Episode Transcript
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Molly OShea (00:01):
Hi, everybody, and
welcome to parenting with the
pros and cons. I'm Dr. Molly.
And I'm Cinzia Filipovski. Andtoday we are going to be talking
about getting a dog, the prosand cons. First, a little bit
about us. I'm Dr. Molly. I'm apediatrician who has been in
practice for almost 30 years.
(00:22):
And I've spoken to parents, forall of them. I've spoken to them
in the exam room, I've spoken tothem at the grocery store. And
I've even spoken on the stagesnationally and locally through
the American Academy ofPediatrics and your local PTA. I
have four grown children, and Ilove talking to parents about
the pros and cons of everything.
Cinzia Filipovski (00:45):
And I'm
Cinzia Filipovski. I'm a full
time working mother of two fiveyear old twin boys. I'm the
executive director of twomedical offices, and the owner
of a pediatric medicalmanagement company. I'm a
certified positive parentingeducator. So as you can see, I
am very busy. I'm trying tobalance my life and like you I'm
(01:06):
trying to raise my family withall of the pros and cons. So
let's dive in.
Molly OShea (01:15):
Yeah, cuz we're
gonna be discussing getting a
dog and Cinzia is getting a dog.
Cinzia Filipovski (01:21):
shhh! not
everybody knows yet though
Molly OShea (01:25):
will keep it just
between us for now. I have all
kinds of questions about this.
Now I've had a dog with mychildren when they were younger,
and that dog sadly has gone todog heaven. But what are you
thinking Cinzia?! You have fiveyear old twins and a very busy
life? What the heck are youthinking?
Cinzia Filipovski (01:43):
Well, this is
a question my husband and I have
been asking ourselves a lot forthe past. I think we put our
deposit down about seven oreight months ago for this dog so
we've been asking ourselves thaton a daily basis. Now that we're
really close to getting the dogwe're about a week away now. We
have really started questioningwhat the heck are we doing? But
(02:05):
we we really kind of are excitedabout it now and we are really
looking forward to it.
So why did we decide to get adog there were a couple main
reasons that we decided to get adog one was as as you guys know,
we have two five year old boysin our house. So all they know
(02:26):
is each other you know they thispast year they've been home with
each other they haven't beenexposed to a lot of other
children because of you know thesituation that we've all been
you know in. So I feel like theyare basically they're great with
each other overall but I thinkthey feel like the world is
(02:47):
about them. And I feel like theydon't really understand outside
of themselves. So I feel like adog one will bring a little bit
of happiness to our lives andthat way you know as well as
show them that you know we haveto care for other living beings
and hopefully it'll bring loveyou know, to our life as well as
(03:11):
I'm hoping that it'll increaseour keep up I should say our
physical activity because mykids are very active right now
and I feel like having a dogwill keep them active even with
or without organized you knowsports and other things
happening so those are the mainreasons so I'm gonna I want to
(03:32):
know and this right yeah,
Molly OShea (03:33):
we're gonna blow
some I'm
Unknown (03:34):
gonna blow some holes
in this right now Okay, number
one you think that it's going toincrease like a sense of
responsibility and you know allthat and the boys. Who do you
think is going to really betaking care of the dog?
not responsibility I understandresponsibility will fall on me,
I said a sense of understandingthat it's not just them Yes.
(03:57):
That's what it is that yesyeah, so said that really
resonated with me. Okay, good.
And you understand like TheWalking of the dog is gonna fall
on you and the feeding of thedog and the cleanup of the poop
of the dog. Okay,
Molly OShea (04:14):
I think I'm sure
but i
Cinzia Filipovski (04:16):
but i will i
won't make them I will make them
participate. You know, we dothat while obligatory Yes. Even
for a while until you know whatI think until they're less of a
little bit less work for me andmaybe the dog will you know I'll
just replace it with the dog atthat point. But we'll see.
Unknown (04:33):
Well, that's what I'm
wondering. See now this gets to
one of my my questions in myhead, right? Because I see women
my age okay. The kids leave thenest. The mom gets the dog I
think of what the heck are youthinking you are finally free
woman and they get the dog and Ithink do you? Do you need
something to nurture? Are youfeeling like as a woman, the
(04:55):
women my age, Is it that you'renot sure what to do next? As
your kids are getting older thedog sort of gives you something
to still take care of, and helpwith that transition. And I
wonder for women whose kids areheading off to school, and they
get the dog at that point, isthere any of that tied up in it?
