Tampon Education

In this Episode the gang discusses what they or their partner have gifted each other on Birthdays and why Scott is the worst gift giver. Scott shares why he HATES St. Patrick's Day. Miranda's husband (the Serial killer) has a big day coming up (Snip Snip) plus with DEI no longer a thing and the death of WOKENESS what terms will once again be acceptable in the near future?

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
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(01:27):
prizes when we do contests.
Sarah's secret stash.
Don't know what that was.
We talked about it, it was inthe commercial, but we never did
anything with it.
Just one of those ide never stuck.
Right now we are recordinglive on the.
But we're not recording on YouTube.
We're streaming live onYouTube where you can watch us every
single week as we record these things.
We, we advertise 8pm EasternStandard Time.
But it's about 8:30 and we'rejust getting started, so just bear

(01:49):
with us.
We're also live on the Tik Tokevery once in a while at the parks
New friends where we go liveat the Florida theme parks.
My name is Scott.
I'm the host.
With me, as always, my amazingcast of characters, the scumbag reselling
hoarder himself, Chris.
Happy belated pie day.
The Jewish American princess, Sarah.
Hello.
The wise dare dot com.
I wish Scott understoodtechnology and the.

(02:10):
Serial killer's wife, Miranda.
Help.
Miranda.
Welcome back.
Thank you.
Let me tell you, I.
I listened to the episode thatI wasn't here for.
And other than the.
The constant killing, yourhusband and I probably have a lot
in common.
You know, my wife could read aValentine's card in two seconds.

(02:33):
There's a lot of things thatmy wife can relate to in two seconds.
But.
Well, that's.
But Miranda, when's your birthday?
May 11th.
May 11th.
Okay, so coming up, last year,what did he do for you?
For Valentine's Day or foryour birthday?
Gosh, I'm gonna need a minute.
My birthday?
Well, because my birthday andMother's Day are.
This.

(02:54):
Are together.
Yeah.
So you know Stone.
Yeah.
So he actually, for mybirthday, he booked dinner reservations
for us with his best friendand his wife, who I love, but you
know.

(03:15):
You know, and his favorite restaurant.
Oh, his favorite restaurant.
Their favorite restaurant.
His and his best friend.
Yes.
I mean, I love it.
It was good, but there was nome in there, you know, like, I was
there.
It's my birthday.
I'm taking you out to dinner, babe.
You're welcome.
You're going to love.

(03:35):
Yeah, definitely sounds likesomething I would do.
Sarah.
Hold on, let me queue up the music.
What did Lewis do for your birthday?
Because your.
We never, like, went back andrecapped your birthday.
What did Lewis do?
What?
What didn't he do?
Lewis took me to the Lego store.
We had dinner at Disney Springs.

(03:56):
You know, that's exactly whatI wanted.
Okay, you knew what youwanted, right?
And he did what you.
Yeah, I did.
I asked for one thing, andthat was the Lego store.
Remember?
I.
You.
I was pissed off because my.
My annual pass discount didnot apply to the one thing that I
wanted.
I.
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm still thinking aboutthat because it's a retired set.

(04:18):
But I digress.
I.
You think about it as you'vealready put it together because you
bought it because you enableeach other.
No, I didn't buy that onebecause I was still in the middle
of my 4,000 piece one that Ihad going.
Gotcha.
Chris, you're a scumbag.
You're gonna make me feelbetter about what I'm about to say.
What did you do for Emily'slast birthday?
Oh, it was her 30th, so Ithrew a party.

(04:39):
Oh, okay.
Before you go into yours,Miranda, can I guess your husband's
favorite restaurant that hetook you to?
Yes.
Texas Roadhouse.
No, but we.
Oh, my gosh.
I have a story about that, butthat's for another time.
No, go ahead, go ahead.
No, but that wasn't it.
No, no.
Am I close?
I do love Texas.
No, you're not close.
Really?
It's not some sort of chain steakhouse?

(05:00):
It is a steakhouse, but it's.
It's.
No, it's berries.
I don't know if they havesperries everywhere.
I don't know.
It's like a really nice fancy thing.
I mean, I'VE got a pair ofSperries in my closet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's overly priced, but it'sreally good.
Chris gets a lot of Sperry change.

(05:20):
So.
Yeah, I throw a party and.
And I made coupons.
I did.
I did the old, like, childthing where you make coupons for
stuff.
Like, here's a coupon for this.
Here's a coupon for that massage.
Or.
I think she lost them.
Honestly.
I hope so.
I have to know.
What type of coupons did you make?
This is.
This has got to be.
Yes.

(05:41):
So one coupon was for 300.
Because the 30th.
Right.
So 300 shopping spree.
Which she only used half of.
Which.
Okay, Alex cut that becauseshe forgot.
The other one was to.
It was to detail her car.
And I did one seat.
I did do one scene.
The other one was a night out at.
There's a local cider bar near us.

(06:01):
A night out, which she.
Which I really wanted her to redeem.
But she has gen.
Zers are like, oh, we're gonnago to an apple juice bar.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa.
It's alcoholic apple juice,hard cider.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
Cider bar.
It looks cool.
I'm looking on Google Maps.
When we.
When we moved here and therewas a cider bar, we got to try out

(06:25):
the cider bar.
Yeah.
So I haven't done that one yet.
I think there was one more.
I don't know.
I guess I'll find out when sheredeems it.
That's very thoughtful, though.
Like, you put work into that.
Like, that's sweet.
It was because I didn't have alot of money, so at the time.
So I was like, she can'tredeem these for another month, so
I can save.
You were planning it out.
You're like.
And when the doorbell rang, heforgot that it was her birthday and

(06:47):
that he threw her party, so hehad to throw together a coupon book
real quick.
At least she did the party.
I.
This was my 40th, and I didn'tget a party.
Oh, oh, oh.
I did do the one that I wasregretting, like, not regretting,
not looking forward to the most.
The one that I was right now.
In retrospect, I thought thatwas really great.
And then Emily gives me my30th present.

(07:08):
It's a trip to Disney, so.
So it was a great gift for,like, 10 months until it wasn't.
Darren, are we able to talkabout birthday gifts?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My presence.
I think my presence is gift.

(07:28):
Enough.
All right?
So.
So you guys are Scott's son 100.
Miranda, you have no idea.
Okay, you guys know that I.
I put myself in, like, theHoly Trinity of gift giving.
My wife's birthday, ouranniversary and Valentine's Day are

(07:49):
all.
Are all within two weeks ofeach other.
Holy Trinity.
I would describe it more aslike, the Bermuda Triangle.
Yeah, it is the Bermuda Triangle.
Yeah.
And, you know, originally,when we.
When we set these dates, I waslike, this is great.
Three birds, one stone.
She goes, oh, no, nay.
Oh, nay, nay, that is not howit works.
And she said it just like that.
I was like, damn it.

(08:11):
So I actually, you know, we.
We went on the trip to Mexicofor anniversary, so, like, we.
We didn't really do much foreach other for our anniversary, even
though, like, we did.
But I was so excited about ourbirthday present.
Now, Sarah, this would be agreat birthday present for you.
You would love this.

(08:33):
I got my wife a Mace Windulightsaber from Hollywood Studios.
Yes, the, like, the nice ones.
The nice lightsaber.
In what world, Scott?
What?
In what world?
What, that she would want?
Yeah.
What made you think, I mean,like, yeah, I would want that.
I get that.
Do you know your wife?
Well, her favorite color is purple.

