February 7, 2025 • 44 mins
Ever wondered how parenting can triumph over societal changes and reduced support systems? Join us as we promise to unravel the secrets of effective parenting in today's unpredictable world. Discover how reclaiming responsibility and leveraging community resources can empower parents to guide their children's development with resilience and intentionality. Through insightful discussions, we explore how local boys and girls clubs and other community initiatives can supplement the parenting journey, helping families create nurturing environments that foster growth and independence in children.
Collaboration is the cornerstone of successful parenting, and we shed light on the complexities of mentorship and parental roles. With a focus on working together rather than replacing each other, we emphasize the importance of holistic solutions that address root issues and foster cooperation. By understanding both parental and child perspectives, we reveal how mentors and parents can create sustainable, positive outcomes for families. This partnership is crucial in building supportive communities where children thrive, avoiding the pitfalls that come with taking over parental responsibilities.
Intentionality and decision-making are key themes throughout our conversation, as we reflect on personal anecdotes and explore the multifaceted nature of parenting. From setting structured schedules to addressing the emotional needs of children, we illustrate how intentional parenting shapes futures and instills foundational values. We challenge the notion of seeking perfection and instead encourage progression, focusing on cultivating a growth mindset. Join us in reflecting on the inevitable challenges and rewards of parenting, and learn how perspective shifts and empathy can transform everyday experiences into valuable teaching moments.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everybody, welcome to Parents with a
Purpose.
I am your host, donna Janelle,and I'm your co-host, pamela,
and we are here live, fulleffect with Parents with a
Purpose podcast.
We have not been on here for aminute for a couple weeks, so
we're excited to be back herewith you guys, you know,
bringing back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into
(00:20):
parents.
As you know, parents are thebows and our children are arrows
, and they will land wherever wesend, wherever we aim them,
pretty much as long as we givethem the tools to succeed.
And that means you know whatthat means.
Parent.
That means taking care ofourself, because you can't give
what you don't have.
So that's what we're going tobe talking about today.
Um, a lot of exciting thingsbeen going on with the parents
of the purpose, but today wewant to talk about the mandate
(00:43):
on effective parenting.
We're going to talk about beingintentional in parenting.
What is our purpose and whatdoes that actually look like?
Because there's a lot of wordsthat we can say.
It's a lot of things that youknow, quotes that we can use,
there's a lot of talk that wecould talk, but you, you know a
parent with a purpose we put inthe work around here.
So what does that actually looklike in your life?
So that's what we're going tobe talking about today.
(01:04):
Just, you know, the world iscrazy right now.
There's a lot of uncertainties,there is a lot of concerns,
there's a lot of fears, there'sa lot of.
You know, everyone wants to,right now, get up and leave the
country.
There's just so many things,and our children are feeling the
effect of that.
There's a lot of programs beingcut for our kids.
There's a lot of things thatwhat I feel like we was kind of
(01:27):
dependent on the government todo is now being snatched from
our, from under our feet, and Ithink that's not a bad thing,
though.
I think that it causes us, asparents, to really stand up to
tell them what we really need todo for our kids in the world,
and not allowing other people tokind of dictate of how we're
going to do a, b and c.
(01:47):
So I think it's.
You know, it's an uncomfortableplace to be in where we are
right now, but I also think thatis.
You know, being uncomfortableis not always bad, you know, and
I know there are some peoplegoing to disagree with me
because they hate everythingthat's going on, but I'm
thinking it's an opportunity forus to really hone in on our
parenting.
What you think about that, pam?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I agree.
Um, there's already been manyconversations and different,
different viewpoint agree todisagree.
You know, and I feel as thoughhow you make my personal opinion
, how you look at what's youknow being taken away, what may
be supplied over here is howyou're already showing up, and
(02:27):
what I mean by that is if youare a parent that relies on a
lot of others to assist you withyour parenting.
Don't get me wrong.
It's not a problem having avillage, I'm all for it.
Problem having a village, I'mall for.
(02:47):
But if you rely 100 on othersmore than you do yourself, then
you're the ones who are lookingat it in a more negative way.
Um, and just a little bit moreon that.
Instead of saying you know whatthis is going to challenge me
to show up in a different way,you looking up like now, that's
not allowing me to do this, Ican't do this anymore, I'm not.
So is it really that you can'tdo something anymore?
(03:07):
Is it?
Your child doesn't have thatoutlet anymore, you know?
And if you feel as though yourchild can't have that outlet
anymore, what are you willing todo?
How are you willing to connectwith your village, your
community, even maybe peers atyour job to make this turn it.
Turn it for the better, for notjust you but for others around
(03:29):
you, because you may not be theonly one feeling that way.
To me, it is a way for all ofus to come together and, you
know, invest more time in thoseboys and girls clubs that are
already made available to us,bring back those old programs
that we had, and we can helpfund them ourselves.
It's, it's it's people out herethat's willing to help fund
(03:50):
those different things.
They have hundreds and millionsof dollars that they have to
put somewhere because, theystill want.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
I like what you said, pam um, because you were saying
that, instead of having such anegative connotation behind what
was and what can't be anymore,literally make it be what you
need it to be like.
So many times, you know, weproject stuff or point the
finger at other people forthings that we're not we're
really responsible for,especially in this parenting
(04:19):
thing, you know, it's just sointeresting to me how people
rely so much on like thegovernment to really govern
their children and it's likewell, no, because the government
didn't have our children.
And don't get me wrong, we need, like you know, we need
assistance.
Like we're all together, we'recommunity, we're city, we're
(04:41):
state, you know we're well Right.
So technically we all should behelping one another out right
at some point.
Right, but to rely solely onanother system to govern you, it
doesn't allow you to takeresponsibility.
You know, I think about likeoften, like when I talk to
different parents and and beingan advocate for kids in foster
(05:03):
care, like a lot of timesparents get so fed up with their
children that they give them tothe state.
Right, they're like you takecare of them, and then, honestly
, the state can't really takecare of either.
Like it's.
Like, you know, I've seen somany situations where kids were,
you know, handed over to thestate because their child was
out of control and the parentsdidn't know what to do.
(05:23):
And I've always and that's whatyou know, part of this parent
with a purpose thing is likegiving parents the tools to
parent successfully, because wethey're not like a gift that you
could just give back, like I'mso confused, like I don't like
this gift or I can't handle thisgift, like so you could take
this gift and you do whateveryou want and do with it, and
(05:43):
it's like no, how about, let meempower you, let me give you the
tools and unfortunately,history shows government has not
been giving people the tools.
What they've been doing is letme take your child and let me
put them in a system andhopefully somebody in the system
can raise them.
But when we look at the statsand the outcome of these
(06:04):
situations of kids who were infoster care or even perhaps
adopted, they aren't thegreatest stats, right?
You know I'm an advocate ofkids.
Really belong with theirparents.
If their parents can do the job,yeah, and let's teach them how
to do it absolutely you everhear like I don't know if your
experience is pam one of thethings that a lot of times um
(06:25):
with mentors or even those wholike talk to, like young young
adults, like young teenagers orwhatever.
A lot of times they try to takethe place of the parent instead
of like, and it's a lot ofbacklash yeah, yeah, instead of
like working with the parent totry to help, I like I don't want
no by kids, like I don't wantno extra kids, like it's called.
(06:48):
Like just being a village inthe community, versus yeah, let
me take this burden off for youbecause I can do it better like
I think that it it'd be crazy.
Like I've seen a lot wherementors become, or somebody who
was like maybe coaching a familytake their child on and now
they become your child, theyliving in your house, and now
(07:09):
you're trying to deal with itand you're dealing with the same
situations that the parentsdealt with.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yes, that when, as soon as you had said that, I'm
like, yeah, like I've actuallywitnessed it, you know firsthand
.
It's like now you're likebuilding trauma in that child
and you don't even realize itbecause your original intent was
let me just help.
But you move so fast that youdidn't get to properly assess
(07:33):
the situation, because thatchild still has that same issue.
So, no matter where you movethem, until you deal with the
root cause of what they areexperiencing, no matter matter
where you place them, it's goingto continue to happen.
Now it's going to continue at awhole different rate, because I
entrusted you to move me out ofthis situation, but you're
doing the same thing now.
(07:53):
So what is happening here?
That's what the child isexperiencing.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Until you really sit down, speak with the child,
assess the situation, assesswhat the parent is experiencing
as well, because a lot of timeswe think it's just the parent or
the child, but no, both partiesmay be playing a part in what's
taking place in all reality,absolutely one of the things
that I do now you're the badsuperhero, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(08:17):
like, exactly, like one of thethings that I tell parents
constantly, as I'm coachingparents, like I, I don't, and I
I don't just coach children,right, if I'm, if I'm dealing
with a family now, I may justcoach the parent right, but if
you're, if you're requesting myservices to coach your child,
the parent has to be coached aswell.
(08:37):
Like I'm not just out herecoaching kids.
You know, I have a whole thingabout repairing children and
sending them back in brokenhomes.
Like it has to be a holisticapproach and that's and that's
one of the things I'm notchanging is that you know, I'll
coach a parent to teach them howto parent, you know was
correctly, but I'm more holistic.
So my go-to is I need the wholefamily involved, like I can't
(09:01):
like, because then you hear onething from a kid and another
thing from a parent and you knowif we work together in order to
make this household successful.
I got to have both perspectivesand then how to bring those
together so they can see eachother perspective.
You know I had a mom who saidlisten, I just want you to coach
my kids.
No, no, no, ma'am, becauseyou're going to be involved in
this Right.
(09:22):
We're not doing that.
I'm because you're going to beinvolved in this right, we're
not doing it.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I'm not jumping in like you said, being a superhero
?
Yeah, we're not doing it.
Um, you know, like the scarestraight programs and the stuff
like that and you send your kidoff and it's like the child gets
all this redirecting andcorrecting but then they're
going back to the same thing andsome shows would do like the um
, what is it like an update orwhat do you call it?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
when you they'll have them like come back on, like
you know three months, sixmonths, yeah like a reunion or
something yes, and then they'relike well, how's it making out?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
and it's like, well, I'm standing on what you guys
taught me, but what?