(05:19):
I can see that. Oh, yeah, I cantotally see that as a as a
thing. We've talked about it. Iknow, women at work, we've
talked about it, and they've,they've said, Yes, that's
exactly why they got it. And Ican see that I, I've said it for
so many years that, you know, ifI, if I wasn't able to have my
children, I would have probablyhad like a couple of dogs, you
(05:40):
know, by this point. I don'tthink it's a, it's that idea for
me, quite honestly, because I'mso crazy busy. So it's not an
idea of and my kids still takeup a lot of my time. So it's not
this idea of replacement. it asmuch as it is, I think, really,
(06:00):
that, you know, the idea of itis something that my husband and
I have talked about for a fewyears, the idea of adding the
dog, our kids have startedtalking about it a lot for the
past year. And just the idea,but I think that it's you know,
it just brings me joy andthinking, more love for all of
us to share. I understand itcomes with more responsibility,
but you know, when has addedwork ever stopped me from doing
(06:23):
anything? So that's really, youknow, that's not that's not it,
but I can see that and I youknow, I understand that reason
for Ido too. Oh, I completely do, I
think it's a very legitimatereason I think it's got a lot
of, kind of, it fulfills a need.
And it's, it really is a it's agreat and valid reason to get a
(06:47):
dog. And I just, I hope thatpeople understand that's part of
the reason that they're gettingit that it's, it's a way to sort
of ease a transition in theirlife and that it, you know,
fills fills that for them. I'veloved our dog. I mean, our dog
was super cozy and very, was youknow, I remember how super cute
(07:10):
a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel,super cute Skittles. And, and
very low maintenance. Frankly,this dog even though the dog had
a little bit of a medicalcondition was not a super
demanding dog of us, you know.
And I think dogs can be awonderful addition to a family,
I think the kids really havekind of that, that unjudgmental,
completely loving best friendwhen things are, when they feel
(07:34):
things aren't quite going theirway they have someone they can
kind of vent to, who isn't goingto give them any advice or any
strategies or rescue themexactly what frankly, every
parent should do. But we can'thelp ourselves the dog provides.
So I think it's I think it'sgreat, really, while snuggling
while giving that cozy, warm,snuggle. Fantastic. So, but they
(07:57):
are a lot of responsibility. Andsome are some pets are harder
than others to train or to, youknow, kind of keep, you know, in
tow and all of that. So. And Imean, what what do you what do
you see are the we talked aboutsome of the pros, what do you
(08:18):
see are some of the hidden consto getting a dog
Cinzia Filipovski (08:22):
cost,
Unknown (08:23):
right and just buying
the dog you have to care, you
could you could cut that initialcost could be low if you rescue
the dog, but yeah, so even ifthe initial cost is is low, or
zero, because someone can giveyou a dog, there's the cost of
taking care of them gettingtheir their medical care, even
if they're a healthy dog, justthe maintenance. I mean, it's
(08:44):
all out of pocket cost. Othercons that I've thought about a
lot in choosing the kind of dogthat we are getting is
allergies, you know, this, thislittle fear of what if the, what
if anyone is allergic to a dogin our family, so I've tried to
get a hypoallergenic dog. Andhonestly, that they take up a
(09:06):
lot of time. You know, I thinkthat what I've learned and you
know, in this process because asI said, I've been looking into
it for over a year, chosen abreed about a year ago and then
looked into breeders for severalmonths. And then you know, had
to find a breeder that not onlydid I find would be a good
breeder, but that they alsoaccepted me as a purchaser
(09:28):
because they're pretty strict,and some of these breeds, which
I can understand, but they takea lot of your time and energy.
