November 6, 2025 • 16 mins
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:12):
Hi there, you future therapist.
Welcome to our licensed for exampodcast.
I'm Dr.
Linton Hutchinson, and todaywe're going to go over the part
two of reflections of meaning,reflections of feelings, and
reflections of content incounseling.
Okay, so let's go through areally short narrative that
(00:35):
illustrates uh these threedifferences.
We'll call our client Samantha.
You know, any Samantha that's 34years old?
SPEAKER_01 (00:43):
I know a lovely Samantha.
SPEAKER_00 (00:45):
Okay, well, Samantha's coming into our
office today for a session.
SPEAKER_01 (00:49):
Okay, all right.
Well, this is all purely, youknow, hypothetical scenarios
here.
This is not based on any reallife Samantha's.
All right, so Samantha slamsherself into the chair in your
office and immediately launchesin and says, Are you kidding me?
Those idiots passed me overagain.
This makes it the third time intwo years.
(01:10):
And you know what?
Got it?
The boss's precious littleprincess, who's been here for
what, like half the time I have.
It's just so wrong.
SPEAKER_00 (01:19):
It's wrong.
SPEAKER_01 (01:20):
I've been killing myself.
I've been killing myself workingweekends, staying till midnight,
taking on everyone else's crapthat they don't want to do.
Look, I literally canceled myvacation last month to save his
butt on that board presentation.
My vacation, and this is what Iget.
SPEAKER_00 (01:38):
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (01:39):
Well, my husband says I should just walk out, but
oh, it's perfect timing since wejust signed our lives away on a
mortgage.
And to top it off, my mom callsme again yesterday asking if I'm
coming to my nephew's birthdayparty.
When I told her I'm workingagain, she goes dead silent,
like I'm the worst person in theworld.
Seriously, like I have a choice.
(02:00):
This whole thing just blows.
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
Really?
No, no, as you're listening toSamantha, you're processing what
she said on multiple levels,right?
As a therapist.
So let's break it down how youmight respond with each type of
reflection.
Okay.
You might say something likethis: Samantha, you've been
passed over for your promotionthree times in two years,
(02:24):
despite working weekends andstaying late.
The position went to someonewith a lot less sonority.
You canceled your vacation forwork, and now you're missing
your nephew's birthday party.
Your husband thinks you shouldquit, but you're concerned about
finances with your new home.
Is that right?
So, what type of reflection isthis, Stacy?
SPEAKER_01 (02:48):
Sounds a little bit like you're talking about who,
what, where, you know, basicstuff.
So I'd say reflection ofcontent.
SPEAKER_00 (02:55):
Okay, yeah, right.
It's basically you're organizingand reflecting back the concrete
information she's just shared toyou.
This at least helps Samanthaknow that you heard her clearly
and you understand and probablysympathize with her situation.
SPEAKER_01 (03:14):
Mm-hmm.
Yep, exactly.
And now if you're picking up onthose emotional undertones, and
there are plenty of them in thisscenario, you might use
reflection of feelings.
We're gonna go just a little bitdeeper.
So you're feeling frustrated andmaybe even betrayed that your
hard work isn't beingrecognized.
There's anxiety about thefinancial pressure, and I'm
sensing maybe some pain aboutthe family moments that you're
(03:37):
missing.
So do you see how that's alittle bit different?
You're not talking about justthe events themselves, just the
facts, ma'am, uh-huh.
Um, but about her emotionalexperience of those events.
And this can be really powerfulbecause sometimes clients don't
even realize how much emotionthey're carrying until you take
that time to reflect it back tothem.
SPEAKER_00 (03:57):
That makes sense.
And now for the reflection ofmeaning, and this is where it
gets really to the heart ofthings.
You might say something likethis Samantha, this situation
seems to be challenging yourfundamental beliefs about
fairness and how hard workshould be rewarded as opposed to
what actually happened.
(04:17):
It sounds like you're caughtbetween two important values.
One is being dedicated to yourprofession, and two, being
present for your familyrelationships that really gives
your life meaning.
Your mom's silence on the phone,and a lot of us can relate to
that.
(04:38):
That might have hit homeparticularly hard because it
represents something deeperabout the kind of daughter and
aunt that you really want to be.
