March 3, 2025 • 35 mins
Grief can transform our lives in ways we could never anticipate. In this heartfelt episode, I share my poignant journey following the sudden loss of my son, Timothy, exploring the overwhelming emotions that arise from such heartache. As I navigate this difficult terrain, I reflect on our unique father-son bond, the profound impact of family dynamics, and the life lessons learned through hardship.
Listeners will gain insights into the complexities of parenting amid adversity as I recount personal stories from my youth, intertwining them with Timothy’s experiences. This elegant tapestry of memory not only honors his life but also serves as a testament to the resilience we find when facing loss head-on. You will hear reflections on enduring love, the healing power of shared stories, and the necessity of maintaining connections, even in our saddest moments.
Join me as we delve into life's unexpected turns, embracing both laughter and tears while navigating through grief. As we close the episode, a touching musical tribute encapsulates the unbreakable bond I hold with Timothy. Let's support one another; your stories deserve to be heard. Remember to subscribe, share this episode, and rate us—let’s keep these important conversations alive.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Welcome to the Pat Speeps podcast.
Welcome to the Pat's Peepspodcast Number 219, which, at
this point I will tell you willbe a much different podcast and
much more difficult than anypodcast I've done up until this
point.
It's the third day of March2025, and today, as I look out
(00:45):
my studio windows into thebeautiful foothills of Northern
California, I see what I've seenthe last few days, which have
been essentially a mix of rainand sunshine A little cooler
temperatures, but rain excuse me, a little rain, some clouds and
some sunshine.
It's not raining right now.
(01:05):
It started off sunny and thensome clouds have moved in, so
it's one of those days a littlesunshine, little rain.
Thank you for tuning in.
I greatly appreciate you.
My name is pat walsh and I'mthe host of the pat walsh show
on kfbk news radio in Sacramento, 93.1 FM, 1530 AM and, of
(01:28):
course, streaming liveeverywhere on your free iHeart
app, and I hope that you'veperhaps checked out patspeepscom
.
I'll keep saying that becauseit's so important to our local
businesses that we're trying tohelp and we're trying to help
you save money.
But if I sound a littledifferent right now, I feel a
(01:48):
little different right now.
I, to be honest, I debatedwhether to do this or not today,
today, so yesterday, yesterday,I received a phone call.
(02:19):
You know Jason has been on mypodcast before Jason, Jason
Allen, who is a stand-upcomedian.
I told you in one of theprevious podcasts, many podcasts
ago, that Jason was a young man, that is, a young man in his
50s.
I still call him a young man,which he is, who I'm very proud
(02:41):
of, who I had a hand in raisingJason, who I'm very proud of,
who I had a hand in raisingJason.
It's a long, long story, but Iwas really the main male
influence in Jason's life.
He and his brother, Mikey, restin peace, and Jason has turned
(03:14):
out to be really a good man.
And yes, I get a phone call fromJason, and when I picked it up,
Jason was very somber and heproceeded to tell me, to break
the news to me, that my son,Timothy, had died yesterday.
(03:41):
I don't know if he diedyesterday I held his son but he
told me that my son had died Hishalf-brother, and so I am
(04:03):
devastated.
I am devastated, and so that'swhy I was debating whether to
come on here, because I'm a veryhonest person and I am also the
kind of person that has a toughtime managing my emotions, in
terms of when I'm sad, I getemotional.
(04:23):
So my son, Timothy, TimothyPatrick Walsh, has apparently
died.
I say apparently because I'mstill waiting to find out what
happened.
I don't know what happened.
(04:43):
Supposedly I'll find outsomething today, but, as you can
imagine, I'm devastated.
It caught me very much offguard.
Part of me, as I get into this,part of me is not surprised and
(05:08):
I hate to say that.
So, just to kind of give you,just to tell you that, just to
give you a background, okay,this is my life, this is the
life, the autobiography of PatWalsh.
In a nutshell, the oldest of sixkids.
We had a seventh kid eventually.
(05:32):
In terms of I say a seventh kid, what I mean is we had a
stepbrother.
So there was seven of us atsome point, once my dad and my
stepmother got married Ray resthis soul, passed away just a few
years ago was our stepbrotherso?
But I was the oldest, am theoldest of six kids and I had my
(06:01):
mind set on the fact that I wasgoing to be a baseball player
like my dad.
It's what I was dedicated to.
It's what I was going to do.
I was going to play baseballand I was good.
I felt like that's what I wasdestined to be as a baseball
player.
I'd practice when I had no oneto practice with.
I was super dedicated, Allright.
So at a certain point 1977, I'mgrowing my hair longer.
(06:29):
That's what we did in 1976,1977.
If you were in high school, youknow we grew our hair longer.
Well, my dad did not like thelonger hair.
One thing leads to another.
He kicks me out of the house.
I end up going to live with mymother.
I remember my dad saying whatare you trying to be JC?
(06:49):
And I love my dad.
He just wasn't used to longhair.
Jesus Christ, he didn't like.
He did not like that.
I was growing hair, a long hairAnyhow, because I looked like
Opie Taylor.
I'm making this too long,honestly.
I'm just trying to give yousome context of how things kind
of went awry and then how itwent from there.
(07:11):
So he kicked me out of thehouse.
I still don't even know why.
I don't even know what I didwrong.
I don't believe I did anythingwrong.
I was actually a good, prettygood kid.
You know, just because I havelong hair didn't mean me bad.
Suddenly I go live with mymother in Rancho Cordova and my
(07:31):
mother decides that we're goingto move in 1977 to Oregon, to
Salem Oregon.
That is where her sisters live.
A lot of her family lived inSalem Oregon.
So my buddy, Keith, and Idecided we're going to go up
there.
We're both still in high school, we're going to be seniors.
All right, let's go with yourma up to Salem Oregon.
He wanted to get away from hissituation that he was in.
I wanted to, and then I reallyhad no choice but to go with my
(07:54):
mother.
Plus, I loved her and my twosisters.
