November 25, 2024 • 27 mins
Imagine safeguarding your marriage against the odds with insights that truly matter. Pastor Jason and Pastor Seth bring you eye-opening discussions on why 43% of first marriages and even more subsequent marriages end in divorce—and what you can do to avoid being part of those statistics. Learn how societal pressures and who you surround yourself with could be silently sabotaging your relationship, and why the idea that children can 'save' a marriage is a dangerous myth. Equip yourself with the wisdom to build a forever partnership, leveraging the power of strong social circles and intentional effort.
We tackle a topic that's often swept under the rug: the impact of pornography on relationships. It may seem like a taboo discussion, but ignoring it can have dire consequences for your marriage. Discover the truth behind the misconception that pornography can spice up your marital intimacy. With alarming statistics and real-life examples, we highlight its potential to harm even the strongest bonds. Pastor Jason and Pastor Seth share personal insights and practical strategies for maintaining purity and resisting digital temptations, reinforcing the sacred bond between spouses.
Marriage isn't a set-it-and-forget-it vow; it's a lifelong commitment that demands effort and adaptation. Explore the transformative power of open communication and spirituality in nurturing a relationship that stands the test of time. Discover why prayer and community support can be your marriage's greatest allies in navigating life's changes. We also delve into practical tools like love language assessments that can help you better understand and meet your partner's needs. Concluding with a heartfelt blessing from Numbers Chapter 6, we offer our best wishes for protection, grace, and peace in your marriage journey.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
the enemy is after your marriage.
How do you make marriage forlife?
Coming up on the next Pastor toPastor?
Hey, it is Pastor Jason andPastor Seth.
Here at Pastor to Pastor, thepodcast where iron sharpens iron
(00:24):
and Pastor, we got a great oneto talk about because it's
something that I know a lot ofpeople are always seeking
information on, so let's talkabout it.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, I think there's a lot of couples who never
evaluate their marriage.
They never sit down and justtalk.
How are we, where are westruggling?
Things like that.
And so I'm excited to do thisseries, these episodes on how to
make marriage for life, andtoday we just want to talk about
why we should look at ourmarriage.
(00:55):
Why are our marriage failings?
Why should we pour into ourmarriage and make time for each
other?
And so what we're going to do,we're going to look at some
statistics and really justjustify if you don't think you
need to start working on yourmarriage, this, right here, will
encourage you to make the rightsteps to build healthy
marriages that last.
For how long?
For life, for life, that'sright, for life, yep.
(01:17):
So let's look at somestatistics and we'll kind of
talk about these and break thesethings down.
So, when we look at divorce,43% of first marriages end in
divorce.
That's crazy, yeah.
And it gets worse.
Second and third marriagesactually fail at a higher rate.
So 60% of second marriages fail.
(01:37):
73% of third marriages fail andend up in divorce.
That's crazy.
So the more you get divorced,the more likely you are to be
divorced.
Yeah well, the more you getmarried, the more likely you are
to get divorced.
That's right, yeah?
Yeah, I'm going to be one anddone, god willing.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Hallelujah, yeah, lord willing man, that's
something that I definitely saidbefore getting married to my
wife, anna, who we've beenmarried almost 20 years now we
just hit nine, we're right thereat it and so, yeah, when we got
married, we were like, hey look, I want to be married one time,
that's all I want to do andlook things happen.
We're not bashing anybody whohas to go through that.
There are provisions for thatin.
(02:13):
Scripture, which I think we'llget into.
But look, it's proven.
I mean, 43% is the divorce ratecurrently, and then for the
second marriage to be what is it?
60%.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Yeah, and the third marriage 73%.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It goes to show that if you don't do it right, if you
can't stick it through, youcan't make it through the first
time, and the chances of yousucceeding more and more get
less and less.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, and what happens is a lot of times we
think kids save marriages, gohave a kid or go do these things
.
We don't even consider whatwhat that causes and creates for
the family structure and thehealth of the overall family.
Um so, uh, statistics say thatthe average marriage lasts eight
years.
Eight years, how long did youthink it was before you saw this
(03:03):
?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Three.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, I thought it would be much lower too, based
off these statistics.
But it looks like certainseasons of life.
You know most people.
I don't know what the averageage is, but I imagine it's in
the 20s.
It's in the 20s where peoplestart getting married and stuff
like that.
It could be around that lifechange cycle where they decide
that they want something new,something different, and we live
in a breakup society.
(03:26):
Yeah for sure.
This is why, when you're inrelationships, the moment
there's something you don't like, you just end it Right and we
take that same mentality intoour marriages.
Yeah, it's like okay, well,don't worry about changing, I'll
just change you.
Start over yeah have anotherperson replace you?
Yeah, and so 40% of newmarriages include one person who
(03:47):
is getting remarried.
That's crazy too.
Yeah, that's crazy too.
35% of marriages that are withpeople who live together before
getting married ended in divorce.
Now, let's just be honest.
This is a Christian podcast.
Notice it's pastor to pastor,and you know we believe in
waiting, Right, Waiting untilyou get married.
(04:08):
For those things and stuff likethat Abstinence, yes, and you
know it even proves 35% of themfail.
Right that you lived, you didnot wait.
24% of marriages ended indivorce with a couple who moved
in after getting married.
This is a crazy one.
Why don't you say that last one, right?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
there.
Having friends yeah, this was acrazy statistic, right.
Having friends who are divorced, being close with people who
are divorced, increase your riskof divorce by 75%.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Wow, wow, you know.
Scripture says, you know Badcompany corrupts good morals.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yeah, absolutely yeah , that blew me away.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
That blew me away, yeah, but it shows a new light
on you better put a high valueof who you're hanging around.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Who your circle is.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
And who's speaking in your marriage, who's speaking
in your relationships, into yourfamily structure.
I mean, usually we don'tconsider until we look back at
it they were probably not goodfor us.
Like I'm pretty sure peoplethat have gotten gotten divorced
they've looked back and seenwho they've allowed to speak
into not life but speak death.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Right, you know, and so Well it's the same way, you
know, you think about when yougo to somebody with your
problems, if they're encouragingyou to move on.
Yeah, yeah, that's not what youneed to hear.
Yeah, you need to hear somebodywho's going to give you truth.
