December 11, 2025 • 61 mins
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377: Discover how one man found hope after losing his wife, daughter, and son in just six years. This powerful testimony explores finding God in the midst of unimaginable grief and trauma. Kenneth Monroe's story addresses childhood abuse, military PTSD, sudden death, losing a child, grief counseling, and spiritual healing. Learn practical steps for processing pain, dealing with anger toward God, and finding purpose after loss. This message offers hope for anyone struggling with depression, family tragedy, or questioning God's goodness during difficult times. Topics covered include honest prayer, breaking isolation, healing from trauma, rebuilding relationships, and discovering God's presence in suffering. Perfect for those seeking encouragement through loss, understanding grief stages, or supporting someone through bereavement. Whether you're dealing with sudden death of a loved one, struggling with faith after tragedy, or looking for biblical perspective on suffering, this testimony provides real-world application of Matthew 11:28 and God's invitation to find rest. Essential viewing for grief support groups, pastoral care, and anyone needing hope in dark seasons.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:05):
And welcome back to Pastor Plex Podcast.
I'm your host, Pastor Plex, andjoining me today is none other
than Kenneth Monroe.
He's been coming to Wells BrandsCommunity Church for how many
since February.
Since February.
SPEAKER_00 (00:17):
Yes.
That's awesome.
How'd you find out about ourchurch?
Well, my wife found it uh on theinternet.
She was just researching forchurches and she came across it.
And I remember the churchbecause I will always come by
every day on my way to Catherineand Fleisch Park where I would
kind of be out there walking andjogging.
And so that's how we found itthrough that way.
SPEAKER_01 (00:37):
That's awesome.
All right.
So where did you move from?
And then how did we start there?
And then I want to get into yourstory of like you have been
through some unbelievabletragedy.
So before we we get to that,tell me how you got to Austin.
SPEAKER_00 (00:49):
Well, we got to Austin um last year.
Um my wife had asked uh who Icall my adopted mother from
Nigeria, yeah, um Esther, um,about um because she, my mother
had received the word maybe backin 2019, 2020.
And um for us to relocate to toTexas.
(01:12):
Yeah.
From from um Columbus, Georgia,Phoenix City, Alabama area.
And me personally, I was againstit.
You know, I'm like, well, I wasstationed here at Fort Hood when
I was in the military, but I hadno desire to come back to Texas.
But my wife, you know, anytimeshe felt like she got a word
(01:34):
from the Lord, she just wantedto just jump on it.
She just jumped on it.
So I guess five years hadpassed, and then 2024, she,
without me even knowing it, shehad been searching for a job and
found one.
And when she told me, I guesswhat, I got a job in Austin,
Texas, I'm like, and that's howthat's when I knew that, okay,
(01:56):
she was serious about this andshe wanted to just kind of make
that move and just be obedientto God.
And like, well, what's in Texas?
I mean, why are we, why do weneed to go to Texas?
But just being submitted, Idecided you know, to go ahead
and take that step and relocate.
SPEAKER_01 (02:12):
So All right, let's get back to the story.
How did you first become firstoff, where'd you grow up and
then how'd you become a believerin Jesus?
I I grew up in um Hollywood,Florida.
SPEAKER_00 (02:23):
Okay.
Um I was born, um, lived in asmall little town called Daniel
Beach, uh, Florida, down there.
And um my dad was an elder inthe church, and my mom was a
missionary in the church.
So I grew up uh as I was comingup under the Pentecostal faith,
(02:43):
you know, um, from a young age.
And um, but the thing is, PastorChris, is even as I was growing
up in a Pentecostal church, um Ifelt like I knew I knew about
God, but I didn't really knowGod.
Oh, really?
Because it was back then, it waskind of like, okay, you you go
(03:07):
to church and you do all thesereligious things, but no one
really ever talked to me aboutwhat it meant to have a personal
relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (03:17):
Um they just assumed everybody had one.
SPEAKER_00 (03:20):
Yes, it was just assumed that everybody had one
and that wasn't the case.
Right.
You know?
SPEAKER_01 (03:25):
Yeah, and it uh if you don't ask specifics, then
people just they learnChristianese and then they talk.
And so I don't know if that'snecessarily like uh you know,
predominantly in that particularfaith, but in general, or yeah,
stream, but generally if youdon't have a direct question
saying, like, hey, here is whatuh the Lord is speaking, or or
(03:47):
like here's how I have apersonal relationship with
Jesus, and this is where itstarted.
Here's how the Lord revealedhimself to me, that kind of
thing.
Right.
It's it's really difficult.
All right, so when did thathappen for you?
SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
Um because my temperament was I was so
reserved and quiet, I wouldn'task questions, but it really
didn't happen until maybe 2010.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
You know, I knew the churchlingo, I went to church, but I
still didn't know who Jesus was.
SPEAKER_04 (04:15):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:16):
You know, and um growing up in a Pentecostal um
household, and even as I was umI was thinking about, man, what
am I gonna say, you know, andwhat kind of questions is are
you gonna ask me, um, I sharedwith my mother, I told her
something today that I didn'tshare with my biological mother
(04:40):
while she lived.
Oh, wow.
And I felt like I needed toshare that and and open up to
her and let her in because sheis a mother to me.
Yeah, yeah.
And one of the one things Iwanted to say is when I was
around nine or ten years old,um, I was uh sexually molested
as a as a nine teen year old bya family member.
(05:02):
A family member.
Yep, family member.
And I was threatened that if Iever told, um, they would
threaten my mother.
You know?
So up until my mother died, Ikept it to myself.
How hard was that?
Um, it was hard because mytemperament, I was always quiet
(05:23):
and reserved.
So no one knew what was going onbecause I kept everything
bottled up inside.
I kept everything I would bethinking, but uh and I wanted to
share, but I just didn't.
SPEAKER_01 (05:34):
So at nine and a half, ten years old, yes, was it
a one-time or repeated times?
SPEAKER_00 (05:39):
It was a one-time thing, and I managed to make
sure that I wasn't in anysituations where it could happen
again.
And so um, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
Gosh.
All right, so how did thataffect you growing up
spiritually?
SPEAKER_00 (05:58):
Maybe emotionally as well, but um to wonder if like
if God really cared and lovedme, why did this happen?
You know.
SPEAKER_01 (06:10):
Alright, so then did you ever tell your your first
wife when did you get first getmarried?
SPEAKER_00 (06:15):
Um I my first marriage was uh to my first wife
in March of 1996.
Okay.
And this was uh three yearsafter my mother had passed.
My mother died in um March of1993, and I was 20 years old at
the time.
And even when my mother died,there was I had family members
(06:41):
around me, but I felt like noone ever asked how was how was I
doing or how was my brotherdoing.
Yeah, yeah.
It was just like, just you're 20years old, just push through it,
continue living your life.
But yet, I was I was hurtingbecause I just lost my mother.
Yeah, you know.
Uh but um I met my wife, myfirst wife, uh 1996.
(07:05):
Yep.
In 95 I met her, and then wewere married in 1996.
And at the time, she had athree-year-old and a
five-year-old, five-year-olddaughter, and a three-year-old
son.
Yeah, yeah.
So in 1996.
SPEAKER_01 (07:16):
Okay, and then you guys, how long were you married?
SPEAKER_00 (07:20):
If you got you have we were married for 14 years,
yeah.
Up until she died in June of2010.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (07:31):
So you've just you lose your mom at 20, then you
lose your wife at how old wereyou?
SPEAKER_00 (07:40):
I was actually before I lost my wife, I lost my
dad in between that.
Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_01 (07:44):
Man.
Okay, so a lot of a lot of deathand a sort of struggle.
Uh, how did your mom die?
She died of pneumonia.
SPEAKER_00 (07:52):
Pneumonia?
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (07:55):
Okay, and then how'd your father pass?
SPEAKER_00 (07:57):
He died.
I was actually stationed here atFort Hood in 2001, is when he
died.
He died May 7, 2001.
And my um, my son that I hadwith my first wife, Isaiah, he
had he was born in um March.
So he was actually just twomonths old.
And so I had a painful decisionto make because um he was in the
(08:20):
hospital, and my first wife wasin the hospital when I got the
call that my dad had died.
And so I made the painfuldecision to not go.
Because I I felt like I didn'thave anyone to help me with, you
know, my wife being in thehospital, my son is in a
two-month-old is in thehospital, and then we have the
(08:42):
the younger kids.
So I decided not to go to thefuneral.
SPEAKER_01 (08:46):
Wow.
Wow.
Okay.
And is that something, do youregret that, or do you think
that was a good decision, or doyou just kind of live in a
confused state?
SPEAKER_00 (08:54):
I mean, did live with the regret.
SPEAKER_04 (08:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (08:57):
Um, but I thought it was the right decision because I
was a a new father and ahusband, and I needed to be
there for my family, immediatefamily.
SPEAKER_01 (09:07):
Yeah.
Okay, so you you have you areyou guys a are you going to
church at this point?
Are you a Christian?
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (09:14):
We we were going to church, and I and I felt like I
still wasn't truly surrenderedto God, to the Lord.
You know, but I but I was going,you know, and uh, but I always
felt like I needed to surrender,you know, but I wasn't I wasn't
surrendered.
SPEAKER_01 (09:34):
How so you were in the military?
Yes.
Tell tell me about what it waslike to be a Christian in the
military.
SPEAKER_00 (09:42):
That it was hard.
Yeah.
Because being um Especiallymarried.
Yes, being around othersoldiers, uh listening to a lot
of the profanity and some of theother stuff that is going on,
you know, they're partying,drinking, and that was not
something um I cared about.
Um so it was a difficult, but Ifelt like once I did make a
(10:07):
decision for Christ, that I hadto represent Christ and live out
a life, you know, by saying,okay, I can't do this, I can't
do that, you know.
So Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:20):
So so tell me about like any was there any
uncomfortable situations justbeing in a military?
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (10:26):
Um believe or not, I was I I was I joined the Marine
Corps.
I started off in the MarineCorps from in 1996 to 2000, and
I got out of the Marine Corps,and two weeks later I was in the
Army.
Two weeks.
Yes.
Hold on.
So you what was your originalintent when you got out?
I I didn't want to get out, butI was unsure about what I wanted
(10:48):
to do.
And my wife now, Andrea, she waslike, You're always, you can't
stay still.
You always and it and it and itshowed because uh I would just
bounce around.
SPEAKER_04 (10:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:00):
But two weeks later, I um I got out of the Marine
Corps and was in the Army, andthen I was being shipped off to
Fort Hood, Texas, you know, andI was there from 2000 to 2003.
Yeah.
And I decided to get out.
And I got out, and maybe a yearlater I joined the Air Force
Reserves.
(11:20):
And and I and I stayed in theAir Force Reserve from 2003 to
up until 2006.
Yeah.
Before I decided to come backinto the Army in 2006.
Oh, wow.
Yes.
And then how long did you stayin the Army?
From 2006 to 2014.
Okay.
So did you deploy?
Yes.
2000.
When I went back in in 2006,they reclassed me.
(11:42):
Um, and I was in a 19th engineerbattalion.
Okay.
And so um I was reclassed to uh21 Whiskey at the time, which is
under construction and masonry.
SPEAKER_04 (11:52):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:52):
And so um I arrived to Fort Knox, Kentucky, but the
brigade, the battalion, theywere already deployed to um
Iraq.
And so we were in um Takrit.
Yeah.
And so I joined them in Januaryof 2007.
In Takrite.
In Takrit.
And so I got there, gotacclimated with the unit.
And you know, we would havethese daily uh briefs, you know,
(12:16):
they were kind of let everybodyknow who's going on the mission,
who's not.
So I finally got a call andlike, hey, you're going on a
mission.
Sorry, I'm on roll with yourunit.
Um and so in January of 2007, uhJanuary 28th, to be a in to be a
(12:37):
Zach, um, we had a mission wherewe were um doing a guard tower
and we were building Heskobaskets.
And I was Hesko, those are thebig barriers.
Big barriers, yes.
And me and a couple of soldierswere standing on top of a Hesiko
basket, and my platoon sergeantand company commander, they were
(12:58):
kind of dispersing the crowd onthis Sunday morning of two, you
know, of January 28th.
Yeah.
And as they were dispersing thecrowd, you know, a shot rang
out.
No one at the moment didn't knowwhat it was, but it took maybe a
split second.
When I looked down, I felt aburning sensation and realized I
had been hit in the right leg.
(13:20):
Oh gosh.
And it was just like a gapinghole in your leg.
In my leg.
Did you fall to the ground?
I fell to the ground after Icame to the realization what
happened.
You know, it was just one shot.
You know, I was Metavaced out,and and I remember when I got
back to my sleeping area, I Ibegan to ask God and say, why
(13:45):
me?
SPEAKER_04 (13:45):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (13:47):
You know, it was it was almost as if like God was
like, why not you?
SPEAKER_04 (13:50):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (13:51):
You know, what that happened to somebody else, so
why not you?
And so I carried that and livedwith that, you know, and was
just grateful that it could havebeen worse.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (14:01):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:01):
It could have been a whole lot worse.
And so I was out um and didn'tgo back on a mission, maybe for
about three months.
And my next mission I went backon was in.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
Well, but when you got shot, they met evacuac you
out, they heal up your leg.
They're not like, hey, here'ssome RR.
They're like, all right, rightback out to Creek.