What about them?
And then the parents lookinglike they're still disrespectful
.
It's let's take someaccountability here.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Exactly One thing.
That's what I love aboutparenting with a purpose, like
bringing responsibility,nobility and beauty back into
parenting, like we really like.
There's such a mandate onparenting right now, way that
the world is going.
In order for a change to happen, it has to start at home,
because we can't expect to sendour kids out in this world and
(10:28):
expect the world to dress them,the world to tell them a, b and
c.
We've already seen what hasdone, what has happened with
that.
Right, they gotta come from thehousehold, because parents are
the first teachers, the firstlovers, the first, you know,
cheerleaders like we are, wehave our kids.
Listen, we got our kids fromnot even birth, like from
conception, right so as evenwhile they're in their wombs.
(10:50):
We talked about on the showbefore talking to our babies in
the womb and then when they comeout, like really putting that
stuff into practice, because thegoal is to raise our kids to be
independent, the thinkers, beable to have the growth, the
character, but they only getthat from us right they only get
that by the time we send themout there in the world, they
(11:11):
should already have somefoundational things straight,
okay, yeah youdon't have to worry about
somebody else creating afoundation for them.
It is like not starting fromscratch.
Yeah, sometimes parents,parents who don't show up in
their life, the kid's life, indifferent areas it's literally
like you're sending your kidoutside naked and they're
starting from scratch.
(11:32):
What are they going to put onEverything that attaches
themselves to them?
Right, it's such a mandate onparenting.
I think the power ofintentionality is so important
because think, for so long, forso many people, we've really
been living like an autopilotlife, like literally been in
(11:54):
survival mode not thriving mode,like you know.
I just got to get to the next.
Like that autopilot thing, likeall right, food, clothing,
shelters, all right, how to makethis happen, how to make that
happen, and literally almostfighting yourself out of wet
paper bag, consistently in thisparenting thing and not really
being intentional per se, like apre um, like pre-thought about
(12:16):
it, it is literally this is whathappens now, this is what's
going to happen.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
We're more active versus prepared it's almost like
, um, you know how you set abudget financially.
It's like you almost need toset a budget for your time, just
like getting up in the morning.
Some people say it's like youalmost need to set a budget for
your time.
Just like getting up in themorning.
Some people say it's likeeverything is repetitive and by
the time I blink, I'm gettingback up to go to work, or I'm
getting back up to get the kidsready, and so forth.
(12:42):
So it's like you almost need toset a budget.
Like literally dedicatingtimeframes and days to certain
things, because let's berealistic to health as well and
to properly take care ofyourself.
And then now these children thatyou have setting that
foundation because you'reteaching.
You're teaching them this aswell.
(13:04):
Right, do you know it or not?
You got to set out that time,knowing that everything you
can't you can't do it every day,and that's okay.
So we got seven days in theweek.
So what is something that youknow you need to dedicate more
time to?
Let's say, we'll make 40 hoursfor it and we're going to divide
it up, just like you do yourjob.
(13:24):
You work eight hour shifts, sowe're going to put four hours,
you know, a week towards this,we're going to put six hours for
this towards that, you know,and just go through and just
name that thing so that you canbe organized, so you can set
that foundation for your child.
Do you know, like I was sayingbefore, you're setting them up
(13:46):
for chaos.
So in the morning when they're,when they have that response to
you, it's like, well, how areyou showing them what to do
throughout the day?
Like you gotta set thatstructure up.
And I always commend, like mysisters and, um, even my
sister-in-law, because theirchildren have bedtimes, and I'm
like my child has never had abedtime till this day, like we
(14:08):
tried it, but just with our workschedule, it never.
It never has worked.
However, because how we respondat night and in the morning,
that's how my child responds so.
I know we're going to have thosedays where it's like, oh, I'm
not ready for this, but I'mready for it because I know how
we responded at night, right.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
And you said something very important, pam
and this is one of the thingsthat we try to like.
Uh, this is one of the thingsthat.
Listen, that's parenting.
Listen, that's your hubby likey'all, parenting, that's what we
out here doing, but I thinkit's so.
(14:48):
Uh, you said something really,really, really good about as we
prepare.
You know, I'm a huge advocateabout calendars, schedules, and
people laugh at me and for yearsit has worked because, you know
, being a single, I was a singlemom of four kids, so everything
had to be literally scheduledout, one to help me get myself
(15:10):
together.
So I'm not overwhelmed andcreating chaos in my household,
not presenting any extraanxieties on people, on the kids
, because, like whatever we,even though we may not say it,
our children feel it right.
They feel it because our tonechanged, our body language
changed, like there are so many.
So I've always been an advocate, right A counter, so many.
So I've always been an advocateright a calendar.
Even to this day, even thoughmy kids are they about to be 26,
(15:33):
19 and 217 years, I still havea calendar.
Everything is in my calendar.
And it's funny my dad said to methe other day right, um,
actually, matter of fact,yesterday I'm taking my parents.
I was taking them on an errandtomorrow.
Right, one errand.
But then my mom called meyesterday.
It was like they need to addsomething else to this errand to
(15:53):
make make it two stops orwhatever, and I said, okay, all
right, let me check my calendarand see what time I could work
that out.
And then they was like, well,we could do it tomorrow, which
means Wednesday, but we alreadyscheduled for Thursday and, pam,
you know how I am with myschedule, listen so they wanted
to like break it into two days.
(16:14):
No, they wanted to add onanother errand but change the
day to the day before.
So I said so let me make sureI'm clear on that.
I need some clarity of thissituation.
You want to add on an extraerrand and you want me to do it
a day early?
Yeah, yeah, I said.
I said, with all due respect,that doesn't work for my
(16:34):
schedule.
So then I said um, and then mydad said he in the background
talking and he says wait tillyour son gets old enough and you
ask him to do something.
And he gonna say let me checkmy calendar.
And I said I will be very aproud mom if he does that,
because that means that he'sdone everything that I taught
(16:56):
him how to do of reallyscheduling and making sure that
things are done in decent inorder.
Sometimes people think thatsketches are disrespectful
because people don't want to beput in the schedule right
somebody to do, like a scheduleis necessary.
So my dad, when he said that andI and he thought I was gonna
get mad, I didn't I said no, I'm.
I hope he does say to me holdon, mom, let me check my
(17:18):
schedule, let me, let me get youin, because that means that
he's learned a whole lot from me.
Um, I mean urgent situationslike I ain't gonna say, let me,
I could drop and do what I needto do, but like when certain
things, like you know, we got torun errands and things like
that, we need to really writethat in a schedule One because
we have kids like I have kids,right, I have kids that are
still in school and just got tomake sure that things are in
(17:40):
order.
But schedules are so important.
And to the fact that I think Imentioned it on the show before
to the, my kids struggle intheir adulthood right now
because they're so used toschedules.
You know, like when my daughter, my oldest person, went to
college, she was on like thegovernment and stuff like that
in college and she had went to acollege that was only 2% black
(18:02):
and she was one of the blacks.
It's an all girls privateuniversity and they had meetings
like 10 o'clock at night.
She was like Ma, I can't standup Like I don't know what they
want me to do.
Like I know I'm part of thestudent government but I'm ready
to go to sleep Like I don'tknow what they want me to do.
Do adults be staying up thislate?
She was like mom, you wasn'tstaying up that late Like you.
(18:24):
I don't know.
I'm confused in this late right, but because she's so used to
being structured where, eventhough she had a busy life in
school, everything was stilldone to the fact.
I mean, I was still able to eatdinner with my kids every night
and put them to bed on time.
And and another thing, one ofthe things that helped the
(18:45):
structure with the kids and thecalendar is they had no social
media.
They had no tv.
They had no, none of that stuffduring the school week.
Like they weren't allowed towatch tv during the school week.
Like we did things together.
Yeah, I know people used to.
You know people used to be likehow your kids go to bed at 7,
30 and they don't handle, but weused to um, and we used I used
(19:08):
to incorporate a lot of theireducation and and our family,
like they used to do plays atnighttime with me, I used to
incorporate a lot of theireducation and and our family,
like they used to do plays atnighttime with me.
They used to do differentthings so that anything we can
make our own entertainment, likethis.
The tv is with the tv becauseyou really can't fit to it to a
certain point, uh, but even tothis day you know they don't.
They don't watch tv like a lotof other people.
(19:30):
It's because they're eitherreading or writing or something
like that.
But calendars are importantbecause now that Lizzie is in
the Marines, she says to me allthe time she was like you were
so right.
I understand, and I think that'slike one of my proudest moments
when she tells me I see why youdid this, or I see why we were
raised this way.
I see it because now you knowshe's about to leave on Friday
(19:51):
to move to California and she'sable to like.
She's like I see why it was soimportant to have a structure in
order so that you can movethings effectively and it just
made.
She was like everything yousaid was right and I was like
not everything, I'm gonna tellyou that now, but the fact that
she recognized that the way thatI raised her is set.
(20:12):
It set her up to be a youngadult, and that's our goal,
right, our goal is to make surethat we raise our kids to be
independent, because we don'twant our kids to depend solely
on us, because, one, we're human, right, and we make flaws, and
two, they need to be able tothink for themselves, because
they're a whole different person, right.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
I'm with you, okay.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
so, given this day and age, when we talk about
being intentional on parenting,we really want to talk about,
like, what does effectiveparenting look like?
Right, what does it actuallylook like?
Because everybody says there isno book on parenting?
No, but there's no manual onparenting, right, there's no
manual on parenting, right, youknow?
Not.
Like you know, it's not likeyou get a card and it tells you
everything you need to do, right, you know, even though you know
(21:01):
we do get different things,like I know, working in a
medical field, pediatrics, likewe there's a guideline of kind
of, at this age, this is whatyou do at that age, that's what
you do at that age, that's whatyou do.
But that's just like kind oflike a little outline, but
that's not really.