You need to hear somebody who'sgoing to help you mature in an
area of your life, or give youfeedback to help you mature,
versus pointing you.
Well, you know, girl, I lovehim.
(05:36):
I love my ex and this and that,and then next thing you know
they're out.
Maybe that's an option.
I've said this before, man Ireally believe the enemy is
after marriages, because thebond of a couple, married
together in holy matrimony andserving the Lord, is a threat to
the enemy's kingdom.
Because, man, it's not just two.
You're raising a whole familyof people who are sons and
(05:59):
daughters, who are chasing downdarkness, man, who are against
the enemy's kingdom.
So if the enemy can split up amarriage and split up a family,
he's, statistically he's already.
He's crippled you in yourabilities to do different things
in certain seasons of your life.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
That's right, and it's important, too, that you
look at who is pouring into yourfamily and into your marriage,
because, because this, like evenscripture says in genesis 2, 24
, where it says we leave and wecleave even your parents, can be
terrible influences on yourmarriage.
Um, this is not in our notes,but I think it's wise for us to
(06:37):
consider this, this conversation, when we talk about people
pouring into our marriages, likepeople that were divorced, or
people who are not Christian orhave the same values as us,
because even when your parentsare overly involved in your
marriages like if me and myspouse have a problem, my spouse
has a problem we keep it in thehouse.
(07:00):
Why?
Because what we don't know thatwe're doing.
If my wife taylor is angry withme but goes to her mom and
starts talking negative about me, now she's created a stain in
her mother's heart toward me,right, and her mom won't love me
the way that she loves me.
So when we rekindle our fireand we patch up the issues, her
mom will still have something inthe back of her head against me
(07:22):
.
And so it's wise that we keepthese things in our marriage and
we look at who we're allowingto pour into our marriage and
into us individually and on thelines of marriage Right.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Let's talk about some of the top reasons for having
divorce, or for the top reasonspeople are divorced.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Without looking.
What did you think it was Money, Money.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Yeah, that's what I grew up hearing, that money was
the biggest issue.
And, uh, I know withgenerations things change as
well.
I would even say that, uh, andit's not on this list.
But if we did an updated listin the next two or three years,
I believe social media would bea huge um issue in marriages,
which it is now people not beingable to control themselves and
(08:04):
what they do through there.
I think if we eliminated socialmedia there would be a lot
happier people too.
But let's look at number one islack of commitment.
Seventy-five percent ofmarriages divorce in lack of
commitment, whether that'scommitment on bettering yourself
or commitment in actualmarriage and working together.
(08:24):
And what I thought would befirst is infidelity, but it is.
Second, it's at 60% divorces.
Reasons for divorces is thatinfidelity?
Then you've got arguing andexcessive conflict.
At 58% of marriages divorce inbecause of this.
Married too young 45%.
(08:48):
What age were you when you gotmarried?
23, 24.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Yeah, 23, 24.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
23, 24.
I am 32 right now.
Taylor and I have been marriedfor nine years, so 23, 23.
So, yep, how old do you thinkis too young to be married?
16.
Let me tell you, well, legally23.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
So, yep, how old do you think is too young to be
married 16.
Let me tell you, well, legally,yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Listen, my brother.
This is what's crazy, mybrother.
We talk about getting marriedtoo young ends in divorce, my
brother, he's still happilymarried, but um, I will never
forget.
He proposed to his wife the dayshe graduated high school.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yeah, wow.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
That night she busts up in my room at like 12 am,
wakes me up showing me thislittle, tiny little ring that
she got.
But yeah, married too young is.
45% of marriages end in divorcebecause of married too young.
And then there's the financialissues, Right.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Which is actually further down on the list than I
thought it would be.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah, right, right, that's fifth out of the seven we
got.
And then domestic abuse, andI'm pretty sure that that number
will be higher.
If the husband or wife was notscared for their life to leave,
scared that something worsewould happen, I'm pretty sure
that number would be higher aswell.
And then the last one isreligious difference.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And this is one that I want to hold on take them back
to Bible.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
That's right, let them have it.
Let them have it.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Because here's the thing, man as a pastor, you come
across people with situationsand things that are going on,
and a lot of times people willbe like, well, pastor, my
husband or my wife doesn'tbelieve.
What should I do?
And I'm like be the example.
There's no provision for you toleave your spouse because they
don't believe.
There's provision for them, ifthey leave you, to allow them to
(10:32):
leave.
But I want to take us to 1Corinthians, 7, 13 through 16,
because this is important forpeople, for Christians, who will
live in marriage.
It says and a woman who has ahusband who does not believe, if
he is willing to live with her,let her not divorce him, for
the unbelieving husband issanctified by the wife and the
(10:54):
unbelieving wife is sanctifiedby the husband.
Otherwise, your children willbe unclean, but now they are
holy.
But if the unbeliever departs,let them depart.
A brother or a sister is notunder bondage in such cases, but
god has called us to peace.
For how do you know, oh wife,whether you will save your
(11:14):
husband, or how do you know, ohhusband, whether you will save
your?
You will be the shining example, the shining light in that
relationship and you shouldcontinue in that relationship
until they get tired of hearingabout Jesus and they decide that
that's it, I've had enough, I'mnot whatever, and they leave.
But yeah, scripture is clear in1 Corinthians 7, 13 through 16,
(11:34):
that we should not be the onesto depart the marriage.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
We should stay, we should fight for peace and we
should try to share the gospeland the good news with our
spouses Right, and what theScripture is not telling you is,
if you're in the dating scene,to go find somebody who is
unequally yoked with you and gotry to change them.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yes, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
That's not what the Scripture is.
It's talking about those whoare married.
Maybe a husband or your wifehas backslid, or they've ran
away from God, or whatever thatis.
This is not a card to just take, and so you know what that
means.
I can go be with anybody,because I can win them back to
the Lord.
I can be, you know.
So it's marriage.
It's not dating.
It's not a dating prerequisitethat you can take Well.
(12:15):
It's not a dating prerequisitethat you can take Well.
We're going to talk about a bigone.
A big one.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
It's a big one for a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, pornography, pornography, the
statistics of pornography andthey're all over the place.
I didn't throw them on herebecause they're pretty high.
I mean based off if you did itbefore you're married.