So that could be a con for somepeople. So if you're someone
that's it's like having anotherchild, I mean, my husband and I
have joked around this last weekthat I'm getting the nursery
ready for another baby, becausethat's honestly what it feels
(09:50):
like because having never ownedpots. As adults, especially a
dog. We have nothing so I've hadto buy the stuff that we need in
order For it to be able to livehere with us and to set it up
and to think those thingsthrough, you know, how are we
going to have this dog enter ourlives and set boundaries, etc,
(10:10):
etc. So there's a lot to thinkabout one of the big things that
I learned, did you have acomment there to
add? No, go ahead. Yeah, I justthat my oldest had a dog, And
they really had, they loved thisdog, you know, it was great. And
they had the dog in theapartment and all that and, and
had done behavior training withthe dog and all that, but the
(10:31):
dog ended up having somedifficulty with, with being
around other people, you know,not the people that they knew,
you know, obviously, that thatLex the dog knew, but around,
you know, strangers basically.
And so, the dog ended upactually biting a person and
they did went through behavior,retraining and the whole thing
(10:54):
and that ended up biting asecond person. And so they ended
up having to, for the safety ofthe other people in their
community, they, you know, theyended up giving the dog to a non
kill rescue place, because theydidn't feel like they could any
longer safely keep the dog. Andit was heartbreaking, you know,
(11:16):
so, I do see there are cons, youknow, some dogs are, you know,
more challenging than othersjust like more, some children
are more challenging thanothers, each dog comes with
their own personality, and, youknow, managing live that long
when they don't, which is one ofthe other things I wanted to
talk about is, you know,obviously you don't talk at the,
(11:37):
you know, when you get the dogwell, and by the way, boys, the
dog isn't gonna live as old asyou are, you know, but you'll
you will have to deal with thefact that the dog is going to
die Long, long before your kidsdo. And, you know, that's going
to be an adjustment. And thathas a pro to it, too, in a way.
It allows them to experiencegrief with someone, they they
are a dog as somebody theyreally, really love. But
(12:02):
hopefully God willing, before,they really have to deal with
the death of a person who theyreally, really love.
I've thought that one all theway out already, because the
average lifespan of the dogwe're getting is about 12 to 15
years. So I'm gonna, I'm goingto have a really difficult time
(12:23):
then Molly, so you'll have to bethere for you. Yeah, I will be
there for you older and goingaway my dogs.
Molly OShea (12:31):
So to get another
dog, I've already figured that
out
Cinzia Filipovski (12:36):
I don't know,
I don't know, you know, we'll
see how that works out. But oneof the big things, you know,
kind of to piggyback on on youroldest child's experience with
the dog, one of the biggestthings that I learned that I
don't think enough of usunderstand is that dogs
shouldn't be chosen, and howcute that little puppy is in
(12:59):
that litter. And that's how mostof us choose the dogs, right, we
find a breed that we think isjust cute, or we know, we hear
they're great with kids orthey're great companions, etc,
etc. But we don't explore itenough, or we don't go to the
right place to find a dog tounderstand what their
(13:20):
temperament is. And so thesebreeders and people that work
with dogs all the time, are verygood at understanding testing
and understanding a dog'stemperament. So from the litter
that we are getting our dog fromit under wet temperament
testing, which was just a seriesof activities that they that
(13:40):
they meaning the breeder, andstaff did with the puppies, and
they rated them on all thesedifferent activities, so that we
could see where in the scalethey fell on. And then we had
the discussion of would thisdog, you know, be good for our
family. So because the breederis so invested in making sure
(14:00):
these dogs go to places wherethey're going to stay because we
have contract saying, if we'regoing to give these dogs up,
they go back to the breederfirst. Because, you know, they
want to make sure that thesethese dogs go into loving homes
for their entire life. So what Ilearned was, you know, the same
litter could have many differenttemperaments. So there could be
a puppy in the in the in thebreed in the in the litter that
(14:24):
could be great with kids theirtemperaments easy going, they're
a little bit more apt to beingsocial. And then there might be
other dogs that are very needy,and you can see it in the
temperament testing. And so fromdoing that I could see he and
the breeder and all things thatI had to learn from the breeder
because I am research because Ididn't know any of this before.