Other soldiers were like, Whydon't you go home?
SPEAKER_00 (14:24):
Yes.
They were like, fake the phone,just just get out.
Just get out.
But I I didn't want to do that.
I wanted to continue.
Because there's a real sense ofcamaraderie with those.
You don't want to leave thoseguys.
And my RR didn't come untilafter the Nets incident
happened, which was in June ofthat same year.
In fact, June 4th.
Like six months later.
SPEAKER_01 (14:44):
It was a big thing.
SPEAKER_00 (14:45):
Six months later.
We were heading back from amission back to our fab, and it
was around 2100 uh at night.
And my vehicle, which I was in,I was a TC.
Yep.
That's a truck commander.
Truck commander.
Um came across a uh IED.
Yeah.
And it impacted my vehicle, butit it didn't impact it enough
(15:09):
where it completely disabled thevehicle.
Yeah.
So it blew up.
It blew.
But we were able to somehowcontinue on.
SPEAKER_01 (15:17):
Wow.
So like it just damaged thevehicle and you kept going?
SPEAKER_00 (15:20):
And we kept going.
And maybe about 30 minuteslater.
You ran out of gas?
No, my vehicle got hit again.
Oh, again.
With the RPG.
Oh man.
Like, where did it impact?
The rear of the vehicle.
So gosh.
I was just fortunate andthankful.
And I much damage did yourvehicle sustain?
(15:42):
It sustained a fair amount.
Were you able to keep driving?
But we were able to stillcontinue driving and get back to
the fob.
SPEAKER_01 (15:50):
That's what was nice about being in a tank for me, is
I get hit multiple times.
SPEAKER_00 (15:54):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (15:55):
Now, once it totally blew up my tank, but most of the
time when RPGs and bombs wentoff, we were like, I think we
got hit, you know?
And you weren't really sure.
But when you got hit, youdefinitely knew it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:06):
Yes.
Exactly.
And so it was after that, um, myplatoon sergeant was like, okay,
you're not going back out.
You're going home for RR.
Right.
And so I went home for 15 daysfor R.
And while I was home, my firstwife had to um, she had a lump.
(16:26):
Like uh cancer.
Yes.
And so they had to do aprocedure.
So they extended me for another15 days to kind of see her
through that process before I uhI returned back to my units.
Uh we came back from deploymentum November of 2007.
So how many children did youhave at this time during this
(16:47):
deployment?
Um I had my youngest son,Isaiah, uh-huh, and the two
older ones, Deedra and Tyrone.
Okay.
So it was three total.
SPEAKER_01 (16:54):
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so then um she has thesurgery.
Uh-huh.
They remove her breasts.
She had to have it removed.
Like a full mastectomy.
Yes.
Wow.
Okay, that's hardcore.
Okay, and then what happened?
And then I mean that that'sthat's a huge emotional thing in
and of itself.
Right.
Uh okay.
(17:15):
So you're dealing with that,trying to console your wife
through that.
How what was she like duringduring that time?
SPEAKER_00 (17:21):
To me.
Uh her faith was strong.
SPEAKER_04 (17:24):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:25):
You know, compared to mine, you know.
Um and so I just felt like,okay, she's she's gonna be okay.
And so I just left it at that.
And then I, you know, I wentback to what my to join my units
until we came back um in 2007.
And then um from there, um myunit left Fort Knox um and
(17:50):
relocated to Fort Bending,Georgia in 2009-2010.
Okay.
And so, actually in 2008, um, soI joined the 60th Engineer
Battalion, um, I mean company,and I was with the 11th Engineer
Battalion at Fort Bennett,Georgia.
Right.
So in 2009 of April, they werescheduled, we were scheduled for
(18:11):
another deployment toAfghanistan.
Oh wow.
And so um I was all prepared togo.
Yeah.
And then found out um the cancerhad come back.
Oh no.
So I I informed my commander andfirst sergeant, and they was
like, okay, we'll we'll let youstay back here uh for three
months to help your wife.
Yeah.
(18:31):
So that three months turned intowhere I never did join my units.
So beginning in 2009, I feltlike that was one of the
toughest and years that I had togo through because my wife was
in and out of the hospital.
(18:52):
There would be times when doingchemo and stuff.
That she would get dischargedfrom the hospital, and 20
minutes later, I'm right back inthe hospital after having got a
discharge.
We have to turn around and takecare of it.
SPEAKER_01 (19:07):
She'd leave the hospital and all of a sudden
something would be done.
SPEAKER_00 (19:09):
Just and so I was just like, I didn't know who to
talk to.
So I used running as an outlet.
Oh.
I never was like big on running.
I just did what I needed to doto maybe pass a PT test or
whatever, but it became likealmost a lifeline for me.
SPEAKER_01 (19:30):
Oh, really?
Yes.
All right, so you you're you'rein and out of the hospital,
you're running, your unitsdeployed, you're trying to
figure out, you're gettingreports from the doctor day in,
day out.
Things look good, then they lookbad.
SPEAKER_00 (19:45):
They were they were looking good up until in maybe
I'd say May of 2010.
In fact, my unit had just gottenback from deployment after a
year in April 2010.
And I remember going to the tothe doctor with her, and on a
(20:06):
particular day, they called meout and said, We need to talk to
you.
Um, your your wife cancer hasspread it, and she may have a
month to live.
SPEAKER_01 (20:17):
Wow.
What how did so when they callyou in, they say your wife has a
month to live, and you'resitting there, you've got three
children.
Yes.
How old were they at that time?
SPEAKER_00 (20:29):
In 2010, Isaiah, my youngest, was nine.
Um, my daughter, Deedra, she was2020.
And my son, Tyrone, was 18.
SPEAKER_01 (20:44):
Okay, so a lot of emotion there.
A lot of stuff.
Were they um was Deedra, shewasn't living at the home at
this point, but she was nearby?
Oh, they were living in thehome.
All everyone, all three of themin the house with you while this
cancer stuff is going on.
Were they all kind of liketaking part in helping out?
Um as much as they could, yes.
Um okay, so you get that word,like what's it feel like for you
(21:07):
as a dad and as a husband?
unknown (21:09):
Oh.
SPEAKER_00 (21:10):
Yes, I was I was believing that, okay, uh God's
gonna heal her.
SPEAKER_02 (21:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:17):
You know, God's gonna heal her, and we'll be
okay.
Uh, our family will be whole,and we'll we'll we'll beat this
and we'll continue on.
Um and I will ask God, like,just heal her, just heal her,
just just physically, just justheal her, take away the cancer.
She didn't make it a month.
She made she made it two weeks.
(21:37):
Two weeks.
Okay, so you get thisdevastating news.
Yes, and she died June 11th of2010.
Wow.
And and while I'm processingthat and now trying to figure
out how to arrange a funeral,and thank God I was going to a
church that I reached out tothat helped me plan and get
(22:01):
everything organized.
Was this Cascade Hills?
No, not at the time.
Okay, which one was this?
I was going to KindaMetropolitan Worship Center.
Oh, cool.
At the time.
And I thank God they theyplanned everything.
They arranged everything where Ididn't have to do much, but I
got a casket and pick out.
And during during that, so wehad the funeral um June 21st of
(22:26):
2010.
Yeah.
And me not knowing, I had familymembers um in Florida, uh
Tallahassee, Florida, who werereluctant to call me because
they knew I had just buried mywife and to tell me.
(22:47):
Because my mother had a twinsister.
They were identical.
And every time I looked at her,it was like looking at my mom.
Yeah.
But they decided to call meanyway and say, Kenneth, we know
that you're grieving and you'regoing through, but we felt you
needed to know your AuntMargaret died in her sleep.
Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_01 (23:03):
Wait.
SPEAKER_00 (23:04):
Oh wow, that's wild.
This wasn't even a month.
SPEAKER_04 (23:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:07):
I hadn't even had a month to grieve my wife.
But I um me and my youngest son,Isaiah, I took him and we
decided to go down to uh Miami,Florida for the wake and for the
funeral of my Aunt Margaret.
(23:29):
Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:31):
Okay, so you're you're kind of reeling from
that.
You're kind of now you're asingle dad.
Um 22-year-olds out of thehouse, or 20-year-old out the
teachers out of the house.
SPEAKER_00 (23:43):
She she decided to leave the house once her mom
died.
Right.
She just could not bear losingher mom.
Oh.
And that that was so painfulthat, believe it or not, when my
wife, when she died, um, shewasn't in hospice.
She was at home.
I decided not to put her inhospice.
So they they took me through theprocess of knowing how to uh
(24:04):
administer the morphine andchange the tanks.
And when she died, that was thefirst time I had physically seen
someone taken out in a body bag.
And when my I remember when mydaughter came downstairs that
that early morning, she waslooking for her mom.
She said, Where's mom?
(24:25):
And she's thinking, My mom hasgotten up, she's she's heal,
she's well, and I'm like, Yourmom is gone.
You know, she she's deceased,you know.
SPEAKER_01 (24:35):
How did that hit her?
SPEAKER_00 (24:38):
She was devastated.
SPEAKER_01 (24:39):
She She was expecting a healing.
SPEAKER_00 (24:41):
She was expecting a healing because she even went
outside looking for her mom.
And she was devastated.
You know, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:53):
And then, and what about uh Tyrone?
What was his he was more he washurt?
SPEAKER_00 (25:00):
Um but he kept it to himself.
Right.
And of course, Isaiah was justdistraught.
Distraught, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (25:09):
All right, so how did you I mean you've got all
this different emotion.
Uh Deidre moves out, Tyrone stayaround or Yeah, he stayed
around, yes.
And you're still dealing withall this, and then then what
happens?
SPEAKER_00 (25:22):
But even not when she died, um, the the nets that
weekend is when I gave my lifeto Christ.
SPEAKER_01 (25:30):
Okay.
Wow.
All right.
So you were kind of like youknew about God, but you didn't
know God.
And so what how so how what wasthe you were just like you're so
broken and you're just like, Ineed Jesus?
What what was that?
SPEAKER_00 (25:42):
Yes, it was like because I knew death was a
reality because I had seen it somuch.
So much that what if this wasme?
You know, where would I spendeternity?
SPEAKER_01 (25:56):
And I didn't know this sounds crazy, but you just
gotten shot, been hit by an ID,an RPG round smash in the back
of your uh truck.
SPEAKER_00 (26:02):
Now just now is what it it actually was during Iraq,
but I kind of just like it justpushed it away.
I pushed it away.
SPEAKER_01 (26:10):
Yeah, yeah.
Because I guess you know, it'shonestly what you
compartmentalize a lot becauseif you start thinking about
death when you're in Iraq,you'll be a terrified person,
you can't go outside the wire.
Right.
Okay.
So this hits you, you finallyhave a moment to think to
yourself.
You're do you do you go tochurch?
Do you have is this happening atyour room, or what what happens?
SPEAKER_00 (26:25):
Um I I go to church.
Um and um I give my life to theLord and they baptize me.
Oh, nice.
Yes.
In 2010.
Um beautiful.
Yes.
All right.
SPEAKER_01 (26:38):
So you you're living for Jesus.
Did do you have a sense of hope?
SPEAKER_00 (26:44):
I do.
SPEAKER_01 (26:44):
Okay.
And then are you able tominister to to Deidra and Tyrone
and as best as I could?
SPEAKER_00 (26:51):
Um, it was hard at times because to try to relate
to them as a father, because Ididn't get it as a father, as a
son from a father.
Yeah.
How well how so?
What do you mean?
Um, because my wife now, she Iremember her asking me, she
said, Did did your dad ever tellyou that he loved you?
And for a moment I had to thinkreally hard.
(27:14):
I'm like, not once did I everhear him say it.
But I I would tell her, Ibelieve, I felt he loved me
through his actions, right?
But he never verbalized it.
SPEAKER_01 (27:24):
What do you think it is about that generation that
couldn't say I love you?
SPEAKER_00 (27:29):
I'm not I'm not particularly sure.
You know.
SPEAKER_01 (27:32):
That's interesting because I think that's a common
thread across that generation.
Saying I love you would be likealmost too vulnerable or
something.
I don't know.
Okay, so you're you come toChrist, you're you're doing the
best you can as now uh a singledad.
Right.
All right.
Then uh you give your life toChrist, you're you're living for
Jesus.
What happens?
SPEAKER_00 (27:51):
So in 2010, after I've done all that, and like I
mentioned, um, running was itbecame like a passion for me.
You and Forrest Gump.
SPEAKER_01 (27:59):
You're just going for it.
SPEAKER_00 (28:00):
Yes.
And so November of 2010 rolledaround, and we were, we had this
annual turkey bowl where it wasofficers versus NCOs.
SPEAKER_04 (28:12):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (28:13):
And so on a Thursday, I remember some of the
NCOs asking me, hey, Sar Mama,would you mind?
Hey, come practice with us,let's throw the football.
Yeah.
And I was like, no, I'm I'm Iwant to go running.
You know, I just want to gorunning.
But I decided to go not run andjoin them to practice.
Yeah.
And in doing so, um, I remembercatching a pass and I stepped
(28:34):
into a pothole and I and Iinjured my left knee.
But I didn't know the extentuntil that following Monday when
I went to the sick call.
Yep.
I remember one of the soldiers,when I was standing outside
looking at me, he looked down atmy knee because my knee had
double in size.
And he's like, You tore yourACL.
(28:55):
Oh, gosh, no.