(08:54):
That makes no sense.
The Mace Windu lightsaber is purple.
So I was like, this is a.
And.
And now it will make our.
Our movie room looksymmetrical because I've got the
Yoda lightsaber on one side ofthe tv, and now I've got the Mace
Windu one on the other one.
So you got yourself a birthdaypresent for her birthday.
Miranda, this may be your last episode.

(09:16):
Exactly what that sounds like.
So true.
You did what my husband did.
You gave her what you wanted.
He took me where he wanted to.
I told you, you're.
You're other than.
You're the same person.
Other than the mass murders,your husband and I are pretty much
the same person.
I saw one stream with Rachelin it, and I think she'd be happier
if you took her to the minionstore at Universal Than.

(09:41):
Than a lightsaber.
Well, you're not wrong.
So I.
I kind of realized the errorsin my way.
Good.
Yeah.
Well.
And.
And quite honestly, I wantedanother lightsaber, so.
You're right.
Guilty as charged.
This was a gift for me.
So yesterday we went to DisneySprings because they've just.

(10:01):
Well, they just released thisnew Orange Bird line and a new Tinkerbell
line, and I.
I love Orange Bird and Rachelloves Tinkerbell.
So we are.
We go to Epcot, and I spentabout $300 in orange bird stuff.
And then we went to DisneySprings to get the Tinkerbell stuff

(10:23):
because they had more stuffand all that.
Well, what she really wanted,they didn't have at World of Disney.
I mean, they had a T shirt,and she got that.
And I was trying to convinceher to get, like, the Tinkerbell
Dooney, Dooney and Burke.
But she's like, no, I don'twant that.
And I said, what about theorange bird, Dooney and Burke?
And she's like, I don't want that.
You want that?
And I said, well, yes, but Ican't carry a Dooney.

(10:44):
Burke, like, lounge fly is asfar as I'll go.
As far as crossing over andbeing gay adjacent.
I can't do this with your hand.
A little more wristband, you'dbe there.
So now, mind you, we've beenat Epcot, and now I'm at Hollywood
studios, so I'm not driving.
I've been drinking.

(11:05):
Sarah knows how quickly I canthrow pound bud lights in Epcot.
I think everybody does.
I think we've seen, though.
That's very true.
That's very true.
If you want to know how fastwe pound drinks at the theme parks,
just follow us.
At TikTok, at the parks.
No new friends.
We go live every once in a while.
So she's like, well, I.

(11:26):
There's one shop that I wantto go look at because there's this
Tinkerbell purse that I really want.
And I was like, great.
Say less.
We're going to get it.
It's Kate Spade.
Hey, it wasn't Louis.
It wasn't.
Is that more expensive than a dooney?
Well, based on surface.

(11:47):
Go ahead, Darren.
I was gonna say it depends onthe product.
Like, really based on surfacearea, like, price per square inch.
This was a lot more expensivethan to do.
Was it a bigger purse,obviously, or was it.
Oh, it's for sale.
It was a coin purse.
It's like a coin purse.
She can.
She can fit, like, a pack ofcigarettes, business cards, lipstick,

(12:09):
maybe like a micro tampon.
Can't put the phone.
Like a micro tampon.
Like the little ones.
You mean just a tampon?
They make mini ones on the go.
Yeah, the tampons on the go.
I mean, aren't they all on the go?
You're not.
They fit better in your.
If you're going out and, like,you don't want to take up a lot.

(12:31):
Of space, they're like, yeah,but hear me out.
I mean, all Tampons?
Yeah.
They're Transformers.
Yes, they're Transformers.
What'd you say, Sarah?
They're more on the go.
They are way more on.
They.
Do they fit in, like, a clutch purse?
They fit in Rachel's newpurse, I hope.

(12:51):
Yeah.
So wait a sec.
Why don't they just make alltampons that size?
Yeah, because that's what I'm saying.
Honestly, it's kind of a painin the ass to get it.
I don't know.
Because you have to pull itout and click it out and then.
Yeah, it's not used to the pulling.
Out if you're drunk.
Like I would.

(13:12):
Wait.
I use the Minis.
I just know they exist so much.
Rollout.
Chris is going to be like, m.
Do you have any Transformertampons I can play with?
Autobots, engage.

(13:34):
Now.
Never mind.
Now every time I use one, I'mjust going to laugh.
The great Tampon War.
You've got the Decepticonsversus the Autobots.
Yeah.
And, like, the big ones versusthe little ones.
I think maybe they're.
They'll change names to theAuto Clots.
Why isn't Tampax done, like, acollab with Transformers?

(13:56):
This is a missed opportunity here.
You know what?
We should get that happening, maybe.
What do you think?
All of us?
I think so.
I think we have to.
The campaign starts now, right?
Let's do it.
This country needs this.
They do.
Yeah.
Because we've got garbagecommercials out there right now.
Tampons need to be more exciting.
They do.
I wanna.
I wanna be.
I want someone to buy them.

(14:17):
Not more expensive.
Not more expensive.
The more expensive.
So we gotta avoid that.
We'll figure out a way to make.
Keep them low budget.
Like, that's.
We'll get.
We'll get this.
I'll start.
Isn't it made out of, like, tissue?
Like what?
Like, how cheaper can it get?
They're not cheap, but we'llfigure it out.
Wait a second.
This is glorified cotton in acondensed form that you shove up

(14:41):
there.
Like, what.
What are we talking about here?
Can you make your own?
Listen, this is a special areathat you're, you know, trusting this
to go in.
So you really need to makesure that it's high quality.
He's not super experiencedwith that, so he wouldn't understand.
I say just bring back the padsand just shove toilet paper up there.
No, no.
This looks like a job for Optimus.

(15:04):
Bring in the expert.
I don't know where we were,but I love talking about tampons.
Apparently.
Did Rachel get the bag?
Yes.
Ah, that's right.
The micro tampon bag.
Yeah.
I teamed up.
I teamed up with the.
With the Gen Z salesperson,and we convinced her to get it.

(15:27):
I said, here's the thing.
I said, babe, if you leave,I'm going to come back tomorrow and
get it for you.
Like, so.
I know you want it.
We're just gonna get it.
So.
I feel like I was redeemed forthe lightsaber, but she likes the
lightsaber.
Like, you should have seen herface the first time she had the lightsaber
ignited.
It was.
It was.
She loved it.

(15:47):
Yeah.
You have a video?
I need to.
I need proof.
Just.
Just me.
I'm the only witness, actually.
Okay.
Well, the first time she heldmy lightsaber.
Okay, we don't know.
We don't need to talk about that.
We don't need it.
No.
Moving on.
Wow.
This is smaller than I thoughtit would be.

(16:08):
Explain.
It's the Yoda one.
And then she played with myYoda lightsaber and was like, this
is a lot smaller than Ithought it'd be.
But she.
She loved the way it felt inher hand.
Yes, Sarah?
No, no, nothing.
Okay, I'm gonna.
I'm gonna stay out of this one.

(16:28):
So, speaking of green, we'vegot St.
Patrick's Day coming up now.
Sarah, you've got red hair.
Are you Irish at all?
Like, you're.
I feel like you're part everything.
I.
I do have some in me, and.
Oh, yeah, no, no, that's hisnew alter ego.
Irish and Welsh and Romanian mostly.

(16:51):
Okay.
Yes.
I can't do an Irish accent.
I was going to do the St.
Louis.
The Puerto Rican leprechaun.
That's pretty good, actually.
That's pretty.
Pretty spot on.
That wasn't bad.
It was better than I thoughtit would be.
That's what my wife said to Miranda.
Well, you know, we have a lotin common.