So we all moved to Salem Oregon.
One thing leads to another.
I ended up going to a couple ofdifferent high schools in Salem
Oregon as a senior, just likeKeith, my friend Keith, who went
up there with us.
When you go to a couple ofdifferent high schools as a
senior actually three differenthigh schools you know you end up
(08:21):
in a situation and part of thatmight have been as a junior,
but I recall more of it.
I can't remember the exactsequence, but maybe it was.
It seemed like it was all as asenior, but anyhow, between
junior and senior, I went tothree or four different high
schools.
So we're living in Oregon.
I go to West Salem High School,South Salem High School.
(08:41):
Then my mom decides she's gotto move out of Salem.
So we moved to Oregon City, upnear Portland, just not that far
from Portland, let's just tellyou that.
And so we're living in OregonCity, which I love Oregon City,
beautiful place, and I ended upgoing to Oregon City High School
.
But by this time I've gone toso many different high schools.
(09:04):
I'm kind of disillusioned.
I'm becoming a loner.
I don't know anyone.
You know, I don't know anyonein high school.
So I found myself walkingaround cutting class,
disinterested in school.
I wasn't caught up on any ofthe subjects, I couldn't follow,
I was just.
There was too much uncertainty.
You?
Here's my two sisters.
(09:24):
Here's my mother.
She's struggling.
She has no money.
She's doing her best.
So she gets a job at the IronSkillet truck stop in
Wilsonville, Oregon.
As I'm a 17-year-old, Well, I'mstill trying to go to high
school at Oregon City.
She's now working graveyard.
(09:45):
I am essentially taking care ofmy two sisters, Michelle and
Stephanie, as the oldest sibling.
But again, I'm struggling justto be in high school and do
homework, let alone taking careof my two sisters while my
mother is working graveyard.
But that's what she knew.
What to do was be a waitress atthis truck stop.
(10:08):
So I felt bad for her and I wastrying to figure out a way how
can I help my mom other thanjust watching my sisters.
Maybe I can go to work and thenshe can be with the sisters
when I'm at work and then whenshe's at work, I can be with my
sisters, with the sisters whenI'm at work and then when she's
at work, I can be with mysisters.
(10:28):
So I ended up getting a job atthe Iron Skillet truck stop
where my mother worked as a frycook.
I was a line cook, a very goodline cook, I have to say.
So I'm doing that During mytime at the Iron Skillet there's
a waitress.
My mother, this is where youwish you would listen to your
(10:48):
parents when you're younger.
But you knew it all or whatever.
You just didn't do it right.
My mother said stay away fromher, Pat.
She's trouble.
She's trying to get her clawsin you.
Stay away from this woman.
I had no interest in this woman.
Zero.
(11:10):
Being brutally honest with youon my podcast, like I am all the
time, I was pretty much I was avirgin basically at that point.
All right, that's just thetruth of it.
That's the honest truth.
She says you stay away from her.
Well, I'm 17.
I have no experience at thatsort of thing.
(11:38):
And one day at work, the womanwho was almost 27,.
This waitress who my motheremphatically told me to stay
away from, basically how do Iwant to say this was very
assertive and, let's just say,presented herself in a way that
(12:02):
made a 17-year-old with nowsuddenly raging hormones, it
seemed irresistible andbasically I was.
Basically I don't even know howI want to say this, I was too
shy to do anything, but she wasvery gosh emphatic.
(12:28):
I don't know what word I wantto say.
I'm not trying to accuse anyone.
Takes two to tangle, but I wasjust a kid, I didn't even know
what I'm doing.
So right out the box, cutting tothe chase.
Bam, she gets pregnant.
Bam, she gets pregnant.
I just turned 18.
I was shocked.
(12:49):
She's about to be 27.
I was shocked, I didn't knowwhat to do.
So all that baseball that I'vebeen working at, my goals, my
dreams, my aspirations to be aball player no-transcript, you
(13:10):
know, being a Catholic, I had noinclination whatsoever to do
anything drastic to stop thatpregnancy.
I was just trying to be adecent young man.
Well, as it turns out, at theage of 26, 27 years old that she
was, she already had two kids.
I didn't even know, I don'tknow, I barely don't even know
(13:33):
this woman.
She has two other children, twoother boys who are half
brothers, two different dads.
Now she has three, threedifferent dads.
She's expecting mine.
I could get into the idea andthe fact that it was awful the
(14:04):
way she treated the pregnancysmoking and drinking every
single night while I pleaded andcried and begged please stop.
I was told F you and she washammered.
You don't even know what you'retalking about.
You're just a punk kid and Iwas crying and I was distraught.
(14:24):
Anyhow, geez, I shouldn't besharing.
I can't believe I'm sharingthis.
I can't believe I'm sharingthis right now.
I can't believe it.
Fast forward a little ways.
Some tremendously irresponsiblethings happened, occurred,
(14:55):
which made me realize that thebest option for me and for my
son is to get him out of thissituation and come and live with
me, and we need to get out ofthere.
There are things I really don'twant to divulge, but it was
some things that were veryserious and very irresponsible
and I said, for the safety of myson, I need to change this.
(15:15):
As I was doing that at thispoint this is a couple of years
into my son, my son Timothy'slife I find out that she's
having liaisons, rendezvous,whatever you want to call it for
most of the people in thislittle town of Orland, which
(15:37):
became, which was revealed to mewhen I was leaving, I said I
have to take my son for the.
I can remember the morning Iwas shaving, telling her listen,
I'm sorry.
What happened is.
There's no excuse for that.
It was extremely dangerous andhe could have been hurt, he
could have died.
(15:57):
And you were passed out in themiddle of the day and it's
unacceptable.
And she yelled at me and shetold me F you.
And she had gained weight atthis point and told me she was
pregnant with my next child,Stuck around Again, Miserable,
(16:23):
Didn't know what to do.
Now I'm 20.
21.
21.
I'm working hard trying tosupport this family now.