You know, you have to put yourown child and your own self in
that but what does it?
look um and like what are ourresponsibilities in it?
I haven't go ahead.
(21:22):
You know, I have a quote herethat and I think it's really so.
I think it's really cool and itsays children don't just need
love, they need need guidance,structure and intentional
influence.
How do you?
Speaker 2 (21:34):
feel about that.
I like that overall, just beingintentional.
Like you said, it's really noplaybook.
Even if you just sit there andthe prime example I got this
friend, she'd be like, oh mygosh, when I have my baby, like
I want you right there becauseI'm not gonna know what to do
and I'm like stop acting likeyou don't have like nieces and
(21:55):
nephews and this, that.
And she was like you, if I'mbeing honest.
She was like I really don'tspend like a lot of time with
them.
And I was like, well, if youplan on being a parent, I think
that is something you should do.
You know, I'm not saying yougot to get all of them together,
but just make a point to justget them here and there so you
could see what some of itentails.
(22:16):
I say, even though you can givethem back, but just hang out
with them for a day because theyrequire everything from you.
So, even if you know you don'tknow how to do something, just
be intentional, knowing that youwant to show up a certain way.
So with becoming a new parent,you know, do you want to be feel
like a full-time parent?
(22:36):
You want to feel like apart-time parent?
Like that's going to show you,you know, showing how you coming
for your kid.
Let's just be honest about it.
If you want to be a full-timeparent, you're going to be that
parent to say you know what?
I don't want to just make surethat they have a roof over their
head and food to eat.
I want to make sure that theyhave a foundation, that they
know they have family outside ofme, that they know what
(22:58):
community is, that theyunderstand what a village is.
You know, understand what it isto show up and be the best that
they could be.
So I may not know how to changea pamper, but I believe that
you got to get a new pamper andget some wipes and then wipe
them off.
You get what I'm saying.
I know that if I'm changing myclothes every day, I should be
changing their clothes every day.
(23:20):
So if I take a bath, I knowthat they should take a bath.
Now, hold up, because they arebabies.
So I may not need to give thema full bath every day, but I
need to be wiping them.
I brush my teeth, so I'm goingto brush their gums.
You get what I'm saying.
I'm going to wipe their gums.
I'm going to clean their tongue.
I'm going to make sure theyhave the best milk they can have
(23:41):
.
As far down to those.
To me I would say simple butbasic things, but to somebody
else it may be so much more.
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
So I'm saying so.
I'm not going to downplay whatit may be in somebody else's
life, but do you want to be afull-time or part-time parent?
That's going to dictate how youshow up.
So so, basically, what you'resaying is this you got to make a
decision first there you go,just make a decision of how you
want to show up.
you know, I know like for me thereason why parenting is so dear
to me because of how I wasfumbled right and I'm like I'm
going to show up different in mykid's life, like, and what does
that look like?
I've seen other parents, otherother of my friends and parents
(24:19):
show up a certain way and I seenhow my parents show up and I'm
like, well, our dad parents wasa little off too.
So like, how do I like, how doI want to show up when I have
kids?
And it starts with a decisionand then I think if we make the
decision to show up fully, we'regoing to work towards that
decision.
Like it is called progression,not perfection, like I earlier
(24:43):
said.
Right, I think so many timesI've lived a life where I was
trying to be a perfect parentand I've learned so much from
not doing that.
So I tell people, don't try tobe a perfect parent, be perfect
for that child, but not, youknow, it's really progression
versus perfection yeah, but makea decision like can we just
make a decision first?
Speaker 2 (25:03):
yeah like I know this is going to require a lot of me
, but how do I?
You know, how do I want to showup right?
Speaker 1 (25:10):
because when you make that decision and you become
locked into that decision andthen you're going to, you're
going to figure it out.
You know, one of the thingsthat I often say is that we're
not responsible for how we wereraised, but we're responsible
how we raise ourselves and howwe raise our children right.
So you know, so many timespeople make so many excuses in
parenting because ofgenerational things and it's
(25:32):
like nah, that's like you, Ithink, when you're a kid you
make excuses.
When you become an adult, likethat and I don't even know about
a kid, because one of thethings you know, walking around
the house all the time with mykids, I always quote excuses are
monument built by two tonothingness.
Those who use them seldomaccomplish anything.
What would you like toaccomplish?
And, like my kids know that,like when they literally just
(25:56):
walk around and say that, or ifI started saying it, they
literally finish the rest of thequote because they're already
numb, or they'll come to me andsay, listen, I have something to
say, but it's not an excuse.
I want you to view thisdifferently than you think.
This is an excuse, right, right.
So it's not even just like asan adult, we don't make excuses,
but even not allowing ourchildren to make excuses.
(26:17):
You know, really hone in andsitting in of what we're
actually dealing with and handleit effectively and efficiently,
not, you know, pushing it offor blaming or things like that
and I think that's part of whatmakes us effective in parenting
too is really how we helpshaping our children's integrity
integrity and character.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
you know that whole the guidance thing is so
important character, like yousaid, teaching them
responsibility from the jump totake ownership right then and
there you know what.
What.
What did you say?
What do you plan to do today?
What are, what are your goalsfor today?
So, and that's the same thingwe have to say to ourselves,
(26:56):
what are our goals now that weknow we are, we have chose to
keep this child.
What are our?
Speaker 1 (27:02):
goals, yeah, and making decisions and taking
action like with purpose, notjust doing so again that
autopilot life, like it's thepurpose behind everything we do,
and that might sound like alittle cliche and that might
sound like you know why you gotto find something, that
everything.
But literally there's a purposein everything and I don't think
God has given us children justfor us to say, oh, we parents
(27:24):
now, or I'm a mom, I'm a dad,like no, he has given us to be
able to pour into them, to beable to for them to grow and be
productive in this world.
Yeah, so it ain't just likehere's a gift you put in a
closet.
You don't invest in that gift,you don't pour in that gift, you
don't.
You know, it's not like a giftthat's just gonna grow by itself
.
And if it does grow by itself,it's gonna grow with the things
(27:48):
that are not good for them,because you're not intentionally
guiding them right.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Yeah, that was good.
That's like the things that youdidn't intend for it to go with
yeah, like again, everythingwill start attaching itself to
there.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
You be, like, at one point you're like I had a nice
little thriving tree here all ofa sudden, why this tree got
some thorns here, why this gothere, why this thing growing
some mold on it, like you know,like why did the leaves are
withering now?
Like what is going on?
Like why the roots are being upplanted?
It's because what did you do toit?
Bear no fruit, no food.
(28:24):
And you know, one of thescriptures says like a tree that
bears no fruit is miles willdie.
So, basically, if we're notgiving our children what they
need, that is a, that is a treethat will die because it won't
be able to bear the proper fruit.
And that's the same thing aswith parenting, though, if we
don't, you know, invest in ourown self, because you can't give
(28:45):
what you don't have right butyou don't have in parenting if
you're not going to get it, youknow what I mean.
Like, like you, you gotta goget it at some point, especially
if you want to parent, makethat decision to parent
effectively.
Um, but you know, just tap itinto.
Like, not just as we alwaystalk about, not just food,
(29:08):
clothes and shelter, like thatis like, the, the basic, like.
But I think people forget therest of the hierarchy of
Manslow's Law about what everyhuman actually needs, right?
So as we nurture our kids,we're talking about emotionally,
socially and intellectually,right?
Yep, these are people, they'renot robots.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Right.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
I'm a human, I gave birth to a human.
Yes, I gave birth to a human,yes, so I think, really, just
honing in on being intentional,being purposeful, um, and what
does it actually look like inthe lives of our children, as we
just talked about?
Like being present and figureout, like, what, where do we
(29:50):
want to aim our kids like?
First is make a decision.
Right, I want a parent, I wantto be the best parent I could
possibly be right or I don't.
I mean whatever, the choice isyours, right?
And then it goes into.
Okay, what actually do I needto do to ensure this happen?
Right?
Right, like, where am I aimingthem to?
You know, where am I aimingthem to in order to them to get
(30:12):
to wherever they need to intheir journey?
What do I need to do for my,regarding myself and then also
my kid?
Yeah, I think that that is thebiggest thing, because a lot of
times again, we go into thissurvival mode instead of, like
getting the tools for us tothrive, like everything don't be
a panic.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Everything don't have to be a crisis yeah, like back
to what we were saying don'tmaking that decision, but also
not looking at everything in anegative perspective.
You know, like changing yourperspective on stuff, because
sometimes, like I know a lot ofpeople first especially like if
you wasn't planning for but eventhen you're planning for you
(30:53):
consider how much your life isgoing to change.
So some people that wasn'tplanning for their life oh my
gosh, like this is no longermine.
I'm not going to be able to dothis.
I'm not going to be able to dothat verse.
Like I'm going to get to beable to teach somebody to be the
best that they could be.
I'm going to teach somebody tohave greatness, what it is to
(31:14):
have greatness and to begreatness.
Like going to teach somebody tohave greatness, what it is to
have greatness and to begreatness.
Like it's one thing to have it,but it's one thing to be it as
well.
You know, I get to set afoundation, help set and create
a foundation for someone else.
Like do you know how big thatis?
You know what I'm saying?
Like that's a greataccomplishment, versus looking
at oh my gosh, everything isspiraling downhill because I no
(31:38):
longer can go on movie dates bymyself.
Yeah, you still can, becausethat goes back to making that
schedule, making that time,reaching out to different
villages, coming a part ofdifferent communities, such as
Parenting With A Purpose, so youcan get connected with a
village.
You know mommy villages, dadvillages, auntie and uncle
(31:58):
villages, because we support allof that, even the grandpa, you
know.
So, being intentional aboutthat, don't just look at how
everything is going to changefor the bad, because it's not
for the red right some thingsyou might need to separate from
yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
I think that whole how we perceive things and you
know you said something earlier,I think we've said this on our
show plenty of times instead ofkind of looking at parenting as
I have to do this or I have todo that, it's like I get to do
this, like if you say somethingI have to do versus I get to do
it, kind of changed the wholeattitude yeah, like it's no
(32:33):
longer a negative connotationbehind that, it's literally I
get to do it, because when I sayI get to do something, it
brings an extra layer of joy.
