December 9, 2024 • 41 mins
Unlock the true essence of a harmonious marriage by exploring the often-misunderstood concept of submission through a biblical perspective. Together, we will unpack the wisdom found in Genesis and Ephesians, shedding light on the importance of "leaving and cleaving." This transition, as couples step into their new roles, is vital for fostering a thriving household where marital issues are appropriately managed within the family circle. With engaging stories and personal insights, we reveal how the roles of husbands and wives are not about hierarchy but about mutual love, service, and respect.
Discover what it truly means to live out the roles outlined in scripture, where submission is a heart-driven, voluntary act and husbands lead with their wives' best interests in mind. Through vivid anecdotes, we illustrate the difference between cultural norms and kingdom principles, urging a return to the fixed and scripturally perfect design for marriage. This conversation isn't just theoretical—we provide practical insights on sharing household responsibilities and ensuring open lines of communication, essential components for any marriage to flourish.
As we wrap up this heartfelt exploration, we emphasize the mutual joy and fulfillment that can be achieved when couples prioritize each other's happiness and work together as a team. By drawing on Christ's example of sacrificial love, we highlight the importance of intentionality and shared goals in nurturing a strong marital bond. We also underscore the power of compatibility, vision, and the complementary nature of men and women in marriage. Concluding with a blessing from Numbers 6:24-26, we leave you with hope, encouragement, and anticipation for enriching future episodes.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
hey, what's up family ?
It's back again for anotherepisode of pastor the pastor,
pastor seth, right here acrossfrom me, you see, and pastor
jason watson.
What's up everybody the house?
I'm super excited.
You know it's cold outside, jay, it's a little bit.
It's a little bit.
I think it was like 20 degreesthis morning when we woke up,
and it's probably colder to methan it is to you.
(00:28):
Oh, what you trying to say?
Your beard sticker?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Oh, my beard sticker.
Yeah, yeah, definitely going tobe the beard little sticker.
There you go.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Oh man, I'm excited.
Last week we hope everybody hadan amazing Thanksgiving, spent
time with your family, with yourfriends, and I really just
enjoyed the company and thewarmth of that love and so we
took a break last week to do thesame thing and did you overeat,
did you sin?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Let me just ask you that let's move on.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Next question, next question I had mac and cheese
three different times that day.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
It was bad.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
But listen, we're super excited.
We're in really our secondepisode of our marriage
conversations and today we'regoing to be talking about
marriage God's way.
What does that look like?
How do we make sure that ourmarriage is in a healthy place
and really the topic?
It's like a Christian cuss wordsubmission.
Submission what does submissionlook like in god's way in a
marriage?
And uh, here's the truth.
We live in a, in a society now,and just really, where
(01:31):
generations are coming, wherenobody wants to submit to
anything or anybody.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
No authority, no, nothing.
Nobody wants to submit anything.
I mean, there's even, and it'sreally kind of the bible
fulfilling itself.
It talks about, in the latterdays, how people be, be lovers
of self and things of thatnature.
Man, they are anti-submissionalmost to the fullest at this
moment.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Right, yeah, well, we got a word for you, jason.
Tell them where we're goingback to the Bible.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Hold on one second, come on back to Bible.
We're going to the Bible.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
If you open up your words with me today.
We got some scriptures, becausewe believe that the best thing
we can do is give you somebiblical foundation for this
topic, which is really hard fora lot of people to understand,
and we're going to hope to breakit down in a way that's easy to
be applied and understood forhusbands and wives.
So Genesis 2, 24 through 25says this this explains why a
(02:26):
man leaves his father and motherand is joined to his wife and
the two are united as one.
Now the man and his wife wereboth naked but felt no shame.
Man, that's a good marriageright there, my God.
Well Of naked felt no shame.
God is good son.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
They didn't have any children.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah, that's right.
So leaving and cleaving lot isgood, son, they didn't have any
children yeah, that's right.
So leaving in cleveland.
It kind of underscores thetransformative nature of our
marriage.
It's really the first thingthat shifts in our marriage.
From leaving our parents,leaving the comfort of that home
, and come and building our ownfamily is highlighting what we
would call a shift of prioritiesand allegiance.
It's not just a physicalseparation and, uh, what we do I
(03:06):
don't know how you kind of, ifyou talk about this in marriage
counseling or premaritalcounseling, we talk heavy on
this because what we find out isa lot of daughters will run to
mama or a lot of mama's boyswill run to their mom when
there's a problem in themarriage.
What we realize is this is howwe put it.
Just think about this If I havean issue with my wife and I go
(03:29):
tell my parents, nobody's goingto love her the way that I love
her, right, and so when Ireconcile with my wife, we're
good.
But your parents still have athought and a feeling towards.
They didn't hurt their babyExactly, and so it's not just
healthy for your marriage, butit's also healthy for the
reputation that you're allowingto happen to be created with
(03:51):
your, with your family.
And so there's a very importantpart here of leaving and
cleaving that we just need tostart with.
If you, if you take everyproblem to someone on the
outside of your marriage, you'realready setting your marriage
up for problems.
You're already set in anunhealthy environment.
Keep your problems in the house, leave and cleave, amen.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Amen, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
So let's break down submission, genesis 2.18.
Then the Lord said it's notgood for men to be alone.
I will make a helper who isjust right for him.
Helper in the Hebrew is ezer.
It means superior or equal.
So when we think aboutsubmission we think of one that
is above or one that is below,but in God's eyes it's a lot
(04:34):
deeper than just that.
So Hebrew for submit is a verb.
It means that we apply, weserve, we are present and we are
bringing near or bringing close.
It's not a looking down, it'snot a, you know this really huge
authority looking down onsomeone when we talk about being
(04:54):
submissive or just someone likethat.
So Ephesians 5.21 through 33, Ithink yep 33, it breaks down
what spiritual guidedrelationships look like and it
breaks down this reality ofsubmission to one another in
relation to Christ and hissubmission and his love to the
(05:15):
body of Christ and to his Father.
And so let's break this thingdown a little bit.
Read that first one.
I got right there, jay.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
What you got In the original writings, the verb
there it is a italic, italics.
I'm sorry, let me get my wordsright here.
It's all right, uh, becauseit's not in the greek text, but
it is carried over from verse 21in the old text.
Being subject to one another inthe fear of christ is a result
(05:43):
of being filled with orcontrolled by the Spirit.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Right.
So first thing is to submitbiblically to your husband.
You must be in submission tothe Lord, right?
This is what Ephesians 5.22says.
Right, it says wives be subjectto your own husbands as to the
Lord.
So what Jay just taught us isthat to be subject to one
another.
In the original Greek, whatthat means is that you are being
(06:06):
filled or controlled by theSpirit, so you're not controlled
by your emotions, you're notcontrolled by your own feelings.
Let's be honest.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Let's be honest, this is funny.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Which is a Christian itself.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I was actually man.
I listen to the Bible,sometimes going to work, Of
course, just outside of reading.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
I know you struggle to read, so that's okay.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
No, I like to have the Bible read because it gives
you the opportunity for me thisis my brain, it's Jason's brain,
right it gives me theopportunity to think about
Scripture as it's being and Iknow people read, I read this
way too, but I don't knowsomething about hearing the word
read to you, just kind of, andit feeds me a little different,
on different wavelength.
And so as I'm listening toscripture I think it was
probably monday, maybe tuesdayI'm driving to work and I'm
(06:50):
listening to scripture and ittalks about in the book of acts
how people would strum up people, would strum up people to speak
against jesus right, and theywould apply, they would apply
pressure emotionally, try to getthem strummed up emotionally to
speak out against Jesus.
The same thing happens toStephen.
They go, when they strum upthese people to talk out, to lie
against, to speak against.
(07:11):
So when you are led by youremotions, you are an easy target
for the enemy to use you in away that is counterproductive
for the way that God is tryingto use us.
That's right and it's hard foryou to submit.
Yes for sure.
Yeah, you're not submitted tothe Lord.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
When you're acting out of emotion, you're submitted
to your emotions and so truesubmission starts first with
being submitted to the LordRight, and if you can't submit
to the Lord, you'll never beable to submit to your spouse
Right.
This is what some translationssay means to be controlled by
the Spirit.
(07:49):
Be controlled by the Spirit soas to the Lord.
The latter part of that verse,let's break this, let's exegete
Scripture right here Amen.
And so it does not mean that awife is to submit to her husband
the exact same way she submitsto the Lord.
Okay, we are imperfect.
The Lord is perfect.
Okay, Husbands are not.
Okay, I always forget to.
(08:10):
You know, take out the trash.
Everybody in our circle knows Istruggle with it Like I'm going
to fail.
It's not.
Scripture is not comparing usto God, Right, but he's saying
that you need to try your bestto submit as unto the Lord, as
unto the Lord.
What Paul's saying is thatsubmission to your husband is
(08:32):
part of obedience to the Lord.
See, this is where we've got tochange.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Our wives have to change the way of thinking, the
renewing of the mind, yeah therenewing of the mind.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So, in reality, if you're fighting against the idea
of being subject or submissiveto your husband, your attitude
reflects that you are reallyfighting against the Lord, who
ordained this order in marriage.
So I don't know about your wife, anna, but my wife, she is very
(08:59):
opinionated, she is veryauthoritative and she had to
learn to shift that in ourmarriage.
Now it's not that you eliminateyour thoughts, you eliminate
your opinion.
But what you understand andwe're going to talk a little bit
more in depth about it is thatyou're still subject to your
husband.