After you're married, likethese statistics, they're pretty
up and down, but it's betweenthe 40% and 60% of marriages
(12:43):
struggle with pornography of aspouse or doing it together, and
so it proves that there are alot of people that are listening
right now, based off thesestatistics, that are currently
struggling with pornography,whether you're married or not,
and it's extremely unhealthy foryour marriage, especially if
it's done in a long-term manner.
(13:03):
So we think that it's just aquick little habit we have, but
psychologically it has someoverwhelming effects for how you
view your spouse, how you seeyour spouse, how you see your
marriage on the intimate level.
So let's talk about it.
Break it down a little bit.
Married couples that encourageporn in their marriage are twice
as likely to divorce as acouple that doesn't.
(13:26):
Wow, that's crazy, that isbananas, and you think you're
just spicing up your marriage.
You just think you're justtrying to add to it.
You're actually taking awayfrom it.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah, and here's the thing too, especially when it
comes to dealing withpornography is it plagues about
50% of men, and it's notdifferent in the church.
There was a recent study donethat we were doing some breaking
addiction classes a while backand it's disheartening.
It's scary to think this, butthere are 50 percent of pastors
(13:59):
in the pulpit are alsostruggling with pornography.
yeah, so it's not something thatyou're saved and say no, this
is a plague for everybody yeahand it's something the enemy's
done since the beginning of timewhen it comes to, when it comes
to trying to make something god, god, created for good, tries
to make it more about flesh anddesire and lust than about love,
yeah, and the society thatwe're in and the generations
(14:19):
that are coming up.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
They have no idea of what purity is Right, and so
they think if it makes us feelgood, then it's good for us and
we can take this into ourmarriage and feel good about
ourselves because it feels good.
And we don't realize that weare really poisoning our
marriages.
A statistic says that women whowatch porn are three times
(14:42):
likely to end in divorce.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, and porn doesn't belong in marriage,
right yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I heard a guy tell me that he was talking to his wife
about how they needed to beintimate, like it had been a
while, and she just encouragedhim to go watch porn and take
care of himself.
Wow, and you know that is youdon't realize, you think that
you're just letting him takecare of himself, but you don't
realize the things that you wereembedding in the mind of your
(15:11):
spouse and how it changes theway he sees you, sees you in the
bed, sees you on an intimatelevel.
It has a lot of effects,changes, expectation, never
positive effects.
It's never good.
Yeah, right, expectations,because what you see you think
you can bring into your home,but it defiles the bedroom.
Yeah, scripture talks about it.
And so to encourage porn is toencourage infidelity into your
(15:34):
marriage.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Yeah, you're encouraging.
I mean even Jesus says if youlook on a woman with lust to pop
your eye out right.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
You've committed adultery in your heart, in your
heart right.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
So you are encouraging your husband or your
significant other to go andcommit adultery.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Yeah, I like to say it like this you are putting the
bullet in the gun that killsyour marriage.
That's crazy man.
Your marriage, that's crazy manby agreeing and openly allowing
it to happen, um, in yourmarriage, uh.
So spicing up your marriage, uh, spicing up your sexual
appetite in your marriage willcost you your marriage if it's
done in very impure outlets.
(16:10):
Listen, you can spice up yourmarriage and still be pure and
make it still right.
Uh, and what happens is if youuse pornography to spice up your
marriage or your sexualappetite, what you don't realize
you're doing is you arepoisoning your marriage.
You're not growing it right.
You're poisoning it from withinand it's very important that we
(16:30):
we take these things out.
They are ungodly, they are notmeant to be in your marriage,
which is supposed to be holy,supposed to be pure, it's
supposed to be intimate withjust you and your spouse.
Any more thoughts aboutpornography?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It's a plague.
Yeah, and the moments you openup, open it up like you.
He tells us to run fromtemptation right run from the
enemy run from, run from thosethings.
And I think there are timeswhere on your phone you've got
to delete tiktok yeah, there aretimes on your phone when you've
got to delete instagram, whereyou've got to delete whatever is
causing you to want to lustafter or chase after something
(17:10):
that you know that the holyspirit's dealt with you in your,
in your life and told you thatit's not right.
You need to abstain, you needto run to flee from those things
.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Yeah, um, it's, it's worth it in the long run that
you you turn down thattemptation yeah, because so in
the in the past, you know, uh,in my younger days, something I
really struggled with waspornography.
And as I've married him, Imatured and you know, um years
ago it still would try to tiptoeinto my life and stuff.
What I realized is social mediais such an easy way to fall
(17:42):
back into that addiction to fallback into, because it only
takes just one photo or or onevideo that it may not even be in
that moment.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
it may be something that plants a seed and you're on
your way to work, or you're onyour way home, or you're having
an argument with your spouse, orwhatever the case is, and then,
all of a sudden, that seed thatyou allowed to be planted is
now popped up into a tree.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yep that's it.
That's absolutely so.
I remember I downloaded TikTok.
You know the story.
I downloaded TikTok for 10minutes and I went to sports.
I kept sliding.
There was somebody reading thescripture.
All of a sudden I saw cheatsclapping on the screen and
because I know the past, Iwasn't willing to risk anything
(18:21):
coming into my heart, anythinghindering my marriage, for the
sake of having an app on myphone.
And some of you Christians gotto realize put more value on
your salvation, put more valueon your marriage.
Delete the app.
If it draws you further awayfrom God and further away from
your spouse, you've got todelete it.
I'm okay with being vulnerable,because I think it is in our
(18:43):
vulnerability that we can reallyhelp people.
See the power of temptation.
In our vulnerability we can seewhere we can really help people
.
I remember a time my wife and Iwere intimate for a while and
then Mother Nature came and thenwe had all these plans and all
(19:03):
of a sudden it was probably aheadache or something.
I don't know.
You know how it happens and Iwas mad.
At this point.
It's like two, three weeks.
I'm like okay, something's notright.
So in my mind I'm like, okay,I'm going to handle it by myself
.
You know what?
I don't even need her.
You just talked about.
Having an argument with yourwife can easily plant a seed in
your mind, and this is no lie,pastor Jay.
(19:25):
I went on Instagram and as soonas I hit the search button, the
Holy Spirit said no, there isno way you're doing this.