(17:14):
So do you do anything for St.
Patrick's Day?
Sarah, I know you're working,but it's a Monday night, so.
Oh, you're going to berecording with us.
But would you normally do.
No, no, not a big.
Not a big deal for me.
Miranda, what about you?
You're.
You're a parent, so, you know.
But before kids, I used to goout to the bar and have the green

(17:35):
beer and all that fun stuff.
But.
Yeah, I know.
But.
No.
Okay.
We don't.
We don't do.
I forgot.
So.
Anything.
I.
Actually, this year, my goalfor St.
Patrick's Day and I'm, like, working.
Spending the week to workmyself up to it.
I want to try Guinness for thefirst time because I've never had
a Guinness before.
Why do you have to work yourway up to it?
It's like, because I'm scared,because everybody's like, it's.

(17:58):
It's either the best beer thateverybody anybody's ever had, or
it's the absolute worst beer.
And I.
Okay, I'm just getting into beer.
I've had a Guinness.
Yeah?
Did you like it?
Was it good?
No, it was awful.
I hated it.
I also hate beer, so.
Yeah, if you hate beer, that'sa bad one to.
I just got into beer, like,what, like a month or two ago, and

(18:20):
I'm only drinking, like, one beer.
There's only one, like, beerthat I like, and that's all I can
drink.
So that's not even really a beer.
Of course, Banquet is a beer.
Thank you very much.
Wait, what is it?
Course banquet.
It's heavier than your Bud Light.
No, it's way heavier than myBud Light.
But you're making a really bigdeal out of, like.
You don't have to work yourway up to it.
You drink it, and you eitherlike it or you don't.

(18:42):
I think it tastes like a penny.
I was trying to.
A penny?
Yeah, like, you know, if youput a penny in your mouth before
you swallow and have to go tothe emergency room, Guinness tastes
like a copper penny.
I know a kid that did that.
Maybe I should swallow amagnet to also find the penny.
I don't.
It's copper.
Magnetic.
No.
Well, anyway.

(19:03):
So, Chris, do you do anythingfor St.
Patrick's Day?
Usually exhausted on St.
Patrick's Day, because thenight before, I have to hide my gold
everywhere for everyone to find.
That was perfect.
So I hate to say Patrick's Day.
It is my least favorite day ofthe year.
Because you hate the Irish.

(19:23):
The Irish are very hateable.
Well, I love Ireland.
I want to go there.
I hate one type of Irish, and.
That'S the leprechauns, theNotre Dame.
Why do you hate Leopard?
Well, I hate them, too, butlet me tell you.
Let me tell you why I hate St.
Patrick's Day.
So when I was in first grade,okay, so picture it.

(19:43):
Little Scott, first grade,sitting next to.
Jesus now, just without the glasses.
I had hair, Darren.
And the testicle had dropped.
We need a picture.
Yeah, of the testicle or of meas a.
No, you as a little one with hair.
Gotcha.
So we all had a project, anindividual Class project.

(20:07):
We had to make leprechauntraps so that we could catch leprechauns.
Now, I was all in on thisproject, okay?
I did my research, what makesthe best traps.
And this is like, I had tolook in the encyclopedia.
Oh, Chris, an encyclopedia isa book that you open and you have
information in.
It's kind of like chatgpt.
But, yeah, I'm kind ofconfused on why you were dumb enough

(20:29):
to look for how to make aleprechaun trap in an encyclopedia.
I was in first grade, and Ifigured that the encyclopedia knows
everything, so I.
I first looked to see ifanybody had been known to catch a
leprechaun, and they hadn't.
I said, oh, this is exciting.
I'm going to be the first.
This is great news for me.
I'm going to catch aleprechaun and be famous.

(20:50):
Now, I worked.
I worked all.
It was the only project inschool, in the history of school
that I actually worked reallyhard on and didn't wait till last
minute.
And I'm going to tell you why.
I wanted more siblings.
And so anything I could everwish on it was to have more siblings.
And you asked, well, did youhave a sister?
Yeah.
Didn't really like her thatmuch, so, like, I would.

(21:12):
I was tired of plucking myeyelashes to make a wish on a fallen
eyelash.
I was tired of seeing theseladybugs fly to their death as I'm
making a wish on the ladybugs.
There's only so many birthdaysI could pretend to have to make a
wish on the birthday, and.
And I was tired from trying tofind falling stars to wish on.
What is a poem?

(21:33):
Dude, get it.
Spit it out.
Where.
Where are you going with thisdepressing poem I've ever heard in
my life?
I wanted more siblings, and Ifigured if I catch this leprechaun
that's taking my wishes to thesource, I could cut out the middleman
and he could just grant me thewishes and I'd have siblings.
So I go to school.
My gosh.
I go to school, and I'm soexcited about this leprechaun trap.

(21:53):
I'm going to catch thisleprechaun, have more siblings.
So we.
We go to.
We go to lunch, go to recess.
I come back, and there's aKeebler elf sitting outside the door
of my trap.
First of all, highly offensive.
Elves and leprechauns are twodifferent beings.
Two different beings.
Oh, you're right.
I never thought of it that way.

(22:14):
Yeah, you'd have to be racistto think otherwise.
Yeah.
So a.
A normal child, a normal humanbeing would say.
Wouldn't look at anencyclopedia for a lever.
Would say, okay, the teacherbrought in the Keebler elves.
There was no leprechaun or whatever.
I didn't think that.
I said, okay, this trap wasn'tgood enough.

(22:35):
The leprechaun left me an elf,thought he'd be cute, left everybody
else to make them feel likethey did something.
So I went home and I built asecond trap because I was determined.
I mean, I looked this time Ihad a gun.
I looked like the movie memewith all the algorithms going on.

(22:57):
And I'm like, I am gonna catchthis elf.
And what's that?
He caught the elf.
Leprechaun.
No, I.
I Fast forward about 40 yearslater, I caught the elf.
And I said, chris, do you wantto be on the new New Friends podcast?
Wait, you're that old?
What, 40 years later?

(23:18):
Something like that.
I'm 45.
Oh, my gosh.
I thought you were, like, 39.
Stop in the sun too long.
So I'm like, I am nine monthsaway from a sibling.
This is fantastic.
I set the trap.
I wake up the next morning,and all that's under it is some little
chocolate wrapped in gold anda headshot of a basketball player.

(23:41):
A headshot of a basketball player.
Headshot of a basketball player.
Why?
I don't know.
Apparently, we get gifts on St.
Patrick's Day.
Now, that's a gift.
We don't do that.
So I'm in tears years.
I'm so devastated.
And my dad says to me, why areyou so upset?
Like, you'll just have to try.
I said, I just want more sib.

(24:03):
I want another brother or sister.
And I figured I could wish tothe leprechaun and he'd get that.
And he goes, you want another brother?
Sister?
I'm like, yeah.
He's like, all right, well,I'll discuss this on.
He says, I'll discuss thiswith your mother.
And I'm like, no, you have nocontrol over this.
Like, what are you going to discuss?
Like, there's no discussion happening.

(24:23):
The only discussion, the onlydiscussion you have to have is, what
is the child's name going to be?
You don't.
You don't have a choice.
God puts the seed in and makesit happen, and nine months later,
you have a baby.
Plain and simple.
So, anyway, I don't celebrate.
Celebrate St.
Patrick's Day.
Celebrate St.
Patrick's day.
It's garbage.
Oh, hey, real quick.