See how that goes beyond thefacts and the feelings to get to
the core values and identity ofher issues?
You know that's going to openher right up.
So the reflection of meaning,and when you nail it, client
(05:00):
often has a powerful moment ofrecognition.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
So, how do you know in the moment which type of
reflection to use?
Let's just kind of go over thatprocess maybe a little bit
deeper now.
SPEAKER_00 (05:13):
Okay.
There are some practicalstrategies that can help you
differentiate of when you use areflection.
First, sequential assessment.
Start by identifying thecontent, what happened, then
move to the feelings.
What was the emotional response?
And finally, if appropriate,explore the meaning.
(05:36):
What does that matter at a deeplevel?
It's like it's like peeling backlayers of an onion.
Every layer reveals somethingquite deeper.
SPEAKER_01 (05:45):
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
And language cues are reallyhelpful too.
So when clients are contentfocused, they use more nouns and
descriptive language, like themeeting was at 3 p.m.
There were six people there, theagenda included, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:00):
When you're in touch with their feelings, you hear
more adjectives and emotionaldescriptors.
Like it was overwhelming.
It was suffer suffocating.
It was maddening.
SPEAKER_01 (06:11):
And when they're trying to make sense of it all
and work through what somethingmeans to them, so like, why is
all this going on?
The language starts to become alittle bit more abstract.
Well, really, it's aboutintegrity, or this isn't who I
am, or I need to figure out whatreally matters.
Depth indicators are another waythat you can think about it.
Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_00 (06:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:31):
Kind of like we've been talking about.
Content stays at the surfacelevel, right?
It's the newspaper report ofwhat happened.
SPEAKER_00 (06:36):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (06:37):
And feelings go a little deeper into the personal
emotive experience, and it's howthose events impacted them
internally.
And then meaning reaches thedeepest level of core beliefs
and identity.
It's about who they are as aperson and really what they
stand for.
SPEAKER_00 (06:53):
Mm-hmm.
And here's something that youcan use can actually gauge
whether you've chosen the righttype of reflection by how the
client responds.
When you accurately reflectcontent, a client typically nods
and continues their story.
It's like, yeah, yeah, thathappened, and then blah, blah,
blah.
And with the reflection offeelings, if you've nailed that
(07:15):
accurately, the clients willoften just pause.
They maybe start to becomeemotional.
You hear things like, yeah,yeah, that's exactly how I'm
feeling.
But when you accurately reflectmeaning, that's when you get
those aha moments.
(07:35):
Clients might say things like,gosh, you know, I've never
thought of it that way, or, Ohyeah, I get it.
That's it.
That's exactly Stacy what I wasthinking about.
So sometimes they even go quietfor a moment where they're
processing new new understandingabout themselves.
SPEAKER_01 (07:52):
So those are in those situations where, you
know, it's it's working.
And then what happens if you arenot on the right track?
Like maybe you didn't quite getwhat was going on or what they
were trying to tell you.
SPEAKER_00 (08:04):
Uh that's when you wish you had decided to become a
bartender instead of acounselor.
So yeah, so that's sort of whenyou hit those therapeutic speed
bumps.
It's when you reflect contentwhen they needed emotional
validation, you may hear, yeah,yeah, but that's not the point.
(08:25):
Or they'll just keep repeatingthe same story over and over and
over and trying to tell you thatthere's something deeper that
you missed.
Yeah.
So if you reflect feelings whenthey're actually wrestling with
meaning, they may say somethinglike, Yeah, I'm sad, but it's
more than that.
(08:46):
Or that's not really what I'mgetting at.
They're letting you know thatyou're in the right
neighborhood, but you're notquite at the right house yet.
SPEAKER_01 (08:54):
No, that's I like the way you put that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
And then if you jump straight to meaning, when they
really just need to hear you,you know, that you're listening
and maybe you wanted to validatetheir emotions first.
Well, in that case, you'reprobably gonna get a look of
confusion or uh huh, I don'treally know what you're talking
about.
It's gonna seem like you'respeaking a different language,
(09:16):
like you're an alien here, andthey're just not ready for that
level of depth yet.
SPEAKER_00 (09:20):
Okay.
There's something else calledtiming.