Now, mind you, there aresituations I always gotta remind
myself.
Donna, you get to do thisbecause, like you know, I was
talking to my half, half pintthe one that test my inner
gangster y'all and I was talkingto her, um, the other day and
(32:54):
was I had to check myselfbecause she had missed the
school bus again and it's likeshe knew I was home off of work,
and I asked her.
I said well, the bus comesthree minutes after seven.
What time do you show up at thebus stop?
She said seven o'clock.
Now I said, ma'am, what have Itaught you?
She said, yeah, we used to haveto be there 10 minutes before
the bus start bus come, so thatwe don't miss it.
(33:17):
I said, yeah, so I've taughtyou to be there 10 minutes
before, just in case, right?
So then I'm talking to her andI was really at first upset
because I couldn't believe one.
You, I wasn't.
You messed up my schedule.
Now I got to take you all theway to school Then.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I got to come back.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
But then I thought about it.
I was like you know what?
But this moment, what can I doabout that?
I can't take her to school.
So I get to take her to school.
I had to do a whole shift in asecond.
Y'all.
I get to go to school and I getto enjoy this 20 minute ride
and have a conversation, versusme snapping out and getting
upset because you know better.
You know like they don't knowthat they know better.
She knew better, yeah like it'scold outside.
(34:00):
Yeah, I was like I had toliterally, even for me, shift my
perspective that fast in asecond, because I saw I felt
myself getting upset because one, you took out of my time, but
two you my kid, though like Igotta still even my schedule.
(34:22):
But okay, let's flip this intosomething positive.
So I get to take you to school,we get to have an enjoyable
ride for 20 minutes, or we canhave a terrible ride.
So I had to make the choice.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
It's like okay, donna , get out yourself, be a mom,
you're right and then how are oh, I'm sorry, no, no, you're good
and like, what seed are youplanting in her as well for the,
the future parent and her, ormentor and her?
You know, mom and her, that, oh, you know what, when my kids
(34:53):
supposed to be at that bus stop,they better be at that bus stop
or they're going to have tofigure it out, or this is how
you respond to them.
You know if I do make a mistake, or you know what?
If that was, I didn't know howto communicate, mom, I know you
all for work, so my way ofcommunicating was me missing the
bus so I could ride with you,because I long for that.
(35:14):
I see kids that get dropped offevery day and they may take it
for granted, but I don't get toget dropped off every day, like
I have to catch a bus becausethis is mom's schedule.
I had someone say to me, agirlfriend of mine.
She was like how does Tua getto school?
And I'm like I take her.
She's like what Are you serious?
(35:34):
I'm like, yeah, I was like, andI enjoyed that.
She was like I'm sitting overhere, like let me live through
you because I got to take, ourchildren are the same age.
She's like I got to take her tothe bus.
I had to instill things in herso that, not only that, I know
she going to be okay.
So she, she's going to be okay.
(35:55):
She's a kindergartner gettingon the bus.
She's like that's a hugetransition.
She already is going to a bigschool.
Now she has to get on this bigbus where it's like whoa.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
I went from riding in the car every day to now, I got
to get on this bus and I don'tknow nobody, yeah, and that's
scary and be able to recognizethat, I think sometimes we as
parents, we just go and throwour kids and then do that the
other again, that autopilotliving right, yeah, realizing
like they have these are.
They are humans, they haveemotions and something's changed
(36:25):
right, there's, there was ashift in something, so expect
one, because they're notemotionally mature yet, right,
and they don't even know halfthe stuff they feel.
And so, again, that's wherethat guidance come from, like
guide, you know, to what isgoing on.
I think that is so importantbecause we we sometimes don't
realize our whole life has shiftand we may be a half I was
(36:47):
gonna say we may be able to dealwith that shit, but half the
time we can't like, half thetime hey look how we deal with
transition sometimes.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
So why do we expect?
Why we put so much?
Speaker 1 (36:56):
on them.
You know it'd be, it'd be.
I'll be thinking about that,pam, I'll be like yo.
So you did a little, but youexpect your kid not to like.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
I'm a little confused about how you expect them to be
better than you and you didn'tgive them the tools to do that
true, I know how my littleperson be when I be like, okay,
today I gotta get back home toget to work, or I got to get to
work and do this, I got to go onup, so you got to walk down.
I don't get to walk you today,you know, to the building.
(37:24):
She's like man like, and someman left this in the car.
Oh, I need to use yourchapstick.
Oh, I just needed a drink ofyour water.
I say, dang, I just needed adrink of your water.
I say, dang, I should have justwalked you down, because what
is going on?
I'm thinking I'm saving time,but now I'm lost.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
You actually had another 10 minutes, yo, sis.
I feel like this morning, whenDane was going to school, she
came, she go excuse me.
Can you take me to the bus stop?
I said no, I'm not doing thatright.
And so then, like I'm so crazy,she, she called me.
She was like I locked myselfout and I left the glasses in
(38:03):
the house, my glasses.
I said what?
So I'm like yo, you play toomuch.
You play too much, right, Icome downstairs like I was
upstairs getting like I got outof the shower.
I was like getting like I gotout of the shower.
I was like clearly no clotheson right.
And I said you play too much,so I go downstairs still no
clothes on.
Open the door.
She was like why would you openthe door like that?
Speaker 2 (38:24):
So right, I'm being intentional about my appearance.
It's true life.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
So yo I'm like all right, so get your glasses.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
So then, she left out .
Speaker 1 (38:37):
She banged on the door again, said I forgot my
jacket really you're trying tomiss this bus right and I was
like no way that I would takeher, I probably wouldn't have
all these things.
So I'm like praying to God, god, please don't let this girl
miss this bus today.
I'm like praying God, I'm notwith it today and, like you said
, sometimes I just take theextra time because they just
really they want you to dosomething, but like you at the
(38:59):
moment can't really do it andlike really no, you're gonna you
lock yourself up, but where'syour key at?
Oh, I left my key, walks rightpast it exactly.
So, yeah, I think that is funny, but I think really just
recognizing that kind of stuffwith our kids, like they may be
more attention or you know notso busy snapping.
(39:19):
Why would you do this?
Why would you do that?
No, it's obviously they're.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
They're needing something a little more than
what we're offering at themoment, right because here we
are, we're like we gave you thetools, we know how we're
equipping you, we know thatfoundation we set in you and
maybe, sometimes just likesometimes we get overwhelmed.
It could, it could beoverwhelmed for them and, as I
was saying before, they may notknow how to say it because it's
like, well, mom or dad isprobably going to say you know
(39:44):
how to do this yeah, I know howto do if I just want to do it
with you this time right andthey be saying that, yeah, I do,
I just want you, but thenthat's okay though, it's okay,
just okay Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
That's when we got to check our frame, check our mind
, be like hold up All right Flagon the play.
Let me reverse this playReverse.
You know, you have a penalty,and that penalty is you still
have to take them to school.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Okay, Walk them down.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Walk them down to the building, yeah, All right, so
we're actually going to bewrapping this up.
I think this was a goodconversation.
It really was.
Yo, this is a good conversation.
Um yo, your husband want to bepart of this parenting
(40:34):
conversation?
Yes, we got a few things.
Next time I'm gonna we're gonnahave him on here during another
time, because I do want to hearhis perspective in parenting
too, from a dad perspective.
We gotta get him on the show yes, he's amazing but yeah, so we
we want to thank you guys fortuning in to parents with a
purpose.
This is a different platformthat we're on trying something
(40:54):
new, so bear with us for some ofthe changes that we're trying
to make yeah but the changes isto help uh grow parents with the
purpose of help giving you guysthe tools that's necessary and
make sure that we're deliveringgreat content and tools that you
guys can actually use.
So, with that being said,parents on the purpose uh
website is now available.
(41:15):
If you go under donnallecom,you will find every podcast for
the last two seasons on there.
You'll also find coachingbooking.
You can find any booking forspeaking, coaching, retreats,
whatever you need, workshops isright on there.
Also, you kind of get a littlebit of background of how
Parenting with a Purpose started, and so we want you to go to
(41:38):
Parenting with.
You can go toparentingwithapurposecom or you
can go to donandjanellecom tofind that.
We're also on TikTok.
We're on Facebook.
We have our Facebook page.
We have our YouTube channel.
Our YouTube channel isParenting with a Purpose.
So anytime that you look forParenting with a or don and
(42:02):
janelle, you should be able tofind both of those things.
Um, also, what else is coming upnew?
Uh, we are looking for guests.
We are looking for guests andyou don't have to be in the same
city and state that we're infor now on.
Yes, you are out of the countryif you are out of state.
If you are in a different city,it doesn't matter.
You could be in a desert or youcould be, uh, at the beach,
like it don't matter what thewater or what the dry land.
We want to hear from you.
(42:23):
We want to hear from parents inevery shape or form
grandparents, adoptive parents,step parents, you know,
co-parents, whatever, anythingthings, parents, right.
We want to hear from you.
So reach out to us atDonjanellecom, send us a quick
message and we will get back toyou, be able to book you for a
show at your convenience,whatever works for you.
(42:44):
We now have a platform where wecan actually do a lot more, and
we're excited about that.
Also, be on the lookout for abook coming.
A book is coming.
It's called Bringing Back theResponsibility, nobility and
Beauty Back into Parenting.
There is a book coming, youguys, before the end of the year
.
It will drop, so it's actuallypretty much done.
(43:06):
So I want you guys to be on thelookout and that is literally
just a guide and structure ofhow we can best help you in
parenting, so that we can getthis thing right, though we all
want to be parents into the bestof our ability.
So, again.
Check our youtube channel ourparents of the purpose.
Check us out on instagram atdonna janelle.
Check us out on facebook atparents with a purpose.
(43:26):
Check us out on tiktok at donnajanelle, and there's more
coming.
Pam, what do you have to say toclose us out?
