July 9, 2024 • 39 mins
Home renovation might seem daunting, but Anoki proves that with perseverance and a bit of elbow grease, anyone can turn their house into a home. On this episode of Patti Talks Too Much, Anoki shares her DIY journey, offering insights into the hard work and dedication it takes to achieve self-sufficiency. Her experiences with insulating her new house and caring for her chickens and bunnies provide a heartwarming look at the rewards of small, consistent efforts.
What happened to authenticity in the gay community? We reminisce about shows like "The L Word" and reflect on how LGBTQ representation has shifted over the years. From meaningful storytelling to more superficial portrayals, we discuss the cultural implications of these changes. Our conversation also touches on the evolution of drag culture, emphasizing the need for genuine expression and dignity in representation.
Gender identity and sexual orientation are complex topics that we tackle head-on through personal stories and thoughtful analysis. We address societal pressures, the pharmaceutical industry's influence, and the divisiveness of labels within the LGBTQ community. By sharing our own experiences and struggles, we highlight the importance of seeing people for who they are beyond labels. The episode concludes with reflections on the power of words and the necessity of rest and reflection when facing our fears, all inspired by the Rabbit medicine card. Join us for a thought-provoking and heartfelt discussion.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Good morning.
Good morning, this is Patti,with Patti Talks Too Much.
I am here with my dear friendAnoki for another Saturday
morning live stream.
Taylor may be joining us.
It's always like a crapshootwith Taylor.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I believe, in Taylor.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
We believe in her.
But, she may be joining us, andso, for those of us who have
been following the podcast, youknow that now we've been getting
these little updates from Enokion the progress in her, um, her
new home, which you know, the,I guess the kid arrived a few
(00:50):
weeks ago and every week shedoes a little bit more.
So, enoki, hey, okay, I get it.
It's porter's birthday birthday, did she say?
She's running late?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Wow, she said she's running around.
I don't know, she's trying tomake it all happen.
Okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
She's taking, she's doing Her youngest birthday,
little Porter.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
All right, so youngest's birthday.
What little porter hold on,alright so um last week you had
some walls up so yeah, I gotsome walls up now and got one
wall left because I didn't havethe insulation to do this wall I
wanted to make sure thatwherever I was putting anything,
I had insulation.
(01:48):
But I'm getting the rest of theinsulation to clean, yay.
Beautiful At least 75% or 95%of the house will be insulated.
Today We'll have the entireroof insulated for sure, because
the roof is a really bigproblem right now.
We have a white roof.
So we thought you know what'sgonna be really reflective.
(02:10):
It's not gonna be so bad.
Yeah, the whole ceiling, I'llhave enough for it, and then
I'll have enough, um, to do atleast 75% of the walls, if I
don't get the whole wall.
So it goes a lot further in thewalls because the walls are
narrower channels.
These walls all have you knowfour-inch rock wool.
(02:30):
They're soundproof, fireproofand super insulated.
These are like sub-arcticinsulated.
But I had that left and we dida little living area Nice.
I put a couple more boards thatI had for insulation up there
and uh did that.
(02:51):
And then, uh, this is a rollout vinyl flooring, so I just
have it kind of staged hereright now, um, just so that I
could see the room, um, but uh,but you know, long term it's
going to be laid and sealed andyou know, it's really pretty.
(03:12):
It's the same as the other roomsit's awesome.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Now are you doing the electricity as you go?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
uh, yeah, so the other thing that we're going to
be working on today, um, becauseour installation board doesn't
really stick up over the joistwhere we need to put the
electric.
Yeah, it's not going tointerfere one way, or the other
thing that we're going to beworking on today because our
installation board doesn'treally stick up over the joist
where we need to put theelectric it's not going to
interfere one way or the other.
This room though I'm going totake down drywall right now, as
it seemed, because I'm going totake it down to put the outlet
(03:41):
in when I'm ready to put theoutlet in I wanted a clean space
that I could think, and youknow yeah function and have my
little, my little desk area.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
You know, that's awesome, I got some of my music
stuff in here.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
It's not set up yet.