And timing's really importanthere, and it's something that
isn't always emphasized enoughin any textbooks.
Content reflections, those aresafe throughout the session.
You can use them from minute tominute.
They're non-threatening, theybill report and they show that
(09:43):
you're listening.
SPEAKER_01 (09:44):
Exactly.
And feeling reflections requiresome rapport, but you can
usually start using themrelatively early in a session or
even in a first session if theclient is open emotionally.
The key is really reading theroom.
So some clients are ready toexplore feelings right away,
others need some more time tofeel safe.
(10:04):
And some clients just reallyhave are just clueless about
their feelings.
So you need a little bit offoundation there before you
start that work.
SPEAKER_00 (10:11):
Yeah, sometimes it takes years.
SPEAKER_01 (10:14):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (10:15):
Meaning reflections, though, these typically require
a strong therapeutic alliance.
So you have to really be whereyour client is.
They tend to emerge morenaturally in middle to later
sessions, or at least afteryou've built significant trust.
If you jump to meaning tooquickly, it can feel invasive
(10:36):
and presumptuous.
It's like, imagine someone youjust met trying to tell you what
your core values are.
It's like, I've known you forfive seconds and you're gonna
tell me who I am and what Ithink.
I don't think so.
SPEAKER_01 (10:52):
Yeah, you're definitely gonna get that first
line of defense shoot up.
So that's probably why peopleget scared when you tell them
you're a therapist, Linton.
They think you can see directlydirectly into your soul or
something.
Like you're gonna startanalyzing their childhood trauma
based on how they order theirsushi from public.
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
That's true.
Yeah.
In fact, I know a lot of people,once you tell them they're a
therapist, they will not lookyou in the eye.
SPEAKER_01 (11:17):
Oh, yeah.
What's that all about, right?
SPEAKER_00 (11:19):
Yeah.
Well, I hate to break it to you,Stacey, but loading up on extra
rusabi definitely suggests somemasochistic tendencies and
probably some unresolved angerissues.
But I'll try to keep mychopsticks out of other people's
therapy.
SPEAKER_01 (11:37):
And let's not get started on people who order
decaf coffee, Linton.
SPEAKER_00 (11:44):
Or someone who drinks eight to ten cups of
leaded coffee a day.
Sound familiar?
SPEAKER_01 (11:52):
Uh no, I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_00 (11:53):
Yeah.
Well, let's get back to SamMantha again.
Let's get back to Samantha for aminute.
In a first session, you mightstick primarily with content
reflection, maybe dipping intofeelings if she seems open to
it.
But that reflection about herfundamental beliefs, about
fairness and her identity as aprofessional versus family
(12:14):
member, that's something youmight want to hold off to
session three or four, or afteryou've built a good therapeutic
foundation with her.
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
Yeah, that's a great example.
And another mistake is confusingfeeling and meaning.
So remember, feeling is aboutemotion, sad, angry, anxious,
that kind of thing.
And meaning is about values,identity, purpose.
So you're feeling conflicted isa reflection of feeling.
(12:45):
But this conflict represents aclash between your value of
loyalty and your need forself-preservation.
That's meaning.
SPEAKER_00 (12:54):
Here's the other thing you need to think about.
Sometimes as therapists, weproject our own meanings onto a
client's experience.
Like if you had strong feelingsabout work, life balance, you
might be tempted to reflectmeanings about that onto
Samantha's situation.
When maybe for her, it's justreally about something else
(13:15):
entirely.
So you gotta stay curious andlet the client's meaning emerge,
not impose your own on it.
SPEAKER_01 (13:25):
Yes.
Keep those biases in check.
And the thing is, well, skilledtherapists don't just pick one
type of reflection and stickwith it.
SPEAKER_00 (13:35):
Yeah, right.
Well, yeah, that's true.
As Beck would say, it's like adance.
You're fluidly moving betweenall three types, choosing the
most therapeutic response basedon what your client's need is at
the moment.
SPEAKER_01 (13:51):
And sometimes you might even combine them.
So it sounds a little crazyhere.
Um with Samantha, you might saysomething like, So you've been
passed over three times despiteyour dedication, working
weekends, canceling vacations.
And that part of the response iscontent.