That's how the God ordered it.
A yielded heart Watch this,women A yielded heart to the
(09:20):
Lord creates a submitted heartto his order.
So the more I yield to the Lordand his teaching, the more I
can yield to his heart and thestructure of marriage and how it
was created.
So let's look at the secondthing we learned through this
scripture To submit biblicallyto your husband, you must
recognize he is in fact yourhead.
(09:43):
Why don't you read verse 23?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
for us Verse 23.
Yeah, for the husband is thehead of the wife, as Christ is
also the head of the church, hehimself being the Savior of the
body.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
So verse 23,.
What Pastor Jay just read.
It explains the reason why hesays verse 22.
Paul doesn't say that he should.
He said that he is the head andthe fact of the husband
headship.
What this means is that thereare gender-based roles in
marriage as ordained by God.
Now, of course, we're not justtalking about cooking and
(10:17):
cleaning and all that kind ofstuff.
We're talking about a greaterdivine order and structure.
So while there is this sense inwhich all believers submit to
one another right, it'sEphesians 5.21.
Everybody should submit to oneanother there is another sense
in which wives submit to theirhusbands.
But husbands, do not hold yourstones and rocks in your hand,
(10:38):
okay, husbands do not submit totheir wives in certain lanes.
When it comes to being head ofthe house, when it comes to
making spiritual decisions inthe home, there is a lane that
the husbands will always makethat ultimate decision.
But the husbands don't get tooexcited right now because we're
going to deal with you in aminute.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
We're building a foundation.
We're getting ready to start onthe house.
Don't jump out yet.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
If your wife's beside you don't be like mm-hmm.
You know, every time you readthis passage, the husband's like
no, no, no.
See, and we're going to get itto where, really, the pressure
is more on the husband than itis the wife.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
So we're going to break this down.
Don't get ahead of us.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
It's significant that whenever the New Testament
addresses the subject ofChristian marriage, it always
commands the wife to be subjectto her husband, but never
commands the husband to besubject to your wife.
Just some scriptural references, because we believe in that
Colossians 3.18, titus 2.4, 1Peter 3.1 justify the statements
(11:36):
that we're making right now.
So let's look also in the NewTestament, the statements that
we're making right now.
So let's look also in the NewTestament.
It commands for wives to submitto their husbands, and they are
addressed to the wives, not tothe husbands.
This idea of submitting.
So the Bible never commands ahusband to command his wife to
submit, because true submissionis not something that you should
(11:56):
have to command.
It's a matter of the heart,right?
Because my life is submitted toChrist, my heart is submitted
to his heart and I'm going to bea part of what god has called
me to be, and it comes to thischristian marriage.
So, rather, the headship of thehusband is is a fact.
The wife is to respond to thelord, who designed marriage in
this way, by willinglysubmitting to her husband.
(12:22):
Now we look at the culture thatwe're in, right, this is a very
culturally dominated andculturally determined role that
you know we are free to discarda lot of times because it
doesn't just fit into ourculture.
Right, it's all about me.
I'm going to keep it 100.
I'm going to keep it real.
(12:42):
I'm going to speak my mind.
I'm going to do this.
I don't need a man.
How many times you heard that?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
It's interesting, man , because for all of those
saying they don't need a man,there's one who wants a man to
do everything, as long as theydo it their way.
That's right.
That's right.
He got to have six figures, hegot to be driving a nice car, he
got to be set up for retirement, he got to be doing all these
different things, but anyway,yeah, that's the culturally
driven.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
It's back and forth man.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
It's pretty wild.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
You look at the original design, god could have
created Adam and Eve at the sameinstant, but by speaking the
word same way, he did everything, but he didn't.
He created Eve out of Adam.
From that fact, paul concludesin 1 Corinthians 11, 9, for
(13:33):
indeed, man was not created forwomen's sake, but the woman's
for the man's sake.
What does it say?
The woman was created to be ahelper.
She was a helper suitable forhim to assist him in his
God-given task.
So the roles in marriage arenot culturally determined.
Watch this it's ordained by Godat creation.
Yeah, I mean, don't miss this,don't miss this.
(13:55):
It's not.
Culture doesn't determine rolesand culture doesn't determine
that stuff, because you're nolonger.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
you're a kingdom culture.
Right, there's a differencebetween the world's culture and
kingdom culture.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
You can't belong to the king but not adhere to his
culture.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
That's right To his laws, which his word is hey,
watch out now the law.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Come on, we whoo that guy right there will preach son
Come on somebody.
Hey, so specific duties in ahousehold, they're flexible,
right.
There are times where I dodishes, there's times where I do
laundry, because here's thething.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
The ultimate goal is that and we teach this like Anna
and I have this thing hashtagWatson because we're one team,
one fight, right.
If one of us fail, both of usfail Exactly, and so if I fail,
she fails, she fails, I fail.
So we are constantly doingwhatever we need to do.
If she can't do dishes that day, that's right.
Yes, in fact, last night shecooked breakfast for dinner.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Oh, my God, you know that's a blessing.
I had some grits and I had someeggs last night and some bacon.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
And so she's like hey , you know, would you mind, you
know, grabbing the dishes for me?
I'm going to do some?
Yeah, absolutely, Because shecooked dinner.
This mentality, look, if I sayno and she ends up not doing the
dishes, it's still my house,it's still our house together.
And now we, together, havedirty dishes sitting in the sink
.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
And see even that story that you just told.
I mean it fits perfect in whatwe're teaching when we try to
get these men that don't getbig-headed by what we're saying
right now when it says that Godnever commands a man to submit
to his wife.
In what we've read so far, thetruth is this is that there are
certain lanes that you do submit.
Yeah, you know, and that's oneof them.
(15:27):
You know you're fulfilling theneed right when you get married.
You don't get married to makeyourself happy.
Yeah.
You don't get married to have aservant yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
That's a good way to put it.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Yeah, and so let's let's look at so specific duties
in the household.
They're flexible and can beworked out in marriage for the
mutual good of the couple.
Pastor, j just talked about howthat worked for them last night
.
But the role of the husband ashead and the wife as subject to
him are fixed by scripture.
Now we're talking aboutchristian marriage.
We can't we can't expect thisto happen in marriages where
(15:57):
people are unequally yoked orwhere people are just not
following the biblical law andthe biblical standard, but as
two Christians being marriedtogether.
You should be okay with God'sdesign, absolutely, because this
is what we know to be true.
God's design is perfect.
That's right, his blueprint formarriage is the best way,
(16:17):
perfect.
So just as Christ's headshipover the church means that he's
the authority over the churchfor her good, so the husband has
authority over his wife for hergood.
So headship means authority,ephesians 122.
It's referring to an order ofauthority and Paul writes this
in 1 Corinthians 11.3.
But I want you to understandthat Christ is the head of every
(16:38):
man and the man is the head ofa woman and God is the head of
Christ.
So let's look at this reallyquick.
In just a minute we're going toreally break this thing down
about leadership.
Buckle up, men.
We're coming at you, okay.
Biblical authority is nevergiven for the advantage of the
one in authority or so that hecan dominate those under
(16:59):
authority.
Rather, god delegates authorityfor the blessing everybody say
blessing and protection of thoseunder authority so that they
will become all that God wantsthem to be.
Your authority should never bea shout down.
Your authority should be usedto build up and be a blessing to
your spouse.
(17:19):
It should be you're leading,you're guiding, you're directing
.
Also, the one in authority isaccountable to God for those
under his authority.
So this doesn't mean that ahusband must make every decision
.
But watch this.
But he is responsible for everydecision that is made in his
(17:40):
house and in his marriage.
So if he is negligent with thatresponsibility or he abuses it
because we see this verycompletely, overly abused if he
abuses his authority for his ownadvantage in his marriage, he
will answer to God yes, everydecision.
(18:02):
So you think it's okay?
Did you know the weight for thehusband with the authority?
He has to actually use it theproper way.
God's way in his marriage hasmore, uh, a weight on it than
the wife's weight to submit.
Why?
Because she answers to you, butyou will answer to god.
That's right.
You will answer to god forevery decision that you make and
(18:23):
everything that you allow inyour house, and what we teach is
this is that leaders takeresponsibility absolutely, yeah,
state responsibility.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
That's one of the visions of our church, you know,
as, as the body of christ, welead by example, absolutely, and
that's what our leaders do welead by example.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Yep, and we have the same kind of same lane here at
Reliant Church.
We tell our leaders that ifsomeone on our team drops the
ball or makes a mistake, wedon't push the blame on them,
right, we actually takeownership.
You know, if my wife drops theball at her duties at the church
, um, I don't go either.
(19:03):
I take the responsibility.
So you know, what could I'vedone better?
How could I better trained?
How could I've had a bit moreclear with things?
And it's not that they didn'tdo anything wrong, but you know
what?
We?
We are the one in authority,we're the one that is
responsible.
So we take the, we take theblame, we don't push it.
That's leadership 101.
Absolutely, be very weary ifyou've got leadership, that
(19:24):
every time something goes wrong,they're looking for somebody to
throw under the bus.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
I shared this earlier .
We have chapel here onWednesdays and we record on
Wednesdays.
We have chapel here for thekids and we're talking about the
fall of man, human nature,culture and human nature.
Is this Fallen nature, is thisthat we blame other people?
Because what happens when Adamand Eve eat of the tree?
God shows up.
They're hiding and he sayswhere are you?