You know what I mean.
It's not a finished productright now.
It's just a treehouse hangout,clubhouse thing that's awesome,
enoki.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
It's amazing, you know, to each week to see, kind
of um, what you're able toaccomplish week by week.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
You know yeah you know, just every week, just put
a little bit towards it and do alittle bit of what we can, you
know, and go forward from there.
You know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yeah, that's awesome, it's beautiful.
That's how you know, that's howto do it and, like I was saying
last week, it's you know, a lotof times people think this is
beyond my reach, is something Ican't do, and the thing is is
that there's, there's always,there's always a way you know,
like, if you really yeah, if you, if you really want to, um, uh,
(04:53):
you know, make something likethat happen, you know, yeah, you
know.
So you're, you're set, I mean,you're in a really, really good
position, better than manypeople in terms of, like,
working towards beingself-sufficient in a lot of ways
.
You know you've got yourchickens, you have your.
You know you have your littleanimals.
(05:14):
You have your bunnies, you knowyou have that sort of thing.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
It's perseverance and diligence and not giving up,
because where there's a will,there's a way and not giving up,
because where there's a willthere's a way.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
We've talked a lot about that.
You know, like um last week,you know just just um how much,
how much effort.
You know, like people have tobe willing to kind of make those
choices and put in the effortbecause, um, if, if, um, it's
the easy things are the thingsthat are generally not not, not
good for us, not good for ourminds and nobody.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Nobody said it was easy, Nobody said it would be
this hard.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely it's.
It's perspective and andperseverance.
So I wanted to you know howearlier I mentioned that I think
we've done this 20 times so farAround 20 times since the video
.
Yeah, yeah, we've got like halfof a pregnancy in our TV of the
(06:18):
podcast and I was thinking, okay, well, you know, that's pretty
good.
And for some reason this week Ithought I would check out
another, another podcast, youknow, and I thought I thought
you'd be interested in in this.
So you remember the L word.
Oh yeah, all right.
(06:40):
So Alicia, alicia Harley andKate Mowing started a podcast, I
think earlier this year, andit's called Pants, you know, and
so it's a podcast.
But then they also you couldsee the videos of it on YouTube
(07:03):
and so I checked out an episodebecause I was like, wow, you
know, these are, you know,because they're characters.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
She's super fun she's , so fun she's really cool in
real life okay all right in reallife.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Who which one?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
alicia, yeah, all right.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
So so they have these really interesting characters
and everybody likes the l word.
I mean, I couldn't believe howmany watch parties there were.
This was back.
This was in the nineties, early.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
We had our own chart.
Yeah, it was nuts.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
And there were so many and I couldn't believe how
many straight women watched theL word.
It was like this huge thing andthen when they tried to come
back and do these other things,it just didn't work.
So they were these interestingcharacters.
But my point is this so Ilistened to their podcast
(07:53):
because I thought that, you know, they've got an interesting
podcast Now.
They've got lots of money, soit's set up in this little
studio.
They've got these really greatmics, you know.
The sound is perfect.
They've got a producer in theback.
They've got the neon sign, youknow whatever all of that, right
and yeah.
So I was like, okay, this isgoing to be interesting, because
I was going on like I didn'treally know a lot of what they
(08:16):
did outside of the show.
Alicia was in bosh, she did.
She did a few episodes in inbosh, but's a great series.
It's a detective series, butanyway, she played like a
criminal in Bosch, at any rate.
So I listened to this episodeand I'm going to tell you kind
(08:38):
of like, basically, what didthey talk about?
They talked about what theywere watching on television.
They talked about how they liketo sit at dinner parties, like
our rectangle, our round tables,better than rectangular tables.
Um, kate was.
She had a big dilemma andalicia was like I'll help you,
(09:00):
I'll help you with your dilemma,I'll help you figure it out.
