Married to Chewbacca

In this episode we welcome guest host Miranda to the show. She makes the mistake of showing the gang a photo of her husband. Scott goes dress shopping and once again puts his foot in his mouth when beer is involved. Chris is gearing up for the "Big Game." Sarah shares details of her relatives professions. And why is Miranda obsessed with serial killers? All this and more...

#chewbacca #billymays #dexter #wwe #yeet #jayuso #royalrumble

www.nonewfriendspodcast.com

www.sandpipervacations.com

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Disney vacations.
All inclusive resorts, cruisesand family trips to Idaho.
Travel to your favorite placeand have a celebration.
Sandpiper VacationsBroadcasting from the Sandpiper Vacation
studio.
Welcome to Parents Night outwith no new Friends.

(00:23):
The comedy break every parent deserves.
This is the podcast whereparenting meets pure unfiltered fun.
Real raw hilarity.
It's your night out withoutthe kids, where nothing is off limits.
And we say what everybody elseis thinking.

(00:43):
Whether you're a parent orjust need a good laugh.
We've got the adult humor you crave.
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(01:05):
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floor and have entries intoall of our contests.
Whenever we do them, we arealways, almost always most time broadcasting
live on the YouTube everyMonday, 8pm Eastern Standard Time.
And then we go live from theparks at the Tik Tok.
Wait, we go live on the TikTok at the parks every once in a

(01:48):
while.
And that's at the parks.
New new friends.
My name is Scott.
I'm the host.
With me as always, the scumbagreselling hoarder himself, Chris
Ye.
Oh God.
The Jewish American princess, Sarah.
Hello.
The wise man, Darren.com.
our producer, Alex no eat.

(02:09):
And sitting in for Nick, wehave one of my besties from Tick
Tock.
Miranda.
Hi guys.
How.
Oh, you sound so soft.
Hello.
Hi.
Would you like some cheeseover there?
So Miranda and I have beenfriends for about a year on the Tick
Tock.
Yeah, about a year.
About a year.

(02:30):
I stumbled upon her live one day.
And it feels like, lucky you.
Yes.
And we just kind of connected.
Now here's a funny story aboutMiranda's live.
So I'm in Jamaica, right?
And I, she's doing a live.
And I, I, I messaged in her live.
I was like, hey, I gotta gorun to Costco real quick.
I'll be back.

(02:51):
I just found out you had torun to what?
Costco real quick.
So of course all of us and allof our listeners know exactly what
Costco means.
Yeah, Costco.
I had no idea.
Miranda has no idea.
No idea.
None.
Wow.
So.
Oh, there's a Costco.

(03:12):
So the huge support of the podcast.
So I get done.
I have three boys and a crazy husband.
So.
Chris, be nice.
She's our guest.
No, it's okay.
Bring it on.
So I'm.
I'm finished.
It was about, what, 35 secondslater, went to Costco, come back

(03:35):
onto Miranda's.
That's crazy.
That was twice a second.
I'm excited.
No, no, no, no.
So I go back on to Miranda'slive, and, like, I've got the volume
up, and Rachel's sitting rightnext to me, and she's like, hey,
Scott, welcome back.
How was Costco?
That's not my fault.

(03:56):
That's on you.
The death look that I get fromRachel, I don't like.
She's got no idea what that means.
That's great.
It's not fair.
Yes.
So Miranda trying to ruin mymarriage for.
For over a year now.
Me.
Me.
You should have told me.

(04:18):
So, Miranda, tell us.
Tell friends.
I know.
Well, I'm sorry.
I thought you listened to the podcast.
You're like, oh, yeah, I'm a big.
Fan because you watch 35seconds of the YouTube.
Anyway, I got three boys.
All right, well, so tell us a little.
You have three boys.
I have three boys.
Yeah.
Three boys, crazy husband.
I wish I could put him on thescreen so you could see what I'm

(04:38):
dealing with.
Actually, I guess I could showyou a fun picture from today.
We had enough technical problems.
I don't need you just on my phone.
If I could just pull it up.
Yeah, yeah, you gotta.
You gotta see what I'm workingwith here.
Please.
This is literally.
Oh, he looks.
Yeah.
Was he just pardoned forstorming the Capitol on January 6th?

(05:00):
No, definitely.
He was definitely justpardoned for.
It doesn't always look that crazy.
It's the QAnon.
Shove it.
Did he just switch to Geico?
That guy literally just helpedme cut down a tree last week.
So many things.
So, no.
Is this how you're gettingfree paper towels now?

(05:21):
He's the bounty man.
Yes, yes, yes.
That's exactly what's going on.
Anybody else have anything?
Because this is good.
Sarah, go ahead.
No, I was gonna.
I see.
I'm polite.
I was gonna let her talk.
Oh, okay.
Girls get each other.
We're like, you know.
No, I just.
I'm just so happy to see.
I thought Billy Mays diedyears Ago.

(05:44):
Listen, I told him he lookedlike the prospector from the Rudolph.
Oh, my gosh.
No, I'm just.
I'm glad that you marriedoffensive lineman.
Hall of fam.
Hall of famer.
Chasing Kelsey.
Right.
He's a little busy now.
Okay.
Since I've known him, he'salways had it just shaved short.
No facial.
I mean, just a little facial hair.

(06:05):
I just wanted him.
I just wanted to see somehair, that's all.
And now he's making me pay, so.
Taking it way too far.
Yeah, that's what happens.
I got married.
I haven't cut my hair since.
See, there you go.
You forgot how to groom andhaven't cut your hair since.
Yeah, I mean, there was also that.
Yeah, it happened around thesame time marriage.

(06:26):
You know, there's.
Listen, if you want him toshave it, all you have to do is say,
hey, I'll shave.
Once you shave, that thingwill be gone tomorrow.
It won't work.
Oh, it wouldn't work.
Doesn't matter.
You don't care.
Miranda's immediatelyregretting sharing this with her
friends.
No.
Like, hey, guys, actuallyabort aboard.
Pretty much.
No.

(06:46):
Which you can't do in Floridaanymore, by the way.
Wow, this has gone off the rails.
Super.
Getting into it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
So you're.
You live in Tennessee, right?
Yeah.
Oh, where?
Tennessee.
I have no idea.

(07:06):
You could tell you anythingand I would have no idea.
I'm actually just kidding.
I've actually been toTennessee three times because my
brother lives there.
So.
Where?
East or west side?
It's the.
Oh, my gosh.
You asked me that and I.
All of a sudden.
Left or right side?
So put up your fingers if itmakes an.
It's my brother.
Listen, I live close toNashville, Okay.

(07:27):
My brother lives in.
Near Dollywood.
Oh.
So Pigeon Forge.
Pigeon Forge Gallery.
Yeah, we know.
It will go every year.
Hillbilly Disneyland.
Hillbilly Disneyland.
It's the best.
Absolute best.
Very fine people down there onboth sides.
Yeah.
A lot of proud, proud boys down.
See a little bit of everything.

(07:47):
Yes, you do.
Yes, he did.
A whole lot of sausage gravy.
They sell sausage gravy atMcDonald's down there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
I didn't think McDonald'scould get any unhealthier.
And then I go to TennesseeMcDonald's and, like, I want to live
here now, Chris.
You know, it's funny.
I do that all the time.
I'm like, I'll meet peoplefrom New Jersey all the time, and
I'm like, oh, what part of New Jersey?
And they start talking to me.