(19:50):
It's kind of a I always thinkthat's kind of funny Like God
doesn't know where Adam and Eveare, but he says where are you?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
And Adam's like where are you?
Yeah?
And adam's where are you?
We're hit, we're hiding, right.
And he's like why are youhiding?
Because we're naked, right.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
And he's like uh, who told you you were naked?
Who told you that right?
And then?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
and then he says did you eat the tree I told you not
to eat from?
And then what does adam do?
The first thing he does isblame eve.
Yeah, well.
Well, that woman you gave melord, that woman you made me
made me eat the spawn of satanyeah, and then what does he go
to Eve and what does Eve do she?
Speaker 1 (20:21):
blames the serpent.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
So they are shifting blame.
They're shifting blame awayfrom when Adam should have been
like.
In my opinion, adam should havebeen like Lord.
We failed.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
We messed up.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
We made a mistake.
I wasn't governing, I wasn'tleading.
But no, he shifts blame to eve,eve shift blames of the serpent
and anyway.
So that's just even from thevery beginning.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Like adam should have took responsibility yep, so
what I'm getting ready to say isa very bold statement, okay now
we didn't really discuss this,so I'm curious to see how you
feel about this.
Okay, when we talk about how theman has the responsibility,
he's in authority, he.
He's the one that answers forthe decisions that are being
made in his marriage and in hishome and in his family.
I believe that the husband isresponsible in determining the
(21:12):
overall health of a marriage.
What I mean by that is we lookat all these divorces.
We look at all these divorces.
We look at all these things.
Could divorce rates beplummeting?
Lower and lower and lower thanwhat they are?
If the man in the marriage andin the home would actually take
the authority and the role thatGod gave him and actually focus
(21:34):
on leading them the proper way,could we avoid all these divorce
rates?
I believe so, because if we areresponsible for our marriages
and we're the ones that are inauthority, we should make sure
the communication is there, weshould make sure the intimacy is
there.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah, which communication I think is the
biggest part?
Oh, next week we're hitting ityeah next week.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
We're hitting it next , next week, is the two c's of
marriage communication andcompromise.
We we're going to go heavy andhard, but when we look at the
overall health of a marriage,that falls.
Now, of course, you can'tcontrol everything, but a good
chunk of it falls on the husband.
This is what I tell people.
We just did this for life group.
I said, husbands, you should goto your wives at least once or
(22:18):
twice a month and say how are we?
Let's do some health checks.
What are some things we need tochange in our marriage?
How do we feel like we'rehealthy?
Do we need to go get more, datemore.
Do we need to talk more?
What do you need from me?
That's what good leaders do.
My pastor used to tell me thisinspect what you expect.
And so same mentality inmarriages.
(22:39):
I believe that if we continueto live in a place of divorce,
you need to look at the husband,Christian husband.
We should be looking at themand saying, okay, how have you
been leading your home?
Obviously you haven't had yourhand in it at all, you haven't
been engaging it, you haven'tbeen talking about communication
, the level of intimacy.
So I believe you may not agree,but I believe they play a huge
(23:02):
role in the overall health andsustainability of their
marriages.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Yeah, and I have to agree, because the biggest
problem I think you'll find iswhen a woman doesn't have
anything to help with, she takesover.
Oh, absolutely.
And so when you don't have aHabakkuk, I think and I'm trying
to, I'm recalling right nowHabakkuk 2.2 or 2.3 says to
write a vision, make it plain sothat those who see it can run
with it.
(23:26):
If you don't have vision foryour family, if you don't have a
mission, if you don't have anintention, if you're not
purposeful in what you're tryingto do and what you're trying to
create, then everybody justkind of goes in chaos and they
go with what the world givesthem and with what they want to
do, instead of what the visionis.
It's like writing a budget.
If you don't have a budget togo by, you just spend however
(23:48):
you want to spend, and thenyou're like what?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
happened?
Where did our money go?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
All these Red Bulls are taking all my money at $5 a
pop right, that's right yeahyeah, mean, if you, if you are
not intentional, if you don't,what did god do when he created
that and he gave him a job?
right, like he's like all right,let's name all these animals.
Yeah, let's, let's, let's work.
I mean, even when he kicked himout, work the ground.
I mean he gave them jobs andand if you have people who are
(24:13):
wandering and not doing anything, they're not led, they have no
intent, no purpose in life, theydon't know what's going on.
No vision, no direction.
People without vision perish.
Yep, that's right, but I'msorry.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Go ahead and you know , me and Taylor had this thing
where in the past, if we'vegotten so busy you know how
ministry is get so busy, wedon't spend a lot of time
together she'll say I reallyfeel like a roommate.
Yeah, and you know, if I'mbeing a good husband and I'm
doing my role the way I should,she should never have to come to
me and say, hey, I feel like aroommate Like she.
(24:47):
She should never.
I should be so connected andinvolved in my duties as head of
her and the home that I'm wellaware of where we are in our
marriage before she has tocomplain and I know that takes
time, that takes intentionality,but it's the truth we are the
ones that it's going to fallback on.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Relationships are work.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yes, marriage is work , absolutely.
We talked about that last week.
Marriage is work.
We threw that in there.
Marriage is definitely work.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Inspect what you expect and you have to be
intentional in your job.
To succeed in your job, tosucceed in your career.
To succeed, you have to beintentional in your marriage.
For it to succeed, yep,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Ephesians 5.23.
For a husband is the head ofhis wife, as Christ is the head
of the church.
He's the Savior of his bodydying on the cross, the church.
Let me just say this just topiggyback on what we just talked
about I'm not trying to toot myown horn, Toot your horn.
But, I love to be a person whopractices what we teach.
Yeah, and I just talked abouthow we should be able to.
(25:50):
Taylor shouldn't have to cometo me, I should know where we
are.
This week and last week wasvery ministry heavy and I knew
that we weren't spending as muchtime.
We try to every night to spendtime together.
But I knew that we needed morethan that.
So I made arrangements to go ona date, saturday, like I have
something for Levi to do andstuff.
And this morning, um, I wasleaving, she hugged me, gave me
(26:12):
a kiss.
She's like I just feel Ihaven't seen you and and I knew
it was going and I said it'sokay, I've got a date for us on
Saturdayvi's taking care of Ican't wait.
And just lit her up like she'slike are you kidding?
I was like no, absolutely.
She's like.
She's text me an hour laterlike I'm so excited.
That's what I'm talking aboutbeing able to have a pulse on
(26:33):
where your marriage is.
That's what good husbands doand head of the home.
And so husbands mustsacrificially give themselves to
the church.
Right, that's what christianfor husband is the head of the
wife is.
Christ is head of the church.
What did he do for the church?
He gave his life for it.
He sacrificed everything for it.
That's what we do.
So, husbands, we want to brag onour positions when somebody
(26:53):
says that scripture wise, submitto your husbands.
And we want to make demands inour home, but we aren't even
keeping up with the authorityand responsibilities that we
were given.
Wives submit as unto the Lord.
Husbands, love as Christ hasloved the church.
Husbands, the more you look andact like Christ in your home,
(27:19):
the easier it is for your wifeto submit to you.
Don't expect your wife to holdup her end of the bargain, and
you're not.
This is not how you'll findyourself in a very dark pit and
probably end up alone If youcannot hold up what God has
(27:39):
intended you to do whileactually trying to make her do
it.
We are the examples of whatsubmission looks like, and look
and where we are today inculture.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
It takes two jobs for you to do anything in life like
, like right now in in themiddle class.
It takes both of you working.
You expect her to work all dayand come home and clean and cook
and do all the things while yousit on video games and play all
night Right.
Not feasible, right?
You expect her to do somethingyou won't do, right, and that's
not leadership.
Yep, that's not feasible.
That's not leading your home.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Absolutely, and you know we talk about communication
.
We're going to hit it heavytomorrow, I mean next week, but
you know communication, webelieve this can solve 90%
proper communication solve 90%of your problems and it might be
even higher than thatpercentage-wise.
But you know I used to do that,what you just said.
I used to get Levi to bed andthe house still be a mess.
(28:30):
Taylor's in the kitchen and I'mplaying the game.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
And you know what I used to be.
That way, taylor would say doyou not see this?
And it became arguments.
And so we sat down and talked.
She said I don't mind if youplay the game, but at least ask.
If there's anything that youcan do to help, at least ask and
see.
That is us.
We got to stop making ourmarriage about what they can do.
(28:53):
We just talked about it.
But, it's about submitting.
We submit to the Lord, we serve.
That's what Christ did.
He sacrificed.
I can sacrifice 15 minutes ofmy game time or whatever I
wanted to do To pick up clothes.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Pick up clothes or to help Put the dishes up or
whatever Whatever's going tohelp the team, because
ultimately, you are together ateam.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
That's right.
It's a great way to look at it.
So, to submit to your husband,you must understand what
biblical submission is and whatis not.
So biblical submission is theattitude and action of willingly
and wholeheartedly respecting,yielding to and obeying the
authority of another.
So let's really quickly breakdown what submission in marriage
looks like.
And, of course, ephesians 5.33,you can go back and look at it
(29:36):
it talks about respecting yourhusband.
So a large part of submissioninvolves respect.
We know men are men of respect.
We want to be respected, wewant to be honored.
If you can respect your husbandnine times out of ten, he's
going to do anything for you.
If he feels heard, he feelsrespected.
Respect looks a lot likeencouraging, not attacking,
putting down, but building up.
If he makes a mistake, gentlycorrect, which is what Scripture
(29:59):
says.