But what happened is and we'regoing to talk about this later
on in this series aboutcommunication I went to my wife
and said listen, this is why wehave to have it, because last
night the enemy almost got me,but thank God, I had a
relationship with the HolySpirit and he stopped me, and so
(19:47):
you've got to be able toeliminate the things that create
opportunities for you to followthis and pornography can be in
any outlet.
Here's a crazy statistic.
You can find this out and seeif this is true.
Go research top searches in theWorld Wide Web.
Pornography searches are at thetop by over a million searches
(20:13):
versus Amazon, google.
So what I'm saying is peopleuse pornography sites by the
million views versus how oftenthey use Google or they use
Amazon.
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Yeah, if they don't tell you, I mean that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
I'm telling you, people are struggling with this
and we just kick it under therug.
Nobody wants to talk about it,nobody brings it to their pulpit
, nobody talks about thevulnerability of this stuff.
But we realize this is what'skilling marriages right here.
This stuff, amen, Amen, amen.
Let's move on really quick.
We like to say this phrase,taylor and I.
(20:55):
When we do marriage counseling,premarital counseling and we
just did a for life circle andwe talk about marriage is work,
we use that slogan Marriage iswork.
It's not this thing where youjust get married and life is
just cupcakes and rainbows.
Yeah, you run off into thesunset.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah right, it's not a movie, it's not the Notebook.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
It's not this beautiful movie, but it is kind
of like the movie, like what doyou want when you're trying to
figure?
Speaker 1 (21:19):
out what to eat.
When you're trying to figureout what to eat, what do you
want?
What do you want?
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Listen to me For marriage to work, it requires
those are not the two thingsthat make your marriage right
now.
Prayer can change your marriageforever, especially if you do
it together.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I think you you talked about that gallup poll.
Uh, to, the did a study, um,not too too long ago and they
said that couples that earnestly, that really pray together
every day, that that only oneout of 1153 marriages end in
divorce.
Man, so if that doesn't tellyou something about the power of
prayer in your marriage, inyour relationship with each
(21:58):
other, then that should speakvolumes for you.
One listen one in 1,153 endedup in divorce.
You should be holding hands andpraying.
You should be praying together,right?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
That's right.
All the time, as often as youcan, yes, yep.
So the misconception that I canjust pray my way through and
have sex after arguments mymarriage will survive is why
half of christian marriagesdon't survive.
I mean and here's the problemis, in the churches today, all
we do is say wait till you getmarried before you have sex, and
(22:34):
then after marriage, we don'tdo nothing with these couples.
Yeah, we just get them tomarriage and then we don't pour
into them.
We don't talk about thetemplates of marriage and all
this kind of stuff.
We, as leaders, we've got to doa lot better on talking about
topics that are extremelyrelevant in the in the family.
You talked about the enemy'shigh on attacking families.
Why don't we talk about thisstuff enough?
(22:55):
Why don't we make thispriorities in our churches?
So when I say marriage is workit's consistently working on
yourself and each other you askquestions like how can I be a
better spouse?
How can I meet my spouse'sneeds?
How can I serve them?
How can I communicate better?
It's consistently working onyourself and working on each
(23:16):
other.
So when you look at yourmarriage and think about your
marriage, ask yourself am Ipointing more fingers than I'm
looking inward at myself.
Am I blaming it or am Iactually working on myself?
Marriage is work.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Right, it is, and you need to be the example that you
want to see in the other one.
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Absolutely.
I tell people when we talkabout submission is the men need
to be somebody that's worthsubmitting to.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Be the example of what submission looks like Serve
your wife, submit to her incertain areas.
We say this and this this istrue statistically that every
five to ten years you change.
So the person that you marriedfive years later, in the future,
they're going to be a differentcompletely person, because
(24:05):
seasons happen, things come andgo.
A kid shows up in the in thelife, a jobs change all things.
So marriages work because weare consistently being molded,
we're growing, we're developing,things are changing.
The person you married isdifferent than the person that
you started dating back in theday.
So in another five yearsthey'll be a different person.
(24:26):
You've got to continue to learnand grow and work through those
things, right, right.
So any other thing you want toadd to that?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Something I love doing with couples when we
premarital counseling is I lovefor them to sit down and do the
love language test.
Yeah, yeah, to find out,because you know I'm a physical
touch kind of person, right?
So I know you love me by.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Is that why you keep hugging me all the time?
Easy now.
Easy now.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
You know, I know love me.
Is that why you keep hugging meall the time?
Easy, now, I know, because of atouch or a kiss or a hug or
something like that.
But my spouse, my wife, she isan act of service.
So if I do things for heraround the house, that's
speaking her love language.
I think a lot of times,especially for young people,
they go into a relationshipthinking everybody's
touchy-feely, but that's not theright language you're speaking.
You're that might be the lastthing on their list and it might
(25:17):
be your first.
That's the truth.
So you're speaking the wronglanguage, but you, you're
wanting this, yep, a differentresult, right?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
yep, yep and that, and we're going to talk about
that, we're going to, we'regoing to break that down with a
little language.
So I'm telling you, when I,when I got in the marriage, I
was like we were have sex allthe time yes, sir, that's what's
gonna happen no no because it'sa lot more deeper than that
yeah, it is a lot more deeperyeah, that's surface level stuff
, that, and we'll break it down.
What true intimacy is man?
That's just a little small,small thing to it.
(25:46):
Listen, we're gonna.
We're gonna continue this, thistopic, over the next few
episodes and hopefully help andcreate marriages that laugh for
for life and somewhat last forlife what you're not going to do
is pick on me on this.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Let's just go ahead and bless him so we can get you
out of here, my goodness listen,we're not problem solvers okay
this is.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
there's no cookie cutter marriage, and so, as
you're listening and watching,consider the work that you need
to do.
We see people all the time,pastor Jay, who go through
premarital counseling ormarriage counseling and we tell
them all the right things theyneed to do, but if they don't do
it, they fail and they end upwasting everybody's time.
And so you've got to startapplying these things to your
(26:30):
marriage for your marriage towork, and you'll see a great
change in the health of youroverall marriage.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Yeah, that's it, brother.
Well, are you good to go?
I am good to go.
Look, we encourage you if youhave any questions.
We decided today for the firsttime I'm sorry the second time
to go live on TikTok.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Yeah, that's right.
First time did not work.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
The first time didn't work.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
My bad.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Second time.
Look if there's something wecan do, if we can pray for you.
