Building Bridges Between Home and School for Success

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Ever wondered how your role as a parent could be the key to unlocking your child's future success? This episode of "Parenting with a Purpose" promises to shed light on the pivotal role of parental involvement in education, guiding you to be the bow that launches your child, the arrow, into a world of opportunities. I’m joined by our trusted guest, Kya, an experienced educator in fourth-grade science and math, who shares her first-hand experiences and challenges within the educational landscape. Together, we navigate the often-overlooked importance of parents attending school meetings and being active participants in their child's learning journey.

Discover the intricacies of parental accountability and the common hurdles faced by both parents and educators. We explore real-life scenarios, like the reluctance of some parents to engage with educational resources and the consequences of prioritizing extracurricular activities over academics. As parents, our busy lives often lead to unintentional detachment from our children's education, but we emphasize why proactive involvement is critical. Through personal anecdotes and reflective conversations, we aim to inspire parents to be present and supportive, ensuring their children not only succeed academically but also grow into well-rounded individuals.

Join us for an empathetic and heartfelt exploration of how parents can teach integrity and values to their children, even when faced with the challenges of modern parenting. We discuss the importance of maintaining open communication and understanding between parents, teachers, and students. This episode is packed with insights and strategies for nurturing your child's potential, fostering a supportive and loving home environment, and ultimately, strengthening the bond between you and your child. Engage with us on social media or via email, and become part of a community dedicated to empowering parents on their educational journey.

Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (01:11):
hmm, thank you, take care.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
Hey everybody, welcome back to Parenting with
Purpose.
I am your host, donna Janellewhere you know, we bring back
the responsibility, nobility andbeauty back into parenting.
Yes, I said beauty.
I know a lot of parents outthere think there's no beauty in
it because it seems like thesekids, they give us a challenge
and it becomes a hard knock lifefor parents.
Right, but there is some beautyin there, sometimes, right, and

(02:05):
even in the times where it justseems like it's so dark and
heavy, if you just take a look,a deep look in, you will find
some beauty, right.
Trust me, I've been parentingfor 25 years and I can still say
that there's beauty inparenting.
There are some parents that onlyparent one year and say I don't
see it, I don't know where it'sgoing to come, but eventually
it will come some beauty inparenting, right where it's

(02:28):
going to come, but eventually itwill come some beauty in
parenting, right?
You know, our parents are thebows and our children are arrows
and they will land wherever weaim them, no matter how long it
takes.
They will eventually land right.
As long as we dress them, aslong as we don't send them
outside naked.
We give them tools so that theycan be successful, right.
So that's what parents are thepurpose is about.
Our job here is to educate, toencourage, to motivate parents
to be the best parents possible,right?
I'm not saying you need to bethe perfect parent, but you need

(02:49):
to be the perfect parent foryour child.
That's where we are.
So, as you know, we have beentalking about parental
involvement and lately, for thelast month, we've been really
honing in on education becausewe kids went back to school and
I just believe that there's sucha mandate on parenting right,
and education is one of the keysto really get our children to
be successful in multiple areasof their life.

(03:11):
Right, because a child who's noteducated, if we look at the
statistics, tend not to be ableto do much with their life.
They get into crime, they getinto all types of things that
they're not supposed to get into, because they don't even have a
focus or a goal or even theeducation to get them to
understand places they need tobe and making decisions that
they should be making Right.

(03:32):
So tonight, you know, we had wehad educators here all month
and we got another educator here.
We got Cordell Gould, kaya, yousee how she gave me the look.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
I went, I went by her government.
I didn't know right, I didn'tknow.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
I tried, I tried, try to go by try to be professional
, um, kaya has been on our showmultiple times for different
reasons.
We had Kaya on our showregarding parenting and marriage
.
We had Kaya on our showregarding as an educator.
Before last season, I think, wehad you on as a.
You've been on every season.
This is third season.
You've been on every season, um.
So we have Kay back here againwhen we talk about parental

(04:14):
involvement, because Kay is in.
You know how they say get inthe thick of things, jump in the
mess.
Kay is literally in the mess,right, and I'm not trying to say
education is mess, but thereare some lot of things going on.
She's going to keep it realtonight, y'all.
But, kaya, thank you for comingback to the show.
It's always a pleasure to haveyou here and if you want to tell

(04:38):
the people again just yourbackground, I know your
background, some of our audiencealready know, but your
background in education, what doyou do, what grade you teach
and what subject you teach, sowe can get the audience just a
little picture of what you gotto offer okay.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Well, it's a little different than the last time I
spoke to you.
Now I'm teaching science andmath to fourth graders in
elementary school and it'sdifferent and I like it.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
I really like yeah your face kind of blew up a
little bit like there was alittle glow there, like it's a
little different than you said.
I like it.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
I really do like it okay the challenging thing is
having two separate classes, sothat's something that I'm trying
to take on um, but I'm gettingused to it, okay, and I'm
enjoying it.
Science, science and math, andmath.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
Wow, okay.
Well, they both go hand in hand, science and math, but I feel
like science.
You can be so much morecreative when it comes to
science, so awesome.
So fourth grade, fourth gradethey almost added like going to
middle school in fourth grade,okay, all right.
So what were you doing rightbefore, before you did fourth

(05:47):
grade math?
If remind me before.

Speaker 1 (05:49):
Um, I was still teaching fourth grade the last
two years, but I was doingenglish, science and math.
That's what I thought.
Okay, all right, so now beforethat was early childhood, so it
was birth to four birth to four.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
We had a kelly on the show last week on birth, yeah,
um, birth to uh, four, um, and Ithought that was pretty cool
because we were talking abouther child care center, things
like that and how important itis for parents to really start
in the womb.
Yes, in the womb, yes, you know, I feel like when we started at

(06:20):
like, once they're born, likewe already behind eight ball a
little bit right in the womb,and I'm not saying that you
should be telling your kids nomath in the womb.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
I mean you could possibly, you could uh matter of
fact, because I'm reading tothem yeah we had um lyrical I
forgot their name lyrical math.

Speaker 2 (06:40):
We had them on the show before and they were
actually showing like they havethis hip-hop.
I gotta get you introduced tothem too.
They have, um a lot ofdifferent math programs, but, um
, you see us on the screen, okay, which is really cool.
Um, but they were even umsaying how, in the womb, how you
can do stuff, like they havemusic and things like that for

(07:00):
in the womb, so that, justremind me of that.
Um, lyrical math, I'll get youconnected with them.
They have a couple books outand they actually have a lot of
programs that they do umtutoring, but they do it on a
computer, like it's like yeah,they, they got some good stuff.
I gotta connect.
Now that you do math, I thinkyou're definitely gonna love
that.
Um.
So tonight we're talking aboutthe importance of parental

(07:22):
involvement.
So when you you hear parentalinvolvement, what do you think
Like?
What's in your mind?
What's the first thing thatcomes to your mind when you
think, oh, it's a little warm inhere, y'all Parental
involvement.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
So what I would like to see is parents coming out on
meet back to school, meet theteacher.
I would also like to see themon PTA nights, because those
nights is once a month, it's noteven for an hour and it's just
your teacher telling you whatyour kid is learning Right, and

(07:54):
it's on Zoom.
So it's not even like they haveto leave their home.
Okay, they just get on the lineand we have zero involvement.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
Wait.
Flag on the play and we havezero involvement.
Wait, flag on the play.
You're saying that theback-to-school nights we don't
really have parents.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
Well, this year my back-to-school night was
phenomenal.
I had like 12 parents Now howmany?