There's a Scripture we're goingto read at the end that talks
about how the woman shouldgently bring her husband back.
Gently do that.
Uh, then you have.
Submission includes the desireto please the one over you, and
I'm not talking about sexually.
Okay, all right, sex does notmake marriage happy.
(30:19):
Okay, sex is a very smallportion.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
There's a difference between happiness and joy.
That's the truth.
And anyway, go ahead, we'regoing to move on.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
So, as husbands, we are imperfect and in our
imperfect way there is a way torespond and even correct.
So rather than trying to please, we try to win.
Let me just show you this Justa little look in our marriage.
One time, taylor and I were inan argument in a text, and I
quit texting her Text me yeahyeah.
(30:49):
And so, like 30 minutes later,from me not responding, she says
well, looks like I won that one, and I was so convinced I'm not
even the one that said it, butI was so convicted.
Why do you think the Lordconvicted me?
Because I'm the head of thehouse, I'm the one responsible.
He convicted me and said ifeither one of you leave a
conversation thinking you won,you both lose, right, you both
(31:13):
lose.
Why?
Because we don't communicate ina way to win.
We communicate in a way tounderstand, right, and so we're
trying to please.
We try to please the one thatis over you.
When you have a boss and you'rein, you're an employee, right,
you do what you can to make yourboss happy.
(31:33):
It's the same way.
I'm not saying I'm her boss,yeah, but in the how the church
is built, I mean the marriage isbuilt biblically.
That's how it works.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Imagine what your relationship would be like if
you were both, if your goal wasto please the other person.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
You both would be happy.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
You both would have joy.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
It would be a fulfilling relationship.
Yep.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
And the hardest, the hardest season to do that is
first, when you first getmarried Right, because you
really don't understand marriageat all.
No, don't understand marriageat all.
No, no absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
But as you get older, like you've been married.
How many years now?
Speaker 1 (32:05):
uh, 18 18, we just celebrated nine, so you're
you're twice the time in itbecause you're old and uh, but
it took years for us.
I just probably would you guysreally understand this man.
And so let's look at the lastone really quickly, and then
we're going to talk abouthusbands really quick.
Submission doesn't imply thepassivity, so a wife can be
submissive and still activelytry and influence her husband.
(32:27):
You find this in scripture, infirst peter 3, 1 through 6.
The wife whose husband isdisobedient to the lord is not
told to be passive and notinfluence him.
Rather, she is told how toinfluence him by her being a
gentle spirit and to bring truthwith love.
Ephesians 4, 15 talks about it.
You must be Christ-like in yourleadership, so be someone.
(32:52):
Husbands that are worthsubmitting to, yeah, and wives
you can correct, you caninfluence your husband to make
better decisions.
Hey, you know what?
When I think of a husband, thisis what I think you should be
doing, this is how I think.
Like it's okay, but I think youcan do better in these ways.
Do it in a gentle spirit.
(33:12):
It's what Scripture says.
Move your emotions aside.
We talked about it again.
Move your emotions aside andjust take it in a way that they
can be heard.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
And it just makes me think too.
You know like and I'veobviously I've shared this
before with single people, orour single brothers and sisters
you should be asking that personwho you're courting, who you're
dating.
I'm going to take it back oldschool, you're courting.
Yeah, you're courting, you knowwhoever you're talking to your,
your question with them shouldbe what's your vision and what's
your goals?
What are you trying to achievein the next right, you know,
five years?
What are you trying to achievein the next 20 years, right?
(33:41):
What's your end state?
What are you trying to do?
Because, if they don't have aplan, how you expect them to
lead you?
That's right.
I'm just just a question, right?
I mean, these are things youcan think of preemptively, right
, and and no, if you don't havea plan, we either need to
develop one, and if you can'tstick to it now, you're gonna
stick to it later easy man,that's right oh boy, I swear,
(34:03):
look at that boy.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
That thing was wanting to move it was filling
him right amen, he's gonna giveyou a little amen a little wave
yeah, hallelujah.
So let's continue on while jaywas trying to work on this
camera and stuff.
But submission means that aftera thorough, honest sharing of
opinions, if there is still adisagreement, the wife must go
(34:26):
along with the husband'sdecision as long as it's not
sinful.
Now, that's going to be toughfor some women to hear.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Well, and here's the truth too, we live in a culture
where you pick the one youfollow.
That's right.
I mean, at least like in India,our brothers and sisters over
there, and some other countries,the parents pick the spouse
Right.
But here in America, you pickthe one you want to follow.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yep, remember we look at submission through the
biblical lens.
Right, whether you disagree ornot, the ultimate decision you
submit to is the one that yourhusband makes.
But listen to me, note this,husbands okay, don't.
Don't tighten up your pantsreal tight right now and get all
big and bad and puff up yourshoulders.
(35:09):
You will answer to God for thedecision that you make, and so
you husbands should onlyoverride your wife's objections
to a decision after much prayerand with fear and trembling.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Here's the way you have to view I don't think it's
the way you should view yourspouse.
They are helping you.
They are helping you.
Anna sees things that I neversee, oh, absolutely, and so I
would be ignorant to considerdoing things without her input.
Yeah, because there are I'meven in leading sheep, I mean
there are things I don't thinkabout, um, and so when we have a
(35:54):
conversation with her, she'sgoing to point out to me the
pitfalls.
I can expect that.
Yeah, because that's how sheviews things.
She's wired differently, andshe's wired differently for a
reason.
God didn't wire us the same.
Most men are big picture kindof people, and women are small
detail people, like, okay, youwant to go from A to Z, but
you've got 23 other stops yougot to make along the way, or 24
(36:15):
other stops you got to makealong the way that we don't
typically see.
So they are wired, they are.
They are wired that way for areason.
And so if, if you're going tolead yeah, you shouldn't you
should be consulting the otherhalf of you, right, because the
two become one you should beconsulting that other one to get
their input before decisions.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, absolutely.
We just Taylor and I justwalked through this because I
came to her very randomly and Isaid look, I think I want to sow
this amount of money in january, uh, to our ministry, okay,
what are your thoughts?
And she's like uh, now remember, women think completely
differently.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
She's like her brain goes up to 100.
She's got 51 tabs open.
Yeah, because women are womenof security, right?
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:58):
and she's like well, hold, because I think you
already sacrificed enough.
You know she does these thingsand I'm like, I understand, well
, pray about it, give me anumber and we'll come back to it
that you're comfortable doing.
She's like, well, I don't knowwhy, because you're going to
make the decision ultimately,what you want to do, and this is
(37:20):
where you grow and you maturein your walk with Christ,
because you understand, eventhough you have the right to
make a decision, you want tohave unity in that decision, in
every decision.
And so it's like, yeah, you'reright, I can make the decision,
taylor, and I appreciate youunderstanding that, but I want
you in agreement with me,because what I believe we're
doing this for is for us, it'snot for me.
(37:41):
And so I want you to be inagreement and believe with me
that what we're sowing for isgoing to happen.
And so, when you talk aboutbeing able to make the decisions
, but you've got you need theunity in there, you need it.
And so we you've got to makesure you consult, consider
before you make a decision,right, because women will give
(38:05):
you a blind spot that you didnot see.
So let's look at this reallyquick.
1 Peter 3, 7, husbands in thesame way.
This is where you have thechurch.
They say in the same way thesame way Submit yourselves to
your own wives.
Treat your wife withunderstanding as you live
together.
She may be weaker than you are,but honor her as a co-heir of
(38:28):
the gracious gift of life, sothat your prayers won't be
hindered.
Immediately after writing thisverse, he goes to say in verse 8
, and I don't even have itpulled up here, but you've got
to read verse 8 there there arewhen you look at what scripture
is saying we did all this aboutthe roles and wives must submit
(38:49):
to their husbands first.
Peter, in the same way submityourselves to your own wives.
There are two events inSarahah's marriage in the old
testament to illustrate mutualsubmission in marriage.
So god told abraham to obeysarah in genesis 21 and 12, and
(39:12):
the bible says that abrahamobeyed sarah in genesis 16 and 2
.
Um, it's very important inGenesis 16 and 2.
It's very important that thereis a time where you should be
submitting to your wife as well.
I don't know about you, but Ibelieve my wife can hear from
the Lord just as clear as I canat times.
(39:32):
Yeah, for sure.
And when you talk about herbeing a helper and what the
original design was, it's notjust help around the house, it's
help in the spiritual things aswell.
Spiritual and the decisions.
What you just said man, justreally consulting and talking,
and things like that.
There are things where it'slike you know what I had this
(39:53):
idea, but your thoughts are muchbetter Makes it more clear.
So, yeah, I'm going to submitto what you're deciding, what
you're thinking.
And so we as leaders, we arethe example.
Men, listen to me, be theexample.
Show your wives what submissionlooks like.
If it's not a life-alteringdecision, if it's not a big deal
(40:14):
that your wife wants to do orsomething she's got on her heart
, submit to it.
Be the example.
And the more you submit to yourwife, the easier it is for her
to submit to you Right, and sowhat you got?
Anything else?
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Well, I'm good.
I think we have covered thistopic very well.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
It's got me ready for the next, the next one is
communication and compromise,and we're going to slap all
y'all with this right here Okay.
Because, yeah, yeah, it took along time, but we finally
crafted that thing pretty good.
But uh, hey, thank you guys somuch for listening and, um
watching whichever way you can.