Make sure you reach out.
If there's a question you have,make sure you reach out.
We're here to serve and to hearthat.
We're here to help you and yourrelationships.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
And so if there's anything we can do, pray for't,
throw in here that maybe youyou're interested in or want to
hear something about.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yeah, we would love to help, so just make sure,
absolutely yeah, well, let'sbless them, jay.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Go ahead, brother numbers.
Chapter six says may the lordbless you and protect you.
May the lord smile on you andbe gracious to you.
May the lord show you his favorand give you peace.
We thank you so much forlistening and watching.
Share with a friend, share withyour married, uh, friends and
uh, let's get this word out andlet's make some healthy
marriages that last for life,for life we'll see you next.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
God bless you.
See you next time.
the enemy is after your marriage.
How do you make marriage forlife?
Coming up on the next Pastor toPastor?
Hey, it is Pastor Jason andPastor Seth.
Here at Pastor to Pastor, thepodcast where iron sharpens iron
(00:24):
and Pastor, we got a great oneto talk about because it's
something that I know a lot ofpeople are always seeking
information on, so let's talkabout it.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, I think there's a lot of couples who never
evaluate their marriage.
They never sit down and justtalk.
How are we, where are westruggling?
Things like that.
And so I'm excited to do thisseries, these episodes on how to
make marriage for life, andtoday we just want to talk about
why we should look at ourmarriage.
(00:55):
Why are our marriage failings?
Why should we pour into ourmarriage and make time for each
other?
And so what we're going to do,we're going to look at some
statistics and really justjustify if you don't think you
need to start working on yourmarriage, this, right here, will
encourage you to make the rightsteps to build healthy
marriages that last.
For how long?
For life, for life, that'sright, for life, yep.
(01:17):
So let's look at somestatistics and we'll kind of
talk about these and break thesethings down.
So, when we look at divorce,43% of first marriages end in
divorce.
That's crazy, yeah.
And it gets worse.
Second and third marriagesactually fail at a higher rate.
So 60% of second marriages fail.
(01:37):
73% of third marriages fail andend up in divorce.
That's crazy.
So the more you get divorced,the more likely you are to be
divorced.
Yeah well, the more you getmarried, the more likely you are
to get divorced.
That's right, yeah?
Yeah, I'm going to be one anddone, god willing.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Hallelujah, yeah, lord willing man, that's
something that I definitely saidbefore getting married to my
wife, anna, who we've beenmarried almost 20 years now we
just hit nine, we're right thereat it and so, yeah, when we got
married, we were like, hey look, I want to be married one time,
that's all I want to do andlook things happen.
We're not bashing anybody whohas to go through that.
There are provisions for thatin.
(02:13):
Scripture, which I think we'llget into.
But look, it's proven.
I mean, 43% is the divorce ratecurrently, and then for the
second marriage to be what is it?
60%.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Yeah, and the third marriage 73%.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It goes to show that if you don't do it right, if you
can't stick it through, youcan't make it through the first
time, and the chances of yousucceeding more and more get
less and less.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, and what happens is a lot of times we
think kids save marriages, gohave a kid or go do these things
.
We don't even consider whatwhat that causes and creates for
the family structure and thehealth of the overall family.
Um so, uh, statistics say thatthe average marriage lasts eight
years.
Eight years, how long did youthink it was before you saw this
(03:03):
?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Three.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, I thought it would be much lower too, based
off these statistics.
But it looks like certainseasons of life.
You know most people.
I don't know what the averageage is, but I imagine it's in
the 20s.
It's in the 20s where peoplestart getting married and stuff
like that.
It could be around that lifechange cycle where they decide
that they want something new,something different, and we live
in a breakup society.
(03:26):
Yeah for sure.
This is why, when you're inrelationships, the moment
there's something you don't like, you just end it Right and we
take that same mentality intoour marriages.
Yeah, it's like okay, well,don't worry about changing, I'll
just change you.
Start over yeah have anotherperson replace you?
Yeah, and so 40% of newmarriages include one person who
(03:47):
is getting remarried.
That's crazy too.
Yeah, that's crazy too.
35% of marriages that are withpeople who live together before
getting married ended in divorce.
Now, let's just be honest.
This is a Christian podcast.
Notice it's pastor to pastor,and you know we believe in
waiting, Right, Waiting untilyou get married.
(04:08):
For those things and stuff likethat Abstinence, yes, and you
know it even proves 35% of themfail.
Right that you lived, you didnot wait.
24% of marriages ended indivorce with a couple who moved
in after getting married.
This is a crazy one.
Why don't you say that last one, right?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
there.
Having friends yeah, this was acrazy statistic, right.
Having friends who are divorced, being close with people who
are divorced, increase your riskof divorce by 75%.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Wow, wow, you know.
Scripture says, you know Badcompany corrupts good morals.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yeah, absolutely yeah , that blew me away.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
That blew me away, yeah, but it shows a new light
on you better put a high valueof who you're hanging around.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Who your circle is.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
And who's speaking in your marriage, who's speaking
in your relationships, into yourfamily structure.
I mean, usually we don'tconsider until we look back at
it they were probably not goodfor us.
Like I'm pretty sure peoplethat have gotten gotten divorced
they've looked back and seenwho they've allowed to speak
into not life but speak death.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Right, you know, and so Well it's the same way, you
know, you think about when yougo to somebody with your
problems, if they're encouragingyou to move on.
Yeah, yeah, that's not what youneed to hear.
Yeah, you need to hear somebodywho's going to give you truth.
You need to hear somebody who'sgoing to help you mature in an
area of your life, or give youfeedback to help you mature,
versus pointing you.
Well, you know, girl, I lovehim.
(05:36):
I love my ex and this and that,and then next thing you know
they're out.
Maybe that's an option.
I've said this before, man Ireally believe the enemy is
after marriages, because thebond of a couple, married
together in holy matrimony andserving the Lord, is a threat to
the enemy's kingdom.
Because, man, it's not just two.
You're raising a whole familyof people who are sons and
(05:59):
daughters, who are chasing downdarkness, man, who are against
the enemy's kingdom.
So if the enemy can split up amarriage and split up a family,
he's, statistically he's already.