Speaker 2 (08:16):
kids you got.
You're talking about only eight, 30.
Oh, 12 was good then.
Okay, oh, absolutely, when yousaid I had there are 30 children
in one class.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
There were 31.
At the time it was 31 studentsin my one class and in my other
class it was 29.
And I had 12 parents.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
Okay.
Are you really excited for 12parents?
Absolutely, tell me why you'reexcited for the 12.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
If you get two or three, you're lucky.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
Are you serious and 12, I you get two or three,
you're lucky, are you serious?
And 12, I was so excited.
I was like I was so excited atthe 12.
Oh my goodness.
Yes, yes, I was very excitedthat 12 parents showed up.
You know, I hear a lot ofteachers.
That's why we really hone it inon parental involvement in
education, because we've heard alot of teachers say that

(09:03):
parents are not involved and inmy mind I'm just like what do
you mean?
They send their kids to schooland they're just not involved
with you, like they just droptheir kids off.
And we had Brielle on our show.
She was like sometimes theythink we're just babysitters and
I was like really, and thenthey go off when something's not
right.
Yeah, so.
Okay, so then you got to Zoom.
You're saying that there's Zoomas well, and then nobody shows

(09:26):
up for Zoom.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
All you have to do is hit the button and listen to
what the teacher says.
It's about seven minutes thatyou hear what your teacher is
saying, and then you get off.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
Let me ask you a question have you ever had
conversations with parents aboutthem showing up for their kids?
No, why not?

Speaker 1 (09:46):
Well, I have, about them showing up for their kids.
No, why not?
Well, I have.
I'm just curious if you, thereare some who you can't get in
contact with all at all at all.
So we have dojo, which is likethe electronic communication.
Some of them won't even sign upnow.
Now this year I have all buttwo.
I had the parent in with us.

(10:08):
We were having an IEP meetingand I said can I take your phone
, Can you just scan this righthere?
And she said, oh, I'll just doit when I get home.
I said, no, but it's okay ifyou could just do it now.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
She still has not done it, and that was in
September.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
What do you think?
Why do you think parents aren'tinvolved?

Speaker 1 (10:27):
I don't know why that particular parent I was
wondering if she could read Iwas questioning, like maybe she
doesn't want to be heldaccountable, because if she
opens something and she doesn'tread it, then we're going to be
like why didn't you respond?
Right, and I still don't knowif that's truth or not.
Right, right right.
I was suspecting that you can'tread I don't know if that but I

(10:50):
don't know why parents aren'tinvolved, because they do get
involved.
I have quite a few that willsend a message like somebody
shoved my kid in a locker, or orsomeone threw his lunch away or
his snack away, or they'll, youknow, send my son lost his
phone or she lost her book bag.
Somebody better find it.

(11:10):
They will address us about that.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
So it's like the priorities, the things that
really matter and really canhelp.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah, like attendance .

Speaker 2 (11:22):
It's like the absentee parents when it comes
to that, absolutely, oh my God.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
And it's sad, itentee parents when it come to that
absolutely.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Oh my god, like it's sad.
It's sad.
It's sad because I reallybelieve like this whole thing
was going on with our childrenin this world and it's really
because parenting has reallybecome lazy, or last six days
ago, um, and not involved inwanting everybody else to take

(11:47):
care of their kids.
Like I'm a strong believer,like I'm, you know, I advocate
for kids all the time and Iadvocate for parents absolutely.
But one thing for sure is I'mgoing to make sure parents are
held responsible for theirchildren, and what I see now,
what we see lately, is thatthere is no responsibility.
Like I've had this kid and I'mreally pretty much living an

(12:11):
autopilot life.
Like I'm getting them and I'msending them to school, but I'm
not involved in anything, or I'mnot even.
But here's the thing I think,kea, what bothers me is that
they're so involved with, like,extracurricular activities, like
sports, basketball, mybasketball, football they'll put
a lot of money into that, butwhen it comes to education or
even just showing up at school,like it seems like that's

(12:31):
they're uninterested and I don'tknow why that is.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
I want to also say, though there may be some that
are there that are in thatsituation, but there are some
that has too many kids Whoa,whoa Flag on the tank?
No seriously, I had a parent saymy son doesn't like switching
classes because that's whathappens.
I teach science and math.

(12:54):
Another teacher teaches ELA andshe said I don't like that.
You give two separate packetsfor homework.
My packet is one page, it's twopages, it's a top cover that
tells you what we're learning.
I try to keep them abreast andyou know what's going on, the
events that are going to come up, and it has one sheet that has
five addition problems on it.

(13:15):
Five, one sheet.
And she says I don't likereceiving two, he doesn't like
it.
I have four kids and I can't bedoing all this homework and I
was like wait, I had nothing todo with it.
I'm here to educate this one,but then I also have students
that don't come to schoolbecause a sibling is sick and

(13:38):
mom is the breadwinner, so shehas to go to work.
So, you got to stay home withit or she has to stay home with
the child to take care of thekid and no, she's not getting on
on um the zoom because shemight be working.
So not everybody has the samestory, but still, like that's,

(13:59):
it's too many that are notinvolved, though.
Wow, I had a parent that Ishared.
I told her.
I said your son is notparticipating in class.
He is either sleeping or he hasan attitude about something, so
he has his head down.
He's not doing any work.
He doesn't do any homework.
She said I'm gonna talk to himnow.
I've been saying to him youknow, your grades are going to

(14:21):
reflect what you're not doing inmy class, right, because I'm
not passing you because you'recute, right?
I know that's not going tohappen.
You're going to earn in here.
When he got the report card.
Now she's sending me a messagesaying can we talk?

Speaker 2 (14:34):
but I just talked to you try to be proactive before.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
Yeah, I'm telling you he's not doing anything and I'm
telling you what his attitudeand his behavior is in my
classroom.
A lot of times, parents arereactive yes, instead of
proactive, and I think that'swhere the problem is Now if you
came on back to school night tomeet the teacher, those are the

(14:58):
parents that knew if your childfails, I grade it, I need you to
sign it, I need them to correctit and I'll change the grade.
Oh wow, I want you to pass.
Do you know how much work thatis for me?
Right?
Do you know how much work thatis to grade it and then regrade

(15:19):
it and then change the grade andreenter it into the system?
It's a lot, but I want you topass, at least if you go back
and you find the rightinformation.
You now know it better than youdid when I gave it to you the
first time that it was an openbook test.
And then you don't do it.
And then you got to eat a D oran F.
And then you why does my childfail?
Well, I said on my back toschool.

