one to sitdown or stand up or eat or
swallow the pill, like literally.
Earlier today I took Zeddy tothe dentist.
She was just supposed to haveher implants cleaned.
(37:05):
What'd she do?
She bit the dentist.
She wouldn't let him take theimplants out.
So that made me late for therecording, rah.
But we should always just takea beat and breathe and remember
(37:26):
first and foremost that our LOs,they are the ones suffering
with this disease, no matterwhat the disease is.
They are fighting for everybreath.
They are the ones that arelosing themselves, and so see
them as a human who just needsyou to love them first and lead
(37:47):
with love.
Number three listen, we knowcaregiving is all about trial
and error.
Ok, I'm a same care partnerfrom now on, so I hope y'all go
with me.
It might take me a minute, butI'd like that thing, did y'all
not like it?
I am a care partner with Denny.
We know it's all trial anderror.
(38:10):
We don't know what the hell wedoing.
And then if your person hasdementia, even if you do
something right today, you trythat thing tomorrow and they
don't like it.
It is a crash and burn failure.
I am going to encourage you totake a risk and try new things,
(38:30):
especially when what you'redoing is causing you to get an
ulcer, if it is not yielding theresults that you want.
And I am pounding my fist inthe air, I am fighting the air.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Try something else.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
How about improv?
Amanda gave you a few examplestoday.
You can Google her and get more.
You can go on YouTube and get abunch more.
And if you think, for somereason, improv is too much for
you or it sounds too risky, whatother things that you do that
(39:16):
you think you can merge in someof those principles like, for
instance, cooking.
You got to be really patient, inmy opinion, to cook, because
you can't unsalt that chicken.
You feel what I'm saying?
In cooking, less is more.
You can't heat the oven toomuch.
You done burned up everything.
You can't uncook it.
Once the steak is done, it'sdone.
(39:38):
If you want it medium rare andnot as well done, you are
screwed.
So you got to go slowly.
You got to be patient.
You got to be patient, you gotto put a little bit in and taste
it.
So maybe think about principlesof cooking to help you with
your patience.
Anyway, I'm making this up onthe fly because y'all know I
(39:58):
don't cook, but that's what Iheard.
Try something new, y'all.
Okay, we're going to make itout of this alive or we're going
to die trying to make it funny.
Thank you for tuning in.
I mean really, really, really.
Thank you so very much fortuning in, whether you're
(40:19):
watching this on YouTube or ifyou're listening on your
favorite podcast audio platform,or if you're listening on your
favorite podcast audio platform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe, come back.
That's the way you're going toknow when we do something next.
Y'all know how it is.
I'm Jay Smiles.
I might just drop something hotin the middle of the night.
The concept of yes and and that is principle and
improv where if we're doing ascene and you make an offer to
me like we're going to Mars,then I'm going to say, yes,
we're going to Mars, so I'maccepting your offer and we're
wearing these hot pink suits.
(00:21):
So I've accepted your offer andI'm building on it.
Wherever we're going, exactly,we're definitely wearing hot
pink suits.
So I've accepted your offer andI'm building on it.
Wherever we're going, exactly,we're definitely wearing hot
pink suits.
There's never a lack of those.
So that's an improv.
Whatever your partner offersyou, you accept as the reality
and you build on it.
Things that help you do thatare listening.
(00:41):
Listening is one of the biggestnotes that you get in improv.
Like Amanda, I didn't think youwere listening very well in
that scene.
You really have to be keyed inthe eye contact we were talking
about.
Those are all things that'llhelp you accept the offer that's
given and then build on it.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Parenting Up Caregiving Adventures with
Comedian Jay Smiles is theintense journey of unexpectedly
being fully responsible for mymama.
For over a decade I've beenchipping away at the unknown,
advocating for her and pushingAlzheimer's awareness on anyone
and anything with a heartbeat.
(01:18):
Spoiler alert this shit isheavy.
That's why I started doingcomedy.
So be ready for the jokes.
