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December 2, 2025 • 23 mins
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SPEAKER_13 (00:14):
So here we are once again.
There you are.
Once again, thank you for that.
I appreciate it.
It is the Pat's beeps numberthree sixty-nine.
That's right, Pat's beeps threesixty-nine.
It's a Tuesday.

(00:37):
It's uh beautiful day as I lookout of my studio window into the
beautiful foothills of NorthernCalifornia on this.
This is uh now December 2nd, uh,2025.
And I am in the Christmasspirit.
I hope you enjoyed it.
I got some good feedback on ouruh Indian Christmas music from

(00:58):
our last podcast.
I'm gonna go into that on myradio show tonight a little bit
too, so I don't usuallyreplicate things, but there's
more of that, and it's uh fun toshare, you know what I mean?
Um by the way, my name, speakingof radio, uh the my radio show,
my name is Pat Walsh.
Uh the I'm the host of the aptlynamed Pat Walsh Show, which in

(01:20):
case you don't know, airs 7 to10 p.m.
Monday through Friday's KFPKNews Radio, 93.1 FM, 1530 a.m.
is we're getting, I guess, intothe Christmas spirit.
Tonight I think I may bring upon my show things like Secret
Santa's, white elephant gifts.

(01:42):
You ever been in a weirdsituation where you had to get
like a white elephant gift?
Or then you get in uh like weirdChristmas parties.
I should have jotted that onedown too.
Christmas parties.
I don't know if I can tell myChristmas party.
But anyhow I might get into someof that.

(02:03):
Let's see what else we have.
I did, I I I think I mentioned Ican't remember if I mentioned
Hero or my radio show.
I made some killer soup at home.
And this soup.
I had this leftover turkey.
Did I mention that?
I don't know, maybe I mentionedhere on on the on the the the my

(02:24):
radio show, so I'm probablyrepeating myself.
But the the white beans and theturkey and the the green
chilies, but the ghost peppertomatoes.
Man, the diced ghost peppertomatoes.
That took it to a whole newlevel.
By the way, taking it to a wholenew level, I want to thank New

(02:47):
and you, New, uh, who uh I metthe other night, who listens to
my show.
He and his friend Brian, we wereat a local uh cigar shop,
Tobacco Republic, as we weretalking, we hadn't even
introduced ourselves, and uh allof a sudden Brian says, What's
your name again?
I said, Pat.
He goes, Pat Walsh, I listen toyour show all the time.

(03:08):
And then New said that helistens.
And so, anyhow, he's the ownerof uh a business here in town,
and I like to support the localbusiness.
Please go to patspeeps.com whereyou can find two for one
dinners.
I'm gonna try to extend thatout.
I'll let you know, but we didthat all the way through the
month of October and November.
But New owns Thai Gardens herein Auburn.

(03:29):
He owns a couple of other placesthat I'm t I'm gonna be telling
you about.
Outstanding Thai food, I mustsay.
Everyone was so nice, it wasvery cozy, and you could tell
everyone was very satisfied withthe food.
So thank you, New, my newfriend.
Pardon the pun, but you don'thave to.
I mean, anyhow.

(03:50):
Um, so as I said, the fact isthat I am getting into the
Christmas spirit, and with thatin mind, you know, I always like
to string together a few thingshere on the path spade.
String a few things together.
And these are just things thatkind of come to mind.
But I thought, alright, withoutfurther ado, let's keep it light

(04:11):
on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna keep it light on myshow as well.
And uh one more thank you forlistening to not just my radio
show, but to my podcast as wecontinue on here on Pat's Peeps
369.

SPEAKER_16 (04:30):
Well, hello there.
I'm Larry, the new guide up herein Christmas Town, or as you
call it, the North Pole.
If you'd like, I'd be happy toshow you around.
Not much has changed sinceRudolph made his historic flight
on that foggy Christmas Eve.
Oh yes.
Rudolph still lives here.
In fact, he lives just up overthe hill.

SPEAKER_14 (04:53):
Damn it, Clarice! I said, bring me another beer!
What I gotta do, I send up MerryChristmas, Rudolph! Is it
hunting season yet?
Shoot me in the face and put meout of my misery!