My son, Tim, and I tried my bestto influence them.
They were both influenced.
They had different influencesand Tim started getting into
(16:50):
trouble.
My other son's name is Eric andEric has never been in any
trouble.
He's a good man.
But Timothy, who just passedaway and I don't even know the
details of how he passed away, Iwon't even know until today,
Maybe today, Maybe, Maybe Timwas always in trouble.
(17:16):
He needed a male influence andI don't.
Everything went awry and I usedto have to visit him.
In initially juvenile hall hewas living with his.
I couldn't get him away fromliving with his mother.
I begged him.
I pleaded with him son, comeand live with me.
(17:36):
But you know, when you're alittle guy it's hard to leave
your mom.
You know you start crying andyou know your dad means well,
but you know it's hard.
Can I leave my mom?
I can't leave her, She'll be introuble.
You know that kind of you'relooking out for your mom and I
(17:59):
get that.
I would be looking out for mineand I did look out for my mom
as well.
So I, for a period of time helived with me, but I couldn't
convince him.
You know, that it was okay tobe away from his mother.
He felt guilty about it and Isaid well, son, if you want to
go back and try it, I don'tthink that's in your best
interest.
I think your best interest ishere.
You know, and again, I wasworking full time.
So in the midst of myself, inthe midst of working full time,
(18:23):
I had dreams and aspirations ofmy own, because now I wasn't
going to be a baseball player.
I was too far behind going tobe a baseball player, I was too
far behind.
So I'm working at Musco Olivesin Orland and I would daydream
all the time about being inradio.
I'd be out there.
I had a job where I was outthere, working basically
essentially by myself, in thisone, in these parts of the olive
(18:45):
plant where they were remote,and I'm out there doing a job
that only I do, and I'd belistening to the radio.
And I used to think, God, youknow, I could do, I think I
could do this.
But again, here I am, I'm 24 andnow I'm at 25 years old before
I finally made the change.
Life is passing me by.
I'm now going to have kids atan early age.
(19:06):
I'm going to be ended up.
I'm going to end up working atan olive plant for my whole life
, which is never anything that Idreamt of, and I just realized
at this time that it was likethe song says it's now or never.
One day.
They asked me to do something.
I said I can't do that.
(19:27):
I'm not going to do that.
Matter of fact, I'm going to.
And after almost six years ofemployment with this place I was
good at my job I quit, Iclocked out and they asked me
what I was going to do.
I'll never forget this.
The two bosses asked me as Iwas walking away what are you
going to do?
I said I'm going to go tocollege.
And they laughed at me, Saiddon't come back looking for your
(19:51):
job, college boy.
And that's all it took.
I was already motivated, butthat motivated me even further.
So now I'm in college.
I go to Butte College trying toraise my sons and I'm trying to
show my sons that you can getout there and you can overcome
and you can make something ofyourself.
If you have a dream, you canmake it happen.
(20:11):
My son, Tim, was a verytalented artist.
Let's make this happen.
I want to show you inspiration.
And so I went to college.
I went to Butte College.
Eventually I became one of themost outstanding.
It's an award I literally gotin 2004, Most Outstanding Alumni
, Hall of Fame alumni of ButteCollege.
Aaron Rodgers is in that class,Larry Allen, Congressman
(20:38):
LaMalfa.
I was trying to be a positiveinfluence on my children's lives
and that maybe they would seethat.
Run with that, be inspired bythat, come and live with me so I
could show them that there'sanother way.
You would have to know how theywere living.
I would have to get into that.
But I'm not here to disparagetheir mother, her way of life or
(21:01):
any of that.
That would be for another showand I won't do that show.
But suffice it to say theyneeded some help big time.
The situation they were livingin was not good.
So as I'm going to college andI have this letter right in
front of me, I'll open it up foryou.
I just found this from the SanFrancisco, Northern California,
(21:22):
National Academy of TelevisionAcademy Awards.
The Academy Awards took placelast night.
This is from the Academy AwardsApril 4th 1989.
Your name, Pat Walsh, is goingto appear in the April 29th Emmy
Awards program as asemifinalist for an Emmy.
(21:45):
I mean yes, for an Emmy.
They sent me a copy of theawards program, the certificate
of the awards ceremony.
I was one of two semifinalistsfor an Emmy Award 1989.
They strongly urged that Icompete again for this, For a
(22:08):
documentary I did on thehomeless way back before.
It is what it is now in 1989.
There was a big write-up aboutme in the Chico Enterprise
record Hold to my camera talkedabout the fact that I was a
semi-finalist for an Emmy whilein college at Chico State.
Also in front of me right now,holding in my hand my centennial
(22:33):
commencement, the class of 91,Chico State Faculty and
graduating class of CaliforniaState University of Chico
Announced that Patrick AnthonyWalsh is a candidate for the
bachelor's of arts degreeinformation communication
studies option in instructionaltechnology.
At the 101st annualcommencement, Sunday morning,
(22:54):
May 26, nine o'clock, 1991University Stadium, I graduated
that day.
My sons were there.
I was trying so hard to showthem that dad was able to
overcome some very early lifemistakes.
Not that I was showing them andor indicating to them or
(23:17):
portraying them in any way as amistake.
That's not what I meant to sayright there.
But I'm talking about perhapsin my mind I had made mistakes
and I was trying to make myselffeel better about myself.
But I was trying to show themmore, not mistakes but through
some adversity, let's saythrough some adversity, because
(23:40):
I love my kids and I can't saythat they're mistakes, no matter
how that went down.
But I think you get what I'mtrying to say there.
I just trying to show them thateven if you get sidetracked or
you have adversity or whatever,you can make your dreams come
true.
Is all I'm trying to say.
Then, as things moved on, theywere two very different boys.
(24:04):
Tim was always in trouble.
I'd have to visit him atJuvenile Hall.
Eventually I was trying toagain inspire him, motivate him,
whatever I could do, change hisway of life, his way of
(24:25):
thinking, with some positivity.