Because I'm so excited aboutthis new platform, pam, that we
can do so much, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
I am too, no, just piggybacking off of what you
said.
Be on the lookout, stay tunedfor the new that is coming for
parenting with a purpose as itevolves, and we just thank you
for your continuous support aswe evolve, as we change up
things, and just continuing totake this riding journey with us
All right.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
So we will see you guys next week with another
great topic from Parents ofPurpose.
Don't forget, you can email ustopics too, if there's something
you want to talk about.
No topic is off limit.
We are talking all things,parents.
So listen whatever you got tosay, we want to hear from you.
So you guys, enjoy the rest ofyour week and we will see you
next week again with Parents ofthe Purpose podcast.
Hey everybody, welcome to Parents with a
Purpose.
I am your host, donna Janelle,and I'm your co-host, pamela,
and we are here live, fulleffect with Parents with a
Purpose podcast.
We have not been on here for aminute for a couple weeks, so
we're excited to be back herewith you guys, you know,
bringing back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into
(00:20):
parents.
As you know, parents are thebows and our children are arrows
, and they will land wherever wesend, wherever we aim them,
pretty much as long as we givethem the tools to succeed.
And that means you know whatthat means.
Parent.
That means taking care ofourself, because you can't give
what you don't have.
So that's what we're going tobe talking about today.
Um, a lot of exciting thingsbeen going on with the parents
of the purpose, but today wewant to talk about the mandate
(00:43):
on effective parenting.
We're going to talk about beingintentional in parenting.
What is our purpose and whatdoes that actually look like?
Because there's a lot of wordsthat we can say.
It's a lot of things that youknow, quotes that we can use,
there's a lot of talk that wecould talk, but you, you know a
parent with a purpose we put inthe work around here.
So what does that actually looklike in your life?
So that's what we're going tobe talking about today.
(01:04):
Just, you know, the world iscrazy right now.
There's a lot of uncertainties,there is a lot of concerns,
there's a lot of fears, there'sa lot of.
You know, everyone wants to,right now, get up and leave the
country.
There's just so many things,and our children are feeling the
effect of that.
There's a lot of programs beingcut for our kids.
There's a lot of things thatwhat I feel like we was kind of
(01:27):
dependent on the government todo is now being snatched from
our, from under our feet, and Ithink that's not a bad thing,
though.
I think that it causes us, asparents, to really stand up to
tell them what we really need todo for our kids in the world,
and not allowing other people tokind of dictate of how we're
going to do a, b and c.
(01:47):
So I think it's.
You know, it's an uncomfortableplace to be in where we are
right now, but I also think thatis.
You know, being uncomfortableis not always bad, you know, and
I know there are some peoplegoing to disagree with me
because they hate everythingthat's going on, but I'm
thinking it's an opportunity forus to really hone in on our
parenting.
What you think about that, pam?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I agree.
Um, there's already been manyconversations and different,
different viewpoint agree todisagree.
You know, and I feel as thoughhow you make my personal opinion
, how you look at what's youknow being taken away, what may
be supplied over here is howyou're already showing up, and
(02:27):
what I mean by that is if youare a parent that relies on a
lot of others to assist you withyour parenting.
Don't get me wrong.
It's not a problem having avillage, I'm all for it.
Problem having a village, I'mall for.
(02:47):
But if you rely 100 on othersmore than you do yourself, then
you're the ones who are lookingat it in a more negative way.
Um, and just a little bit moreon that.
Instead of saying you know whatthis is going to challenge me
to show up in a different way,you looking up like now, that's
not allowing me to do this, Ican't do this anymore, I'm not.
So is it really that you can'tdo something anymore?
(03:07):
Is it?
Your child doesn't have thatoutlet anymore, you know?
And if you feel as though yourchild can't have that outlet
anymore, what are you willing todo?
How are you willing to connectwith your village, your
community, even maybe peers atyour job to make this turn it.
Turn it for the better, for notjust you but for others around
(03:29):
you, because you may not be theonly one feeling that way.
To me, it is a way for all ofus to come together and, you
know, invest more time in thoseboys and girls clubs that are
already made available to us,bring back those old programs
that we had, and we can helpfund them ourselves.
It's, it's it's people out herethat's willing to help fund
(03:50):
those different things.
They have hundreds and millionsof dollars that they have to
put somewhere because, theystill want.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
I like what you said, pam um, because you were saying
that, instead of having such anegative connotation behind what
was and what can't be anymore,literally make it be what you
need it to be like.
So many times, you know, weproject stuff or point the
finger at other people forthings that we're not we're
really responsible for,especially in this parenting
(04:19):
thing, you know, it's just sointeresting to me how people
rely so much on like thegovernment to really govern
their children and it's likewell, no, because the government
didn't have our children.
And don't get me wrong, we need, like you know, we need
assistance.
Like we're all together, we'recommunity, we're city, we're
(04:41):
state, you know we're well Right.
So technically we all should behelping one another out right
at some point.
Right, but to rely solely onanother system to govern you, it
doesn't allow you to takeresponsibility.
You know, I think about likeoften, like when I talk to
different parents and and beingan advocate for kids in foster
(05:03):
care, like a lot of timesparents get so fed up with their
children that they give them tothe state.
Right, they're like you takecare of them, and then, honestly
, the state can't really takecare of either.
Like it's.
Like, you know, I've seen somany situations where kids were,
you know, handed over to thestate because their child was
out of control and the parentsdidn't know what to do.
(05:23):
And I've always and that's whatyou know, part of this parent
with a purpose thing is likegiving parents the tools to
parent successfully, because wethey're not like a gift that you
could just give back, like I'mso confused, like I don't like
this gift or I can't handle thisgift, like so you could take
this gift and you do whateveryou want and do with it, and
(05:43):
it's like no, how about, let meempower you, let me give you the
tools and unfortunately,history shows government has not
been giving people the tools.
What they've been doing is letme take your child and let me
put them in a system andhopefully somebody in the system
can raise them.
But when we look at the statsand the outcome of these
(06:04):
situations of kids who were infoster care or even perhaps
adopted, they aren't thegreatest stats, right?
You know I'm an advocate ofkids.
Really belong with theirparents.
If their parents can do the job,yeah, and let's teach them how
to do it absolutely you everhear like I don't know if your
experience is pam one of thethings that a lot of times um
(06:25):
with mentors or even those wholike talk to, like young young
adults, like young teenagers orwhatever.
A lot of times they try to takethe place of the parent instead
of like, and it's a lot ofbacklash yeah, yeah, instead of
like working with the parent totry to help, I like I don't want
no by kids, like I don't wantno extra kids, like it's called.
(06:48):
Like just being a village inthe community, versus yeah, let
me take this burden off for youbecause I can do it better like
I think that it it'd be crazy.
Like I've seen a lot wherementors become, or somebody who
was like maybe coaching a familytake their child on and now
they become your child, theyliving in your house, and now
(07:09):
you're trying to deal with itand you're dealing with the same
situations that the parentsdealt with.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yes, that when, as soon as you had said that, I'm
like, yeah, like I've actuallywitnessed it, you know firsthand
.
It's like now you're likebuilding trauma in that child
and you don't even realize itbecause your original intent was
let me just help.
But you move so fast that youdidn't get to properly assess
(07:33):
the situation, because thatchild still has that same issue.
So, no matter where you movethem, until you deal with the
root cause of what they areexperiencing, no matter matter
where you place them, it's goingto continue to happen.
Now it's going to continue at awhole different rate, because I
entrusted you to move me out ofthis situation, but you're
doing the same thing now.
(07:53):
So what is happening here?
That's what the child isexperiencing.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Until you really sit down, speak with the child,
assess the situation, assesswhat the parent is experiencing
as well, because a lot of timeswe think it's just the parent or
the child, but no, both partiesmay be playing a part in what's
taking place in all reality,absolutely one of the things
that I do now you're the badsuperhero, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(08:17):
like, exactly, like one of thethings that I tell parents
constantly, as I'm coachingparents, like I, I don't, and I
I don't just coach children,right, if I'm, if I'm dealing
with a family now, I may justcoach the parent right, but if
you're, if you're requesting myservices to coach your child,
the parent has to be coached aswell.
(08:37):
Like I'm not just out herecoaching kids.
You know, I have a whole thingabout repairing children and
sending them back in brokenhomes.
Like it has to be a holisticapproach and that's and that's
one of the things I'm notchanging is that you know, I'll
coach a parent to teach them howto parent, you know was
correctly, but I'm more holistic.
So my go-to is I need the wholefamily involved, like I can't
(09:01):
like, because then you hear onething from a kid and another
thing from a parent and you knowif we work together in order to
make this household successful.
I got to have both perspectivesand then how to bring those
together so they can see eachother perspective.
You know I had a mom who saidlisten, I just want you to coach
my kids.
No, no, no, ma'am, becauseyou're going to be involved in
this Right.
(09:22):
We're not doing that.
I'm because you're going to beinvolved in this right, we're
not doing it.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I'm not jumping in like you said, being a superhero
?
Yeah, we're not doing it.
Um, you know, like the scarestraight programs and the stuff
like that and you send your kidoff and it's like the child gets
all this redirecting andcorrecting but then they're
going back to the same thing andsome shows would do like the um
, what is it like an update orwhat do you call it?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
when you they'll have them like come back on, like
you know three months, sixmonths, yeah like a reunion or
something yes, and then they'relike well, how's it making out?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
and it's like, well, I'm standing on what you guys
taught me, but what?
What about them?
And then the parents lookinglike they're still disrespectful
.
It's let's take someaccountability here.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Exactly One thing.
That's what I love aboutparenting with a purpose, like
bringing responsibility,nobility and beauty back into
parenting, like we really like.
There's such a mandate onparenting right now, way that
the world is going.
In order for a change to happen, it has to start at home,
because we can't expect to sendour kids out in this world and
(10:28):
expect the world to dress them,the world to tell them a, b and
c.
We've already seen what hasdone, what has happened with
that.