(24:43):
If you don't tell, if youdon't celebrate.
What's your favorite shake toget at McDonald's?
A Shamrock Shake.
Oh, okay.
There, Darren.
But you do.
But you do indulge in Irishculture, you scumbag bag.
You can't hate it because ofyou being dumb.

(25:04):
I was in sixth grade, Miranda.
It doesn't matter.
That's not fair.
Like, give it a chance.
You, you know, move on.
Okay.
Now, where babies come from.
So let go of your.
No idea.
Well, I keep having to figurethat out.
Because, I don't know, God keeps.

(25:25):
Planting the seed in my.
I think it's time to let go.
Okay, so, Sarah, do you have aGene Hackman update for us?
Well, they've figured out why.
Hold on, hold on, hold on one second.

(25:53):
Jewish American princess,never breaks the sweat.
Queen of one liners, she'squick on the beach.
Super nerd power makes her phone.
All right, go ahead, Sarah.
What is our Gene Hackman update?
By the way, if you want tohear the full version of all of these
songs, just join our clubhouse.

(26:14):
It'll be on our patreon forall of our members.
So upbeat.
So morbid.
They've figured out how they died.
Oh, so.
So apparently his wife passedaway a week before he did because
of I'm.
I'm.
Rodent born disease killed her.

(26:36):
She died from the plague.
Wait, so Chris killed her?
A rare rodent borne diseasewhich is only found by.
Well, spread by infectedrodent droppings.
So she's eating rat poop?
I don't know.

(26:57):
How did we get here?
Like, how do you think theykept their skin so soft?
What did the house look like?
That's what I want to know.
Like why?
If their house was disgusting,there might not be some.
I don't know.
This is a 3 1/2 million dollar home.
Like it can't be that disg.

(27:18):
Yeah, and apparently he hadheart disease and Alzheimer's and
just might not have even knownshe was dead.
He was an Alzheimer.
Oh, Alzheimer's.
Alzheimer's.
Yeah.
Good thing he had.
Good thing he has loving kidsthat checked on him every day, huh?
Like, how did this happen?

(27:38):
Well, I.
She wasn't there to feed him.
And that's how he died.
Yeah, he wasn't there to feedhim and give him his medication.
So sad.
And then the dog was locked ina kennel.
Why was the dog in the closet?
It was in a kennel.
She just picked him up fromthe vet.
It wasn't.
It wasn't comfortable enoughto come out yet.
Miranda I get it, but I saw.

(27:59):
Somewhere that she was found,like in the bathroom with pills scattered
all around her.
Yeah, she dropped dead in themiddle of taking her.
Just her medication.
Like what, her rodent protectant?
Zero to death?
Like that fast?
Whatever this rare disease is.
I.

(28:20):
I'm.
There's more questions.
Yeah, like she didn't havesymptoms leading up to that.
Like, that she went to thedoctor for maybe.
So I've seen where she did have.
Like, she was wearing a maskin public when she went to go pick
up the.
Pick up the dog.
So there were some symptomsand she was responding to emails

(28:41):
up until the night that she died.
So I.
Yeah, I think that she maybedidn't die instantly, but definitely
collapsed.
And her husband was avegetable, so we had nobody there
to help her.
Why didn't they have a live inlike nurse or something?
Right, that's what I'm thinking.
Come on, you have money.
You're both sick.
Like, I.
I don't get it.

(29:02):
So poor Gene Hackman, his wifeis dead and he's wandering aimlessly
around the house for a weekbefore he finally dies of dehydration.
And.
And what do you think he did?
We had to use the bathroom.
Just like stepped right over.
I'm serious, Iverson.
Every time he had to go to.
The bathroom, he probablydidn't get up.

(29:25):
Chris.
He probably.
He just let it go, you know,he just let it go.
So, yeah, weird, weird circumstances.
And then the dog, obviouslyfrom dehydration and malnourishment.
There has to be moreinformation, though.
I'm sure.
I want to believe that you'reright just for the sake of content
and you bringing us thisupdate every week.

(29:45):
Well, I want to know how shegot to where she was at.
That's what I want to know.
It's interesting, like I said.
Where did you work?
What were you doing?
Like, how do you.
That's got to be long termexposure, I would think.
It can't unless you ingested it.
I don't know.
It's.
It's very rare.
Only seven cases were reportedin New Mexico last year.

(30:05):
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'll let you know.
Please do.
Please keep us updated.
Miranda.
Yes.
You.
You've got your.
Your balls deep in.
In T ball right now.
Balls.
I almost said balls deep inteabagging, which would be a double
positive all in the same sentence.
Yes.
Balls deep in.
We're.

(30:25):
We're balls deep in all the balls.
Soccer T ball.
Like that's our life Rightnow, the kids, probably Nick.
We're here.
He's balls deep in his husbandright now.
Or someone else that they meton the cruise ship.
You never know.
You never know.
So what's going on with.
With.
With T ball?

(30:46):
So my little one just turnedfour this Saturday.
Okay.
And all the other kids on his team.
This is his first year playingT ball.
And all the other kids on histeam are, like, way bigger than him.
They're all five, going on six.
I mean, so he's this littlebitty, tiny, cute person.
I wish I could show you.
I'll figure out.
Is there any way to putpictures up on here?

(31:08):
Like, if we.
Anyway, that access gotrespected from me.
Thanks, Scott.
Anyway, so, you know, he'sjust very babyish still.
He's learning and wants toplay in the dirt the whole time and
will not listen to anything.
And we're, like, yelling, butwe're trying not to because you don't
want to be, you know, yellingover the coach, who is so nice, so

(31:30):
patient.
I don't know where this mancame from.
He's a miracle I don't have.
Not the leprechaun, so.
Well, no.
Just saying.
No, no, no.
He did not come from theleprechaun, but, yeah.
So we're just.
My husband and I both.
He played baseball foreverchampionship baseball player.
I was championship softball player.
So I know it's T ball.

(31:50):
Okay.
And you like men?
Yeah, I was gonna say.
You married?
I played volleyball, softball.
But, yes, I like men.
Volleyball.
Even said.
Does volleyball leave it at all?
I think volleyball is girlyenough to.
Was there.
Was there anything in college?
Anyway, so, I mean.

(32:12):
She'S like, we'll.
Save that story for another time.
I mean, you know, we all dothings, so.
What kind of things?
T ball.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, that's another story.
But yes.
So Scott's writing it down, so we're.
Gonna have years worth ofMiranda owes me stories.

(32:34):
I need to write it down likeyou always tell me.
Write it down.
Write that down.
Yeah, it's just.
It's hard.
I love him, and they're socute, but it's hard because he just
doesn't understand anythingand he doesn't listen.
He's adhd, I swear, because weall are.
And he's.
He's doomed.
So.
Yeah, he's just gonna play inthe dirt and run all over the field.

(32:56):
Does he have.
They have him, like, in theinfield and he's just, like, building
castles?
Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah.
It's cute.
You know, I used to run incircles on the soccer field.
Wouldn't even kick the ball.
He did that too.
He did that too.
Here's what's funny.
Darren would run around incircles and he was way ahead of his
time with his finger up in the air.
Just acknowledge me.

(33:18):
Like, finger up in the air,running around in circles.
Oh, goodness.
You think Roman got the ideahe was out?
He was at one of my.
This little white kid has a point.
Youth sports, when they'rethat age, that's so much fun.
It's cute, but it's frustrating.