And she said, okay, so I'mreally, I'll help you with your
dilemma, I'll help you figure itout.
And she said okay, so I'mreally into this TV series, this
series, and I've been watchingit and there are like three more
episodes to go.
But then there's this newseries that's starting tonight
and I really, really want towatch it, but I really want to
(09:23):
finish this other series.
But then there's this otherseries, and so she's literally
like the advice that she'sasking Alicia for is what to do
about the fact that there are,and one of like one, one of the
shows that she watches and theyboth watch is the Kardashians.
Like the Kim Kardashian, theKardashians, and I think another
(09:45):
one is, is hacks, but like allthis, and I didn't even know
about, but at any rate.
So her big dilemma was what doI do?
Because I haven't finished thisseries, but this new series is
coming out.
This was this, was it Like thiswas the substance of their
podcast.
What should I do, you know?
Because I really oh, oh, andthere's this actress that I
(10:06):
really love and she's gonna showup on this and I on in this
episode and I really want to seeit.
So I'm really, I'm just torn.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
You know, these characters gave a lot of people
direction kind of you know, andthey didn't know how to be who
they wanted, or how to love, orhow to share that with their
family, or they were goingthrough and they screwed up or
they were going through thatyeah, you know, and they fucked
up and and and they stayedtogether and they worked as a
(10:38):
family and stuff.
You know, some people reallylike that stuff and that's okay.
You know, like I, I just wasnot, I'm not really into yeah, I
was more into the fact thatshane was homeless.
You know, I'm glad that she's amillionaire now, you know, but
I would have rather her had loveand nothing than, you know,
(11:00):
everything and no one.
The last few episodes of theoriginal l word, you know, all
was shattered down and Bette andTina, you know, are totally
opposite places and you know wedon't have the story behind the
kids as much.
You know, I only watched likethree of the episodes because I
didn't want it to tear down thisbeautiful family that I had in
(11:22):
my head, to tear down thisbeautiful family that I had in
my head that I built all thosememories following them, like
they're following theKardashians now.
Maybe it's because theirperspective shifted from
watching the fight of freedom tothe more Kardashianardashian
(11:46):
side of of entertainment.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Oh yeah, this is because, like, oh, because this
is, this is the epitome of of umsuccess and fulfillment is if
you can live like a kardashian.
If you can be, if you can begay and live like a kardashian,
you have arrived everythingchanged with all of the
movements I don't know how toparticipate in them anymore.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And then I feel like if I follow some of the stuff,
like there's a lot of raunchythings that are just mixed in
with stuff and I tend to stayaway from raunchy either way,
like like I've always been thelike weird crude in a room full
of drag queens you know?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
yeah, I can't, you know I can't, I can't, but
they're some of my best friends.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I want to be around them, I want to, you know,
support them.
But they're like, oh you know,they come out with their big
plastic piece and I'm like yeah,I can't do it yeah the last
drag show I went to, they hadlike eight dildos on stage and
I'm like you know why are youdoing that?
(12:50):
Because the whole purpose ofdrag was that these beautiful
men that could connect withtheir femininity, that were
these beautiful gay men, weregetting out on stage and letting
their Freddie Mercury and theirDiana Ross and their you know,
yeah, all these things it's notabout that anymore changed.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
It's not about that anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
It's really, you know , and I don't I don't use this
word lightly, but I think it'sreally degenerated drag queens
were so fucking classy yeah,we're just, they're the
classiest finest women it was,and I met one I met one in north
carolina uh, I think his namewas david, he'd been on some tv
show or whatever and he wasbeautiful, blonde, beautiful
(13:39):
makeup, very elegant, you know,he, he, he had the performer
side of things really down to apat where other people were like
painting, like snake things ontheir face and it wasn't
attractive, you know, in eitherdirection.
You know like, and it just kindof like cut down the beauty of
(14:03):
of what drag queens were.
But then here was dave.
