Episode Transcript
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Elana (00:00):
Hey, hey, hey, welcome
back to Partnership Aligned
Podcast.
Okay, this is the firstofficial episode of season two.
I did do a little intro lastweek, so if you missed that, you
can go back and kind of seewhat this season is gonna be all
about.
But also, I can just real quicksum up for you that what we're
gonna do this season is we'regonna look at different
(00:22):
spiritual characteristics, right, different characteristics that
make us a good person, and howcan we strengthen those
characteristics within ourselvesand then bring them into our
relationship, into our marriage,our partnership, relationship
with others, whatever it isyou're working on.
And the reason that I'm doingthat this season is because your
(00:46):
relationship with yourself isthe indicator of your
relationship with others, andwhen you embody these
characteristics, you embody aaligned relationship with
yourself, you become a betterperson, you become more aligned
with the person that you want tobe and therefore, as a
(01:08):
byproduct, your relationshipsthrive.
But we need to take a look atthese one by one.
So today we're going to startwith the spiritual
characteristic of gratitude.
Okay, let's talk aboutgratitude.
The first thing that I want totell you about gratitude is that
when psychologists try andmeasure happiness, they measure
(01:32):
it through a few differentthings, but the biggest one
being gratitude.
Okay, if someone is grateful,they are more likely to be
content and happy, so gratitudein itself is a powerful,
powerful tool.
The cool thing about all ofthese characteristics that we're
(01:53):
going to be talking about thisseason is that they are a
thought, they are a feeling andthey are an action.
So wherever you feel like youcan start right thinking
grateful thoughts, feelinggrateful or doing things that
promote gratitude.
Wherever you want to start,based on your personality and
your capacity, you can start.
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So, when we talk aboutgratitude, there's a lot of
different things that you can doto become a more grateful
person.
But why is it even important tobecome grateful, a more grateful
person?
But why is it even important tobecome grateful?
Well, we are unhappy anddiscontented when our
expectations and our realitydon't match, and it's really
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easy to fall into the gap right,to fall into this perspective
that, like I don't have what Iwant.
I don't have the marriage thatI want.
I wish my husband would bedifferent.
I wish he would help me morewith the kids.
I wish he would initiate sex.
I wish he would stop initiatingsex.
Whatever, it is right Like wehave a lot of complaints and a
lot of expectations all of us ashumans and that is just not a
(03:00):
healthy place to startrelationship work from.
So there's a reason I'm touchingon gratitude.
First, starting your work onyour marriage, on your
partnership, on whateverrelationship you're focusing on
this season, starting from aplace of gratitude will propel
you into faster and bettersuccess.
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The reason for that is thathumans do not make changes based
on negative emotions.
They just don't.
They make changes from positiveemotions.
Okay, so you can shame yourselfinto being different, but it's
not going to last and it's notgoing to feel good.
But when you tap into gratitudeand really get grateful for
(03:45):
everything that you do have,from there, you can make a
healthy judgment of what youwant to work on.
Okay.
So instead of starting from thegap, we're starting from the
gain and going from there, whichis just.
It just feels better, and whenyou feel better, you act better.
(04:05):
Okay, point blank.
All right, so let's talk aboutit.
How the heck do you bring moregratitude?
First I'm going to talk abouthow you bring more gratitude
into your life and then I'mgoing to talk about how to bring
it into your relationship.
Okay, so gratitude lists?
Obviously right.
You don't need to listen tothis podcast or be a brain
(04:26):
scientist, rocket scientist toknow that a gratitude list will
help you be more grateful.
So, obviously doing a gratitudelist, but I want to give you
some different ideas about howto actually implement that in
your life, because a lot ofpeople say they're going to do a
gratitude list but they don't.
The first thing is get someaccountability.
Okay, find a friend who isgrowth oriented like you are,
(04:48):
because if you weren't growthoriented, you wouldn't be
listening to this podcast.
Find a friend who is growthoriented like you are and set up
a daily gratitude text.
Right?
So I know a lot of people whodo it either first thing in the
morning or right before they goto bed and you exchange like
five things that you're gratefulfor.