SPEAKER_16 (05:05):
Ah, that's just the beer talking.
You're the most famous reindeerof all.
You made history.

SPEAKER_14 (05:11):
Yeah, well, history doesn't pay the mortgage,
Snowball.
Those residuals from the showstopped coming in years ago.
And Santa cut my Medicaid justwhen my damn prostate started
glowing.

SPEAKER_01 (05:23):
Grandma got a dildo for Christmas.
She just looked at it with a bigfrown.
Grandma got a dildo forChristmas, and Grandpa had the
biggest smiling time.
We decided on a secret Santathis year.
Everyone in our family picked aname, but there wasn't time for

(05:47):
any Christmas cheer.
Whoever picked Grandma is toblame.

SPEAKER_10 (05:53):
Grandma got a dildo for Christmas.

SPEAKER_01 (05:56):
She just looked at it with a big frown.
Grandma got a dildo forChristmas, and grandpa had the
biggest smile in town.

SPEAKER_13 (06:07):
Pat's Pabes 369.
So glad you like that.
We just heard grandma got adildo for Christmas.
This by Doris Knight.

SPEAKER_02 (06:31):
For now all is calm, and for now all is bright.
Till the sound of the doorbellfills this house with fear.
Dysfunctional family Christmasis here.
Bring in the bags and thebaggage we got.

(06:54):
You know those in-laws arecoming in hot.
Hold on to your stock kids.
It's about to get away.

(07:17):
It's the crazy that comes aloneonce every year.
Dysfunctional family, Christmasis here.

SPEAKER_01 (07:38):
Oh Clark, what's wrong?
Honey.
It's bigger than you expected.
Smaller?
What is it?

SPEAKER_19 (07:58):
It's a one-year membership in the Jelly of the
Month Club.

unknown (08:02):
Oh God.

SPEAKER_19 (08:03):
Clark, it's the gift that keeps on giving the whole
year.
That it is, Edward.
That it is indeed.

SPEAKER_00 (08:13):
I'm sorry.
Clark.

SPEAKER_19 (08:16):
This isn't the biggest bag over the head punch
in the face I ever got.

SPEAKER_12 (08:51):
I have one.
I like Frank Shirley, my boss,right here tonight.

SPEAKER_19 (08:56):
I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber
over there on Melody Lane withall the other rich people.
And I want him brought him righthere.
With a big ribbon on his head.
And I want to look him straightin the eye.
And I want to tell him what acheap lying, no good, rotten,
foreign-flushing, low-lifesnake-licking, dirt-eating
inbred, overstuffed, ignorant,blood sucking, dog kissing,

(09:18):
brainless, dickless, hopeless,heartless, fat ass, bug-eyed,
stiff-legged, spotty worm headedsack of monkey shit he is.
Hallelujah.
Holy shit! Where's the title?

SPEAKER_04 (10:32):
Don't you know it's Christmas?

(10:56):
Yeah.
So Christmas.
So Christmas, fill me onpresents for everyone.
Mama's in the kitchen making aturkey that is on the couch.

(11:24):
I think I was worried.

SPEAKER_09 (12:58):
What do you want for Christmas little boy?

SPEAKER_04 (13:01):
My mind had gone blank.
Frantically, I'm trying toremember what it was I wanted.
I was blowing it, blowing it.

SPEAKER_12 (13:09):
How about the football?
Football.
Football.
What's a football?
Without conscious will, my voicesqueaked out.
Football! Okay, get him out ofhere.
A football! Oh no! What was Idoing?
Wake up!

SPEAKER_04 (13:26):
Wake up!

SPEAKER_17 (13:34):
No, no!

SPEAKER_12 (13:39):
You should your eye out, kid.

SPEAKER_03 (13:51):
Oh well uh, Christmas time is the time to be
good.
But baby, I'm a bad bad kid.
A stocking full of kerosenematches in wood.
Government surveillance is thestart of the war.
Ain't no telling what I did.

