Escaping a Religious Cult

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Pastor Plek (00:05):
Welcome back to Pastor Plex Podcast.
I'm your host, Pastor Plex.
And then with me in studio isnone other than Caolinn.
I didn't even get your lastname.

Caolinn (00:13):
Marie.

Marie.
Caolinn Marie.
All right.
I love it.
Caolinn Marie.
I'm so glad you're here.
I'm happy to be.
And you may have you may knowall of our listening, watching
audience out there, that we hada guest, I guess it would be
last podcast where we met withManny Alonzo, and this is his um
co-working partner girlfriend.
Is that okay?
Yeah, that's a good time.
Okay, yeah, sorry.

(00:34):
But you are both those things,so it works out.

Caolinn (00:37):
That is correct, yes.

Okay, so I was like, shoot, I didn't want to
like throw you under the bus ifyou like weren't the girlfriend,
that would have been reallyweird.
Anyway, okay, so all right.
So uh Caitlin, I I'm excited tohear, like, I don't know very
many people, and this might bejust I'm sheltered, uh, who have
been in a cult, and I wanted tohear like from you and what
happened and all the things.

(00:58):
So tell the story that you havebeen waiting your whole life to
tell.

Caolinn (01:02):
Yeah.
Well, I think it's funny thatyou say you're sheltered when I
feel like I was the one who wassheltered.
Never seen a SpongeBob episode.
Yeah.
You know, My Little Ponies isdemonic, that kind of sheltered.
But I grew up in a Catholichousehold.

Yeah.

Caolinn (01:17):
Most people see Catholic as, you know.

Kind of normal.

Caolinn (01:23):
Right.
They they they associate it,yeah, it's normal.
Um, I met, I was, I wasspeaking to our mutual friend
Sam, and he was saying, like,oh, I associate it with like,
you know, Mexican families andthese kind of things, like
wholesome good values.
Yeah.
I don't associate it withanything bad.
My experience was verydifferent than that.
So my type of Catholic that Igrew up with is FSSP, Fraternal

(01:47):
Society of St.
Peter.
And within that church group,it's traditional Latin mass,
it's women cover their heads,you wear skirts that are six
inches below the knee, nothingmore than two fingers below your
collarbone, all the rules, youknow, covering the heads.
And it's your life is kind ofplanned out for you from day

(02:07):
one.

What do you mean by that?

Caolinn (02:10):
I'll give you a perfect example.
One day I was in after church,I was outside, and uh the man
who raised me, I'm standing withhim, and he is I'm 12 just for
at the time.
Yeah, 12.
I was a little kid.
And he's looking at this groupof similar aged boys who, as

(02:32):
young boys do, being crazy,doing theirs and yeah, doing
cartwheels and falls.
Yeah, exactly.
And he's looking at him and hehe tells me, you know, Caitlin,
I would be okay with youmarrying any of these men here.
Men is a strong term.

Well, they're 12, right?

Caolinn (02:51):
It's a big thing to think about at that time too,
exactly.
So your life is kind of plannedout.
I was taught growing up youhave two options.
You can get married, become awife and a mother, or you can
join a convent and become a nun.
Those are your options.
That's it.

Okay, so no, because you know, a dad, you
know, as a, you know, you haveyour kids, you're like, it could
have been like he was, youknow, trying to every girl wants
to get married one day.
And he and he and it what hewasn't just being sweet and
being like, hey, Caitlin, like,you know, the the world's your
oyster.
Which one of these guys, andbeing kind of fun about it.

(03:28):
You it was really like it wasvery serious.

Caolinn (03:31):
It was very serious, it was very serious.
And I it continued into tooyoung still, but older ages of
it's to all of us, the all thegirls.
So uh it my family's mainlygirls, the kids are mainly
girls, and so all the girls,it's you know, it's wife and
mother or none, like I wassaying.

(03:52):
So you get married, ASAP, andthose babies start coming.
That's your jaw.
That is your sole purpose inthis world.

Now, is anybody there sort of like thrilled
about that?

Caolinn (04:02):
When you're little, you know, when you're maybe like
just a little kid lookingaround.

What you're saying, like, I mean, it's so
counter-cultural.
It's like in some ways, it'slike, man, I didn't get married
till I was 34.
Like, I was behind the curve.
I'm like, man, I wish I wouldhave done that younger.
But like, uh, like there's aparty mate that goes, man,
that'd be kind of smart or atleast better.
But for you, it was like, thisis terrifying.

Caolinn (04:26):
Well, because you got to think about it in the sense
of I didn't grow up like themajority of American kids grow
up.
So I was homeschooled, I livedin a house in the middle of
nowhere.

There's you gotta explain that because it's hard
to conceive of a house in themiddle of nowhere.

Caolinn (04:42):
So uh it's a log cabin.
You it gets you know, it's veryfunny, but it's a log cabin.

Like when I again, when I think of log cabins, I
think of like Lincoln logs.
Do you know what those are?
All right, so look, I don't Idon't I sound sad to say that.
Do you know what that is?
Uh so it looks like a logcabin.
Can you tell me like what stateor what it's in Texas, yeah.

Caolinn (05:02):
It's in Texas.

Oh, okay.
So so you didn't have like airconditioning?

Caolinn (05:05):
We did have air conditioning.
It's Texas.
You have to have airconditioning.
I was like, you have to haveair conditioning.

Oh, I think log cabin, I think pretty rustic.

Caolinn (05:12):
It was, but it modern, it was modern.
Like we had running water.
We did have a well, but runningwater from the well, electric,
or I assumed it was electric.

And AC You didn't have to take a bucket to the
well or anything.

Caolinn (05:24):
No.

Okay.

Caolinn (05:25):
No, thankfully not.
No, it was still modern.
Uh I mean at this stage in mylife, I have terrible memories
of that place.
But if I were to go there onvacation, I would think, wow,
this is a beautiful house in themiddle of the woods in Texas.
But it was the middle ofnowhere.
I was homeschooled and I wasnot socialized.
I know a lot of kids now.

(05:46):
I've meet a lot of kids thatare homeschooled.

Yeah.
And they do a pretty good jobof, well, at least they're
trying to get their kidssocialized.

Caolinn (05:54):
Right.

And if they don't, the kids end up a little odd.

Caolinn (05:58):
That's that's definitely true.
Because when you're so young,having those, you know, human
interactions is so important.
But I see homeschool kids nowin their normal,
well-functioning associated.

I don't know if you know much about the public
school system, which my kids arein.
Uh, and it's it's a littlechallenging.

Speaker 3 (06:14):
Yeah.

It's the complete opposite of everything you're
saying, and I grew up in aswell.
But it wasn't, it's like you'vegot like trans stuff, gay
stuff, like it's just in yourface all the time.
Like, we're celebrating gaypride, whatever.
And so, like, so what you'resaying, it's it's good, so good
to hear your perspective becauselike there's some people who

(06:35):
are like, we need to get rid ofthe schools, and they're like,
let's go to homeschool and puteverybody on a farm, like all
the stuff you're that you livedout.
Like now, I don't know ifthey'll actually do it, but they
kind of like say it wistfullyof like, I wish I could be at a
different place where we didn'thave to deal with the whatever,
whatever.
So, but from your perspective,it was like insane insanity.

Caolinn (06:54):
It's it's very, very different because the wokism and
all of that agenda that'sgetting shoved down people's
throats is a big problem now.
And homeschooling is a goodoption because of all of that in
the world right now.
I was homeschooled for verydifferent reasons.
I if you asked, yeah, oh,you're homeschooled because of
like you don't want it in thewoke coat, woke, woke culture.
Right.
But the real reason is becausethe people in charge get to

(07:17):
control the entire narrative.
We control what you learn, wecontrol what you don't learn,
and most importantly, we controlyour time 24-7.
I had no activities outside ofmy household for the majority of
my life.
If I did have an activity, likemaybe I don't know, there was a
period where I did horsebackriding for a little while.

(07:38):
It was two or three weeks, andthen it's done because it's too
much worldly interaction.

Like, did you have mom and dad at the log cabin
with you?

Caolinn (07:46):
Yes.
I had both parents.

Okay.
And so um so I'm just trying towrap my head around all this.
So you're raised up.
Do you do you feel like notlove?
Like, give me like the how didyou I guess how do you know if
you're all if that's all youknow, how do you know it's
weird?

Caolinn (08:06):
How do you know it's wrong?

Does that make sense?

Caolinn (08:08):
It definitely does.
I didn't know for a while.
It took me a long time tofigure out what was wrong
because I didn't get it that itwas wrong because I didn't know
anything else, and I didn't haveenough friends in the outside
world to tell me this is weird.
For example, those people wouldsay, You're lucky that you have

(08:32):
a doctor's appointment in twodays.
Otherwise, I would beat thecrap out of you.

Okay, so now that's good.
Okay, so that's helpful.
So, like you're so it's veryharsh discipline.

Caolinn (08:43):
Definitely.

Um, was there love in the home?

Caolinn (08:48):
In my memory, it's very hard to remember times of pure
love.
Do I have memories where I waslike, oh, that was nice of
so-and-so to do ChristmasThanksgiving?
Right, right.
But those moments were fleetingand very superficial.