Now, some people think thatthis always needs to be
(05:13):
something different or it alwaysneeds to be something really
deep and meaningful, and I wantto tell you that it doesn't.
A great trick to becoming moregrateful for the things that you
do have is to literally lookaround the room, sit there with
a pen and paper, get ready tomake a gratitude list or get
ready to text, you know,gratitudes to a friend.
And look around the room, sitthere with a pen and paper, get
ready to make a gratitude listor get ready to text gratitudes
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to a friend and look around theroom.
Okay, so right now I am sittingin my home right, recording
this podcast, and I'm lookingaround and the first thing that
I notice is my computer and so Ican say I am grateful that I
have electricity.
There are countries where theyturn off the electricity every
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evening at a certain time.
For the rest of the night Idon't have that.
I can work and be in contactand, you know, do whatever I
want to do with electricity intowhatever hour I want.
Okay, that's number one.
I'm looking around.
I'm looking at some bananas.
I am grateful that I havenutritious food in my house.
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I can also go deeper.
I am grateful that my tastebuds work.
I am grateful that I have teeth.
Right, like we take thesethings for granted, not
everybody has taste buds thatwork, especially after COVID,
and not everybody has teeth.
Some people have to get, youknow, fake teeth put in.
I know quite a few peoplepersonally.
(06:38):
So you can look around the room.
Right, you can look at someonein the room.
I can look at my child, whoisn't in the room right now, but
I can look at him and I can say, wow, I am so grateful that my
kid is healthy.
A lot of people don't have ahealthy child, right?
I can be so grateful for that.
I can get even more small andspecific.
(07:00):
I'm looking at a broom anddustpan right now.
I am grateful that my arms workin a way where I can coordinate
a broom and a dustpan.
Okay, so this is like.
These are tricks to be able totap into gratitude, like look
around.
The problem is that we get soused to the things that we have
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that we just stop seeing it.
Right, like something that yousee every single day, something
that you hear every single day.
You're going to stop actuallyseeing it or actually hearing it
.
So it is so important to makesure that we stop and take a
deeper look at some of thethings that we take for granted.
Okay, all right.
Another trick that I have foryou and this one is deep and it
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works really well when you'remaking a gratitude list, write
down all the things you'regrateful for, of course, but
then write down all of thethings that could be going wrong
that aren't.
So I could have cancer rightnow, but I don't right.
I could be homeless right now,but I'm not.
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I could have, I don't know,hair that's falling out, but I
don't right.
And if you do have one of thesethings, then you would pick
other things right.
But, like, what are all of thethings that could be going wrong
in your life that aren't goingwrong?
I could have gotten into a caraccident today when I was
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driving, but I didn't.
My kid could have I'm laughingbecause my kid actually does
have a fever but my kid couldhave woken up with 104-degree
fever and not gone to schooltoday and I could have gotten
nothing done.
That's half my story today.
But for you it's probably notright.
Like so many things could havegone wrong today and they didn't
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Pay attention to those things.
Because a lot of people havethe tendency to say why me when
something goes wrong, but theydon't say why me when something
goes right.
Gratitude, tap into thegratitude of what you have, as
opposed to what you don't have.
Okay, all right.
(09:11):
Now let's bring this intorelationships.
Let's bring this into marriage.
If you're listening to thispodcast, then you're having some
kind of struggle in yourmarriage or you would like to
level up, that means you'relooking at what's wrong or what
could be better.
Gratitude invites you to take alook at what's going right.
Now, I know what some of youare thinking, but if I look at
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what's going right, then thatmeans that I'm excusing him from
all the things he's not doing.
No, that's not true.
You made that up.
Okay, you get to experiencegratitude and good feelings
towards your partner and stillwant growth from him or her.
It's fine.
So let's put all that stuffaside for a minute, because it's
really just ego, and let's tapinto the gratitude of your
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partner.
Make a list of everything thatyou love and appreciate about
your partner.
Look at the big things, likemaybe they are a natural
protector or a natural provider,or they're a really good father
or you know whatever.
Some of those like really big,deeper things.