(14:45):
You could really kind of almostpredict what kind of dog this
was going to be in as far astheir temperament. And I think
that's really important becausethat and socialization of the
dog. So once we receive our dogYou know, we have a whole list
of socialization activities thatthe breeder is asking us to do
(15:06):
with the dog, you know, down toplaying with balloons in your
house or, you know, exposingyour dog to different
ethnicities, exposing your dogto children, under two adults
over 65 tall men, it was on thelist some different things and
socializing the dog, becausethat was such an important
(15:29):
thing. And as the The dog wasthere with the trainer, she was
sending videos and showing usthe things they were doing, they
were running vacuum cleanersnext to the dog, they were
bringing up so that the dogdoesn't get startled as easily
or doesn't get upset as easilyor goes with the flow. So I
think what happens oftentimes isif you're a single person, or if
(15:51):
you're someone without kids, oryou're an older adult, you are
only around people like you. Sothat dog never gets to exposed
gets exposed to other people orother age groups or other. And
so they react differently, andthen we end up sending them
away. And so that that is aproblem, because that's why we
(16:12):
have so many dogs that don'thave, you know, homes anymore.
And so I really thought, wow,this temperament testing,
obviously, it's not going to be100% accurate, but it's the best
tool we have right now. And Ithought it was so interesting
and smart for them to be doingthis.
Unknown (16:29):
Yeah, that's sad was
honestly some of those
socialization activities thatare suggested, honestly, we
should have a toolkit like that,for parents fulfill that as
they're maturing, I'm not evenjoking, you know, so that as
their kids are mature, I mean, Iknow some of the things that
parents do with their childrenare just natural, and they do
(16:51):
them. But some of the thingsthat, especially if you live in
a community that's verymonochromatic, and very
culturally similar, it would begreat to encourage that sort of
get out of your comfort zone, sothat for the parent, so that
there is a degree of familiarityand comfort with a variety of
(17:15):
different types of people aboutan urban and suburban
environments. You know, justeverything about it sounds like
a great list save that toolkit,going to a downtown area, yeah,
around lots of noises is on theis on the list. But I was going
to say everything about gettingthis puppy is like having a
child. So even the approach ontraining. Really, we may look at
(17:38):
how the training is going tohappen. That's everything that
I've learned about the positiveparenting, it's the same sort of
thing. So Truly, I agree withthat, that would be great. We
should come up with like a kit,you know, an idea list, if you
will to really expose your kidsbecause it's the same thing.
It's basically the same thing.
(18:00):
And I think that it's true inpuppies, as well as children, I
think, under two, you know, evento five, they need a lot of
different exposure to differentthings by that age, in order for
them to be more adaptable asthey get older. Yeah, well, and
then to continue it as they getolder to re familiarize them
(18:21):
with it over and over again.
Yes, that's fascinating. Wow. SoI'll be bringing the dog around
you guys, too.
Molly OShea (18:29):
We have as you
know, we have a yard for the
dog. So make your own run. Yeah,they can the dog can experience
the deer and the hawk. Yeah. Allthe all the flora and fauna of
our backyard. I think that'sgreat. Yeah, absolutely. Oh. So
what do you plan to have thekids do like or have you taught?
(18:51):
Oh, do they know they don't knowyet?
Unknown (18:53):
About know that we're
getting one they just don't know
when?.
So what did they expect theirresponsibilities will be? Do
they have an idea?
So they are going to be part ofwalking the dog. And they
they're fine with that we takefamily walks already. So they're
good with that. So and I toldthem that that might be more
(19:16):
than once a day, it'll be a fewtimes a day, there'll be
responsible for watching thedog. Because, you know, we
talked about especially, youknow, I basically talked about
the puppy as if we're bringinghome a baby. And so I remind
them that they have to beresponsible around the dog, how
they're acting, and so thattheir monkey wild play, as I'll
(19:37):
call it, they're wrestling thatthey won't fall in hurt the dog,
you know, so they're responsiblefor watching the dog as well.
And they will also take part ofa little bit of the training as
much as they can, so that thedog is also familiar and will
listen to them as well as justthe adult you know, not just the
(19:57):
adults in the family. So we'llinclude things as you know, I
can't realistically expect themto go clean up the dog poop,
although I've talked about itwith them. And I might have them
you know,You can though. Yeah, that I
think shown how to do it. Yes,they
Molly OShea (20:12):
are old enough to
be in to be
Cinzia Filipovski (20:14):
I think so
too.