(08:07):
I'm like, I don't know why Iasked what part of New Jersey you're
in.
I really only know SouthJersey, and only one city in South
Jersey, and that's Cherry Hill.
Yeah, I know.
It's 10 minutes away from Philly.
That's literally all I know.
And they're like, oh, yeah,we're on, like, the Upper west or
east side or whatever.
Yeah.
Now it's New York.
I don't know what that means.
The most amazing thing aboutthe South Tennessee area specifically
is I don't understand, like,if you live in the South.

(08:29):
In the South.
The almost South Tennessee,and you don't weigh 400 pounds, like,
you're doing something good.
Because that.
That.
Especially the breakfast.
Oh, my gosh.
Everything's fried.
Everything is delicious.
Eat biscuits.
You see seven biscuits, thenyou talk.
Oh, what's.
What does it say?
You don't wait.
Back to the sausage gravy.
Yes.
Okay.
I eat gravy.
I eat biscuits and gravy every day.

(08:51):
Wow.
Every day.
Biscuits.
Yeah.
I also serve tables, so I runaround a lot.
So you walk it off.
That's the tr.
I.
I need a waiting job.
Also, she's got that Mexican chorizo.
Yes.
And cardio at home.
And.
And we go to the gym in between.
You know, they got a job.

(09:12):
Is that, like.
Is that, like, Costco going tothe gym?
Costco's before the gym andthen after, probably.
Yes.
Yes, exactly.
Sarah and Lewis are going toCostco and the gym at the same time.
Like, let's be honest here.
We go to Planet Fitness.
They have showers there.
One of my best friends.
Husband is a manager there.

(09:33):
They do.
If I have no shame, liketrying to find a family restroom
at Disney World.
What it makes you think I haveshame going into Planet Fitness and
thinking the same thing.
Oh, my God.
Judgment free zone, Sarah.
Judgment free zone.
Exactly.
Exactly.
No.
No grunting allowed.

(09:54):
No, listen.
Lewis walks in there, sets offthe junk alarm.
You serious?
He's not allowed to wear hisgray sweatpants at the gym?
I just already know as soon as.
You walk through the door.
Put that away.

(10:16):
So anyway, we're talking about Miranda.
This is way more fun.
Way more than your kids, right?
No kids.
Oh, my God.
Mine are still awake.

(10:36):
I'm traumatized.
Sarah essentially just walked in.
Well, okay.
I mean, I'm in.
This is the living room that Ido this in.
My house is not that big.
I'm Echo.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm yelling the neighbors needa cigarette right now, Sarah.

(10:57):
Jesus.
Mom, what's a lunk alarm?
Why can't daddy wear his gray sweatpants?
Wait, what do you guys do inthe restrooms at Disney World?
What's Costco?
Talk about our family.

(11:20):
I'm just waiting for it and then.
Oh, Sarah, where do babiescome from?
I mean, at that age, theylike, they.
They really do hear you andask all kinds of stuff.
At least I have a 13 year oldand I'm not ready for it.
Oh, bless you.
My 12 year old knows too much.
I already know it.
It's.
It's.
Now she knows too much about me.

(11:43):
So, Sarah, how was your birthday?
It was quiet.
It was nice.
I said I was gonna go toDisney and I went to Disney Springs.
Oh, so poor man's Disney.
I know.
Yeah.
Shopping.
We went to Lake Eola.
We did brunch.
I love lake by any falling drones.
It was beautiful.
No, no, you did brunch.
We have a new nickname.

(12:13):
Chris.
With all the new deportationlaws, they've got to do as many white
things as possible.
Brunch happens to be one of those.
They have to start speakingSpanish instead.
You can't.
You cannot.
You start speaking Spanish,Ice is coming after you right away.
He's actually changing the.
The way he spells his name.
L, E, W, I, S.
Yeah, you jump.

(12:34):
I jump, Jack.
You know, it's that kind of thing.
I was just informed in chatthat my Disney is Neverland Ranch.
How'd you find out?
I.
I wanted to do one thing on mybirthday, though.
Okay.
I asked to go to the LEGO store.
I remember.
Thank you.

(12:54):
So I.
I did.
I went to the LEGO store.
Oh, what'd you get?
Nothing.
Sarah, in your defense, windowshopping at the LEGO store is a hell
of a time.
That was the first time I'veever been in that Lego store.
It was so packed full of people.
Lewis almost ended up beatingsomebody up because they, like, tripped

(13:15):
into us.
It was awful.
He's gotta control himself.
He doesn't ever do anythingthat needs controlling, but.
Oh, well, no.
Not even the Lego store is fun.
It was.
Thank you, Miranda.
It was a lot of fun.
There's places to play.
I mean, we don't need to buy anything.

(13:36):
You go in there to play and,like, look at stuff.
It's fun.
Well, my Jew is gonna come out.
Okay.
You hiding?
It's gonna come out.
I did.
It's.
It's.
The mentality is going tosurface momentarily.
I thought you're doing like asick and Frank.

(13:58):
Oh, my God.
I Have a great joke.
I don't know if I should tellit, but my 10 year old told it to
me, so.
They're already scarred.
It'll be fine.
Tell it.
Okay.
If they told it to, it's fine.
You have to.
What?
Okay.
What do you call a blind German?
What?
A Nazi.
She told me this, like at dinner.

(14:19):
That's good.
That's good.
She learned it on Tick Tock.
So.
Thank God.
Thank God.
Tick Tock.
Still around.
Where was I?
We.
We got off.
Oh, yes, that's right.
That's right.
Okay.
You're hiding Jews in the closet.
Yeah, and they're coming.
Surfacing.
Darren, tell.

(14:41):
Tell me why.
Scott.
I go to Disney Springs and Ihave an annual pass discount.
And the one Lego set that Iwant is an exclusive, which is not
exclusive to the Lego store,but it's marked as exclusive.
And I can't get my discount.
One thing I want.
I walk up to the guy and Isay, does my discount apply here?

(15:04):
And he says, yeah, andeverything that's not marked with
the blue tag.
Right.
I.
I beelined for what I wanted.
Blue tag, $300.
So, no, I walked out empty handed.
And I'm still thinking about it.
Do you think it's a littleanti Semitic too?
They ch.
Color blue that couldn't go on sale.
Yeah.
You know what it is?

(15:24):
Thank you.
It was a blue and white tag.
You're getting everything forfree now.
I.
I smell a lawsuit.
I'm sure one of your cousins.
I'm off tomorrow.
I'll call you tomorrow afternoon.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Did you say, I'm sure one ofyour cousins is a lawyer?
Yeah, my grandfather was.
There it is.
How many accountants?

(15:44):
I was actually trying to countin my head.
I knew that was your nextquestion because there's.
There's no doctors, butthere's a lawyer and there's no accountant
either, so.
I'm sorry, I don't.
Oh, actually I.
I was going.
I was doing classes for accounting.
So you chosen one?
I guess so.

(16:06):
Any film producers?
Oh, yes.
Oh, my God, Sarah, yourfamily's so cool.
Like what?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Nobody ever said, you'rewelcome to join mine if you'd like,
Darren, because I would love to.
I see how you're treated sometimes.
Oh, my God.
You got a spare room?

(16:26):
Now, here's the thing.
I didn't call you out, Sky.
You just called yourself out.
I feel like that reaction wasyou just.
All right, Alex.
Got that.
Well, I'm glad you had a Great birthday.
Yes, I did.
And I tried Earl of sandwichfor the first time.
Have you ever been there before?
Yeah, I've not.
Oh, my gosh.

(16:47):
It's fantastic.
I'm not a big sandwich guy.
Like, I don't like.
Not for you then.
I don't like Panera bread.
I don't like.
You don't look like someonethat strays away from bread for too
long.
It's very hard to believe.
I don't know what he's doingwrong because I eat all the bread,
all the pasta, all thebiscuits and gravy.