He's crippled you in yourabilities to do different things
in certain seasons of your life.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
That's right, and it's important, too, that you
look at who is pouring into yourfamily and into your marriage,
because, because this, like evenscripture says in genesis 2, 24
, where it says we leave and wecleave even your parents, can be
terrible influences on yourmarriage.
Um, this is not in our notes,but I think it's wise for us to
(06:37):
consider this, this conversation, when we talk about people
pouring into our marriages, likepeople that were divorced, or
people who are not Christian orhave the same values as us,
because even when your parentsare overly involved in your
marriages like if me and myspouse have a problem, my spouse
has a problem we keep it in thehouse.
(07:00):
Why?
Because what we don't know thatwe're doing.
If my wife taylor is angry withme but goes to her mom and
starts talking negative about me, now she's created a stain in
her mother's heart toward me,right, and her mom won't love me
the way that she loves me.
So when we rekindle our fireand we patch up the issues, her
mom will still have something inthe back of her head against me
(07:22):
.
And so it's wise that we keepthese things in our marriage and
we look at who we're allowingto pour into our marriage and
into us individually and on thelines of marriage Right.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Let's talk about some of the top reasons for having
divorce, or for the top reasonspeople are divorced.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Without looking.
What did you think it was Money, Money.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Yeah, that's what I grew up hearing, that money was
the biggest issue.
And, uh, I know withgenerations things change as
well.
I would even say that, uh, andit's not on this list.
But if we did an updated listin the next two or three years,
I believe social media would bea huge um issue in marriages,
which it is now people not beingable to control themselves and
(08:04):
what they do through there.
I think if we eliminated socialmedia there would be a lot
happier people too.
But let's look at number one islack of commitment.
Seventy-five percent ofmarriages divorce in lack of
commitment, whether that'scommitment on bettering yourself
or commitment in actualmarriage and working together.
(08:24):
And what I thought would befirst is infidelity, but it is.
Second, it's at 60% divorces.
Reasons for divorces is thatinfidelity?
Then you've got arguing andexcessive conflict.
At 58% of marriages divorce inbecause of this.
Married too young 45%.
(08:48):
What age were you when you gotmarried?
23, 24.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Yeah, 23, 24.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
23, 24.
I am 32 right now.
Taylor and I have been marriedfor nine years, so 23, 23.
So, yep, how old do you thinkis too young to be married?
16.
Let me tell you, well, legally23.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
So, yep, how old do you think is too young to be
married 16.
Let me tell you, well, legally,yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Listen, my brother.
This is what's crazy, mybrother.
We talk about getting marriedtoo young ends in divorce, my
brother, he's still happilymarried, but um, I will never
forget.
He proposed to his wife the dayshe graduated high school.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yeah, wow.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
That night she busts up in my room at like 12 am,
wakes me up showing me thislittle, tiny little ring that
she got.
But yeah, married too young is.
45% of marriages end in divorcebecause of married too young.
And then there's the financialissues, Right.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Which is actually further down on the list than I
thought it would be.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah, right, right, that's fifth out of the seven we
got.
And then domestic abuse, andI'm pretty sure that that number
will be higher.
If the husband or wife was notscared for their life to leave,
scared that something worsewould happen, I'm pretty sure
that number would be higher aswell.
And then the last one isreligious difference.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And this is one that I want to hold on take them back
to Bible.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
That's right, let them have it.
Let them have it.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Because here's the thing, man as a pastor, you come
across people with situationsand things that are going on,
and a lot of times people willbe like, well, pastor, my
husband or my wife doesn'tbelieve.
What should I do?
And I'm like be the example.
There's no provision for you toleave your spouse because they
don't believe.
There's provision for them, ifthey leave you, to allow them to
(10:32):
leave.
But I want to take us to 1Corinthians, 7, 13 through 16,
because this is important forpeople, for Christians, who will
live in marriage.
It says and a woman who has ahusband who does not believe, if
he is willing to live with her,let her not divorce him, for
the unbelieving husband issanctified by the wife and the
(10:54):
unbelieving wife is sanctifiedby the husband.
Otherwise, your children willbe unclean, but now they are
holy.
But if the unbeliever departs,let them depart.
A brother or a sister is notunder bondage in such cases, but
god has called us to peace.
For how do you know, oh wife,whether you will save your
(11:14):
husband, or how do you know, ohhusband, whether you will save
your?
You will be the shining example, the shining light in that
relationship and you shouldcontinue in that relationship
until they get tired of hearingabout Jesus and they decide that
that's it, I've had enough, I'mnot whatever, and they leave.
But yeah, scripture is clear in1 Corinthians 7, 13 through 16,
(11:34):
that we should not be the onesto depart the marriage.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
We should stay, we should fight for peace and we
should try to share the gospeland the good news with our
spouses Right, and what theScripture is not telling you is,
if you're in the dating scene,to go find somebody who is
unequally yoked with you and gotry to change them.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yes, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
That's not what the Scripture is.
It's talking about those whoare married.
Maybe a husband or your wifehas backslid, or they've ran
away from God, or whatever thatis.
This is not a card to just take, and so you know what that
means.
I can go be with anybody,because I can win them back to
the Lord.
I can be, you know.
So it's marriage.
It's not dating.
It's not a dating prerequisitethat you can take Well.
(12:15):
It's not a dating prerequisitethat you can take Well.
We're going to talk about a bigone.
A big one.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
It's a big one for a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, pornography, pornography, the
statistics of pornography andthey're all over the place.
I didn't throw them on herebecause they're pretty high.
I mean based off if you did itbefore you're married.
After you're married, likethese statistics, they're pretty
up and down, but it's betweenthe 40% and 60% of marriages
(12:43):
struggle with pornography of aspouse or doing it together, and
so it proves that there are alot of people that are listening
right now, based off thesestatistics, that are currently
struggling with pornography,whether you're married or not,
and it's extremely unhealthy foryour marriage, especially if
it's done in a long-term manner.
(13:03):
So we think that it's just aquick little habit we have, but
psychologically it has someoverwhelming effects for how you
view your spouse, how you seeyour spouse, how you see your
marriage on the intimate level.
So let's talk about it.
Break it down a little bit.
Married couples that encourageporn in their marriage are twice
as likely to divorce as acouple that doesn't.
(13:26):
Wow, that's crazy, that isbananas, and you think you're
just spicing up your marriage.