Unknown (20:16):
think so i think you're
right.
they can be in charge of feedingthe dog to based on their age.
So just as someone who guides,parents, around chores,
abilities, they're definitelyold enough for those two chores,
around the, the feeding will berevolved around the training as
well, because you feed them asyou train them. So that's that
(20:38):
will be, I guess, ingrained inthat training part because
they'll take part of thatalready. And then they'll you
know, giving them giving him,you know, water as well or
taking them outside. So there'llbe there'll be responsible, I
guess, I hesitate and sayingtheir main risk in saying it,
because it's not going to betheir main responsibility in
that it won't be up to them tomake sure it happens. Obviously,
(21:01):
it'll be up to us to make sureit happens. But there'll be
taking part in all of it. Ireally, you know, my kids are
they take part in all we talkabout it as a family. And as a
family, we all have things thatwe have to do to keep our family
running and working in ourhousehold working. And so this
is another one of those things.
And I'm very excited about itright now. We'll see how it
goes. Check back in about amonth. Let the dog do a guest
(21:24):
appearance on the podcast. Thereyou go. Oh, absolutely. The dog.
Anyway. Yeah, right. He may. Wedon't know. That's right. That's
right.
So So I think we can wrap thisone up. I think the take home
points are that dogs fill a lotof gaps in our lives. They
(21:46):
provide friendship,companionship, undervote and
undivided kind of love andlistening for all of us adults
and kids alike. But they doobviously require a lot of
commitment. There are a lot ofresponsibilities around having a
dog financial commitment, aswell as time commitment. And,
(22:09):
and, and a willingness to notjust love on the dog, but also
train the dog to be a part of afamily and a part of a community
so that the dog also can be ableto control himself in a lot of
ways. And I think that that'simportant too, to remember. It
(22:31):
sounds like the issue of Willyour dog fit your family, at
least with your breeder has beenhas been pretty well worked
through which is great forpicking up a dog and other ways,
let's say from a breed from afrom a rescue place or from
another family who may need toget rid of their dog should ask
(22:53):
a lot of questions about thedog's temperament to better
understand whether or not thatdog is going to be a good fit is
the dog easy going does the dogdo well around other people is
the dog scared by loud noises orsudden movements, things like
that will help guide a family toknow whether or not the dog is
going to be a good fit. It mightbe but you need to understand
(23:14):
that dog's temperament and yourfamily situation. Remember that
the dog is going to is going todie before you do God willing
and certainly before your kidsdo God willing. And so
remembering that when you getthe dog, you don't necessarily
have to prepare for that untilthe time comes. But thinking
about it and understanding thatis important as you as you enter
(23:37):
into that process of dogownership. Some dogs live a long
life as ciency was talkingabout. But even my dog, my
little King Charles Spanieldidn't live as long as expected
because of health conditions. Soknowing that you're going to be
having those discussions withyour kids is important to be
thinking about. Making sure thatyour kids understand that
(23:59):
they're going to be part of theof the joy. And also part of the
work of having a dog I think isone of the valuable things that
comes with having a dog as partof your family. And it's it gets
easy sometimes to have that anearly part of the discussion,
but just then letting it go oncethe dog gets there or when it
becomes too much work to get thekids to stay involved. But I
(24:20):
think it is important to keepthe kids engaged in caring for
the dog. Because Cinzia I thinkpointed out one of the most
important values that having apet provides which is helping
those kids understand that thatthey are not the center of the
universe that there is more tothe world than just them. And by
encouraging participation in theactual caring for the animal
(24:45):
provides that in a very concreteway. Anything else Cinzia for th
wrapping up pointsI think that's it. I think you
wrapped it up. And you know,we're going to hope for the
best and prepare for the worst.
o we'll let y'all know howt goes. All right let's anoth
r episode of parenting with te pros and cons. If you have a
y other topics you'd like uso discuss or questions plea
(25:09):
e contact us you can find us ad other podcasts that we ha
e created at parenting with te pros and cons calm. You c
n reach Dr. Molly at Dr. Moly OShea calm and you know unt
l that until next time, take cae of yourself and try to find j
y in every day as you ae parenting with all the pros a
(25:32):
d co