(17:07):
So.
I'm sorry, Scott.
She works out a lot.
Oh, she does, Yes.
A lot of.
What's it, what's it called?
A lot of cardio at home.
What's it called?
I was gonna call it calisthenics.
I'm like, that's not it.
Cardio and hip thrusts.
Scott thought calisthenics wasjust eating beef.

(17:36):
So, Chris, how's your superbowl planning going?
Actually, my mother in lawcame over today to watch the baby
and she asked what we're doingfor food.
And I said, I don't know.
What are you bringing?
You tell me, right?
This is a true story.
It's like, what are we doingfor food?
I was like, I'm pretty suresomeone said they're bringing something

(17:56):
like that.
I wouldn't have offered ifsomeone didn't say they were bringing
something.
I got a kid who eats a veryexpensive formula, so if you guys
want some formula, we could do that.
So.
Yeah, not good.
And in short, not good.
But I, I have bought my.

(18:16):
What would you call it?
Not annual, because they'll go annual.
But I guess my ritual ofbuying a, an Eagles NFC championship
T shirt from a parking lot,they're popping up all over the place.
So I stopped by the liquor store.
This is not licensed.
NFL.
Yeah.
And they're so much nicer thanthe licensed ones.
Yeah.
And I hate it because I needthe licensed one because that's the

(18:38):
like just fan in me, right?
So I go to Dick's the dayafter and then after there I go to
Dick's Sporting.
You beat me to it.
You were going over to Nick's house.
And I got the, at the officiallicense, $40 a pop.
Now it's going up in price.
These tariffs are reallydestroying my life.

(18:58):
And then I, I go to the, theliquor store parking lot and I get
a shirt for 20 bucks, which isreally high actually compared to
what they were back when thePhillies were in the World Series
in 08 you get a shirt for like$5 out of a person's trunk of their
car.
Now 20, and then 25.
You want a front and back.
But they're nicer than the.
Than the Nike ones.
They're nicer.

(19:18):
So I get one of those.
So now I'm paying.
I'm in 65 for shirts.
And by me saying I'm in 65,it's actually my mom.
I was with my mom, and shesaid, I'll treat you the first time.
And then we're driving by theliquor stores.
Oh, those look really nice.
Wow.
Oh, my.
We're at the red light.
It's like, wow.
Wow.
You see, Those are really,really nice.
Do you want, like, you want to stop?

(19:39):
I said, no, I can't reallyafford it.
I just bought formula.
So I'll treat.
I'll treat.
So I'm actually in it for free now.
Felt bad.
I didn't want to get Emily once.
Now we have to share.
We're the same size becauseshe loves wearing oversized shirts.
And I'm a schmedium now, so.
Medium.
You are not a medium.
You are fit me perfect.
Extra large.
Yeah, yeah.

(19:59):
No, I like the oversized shirts.
The largest.
She likes them because they're fashionable.
I like them because they makeme look a little, like £20 less.
Different.
Different.
It's like you.
You used to weigh more, so you.
Now you wait, like, oh, theshirt's too big.
He's losing weight.
Yeah.
I aspire to be like, what'sthat guy Jared from Sup?
Wait a second.
No, wait a second.
Wait a second.
The Super Size me.

(20:20):
Wait, no, no, no.
He does super dead.
Wow.
I don't know who I aspire tobe anymore anyway.
These people.
None of these people, apparently.
Well, just be you, Chris.
I would, but Scott makes funof me for being me, so I'm just trying.
Anyway, hold up, hold up.
You have an entire segment.
That 95 of it is making fun of me.

(20:42):
Yeah.
And who came up?
Actually, it's.
Shut up.
That is true.
It is true.
But anyway, super.
Super bowl party will happen.
Will be a party.
Hopefully people bring stuff.
It will be a party.
If not.
Because you know what?
I have to stay sober the whole time.
When the Eagles are in theSuper Bowl, I need to know what's
going on at all times.
You don't start drinking untilthey lose.

(21:02):
So the first quarter.
So I have to say sober.
I, I.
And my ritual for the Super Bowl.
I don't think I talked aboutthis anymore.
And the Eagles are on.
I can't sit down.
So I get my place right infront of the tv off to the left.
And I stand there the wholetime because I can't sit well.
How can you sit?
Just.
There's nothing to be calm about.

(21:23):
There's nothing to be calm about.
And then when they win, I dropto my knees and I cry.
Mostly because of the pain inyour Achilles, I'm sure.
Mostly because I stood thatlong for a very long time.
But yeah, so I'm very excited.
Very excited for.
For free food.
Really?
For free food.
I'm supplying the cable.
They supply the food.

(21:44):
I think that's fair.
My cable is also one of thoseknockoff things that I, that I.
It's like meth streams.com andit's like just all free streams of
things.
Movies, 1, 2, 3.
Like it's like one of those websites.
I don't tell anybody.
Just okay, I charge at the door.
I'm just going back.
My mother in law comes likeit's 15 to for this.
It's pay per view.

(22:04):
They don't know better anyway.
Smart.
I know, I know.
Mortgage is expensive.
I know.
So who does everybody have inthe Super Bowl?
I'll go first.
I'm.
I'm pulling for Philly as Iknow Chris is.
Yeah, yeah.
Darren, podcast.
If you said otherwise.
Darren, who do you have?

(22:25):
Jay?
Uso.
We'll get there.
Jesus.
The super bowl, the NFLfootball players.
I hate the Chiefs, so I reallywant Philly to win, but I think.
The Chiefs are gonna win, unfortunately.
Good, good.
I love when people say they'regonna win.
Sarah, have we given youenough const context clues to know
who's playing in the Super Bowl?

(22:45):
What's the Super Bowl?
Okay, so do you want to rootfor a racist mascot or these or the
mascot of America?
No.
Do you want to root my.
Okay.
My mom's from Pennsylvania, soI'd have to go with.
With Philly.
Also, I don't like Taylor Swift.
There we go against that.
And neither do the Grammys, so.

(23:07):
I didn't watch those either.
She lost everything.
Hey, Miranda, who's your teamfor the Super Bowl?
Philly all day long.
Oh, thank goodness.
I can't stand the Chiefs, butI'd still go for it.
All right, I'll stay.
I'll stay on the podcast now.
Are you, are you a Titans fan?
Is that your team?
No.
Oh, I think it's so hard to bea Titan.

(23:28):
That's a full time Titans orTitans fans.
Seriously, I'm a Dolphins fan.
Yeah.
Miami Dolphins.
Miami Dolphins.
Support my husband.
That's his team.
He's from Florida.
And that's, you know, good giant.
All right, well, let's checkin with Giles Garmin in the more

(23:50):
you know.
And now it's time for the moreyou know.
And here's your host child, gman.
Hello there.
Giles Garmin here.
Unfortunately, I'm dealingwith a bit of a multiversal disturbance,

(24:12):
but I heard that my brotherGerald is with you live on the show
today.
So he'll be telling you aboutthis week's episode in lieu of me.
Anyway, that's all for me,Giles Garmin.
Now take it away, Gerald.
It's Gerald's Gerald Garmin here.
This week we're working withhim the episode of a fast pass.

(24:35):
It's no longer available, butif you go back in time like we did
to do the research, you cancheck it out, go over to disneyverse.com
and you can stream it.
Thank you, Giles and Gerald.
That was incredible.
I've never, I.
This is so exciting to me.
I've.
We've never had Gerald inhere, so there am.