(33:38):
It is.
It's.
It's all the thing.
I think I said this a coupleweeks ago.
My.
My brother in law and I, wehad to go to Michaela's.
She was a cheerleader.
So like, we weren't even there.
Like, supposed to be there forthe football games, but it was like,
yeah, that sucks.
We.
We started playing fantasy football.
Like, we drafted players fromeach team.
We bet on it.
I got a little child labor.
So now, Miranda, when I wasn'there, you were discussing how like,

(34:03):
you have a surprise baby.
And apparently you thoughtthat leprechauns grant wishes and
brought babies as well.
No, I just thought when myhusband says, no, I didn't, that
that meant no, he didn't.
But yes, he did.

(34:23):
So surprise.
But you guys are going to befixing that.
We've got a big day coming up soon.
Big day.
Let's talk about that becauseI have not gone through the big day
yet.
I don't know why.
I don't want any more kids.
I don't want the three that I have.
Oh, don't say that.
No, it's true.
We don't want.
We don't want him either.

(34:46):
Yeah, it's so funny.
They keep giving me high cholesterol.
Dudes.
And like, hey, dad, you needanother cigarette.
Trying to like speed up the process.
Like, do you want to eat rat poop?
What did you do to them?
Nothing, I just wasn't there.
What did he not do?
Well, I.
I could.
I could make you a lit.
The list of things he didn'tdo is like this short.

(35:07):
Wait, the list of things Ididn't do was this short?
Yeah, things that you didn'tdo right or.
Sorry, didn't do right.
Wait a minute.
You didn't teach him how to see.
How to talk either.
So anyway, Miranda, big daycoming up, right?
Yes.
So March 31, he is going to behaving his vasectomy, which.

(35:28):
Hey, we.
That was supposed to happenafter our four year old.
Okay, now we have an almosttwo year old.
So he just fought it everystep of the way and was like, oh,
I'm gonna lose my balls.
I'm like, you're not losing.
He's not a dog.
I know.
That's what I tried to tell him.
He doesn't get it.
He's so.
Well, what's funny?
Let's rewind a couple year.
A year or two ago, Chris hadno idea that when you have a vasectomy,

(35:53):
stuff still comes out.
Yeah, no idea.
He's like, oh, so you couldjust masturbate in a movie theater
and you're not going to make a mess.
Just a puff of smoke.
Yeah, I mean, I thought I.
I was in the same camp, I guess.
That's hilarious.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, he literally, Ithink, thought for the longest that

(36:14):
they were just gonna chop hisballs off.
And there they go.
It's just ridiculous.
I mean, I've heard it's likethe easiest thing ever.
You're in, you're out, you're fine.
You're at work the next day, so.
Oh, you don't even get like a month.
I mean, you don't even getlike a week to.
No.
Have a pity party.
Did you have a baby?
No.
I mean, no.
I mean, not really.

(36:35):
60 seconds does not count.
That's.
We did all the work.
I sleep on that uncomfortablecouch in the delivery room.
Well, you will never.
Let me tell you.
I.
You're not wrong.
I still have a crick in my neck.
You talking about.
I had to hear about it thewhole time.

(36:56):
That's true.
They don't wait.
They don't wait on the.
The father hand and foot.
Well, they did.
So I couldn't eat anything.
I wasn't allowed to have foodbecause I had.
Yeah, Emily couldn't either.
Something.
I had something and they keptbringing him food in.
No, no, no.
I had something wrong with mewhere they had to give me.
I don't.
There's something wrong withyou if you want to be on this podcast

(37:16):
every single week.
Well, but I.
I know, I know there issomething wrong, but.
Yeah, I had to watch him getfood brought in every meal, and I
was just like.
I got ice chips and Sprite.
And he was like, I'm so sorry.
I'm like, you gotta eat, youknow, Keep up your energy.
Keep up your energy for all the.

(37:36):
Pushing you're gonna be doinglater for the nothing.
Yeah.
Well, that's exciting.
Maybe I'll be.
Maybe we'll go together.
I'll fly up to Tennessee.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He and I can go together andwe could share war stories about
the.
The splinters that the chairsand the hospitals gave us, and I
think that would be uncomfortable.
It was for us.
And we didn't get a fullnight's sleep.

(37:58):
Oh, and we'll throw you aparty or a parade.
Either.
Either or.
I mean, maybe there will be leprechauns.
I don't know.
It's possible.
So we've got some importantnews to attend to or important things
to tend to, and that's.

(38:19):
We are overdue for the annualFriendy Awards.
It.
It used to happen the lastweekend in March, which is the actual
anniversary of this podcast.
And now we're.
Last year it was March, andthen this year it's April, so we
need to come up with categories.
And Chris and Darren, I'mreally leaning heavily on you guys
here.
You're going to be very.

(38:39):
Don't lean too heavily.
We'll to crush us.
It's not sound safe.
Okay.
I don't know that this isgoing to be as good of an idea as
I thought.
That was a fat joke, Scott.
Yes, I got that.
I got that.

(39:00):
So I'm going to be completelyhonest with you.
Maybe this will be the.
This is not a bit.
I don't really have a lot ofmemory of the podcast in the last
year.
Yeah, I don't remember.
I.
I walk away from the podcast.
Forget.
And maybe it's from having a kid.
I think, you know, you know,when you give birth, a lot of, like,

(39:22):
your memory starts to go.
You pass it on to the child.
So I don't know if that hasanything to do with it, but, you
know, I forget a lot now.
So what if we did.
What if we did something else?
Because we.
We.
We haven't had a lot of gueststhis year, so we can't even, like,
really do best guests.
They all bailed.
They all bailed.
We can't really do BestInterview because I think we only

(39:42):
did one interview this year.
Yeah, they're busy doingRemy's roundtable.
So what if we did something else?
I.
I've been thinking about thisfor a little bit.
A lot of our show is basedaround exaggeration and bits.
Yeah.
Spoiler alert.
So what if we allowed everybody.
You have between now andWrestleMania weekend or the week

(40:05):
before, whatever.
Yeah, you're fired.
No.
To send in questions that youmay have for us.
Like, Chris, did you reallythrow a homeless man's pizza over
the fence?
Oh, it's a good.
It's a good.
That's a good idea.
So the friend is making itless of an award show and like a.

(40:28):
Like more of a Q A to tell the truth.
That one episode, like thatone episode that they have to do
like a filler because all thewriters are on strike and we're like,
oh, we'll just do a Q Aepisode with the cast and break.
Perfectly put.
Alex, cut that.
I don't know.
What do you, what do you guys think?
Because I don't want to dolike a recap of the year because

(40:50):
I don't want to edit that much.
I will say that usually whenyou leave it to listeners to ask
questions.
Nobody sends an email.
Right?
Yes.
They, they think of it whenthey're listening and then forget.
Correct, Correct.
That's okay.
I was just going to send abunch of fake emails.
Alex cut that and, and be incontrol of our own destiny.

(41:12):
Okay, maybe we'll just do that then.
Alex got the part about mesending my own emails.
Actually don't.
So I, I don't know.
I, I think that would be, thatwould be a better idea because I
think at this point if weforce a friendies it's going to be
bad.
I don't think there's enoughcategories unless.

(41:32):
We get Eddie dies it on to host.
Well, can you get it eason on?
We should, we should see ifhe'll get him.
You know what we should do isask him if we pay a little extra
if he'll do like a tell all orsomething and like reveal his darkest
secrets.
Oh yeah.
Sarah, you were gonna say something.

(41:53):
Have Miranda or I send the message.
Yeah, that's true.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah.
Actually he messages me right anymore.
I don't want to put that on Miranda.
So I wished him happy birthdayand he said thanks, Chris.
For those of you who don'tknow, Eddie Dezed has appeared on

(42:13):
the show a couple times.
He was the voice of the knowit all kid in the Polar Express.
He was Eugene in Greece andalso the voice of the guy from the.
Show that Chris likes fromDexter's Laboratory.
Man Dark from Dexter's Laboratory.
There you go.
So I don't know, let me thinkabout it.