(15:42):
If you do it, redo it and yougive me the correct answer right
, I'm going to change the grade,but if they don't do that, then
you stuck with that grade.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
It's your choice it's so unfortunate that parents
aren't involved, um, because Ieven think about growing up when
I was younger, right, myparents weren't involved in
school like that, they weren't,honestly, they education wasn't
um, really like to the forefrontof of my family.
Um, I just knew growing up likeeducation had to be the key to

(16:14):
get out of certain things.
Like I was knowledgeable, I wasreading and stuff like that,
but my mom, uh, never graduatedhigh school and my dad, he did
graduate high school but my momhad my sister when she was in
high school and dropped out ofhigh school.
So I just remember, even for me, education was trying to make
sure that my family be able tocome up and get out of some

(16:35):
stuff.
Right, because we lived in aproject and there was a lot of
things going on and knowing thatmy mom, like I remember
teaching my mom how to read thedaily times.
Now, back back in the day I'mtalking, I don't even know if
they still got the Daily Timesout now, but back in the day,
you know, you had the DailyTimes and the Inquirer, right,
so I was reading the Inquirer,but I was teaching my mom how to

(16:56):
read the Daily Times so thatshe can be educated.
Right, because she didn't getit when she was in school.
Right, because she didn't, shedidn't, she didn't, she didn't
get it when she was in school.
And I feel like, even though myparents wasn't big on education,
I've got somehow made me big oneducation and I just took that

(17:16):
and changed the trajectory of myfamily okay so that now
education is like at theforefront well, god is the
forefront, but education foreach generation now, because of
something that was lacking and Iwas like, oh, we need to figure
this out.
So I think that sometimes whatI notice is that some parents
never had that part of howimportant education is.

(17:40):
Right, but at the same time Idon't think it's an excuse to
behave the way that they do,because we're not responsible of
how we grow up, but we'reresponsible of how we grow
ourself up and how we raise ourchildren, absolutely.
So, even if you didn't have theunderstanding how important

(18:01):
education was.
You got kids now, or you shouldhave some type of growth to say
listen we need to do A, b and Cand just being involved.
Like I mean, I didn't have myparents involved for education
or sports though I playedbasketball, so it wasn't like
they were overly involved insports, but they didn't care
enough about education.
They just wasn't involved.
They just wasn't involved.

(18:23):
But I see parents now who areoverly involved in sports
because I feel like they thinkthat that sport is going to get
them out of the things, so theydon't challenge, like, they
don't put the morals and ethicsand things like that in their
kids.
They're only putting sports infront of them, right, so they're

(18:44):
not putting the education.
Because here's the thing Likeyou can play sports all day, you
can be the best of the bestright.
But if your character is notright, if your morals is not
right, right, and if you're notsmart enough, how you spend the
money.
I don't even know what we'redoing here.
Like why?
Like that's why a lot of famouspeople like are broke or old
taxes and stuff like that,because they really didn't have
the knowledge.
They paid somebody else to dothe stuff that you could do and

(19:06):
they stole from them and thennow you're sitting in jail
because it was your, it.
It's your business, your money,right.
So I think that we don't putenough into education of how
important it is.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
Well, I want to share that.
My mother didn't graduate highschool either, and my father did
, but education was always atthe forefront, okay.
And when I was in kindergarten,I was four and my mother said
you can't tell them that you'refour, because if you don't tell

(19:40):
them that you're five, they'renot going to let you stay.
But I already knew how to writemy name, I already knew my
letters.
Like she worked with me at home, right, so I didn't go to pre-K
, but when I went tokindergarten, I was ready.
You were ready because she wasinvolved.
She was involved.
She was involved like she.
Her goal was to be astay-at-home mom.
She loved being a stay-at-homeshe still loves being at home.

(20:01):
She really never wanted to workoutside the home and she does an
amazing job at that.
But school for me, straight A'slike you have to get A's period
because that's who you are andthat's what they told me, and
I'm 54 and still in school andstill striving to get straight

(20:22):
A's Like it was.
That was the level ofexpectation that was set for me,
regardless of whether she wentor not Like she was honest and
was like well, I got pregnant, Igot married, I didn't finish,
oh, but you're going to finish,and that wasn't a conversation
that we ever had.
Again, it's not a conversationthat we often bring up.
We don't even talk about it.
I had to do what I had to do,and that was that, because I'm

(20:44):
not her Right.
And she never held back.
It was just.
Oh, I failed once in seventhgrade social studies.

Speaker 2 (20:56):
You think I did it again.
Let me just tell you no, I did,cause most parents want their
kids to become better than them,absolutely they want them to be
.
And then they, if they don'thave the tools, they find the
tools.
And that's the thing I'mstruggling with right now is
understanding why a lot ofparents are just like whatever,
like the mindset of like we'renot supposed to be responsible

(21:18):
to making sure our kids aretheir well-being holistically
right, you know, beyond food,clothes and shelter.
Like getting your kids up inthe morning, getting them a good
breakfast so they can go toschool and their brain be able
to absorb the information that'sgiven they're not sleepy at the
like getting them a goodnight's sleep, like I, I don't.
Some of this parenting likeit's really confusing me.

(21:40):
It's like why?

Speaker 1 (21:42):
I don't understand it .
I there is a young lady um inmy class um a little two weeks
ago.
She had only been to schoolnine times and on the ninth time
I told her.
I said come here.
I don't understand why youdon't come to school.
I said, but look at this screen, look at all the red.

(22:04):
Look how many times you've beenand I counted.
I said today is the ninth dayyou've been here.
I would like to give you fourthgrade information because
you're intelligent enough forsecond grade.
Can you imagine what you woulddo for your family if you
allowed me to give you fourthgrade information and then next
year you got fifth gradeinformation and you continue to
get information, like she's, soyou can tell how smart she is.

(22:27):
You teach her something, she'sable to retain it, but she's not
in school enough to getanything Right.
Donna, this baby been coming toschool.
She missed yesterday and shemissed one day last week, but
she made four days instead ofjust one day in three weeks.

Speaker 2 (22:44):
Wow so I'm like.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
What would you like?
Me to get you I want to buy yousomething because you kept your
word.
You told me you would be hereevery day.
Now my principal said it's okayfor you to give her something,
but I don't want her to feelpenalized if she can't make it.
She said, because those othertwo that's downstairs in the
younger grades, I believe shehas to get up and get them ready
in order for her to gettogether.

(23:05):
She's taking them, bringingthem with her wow, because I?

