April 13, 2025 • 60 mins
In this Episode Chris is on the mend from his bought with Covid. How to combat Boob Sweat. Ear Wax cleaning techniques. Nick's Epic Sports update. Sarah gets a new car, and so much more.
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New Friends.
My name is Scott.
I am the host and with me asalways, the scumbag reselling hoarder
himself.
Chris, welcome to Remy'sbirthday episode.
The petty princess.
(02:07):
Sarah.
Happy birthday, Remy.
Our emotional support, Gay Nick.
It's a.
It's a me and your birthday.
And Redbeard, the producer.
Oh my God.
It's my birthday too.
So what's going on, guys?
We took a week off and we took.
Oh yeah, we did.
Yeah, we took a week offbecause Chris had a.
Well, so it's.
It's Lent.
(02:28):
I'm sorry, Sarah.
Lent is what Catholics do.
40 days, 40 nights before Easter.
They make a sacrifice and givesomething up.
So apparently.
Is that the stuff in yourbelly button?
No, that's lint.
Lint, apparently.
This is annoying.
Chris gave up McDonald's for Lent.
(02:50):
Yeah, my Kryptonite is nothaving McDonald's I've realized because
for the very first time, Itested positive for the Chinese virus.
The China virus.
The China virus.
(03:10):
Yeah.
It was horrible.
So I woke up, I was supersweaty, sweatier than normal.
Because I usually wake up sweaty.
It's just a sweaty guy woke upsweatier than.
You're welcome.
Chris, do you have.
Are you fat enough for boob sweat?
No, I just.
I sweat everywhere else.
I am.
I can't wear gray shirts orblue shirts anymore because I literally
have, like, two smiley faces.
(03:32):
Oh, yeah, right.
I don't think it's a fat thing.
It's just.
I.
I just.
I have a little bit of boobies.
But I think once you get that age.
Is that what it is?
I think.
I think the glands just.
Just move to that location.
Like, I'm gonna have to startwearing a bra, like, to avoid the
boob sweat.
I think it's 20, 25.
You could be lactating.
(03:52):
I could be.
Or like.
Like, Sarah puts deodorantunder her breast.
I mean, she's got.
She's got big boobs.
She's got, like.
She puts deodorant under herbreast to.
To make it not sweat.
Sarah, Is that.
Is that, like.
What.
Is that makeup over here?
No, I'm just kidding.
I think that's a.
That might be a thing forgirls that actually need it, but.
(04:15):
No, some of us just wear blackfor a second.
I thought you said Sarah.
I'm like, why are you talkingabout this?
I thought you said Sarah does he.
You said Rachel.
Rachel does it.
Did I say Sarah?
You said Sarah.
I heard.
Yeah, you said.
That's what I thought.
Yeah, you said Sarah does it.
Sarah doesn't do that.
Rachel does that.
How would I do what Sarah doeswith her boobs?
(04:36):
Alex, cut that.
Told you that in confidence.
Why would you bring that up?
Like, breaking news.
Sarah's boobs sweat, and she'sa student.
Like, I do.
Sorry.
I don't sweat.
I glisten.
Okay, you do glisten.
I.
I've hung out with you in theheat of summer, and you.
(04:58):
You glisten and you glow.
There's, like, not a drip of sweat.
Meanwhile, I'm, like, meltinglike Olaf in the summer.
Yeah, I wish.
I.
Listen, I'm a squirter.
Your melting Scott, though, isall the beer just escaping.
Trying to escape her body.
But it's like, I think we'llstick around a while, right?
Scott just rings out a shirtand re.
Drinks.
It doesn't miss a drop.
(05:20):
All right, so moral of thestory I need to start using deodorant
under my boob to stop the boob sweat.
And Rachel, not Sarah, usesdeodorant to.
Stop the boob sweat.
That's pretty good.
You said it so confidently.
Oh, okay, I did, I did.
Oops.
So anyway, I.
Here's.
Okay, sorry.
Here's the thing.
Total transparency.
Abby's mom's name is Sarah,and she used to do the same thing.
(05:43):
So I think I screwed up andreferred to my wife by my ex's name,
which is.
Though it's a really.
You dug yourself into quitethe hole.
The original story, honestly.
So anyway, my wife Rachel, notmy friend Sarah or my ex Sarah, she
(06:03):
uses the deodorant under the boob.
So back to.
I squirted out of my sweatglands at like three in the morning.
And I.
You can't suffer alone.
So I.
I purposely started, like,making noise, like grunting and.
And like, like, I just like.
(06:23):
Like a sick grunt and liketossing and turning.
And then I look over, I waslike, oh, you're up.
I think I have a fever.
And so she.
She hopped out of bed.
It was so cold.
I chopped out of bed.
Got me the thermometer and 100 and.
107.
That's 107.
(06:43):
Wow.
You're like that dead friendfrom kindergarten, Murray, with the
swine flu.
Rest in peace.
And so I was like, man, thisis pretty serious.
So I took a.
Took an ice plunge real quick.
I did that.
That viral.
You put the bowl with the icewater, dunk by dunk, by the ice bucket
challenge.
The prime.
You pour the prime.
(07:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, my slaves.
The banana peel.
I was fine.
No.
So I.
I went downstairs and I waslike, I think I have the flu.
And I took the.
Now they said those over thecounter flu test.
It's three in one flu, A, fluB, and Covid.
So I took that and didn't havethe flu A.
The Chinese flu.
I can't.
I can't believe that in 2019,I was hoping for something more trendy
(07:28):
like bird flu.
And it was.
It was.
But isn't it a relief when yousee that positive test because you're
like, okay, I actually havesomething that I can like, show my
wife.
Hey, look, I am actually sickand not just.
I'm being a gigantic.
Yeah.
Two things.
Three things.
One, happy that I had Covid.
Because covert doesn't affect kids.
(07:48):
I was like, okay, don't haveto worry about what.
No, it doesn't affect kids.
Like, it affects adults.
Okay, look it up.
She had the sniffles.
Oh, so she got.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my gosh.
Well, listen, we all got it,but that's.
You're spoiling the ending.
You spoil the ending.
No, you.
You just.
You spoiled it.
Scott.
You should have said, spoiler alert.
She got it.
She got it.
You're the one that.
(08:08):
Oh, listen, you're the onethat makes me have to defend myself
against what you think areconspiracy theories.
Kids don't get coveted likethey chat.
GBT told me they don't get.
All right, so anyway, did yourgirls get Covid?
Actually, they did, but theydidn't have any symptoms.
Kids.
Nick, Piper.
Piper never got it.
(08:29):
And she got tested a lot, butshe never got it.
So, like I was saying, Abby got.
It, and she got it bad.
No, like, little kids.
Dude, I'm not talking about.
She's a teenager.
Well, this was.
This was three years ago.
Potato, potato.
Anyway, so you can't even testit to two.
Two and younger.
I.
You can't even test the.
The nostril's not even big enough.
(08:50):
I tried.
So, no, I was like, how am Igonna test her?
Like, I can't even, like, wipe her.
Nose and then swab that.
Oh, and then spit it onto thisessay next time.
So.
So I came.
Yeah, came up Covid.
I.
That was the first time I evertested positive for Covid.
Now, I do want to admit it'sthe first time I ever tested positive
(09:12):
for Covet, because it is oneof the first times I've ever tested.
If you don't.
If you stop testing, theresults won't go up.
So Emily would test positive.
And why would he waste two kits?
You're sick.
I'm sick.
Why would I test?
My mom was like, why don't you test?
I'm not leaving the house.
Like, what about.
What am I gonna.
Who am I gonna test for?
So I quarantined myself into the.
(09:33):
Into the spare bedroom.
I quarantined myself on thecouch, away from everybody, all for
nothing.
Literally nothing.
Because Emily gets it, Elliegets it, and then he was all for
nothing.
I.
I sacrificed.
Yeah.
As soon as you.
You broke a fever, you'relike, I think I have a fee.
(09:54):
Like, coughing all over your wife.
And then you make her get you.
Like, if you have a fever,leave the room.
Quarantine immediately.
I didn't know I had a fever.
I was just really cold.
Oh, and it's sore and really bad.
Sore throat and body aches.
I had no idea that I was sick.
I thought it was just likemiddle of the night.
Like, was too cold in the room.
Throat hurts.
So super cold.
(10:15):
Freezing.
Body aches because I get a lotof cardio or something.
I no idea that it was exactlywhat it was.
You know, the first time I hadCovid, like, my back hurts, my hip,
my hips and legs hurt.
I was like, man, that musthave been a hell of a workout you
yesterday that I realized Idon't work out.
It's the fever.
Yeah, it's the fever makingyou think live a whole other lifestyle.
(10:36):
So, yeah, everyone's, Everyonegot sick.
Then my mom gets sick.
Who comes over and helps mewith Ellie.
So when she was sick.
So like the whole week after Ihad to take Ellie, it was take your
daughter to work week.
And she was helping me.
She was helping me.
It was, of course, it was aweek where we had to fix a lot of
stuff.
So she's helped me.
Like, like I drop a lug nutand then it's in her mouth.
(10:59):
She's, she's chewing on the,chewing on the lug.
N.
No, actually, no.
Didn't bring another garage.
I put her on a pack and playin the transportation room.
Transportation office.
And I called Astro over andjust put on Ms.
Rachel in front of Astro, andshe was glued to Astro.
Her and Astro are now best friends.
So now Astro is a free babysitter.
(11:22):
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I can, and I'm in thegarage and I could just, I can just
drop in and use this littlecamera to watch or make sure she's
all right.
She loved him, so.
And the worst part about itwas she's going through the separation
anxiety phase.
So it's like the only personit either needs to be me in the room
with her or Ms.
Rachel in the room with her.
And as long as one of us arein the room with her, she's like,
(11:44):
you know who Ms.
Rachel is, right, Scott?
Yeah, my wife.
Rachel's the.
Ms.
Rachel.
Ms.
Rachel's this.
Now you remember this?
Rachel's this YouTuber.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she's not big in theconservative homes.
I don't, I, I, Yeah, because she's.
An ally and they're homophobic.
I, I, this is, this is thefirst I'm hearing.
(12:05):
I thought she was homophobic.
No, no, she's not kidding.
That was a joke.
That was a joke.
There's a transsexual personon the, yeah, on the, on the show.
Yeah, Conservatives don't like her.
Jules.
Jules.
Mr.
Aaron and Ms.
Rachel.
And then this is Not a lady.
I don't know her name, butshe's there anyway.
So Ms.
Rachel took care of that.
Yeah.
So now we're all better.
(12:25):
I kid you not.
And I wish this was satire.
In the last six days, I've hadMcDonald's twice.
I went mostly because theyhave these new collectibles, but
I'm like, I need to get mymeds back up.
I need to get my meds back up.
The one thing that did lingerthough, and I'm not saying I have
long Covid because I heardthat's the thing, but the congestion
(12:49):
in my ears has stay stuck around.
So I remember going on TickTock shop or Tick Tock and they're
directing me to Tick Tock.
Buying a neck fan.
Seeing these, Seeing these.
Yeah.
But if you do, please visit atthe parks.
No to friends.
To get the best deal on Tick Tock.
(13:09):
And I remember seeing thislike, this like camera earwax digger
thing.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, I've seen them.
Yeah, You've seen those?
Yeah, they usually show uplike Dr.
Pimple Popper is in my algorithm.
And then the.
Yeah, it's like the gross.
Yeah, it's like super late at night.
It's only super late at nightwhen they pop up for me.
(13:30):
Yeah, it's like once you getto the GR and then you're watching
it for like 15 minutes andit's like, why am I watching for
15 minutes?
I wish it was only 15 minutes.
Dude, Chris, I stumbled uponone of those videos at like midnight
and the next thing I knew it's4:30 in the morning.
Because I'm just watchingpimple popping videos.
I don't know what it is aboutthem, but they're deliciously.
Don't say, oh, okay, wait, whydo I say deliciously?
(13:55):
Have you ever seen when they.
When they like ruptured a cow?
Cyst.
Ones too?
The hoof?
If there's affected hoofs.
Yeah, they drill it out.
There's like green and stuff.
Anyway, speaking of orderingthis thing, I ordered medicine from
Doordash because I ordered theearwax thing.
(14:16):
I ordered stuff from DoordashMedicine so I could feel better.
So the guy gets to the doorand I had to.
They had to scan my ID becauseI got Sudafed.
So.
Yeah, you have to show your id.
Yeah, he had to scan my ID andI'm like, yeah, I.
I opened the doors like, yeah,this is the first I've read to do
this.
He goes.
He goes, yeah.
Ever since Breaking Bad cameout, everyone's trying to make meth
(14:37):
now.
Okay.
Thank you, sir.
Wow.
It spread.
I mean, that was a big Floridathing for a while.
I guess it spread up to Jersey.
Oh, yeah.
They made it mainstream.
So I ordered the earwax cameratool thing, first of all.
Five stars.
I have on five stars.
It's great.
Oh, it's.
It's.
It's great.
You know what's not great, Nick?
(14:57):
What?
Looks nothing like the videoson Tik Tok and Instagram.
I.
My ears.
I never wanted my ears to bedirtier than when I.
I wanted them to look so disgusting.
And these people are pullingout freaking Milk duds out of their
ears.
And I pull out like.
Like a grain of rice, andit's, like, wet.
Like, it's like healthy wax.
(15:17):
I.
I pulled out, like, healthy wax.
And it looks huge.
It looks giant on the camera.