Caregiver newbies, ogs andvillage members just willing to
prop up a caregiver, you are inthe right place.
Hi, this is Zeddy.
(01:39):
I hope you enjoy my daughter'spodcast.
Is that okay?
Today's supporter shout out isfrom YouTube Nicole Houston
Johnson, 8405.
This was very helpful.
(02:01):
My 90-year-old grandmother isvery independent.
This was very helpful.
My 90 year old grandmother isvery independent Dot dot dot.
Still able to cook, clean anddrive short distances.
However, I do worry that shemay be lonely sometimes.
She has outlived all hersiblings, friends and church
connections.
I will continue to ask what sheenjoys, encourage my children
(02:25):
to call her weekly and extendedfamily to call consistently.
Thank you so much for that wholepoint and for giving us so much
detail.
It does matter those loved onesof ours who age gracefully and
(02:51):
hang on and end by themselves.
We got to give them a littleextra snuggle up, if you would
like to be a shout out recipient, you know what to do Leave a
review.
I would prefer if it's on ApplePodcasts, but you know it could
be YouTube or Instagram.
We're the same everywhere.
Parenting up Thank you inadvance.
(03:12):
Today's episode yes.
And caregiving, the improv act.
You did not audition forParenting up family.
Y'all know how I feel and youknow how we do this.
How do I get so excited eachand every time?
Well, it's because the dementiauniverse keeps blessing us with
(03:34):
more and more reasons to makesure our community keeps enough
fuel to go on and on, and on andon.
Today we have what I call thedynamic duo, these two ladies,
females, chicks, gals, whateveryou want to call them.
(03:54):
They are busting wide open thenotion that you can't be a
caregiver for years, that yougot to do it by yourself, that
you got to be sad.
One of them does a whole bunchof research with a whole lot of
papers and uses big old wordsthat you might not understand,
and the other one gets on stageand acts a fool.
(04:17):
Now, y'all know a combo likethat.
How happy am I?
All right, how y'all doing.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Wonderful.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Thank you so much.
So in a very in a more formalsense, I would like to introduce
Dr Candice Kemp.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Hello everyone.
My pleasure to be here today.
Thank you so much for having us.
Yes, and then.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Amanda Lee Williams.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Now, I met both of you through this wonderful
lecture series that waspresented by well in conjunction
with Georgia State University,parenting Up Family.
For those of you who arelistening and not watching us,
it was amazing.
I didn't even take notes andit's so rare that I don't take
(05:11):
notes, but that's how glued Iwas to listening and watching
your presentation Improving carethrough improv.
We could almost stop the wholepodcast episode right now.
Just the thought we're going toimprove care through improv
that's radical.
That is a radical notion thatit can even be done, let alone
(05:34):
you're going to teach otherpeople how to do it.
Who decided that that was worthinvestigating?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
decided that that was worth investigating.
Come on, Dr Camp.
Both of us we kind of came tothis idea of improv and the
value of improv in teaching thecommunication skills, the
ability to be in the moment, toaccept where people are and to
meet them where they are, tomake people look good and to
collaborate, and to meet themwhere they are, to make people
(06:07):
look good and to collaborate allseem to be really important
skills in caregiving and alsolead to successful improv
performances.
We aren't the first people todo this.
Karen Stobie and her partner,Mondi Carter, have been doing
this for a long time.
We're the first people to doresearch really to this extent,
(06:28):
although there have been a fewother researchers who've done
some small studies.
So, yeah, we put our researchbrains together and our
improviser brain together, andhere we are.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Dr Candice is being humble, I'm not going to allow
it.
Anyway, there's some otherpeople that did something kind
of like it.
It's like somebody saying, yeah, I, you know, kind of, were in
flight to before the Wrightbrothers, but OK, but were you
really, though Nobody saw it andyou didn't build something
better to let two people get inthe plane.
So I'm giving you all thecredit because I've been out
(07:02):
here in these caregiving streetsdoing stand-up comedy and the
way you all connect the two, itfeels a little different.