So there wasn't like you're cuddling with your
dad, and then like you're, youknow, everyone's sitting on the
couch watching TV and just like,you know, you're playing with
your sister's hair or something.
I don't know.
I'm just like, you know whatI'm saying?
Like there's moments where I Ithink back, like very I don't
know, with my with my sons, I'mI'm constantly having them all
over me as we're we're watchinga thing or we're watching
football or we're doing life.

(09:27):
And but there is times ofdiscipline.
So for you, it was just like itfelt like very harsh.

Caolinn (09:32):
Is that the kind of the it was a very harsh energy in
general within the house?
And I mean, there were moments,but for me, in at least in my
memory, it was in the very earlyyears of my life where they
were normal people.

And I maybe it's you get progressively like, I
don't know, harsher over time.

Caolinn (09:53):
I believe so.
And it may just have just beenmy awareness coming around that
they had always been this way,but my awareness just started
picking up of why is my brothergetting hit with there's uh a
stick we use in martial arts,it's a martial art, Filipino
martial art called Kali.
It's um it's made of bamboo,it's yeah, it's a heavy stick.

(10:14):
Similar to that, but thickerand a little bit heavier.
But why is he getting hit withthat?
Why is he getting disciplinedin these different ways?

It's just so wait, martial arts was like a part of
your upbringing of the It was itwas a big thing.

Caolinn (10:29):
Everyone in my like my whole background was martial
arts.
I have uncles who are Olympicwrestlers.

A lot of so wait, so I know this.
I'm I'm just trying to get myhead around this.
Yeah.
So were your parents raised ina cult, or did they just decide
to join the this is does thatmake sense?
Like, how do they get there?

Caolinn (10:46):
Yeah.
So I I think Manny was usingthe words cult in maybe the way
that people don't traditionallyuse them.

Okay.

Caolinn (10:54):
So in in his mind, or the way he was explaining it, is
it's just like one person whohas deemed himself the the
chosen one, the guru orwhatever.
Yeah, the chosen one, the guru,and he's in charge of
everything.
Right.
He runs everything.

Yeah.

Caolinn (11:07):
Right.
So that would be the person incharge of my family.
Right.
Right.
So that's what his mind is in acult.
It wasn't like, you know, thethe It wasn't like a compound.

No, not it was like a fraternal, what's it called
again?

Caolinn (11:22):
The fraternal society of St.
Peter.
Yeah.

Okay.
And so you guys, I mean, I knowlike to be Catholic, you kind
of have to have some connectionto the Pope.
Like, what was your how doesthat work?
Because like, can you juststart up your own little thing?

Caolinn (11:36):
No, so the po the this was the philosophy.
Well, let me explain the theCatholic mindset and then what
the philosophy that I taughtwas.
So, yes, the Pope is vicar ofChrist, Jesus Christ, exactly.
So he's Christ's hands on theearth.

Representative on the earth.

Caolinn (11:51):
Right, exactly.
Um, when I want to say it wasBenedict the 16th, when he was,
I want to say in office, butwhen he was Pope, it was cool.

Yeah, he was great.

Caolinn (12:01):
Yeah, everyone was cool with him.
When Francis became Pope, uh,it was very common for this is
gonna sound very terrible.
Everybody prayed for him todie.
That is in in your fraternal inthis fraternal society and
within my own home, we get upevery morning, our morning
prayers, we sing all of ourthings, and please end the life

(12:25):
of Pope Francis and his lifebecause he was pro things that
they didn't support.

Speaker (12:31):
Wow.

Caolinn (12:32):
Basically, yeah, yeah.
So that was the situation withthe Pope.
Um and then he died when lastyear?

Yeah.

Caolinn (12:40):
Or early this year.
Something like that.
Yeah, that was their prayersare answered.
I mean, and and it's funny.
I I try really hard not to.

Dark dark humor.
Yeah.

Caolinn (12:48):
Yeah.
I really I try not to stalk orlike look up any of these things
connected to the fraternalsociety of St.
Peter or anything like that,just because it's not healthy.
Yeah, it's not healthy.
Once in a while I do, and Isee, you know, these people on
these forums talking about it'sokay to pray for the death of
the Pope.
This saint and that saint andthis philosopher said it's okay

(13:10):
because he's not supporting,he's not representing
Catholicism in the way it'smeant to be represented.

Okay, that's just odd.
Okay.
So how did your uh, I guess,parental units uh discover this
fraternal society of St.
Peter?

Caolinn (13:26):
They uh hmm.
That's a really good question.
Um I started off the firstchurch I ever went to was called
an Angelican Youth Church.
So they were Anglicans thatbecame Catholic.
And at some point they decidedthat this wasn't serious or
traditional enough.
So we switched churches to thisit'sy bitsy room.

(13:52):
It was definitely let's say yousee that like the first row of
chairs, like small, yeah, reallysmall.
That one actually did not haveAC in it, and it was on a farm,
and there were goats outside.
And like cows, it's fun afterchurch if you get to go outside
and play with the goats.

Did you get to ride the goats?

Caolinn (14:08):
I did not.
They were two little goats.
Oh, okay.
They were little miniaturegoats.
Um, the parish priest, very oddperson.
I mean, I don't think he's agood person, but he was always
killing the animals constantlyand talking about it.
It was a very odd situation.
He would just kill animals allthe time.
Um, but that's where weswitched over to, and it was,

(14:29):
like I said, traditional Latinmass.
So everything's in Latin.

Do you know Latin now?

Caolinn (14:33):
I used to be very good at it.
I don't remember a lot of itnow, but I can say prayers and
read math type things in Latin.

So yeah.
Okay.
So tell me then, like, allright, yeah, keep going.
So, like you're so you'reyou're growing up in this.
At some point, you're like, I'mout.

Caolinn (14:52):
Right.
So there were two majorbreaking points for me.
The first one was earlier in mylife, young teenage years.
And the start of this story isconfusing because the whole
situation was confusing.
But there was a two-yearperiod, roughly, period of my
life where this house that I'mtelling you about, the cabin in

(15:15):
the woods, was haunted.

Okay.
This is good.
All right.
Haunted.

Caolinn (15:21):
Haunted.

When you say haunted, I think ghosts and like
creepy things.

Caolinn (15:26):
Yeah.

All right.

Caolinn (15:27):
So that the story that I was fed.

Like how old were you when this is the haunted
house?

Caolinn (15:33):
Uh like I said, it was over a period of years.
I was a young teenager.

Okay, young teenager.
Okay.

Caolinn (15:39):
Young teenager.

So this isn't like you're a little kid.
This is like 13 or something.

Caolinn (15:45):
There's a rat.

Okay, got it.

Caolinn (15:46):
Old enough to know that there's a rat.
Allegedly, it started when myparental unit was doing some
kind of consecration to Mary.
And allegedly, during thistime, demons started coming into
her bedroom at night and liketrying to scare her.
That was the story.

(16:08):
And it just progressively got alot worse.

Where it was when we say demons, like, could you
hear the demons, see the demons,feel the demons?
Give me how like the demons me?
Yeah.

Caolinn (16:22):
No.

Okay.
But her.

Caolinn (16:24):
Her.

Yeah.
The parental unit.

Caolinn (16:25):
Yes.

Got it.

Caolinn (16:26):
She was seeing it, hearing it.
They were coming for her.

Got it.
Oh, got it.

Caolinn (16:31):
Yeah.
They were coming for herbecause she was trying to do
this consecration to Mary.

Got it.

Caolinn (16:35):
And the oldest started hearing and seeing things as
well.
More than anybody else.
And the only three there wereonly three people in the family
that ever claimed to hear or seethings or have experiences.
And that was the two parentalsand then the oldest in the

(16:56):
family.

Okay.

Caolinn (16:57):
They're the ones that heard and saw everything.

Old is a boy or oldest is a girl.

Caolinn (17:00):
She's a female.
Yeah.
So it's girls and then a boyand a girl and a boy.
Yeah.
And that's it.
So yes.
And it like I said, it juststarted as people saying things
that go bump in the m night.
And it just progressively keptgetting worse over a series of
months to the point where weshared a room and my the oldest

(17:25):
would wake up screaming in themiddle of the night that
something is trying to grab her.
There's something in thecorner.
And it's pretty terrifying tobe woken up by screams in the
middle of the night, and someoneis saying, There's a demon
right there.
And he, she is doing XYZ.

And yeah, it's so you couldn't see it, but you
heard her screaming about it.

Caolinn (17:46):
No.
And so we it was the weirdesttime of my life.
We were given uh spray bottlesfilled with holy water, and
that's like your weapon.

Okay.

Caolinn (17:57):
So when they come, you just like did it work?
Sometimes.
Sometimes it didn't.
Sometimes they would laugh andsometimes they would go away.
Uh there was one day where Iwas for the most part
babysitting at home.
Yeah, okay.

And this is so crazy.
Go ahead.

Caolinn (18:17):
And the oldest was upstairs.
I was just kind of always theresponsible one.
Yeah.
Took care of the kids.
She was upstairs and she startsscreaming, screaming,
screaming.
And I'm assuming I know what'sgoing on.
So I grab our spray bottle andwe run upstairs and she's
screaming, pointing at thecloset, saying that he's
standing right there.
So I sprayed him with water andit wasn't working.