(42:33):
I, I'm not in love with doinga friendies this year just because
I feel like categories wouldhave already come to you guys.
Yeah, yeah.
And you would have alreadythought of them.
You walk yourself into itevery time.
I know, I know now something Iwas thinking about is, you know,

(42:56):
we say all the time you keeplike it's 20, 25 you can't say those
things.
Sure.
Like, you can't say Eskimo.
Can't say Indian.
It's Native American.
Yeah, just keep, keep listingthem off.
What else can't you say?
The New York Knicks.
You can't say, you know, theknickers anymore because it's too
close to something else else.
And you catch for that.

(43:17):
Well, we have a differentpresident now, and in 2026, I think
all these things are going tobe acceptable again.
Because now we're going to belike, it's 2026.
You can say that.
Or like, you can't say the.
So, free speech.
Yeah.
What do we think in 2026?
What terms do we think willbecome acceptable?
Like, or actually, what termsdo you hear on an everyday basis,

(43:39):
Miranda, that we're going tobe able to start.
Using all of them.
Them.
All of them.
Oh, gosh.
Bring back the Washington Redskins.
Make America great.
That'll make America great again.
You see, the thing that Ireally can't wait for them or for
us to be able to say again.

(44:00):
Darren, I don't know thatthat's ever going to be acceptable.
Chris.
What, what do you think?
What, what is the one, if youhad one term that it's like, you
know what?
I want to bring this back in 2026.
Oh, sitting Indian style.
I, I, I want to bring backsitting Indian style.
I think that was a, that was a.
One of the more underrated,borderline insensitive terms.

(44:23):
That wasn't ever insensitive.
I think it's honoring a,honoring a group of people and not
be literally, what?
Okay, think about it.
Think about, think about it.
You're sitting Indian style, right?
What.
How is that offensive?
You know, are you referring tothe group of people that live in
India or you talking aboutNative Americans?
Listen, my kindergartenteacher just said, guys, sit Indian

(44:45):
style.
And so we did it.
But you live in.
My first grade teacher told meto catch a leprechaun.
Listen, Scott, just let it go,you know?
Chris.
Yes.
Sitting Indian style.
And, you know, I'm havingconversations about, like, I was
wearing my Florida StateSeminole sweatshirt when I was in
Mexico, and they're like, oh,you can't wear that.

(45:06):
And I'm like, what are youtalking about?
It's like, if I can't have myRedskins, you can't have your Seminoles.
I'm like, two different things.
That's, that is, that isdifferent things.
Yes, but so I'm trying toexplain why it's different, and I
can't even explain it.
Using English.
Because I'm like, oh, theSeminole Indian.
Oh, I can't say that.
The seminal Native American.
The Seminole indigenous tribe.

(45:27):
Like, how tribe.
The Seminole tribe.
Yeah, but the Seminole tribe.
The football.
Like, what are we talkingabout here?
Hold on.
I'm trying to find.
I'm trying to find more terms.
Oh, okay.
So here.
Okay, here we go, guys.
Here we go, guys.
So I found a list of.
Of things that we shouldn'tsay anymore.

(45:48):
Okay.
And here we go.
So coming in at number one,gypped comes from the term gypsy,
which I had no idea.
Which actually makes sense now.
It makes sense now.
I use it all the time.
I do, too.
All the time.
I won't.
But I did know that that'swhere it came from.
I did not know.
Know.
But hold on.
Are.
Like, don't.
Why do we care about offending gypsies?

(46:09):
Like, they're horrible people.
I also don't.
I also.
That's the Romanian backgroundin me.
Okay.
Have you ever seen Hunchbackof Notre Dame?
Literally my favorite Disney movie.
Okay.
The gypsies used to try to ripme off all the time.
Right.
They're.
They're scam artists.
Yeah.
I never knew that the termgypsy was an actual racist or in.

(46:33):
Not racist but insensitivething to say, because isn't there
a song Gypsy via Fleetwood back.
There's a Broadway show Gypsy.
See.
Is this.
Is this a real thing?
Is gypsy an offensive term?
I didn't think gypsy was anoffensive term, but I do use gypped
a lot, which I know is anoffensive term.

(46:54):
In regards to gypsies.
Yes.
So instead, use terms likecheated or ripped off.
Nah, I think I'm gonna stick with.
All right, coming in at numbertwo, spirit animal.
Why can't you say spirit animal?
Because it trivializes asacred concept from some indigenous

(47:15):
cultures.
I'm.
I'm paying homage to theindigenous cultures.
No, because you're sayingthings like, quote, coffee is my
spirit animal.
Okay.
Coffee from the coffee bean.
And also there's rat poop in it.

(47:35):
Maybe that's how cheating.
His wife got sick.
Coffee was a spirit animal.
So staying on the topic of say something.
It just made me think ofsomething I watch.
There's a show called Reacher.
I don't know if any of youwatch it.
I want to.
I keep watching clips.
Gets me so fired up.
Oh, good.
But the other day, he wasdrinking coffee, and the maid was
like, it's made of cat poop.

(47:57):
And he's like, it's like somespecial fancy coffee that's made
from cat poop anyway.
Yeah, it's the most expensive.
No, true.
The.
The most expensive coffee inthe world is made out of cat poop.
I see that every day.
I don't want to drink it.
Sarah's like, I drink thisevery day.
Who came up with that scam?
A gypsy.
Yeah, you got chipped.
Anyway, staying on the topicof Native Americans powwow.

(48:20):
I use the term pow wow everyonce in a while.
Let's have a pow wow real quick.
Yeah, before.
No, no, no, no.
That's pow.
Pow.
That's a box.
Hey, before our next podcast, let's.
Let's get together.
It's a.
Used for casual meetings.
Let's have a pow wow.
It reduces a spec Americanceremonial gathering, though.

(48:42):
So what I'm getting here isthe Native Americans are easily offended.
I think white people thinkthat they're easily offended.
I, I, I.
There's a lot of NativeAmerican groups that want to bring
back the name Redskins.
It's white people thatpetition to change the name for the
record.
Anyway.
Lame.
What?
That's so lame.
Leans on a term for physical disability.

(49:03):
In a way, that's dismissal.
Kind of like when I say, youcan't say handicapped.
The next one, which I thinkacross the tailor.
Tell Brandon that, constant.
I don't think we need todescribe that.
Yeah, Hobo.
I didn't know hobo was anoffensive term.

(49:24):
Hobo is an offensive housed,unhoused person or traveler or gypsy.
I was gonna start tellingpeople I travel.
I like this one.
Chinaman.
An older racial slur forChinese people steeped in xenophobia.
Just use Chinese person.

(49:45):
Oriental or.
There's a lot of Orientalrestaurants in my area, not because
they're Chinese, but becauseit's called Oriental Palace.
But I thought Oriental was okay.
If you're describing a thing,as long.
As you're not calling a personChinese person and you're calling
a Japanese or a Vietnameseperson Chinese, that's offensive.

(50:06):
You know, shouldn't call justlike the.
A group of people from Asia.
Orientals.
Like, that's, that's.
No, they're Asian.
They're Asian.
Right, but that's like, like,like Canadians.
United States are ins.
And Mexicans are all Americans.
They call.
They call us Trump supporters.