Thank you, but I'll let you behumble and we're going to move
right on.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
We're standing on other people's shoulders.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
What made you all say we havethis information, we know it
works and we're going to teachother people how to do it?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I'll take it.
Well, when I first learnedabout Karen Stobie's work, I
started trying it with my dad,who had Parkinson's dementia,
and it worked so well and I hadalready been an improviser, um.
And so, seeing that, I was soexcited, um, about that idea
(07:53):
that once we partnered up, we,we, we knew we had to spread the
word, the good word, and I'vebeen teaching improv and theater
since 1998.
So I felt like our two skillscombined really helped, and for
Candice to be able to addlegitimacy to what I was
(08:16):
thinking about really wasdifferent.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I love it.
Yeah, I love it.
Now you mentioned that yourfather had Parkinson's.
Your father is no longerphysically on Earth.
Is that correct, Correct?
What's something that's veryimportant to our community here
Parenting up is we're primarilyfamily caregivers.
There are a lot of people inthe community because we're.
(08:40):
We have members all over theglobe.
Now we're very excited aboutthat.
Yay, everybody.
Everyone likes to know.
We've gotten feedback Like howdid you, your family, recognize
something's not quite right withdad and we probably need to get
him seen by a doctor?
(09:02):
What was some of the firstthings that let you know?
This is not that.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Yeah, well, he had gotten the Parkinson's just
Parkinson's diagnosis probably2002, but the dementia side of
things didn't kick in reallynoticeably until maybe 10 years
later or so where we reallystarted noticing things.
The first thing was my dad waslike CFO of a company a nursing
(09:31):
home company actually Whoa, Iknow, and so smart, such a great
business guy and he startedbuying like properties where we
were like what, just makingweird business decisions.
We were like what, Just makingweird business decisions.
The other thing was hisexecutive functioning was not
happening the way it used to, solike he got up on a ladder, he
(09:54):
fell.
This is like a shortened versionof this.
Two days later he got up on thesame ladder, he fell, and then
he kept doing it, even though heand my mom had talked, like you
can't get up on that ladderdoing it, even though he and my
mom had talked, like you can'tget up on that ladder you don't
have, like the Parkinson's istoo much for you, and he
couldn't either remember or makethe make a right choice.
And I think one thing that Iwish someone had told me is
(10:16):
dementia is not always memorybased, that there's a lot of
different signs that I probablycould have seen earlier, but
those were the first two, andthe day that I knew like we had
a real problem was we had lostmy parents dog and everybody was
just like, okay, we got to findMeg and that's a cool name for
(10:38):
a dog.
Yeah, she was a good dog and sowe were all looking around.
Suddenly I didn't see papa well, that's why I call him papa and
um.
So I got in the truck andstarted looking for him and he
was walking down the middle ofthe road and it's like a busy
road with a turn and I was likeget in the car and that's what I
(11:02):
was like.
I gotta move home, we gotta, youknow.
So those are kind of likestarting with the land, then the
ladder, and then those are likethe ones that stick in my
memory the most.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah, yeah those are, those were your points of pain.
That said, this is differentyeah, this is different.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
A lot of times, my mom and I would be like just
having a hard time accepting itand be like this is weird, right
?
Yeah, this is weird, you know,like something's not you know,
but it was hard to because hewas very good at masking,
because he was very smart, andso he would trick us and they're
like oh, everything seemsnormal now.
Just had a bad day.
Yeah, just had a bad day, andthen there would be three bad
(11:47):
days and then it just started tobecome all the time.
That's the other thing I wishsomeone had told me which
probably you've already toldyour audience but is that it's
not like a steady downward, itwas like a roller coaster.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, no, but it's great for you to say it.
It doesn't matter what I mayhave said.
The more people who give astory that may have similar
points, then different membersof the community can say all
right, okay.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It starts to sink in and it takes a minute for it to
sink in.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Denial is major.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Yeah, you don't want that to be your reality.