(18:38):
So her solution was okay, we'reall gonna leave.
And it was probably it was coldout.
It was like 40, 50 degrees andraining.
So we just left.
We just went out.
Everybody put it in the car andoutside.
No, none of us could drive.
None of us could drive.
We're all below driving age.
So we all just we left and wewere just out on the road in the

(19:00):
middle of the country for Holdon.
Where were the parental units?
I don't know where they were.
They were not there.
They were not there because Iremember after an hour or so of
just like hanging out on theroad, um, they came by in the
car and we're just like, Whatare you guys doing?
Because we didn't have phones,phones were not allowed.
We had a landline at the house,but no phones, no driver's

(19:23):
licenses, no social media,limited internet.
So we didn't really have a wayto contact them and tell them
like there's demons in the housescaring everybody.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
Okay.

Caolinn (19:33):
Um, and it would just be series like that, constantly.
Everything was a demon.
Everything that ever happenedwas a demon.
Lights flicker, it's a demon.
Kids are arguing, you havespirits clinging to your
shoulder, and we have to praythem away.
Everything that ever happensthat was bad or they didn't like

(19:54):
it, it's a demon trying tocontrol you.
And they began this story.
Uh are you familiar with thealleged third person who is in
the Garden of Eden?

Have you ever heard of that?
Please enlighten me.

Caolinn (20:09):
So allegedly, I don't know where they saw this because
it's not in the Bible, it's notin Genesis, but I'm fat.

I can't wait to hear.

Caolinn (20:16):
There was a third person in the Garden of Eden,
and she was a redheaded womanwho her job, she was a demon who
was put in the Garden of Edento tempt Adam when Eve wasn't
around before the apple.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait.
So there's a story somewhereout there, yeah that the that
the Garden of Eden had aredheaded temptress for Adam so
he could cheat on Eve.

Caolinn (20:46):
Yes.

Does he do it?

Caolinn (20:48):
In the story, I don't think he does.
I don't remember a hundredpercent what the actual teacher
is.

Is this a fraternal society of St.
Peter thing, or is this like aother thing?

Caolinn (20:58):
It must be because I didn't hear of this woman until
we started going to that church.
I mean, it could have just beenuh my family thing, it could
have just been what they startedwith, to be honest.
Um, but her job was to makekids hate their parents and to
turn kids gay.
That was her job.

Okay, yeah.
Hey.

Caolinn (21:19):
Yeah.
So that was the person or thethe number one demon who was
trying to infiltrate the family.
And so we would just getstories all the time of creepy
things.
Um we would be out working,doing whatever, and the male
parental unit would get a phonecall and be agitated because of

(21:45):
whatever was happening duringthe call, and he would hang up
and then he told me, Your sisteris at home freaking out because
she saw a naked smoking childdancing up the stairs.
So it's stuff like that.
You know, it so it started withdoor slamming, creaking,
flickering lights, and then itjust got escalated to just got

(22:06):
insane.
Yeah.

Is there any possibility that it was actually
demonic?
Or is there like this was justa figment of like where do you
go with this?
Because like I mean, I've heardof demonic stuff in Africa,
I've seen some demonic stuff.
So I I don't discount thedemonic, but like at some point
you go, Am I that special thatdemons are attacking our
particular family?

Caolinn (22:28):
Uh that was what they said.
We are so holy that the demonsare coming for us.
It's because and it's not it'snot all of you, it's not the
kids because you guys are havedemons clinging to you.
It's your father.
The male of the family is soholy because he is getting
attacked by these demons, and hethey're attacking the family

(22:53):
because he is holy.
And my skepticism comes fromthe fact that he was the one who
controlled it.
He controlled the stories, hecontrolled when it stopped.
When he would pray, demonswould be fine, but they would be
quiet.
When anyone else would pray, itwouldn't work.

(23:14):
He was the one who was thedemon slayer.
He uh the things that he didwould work, the things that
other people would do didn'twork.
Even our parish priest who cameto the house numerous times
doing um but he did mass insidethe house, he would do

(23:35):
blessings, he did minorexorcisms, he did minor
exorcisms on the people who wereseeing things, and none of it
worked, but when your dad didit, when he did it, it would
work.
When he prayed, it would beokay.

All right, so I got something.

Caolinn (23:53):
Okay.

Lilith, does that make any sense?
Is that who it is?
Yeah, okay.
Lilith is in Jewish folklorethat she was the first wife of
Adam who didn't submit to himand she left, and then she came
back as a demon and then temptedEve to spite Adam.

Caolinn (24:11):
Gotcha.
Okay, so that's the full story.
I'll uh the the main part Iremember is the red-headed demon
who turns people lesbian andmakes kids hate their parents.

Oh, wow.

Caolinn (24:21):
That was the long and short of it.

Did anybody turn lesbian in your uh family?
Okay.

Caolinn (24:27):
The the lesbian part happened when the sister right
above me, she went no contactand came out as lesbian.
And that's when Lilith startsturning kids lesbian.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
Oh.

Caolinn (24:40):
So before that, she makes kids hate their parents,
she causes dissent in the home,she does all this.

Oh, she wasn't a gay, she didn't turn anyone gay
until after someone.

Caolinn (24:48):
You know, yeah.
Once someone became lesbian,that's when Lilith makes people
lesbian.
That's when that happened.

Okay, all right, all right.
Wow.
So you live in this wacky placewith uh wacky parental units.

Caolinn (25:02):
Yeah.

And how and you somehow are at least sort of
sane.
Um how do you like you're doinga lot of ninja stuff though?

Caolinn (25:12):
Right.

You're you're training.

Caolinn (25:13):
Yeah.

And you like that.

Caolinn (25:15):
Of course.

Yes, love it.
Um and then how do you escape?

Caolinn (25:20):
That's a really it's a it's it's a good story.
Um and it's for me, okay.
So that was my number onefactor that broke was like,
okay, there's a problem in thishouse.
The second part of it is reallyimportant to what how I left.

Speaker 3 (25:35):
Yeah.

Caolinn (25:35):
Um I was working at a jiu-jitsu school.

Yep.

Caolinn (25:39):
And like a jujitsu.

So when you get to the jujitsu school, is that like
somehow in town?
How did you get to said jujitsuschool?

Caolinn (25:45):
We would drive.
Okay.

It was so at some point you got a car?

Caolinn (25:47):
It was no, that's with all of us.
So it's an hour and a halfaway.
Like I said, martial arts was areally big thing in there.

So the whole family goes to do martial arts at this
thing an hour and a half away.

Caolinn (25:56):
Right.
Right.
With traffic, probably an hourwithout.
But it we trek there, you know?
And they worked in Houston.
So it was, you know, it workedout.
But when I'm at this placewhere I was working at this
point, I've been training anhour, I was working there.
Um, one of my co-workers, he uhone day I was drinking water,

(26:19):
bending over, and it this wasfollowing a series of very odd
questions to be asking me forreference.
I was still a young teenager,he was 30.
And he asked me lots of weirdquestions.
Why don't I have a phone?
Can I buy you a phone secretly?
Do you want kids?
Let me be your friend, I'llprotect you, I'll take care of

(26:40):
you.
Those kind of comments.
And so following these, uh, oneday I bent over at the water
fountain to drink water, and hegrabs my butt.
I push him off.
And did you fight him?
No, it was during a class.
Oh but we were in kind of asecluded group, unfortunately,

(27:02):
because of uh there were likemuay thai bags hanging up and so
it blocks cameras and stuff.
So I shove him off and I juststared at him because I was just
kind of whacked out of whatjust happened.
I'm just staring at him and hegoes, What?
And I don't break eye contactuntil he goes, sorry, and he

(27:22):
walks off.
So later on during that day, heasked me to train with him.
Martial arts in general is veryphysical.
Jiu-Jitsu is the most fullcontact martial art.

Right.

Caolinn (27:34):
There is no way I'm letting you touch me here.
Right.

You're we grappling and then like partner, yeah.

Caolinn (27:39):
Precisely.
So I told him no.
I didn't say anything else.
I didn't even say no.
I just said he gets very angry.

And this guy is of no relation, right?

Caolinn (27:49):
Say that again.

This guy's of no relation to you.

Caolinn (27:51):
Like he just familiar, like uh family blood?

Yeah, no, okay, and but he but did you know him
growing up or how he was acoworker, got it.

Caolinn (27:59):
That's it.
He was a coworker, um, and hewas very, very angry by this.
So he went to my parentalunits.
They were everybody was prettyinvolved in this gym.
So everybody knows each other.
So he goes to them and he'stalking smack about me.
Hey, she did thisdisrespectful, how dare she?
Blah, blah, blah.

(28:20):
He got to them before I did,right?
Before I was able to tell themabout the butt grabbing.
And so they come to me and theyask me, Hey, what happens?
What's going on here?
And I tell them, hey, this iswhat happened.
And they got very angry at mebecause victim blaming.

(28:43):
Right.
Because he was black or isblack.
He's a black man.
And so they're very angry.
How are we supposed to handlethis?
He's a black man.
People are gonna think we'reracist, he's gonna come shoot us
because he's black.

That's racist.