It was beautiful, beautiful,shining, gorgeous drag queen,
you know, gorgeous, gorgeous man, you know, up there, elegantly,
and they were all the, all theyounger drag queens were like
looking at him and trying to becool, you know, with their
(14:24):
performances.
But I could tell he was likedon't, don't cut yourself down.
You know, while you're up there, you know, keep, keep some
class.
You know to yourself.
You know it's about portrayingwho you want to be.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Do you want to be a lizard, you know.
So.
It has gone a long way from thedays when you had you had men
who were tapping into thisfeminine expression.
See, I honestly think like fora very, very long time we have
(15:03):
been, humanity has beensuppressed in terms of male and
female expression, Like it'svery narrow within the male
expression.
You have to be this way, andit's throughout all cultures.
And then women are expected tobe in this narrow expression and
I honestly think that thefunction of gayness, like as a
(15:25):
human consciousness expression,is to give full expression to
these areas in humanconsciousness that aren't really
allowed.
So then you have these men whoare expressing all of this
femininity.
You have women who areexpressing more masculinity, and
the purpose the purpose reallyof gayness has been to to almost
(15:49):
express these elements andthese aspects of human
consciousness that need to beexpressed but have not been
expressed within the social andcultural framework.
And so we have that which hasbeen really beautiful and I
think it's been part of ahealing process for the whole of
humanity.
(16:09):
It's like the function of gaypeople you know in society has
been, in my opinion, to giveexpression to these aspects of
femininity and masculinity thathave been repressed.
But what's happened is thepoliticization of the gay
movement has brought it down apath where you have a lot of
(16:33):
people in the gay communitysaying I don't really want to
have anything to do with this,this isn't about my expression,
it's gone from that, thatexpression that you remember in
the nineties, where these classymen who wanted to give you know
, who wanted to express all ofthis beauty and class, and the
feminine form and they haddignity.
They weren't saying listen, Iwant to show my private parts to
(16:56):
five year olds, and that's kindof what it's degenerated into
and it's.
And it's really too bad becauseI think it taps into a fear in
people, Because I remember Imean I've been around longer,
Right and so and I remember thatfor a long time people wrongly
believed that pedophiles werehomosexual, but pedophiles
(17:21):
generally tended to be straightmen.
Now what you have is you haveexpressions within the gay
community that tap into thatfear.
It's like why is this dragqueen with his junk hanging out
reading a book to myfive-year-old?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
But that's kind of where the gay community is gone,
you know, with things.
It's like it is about sex.
There's so much more to youknow, a gay relationship than
sex.
You know, sometimes sex is thesmallest, most insignificant
thing about a gay relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I can't believe the proliferation of movies that
depict lesbian relationships.
It's not really based in what,what really goes on.
So you have like this depictionand it is it's all about.
You know, sex and desire, andI'm not saying that that's not
(18:21):
part of it, but I'm sayingthere's like you were saying
there's far more to it.
I remember like gayness used tobe the expression, like gay.
Gay people in society were theones who were these
extraordinary artists anddancers, what they contributed
to society.
(18:42):
The act of breaking out ofparticular roles allowed them to
give expression to some amazingthings and make amazing
contributions to the overallculture, you know, in the arts
and in the music and all of this.
And now that's, it's not aboutthat at all, it's it has
(19:02):
degenerated into something verydifferent and we've lost our way
.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Yeah, like we were fighting for for gay people to
just exist like other people.
And then, in the process ofdoing that, like gaining that
independence.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
And then, in the process of doing that, like
gaining that independence, wewere like, okay, now we can
exist, let's, you know, rubthings in people's faces or
something you know like, andthen we got away from what it
meant to just be with the personin in a community.
I mean because it's all youknow.
I mean, like, if you live in aneighborhood most of us it's
like well, I'm going to moveinto this neighborhood with my
partner and I'd like to go tothe neighborhood, cookouts and
everything and just kind of becomfortable.
I want to go to the, the, thework, the work, holiday parties
(19:52):
with my partner and feelcomfortable.