No, it's not for a long time.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
You're in denial.
I think we, the family members,can be in denial, maybe as much
as the person who is suffering,because you're like no, not my
dad, not my mom, and don't, hey,if I didn't, you just jump
(12:44):
right in there and pop me allaround.
You have not experienced beinga caregiver for someone in your
immediate family.
Is that correct?
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Not dementia related.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Not dementia related.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Okay, yes, I knew it was something.
I'm now pointing at the camerasaying I was something,
something like that.
I'm now pointing at the camerasaying something like that.
I find it fascinating.
(13:20):
The amount of research that youare digging in and doing that
is groundbreaking in an areathat you don't have personal
experience.
That is not the most typicalway that you find someone like
yourself, with their mission andtheir why, so please share with
us.
Let us know like what is thatburning desire little pit in
your belly that got you socaught up in these weeds?
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I think being very passionate about wanting to
improve quality of life andquality of care, very passionate
about wanting to improvequality of life and quality of
care, and the work that I'vedone is inspired by my family
and watching and participatingin caring for family members.
Not everyone has had experiencewith dementia in my family, but
we have experienced peopleliving in long-term care
(14:03):
settings and that's kind of whatbrought me to do work in
long-term care, and the moretime that I spend in long-term
care, the more experience I havewith dementia and seeing people
who have dementia and alsopeople who are caring for loved
ones with dementia or care staffas well, and that just seems to
be a huge area of need.
(14:24):
Caregiving for anybody with anysituation can be challenging,
but I think adding dementia intothe equation can add different
challenges and so, I think,compassion and also seeing a
need and, hopefully, an abilityto make a difference.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Yeah, the two of you are making a huge difference.
I mean, I was speechless in themiddle of your program and I
kept nudging my team saying didyou see that?
Like, how did they?
Those two sides of our brain,and certainly sides of industry,
(15:11):
don't even want to get along.
And here you all are married onthe front end, nobody's even
having to make you all you know,mesh, and so I want to
congratulate you all on havingthe foresight to put it together
from the beginning, when youare now bringing it to society,
so to speak, something that Isaw.
(15:33):
Thank you so much, dr Kent, forbringing up the assisted living
facilities, because I've seenthis and you actually did extra
research on this, which isrelationships and even like how
people are getting along, howtheir sex and all of these
(15:56):
things that's going on inassisted living, because it's
happening A lot, because nowpeople are living without
chaperones, they don't have togo to work you know what I mean
they don't have nothing to doand it's their home.
So, it is home, but ideally.
Well, we've signed them in andnobody comes to sign them out,
(16:17):
Right?
But you've even dug into howthose relationships work,
Correct?
So share a little bit aboutthat with us, because I have
lots of caregivers in thecommunity who they don't know
how to feel when their LO inassisted living may or may not
be intimate with somebody.
And they get that call andthey're weird.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Right.
Well, in the work that we'vedone, we actually have
identified intimacy as a careneed and so if you think about
intimacy more broadly not justincluding the sexual contact or
the romantic situation you'retouched, maybe not in the most
loving way.
So, thinking about theimportance of touch and that
(17:13):
tactile piece, that becomesreally important and something
that sometimes people miss.
I think the sexual intimacyalso is a really important piece
and it often freaks familymembers out and I think there
are important ethicalconsiderations when considering
consent, when people maybeliving with dementia and don't
(17:36):
necessarily have the capacity toconsent.
If family members and staff canwork with the person, if there
(17:56):
are those needs.
That's a human, that's a sortof basic human need and trying
to figure out what the bestsolution is to improve quality
of life and quality of care.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
So I wouldn't automatically try to shut it
down, but it's trying to workcollaboratively, collaboratively
, to find a solution.
That's a great way.
Yes, I would like to publiclystate.
That keeps people safe that ifI should be diagnosed with
dementia, I would like someoneto collaboratively try to help
me be intimate with somebodythat wants to consent To
collaboratively be intimate withme back Collaboratively.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Right.