And you pull it out andthere's like, where's it at?
Yeah, it's like Nick has thatsame issue on.
On Grinder.
Why.
Why is it so small when itgets here?
I would probably be theperfect person to have video of this
stuff.
Because I don't.
(15:38):
Okay.
I'm scared of Q tips.
And so my mom cleaned out myears until I was, like, in my mid-20s.
And then my ex wife, she tookthe role of ear cleaner out.
Sarah.
No, my.
My ex wife, Darren andMichaela's mom.
And then.
But then Abby's mom, Sarah,she cleaned out my ears.
(16:00):
The deodorant boob girl.
But now, like, I'm afraid toask Rachel.
Like, I haven't, like, so Ihaven't cleaned.
Rachel and I've been togetheralmost 10 years now.
I haven't cleaned out my earsin 10 years.
Well, that's actually not true because.
Sarah, are you a Q tip person?
I am.
That's, like, religiouslyprobably an unhealthy amount.
(16:23):
Oh, okay.
I'm more of a pen cap or.
Or like, what?
Car key person.
That's what I use.
You're an old man.
What?
No.
I feel like the only time I'veever seen somebody do that is an
old person.
Oh, really?
My grandma used to use a toothpick.
Oh, no.
I'm like, I don't know how that's.
Safe, but it's not.
(16:44):
I mean, apparently Q tipsaren't safe in your ears either.
Well, yeah.
Q tips just.
They push the wax deeper intoyour brain.
So that's why.
Because I can scoop it justlike the.
I just don't have a camera onmy pen cap.
I don't I don't believe that.
Well, you're telling me Q tipsaren't safe.
It's like big pen cap.
There's no way.
(17:04):
Say that a.
A cotton on a stick is bad.
For your ear because it pushesthe wax deeper.
I don't believe that.
I.
Listen.
I stuck a camera in my ear there.
I'm not pushing anything anywhere.
It's.
It's maybe the milk dudier people.
That might.
Might be bad for Q tips, butmine are fine.
That's what the.
The commercials say when youwait, like, for the.
(17:26):
For the stuff that they wantyou to find something else.
The drill thing came out whereit's like a little drill, and it's
like, this is the mosteffective way to clean out your ears
because it, like, drills it out.
It's like rubber, and it,like, spins it out instead.
It sounds very unsafe.
It's rubber.
It's fine until your entireeardrum comes out, which I feel like
(17:47):
my husband.
My husband uses a Q tip, andhe's very aggressive with this Q
tip.
And I.
I don't know how to describeit to people at home with it, but
it's.
It's so alarming, and it might.
It might be the reason why hechooses not to listen to me half
the time.
Or he just can't hear.
I don't know.
You just can't hear.
(18:08):
Yeah, we'll use that as an excuse.
I use my finger a lot too.
Like, I'll grow out.
I'll grow like, my pinky.
I look like one of those,like, cocaine people.
Yeah, with the long nail.
I use that to clean out my ears.
Nobody would assume that'swhat you're doing with it, by the
way.
Well, it's fine, Sarah.
(18:39):
Editing the podcast with thebeard so red.
He's the silent hero.
Never leaves his bed.
Producer in the shadows wherethe magic's fed.
When Redbeard walks in, youknow you're.
Seeing Red.
(19:00):
Redbeard, the producer.
He's the sound machine.
Silent, stealthy, editing unseen.
With a sleight of thunder anda beat of might.
Walk on with red spirit under spotlight.
Editor Redbeard here.
(19:21):
Just letting you know I lovecleaning my ear out with Q tips.
I don't understand whatScott's talking about.
He's afraid of Q tips.
I don't understand that.
I clean my ears out like.
Like Sarah religiously.
It's almost like euphoric whenI do.
It feels so good.
Is that the end of your story, Chris?
Oh, well, that's it.
I.
I mean that.
That's it.
I'm better now.
Well, that's good.
My mom.
Oh, my mom got covet and theflu, so she's.
(19:43):
Yeah, so she's on the bench.
My six man is.
Is not been around.
So you've had to.
You've had to watch your kid a lot.
Yeah, it's been a.
It's been.
I think I texted you.
Yeah, I think I text yousaying tomorrow.
Well, this was, you know, aweek or so ago.
Will be the first day forlike, I'm gonna.
I'm by myself.
I think I used the termbabysitting my dog.
(20:07):
Yeah, the babysit.
My daughter.
And you know what?
We've had a great time.
She is.
She's getting so big and she'sso much fun.
The only bad thing is, is Itaught her how to be independent,
like, very well meaning.
I'm just on my phone all thetime when I'm with her.
And that is true.
I talked to Chris more whenEllie's awake because he's like,
(20:30):
yeah, I can't do anything, soI'm just holding her.
Yeah, I play Madden with herand then I just like, have to like,
block so she can't get down.
Like fall down the steps intothe basement.
And so we.
We've.
We've grown a too close of abond, I should say.
Because now the separationanxiety now involves me as well.
It used to be just Emily.
(20:50):
Now it's like when I leave theroom, she.
So I can't even like go, likego to the bathroom for two seconds
without her, like thinkingthat I'm never gonna return.
When in the past, she's like,who is this guy anyway?
Right.
So.
So that, that.
No, we are.
We are very tight now.
She does this really coolthing where if you try to give her
a fist bumper, a high five,she just headbutts it.
(21:11):
And I hope she never grows outof that because it's the funniest
thing in the world.
But on my.
My latest dose of Big Mac theother day, we were.
We.
We took her to McDonald's.
Emily and I were out shoppingand let's grab McDonald's.
So we took Ellie there, whichis so much fun, doing like stupid
little things with a littlekid because it just makes everything
(21:33):
so much more fun.
She.
So we get her a high chair.
You obviously have not been tothe grocery store yet.
No.
Yeah, she's great.
Yeah, she's great.
She loves the grocery store.
She's a ham.
All of my kids are heathens inthe grocery store.
No, she's the ever.
She's like, I.
I feel like I'm a celebrity.
Everyone's like, looking at me.
When you're a guy goingsomewhere alone, everyone always
gives you weird looks.
Sometimes I think you'refollowing them if you're going down
(21:54):
the same aisle with them, youknow, now it's like everyone's following
me.
You're going by yourself witha baby.
They are throwing panties.
Oh, yeah.
It's like.
It's like, did you just abduct this.
This child, or are you justactually a good father?
Right.
A little bit of both.
So.
So we're at McDonald's andlike I said, this whole headbutt
thing, she loves doing this.
So we put a piece of food infront of her and she goes to give
(22:19):
it a headbutt high five andjust knocked herself on the table
and then went and did it again.
And she looked up and she'slike, tears are she.
She had a red mark, guys.
Right?
The next couple hours.
Yeah.
So cute.
But it is dangerous.
I've met Chris's parents before.
They said he used to do thesame thing.
So it explains a lot aboutwhat the evolution of this is going
(22:39):
to be.
I have long concussion, but yeah.
So it's really funny when it'sagainst my fist, which actually sounds.
It's really funny when shedoes it softly towards my hand.
There you go.
Not as funny.
It's pretty funny when shedoes at the table.
But it's sad.
It's.
It's sad.
It was pretty funny seeing thered mark on her head for the rest
of the day.
Like you did that to yourself.
(23:01):
But anyway, learning opportunity.
Definitely learning opportunity.
I'll have to send you guys a video.
Her cousin came over who'sjust her in six months, and he came
over and she just walked.
She.
She crawled over to him and.
And went to him and just.
It looks like she's bowing tohim because she keeps doing that
thing to his head.
Looks like she's bowing.
So when you had Covid and likebefore you inconsiderately gave it
(23:25):
to your wife and kid, what didyou do with your time?
And my mom?
What?
Oh, and your mom?
Yeah.
And my mom.
Yeah.
What did you do with your time?
Video games.
I'm in year seven of a rebuildof the Philadelphia Eagles.
There's a scenario in whichJalen Hurts was caught in a putting
like gang posts online.
(23:47):
They tied him to the Bloods,so we had to cut him.
Oh, and we drafted a.
We drafted a young up andcoming quarterback and now we're
in the middle of rebuildingwith them.
Saquon Barkley was traded andwe drafted.
We drafted the guy from Boise State.
Even with.
When we had Saquon Genty,Ashton Genti, we drafted him.
(24:08):
We traded AJ Brown because hewas too much of a problem in the
locker room, which is actually realistic.
And.
And yes.
So we're in the middle of a.
Of a seven year.
I'm in the seventh year ofthat rebuild, so.
Okay, that took about 40 hours.
I'm just kidding.
It took way longer than that.
So I did a.
I did a lot of.
I did a lot of that.
And the other.
(24:29):
The other half was.
Was.
Was sleeping and justinfecting everybody.
Right, right.
It was the majority of therest of my time.
Well, good for you.
Good for you.
Yeah.
Nick, you had an exciting week.
You.
I did.
But first, actually, you'retalking sports stuff, and I have
a sports update, guys.
Oh, yes.
Move.
I'm gay.
(24:58):
Here he comes, all fierce, allfab, strutting in the shimmering
sass.
Emotional support.
Gay in the ring, come to win.
With flare and bling.
Down every door.
(25:19):
I haven't been on in twoweeks, but we started kickball last
week.
Oh, nice.
And here's how amazing it was.
It rained last week, so we got canceled.
We ended up just going to abar and having some pizza.
And that sounds like a reallygood day.
Yeah.
So it was.
(25:39):
It was an amazing time.
So it's been two weeks, whichmeans we had another game this past
Sunday, but we had anothermonsoon and it flooded to the point
that they're puttingfloodgates up in Columbus, so.
Oh, my God.
I don't know what's happening,but it's.
It's been canceled.
Mother Mother Nature is tryingto protect my dignity, I think so.
(26:00):
Either that or Mother Nature's homophobic.
It might be.
It might be.
Well, probably not, becauseshe always leaves us rainbow at the
end.
That's true.
It is true.
Maybe she's just trying toprotect my Achilles tendon.
Like, Chris told you to stretch.
I have not been stretching.
But also, can we talk aboutMarch Madness?
It's over, guys.
(26:22):
And I'm very.
Not yet.
Oh, well, it's April.
It's April.
Boy, let's talk about that again.
What?
Make that make sense, please.
That is a good point, actually.
March Madness is most of thetournament, and then the Final Four
is usually the, like, thefirst week of April.
(26:43):
So Final Four was on Saturday,and the championship game is tonight
between the Florida Gators andthe Houston Something Cougars.
Okay, nobody cares so back to my.
What you're.
What you're saying is by thetime this airs, it's over.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
This is why.
I'm sorry, Nick.
(27:04):
This is why you should be the host.
Well, I had a really goodjoke, so I'll make it make sense.
Alex can cut that out orwhatever, but it doesn't make sense
that it's still going on.
So March Madness is over,which means I can finally stop pretending
to care about sweaty men,straight balls.
Unless it's pride weekend.
(27:25):
And then lastly, big update ingay sports news is Trump has been
out there golfing and he'strying to put the economy back together.
One niner and at a time.
At this point, the only thinglower than his handicap is the stock
market.
(27:46):
I think he can.
For him.
Yeah, you can take him whenyou're talking about golf.
Yeah.
Okay.
I go for the handicap guy once.
Oh, was it.
Did Sean hook up with him?
That's really the only thing Iknew about sports.
And the only thing I've beenhearing about sports is that freaking
(28:07):
golf.
But also, I just want to playfootball, guys.
And it's been raining here,but so back to what we were going
to talk about, actually, isbefore all this rain, I was actually
in Florida for a day.
Yes, you were.
It was a day that I couldn'thang out with you, unfortunately.
Couldn't or didn't want to?
(28:28):
Or was it the other way whereI didn't want to hang with you?
I was working.
Damn it.
You would have loved it.
But, yeah, I had a light, nicelast minute surprise.
So I.
I don't know if I talked aboutit last time.
It's been a couple weeks and Ido drugs.
But I went to New York City on Thursday.
And by drugs, I mean the weed.
Right.
And all the medications.
(28:50):
But went to New York City onThursday and I got invited by Virgin
Voyages to attend an inviteonly event to talk about the new
ship that's coming out in September.
Brilliant lady.
So I had this plan for like aweek and a half, and then I found
out Friday before that I gotinvited to go to Epic Universe.
(29:13):
I have a friend that worksthere and he's like, I can get you
guys tickets.
Oh, that's.
Can you fly down?
So Sean And I, literally 10:00at night, high as a kite, are trying
to plan a trip to EpicUniverse in five days.
And if you need to plan a tripto epic universe in five days, vacations.com.
(29:33):
tell me podcast.
Listen to my itinerary.
So I flew to New York city atlike 6:30 in the morning on Thursday.
I flew from New New Jersey, Newark.
Sorry to hear that.
That's the worst airport I'veever been to.
Awful.
We don't claim that.
Yeah, I love that airportbecause that's.
(29:54):
The airport's nice.
But they always cancel flightsand that's where I was nervous.
I always fly into Newark whenI'm going to New York and like, so
it's exciting.
It's a childhood memory.
That's it.
Childhood.
Well, yeah, because I used to go.
I have family in New York, so.
Or New Jersey, so fly into NewJersey, Newark, and then I get to
(30:16):
go into Manhattan.
Well, times have changed sinceyou were a child.
And a lot of color TVs now.
Yes.
So I flew from New Jersey toOrlando, leaving at 6:00 in the morning
on Friday.