You can look at some of thesmaller things.
Right, you know he always makessure there's gas in my car.
(10:22):
He makes sure to prioritizedinner with the family.
That's kind of a big one,that's not even little, but like
all of the little things, right, he picks up his socks,
whatever.
All of the little things.
Make a list, then make a list ofeverything that could be wrong
with him.
That isn't right.
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He could have abandoned hiskids, like some men do, but he
didn't.
He could be sleeping with otherwomen, like some men do, but
he's not right.
If that's the case for you, hecould be whatever.
Now, this isn't to give himsome prize for not abandoning
kids or cheating on you.
That's not the point.
The point is to tap into whereyour starting point actually is.
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Instead of just looking at allthe things that could be wrong,
let's look at the things thatare right.
What do you like about himphysically?
What do you like about himemotionally?
What do you like about himmentally?
Is he really smart?
Does he have a great work ethic, like?
What does he have about himright?
My mom always used to say whatyou love about someone is also
what you hate about them.
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Look at the things you don'tlike about your partner and look
at the flip side of it.
What's the good in that?
What's the pro about that con?
Get yourself into a space ofgratitude, first of all.
You will like yourself betterin that moment and you will be
able to move forward.
Okay, now I would love for youto make a list of everything
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that you appreciate about yourpartner and then give it to them
.
That is just simply an act oflove.
There is no reason not to.
The only reason that you wouldnot make a list of all the
things you appreciate about yourpartner and give it to them is
because your ego is telling youoh, don't do that.
If you do that, he might thinkthat he's doing a good job and
(12:13):
we need him to do better.
Oh, don't do that.
He's never done that for you.
Oh, don't do that.
You're always the one doing thework.
That is your ego talking.
The whole point of this seasonis to study these spiritual
characteristics and get out ofego and get into a place of love
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and desire for growth andsolution.
Okay, my last tip to you aboutgratitude and this goes across
the board, when you're justtrying to embody gratitude in
general and when you want to doit in your partnership is say it
out loud.
So if you make a gratitude list, recite it out loud.
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I once had a very powerfulexperience.
This was maybe like five yearsago.
I was really going through ahard time.
Things were feeling really darkand I remember coming home from
work one night and just beinglike what is wrong with me,
right, and for whatever reason,I just I think somebody did tell
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me to sit down and make agratitude list.
I'm pretty sure somebody gaveme that tip because I have
spiritual mentors, but Iremember, I remember where I was
sitting and I sat down to writethat gratitude list and that
was the day that I decided towrite down everything that could
be wrong.
That isn't, and it was sopowerful, but what else I did?
That was the day that I decidedto write down everything that
could be wrong.
That isn't, and it was sopowerful, but what else I did
that was really powerful is.
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I stood up in front of themirror and I read my gratitude
list both of the things that I'mgrateful for and the things
that could be going wrong thataren't and I recited them in the
mirror to myself out loud.
And I can't explain to you whyor what it was, but I had such a
powerful shift.
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I really shifted internally.
I chose the gain over the gap.
I chose to be thankful and focuson the good over self-pity and
focus on the bad.
I decided to create an energyfor myself that night that
propelled me to grow as opposedto propelling me to stay stuck,
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and I don't know why.
I mean, clearly, it was just Godworking in my life, but it was
so powerful, and that's kind ofjust what I want to transmit to
you today is, you know, thereare so many different
perspectives and so many waysthat we can look at our
relationships.
We can look at the good and wecan look at the bad, and they're
probably both true, but whichbeast are you going to feed?
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Right, as the Chinese proverbsays, like, which beast are you
going to feed?
And while I totally, totallywant to honor all of your
desires and things that you wantto accomplish in your
relationship and I'm here tohelp you get there if you make
the starting point gratitude, ifyou make the starting point all
of the things that are amazingabout your life and about your
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partner from there, you can thencreate a plan for growth,
because you'll just be in anenergy where you can access the
characteristics that you need toactually grow.
All right, that's all I havefor you today.
Thank you so much for joiningme and I am so excited for the
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rest of this season.
Talk soon.