So I think you know it'sthinking about what's meaningful
engagement, and for some peopleit is that sexual interaction.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, or just a hug and a good slow dance, you know,
whatever that may be, yes,whatever that may be, hey,
what's up?
Parented Up family, guess what.
Have you ever wanted to connectwith other caregivers?
You want to see morebehind-the-scenes footage?
Want to know what me and Zeddyare doing?
I know you do All things.
(18:50):
Jsmiles are finally ready foryou, even when I go live.
Do it now with us on Patreon.
Join us in the Patreoncommunity.
Catch everything we're doing.
Visit patreoncom forward.
(19:11):
Slash JSmilesStudios with an Sthe improv portion of things.
Amanda, here we go.
There are things and you allhave to figure out somewhere
when these two take their showon the road.
(19:32):
And I'm going to try to push toget more and more research
dollars, which I think is alsofascinating the amount of
institutions that support yourwork the National Institutes of
Health, the National Instituteson Aging, georgia State Emory,
(19:52):
the technical schools of nursing, like I was like.
Oh yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Health and Health Resources and Services
Administration.
Thank you, georgia Gear andDad's Garage.
And Dad's.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Garage, yes, and that alone speaks volumes.
To have those heavy hitters andcommunity organizations that
are on the ground doing a bunchof work, seeing something that
is as transformative as this,and saying, yeah, we're with you
, here's the money, here are theresources.
(20:31):
Go figure this out.
This has legs.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yay, yeah, I think everybody, if you're lucky
enough to keep living, gets old.
So it is, you're going to be anolder adult, you're going to
need some help.
So I think that's what like Idon't know, but I feel like
that's why everyone can connectto it, because, whether there's
dementia involved or not,there's sort of that universal
(20:57):
like I'm a person and I'm goingto get older and I want someone
to help me, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Absolutely.
What are some of the techniquesor principles of improv that
you feel transfer the easiest,that you can share with us here,
even though someone has notgone through your wonderful
sessions and they could?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
grasp.
The first one is like a concept, I would say, is that part of
improvising is connecting withthe person on stage and, you
know, making them look good,making it where we're making eye
contact and we're a partnership.
I feel like as you get older,and especially as you have
(21:42):
dementia, a lot of your rightsare taken away, a lot of your
everything is taken away, and so, remembering that this is a
human person and that you twoare in this together and that is
part of what I love aboutimprov I tried stand up.
I was not good at it.
Go ahead and whisper that intothe mic.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
I'm going to whisper into the mic.
No one's going to hear me.
I was terrible at it.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
But I think that's because I like that partnership,
that collaboration.
So if you think of it like thatand you remember that you've
got a human person that wants tobe loved, that wants to be
cared for, I think that's at thecore.
But then the second thing wouldbe the concept of yes and.
And that is a principle inimprov, where if we're doing a
(22:33):
scene and you make an offer tome like we're going to Mars,
then I'm going to say yes, we'regoing to Mars, so I'm accepting
your offer, and we're wearingthese hot pink suits, so I've
accepted your offer and I'mbuilding on it.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Absolutely the hot pink suits wherever we're going
Exactly.
We're definitely wearing hotpink suits.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
There's never a lack of those, yeah, so that is a
huge thing.
So, whatever you're, so that'san improv and then taking it
over to being a care partnerwhatever your partner offers you
, you accept as the reality andyou build on it, and there's so
(23:17):
many different ways to do that.
Things that help you do thatare listening, like.
That seems like obvious, I feellike, but listening is one of
the biggest notes that you getin improv.
Like Amanda, I didn't think youwere listening very well in
that scene because so much iscoming at you so fast you really
have to be keyed in the eyecontact we were talking about.
(23:38):
Those are all things that willhelp you accept the offer that's
given and then build on it.
I could give you an example ifyou'd like, please.
Okay, this is a pretty simpleone.