Right, they gotta come from thehousehold, because parents are
the first teachers, the firstlovers, the first, you know,
cheerleaders like we are, wehave our kids.
Listen, we got our kids fromnot even birth, like from
conception, right so as evenwhile they're in their wombs.
(10:50):
We talked about on the showbefore talking to our babies in
the womb and then when they comeout, like really putting that
stuff into practice, because thegoal is to raise our kids to be
independent, the thinkers, beable to have the growth, the
character, but they only getthat from us right they only get
that by the time we send themout there in the world, they
(11:11):
should already have somefoundational things straight,
okay, yeah youdon't have to worry about
somebody else creating afoundation for them.
It is like not starting fromscratch.
Yeah, sometimes parents,parents who don't show up in
their life, the kid's life, indifferent areas it's literally
like you're sending your kidoutside naked and they're
starting from scratch.
(11:32):
What are they going to put onEverything that attaches
themselves to them?
Right, it's such a mandate onparenting.
I think the power ofintentionality is so important
because think, for so long, forso many people, we've really
been living like an autopilotlife, like literally been in
(11:54):
survival mode not thriving mode,like you know.
I just got to get to the next.
Like that autopilot thing, likeall right, food, clothing,
shelters, all right, how to makethis happen, how to make that
happen, and literally almostfighting yourself out of wet
paper bag, consistently in thisparenting thing and not really
being intentional per se, like apre um, like pre-thought about
(12:16):
it, it is literally this is whathappens now, this is what's
going to happen.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
We're more active versus prepared it's almost like
, um, you know how you set abudget financially.
It's like you almost need toset a budget for your time, just
like getting up in the morning.
Some people say it's like youalmost need to set a budget for
your time.
Just like getting up in themorning.
Some people say it's likeeverything is repetitive and by
the time I blink, I'm gettingback up to go to work, or I'm
getting back up to get the kidsready, and so forth.
(12:42):
So it's like you almost need toset a budget.
Like literally dedicatingtimeframes and days to certain
things, because let's berealistic to health as well and
to properly take care ofyourself.
And then now these children thatyou have setting that
foundation because you'reteaching.
You're teaching them this aswell.
(13:04):
Right, do you know it or not?
You got to set out that time,knowing that everything you
can't you can't do it every day,and that's okay.
So we got seven days in theweek.
So what is something that youknow you need to dedicate more
time to?
Let's say, we'll make 40 hoursfor it and we're going to divide
it up, just like you do yourjob.
(13:24):
You work eight hour shifts, sowe're going to put four hours,
you know, a week towards this,we're going to put six hours for
this towards that, you know,and just go through and just
name that thing so that you canbe organized, so you can set
that foundation for your child.
Do you know, like I was sayingbefore, you're setting them up
(13:46):
for chaos.
So in the morning when they're,when they have that response to
you, it's like, well, how areyou showing them what to do
throughout the day?
Like you gotta set thatstructure up.
And I always commend, like mysisters and, um, even my
sister-in-law, because theirchildren have bedtimes, and I'm
like my child has never had abedtime till this day, like we
(14:08):
tried it, but just with our workschedule, it never.
It never has worked.
However, because how we respondat night and in the morning,
that's how my child responds so.
I know we're going to have thosedays where it's like, oh, I'm
not ready for this, but I'mready for it because I know how
we responded at night, right.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
And you said something very important, pam
and this is one of the thingsthat we try to like.
Uh, this is one of the thingsthat.
Listen, that's parenting.
Listen, that's your hubby likey'all, parenting, that's what we
out here doing, but I thinkit's so.
(14:48):
Uh, you said something really,really, really good about as we
prepare.
You know, I'm a huge advocateabout calendars, schedules, and
people laugh at me and for yearsit has worked because, you know
, being a single, I was a singlemom of four kids, so everything
had to be literally scheduledout, one to help me get myself
(15:10):
together.
So I'm not overwhelmed andcreating chaos in my household,
not presenting any extraanxieties on people, on the kids
, because, like whatever we,even though we may not say it,
our children feel it right.
They feel it because our tonechanged, our body language
changed, like there are so many.
So I've always been an advocate, right A counter, so many.
So I've always been an advocateright a calendar.
Even to this day, even thoughmy kids are they about to be 26,
(15:33):
19 and 217 years, I still havea calendar.
Everything is in my calendar.
And it's funny my dad said to methe other day right, um,
actually, matter of fact,yesterday I'm taking my parents.
I was taking them on an errandtomorrow.
Right, one errand.
But then my mom called meyesterday.
It was like they need to addsomething else to this errand to
(15:53):
make make it two stops orwhatever, and I said, okay, all
right, let me check my calendarand see what time I could work
that out.
And then they was like, well,we could do it tomorrow, which
means Wednesday, but we alreadyscheduled for Thursday and, pam,
you know how I am with myschedule, listen so they wanted
to like break it into two days.
(16:14):
No, they wanted to add onanother errand but change the
day to the day before.
So I said so let me make sureI'm clear on that.
I need some clarity of thissituation.
You want to add on an extraerrand and you want me to do it
a day early?
Yeah, yeah, I said.
I said, with all due respect,that doesn't work for my
(16:34):
schedule.
So then I said um, and then mydad said he in the background
talking and he says wait tillyour son gets old enough and you
ask him to do something.
And he gonna say let me checkmy calendar.
And I said I will be very aproud mom if he does that,
because that means that he'sdone everything that I taught
(16:56):
him how to do of reallyscheduling and making sure that
things are done in decent inorder.
Sometimes people think thatsketches are disrespectful
because people don't want to beput in the schedule right
somebody to do, like a scheduleis necessary.
So my dad, when he said that andI and he thought I was gonna
get mad, I didn't I said no, I'm.
I hope he does say to me holdon, mom, let me check my
(17:18):
schedule, let me, let me get youin, because that means that
he's learned a whole lot from me.
Um, I mean urgent situationslike I ain't gonna say, let me,
I could drop and do what I needto do, but like when certain
things, like you know, we got torun errands and things like
that, we need to really writethat in a schedule One because
we have kids like I have kids,right, I have kids that are
still in school and just got tomake sure that things are in
(17:40):
order.
But schedules are so important.
And to the fact that I think Imentioned it on the show before
to the, my kids struggle intheir adulthood right now
because they're so used toschedules.
You know, like when my daughter, my oldest person, went to
college, she was on like thegovernment and stuff like that
in college and she had went to acollege that was only 2% black
(18:02):
and she was one of the blacks.
It's an all girls privateuniversity and they had meetings
like 10 o'clock at night.
She was like Ma, I can't standup Like I don't know what they
want me to do.
Like I know I'm part of thestudent government but I'm ready
to go to sleep Like I don'tknow what they want me to do.
Do adults be staying up thislate?
She was like mom, you wasn'tstaying up that late Like you.
(18:24):
I don't know.
I'm confused in this late right, but because she's so used to
being structured where, eventhough she had a busy life in
school, everything was stilldone to the fact.
I mean, I was still able to eatdinner with my kids every night
and put them to bed on time.
And and another thing, one ofthe things that helped the
(18:45):
structure with the kids and thecalendar is they had no social
media.
They had no tv.
They had no, none of that stuffduring the school week.
Like they weren't allowed towatch tv during the school week.
Like we did things together.
Yeah, I know people used to.
You know people used to be likehow your kids go to bed at 7,
30 and they don't handle, but weused to um, and we used I used
(19:08):
to incorporate a lot of theireducation and and our family,
like they used to do plays atnighttime with me, I used to
incorporate a lot of theireducation and and our family,
like they used to do plays atnighttime with me.
They used to do differentthings so that anything we can
make our own entertainment, likethis.
The tv is with the tv becauseyou really can't fit to it to a
certain point, uh, but even tothis day you know they don't.
They don't watch tv like a lotof other people.
(19:30):
It's because they're eitherreading or writing or something
like that.
But calendars are importantbecause now that Lizzie is in
the Marines, she says to me allthe time she was like you were
so right.
I understand, and I think that'slike one of my proudest moments
when she tells me I see why youdid this, or I see why we were
raised this way.
I see it because now you knowshe's about to leave on Friday
(19:51):
to move to California and she'sable to like.
She's like I see why it was soimportant to have a structure in
order so that you can movethings effectively and it just
made.
She was like everything yousaid was right and I was like
not everything, I'm gonna tellyou that now, but the fact that
she recognized that the way thatI raised her is set.
(20:12):
It set her up to be a youngadult, and that's our goal,
right, our goal is to make surethat we raise our kids to be
independent, because we don'twant our kids to depend solely
on us, because, one, we're human, right, and we make flaws, and
two, they need to be able tothink for themselves, because
they're a whole different person, right.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
I'm with you, okay.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
so, given this day and age, when we talk about
being intentional on parenting,we really want to talk about,
like, what does effectiveparenting look like?
Right, what does it actuallylook like?
Because everybody says there isno book on parenting?
No, but there's no manual onparenting, right, there's no
manual on parenting, right, youknow?
Not.
Like you know, it's not likeyou get a card and it tells you
everything you need to do, right, you know, even though you know
(21:01):
we do get different things,like I know, working in a
medical field, pediatrics, likewe there's a guideline of kind
of, at this age, this is whatyou do at that age, that's what
you do at that age, that's whatyou do.
But that's just like kind oflike a little outline, but
that's not really.
You know, you have to put yourown child and your own self in
that but what does it?
look um and like what are ourresponsibilities in it?
I haven't go ahead.
(21:22):
You know, I have a quote herethat and I think it's really so.
I think it's really cool and itsays children don't just need
love, they need need guidance,structure and intentional
influence.
How do you?
Speaker 2 (21:34):
feel about that.
I like that overall, just beingintentional.
Like you said, it's really noplaybook.
Even if you just sit there andthe prime example I got this
friend, she'd be like, oh mygosh, when I have my baby, like
I want you right there becauseI'm not gonna know what to do
and I'm like stop acting likeyou don't have like nieces and
(21:55):
nephews and this, that.
And she was like you, if I'mbeing honest.