Caolinn (28:57):
Thank you.
Yes, it's extremely racist.
So they they're very angry.
How are we supposed to handlethis?
Are you even sure, likequestioning me, questioning,
questioning me until I'mquestioning myself?
Like, I maybe, yes, I I was,you know, scared, confused, all
the things that you can imagine.
And I'm sure there are so manypeople and you know, young women
in particular that can relateto that.

(29:18):
And so it came to a point afterthis long argument and blaming,
and you better be 100% surebecause if you're not, then
we're all gonna get, you know,all of these whatever whatever
the words are you were using,like, man.

It's so weird to worry so much about yourself
when your daughter just gotright.

Caolinn (29:37):
It's the weirdest thing ever.
And so who cares?

Just leave.
Right.
Like I we care more about youthan some whatever.
Right.
Anyway.

Caolinn (29:45):
So my parents' demeanor changes very quickly.
And he's like, you know what?
I'm your father.
I don't want you to feel like Idon't take care of you, like I
don't protect you.
So I will talk to him and makesure that this doesn't happen.
Again.
But I think that you shouldapologize to him because you
made him very upset.
And she's standing next to him.

(30:07):
She's like, Yes, that's a goodidea.
You're gonna apologize to him.
I was very taken aback and Isaid, I'm not apologizing to
him.
But if you're gonna talk tohim, I want to be there because
I want to make sure that weunderstand what happened here.
And they both say, No, no, no,you can't be there.
That's inappropriate.
Oh, cool.
Is it more inappropriate thangrabbing a minor's butt?
Tell me that.
No, you can't be there, but youneed to apologize to him.

(30:30):
End of story.
I never apologized to him.
And uh they never talked tohim, nothing ever changed.
And we continued beingcoworkers, and I kept him this
far away for the rest of histime there until eventually he
got fired for something else.
And I was like, okay, great,all's good now.

(30:53):
Everything's fine.
We're great.
Um there had been during thatperiod of time when he had been
working there, right before hegot fired, he got into an
argument with my father and uhhe yelled at him and said some
apparently something mean.
But he gets fired.

(31:14):
And I want to see it, it was itwas either a few days after a
few days after, or a week orafter or so.
Um, I did have a phone at thistime, and I got a text message
from my father, who's in thesame house as me, and it's a
screenshot of of his textmessages to this other man, and

(31:34):
it's an apology.
Hey, blank, I'm so sorry that Igot angry at you.
I wish you the best.
And you just sent it to me at10 o'clock at night for no
alleged reason.

So it it was your uh parental unit sending that to
he texted him and said he wassorry to him and screenshot it
and sent it to me.

Caolinn (31:54):
Got it and I'm thinking, okay, fine.
Thank you.
That's a big middle finger tomy face.
That's just making it veryclear where you stand, whose
side you're on.
You just want to make sure Iunderstand that.
Cool, I got it.
At least it's over until sixmonths later he shows up again
and he gets welcomed into thehouse, open arms, hugging

(32:18):
everything, loving on him in myspace.
And that was the day that I waslike, okay, we're done.
There's no I at that point Ihad already been considering
just moving away, but notcutting them off.

(32:39):
I was, I had my whole plan inmy head of like, okay, I'm gonna
move away.
I'm not gonna not tell them.
I'm gonna have a conversationwith them in a public place and
I'm gonna say, hey, for thesereasons, I can't live here with
you anymore.

But that night, um old were you about that?
Like we're talking about 15,16?

Caolinn (32:56):
No, at that time I was older.
I was closer to an adult.
Yeah, closer to an adult age atthat time.
Um and I thankfully I actuallywas working that night.
So I left and I didn't comehome until really late, which I
was is not normal for me.
I never went out, I neverpartied, I never did anything.
I just stayed out really latebecause I was super upset.

(33:17):
Um, and when I got home,they're sitting there waiting up
for me, and they're like, Hey,why didn't you tell us you were
you were leaving, like you'regoing to work?
And I said, Oh, well, you werebusy with that gentleman.
Oh, but no, we weren't.
You should have come in andsaid hi.
And I was like, No, I was busy.
Are you okay?
You seem like something'swrong.
And I said, you know what?

(33:38):
I'm good.
I'm gonna go to bed.
And that night I decided I saidto myself, you know what, you
do not deserve to know when I amleaving.
You don't deserve to knowanything about my life from this
point forward.
And within a period of timeafter that, with the help of uh

(34:04):
some female friends fromjujitsu, there were two women
who helped me a lot.
Um, one of them kept my stufffor me.
I would just bring her thingsin grocery bags little by
little.
I I left with one suitcase anda little backpack.
And I just brought things toher slowly over the course over

(34:25):
a really long course of time,just little by little.
So nobody notices anything'smissing.
Just literally like my favoritejeans, my favorite shirt,
things that I can't, you know.
So like this time you're like18, 19, or yeah, an adult at
this time, a legal adult at thistime.
A legal adult at this time.
Um and so one day it was just anormal day to them, but for me,

(34:46):
it was a day that I had beenplanning for a really long time.
And I got up and I was supposedto go to work.
I had quit, I had my bossalready knew that I was quitting
um my job at that time.
So I was supposed to go to workand I got dressed like normal.

(35:08):
I had a bag that was abackpack, but it was like a
stylish backpack.
So I just put some last minutethings in there, like a
toothbrush, a little bit ofmoney, and uh, I think my
makeup.
I remember my makeup because Iwas so it was in a metal box and
I was worried it was gonna makea lot of noise when I was
walking down the stairs.
And I put on like a blackskirt, a black shirt, and then I

(35:34):
put on a big heavy black shawlbecause it was I worked at a
like a fancy steakhouse, so Ikind of had to wear like
professional stuff.

Speaker 3 (35:43):
Yeah.

Caolinn (35:43):
And so I was like totally covered head to toe in
black, really loose baggyclothing.
And as I was walking out, thelast thing that the last
conversation eye to eye or wordsexchange in general with my
dad, I had was he looked at meand he's like, Oh, you look
pretty, Caitlin.
And I said, Thanks.
And I kept walking down thestairs.

(36:04):
And my siblings are sitting atthe table and just kind of
scattered around.
And my mom was sitting there,and she ironically asked me, Oh,
are you leaving?
And I said, Yeah, I'm leavingto work.
Um my siblings are sittingthere.

Speaker (36:45):
I never tell this part without crying as life.
It's been years, but I look ateach of them and I just did
this.
I just said I love you.
Um that was it.
One of them didn't notice hewasn't paying attention, so I

(37:07):
called his name.
I was like, I called his namethree times, so he would see it
because it's like that's been itto this day.
I haven't seen him since then,but it's fine.
It's fine.
Anyway, we're done.

Caolinn (37:23):
So I get into my car.
Or well, I had a truck.
It was under their name, so Ihad a whole plan to get uh it
back to them because I wanted tomake sure I didn't have
anything in their name with me.
So they have you know, nothingthey can't say like I stole
their car or whatever.

Please aren't trying to track you.

Caolinn (37:44):
Yeah.
Um, exactly.
So I get in and I leave.
Um the first place I went wasum I left a a letter somewhere
where I knew they would find it.
Just this is why I think Iwrote like 20 pages or something

(38:05):
of this is why I'm done withyou.
This is why it's never gonnahappen again.
Why I'm never gonna talk to youagain.
All these things, likebasically these stories that
I've been telling you.
Yeah, with a few otheroccasions in there.
Um I was playing this song thatnow it's always it's it's a
happy song.
Now it's not really a happysong, but it was um I forget the

(38:29):
bands, but it's Master ofPuppets.
Um do you know that song?

I do, yeah.

Caolinn (38:33):
Um Master of Puppets and Pulling Your Strings, yes,
okay.
Stomping on your dreams.
That song.
I forget who it's by, butMetallica, right?
Yes, Metallica.
Thank you.
I was gonna say ACDC, butMetallica.
Um, so I'm playing that song.
I leave, and then I went in theuh at this point we lived in
the city.
We didn't live in that uhlittle log cabin anymore.

(38:56):
We lived in a city, and I tookmy truck to a Whole Foods and I
parked it, and in the letter hadleft them.
Um I told him, like, hey, yourtruck's at Whole Foods, the keys
are in this place, so I'm notstealing anything from you.
Um so I parked the truck and Itook an Uber to the friend's

(39:17):
house who had my things and Ishe wasn't there so as we we
planned very well to make surethat things aren't gonna come
back to her to make sure thatshe's and her family are safe.

Speaker 3 (39:30):
Yeah.

Caolinn (39:30):
Um, so she wasn't there.
She just gave me the code tothe garage.
I opened the garage, I took mybags out, and I left.
I took an Uber to a differentfriend's house who I stayed with
for a long time working until Imoved to California.

Long story short.
So when you get to California,you've had no like um no, I
don't know, real lifeexperience.
I mean, you've had real life,you've been working, but that's
a fair statement.
No real life experience.
I mean, I don't know if youever rented an apartment.
I don't know if you've ever,you know.

Caolinn (40:07):
Not at that period.

I mean, but I guess you were just, you know,
functional enough as a humanbeing that you what I mean, what
did you do?

Caolinn (40:14):
I was living on a wing in a prayer at that point.
Uh again, the the person I wasworking for during that period
where I was out, she helped meto have a job when I moved to
San Diego, which I never endedup taking because um the friend
that I was living with when sheheard that I was moving out of
state, she was worried about me.