Uh, pastor jay's gonna blessyou, like we do every every
(40:53):
episode and uh, we'll see youhere next time hey, so real
quick, we just like to do thepriestly blessing and so we're
gonna do that here.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
that here Numbers 6, 24 through 26.
It says the Lord bless you andkeep you.
The Lord make his face shineupon you and be gracious to you.
The Lord lift up hiscountenance upon you and give
you peace.
Hey, thank you so much fortuning in.
To Pastor to Pastor, we'retalking about the blueprint of
marriage and we're lookingforward to the next few episodes
.
Share this with somebody.
Listen, I think no matter whereyou are in your walk with
(41:22):
Christ, no matter where you arein relationship, we can all
learn and grow and be better.
God bless you.
Make sure you share this withsomebody.
We look forward to seeing younext time, love y'all.
hey, what's up family ?
It's back again for anotherepisode of pastor the pastor,
pastor seth, right here acrossfrom me, you see, and pastor
jason watson.
What's up everybody the house?
I'm super excited.
You know it's cold outside, jay, it's a little bit.
It's a little bit.
I think it was like 20 degreesthis morning when we woke up,
and it's probably colder to methan it is to you.
(00:28):
Oh, what you trying to say?
Your beard sticker?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Oh, my beard sticker.
Yeah, yeah, definitely going tobe the beard little sticker.
There you go.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Oh man, I'm excited.
Last week we hope everybody hadan amazing Thanksgiving, spent
time with your family, with yourfriends, and I really just
enjoyed the company and thewarmth of that love and so we
took a break last week to do thesame thing and did you overeat,
did you sin?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Let me just ask you that let's move on.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Next question, next question I had mac and cheese
three different times that day.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
It was bad.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
But listen, we're super excited.
We're in really our secondepisode of our marriage
conversations and today we'regoing to be talking about
marriage God's way.
What does that look like?
How do we make sure that ourmarriage is in a healthy place
and really the topic?
It's like a Christian cuss wordsubmission.
Submission what does submissionlook like in god's way in a
marriage?
And uh, here's the truth.
We live in a, in a society now,and just really, where
(01:31):
generations are coming, wherenobody wants to submit to
anything or anybody.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
No authority, no, nothing.
Nobody wants to submit anything.
I mean, there's even, and it'sreally kind of the bible
fulfilling itself.
It talks about, in the latterdays, how people be, be lovers
of self and things of thatnature.
Man, they are anti-submissionalmost to the fullest at this
moment.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Right, yeah, well, we got a word for you, jason.
Tell them where we're goingback to the Bible.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Hold on one second, come on back to Bible.
We're going to the Bible.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
If you open up your words with me today.
We got some scriptures, becausewe believe that the best thing
we can do is give you somebiblical foundation for this
topic, which is really hard fora lot of people to understand,
and we're going to hope to breakit down in a way that's easy to
be applied and understood forhusbands and wives.
So Genesis 2, 24 through 25says this this explains why a
(02:26):
man leaves his father and motherand is joined to his wife and
the two are united as one.
Now the man and his wife wereboth naked but felt no shame.
Man, that's a good marriageright there, my God.
Well Of naked felt no shame.
God is good son.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
They didn't have any children.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah, that's right.
So leaving and cleaving lot isgood, son, they didn't have any
children yeah, that's right.
So leaving in cleveland.
It kind of underscores thetransformative nature of our
marriage.
It's really the first thingthat shifts in our marriage.
From leaving our parents,leaving the comfort of that home
, and come and building our ownfamily is highlighting what we
would call a shift of prioritiesand allegiance.
It's not just a physicalseparation and, uh, what we do I
(03:06):
don't know how you kind of, ifyou talk about this in marriage
counseling or premaritalcounseling, we talk heavy on
this because what we find out isa lot of daughters will run to
mama or a lot of mama's boyswill run to their mom when
there's a problem in themarriage.
What we realize is this is howwe put it.
Just think about this If I havean issue with my wife and I go
(03:29):
tell my parents, nobody's goingto love her the way that I love
her, right, and so when Ireconcile with my wife, we're
good.
But your parents still have athought and a feeling towards.
They didn't hurt their babyExactly, and so it's not just
healthy for your marriage, butit's also healthy for the
reputation that you're allowingto happen to be created with
(03:51):
your, with your family.
And so there's a very importantpart here of leaving and
cleaving that we just need tostart with.
If you, if you take everyproblem to someone on the
outside of your marriage, you'realready setting your marriage
up for problems.
You're already set in anunhealthy environment.
Keep your problems in the house, leave and cleave, amen.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Amen, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
So let's break down submission, genesis 2.18.
Then the Lord said it's notgood for men to be alone.
I will make a helper who isjust right for him.
Helper in the Hebrew is ezer.
It means superior or equal.
So when we think aboutsubmission we think of one that
is above or one that is below,but in God's eyes it's a lot
(04:34):
deeper than just that.
So Hebrew for submit is a verb.
It means that we apply, weserve, we are present and we are
bringing near or bringing close.
It's not a looking down, it'snot a, you know this really huge
authority looking down onsomeone when we talk about being
(04:54):
submissive or just someone likethat.
So Ephesians 5.21 through 33, Ithink yep 33, it breaks down
what spiritual guidedrelationships look like and it
breaks down this reality ofsubmission to one another in
relation to Christ and hissubmission and his love to the
(05:15):
body of Christ and to his Father.
And so let's break this thingdown a little bit.
Read that first one.
I got right there, jay.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
What you got In the original writings, the verb
there it is a italic, italics.
I'm sorry, let me get my wordsright here.
It's all right, uh, becauseit's not in the greek text, but
it is carried over from verse 21in the old text.
Being subject to one another inthe fear of christ is a result
(05:43):
of being filled with orcontrolled by the Spirit.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Right.
So first thing is to submitbiblically to your husband.
You must be in submission tothe Lord, right?
This is what Ephesians 5.22says.
Right, it says wives be subjectto your own husbands as to the
Lord.
So what Jay just taught us isthat to be subject to one
another.
In the original Greek, whatthat means is that you are being
(06:06):
filled or controlled by theSpirit, so you're not controlled
by your emotions, you're notcontrolled by your own feelings.
Let's be honest.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Let's be honest, this is funny.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Which is a Christian itself.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I was actually man.
I listen to the Bible,sometimes going to work, Of
course, just outside of reading.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
I know you struggle to read, so that's okay.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
No, I like to have the Bible read because it gives
you the opportunity for me thisis my brain, it's Jason's brain,
right it gives me theopportunity to think about
Scripture as it's being and Iknow people read, I read this
way too, but I don't knowsomething about hearing the word
read to you, just kind of, andit feeds me a little different,
on different wavelength.
And so as I'm listening toscripture I think it was
probably monday, maybe tuesdayI'm driving to work and I'm
(06:50):
listening to scripture and ittalks about in the book of acts
how people would strum up people, would strum up people to speak
against jesus right, and theywould apply, they would apply
pressure emotionally, try to getthem strummed up emotionally to
speak out against Jesus.
The same thing happens toStephen.
They go, when they strum upthese people to talk out, to lie
against, to speak against.
(07:11):
So when you are led by youremotions, you are an easy target
for the enemy to use you in away that is counterproductive
for the way that God is tryingto use us.
That's right and it's hard foryou to submit.
Yes for sure.
Yeah, you're not submitted tothe Lord.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
When you're acting out of emotion, you're submitted
to your emotions and so truesubmission starts first with
being submitted to the LordRight, and if you can't submit
to the Lord, you'll never beable to submit to your spouse
Right.
This is what some translationssay means to be controlled by
the Spirit.
(07:49):
Be controlled by the Spirit soas to the Lord.
The latter part of that verse,let's break this, let's exegete
Scripture right here Amen.
And so it does not mean that awife is to submit to her husband
the exact same way she submitsto the Lord.
Okay, we are imperfect.
The Lord is perfect.
Okay, Husbands are not.
Okay, I always forget to.
(08:10):
You know, take out the trash.
Everybody in our circle knows Istruggle with it Like I'm going
to fail.
It's not.
Scripture is not comparing usto God, Right, but he's saying
that you need to try your bestto submit as unto the Lord, as
unto the Lord.
What Paul's saying is thatsubmission to your husband is
(08:32):
part of obedience to the Lord.
See, this is where we've got tochange.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Our wives have to change the way of thinking, the
renewing of the mind, yeah therenewing of the mind.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So, in reality, if you're fighting against the idea
of being subject or submissiveto your husband, your attitude
reflects that you are reallyfighting against the Lord, who
ordained this order in marriage.
So I don't know about your wife, anna, but my wife, she is very
(08:59):
opinionated, she is veryauthoritative and she had to
learn to shift that in ourmarriage.
Now it's not that you eliminateyour thoughts, you eliminate
your opinion.
But what you understand andwe're going to talk a little bit
more in depth about it is thatyou're still subject to your
husband.
That's how the God ordered it.
A yielded heart Watch this,women A yielded heart to the
(09:20):
Lord creates a submitted heartto his order.
So the more I yield to the Lordand his teaching, the more I
can yield to his heart and thestructure of marriage and how it
was created.
So let's look at the secondthing we learned through this
scripture To submit biblicallyto your husband, you must
recognize he is in fact yourhead.
(09:43):
Why don't you read verse 23?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
for us Verse 23.
Yeah, for the husband is thehead of the wife, as Christ is
also the head of the church, hehimself being the Savior of the
body.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
So verse 23,.
What Pastor Jay just read.
It explains the reason why hesays verse 22.
Paul doesn't say that he should.