You just think you're justtrying to add to it.
You're actually taking awayfrom it.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah, and here's the thing too, especially when it
comes to dealing withpornography is it plagues about
50% of men, and it's notdifferent in the church.
There was a recent study donethat we were doing some breaking
addiction classes a while backand it's disheartening.
It's scary to think this, butthere are 50 percent of pastors
(13:59):
in the pulpit are alsostruggling with pornography.
yeah, so it's not something thatyou're saved and say no, this
is a plague for everybody yeahand it's something the enemy's
done since the beginning of timewhen it comes to, when it comes
to trying to make something god, god, created for good, tries
to make it more about flesh anddesire and lust than about love,
yeah, and the society thatwe're in and the generations
(14:19):
that are coming up.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
They have no idea of what purity is Right, and so
they think if it makes us feelgood, then it's good for us and
we can take this into ourmarriage and feel good about
ourselves because it feels good.
And we don't realize that weare really poisoning our
marriages.
A statistic says that women whowatch porn are three times
(14:42):
likely to end in divorce.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, and porn doesn't belong in marriage,
right yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I heard a guy tell me that he was talking to his wife
about how they needed to beintimate, like it had been a
while, and she just encouragedhim to go watch porn and take
care of himself.
Wow, and you know that is youdon't realize, you think that
you're just letting him takecare of himself, but you don't
realize the things that you wereembedding in the mind of your
(15:11):
spouse and how it changes theway he sees you, sees you in the
bed, sees you on an intimatelevel.
It has a lot of effects,changes, expectation, never
positive effects.
It's never good.
Yeah, right, expectations,because what you see you think
you can bring into your home,but it defiles the bedroom.
Yeah, scripture talks about it.
And so to encourage porn is toencourage infidelity into your
(15:34):
marriage.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Yeah, you're encouraging.
I mean even Jesus says if youlook on a woman with lust to pop
your eye out right.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
You've committed adultery in your heart, in your
heart right.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
So you are encouraging your husband or your
significant other to go andcommit adultery.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Yeah, I like to say it like this you are putting the
bullet in the gun that killsyour marriage.
That's crazy man.
Your marriage, that's crazy manby agreeing and openly allowing
it to happen, um, in yourmarriage, uh.
So spicing up your marriage, uh, spicing up your sexual
appetite in your marriage willcost you your marriage if it's
done in very impure outlets.
(16:10):
Listen, you can spice up yourmarriage and still be pure and
make it still right.
Uh, and what happens is if youuse pornography to spice up your
marriage or your sexualappetite, what you don't realize
you're doing is you arepoisoning your marriage.
You're not growing it right.
You're poisoning it from withinand it's very important that we
(16:30):
we take these things out.
They are ungodly, they are notmeant to be in your marriage,
which is supposed to be holy,supposed to be pure, it's
supposed to be intimate withjust you and your spouse.
Any more thoughts aboutpornography?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It's a plague.
Yeah, and the moments you openup, open it up like you.
He tells us to run fromtemptation right run from the
enemy run from, run from thosethings.
And I think there are timeswhere on your phone you've got
to delete tiktok yeah, there aretimes on your phone when you've
got to delete instagram, whereyou've got to delete whatever is
causing you to want to lustafter or chase after something
(17:10):
that you know that the holyspirit's dealt with you in your,
in your life and told you thatit's not right.
You need to abstain, you needto run to flee from those things
.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Yeah, um, it's, it's worth it in the long run that
you you turn down thattemptation yeah, because so in
the in the past, you know, uh,in my younger days, something I
really struggled with waspornography.
And as I've married him, Imatured and you know, um years
ago it still would try to tiptoeinto my life and stuff.
What I realized is social mediais such an easy way to fall
(17:42):
back into that addiction to fallback into, because it only
takes just one photo or or onevideo that it may not even be in
that moment.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
it may be something that plants a seed and you're on
your way to work, or you're onyour way home, or you're having
an argument with your spouse, orwhatever the case is, and then,
all of a sudden, that seed thatyou allowed to be planted is
now popped up into a tree.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yep that's it.
That's absolutely so.
I remember I downloaded TikTok.
You know the story.
I downloaded TikTok for 10minutes and I went to sports.
I kept sliding.
There was somebody reading thescripture.
All of a sudden I saw cheatsclapping on the screen and
because I know the past, Iwasn't willing to risk anything
(18:21):
coming into my heart, anythinghindering my marriage, for the
sake of having an app on myphone.
And some of you Christians gotto realize put more value on
your salvation, put more valueon your marriage.
Delete the app.
If it draws you further awayfrom God and further away from
your spouse, you've got todelete it.
I'm okay with being vulnerable,because I think it is in our
(18:43):
vulnerability that we can reallyhelp people.
See the power of temptation.
In our vulnerability we can seewhere we can really help people
.
I remember a time my wife and Iwere intimate for a while and
then Mother Nature came and thenwe had all these plans and all
(19:03):
of a sudden it was probably aheadache or something.
I don't know.
You know how it happens and Iwas mad.
At this point.
It's like two, three weeks.
I'm like okay, something's notright.
So in my mind I'm like, okay,I'm going to handle it by myself
.
You know what?
I don't even need her.
You just talked about.
Having an argument with yourwife can easily plant a seed in
your mind, and this is no lie,pastor Jay.
(19:25):
I went on Instagram and as soonas I hit the search button, the
Holy Spirit said no, there isno way you're doing this.
But what happened is and we'regoing to talk about this later
on in this series aboutcommunication I went to my wife
and said listen, this is why wehave to have it, because last
night the enemy almost got me,but thank God, I had a
relationship with the HolySpirit and he stopped me, and so
(19:47):
you've got to be able toeliminate the things that create
opportunities for you to followthis and pornography can be in
any outlet.
Here's a crazy statistic.
You can find this out and seeif this is true.
Go research top searches in theWorld Wide Web.
Pornography searches are at thetop by over a million searches
(20:13):
versus Amazon, google.
So what I'm saying is peopleuse pornography sites by the
million views versus how oftenthey use Google or they use
Amazon.
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Yeah, if they don't tell you, I mean that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
I'm telling you, people are struggling with this
and we just kick it under therug.
Nobody wants to talk about it,nobody brings it to their pulpit
, nobody talks about thevulnerability of this stuff.