Speaker 2 (23:10):
because at some point where you keep asking the
parents to show up and they justnot showing up and talk.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
So so now you can't even get them, so so, now you
just got to do deal with thechild.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Yeah, you got to deal with the child and try to
instill in them the importanceof it.
So, whatever, I'm held a highwater.
Whatever she got to do to makesure that she gets to school
because she realized that hereducation is important.
Um, a lot of these kids I'mglad you mentioned that, because
a lot of these kids are reallytaking care of their siblings,
like really taking care of theirsiblings, like being the

(23:40):
parents.
Yeah, that's scary.
It is, um, because they're,they don't grow up to be a child
, like they're not enjoying lifeas children and exploring and
things like they.
They have so muchresponsibility.
Um, and I don't even know how tofix that because, like, again,
it's the mindset of the parents.
Like, how do you get to theparents and say listen a, b and

(24:03):
c?
Because a lot of times, a lotof things that I hear from
parents is, oh, we don't havethe resources, but then I'm like
, well, when we do get yourresources, you don't show up.
So I don't like, so not havingresources is not really your
excuse anymore, it's really justparents having to step up to
the game and this baby is at atwo-parent home.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
A two-parent home, a two-parent home.
Mom and dad are there, it'slike 11 or 13 kids, but it's a
two-parent home.
Wow, and you know how.
You just have a kid and your,just your heart.
I just I'm just.
I said, baby, do you need me tocome pick you up?
And then I thought about, Isaid my husband is not going to

(24:42):
be happy about that.
I need to do is give himanother job.
But I'm like, would you like meto come get you?

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Right.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
She's like no.
I said well, do you think youcan come?
She was like I can come.
I said well, do you think you?

Speaker 2 (24:55):
can come.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
She was like I can come.
I said can you come every day?
Can you do that for me?
And she was like yes, and thenshe did.
And I was like because sherealized you care too?

Speaker 2 (25:02):
I think, because I do .
I think that sometimes kids areso numb and used to the normal
pattern of how everyday livingis.
It's like sometimes peopledon't care, like I'm just here
to take care of the other kidsor whatever.
It's almost like my son said tome back at, like my kids be

(25:23):
saying some crazy stuff to me.
Right, because he these kidsdifferent, right, when we he
said he mentioned slaverysometimes.
Right, because he swears someof the stuff that goes on now
and it's like slavery, like the,the attitude parents and
children, like how parents treatchildren sometimes are like

(25:44):
modern day slaves.
Okay, um, and he said thatbecause he had a couple friends
who have not just that they haverules and things they have to
go out, but they really have torun a household.
And it's like he couldn'tunderstand that, because that's
not where he come from, right,and he was saying I think that
parents just got kids slaves.
They just ain't calling themslaves no more.
And I was like, well, why wouldyou say that?

(26:04):
He was like, cause, what Idon't understand is like how he
has to do all this stuff andhe's only 14 versus, and then
he's supposed to keep up inschool he's supposed to do all
these things and parents arestressing kids out.
He said back in the day, parentshad more kids so that they
could help with the land,because master was on their tail

(26:26):
.
This is what he's telling me.
It's like because master's ontheir tail, so the more kids you
have, the more profitable youare right.
Um, so he said, I think parentshave.
I said, john, I don't thinkpeople really have kids so that
they can make them do stuff.
I think that they just havethem and it's just so happened.
However, their parenting is,they decide to make them do
stuff like people don't havekids.

(26:47):
To say, oh yeah, I got somebodyelse to wash dishes.
Like I got somebody who's gonnaclean my house, I got somebody
who's gonna do a bit.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
But if we all living in a house, everybody should
play a part.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
Yeah, it's a teamwork .
But some parents have themindset of, like I work and you
do everything else, andforgetting that kids, education
and school is work for kidsBecause they deal with so many
different things.
But he had me thinking like Idon't think parents think
they're the kids.
He said mom, some parents thinktheir kids are slaves.
They just ain't going to say it.

(27:15):
They treat them like a slave.
Because you think how a slaveis treated and you think how
some people are parenting theirkids?
Can you please tell me the vastdifference between the two?
I said well, I can't speak fornobody else's household.
Do you feel like you're a slavein my house?
He said no, I'm just sayingwhen you think about comparing

(27:36):
our household to other people'shouseholds, and I'm just curious
of the mindset of people andsome of them are two-parent
homes, um, and so even childrenare still questioning, like I
have, um, you know the one thattexted my inner gangster, my
half pint diney.
Um, she has a friend though,who was adopted and literally

(27:58):
being abused and having to doall this like stuff, and she's
my, my baby girl.
Even though she rough and tough, she has like a heart of gold.
So she's always coming hometelling me about pray for her
friends and tell me thesituations that her friends are
dealing with, because a coupleof her friends parents that had
cancer.
So we're constantly praying forthem and she, she talks about

(28:19):
them and she's really close withthe encouraging the young
ladies, um, or even the boys.
She has some male friends, butwhen she don't, those those
things like that she prayedabout.
But then she has another prayer, which is a little bit more
prayer, where there's moreemotional attached to it,
because she's upset of how herfriends are being treated and we

(28:39):
know that things are two-waybut um, three ways.
So there's three stories.
But just to hear some of thestuff that they have to go
through and my kids just be likeI don't understand.
But what they do say is that Isee why you try to teach parents
to parent the best that theypossibly can because, like these
kids are out here sufferingabsolutely like they're

(29:01):
suffering and I think I don'tknow what it's going to take for
parents to be involved as muchas they should like, like we can
keep telling them until you'reblue in the face, but I think
it's just something that has toclick within them and say, hey,
I need to be involvededucationally, physically,
psychologically, you know, evenaddress all the needs.
I think my greatest burdenright now is parental

(29:23):
involvement.
Like that is really concerning,because I just feel like
there's a mandate, because a lotof times, um, when we see
things that happen in thecommunity right, especially when
it's involving our children,we'll start there first.
When it's involving ourchildren and it's always
something negative, right,shooting, stabbing, violence,

(29:46):
police having to take downbecause disrespectful, and stuff
like that the number onequestion I always ask is like,
where's the parents?
And that's the question societyasks us too.
I don't know if you recall, okay, um years probably, like three
years ago maybe, I think, whenwe first started the podcast,
there was a um, philadelphia,there's a group of teens, like

(30:09):
two or three o'clock in themorning and they beat up that
elderly man.
Remember that african-americanelderly man, right, and it was
like two or three o'clock in themorning and they beat up that
elderly man remember thatafrican-american elderly man
right, and it was like two orthree o'clock in the morning and
I don't know if he passed awayor anything that at that time he
did.
Uh, el said yeah, so yeah, theybeat him right and he died.
And my first question was threeo'clock in the morning why were

(30:31):
these kids out?
why were these kids?
Because these kids were allunder age 14.
And I said, why are?
Because I at this point I'm noteven coming at the kids of why
you did abnc, because now I'mlike where your parents at why
were you outside three o'clockin the morning, why were you
outside and why did you think itwas okay for you to engage in

(30:52):
this type of activity?
Because now I'm questioning nowkids become wavered, right,
kids kind of do.
But if there's a foundation ofmoral and ethics and things like
that, there are some kids justnot going to follow, right,
because one, either the parentsum won't tear you up or they
they just lay such a foundationwhere, um, morals and ethics are
so important and how you treatpeople and how you handle people

(31:15):
is important.
So the fact that there's noteven and what's concerning was
it wasn't one or two kids, kid,it was like five or six kids.
So that tells me like, sothat's five or six parents.
Like where do we drop the bombat as parents?
To that our kids feel likethat's okay.
So, 3 o'clock in the morning,do you not know where your kids

(31:37):
are?
Or if you did, why are theyoutside engaging in this type of
activity.
So that's when I really startthinking, like yo, parenting is
like y'all got to stop playingbecause there's such a in order
for our societies to get better.
I believe it starts at home,because parents are the first
teachers, they're the firstlovers, they're the first

(31:58):
cheerleaders, like, parents arethe first everything.
So they shouldn't have to cometo your class and find love for
the first time, find somebodycaring for the first time, learn
how to do anything for thefirst time.
Like, I mean, there are somenew exposures, but
foundationally, things should bedone at home, absolutely.