I was like, no, but it wasconfirmed.
I tore my ACL, my meniscas, andand so I I was a little
distraught.
Yeah.
I was hurt because the one thingI wasn't even supposed to be out
(29:16):
there.
I wasn't supposed to be outthere.
And the one thing I felt likethat had been taken from me now.
SPEAKER_01 (29:24):
Man.
Just the hits just keep oncoming.
So you have this.
Now, is that when you got out ofthe no I wound up having a
surgery uh in May of 2011.
SPEAKER_00 (29:35):
Was that at Keller?
It was no, it was at uh FortBenning, Georgia.
SPEAKER_01 (29:40):
Yeah, but I think it's Keller Army Hospital right
there.
Uh uh.
Um Martin Army CommunityHospital.
Martin Army, maybe that's whatit was.
Yeah.
Well, never mind.
Yeah.
I I had MCL surgery there.
Yeah, because I uh tore my MCLat Fort Benning.
Anyway, go on.
SPEAKER_00 (29:54):
So, you know, I I have the surgery.
I I go through the recoveryprocess and then um So 2012
rolls around.
And I remember going back for acheckup on my knee, and my
doctor's like, you need to haveanother procedure on your knee.
We found like some scar tissue.
So they did a surgery.
So they did the surgery inFebruary, uh, February 3rd of
(30:17):
2012.
And um I went on comalescentleave.
Yep.
And I remember while home onconvalescent leave.
I remember it was February 11th.
And this was a Saturday night.
And I remember watching the TV,and I was, and it was just
(30:38):
breaking news about WhitneyHouston.
It was just all over the news.
SPEAKER_04 (30:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:43):
And I'm like, okay.
And then Sunday rolls around ofFebruary 12th of 2012.
I'm downstairs watching the newsstill, and I get a phone call.
I'm like, it's like betweenseven and eight o'clock at
night.
And I'm like, it's a call frommy commander in first iron.
And it was like, Simon Monroe,um, we know you're on
(31:06):
Convalescent Lee, but um, weneed you to come to the company.
I'm like, come to the company.
I'm like, I'm on, I'm on leave,first time.
Um, but I got I went, I got hima car and I was driving, and and
the whole time there, I just getknots in my stomach.
Like something's wrong.
And so when I arrived to theunit, there's absolutely no one
there.
(31:27):
No cars there but the commanderand first sergeant.
SPEAKER_01 (31:29):
Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_00 (31:32):
And so I uh I go upstairs, and they was like,
Somewhere, can you have a seat?
Uh which is somebody's on thephone, on the line.
We just need to uh, and so I wasin the seat in the other office,
but the door wasn't completelyclosed, that I was able to hear
what they were saying.
And as they were talking, Iimmediately knew that the
(31:54):
conversation between them andthe doctor, that I'm gonna
identify somebody.
And so they put me on the phonewith the doctor, and he was
like, Um, sorry, Mr.
Mark, we need you to identifythis person.
Um, and when they mentioned aparticular tattoo and where it
was, it was my daughter.
SPEAKER_01 (32:25):
And um what was that emotionally like you're just
your experience, you hear that?
Does like do you flash back toyour wife?
Do you flash back to your mom?
I mean, what where where do yougo in that that moment?
SPEAKER_00 (32:44):
Almost I I felt it, but I almost became numb.
I think I was more concerned formy youngest son, Isaiah.
SPEAKER_04 (32:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (32:54):
Because he was just thinking, oh no, he can't handle
another loss.
He he doesn't, he hadn't had theexperience of having any
grandparents.
He lost his mom.
And now I have to tell him he'slost his sister.
But I waited a couple daysbefore I told him.
Oh gosh.
He came from school, and Iremember sitting him down at the
kitchen table.
(33:15):
And when I told him, he didn'tscream or holler, but he just
the tears just flooded from hisface.
SPEAKER_01 (33:25):
And how old was he at that time?
SPEAKER_00 (33:28):
He was 11.
Gosh.
He was 11.
SPEAKER_01 (33:33):
Like a year and a half after his mom has passed.
Here he is at 11 years old, hissister's dead.
SPEAKER_00 (33:38):
And that's that's where when I saw that, my anger
and resentment towards God came.
Where I decided I want nothingto do with God.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (33:56):
So tell me about like how did you so you you said
you you said that in your heartand your head.
Yes.
And is that when you stoppedgoing to church?
Is that or what happened?
SPEAKER_00 (34:05):
Yes.
I would just at times just layin the bed.
Even after I've maybe washedclothes, the clothes was just
laying the bed beside me, and Iwould just lay there.
Just, you know, I would just Iwould get the strength, you
know, to make sure my son wastaken care of and that they were
(34:26):
okay.
But I was just exhausted.
Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (34:34):
So you're no longer going to church, Isaiah's
obviously not going to church,you're just you're kind of
fried.
You you it's pushed you too far,you're kind of done.
Um, so then kind of like how doyou just cope with life at that
point?
What was your coping mechanism?
SPEAKER_00 (34:57):
Believe it or not, it was because I wasn't running
like I was, it was maybe food.
I started overeating.
Yeah, food became for me a cold.
Yeah.
You know?
SPEAKER_04 (35:15):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
And as I was going through that, just when I
thought it wasn't gonna it couldget any worse, July of 2012
rolled around, and I remember Ihad a f a soldier's mom who was
helping me and was living withus, helping me with my son and
(35:42):
my grandson.
She was living in the extra roomthat I had because I was living
in base housing.
And my uh older son, Tyrone,called and he said, Can you come
pick me up and take me to work?
So I just told her, I was like,Miss Diana, I'm gonna go take my
son, Tyrone to work.
Yeah, I'll be back.
So I went and picked him up andI dropped him off of work.
And as soon as he got out of thecar, I get a phone call, and
(36:03):
Miss Diana's on the phonescreaming and yelling, and she's
outdoors with her grandson andmy son, and she's like, Your
house is on fire.
I'm like, I thought, I'm like,what?
She said, Your house is on fire.
There's police, there's firetrucks.
So I rush back on post.
I get there and it's engulfed.
SPEAKER_01 (36:24):
It's just your house is on fire.
SPEAKER_00 (36:26):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (36:27):
Daniel, how it started?
SPEAKER_00 (36:29):
Yes.
I had reported it uh months agoto maintenance.
Like some, I like something'swrong with my stove.
Every time I turn it off, itwon't turn off.
The burner's still on.
It would go on and off.
So they would do aninvestigation and determine
there was a faulty somethingthat was faulty in that.
They say it was like justwaiting for the right.
SPEAKER_01 (36:50):
And I was like, This is where you sort of start to
feel like Job.
Like you're like, how can thisget any worse?
Like, I just lost my house.
All the I mean, all your stuff,I'm sure, got completely
incinerated.
A lot of it, but you know,whatever I could salvage, but I
did.
Okay, so all right, you you youyour house burns down.
(37:12):
Uh are you angry at God or areyou the numb towards God?
What's your a little of both?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:17):
A little of both.
Um but you know, they managed toum find me another housing for
me and my son.
And I and I pleaded with them.
I'm like, please, um, I don'twant another four-bedroom.
They're like, this is what yourate.
I'm like, it's just me and myson, Isaiah.
Now, can we just a one-bedroom,a two-bedroom?
They like, they gave me anotherfour-bedroom when it was just me
(37:39):
and my son.
Right.
So when they moved us into it, Iput absolutely nothing in there
but the bare essentials for himand myself.
Right.
And the other rooms were prettymuch empty.
Right.
You know, up until um I decided2014 to just to get out.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:58):
Okay.
So you're it's 2014, you get outof the military, and then
tragedy happens again.
SPEAKER_00 (38:05):
Well, not instantly.
That's when I met my wife now,Andrea.
SPEAKER_01 (38:09):
Andrea.
SPEAKER_00 (38:10):
I met her.
That's not tragic.
Yes.
That's it's a win.
I had no plans of of remarryingor getting married.
I just like How did she sneak inthere?
I met her.
I wasn't intending on I was onChristian Mingle.
Yeah.
But Christian Mingo, I was usingas um, because there were people
on there who were helping me tocope and deal.
(38:30):
So that's what I was using, butthat's how I met her.
Right.
And that's how we connected.
And we were married um fourmonths later.
SPEAKER_01 (38:38):
So what happened to like the you don't love Jesus
now, or you're angry at Jesus,and now you're getting married
to a.
I mean, Andrea is not like sortof into Jesus.
She's all in.
SPEAKER_00 (38:48):
Yes, she's all in.
SPEAKER_01 (38:49):
So, so how did that what happened?
Were you like, was sheevangelating you or what?
SPEAKER_00 (38:55):
She was just, she listened to me.
Yeah, yeah.
She allowed me to just talk,vent, whatever.
And um, she said she felt andknew that God was telling her,
that's gonna be your husbandright there.
And I'm like, no way.
Uh four months later, we weremarried in February of 2015.
(39:15):
Wow.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (39:17):
Okay, so so you get married.
Yes.
Happily ever after.
Uh and and um Isaiah's how oldat this point?
SPEAKER_00 (39:27):
He is uh 14.
SPEAKER_01 (39:29):
Okay, he's 14.
SPEAKER_00 (39:30):
Is he doing well with her?
I was I was concerned.
He was going well in school, butI was still concerned about how
he was doing mentally.
Yeah.
And didn't know how things weregonna turn out for him.
SPEAKER_04 (39:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (39:43):
But I continue to to be uh as best as a father I
could to him.
I I could have done better bycommunicating with him and
because I I didn't really, Iwasn't asking him how he was
doing.
So how my dad was doing, I waskind of doing to my son.
Yeah.
You know, and just thought hewas okay when, you know, he
(40:05):
probably wasn't okay, you know.
And so, but he was still doingwell in school, and I was
grateful for that.
And I I think I believe for him,when he started to really kind
of turn away from God is in2016.
(40:29):
Um, Tyrone, we had saw him in umThanksgiving of 2016.
Yeah.
November 24th, 2016.
He wasn't far.
He was maybe, maybe 20 minutes.
SPEAKER_01 (40:41):
Oh yeah.
So you'd see him like at leastonce a month or so.
SPEAKER_00 (40:45):
We would see him.
Um so we saw him.
He came over for thatThanksgiving.
We were glad to see him andeverything.
Um that following Tuesday, uh,November 29th, uh, there's a
knock at my door like twoo'clock in the morning.
Just a loud thing.
And I'm like, who's knocking onmy door?
(41:07):
I I opened it, but I was like, Iheard this knock before.
So I go to the door, I open it,and there's a police, like, uh
like, uh, Mr.
Monroe, Miss Monroe, sorry toinform you.
Um your son, Tyrone, was killed.
Um I remember seeing Isaiah downthe hallway standing in front of
(41:34):
his door.
And he went and he punched ahole into the he just hit it so
hard.
I didn't know if he had and hescreamed, you know, he just
that's too much.
SPEAKER_01 (41:52):
Yeah.
And so he's processing, he'sscreaming, and how did how so
you get this at 2 a.m.
call?
How did how did Tyrone die?
SPEAKER_00 (42:01):
He was um single car accident.
Just a car accident.
Yes.
Um when I went, well, me and mywife went and saw the vehicle,
no one could have survived that.
Yeah, yeah.
It was just mangled.
SPEAKER_01 (42:13):
It was just brutal.
And so you're just sitting theregoing, there's no reason, in a
sense, no, no rhyme to that.
It's just so weird.
Yes.
And I mean, that's a wife, adaughter, a son.
You're reeling in in pain, like,and that that's when I say is
(42:36):
like, I'm done with God.
I mean, he he just experiencedhis mom die, his sister die, and
his brother die.
SPEAKER_00 (42:41):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (42:41):
And you're trying to kind of hold it all together.
Like, how what what what do youdo?
SPEAKER_00 (42:52):
I had to I had to make a decision that I could
continue to be in despair.
I wasn't minimizing the pain.
SPEAKER_04 (43:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (43:08):
But I had to come to the realization and like it's
only this is gonna end one oftwo ways for me.
I'm either gonna get up fromthis and continue moving
forward, even with the pain.
Or I'm gonna just stay in thisplace of unforgiveness,
(43:30):
bitterness, shame, guilt,rejection, everything, and just
allow the circumstances to justswallow me up and just because
there was some fighting going onbetween me and my wife, we newly
married.
Yeah, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (43:48):
All the normal things of young married people,
especially, you know, instantmarriage in four months, it's
now all of a sudden the realityof life is hitting, and it just
it's as if, you know, from 2009to 2016, death after death after
death, and you're sort ofreeling from all that, trying to
kind of get your feet under youspiritually, and just things
keep happening.
SPEAKER_00 (44:07):
And I think I I came across a scripture, Matthew 11,
28.
When I when I read it, whenJesus says, Come to me, and I
kind of looked at that, I'mlike, this is the Son of God
who's who's asking me.
(44:28):
He's saying, Come to me.
You know, with your ladies,heavy burdens, just come to me.
And so I decided that that'swhat I would do.
Yeah.
And my wife noticed, she said,You love to write, you like to
write, you just write, write,write, write.
(44:48):
But I had stopped writing.
So I began to just instead ofwriting inwardly, I started
writing outwardly.
Where I didn't have to, itdidn't have to be pretty how how
I began to process and and talkto the Lord.
He just wanted me to just lay itout.