He said that he is the head andthe fact of the husband
headship.
What this means is that thereare gender-based roles in
marriage as ordained by God.
Now, of course, we're not justtalking about cooking and
(10:17):
cleaning and all that kind ofstuff.
We're talking about a greaterdivine order and structure.
So while there is this sense inwhich all believers submit to
one another right, it'sEphesians 5.21.
Everybody should submit to oneanother there is another sense
in which wives submit to theirhusbands.
But husbands, do not hold yourstones and rocks in your hand,
(10:38):
okay, husbands do not submit totheir wives in certain lanes.
When it comes to being head ofthe house, when it comes to
making spiritual decisions inthe home, there is a lane that
the husbands will always makethat ultimate decision.
But the husbands don't get tooexcited right now because we're
going to deal with you in aminute.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
We're building a foundation.
We're getting ready to start onthe house.
Don't jump out yet.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
If your wife's beside you don't be like mm-hmm.
You know, every time you readthis passage, the husband's like
no, no, no.
See, and we're going to get itto where, really, the pressure
is more on the husband than itis the wife.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
So we're going to break this down.
Don't get ahead of us.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
It's significant that whenever the New Testament
addresses the subject ofChristian marriage, it always
commands the wife to be subjectto her husband, but never
commands the husband to besubject to your wife.
Just some scriptural references, because we believe in that
Colossians 3.18, titus 2.4, 1Peter 3.1 justify the statements
(11:36):
that we're making right now.
So let's look also in the NewTestament, the statements that
we're making right now.
So let's look also in the NewTestament.
It commands for wives to submitto their husbands, and they are
addressed to the wives, not tothe husbands.
This idea of submitting.
So the Bible never commands ahusband to command his wife to
submit, because true submissionis not something that you should
(11:56):
have to command.
It's a matter of the heart,right?
Because my life is submitted toChrist, my heart is submitted
to his heart and I'm going to bea part of what god has called
me to be, and it comes to thischristian marriage.
So, rather, the headship of thehusband is is a fact.
The wife is to respond to thelord, who designed marriage in
this way, by willinglysubmitting to her husband.
(12:22):
Now we look at the culture thatwe're in, right, this is a very
culturally dominated andculturally determined role that
you know we are free to discarda lot of times because it
doesn't just fit into ourculture.
Right, it's all about me.
I'm going to keep it 100.
I'm going to keep it real.
(12:42):
I'm going to speak my mind.
I'm going to do this.
I don't need a man.
How many times you heard that?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
It's interesting, man , because for all of those
saying they don't need a man,there's one who wants a man to
do everything, as long as theydo it their way.
That's right.
That's right.
He got to have six figures, hegot to be driving a nice car, he
got to be set up for retirement, he got to be doing all these
different things, but anyway,yeah, that's the culturally
driven.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
It's back and forth man.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
It's pretty wild.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
You look at the original design, god could have
created Adam and Eve at the sameinstant, but by speaking the
word same way, he did everything, but he didn't.
He created Eve out of Adam.
From that fact, paul concludesin 1 Corinthians 11, 9, for
(13:33):
indeed, man was not created forwomen's sake, but the woman's
for the man's sake.
What does it say?
The woman was created to be ahelper.
She was a helper suitable forhim to assist him in his
God-given task.
So the roles in marriage arenot culturally determined.
Watch this it's ordained by Godat creation.
Yeah, I mean, don't miss this,don't miss this.
(13:55):
It's not.
Culture doesn't determine rolesand culture doesn't determine
that stuff, because you're nolonger.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
you're a kingdom culture.
Right, there's a differencebetween the world's culture and
kingdom culture.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
You can't belong to the king but not adhere to his
culture.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
That's right To his laws, which his word is hey,
watch out now the law.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Come on, we whoo that guy right there will preach son
Come on somebody.
Hey, so specific duties in ahousehold, they're flexible,
right.
There are times where I dodishes, there's times where I do
laundry, because here's thething.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
The ultimate goal is that and we teach this like Anna
and I have this thing hashtagWatson because we're one team,
one fight, right.
If one of us fail, both of usfail Exactly, and so if I fail,
she fails, she fails, I fail.
So we are constantly doingwhatever we need to do.
If she can't do dishes that day, that's right.
Yes, in fact, last night shecooked breakfast for dinner.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Oh, my God, you know that's a blessing.
I had some grits and I had someeggs last night and some bacon.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
And so she's like hey , you know, would you mind, you
know, grabbing the dishes for me?
I'm going to do some?
Yeah, absolutely, Because shecooked dinner.
This mentality, look, if I sayno and she ends up not doing the
dishes, it's still my house,it's still our house together.
And now we, together, havedirty dishes sitting in the sink
.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
And see even that story that you just told.
I mean it fits perfect in whatwe're teaching when we try to
get these men that don't getbig-headed by what we're saying
right now when it says that Godnever commands a man to submit
to his wife.
In what we've read so far, thetruth is this is that there are
certain lanes that you do submit.
Yeah, you know, and that's oneof them.
(15:27):
You know you're fulfilling theneed right when you get married.
You don't get married to makeyourself happy.
Yeah.
You don't get married to have aservant yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
That's a good way to put it.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Yeah, and so let's let's look at so specific duties
in the household.
They're flexible and can beworked out in marriage for the
mutual good of the couple.
Pastor, j just talked about howthat worked for them last night
.
But the role of the husband ashead and the wife as subject to
him are fixed by scripture.
Now we're talking aboutchristian marriage.
We can't we can't expect thisto happen in marriages where
(15:57):
people are unequally yoked orwhere people are just not
following the biblical law andthe biblical standard, but as
two Christians being marriedtogether.
You should be okay with God'sdesign, absolutely, because this
is what we know to be true.
God's design is perfect.
That's right, his blueprint formarriage is the best way,
(16:17):
perfect.
So just as Christ's headshipover the church means that he's
the authority over the churchfor her good, so the husband has
authority over his wife for hergood.
So headship means authority,ephesians 122.
It's referring to an order ofauthority and Paul writes this
in 1 Corinthians 11.3.
But I want you to understandthat Christ is the head of every
(16:38):
man and the man is the head ofa woman and God is the head of
Christ.
So let's look at this reallyquick.
In just a minute we're going toreally break this thing down
about leadership.
Buckle up, men.
We're coming at you, okay.
Biblical authority is nevergiven for the advantage of the
one in authority or so that hecan dominate those under
(16:59):
authority.
Rather, god delegates authorityfor the blessing everybody say
blessing and protection of thoseunder authority so that they
will become all that God wantsthem to be.
Your authority should never bea shout down.
Your authority should be usedto build up and be a blessing to
your spouse.
(17:19):
It should be you're leading,you're guiding, you're directing
.
Also, the one in authority isaccountable to God for those
under his authority.
So this doesn't mean that ahusband must make every decision
.
But watch this.
But he is responsible for everydecision that is made in his
(17:40):
house and in his marriage.
So if he is negligent with thatresponsibility or he abuses it
because we see this verycompletely, overly abused if he
abuses his authority for his ownadvantage in his marriage, he
will answer to God yes, everydecision.
(18:02):
So you think it's okay?
Did you know the weight for thehusband with the authority?
He has to actually use it theproper way.
God's way in his marriage hasmore, uh, a weight on it than
the wife's weight to submit.
Why?
Because she answers to you, butyou will answer to god.
That's right.
You will answer to god forevery decision that you make and
(18:23):
everything that you allow inyour house, and what we teach is
this is that leaders takeresponsibility absolutely, yeah,
state responsibility.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
That's one of the visions of our church, you know,
as, as the body of christ, welead by example, absolutely, and
that's what our leaders do welead by example.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Yep, and we have the same kind of same lane here at
Reliant Church.
We tell our leaders that ifsomeone on our team drops the
ball or makes a mistake, wedon't push the blame on them,
right, we actually takeownership.
You know, if my wife drops theball at her duties at the church
, um, I don't go either.
(19:03):
I take the responsibility.
So you know, what could I'vedone better?
How could I better trained?
How could I've had a bit moreclear with things?
And it's not that they didn'tdo anything wrong, but you know
what?
We?
We are the one in authority,we're the one that is
responsible.
So we take the, we take theblame, we don't push it.
That's leadership 101.
Absolutely, be very weary ifyou've got leadership, that
(19:24):
every time something goes wrong,they're looking for somebody to
throw under the bus.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
I shared this earlier .
We have chapel here onWednesdays and we record on
Wednesdays.
We have chapel here for thekids and we're talking about the
fall of man, human nature,culture and human nature.
Is this Fallen nature, is thisthat we blame other people?
Because what happens when Adamand Eve eat of the tree?
God shows up.
They're hiding and he sayswhere are you?
(19:50):
It's kind of a I always thinkthat's kind of funny Like God
doesn't know where Adam and Eveare, but he says where are you?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
And Adam's like where are you?
Yeah?
And adam's where are you?
We're hit, we're hiding, right.
And he's like why are youhiding?
Because we're naked, right.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
And he's like uh, who told you you were naked?
Who told you that right?
And then?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
and then he says did you eat the tree I told you not
to eat from?
And then what does adam do?
The first thing he does isblame eve.
Yeah, well.
Well, that woman you gave melord, that woman you made me
made me eat the spawn of satanyeah, and then what does he go
to Eve and what does Eve do she?
Speaker 1 (20:21):
blames the serpent.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
So they are shifting blame.
They're shifting blame awayfrom when Adam should have been
like.