(14:12):
I like to think I'm justmisunderstood.
But you know I'm just a bad badkid.
Dad, I've told mama lastChristmas seed.
You know we got a bad bad kid.
He's got a black leather jacketand a real mean streak.
I guess he's just a bad bad kid.

(14:34):
He knocked off the Macy's and myuncle's antiques.
Hocked him for 49 quid.
He's on a one-way ticket down adead ass street.
Cause mama, he's a bad bad kid.

unknown (14:48):
Mr.

SPEAKER_17 (14:48):
Santa, for Christmas, could I please have a
busy Brenda mystery actionvacuum cleaner dog?

SPEAKER_05 (14:55):
No, honey.
Sorry.

SPEAKER_17 (14:57):
Could I have um a battery operated dog family?

SPEAKER_05 (15:01):
No.

SPEAKER_17 (15:04):
Flexi the pocket monkey.

SPEAKER_05 (15:06):
No, you may not have Flexi the Pocket Monkey.

SPEAKER_17 (15:11):
Mr.
Santa, could I have um a ReadyRanger mobile field?

SPEAKER_05 (15:16):
Oh, I'd have to go all the way out to Corvette to
get that.
Forget it.
What else?

SPEAKER_17 (15:20):
Could I get a just a little tiny nerf ball?
No, no nerf ball.
Could I get a Vic Hatfieldhockey game?

SPEAKER_05 (15:28):
Oh, a Vic Hatfield hockey game?

SPEAKER_17 (15:30):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (15:31):
Well, no.

unknown (15:32):
Ha!

SPEAKER_05 (15:33):
What else?

SPEAKER_17 (15:36):
Fluffy.

SPEAKER_05 (15:36):
Fluffy! Fluffy, you want a fluffy?
No.
The answer's no, you can't haveit.
Ha! You want a trapdoor?
Whoa!

SPEAKER_11 (15:45):
Ha ha! Mr.
Santa's.

SPEAKER_05 (15:46):
That's one of Santa's little tricks.
That's the price you pay forgetting on Santa's lap to give
you the trapdoor movie.
Mr.

SPEAKER_17 (15:52):
Santa Barbie was gonna go to Malibu.

SPEAKER_05 (15:55):
Malibu?

SPEAKER_17 (15:56):
She needs a tan.

SPEAKER_05 (15:57):
Oh, like I'm Tan from the Sun?
Yeah.
Well, my name is Santa fromTrapdoor, Wisconsin.
Oh, there you go on the flooragain.
Come out up the old trapdoorbit, maybe the oldest one in the
book.
You fell for it.

SPEAKER_17 (16:11):
Can I get a sad sad pearl dog?

SPEAKER_05 (16:17):
Isn't that precious?
No.
What else don't you want?
Or wanna have and can't have?

SPEAKER_17 (16:27):
Mr.
Santa, for Christmas I washoping I would get a play-doh.

SPEAKER_05 (16:32):
Play-doh, is that what you want, kitten?
Play-doh.

SPEAKER_17 (16:35):
I want enough to build my parents a house in the
country.

SPEAKER_05 (16:40):
Enough to build your parents a house in the country?
Well, I'll tell you what, sincethat is an awful lot of
play-doh, I'll just say no.

SPEAKER_17 (16:50):
Oh no, Mr.
Santa, could I?
No, you get it?

SPEAKER_05 (16:53):
You can't have the Play-Doh.

SPEAKER_17 (16:55):
Mr.
Santa, please have a good one.

SPEAKER_05 (16:56):
When are you gonna quit?

SPEAKER_17 (16:57):
Mr.
Santa, I don't have much time.

SPEAKER_05 (16:59):
Santa's getting riled.
Don't have much time.
He gets ugly.

SPEAKER_17 (17:03):
Mr.
Santa, I would like to get amagic slate.

SPEAKER_05 (17:07):
A magic slate?
Oh.
So you can do magic with it.

SPEAKER_17 (17:11):
So you draw on it.

SPEAKER_05 (17:13):
Draw on it and then erase it right away, right?
So then there's nothing left.
Well tell you what.
We'll eliminate the little man.
And I'll give you nothing.
You're hoping.
What else were you hoping for?
Brainless brat.
Stick in your ear.
No art masterpieces for you,Christmas time.