(45:10):
If I was angry, upset, bitter.
And then and as I would keptdoing that, I felt relief
because I I was able to get itout, how how I was feeling,
whether it was shame, guilt,rejection.
Um, I've I carried a lot ofguilt, you know, like what could
I have done?
Yeah.
You know?
(45:31):
And yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (45:34):
So you're you're carrying all of that, you're
you're kind of processing withthe Lord.
Uh your communication skillswith your son is a little on the
weaker side, so he kind ofprobably is unraveling, and
you're like, you're wanting tolove him and show him like
what's going on in your head,like how with that.
SPEAKER_00 (45:52):
Uh my regret is not reaching out to because I had a
community, yeah, but I kepteverything so bottled up.
If I had just reached out to uhto the church and my church
home, my church family, that itcould have been a lot smoother.
Yeah.
And they would have been able tohelp me process and relate and
(46:13):
know how to communicate betterbetter to my son.
SPEAKER_04 (46:16):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (46:17):
Because it wasn't communicated to me.
I didn't know how to communicateit to my son.
SPEAKER_04 (46:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (46:23):
You know, uh, and tell him that despite everything
that was going on, I was proudof him and I loved him.
Um that came later.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (46:34):
Yeah.
Talk talk to me about how likeyou're you're you're feeling all
that.
Like, how do you not just likejust kind of like I go to that
like failure zone of like, I Iknow I need to communicate, I'm
not doing it.
And you kind of get in thatspiral in your head.
How did was Andrew able to sortof pull you out?
How did you lift your headtowards Jesus and say, like, I
know I'm broken and I can't.
SPEAKER_00 (46:55):
Yes, my wife was uh she was a big encouragement.
Yeah.
She um she was like, You you'reyou'll you'll help others and
you'll do for others, but youwon't allow others to help you.
SPEAKER_01 (47:12):
That's powerful.
All right, so talk to me aboutso like I think recently you've
had a like a cool shift withIsaiah where is he in the
military now?
SPEAKER_00 (47:23):
He is in the military, he's um in the Air
Force for six years.
And when he decided, I didn'tpressure him.
Yeah, it was a decision that hemade, and that in itself was
almost like a healing for mebecause I didn't know how he was
gonna turn out, but he's turnedout to be an amazing son.
Uh he loves the Air Force.
(47:44):
Uh he's a staff sergeant, goingon seven years, and I'm so proud
of him.
I remember my mother fromNigeria calling me, and she
said, How's your communicationwith your son?
Communicate with him, be begentle.
Um, just open the lines ofcommunication.
So we're we're in that processand we've communicated so much
better now.
(48:04):
And I affirm him and I tell himthat I'm proud of him.
SPEAKER_04 (48:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (48:07):
I tell him that I love him.
Yeah.
He heals, he hears it from me.
Yeah.
That I love him.
Um, and I'm proud that he's myson.
Yeah.
And that God has blessed me withhim, you know, as a son, you
know.
So um, and it was through mywife also seeing her
determination and her faith uhin the Lord that I needed to be
(48:33):
all in for Christ, despiteeverything.
And anytime I felt like, woe isme, yeah, or what I've gone
through, I get reminded ofsomebody else has gone through
something worse than I have.
Yeah.
And then I also I ran it backin.
I try to rein my thoughts backin.
(48:54):
When I look, I think even yousaid it uh from the message on
Sunday.
Look to Jesus.
Look at what when I begin tofeel uh what I went through or
what somebody else's wentthrough, or the pain that they
went through.
Well, look at what the Fathergave up for me.
He gave up his son so that Icould live.
(49:17):
Yeah.
Despite the pain, despite allthe turmoil and everything that
has happened.
That's how I'm able to keepfocused when I look to what
Jesus went through for me.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (49:31):
That's wild.
I think that's when as I wastalking to you, I was like, man,
I don't know if any, you know,from our men's group, I was
like, how many guys know thestory about you?
Because there are guys that arestruggling and they've got
they've gone through loss, butnowhere near as much as as you
have.
And I think that's theencouragement that like that
(49:54):
there is life on the other sideof pain.
Yes, because in in the middle ofyour pain, you sort of can feel
like this is all there is, andI'll never get over this, and
there'll there'll never be joyagain.
And how can anyone like likeit's just sad?
Everything's sad, it'll never begood, it's just always bad.
And for you, you've reallyovercome that in in such a
(50:14):
really sweet way.
And now your life is all aboutuh serving others.
And I just like you have such aservice aspect.
I think just your ability tolisten and then share your story
is kind of what I'm hoping thatpeople will gravitate toward you
and be like, hey, Kenneth, letme take you to lunch.
I want you to tell me yourstory.
How here's what I'm dealingwith, and then you can kind of
wrestle with that with them.
SPEAKER_00 (50:36):
Yes, and it's also for me being in a community of
believers has become a lifelinefor me.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh with the men's group here atWells Branch.
Yeah.
Because my wife sometimes we'llsit and talk, I'm like, since
we've gotten here, she said,look at what you've become
involved in in ways that Ihaven't.
(50:57):
Yeah.
When you think God isn'tworking, he is working.
Absolutely.
You know, and he's worked in somany ways since we've arrived
there in Texas.
And all he's he's he's everasked me to do is just take one
day at a time and trust him witheach day.
Yeah.
Don't worry about tomorrow.
Focus on today, take it onestep, one minute at a time, and
(51:19):
continue moving forward, youknow, and just being with,
because if I were isolatemyself, my wife said, Stop
isolating yourself.
Because when I was isolatingmyself, uh, guilt would sit in.
My thoughts would be kind of allover the place.
I'm starting thinking about thisand thinking about that.
And some of the guys, even inthe men's group, would say, Hey,
(51:43):
we haven't seen you.
And you did.
And I'm like, I need to get backup and go.
Yeah.
Because if I isolate myself,that gives the enemy a foothold.
Right.
Uh, and my thoughts can go allover the place, and I need to be
around other brothers and men ofGod.
Not perfect at all, but still,they still love the Lord.
(52:05):
So good.
Despite, despite the pain,despite, because we all, uh I
heard a pastor once say is weall are an at something.
Yeah.
That we all go throughsomething.
We've all been throughsomething.
Uh, but continue to trust inGod, even in the pain, even in
the weaknesses, you know.
(52:26):
I don't know.
And I'm encouraged by the factthat there are there is a body
of believers and churches thatthat love the Lord despite,
because I'm like, everybody hassomething that they're dealing
with.
Everybody's got something.
But you can you can continuehaving that joy despite the
(52:46):
pain.
And so that's what I try to dois just like remind myself of
the promises of God, thefaithfulness of God, because
he's been faithful to me, evenwhen I've been unfaithful, even
when I didn't want anything todo with him.
He just beckons me.
He said, just come to me andtalk with me.
(53:08):
I already know what you'refeeling, I already know what
you're thinking.
Just tell me.
And when I'm able to do that, Ifeel so much better.
SPEAKER_01 (53:14):
Tell me what your prayer life looks like.
SPEAKER_00 (53:16):
What does that look like for you to give the Lord?
It can be so much better.
And that's why the men's groupchallenges me.
I get convicted that each daythat I have, I need to give it
to God first.
Because I wasn't doing that.
I was like, but when I have doneit, I can just like I can feel
(53:37):
the peace of God.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (53:39):
That surpasses all understanding.
SPEAKER_00 (53:40):
Right.
Guard your heart and your mindin Christ Jesus.
And I've told my wife, and I'vetold others that well, you can't
experience, and I can'texperience the peace of God and
the presence of God if I'm notspending any time with God.
Right.
I have to get to knowing of Godis not the same as knowing him.
Right.
And the only way I'm gonna getto know him is by spending time
(54:01):
with him.
It's just like with my wife.
Yeah.
And how we came together, Ididn't just automatically know
her.
Right.
We had to spend time together toget to know each other.
And that's what God wants.
He says, come to me and talk tome and let me spend time within
you, spend time with me.
He said, Don't talk.
Don't talk with me.
Talk.
Don't talk at me.
He says, talk with me.
(54:21):
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And so uh even this morning Iwas encouraged, it's like, and I
felt like a shift for me becauseI was able to share with my
mother some things that I hadbottled up.
And now I feel that I'm readyto, despite I don't know what
tomorrow's gonna bring, but theword of God says, with God, all
(54:43):
things are possible.
And not to just say it, Chris,but believe because the word of
God is active, it is alive.
And if I truly believe that I'mgonna hold on to the word of
God, I'm gonna hold on to thepromises of God.
I'm like, God, this is what youhave said, and this is what you
said you would do.
You said you would never leaveme.
You would never forsake me.
(55:04):
Even if people do, God said hewould never leave me nor forsake
me.
So that those promises.
You can lean into those.
I can lean into those.
They strengthen me, theyencourage me.
The body of believers, thechurch, the church family
encourages me to just continuegoing on, Chris.
SPEAKER_01 (55:22):
Yeah.
So this the Nigerian mom, is shefrom Nigerian descent and lives
in the US or actually lives inNigeria?
SPEAKER_00 (55:28):
She's from Nigeria.
Okay.
And I just reached out to herthis morning.
And she reached out to me lastweek as a mother because I was
feeling bad because I wasn't outthere.
I wasn't able to run because myknee is hurting.
And she noticed something on apicture, video that my wife sent
her.
And in a loving way, she says,My son, have you stopped
(55:49):
exercising?
She said, you're putting onweight.
SPEAKER_04 (55:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (55:54):
And it's it's not healthy.
Because we have a tendency, Ihave a tendency, we want to give
God the praise and glorify himin so many ways.
But I'm sure I'm supposed toalso glorify him with how I take
care of my body.
Yeah.
And that's what my mother wastelling me.
You need to take better care ofyour physical health.
It's beautiful.
And what you're putting intoyour body because you're
(56:16):
supposed to let God be the Lordover everything concerning you.
SPEAKER_01 (56:22):
That's so good, Kenneth.
Yes.
I think we can all, especiallyon the food aspect, lean into
that one a little bit.
That's really good.
All right.
So after all this, you can saythat God is good.
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (56:35):
I listened to one of your podcasts.
Um, I think it was early today,and the title was God is good.
And I listened to it, and I'mlike, we have a tendency to say
God is good, and all the timeGod is good.
I say, and I was asking myself,well, do you do you really
believe God is good?
Yeah.
And I say, yes, God is good.
(56:57):
Yeah.
And all the time He is, youknow?
I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (57:01):
And I feel like if you someone's probably right
now, they're going throughsomething.
They're they're um they'resingle, they want to be married,
that it doesn't look like it'sgonna happen.
They're they're they have theywant a child that's not
happening.
They're they're sitting on theprecipice of death in some in
some form or some sickness.
(57:21):
What wisdom, after all you'vebeen through, would you want to
pass on to someone that's justright in that midst of the
struggle, no matter what kind ofstruggle it is?
unknown (57:34):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (57:36):
I would say, especially when it comes to this
this perception of that peoplecan have about God, or why would
a got a loving God allow this?
Yeah.
Or why would a loving God allowthat?
And I always point back to whatwhat he did for me, and that and
(57:56):
when even when people will say,Well, well, I don't believe in
your God, and I would like, haveyou even given him a chance?
Just because you don't believein something doesn't mean it's
not true.
SPEAKER_01 (58:09):
That's right.
SPEAKER_00 (58:10):
Have you given God just an opportunity?
I would say, just no matterwhere you're at in life or what
you're dealing with, if youwould just come to God and just
with whatever hang-ups, hiccups,whatever it is, struggles that
you're facing or dealing with,just give him a try.
(58:37):
And it may not instantaneouslythings change, but if we just
trust him and give him anopportunity, he'll he'll
transform you.
Oh, and that's the and that'sthe thing I want to get out of
everything that I've gonethrough, the intimacy and being
(59:01):
transformed to to just be almostlike a a walking Jesus on the
earth to let people know that inthe word of God, Jeremiah says,
I'm the God of all flesh.
Is there anything too hard forme?
And I said, Absolutely nothingis too hard for you, God.
And I would tell people, God cando anything and everything but
(59:23):
fail.
I can fail you, people will failyou, but God can never fail you.
Just give them a chance, givethem a try.
SPEAKER_01 (59:32):
All right, would you mind praying just for listeners
out there, just specifically forthose who are dealing with death
and the sadness uh that comeswith that?
Would you pray for that?
SPEAKER_00 (59:43):
Um, right now, whoever may be listening uh to
this, um I I'm just I'm just avoice.
And I will say no matter whatyou're going through, no matter
what you experience.
Experiencing the pain, the hurt,the tragedy, the grief.
(01:00:05):
That God loves you.
He loves you more than you couldknow than I could know.
His love is never ending.
He's ready to meet you rightwhere you are.
And that you don't have tochange anything about what you
(01:00:26):
feel or what you have done orwhat you are going through.
God loves you.
There's nothing that you can do,I can do, we can do, that can
change his love.
And he loves you so, so much.
(01:00:46):
Come to him, give him a try.
Give him an opportunity to loveon you.
Because he's able to meet youright where you're at.
I pray that whatever you'regoing through, whatever you're
feeling, to just give God a try.
You know, because he loves youso much and he wants to have a
relationship with you.
(01:01:08):
And he'll be right there withyou.
He won't leave you, he won'tforsake you.
He promised it.