She was like I really don'tspend like a lot of time with
them.
And I was like, well, if youplan on being a parent, I think
that is something you should do.
You know, I'm not saying yougot to get all of them together,
but just make a point to justget them here and there so you
could see what some of itentails.
(22:16):
I say, even though you can givethem back, but just hang out
with them for a day because theyrequire everything from you.
So, even if you know you don'tknow how to do something, just
be intentional, knowing that youwant to show up a certain way.
So with becoming a new parent,you know, do you want to be feel
like a full-time parent?
(22:36):
You want to feel like apart-time parent?
Like that's going to show you,you know, showing how you coming
for your kid.
Let's just be honest about it.
If you want to be a full-timeparent, you're going to be that
parent to say you know what?
I don't want to just make surethat they have a roof over their
head and food to eat.
I want to make sure that theyhave a foundation, that they
know they have family outside ofme, that they know what
(22:58):
community is, that theyunderstand what a village is.
You know, understand what it isto show up and be the best that
they could be.
So I may not know how to changea pamper, but I believe that
you got to get a new pamper andget some wipes and then wipe
them off.
You get what I'm saying.
I know that if I'm changing myclothes every day, I should be
changing their clothes every day.
(23:20):
So if I take a bath, I knowthat they should take a bath.
Now, hold up, because they arebabies.
So I may not need to give thema full bath every day, but I
need to be wiping them.
I brush my teeth, so I'm goingto brush their gums.
You get what I'm saying.
I'm going to wipe their gums.
I'm going to clean their tongue.
I'm going to make sure theyhave the best milk they can have
(23:41):
.
As far down to those.
To me I would say simple butbasic things, but to somebody
else it may be so much more.
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
So I'm saying so.
I'm not going to downplay whatit may be in somebody else's
life, but do you want to be afull-time or part-time parent?
That's going to dictate how youshow up.
So so, basically, what you'resaying is this you got to make a
decision first there you go,just make a decision of how you
want to show up.
you know, I know like for me thereason why parenting is so dear
to me because of how I wasfumbled right and I'm like I'm
going to show up different in mykid's life, like, and what does
that look like?
I've seen other parents, otherother of my friends and parents
(24:19):
show up a certain way and I seenhow my parents show up and I'm
like, well, our dad parents wasa little off too.
So like, how do I like, how doI want to show up when I have
kids?
And it starts with a decisionand then I think if we make the
decision to show up fully, we'regoing to work towards that
decision.
Like it is called progression,not perfection, like I earlier
(24:43):
said.
Right, I think so many timesI've lived a life where I was
trying to be a perfect parentand I've learned so much from
not doing that.
So I tell people, don't try tobe a perfect parent, be perfect
for that child, but not, youknow, it's really progression
versus perfection yeah, but makea decision like can we just
make a decision first?
Speaker 2 (25:03):
yeah like I know this is going to require a lot of me
, but how do I?
You know, how do I want to showup right?
Speaker 1 (25:10):
because when you make that decision and you become
locked into that decision andthen you're going to, you're
going to figure it out.
You know, one of the thingsthat I often say is that we're
not responsible for how we wereraised, but we're responsible
how we raise ourselves and howwe raise our children right.
So you know, so many timespeople make so many excuses in
parenting because ofgenerational things and it's
(25:32):
like nah, that's like you, Ithink, when you're a kid you
make excuses.
When you become an adult, likethat and I don't even know about
a kid, because one of thethings you know, walking around
the house all the time with mykids, I always quote excuses are
monument built by two tonothingness.
Those who use them seldomaccomplish anything.
What would you like toaccomplish?
And, like my kids know that,like when they literally just
(25:56):
walk around and say that, or ifI started saying it, they
literally finish the rest of thequote because they're already
numb, or they'll come to me andsay, listen, I have something to
say, but it's not an excuse.
I want you to view thisdifferently than you think.
This is an excuse, right, right.
So it's not even just like asan adult, we don't make excuses,
but even not allowing ourchildren to make excuses.
(26:17):
You know, really hone in andsitting in of what we're
actually dealing with and handleit effectively and efficiently,
not, you know, pushing it offor blaming or things like that
and I think that's part of whatmakes us effective in parenting
too is really how we helpshaping our children's integrity
integrity and character.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
you know that whole the guidance thing is so
important character, like yousaid, teaching them
responsibility from the jump totake ownership right then and
there you know what.
What.
What did you say?
What do you plan to do today?
What are, what are your goalsfor today?
So, and that's the same thingwe have to say to ourselves,
(26:56):
what are our goals now that weknow we are, we have chose to
keep this child.
What are our?
Speaker 1 (27:02):
goals, yeah, and making decisions and taking
action like with purpose, notjust doing so again that
autopilot life, like it's thepurpose behind everything we do,
and that might sound like alittle cliche and that might
sound like you know why you gotto find something, that
everything.
But literally there's a purposein everything and I don't think
God has given us children justfor us to say, oh, we parents
(27:24):
now, or I'm a mom, I'm a dad,like no, he has given us to be
able to pour into them, to beable to for them to grow and be
productive in this world.
Yeah, so it ain't just likehere's a gift you put in a
closet.
You don't invest in that gift,you don't pour in that gift, you
don't.
You know, it's not like a giftthat's just gonna grow by itself
.
And if it does grow by itself,it's gonna grow with the things
(27:48):
that are not good for them,because you're not intentionally
guiding them right.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Yeah, that was good.
That's like the things that youdidn't intend for it to go with
yeah, like again, everythingwill start attaching itself to
there.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
You be, like, at one point you're like I had a nice
little thriving tree here all ofa sudden, why this tree got
some thorns here, why this gothere, why this thing growing
some mold on it, like you know,like why did the leaves are
withering now?
Like what is going on?
Like why the roots are being upplanted?
It's because what did you do toit?
Bear no fruit, no food.
(28:24):
And you know, one of thescriptures says like a tree that
bears no fruit is miles willdie.
So, basically, if we're notgiving our children what they
need, that is a, that is a treethat will die because it won't
be able to bear the proper fruit.
And that's the same thing aswith parenting, though, if we
don't, you know, invest in ourown self, because you can't give
(28:45):
what you don't have right butyou don't have in parenting if
you're not going to get it, youknow what I mean.
Like, like you, you gotta goget it at some point, especially
if you want to parent, makethat decision to parent
effectively.
Um, but you know, just tap itinto.
Like, not just as we alwaystalk about, not just food,
(29:08):
clothes and shelter, like thatis like, the, the basic, like.
But I think people forget therest of the hierarchy of
Manslow's Law about what everyhuman actually needs, right?
So as we nurture our kids,we're talking about emotionally,
socially and intellectually,right?
Yep, these are people, they'renot robots.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Right.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
I'm a human, I gave birth to a human.
Yes, I gave birth to a human,yes, so I think, really, just
honing in on being intentional,being purposeful, um, and what
does it actually look like inthe lives of our children, as we
just talked about?
Like being present and figureout, like, what, where do we
(29:50):
want to aim our kids like?
First is make a decision.
Right, I want a parent, I wantto be the best parent I could
possibly be right or I don't.
I mean whatever, the choice isyours, right?
And then it goes into.
Okay, what actually do I needto do to ensure this happen?
Right?
Right, like, where am I aimingthem to?
You know, where am I aimingthem to in order to them to get
(30:12):
to wherever they need to intheir journey?
What do I need to do for my,regarding myself and then also
my kid?
Yeah, I think that that is thebiggest thing, because a lot of
times again, we go into thissurvival mode instead of, like
getting the tools for us tothrive, like everything don't be
a panic.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Everything don't have to be a crisis yeah, like back
to what we were saying don'tmaking that decision, but also
not looking at everything in anegative perspective.
You know, like changing yourperspective on stuff, because
sometimes, like I know a lot ofpeople first especially like if
you wasn't planning for but eventhen you're planning for you
(30:53):
consider how much your life isgoing to change.
So some people that wasn'tplanning for their life oh my
gosh, like this is no longermine.
I'm not going to be able to dothis.
I'm not going to be able to dothat verse.
Like I'm going to get to beable to teach somebody to be the
best that they could be.
I'm going to teach somebody tohave greatness, what it is to
(31:14):
have greatness and to begreatness.
Like going to teach somebody tohave greatness, what it is to
have greatness and to begreatness.
Like it's one thing to have it,but it's one thing to be it as
well.
You know, I get to set afoundation, help set and create
a foundation for someone else.
Like do you know how big thatis?
You know what I'm saying?
Like that's a greataccomplishment, versus looking
at oh my gosh, everything isspiraling downhill because I no
(31:38):
longer can go on movie dates bymyself.
Yeah, you still can, becausethat goes back to making that
schedule, making that time,reaching out to different
villages, coming a part ofdifferent communities, such as
Parenting With A Purpose, so youcan get connected with a
village.
You know mommy villages, dadvillages, auntie and uncle
(31:58):
villages, because we support allof that, even the grandpa, you
know.
So, being intentional aboutthat, don't just look at how
everything is going to changefor the bad, because it's not
for the red right some thingsyou might need to separate from
yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
I think that whole how we perceive things and you
know you said something earlier,I think we've said this on our
show plenty of times instead ofkind of looking at parenting as
I have to do this or I have todo that, it's like I get to do
this, like if you say somethingI have to do versus I get to do
it, kind of changed the wholeattitude yeah, like it's no
(32:33):
longer a negative connotationbehind that, it's literally I
get to do it, because when I sayI get to do something, it
brings an extra layer of joy.
Now, mind you, there aresituations I always gotta remind
myself.
Donna, you get to do thisbecause, like you know, I was
talking to my half, half pintthe one that test my inner
gangster y'all and I was talkingto her, um, the other day and
(32:54):
was I had to check myselfbecause she had missed the
school bus again and it's likeshe knew I was home off of work,
and I asked her.
I said well, the bus comesthree minutes after seven.
What time do you show up at thebus stop?
She said seven o'clock.
Now I said, ma'am, what have Itaught you?