So I literally was in New Yorkfor less than 24 hours and slept
(30:40):
probably about an hour becauseapparently there's no trains that
run from New York City to NewJersey at 2:00 in the morning.
So I had to take the 1am trainand sleep on the airport concrete
because I'm an amazing travel agent.
So that was wonderful.
But we made it to Orlando.
Sean.
(31:00):
So Sean flew down and on topof all this, Sean's in Ohio.
Sean flew down from Ohio tomeet me in Orlando.
Maddie flew from Pennsylvaniato meet us in Orlando.
And there's just a lot ofmoving parts and a small amount of
time, but we made it and wentto Epic Universe on Friday.
And how was.
Was amazing.
So I'm not a huge Universal IP fan.
(31:22):
I don't do.
I don't follow Harry Potter.
I don't know.
I haven't seen how to trainyour dragon yet, but now I want to
see it.
Yeah, I've never seen how totrain your dragon either.
Super Nintendo World I was themost excited for that was my land
because I went to the one inCalifornia and I knew it was going
to be bigger and better here.
Yeah.
Which it was.
It was amazing.
The shitty part was we werenot allowed to take pictures or videos
(31:46):
while we're there.
The even shittier part is thevery next day they lifted this policy
ban.
And a lot of people takepictures and video.
So because it's in previewmode right now, they were doing.
There's literally signseverywhere and I feel like there's
people hiding in the busheswaiting for you to take a picture.
Yeah, they've been kickingpeople out.
(32:08):
700 employees got fired.
Yeah.
How many?
Like 700.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
Here's what's crazy, Nick, is like.
It's almost like theinfluencers, like, the big influencers,
not me, running around, youknow, drinking beer at Hollywood
Studios, you know, going liveat the Indiana Jones show.
(32:29):
That's.
That's just called under the Influence.
Right, Right.
But, like, some of the biggerinfluencers, they must have known
because they were literallyall there the very.
Like, that first day that itgets lifted.
Universal must have had itplanned out perfectly because that's
when the media previews were.
Well, that's probably whatthey were waiting for, is media gets
(32:50):
first.
First access to the content.
But then, like, every singleday since then, the big influencers
have all been there, and it'slike, you suck.
Yeah.
Anyway, I.
I did Snake One picture.
Did you.
Don't tell anybody.
Oh, no.
Alex got that.
Yeah.
(33:10):
And then the Dark Universe.
I.
That was more Sean's realm.
Dark Universe, because helikes all the scary movie crap, so.
But I.
I love the park.
It's a really awesome layout.
It's cool that you walk intothis, like, Central park area and
you go into these realms and,like, those tunnels there.
Walking in, it's just.
It's magical.
Especially Super Nintendo World.
(33:31):
Amazing.
So how.
What would you compare EpicUniverse to?
The current Universal parks orany of the Disney parks that you've
been to?
You can't.
Okay, so ranking.
Where would you put it on your ranking?
I mean, it's number one forUniversal parks.
Okay.
Definitely.
Would you rank it above Magic Kingdom?
(33:51):
No.
Oh, Hollywood Studios.
No.
Wow.
Epcot.
As far as rides go.
Yes.
Depends.
Okay.
Guardians of Galaxy is areally good ride, though.
The best.
See, here's the thing.
Like, the best roller coasterthat they have there, it's super
awesome, but it's literallyjust a roller coaster.
(34:14):
There's not really, like alion cue or anything.
It's literally.
I felt like I was at.
Yeah, it's not themed at all.
Yeah.
Except for the back of theroller coaster has a flux capacitor
on it.
Cool.
Where's the storyline?
Okay, the storyline.
Where's my gift shop at the end?
The storyline is the peoplethat live in Celestial park, they
(34:35):
found a way to transportthemselves to these different lands
through these portals.
Well, also the Stardust Racers.
Stardust Racers, which arealso comets.
They essentially channel thesecomets so they can also.
So they're aliens.
Transport themselves to thedifferent lands.
(34:56):
That's why that's the onlything you can see from each land.
It doesn't make sense.
It.
It makes perfect Sense.
I just didn't explain it well.
Where's, where's, where's thebook that's telling me this when
I walk in?
Where's the video?
Listen, theme parks do not doa very good job of telling the story.
They expect you to understandthe story without.
I'm convinced that, I'mconvinced that if Chester and Hester
(35:19):
In Dino and USA had their ownDisney plus show where they explained
the lore of DinoLand USA,DinoLand USA would never close.
Yeah.
RIP Dino Land.
I'm sorry.
Sorry for a loss.
Sorry for a loss.
I'm, I'm really sad about itand nobody.
I'm sorry, but nobody needsmore Indiana Jones.
(35:41):
Well, also, Indiana Jonesdoesn't belong there, but that's
another story for another dayand I think I've told it already.
Okay.
Yeah.
What else for Epic?
I.
It's, it's a really cool, likeI said, walking into like the realms
and the portals and stuff.
Everything is just amazing.
You feel like you're in amovie set.
So I.
10 out of 10 recommend it.
(36:01):
Well, yeah, it's exciting.
And are you booking vacationsright now to Epic?
I am booking vacations.
There's a lot of really goodpackage deals right now.
I actually was able.
So literally two weeks ago,Disney decided to release promotions
for summer 2025.
Okay.
All these amazing deals on thesame day.
(36:21):
Universal decides, let'srelease Epic Universe Express Passes.
So what a fun day.
That was, adding all those on.
But I found like a needle in ahaystack with the Express passes
and the fact that it cost myclients 10 extra dollars to add on
Express passes.
What?
$5 a person?
How is that possible?
I don't know.
(36:41):
I'm waiting for Universal tocall me and be like, oh, we need
to charge more.
No, I got screenshots and everything.
Express passes can cost up to 200.
Two to 300.
$300.
Scott, your call.
Yours cost actually double that.
Yeah, people don't pay me back.
(37:04):
And Express classes are highly.
You need them at Epic.
Epic is definitely.
It's gonna be a two day parkjust to get through the lines and
everything and the shows andstuff too.
And, and if you want toexperience everything that they have
to offer, like playing withall the interactive games and Super
Nintendo World.
I could spend five hours inSuper Nintendo World getting all
those 1 ups.
(37:25):
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
But can I also talk about onething that I did not like?
And I'm sure you as a personof a higher weight, larger weight,
to.
Be known as high calorie?
Yeah, high calorie.
Did you go through the super.
The Mario Kart ride queue?
(37:46):
Yes.
So to get into this ridequeue, Chris, you have to go up,
like, three flights of stairs.
Okay.
And then you walk throughthese long hallways, and then you
go down, like, eight flightsof stairs, and then you go on the
ride, and then you have to goback up two flights of stairs to
go back down two flights of stairs.
No, I'm not riding that.
I'm sorry.
(38:06):
We can just go karts, andwe'll just throw bananas at each
other.
I'll watch a POV ride through.
Yeah, there's no way I'm doingall that work.
No, no ride is worth all that work.
Yeah, that was.
That was my biggest complaint,really, was The.
The layout.
I'm like, literally, you guysbuilt this park from the ground up.
You had the room to build aflat land.
And every time we walkthrough, we're like, disney would
(38:27):
have done this.
Disney would have made them stairs.
I think it's part of the story.
Part of the story.
Mario's not tall enough tojump up those stairs.
Yeah, I know.
There's.
Chris.
No, it's a.
It's a great way to save space.
Just up and down.
You just, you know, do circlesaround yourself.
It's a fun ride, especially if you.
If you pop an edible before itand you are on rainbow Road.
(38:48):
Hands down, best experience ever.
So, speaking of cars, Sarah,something happened to your car this
week.
Yeah, I replaced it.
I did.
You replaced it?
So you bought a new one?
I sure did.
See, what had happened was Idid what any normal car owner does.
(39:11):
The check engine light came on.
Your oil change?
No, I went in for my oil change.
Okay.
Lewis and I both were goingtogether, and, you know, it takes
a while.
We were at the dealership like an.
Were in, and my ADHD and myoverstimulation just.
It was not working.
(39:31):
So I said, let's.
Let's get up.
Let's walk around.
I read my book, scrolledthrough TikTok.
People watched.
Gotta walk around.
So we go out to the car lot,and there it was.
The cutest Mini Cooper I'veever seen in my life.
You are such a Mini CooperGalaxy now.
I am so not.
(39:52):
I mean, you look like a man.
Always had small cars.
Small and fast.
Okay.
And then I got them.
The crv.
No.
Well, I had a crv.
All right.
We.
It was perfect.
We were able to move in it and everything.
Okay.
Now I can fit two backpacks inmy truck and A lunchbox and a lunchbox.
(40:18):
Yeah, you know what?
I.
I might be able to fit threeof those, but.
But we're talking school backpacks.
I was trying to shove them intoday so that they.
They just cleared the trunk,but I.
All I wanted to do was get anoil change, so now I have a new car.
Are you having buyer's remorse now?
Absolutely not.
(40:39):
Oh, my God.
I'm through.
Okay, so you don't care aboutthe trunk space.
Nobody cares about the trunk space.
Nobody cares about the trunk space.
I.
I will shove a kid in thetrunk space if I have to.
Just listen.
Oh, Jesus.
Casey Anthony Scott's like,wow, Can I borrow it?
Oh, my God.
I didn't even think about that.
I apologize.
(41:00):
Well, we've said worse.
It's fine.
I.
I'm making Lewis a little jealous.
I.
I feel bad.
So now I'm on the hunt withhim to get him a new car, because
now mine is really fast andreally loud.
(41:21):
I pro.
Pissing off some of theneighbors, but I truly don't care
because this thing.
Really fast and really loud.
That's like 400 horsepower.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, wow.
It's.
It's insane.
Yep.
So anyways, I'm like the flash guys.
You won't see me on i4, Scott.
I'm just going too fast.
(41:42):
Takes me a lot less time toget to work in the morning, I tell
you that.
So, yeah, I'm.
I'm really excited.
But I was just cracking upafter I did it.
I'm like, I can't believe Iwent in for an oil change and I came
out with the car.
What you do with the car?
People have done that before.
What you do with the car?
The old car.
What do you mean, the old car?
Oh, they gave it back to them.
(42:03):
I bought it at the same place.
Did you.
Did you.
Did they make you pay for theoil change?
Trade it in.
I traded it in.
Did they make you pay for theoil change?
I had lifetime oil.
Listen, here's the funny thingis that, you know, at the end of
the oil change, they give youthis breakdown.
And, like, my tires were like.
Like they were rough, okay?
I was.
(42:23):
I was going bald getting thenew tire.
She's like, I'll just get anew car.
That.
That's exactly what I did last year.
They broke it all down for me.
It was like $1,200 worth ofcrap that needed to be done, and
rightfully so, because I haven't.
I haven't needed to do it upto that Point.
But I'm kind of hard on mybrakes, and I.
I drive a lot.
(42:44):
And I was like, you know what?
Let's hold off on that,because I might actually just give
you the car back and get adifferent one.
And that's exactly what happened.
So after back and forth trips,getting kids from school and back
and doing that twice, 40minutes, mind you, we managed to.
Yeah.
Get a new car.
(43:04):
Now she has to take two tripsto the school because she can only
fit one kid in the car at a time.
No.
I made sure that their legs cleared.
Barely.
Barely.
Because the entire reason that I.
I got a CRV in the first placewas because I needed something.
I was driving my 93 fox body,okay, with.
With a lot of issues.
(43:26):
I was smoking out the kidswith the exhaust.
I.
I had to trade it in becausethat was a daily driver.
Well, they're still alive, sowe did something right.
And I got the crv because Iwas like, they're growing kids.
You know, they're into sportsand dance and yada yada.
And then this time, I said,you know what?
Screw them.
I'm getting this car.
Good for you.
(43:47):
Actually.
Actually, we've been drivingaround in the CRV for a very long
time, and they keep saying, Iwish you had the race car still.
Because that's what theycalled my Mustang.
That's what it was used for.
It was a drag car before Ibought it, so it was the race car
to them.
So I was like, you know what?
You guys are right.
(44:08):
Nick's car is a drag car oncein a while.
So you got a race car.
So you.
So you.
You went full circle.
Is it a stick shift?
I sure did.
They were like, no, it's not.
No.
Does it have the cool paddleshifters, though, still?
It sure does.
It's the.
It turns out, because I knownothing about Mini Coopers, I know
a lot about Mustangs andVolkswagens, not Mini Coopers.
(44:30):
And turns out it's, like, thehighest trim that you can get.
I've gotten a lot ofcompliments on it so far.
Does it have the British flagon the top?
Top?
It doesn't have it on the top,but it has it on the mirrors and
on the tail lights.
I'm obsessed.
Its name is Archie, by the way.
Archie, you're gonna takepictures and put it in our discord?
Yeah, I will.
I will.
Mom, our youngest said, weabsolutely can only listen to the
(44:54):
Beatles in this miracle.
And then she's saying, like,God save the queen hummed a little,
like Beethoven or whatever.
I don't know.
She was, she was getting veryinto it.
You should see her at Epcotwhen we switch from France to England.
Game over.
She goes full British accent.
So we're very excited about it.
I, I, I want a new car, Sarah.
(45:16):
Like mine, none of the windowsroll up or down anymore.
Like, I have to.
I'm coming in through thesecurity gate.
I have to, like, manually withmy hand roll down my windows.
I've got a piece of trim thatfell off.
And because my rent, mywindows were.
Won't roll all the way up.
I can't run it through the car wash.