And I believe what the word ofGod has promised, that what he
has promised, he is faithful todo because he's God.
He's bigger, he's better thananything we deal with or go
through.
And his love for you is neverending.
(01:01:29):
And I pray all this in Jesus'name.
SPEAKER_01 (01:01:31):
Amen.
Hey, thanks so much forwatching.
Uh, if you got any questions,you can text at 737 231 0605.
We'd love to hear from you.
We can be bringing Kenneth backand hear more about what that's
like.
But from our house to yours,have an awesome week.
Okay.
And welcome back to Pastor Plex Podcast.
I'm your host, Pastor Plex, andjoining me today is none other
than Kenneth Monroe.
He's been coming to Wells BrandsCommunity Church for how many
since February.
Since February.
SPEAKER_00 (00:17):
Yes.
That's awesome.
How'd you find out about ourchurch?
Well, my wife found it uh on theinternet.
She was just researching forchurches and she came across it.
And I remember the churchbecause I will always come by
every day on my way to Catherineand Fleisch Park where I would
kind of be out there walking andjogging.
And so that's how we found itthrough that way.
SPEAKER_01 (00:37):
That's awesome.
All right.
So where did you move from?
And then how did we start there?
And then I want to get into yourstory of like you have been
through some unbelievabletragedy.
So before we we get to that,tell me how you got to Austin.
SPEAKER_00 (00:49):
Well, we got to Austin um last year.
Um my wife had asked uh who Icall my adopted mother from
Nigeria, yeah, um Esther, um,about um because she, my mother
had received the word maybe backin 2019, 2020.
And um for us to relocate to toTexas.
(01:12):
Yeah.
From from um Columbus, Georgia,Phoenix City, Alabama area.
And me personally, I was againstit.
You know, I'm like, well, I wasstationed here at Fort Hood when
I was in the military, but I hadno desire to come back to Texas.
But my wife, you know, anytimeshe felt like she got a word
(01:34):
from the Lord, she just wantedto just jump on it.
She just jumped on it.
So I guess five years hadpassed, and then 2024, she,
without me even knowing it, shehad been searching for a job and
found one.
And when she told me, I guesswhat, I got a job in Austin,
Texas, I'm like, and that's howthat's when I knew that, okay,
(01:56):
she was serious about this andshe wanted to just kind of make
that move and just be obedientto God.
And like, well, what's in Texas?
I mean, why are we, why do weneed to go to Texas?
But just being submitted, Idecided you know, to go ahead
and take that step and relocate.
SPEAKER_01 (02:12):
So All right, let's get back to the story.
How did you first become firstoff, where'd you grow up and
then how'd you become a believerin Jesus?
I I grew up in um Hollywood,Florida.
SPEAKER_00 (02:23):
Okay.
Um I was born, um, lived in asmall little town called Daniel
Beach, uh, Florida, down there.
And um my dad was an elder inthe church, and my mom was a
missionary in the church.
So I grew up uh as I was comingup under the Pentecostal faith,
(02:43):
you know, um, from a young age.
And um, but the thing is, PastorChris, is even as I was growing
up in a Pentecostal church, um Ifelt like I knew I knew about
God, but I didn't really knowGod.
Oh, really?
Because it was back then, it waskind of like, okay, you you go
(03:07):
to church and you do all thesereligious things, but no one
really ever talked to me aboutwhat it meant to have a personal
relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (03:17):
Um they just assumed everybody had one.
SPEAKER_00 (03:20):
Yes, it was just assumed that everybody had one
and that wasn't the case.
Right.
You know?
SPEAKER_01 (03:25):
Yeah, and it uh if you don't ask specifics, then
people just they learnChristianese and then they talk.
And so I don't know if that'snecessarily like uh you know,
predominantly in that particularfaith, but in general, or yeah,
stream, but generally if youdon't have a direct question
saying, like, hey, here is whatuh the Lord is speaking, or or
(03:47):
like here's how I have apersonal relationship with
Jesus, and this is where itstarted.
Here's how the Lord revealedhimself to me, that kind of
thing.
Right.
It's it's really difficult.
All right, so when did thathappen for you?
SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
Um because my temperament was I was so
reserved and quiet, I wouldn'task questions, but it really
didn't happen until maybe 2010.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
You know, I knew the churchlingo, I went to church, but I
still didn't know who Jesus was.
SPEAKER_04 (04:15):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:16):
You know, and um growing up in a Pentecostal um
household, and even as I was umI was thinking about, man, what
am I gonna say, you know, andwhat kind of questions is are
you gonna ask me, um, I sharedwith my mother, I told her
something today that I didn'tshare with my biological mother
(04:40):
while she lived.
Oh, wow.
And I felt like I needed toshare that and and open up to
her and let her in because sheis a mother to me.
Yeah, yeah.
And one of the one things Iwanted to say is when I was
around nine or ten years old,um, I was uh sexually molested
as a as a nine teen year old bya family member.
(05:02):
A family member.
Yep, family member.
And I was threatened that if Iever told, um, they would
threaten my mother.
You know?
So up until my mother died, Ikept it to myself.
How hard was that?
Um, it was hard because mytemperament, I was always quiet
(05:23):
and reserved.
So no one knew what was going onbecause I kept everything
bottled up inside.
I kept everything I would bethinking, but uh and I wanted to
share, but I just didn't.
SPEAKER_01 (05:34):
So at nine and a half, ten years old, yes, was it
a one-time or repeated times?
SPEAKER_00 (05:39):
It was a one-time thing, and I managed to make
sure that I wasn't in anysituations where it could happen
again.
And so um, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
Gosh.
All right, so how did thataffect you growing up
spiritually?
SPEAKER_00 (05:58):
Maybe emotionally as well, but um to wonder if like
if God really cared and lovedme, why did this happen?
You know.
SPEAKER_01 (06:10):
Alright, so then did you ever tell your your first
wife when did you get first getmarried?
SPEAKER_00 (06:15):
Um I my first marriage was uh to my first wife
in March of 1996.
Okay.
And this was uh three yearsafter my mother had passed.
My mother died in um March of1993, and I was 20 years old at
the time.
And even when my mother died,there was I had family members
(06:41):
around me, but I felt like noone ever asked how was how was I
doing or how was my brotherdoing.
Yeah, yeah.
It was just like, just you're 20years old, just push through it,
continue living your life.
But yet, I was I was hurtingbecause I just lost my mother.
Yeah, you know.
Uh but um I met my wife, myfirst wife, uh 1996.
(07:05):
Yep.
In 95 I met her, and then wewere married in 1996.
And at the time, she had athree-year-old and a
five-year-old, five-year-olddaughter, and a three-year-old
son.
Yeah, yeah.
So in 1996.
SPEAKER_01 (07:16):
Okay, and then you guys, how long were you married?
SPEAKER_00 (07:20):
If you got you have we were married for 14 years,
yeah.
Up until she died in June of2010.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (07:31):
So you've just you lose your mom at 20, then you
lose your wife at how old wereyou?
SPEAKER_00 (07:40):
I was actually before I lost my wife, I lost my
dad in between that.
Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_01 (07:44):
Man.
Okay, so a lot of a lot of deathand a sort of struggle.
Uh, how did your mom die?
She died of pneumonia.
SPEAKER_00 (07:52):
Pneumonia?
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (07:55):
Okay, and then how'd your father pass?
SPEAKER_00 (07:57):
He died.
I was actually stationed here atFort Hood in 2001, is when he
died.
He died May 7, 2001.
And my um, my son that I hadwith my first wife, Isaiah, he
had he was born in um March.
So he was actually just twomonths old.
And so I had a painful decisionto make because um he was in the
(08:20):
hospital, and my first wife wasin the hospital when I got the
call that my dad had died.
And so I made the painfuldecision to not go.
Because I I felt like I didn'thave anyone to help me with, you
know, my wife being in thehospital, my son is in a
two-month-old is in thehospital, and then we have the
(08:42):
the younger kids.
So I decided not to go to thefuneral.
SPEAKER_01 (08:46):
Wow.
Wow.
Okay.
And is that something, do youregret that, or do you think
that was a good decision, or doyou just kind of live in a
confused state?
SPEAKER_00 (08:54):
I mean, did live with the regret.
SPEAKER_04 (08:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (08:57):
Um, but I thought it was the right decision because I
was a a new father and ahusband, and I needed to be
there for my family, immediatefamily.
SPEAKER_01 (09:07):
Yeah.
Okay, so you you have you areyou guys a are you going to
church at this point?
Are you a Christian?
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (09:14):
We we were going to church, and I and I felt like I
still wasn't truly surrenderedto God, to the Lord.
You know, but I but I was going,you know, and uh, but I always
felt like I needed to surrender,you know, but I wasn't I wasn't
surrendered.
SPEAKER_01 (09:34):
How so you were in the military?
Yes.
Tell tell me about what it waslike to be a Christian in the
military.
SPEAKER_00 (09:42):
That it was hard.
Yeah.
Because being um Especiallymarried.
Yes, being around othersoldiers, uh listening to a lot
of the profanity and some of theother stuff that is going on,
you know, they're partying,drinking, and that was not
something um I cared about.
Um so it was a difficult, but Ifelt like once I did make a
(10:07):
decision for Christ, that I hadto represent Christ and live out
a life, you know, by saying,okay, I can't do this, I can't
do that, you know.
So Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:20):
So so tell me about like any was there any
uncomfortable situations justbeing in a military?
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (10:26):
Um believe or not, I was I I was I joined the Marine
Corps.
I started off in the MarineCorps from in 1996 to 2000, and
I got out of the Marine Corps,and two weeks later I was in the
Army.
Two weeks.
Yes.
Hold on.
So you what was your originalintent when you got out?
I I didn't want to get out, butI was unsure about what I wanted
(10:48):
to do.
And my wife now, Andrea, she waslike, You're always, you can't
stay still.
You always and it and it and itshowed because uh I would just
bounce around.
SPEAKER_04 (10:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:00):
But two weeks later, I um I got out of the Marine
Corps and was in the Army, andthen I was being shipped off to
Fort Hood, Texas, you know, andI was there from 2000 to 2003.
Yeah.
And I decided to get out.
And I got out, and maybe a yearlater I joined the Air Force
Reserves.
(11:20):
And and I and I stayed in theAir Force Reserve from 2003 to
up until 2006.
Yeah.
Before I decided to come backinto the Army in 2006.
Oh, wow.
Yes.
And then how long did you stayin the Army?
From 2006 to 2014.
Okay.
So did you deploy?
Yes.
2000.
When I went back in in 2006,they reclassed me.
(11:42):
Um, and I was in a 19th engineerbattalion.
Okay.
And so um I was reclassed to uh21 Whiskey at the time, which is
under construction and masonry.
SPEAKER_04 (11:52):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:52):
And so um I arrived to Fort Knox, Kentucky, but the
brigade, the battalion, theywere already deployed to um
Iraq.
And so we were in um Takrit.
Yeah.
And so I joined them in Januaryof 2007.
In Takrite.
In Takrit.
And so I got there, gotacclimated with the unit.
And you know, we would havethese daily uh briefs, you know,
(12:16):
they were kind of let everybodyknow who's going on the mission,
who's not.
So I finally got a call andlike, hey, you're going on a
mission.
Sorry, I'm on roll with yourunit.
Um and so in January of 2007, uhJanuary 28th, to be a in to be a
(12:37):
Zach, um, we had a mission wherewe were um doing a guard tower
and we were building Heskobaskets.
And I was Hesko, those are thebig barriers.
Big barriers, yes.
And me and a couple of soldierswere standing on top of a Hesiko
basket, and my platoon sergeantand company commander, they were
(12:58):
kind of dispersing the crowd onthis Sunday morning of two, you
know, of January 28th.
Yeah.
And as they were dispersing thecrowd, you know, a shot rang
out.
No one at the moment didn't knowwhat it was, but it took maybe a
split second.
When I looked down, I felt aburning sensation and realized I
had been hit in the right leg.
(13:20):
Oh gosh.
And it was just like a gapinghole in your leg.
In my leg.
Did you fall to the ground?
I fell to the ground after Icame to the realization what
happened.
You know, it was just one shot.
You know, I was Metavaced out,and and I remember when I got
back to my sleeping area, I Ibegan to ask God and say, why
(13:45):
me?
SPEAKER_04 (13:45):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (13:47):
You know, it was it was almost as if like God was
like, why not you?
SPEAKER_04 (13:50):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (13:51):
You know, what that happened to somebody else, so
why not you?
And so I carried that and livedwith that, you know, and was
just grateful that it could havebeen worse.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (14:01):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:01):
It could have been a whole lot worse.
And so I was out um and didn'tgo back on a mission, maybe for
about three months.
And my next mission I went backon was in.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
Well, but when you got shot, they met evacuac you
out, they heal up your leg.
They're not like, hey, here'ssome RR.
They're like, all right, rightback out to Creek.
Other soldiers were like, Whydon't you go home?
SPEAKER_00 (14:24):
Yes.
They were like, fake the phone,just just get out.
Just get out.
But I I didn't want to do that.
I wanted to continue.
Because there's a real sense ofcamaraderie with those.
You don't want to leave thoseguys.
And my RR didn't come untilafter the Nets incident
happened, which was in June ofthat same year.
In fact, June 4th.
Like six months later.
SPEAKER_01 (14:44):
It was a big thing.
SPEAKER_00 (14:45):
Six months later.