My dad kept being stressedbecause he worked in nursing
homes and then he was in onewhile he was in assisted living,
but it felt similar.
(23:59):
He kept thinking he was workingand so he would be stressed
because he would be like.
I have so many meetings todayand I hated to see him stressed,
but it also seemed like he kindof liked it.
I wasn't really sure.
That's not the point, okay.
So one day I came in and thiswas after I had started trying
(24:19):
some improv stuff and thisdoesn't seem like a crazy thing,
but I wasn't doing thispreviously he said I'm really
nervous because I have a bigspeech to give to the board
today.
And so I was like, okay, so Isaid yes, like I accepted that
he had a speech to give to theboard, yes, and let me hear it.
(24:40):
So then he, although he was notverbal enough to really give me
the actual speech, he felt sucha relief after, after going
through his notes, um, that thathe had been heard, and that's
what anybody wants, is to feelheard and validated.
Instead of before I would havesaid oh, you're fine, you don't,
(25:03):
you know, you're not, you'reretired, kick back, you know.
Which is literally what I wassaying before.
He was so much happier that dayand that was me accepting and
building on his offer, and so,yeah, that would be a good
example.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
That is a good example.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
I just want to add that research bears this out.
So the work that we've beendoing watching care partners
whether they be family membersor friends, or care staff in
long-term care communities,healthcare providers, when they
use these approaches, they havemore success.
So the yes and the listening,the meeting people where they're
(25:40):
at, and just that whole conceptof being flexible and being
open to accepting that reality.
And being empathetic andlistening.
I think that really can't bestressed enough, that the
listening and having somebody beheard is really important, and
the validation, yeah, and so thework bears that out, and so
(26:05):
it's not just anecdotal evidence.
I would say yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Two things that I've heard numerous times here with
you all.
Is you say care partner and notcaregiver?
That is major.
That is resonating in my spirit.
Is you say care partner and notcaregiver?
That is major.
That is resonating in my spirit.
And I think I'm about to startsaying, like I have caregiver
(26:31):
all over all of my literature.
This is going to cost a lot.
I'm going to need a part ofyour grant money to go redo all
of my merch, change my websitesearch, change my website.
But in your language of meetingsomeone where you are, we're in
(26:55):
this together.
Caregiver sounds way moreindependent.
Here I am giving you something.
That means you got to take itand then I'm putting it on you.
You're the receiver, but it'snot allowing this person, the
recipient, to give back, becauseyou're just a wall or a plant
or something.
You're not a human.
But if we are care partners, Igive you something, you give me
(27:16):
something.
It's back and forth and I'mlike whoa, that changes mentally
for me.
It changes my approach and howI review, how I take my position
and my responsibility.
If I'm my mother's care partnerand not her caregiver, I'm like
I'm over here, I feel myheart's on the race, so that's
(27:37):
major.
I'm over here, I feel myheart's on the race, so that's
major.
Yeah, so go ahead, dr Candice.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
I think language is difficult I don't think we have
great language to talk about anyof this and we did have an
experience with some of thefamily members and even
sometimes when we talk toclinicians, they prefer
caregiver, because there doesoftentimes become a point at
which it seems that thepartnership has shifted and so
(28:11):
it's not everyone that sees oruses the term care partner as
the term, but I think we like itfor the reasons that you
identified, that if you'reapplying improv techniques and
you're putting them intopractice, you can't do that
alone and it is a partnershipand it is a give and take and it
(28:32):
is important to acknowledge theother person and the person
who's living with dementia as anactive person in that
relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Yeah Well, I'm going to stand 10 toes down on behalf
of.
So don't feel so bad abouthaving caregiver on everything,
because I think, yeah, anyway,I'm changing it.
It's too late.
Okay, because I understand whatyou're saying and will put on
behalf of the other people and Imay not like run tonight and
(29:03):
switch everything.
However, I believe, even as mymother loses the ability to be
as involved, her spirit is stillgiving me something.