SPEAKER_00 (14:06):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:06):
And then you continue and you say you're
frustrated and hurt.
That part addresses thefeelings.
SPEAKER_00 (14:12):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
And this is really challenging your sense of what
hard work should mean in yourlife.
And that's that reflection ofmeaning, right, Linton?
SPEAKER_00 (14:20):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, right.
Well, that's quite a bit, butit's three items that you need
to know and understand.
And as we wrap it up here, Iwant you to remember that
developing skills in these threetypes of reflection, it's it's
not just about you passing alicensing exam, although
obviously that is important.
This is about becoming the kindof therapist who can meet
(14:42):
clients where they are and helpthem go deeper when they're
ready.
So each type of reflection isvaluable.
Sometimes clients need to helpthem organize their thoughts,
and that would basically becontent reflection.
Sometimes they need to feeltheir emotions, they need to be
(15:03):
validated.
And sometimes, just sometimes,they need to have help with you
understanding the deepersignificance of their
experiences through meaningfulreflection.
SPEAKER_01 (15:16):
That's right.
Yep.
So the ability to differentiatebetween these and apply them
appropriately, that's reallywhat separates good therapists
from great ones.
And here's the thing you'regonna get better at this with
practice.
I know right now this seems likeyou know, a lot of information,
and how am I ever going to pullthis off without sounding like a
weird robot or something withclients?
(15:37):
But every session is anopportunity to refine these
skills and to notice the subtleclues that can tell you what
type of reflection would be mosthelpful.
SPEAKER_00 (15:46):
And for your exam, remember those behavioral
indicators we talked about.
Remember the physical cues,remember how timing matters, and
remember that clients' responsestell you if you're on track.
These aren't just some kind ofabstract concepts that were
coming up.
These are the practical toolsthat you'll use every single day
(16:09):
in your practice.
SPEAKER_01 (16:10):
Yes, exactly.
So keep practicing, keepobserving, trust yourself,
you've got this.
And thanks for joining us inthis episode on Reflections and
Therapy.
And we'll catch you next weekwhen we explore another topic.
SPEAKER_00 (16:25):
Try to remember.
It's in there.
Hi there, you future therapist.
Welcome to our licensed for exampodcast.
I'm Dr.
Linton Hutchinson, and todaywe're going to go over the part
two of reflections of meaning,reflections of feelings, and
reflections of content incounseling.
Okay, so let's go through areally short narrative that
(00:35):
illustrates uh these threedifferences.
We'll call our client Samantha.
You know, any Samantha that's 34years old?
SPEAKER_01 (00:43):
I know a lovely Samantha.
SPEAKER_00 (00:45):
Okay, well, Samantha's coming into our
office today for a session.
SPEAKER_01 (00:49):
Okay, all right.
Well, this is all purely, youknow, hypothetical scenarios
here.
This is not based on any reallife Samantha's.
All right, so Samantha slamsherself into the chair in your
office and immediately launchesin and says, Are you kidding me?
Those idiots passed me overagain.
This makes it the third time intwo years.
(01:10):
And you know what?
Got it?
The boss's precious littleprincess, who's been here for
what, like half the time I have.
It's just so wrong.
SPEAKER_00 (01:19):
It's wrong.
SPEAKER_01 (01:20):
I've been killing myself.
I've been killing myself workingweekends, staying till midnight,
taking on everyone else's crapthat they don't want to do.
Look, I literally canceled myvacation last month to save his
butt on that board presentation.
My vacation, and this is what Iget.
SPEAKER_00 (01:38):
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (01:39):
Well, my husband says I should just walk out, but
oh, it's perfect timing since wejust signed our lives away on a
mortgage.
And to top it off, my mom callsme again yesterday asking if I'm
coming to my nephew's birthdayparty.
When I told her I'm workingagain, she goes dead silent,
like I'm the worst person in theworld.
Seriously, like I have a choice.
(02:00):
This whole thing just blows.
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
Really?
No, no, as you're listening toSamantha, you're processing what
she said on multiple levels,right?
As a therapist.
So let's break it down how youmight respond with each type of
reflection.
Okay.
You might say something likethis: Samantha, you've been
passed over for your promotionthree times in two years,
(02:24):
despite working weekends andstaying late.