(24:56):
I always black out.
I'm so honored.
It's like be here for that.
That's a.
That's a super big deal.
That was something.
He put me on the spot thefirst time he ever said that I was
going to be in a segment.
I just, I don't know what happened.
I don't know what happened.
I'm being told that when thisepisode comes out, it's actually

(25:18):
not the fast Pass episode, though.
It's the episode on.
It's the Valentine's game.
Even better.
Even better.
So, Sarah, you have girls.
Yes.
Have you taken them dressshopping yet for like a dance or

(25:38):
anything like that?
Not specifically dressshopping, but clothing shopping in
general has been veryinteresting as of late.
Just as bad.
Yeah, it feels like it.
So normally I, I kind of scootout of the clothes shopping, but
I got sucked into not justtaking Abby to go buy a dress, but

(26:02):
it was going to be a group activity.
Like it was a couple otherparents, a couple other kids, which,
like, okay, cool.
But also not because mydaughter's not picky.
Like, she can be kind of inand out in a decision.
And then like last year, Ithink it took us, we went to two
different stores a total of 45 minutes.
Like, that's, that's nothing.

(26:24):
But I had no escape planbecause I was, I was given a ride
there.
Like, rookie move.
Like, who, who doesn't drive?
But this was rookie move.
That was, that was his Husband.
Is your husband the pilot ofthe Millennium Falcon?

(26:50):
Him asking to come on.
And then.
Also be a guest on the podcast.
Okay, sorry, sorry, Scott, go ahead.
That's okay.
Anyway, the last person whomade an interruption like that, I
lambasted the person beforethat I kicked off the show.
So.

(27:14):
So rookie move.
I don't take my own car.
But here was the brilliant thing.
I didn't take my own car.
And we found a bar and I tookfull advantage of that bar.
It was a three hour dressbuying experience, and I loved every
second of it.
Definitely gonna be a soundbite, dude.
Definitely got loaded at the bar.

(27:35):
It was fantastic.
I, 10 out of 10 would recommend.
Do you remember calling me?
I do.
Okay.
I do remember calling you.
So.
All right, we'll get a littlesentimental for a minute.
So I call Chris because it.
In all seriousness, I had thisreally cool experience with my daughter.
Like, we're, we're doing thedress shopping and I was like, hey,

(27:58):
sweetheart, do you want to getsome shoes?
And I'm like helping them pickout shoes.
And like, all of their friend,all of her friends were like, oh,
your dad's so supportive.
Like, I wish my dad was like that.
I'm like, oh, oh, God, I'mmaking all the other dads look bad.
And like, you know, mydaughter is, you know, putting her
arm on or her head on my, my shoulder.
And she wanted to sit by mewhen we went to dinner and it was

(28:19):
like this super cool moment.
So while she was like, liketrying to like, snuggle up to me
at dinner, I said, hey,sweetheart, I gotta go call Chris
real quick.
And I left her at the tablewith everybody else to, to, to call
Chris to tell him, dude, Ican't wait for like 12 years, once
your daughter's out of the Ihate you phase, she's gonna really
love you.

(28:39):
And it's amazing, it's super cool.
But yeah, you know, I had acool weekend with my daughter.
You know, you know what'sreally funny is.
And I.
This is not even exaggerating,not a joke.
When you called and said, Icannot wait for your future in 12
years, I, I swear I thoughtyou're gonna say, because you're
gonna make some really goodtick tocks.
And they're really gonna gobecause we were having that, that,
that tick tock blow up the dayyou called me.

(29:01):
And usually that's what youcall to say you're very excited about
them not thinking that you'dbe sentimental.
And then I had too much beer.
To worry about the tick tock.
I was sentimental.
Yeah, yeah, it was a nicephone call.
It was a, it was the mostprofessional phone.
It was the best phone call inthe history of phone calls.
It was probably the mostgenuine phone call that you and I've
ever shared where like weactually had a moment instead of

(29:24):
us saying racist orinappropriate things to each other.
I listen to those things.
But yeah, no, it was, it was genuine.
And I couldn't wait for you tohang up because I was rebuilding
the Chicago Bears and Matt andI still have 12 more years to worry

(29:44):
about that.
Like, dude, come on.
Caleb Williams isn't gettingany younger here.
So we, we all know like I, Idon't drink often, but when I drink
I can just spew at the mouth.
So we're, we're at dinnerwith, I'm with all these kids.
How many kids you have?
He spew somewhere else.

(30:11):
So there's these parents andtheir kids at this table and my daughter's
eating chicken wings.
Okay.
And she doesn't eat all themeat off the bone.
Well, this triggers a JamesYawn joke.
Now when James Yawn tells thejoke, it's much more appropriate.
He says, if you don't eat allthe meat off the bone, you might

(30:33):
as well have just called methe N word.
So.
Oh my God.
That's a James Yawn joke.
So I think it's appropriatefor me to say you literally.
I didn't know.
I just, I did not say the fullword, Chris.
I say, I look at Abby and Isay, abby, you not eating all the

(30:54):
meat off the bone is just asbad of you as you saying the N word.
And everybody at the table, itwas like the wild west where everybody
stopped and like the wholeplace went silent and they're like,
like what?
Yeah, yeah, they do it andthey go, one of us.
And then his co worker broughtout some paper towels because he

(31:15):
was sweating.
That.
That's an insane thing to say, Scott.
I know.
So not only do I say this, butthen I explained to one of the parents
why I said this.
Did you call James Yawn?
No, but I did text him.
I was like, I was like, you're drunk.

(31:36):
So that's would not surprise.
I said, so I text him.
I said, so my daughter leftmeat on her wing and I dropped your.
If you leave meat on the bone,you might as well use the N word
joke.
It did not go over well.
He says, hahaha.
I said, I feel like I'vedisrespected you by not delivering
the Joke correctly.

(31:56):
Not by being racist, just bynot delivering the joke.
Oh my God.
I said oh my God.
Also, my 12 year old is a rock star.
She just ate 12 hot wings.
She may be part black.
Oh my God.
I'm just noticing that Itexted this.
Did he respond to that?
I did.
Then I did say I shouldmention I'm about a gallon of Bud

(32:19):
Light deep.
And he goes, yes, we got one.
And yes, I assumed you were drinking.
God.
James is a real one.
James probably unaffected by that.
I don't.
I don't.
Unaffected.
Unaffected.
Hang on one second.
Good night.
Abby.
I was just telling the storyabout what I called you the N word,
so.
Yeah, I didn't know that Isaid that.

(32:43):
I hate, you know, I hate whenI piece together things that I text
or say when I'm drunk.
It's super mortifying.
Sarah, does that ever happento you?
Never.
Sarah.
And Sarah.
Oh, Sarah's sweating.
I was just talking about thisthe other day.
Yes, yes, it has.

(33:04):
Oh, please do tell.
Well, I can't.
I would, but I can't becauseof who it involves and where this
might end up up.
Oh, but I've been there before.
Okay, we all have at somepoint or another.
Maybe.
Chris, what about you?
Any.
No.
The only thing I ever did wasthat wasn't embarrassing.

(33:26):
I do really fun things whenI'm drunk.
I.
I made a.
A review video for all of thewhite claws that I was drinking and
they've been out for like 10years and I was trying them for the
first time and I made like a45 second minute long review video
and send it to all my friendsto come to see the next morning.
It was a 15 minute long video.
I don't even know how it'ssent through.

(33:48):
And it wasn't a video that Isaid that was on Facebook live on
our.
And so that was the only thingthat I did that was weird.
But I think that's good for.
I think it was good for the country.
Not just.
Not just even for my friends,but I think that it was.
We needed that.

(34:09):
Darren, anything from you?
No, but it's really funnywatching you do it.
Like as.
As a.
As a what?
Like watching you get so drunkand just being like, I'm texting
James or oh, I'm on.
I'm texting the director fromIndiana Jones.
Not George Lucas.
Not.