Her spirit will be giving methe energy to keep going, to do
(29:27):
whatever it is I'm doing.
So, no, maybe it might not be50-50, 60-40.
It might get to a point whereit's 98-2.
But whoever said that thepartnership was even-steven?
Because it's not even-steveneven with people who are alive
right now.
There are a lot of people I'mlike why am I giving?
so much more than you, boyfriend.
(29:47):
Anyway, that's a different.
That's a different podcast.
That's a different podcast.
That's a different podcast.
It's almost time for us to wrapup and I'm already mad about it
.
I'm mad about it because I knewyou guys were going.
You two, not guys.
You two were going to be great.
I'm about language, you knowyou're not guys, you're ladies.
(30:09):
You two ladies were going to begreat.
And the dynamic duo you didn'tdisappoint.
I knew you would not.
I knew you would not.
Is there anything either of youwant to end with or share about
how people can find you partnerwith you, utilize your
phenomenal resources and talents?
(30:30):
Okay, yes, I'll start.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
And you can take us home.
I think, just thinking aboutthe care partner, what I really
like about it is it can reallyfeel as a friend and family
(30:52):
member that you have lost thefriendship, the relationship,
the partnership that you hadpreviously and you might have,
but you can rebuild a newpartnership with who they are
now and it's going to bedifferent, but I was able to do
that with my dad and I know thissounds crazy, but I think it
was better than when before Ireally do, because it was a lot
more giving and loving and um, Idon't know.
(31:14):
So I just I feel like that'spart of what this does too.
As far as where you can reachme if you go to, I'm like if you
go, go right ahead.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Remember I'm a comedian, so we go for all of
the giggles.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Thank God, if you go to wwwimprovingthroughimprovcom
that is got everything.
Dot com, that is got everything, um, and if you put backslash
care, you'll go straight to oursection of things and you can
(31:49):
reach me at improving throughimprov at gmailcom as well and
reach out.
We've got a list going ofpeople who want to take our
workshop.
Um, so even if you're anindividual, I think it's worth
reaching out and getting on thelist and we can help you.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Yes, I just I want to say thank you very much for
having us and giving us anopportunity to share our work
with your listeners and yourfollowers, and we have been
really excited and I feel reallyblessed to be able to do this
work, because it's working withan amazing population who could
(32:26):
use a little uplifting and someresources, and this, the work
that we've been doing, thetraining is a little it's
different in that it's engaging,it's fun, and you mentioned
talking about sort of shiftingthe mindset and I think that's,
at the end of the day, our goal.
If you want to know more, alittle bit about the research
(32:47):
side, I can be reached at ckempat gsuedu, and there's plenty of
information about the researchpiece that we do here at Georgia
State and learning about theGerontology Institute and our
programs, and I think that'sgerontologygsuedu, I think.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Well, just Google it, google her, and then it's going
to take you to wherever she ishere.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Anyway, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Absolutely.
And look, I want to say that Ididn't know this until attending
your session.
Gerontologists are notgeriatric people who knew that?
I'm not going to ask you toexplain all that right now.
That's homework for everybodywho's listening and or watching.
But just know that that have tobe.
But they can.
Yeah, they don't know, see whatI mean.
(33:45):
I told you she knows everything, but, but they are.
They are not absolutely thesame, so that's just how
beautifully complex these thingscan be.
But, uh, she's a gerontologistand a sociologist and an
everythingologist who knowsabout improv too.
So, and I want to point outthat improv and improve, that's
(34:09):
just take one letter off, ok, sothat means they're supposed to
go together.
Yeah, thank you, ladies, somuch, thank you.
Thank you for being here.
Please keep up the good work.
We look forward to having youback.
Yes, maybe even having one ofyour sessions, one of your
exhibits, be a part of one ofour podcasts too.
(34:29):
Yeah, that'd be fun.
Yeah, all right, thanks, yesand Great.
The Snuggle Ups.