That wasn't working.
You know, I've never spent aday in jail in my entire life,
Never.
And I think sometimes, the morethat he was incarcerated or
behind bars or locked up, thatmaybe the more the attitude of
(24:45):
that environment and attitudeseeped into his personality,
into his soul.
Eventually I began to visit Timat Mule Creek Prison.
I was devastated.
I used to visit him.
We'd go into the visiting room.
(25:06):
We had these vending machines.
It was all, it's all over.
You know they have someone inthere watching the whole room,
Officers watching everything,every move.
They have these vendingmachines around the room where
you, if the incarceratedindividual wants something from
a vending machine.
You can go get it from them orfor them, but they can never
(25:29):
touch the money and they cannever touch the vending machine.
You must do it for them and ifyou do not, and if they touch
that money or that machine, allhell breaks loose.
One day I was there visiting myson.
We went to a vending machineand standing directly in front
(25:51):
of me at the vending machine,picking out with his individual,
whoever this woman waspurchasing the food for him, was
Lyle Menendez.
And I thought to myself youmust be kidding that I would
have a son that is incarceratedin the same place as Lyle
Menendez.
And I thought to myself youmust be kidding that I would
have a son that is incarceratedin the same place as Lyle
Menendez.
Just disgraceful, Just so I andbeing honest with you, I'm not
(26:24):
trying to disparage my son.
My son was talented, he lovedme.
He would make sure to tell mehe loved me.
I cannot believe I'm using hisname in past tense or using him
in he was.
He was saying it in past tense.
I loved him and he loved me.
Now, the last, let's say, twoyears, he needed a bus ticket.
(26:50):
He needed to get back to acertain place.
I said, let me take care ofthat.
I got him the bus ticket.
I said you need to come hereand be part of this family so we
can.
Because he desired to be a partof our family and to meet his
cousins and to see his aunts andto see his uncles and to be a
part of that scene.
And I said, Timothy, please, wewould love to have you come up
(27:12):
this way and let's integrate youback into the family so we can
all love you and show you thatlove and show you that respect
and show you a differentperspective in life.
We can help you.
Let's do something, Please.
He wanted to do that.
(27:33):
I was very encouraged.
Once that phone call was over, Ididn't hear back, and so I
tried to get a hold of hisfriends and suddenly the number
that I had for him.
I couldn't get a hold of him.
So I tried to reach out onsocial media, private messaging.
I didn't get any answer.
(27:54):
A couple of years go by.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm telling him Timothy, pleasereach out to me, Please respond
, Please.
I just need to know what'sgoing on.
I'm telling him Timothy, pleasereach out to me, Please respond
, Please, I just need to knowhow you're doing and I would get
(28:14):
nothing back.
And every day I think about itand every day I think about it.
He was a very troubled youngman and I was looking at his
(28:43):
Facebook page yesterday, lookingat photos of him and reading
some of the things that he wassaying on Facebook and some of
(29:04):
the things really caught me offguard.
He wrote this you know he had acouple of different Facebook
pages so I didn't really seethis particular thing.
It is really.
It's chaotic, somewhat crazysounding, and yet it's almost a
(29:27):
reaching out for help.
I don't want to read the wholething.
There's a lot of cursing inthere which, whatever, that's no
big deal, Waking up all thefake and they can't take.
They suck, Keeping shit realPretend.
(29:49):
Friends tend to fake.
Feel For real, Real nonsense.
Rent, do relentlessly, Letpests infesting their pestering
rests when in defense no change.
Common sense, Dollars breaklinks, Makes no sense.
Penniless, Too poor to affordand unbreakable.
Now he is too tense Since bentspends.
(30:11):
Space rents In place, Relationsbruised.
His used, bent, dented, pent,spent On bullshit defense,
Reflective reminisce who is this?
New nuances Loosened hisfriends Boosted.
Now in rent spent, Influencedby gone air Wrong moves With his
sis.
Insist Room exists in the tent,Fraudulent friends in the hole
(30:35):
with none, Not one plus Ahundred, plus with gun.
I mean it goes on and on.
It's out there.
It goes on and on it's outthere.
Almost seems like a cry for helpto me.
I never saw that, but I couldfeel it in his voice and in the
(30:55):
pain in his voice when I wouldspeak with him.
No pillow, nothing, no will.
So sad weeps under this willow.
Smiled, he lies still.
Windows of the soul flew whenthe wind blew.
He went blowing, sent repentpain brought by storms, clouds.
He came, then went, Wish histime was better spent.
(31:23):
Now he's gone.
Wonder if his soul was betterspent.
Now he's gone.
Wonder if his soul was saved.
Heaven sent.
What was the meaning if one wasnever meant, If one was ever
meant by Tim Walsh?
You know I didn't know if Iwanted to do this podcast.
(31:52):
Like I said, I'm devastated,I'm sad and I'm debating whether
to do my radio show tonight.
I probably will.
I guess I just needed to endwith a song.
(32:18):
My son loved music just like Idid, and I guess this one comes
to mind today for some reasonpiano plays softly.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
My child arrived just the other day.
He came to the world in theusual way, but there were planes
to catch and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I wasaway and he was talking, for I
knew it and as he grew he'd sayI'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like youand the cats in the cradle and
(33:07):
the silver spoon, little boyblue and the man in the moon
when you're coming home, dad.
I don't know when, but we'llget together then, you know,
we'll have a good time.
Then.
My son turned ten just theother day.
(33:32):
He said thanks for the ball,dad.
Come on, let's play.
Can you teach me to throw?
I said not today, I got a lotto do.
He said that's okay and then hewalked away, but his smile
never dimmed.
He said I'm gonna be like himyeah, harry Chapin, coming home.
That I don't know when, butwe'll get together then, you
(33:53):
know, we'll have a good timethen.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Harry Chapin.
There's a way of summing thingsup in so many situations.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
just this song, well he came from college just the
other day.
So much like a man.
I just had to say, son, I'mproud of you.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Can you sit for a while?