In my opinion, adam should havebeen like Lord.
We failed.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
We messed up.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
We made a mistake.
I wasn't governing, I wasn'tleading.
But no, he shifts blame to eve,eve shift blames of the serpent
and anyway.
So that's just even from thevery beginning.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Like adam should have took responsibility yep, so
what I'm getting ready to say isa very bold statement, okay now
we didn't really discuss this,so I'm curious to see how you
feel about this.
Okay, when we talk about how theman has the responsibility,
he's in authority, he.
He's the one that answers forthe decisions that are being
made in his marriage and in hishome and in his family.
I believe that the husband isresponsible in determining the
(21:12):
overall health of a marriage.
What I mean by that is we lookat all these divorces.
We look at all these divorces.
We look at all these things.
Could divorce rates beplummeting?
Lower and lower and lower thanwhat they are?
If the man in the marriage andin the home would actually take
the authority and the role thatGod gave him and actually focus
(21:34):
on leading them the proper way,could we avoid all these divorce
rates?
I believe so, because if we areresponsible for our marriages
and we're the ones that are inauthority, we should make sure
the communication is there, weshould make sure the intimacy is
there.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah, which communication I think is the
biggest part?
Oh, next week we're hitting ityeah next week.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
We're hitting it next , next week, is the two c's of
marriage communication andcompromise.
We we're going to go heavy andhard, but when we look at the
overall health of a marriage,that falls.
Now, of course, you can'tcontrol everything, but a good
chunk of it falls on the husband.
This is what I tell people.
We just did this for life group.
I said, husbands, you should goto your wives at least once or
(22:18):
twice a month and say how are we?
Let's do some health checks.
What are some things we need tochange in our marriage?
How do we feel like we'rehealthy?
Do we need to go get more, datemore.
Do we need to talk more?
What do you need from me?
That's what good leaders do.
My pastor used to tell me thisinspect what you expect.
And so same mentality inmarriages.
(22:39):
I believe that if we continueto live in a place of divorce,
you need to look at the husband,Christian husband.
We should be looking at themand saying, okay, how have you
been leading your home?
Obviously you haven't had yourhand in it at all, you haven't
been engaging it, you haven'tbeen talking about communication
, the level of intimacy.
So I believe you may not agree,but I believe they play a huge
(23:02):
role in the overall health andsustainability of their
marriages.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Yeah, and I have to agree, because the biggest
problem I think you'll find iswhen a woman doesn't have
anything to help with, she takesover.
Oh, absolutely.
And so when you don't have aHabakkuk, I think and I'm trying
to, I'm recalling right nowHabakkuk 2.2 or 2.3 says to
write a vision, make it plain sothat those who see it can run
with it.
(23:26):
If you don't have vision foryour family, if you don't have a
mission, if you don't have anintention, if you're not
purposeful in what you're tryingto do and what you're trying to
create, then everybody justkind of goes in chaos and they
go with what the world givesthem and with what they want to
do, instead of what the visionis.
It's like writing a budget.
If you don't have a budget togo by, you just spend however
(23:48):
you want to spend, and thenyou're like what?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
happened?
Where did our money go?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
All these Red Bulls are taking all my money at $5 a
pop right, that's right yeahyeah, mean, if you, if you are
not intentional, if you don't,what did god do when he created
that and he gave him a job?
right, like he's like all right,let's name all these animals.
Yeah, let's, let's, let's work.
I mean, even when he kicked himout, work the ground.
I mean he gave them jobs andand if you have people who are
(24:13):
wandering and not doing anything, they're not led, they have no
intent, no purpose in life, theydon't know what's going on.
No vision, no direction.
People without vision perish.
Yep, that's right, but I'msorry.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Go ahead and you know , me and Taylor had this thing
where in the past, if we'vegotten so busy you know how
ministry is get so busy, wedon't spend a lot of time
together she'll say I reallyfeel like a roommate.
Yeah, and you know, if I'mbeing a good husband and I'm
doing my role the way I should,she should never have to come to
me and say, hey, I feel like aroommate Like she.
(24:47):
She should never.
I should be so connected andinvolved in my duties as head of
her and the home that I'm wellaware of where we are in our
marriage before she has tocomplain and I know that takes
time, that takes intentionality,but it's the truth we are the
ones that it's going to fallback on.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Relationships are work.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yes, marriage is work , absolutely.
We talked about that last week.
Marriage is work.
We threw that in there.
Marriage is definitely work.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Inspect what you expect and you have to be
intentional in your job.
To succeed in your job, tosucceed in your career.
To succeed, you have to beintentional in your marriage.
For it to succeed, yep,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Ephesians 5.23.
For a husband is the head ofhis wife, as Christ is the head
of the church.
He's the Savior of his bodydying on the cross, the church.
Let me just say this just topiggyback on what we just talked
about I'm not trying to toot myown horn, Toot your horn.
But, I love to be a person whopractices what we teach.
Yeah, and I just talked abouthow we should be able to.
(25:50):
Taylor shouldn't have to cometo me, I should know where we
are.
This week and last week wasvery ministry heavy and I knew
that we weren't spending as muchtime.
We try to every night to spendtime together.
But I knew that we needed morethan that.
So I made arrangements to go ona date, saturday, like I have
something for Levi to do andstuff.
And this morning, um, I wasleaving, she hugged me, gave me
(26:12):
a kiss.
She's like I just feel Ihaven't seen you and and I knew
it was going and I said it'sokay, I've got a date for us on
Saturdayvi's taking care of Ican't wait.
And just lit her up like she'slike are you kidding?
I was like no, absolutely.
She's like.
She's text me an hour laterlike I'm so excited.
That's what I'm talking aboutbeing able to have a pulse on
(26:33):
where your marriage is.
That's what good husbands doand head of the home.
And so husbands mustsacrificially give themselves to
the church.
Right, that's what christianfor husband is the head of the
wife is.
Christ is head of the church.
What did he do for the church?
He gave his life for it.
He sacrificed everything for it.
That's what we do.
So, husbands, we want to brag onour positions when somebody
(26:53):
says that scripture wise, submitto your husbands.
And we want to make demands inour home, but we aren't even
keeping up with the authorityand responsibilities that we
were given.
Wives submit as unto the Lord.
Husbands, love as Christ hasloved the church.
Husbands, the more you look andact like Christ in your home,
(27:19):
the easier it is for your wifeto submit to you.
Don't expect your wife to holdup her end of the bargain, and
you're not.
This is not how you'll findyourself in a very dark pit and
probably end up alone If youcannot hold up what God has
(27:39):
intended you to do whileactually trying to make her do
it.
We are the examples of whatsubmission looks like, and look
and where we are today inculture.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
It takes two jobs for you to do anything in life like
, like right now in in themiddle class.
It takes both of you working.
You expect her to work all dayand come home and clean and cook
and do all the things while yousit on video games and play all
night Right.
Not feasible, right?
You expect her to do somethingyou won't do, right, and that's
not leadership.
Yep, that's not feasible.
That's not leading your home.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Absolutely, and you know we talk about communication
.
We're going to hit it heavytomorrow, I mean next week, but
you know communication, webelieve this can solve 90%
proper communication solve 90%of your problems and it might be
even higher than thatpercentage-wise.
But you know I used to do that,what you just said.
I used to get Levi to bed andthe house still be a mess.
(28:30):
Taylor's in the kitchen and I'mplaying the game.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
And you know what I used to be.
That way, taylor would say doyou not see this?
And it became arguments.
And so we sat down and talked.
She said I don't mind if youplay the game, but at least ask.
If there's anything that youcan do to help, at least ask and
see.
That is us.
We got to stop making ourmarriage about what they can do.
(28:53):
We just talked about it.
But, it's about submitting.
We submit to the Lord, we serve.
That's what Christ did.
He sacrificed.
I can sacrifice 15 minutes ofmy game time or whatever I
wanted to do To pick up clothes.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Pick up clothes or to help Put the dishes up or
whatever Whatever's going tohelp the team, because
ultimately, you are together ateam.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
That's right.
It's a great way to look at it.
So, to submit to your husband,you must understand what
biblical submission is and whatis not.
So biblical submission is theattitude and action of willingly
and wholeheartedly respecting,yielding to and obeying the
authority of another.
So let's really quickly breakdown what submission in marriage
looks like.
And, of course, ephesians 5.33,you can go back and look at it
(29:36):
it talks about respecting yourhusband.
So a large part of submissioninvolves respect.
We know men are men of respect.
We want to be respected, wewant to be honored.
If you can respect your husbandnine times out of ten, he's
going to do anything for you.
If he feels heard, he feelsrespected.
Respect looks a lot likeencouraging, not attacking,
putting down, but building up.
If he makes a mistake, gentlycorrect, which is what Scripture
(29:59):
says.
There's a Scripture we're goingto read at the end that talks
about how the woman shouldgently bring her husband back.
Gently do that.
Uh, then you have.
Submission includes the desireto please the one over you, and
I'm not talking about sexually.
Okay, all right, sex does notmake marriage happy.
(30:19):
Okay, sex is a very smallportion.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
There's a difference between happiness and joy.
That's the truth.
And anyway, go ahead, we'regoing to move on.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
So, as husbands, we are imperfect and in our
imperfect way there is a way torespond and even correct.
So rather than trying to please, we try to win.
Let me just show you this Justa little look in our marriage.
One time, taylor and I were inan argument in a text, and I
quit texting her Text me yeahyeah.