Number one y'all heard that wegot people out here with fancy
degrees, researching stuff tohelp us, and we didn't even know
(34:53):
.
We all out here thinking you byyourself and yes, I am rocking
back and forth making myearrings wiggle and wobble and
forth making my earrings wiggleand wobble, but think about it.
People like Amanda Lee and DrCandice are digging in the weeds
(35:14):
, researching, experimenting fortechniques and trends and
treatments that are not a pillor medicine, not something that
could ever harm or have someadverse reaction to your LO's
(35:35):
liver.
How cool is that?
How much can we say thank youand hell yeah to my tax dollars
being used for this, yes to allof the institutions, the federal
government, state governmentand all of that for using money
on that.
If that's the case, I'd ratheryou put the money in that damn
(35:57):
that pothole.
Let the pothole stay there.
I'll drive around it.
Number two y'all your LO is ahuman that needs love.
It is so easy as a familycaregiver for any of us, for all
(36:18):
of us and I am saying this withmy eyes closed and my fist
clenched because I do it too.
There's nobody there to recordme.
So a lot of times, all y'allsee from me and Zetty is the
good, good, gushy stuff.
But yes, I get pissed, I getfrustrated, I get worn out, and
(36:43):
in those moments you're justtrying to accomplish that thing
you want your loved one to sitdown or stand up or eat or
swallow the pill, like literally.
Earlier today I took Zeddy tothe dentist.
She was just supposed to haveher implants cleaned.
(37:05):
What'd she do?
She bit the dentist.
She wouldn't let him take theimplants out.
So that made me late for therecording, rah.
But we should always just takea beat and breathe and remember
(37:26):
first and foremost that our LOs,they are the ones suffering
with this disease, no matterwhat the disease is.
They are fighting for everybreath.
They are the ones that arelosing themselves, and so see
them as a human who just needsyou to love them first and lead
(37:47):
with love.
Number three listen, we knowcaregiving is all about trial
and error.
Ok, I'm a same care partnerfrom now on, so I hope y'all go
with me.
It might take me a minute, butI'd like that thing, did y'all
not like it?
I am a care partner with Denny.
We know it's all trial anderror.
(38:10):
We don't know what the hell wedoing.
And then if your person hasdementia, even if you do
something right today, you trythat thing tomorrow and they
don't like it.
It is a crash and burn failure.
I am going to encourage you totake a risk and try new things,
(38:30):
especially when what you'redoing is causing you to get an
ulcer, if it is not yielding theresults that you want.
And I am pounding my fist inthe air, I am fighting the air.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Try something else.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
How about improv?
Amanda gave you a few examplestoday.
You can Google her and get more.
You can go on YouTube and get abunch more.
And if you think, for somereason, improv is too much for
you or it sounds too risky, whatother things that you do that
(39:16):
you think you can merge in someof those principles like, for
instance, cooking.
You got to be really patient, inmy opinion, to cook, because
you can't unsalt that chicken.
You feel what I'm saying?
In cooking, less is more.
You can't heat the oven toomuch.
You done burned up everything.
You can't uncook it.
Once the steak is done, it'sdone.
(39:38):
If you want it medium rare andnot as well done, you are
screwed.
So you got to go slowly.
You got to be patient.
You got to be patient, you gotto put a little bit in and taste
it.
So maybe think about principlesof cooking to help you with
your patience.
Anyway, I'm making this up onthe fly because y'all know I
(39:58):
don't cook, but that's what Iheard.
Try something new, y'all.
Okay, we're going to make itout of this alive or we're going
to die trying to make it funny.
Thank you for tuning in.
I mean really, really, really.
Thank you so very much fortuning in, whether you're
(40:19):
watching this on YouTube or ifyou're listening on your
favorite podcast audio platform,or if you're listening on your
favorite podcast audio platform.
Either way, wherever you are,subscribe, come back.
That's the way you're going toknow when we do something next.
Y'all know how it is.
I'm Jay Smiles.
I might just drop something hotin the middle of the night.
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