He shook his head and utterhonesty with you.
Today is okay with you, Allright.
Thanks for listening to Pat'sPeeps 219.
Hopefully I'll see you on theradio tonight.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Rest in peace, son.
I've long since retired.
My son's moved away.
I called him up just the otherday.
I said I'd like to see you ifyou don't mind.
He said I'd love to Dad if Ican find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassleand the kids have the flu.
But it's sure nice talking toyou Dad.
(35:27):
It's been sure nice talking toyou.
Welcome to the Pat Speeps podcast.
Welcome to the Pat's Peepspodcast Number 219, which, at
this point I will tell you willbe a much different podcast and
much more difficult than anypodcast I've done up until this
point.
It's the third day of March2025, and today, as I look out
(00:45):
my studio windows into thebeautiful foothills of Northern
California, I see what I've seenthe last few days, which have
been essentially a mix of rainand sunshine A little cooler
temperatures, but rain excuse me, a little rain, some clouds and
some sunshine.
It's not raining right now.
(01:05):
It started off sunny and thensome clouds have moved in, so
it's one of those days a littlesunshine, little rain.
Thank you for tuning in.
I greatly appreciate you.
My name is pat walsh and I'mthe host of the pat walsh show
on kfbk news radio in Sacramento, 93.1 FM, 1530 AM and, of
(01:28):
course, streaming liveeverywhere on your free iHeart
app, and I hope that you'veperhaps checked out patspeepscom
.
I'll keep saying that becauseit's so important to our local
businesses that we're trying tohelp and we're trying to help
you save money.
But if I sound a littledifferent right now, I feel a
(01:48):
little different right now.
I, to be honest, I debatedwhether to do this or not today,
today, so yesterday, yesterday,I received a phone call.
(02:19):
You know Jason has been on mypodcast before Jason, Jason
Allen, who is a stand-upcomedian.
I told you in one of theprevious podcasts, many podcasts
ago, that Jason was a young man, that is, a young man in his
50s.
I still call him a young man,which he is, who I'm very proud
(02:41):
of, who I had a hand in raisingJason, who I'm very proud of,
who I had a hand in raisingJason.
It's a long, long story, but Iwas really the main male
influence in Jason's life.
He and his brother, Mikey, restin peace, and Jason has turned
(03:14):
out to be really a good man.
And yes, I get a phone call fromJason, and when I picked it up,
Jason was very somber and heproceeded to tell me, to break
the news to me, that my son,Timothy, had died yesterday.
(03:41):
I don't know if he diedyesterday I held his son but he
told me that my son had died Hishalf-brother, and so I am
(04:03):
devastated.
I am devastated, and so that'swhy I was debating whether to
come on here, because I'm a veryhonest person and I am also the
kind of person that has a toughtime managing my emotions, in
terms of when I'm sad, I getemotional.
(04:23):
So my son, Timothy, TimothyPatrick Walsh, has apparently
died.
I say apparently because I'mstill waiting to find out what
happened.
I don't know what happened.
(04:43):
Supposedly I'll find outsomething today, but, as you can
imagine, I'm devastated.
It caught me very much offguard.
Part of me, as I get into this,part of me is not surprised and
(05:08):
I hate to say that.
So, just to kind of give you,just to tell you that, just to
give you a background, okay,this is my life, this is the
life, the autobiography of PatWalsh.
In a nutshell, the oldest of sixkids.
We had a seventh kid eventually.
(05:32):
In terms of I say a seventh kid, what I mean is we had a
stepbrother.
So there was seven of us atsome point, once my dad and my
stepmother got married Ray resthis soul, passed away just a few
years ago was our stepbrotherso?
But I was the oldest, am theoldest of six kids and I had my
(06:01):
mind set on the fact that I wasgoing to be a baseball player
like my dad.
It's what I was dedicated to.
It's what I was going to do.
I was going to play baseballand I was good.
I felt like that's what I wasdestined to be as a baseball
player.
I'd practice when I had no oneto practice with.
I was super dedicated, Allright.
So at a certain point 1977, I'mgrowing my hair longer.
(06:29):
That's what we did in 1976,1977.
If you were in high school, youknow we grew our hair longer.
Well, my dad did not like thelonger hair.
One thing leads to another.
He kicks me out of the house.
I end up going to live with mymother.
I remember my dad saying whatare you trying to be JC?
(06:49):
And I love my dad.
He just wasn't used to longhair.
Jesus Christ, he didn't like.
He did not like that.
I was growing hair, a long hairAnyhow, because I looked like
Opie Taylor.
I'm making this too long,honestly.
I'm just trying to give yousome context of how things kind
of went awry and then how itwent from there.
(07:11):
So he kicked me out of thehouse.
I still don't even know why.
I don't even know what I didwrong.
I don't believe I did anythingwrong.
I was actually a good, prettygood kid.
You know, just because I havelong hair didn't mean me bad.
Suddenly I go live with mymother in Rancho Cordova and my
(07:31):
mother decides that we're goingto move in 1977 to Oregon, to
Salem Oregon.
That is where her sisters live.
A lot of her family lived inSalem Oregon.
So my buddy, Keith, and Idecided we're going to go up
there.
We're both still in high school, we're going to be seniors.
All right, let's go with yourma up to Salem Oregon.
He wanted to get away from hissituation that he was in.
I wanted to, and then I reallyhad no choice but to go with my
(07:54):
mother.
Plus, I loved her and my twosisters.
So we all moved to Salem Oregon.
One thing leads to another.
I ended up going to a couple ofdifferent high schools in Salem
Oregon as a senior, just likeKeith, my friend Keith, who went
up there with us.
When you go to a couple ofdifferent high schools as a
senior actually three differenthigh schools you know you end up
(08:21):
in a situation and part of thatmight have been as a junior,
but I recall more of it.
I can't remember the exactsequence, but maybe it was.
It seemed like it was all as asenior, but anyhow, between
junior and senior, I went tothree or four different high
schools.