I'm not looking to rub anythingin anyone's face, I just want
to kind of function like yeah, Ijust want to exist.
I definitely think we have aways to go.
But the thing is is what Ithink and the thing that's
gotten me, and you know what?
I don't talk about this a lot,I hardly talk about it.
(20:12):
I just walk around, you know,and I think about it and
whatever, and I keep it tomyself.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
But the direction that the gay community has gone
in the gay leadership, because Ithink that they have allowed
(20:39):
the community to be used by, oh,yeah, by by getting so bashy
and stuff, it turned it into awar and that's why I love the
older lesbian couples that comeforward and they're like.
You know, we just lived ourlife how we had to live our life
and we were respectful withpeople.
I agree, people were respectfulwith us, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
And so like we have to look at also what's happened
in the gay community, becausethe last thing I want is for
people who think that there'ssome authority in the gay
community telling me how Ishould feel, what I should think
and what my politics should be.
You don't have the right, anymore than anybody else, to tell
(21:20):
me how to think, how to feel,who I should be attracted to.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
What's the difference between you and the people that
have?
asked us the entire time.
You know, honestly, likesometimes I think, like, like,
trans is conformity, you know,because, like when you, when
you're a kid, you know, or whenI was a kid, you know, they were
like, oh, that's between a manand a woman, that's between a
man and a woman, you know, and Iwas like, well, that's kind of,
(21:44):
you know not, that's weird.
You know, like I feel like Icould do everything that a man
could do.
But then you get to this pointwhere you're like, oh, I have to
be this person in order for theworld to think that I can love
a woman, or for the world tothink that I can work on a car,
or for the world to think that Ican do this or that.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
What does it matter what the world thinks?
I mean, who cares what theworld thinks, honestly?
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Well, that's what I'm saying.
I feel like, you know, peoplewho are trans are saying like
I'm this person.
You know why are you thatperson?
You're that person?
Because that person, thisperson that you are, doesn't fit
into who you want to be.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
That's why One of the one of the things that that's
happened is a lot of a lot ofthe folks who have become trans,
they're just gay.
They're just gay, especiallythe women.
They're just gay.
You know, like, honestly, whenI was growing up, you know,
there were times I wish I was aboy.
What kind of person wouldeither one of us be if our
breasts had been removed and wehad been on hormones for our
(22:49):
whole?
What would you be who you areright now?
Would I be?
No, I wouldn't.
So I'm.
I'm glad that I'm a woman, eventhough when I was much younger,
I wished I was a boy.
Why?
Because I looked at my brothersand they had privileges and
they were able to do things andthey had more recognition.
They were acknowledged for morethings.
They were acknowledged for thesame things that I did and I
(23:09):
didn't get acknowledged.
So it's like, well damn, thething is, is like this this
vulnerability in in our societyhas.
I think that there are forces inour society that have taken
advantage of this weak point,which is that care like people,
like that person wasn't able tofully be who they were, and so
(23:32):
they were met with analternative which involved
permanently altering theirphysical form.
The thing is is thatunfortunately, what we have is a
situation where, literallypharmaceutical companies, which
control an awful lot of publicpolicy, see this whole, the
(23:55):
whole trans thing as a way tohave permanent customers for
life, because that that personwill always need these
medications.
And you know, and unfortunatelythat's why in our culture, like
there could be something wrongwith us, but often the first
solution is surgery.
Why?
(24:15):
Because it makes more money.
So you have, like, in themedical industry, you have
surgeries like, for instance,c-sections are promoted way over
natural births.
They really promote this stuffbecause it's more of a
moneymaker than the natural,than the natural way.
(24:38):
And so you have these, thesepolicies, you have these things
that are pushed, not becauseit's pro human but because it it
there's the dollar at thebottom line, you know, of these
pharmaceutical companies.
We saw that in COVID.
It's like all of these thingsthat were pushed it really
wasn't about our health at all,it was about the profit margins
(24:59):
of these pharmaceuticalcompanies.