She said, yeah, we used to haveto be there 10 minutes before
the bus start bus come, so thatwe don't miss it.
(33:17):
I said, yeah, so I've taughtyou to be there 10 minutes
before, just in case, right?
So then I'm talking to her andI was really at first upset
because I couldn't believe one.
You, I wasn't.
You messed up my schedule.
Now I got to take you all theway to school Then.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I got to come back.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
But then I thought about it.
I was like you know what?
But this moment, what can I doabout that?
I can't take her to school.
So I get to take her to school.
I had to do a whole shift in asecond.
Y'all.
I get to go to school and I getto enjoy this 20 minute ride
and have a conversation, versusme snapping out and getting
upset because you know better.
You know like they don't knowthat they know better.
She knew better, yeah like it'scold outside.
(34:00):
Yeah, I was like I had toliterally, even for me, shift my
perspective that fast in asecond, because I saw I felt
myself getting upset because one, you took out of my time, but
two you my kid, though like Igotta still even my schedule.
(34:22):
But okay, let's flip this intosomething positive.
So I get to take you to school,we get to have an enjoyable
ride for 20 minutes, or we canhave a terrible ride.
So I had to make the choice.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
It's like okay, donna , get out yourself, be a mom,
you're right and then how are oh, I'm sorry, no, no, you're good
and like, what seed are youplanting in her as well for the,
the future parent and her, ormentor and her?
You know, mom and her, that, oh, you know what, when my kids
(34:53):
supposed to be at that bus stop,they better be at that bus stop
or they're going to have tofigure it out, or this is how
you respond to them.
You know if I do make a mistake, or you know what?
If that was, I didn't know howto communicate, mom, I know you
all for work, so my way ofcommunicating was me missing the
bus so I could ride with you,because I long for that.
(35:14):
I see kids that get dropped offevery day and they may take it
for granted, but I don't get toget dropped off every day, like
I have to catch a bus becausethis is mom's schedule.
I had someone say to me, agirlfriend of mine.
She was like how does Tua getto school?
And I'm like I take her.
She's like what Are you serious?
(35:34):
I'm like, yeah, I was like, andI enjoyed that.
She was like I'm sitting overhere, like let me live through
you because I got to take, ourchildren are the same age.
She's like I got to take her tothe bus.
I had to instill things in herso that, not only that, I know
she going to be okay.
So she, she's going to be okay.
(35:55):
She's a kindergartner gettingon the bus.
She's like that's a hugetransition.
She already is going to a bigschool.
Now she has to get on this bigbus where it's like whoa.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
I went from riding in the car every day to now, I got
to get on this bus and I don'tknow nobody, yeah, and that's
scary and be able to recognizethat, I think sometimes we as
parents, we just go and throwour kids and then do that the
other again, that autopilotliving right, yeah, realizing
like they have these are.
They are humans, they haveemotions and something's changed
(36:25):
right, there's, there was ashift in something, so expect
one, because they're notemotionally mature yet, right,
and they don't even know halfthe stuff they feel.
And so, again, that's wherethat guidance come from, like
guide, you know, to what isgoing on.
I think that is so importantbecause we we sometimes don't
realize our whole life has shiftand we may be a half I was
(36:47):
gonna say we may be able to dealwith that shit, but half the
time we can't like, half thetime hey look how we deal with
transition sometimes.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
So why do we expect?
Why we put so much?
Speaker 1 (36:56):
on them.
You know it'd be, it'd be.
I'll be thinking about that,pam, I'll be like yo.
So you did a little, but youexpect your kid not to like.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
I'm a little confused about how you expect them to be
better than you and you didn'tgive them the tools to do that
true, I know how my littleperson be when I be like, okay,
today I gotta get back home toget to work, or I got to get to
work and do this, I got to go onup, so you got to walk down.
I don't get to walk you today,you know, to the building.
(37:24):
She's like man like, and someman left this in the car.
Oh, I need to use yourchapstick.
Oh, I just needed a drink ofyour water.
I say, dang, I just needed adrink of your water.
I say, dang, I should have justwalked you down, because what
is going on?
I'm thinking I'm saving time,but now I'm lost.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
You actually had another 10 minutes, yo, sis.
I feel like this morning, whenDane was going to school, she
came, she go excuse me.
Can you take me to the bus stop?
I said no, I'm not doing thatright.
And so then, like I'm so crazy,she, she called me.
She was like I locked myselfout and I left the glasses in
(38:03):
the house, my glasses.
I said what?
So I'm like yo, you play toomuch.
You play too much, right, Icome downstairs like I was
upstairs getting like I got outof the shower.
I was like getting like I gotout of the shower.
I was like clearly no clotheson right.
And I said you play too much,so I go downstairs still no
clothes on.
Open the door.
She was like why would you openthe door like that?
Speaker 2 (38:24):
So right, I'm being intentional about my appearance.
It's true life.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
So yo I'm like all right, so get your glasses.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
So then, she left out .
Speaker 1 (38:37):
She banged on the door again, said I forgot my
jacket really you're trying tomiss this bus right and I was
like no way that I would takeher, I probably wouldn't have
all these things.
So I'm like praying to God, god, please don't let this girl
miss this bus today.
I'm like praying God, I'm notwith it today and, like you said
, sometimes I just take theextra time because they just
really they want you to dosomething, but like you at the
(38:59):
moment can't really do it andlike really no, you're gonna you
lock yourself up, but where'syour key at?
Oh, I left my key, walks rightpast it exactly.
So, yeah, I think that is funny, but I think really just
recognizing that kind of stuffwith our kids, like they may be
more attention or you know notso busy snapping.
(39:19):
Why would you do this?
Why would you do that?
No, it's obviously they're.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
They're needing something a little more than
what we're offering at themoment, right because here we
are, we're like we gave you thetools, we know how we're
equipping you, we know thatfoundation we set in you and
maybe, sometimes just likesometimes we get overwhelmed.
It could, it could beoverwhelmed for them and, as I
was saying before, they may notknow how to say it because it's
like, well, mom or dad isprobably going to say you know
(39:44):
how to do this yeah, I know howto do if I just want to do it
with you this time right andthey be saying that, yeah, I do,
I just want you, but thenthat's okay though, it's okay,
just okay Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
That's when we got to check our frame, check our mind
, be like hold up All right Flagon the play.
Let me reverse this playReverse.
You know, you have a penalty,and that penalty is you still
have to take them to school.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Okay, Walk them down.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Walk them down to the building, yeah, All right, so
we're actually going to bewrapping this up.
I think this was a goodconversation.
It really was.
Yo, this is a good conversation.
Um yo, your husband want to bepart of this parenting
(40:34):
conversation?
Yes, we got a few things.
Next time I'm gonna we're gonnahave him on here during another
time, because I do want to hearhis perspective in parenting
too, from a dad perspective.
We gotta get him on the show yes, he's amazing but yeah, so we
we want to thank you guys fortuning in to parents with a
purpose.
This is a different platformthat we're on trying something
(40:54):
new, so bear with us for some ofthe changes that we're trying
to make yeah but the changes isto help uh grow parents with the
purpose of help giving you guysthe tools that's necessary and
make sure that we're deliveringgreat content and tools that you
guys can actually use.
So, with that being said,parents on the purpose uh
website is now available.
(41:15):
If you go under donnallecom,you will find every podcast for
the last two seasons on there.
You'll also find coachingbooking.
You can find any booking forspeaking, coaching, retreats,
whatever you need, workshops isright on there.
Also, you kind of get a littlebit of background of how
Parenting with a Purpose started, and so we want you to go to
(41:38):
Parenting with.
You can go toparentingwithapurposecom or you
can go to donandjanellecom tofind that.
We're also on TikTok.
We're on Facebook.
We have our Facebook page.
We have our YouTube channel.
Our YouTube channel isParenting with a Purpose.
So anytime that you look forParenting with a or don and
(42:02):
janelle, you should be able tofind both of those things.
Um, also, what else is coming upnew?
Uh, we are looking for guests.
We are looking for guests andyou don't have to be in the same
city and state that we're infor now on.
Yes, you are out of the countryif you are out of state.
If you are in a different city,it doesn't matter.
You could be in a desert or youcould be, uh, at the beach,
like it don't matter what thewater or what the dry land.
We want to hear from you.
(42:23):
We want to hear from parents inevery shape or form
grandparents, adoptive parents,step parents, you know,
co-parents, whatever, anythingthings, parents, right.
We want to hear from you.
So reach out to us atDonjanellecom, send us a quick
message and we will get back toyou, be able to book you for a
show at your convenience,whatever works for you.
(42:44):
We now have a platform where wecan actually do a lot more, and
we're excited about that.
Also, be on the lookout for abook coming.
A book is coming.
It's called Bringing Back theResponsibility, nobility and
Beauty Back into Parenting.
There is a book coming, youguys, before the end of the year
.
It will drop, so it's actuallypretty much done.
(43:06):
So I want you guys to be on thelookout and that is literally
just a guide and structure ofhow we can best help you in
parenting, so that we can getthis thing right, though we all
want to be parents into the bestof our ability.
So, again.
Check our youtube channel ourparents of the purpose.
Check us out on instagram atdonna janelle.
Check us out on facebook atparents with a purpose.
(43:26):
Check us out on tiktok at donnajanelle, and there's more
coming.
Pam, what do you have to say toclose us out?
Because I'm so excited aboutthis new platform, pam, that we
can do so much, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
I am too, no, just piggybacking off of what you
said.
Be on the lookout, stay tunedfor the new that is coming for
parenting with a purpose as itevolves, and we just thank you
for your continuous support aswe evolve, as we change up
things, and just continuing totake this riding journey with us
All right.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
So we will see you guys next week with another
great topic from Parents ofPurpose.
Don't forget, you can email ustopics too, if there's something
you want to talk about.
No topic is off limit.
We are talking all things,parents.
So listen whatever you got tosay, we want to hear from you.
So you guys, enjoy the rest ofyour week and we will see you
next week again with Parents ofthe Purpose podcast.
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