So we're living in Oregon.
I go to West Salem High School,South Salem High School.
(08:41):
Then my mom decides she's gotto move out of Salem.
So we moved to Oregon City, upnear Portland, just not that far
from Portland, let's just tellyou that.
And so we're living in OregonCity, which I love Oregon City,
beautiful place, and I ended upgoing to Oregon City High School
.
But by this time I've gone toso many different high schools.
(09:04):
I'm kind of disillusioned.
I'm becoming a loner.
I don't know anyone.
You know, I don't know anyonein high school.
So I found myself walkingaround cutting class,
disinterested in school.
I wasn't caught up on any ofthe subjects, I couldn't follow,
I was just.
There was too much uncertainty.
You?
Here's my two sisters.
(09:24):
Here's my mother.
She's struggling.
She has no money.
She's doing her best.
So she gets a job at the IronSkillet truck stop in
Wilsonville, Oregon.
As I'm a 17-year-old, Well, I'mstill trying to go to high
school at Oregon City.
She's now working graveyard.
(09:45):
I am essentially taking care ofmy two sisters, Michelle and
Stephanie, as the oldest sibling.
But again, I'm struggling justto be in high school and do
homework, let alone taking careof my two sisters while my
mother is working graveyard.
But that's what she knew.
What to do was be a waitress atthis truck stop.
(10:08):
So I felt bad for her and I wastrying to figure out a way how
can I help my mom other thanjust watching my sisters.
Maybe I can go to work and thenshe can be with the sisters
when I'm at work and then whenshe's at work, I can be with my
sisters, with the sisters whenI'm at work and then when she's
at work, I can be with mysisters.
(10:28):
So I ended up getting a job atthe Iron Skillet truck stop
where my mother worked as a frycook.
I was a line cook, a very goodline cook, I have to say.
So I'm doing that During mytime at the Iron Skillet there's
a waitress.
My mother, this is where youwish you would listen to your
(10:48):
parents when you're younger.
But you knew it all or whatever.
You just didn't do it right.
My mother said stay away fromher, Pat.
She's trouble.
She's trying to get her clawsin you.
Stay away from this woman.
I had no interest in this woman.
Zero.
(11:10):
Being brutally honest with youon my podcast, like I am all the
time, I was pretty much I was avirgin basically at that point.
All right, that's just thetruth of it.
That's the honest truth.
She says you stay away from her.
Well, I'm 17.
I have no experience at thatsort of thing.
(11:38):
And one day at work, the womanwho was almost 27,.
This waitress who my motheremphatically told me to stay
away from, basically how do Iwant to say this was very
assertive and, let's just say,presented herself in a way that
(12:02):
made a 17-year-old with nowsuddenly raging hormones, it
seemed irresistible andbasically I was.
Basically I don't even know howI want to say this, I was too
shy to do anything, but she wasvery gosh emphatic.
(12:28):
I don't know what word I wantto say.
I'm not trying to accuse anyone.
Takes two to tangle, but I wasjust a kid, I didn't even know
what I'm doing.
So right out the box, cutting tothe chase.
Bam, she gets pregnant.
Bam, she gets pregnant.
I just turned 18.
I was shocked.
(12:49):
She's about to be 27.
I was shocked, I didn't knowwhat to do.
So all that baseball that I'vebeen working at, my goals, my
dreams, my aspirations to be aball player no-transcript, you
(13:10):
know, being a Catholic, I had noinclination whatsoever to do
anything drastic to stop thatpregnancy.
I was just trying to be adecent young man.
Well, as it turns out, at theage of 26, 27 years old that she
was, she already had two kids.
I didn't even know, I don'tknow, I barely don't even know
(13:33):
this woman.
She has two other children, twoother boys who are half
brothers, two different dads.
Now she has three, threedifferent dads.
She's expecting mine.
I could get into the idea andthe fact that it was awful the
(14:04):
way she treated the pregnancysmoking and drinking every
single night while I pleaded andcried and begged please stop.
I was told F you and she washammered.
You don't even know what you'retalking about.
You're just a punk kid and Iwas crying and I was distraught.
(14:24):
Anyhow, geez, I shouldn't besharing.
I can't believe I'm sharingthis.
I can't believe I'm sharingthis right now.
I can't believe it.
Fast forward a little ways.
Some tremendously irresponsiblethings happened, occurred,
(14:55):
which made me realize that thebest option for me and for my
son is to get him out of thissituation and come and live with
me, and we need to get out ofthere.
There are things I really don'twant to divulge, but it was
some things that were veryserious and very irresponsible
and I said, for the safety of myson, I need to change this.
(15:15):
As I was doing that at thispoint this is a couple of years
into my son, my son Timothy'slife I find out that she's
having liaisons, rendezvous,whatever you want to call it for
most of the people in thislittle town of Orland, which
(15:37):
became, which was revealed to mewhen I was leaving, I said I
have to take my son for the.
I can remember the morning Iwas shaving, telling her listen,
I'm sorry.
What happened is.
There's no excuse for that.
It was extremely dangerous andhe could have been hurt, he
could have died.
(15:57):
And you were passed out in themiddle of the day and it's
unacceptable.
And she yelled at me and shetold me F you.
And she had gained weight atthis point and told me she was
pregnant with my next child,Stuck around Again, Miserable,
(16:23):
Didn't know what to do.
Now I'm 20.
21.
21.
I'm working hard trying tosupport this family now.
My son, Tim, and I tried my bestto influence them.
They were both influenced.
They had different influencesand Tim started getting into
(16:50):
trouble.
My other son's name is Eric andEric has never been in any
trouble.
He's a good man.
But Timothy, who just passedaway and I don't even know the
details of how he passed away, Iwon't even know until today,
Maybe today, Maybe, Maybe Timwas always in trouble.
(17:16):
He needed a male influence andI don't.
Everything went awry and I usedto have to visit him.
In initially juvenile hall hewas living with his.