(32:19):
So how, if from your, becauseyou're a parent and you also are
an educator what do you thinkit would take for parents to
really get that?
They need to be involved.
That's a question you probablyask yourself every day right.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
Because I'm trying to figure out how you're not
involved.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
You're like how to get you involved, why are you
not?

Speaker 1 (32:43):
I really I just don't understand it.
I really don't.
For me, my thought was I don'twant you to not teach my child
because they're misbehaving.
I don't want that to be yourresponsibility.
Right, Call me, I'll be there.
Right, I'm going to handle that.

(33:03):
And they know wow, wow,completely out on them.
Teach your hand got to worryabout it again, and my husband
is a great supporter.
You're not going to school toact a fool, whether we're paying
for it outright private schoolor whether you're in public
school and we're paying for itthrough our taxes, we still
paying, we still paying, andyour teacher is there to educate

(33:26):
, not to discipline.
So if she got to discipline you, oh you getting ready to get it
.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
You getting ready to get it, you getting ready, get
it, get it.
She said real good, that's whatk and I different in parenting
y'all that's right we do?

Speaker 1 (33:40):
we definitely do.
But the one thing that I cansay is I have.
We have had people justrecently that even still come up
to us and say, oh, you gotamazing boys.
They are amazing, like, butwe've heard it even when they
were teenagers.
And that's the one and yourdaughter, stop playing In

(34:01):
Delaware.
They only talking about oursons, but my daughter is amazing
as well.
But we're talking about when,when these boys are out of your
sight and they're not beingdisrespectful.
There's another adult saying Isaw your kid in this place,
whether it was in a restaurant,whether it was on a um, a
playground, wherever they sawthem, and they weren't being

(34:23):
disrespectful.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
That is amazing, that's because you know when,
because that's not the norm,like right now.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
It's not the norm, cussing up and down and doing
this and doing that.
Listen when somebody is tellingyou when your kids are out of
your sight and they're behavingthe way you've trained them or
the way you've taught them.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
Yes, that's a kudos, that is.
That is kudos, because I'mdealing with a situation.
I got a phone call about myhalf.
When I test my inner gangster,now, my, when I test my inner
gangster, now you know, I gotthe four kids and just like I
think this is the most phonecalls I ever got is from that
little one, like she's small butshe's fierce, and she she's
very loving and strong and, um,opinionated, very opinionated um

(35:06):
, and I'm trying to teach herhow to bring it in some.
Not change your personality orwho God calls you to be, but use
it in a positive way.
Right, because sometimes kidsthink that this is who I am, I
am what I am, this doesn't.
Yeah, you may have some ofthese traits.
However, we need to make surethat we can use them in a good

(35:27):
way.
Absolutely right, because asparents, that's our job and I
get phone calls about herbehavior.
Now, I'm not surprised about itbecause she behaves a
particular way in front of methat I'm always checking.
She's like one of those kidswhere I feel like I probably
should have had a kid ghoulspirit and probably that one I'm

(35:48):
like that's the one I said Iprobably should have have beat
you girl, maybe you'll actdifferent if I would have shook
you till the white meat came outof you.
Sometimes I'm like God, lord,she keep me on my knees, but
what I explained to her one ofthe things that I'm working on
her with because she's 16, oneof the things that I'm working
on is, like, listen, integrity.
Let me tell you about integrity.

(36:08):
It's doing something when I'mnot around, being able to stand
10 toes down on who you trulyare and not change for nobody
just because I'm not around.
So the phone calls that I'mreceiving they're, they're
disturbing, because it's acharacter issue for me.
It's an integrity issue for me,okay, so I shouldn't hear, I

(36:32):
shouldn't have nobody call meand tell me that you were
disrespectful or you're usingprofanity.
You're doing.
You know kids they do stuffwhen they ain't around.
But when I was younger I usedprofanity, but when an adult
came around, I shut it down LikeI wasn't going to continue to
do all this and this is who I amand going off, and all that

(36:52):
Unless I was real angry and Iwas ready to fight, like
fighting you couldn't hold medown.
But like on a daily basis, youjoking with your friends and you
laughing and you have this typeof language and then there's a
thought around.
So now I'm questioning yourlevel of respect for people,
right, and I think sometimes asparents, like some parents, let
their kids continue with thesebehaviors and then the kids end

(37:12):
up disrespecting them and thenwe got all these issues Not me.
I'm so upset about the wholething because I'm like sometimes
we question, as parents, Idon't show you this behavior,
I'm not cussing you out.
I'm not going off, I'm not doingall this, so where does this
behavior come from?
But then you got to think about, okay, who they're hanging
around, but at the same time,you old enough to know that what

(37:34):
I've taught you you should notbe able to do what other people
are doing so right now.
I had a call today and I'm alittle upset about it because
now she can't ride the activitybus, she wrestles.
So now I'm thinking like, okay,as a parent, how do I handle
this?
Because each kid is different?
I want you to be able to doextracurricular activities.

(37:57):
However, because of thebehavior you just displayed, I
don't think that that's a goodthing.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
You damaged yourself.

Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yeah, she's probably watching or maybe not.
I know I got to have a hardconversation because it's like I
want you to be able to doextracurricular activities, but
I also need your character andyour morals to be straight and
although I know this is going togive you an outlet and help you
, but at the same time I can'tlet you continue this type of
behavior thing.

(38:25):
There's no consequences.
You think I'm about to comedown to that school, 35 minutes
taken out of my day to come pickyou up because you want to act
a fool on a bus and you don'twant to stop when a bus driver
tell you to stop.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
You don't want to do that.
That's the punishment, rightthere.
You will not be doing anyextracurricular activity.
You will come straight home,you will do your homework and
that's it.
And you're cleaning.

Speaker 2 (38:49):
And you're cleaning, yeah, and you're chores.
Matter of fact, you got cancerwith a toothbrush.
I remember them scrubbing.
So it's like sometimes theparents earlier in my parents
and honestly, like when my kidswould do stuff, I would still
let them continue to do theirextracurricular activity or
anything like that, because atthat time you know, having
coming out of a divorce and alsohaving children who both

(39:11):
parents were deceased in thebeginning, beginning, I was
really trying to please my kidsand I think that's where I
noticed a lot of parents have aproblem with they.
They want to please their kids,but our job is not to please,
yeah, our.
My job is not to please my kidsand I tell them in a minute.
My job is not to make you happy, that's right, happy and
situational.
My job is to make sure Iinstill some good joy in you so

(39:34):
that, no matter what goes on,you still, you still love me,
right?