(34:29):
Or I don't even remember whathis name is anymore.
Yeah, it's a guy whoidentifies as Indiana Jones.
Yeah, it's not even Indiana Jones.
Yeah, I definitely will justrandomly FaceTime people.
Like, some are random, someare not so random.
Miranda's unfortunately beenon the other end of those.
Oh, let me FaceTime.

(34:49):
I see her in my Tik Tok live,and I'm like, oh, she's probably
up for a FaceTime because shewas watching.
Like, those are connectionsthat I make in my head.
I did.
I did something real dumb theother night.
So I shared with Chris and Iwere getting into some.
Some light political banter,and I.

(35:14):
I shared with him these ticktockers that I watch.
Like, see, it's these guysthat are, like, in their.
In their.
In their mid-20s and, youknow, ultra liberal, and they're
trying to debate people whovoted for Trump.
And I think these guys are brilliant.
So I, like, I'm sharing.
I'm like, this is where I getall of my information, Chris.
So I need you to watch as wellso that you can be informed, like

(35:37):
me.
And I was like, I can tellhalf the things these guys are saying
aren't even true.
So since TikTok has come back,I haven't reloaded, like, coins or
anything like that to sendgifts or anything.
And you.
Yeah, you can't do, like, it's.
It.
They've made it superdifficult to do.

(35:58):
You can't subscribe to anybodyanymore if you're in the U.S.
it's, like, super difficult.
So these guys have their Venmoon there, so I'm just.
I just send them 50 bucks.
Like, here you go.
Here's $50.
Just so I can hear him say,hey, thanks, Scott, for the 50 bucks.
Appreciate that.
And then it goes on tocontinuing to debate why Trump sucks.

(36:19):
I would say that, right?
If you give me $50.
I would also say that if yougive me.
If you give me $50 right now.
That's all it takes.
I have venmo, cash app, PayPal.
Yeah, all of them.
I'll say whatever.
Just.
Yeah, give me a family member.
Wait, I.
You can't send that, but youcan use Rachel's money to send it.

(36:44):
Rachel's.
So Rachel just donated to theHarris Walls campaign.
And don't worry about it.
Throw back to when Scott drunk texted.
When did I drunk text Todd Wilson?
I don't remember.
In your defense, Scott, youinterviewed a drunk.
Todd.
Todd Wolfson.
Very, very, very possible.
Very plausible.

(37:05):
All right, you guys ready toplay Jersey Man, Florida Man?
Yeah.
Yes.
Where the flipping A fanboat,a crash in a truck.
These states are filled withpeople who.
Suck, so it's time for us toplay New Jersey man versus Florida
man.
Every week, game master Ryanbrings us to news stories.

(37:27):
One is from Jersey, one isfrom Florida.
It's up to us to determinewhich one is which.
Take it away, Ryan.
Hey guys, this is Ryan fromthe Parents Night out news team.
And I just got promoted to anchor.
Still waiting on Rachel toapprove my raise.
But since I'm an anchor now, Iget to read you news stories from
other places than just Floridaand New Jersey.
And for our lead off story, itwas Groundhog's Day where Pugsutawney

(37:48):
Phil woke up in Gobbler's Knob.
Sounds like somewhere Nickwould live and saw his shadow.
Which means six more weeks of winter.
This is a stupid holiday.
If I wanted to take my weatherfrom a beady eyed road and I'd ask
Chris what the weather's goingto be doing, of course he saw his
shadow too.
Then again, at his size, howcan he miss it?
So in Greenland, 6% of peopleapprove of the US taking over.

(38:09):
Man, the US brings less to thetable than Scott does in his marriage.
Upon Hearing about this 6%approval rate, Joe Biden says, wow,
how'd you get that so high?
In New Zealand, a woman bitesinto a knife handle while eating
a wrap from a sandwich shell.
Geez, what if she ordered thissandwich from New Jersey?
You know, I looked up what thewoman looks like and I think we need
to take over New Zealand andnot Greenland.
I'm sure Scott's Googling thatright there.

(38:31):
A new study out of Harvardshows that tall and attractive people
have a better chance ofgetting a job.
Also, this from Harvard, Wateris wet.
I guess this explains whyChris works for himself.
Also, there's something inyour pantry that may be killing you.
It's tea bags.
Apparently teabags have a highlevel of microplastics in them.
For Nick, teabagging hasalways been a choking hazard.

(38:53):
A British tiktoker wasseverely burned by a tanning bed
when somebody gave her adviceto lay in it the opposite way you
normally would.
Well, I know one member ofthis program will never have to worry
about that because she has thecomplexion of a vampire.
Cosmo printed an articlesaying that there are three everyday
words that could make sex more intense.
I think for Rachel, they'reyour husband's home.

(39:13):
You know, my wife and I onetime were in an intimate moment when
she said, put more pressure on me.
So I leaned forward andwhispered in her ear, I don't have
a retirement plan.
Anyways, let's get into thisweek's Florida Man Or New Jersey,
man.
And for our first story, a carthief is trapped inside a Corvette.
And for our second story,police bust up a $75,000 cocaine

(39:36):
ring.
Okay, so we've got a thieftrapped in a Corvette or a cocaine
ring.
We're gonna go with our guest first.
Miranda, what are your thoughts?
I mean, I'm thinking theCorvettes Florida.
Corvettes Florida.
Darren, There's a lot ofcocaine down here, but I think it's
a misdirect.
And I also think Corvette Florida.

(39:56):
Sarah.
I don't know.
That's.
People in Florida are prettystupid, I have to say.
I'm gonna go with CorvetteFlorida, Chris.
Yeah, I'm gonna go cocaine Jersey.
I've seen a lot of cocaine inmy day.
Never have tried, but if Iwanted to, I definitely could.
There's a lot of it up here.
Corvette Florida.
Because see a lot of these oldpeople driving them down there.

(40:17):
I could see that.
Yeah.
Cocaine is not our drug ofchoice here in Florida.
It's a meth.
So I'm.
Yeah, I'm gonna go method politics.
The old people like the cocaine.
Oh, do they?
Yeah, More Viagra people.
Yeah, yeah.
I feel like they're more blue pill.
Crush that up.
So I'm gonna go CorvetteFlorida and cocaine Jersey.

(40:40):
Let's find out the answer.
So our first story is fromFlorida where a suspected car thief
was trapped inside of a Corvette.
The 33 year old man wastrapped due to a unconventional door
mechanism which he could notfigure out.
You know, this reminds me ofsome other idiot that I know that
missed a podcast recordingbecause he was trapped in his own
garage.

(41:00):
So that means our second storyis from New Jersey where Operation
Dirty Laundry bust up a$75,000 cocaine ring.
It's being called OperationDirty Laundry because the defendants
used their coin laundrybusiness to do their cocaine business.
More than two pounds ofcocaine were found in a lockbox that
was tucked under a laundry bag.
You know, I know Scott doesn'tknow a lot about cocaine, but he

(41:21):
does know a lot about laundrybecause he's always telling me, you
gotta keep the colors separatefrom the whites.
Anyways, that's it for me thisweek, guys.
Back to you.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Laundry.
He was definitely talkingabout laundry.
Laundry.
No, you were talking about laundry.
Of course I was talking about laundry.

(41:41):
It is not how to do laundry.
You're watching theinauguration and you said that to
me.
All right, I've delayed thisas long as I can, Chris.
Darren, you got a lot to talkabout, right?
Go ahead.
I Just yeeted everywhere.
Scott.