I couldn't get him away fromliving with his mother.
I begged him.
I pleaded with him son, comeand live with me.
(17:36):
But you know, when you're alittle guy it's hard to leave
your mom.
You know you start crying andyou know your dad means well,
but you know it's hard.
Can I leave my mom?
I can't leave her, She'll be introuble.
You know that kind of you'relooking out for your mom and I
(17:59):
get that.
I would be looking out for mineand I did look out for my mom
as well.
So I, for a period of time helived with me, but I couldn't
convince him.
You know, that it was okay tobe away from his mother.
He felt guilty about it and Isaid well, son, if you want to
go back and try it, I don'tthink that's in your best
interest.
I think your best interest ishere.
You know, and again, I wasworking full time.
So in the midst of myself, inthe midst of working full time,
(18:23):
I had dreams and aspirations ofmy own, because now I wasn't
going to be a baseball player.
I was too far behind going tobe a baseball player, I was too
far behind.
So I'm working at Musco Olivesin Orland and I would daydream
all the time about being inradio.
I'd be out there.
I had a job where I was outthere, working basically
essentially by myself, in thisone, in these parts of the olive
(18:45):
plant where they were remote,and I'm out there doing a job
that only I do, and I'd belistening to the radio.
And I used to think, God, youknow, I could do, I think I
could do this.
But again, here I am, I'm 24 andnow I'm at 25 years old before
I finally made the change.
Life is passing me by.
I'm now going to have kids atan early age.
(19:06):
I'm going to be ended up.
I'm going to end up working atan olive plant for my whole life
, which is never anything that Idreamt of, and I just realized
at this time that it was likethe song says it's now or never.
One day.
They asked me to do something.
I said I can't do that.
(19:27):
I'm not going to do that.
Matter of fact, I'm going to.
And after almost six years ofemployment with this place I was
good at my job I quit, Iclocked out and they asked me
what I was going to do.
I'll never forget this.
The two bosses asked me as Iwas walking away what are you
going to do?
I said I'm going to go tocollege.
And they laughed at me, Saiddon't come back looking for your
(19:51):
job, college boy.
And that's all it took.
I was already motivated, butthat motivated me even further.
So now I'm in college.
I go to Butte College trying toraise my sons and I'm trying to
show my sons that you can getout there and you can overcome
and you can make something ofyourself.
If you have a dream, you canmake it happen.
(20:11):
My son, Tim, was a verytalented artist.
Let's make this happen.
I want to show you inspiration.
And so I went to college.
I went to Butte College.
Eventually I became one of themost outstanding.
It's an award I literally gotin 2004, Most Outstanding Alumni
, Hall of Fame alumni of ButteCollege.
Aaron Rodgers is in that class,Larry Allen, Congressman
(20:38):
LaMalfa.
I was trying to be a positiveinfluence on my children's lives
and that maybe they would seethat.
Run with that, be inspired bythat, come and live with me so I
could show them that there'sanother way.
You would have to know how theywere living.
I would have to get into that.
But I'm not here to disparagetheir mother, her way of life or
(21:01):
any of that.
That would be for another showand I won't do that show.
But suffice it to say theyneeded some help big time.
The situation they were livingin was not good.
So as I'm going to college andI have this letter right in
front of me, I'll open it up foryou.
I just found this from the SanFrancisco, Northern California,
(21:22):
National Academy of TelevisionAcademy Awards.
The Academy Awards took placelast night.
This is from the Academy AwardsApril 4th 1989.
Your name, Pat Walsh, is goingto appear in the April 29th Emmy
Awards program as asemifinalist for an Emmy.
(21:45):
I mean yes, for an Emmy.
They sent me a copy of theawards program, the certificate
of the awards ceremony.
I was one of two semifinalistsfor an Emmy Award 1989.
They strongly urged that Icompete again for this, For a
(22:08):
documentary I did on thehomeless way back before.
It is what it is now in 1989.
There was a big write-up aboutme in the Chico Enterprise
record Hold to my camera talkedabout the fact that I was a
semi-finalist for an Emmy whilein college at Chico State.
Also in front of me right now,holding in my hand my centennial
(22:33):
commencement, the class of 91,Chico State Faculty and
graduating class of CaliforniaState University of Chico
Announced that Patrick AnthonyWalsh is a candidate for the
bachelor's of arts degreeinformation communication
studies option in instructionaltechnology.
At the 101st annualcommencement, Sunday morning,
(22:54):
May 26, nine o'clock, 1991University Stadium, I graduated
that day.
My sons were there.
I was trying so hard to showthem that dad was able to
overcome some very early lifemistakes.
Not that I was showing them andor indicating to them or
(23:17):
portraying them in any way as amistake.
That's not what I meant to sayright there.
But I'm talking about perhapsin my mind I had made mistakes
and I was trying to make myselffeel better about myself.
But I was trying to show themmore, not mistakes but through
some adversity, let's saythrough some adversity, because
(23:40):
I love my kids and I can't saythat they're mistakes, no matter
how that went down.
But I think you get what I'mtrying to say there.
I just trying to show them thateven if you get sidetracked or
you have adversity or whatever,you can make your dreams come
true.
Is all I'm trying to say.
Then, as things moved on, theywere two very different boys.
(24:04):
Tim was always in trouble.
I'd have to visit him atJuvenile Hall.
Eventually I was trying toagain inspire him, motivate him,
whatever I could do, change hisway of life, his way of
(24:25):
thinking, with some positivity.
That wasn't working.
You know, I've never spent aday in jail in my entire life,
Never.
And I think sometimes, the morethat he was incarcerated or
behind bars or locked up, thatmaybe the more the attitude of
(24:45):
that environment and attitudeseeped into his personality,
into his soul.
Eventually I began to visit Timat Mule Creek Prison.
I was devastated.
I used to visit him.
We'd go into the visiting room.
(25:06):
We had these vending machines.
It was all, it's all over.
You know they have someone inthere watching the whole room,
Officers watching everything,every move.