So there's, like, greenmildew, like, growing on the side.
(45:37):
Like, it's a white car withall these green mildew stains on
the side of the car.
But the problem is, I go ahead.
I bought mine Wednesday.
Okay.
Night.
And Lewis and I were lookingat it today, and we're like, we gotta
wash that.
We're gonna start washing it tomorrow.
Like, yeah, detail all that.
So.
But I, I can't get a new carbecause, like, like a year ago, I
(45:59):
got a whole brand new enginebecause, like, there was three different
recalled parts.
And, like, oh, yeah, you get abrand new engine.
So it's basically like a brandnew car in the inside.
Like, I just got an oil changethe other day, and the guy's like,
oh, you probably only have,like, what, 40, 000 miles on there.
I'm like, no, try like 110.
And he's like, damn, you takegood care of it.
And I'm like, does it looklike I take good care of it?
No, they built.
(46:20):
I got a brand new engine.
The recall.
Did you have to pay for thatbrand new engine?
No, it was a recall.
It was a factory recall.
Free it.
So then what's.
That's what I'm saying.
I can't trade it.
Like, it's paid off, and it'sbasically a brand new car on the
inside.
That's a.
You're like the complete opposite.
Exactly.
Exactly.
(46:42):
All right, you guys ready to play?
Jersey man.
Florida man.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Step inside the ring.
He's flying in the game fromCarolina streets where nobody knows
his name.
Holston, Jersey, Florida, manHe can't read a book but don't you
(47:04):
judge him by his cover Take acloser look.
Homeless in appearance buthe's sharper than attack he's quick
on his feet got no burden onhis back With a mic in hand he'll
make you laugh out loud Gamemaster Ryan is ready to wow the crowd.
Hey.
Hey.
(47:25):
Ryan's here to play.
Swagger in each step lightingup today.
Every week, game master Ryanbrings us two news stories.
One is from Jersey, one isfrom Florida.
It is up to us to determinewhich one is which.
Take it away, Ryan.
(47:45):
Hey, guys.
This is Ryan from the parentsNight out news team.
And here is the news I foundthis week.
A man in Wisconsin is accusedof putting super glue on a co worker's
drink.
The man admitted to the crimeand said he did it because the woman
talked too much.
Maybe Scott's doing this to Sarah.
Did you know Scott's favoriteprincess is Sleeping Beauty?
He's always talking about howwomen should be seen and not heard
(48:05):
at first time.
Mom is defending herself aftershe shared a Travel hack on TikTok
where she lets her 5 month oldson sleep in the shower during vacations.
I should probably explain, Chris.
A shower is what?
They don't smell bad and don'tlook like they brushed their hair
with a stick of butter.
A mail carrier inMassachusetts was caught on video
when he was harassed by threeturkeys as they chased him through
(48:28):
several stops.
We have audio of the interaction.
I'm sorry, I'm being toldthat's the wrong audio.
That's audio of Scottinteracting with minorities in his
neighborhood.
A preacher is in trouble afterhe locked his congregation in the
church church holding themhostage until they donated $40,000.
The choir boys in the churchsaid this reminds them of Uncle Got's
(48:51):
basement.
This creature is also knownbecause he performed at Diddy's 50th
birthday party, which I thinkScott attended.
And In Georgia, a 67 year oldwoman had wrecked her car after the
accident.
She had left the scene to goseek help only to end up falling
down a well.
Police say they were alertedto this incident by a beautiful border
collie.
Anyways, let's get into thisweek's Florida man and New Jersey
(49:13):
man stories.
And for our first story, a manis arrested for battery after he
is refused a free refill.
And for our second story,police officers settle for $2.4 million
over alleged sex toy harassment.
All right, so we've gotrefused refill or sex toy harassment.
Nick, what do you think?
I feel like sex toys is aFlorida thing.
(49:36):
All right, Chris.
It might be New Jersey.
Chris used one last week.
I think the Florida one couldbe Scott at 7:11.
So I'm gonna go.
So I'm gonna give Florida.
Sarah, I'm gonna agree with Chris.
Florida refill?
Yeah, I.
I'm also agreeing refill.
I would get Violent if Icouldn't get my refill and sex toy
(49:58):
New Jersey.
Let's find out the answer.
So our first story is fromFlorida, where a man in Clearwater
bought a drink from a child'slemonade stand, drank the drink in
front of the kids, and thendemanded a refill.
He then became angry when hewas not allowed to refill his cup.
He then got in an argumentwith one of the parents of the children,
grabbing them and taking afighting stance, whatever that means,
(50:20):
and threatened to beat her up.
Luckily, we do know that thiswas not Scott because he is not allowed
within 50 yards of a lemonadestand after what happened last time.
So that means.
Our second story is from NewJersey, where police settle for $2.4
million over an alleged sextoy harassment.
The lawsuit states that theformer chief of the police station
(50:40):
created a hostile workenvironment, often harassing other
police officers, and a sexual nature.
According to the lawsuit, BigBlue is the name of the sex toy that
the chief kept in his deskdrawer, and he would subject other
officers to it almost on adaily basis.
The chief would wave Big Bluearound and throw it in the detective
bureau and throw it at peoplewalking past.
(51:02):
One officer said that they sawBig Blue in a coffee mug, removed
it, and then threw it into the garbage.
Apparently, the chief also hada practice of taking his flashlight
and ramming it into the anusarea of other male officers while
at the police station, as theofficers had their backs turned to
him.
Well, after hearing all that,I'm sure Nick is currently filling
out paperwork to join thepolice academy as we speak.
(51:24):
Anyways, that's it for me thisweek, guys.
Back to you.
Thank you so much, Ryan.
You know, I gotta tell you, I,my wife made fun of me because I,
I, I go into 711 to get my, myDiet Coke.
But I have a second 7 11, abackup 7 11, if you will.
But I always go to this, like,I get really grumpy.
It will ruin my day if Icannot get Diet Coke from my first
(51:49):
7 11, because, you know, Idon't smoke in my car.
So I go to 711 and I, and Iget the, the Diet Coke and then,
and I'll smoke in the parking lot.
But if I have to go to thesecond seven eleven now, I'm waiting.
So it's longer.
It's just a whole thing.
But I get very grumpy ifthere's no and I will be passive
aggressive as, like, well, wehave Coke Zero.
(52:10):
And I'm like, okay, I couldjust rob you now.
Then that's not passive at all.
It sucks.
It, it, it.
I'm.
I am such a creature of habit, Chris.
I'm so like, routine that anyvariation from that routine, like,
(52:31):
of my work day, will throw me off.
Like, the other day I forgotmy work phone at home.
And like, that has all of mycontacts in it.
Like, that's my lifeline.
And it.
It ruined the next 20.
It took me 24 hours to recoverfrom that.
And I called Darren.
I woke up Darren.
This is like, I'm.
I'm.
It's 6:00 in the morning.
I woke up Darren, who hadworked till like midnight the night
(52:54):
before.
I'm like, hey, bro, I need youto get in the car and bring me my
phone.
Oh, my God.
So I was only without my phonefor an hour and 15 minutes, but it
threw off my whole day.
It was the worst.
God, he said.
He said, you're pretty muchPaul Heymon.
Now.
You owe me a favor.
Hey, Chris Scott, you got anyCliff Notes?
(53:16):
I do, and those are my.
(53:37):
And those are like.
The hut crawls from theshadows Grin and wide and leather
and rust he sells chaos hiddenand wears in stuff that we trust
he stacks his secrets high inthe dark with treasures dripping.
In grime So I don't know ifyou guys saw this in the news, but
a biotech company brought backan extinct animal.
(53:59):
Did you guys actually see this?
Yeah, the.
The Shire wolf or something.
Dire wolf from Game of Thrones.
The big.
The big funny thing aboutthat, that was that we brought back.
They brought back a literaldirewolf before the last book was
published of Game of Thrones.
Anyway, so after, after, forthose of you who don't know, after
10,000 years, they brought adirewolf back to life.
(54:19):
Three of them, actually.
Now, after hearing they couldbring things back from the dead,
Scott called them to inquireabout his sex life.
Not after we lost all thatmoney in the stock market.
She won't have so stressed out.
Out.
Shouldn't have sold.
Scott accidentally namedropped Sarah instead of his wife
before making some crude remarks.
Before I knew it was amistake, I thought you were gonna
(54:40):
have to fire him from the show.
Sorry, that was a slow burn.
That was good.
That's.
That's one that only a few ofus are gonna understand.
But that was brilliant.
Nick said that kickball wascanceled this week because of some
(55:02):
rain.
Fun fact.
That's the first time gettingwet ever prevented him from doing
anything.
True.
Scott tried to explain EpicUniverse to us, like the.
The lore behind it, none of us understood.
The only thing more confusingis my sexuality.
When I'm with Nick, Nicktalked about popping an edible and
(55:22):
going down Rainbow Road.
Now that is something totallydifferent in the gay community.
Spoiler alert, it's my tank.
And lastly, Sarah talked abouthow she took her car to get a free
oil change.
She walked out buying a brandnew car.
Sarah, you are the worst Jew ever.
(55:46):
No, my payments went down.
Yeah, you redeemed yourself.
Financial decision and thosein my clip notes.
Thank you so much, Chris.
Does anybody have anythingexciting going on with their kids
this week?
I'm being a single parent this week.
My husband is out of townuntil Saturday, so send help.
(56:08):
We do have to go around and doour landed land acknowledgments.
So I acknowledge the land onwhich I gather as part of the lenapehoking,
the traditional territory ofthe Lenny Lenape people.
We honor the Lenny Lenapepeople as the original stewards of
this land that recogn enduringpresence and sovereignty.
We pay our respects to theirelders, past and present, and to
(56:29):
all indigenous people whocontinue to care for this land today.
Now, Scott, go ahead.
What just happened?
What am I supposed to do?
Our land acknowledgments.
For the Native Americans whograced the land before us that we
stole, we.
Acknowledge that the land weare on is traditional, ancestral,
and stolen land of Indigenouspeoples who have have stewarded it
(56:52):
for generations.
We recognize the injustices ofcolonization and the harm inflicted
on the Native communities.
Harm that continues today.
This acknowledgment is not asuitable for action, but a starting
point for reflection,education, and a commitment to supporting
indigenous sovereignty andequal equity.
We honor the people whose landwe occupy, and we commit to learning
(57:15):
from and standing withIndigenous communities in the ongoing
fight for justice.
That was disgustinglyunspecific, but for the SEM Indian
tribe.
Thank you.
There we go.
Okay, Sarah, I'm from the sameland as you.
Oh, okay.
We acknowledge together.
Yeah, I told Jorb in the last15 minutes of our podcast.
We do do land acknowledgments every.
(57:35):
Okay, gotcha this every week.
Okay, well, I will be betterprepared next week.
Sorry, my dog ate my computer.
So this week.
Tomorrow I'm going to EpicUniverse with two out of my three
kids.
The other one.
Is it your two favorites?
(57:55):
I don't want to answer that.
It's fair.
Are they your favorites this week?
I.
No.
I actually feel terrible.
You know, Abby did not get thegrades that she needed.
Oh.
And I feel awful to the pointwhere I was gonna, but, like, I didn't
take any of her theater stuff away.
She gets to go on her Epcotfield trip.
(58:17):
She got to go see Mean Girlsthe Musical.
So, like, she's got to do allthis stuff and no consequences for
the Deez.
So it sucks.
I feel terrible.
Anyway, Nick, where can ourlisteners find you?
You can find me on all socialmedia platforms at Sandpiper Vacations,
as well as at.
At Emotional Support Gay Nickfor just a daily life journey with
(58:43):
me and my health.
Sarah, you can find me on theTik tok at Super Sarah 94.
Chris.
You can find me at Chris Y.
On Instagram, Redbeard,everything Disney verse, D I Z N
A Y V R S E.
And you can connect with allof us.
Just go to our website, noniefriends podcast.com while you're
there, check out our reallysweet merchandise, join our clubhouse,
(59:05):
become a Patreon member for aslow as $2 a month, and have all sorts
of exclusive access to cuttingroom, floor, early release, and any
contest that we do.
Also, don't forget to nominateus for Orlando Weekly's Best of Orlando
competitions under thecategory Local Notables, Best Local
Podcast.
That's Parents Night out withno new friends.
That's at www.vote.orlandoweekly.com.
(59:27):
and somehow now Red Remy'salready nominated, so we're.
We're behind him, I guess.
But please do that for us.
It would really mean a lot.
On behalf of game master Ryan,our producer, Redbeard Nick.
Sarah, Chris.
I'm Scott.
Thank you so much for listening.
We'll see you next time.
See you later, Poopy Bus,Scott, Chris, Sarah, and naked tale
(59:57):
to be told.
Welcome to the podcast whereadulting unfolds.
We're adulting unfolds we'readulting unfolds.
Disney vacations.
All inclusive resorts, cruisesand family trips to Idaho.
Travel to your favorite placeand have a celebration.
Sandpiper Vacations.
Broadcasting from theSandpiper Vacation Studio.
Welcome to Parents Night outwith no New Friends.
(00:23):
The comedy break every parent deserves.
This is the podcast whereparenting meets pure unfiltered fun.
Real raw hilarity.
It's your night out withoutthe kids, where nothing is off limits.
And we say what everybody elseis thinking.
(00:43):
Whether you're a parent orjust need a good laugh.
We've got the adult humor you crave.
So kick back, relax and getready to let loose with us.
This is Parents Night out withno New Friends.