(42:02):
Charge up if you want to take over.
Yeah, I think.
I think actually.
I think actually you.
You've got something to saybecause listen, Darren and I watched
the Royal Rumble live this weekend.
We did live text each other.
It was a great rumble.
And then we watched WWE's PayPer View, the Royal Rumble.
But more importantly, Scott,you're getting a little.

(42:25):
It's a little that sex carrotsbeing download in front of you.
But the sex is wwe.
Yeah.
Okay.
Is successful tick tock videos.
The carrot is successful ticktock videos.
So Chris is at it again.
We've got.
Right now we've got threevideos popping off.
One's at 425, 000, the otherone's at 20,000, and then the third

(42:46):
one is at about 10,000.
All WWE related.
So one of them's TNA.
That is true.
It is true.
All wrestling related.
Jesus.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So I felt like I needed tokind of get a backstory and understand
exactly what these videos meanbecause I had no idea.

(43:07):
I just have some guy thatlooks like you ordered the rock off
of Teemu saying, yeet, yeah, okay.
And so I watched the final sixof the Royal Rumble and guys, it
was electric.
I was like, I need more of this.
And that wasn't just becausethey were wearing tights.

(43:27):
So I tonight decided that I'm.
What the jorts?
Sure.
Tonight I decided to watch.
I was going to watch the Royal Rum.
I got to see what everybody'stalking about.
So the first event was theWomen's Royal Rumble.
I was hooked.
I'm standing up cheering.
Especially when the, like thefemale version of Andre the Giant

(43:49):
got knocked out.
Oh, I had a nightmare that.
And I kid you not, I have text messages.
I have a nightmare.
That night that I was.
I entered the Royal Rumble.
This was a real dream that I had.
Anaya Jax eliminated me.
It was the most humiliatingthing ever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's a Tank.
She's a.
She's a.
She's you.
But as a woman and with hair.

(44:09):
A lot of hair.
So it's so exciting.
It was such an exciting ending.
And I think that's what Ineeded to push.
Push me over the edge.
Because when I startedwatching a little bit like back around
WrestleMania and like watchthe main event with Cody Rhodes and
I was like, I don't know.
I don't really get it.

(44:29):
He didn't get the lore.
He didn't get the lore.
I didn't.
And so it's like watching infinity.
It's like watching Avengersend game without watching the rest
of them.
You didn't understand it.
I can understand that comparison.
So I.
I hadn't really watched it.
Well, there's so much hypearound this Royal Rumble and the
finish, so now I have to watch it.

(44:50):
Yeah, you like the finish.
That's interesting.
During that whole match as well.
I almost canceled recordingtonight just so that I could watch
watch end of it.
I ended it right after the.
The tag team fight.
There's a big Cody Rhodesfight coming up.
So, yeah, I almost canceledrecording tonight so I could.
I could catch up and watch, which.
I made a Tick Tock about,which you watch until you watch the.

(45:11):
The match.
I know I'm avoiding Tik Toknow, which is really difficult for
me.
I know it's extra difficult to avoid.
Tik Tok because Monday NightRaw is also going on.
So if you.
If you go on Tik Tok, you'llget Monday Night Raw spoilers as
well.
Yeah, well, and Monday NightRaw is going to help push out our
videos, so.
Yeah.
So, Darren, any closingthoughts before I go into this game

(45:32):
that I stole from another TikTok creator?
Yeah.
To avoid as much spoilers aspossible because I don't want to
ruin anything for my dad whohasn't seen the entirety of the ple
J uso is premium live experience.
Yeah.

(45:54):
Alex, got that.
Yeah.
Ple Premium live event.
Keep that in.
You also keep his.
His quote in.
Main event.
Jey Usom is going to have akiller WrestleMania season.
Cody Rhodes is also going tohave a very interesting mania season.

(46:15):
And I can't wait to see therest of John Cena.
This is farewell year.
John Cena still wrestling.
Not for long.
Maybe I should watch.
The bald spot is telling.
Oh, man, it's pretty bad.
Yeah.
All right, guys.
So I stole this from anotherTick Tock creator.

(46:35):
If you're listening to thisTick Tock creator, you.
It's mine now, so.
Oh, I'm actually.
These are my Cliff Notes.
I can't read those.
I was literally about to startreading the Cliff Notes.
Wait a second.
This doesn't look like thegame I stole.
So the game is.
Is everyone's going to be involved.
You don't need to knowanything about wwe.

(46:55):
Actually, Darren, I don'tthink you can.
Actually.
Actually, Darren, you probably could.
We'll do the game the same waythat y'all did it.
Last.
Yeah, he'll go last.
Okay.
Yeah, perfect.
But I don't know if anybody.
Sorry.
Hold on.
Hold on for a Second.
Okay, so on my screen and onYouTube, Miranda and Sarah are right
next to each other.
And Miranda leaned over, andit looked like she was about to,

(47:17):
like, whisper or kiss Sarah.
And I was like, okay,everybody, let's respect what's about
to happen.
Let's let it happen organically.
I'm not here to stop anything.
Let's just let nature happen.
Nothing like, on my side.
We're separated by Chris, so.
Whoa.
Maybe we were both.
You know.
I see what you're seeing, Scott.

(47:38):
Yeah.
You still got that music thatyou play?
Hold on one second.
I can.
So for today's game, we aregoing to play wrestler or killer.
So I'm gonna give you guys aname, and you guys are gonna have

(47:59):
to tell me.
Do you think this is the nameof a.
They're all nicknames.
Nickname of a wrestler ornickname of a notorious killer?
Chat, please play along.
So our first nickname isVirgil the Kentucky Butcher.
Go ahead and cast your votes, guys.
All right, Miranda, let's gowith you first.

(48:20):
Virgil the Kentucky Butcher.
Wrestler or killer?
I feel like I know a lot aboutkillers and I should know that name.
I.
I will.
I will tell you guys.
I did go on Wikipedia.
I pulled up names of killers,and I thought I was diversified in
killers, but there's a lot ofkillers that I had not.
I did not know, for therecord, all these wrestlers and killers,

(48:42):
I didn't know any of them.
Full disclosure, I have a question.
Oh, my God.
This is not a difficult game.
Never mind.
Use it in a sentence.
Sentence, please.
Okay.
Virgil the Kentucky Butcher isthe first name in the game.

(49:03):
I'm gonna go with a wrestler.
Wrestler.
All right, we got one for wrestler.
Sarah.
Killer.
Killer.
One and one.
Scott.
I'm going wrestler as well.
Okay, we got two to one.
Darren, I think that's analternate name or, like, an original
name for the American dream.
So I'm gonna go wrestlerbecause his.
Okay, never mind.
So we have three to one, andthe wrestlers have it.

(49:26):
Virgil the Kentucky Butchers,also known as John Quinn, who was
a wrestler who wrestledthrough the 60s, 70s, and 80s under
a variety of name.
One being Virgil the Kentucky Butcher.
Now, is this Virgil, who alsowas associated with the Million Dollar
Man?
Super dead by then.
Okay, next.
Probably killed by the actualKentucky Butcher.

(49:46):
Next, the Mexican Ripper.
Miranda, Killer or wrestler?
Killer.
Absolutely.
Killer.
Wrestler.
All right, Scott.
Well, according to ourpresident, all Mexicans are killers,
so I'm gonna go killer.
Okay, Darren, That's a wrestler.
The Mexican Ripper isresponsible for the death of 20 prostitutes.

(50:10):
Killer.
So who got that one?
We did.
Me and you.
All right.
All right, next.
Peewee.
Miranda, was Peewee a killeror a wrestler?
I think he was a host of aSaturday morning television show.
I'm gonna go killer.