They have these vendingmachines around the room where
you, if the incarceratedindividual wants something from
a vending machine.
You can go get it from them orfor them, but they can never
(25:29):
touch the money and they cannever touch the vending machine.
You must do it for them and ifyou do not, and if they touch
that money or that machine, allhell breaks loose.
One day I was there visiting myson.
We went to a vending machineand standing directly in front
(25:51):
of me at the vending machine,picking out with his individual,
whoever this woman waspurchasing the food for him, was
Lyle Menendez.
And I thought to myself youmust be kidding that I would
have a son that is incarceratedin the same place as Lyle
Menendez.
And I thought to myself youmust be kidding that I would
have a son that is incarceratedin the same place as Lyle
Menendez.
Just disgraceful, Just so I andbeing honest with you, I'm not
(26:24):
trying to disparage my son.
My son was talented, he lovedme.
He would make sure to tell mehe loved me.
I cannot believe I'm using hisname in past tense or using him
in he was.
He was saying it in past tense.
I loved him and he loved me.
Now, the last, let's say, twoyears, he needed a bus ticket.
(26:50):
He needed to get back to acertain place.
I said, let me take care ofthat.
I got him the bus ticket.
I said you need to come hereand be part of this family so we
can.
Because he desired to be a partof our family and to meet his
cousins and to see his aunts andto see his uncles and to be a
part of that scene.
And I said, Timothy, please, wewould love to have you come up
(27:12):
this way and let's integrate youback into the family so we can
all love you and show you thatlove and show you that respect
and show you a differentperspective in life.
We can help you.
Let's do something, Please.
He wanted to do that.
(27:33):
I was very encouraged.
Once that phone call was over, Ididn't hear back, and so I
tried to get a hold of hisfriends and suddenly the number
that I had for him.
I couldn't get a hold of him.
So I tried to reach out onsocial media, private messaging.
I didn't get any answer.
(27:54):
A couple of years go by.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm telling him Timothy, pleasereach out to me, Please respond
, Please.
I just need to know what'sgoing on.
I'm telling him Timothy, pleasereach out to me, Please respond
, Please, I just need to knowhow you're doing and I would get
(28:14):
nothing back.
And every day I think about itand every day I think about it.
He was a very troubled youngman and I was looking at his
(28:43):
Facebook page yesterday, lookingat photos of him and reading
some of the things that he wassaying on Facebook and some of
(29:04):
the things really caught me offguard.
He wrote this you know he had acouple of different Facebook
pages so I didn't really seethis particular thing.
It is really.
It's chaotic, somewhat crazysounding, and yet it's almost a
(29:27):
reaching out for help.
I don't want to read the wholething.
There's a lot of cursing inthere which, whatever, that's no
big deal, Waking up all thefake and they can't take.
They suck, Keeping shit realPretend.
(29:49):
Friends tend to fake.
Feel For real, Real nonsense.
Rent, do relentlessly, Letpests infesting their pestering
rests when in defense no change.
Common sense, Dollars breaklinks, Makes no sense.
Penniless, Too poor to affordand unbreakable.
Now he is too tense Since bentspends.
(30:11):
Space rents In place, Relationsbruised.
His used, bent, dented, pent,spent On bullshit defense,
Reflective reminisce who is this?
New nuances Loosened hisfriends Boosted.
Now in rent spent, Influencedby gone air Wrong moves With his
sis.
Insist Room exists in the tent,Fraudulent friends in the hole
(30:35):
with none, Not one plus Ahundred, plus with gun.
I mean it goes on and on.
It's out there.
It goes on and on it's outthere.
Almost seems like a cry for helpto me.
I never saw that, but I couldfeel it in his voice and in the
(30:55):
pain in his voice when I wouldspeak with him.
No pillow, nothing, no will.
So sad weeps under this willow.
Smiled, he lies still.
Windows of the soul flew whenthe wind blew.
He went blowing, sent repentpain brought by storms, clouds.
He came, then went, Wish histime was better spent.
(31:23):
Now he's gone.
Wonder if his soul was betterspent.
Now he's gone.
Wonder if his soul was saved.
Heaven sent.
What was the meaning if one wasnever meant, If one was ever
meant by Tim Walsh?
You know I didn't know if Iwanted to do this podcast.
(31:52):
Like I said, I'm devastated,I'm sad and I'm debating whether
to do my radio show tonight.
I probably will.
I guess I just needed to endwith a song.
(32:18):
My son loved music just like Idid, and I guess this one comes
to mind today for some reasonpiano plays softly.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
My child arrived just the other day.
He came to the world in theusual way, but there were planes
to catch and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I wasaway and he was talking, for I
knew it and as he grew he'd sayI'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like youand the cats in the cradle and
(33:07):
the silver spoon, little boyblue and the man in the moon
when you're coming home, dad.
I don't know when, but we'llget together then, you know,
we'll have a good time.
Then.
My son turned ten just theother day.
(33:32):
He said thanks for the ball,dad.
Come on, let's play.
Can you teach me to throw?
I said not today, I got a lotto do.
He said that's okay and then hewalked away, but his smile
never dimmed.
He said I'm gonna be like himyeah, harry Chapin, coming home.
That I don't know when, butwe'll get together then, you
(33:53):
know, we'll have a good timethen.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Harry Chapin.
There's a way of summing thingsup in so many situations.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
just this song, well he came from college just the
other day.
So much like a man.
I just had to say, son, I'mproud of you.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Can you sit for a while?
He shook his head and utterhonesty with you.
Today is okay with you, Allright.
Thanks for listening to Pat'sPeeps 219.
Hopefully I'll see you on theradio tonight.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Rest in peace, son.
I've long since retired.
My son's moved away.
I called him up just the otherday.
I said I'd like to see you ifyou don't mind.
He said I'd love to Dad if Ican find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassleand the kids have the flu.
But it's sure nice talking toyou Dad.
(35:27):
It's been sure nice talking toyou.
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!