The position went to someonewith a lot less sonority.
You canceled your vacation forwork, and now you're missing
your nephew's birthday party.
Your husband thinks you shouldquit, but you're concerned about
finances with your new home.
Is that right?
So, what type of reflection isthis, Stacy?
SPEAKER_01 (02:48):
Sounds a little bit like you're talking about who,
what, where, you know, basicstuff.
So I'd say reflection ofcontent.
SPEAKER_00 (02:55):
Okay, yeah, right.
It's basically you're organizingand reflecting back the concrete
information she's just shared toyou.
This at least helps Samanthaknow that you heard her clearly
and you understand and probablysympathize with her situation.
SPEAKER_01 (03:14):
Mm-hmm.
Yep, exactly.
And now if you're picking up onthose emotional undertones, and
there are plenty of them in thisscenario, you might use
reflection of feelings.
We're gonna go just a little bitdeeper.
So you're feeling frustrated andmaybe even betrayed that your
hard work isn't beingrecognized.
There's anxiety about thefinancial pressure, and I'm
sensing maybe some pain aboutthe family moments that you're
(03:37):
missing.
So do you see how that's alittle bit different?
You're not talking about justthe events themselves, just the
facts, ma'am, uh-huh.
Um, but about her emotionalexperience of those events.
And this can be really powerfulbecause sometimes clients don't
even realize how much emotionthey're carrying until you take
that time to reflect it back tothem.
SPEAKER_00 (03:57):
That makes sense.
And now for the reflection ofmeaning, and this is where it
gets really to the heart ofthings.
You might say something likethis Samantha, this situation
seems to be challenging yourfundamental beliefs about
fairness and how hard workshould be rewarded as opposed to
what actually happened.
(04:17):
It sounds like you're caughtbetween two important values.
One is being dedicated to yourprofession, and two, being
present for your familyrelationships that really gives
your life meaning.
Your mom's silence on the phone,and a lot of us can relate to
that.
(04:38):
That might have hit homeparticularly hard because it
represents something deeperabout the kind of daughter and
aunt that you really want to be.
See how that goes beyond thefacts and the feelings to get to
the core values and identity ofher issues?
You know that's going to openher right up.
So the reflection of meaning,and when you nail it, client
(05:00):
often has a powerful moment ofrecognition.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
So, how do you know in the moment which type of
reflection to use?
Let's just kind of go over thatprocess maybe a little bit
deeper now.
SPEAKER_00 (05:13):
Okay.
There are some practicalstrategies that can help you
differentiate of when you use areflection.
First, sequential assessment.
Start by identifying thecontent, what happened, then
move to the feelings.
What was the emotional response?
And finally, if appropriate,explore the meaning.
(05:36):
What does that matter at a deeplevel?
It's like it's like peeling backlayers of an onion.
Every layer reveals somethingquite deeper.
SPEAKER_01 (05:45):
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
And language cues are reallyhelpful too.
So when clients are contentfocused, they use more nouns and
descriptive language, like themeeting was at 3 p.m.
There were six people there, theagenda included, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:00):
When you're in touch with their feelings, you hear
more adjectives and emotionaldescriptors.
Like it was overwhelming.
It was suffer suffocating.
It was maddening.
SPEAKER_01 (06:11):
And when they're trying to make sense of it all
and work through what somethingmeans to them, so like, why is
all this going on?
The language starts to become alittle bit more abstract.
Well, really, it's aboutintegrity, or this isn't who I
am, or I need to figure out whatreally matters.
Depth indicators are another waythat you can think about it.
Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_00 (06:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:31):
Kind of like we've been talking about.
Content stays at the surfacelevel, right?
It's the newspaper report ofwhat happened.
SPEAKER_00 (06:36):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (06:37):
And feelings go a little deeper into the personal
emotive experience, and it's howthose events impacted them
internally.
And then meaning reaches thedeepest level of core beliefs
and identity.
It's about who they are as aperson and really what they
stand for.
SPEAKER_00 (06:53):
Mm-hmm.
And here's something that youcan use can actually gauge
whether you've chosen the righttype of reflection by how the
client responds.
When you accurately reflectcontent, a client typically nods
and continues their story.