(17:37):
No, don't bother looking astocking because it ain't gonna
be there.

SPEAKER_17 (17:41):
But Mr.
Sam, what about a set of pizza?

SPEAKER_05 (17:47):
Well, that seems like a rather small request,
just to you know.

SPEAKER_17 (17:51):
It only doesn't cost very much.

SPEAKER_05 (17:56):
You want peas?

SPEAKER_17 (17:57):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (17:58):
You can't have it! Ha! I love it!

SPEAKER_15 (18:02):
You're not getting it.
That's wack you old SamuelJingle Bella, jingle bella,
jingle bella rock.
Jingle bella singer and a jinglebella ringer.
Snowing and blowing the bushelsof under.
Now the jingle of heads be thebun.
Jingle bella, jingle bella,jingle bell a rock.

(18:25):
Jingle bells a chima, jinglebella timer.
Dance in the dance in the jinglebell, a square in the frost tea
bride.
To rock the night of the jinglebell the time, time to go

(18:50):
gliding in the horse sleep.

SPEAKER_19 (18:54):
Thanks a lot, guys.
Merry Christmas.
Get the whole boy in the hammerout.
Fragile.
It must be Italian.

SPEAKER_09 (19:05):
Well, I think that says fragile thing.

SPEAKER_19 (19:07):
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_13 (19:14):
And now for your listening pleasure, right here
on Pat's Peeps 369.

SPEAKER_06 (19:23):
A three.
The way we were rejoice beyondrace.
A new and glorious mor.

SPEAKER_13 (20:01):
I knew you'd like this.
You know, it only gets worsefrom here, but we'll let her
roll here.

SPEAKER_00 (20:40):
Hey, this Christmas party is getting a little too
quiet.
I think it's time we liven it upwith my favorite Christmas gift,
Mr.
Microphone.
Hey, what's that?
Well, you set the dial on yourFM radio and testing testing.

SPEAKER_10 (20:53):
These kids are having a fabulous time with Mr.
Microphone, the cordlessmicrophone that actually puts
your voice on the radio.
There are no attaching wires, soyou're free to move around.
Broadcast over any FM car radio.

SPEAKER_02 (21:09):
Hey, good looking.
We'll be back to pick you uplater.

SPEAKER_10 (21:12):
Professional entertainers use Mr.
Microphone for rehearsing.

SPEAKER_04 (21:18):
I got one.

SPEAKER_01 (21:19):
I got one.
I got one.
I got one.
I got one.
I got one.
I got a Mr.
Microphone and I love it.

SPEAKER_10 (21:25):
It's practical and great fun for the whole family.
And it's only$14.88.
Mr.
Microphone, buy two or three.
They really make great Christmasgifts.

SPEAKER_09 (21:37):
Christmas gift values up to$15, now only$4.96
at Kmart.
The Amazing Cookie Machine.
Delicious, decorative fun.
Make beautiful rugs with theamazing speed tufting kit.
Create exciting, fancy foodswith the potato chip machine.
The bottle and jar cutterrecycles throwaway bottles and
jars into beautiful glassware.
The rhinestone and stud centerstylizes jeans, shirts,

(21:58):
anything.
Homemade ice cream is easy withthe automatic ice cream machine.
Get these great Christmas giftvalues for just$4.96 only at
Kmart.

SPEAKER_12 (22:08):
Christmas is a time for closeness.
And closeness is what Norokorazors are all about.
The shiny new silver rotaryrazors in cord and rechargeable
models with 36 blades, ninecloseness settings, and no
gotchas.
And the ladybugs, the ladies'razors that really work.
And the ladybug salon, a ladybugrazor plus 11 grooming

(22:31):
attachments.
Moralko, even our name saysMerry Christmas.

SPEAKER_08 (22:52):
Just like the ones I used to know.

SPEAKER_13 (22:55):
Thank you so much for listening to Pat Speeps 369.
Wishing you a very happyTuesday.
I'm getting in that Christmasspirit.

SPEAKER_08 (23:28):
May all days, may all days, may your days be merry
and brick We all know Christmasbe white.
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