Tuck your kids into bed, paythe babysitter a little bit extra.
(01:06):
It's time for Parents Nightout with no New Friends.
There are so many great waysto connect with us.
Just check out our website, noNew Friends podcast dot com.
While you're there, check outour sweet merchandise, join our clubhouse
and become a friend with benefits.
That's our Patreon.
And for as low as $2 a month,you can have access to all sorts
of exclusive content.
Cutting room floor, earlyrelease and be eligible for any type
(01:26):
of contest that we run right now.
We are streaming live onYouTube every Monday night at about
8pm Eastern Standard Time.
Also, we go live from themeparks every once in a while on the
tick tock at the parks.
No new friends.
And it's that time of year.
It is Orlando Weekly Best ofOrlando competition time.
Don't forget to nominate.
(01:46):
Nominate us for best localpodcast under the category Local
Notables.
Best local podcast.
That's vote.orlandoweekly.comtype in parents Night out with no
New Friends.
My name is Scott.
I am the host and with me asalways, the scumbag reselling hoarder
himself.
Chris, welcome to Remy'sbirthday episode.
The petty princess.
(02:07):
Sarah.
Happy birthday, Remy.
Our emotional support, Gay Nick.
It's a.
It's a me and your birthday.
And Redbeard, the producer.
Oh my God.
It's my birthday too.
So what's going on, guys?
We took a week off and we took.
Oh yeah, we did.
Yeah, we took a week offbecause Chris had a.
Well, so it's.
It's Lent.
(02:28):
I'm sorry, Sarah.
Lent is what Catholics do.
40 days, 40 nights before Easter.
They make a sacrifice and givesomething up.
So apparently.
Is that the stuff in yourbelly button?
No, that's lint.
Lint, apparently.
This is annoying.
Chris gave up McDonald's for Lent.
(02:50):
Yeah, my Kryptonite is nothaving McDonald's I've realized because
for the very first time, Itested positive for the Chinese virus.
The China virus.
The China virus.
(03:10):
Yeah.
It was horrible.
So I woke up, I was supersweaty, sweatier than normal.
Because I usually wake up sweaty.
It's just a sweaty guy woke upsweatier than.
You're welcome.
Chris, do you have.
Are you fat enough for boob sweat?
No, I just.
I sweat everywhere else.
I am.
I can't wear gray shirts orblue shirts anymore because I literally
have, like, two smiley faces.
(03:32):
Oh, yeah, right.
I don't think it's a fat thing.
It's just.
I.
I just.
I have a little bit of boobies.
But I think once you get that age.
Is that what it is?
I think.
I think the glands just.
Just move to that location.
Like, I'm gonna have to startwearing a bra, like, to avoid the
boob sweat.
I think it's 20, 25.
You could be lactating.
(03:52):
I could be.
Or like.
Like, Sarah puts deodorantunder her breast.
I mean, she's got.
She's got big boobs.
She's got, like.
She puts deodorant under herbreast to.
To make it not sweat.
Sarah, Is that.
Is that, like.
What.
Is that makeup over here?
No, I'm just kidding.
I think that's a.
That might be a thing forgirls that actually need it, but.
(04:15):
No, some of us just wear blackfor a second.
I thought you said Sarah.
I'm like, why are you talkingabout this?
I thought you said Sarah does he.
You said Rachel.
Rachel does it.
Did I say Sarah?
You said Sarah.
I heard.
Yeah, you said.
That's what I thought.
Yeah, you said Sarah does it.
Sarah doesn't do that.
Rachel does that.
How would I do what Sarah doeswith her boobs?
(04:36):
Alex, cut that.
Told you that in confidence.
Why would you bring that up?
Like, breaking news.
Sarah's boobs sweat, and she'sa student.
Like, I do.
Sorry.
I don't sweat.
I glisten.
Okay, you do glisten.
I.
I've hung out with you in theheat of summer, and you.
(04:58):
You glisten and you glow.
There's, like, not a drip of sweat.
Meanwhile, I'm, like, meltinglike Olaf in the summer.
Yeah, I wish.
I.
Listen, I'm a squirter.
Your melting Scott, though, isall the beer just escaping.
Trying to escape her body.
But it's like, I think we'llstick around a while, right?
Scott just rings out a shirtand re.
Drinks.
It doesn't miss a drop.
(05:20):
All right, so moral of thestory I need to start using deodorant
under my boob to stop the boob sweat.
And Rachel, not Sarah, usesdeodorant to.
Stop the boob sweat.
That's pretty good.
You said it so confidently.
Oh, okay, I did, I did.
Oops.
So anyway, I.
Here's.
Okay, sorry.
Here's the thing.
Total transparency.
Abby's mom's name is Sarah,and she used to do the same thing.
(05:43):
So I think I screwed up andreferred to my wife by my ex's name,
which is.
Though it's a really.
You dug yourself into quitethe hole.
The original story, honestly.
So anyway, my wife Rachel, notmy friend Sarah or my ex Sarah, she
(06:03):
uses the deodorant under the boob.
So back to.
I squirted out of my sweatglands at like three in the morning.
And I.
You can't suffer alone.
So I.
I purposely started, like,making noise, like grunting and.
And like, like, I just like.
(06:23):
Like a sick grunt and liketossing and turning.
And then I look over, I waslike, oh, you're up.
I think I have a fever.
And so she.
She hopped out of bed.
It was so cold.
I chopped out of bed.
Got me the thermometer and 100 and.
107.
That's 107.
(06:43):
Wow.
You're like that dead friendfrom kindergarten, Murray, with the
swine flu.
Rest in peace.
And so I was like, man, thisis pretty serious.
So I took a.
Took an ice plunge real quick.
I did that.
That viral.
You put the bowl with the icewater, dunk by dunk, by the ice bucket
challenge.
The prime.
You pour the prime.
(07:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, my slaves.
The banana peel.
I was fine.
No.
So I.
I went downstairs and I waslike, I think I have the flu.
And I took the.
Now they said those over thecounter flu test.
It's three in one flu, A, fluB, and Covid.
So I took that and didn't havethe flu A.
The Chinese flu.
I can't.
I can't believe that in 2019,I was hoping for something more trendy
(07:28):
like bird flu.
And it was.
It was.
But isn't it a relief when yousee that positive test because you're
like, okay, I actually havesomething that I can like, show my
wife.
Hey, look, I am actually sickand not just.
I'm being a gigantic.
Yeah.
Two things.
Three things.
One, happy that I had Covid.
Because covert doesn't affect kids.
(07:48):
I was like, okay, don't haveto worry about what.
No, it doesn't affect kids.
Like, it affects adults.
Okay, look it up.
She had the sniffles.
Oh, so she got.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my gosh.
Well, listen, we all got it,but that's.
You're spoiling the ending.
You spoil the ending.
No, you.
You just.
You spoiled it.
Scott.
You should have said, spoiler alert.
She got it.
She got it.
You're the one that.
(08:08):
Oh, listen, you're the onethat makes me have to defend myself
against what you think areconspiracy theories.
Kids don't get coveted likethey chat.
GBT told me they don't get.
All right, so anyway, did yourgirls get Covid?
Actually, they did, but theydidn't have any symptoms.
Kids.
Nick, Piper.
Piper never got it.
(08:29):
And she got tested a lot, butshe never got it.
So, like I was saying, Abby got.
It, and she got it bad.
No, like, little kids.
Dude, I'm not talking about.
She's a teenager.
Well, this was.
This was three years ago.
Potato, potato.
Anyway, so you can't even testit to two.
Two and younger.
I.
You can't even test the.
The nostril's not even big enough.
(08:50):
I tried.
So, no, I was like, how am Igonna test her?
Like, I can't even, like, wipe her.
Nose and then swab that.
Oh, and then spit it onto thisessay next time.
So.
So I came.
Yeah, came up Covid.
I.
That was the first time I evertested positive for Covid.
Now, I do want to admit it'sthe first time I ever tested positive
(09:12):
for Covet, because it is oneof the first times I've ever tested.
If you don't.
If you stop testing, theresults won't go up.
So Emily would test positive.
And why would he waste two kits?
You're sick.
I'm sick.
Why would I test?
My mom was like, why don't you test?
I'm not leaving the house.
Like, what about.
What am I gonna.
Who am I gonna test for?
So I quarantined myself into the.
(09:33):
Into the spare bedroom.
I quarantined myself on thecouch, away from everybody, all for
nothing.
Literally nothing.
Because Emily gets it, Elliegets it, and then he was all for
nothing.
I.
I sacrificed.
Yeah.
As soon as you.
You broke a fever, you'relike, I think I have a fee.
(09:54):
Like, coughing all over your wife.
And then you make her get you.
Like, if you have a fever,leave the room.
Quarantine immediately.
I didn't know I had a fever.
I was just really cold.
Oh, and it's sore and really bad.
Sore throat and body aches.
I had no idea that I was sick.
I thought it was just likemiddle of the night.
Like, was too cold in the room.
Throat hurts.
So super cold.
(10:15):
Freezing.
Body aches because I get a lotof cardio or something.
I no idea that it was exactlywhat it was.
You know, the first time I hadCovid, like, my back hurts, my hip,
my hips and legs hurt.
I was like, man, that musthave been a hell of a workout you
yesterday that I realized Idon't work out.
It's the fever.
Yeah, it's the fever makingyou think live a whole other lifestyle.
(10:36):
So, yeah, everyone's, Everyonegot sick.
Then my mom gets sick.
Who comes over and helps mewith Ellie.
So when she was sick.
So like the whole week after Ihad to take Ellie, it was take your
daughter to work week.
And she was helping me.
She was helping me.
It was, of course, it was aweek where we had to fix a lot of
stuff.
So she's helped me.
Like, like I drop a lug nutand then it's in her mouth.
(10:59):
She's, she's chewing on the,chewing on the lug.
N.
No, actually, no.
Didn't bring another garage.
I put her on a pack and playin the transportation room.
Transportation office.
And I called Astro over andjust put on Ms.
Rachel in front of Astro, andshe was glued to Astro.
Her and Astro are now best friends.
So now Astro is a free babysitter.
(11:22):
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I can, and I'm in thegarage and I could just, I can just
drop in and use this littlecamera to watch or make sure she's
all right.
She loved him, so.
And the worst part about itwas she's going through the separation
anxiety phase.
So it's like the only personit either needs to be me in the room
with her or Ms.
Rachel in the room with her.
And as long as one of us arein the room with her, she's like,
(11:44):
you know who Ms.
Rachel is, right, Scott?
Yeah, my wife.
Rachel's the.
Ms.
Rachel.
Ms.
Rachel's this.
Now you remember this?
Rachel's this YouTuber.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she's not big in theconservative homes.
I don't, I, I, Yeah, because she's.
An ally and they're homophobic.
I, I, this is, this is thefirst I'm hearing.
(12:05):
I thought she was homophobic.
No, no, she's not kidding.
That was a joke.
That was a joke.
There's a transsexual personon the, yeah, on the, on the show.
Yeah, Conservatives don't like her.
Jules.
Jules.
Mr.
Aaron and Ms.
Rachel.
And then this is Not a lady.
I don't know her name, butshe's there anyway.
So Ms.
Rachel took care of that.
Yeah.
So now we're all better.
(12:25):
I kid you not.
And I wish this was satire.
In the last six days, I've hadMcDonald's twice.
I went mostly because theyhave these new collectibles, but
I'm like, I need to get mymeds back up.
I need to get my meds back up.
The one thing that did lingerthough, and I'm not saying I have
long Covid because I heardthat's the thing, but the congestion
(12:49):
in my ears has stay stuck around.
So I remember going on TickTock shop or Tick Tock and they're
directing me to Tick Tock.
Buying a neck fan.
Seeing these, Seeing these.
Yeah.
But if you do, please visit atthe parks.
No to friends.
To get the best deal on Tick Tock.
(13:09):
And I remember seeing thislike, this like camera earwax digger
thing.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, I've seen them.
Yeah, You've seen those?
Yeah, they usually show uplike Dr.
Pimple Popper is in my algorithm.
And then the.
Yeah, it's like the gross.
Yeah, it's like super late at night.
It's only super late at nightwhen they pop up for me.
(13:30):
Yeah, it's like once you getto the GR and then you're watching
it for like 15 minutes andit's like, why am I watching for
15 minutes?
I wish it was only 15 minutes.
Dude, Chris, I stumbled uponone of those videos at like midnight
and the next thing I knew it's4:30 in the morning.
Because I'm just watchingpimple popping videos.
I don't know what it is aboutthem, but they're deliciously.
Don't say, oh, okay, wait, whydo I say deliciously?
(13:55):
Have you ever seen when they.
When they like ruptured a cow?
Cyst.
Ones too?
The hoof?
If there's affected hoofs.
Yeah, they drill it out.
There's like green and stuff.
Anyway, speaking of orderingthis thing, I ordered medicine from
Doordash because I ordered theearwax thing.
(14:16):
I ordered stuff from DoordashMedicine so I could feel better.
So the guy gets to the doorand I had to.
They had to scan my ID becauseI got Sudafed.
So.
Yeah, you have to show your id.
Yeah, he had to scan my ID andI'm like, yeah, I.
I opened the doors like, yeah,this is the first I've read to do
this.
He goes.
He goes, yeah.
Ever since Breaking Bad cameout, everyone's trying to make meth
(14:37):
now.
Okay.
Thank you, sir.
Wow.
It spread.
I mean, that was a big Floridathing for a while.
I guess it spread up to Jersey.