Speaker 1 (39:38):
I don't care if you like me today and if you hate me
, I'm doing my job.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
Yeah, that's what I told her.
Like my man, uh, she, I don'tlike you.
I don't like you either today.
And let me tell you why.
I love you, I'm always gonnalove you, but I don't like your
behavior.
So her and I are the only twothat actually tell each other we
don't like each other.
I'm telling you like yeah, thatone right there.

(40:03):
She tested me, but then none ofmy other kids ever said that to
me.
So now I'm like, yeah, I don'tlike you too, I don't like your
behavior.
So what, what's going on?
What we gonna do about it?
Absolutely, um, but just really, a lot of times I see a lot of
parents are pleasing kids andwhen I the reason why I brought
that up k is because when wetalk about you had mentioned
earlier about a parent sayingabout homework, like not um the

(40:25):
packet, that he don't want to dothis, we don't be in a lot of
parents are allowing thatbecause they're trying to please
their kids and or or also theydon't want to have to help them
with the work.
Absolutely, so we got to kindof.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
But in all honesty, the packet that I'm giving you
is a second grade packet.
It's for you to spend fiveminutes on addition 22 plus 19,
and it's five of them.
Listen, what's the problem?
You have have five days.
You get it on Monday, it's dueon Friday.
What?

Speaker 2 (40:57):
If the parents aren't making them do it or trying to
be involved, the kids are justlike if the parents don't care,
why should I care?

Speaker 1 (41:04):
Why do you think a parent would call up to the
school and say my kid doesn'tlike this, so you need to change
it?

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Because they don't want to help.
Well, if you say they don'teven have to help him with it,
but maybe even with that kidAgain.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
Wait, donna, the mom doesn't, the son doesn't like
having to switch classes.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
He goes across the hall from one class to the other
and he doesn't like it.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
So she said he don't like it so we needed to change
it.
Huh, huh, huh.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
Huh.
I'm not here to please your kid, I can't even process that, kay
, I'm not either.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Like I was like wow.

Speaker 2 (41:47):
What was your comeback?
She wasn't talking to me.
I heard that.
That was a conversation thathappened with somebody else.
See, she couldn't say talkingto me.
I heard that that was aconversation with somebody else.
She couldn't say that to you.
I don't even know how.
How would you?

Speaker 1 (42:00):
respond?
The response is simple as this.
He doesn't have to be in ourbuilding.
All the K-5 buildings aren'tdoing that, there's only a few
of them, so she could put him ina building that's not changing
classes there's only a few ofthem, so she could put him in a
building that ain't going to donothing for him.
That's not changing classes,there's still some additional
classes, buildings that have theteachers are teaching English,

(42:23):
science and math, and she couldjust put him in one of those.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
So did you have a conversation with the student?
Is it just like what's going onwith the student that makes it
difficult for that?

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Or you just don't want to do it.
I stand, I walk in my classaround the desk and I teach.
So the moment that you starttalking to someone else, I call
you on it.
I'm talking.
I need your attention on me,right?
Because if you're talking andhaven't engaged in conversation,
you're not hearing theinstructions that I'm giving,
right?
You're not going to know whatto do when I say all right, the
next 10 minutes.
I want you to answer thesequestions absolutely the next 10
minutes for the.
For the next 10 minutes, I wantyou to answer these questions
for science.

(43:01):
You're not going to know whatit is because you're engaged in
this conversation and you'replaying right.
So I walk and I'm all aroundthe room and the moment that I
see you and I hear you, so Iaddress it.
And they don't like that.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
They don't like it.
Well, a lot of times they don'tlike it because they're not
being addressed at home.
Now, True, at home and familyenvironment, like you get to do
what you want, say what you wantto say, talk when parents are
on the phone, have conversations, butt in, do whatever you want.
There's like the level, that'swhat I'm saying.
The whatever you want.
There's like the level, that'swhat I'm saying.
The level of respect, like whatpeople deem as respect and
disrespectful, has reallychanged over the years.
Like for me, everything seemeddisrespectful to me.

(43:38):
You're disrespectful.
Like I had to learn thateverything is not disrespectful,
dana, like just because theyain't knowing what you told them
to do or they respond in aparticular way.
It is not disrespectful, that'sjust your preference of how you
want somebody to deal with you,but it's not always
disrespectful.
But then there are somesituations that are just very
disrespectful and what you do athome will pour into it, will

(43:58):
spill over into the community,into the schools, absolutely.
And then we have a lot of issues.
I don't know parents.
I'm just really trying tounderstand how, why we wouldn't
be involved, why parentswouldn't be involved, why we
wouldn't want our children to besuccessful and why we wouldn't
take the time out.
A lot of times parents arereally still not understanding

(44:23):
the role of parents like theirown role.
Right, they understand, theybrought a human in the world.
But what is my role, what is myjob, what is my responsibility
to make sure this child issuccessful?
A lot of times they can't givethat chaos because they don't
have that for themselves.
True, you know one of the thingsthat I was talking.
I had a workshop last night andone of the things that I try to

(44:44):
teach, even though I do theseparenting workshops right last
night.
And one of the things that Itry to teach, even though I do
these parenting workshops right,but I always try to go back to
the basics.
You can't give what you don'thave.
So a lot of times people say mykids is when some of these
parents don't, but some parentslike my kids my priority.
You know, I'm doing all thisfor my kid, but that only could

(45:05):
last for so long if you're notdoing it for yourself.
True, parents have to be thepriority, like I have to make
sure that I'm straight 100% sothat I can now pour into my kid,
because if I'm 25% and I'mtrying to give them 100%, that
math don't matter.
You're a math teacher.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
That math is not.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
I don't care how much A plus B equals C.
My son said that last night.
I don't care how much A plus Bequals C.
My son said that last night.
I don't understand what allthese letters in this man for?
Like, listen, in nursing we useall these letters.
I need that.
And he was like well, I don'tunderstand Listen.
He was like just make it simple17 plus 23,.
And I got the answer.
But a lot of it is just parentsare not healing their wounds

(45:47):
and they're bleeding on theirchildren.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
So I had a meeting with a parent last week or maybe
the week before, but she hadbeen texting me about why her
kid didn't get dojo points.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, likefor me.

(46:10):
I'm thinking, I'm trying tomake sure I have, I'm teaching
them everything, hitting all themajor points in this science,
hitting all the major points inthis math, and telling me about
some dojo points like all thesethings that we are worried about
.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
You're talking about some dojo points.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
I'm trying to make sure they are responding to the
test that I'm giving them,giving them back to me so I can
change the grade and you'reworried about dojo points.
But it came to a head.
She said I'm trying with youand I'm coming up to the school
tomorrow.
And I was like, oh okay, that'sfine.