But we realize this is what'skilling marriages right here.
This stuff, amen, Amen, amen.
Let's move on really quick.
We like to say this phrase,taylor and I.
(20:55):
When we do marriage counseling,premarital counseling and we
just did a for life circle andwe talk about marriage is work,
we use that slogan Marriage iswork.
It's not this thing where youjust get married and life is
just cupcakes and rainbows.
Yeah, you run off into thesunset.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah right, it's not a movie, it's not the Notebook.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
It's not this beautiful movie, but it is kind
of like the movie, like what doyou want when you're trying to
figure?
Speaker 1 (21:19):
out what to eat.
When you're trying to figureout what to eat, what do you
want?
What do you want?
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Listen to me For marriage to work, it requires
those are not the two thingsthat make your marriage right
now.
Prayer can change your marriageforever, especially if you do
it together.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I think you you talked about that gallup poll.
Uh, to, the did a study, um,not too too long ago and they
said that couples that earnestly, that really pray together
every day, that that only oneout of 1153 marriages end in
divorce.
Man, so if that doesn't tellyou something about the power of
prayer in your marriage, inyour relationship with each
(21:58):
other, then that should speakvolumes for you.
One listen one in 1,153 endedup in divorce.
You should be holding hands andpraying.
You should be praying together,right?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
That's right.
All the time, as often as youcan, yes, yep.
So the misconception that I canjust pray my way through and
have sex after arguments mymarriage will survive is why
half of christian marriagesdon't survive.
I mean and here's the problemis, in the churches today, all
we do is say wait till you getmarried before you have sex, and
(22:34):
then after marriage, we don'tdo nothing with these couples.
Yeah, we just get them tomarriage and then we don't pour
into them.
We don't talk about thetemplates of marriage and all
this kind of stuff.
We, as leaders, we've got to doa lot better on talking about
topics that are extremelyrelevant in the in the family.
You talked about the enemy'shigh on attacking families.
Why don't we talk about thisstuff enough?
(22:55):
Why don't we make thispriorities in our churches?
So when I say marriage is workit's consistently working on
yourself and each other you askquestions like how can I be a
better spouse?
How can I meet my spouse'sneeds?
How can I serve them?
How can I communicate better?
It's consistently working onyourself and working on each
(23:16):
other.
So when you look at yourmarriage and think about your
marriage, ask yourself am Ipointing more fingers than I'm
looking inward at myself.
Am I blaming it or am Iactually working on myself?
Marriage is work.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Right, it is, and you need to be the example that you
want to see in the other one.
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Absolutely.
I tell people when we talkabout submission is the men need
to be somebody that's worthsubmitting to.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Be the example of what submission looks like Serve
your wife, submit to her incertain areas.
We say this and this this istrue statistically that every
five to ten years you change.
So the person that you marriedfive years later, in the future,
they're going to be a differentcompletely person, because
(24:05):
seasons happen, things come andgo.
A kid shows up in the in thelife, a jobs change all things.
So marriages work because weare consistently being molded,
we're growing, we're developing,things are changing.
The person you married isdifferent than the person that
you started dating back in theday.
So in another five yearsthey'll be a different person.
(24:26):
You've got to continue to learnand grow and work through those
things, right, right.
So any other thing you want toadd to that?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Something I love doing with couples when we
premarital counseling is I lovefor them to sit down and do the
love language test.
Yeah, yeah, to find out,because you know I'm a physical
touch kind of person, right?
So I know you love me by.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Is that why you keep hugging me all the time?
Easy now.
Easy now.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
You know, I know love me.
Is that why you keep hugging meall the time?
Easy, now, I know, because of atouch or a kiss or a hug or
something like that.
But my spouse, my wife, she isan act of service.
So if I do things for heraround the house, that's
speaking her love language.
I think a lot of times,especially for young people,
they go into a relationshipthinking everybody's
touchy-feely, but that's not theright language you're speaking.
You're that might be the lastthing on their list and it might
(25:17):
be your first.
That's the truth.
So you're speaking the wronglanguage, but you, you're
wanting this, yep, a differentresult, right?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
yep, yep and that, and we're going to talk about
that, we're going to, we'regoing to break that down with a
little language.
So I'm telling you, when I,when I got in the marriage, I
was like we were have sex allthe time yes, sir, that's what's
gonna happen no no because it'sa lot more deeper than that
yeah, it is a lot more deeperyeah, that's surface level stuff
, that, and we'll break it down.
What true intimacy is man?
That's just a little small,small thing to it.
(25:46):
Listen, we're gonna.
We're gonna continue this, thistopic, over the next few
episodes and hopefully help andcreate marriages that laugh for
for life and somewhat last forlife what you're not going to do
is pick on me on this.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Let's just go ahead and bless him so we can get you
out of here, my goodness listen,we're not problem solvers okay
this is.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
there's no cookie cutter marriage, and so, as
you're listening and watching,consider the work that you need
to do.
We see people all the time,pastor Jay, who go through
premarital counseling ormarriage counseling and we tell
them all the right things theyneed to do, but if they don't do
it, they fail and they end upwasting everybody's time.
And so you've got to startapplying these things to your
(26:30):
marriage for your marriage towork, and you'll see a great
change in the health of youroverall marriage.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Yeah, that's it, brother.
Well, are you good to go?
I am good to go.
Look, we encourage you if youhave any questions.
We decided today for the firsttime I'm sorry the second time
to go live on TikTok.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Yeah, that's right.
First time did not work.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
The first time didn't work.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
My bad.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Second time.
Look if there's something wecan do, if we can pray for you.
Make sure you reach out.
If there's a question you have,make sure you reach out.
We're here to serve and to hearthat.
We're here to help you and yourrelationships.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
And so if there's anything we can do, pray for't,
throw in here that maybe youyou're interested in or want to
hear something about.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yeah, we would love to help, so just make sure,
absolutely yeah, well, let'sbless them, jay.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Go ahead, brother numbers.
Chapter six says may the lordbless you and protect you.
May the lord smile on you andbe gracious to you.
May the lord show you his favorand give you peace.
We thank you so much forlistening and watching.
Share with a friend, share withyour married, uh, friends and
uh, let's get this word out andlet's make some healthy
marriages that last for life,for life we'll see you next.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
God bless you.
See you next time.
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