(50:31):
Killer.
All right, Sarah.
Wrestler.
Wrestler.
Scott, I am also going to go wrestler.
All right.
I think he was one of thelittle people that wrestled King
Kong Bundy.
I was just gonna say he's notonly a wrestler, he's a m.
Wrestler.
Micro wrestler.
Great.
Guess that's offensive.
What?
They're called serial killerwho stabbed, shot, drowned, and poisoned

(50:54):
more than 12 people.
Wow.
Yeah.
Miranda's taking a lead right now.
Current score.
These are not in my serial killer.
I know.
We have to do a watch partyfor some.
Some new documentary.
Two true crime documentaries.
All right, we have three left, guys.
So right now, Miranda's got three.
Sarah, zero.

(51:15):
I've got two.
Darren, one.
Next.
Miranda was Gobbledygooker.
The Gobbledygooker.
That was my porn name.
Or killer.
I'm gonna go with wrestlerjust because that sounds ridiculous.
All right, Sarah, it's like aword my grandmother used.

(51:39):
Wrestler.
Okay, Scott.
I.
I'm gonna go killer.
Okay, Darren, close it out.
That's what Chris calls Nickon a Friday night.
But wrestler portrayed byHector Guerrero in 1990.
The gobbledygooker was aturkey mascot in the WWF.
Wow.

(51:59):
So who got that?
Miranda and Sarah and Darren.
Wow.
Guys, we got two left.
I'm on the board.
It's gonna be my favorite ones.
So Miranda has to lose thesetwo and Darren or I need to get the
next two to four.
A lot of pressure here.
Amish roadkill.
Wrestler or killer?

(52:21):
Amish roadkill.
I'm going wrestler.
Wrestler for Miranda.
Okay, Sarah.
Roadkill.
Killer Scott.
I'm going killer.
And Darren.
I'm also gonna go killer.
Depoli was the guy's name,usually dressed in traditional Amish
attire and even sported thesweet beer to compete the outfit.

(52:43):
Which made me wonder where theRoadkill part of his name comes in.
While he wrestled, he was a wrestler.
Amish Roadkill was indeed.
This is crazy.
The only one who got it in.
Killing and wrestling places.
And.
And lastly, this one might beharder than.
I'm a shirt kill.

(53:04):
Ape Man.
I'm sorry, what is it called?
Ape Man.
It's a really good song by the Kinks.
Actually.
Did this guy have a kink forwrestling or for killing?
Sarah, actually your second.
Hold on, let me go.
Keep going.
In order.
I just a man that would like.

(53:24):
You said ape Right.
Ape me.
As in that would just, like, you.
Know, jump all over people.
I was killed him.
I'm gonna go with killer.
Killer.
Okay, Sarah, I feel like I'd be.
Wrong to go against Miranda atthis point.
So, Killer Scott, you gotta goagainst the green or with the green.
I'm gonna go against the grainand go wrestler.
Wrestler.
And Darren, I'm gonna go killer.

(53:45):
The Ape man was a Canadianserial killer, child rapist, and
child abductor.
I am terrified to be in thevirtual room with Miranda.
Well, when her husband.
Congratulations.
I think when her husband lookslike Dexter in the series finale.
Like, I get it.
I get it.

(54:06):
We.
We have been watching Dexterbecause my husband never watched
things.
So, you know.
So when did you know that youwere obsessed with serial killers,
Miranda?
About 10 years ago.
I have, like, a serial killer bible.
It's just interesting.
Like, documentary.
Anyway, sorry.
My favorite documentary wasone about your husband.

(54:27):
I'm glad you've seen it.
The Ape Man.
I mean, that's how I knew.
When.
When you guys do adult time,do you reenact Planet of the Apes?
When we do what?
When you guys have adult time,do you reenact Planet of the Apes?
Yes.

(54:48):
That was the sweetest yes tothose obscene questions.
Because Miranda's so wholesome.
She's so wholesome.
If you ever see her lives on.
Plastic wrap from Dexter.
Hey, Chris.
Scott, you got any Cliff Notes?
I do.
It's been quite the show.

(55:09):
A lot of stuff's happened, so nothing.
Can stop this little boy from recapping.
The day the Chris's CliffsNotes way.
I do want to say, for the veryfirst time, I think that someone
else got the brunt of my jokes.
And only because shevolunteered him in the beginning
of the episode.
Marin, I hope your husband hasa good sense of humor.

(55:31):
He.
Yes, or he won't be listeningto this episode.
This will be the last time weever speak.
So we started off the podcastby Miranda showing us a picture of
her husband.
Now I'm just happy to see thatHagrid started taking Ozempic.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
In all seriousness, Miranda,it's really sweet of that you.

(55:53):
You let an unhoused personlive with you.
I think I'm a giver.
Scott was talking about how hewas dress shopping with his daughter.
He had a really cool moment.
What he didn't say is it was10pm and I was about to have a really
cool moment with my wife, butinstead I got to listen to Scott's
amazing night.
Sorry, Bub.
W.

(56:13):
That's actually my last Cliff Note.
It was three pages long, butthey were just really long ones today.
And lastly, we played a fungame where everyone tried to guess
whether the nickname is awrestler or a killer.
So half were wrestlers andother half were killers, but all
of them were former nicknamesof Miranda's husband.
And those are my Cliff ds.

(56:34):
Thank you so much, Chris.
Does anybody have any excitingplans with.
The kids this week keeping her alive?
To be completely honest withyou, she is standing and wiggling
and dancing around now.
And she's falling a lot, man.
Not as much as I do on a daily basis.
But she.
She's a wiggle worm.
I posted a picture.

(56:54):
She's a new favorite song.
I Just Can't Wa To Be King.
Also Trump's favorite song.
And.
And every time it comes on,she whips her head around so fast
that she usually falls.
And.
Yeah, so that's that.
That's her new favorite song.
She dances.
She's dancing now.
But the scary thing is it wascute when she was on the ground and
whipped her head around.

(57:14):
Now she's, like, holding on tothings and I put something on.
She whips her head around andjust, you know, no regard for anything.
Everything's anchored into awall now.
I went through a whole box ofscrews just screwing.
I ruined all my furniture.
Everything's just screwed intothe wall at this point, and it's
ruined because the first sixor seven screws don't go into a stud.
So I just have to keep goinguntil I find a stud.

(57:35):
So I just called Nick to helpme locate.
That's how I usually get it done.
Knew that was coming.
That setup was brilliant.
Also, it wasn't a setup thatactually happened without calling
Nick.
So, yeah, the.
The fun thing this weekend isactually happening away from my family.

(57:56):
This Friday night, all of thechampions of my fantasy football
league go out for a steakdinner one time a year, which I talked
about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And this is champions dinner.
Is this Friday?
Very excited.
We're going to a nice steakdinner at this point.
Is it everyone in your league?
No, there's, like, threepeople that just are not invited,
and they don't even know about.
The one was told because hisbrother's a champion, but some people

(58:18):
don't even know about it.
It.
Oh, that's so funny.
Yeah.
And, yeah.
So.
So Champions dinner will beFriday night.
Blazers required.
I got a nice one from thethrift store.
I have to wash the Floridadeath off of it.
Donated presumably by one ofYour former residents.
And yeah, that's Friday.
Saturday we'll be meditating.

(58:39):
And Sunday will be the Eagleswinning the super bowl, their second
in franchise history.
So I say right now,congratulations to the Philadelphia
Eagles for winning theirsecond Super Bowl.
Saquon Barkley, you.
You made me eleven hundreddollars because I put a hundred dollars
down that you would rush formore than 200 yards.
So thank you very much.
In the super bowl formula.
Good odds.