Oh, yeah.
They made it mainstream.
So I ordered the earwax cameratool thing, first of all.
Five stars.
I have on five stars.
It's great.
Oh, it's.
It's.
It's great.
You know what's not great, Nick?
(14:57):
What?
Looks nothing like the videoson Tik Tok and Instagram.
I.
My ears.
I never wanted my ears to bedirtier than when I.
I wanted them to look so disgusting.
And these people are pullingout freaking Milk duds out of their
ears.
And I pull out like.
Like a grain of rice, andit's, like, wet.
Like, it's like healthy wax.
(15:17):
I.
I pulled out, like, healthy wax.
And it looks huge.
It looks giant on the camera.
And you pull it out andthere's like, where's it at?
Yeah, it's like Nick has thatsame issue on.
On Grinder.
Why.
Why is it so small when itgets here?
I would probably be theperfect person to have video of this
stuff.
Because I don't.
(15:38):
Okay.
I'm scared of Q tips.
And so my mom cleaned out myears until I was, like, in my mid-20s.
And then my ex wife, she tookthe role of ear cleaner out.
Sarah.
No, my.
My ex wife, Darren andMichaela's mom.
And then.
But then Abby's mom, Sarah,she cleaned out my ears.
(16:00):
The deodorant boob girl.
But now, like, I'm afraid toask Rachel.
Like, I haven't, like, so Ihaven't cleaned.
Rachel and I've been togetheralmost 10 years now.
I haven't cleaned out my earsin 10 years.
Well, that's actually not true because.
Sarah, are you a Q tip person?
I am.
That's, like, religiouslyprobably an unhealthy amount.
(16:23):
Oh, okay.
I'm more of a pen cap or.
Or like, what?
Car key person.
That's what I use.
You're an old man.
What?
No.
I feel like the only time I'veever seen somebody do that is an
old person.
Oh, really?
My grandma used to use a toothpick.
Oh, no.
I'm like, I don't know how that's.
Safe, but it's not.
(16:44):
I mean, apparently Q tipsaren't safe in your ears either.
Well, yeah.
Q tips just.
They push the wax deeper intoyour brain.
So that's why.
Because I can scoop it justlike the.
I just don't have a camera onmy pen cap.
I don't I don't believe that.
Well, you're telling me Q tipsaren't safe.
It's like big pen cap.
There's no way.
(17:04):
Say that a.
A cotton on a stick is bad.
For your ear because it pushesthe wax deeper.
I don't believe that.
I.
Listen.
I stuck a camera in my ear there.
I'm not pushing anything anywhere.
It's.
It's maybe the milk dudier people.
That might.
Might be bad for Q tips, butmine are fine.
That's what the.
The commercials say when youwait, like, for the.
(17:26):
For the stuff that they wantyou to find something else.
The drill thing came out whereit's like a little drill, and it's
like, this is the mosteffective way to clean out your ears
because it, like, drills it out.
It's like rubber, and it,like, spins it out instead.
It sounds very unsafe.
It's rubber.
It's fine until your entireeardrum comes out, which I feel like
(17:47):
my husband.
My husband uses a Q tip, andhe's very aggressive with this Q
tip.
And I.
I don't know how to describeit to people at home with it, but
it's.
It's so alarming, and it might.
It might be the reason why hechooses not to listen to me half
the time.
Or he just can't hear.
I don't know.
You just can't hear.
(18:08):
Yeah, we'll use that as an excuse.
I use my finger a lot too.
Like, I'll grow out.
I'll grow like, my pinky.
I look like one of those,like, cocaine people.
Yeah, with the long nail.
I use that to clean out my ears.
Nobody would assume that'swhat you're doing with it, by the
way.
Well, it's fine, Sarah.
(18:39):
Editing the podcast with thebeard so red.
He's the silent hero.
Never leaves his bed.
Producer in the shadows wherethe magic's fed.
When Redbeard walks in, youknow you're.
Seeing Red.
(19:00):
Redbeard, the producer.
He's the sound machine.
Silent, stealthy, editing unseen.
With a sleight of thunder anda beat of might.
Walk on with red spirit under spotlight.
Editor Redbeard here.
(19:21):
Just letting you know I lovecleaning my ear out with Q tips.
I don't understand whatScott's talking about.
He's afraid of Q tips.
I don't understand that.
I clean my ears out like.
Like Sarah religiously.
It's almost like euphoric whenI do.
It feels so good.
Is that the end of your story, Chris?
Oh, well, that's it.
I.
I mean that.
That's it.
I'm better now.
Well, that's good.
My mom.
Oh, my mom got covet and theflu, so she's.
(19:43):
Yeah, so she's on the bench.
My six man is.
Is not been around.
So you've had to.
You've had to watch your kid a lot.
Yeah, it's been a.
It's been.
I think I texted you.
Yeah, I think I text yousaying tomorrow.
Well, this was, you know, aweek or so ago.
Will be the first day forlike, I'm gonna.
I'm by myself.
I think I used the termbabysitting my dog.
(20:07):
Yeah, the babysit.
My daughter.
And you know what?
We've had a great time.
She is.
She's getting so big and she'sso much fun.
The only bad thing is, is Itaught her how to be independent,
like, very well meaning.
I'm just on my phone all thetime when I'm with her.
And that is true.
I talked to Chris more whenEllie's awake because he's like,
(20:30):
yeah, I can't do anything, soI'm just holding her.
Yeah, I play Madden with herand then I just like, have to like,
block so she can't get down.
Like fall down the steps intothe basement.
And so we.
We've.
We've grown a too close of abond, I should say.
Because now the separationanxiety now involves me as well.
It used to be just Emily.
(20:50):
Now it's like when I leave theroom, she.
So I can't even like go, likego to the bathroom for two seconds
without her, like thinkingthat I'm never gonna return.
When in the past, she's like,who is this guy anyway?
Right.
So.
So that, that.
No, we are.
We are very tight now.
She does this really coolthing where if you try to give her
a fist bumper, a high five,she just headbutts it.
(21:11):
And I hope she never grows outof that because it's the funniest
thing in the world.
But on my.
My latest dose of Big Mac theother day, we were.
We.
We took her to McDonald's.
Emily and I were out shoppingand let's grab McDonald's.
So we took Ellie there, whichis so much fun, doing like stupid
little things with a littlekid because it just makes everything
(21:33):
so much more fun.
She.
So we get her a high chair.
You obviously have not been tothe grocery store yet.
No.
Yeah, she's great.
Yeah, she's great.
She loves the grocery store.
She's a ham.
All of my kids are heathens inthe grocery store.
No, she's the ever.
She's like, I.
I feel like I'm a celebrity.
Everyone's like, looking at me.
When you're a guy goingsomewhere alone, everyone always
gives you weird looks.
Sometimes I think you'refollowing them if you're going down
(21:54):
the same aisle with them, youknow, now it's like everyone's following
me.
You're going by yourself witha baby.
They are throwing panties.
Oh, yeah.
It's like.
It's like, did you just abduct this.
This child, or are you justactually a good father?
Right.
A little bit of both.
So.
So we're at McDonald's andlike I said, this whole headbutt
thing, she loves doing this.
So we put a piece of food infront of her and she goes to give
(22:19):
it a headbutt high five andjust knocked herself on the table
and then went and did it again.
And she looked up and she'slike, tears are she.
She had a red mark, guys.
Right?
The next couple hours.
Yeah.
So cute.
But it is dangerous.
I've met Chris's parents before.
They said he used to do thesame thing.
So it explains a lot aboutwhat the evolution of this is going
(22:39):
to be.
I have long concussion, but yeah.
So it's really funny when it'sagainst my fist, which actually sounds.
It's really funny when shedoes it softly towards my hand.
There you go.
Not as funny.
It's pretty funny when shedoes at the table.
But it's sad.
It's.
It's sad.
It was pretty funny seeing thered mark on her head for the rest
of the day.
Like you did that to yourself.
(23:01):
But anyway, learning opportunity.
Definitely learning opportunity.
I'll have to send you guys a video.
Her cousin came over who'sjust her in six months, and he came
over and she just walked.
She.
She crawled over to him and.
And went to him and just.
It looks like she's bowing tohim because she keeps doing that
thing to his head.
Looks like she's bowing.
So when you had Covid and likebefore you inconsiderately gave it
(23:25):
to your wife and kid, what didyou do with your time?
And my mom?
What?
Oh, and your mom?
Yeah.
And my mom.
Yeah.
What did you do with your time?
Video games.
I'm in year seven of a rebuildof the Philadelphia Eagles.
There's a scenario in whichJalen Hurts was caught in a putting
like gang posts online.
(23:47):
They tied him to the Bloods,so we had to cut him.
Oh, and we drafted a.
We drafted a young up andcoming quarterback and now we're
in the middle of rebuildingwith them.
Saquon Barkley was traded andwe drafted.
We drafted the guy from Boise State.
Even with.
When we had Saquon Genty,Ashton Genti, we drafted him.
(24:08):
We traded AJ Brown because hewas too much of a problem in the
locker room, which is actually realistic.
And.
And yes.
So we're in the middle of a.
Of a seven year.
I'm in the seventh year ofthat rebuild, so.
Okay, that took about 40 hours.
I'm just kidding.
It took way longer than that.
So I did a.
I did a lot of.
I did a lot of that.
And the other.
(24:29):
The other half was.
Was.
Was sleeping and justinfecting everybody.
Right, right.
It was the majority of therest of my time.
Well, good for you.
Good for you.
Yeah.
Nick, you had an exciting week.
You.
I did.
But first, actually, you'retalking sports stuff, and I have
a sports update, guys.
Oh, yes.
Move.
I'm gay.
(24:58):
Here he comes, all fierce, allfab, strutting in the shimmering
sass.
Emotional support.
Gay in the ring, come to win.
With flare and bling.
Down every door.
(25:19):
I haven't been on in twoweeks, but we started kickball last
week.
Oh, nice.
And here's how amazing it was.
It rained last week, so we got canceled.
We ended up just going to abar and having some pizza.
And that sounds like a reallygood day.
Yeah.
So it was.
(25:39):
It was an amazing time.
So it's been two weeks, whichmeans we had another game this past
Sunday, but we had anothermonsoon and it flooded to the point
that they're puttingfloodgates up in Columbus, so.
Oh, my God.
I don't know what's happening,but it's.
It's been canceled.
Mother Mother Nature is tryingto protect my dignity, I think so.
(26:00):
Either that or Mother Nature's homophobic.
It might be.
It might be.
Well, probably not, becauseshe always leaves us rainbow at the
end.
That's true.
It is true.
Maybe she's just trying toprotect my Achilles tendon.
Like, Chris told you to stretch.
I have not been stretching.
But also, can we talk aboutMarch Madness?
It's over, guys.
(26:22):
And I'm very.
Not yet.
Oh, well, it's April.
It's April.
Boy, let's talk about that again.
What?
Make that make sense, please.
That is a good point, actually.
March Madness is most of thetournament, and then the Final Four
is usually the, like, thefirst week of April.
(26:43):
So Final Four was on Saturday,and the championship game is tonight
between the Florida Gators andthe Houston Something Cougars.
Okay, nobody cares so back to my.
What you're.
What you're saying is by thetime this airs, it's over.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
This is why.
I'm sorry, Nick.
(27:04):
This is why you should be the host.
Well, I had a really goodjoke, so I'll make it make sense.
Alex can cut that out orwhatever, but it doesn't make sense
that it's still going on.
So March Madness is over,which means I can finally stop pretending
to care about sweaty men,straight balls.
Unless it's pride weekend.
(27:25):
And then lastly, big update ingay sports news is Trump has been
out there golfing and he'strying to put the economy back together.
One niner and at a time.
At this point, the only thinglower than his handicap is the stock
market.
(27:46):
I think he can.
For him.
Yeah, you can take him whenyou're talking about golf.
Yeah.
Okay.
I go for the handicap guy once.
Oh, was it.
Did Sean hook up with him?
That's really the only thing Iknew about sports.
And the only thing I've beenhearing about sports is that freaking
(28:07):
golf.
But also, I just want to playfootball, guys.
And it's been raining here,but so back to what we were going
to talk about, actually, isbefore all this rain, I was actually
in Florida for a day.
Yes, you were.
It was a day that I couldn'thang out with you, unfortunately.
Couldn't or didn't want to?
(28:28):
Or was it the other way whereI didn't want to hang with you?
I was working.
Damn it.
You would have loved it.
But, yeah, I had a light, nicelast minute surprise.
So I.
I don't know if I talked aboutit last time.
It's been a couple weeks and Ido drugs.
But I went to New York City on Thursday.
And by drugs, I mean the weed.
Right.
And all the medications.
(28:50):
But went to New York City onThursday and I got invited by Virgin
Voyages to attend an inviteonly event to talk about the new
ship that's coming out in September.
Brilliant lady.
So I had this plan for like aweek and a half, and then I found
out Friday before that I gotinvited to go to Epic Universe.
(29:13):
I have a friend that worksthere and he's like, I can get you
guys tickets.
Oh, that's.
Can you fly down?
So Sean And I, literally 10:00at night, high as a kite, are trying
to plan a trip to EpicUniverse in five days.
And if you need to plan a tripto epic universe in five days, vacations.com.
(29:33):
tell me podcast.
Listen to my itinerary.
So I flew to New York city atlike 6:30 in the morning on Thursday.
I flew from New New Jersey, Newark.
Sorry to hear that.
That's the worst airport I'veever been to.