It's like, yeah, yeah, thathappened, and then blah, blah,
blah.
And with the reflection offeelings, if you've nailed that
(07:15):
accurately, the clients willoften just pause.
They maybe start to becomeemotional.
You hear things like, yeah,yeah, that's exactly how I'm
feeling.
But when you accurately reflectmeaning, that's when you get
those aha moments.
(07:35):
Clients might say things like,gosh, you know, I've never
thought of it that way, or, Ohyeah, I get it.
That's it.
That's exactly Stacy what I wasthinking about.
So sometimes they even go quietfor a moment where they're
processing new new understandingabout themselves.
SPEAKER_01 (07:52):
So those are in those situations where, you
know, it's it's working.
And then what happens if you arenot on the right track?
Like maybe you didn't quite getwhat was going on or what they
were trying to tell you.
SPEAKER_00 (08:04):
Uh that's when you wish you had decided to become a
bartender instead of acounselor.
So yeah, so that's sort of whenyou hit those therapeutic speed
bumps.
It's when you reflect contentwhen they needed emotional
validation, you may hear, yeah,yeah, but that's not the point.
(08:25):
Or they'll just keep repeatingthe same story over and over and
over and trying to tell you thatthere's something deeper that
you missed.
Yeah.
So if you reflect feelings whenthey're actually wrestling with
meaning, they may say somethinglike, Yeah, I'm sad, but it's
more than that.
(08:46):
Or that's not really what I'mgetting at.
They're letting you know thatyou're in the right
neighborhood, but you're notquite at the right house yet.
SPEAKER_01 (08:54):
No, that's I like the way you put that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
And then if you jump straight to meaning, when they
really just need to hear you,you know, that you're listening
and maybe you wanted to validatetheir emotions first.
Well, in that case, you'reprobably gonna get a look of
confusion or uh huh, I don'treally know what you're talking
about.
It's gonna seem like you'respeaking a different language,
(09:16):
like you're an alien here, andthey're just not ready for that
level of depth yet.
SPEAKER_00 (09:20):
Okay.
There's something else calledtiming.
And timing's really importanthere, and it's something that
isn't always emphasized enoughin any textbooks.
Content reflections, those aresafe throughout the session.
You can use them from minute tominute.
They're non-threatening, theybill report and they show that
(09:43):
you're listening.
SPEAKER_01 (09:44):
Exactly.
And feeling reflections requiresome rapport, but you can
usually start using themrelatively early in a session or
even in a first session if theclient is open emotionally.
The key is really reading theroom.
So some clients are ready toexplore feelings right away,
others need some more time tofeel safe.
(10:04):
And some clients just reallyhave are just clueless about
their feelings.
So you need a little bit offoundation there before you
start that work.
SPEAKER_00 (10:11):
Yeah, sometimes it takes years.
SPEAKER_01 (10:14):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (10:15):
Meaning reflections, though, these typically require
a strong therapeutic alliance.
So you have to really be whereyour client is.
They tend to emerge morenaturally in middle to later
sessions, or at least afteryou've built significant trust.
If you jump to meaning tooquickly, it can feel invasive
(10:36):
and presumptuous.
It's like, imagine someone youjust met trying to tell you what
your core values are.
It's like, I've known you forfive seconds and you're gonna
tell me who I am and what Ithink.
I don't think so.
SPEAKER_01 (10:52):
Yeah, you're definitely gonna get that first
line of defense shoot up.
So that's probably why peopleget scared when you tell them
you're a therapist, Linton.
They think you can see directlydirectly into your soul or
something.
Like you're gonna startanalyzing their childhood trauma
based on how they order theirsushi from public.
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
That's true.
Yeah.
In fact, I know a lot of people,once you tell them they're a
therapist, they will not lookyou in the eye.
SPEAKER_01 (11:17):
Oh, yeah.
What's that all about, right?
SPEAKER_00 (11:19):
Yeah.
Well, I hate to break it to you,Stacey, but loading up on extra
rusabi definitely suggests somemasochistic tendencies and
probably some unresolved angerissues.
But I'll try to keep mychopsticks out of other people's
therapy.
SPEAKER_01 (11:37):
And let's not get started on people who order
decaf coffee, Linton.