(58:59):
It's good odds, Scott.
I can't.
Can you believe I hit that?
Congratulations.
You know what?
And when I was putting themoney down, I put 100, but I was
like, why not put 500 downdown or even 3, 000?
Because it's a sure thing.
Just put everything you havein it.
I like her.
My wife's number.

(59:19):
Miranda, I need some convincing.
I'm so glad you won all thatmoney, Chris.
I know.
What do you guys want?
I will.
Oh, my God.
I might go for a steak dinnernext Friday night now as well.
I'm gonna start making my listfor you.
I may start a GoFundMe.
Actually, we.
Hypothetically, if we had aweek to go until the Super Bowl,
I would be willing, living inNew Jersey, to place any amount of

(59:42):
bets for any of you guys.
And I'll give you 50%, 25tariff for you guys.
Sounds like a great deal.
But anyway, that's my weekend.
Had a really good time at.
At some.
After the game was over, I ranright to Dick's and I ran right to

(01:00:03):
Dick's Sporting Goods and got my.
Got my shirt wobbled into.
Into the sporting goods storeto get my super bowl championship
shirts.
I'm not coming back if they don't.
Win the super bowl podcast anymore.
They're gonna win, so don'tsay that they're gonna win.
Thank you, Miranda.
They did win, actually.
This is.
They won.
Day after they won.
Actually.
It's airing right now duringthe super bowl today.

(01:00:26):
Oh, my gosh.
Saquon Barkley just hit it 225 yards.
Oh, my gosh.
Let's be honest.
No one's listening to us right now.
Super bowl tomorrow.
Ryan probably.
Is he.
Yeah, The super bowl was yesterday.
Yeah.
Taylor Swift did.
Darren.
She did.
She.
She.
She.
One of them.
She did.
She did.
Oh, okay.
So did the white man.
Yeah, the Chiefs.

(01:00:48):
The Chiefs.
Oh, my God.
Okay, Sarah, Miranda, anythingwith your kids this week?
Oh, gosh.
Soccer.
Our life now is soccer.
It's soccer season already.
It's.
They're starting at school,and then he's doing travel, so Are
like.
Is soccer.
3 year old is starting T ball, so.
Wow.
That's exciting, though.
T ball is a fun time.

(01:01:08):
I'm excited.
Yeah.
My husband's super excitedbecause soccer is the one sport we
didn't play and that's allwe've gone to for years, so.
Yeah.
And then the fields right bywhere he lives in the woods.
He could just walk right in.
She's like, sasquatch.
That's really exciting.
Is he coaching at all or justcoaching at home?
Because it's got.
He's gonna coach at home.

(01:01:29):
I'm gonna warn you right now.
Right?
No, he will eventually.
I don't think he's gonna coach.
That's fun.
I can't wait till my daughter.
I can't wait till I force herinto sports because I don't even
care if she's not athletic or anything.
She's gonna play.
No, just.
Are your kids athletic?
Yeah, they are.
Very.
How old are your kids?
We didn't even ask.
Thirteen.
Almost four and almost two.

(01:01:50):
Oh, wow.
Nice.
Nice variety there.
Nice.
I don't know.
I.
Really nice variety of kids.
Variety.
That's a.
That's a fun age gap for sure.
Yeah, it's a.
It's.
Yes.
They're all getting you readyfor the one before them.
The third one was an oops.
But we're.
What?
We love our oops.
My first one was an oops.
It's Darren's middle name.

(01:02:11):
It's all right.
Literally, I won't say whatyour second one was.
Okay, so.
So Abby's got her school dancethis week, so we're excited about
that.
You waited till last week toget her dressed?
Dude.
Yes.
I excel under pressure.
I said the same thing.

(01:02:31):
So that'll be real fun for her.
Sarah.
Anything.
Megacon.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
Oh, you might not be back.
You might have a heart attack.
I was so ready to be like.
And no, nothing.
We have soccer too, butactually Megacon.
You have megacon?
Yes.
No Hayden Christensen thisyear, unfortunately.

(01:02:52):
I thought you bought the thing.
No, we're gonna go see MillieBobby Brown and we're gonna go see.
You're seeing my daughter?
Yes, 11.
Yes, 11.
And found out that Vecna isgoing to be there too.
And it's.
I love Twilight.
Yeah.
Scott tried to get one ofthose before he had dar.

(01:03:24):
Great.
That was great.
That was perfect.
When is that?
Sarah, where are you going?
I'm.
I'm on the fence of.
For Molly Ringwald.
For myself.
Oh, I want to, like, day ofprobably decide if I'm gonna do it.
So I'm gonna wear my acid washjeans and do my hair in really big
curls and have like breakfastclub ready.
I would try it once.

(01:03:45):
Nelson's gonna be there too.
I would try it once.
Just make sure you're not driving.
Giving.
Oh, my gosh, Molly.
Sorry, I just assumed.
We here at the no New friendspodcast do not endorse any use of.
Drugs unless it's marijuana orit's prescribed.
More mushrooms or cocaine.

(01:04:06):
That's okay too.
Just anything.
Anything that doesn't comeacross the border from Mexico, it's
fine.
Bath salts, organic.
There's so many options these days.
The prerequisite before youvote these days, just bath, salt,
meth.
Miranda, where can ourlisteners find you?
I am on the Tick Tock atRander Underscore.

(01:04:26):
Renee, what about Your home address?
1, 2, 3, 4.
Backwoods log cabin.
Good luck.
Darren, where can ourlisteners find you?
Well, I guess I have nothinggoing on this week, but you can find
me.
You don't have any kids.
The whole thing is what areyou doing with the kids this week?
So what are you doing withyour kids this week?

(01:04:48):
This week with my father.
I'm watching.
I'm watching the road to wrestleia.
Oh, yes, we're doing that together.
So you are the kid and you're watching.
Yeah.
So you see what I did there?
Yeah, I love that.
But you I'm probably droppingoff of social media so you can find
me here.
Cole.

(01:05:08):
Sarah, you can find me on theTick tock at Super Sarah 94 or on
the whatnot at Old soul Thrift.
Chris.
This week I'm just pluggingTick tock at the parks.
No New friends where I'mputting out seven tick tocks a day.
And also follow me at Disneyverse on Tick tock where I put out

(01:05:28):
less than that a day.
You still put out a lot onDisney verse?
I still put out a lot, yeah.
Danny also makes a lot of videos.
I attempt to anyway.
And also Chris is going to beputting together clips of the football
game that we played last weekand putting that up as a video.
Part one is already up.
I mean, I had fun watching you guys.

(01:05:48):
And you can connect with us.
All of our links are rightthere on our website, nonewfriendspodcast.com.
while you're there, you cancheck out our really sweet merchandise,
join our clubhouse and becomea friend with benefits for as low
as $2 per month.
And you can have all sorts ofaccess to exclusive merchandise and

(01:06:09):
cutting room, floor, all sortsof stuff.
I've messed up my thingbecause I'm into this song.
God damn it.
If you listen to us on Apple.
Or Spotify, make sure youleave us a five star review and rating.
That really helps us out.
Also check us out on YouTubeevery Monday night 8pm Eastern Standard
Time and also follow us at the park.
No new friends on the Tik Tok.
On behalf of Miranda gamemaster Ryan Giles Garmin, our producer

(01:06:33):
Alex the Wiseman Darren.comNick, Sarah, Chris, I'm Scott.
Thank you so much for listening.
We'll see you next time.
Just not expecting that.

(01:06:55):
See you later Poopy bus.
No new friends just the old and.
The bold in the world of Kwe're the ones who hold Scott, Chris,
Sarah and make a tale to be told.
Welcome to the podcast whereadulting unfolds.
Where adulting unfolds.
We're adulting unfolds.