Awful.
We don't claim that.
Yeah, I love that airportbecause that's.
(29:54):
The airport's nice.
But they always cancel flightsand that's where I was nervous.
I always fly into Newark whenI'm going to New York and like, so
it's exciting.
It's a childhood memory.
That's it.
Childhood.
Well, yeah, because I used to go.
I have family in New York, so.
Or New Jersey, so fly into NewJersey, Newark, and then I get to
(30:16):
go into Manhattan.
Well, times have changed sinceyou were a child.
And a lot of color TVs now.
Yes.
So I flew from New Jersey toOrlando, leaving at 6:00 in the morning
on Friday.
So I literally was in New Yorkfor less than 24 hours and slept
(30:40):
probably about an hour becauseapparently there's no trains that
run from New York City to NewJersey at 2:00 in the morning.
So I had to take the 1am trainand sleep on the airport concrete
because I'm an amazing travel agent.
So that was wonderful.
But we made it to Orlando.
Sean.
(31:00):
So Sean flew down and on topof all this, Sean's in Ohio.
Sean flew down from Ohio tomeet me in Orlando.
Maddie flew from Pennsylvaniato meet us in Orlando.
And there's just a lot ofmoving parts and a small amount of
time, but we made it and wentto Epic Universe on Friday.
And how was.
Was amazing.
So I'm not a huge Universal IP fan.
(31:22):
I don't do.
I don't follow Harry Potter.
I don't know.
I haven't seen how to trainyour dragon yet, but now I want to
see it.
Yeah, I've never seen how totrain your dragon either.
Super Nintendo World I was themost excited for that was my land
because I went to the one inCalifornia and I knew it was going
to be bigger and better here.
Yeah.
Which it was.
It was amazing.
The shitty part was we werenot allowed to take pictures or videos
(31:46):
while we're there.
The even shittier part is thevery next day they lifted this policy
ban.
And a lot of people takepictures and video.
So because it's in previewmode right now, they were doing.
There's literally signseverywhere and I feel like there's
people hiding in the busheswaiting for you to take a picture.
Yeah, they've been kickingpeople out.
(32:08):
700 employees got fired.
Yeah.
How many?
Like 700.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
Here's what's crazy, Nick, is like.
It's almost like theinfluencers, like, the big influencers,
not me, running around, youknow, drinking beer at Hollywood
Studios, you know, going liveat the Indiana Jones show.
(32:29):
That's.
That's just called under the Influence.
Right, Right.
But, like, some of the biggerinfluencers, they must have known
because they were literallyall there the very.
Like, that first day that itgets lifted.
Universal must have had itplanned out perfectly because that's
when the media previews were.
Well, that's probably whatthey were waiting for, is media gets
(32:50):
first.
First access to the content.
But then, like, every singleday since then, the big influencers
have all been there, and it'slike, you suck.
Yeah.
Anyway, I.
I did Snake One picture.
Did you.
Don't tell anybody.
Oh, no.
Alex got that.
Yeah.
(33:10):
And then the Dark Universe.
I.
That was more Sean's realm.
Dark Universe, because helikes all the scary movie crap, so.
But I.
I love the park.
It's a really awesome layout.
It's cool that you walk intothis, like, Central park area and
you go into these realms and,like, those tunnels there.
Walking in, it's just.
It's magical.
Especially Super Nintendo World.
(33:31):
Amazing.
So how.
What would you compare EpicUniverse to?
The current Universal parks orany of the Disney parks that you've
been to?
You can't.
Okay, so ranking.
Where would you put it on your ranking?
I mean, it's number one forUniversal parks.
Okay.
Definitely.
Would you rank it above Magic Kingdom?
(33:51):
No.
Oh, Hollywood Studios.
No.
Wow.
Epcot.
As far as rides go.
Yes.
Depends.
Okay.
Guardians of Galaxy is areally good ride, though.
The best.
See, here's the thing.
Like, the best roller coasterthat they have there, it's super
awesome, but it's literallyjust a roller coaster.
(34:14):
There's not really, like alion cue or anything.
It's literally.
I felt like I was at.
Yeah, it's not themed at all.
Yeah.
Except for the back of theroller coaster has a flux capacitor
on it.
Cool.
Where's the storyline?
Okay, the storyline.
Where's my gift shop at the end?
The storyline is the peoplethat live in Celestial park, they
(34:35):
found a way to transportthemselves to these different lands
through these portals.
Well, also the Stardust Racers.
Stardust Racers, which arealso comets.
They essentially channel thesecomets so they can also.
So they're aliens.
Transport themselves to thedifferent lands.
(34:56):
That's why that's the onlything you can see from each land.
It doesn't make sense.
It.
It makes perfect Sense.
I just didn't explain it well.
Where's, where's, where's thebook that's telling me this when
I walk in?
Where's the video?
Listen, theme parks do not doa very good job of telling the story.
They expect you to understandthe story without.
I'm convinced that, I'mconvinced that if Chester and Hester
(35:19):
In Dino and USA had their ownDisney plus show where they explained
the lore of DinoLand USA,DinoLand USA would never close.
Yeah.
RIP Dino Land.
I'm sorry.
Sorry for a loss.
Sorry for a loss.
I'm, I'm really sad about itand nobody.
I'm sorry, but nobody needsmore Indiana Jones.
(35:41):
Well, also, Indiana Jonesdoesn't belong there, but that's
another story for another dayand I think I've told it already.
Okay.
Yeah.
What else for Epic?
I.
It's, it's a really cool, likeI said, walking into like the realms
and the portals and stuff.
Everything is just amazing.
You feel like you're in amovie set.
So I.
10 out of 10 recommend it.
(36:01):
Well, yeah, it's exciting.
And are you booking vacationsright now to Epic?
I am booking vacations.
There's a lot of really goodpackage deals right now.
I actually was able.
So literally two weeks ago,Disney decided to release promotions
for summer 2025.
Okay.
All these amazing deals on thesame day.
(36:21):
Universal decides, let'srelease Epic Universe Express Passes.
So what a fun day.
That was, adding all those on.
But I found like a needle in ahaystack with the Express passes
and the fact that it cost myclients 10 extra dollars to add on
Express passes.
What?
$5 a person?
How is that possible?
I don't know.
(36:41):
I'm waiting for Universal tocall me and be like, oh, we need
to charge more.
No, I got screenshots and everything.
Express passes can cost up to 200.
Two to 300.
$300.
Scott, your call.
Yours cost actually double that.
Yeah, people don't pay me back.
(37:04):
And Express classes are highly.
You need them at Epic.
Epic is definitely.
It's gonna be a two day parkjust to get through the lines and
everything and the shows andstuff too.
And, and if you want toexperience everything that they have
to offer, like playing withall the interactive games and Super
Nintendo World.
I could spend five hours inSuper Nintendo World getting all
those 1 ups.
(37:25):
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
But can I also talk about onething that I did not like?
And I'm sure you as a personof a higher weight, larger weight,
to.
Be known as high calorie?
Yeah, high calorie.
Did you go through the super.
The Mario Kart ride queue?
(37:46):
Yes.
So to get into this ridequeue, Chris, you have to go up,
like, three flights of stairs.
Okay.
And then you walk throughthese long hallways, and then you
go down, like, eight flightsof stairs, and then you go on the
ride, and then you have to goback up two flights of stairs to
go back down two flights of stairs.
No, I'm not riding that.
I'm sorry.
(38:06):
We can just go karts, andwe'll just throw bananas at each
other.
I'll watch a POV ride through.
Yeah, there's no way I'm doingall that work.
No, no ride is worth all that work.
Yeah, that was.
That was my biggest complaint,really, was The.
The layout.
I'm like, literally, you guysbuilt this park from the ground up.
You had the room to build aflat land.
And every time we walkthrough, we're like, disney would
(38:27):
have done this.
Disney would have made them stairs.
I think it's part of the story.
Part of the story.
Mario's not tall enough tojump up those stairs.
Yeah, I know.
There's.
Chris.
No, it's a.
It's a great way to save space.
Just up and down.
You just, you know, do circlesaround yourself.
It's a fun ride, especially if you.
If you pop an edible before itand you are on rainbow Road.
(38:48):
Hands down, best experience ever.
So, speaking of cars, Sarah,something happened to your car this
week.
Yeah, I replaced it.
I did.
You replaced it?
So you bought a new one?
I sure did.
See, what had happened was Idid what any normal car owner does.
(39:11):
The check engine light came on.
Your oil change?
No, I went in for my oil change.
Okay.
Lewis and I both were goingtogether, and, you know, it takes
a while.
We were at the dealership like an.
Were in, and my ADHD and myoverstimulation just.
It was not working.
(39:31):
So I said, let's.
Let's get up.
Let's walk around.
I read my book, scrolledthrough TikTok.
People watched.
Gotta walk around.
So we go out to the car lot,and there it was.
The cutest Mini Cooper I'veever seen in my life.
You are such a Mini CooperGalaxy now.
I am so not.
(39:52):
I mean, you look like a man.
Always had small cars.
Small and fast.
Okay.
And then I got them.
The crv.
No.
Well, I had a crv.
All right.
We.
It was perfect.
We were able to move in it and everything.
Okay.
Now I can fit two backpacks inmy truck and A lunchbox and a lunchbox.
(40:18):
Yeah, you know what?
I.
I might be able to fit threeof those, but.
But we're talking school backpacks.
I was trying to shove them intoday so that they.
They just cleared the trunk,but I.
All I wanted to do was get anoil change, so now I have a new car.
Are you having buyer's remorse now?
Absolutely not.
(40:39):
Oh, my God.
I'm through.
Okay, so you don't care aboutthe trunk space.
Nobody cares about the trunk space.
Nobody cares about the trunk space.
I.
I will shove a kid in thetrunk space if I have to.
Just listen.
Oh, Jesus.
Casey Anthony Scott's like,wow, Can I borrow it?
Oh, my God.
I didn't even think about that.
I apologize.
(41:00):
Well, we've said worse.
It's fine.
I.
I'm making Lewis a little jealous.
I.
I feel bad.
So now I'm on the hunt withhim to get him a new car, because
now mine is really fast andreally loud.
(41:21):
I pro.
Pissing off some of theneighbors, but I truly don't care
because this thing.
Really fast and really loud.
That's like 400 horsepower.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, wow.
It's.
It's insane.
Yep.
So anyways, I'm like the flash guys.
You won't see me on i4, Scott.
I'm just going too fast.
(41:42):
Takes me a lot less time toget to work in the morning, I tell
you that.
So, yeah, I'm.
I'm really excited.
But I was just cracking upafter I did it.
I'm like, I can't believe Iwent in for an oil change and I came
out with the car.
What you do with the car?
People have done that before.
What you do with the car?
The old car.
What do you mean, the old car?
Oh, they gave it back to them.
(42:03):
I bought it at the same place.
Did you.
Did you.
Did they make you pay for theoil change?
Trade it in.
I traded it in.
Did they make you pay for theoil change?
I had lifetime oil.
Listen, here's the funny thingis that, you know, at the end of
the oil change, they give youthis breakdown.
And, like, my tires were like.
Like they were rough, okay?
I was.
(42:23):
I was going bald getting thenew tire.
She's like, I'll just get anew car.
That.
That's exactly what I did last year.
They broke it all down for me.
It was like $1,200 worth ofcrap that needed to be done, and
rightfully so, because I haven't.
I haven't needed to do it upto that Point.
But I'm kind of hard on mybrakes, and I.
I drive a lot.
(42:44):
And I was like, you know what?
Let's hold off on that,because I might actually just give
you the car back and get adifferent one.
And that's exactly what happened.
So after back and forth trips,getting kids from school and back
and doing that twice, 40minutes, mind you, we managed to.
Yeah.
Get a new car.
(43:04):
Now she has to take two tripsto the school because she can only
fit one kid in the car at a time.
No.
I made sure that their legs cleared.
Barely.
Barely.
Because the entire reason that I.
I got a CRV in the first placewas because I needed something.
I was driving my 93 fox body,okay, with.
With a lot of issues.
(43:26):
I was smoking out the kidswith the exhaust.
I.
I had to trade it in becausethat was a daily driver.
Well, they're still alive, sowe did something right.
And I got the crv because Iwas like, they're growing kids.
You know, they're into sportsand dance and yada yada.
And then this time, I said,you know what?
Screw them.
I'm getting this car.
Good for you.
(43:47):
Actually.
Actually, we've been drivingaround in the CRV for a very long
time, and they keep saying, Iwish you had the race car still.
Because that's what theycalled my Mustang.
That's what it was used for.
It was a drag car before Ibought it, so it was the race car
to them.
So I was like, you know what?
You guys are right.
(44:08):
Nick's car is a drag car oncein a while.
So you got a race car.
So you.
So you.
You went full circle.
Is it a stick shift?
I sure did.
They were like, no, it's not.
No.
Does it have the cool paddleshifters, though, still?
It sure does.
It's the.
It turns out, because I knownothing about Mini Coopers, I know
a lot about Mustangs andVolkswagens, not Mini Coopers.
(44:30):
And turns out it's, like, thehighest trim that you can get.
I've gotten a lot ofcompliments on it so far.
Does it have the British flagon the top?
Top?
It doesn't have it on the top,but it has it on the mirrors and
on the tail lights.
I'm obsessed.
Its name is Archie, by the way.
Archie, you're gonna takepictures and put it in our discord?
Yeah, I will.
I will.