(46:42):
So she came up and we'resitting there and we're talking
and she's so frustrated andshe's crying.
And she came up and we'resitting there and we're talking
and she's so frustrated andshe's crying and I'm looking at
her.
I was like Lord, please help me.
And then I could just see and Icould hear everything that she
was saying, because her kid isnot getting these dojo points.
That is a reflection on her.
She is connected to what theydo because she's like I don't

(47:05):
allow them to play outside.
They're not going to be likethese kids in the neighborhood
but he's still a nine-year-oldboy, right, he's still pushing
and shoving and she's like, oh,he ain't gonna hit somebody
first.
But I tell him to defendhimself.
But I got proof that that he isone that is bullying and he's
pushing on somebody.
That's not because he's a kid,right.

(47:27):
Regardless of what you do, he'sstill a kid and he's doing
child things.
Right, she sat there.
I was like, listen, you are aphenomenal mom please understand
that you are, but he's stillgonna be a kid right and that's
all he's doing his kid stuff andhe's not getting dojo points if
he's not doing what he'ssupposed to right
he's sitting and talking.

(47:47):
He's not doing his work.
I'm not giving dojo points.
You don't raise your hand andparticipate in class, or I call
you and you don't try to give mean answer.
You're not getting dojo points.
That's what I give him for.
But mom was so connected to howit looks, the appearance of it
all, yo, I was like baby, yeah,he is a kid.

(48:11):
You are doing what you'resupposed to.
You sit down and do homeworkwith him, but he's still going
to be a kid.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
Yo Kel, you brought up a good point.
I remember, and I shared it onthe show before, when the way I
parent my first daughter istotally different than I parent
these last three y y'all.
I don't know if I'm justgetting old in a way but,
totally different.
But I remember her having aconversation with me and said
mom, we live a porcelainlifestyle and I couldn't

(48:38):
understand at that time what shewas talking about.
I was the same with that parentmaking sure my kid do a, b and
c.
You're not going outside, younot doing this, but not really
understanding that restrictingthem is not just by restricting
them, is not going to make thembe who they're supposed to be.
Nope, it really is going toharbor some resentment, some
when they're out of yourpresence.
Then you're going to have thatcrazy behavior and then you're

(48:59):
like I'm doing.
Then you start questioning yourown parenting, but you start
questioning in a way that you'rereally not doing that great of
a job.
But not necessarily.
It's not that you're not doinga great job.
It's like how do we need toshift this now that we see this
behavior, not that, oh, I'm theworst parent in the world.
I take this away.
I do that and the other,because kids they need structure

(49:20):
and routine, but they alsodon't need restrictions like
that because they're not cagedanimals Absolutely, need
restrictions like that becausethey're not caged animals
absolutely.
And I think sometimes and Icould say that for a fact
because I I've, now that I lookback on my parenting and this is
why I try to help parents, likeI really was restricting my
daughter from everything.
Like you're going to do exactlywhat I say, how I say it and
this is it right.
So then I expect this outcomebecause this is what I'm telling

(49:43):
you.
And then you start to breakdown when, when they don't do it
, and you like, well, I'm theworst person.
Well, no, it's just that weneed to shift it now, because
what we?
The way that we were parentingbefore, it's not working for
that child, right.
So parents sometimes are veryhard on themselves because they

(50:04):
know how much they pour intotheir kids.
But I learned one of the thingsthat I learned probably a
couple months ago, my bonelessmom had had to have a major
surgery, right.
And I had said to her I wasgoing away for the Poconos with
my family, right.
And I said her surgery was on aFriday and I said, all right,

(50:24):
I'm coming back on that Friday,so I'm coming back from the
Poconos and I'm going to comethere, right.
And she was like, no, I don'tneed that.
And I was like, no, I'm goingto be there.
Like I'm going to do that.
I'm going to do that.
And she was like no, you know,the Holy Spirit hit me right
there.
Stop trying to be to people whatwe want to be to them, not what

(50:46):
they need, because we're notrespecting their opinions, their
values and how they feel abouta thing.
So we want things a certain waybecause, honestly, it becomes
very selfish.
It is Because we want our kidsto be great, but at what extent?
To please us or to allow themto prosper and grow and flourish

(51:07):
so that they not going to bewith us all the time.
So a lot of times we putourselves on people in ways that
they don't need us on them,instead of just giving them what
they actually need right.
So that was a lesson from me inan adult at 44 years old, like
I'm about to force myself tocome somewhere where you won't
even want me yet right now,because you know you and what

(51:28):
you need Now.
I went the next day and all thedays afterwards she allowed me
to be there, but it hit me allof a sudden and I thought about
that.
And parents, it's like wereally put so much pressure on
our kids to meet ourexpectations for failures that
we've had and we try tovicariously live through our
kids and that's not fair to them.

(51:49):
Learn your child, figure outwhat they love, what they like,
start honing in on those thingsyou can still I mean, we still
need to have strict uh structureand expectations for our kids,
but not to the point where youwant your child to live the life
you want to live, and I thinkthat's so unfair A lot of

(52:09):
parents do to their children.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
And we don't think about it Absolutely, and
realizing that they change.
You can't say, oh, my kid dothis, he do that, because they
change.
They grow, yeah, some mature,some get worse, they just
they're not maturing but theystart regressing, right, and you
have to recognize it.
I was saying to her, she askeda question and I said yes, ma'am

(52:34):
, yes, ma'am, and she was livid.
Do you hear her with this?
Yes, ma'am, I sat back Rightand my principal was like yes,
but that's how she addresseseveryone, right, I speak to the
children that way.

Speaker 2 (52:53):
Right.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
I say yes, sir, and yes, ma'am, to them.
I give them the same respectthat I want.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
And.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
I was giving it to her and she didn't like it.
She saw it as being sarcastic.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
Or she's not used to that level, Like she's not used
to that love.

Speaker 1 (53:06):
Like she's not used to that.
Even my text messages, themessages that I send, are very
professional.
She said it was sarcastic.
She didn't like the tone.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:15):
There was no tone Right.
It was just me givinginformation.
This is what happened today.
This was the response.
This is what was said.

Speaker 2 (53:22):
This is the response, and she's like is what was said
, this is the response, andshe's like I don't like her tone
and I was like oh, becausethere's some inner stuff going
on, exactly and that's the thing.
That's what I was hearing, as Iallow you to keep talking and
that's, I will say, like, theone thing about um, serving
right.
Yes, the one thing I'm learningabout serving, because

(53:43):
everything is service, right.
Um, I serve my kids and mychildren serve me.
I serve my friends, they serveme.
I serve my community.
You know everything is serviceand when.
When you are serving, noteverybody knows how to receive

(54:04):
the meal, absolutely right.
You know, not everybody knowshow to receive the meal based on
their own wounds, absolutely.
As a server, my job is to notbe offended by the way they
receive and also, can I serve ita different way, not catering

(54:26):
to the person, but beingempathetic and understanding
that I don't know the backgroundof the person, but can I serve,
not to go off because as adultswe could be like, oh so you

(54:49):
just being disrespectful to me,that's why your kid
disrespectful, but understandthat there is a root behind that
fruit that we're seeing like alot of stuff that we're saying
is just bad fruit because thatroot is jacked up right.
So our job is like we're servingright.
So how can I serve you to getthe best outcome?
So now I got to ignore all yourlittle antics or whatever.