(40:34):
She's telling me, you know, youdon't have any family, you
don't have any friends there,you don't know anybody.
Um, so she did two things tohelp me.
The first thing that she didwas she found Manny, who was
living in California at thetime.
And she texted him and justsaid, Hey, I'm worried about
Caolinn.

Hold on one second.

Caolinn (40:53):
Yes.

Can you pause real quick?
Okay, so you get to San Diego.

Caolinn (41:02):
So, right.
So my friends had reached outto Manny and said, Hey, I'm
worried about her.
Can you please just like makesure she's okay?
And then she encouraged me tocall him as well, which I'm sure
was a very weird phone callfrom him for him.
Hearing from, oh, hi, coworker,I haven't talked to in a really
long time.
Oh, this drama is happening inyour life.
Um that's cool.

So it was to be fair, I've had had that happen
to me several times in the pastyear.

Caolinn (41:30):
People show up all the time.
People just like, hey, I've gotnobody else to turn to.

Right, right.
That's okay.

Caolinn (41:34):
Um so I I I call him and he tells me, I was just
like, Hey, what are you up to?
And he tells me, I'm moving toCosta Rica in a few weeks.

And I said, So hold on, did you know him in Texas
though?

Caolinn (41:47):
Did you know did you we had been coworkers in Texas?

Okay, so you at least knew who he was.

Caolinn (41:51):
Yeah, it's not some random guy on the internet.

So he you meet him up, you meet with him in
California.
He's he'd already moved therefor however many Yeah, he'd been
there for for a long time.

Caolinn (41:59):
Um, he told me he was moving to Costa Rica in a few
weeks.
I said, Okay, cool.
Can I go with you?
I've got nothing in the USright now, and Costa Rica sounds
cool.
And he was like, You need apassport.
That's what he asked.
He said, Do you have apassport?
And I said, Yeah, I have apassport.
And you have a passport.
That's a long, very that's avery hard story as well.

(42:21):
Well, not a hard story, but along story.
But um, one of those otherfriends helped me get a
passport.

Wow.

Caolinn (42:26):
Yeah.
And well, I can't really admit,but I had to like fake
signatures.
May have uh may have faked somesignatures.

There may be some signatures that are not genuine
on that on said passport on theoriginal one.

Caolinn (42:39):
I would never do that.
Of course, that would neverhappen.
Absolutely.
So, yes.
But this friend helped me toget a passport and then she held
it for me.

Oh, that was really cool.

Caolinn (42:47):
Yeah, so she did a lot to help me get out, and then I I
got it from her once I left.
Okay.

So do you speak Spanish?

Caolinn (42:53):
I do.

unknown (42:54):
Yeah.

From being in Costa Rica.

Caolinn (42:55):
I knew a little bit before Costa Rica, but being
there, I just boom.

How long were you in Costa Rica?

Caolinn (43:01):
We were there for from 22, yes, to 23.

Speaker 3 (43:08):
Oh, okay.

Caolinn (43:08):
Yeah.
So not super long time ago, but22 to 23.
We were in Costa Rica.
Um and yeah, so yeah,basically, I quit.
I moved to San Diego, don'tshow up to the job that I was
supposed to go to and help himsell his stuff.

And you just go to Costa Rica.

Caolinn (43:28):
I know I just went to Costa Rica.
Yep.

The other thing what kind of visa do you have to
have?
I know it sounds like we'rejust to have a visa.

Caolinn (43:34):
Oh, you just don't as a US citizen, you don't.
You just have to have a uh areturning flight.
Yeah, just showing that you'replanning to come back.

unknown (43:42):
Huh.
Yeah.

So what did you like have like a returning
flight that you didn't go on?

Caolinn (43:46):
No, so there is actually a website.
This is a really great travelhack.
Just don't tell the Costa Ricanembassy.

Speaker 3 (43:51):
Got it.

Caolinn (43:52):
There is a website, I forget the name of it, but you
can search fake return fakeflight tickets, and it's like
$12.
You put in your information,and they give you a ticket with
real flight numbers, real times,everything so that they can
check it.
Um it's called onward travel,onwardtravel.com.

Okay.

Caolinn (44:11):
And it gives you everything, proof of onward
travel that you need becausewhen you go to the airport in
the United States, they will notlet you on the plane until you
have so did you feel like youwere escaping?
At that point, definitely.

You know what I mean?
Like uh Yeah, I I I mean,obviously you watch movies now,
but now I do.
There are these things andthey're showed and they're not
real life, but they look real.
Yeah.
So, like, did it feel like youwere in like uh a a movie, so to
speak, where you're kind ofescaping, you just you're always
kind of looking over yourshoulder.
Are they gonna come get me?

Caolinn (44:41):
Yeah.

That kind of thing.

Caolinn (44:42):
Yeah, it it was really uh So when did you feel safe?

Is that the right word?

Caolinn (44:47):
That's a I think that's a pretty good word for it.
Um once I got Costa Rica was avery, very healing journey for
me.
It was not easy because, like,for I mean, for so many reasons.
I was just, you know, now Iwent from you know, living with
siblings to now I have my ownroom and I'm living in an

(45:09):
apartment with somebody whogenuinely cares about me.
But at that time we we kneweach other, but I mean we were
co-workers still.

Kind of sounds like an arranged marriage if you're
just gonna go a different wayout.

Caolinn (45:20):
Well, that's a that's a long that might be a long shot,
but at that time we still isstill we were still co-workers.

We had a two-bedroom apartment and we did
you do any work uh work uh inCalifornia or like did you go to
the gym and like I don't know,train people or anything?
Or it was like, hey, I'm here,I'm going to Costa Rica.
So if you want to come, comeon.

Caolinn (45:40):
It was more like that.
We had there was a time I wasin San Diego for almost a month,
roughly.
Okay.
I I forget what the exacttimeline was.
I was there for a while, so Ihad most of it was right.
I didn't work like and makemoney while I was there because
we were I was helping Manny kindof like sell things and get
ready to move.

(46:01):
Um, but I had the opportunityto go train.
I got to train with um somefamous people in San Diego.
Uh Jocko Willink is down there,he's really cool.
I met him while I was there.
I know his daughter, hisdaughter and I uh we trained uh
last Christmas when I was in SanDiego again.
She's very cool.
The family's very cool.

All right, what was that like?

Caolinn (46:21):
He was really nice.
He was in a rush to leave, buthe stopped and talked to me
because I wanted to ask himabout his book.
And he was a cool guy.
The thing about him thatsurprised me the most is he's
very short.

Yeah.

Caolinn (46:34):
Like, I didn't know that.
When he came out, I mean, hisface is kind of like iconic,
like a brick.
So obviously I recognize him.
But when he came next to me, Iwas like, I know.
I was like, that's a lot of forsuch a well, you know, that'll
make up for it.

Anyway, so go on.
So, like, uh, all right, so heso you got to train with Jocko,
which is wild.
Yes.
Um, and then you head to CostaRica and you start a business.
Like, how I mean, I know thislike you just been living in a
log cabin.

Caolinn (47:08):
Yeah.

And now you're in California, now you're in Costa
Rica, and you're probablylooking for a little efficiency
apartment of some sort to kindof figure it out, right?

Caolinn (47:18):
We the the great thing is even though we moved there,
it was technically high seasonwhere it's like every tourists
are coming in there, so thingsare more expensive.
Um, our apartment was $800 amonth, which is really nice.
It was a we had a it was awhole second floor we had to
ourselves, two bedrooms,kitchen, and we had a really
beautiful patio overlooking thejungle, which is where we ended

(47:41):
up having our martial artsschool.

In the jungle?

Caolinn (47:44):
In the jungle.
It was really cool.
It was really cool.

Is there any part of you that wants to go back to
the jungle?

Caolinn (47:49):
That's such a good question.
Manny is a uh non-jungleperson?
No, he he's he is a non-jungleperson, like he does not like
bugs, he doesn't like dirt, hedoesn't like camping, but he's
in love with Costa Rica.
It has a hundred percent and healways talks about it
constantly, and we plan to goretire there.

(48:12):
Um I'm hoping in the futurethat well, not hoping, planning
and working towards having aproperty down there so that we
can go there more.
And I mean, yeah, money's nice,but really just so that we can
go there a lot more, which wouldbe great.
So okay.

So you're in Costa Rica, you're starting a ninja
training thing.

Caolinn (48:34):
Right.

Then you decide to go back to the States, right?

Caolinn (48:39):
So we got to a point where Costa Rica is very
seasonal, so it's high season,low season.
High season, there aretourists, low season, there's
nothing but rain and hippiessmoking weed on the beach.

Of course.

Caolinn (48:50):
Yeah.
So the majority of people,especially in the town we were
living in, were expats.
So they were coming and workingremotely during nice season.
Yeah.
And once it started to rain,they would go back to their
countries.
Right.
And make a lot of money becauseCosta Rica, it's hard to make a
lot of money working remotely.

Speaker 3 (49:09):
Yep.