SPEAKER_00 (11:44):
Or someone who drinks eight to ten cups of
leaded coffee a day.
Sound familiar?
SPEAKER_01 (11:52):
Uh no, I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_00 (11:53):
Yeah.
Well, let's get back to SamMantha again.
Let's get back to Samantha for aminute.
In a first session, you mightstick primarily with content
reflection, maybe dipping intofeelings if she seems open to
it.
But that reflection about herfundamental beliefs, about
fairness and her identity as aprofessional versus family
(12:14):
member, that's something youmight want to hold off to
session three or four, or afteryou've built a good therapeutic
foundation with her.
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
Yeah, that's a great example.
And another mistake is confusingfeeling and meaning.
So remember, feeling is aboutemotion, sad, angry, anxious,
that kind of thing.
And meaning is about values,identity, purpose.
So you're feeling conflicted isa reflection of feeling.
(12:45):
But this conflict represents aclash between your value of
loyalty and your need forself-preservation.
That's meaning.
SPEAKER_00 (12:54):
Here's the other thing you need to think about.
Sometimes as therapists, weproject our own meanings onto a
client's experience.
Like if you had strong feelingsabout work, life balance, you
might be tempted to reflectmeanings about that onto
Samantha's situation.
When maybe for her, it's justreally about something else
(13:15):
entirely.
So you gotta stay curious andlet the client's meaning emerge,
not impose your own on it.
SPEAKER_01 (13:25):
Yes.
Keep those biases in check.
And the thing is, well, skilledtherapists don't just pick one
type of reflection and stickwith it.
SPEAKER_00 (13:35):
Yeah, right.
Well, yeah, that's true.
As Beck would say, it's like adance.
You're fluidly moving betweenall three types, choosing the
most therapeutic response basedon what your client's need is at
the moment.
SPEAKER_01 (13:51):
And sometimes you might even combine them.
So it sounds a little crazyhere.
Um with Samantha, you might saysomething like, So you've been
passed over three times despiteyour dedication, working
weekends, canceling vacations.
And that part of the response iscontent.
SPEAKER_00 (14:06):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:06):
And then you continue and you say you're
frustrated and hurt.
That part addresses thefeelings.
SPEAKER_00 (14:12):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
And this is really challenging your sense of what
hard work should mean in yourlife.
And that's that reflection ofmeaning, right, Linton?
SPEAKER_00 (14:20):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, right.
Well, that's quite a bit, butit's three items that you need
to know and understand.
And as we wrap it up here, Iwant you to remember that
developing skills in these threetypes of reflection, it's it's
not just about you passing alicensing exam, although
obviously that is important.
This is about becoming the kindof therapist who can meet
(14:42):
clients where they are and helpthem go deeper when they're
ready.
So each type of reflection isvaluable.
Sometimes clients need to helpthem organize their thoughts,
and that would basically becontent reflection.
Sometimes they need to feeltheir emotions, they need to be
(15:03):
validated.
And sometimes, just sometimes,they need to have help with you
understanding the deepersignificance of their
experiences through meaningfulreflection.
SPEAKER_01 (15:16):
That's right.
Yep.
So the ability to differentiatebetween these and apply them
appropriately, that's reallywhat separates good therapists
from great ones.
And here's the thing you'regonna get better at this with
practice.
I know right now this seems likeyou know, a lot of information,
and how am I ever going to pullthis off without sounding like a
weird robot or something withclients?
(15:37):
But every session is anopportunity to refine these
skills and to notice the subtleclues that can tell you what
type of reflection would be mosthelpful.
SPEAKER_00 (15:46):
And for your exam, remember those behavioral
indicators we talked about.
Remember the physical cues,remember how timing matters, and
remember that clients' responsestell you if you're on track.
These aren't just some kind ofabstract concepts that were
coming up.
These are the practical toolsthat you'll use every single day
(16:09):
in your practice.
SPEAKER_01 (16:10):
Yes, exactly.
So keep practicing, keepobserving, trust yourself,
you've got this.
And thanks for joining us inthis episode on Reflections and
Therapy.
And we'll catch you next weekwhen we explore another topic.
SPEAKER_00 (16:25):
Try to remember.
It's in there.
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