(55:11):
I don't think you're worthnothing.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
You already know.
You want to know how I handleit.
Yeah, I looked at her and Isaid you look like you could use
a hug, do you like hugs Kaya?
And you know I have amazinghugs because I'm genuine like
that.
It's just who I am.
So we're going to do me and Istood up and I hugged her and I

(55:33):
just allowed her to cry becauseall that was going on is stuff
that was going on in her ownhead.
It had nothing to do with me.
You were projecting it onto me.
You were comparing me to otherteachers.
I'm not the other teachers.
This is my third year.
I work very hard to make sure Igive those students everything
that I have.
I mean very hard, because it'sonly my third year.

(55:54):
I'm still in school.
I have a coach that comes inevery morning.
Anything that I'm not 100% sureof, I make them train me and I
make so, should I say it thisway?
And then I'm writing my notes.
I want to give them everything.
I don't want anybody leaving myclass not getting everything
that they have, and I work toohard for that for you to come in
and say that I'm not doingenough.

(56:16):
Right?
You concerned about dojo pointsand I'm concerned about their
education, like I want them.
I mean, there are kindergartenlevel learners in my class up to
fourth grade learning, and Ihave to touch each and every one
of them.
That's why I have the coach,because I taught pre-K.
This is fourth grade.
I need them.

(56:36):
When they get to fifth gradeand sixth grade.
I need them to say you know, Iasked them this question and
they knew the answer.
I want everybody to know theanswer.
So that's what I'm workingtowards.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
I don't care about them, dojo points we got, we got
, you don't care about them,dojo points.
But what I'm saying, okay, isthat sometimes some people based
on their own trauma, right, andthere's no fault or nobody else
of the trauma that they dealwith Don't know how to receive

(57:09):
properly because they've beenmishandled or fumbled maybe
their whole life.
For example, I was not one ofthose people like hug me what
you tell me I need a hug, whatthe F you hugging me for?
Like, I was one of those angrytype people because I didn't
deal with my wounds.
So sometimes people are goingoff because they aren't dealing

(57:30):
with their wounds and eventhough I'm here to help you,
help your child, sometimes wegot to see beyond.
It's the kid, right, I know myjob, but there's a hurting
person here, right, and I knowyour tech.
The way that you handle thingsis way different.
You need a hug.
Come here, let me give you ahug.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
That's not the way I said it.
Which is that I said you?

Speaker 2 (57:53):
look like you need a hug.

Speaker 1 (57:54):
Okay, do you like hugs?

Speaker 2 (57:56):
There, you go.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
That's good.
Do you like hugs?
And she was like yes, and shewas portraying onto me, it was
all her.

Speaker 2 (58:08):
Yeah, that anger comes from somewhere.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
Absolutely.
It is the things that's goingon in her head.
Like my kid is not, like thesekids out here, he's not.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Yeah, he's definitely a good kid, so she had a
question in her pants, but he'sstill a kid, right?
So, since you've done that, howhas that relationship been
Absolutely wonderful.
Done that, how has thatrelationship absolutely
wonderful, okay, all right, see,that's good, like because you,
because you attended, you gaveher a hug.
Absolutely, you gave her morethan what she came in there for.
She came in one way, but youchanged that that love covers
and you were there to serve hertoo.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
Absolutely okay I like that.
I'm not going to allow you toact like I'm doing something
wrong, because I'm asking andI'm calling you ma'am, I'm
giving you respect.
You can't make that a negativebecause it's not.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
I'm not sharing it in a negative way, right, and if
you explain that, because theway people again have these
wounds that they don't know howto receive properly.
So it's not our job to not todo that anymore.
Like this is who I am, I, who Iam, my character, everybody's.
Yes, ma'am, yes, sir, I'm notgoing to change it, but I'm
going to explain to you why I dothat, so that you can get an
understanding that, so that youdon't get offended which you

(59:10):
still may, depends on where yourhead is but so you know that
I'm coming from a genuine place,absolutely, because sometimes
there's so many things out here,negative connotation, behind
stuff that comes from a nastyplace, that when somebody gives
you something good, you don'tknow how receive it.
So that person who's given thegood now has to explain to you

(59:30):
why this is good, that's good,explain to you why this is good.
All right, y'all, we have beenhere for a while Parenting with
a Purpose podcast.
This was an engagingconversation.
As you guys can tell, kay and Idoes things differently as well
.
We go back and forth, but atthe end of the day, we love

(59:51):
parenting, we love kids, we loveparental involvement, and how
people do it is definitelydifferent because we're not the
same.
But most important is likeparents, get involved.
Get involved with your school,get involved with a teacher.
Have conversations Because, atthe end of the day, everybody
wants children to be successful.
Teacher have conversationsbecause, at the end of the day,
everybody wants children to besuccessful.
Nobody no teacher wakes up andsays I'm going to have this
child not pass and not be ableto get anything.

(01:00:12):
No parent wakes up and says,intentionally, I want my kids to
be a poop shell.
I ain't going to say the word Abad kid or a hot mess or
anything like that.
It's just that sometimes,because we're not intentional to
things that we do want ourchildren to be, they end up
being the things that we don'twant them to be, absolutely so
tune in with parents with thepurpose.

(01:00:33):
Yeah, if you plan to fail, youfail to plan, like you already,
if you plan, if you fail, if youfail to plan, that's your plan
to fail.
Basically, if you don't come upwith a plan, you already
playing something.
Um, thank you so much, k forcoming on the show again.
We know we'll have you backagain because we love having
these engaging conversations,little heated conversations.
You see, I can't give us a looklike I said what I said, but we

(01:00:58):
certainly appreciate that and Ilove that about you.
Um, thank you guys for joiningpanther the prairies again.
My name is donna janelle.
I am your.
I do want to give a shout out tomy co-host, pam.
Pam, it's her birthday today.
That's why she's not on theshow.
So hope Pam is having a greatbirthday celebrating and tune in
every Thursday with Parentingwith a Purpose.
You can follow us on ourFacebook page, parenting with a

(01:01:19):
Purpose.
You can also follow us.
You also can email us atparentingwap at gmailcom with
any questions, concerns and evenif you want to be on the show,
if there's a topic that wedidn't hit but it's a hot topic.
Listen, there's no topics offlimits for us.
We're opening up the gate andwe're keeping it open.

(01:01:41):
So whatever you want to talk tous about, because our goal is
to make sure that we, as parents, do the best that we can and
that you, as parents out there,have all the tools to make your
children successful.
Thank you, outro Music.