Caolinn (49:10):
And then they come back and do it again.
So once everybody kind of left,all the businesses were
shutting down, like restaurantsare shutting down, all the
things that are bringing peopleout were shutting down.
And we dropped our pricesdramatically to be able to meet
local needs, but it was notenough.
Like we were charging $20 perclass, which was very cheap for

(49:37):
the area when we had tourists intown.
But there would be hippies onthe beach that are like, hey,
I'll hold pads for you anytimeof day, whatever, and I'll give
you weed afterwards.
And it's 2,000 colones, whichis $4, and there's no structure,
and you can just call meanytime you want.
So it was a very weird type ofcompetition to have where you're

(49:57):
competing with nothing.
Yeah.
But tourists are going to CostaRica ready to be like cool,
hang back, chill, lifestyle, andthey're kind of getting sucked
in.
It's really a scam, but they'regetting sucked into these
people who don't know martialarts and are just showing off,
and they get you high first sothat it looks like you're cool,

(50:19):
but you're really not.
Um, so it it was hard on thebusiness, especially once we hit
like that's tough to breakinto.

Okay.
So you're yeah, it's notworking.

Caolinn (50:28):
Right.

And you're like, let's get out of here.

Caolinn (50:30):
Exactly.
So the question next was, okay,where do we go?
Because Texas at the time, offthe table, too much drama, and
nothing at the time for us.
Texas didn't have anything.
We really considered going backto California.
We had a flight booked to goback to California.
We ended up in Florida.

That makes sense.
California, Florida, samething.

Caolinn (50:53):
Right.
Except for the weather.
The weather in Florida has itsmoments where it's beautiful,
like winter's 70 degrees, butfor the sunshine state, it rains
so much.
And it's really bad rain.
It is.
So you get really bad tropicalrain.
It makes it super hard tothings.
But Florida was great.
Um, during a period right afterI had left, one of my friends

(51:18):
helped me find a stalker websiteto find my grandmother.
A stalker website.

Like a stalker website, like I'm gonna go stalk
somebody.

Caolinn (51:25):
So I hadn't I had been disconnected from my grandmother
for a long time.
I hadn't seen her for a really,really long time.
We were not allowed to talk toher.
She was totally cut off becauseum she disagreed with the
parenting methods, things thatwere happening in the house.
So gone.
Right.
The the story was she's apracticing witch that will

(51:45):
kidnap you.
Yeah.
And um, I found her on thisstalker website.
And again, another weird textmessage.
I was like, hey, is this so andso?
Yes.
Hi, this is your granddaughter.
I don't even know what herreaction was at that time at
that time.
She told me later that she wasin the hospital really sick and

(52:08):
just I'm sure it was a lot tohandle.
Um, but we reconnected,thankfully, through that
interaction.
And she comes to Florida a lotbecause her dad, my
great-grandfather, lives there.
So it was kind of the onlyplace where we had family
around.

So you got how what was a reunification like with
her?

Caolinn (52:30):
It was very special.
We actually didn't get to seeher until we came back from
Costa Rica.
And we went to meet her in thisit'sy bitsy teeny tiny town in
Texas because we flew intoTexas.
Um, Houston flights from CostaRica to Houston are super cheap
and direct, so they're fast.

Was that make you nervous being at oh yeah, yeah,
yeah.

Caolinn (52:53):
I was really nervous.

You're like, I was like, Head on a swivel, baby.

Caolinn (52:56):
I was literally like this the whole time.
Oh put my hood on, I'm like nottalking to anybody, I'm not
looking at anybody.
Many likes to go, he's he'sready to pick a fight.
He's like, anybody who comes,I'm ready for you.
Like, I'm gonna see you, I'mgonna take pictures, say, hey,
who's gonna mess with me?
So it was funny, but um webought a car in Texas, and

(53:18):
before we went to Florida, wewent down to the coast to see
her.
And we met up in this littleTex-Mex restaurant in this.
I mean, I thought I grew up inthe middle of nowhere.
Hers town where she used tolive was more civilized.

Not civilized, but uh more the Indians who come out
from like the bush and likeshoot arrows at you.

Caolinn (53:40):
That was like where I grew up.
Where she grew up, it was lotsof rednecks.
Okay, or not where she grew up,where she lived was lots of
rednecks, really cool, lovelypeople, retirement town on the
coast.
So you get the Gulf uh comingin, yeah, right.
So it was it was a cool town,it was very quiet, all retirees,
so lots of you know, seniors.
Yeah, it was a cool littleplace.

(54:02):
Yeah, good vibe.
Yeah, it was fun, and then Igot to reconnect with my uncle.
He came uh, I guess down he wascoming from north, so he came
south to see me there too.
And that was our first reunion,and then we got to reconnect
more later when she came toFlorida, once we were already
there.
Because like I said, she comesthat she came there a lot to

(54:22):
visit.

Okay, so you've got this you reestablished family.
Is she like your secret safewith me?

Caolinn (54:27):
Mm-hmm.

Um, and your parental units had talked to her
anyway.

Caolinn (54:32):
So, like no, she was cut off.

Yeah.
Okay, so then you're inFlorida.

Caolinn (54:36):
Yep.

Then you're like, do you open up a martial arts
studio or something?

Caolinn (54:40):
So I started managing working out and then managing a
little family-owned martial artsschool in Cooper City.
Manny started his thing in aUFC gym there, which ended up
being a really great experiencefor him as well, just to have
the freedom to teach adults,which I know we both valued that
because he got to run classesthe way he wanted to with a big

(55:05):
group of people, right?
So that was a really coolexperience.
While we were there, we got tolearn a lot, not only about
teaching, but about jujitsubecause uh we got to train with
Wagner Rocha and Cyborg, who arebig names in jujitsu.
It was a great, very awesomecommunity that they have down
there.
So it's a it's a lovely place.

(55:26):
I made literally some of mybest friends at that gym who are
probably when I open my phoneright now, there's text from
them.
Yeah, yeah.

But so, like when when why leave Florida?

Caolinn (55:37):
So it was a two-part thing.
The first part was we werestill really dedicated about
opening the business.
We wanted what is now macamartial arts to exist.
In Florida, it was reallydifficult because we have these
good friends of ours who are bignames, right?
But Florida's a big state.
There was a ton of competitionsimilar to what was happening on

(55:58):
the beach in Costa Rica, whereit's every single corner, it's
karate, taekwondo, jeekundo,Zumba, everybody something.
Because, you know, Miami,Florida, South Florida is a pit
bull song.
It is parties, it's women,good.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.

(56:19):
So everybody wants to work outto be super good looking.
So it was a lot of competitionin Florida.
And while we really loved ourjiu-jitsu community and being
close to family, the rest of theculture just kind of didn't fit
our vibe.
We missed a lot of the Southerncharm that we had in Texas and
California.
So for our whole time inFlorida, we had on our

(56:42):
refrigerator Texas pros andcons, California pros and cons.
And we would just add to thelist constantly.
And there were so many nightswhen I would come home and Manny
would be sitting on the couchand he would just be like, Man,
I wish I just had my own place.
Because what he had in UFC waslike his spot, but it's inside a

(57:03):
commercial gym.
So it's daddy Yankee blaringand people doing their thing and
you know, people walking withshoes on the mat, which is a big
no-no.

Speaker 3 (57:12):
Yeah, yeah.

Caolinn (57:12):
So he talked about it all the time.
And he was both of us, we werejust so we spent so many nights
dreaming about thank God what wehave right now.
So when we decided to move, wewere originally just going to
stop in Austin because a lot ofpeople had recommended it to us,
telling us, hey, it's a reallygreat place, growing community,

(57:34):
all these things.
And we were just gonna stophere and check it out on our way
to California, just to say wedid our due diligence looking
for a spot, and we ended up witha super great place that's
right down there five minutesaway.

Yeah.

Caolinn (57:50):
Yeah.

Okay, so here you are now.

Caolinn (57:53):
Yeah.

Um, and you're with Manning.
You're building your lifetogether.

Caolinn (57:59):
Right.

Do you ever miss the parentals?

Caolinn (58:02):
No.

Do you ever miss like obviously you miss your
siblings?
Right.
So, but like, is there a partof like, how do you not do you
rethink that?
Do you go back in your headgoing, like, should I have left
then?
Or that was exactly the rightthing?
Like, give me your thoughtprocess.
Like, looking back, are youever like, you know, maybe I
should have taken one of themwith me?
I don't, you know, is there anypart of that's like, do you

(58:24):
have any survivor's guilt?
You know, you know what I'mtalking about?

Caolinn (58:26):
Right.
The survivor's guilt isdefinitely real.
Um, and I'll speak more to thatin a second.
As far as the parentals go, Ihave never doubted that what I
did was the right thing.
Even when I was sad from theloss of the life that I had,
which really wasn't all thatgreat.

(58:47):
I mean, not to be likeungrateful because it was they
were they're very, very, veryaffluent.

Like they're very what?

Caolinn (58:55):
Affluent, like, you know, for days.
And they reminded me of that alot after uh I left through
email saying, hey, I made ahundred thousand dollars just
this month.
Don't you wish you were a partof this?
Well, if they knew anythingabout me.
Your how many dollar songs comeafter your name means zero.
Doesn't mean anything to me.