We were heading back from amission back to our fab, and it
was around 2100 uh at night.
And my vehicle, which I was in,I was a TC.
Yep.
That's a truck commander.
Truck commander.
Um came across a uh IED.
Yeah.
And it impacted my vehicle, butit it didn't impact it enough
(15:09):
where it completely disabled thevehicle.
Yeah.
So it blew up.
It blew.
But we were able to somehowcontinue on.
SPEAKER_01 (15:17):
Wow.
So like it just damaged thevehicle and you kept going?
SPEAKER_00 (15:20):
And we kept going.
And maybe about 30 minuteslater.
You ran out of gas?
No, my vehicle got hit again.
Oh, again.
With the RPG.
Oh man.
Like, where did it impact?
The rear of the vehicle.
So gosh.
I was just fortunate andthankful.
And I much damage did yourvehicle sustain?
(15:42):
It sustained a fair amount.
Were you able to keep driving?
But we were able to stillcontinue driving and get back to
the fob.
SPEAKER_01 (15:50):
That's what was nice about being in a tank for me, is
I get hit multiple times.
SPEAKER_00 (15:54):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (15:55):
Now, once it totally blew up my tank, but most of the
time when RPGs and bombs wentoff, we were like, I think we
got hit, you know?
And you weren't really sure.
But when you got hit, youdefinitely knew it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:06):
Yes.
Exactly.
And so it was after that, um, myplatoon sergeant was like, okay,
you're not going back out.
You're going home for RR.
Right.
And so I went home for 15 daysfor R.
And while I was home, my firstwife had to um, she had a lump.
(16:26):
Like uh cancer.
Yes.
And so they had to do aprocedure.
So they extended me for another15 days to kind of see her
through that process before I uhI returned back to my units.
Uh we came back from deploymentum November of 2007.
So how many children did youhave at this time during this
(16:47):
deployment?
Um I had my youngest son,Isaiah, uh-huh, and the two
older ones, Deedra and Tyrone.
Okay.
So it was three total.
SPEAKER_01 (16:54):
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so then um she has thesurgery.
Uh-huh.
They remove her breasts.
She had to have it removed.
Like a full mastectomy.
Yes.
Wow.
Okay, that's hardcore.
Okay, and then what happened?
And then I mean that that'sthat's a huge emotional thing in
and of itself.
Right.
Uh okay.
(17:15):
So you're dealing with that,trying to console your wife
through that.
How what was she like duringduring that time?
SPEAKER_00 (17:21):
To me.
Uh her faith was strong.
SPEAKER_04 (17:24):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:25):
You know, compared to mine, you know.
Um and so I just felt like,okay, she's she's gonna be okay.
And so I just left it at that.
And then I, you know, I wentback to what my to join my units
until we came back um in 2007.
And then um from there, um myunit left Fort Knox um and
(17:50):
relocated to Fort Bending,Georgia in 2009-2010.
Okay.
And so, actually in 2008, um, soI joined the 60th Engineer
Battalion, um, I mean company,and I was with the 11th Engineer
Battalion at Fort Bennett,Georgia.
Right.
So in 2009 of April, they werescheduled, we were scheduled for
(18:11):
another deployment toAfghanistan.
Oh wow.
And so um I was all prepared togo.
Yeah.
And then found out um the cancerhad come back.
Oh no.
So I I informed my commander andfirst sergeant, and they was
like, okay, we'll we'll let youstay back here uh for three
months to help your wife.
Yeah.
(18:31):
So that three months turned intowhere I never did join my units.
So beginning in 2009, I feltlike that was one of the
toughest and years that I had togo through because my wife was
in and out of the hospital.
(18:52):
There would be times when doingchemo and stuff.
That she would get dischargedfrom the hospital, and 20
minutes later, I'm right back inthe hospital after having got a
discharge.
We have to turn around and takecare of it.
SPEAKER_01 (19:07):
She'd leave the hospital and all of a sudden
something would be done.
SPEAKER_00 (19:09):
Just and so I was just like, I didn't know who to
talk to.
So I used running as an outlet.
Oh.
I never was like big on running.
I just did what I needed to doto maybe pass a PT test or
whatever, but it became likealmost a lifeline for me.
SPEAKER_01 (19:30):
Oh, really?
Yes.
All right, so you you're you'rein and out of the hospital,
you're running, your unitsdeployed, you're trying to
figure out, you're gettingreports from the doctor day in,
day out.
Things look good, then they lookbad.
SPEAKER_00 (19:45):
They were they were looking good up until in maybe
I'd say May of 2010.
In fact, my unit had just gottenback from deployment after a
year in April 2010.
And I remember going to the tothe doctor with her, and on a
(20:06):
particular day, they called meout and said, We need to talk to
you.
Um, your your wife cancer hasspread it, and she may have a
month to live.
SPEAKER_01 (20:17):
Wow.
What how did so when they callyou in, they say your wife has a
month to live, and you'resitting there, you've got three
children.
Yes.
How old were they at that time?
SPEAKER_00 (20:29):
In 2010, Isaiah, my youngest, was nine.
Um, my daughter, Deedra, she was2020.
And my son, Tyrone, was 18.
SPEAKER_01 (20:44):
Okay, so a lot of emotion there.
A lot of stuff.
Were they um was Deedra, shewasn't living at the home at
this point, but she was nearby?
Oh, they were living in thehome.
All everyone, all three of themin the house with you while this
cancer stuff is going on.
Were they all kind of liketaking part in helping out?
Um as much as they could, yes.
Um okay, so you get that word,like what's it feel like for you
(21:07):
as a dad and as a husband?
unknown (21:09):
Oh.
SPEAKER_00 (21:10):
Yes, I was I was believing that, okay, uh God's
gonna heal her.
SPEAKER_02 (21:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:17):
You know, God's gonna heal her, and we'll be
okay.
Uh, our family will be whole,and we'll we'll we'll beat this
and we'll continue on.
Um and I will ask God, like,just heal her, just heal her,
just just physically, just justheal her, take away the cancer.
She didn't make it a month.
She made she made it two weeks.
(21:37):
Two weeks.
Okay, so you get thisdevastating news.
Yes, and she died June 11th of2010.
Wow.
And and while I'm processingthat and now trying to figure
out how to arrange a funeral,and thank God I was going to a
church that I reached out tothat helped me plan and get
(22:01):
everything organized.
Was this Cascade Hills?
No, not at the time.
Okay, which one was this?
I was going to KindaMetropolitan Worship Center.
Oh, cool.
At the time.
And I thank God they theyplanned everything.
They arranged everything where Ididn't have to do much, but I
got a casket and pick out.
And during during that, so wehad the funeral um June 21st of
(22:26):
2010.
Yeah.
And me not knowing, I had familymembers um in Florida, uh
Tallahassee, Florida, who werereluctant to call me because
they knew I had just buried mywife and to tell me.
(22:47):
Because my mother had a twinsister.
They were identical.
And every time I looked at her,it was like looking at my mom.
Yeah.
But they decided to call meanyway and say, Kenneth, we know
that you're grieving and you'regoing through, but we felt you
needed to know your AuntMargaret died in her sleep.
Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_01 (23:03):
Wait.
SPEAKER_00 (23:04):
Oh wow, that's wild.
This wasn't even a month.
SPEAKER_04 (23:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:07):
I hadn't even had a month to grieve my wife.
But I um me and my youngest son,Isaiah, I took him and we
decided to go down to uh Miami,Florida for the wake and for the
funeral of my Aunt Margaret.
(23:29):
Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:31):
Okay, so you're you're kind of reeling from
that.
You're kind of now you're asingle dad.
Um 22-year-olds out of thehouse, or 20-year-old out the
teachers out of the house.
SPEAKER_00 (23:43):
She she decided to leave the house once her mom
died.
Right.
She just could not bear losingher mom.
Oh.
And that that was so painfulthat, believe it or not, when my
wife, when she died, um, shewasn't in hospice.
She was at home.
I decided not to put her inhospice.
So they they took me through theprocess of knowing how to uh
(24:04):
administer the morphine andchange the tanks.
And when she died, that was thefirst time I had physically seen
someone taken out in a body bag.
And when my I remember when mydaughter came downstairs that
that early morning, she waslooking for her mom.
She said, Where's mom?
(24:25):
And she's thinking, My mom hasgotten up, she's she's heal,
she's well, and I'm like, Yourmom is gone.
You know, she she's deceased,you know.
SPEAKER_01 (24:35):
How did that hit her?
SPEAKER_00 (24:38):
She was devastated.
SPEAKER_01 (24:39):
She She was expecting a healing.
SPEAKER_00 (24:41):
She was expecting a healing because she even went
outside looking for her mom.
And she was devastated.
You know, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:53):
And then, and what about uh Tyrone?
What was his he was more he washurt?
SPEAKER_00 (25:00):
Um but he kept it to himself.
Right.
And of course, Isaiah was justdistraught.
Distraught, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (25:09):
All right, so how did you I mean you've got all
this different emotion.
Uh Deidre moves out, Tyrone stayaround or Yeah, he stayed
around, yes.
And you're still dealing withall this, and then then what
happens?
SPEAKER_00 (25:22):
But even not when she died, um, the the nets that
weekend is when I gave my lifeto Christ.
SPEAKER_01 (25:30):
Okay.
Wow.
All right.
So you were kind of like youknew about God, but you didn't
know God.
And so what how so how what wasthe you were just like you're so
broken and you're just like, Ineed Jesus?
What what was that?
SPEAKER_00 (25:42):
Yes, it was like because I knew death was a
reality because I had seen it somuch.
So much that what if this wasme?
You know, where would I spendeternity?
SPEAKER_01 (25:56):
And I didn't know this sounds crazy, but you just
gotten shot, been hit by an ID,an RPG round smash in the back
of your uh truck.
SPEAKER_00 (26:02):
Now just now is what it it actually was during Iraq,
but I kind of just like it justpushed it away.
I pushed it away.
SPEAKER_01 (26:10):
Yeah, yeah.
Because I guess you know, it'shonestly what you
compartmentalize a lot becauseif you start thinking about
death when you're in Iraq,you'll be a terrified person,
you can't go outside the wire.
Right.
Okay.
So this hits you, you finallyhave a moment to think to
yourself.
You're do you do you go tochurch?
Do you have is this happening atyour room, or what what happens?
SPEAKER_00 (26:25):
Um I I go to church.
Um and um I give my life to theLord and they baptize me.
Oh, nice.
Yes.
In 2010.
Um beautiful.
Yes.
All right.
SPEAKER_01 (26:38):
So you you're living for Jesus.
Did do you have a sense of hope?
SPEAKER_00 (26:44):
I do.
SPEAKER_01 (26:44):
Okay.
And then are you able tominister to to Deidra and Tyrone
and as best as I could?
SPEAKER_00 (26:51):
Um, it was hard at times because to try to relate
to them as a father, because Ididn't get it as a father, as a
son from a father.
Yeah.
How well how so?
What do you mean?
Um, because my wife now, she Iremember her asking me, she
said, Did did your dad ever tellyou that he loved you?
And for a moment I had to thinkreally hard.
(27:14):
I'm like, not once did I everhear him say it.
But I I would tell her, Ibelieve, I felt he loved me
through his actions, right?
But he never verbalized it.
SPEAKER_01 (27:24):
What do you think it is about that generation that
couldn't say I love you?
SPEAKER_00 (27:29):
I'm not I'm not particularly sure.
You know.
SPEAKER_01 (27:32):
That's interesting because I think that's a common
thread across that generation.
Saying I love you would be likealmost too vulnerable or
something.
I don't know.
Okay, so you're you come toChrist, you're you're doing the
best you can as now uh a singledad.
Right.
All right.
Then uh you give your life toChrist, you're you're living for
Jesus.
What happens?
SPEAKER_00 (27:51):
So in 2010, after I've done all that, and like I
mentioned, um, running was itbecame like a passion for me.
You and Forrest Gump.
SPEAKER_01 (27:59):
You're just going for it.
SPEAKER_00 (28:00):
Yes.
And so November of 2010 rolledaround, and we were, we had this
annual turkey bowl where it wasofficers versus NCOs.
SPEAKER_04 (28:12):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (28:13):
And so on a Thursday, I remember some of the
NCOs asking me, hey, Sar Mama,would you mind?
Hey, come practice with us,let's throw the football.
Yeah.
And I was like, no, I'm I'm Iwant to go running.
You know, I just want to gorunning.
But I decided to go not run andjoin them to practice.
Yeah.
And in doing so, um, I remembercatching a pass and I stepped
(28:34):
into a pothole and I and Iinjured my left knee.
But I didn't know the extentuntil that following Monday when
I went to the sick call.
Yep.
I remember one of the soldiers,when I was standing outside
looking at me, he looked down atmy knee because my knee had
double in size.
And he's like, You tore yourACL.
(28:55):
Oh, gosh, no.
I was like, no, but it wasconfirmed.
I tore my ACL, my meniscas, andand so I I was a little
distraught.
Yeah.
I was hurt because the one thingI wasn't even supposed to be out
(29:16):
there.
I wasn't supposed to be outthere.
And the one thing I felt likethat had been taken from me now.
SPEAKER_01 (29:24):
Man.
Just the hits just keep oncoming.
So you have this.
Now, is that when you got out ofthe no I wound up having a
surgery uh in May of 2011.