(50:26):
Oh, my God.
I was just gonna say Canadianscall us trash a lot of things now.
They hate us, though.
Yeah, but there's.
There's one Canadian on yourside, guys.
Don't worry.
Who's that?
Me.
Hello.
She's everything.
Okay, so in this episode,you've been Romanian, Irish, Scottish,
Canadian.
Man, you added a couple.

(50:48):
But you asked for my background.
My dad was born and raised inMontreal and I am in fact a Canadian
citizen in.
I forget.
You know what I need insteadof this stupid thing of Paris behind
me?
I need to get a world map.
And I'm going to put athumbtack everywhere Sarah mentions
that she's lived.
Okay, Sarah, I want to see if you.
You ever use this term?
No.

(51:08):
No.
Have you ever used the term,like, when you haggle with someone,
do you ever say that you'vechewed them down?
Yes, because I'm allowed tosay that usually come off as has
jud them down.
It's more like, I am such a Jew.
Which is true.
It's okay.

(51:28):
It is.
It is a true stereotype.
And so are the Canadians.
So I have to prove myselfwrong in two ways because they're
all so very cheap.
So here's Sarah.
So let me ask you anotherquestion because I know we're all.
And Miranda too, because Iwant to see or I guess anybody.
But I'm gonna ask Sarahbecause I sound funnier.

(51:49):
Lewis is wearing a.
In a tank top undershirt.
What do you call it?
Wife.
Oh, sorry, that.
That's a wife beater.
Yes.
Right.
And.
And that's.
And like, to this day, I like,like, I'll be at a store.
I'll be at a store and belike, hey, where are your wife beaters?
I feel like that would never go.
All down in Florida.

(52:10):
Like, sir, you're at Walmart.
Look around.
Down.
Take your back.
So it's funny because when Ifirst met Brandon and every night
when he'd come over, he wouldbe in none other than a wife.
He would show up in a wife.
Why I stayed with this man andmarried him and had kids with him,
I don't know.
But yeah, here we are.

(52:32):
Oh, my goodness.
Down from the hills whereshadows creep she's got a secret
buried deep A fiery smile witha twinkle so sweet but don't cross
a path or feel.
Defeated.

(52:58):
Sorry, I had to get that onein there.
Love it.
I love it.
When I looked at anotherarticle article for more of these
terms.
One article is just all racistterms that I cannot even say.
Like, it's just like, yeah,here's one for an Irish people Patty.
I never knew that was a.
That's bad.
The word savage is not good anymore.

(53:20):
Ghetto.
How.
How was that derogatory?
It says as an adjective that'sso ghetto it mocks poverty and black
urban life.
Describe what you mean rundownor cheap without the stereotype.
Why does it have to be black?
I know, but listen, ask the article.
It's not.
Hey, Jews, Jews, wealth.
Dealt with the ghettos too.
So what's wrong with.

(53:44):
It's once a medical term, nowa harsh jab at physical disability.
Just use disabled person orperson with a disability.
Keep it human.
Can't say anymore.
Yeah, that's what I call my transmission.
You have to use the full name now.
Your transmission.
Or you can just say transinstead of tranny.

(54:07):
It's not the same.
Not for the engine, for the people.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Tomboy is now offensive.
That yesterday.
I mean, it's better than the alternative.
Well, Butch.
No, I'm not going to say thealternative on there.
Oh, the D word.

(54:28):
Yeah, the D.
I was thinking the D word.
Tomboy.
Not the worst offender.
But it's dated and re.
Reinforces gender norms.
An example, girls can't berough naturally.
Use the terms active kid or adventurous.
Okay, Active kid.
Yeah.
Wife beater is probably.
My wife beater is one that Ithink will be grandfathered in.

(54:49):
Grandfathered in is anotherterm you're not supposed.
Exactly.
But we're.
Pretty soon we're going tohave to talk in Morse code because
everything's gonna be offensive.
The good thing is, Chris, thewhole point of this whole thing is
we won't have to talk in Morsecode because in 2026 we can bring
back these terms.
So no can do is another.

(55:10):
What are we offending?
Soup cans?
Sounds innocent, but it mimicsbroken English in a mocking way,
often aimed at Asian immigrants.
Can't swing it is more appropriate.
But now we're being offensiveto baseball players.
Right?
Or bad baseball players.
Bad bas players.
Calling someone a chubbychaser meant to rib guys who like

(55:32):
bigger women.
It's body shaming dressed as a quip.
Someone with a type is more.
It's more appropriate.
Let's call them someone with a type.
But we don't know what type.
That comes off more offensiveto me.
And their type is highcaloried humans.
We'll do a few more and thenwe'll move.
I'm just having a lot of fun.
This is offending people.

(55:52):
Yeah.
Fruit cake.
That's.
Hold on.
Oh, I use that a lot.
The role of offensive host isusually played by me, Chris.
I'm reading verbatim what Iwrote for my journal, Chink in the
armor.
Oh, yeah, we have a whole tickTock video about that.

(56:13):
We do, we do.
Uppity.
Why is uppity Bad.
Once a dig at black people foracting above their station.
I didn't know it had anythingto do with black people that are
like.
What are they like?
I saw one today.
I use that word today.

(56:35):
Yeah, I mean, see, I offendeverybody, apparently.
It's okay.
You're Jewish.
You.
You are one of the.
I have a card.
Yeah, you have a card becauseyou're in the.
You're in that offended group.
Group that we've been offending.
So you can say offensive things.
It's okay.
This is actually the episodethat we get canceled.
Imagine all the clips.

(56:56):
Okay, so sold down the river.
Sounds like a slavery term.
The turtle down the river.
I've never used it.
Yeah, I have a trail quip today.
But it comes from slavery.
Call a spade a spade.
I've used that.
That.
Now we're offending cards.
Yep.
Sounds blunt and honest, right?

(57:17):
Nope.
Its origins are murkier, butit's been twisted into a racial jab
in some context.
Link the slur spade for black people.
The tomahawk chop for yourblessed, beloved Seminoles.
Why is that offensive?
They love it.
They do it themselves.
The Seminole tribe does it.
Yeah, but that's their thing.
We're taking that, and theygifted it to us just like they gifted

(57:38):
their lands to us.
Us.
They didn't.
We.
They still have their land.
No, we took their.
Their land was the UnitedStates of America.
Well, the.
Not the Seminole tribe.
The Seminole tribe still hascasinos and restaurants.
Don't worry, guys.
Darren Scott.
Darren Scott.
There's plenty of fine peopleon both sides.

(58:00):
All right, one more, Chris.
All right.
My last one.
Long time no see.
Defending blind people.
Native Americans.
What?
Why?
Because it mocks their broken English.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I was almost gonna do animpression, but.

(58:20):
Yeah, I was just thinking of,like, Peter Pan character.
Yeah.
Can't wait till 2026.
Yeah.
Low man on the totem pole.
Oh, yeah, we can't say that.
Yep, that's my rule of thumb.
Oh, never mind.
Rule of thumb's also another one.
All right, we're just gonna.
Wait, wait.
Actually, this is actually areally good one.

(58:42):
Rule of thumb.
A rough guess today, butfolklore ties it to an old law.
Letting men beat their wiveswith sticks no thicker than a thumb.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Interesting.
All right.
Hey, Chris Scott, you got anyCliff Notes?
I do.
You.

(59:08):
And those are like.
And there's.
Feather and rust.