(59:16):
Um, there have been times whereI miss the idea of a parent to,
you know, rely on, ask for foradvice, but them personally no.
Okay.
And that missing of a parent,that feeling was always there,
even when I lived with them.
Right.
And then for the survivor'sguilt, um, I struggled with that

(59:38):
for a really long time.
Just in the last few months,honestly, I felt more relief
from it because I did what Icould do.
I called CPS, I tried to getthem involved.
CPS, the at least the one agentwe got was an absolute joke.
Um, and she did nothing tohelp.
I did what I could.

(59:59):
I know that I.
I did everything that I couldand just in the last few months,
some of them who are now legaladults have reached out and
said, Hey, we don't wantanything to do with you unless
you want something to do withpeople.

Pastor Plek (01:00:13):
Until you uh want something to do with Right.

Caolinn (01:00:15):
With them.
So we don't want anything to dowith you until we want
something to do with them.
We're on their side, they'regood.

unknown (01:00:21):
Okay.

It's hard.

Caolinn (01:00:22):
It is, but in some way it's almost relieving because
now I know for for all of theseyears I have worried are you
okay?
Are you happy?
Are you getting beat up likethe way we used to be when I'm
not there to help you?
Because when I was there, I wasthe one who helped you.
I was the one who gave youTylenol, who gave you ice, who

(01:00:46):
made a story to help protect youfrom them.
I was the one who came and tookpictures when the male parental
unit yanked you out of theshower and beat you across the
face when you were naked becauseyour puppy peed on the floor.
Right?
I was the person who did that.
So for a long time it was astruggle of who's doing that for

(01:01:09):
you now.
And the fact that like some ofthem have come out and been
like, we don't need you.
It is in some way a relief.
Okay.
So you're good.
Whatever manipulative lieyou've created into your head or
they've created in your headthat you now believe that makes
you think you're cool, okay.
At least I know that I dideverything I can in my power.

(01:01:30):
And that's hard though.
It's a very weird place to be.
It's very weird.

Okay, so all right.
So let's go back now.
Obviously, I'm a pastor, so Ialways have to ask this
question.

Caolinn (01:01:40):
Right.

So where do we go with God here?
Like, like so, parents, theirrole is to be a proxy for God.
Like they are standing in forGod, they're bigger, they're
taller, they're like giants,yeah.
Um, they're smarter, they'vegot money.
Yeah.

(01:02:00):
Um, and so what happens ingeneral, if you have a good
relationship with your parentsand they're Christian and all
that, you have a goodrelationship with God because
it's like an easy transition.

Speaker 3 (01:02:10):
Yeah.

For you, like, you know, and you also have a
there's a layer of Catholicstuff on top of which I won't
even get into this moment, butlike for for you, like where are
you at with God?

Caolinn (01:02:23):
Like when you talk about when you think about God,
like what comes to mind for along time it was a struggle
because the God that I grew upwith says if you wear a skirt
above your knees, a man looks atyou and thinks, wow, she's hot.

(01:02:44):
I go to hell for that because Imade you sin.
And that's on me.

Oh, oh, got it.
So you go to hell because youmade him sin.

Caolinn (01:02:53):
Exactly.

Got it.

Caolinn (01:02:54):
It's not the man's fault because that is his
nothing he can do.
There's nothing, it's boysbeing boys, right?
Oh, wow.
So it's on there's it's on theshoulders of women to not let
men sin.
So that was the God that I grewup with, the God that said it's
okay for parents to treat theirkids this way.
It's okay for men to touchwomen inappropriately, as long

(01:03:16):
as the boss of the house saysit's okay.
So it was a really screwed upview of what God is that I grew
up with.

Right.

Caolinn (01:03:26):
And it took me a really long time to figure out like to
clear the smoke and mirrors.
And a big part of that for mewas realizing I really could
have screwed up my life reallybad in so many different ways.
When I left, I could have madebad decisions about where I

(01:03:47):
went.
I could have made bad decisionsstaying there.
I mean, there were periods whenI was living there where I was
who's to say that Manny couldn'thave been a crazy person, like
100%.

Yeah, like that sheer grace of God.

Caolinn (01:04:00):
Absolutely, divine intervention.

Like, wow.

Caolinn (01:04:02):
Anyway, yeah, absolutely.
And there were other instancesin my life where I was now, I
can say, wow, that was a hugeGod thing.
That was a major God thing.
Um, where I there were timeswhen I was really depressed,
really suicidal, and I would I Iput a time limit on it one

(01:04:22):
night.
I was really, really depressed.
I really wanted to like end it.
And I was wrestling with it inmy head, and I was like, okay,
if something doesn't change inthe next two weeks, that's it.
If something significant enoughchanges that shows me I need to
stick around, okay.
And at the time I didn't reallyrealize what that big change

(01:04:48):
was.
But the big change was Mannycame back into my life.
And he had we had beencoworkers, but he hadn't been
around for a long time.
And he came back into my life,and suddenly I had a friend
again who asked me questionsthat some people didn't ask me.
Like one day he just looked atme and he's like, Hey, are you
okay?
And I kind of lost it.

(01:05:10):
And I was just like, No, I'mnot, I'm not okay for so many
different reasons.
And I didn't really tell him alot of what was going on because
I couldn't.
But I had it was verycomforting to know that okay,
there's somebody right now who'slike watching me and sees that
something's not right, and thatin itself was a blessing to have

(01:05:31):
somebody who was payingattention, and now I see that
was a God thing.

So, so yeah, so uh, this is where now this part
where I'm gonna be dogmatic alittle bit.

Caolinn (01:05:40):
Okay.

Like God loves you.
And the whole thing aboutJesus, well okay, sorry, sorry.
If if there's one thing, youknow, there is a demonic realm.
Right.
I don't know if there's demonsin your house, could have been,
I'm not gonna say if it was one.
However, if there's one thingSatan could do is screw up the
relationship between a fatherand a kid, because over and
over, Jesus calls God father,father, father, father, father,

(01:06:03):
father.
In fact, like if you go downthe street to like the gay
church down the street, they'vetaken father out of the book
because everyone has theyliterally have been so screwed
up by bad dads, yeah, they'relike that word has a connotation
to them that is that is wickedin a sense.
And so I don't want to have anyof that baggage when I look up
to God.
But what God is is even thougha father is supposed to be a

(01:06:26):
proxy, a stand-in for God, upuntil the point where you can
kind of understand him foryourself, and there's a great
way to introduce children toGod, if if that's messed up, it
makes it way difficult, but notimpossible because God is
ultimately a father who lovesand protects and guides and
draws you to himself.

Speaker 3 (01:06:42):
Right.

And so my hope would be through all this, you
would see that the stories ofthe Bible that you probably know
pretty well, that Jesus cameand he died on the cross for
your sins, and then he rose fromthe dead.
And our freedom that we have inJesus is exponentially amazing,
and that there is great joy andthere is great life and there

(01:07:07):
is great hope.
And so, my heart for you isthat through all the people
you've been interacting with, umthat that God would reveal
Himself to you in a gentle uhway that you could hear, see,
and then respond to.
And so um, because you know thestory about Jesus.

(01:07:29):
Of course.
So when have you like, and thisis the like, have you do you
believe Jesus?
Are you like, I don't knowwhere I'm at with Jesus?
Are you are you at like a placeof like, you know, I'm still
like kicking the tires onspirituality?
Like, where where are you at?

Caolinn (01:07:45):
Uh right now, God and I are really good.
We're in a better spot thanwe've been in a really long
time.

Speaker 3 (01:07:52):
Fair enough.
Fair enough.

Caolinn (01:07:52):
So it's cool.
It's it feels really good to bein that place again.
Um I got I got irritated thismorning.
I have a morning job andsomebody left these three like
Bible verse big bookmarks on thetable.
And I was like, wow, these arereally cool.

(01:08:14):
And I put one in my purse tokeep for myself, one that I
thought was really cool.

So are you like a waitress or something?

Caolinn (01:08:19):
Or what no, no, I manage a restaurant.

You manage restaurants bakery.
Okay, you manage bakery, butlike somebody left Bible verses
intentionally or likeunintentionally, or I assume it
was intentionally.
I mean, just but so so you pickit up.
Yeah, and it was sort ofencouraging.

Caolinn (01:08:32):
Yeah, and I liked them and I I have them in my purse
right now because I one of mycoworkers is religious, and I
kept one for myself and I gaveone to her, and I was like, hey,
these are cool.
I thought you would like them.
She's religious.
Yeah, yeah, really religious.
And she got irritated at me,and she like pushed my hand away
and was like, No, no, no.

(01:08:53):
And I thought, you know what,girl, you don't deserve them.
You don't deserve them.
So I brought them.
I was like, you know what?
Pastor Pleck will like this.

I would love them.
Look at these Bible verses.
I'm really excited abouthearing what these Bible verses
are because listen, there's beena many a time where uh people
have like, you know, like you'vethought as a as a pastor, you
know, you have something likethat, and you're like, does
anybody actually look at this?

Caolinn (01:09:14):
Uh-huh.

All right, so what do you got?

Caolinn (01:09:16):
Okay, so which was this is cool.

Oh, those are like bookmarks.

Caolinn (01:09:20):
Yeah, it is like a little bookmark.
They're really cool.
Like, we're like oh, I love it.