SPEAKER_00 (29:35):
Was that at Keller?
It was no, it was at uh FortBenning, Georgia.
SPEAKER_01 (29:40):
Yeah, but I think it's Keller Army Hospital right
there.
Uh uh.
Um Martin Army CommunityHospital.
Martin Army, maybe that's whatit was.
Yeah.
Well, never mind.
Yeah.
I I had MCL surgery there.
Yeah, because I uh tore my MCLat Fort Benning.
Anyway, go on.
SPEAKER_00 (29:54):
So, you know, I I have the surgery.
I I go through the recoveryprocess and then um So 2012
rolls around.
And I remember going back for acheckup on my knee, and my
doctor's like, you need to haveanother procedure on your knee.
We found like some scar tissue.
So they did a surgery.
So they did the surgery inFebruary, uh, February 3rd of
(30:17):
2012.
And um I went on comalescentleave.
Yep.
And I remember while home onconvalescent leave.
I remember it was February 11th.
And this was a Saturday night.
And I remember watching the TV,and I was, and it was just
(30:38):
breaking news about WhitneyHouston.
It was just all over the news.
SPEAKER_04 (30:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:43):
And I'm like, okay.
And then Sunday rolls around ofFebruary 12th of 2012.
I'm downstairs watching the newsstill, and I get a phone call.
I'm like, it's like betweenseven and eight o'clock at
night.
And I'm like, it's a call frommy commander in first iron.
And it was like, Simon Monroe,um, we know you're on
(31:06):
Convalescent Lee, but um, weneed you to come to the company.
I'm like, come to the company.
I'm like, I'm on, I'm on leave,first time.
Um, but I got I went, I got hima car and I was driving, and and
the whole time there, I just getknots in my stomach.
Like something's wrong.
And so when I arrived to theunit, there's absolutely no one
there.
(31:27):
No cars there but the commanderand first sergeant.
SPEAKER_01 (31:29):
Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_00 (31:32):
And so I uh I go upstairs, and they was like,
Somewhere, can you have a seat?
Uh which is somebody's on thephone, on the line.
We just need to uh, and so I wasin the seat in the other office,
but the door wasn't completelyclosed, that I was able to hear
what they were saying.
And as they were talking, Iimmediately knew that the
(31:54):
conversation between them andthe doctor, that I'm gonna
identify somebody.
And so they put me on the phonewith the doctor, and he was
like, Um, sorry, Mr.
Mark, we need you to identifythis person.
Um, and when they mentioned aparticular tattoo and where it
was, it was my daughter.
SPEAKER_01 (32:25):
And um what was that emotionally like you're just
your experience, you hear that?
Does like do you flash back toyour wife?
Do you flash back to your mom?
I mean, what where where do yougo in that that moment?
SPEAKER_00 (32:44):
Almost I I felt it, but I almost became numb.
I think I was more concerned formy youngest son, Isaiah.
SPEAKER_04 (32:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (32:54):
Because he was just thinking, oh no, he can't handle
another loss.
He he doesn't, he hadn't had theexperience of having any
grandparents.
He lost his mom.
And now I have to tell him he'slost his sister.
But I waited a couple daysbefore I told him.
Oh gosh.
He came from school, and Iremember sitting him down at the
kitchen table.
(33:15):
And when I told him, he didn'tscream or holler, but he just
the tears just flooded from hisface.
SPEAKER_01 (33:25):
And how old was he at that time?
SPEAKER_00 (33:28):
He was 11.
Gosh.
He was 11.
SPEAKER_01 (33:33):
Like a year and a half after his mom has passed.
Here he is at 11 years old, hissister's dead.
SPEAKER_00 (33:38):
And that's that's where when I saw that, my anger
and resentment towards God came.
Where I decided I want nothingto do with God.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (33:56):
So tell me about like how did you so you you said
you you said that in your heartand your head.
Yes.
And is that when you stoppedgoing to church?
Is that or what happened?
SPEAKER_00 (34:05):
Yes.
I would just at times just layin the bed.
Even after I've maybe washedclothes, the clothes was just
laying the bed beside me, and Iwould just lay there.
Just, you know, I would just Iwould get the strength, you
know, to make sure my son wastaken care of and that they were
(34:26):
okay.
But I was just exhausted.
Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (34:34):
So you're no longer going to church, Isaiah's
obviously not going to church,you're just you're kind of
fried.
You you it's pushed you too far,you're kind of done.
Um, so then kind of like how doyou just cope with life at that
point?
What was your coping mechanism?
SPEAKER_00 (34:57):
Believe it or not, it was because I wasn't running
like I was, it was maybe food.
I started overeating.
Yeah, food became for me a cold.
Yeah.
You know?
SPEAKER_04 (35:15):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
And as I was going through that, just when I
thought it wasn't gonna it couldget any worse, July of 2012
rolled around, and I remember Ihad a f a soldier's mom who was
helping me and was living withus, helping me with my son and
(35:42):
my grandson.
She was living in the extra roomthat I had because I was living
in base housing.
And my uh older son, Tyrone,called and he said, Can you come
pick me up and take me to work?
So I just told her, I was like,Miss Diana, I'm gonna go take my
son, Tyrone to work.
Yeah, I'll be back.
So I went and picked him up andI dropped him off of work.
And as soon as he got out of thecar, I get a phone call, and
(36:03):
Miss Diana's on the phonescreaming and yelling, and she's
outdoors with her grandson andmy son, and she's like, Your
house is on fire.
I'm like, I thought, I'm like,what?
She said, Your house is on fire.
There's police, there's firetrucks.
So I rush back on post.
I get there and it's engulfed.
SPEAKER_01 (36:24):
It's just your house is on fire.
SPEAKER_00 (36:26):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (36:27):
Daniel, how it started?
SPEAKER_00 (36:29):
Yes.
I had reported it uh months agoto maintenance.
Like some, I like something'swrong with my stove.
Every time I turn it off, itwon't turn off.
The burner's still on.
It would go on and off.
So they would do aninvestigation and determine
there was a faulty somethingthat was faulty in that.
They say it was like justwaiting for the right.
SPEAKER_01 (36:50):
And I was like, This is where you sort of start to
feel like Job.
Like you're like, how can thisget any worse?
Like, I just lost my house.
All the I mean, all your stuff,I'm sure, got completely
incinerated.
A lot of it, but you know,whatever I could salvage, but I
did.
Okay, so all right, you you youyour house burns down.
(37:12):
Uh are you angry at God or areyou the numb towards God?
What's your a little of both?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:17):
A little of both.
Um but you know, they managed toum find me another housing for
me and my son.
And I and I pleaded with them.
I'm like, please, um, I don'twant another four-bedroom.
They're like, this is what yourate.
I'm like, it's just me and myson, Isaiah.
Now, can we just a one-bedroom,a two-bedroom?
They like, they gave me anotherfour-bedroom when it was just me
(37:39):
and my son.
Right.
So when they moved us into it, Iput absolutely nothing in there
but the bare essentials for himand myself.
Right.
And the other rooms were prettymuch empty.
Right.
You know, up until um I decided2014 to just to get out.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:58):
Okay.
So you're it's 2014, you get outof the military, and then
tragedy happens again.
SPEAKER_00 (38:05):
Well, not instantly.
That's when I met my wife now,Andrea.
SPEAKER_01 (38:09):
Andrea.
SPEAKER_00 (38:10):
I met her.
That's not tragic.
Yes.
That's it's a win.
I had no plans of of remarryingor getting married.
I just like How did she sneak inthere?
I met her.
I wasn't intending on I was onChristian Mingle.
Yeah.
But Christian Mingo, I was usingas um, because there were people
on there who were helping me tocope and deal.
(38:30):
So that's what I was using, butthat's how I met her.
Right.
And that's how we connected.
And we were married um fourmonths later.
SPEAKER_01 (38:38):
So what happened to like the you don't love Jesus
now, or you're angry at Jesus,and now you're getting married
to a.
I mean, Andrea is not like sortof into Jesus.
She's all in.
SPEAKER_00 (38:48):
Yes, she's all in.
SPEAKER_01 (38:49):
So, so how did that what happened?
Were you like, was sheevangelating you or what?
SPEAKER_00 (38:55):
She was just, she listened to me.
Yeah, yeah.
She allowed me to just talk,vent, whatever.
And um, she said she felt andknew that God was telling her,
that's gonna be your husbandright there.
And I'm like, no way.
Uh four months later, we weremarried in February of 2015.
(39:15):
Wow.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (39:17):
Okay, so so you get married.
Yes.
Happily ever after.
Uh and and um Isaiah's how oldat this point?
SPEAKER_00 (39:27):
He is uh 14.
SPEAKER_01 (39:29):
Okay, he's 14.
SPEAKER_00 (39:30):
Is he doing well with her?
I was I was concerned.
He was going well in school, butI was still concerned about how
he was doing mentally.
Yeah.
And didn't know how things weregonna turn out for him.
SPEAKER_04 (39:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (39:43):
But I continue to to be uh as best as a father I
could to him.
I I could have done better bycommunicating with him and
because I I didn't really, Iwasn't asking him how he was
doing.
So how my dad was doing, I waskind of doing to my son.
Yeah.
You know, and just thought hewas okay when, you know, he
(40:05):
probably wasn't okay, you know.
And so, but he was still doingwell in school, and I was
grateful for that.
And I I think I believe for him,when he started to really kind
of turn away from God is in2016.
(40:29):
Um, Tyrone, we had saw him in umThanksgiving of 2016.
Yeah.
November 24th, 2016.
He wasn't far.
He was maybe, maybe 20 minutes.
SPEAKER_01 (40:41):
Oh yeah.
So you'd see him like at leastonce a month or so.
SPEAKER_00 (40:45):
We would see him.
Um so we saw him.
He came over for thatThanksgiving.
We were glad to see him andeverything.
Um that following Tuesday, uh,November 29th, uh, there's a
knock at my door like twoo'clock in the morning.
Just a loud thing.
And I'm like, who's knocking onmy door?
(41:07):
I I opened it, but I was like, Iheard this knock before.
So I go to the door, I open it,and there's a police, like, uh
like, uh, Mr.
Monroe, Miss Monroe, sorry toinform you.
Um your son, Tyrone, was killed.
Um I remember seeing Isaiah downthe hallway standing in front of
(41:34):
his door.
And he went and he punched ahole into the he just hit it so
hard.
I didn't know if he had and hescreamed, you know, he just
that's too much.
SPEAKER_01 (41:52):
Yeah.
And so he's processing, he'sscreaming, and how did how so
you get this at 2 a.m.
call?
How did how did Tyrone die?
SPEAKER_00 (42:01):
He was um single car accident.
Just a car accident.
Yes.
Um when I went, well, me and mywife went and saw the vehicle,
no one could have survived that.
Yeah, yeah.
It was just mangled.
SPEAKER_01 (42:13):
It was just brutal.
And so you're just sitting theregoing, there's no reason, in a
sense, no, no rhyme to that.
It's just so weird.
Yes.
And I mean, that's a wife, adaughter, a son.
You're reeling in in pain, like,and that that's when I say is
(42:36):
like, I'm done with God.
I mean, he he just experiencedhis mom die, his sister die, and
his brother die.
SPEAKER_00 (42:41):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (42:41):
And you're trying to kind of hold it all together.
Like, how what what what do youdo?
SPEAKER_00 (42:52):
I had to I had to make a decision that I could
continue to be in despair.
I wasn't minimizing the pain.
SPEAKER_04 (43:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (43:08):
But I had to come to the realization and like it's
only this is gonna end one oftwo ways for me.
I'm either gonna get up fromthis and continue moving
forward, even with the pain.
Or I'm gonna just stay in thisplace of unforgiveness,
(43:30):
bitterness, shame, guilt,rejection, everything, and just
allow the circumstances to justswallow me up and just because
there was some fighting going onbetween me and my wife, we newly
married.
Yeah, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (43:48):
All the normal things of young married people,
especially, you know, instantmarriage in four months, it's
now all of a sudden the realityof life is hitting, and it just
it's as if, you know, from 2009to 2016, death after death after
death, and you're sort ofreeling from all that, trying to
kind of get your feet under youspiritually, and just things
keep happening.
SPEAKER_00 (44:07):
And I think I I came across a scripture, Matthew 11,
28.
When I when I read it, whenJesus says, Come to me, and I
kind of looked at that, I'mlike, this is the Son of God
who's who's asking me.
(44:28):
He's saying, Come to me.
You know, with your ladies,heavy burdens, just come to me.
And so I decided that that'swhat I would do.
Yeah.
And my wife noticed, she said,You love to write, you like to
write, you just write, write,write, write.
(44:48):
But I had stopped writing.
So I began to just instead ofwriting inwardly, I started
writing outwardly.
Where I didn't have to, itdidn't have to be pretty how how
I began to process and and talkto the Lord.
He just wanted me to just lay itout.
(45:10):
If I was angry, upset, bitter.
And then and as I would keptdoing that, I felt relief
because I I was able to get itout, how how I was feeling,
whether it was shame, guilt,rejection.
Um, I've I carried a lot ofguilt, you know, like what could
I have done?
Yeah.
You know?
(45:31):
And yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (45:34):
So you're you're carrying all of that, you're
you're kind of processing withthe Lord.
Uh your communication skillswith your son is a little on the
weaker side, so he kind ofprobably is unraveling, and
you're like, you're wanting tolove him and show him like
what's going on in your head,like how with that.