(30:49):
And so, like 30 minutes later,from me not responding, she says
well, looks like I won that one, and I was so convinced I'm not
even the one that said it, butI was so convicted.
Why do you think the Lordconvicted me?
Because I'm the head of thehouse, I'm the one responsible.
He convicted me and said ifeither one of you leave a
conversation thinking you won,you both lose, right, you both
(31:13):
lose.
Why?
Because we don't communicate ina way to win.
We communicate in a way tounderstand, right, and so we're
trying to please.
We try to please the one thatis over you.
When you have a boss and you'rein, you're an employee, right,
you do what you can to make yourboss happy.
(31:33):
It's the same way.
I'm not saying I'm her boss,yeah, but in the how the church
is built, I mean the marriage isbuilt biblically.
That's how it works.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Imagine what your relationship would be like if
you were both, if your goal wasto please the other person.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
You both would be happy.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
You both would have joy.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
It would be a fulfilling relationship.
Yep.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
And the hardest, the hardest season to do that is
first, when you first getmarried Right, because you
really don't understand marriageat all.
No, don't understand marriageat all.
No, no absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
But as you get older, like you've been married.
How many years now?
Speaker 1 (32:05):
uh, 18 18, we just celebrated nine, so you're
you're twice the time in itbecause you're old and uh, but
it took years for us.
I just probably would you guysreally understand this man.
And so let's look at the lastone really quickly, and then
we're going to talk abouthusbands really quick.
Submission doesn't imply thepassivity, so a wife can be
submissive and still activelytry and influence her husband.
(32:27):
You find this in scripture, infirst peter 3, 1 through 6.
The wife whose husband isdisobedient to the lord is not
told to be passive and notinfluence him.
Rather, she is told how toinfluence him by her being a
gentle spirit and to bring truthwith love.
Ephesians 4, 15 talks about it.
You must be Christ-like in yourleadership, so be someone.
(32:52):
Husbands that are worthsubmitting to, yeah, and wives
you can correct, you caninfluence your husband to make
better decisions.
Hey, you know what?
When I think of a husband, thisis what I think you should be
doing, this is how I think.
Like it's okay, but I think youcan do better in these ways.
Do it in a gentle spirit.
(33:12):
It's what Scripture says.
Move your emotions aside.
We talked about it again.
Move your emotions aside andjust take it in a way that they
can be heard.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
And it just makes me think too.
You know like and I'veobviously I've shared this
before with single people, orour single brothers and sisters
you should be asking that personwho you're courting, who you're
dating.
I'm going to take it back oldschool, you're courting.
Yeah, you're courting, you knowwhoever you're talking to your,
your question with them shouldbe what's your vision and what's
your goals?
What are you trying to achievein the next right, you know,
five years?
What are you trying to achievein the next 20 years, right?
(33:41):
What's your end state?
What are you trying to do?
Because, if they don't have aplan, how you expect them to
lead you?
That's right.
I'm just just a question, right?
I mean, these are things youcan think of preemptively, right
, and and no, if you don't havea plan, we either need to
develop one, and if you can'tstick to it now, you're gonna
stick to it later easy man,that's right oh boy, I swear,
(34:03):
look at that boy.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
That thing was wanting to move it was filling
him right amen, he's gonna giveyou a little amen a little wave
yeah, hallelujah.
So let's continue on while jaywas trying to work on this
camera and stuff.
But submission means that aftera thorough, honest sharing of
opinions, if there is still adisagreement, the wife must go
(34:26):
along with the husband'sdecision as long as it's not
sinful.
Now, that's going to be toughfor some women to hear.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Well, and here's the truth too, we live in a culture
where you pick the one youfollow.
That's right.
I mean, at least like in India,our brothers and sisters over
there, and some other countries,the parents pick the spouse
Right.
But here in America, you pickthe one you want to follow.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yep, remember we look at submission through the
biblical lens.
Right, whether you disagree ornot, the ultimate decision you
submit to is the one that yourhusband makes.
But listen to me, note this,husbands okay, don't.
Don't tighten up your pantsreal tight right now and get all
big and bad and puff up yourshoulders.
(35:09):
You will answer to God for thedecision that you make, and so
you husbands should onlyoverride your wife's objections
to a decision after much prayerand with fear and trembling.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Here's the way you have to view I don't think it's
the way you should view yourspouse.
They are helping you.
They are helping you.
Anna sees things that I neversee, oh, absolutely, and so I
would be ignorant to considerdoing things without her input.
Yeah, because there are I'meven in leading sheep, I mean
there are things I don't thinkabout, um, and so when we have a
(35:54):
conversation with her, she'sgoing to point out to me the
pitfalls.
I can expect that.
Yeah, because that's how sheviews things.
She's wired differently, andshe's wired differently for a
reason.
God didn't wire us the same.
Most men are big picture kindof people, and women are small
detail people, like, okay, youwant to go from A to Z, but
you've got 23 other stops yougot to make along the way, or 24
(36:15):
other stops you got to makealong the way that we don't
typically see.
So they are wired, they are.
They are wired that way for areason.
And so if, if you're going tolead yeah, you shouldn't you
should be consulting the otherhalf of you, right, because the
two become one you should beconsulting that other one to get
their input before decisions.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, absolutely.
We just Taylor and I justwalked through this because I
came to her very randomly and Isaid look, I think I want to sow
this amount of money in january, uh, to our ministry, okay,
what are your thoughts?
And she's like uh, now remember, women think completely
differently.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
She's like her brain goes up to 100.
She's got 51 tabs open.
Yeah, because women are womenof security, right?
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:58):
and she's like well, hold, because I think you
already sacrificed enough.
You know she does these thingsand I'm like, I understand, well
, pray about it, give me anumber and we'll come back to it
that you're comfortable doing.
She's like, well, I don't knowwhy, because you're going to
make the decision ultimately,what you want to do, and this is
(37:20):
where you grow and you maturein your walk with Christ,
because you understand, eventhough you have the right to
make a decision, you want tohave unity in that decision, in
every decision.
And so it's like, yeah, you'reright, I can make the decision,
taylor, and I appreciate youunderstanding that, but I want
you in agreement with me,because what I believe we're
doing this for is for us, it'snot for me.
(37:41):
And so I want you to be inagreement and believe with me
that what we're sowing for isgoing to happen.
And so, when you talk aboutbeing able to make the decisions
, but you've got you need theunity in there, you need it.
And so we you've got to makesure you consult, consider
before you make a decision,right, because women will give
(38:05):
you a blind spot that you didnot see.
So let's look at this reallyquick.
1 Peter 3, 7, husbands in thesame way.
This is where you have thechurch.
They say in the same way thesame way Submit yourselves to
your own wives.
Treat your wife withunderstanding as you live
together.
She may be weaker than you are,but honor her as a co-heir of
(38:28):
the gracious gift of life, sothat your prayers won't be
hindered.
Immediately after writing thisverse, he goes to say in verse 8
, and I don't even have itpulled up here, but you've got
to read verse 8 there there arewhen you look at what scripture
is saying we did all this aboutthe roles and wives must submit
(38:49):
to their husbands first.
Peter, in the same way submityourselves to your own wives.
There are two events inSarahah's marriage in the old
testament to illustrate mutualsubmission in marriage.
So god told abraham to obeysarah in genesis 21 and 12, and
(39:12):
the bible says that abrahamobeyed sarah in genesis 16 and 2
.
Um, it's very important inGenesis 16 and 2.
It's very important that thereis a time where you should be
submitting to your wife as well.
I don't know about you, but Ibelieve my wife can hear from
the Lord just as clear as I canat times.
(39:32):
Yeah, for sure.
And when you talk about herbeing a helper and what the
original design was, it's notjust help around the house, it's
help in the spiritual things aswell.
Spiritual and the decisions.
What you just said man, justreally consulting and talking,
and things like that.
There are things where it'slike you know what I had this
(39:53):
idea, but your thoughts are muchbetter Makes it more clear.
So, yeah, I'm going to submitto what you're deciding, what
you're thinking.
And so we as leaders, we arethe example.
Men, listen to me, be theexample.
Show your wives what submissionlooks like.
If it's not a life-alteringdecision, if it's not a big deal
(40:14):
that your wife wants to do orsomething she's got on her heart
, submit to it.
Be the example.
And the more you submit to yourwife, the easier it is for her
to submit to you Right, and sowhat you got?
Anything else?
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Well, I'm good.
I think we have covered thistopic very well.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
It's got me ready for the next, the next one is
communication and compromise,and we're going to slap all
y'all with this right here Okay.
Because, yeah, yeah, it took along time, but we finally
crafted that thing pretty good.
But uh, hey, thank you guys somuch for listening and, um
watching whichever way you can.
Uh, pastor jay's gonna blessyou, like we do every every
(40:53):
episode and uh, we'll see youhere next time hey, so real
quick, we just like to do thepriestly blessing and so we're
gonna do that here.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
that here Numbers 6, 24 through 26.
It says the Lord bless you andkeep you.
The Lord make his face shineupon you and be gracious to you.
The Lord lift up hiscountenance upon you and give
you peace.
Hey, thank you so much fortuning in.
To Pastor to Pastor, we'retalking about the blueprint of
marriage and we're lookingforward to the next few episodes
.
Share this with somebody.
Listen, I think no matter whereyou are in your walk with
(41:22):
Christ, no matter where you arein relationship, we can all
learn and grow and be better.
God bless you.
Make sure you share this withsomebody.
We look forward to seeing younext time, love y'all.
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