I'll do it all for the glory of God with God, all
things are possible, love yourenemies.
I love it.
Okay, this is this is allreally cool things.

Caolinn (01:09:29):
Maybe it's because I gave her the one that said love
your enemies, and she took itpersonally.

She's like, screw.

Caolinn (01:09:36):
Yeah, maybe it's fine.
I was like, I like this onewith God, all things are
possible.
I like that.
And then I don't know, maybeshe's like loving enemy.
I'm loving on you, enemy.

But oh, okay, yeah.
Okay, so all right, so that'sokay.

Caolinn (01:09:49):
I brought him and I was like, someone somebody left
that.

You got it, you got encouraged by that.
All right, so what aboutchurch?
Like this, like do you being inthis building, does it freak
you out a little bit, or is itjust it looks enough like a bar
that it's okay?

Caolinn (01:10:01):
Bars freak me out more.
I don't like bars.
Okay.
I don't go to bars.
I don't like bars.
Um, no, this is fine.
This is cool.
I have found I get along reallywell.
This is non-denominationalchurch, right?
I get along really well withpeople that are in
non-denominational Christianityor non-denominational churches
because it's like this.

(01:10:21):
It's the kind of they theyteach the same idea of God that
has brought a lot of healing forme, where it's not God is
standing with a AK-47 ready toblow your head off when you sin.
It's, you know, God is lovingFather.

You know, I'm actually that's why I'm talking
about this Sunday.

Caolinn (01:10:39):
Really?

God, so because it's about discipline.
Yeah.
Uh like the it's Hebrews 12,and it talks about, you know,
you were disciplined by yourfather as he thought best.
And I'm gonna be like, some ofyou were not disciplined really
well.
Uh and so now there's a there'sa skew because you've been um
jaded.
Jaded?

(01:11:00):
Yeah.
So your view of God of likeloving father who disciplines,
and so anytime you look up atGod, you think he's punishing
you for something, right?
As opposed to God who when Iwhen I discipline my kids, it's
like I love you too much to letyou disobey.
And so any sort of discipline,whether it's they're running a
lap or doing a wall sit, or youknow, even a spank sometimes,

(01:11:21):
like there's there that doesn'tcome from a um I'm I hate you,
or I'm I'm I'm not angry, but weneed to assess this because I
love you too much to for you tokind of be disobedient or you
know, punch your kid, punch yourbrother, pull a knife, you
know, all the things thathappen.
Did that happen at your house?
Did you guys pull knives oneach other?

(01:11:42):
No, okay, yeah, that's just mymight be at my house.
All right, so we're all girls.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah, we have I have all boys,and so it's like every day I
come home, it's a dog pile.
Uh, every day I come home andsomeone's upset because somebody
hit somebody.
Anyway, so we have to, youknow, manage the chaos.
And um, so we do a lot ofdiscipline.
I love you too much.

(01:12:02):
I don't when you hit yourbrother like that.
I I I have to bring justice tothe situation.
But daddy loves you so muchthat I want you to see how how
it hurts daddy when you hurthim.
Right.
It hurts me when you hurtbecause I anyway, so I get you
get into all that.
All that to say is I thinkthat's what happens if you've
had a dad that's abusivesexually, physically, verbally,

(01:12:23):
not that any of that wasspecific to you, but if you've
had a dad like that, right,there's a tendency for God is
very angry, yeah, very uh justready to bring down judgment on
you.
And so everything that happensis God punishing me.
Um or on the flip side, if youhad like um an overly doting

(01:12:47):
father, okay, where then it'severybody else's fault, and
there's demons everywhere.
I'm not saying that might have,I don't know.

Caolinn (01:12:53):
No, I hear what you're saying.

But it's like but there's like if there's always
someone else to blame for allthe issues you have.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I guess what I my hope is,and I would love this is why
this is the big invite.
I'd love for you, Manny, youand Manny to come, is that you
would see that God loves you,that He has been present in even
the suffering of the sadness ofseeing people you love, you

(01:13:17):
know, disappear out of yourlife.

Caolinn (01:13:19):
Yeah.

Um, and that more than anything, God wants a
relationship with you that'spersonal.
And and what I what I loveabout what you said is when when
Manny asked you, like, are youokay?
So there's this moment inprayer where you just come
before the Lord, and the moreyou get alone with God, the more
you can hear him like speaklike, I love you, I'm proud of

(01:13:40):
you, uh, you're mine.
And that thought of like, areyou okay?
of like where you have aconversation with God, that's
what prayer is.

Speaker 3 (01:13:46):
Right.

But then in reading God's word, his constant like
connection with you, thisconstant pursuit of you as a
perfect father, yeah, would lovehis kid.
And so, um, anyway, I my heartfor you is is that you would
experience that sort of joy,yeah, and that the whole your
whole story at you know, one daywould be redeemed.

(01:14:09):
Uh, all the darkness you'veexperienced.
What what one Bible verse mykids are memorizing is uh
Genesis 15, 50, 20.
As for you, you meant evilagainst me, but God meant it for
good to bring it about thatmany people should be kept alive
as they are today.
Yeah, and that verse ispowerful because when you
experience pain, it's sometimesis this God punishing me or is

(01:14:31):
this God preparing me?
Yeah, is this God punishing meor is this God protecting me?
Right.
Is this what is God doing inand through my life that I need
to experience right now?
Anyway, all that to say, Iwould love for you.
Um, I just I'm encouragedsomebody even gave that to you
today.

Caolinn (01:14:44):
That yeah, I it worked.
It was again, I I felt like itwas a God thing today.

That is a god thing.
It is.
I I do I definitely and so thatmy hope for you is that you
would start to to lean into himbecause I think your story isn't
finished, you know, like itdoesn't feel sensitive.
We've just got you know, you're25.
You just got to this placewhere you're you're you're
you're living your life andyou're doing something really
special with uh martial arts andreally probably making people's

(01:15:10):
lives really awesome.
And and I'm really encouragedby that.
And so my hope for you is thatum the greatest gift I could
ever give you is like the toknow the savior that I know, for
you to experience him like Iexperience him, um, would just
be super joyful.
And um yeah, just likeanything, it's a relationship
that's really powerful.
Yeah, all that.
Yeah, so man, thanks for beinghere.

Speaker 3 (01:15:31):
Thank you.

Yeah, what other things you want to share?
Is there anything else likeyou're like, I forgot to say
this thing?

Caolinn (01:15:37):
Um, I like how other Christians pray in the words
that they use, yeah, and in thebody language.
As a martial artist, bodylanguage is so important to me.
So I love the body language oflike openness, right?
This was not allowed, right?
This is only acceptable, right?
This is very funny.

(01:15:58):
I'm sure other people thinkthis is funny too.
If you pray like this, whichwas my preferred method of
praying, just because I feltlike this is sissy, honestly.
No offense to anybody.
This just didn't feel right tome.

My emoji I use a lot.

Caolinn (01:16:10):
Because there's no this emoji, which is funny because
this is really bad in jujitsu,but whatever.
This is was always how Iprayed.
But uh, I had a priest tell meone time, don't pray like this
because your fingers are makingyour prayers go to the devil.
So you're accidentally prayingto the devil and asking the
devil for things when you pray.
So you can only do this sobecause otherwise the signal,
like the signal goes throughyour fingers, so God gets it,

(01:16:31):
right?
So we got to make sure thatlike holy cow, like that is the
dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Like, I wanna I want to bless you with me saying
that is the dumbest thing I'veever heard.

Caolinn (01:16:41):
Um I feel like people would appreciate that.

There's that is so dumb.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, well, I'm so sorry.
I feel like there's so muchreligious baggage that I all I
want you to do is justexperience Jesus and love and
grace and mercy and peep and theChristian people of God who
want to love you and thenencourage you to follow Him and
read God's word and to know Himdeeply specifically.

(01:17:04):
Um man.

Speaker (01:17:06):
Yeah.

Crazy.
Can I pray for you?
Of course, please.
God, thank you so much forCaitlin.
I I just man, when I hear herstory, I am so uh just amazed
that you've brought her here.
And so, God, I'm praying foryour grace to move on her and
Manny.
I pray for your love and mercyto open up her heart fully, that
you would reveal yourself toher.
Lord, you said in your word,like as a father, like what

(01:17:30):
father doesn't know how to givegood gifts to his kids.
If they ask him for bread, yougive them bread, you don't give
them a snake or scorpion or arock.
And so, Lord, I just pray as uhCaolinn asks for you to reveal
yourself to her, that you giveher your Holy Spirit, that she'd
feel so much love, so muchgrace, so much filled up with
your power.
She understands what Jesus didon the cross for her to rescue

(01:17:50):
her from her sin, to rescue herfrom a broken world.
Lord, we thank you for that.
Lord, I pray your grace wouldfall on uh Manny and Caolinn,
and they would be blessed asthey seek you as a one true God.
We love you, Lord.
It's in Jesus' name we pray.
Amen.
Man.

Caolinn (01:18:06):
Good stuff.

Hey guys, thanks so much for watching.
Uh, if you want to text in, wecan we I don't mind bringing
Caolinn back.
We can bring her back.
Just text in at 737 231 0605.
Love to hear from you.
Uh, but from our house toyours.
Have an awesome week.
Go back.

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