SPEAKER_00 (45:52):
Uh my regret is not reaching out to because I had a
community, yeah, but I kepteverything so bottled up.
If I had just reached out to uhto the church and my church
home, my church family, that itcould have been a lot smoother.
Yeah.
And they would have been able tohelp me process and relate and
(46:13):
know how to communicate betterbetter to my son.
SPEAKER_04 (46:16):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (46:17):
Because it wasn't communicated to me.
I didn't know how to communicateit to my son.
SPEAKER_04 (46:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (46:23):
You know, uh, and tell him that despite everything
that was going on, I was proudof him and I loved him.
Um that came later.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (46:34):
Yeah.
Talk talk to me about how likeyou're you're you're feeling all
that.
Like, how do you not just likejust kind of like I go to that
like failure zone of like, I Iknow I need to communicate, I'm
not doing it.
And you kind of get in thatspiral in your head.
How did was Andrew able to sortof pull you out?
How did you lift your headtowards Jesus and say, like, I
know I'm broken and I can't.
SPEAKER_00 (46:55):
Yes, my wife was uh she was a big encouragement.
Yeah.
She um she was like, You you'reyou'll you'll help others and
you'll do for others, but youwon't allow others to help you.
SPEAKER_01 (47:12):
That's powerful.
All right, so talk to me aboutso like I think recently you've
had a like a cool shift withIsaiah where is he in the
military now?
SPEAKER_00 (47:23):
He is in the military, he's um in the Air
Force for six years.
And when he decided, I didn'tpressure him.
Yeah, it was a decision that hemade, and that in itself was
almost like a healing for mebecause I didn't know how he was
gonna turn out, but he's turnedout to be an amazing son.
Uh he loves the Air Force.
(47:44):
Uh he's a staff sergeant, goingon seven years, and I'm so proud
of him.
I remember my mother fromNigeria calling me, and she
said, How's your communicationwith your son?
Communicate with him, be begentle.
Um, just open the lines ofcommunication.
So we're we're in that processand we've communicated so much
better now.
(48:04):
And I affirm him and I tell himthat I'm proud of him.
SPEAKER_04 (48:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (48:07):
I tell him that I love him.
Yeah.
He heals, he hears it from me.
Yeah.
That I love him.
Um, and I'm proud that he's myson.
Yeah.
And that God has blessed me withhim, you know, as a son, you
know.
So um, and it was through mywife also seeing her
determination and her faith uhin the Lord that I needed to be
(48:33):
all in for Christ, despiteeverything.
And anytime I felt like, woe isme, yeah, or what I've gone
through, I get reminded ofsomebody else has gone through
something worse than I have.
Yeah.
And then I also I ran it backin.
I try to rein my thoughts backin.
(48:54):
When I look, I think even yousaid it uh from the message on
Sunday.
Look to Jesus.
Look at what when I begin tofeel uh what I went through or
what somebody else's wentthrough, or the pain that they
went through.
Well, look at what the Fathergave up for me.
He gave up his son so that Icould live.
(49:17):
Yeah.
Despite the pain, despite allthe turmoil and everything that
has happened.
That's how I'm able to keepfocused when I look to what
Jesus went through for me.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (49:31):
That's wild.
I think that's when as I wastalking to you, I was like, man,
I don't know if any, you know,from our men's group, I was
like, how many guys know thestory about you?
Because there are guys that arestruggling and they've got
they've gone through loss, butnowhere near as much as as you
have.
And I think that's theencouragement that like that
(49:54):
there is life on the other sideof pain.
Yes, because in in the middle ofyour pain, you sort of can feel
like this is all there is, andI'll never get over this, and
there'll there'll never be joyagain.
And how can anyone like likeit's just sad?
Everything's sad, it'll never begood, it's just always bad.
And for you, you've reallyovercome that in in such a
(50:14):
really sweet way.
And now your life is all aboutuh serving others.
And I just like you have such aservice aspect.
I think just your ability tolisten and then share your story
is kind of what I'm hoping thatpeople will gravitate toward you
and be like, hey, Kenneth, letme take you to lunch.
I want you to tell me yourstory.
How here's what I'm dealingwith, and then you can kind of
wrestle with that with them.
SPEAKER_00 (50:36):
Yes, and it's also for me being in a community of
believers has become a lifelinefor me.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh with the men's group here atWells Branch.
Yeah.
Because my wife sometimes we'llsit and talk, I'm like, since
we've gotten here, she said,look at what you've become
involved in in ways that Ihaven't.
(50:57):
Yeah.
When you think God isn'tworking, he is working.
Absolutely.
You know, and he's worked in somany ways since we've arrived
there in Texas.
And all he's he's he's everasked me to do is just take one
day at a time and trust him witheach day.
Yeah.
Don't worry about tomorrow.
Focus on today, take it onestep, one minute at a time, and
(51:19):
continue moving forward, youknow, and just being with,
because if I were isolatemyself, my wife said, Stop
isolating yourself.
Because when I was isolatingmyself, uh, guilt would sit in.
My thoughts would be kind of allover the place.
I'm starting thinking about thisand thinking about that.
And some of the guys, even inthe men's group, would say, Hey,
(51:43):
we haven't seen you.
And you did.
And I'm like, I need to get backup and go.
Yeah.
Because if I isolate myself,that gives the enemy a foothold.
Right.
Uh, and my thoughts can go allover the place, and I need to be
around other brothers and men ofGod.
Not perfect at all, but still,they still love the Lord.
(52:05):
So good.
Despite, despite the pain,despite, because we all, uh I
heard a pastor once say is weall are an at something.
Yeah.
That we all go throughsomething.
We've all been throughsomething.
Uh, but continue to trust inGod, even in the pain, even in
the weaknesses, you know.
(52:26):
I don't know.
And I'm encouraged by the factthat there are there is a body
of believers and churches thatthat love the Lord despite,
because I'm like, everybody hassomething that they're dealing
with.
Everybody's got something.
But you can you can continuehaving that joy despite the
(52:46):
pain.
And so that's what I try to dois just like remind myself of
the promises of God, thefaithfulness of God, because
he's been faithful to me, evenwhen I've been unfaithful, even
when I didn't want anything todo with him.
He just beckons me.
He said, just come to me andtalk with me.
(53:08):
I already know what you'refeeling, I already know what
you're thinking.
Just tell me.
And when I'm able to do that, Ifeel so much better.
SPEAKER_01 (53:14):
Tell me what your prayer life looks like.
SPEAKER_00 (53:16):
What does that look like for you to give the Lord?
It can be so much better.
And that's why the men's groupchallenges me.
I get convicted that each daythat I have, I need to give it
to God first.
Because I wasn't doing that.
I was like, but when I have doneit, I can just like I can feel
(53:37):
the peace of God.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (53:39):
That surpasses all understanding.
SPEAKER_00 (53:40):
Right.
Guard your heart and your mindin Christ Jesus.
And I've told my wife, and I'vetold others that well, you can't
experience, and I can'texperience the peace of God and
the presence of God if I'm notspending any time with God.
Right.
I have to get to knowing of Godis not the same as knowing him.
Right.
And the only way I'm gonna getto know him is by spending time
(54:01):
with him.
It's just like with my wife.
Yeah.
And how we came together, Ididn't just automatically know
her.
Right.
We had to spend time together toget to know each other.
And that's what God wants.
He says, come to me and talk tome and let me spend time within
you, spend time with me.
He said, Don't talk.
Don't talk with me.
Talk.
Don't talk at me.
He says, talk with me.
(54:21):
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And so uh even this morning Iwas encouraged, it's like, and I
felt like a shift for me becauseI was able to share with my
mother some things that I hadbottled up.
And now I feel that I'm readyto, despite I don't know what
tomorrow's gonna bring, but theword of God says, with God, all
(54:43):
things are possible.
And not to just say it, Chris,but believe because the word of
God is active, it is alive.
And if I truly believe that I'mgonna hold on to the word of
God, I'm gonna hold on to thepromises of God.
I'm like, God, this is what youhave said, and this is what you
said you would do.
You said you would never leaveme.
You would never forsake me.
(55:04):
Even if people do, God said hewould never leave me nor forsake
me.
So that those promises.
You can lean into those.
I can lean into those.
They strengthen me, theyencourage me.
The body of believers, thechurch, the church family
encourages me to just continuegoing on, Chris.
SPEAKER_01 (55:22):
Yeah.
So this the Nigerian mom, is shefrom Nigerian descent and lives
in the US or actually lives inNigeria?
SPEAKER_00 (55:28):
She's from Nigeria.
Okay.
And I just reached out to herthis morning.
And she reached out to me lastweek as a mother because I was
feeling bad because I wasn't outthere.
I wasn't able to run because myknee is hurting.
And she noticed something on apicture, video that my wife sent
her.
And in a loving way, she says,My son, have you stopped
(55:49):
exercising?
She said, you're putting onweight.
SPEAKER_04 (55:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (55:54):
And it's it's not healthy.
Because we have a tendency, Ihave a tendency, we want to give
God the praise and glorify himin so many ways.
But I'm sure I'm supposed toalso glorify him with how I take
care of my body.
Yeah.
And that's what my mother wastelling me.
You need to take better care ofyour physical health.
It's beautiful.
And what you're putting intoyour body because you're
(56:16):
supposed to let God be the Lordover everything concerning you.
SPEAKER_01 (56:22):
That's so good, Kenneth.
Yes.
I think we can all, especiallyon the food aspect, lean into
that one a little bit.
That's really good.
All right.
So after all this, you can saythat God is good.
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (56:35):
I listened to one of your podcasts.
Um, I think it was early today,and the title was God is good.
And I listened to it, and I'mlike, we have a tendency to say
God is good, and all the timeGod is good.
I say, and I was asking myself,well, do you do you really
believe God is good?
Yeah.
And I say, yes, God is good.
(56:57):
Yeah.
And all the time He is, youknow?
I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (57:01):
And I feel like if you someone's probably right
now, they're going throughsomething.
They're they're um they'resingle, they want to be married,
that it doesn't look like it'sgonna happen.
They're they're they have theywant a child that's not
happening.
They're they're sitting on theprecipice of death in some in
some form or some sickness.
(57:21):
What wisdom, after all you'vebeen through, would you want to
pass on to someone that's justright in that midst of the
struggle, no matter what kind ofstruggle it is?
unknown (57:34):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (57:36):
I would say, especially when it comes to this
this perception of that peoplecan have about God, or why would
a got a loving God allow this?
Yeah.
Or why would a loving God allowthat?
And I always point back to whatwhat he did for me, and that and
(57:56):
when even when people will say,Well, well, I don't believe in
your God, and I would like, haveyou even given him a chance?
Just because you don't believein something doesn't mean it's
not true.
SPEAKER_01 (58:09):
That's right.
SPEAKER_00 (58:10):
Have you given God just an opportunity?
I would say, just no matterwhere you're at in life or what
you're dealing with, if youwould just come to God and just
with whatever hang-ups, hiccups,whatever it is, struggles that
you're facing or dealing with,just give him a try.
(58:37):
And it may not instantaneouslythings change, but if we just
trust him and give him anopportunity, he'll he'll
transform you.
Oh, and that's the and that'sthe thing I want to get out of
everything that I've gonethrough, the intimacy and being
(59:01):
transformed to to just be almostlike a a walking Jesus on the
earth to let people know that inthe word of God, Jeremiah says,
I'm the God of all flesh.
Is there anything too hard forme?
And I said, Absolutely nothingis too hard for you, God.
And I would tell people, God cando anything and everything but
(59:23):
fail.
I can fail you, people will failyou, but God can never fail you.
Just give them a chance, givethem a try.
SPEAKER_01 (59:32):
All right, would you mind praying just for listeners
out there, just specifically forthose who are dealing with death
and the sadness uh that comeswith that?
Would you pray for that?
SPEAKER_00 (59:43):
Um, right now, whoever may be listening uh to
this, um I I'm just I'm just avoice.
And I will say no matter whatyou're going through, no matter
what you experience.
Experiencing the pain, the hurt,the tragedy, the grief.
(01:00:05):
That God loves you.
He loves you more than you couldknow than I could know.
His love is never ending.
He's ready to meet you rightwhere you are.
And that you don't have tochange anything about what you
(01:00:26):
feel or what you have done orwhat you are going through.
God loves you.
There's nothing that you can do,I can do, we can do, that can
change his love.
And he loves you so, so much.
(01:00:46):
Come to him, give him a try.
Give him an opportunity to loveon you.
Because he's able to meet youright where you're at.
I pray that whatever you'regoing through, whatever you're
feeling, to just give God a try.
You know, because he loves youso much and he wants to have a
relationship with you.
(01:01:08):
And he'll be right there withyou.
He won't leave you, he won'tforsake you.
He promised it.
And I believe what the word ofGod has promised, that what he
has promised, he is faithful todo because he's God.
He's bigger, he's better thananything we deal with or go
through.
And his love for you is neverending.
(01:01:29):
And I pray all this in Jesus'name.
SPEAKER_01 (01:01:31):
Amen.
Hey, thanks so much forwatching.
Uh, if you got any questions,you can text at 737 231 0605.
We'd love to hear from you.
We can be bringing Kenneth backand hear more about what that's
like.
But from our house to yours,have an awesome week.
Okay.
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