(59:28):
He sells chaos, hidden stomach.
So, first of all, Kanye westjust put out a tweet saying, when
R.
Kelly gets out of prison, hisfirst album is going to be called.
I'm pissed.
The guy.
That guy.
Out of every 10 anti semitictweets, one is pretty funny, right?
I don't know.
I thought the.
The.
The.
The him tweeting out the clanoutfit was pretty funny.

(59:52):
He was like, why did Instagramtake this down?
So we started off talkingabout how Miranda's birthday and
Mother's Day around the same time.
So because of this, herhusband can do his all time favorite
thing, killing two birds withone stone.
He actually prefers using his hands.
But.

(01:00:14):
You'Re not wrong.
Scott said he got Rachel alightsaber for her birthday.
He actually wanted Rachel toremember what a firm hilt felt like.
So that's.
Oh, my God.
Not.
You said you were looking forsomething for Rachel at Disney Springs
and found Kate Spade.
Now I thought you meant herdead body and then realized you weren't
shopping for Miranda's husband.

(01:00:42):
Scott said he wanted thesiblings so bad he would pluck his
eyelashes out to make a wish.
Now that didn't work, so hejust continued up his head and reached
peak baldness by 12.
That was.
That was submitted by the wise man.
Actually.
Actually, that's a funny one.
Thank you.
Scott asked his dad for asibling and his dad said he'd discuss
it with Scott's mom.
Scott's parents must havereally liked the idea because all

(01:01:02):
Scott could hear was themclapping while they discussed it
in their room.
Oh, you don't like how.
You don't like how it feelswhen your parents are talked about
in a sexual manner?
Oh, you don't like that?
Oh, hi.
That's very interesting.

(01:01:24):
So, okay, sorry, story time.
So Darren comes out to the patio.
Darren stepped out on thepatio right in the middle of it.
So Rachel got a really nicetan and she looks fantastic.
She's first of all, veryreally nice tan.
And she's been like, goinghard on the peloton.

(01:01:46):
So she's lost weight.
And.
And I'm like.
Sorry for you.
Are you jealous?
This guy's heart can't take it anymore.
So.
So, you know, I was justcomplimenting her, telling her how
attractive she is, and Darrencomes out and says something.
Something like, ew, you know,get a room.

(01:02:07):
And I said, what?
I didn't tell you that Ijackhammered your stepmom last night.
And.
And because he was beingannoying, so I just kept descriptive
as.
As it would.
Because he wouldn't leave.
He just sat there and I was.
Like.
Just having that visual nowwhat forever being.

(01:02:30):
When he jackhammer.
He did.
He did like three Thrusts.
And then he was done.
It was really fast.
Darren.
When he said jackhammer, allhe meant is the.
The noise he made.
When I.
When I said jack hammered, Iliterally meant I was repair driveway.

(01:02:52):
When you said jackhammer, he'sjust jacking off while hammered.
That's.
That's really.
And lastly, you talked abouthow Transformers need to do a collab
with Tampon, so I'm going tohelp with coming up with some potential
names.
So I came up with a couple.
We have Optifflow prime andBumble Bleed.

(01:03:16):
Those are my favorites.
Thank you so much, Chris.
He's so pissed.
When we get Transformertampons, I'm gonna be texting you.
Chris.
We're gonna do that.
Hasbro's newest line.
Anybody got anything excitinggoing on with the kids this week?

(01:03:36):
I don't have kids.
Yeah, actually.
So actually, it's not.
I'm trying to think.
It's actually not fun.
She was sick, and I had to usethat straw nose suck thing again.
And like, and.
And I.
Accident.
And I'm.
I'm sucking hard.
Like, I.
Like when I listen.
And this is not to sound weirdat all, but I go with this thing.

(01:03:57):
Like, my lungs hurt after, andI don't think I'm using it right
because I don't think yourlungs should hurt.
I.
I for.
For whoever doesn't know whatthis is, look up, like, freedom Mom
Nose sucker.
And when you.
It is hard when you suck that thing.
Miranda, do you.
You, do you suck with your.
And I.
I really don't mean to sound weird.
Do you suck from your lungs ordo you suck from your mouth?

(01:04:19):
Do you close off your throatand suck, or do you just suck from
the.
And then do you spit or do you swallow?
I, like, hold my breath almostand just, like, do it.
Yeah.
And just, like, I mean, itworked, though, right?
So it does work.
But sometimes, like, some.
Some.
There's some boogers in therethat are, like, in the sinuses.
So you.
I do it for my lungs.
And I.
And I.
I thought I had to use my inhaler.

(01:04:39):
Apparently, after.
Oh, it's.
Yeah.
Sarah, how do you suck?
And Sarah's secret stash.
Find out for 8.99.
But talking about spitting, Igoing, like, I.
Like I said, I go.
I.
I.
I go from the lungs.
I forgot to put the filter inthe nose sucker.

(01:05:03):
Oh, no.
And I'm like, why is this somuch easier?
And then.
Oh, why did that sound like that?
Oh.
Oh, the picture.
Like, yeah, that was mybiggest night.
Like, fear.
I Retired using it.
Yeah, she's.
She's so congested now.
She's so congested.

(01:05:23):
But you're not eating boogers,so that's good.
I can't do it.
So that happened and Emilycame home and she's like, oh, the
filter's right here.
Here.
Thanks, babe.
So.
So, yeah, that happened andnow she got me sick.
So this is my flu game.
Hope I performed well andhopefully we win the finals.

(01:05:46):
But.
Yeah, so.
But this weekend we're goingto a St.
Patty's Day party and.
And so Emily's mom's comingover to watch the baby, which is
nice.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
I wish we had somebody to do that.
It's the best, I'm sure.
Yes, Darren Lewis and chatsays amazingly yes.

(01:06:06):
Thanks, Lewis and Chad.
Thanks.
So sweet.
Got your back, front, bottom, top.
Yeah, just.
Yes.
Oh, Miranda, where can ourlisteners find you?
You.
Oh, gosh, I just went blank.
Skip me.
Hold on.

(01:06:27):
Not your address.
Dude.
I just like, literally was thinking.
Don't.
Yeah, she's.
You can find me.
I love Dahmer on Tick Tock.
That should be it.
No, you can find me on theTick Tock at Rander Underscore Darren,

(01:06:49):
you.
Can find me on Instagram atDarren Underscore Maffei.
And that'll bring you to mylink tree where all my other socials.
Sarah, you can find me on thetick tock@super Sarah94.
Chris, you can find me onInstagram @ChrisYab and then follow
us on Tick Tock where I do alot of our videos now where in our

(01:07:10):
description because I alwaysforget the name at the park.
Nodiefriends.
Yeah, you can connect with allof us and see all of all of Chris's
videos that he puts out on ourInstagram, our Facebook, our Tik
Tok.
They're all right there on our website.
No new friends podcast dot com.
While you're there, check outour really sweet merchandise.
Join our clubhouse for as lowas $2 a month.
That's our Patreon.
And also, don't forget tocheck us out live every single Wednes

(01:07:30):
Monday.
Every Single Monday around 8pmon the YouTube.
You can see all of our smilingfaces as we record these things.
And if you listen to us onSpotify or Apple, please leave us
a five star rating and review.
It really helps us out, helpsus grow, all that good stuff.
On behalf of redbeard, theproducer Darren.com Nick, Sarah,

(01:07:51):
Miranda, Chris, I'm Scott.
Thank you so much for listening.
We'll see you next time.
See you later, Poopy bus.
Only friends Just the old and the.
Bold in the world of K We'rethe ones who hold Scott Chris out
and make a tale to be toldwelcome to the podcast where adulting

(01:08:12):
unfolds where adulting unfoldswe're adulting unfolds.