Mom, our youngest said, weabsolutely can only listen to the
(44:54):
Beatles in this miracle.
And then she's saying, like,God save the queen hummed a little,
like Beethoven or whatever.
I don't know.
She was, she was getting veryinto it.
You should see her at Epcotwhen we switch from France to England.
Game over.
She goes full British accent.
So we're very excited about it.
I, I, I want a new car, Sarah.
(45:16):
Like mine, none of the windowsroll up or down anymore.
Like, I have to.
I'm coming in through thesecurity gate.
I have to, like, manually withmy hand roll down my windows.
I've got a piece of trim thatfell off.
And because my rent, mywindows were.
Won't roll all the way up.
I can't run it through the car wash.
So there's, like, greenmildew, like, growing on the side.
(45:37):
Like, it's a white car withall these green mildew stains on
the side of the car.
But the problem is, I go ahead.
I bought mine Wednesday.
Okay.
Night.
And Lewis and I were lookingat it today, and we're like, we gotta
wash that.
We're gonna start washing it tomorrow.
Like, yeah, detail all that.
So.
But I, I can't get a new carbecause, like, like a year ago, I
(45:59):
got a whole brand new enginebecause, like, there was three different
recalled parts.
And, like, oh, yeah, you get abrand new engine.
So it's basically like a brandnew car in the inside.
Like, I just got an oil changethe other day, and the guy's like,
oh, you probably only have,like, what, 40, 000 miles on there.
I'm like, no, try like 110.
And he's like, damn, you takegood care of it.
And I'm like, does it looklike I take good care of it?
No, they built.
(46:20):
I got a brand new engine.
The recall.
Did you have to pay for thatbrand new engine?
No, it was a recall.
It was a factory recall.
Free it.
So then what's.
That's what I'm saying.
I can't trade it.
Like, it's paid off, and it'sbasically a brand new car on the
inside.
That's a.
You're like the complete opposite.
Exactly.
Exactly.
(46:42):
All right, you guys ready to play?
Jersey man.
Florida man.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Step inside the ring.
He's flying in the game fromCarolina streets where nobody knows
his name.
Holston, Jersey, Florida, manHe can't read a book but don't you
(47:04):
judge him by his cover Take acloser look.
Homeless in appearance buthe's sharper than attack he's quick
on his feet got no burden onhis back With a mic in hand he'll
make you laugh out loud Gamemaster Ryan is ready to wow the crowd.
Hey.
Hey.
(47:25):
Ryan's here to play.
Swagger in each step lightingup today.
Every week, game master Ryanbrings us two news stories.
One is from Jersey, one isfrom Florida.
It is up to us to determinewhich one is which.
Take it away, Ryan.
(47:45):
Hey, guys.
This is Ryan from the parentsNight out news team.
And here is the news I foundthis week.
A man in Wisconsin is accusedof putting super glue on a co worker's
drink.
The man admitted to the crimeand said he did it because the woman
talked too much.
Maybe Scott's doing this to Sarah.
Did you know Scott's favoriteprincess is Sleeping Beauty?
He's always talking about howwomen should be seen and not heard
(48:05):
at first time.
Mom is defending herself aftershe shared a Travel hack on TikTok
where she lets her 5 month oldson sleep in the shower during vacations.
I should probably explain, Chris.
A shower is what?
They don't smell bad and don'tlook like they brushed their hair
with a stick of butter.
A mail carrier inMassachusetts was caught on video
when he was harassed by threeturkeys as they chased him through
(48:28):
several stops.
We have audio of the interaction.
I'm sorry, I'm being toldthat's the wrong audio.
That's audio of Scottinteracting with minorities in his
neighborhood.
A preacher is in trouble afterhe locked his congregation in the
church church holding themhostage until they donated $40,000.
The choir boys in the churchsaid this reminds them of Uncle Got's
(48:51):
basement.
This creature is also knownbecause he performed at Diddy's 50th
birthday party, which I thinkScott attended.
And In Georgia, a 67 year oldwoman had wrecked her car after the
accident.
She had left the scene to goseek help only to end up falling
down a well.
Police say they were alertedto this incident by a beautiful border
collie.
Anyways, let's get into thisweek's Florida man and New Jersey
(49:13):
man stories.
And for our first story, a manis arrested for battery after he
is refused a free refill.
And for our second story,police officers settle for $2.4 million
over alleged sex toy harassment.
All right, so we've gotrefused refill or sex toy harassment.
Nick, what do you think?
I feel like sex toys is aFlorida thing.
(49:36):
All right, Chris.
It might be New Jersey.
Chris used one last week.
I think the Florida one couldbe Scott at 7:11.
So I'm gonna go.
So I'm gonna give Florida.
Sarah, I'm gonna agree with Chris.
Florida refill?
Yeah, I.
I'm also agreeing refill.
I would get Violent if Icouldn't get my refill and sex toy
(49:58):
New Jersey.
Let's find out the answer.
So our first story is fromFlorida, where a man in Clearwater
bought a drink from a child'slemonade stand, drank the drink in
front of the kids, and thendemanded a refill.
He then became angry when hewas not allowed to refill his cup.
He then got in an argumentwith one of the parents of the children,
grabbing them and taking afighting stance, whatever that means,
(50:20):
and threatened to beat her up.
Luckily, we do know that thiswas not Scott because he is not allowed
within 50 yards of a lemonadestand after what happened last time.
So that means.
Our second story is from NewJersey, where police settle for $2.4
million over an alleged sextoy harassment.
The lawsuit states that theformer chief of the police station
(50:40):
created a hostile workenvironment, often harassing other
police officers, and a sexual nature.
According to the lawsuit, BigBlue is the name of the sex toy that
the chief kept in his deskdrawer, and he would subject other
officers to it almost on adaily basis.
The chief would wave Big Bluearound and throw it in the detective
bureau and throw it at peoplewalking past.
(51:02):
One officer said that they sawBig Blue in a coffee mug, removed
it, and then threw it into the garbage.
Apparently, the chief also hada practice of taking his flashlight
and ramming it into the anusarea of other male officers while
at the police station, as theofficers had their backs turned to
him.
Well, after hearing all that,I'm sure Nick is currently filling
out paperwork to join thepolice academy as we speak.
(51:24):
Anyways, that's it for me thisweek, guys.
Back to you.
Thank you so much, Ryan.
You know, I gotta tell you, I,my wife made fun of me because I,
I, I go into 711 to get my, myDiet Coke.
But I have a second 7 11, abackup 7 11, if you will.
But I always go to this, like,I get really grumpy.
It will ruin my day if Icannot get Diet Coke from my first
(51:49):
7 11, because, you know, Idon't smoke in my car.
So I go to 711 and I, and Iget the, the Diet Coke and then,
and I'll smoke in the parking lot.
But if I have to go to thesecond seven eleven now, I'm waiting.
So it's longer.
It's just a whole thing.
But I get very grumpy ifthere's no and I will be passive
aggressive as, like, well, wehave Coke Zero.
(52:10):
And I'm like, okay, I couldjust rob you now.
Then that's not passive at all.
It sucks.
It, it, it.
I'm.
I am such a creature of habit, Chris.
I'm so like, routine that anyvariation from that routine, like,
(52:31):
of my work day, will throw me off.
Like, the other day I forgotmy work phone at home.
And like, that has all of mycontacts in it.
Like, that's my lifeline.
And it.
It ruined the next 20.
It took me 24 hours to recoverfrom that.
And I called Darren.
I woke up Darren.
This is like, I'm.
I'm.
It's 6:00 in the morning.
I woke up Darren, who hadworked till like midnight the night
(52:54):
before.
I'm like, hey, bro, I need youto get in the car and bring me my
phone.
Oh, my God.
So I was only without my phonefor an hour and 15 minutes, but it
threw off my whole day.
It was the worst.
God, he said.
He said, you're pretty muchPaul Heymon.
Now.
You owe me a favor.
Hey, Chris Scott, you got anyCliff Notes?
(53:16):
I do, and those are my.
(53:37):
And those are like.
The hut crawls from theshadows Grin and wide and leather
and rust he sells chaos hiddenand wears in stuff that we trust
he stacks his secrets high inthe dark with treasures dripping.
In grime So I don't know ifyou guys saw this in the news, but
a biotech company brought backan extinct animal.
(53:59):
Did you guys actually see this?
Yeah, the.
The Shire wolf or something.
Dire wolf from Game of Thrones.
The big.
The big funny thing aboutthat, that was that we brought back.
They brought back a literaldirewolf before the last book was
published of Game of Thrones.
Anyway, so after, after, forthose of you who don't know, after
10,000 years, they brought adirewolf back to life.
(54:19):
Three of them, actually.
Now, after hearing they couldbring things back from the dead,
Scott called them to inquireabout his sex life.
Not after we lost all thatmoney in the stock market.
She won't have so stressed out.
Out.
Shouldn't have sold.
Scott accidentally namedropped Sarah instead of his wife
before making some crude remarks.
Before I knew it was amistake, I thought you were gonna
(54:40):
have to fire him from the show.
Sorry, that was a slow burn.
That was good.
That's.
That's one that only a few ofus are gonna understand.
But that was brilliant.
Nick said that kickball wascanceled this week because of some
(55:02):
rain.
Fun fact.
That's the first time gettingwet ever prevented him from doing
anything.
True.
Scott tried to explain EpicUniverse to us, like the.
The lore behind it, none of us understood.
The only thing more confusingis my sexuality.
When I'm with Nick, Nicktalked about popping an edible and
(55:22):
going down Rainbow Road.
Now that is something totallydifferent in the gay community.
Spoiler alert, it's my tank.
And lastly, Sarah talked abouthow she took her car to get a free
oil change.
She walked out buying a brandnew car.
Sarah, you are the worst Jew ever.
(55:46):
No, my payments went down.
Yeah, you redeemed yourself.
Financial decision and thosein my clip notes.
Thank you so much, Chris.
Does anybody have anythingexciting going on with their kids
this week?
I'm being a single parent this week.
My husband is out of townuntil Saturday, so send help.
(56:08):
We do have to go around and doour landed land acknowledgments.
So I acknowledge the land onwhich I gather as part of the lenapehoking,
the traditional territory ofthe Lenny Lenape people.
We honor the Lenny Lenapepeople as the original stewards of
this land that recogn enduringpresence and sovereignty.
We pay our respects to theirelders, past and present, and to
(56:29):
all indigenous people whocontinue to care for this land today.
Now, Scott, go ahead.
What just happened?
What am I supposed to do?
Our land acknowledgments.
For the Native Americans whograced the land before us that we
stole, we.
Acknowledge that the land weare on is traditional, ancestral,
and stolen land of Indigenouspeoples who have have stewarded it
(56:52):
for generations.
We recognize the injustices ofcolonization and the harm inflicted
on the Native communities.
Harm that continues today.
This acknowledgment is not asuitable for action, but a starting
point for reflection,education, and a commitment to supporting
indigenous sovereignty andequal equity.
We honor the people whose landwe occupy, and we commit to learning
(57:15):
from and standing withIndigenous communities in the ongoing
fight for justice.
That was disgustinglyunspecific, but for the SEM Indian
tribe.
Thank you.
There we go.
Okay, Sarah, I'm from the sameland as you.
Oh, okay.
We acknowledge together.
Yeah, I told Jorb in the last15 minutes of our podcast.
We do do land acknowledgments every.
(57:35):
Okay, gotcha this every week.
Okay, well, I will be betterprepared next week.
Sorry, my dog ate my computer.
So this week.
Tomorrow I'm going to EpicUniverse with two out of my three
kids.
The other one.
Is it your two favorites?
(57:55):
I don't want to answer that.
It's fair.
Are they your favorites this week?
I.
No.
I actually feel terrible.
You know, Abby did not get thegrades that she needed.
Oh.
And I feel awful to the pointwhere I was gonna, but, like, I didn't
take any of her theater stuff away.
She gets to go on her Epcotfield trip.
(58:17):
She got to go see Mean Girlsthe Musical.
So, like, she's got to do allthis stuff and no consequences for
the Deez.
So it sucks.
I feel terrible.
Anyway, Nick, where can ourlisteners find you?
You can find me on all socialmedia platforms at Sandpiper Vacations,
as well as at.
At Emotional Support Gay Nickfor just a daily life journey with
(58:43):
me and my health.
Sarah, you can find me on theTik tok at Super Sarah 94.
Chris.
You can find me at Chris Y.
On Instagram, Redbeard,everything Disney verse, D I Z N
A Y V R S E.
And you can connect with allof us.
Just go to our website, noniefriends podcast.com while you're
there, check out our reallysweet merchandise, join our clubhouse,
(59:05):
become a Patreon member for aslow as $2 a month, and have all sorts
of exclusive access to cuttingroom, floor, early release, and any
contest that we do.
Also, don't forget to nominateus for Orlando Weekly's Best of Orlando
competitions under thecategory Local Notables, Best Local
Podcast.
That's Parents Night out withno new friends.
That's at www.vote.orlandoweekly.com.
(59:27):
and somehow now Red Remy'salready nominated, so we're.
We're behind him, I guess.
But please do that for us.
It would really mean a lot.
On behalf of game master Ryan,our producer, Redbeard Nick.
Sarah, Chris.
I'm Scott.
Thank you so much for listening.
We'll see you next time.
See you later, Poopy Bus,Scott, Chris, Sarah, and naked tale
(59:57):
to be told.
Welcome to the podcast whereadulting unfolds.
We're adulting unfolds we'readulting unfolds.
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