And unfortunately I see the samething happening in the trans
community and all of that likethere was a whole thing about
(25:19):
like we don't need these labels.
We have too many labels, youknow we should live without
labels.
Look what's happened in the gaycommunity.
It's all about labels.
But I mean, the thing is, isthat the more labels you create,
the more separation you create?
So, even within the gaycommunity, you have all of this
strife, like even the gaycommunity is not united.
Because you have all of thisstrife, like even the gay
community is not united.
Because you have all of thisstuff and it's really it's like
(25:41):
labels.
Well, I'm a this and you'rethat.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Since I came out, I have not really ever identified
as as just lesbian.
You know, like I like whensomebody actually asked me.
You know like I've been called.
You know, called lesbian.
When somebody actually asked me, you know like I've been called
lesbian.
I've been, you know, groupedwith lesbians.
Most of my friends all saythey're lesbian you know, but
(26:04):
for me I was married at 16.
I had a girlfriend before I hada boyfriend, and then I had
boyfriends and then I had agirlfriend.
You know, and I never, I couldnever, ever assimilate with the
word bi, because everybody thatI met that called themselves bi.
It was like a show it felt likeoh, I'm bi, you know like you
(26:27):
just want to make out with agirl in a room full of boys you
know that's not bi, that's.
I mean, maybe that is bi andthat's not what I am um you know
so I've said my whole life thatI was gender blind.
Like I just don't see gender,like when I'm talking to
somebody I'm talking to them intheir eyes, in their heart.
(26:48):
You know I'm connecting withthem when I'm talking to them
you know, I care about what theythink or what they're saying or
what they feel.
You know, when they're talkingto me, you know it doesn't
matter if they're a guy or agirl, if they have a good heart
and I love them.
You know we're all made the waythat we're made but at the end
of the day, like everybody, justlike focuses on on
(27:12):
sexualization because it's likesuch a powerful thing, and
you're right, the labels that wehave are what, what destroys us
, you know, and they're notaccurate.
We don't fit into boxes.
You can't stuff people in theboxes.
Everybody is different.
Everybody has their ownsituations, their own life,
their own experiences, their owntraumas, their own heartbreaks,
(27:34):
their own traumas, their ownheartbreaks, their own
happinesses.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I have a similar experience growing up when I,
when I, was very traumatized bythe fact that I was attracted to
women.
But I also, you know, I alsoliked boys.
But when I, when I came out andI had, you know, my first
girlfriend or whatever, and webroke up, I dated men and then I
had these lesbian friends wholater on were hyper, hyper
(28:05):
critical of the fact that I hadbeen with men.
So I wasn't a real lesbian.
Like I broke the rules, I brokethe rules.
So I wasn't a real lesbian.
Like I broke the rules, I brokethe rules.
So I wasn't a real lesbian andI never really wanted to
consider myself bisexual.
But like I, you know, I've beenwith men.
I've been with women.
I tend to be more emotionallyopen to women, but that also
(28:29):
could have to do with earlychildhood trauma, to do with
early childhood trauma.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
So it could be that I'm I'm a wounded soul who is
more open to women than I am tomen.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Because of, because of trauma, you know, and so.
So that's kind of that and Irecognize that, you know, I
recognize, well, this is, thisis what's what's happened with
me, and it might be that I healthe trauma and I, you know, I'm
more open to being, you know,with with a man emotionally,
like I can be with men and I Ienjoy their company and there
(29:07):
are a lot of really nice thingsabout being with a man.
But I've never completelyopened my heart to one, like I
never fell in love with a manand I never had that experience.
I cared very much for men but Inever't want to be in.
I felt like I had been sojudged, like because I was, I
(29:40):
wasn't an ordinary girl, youknow, I did the boy things, you
know, I climbed the trees, Ilike to play football with the
boys and and all of that, andthere was like, and I liked more
the boy clothes, you know, likeI like the heavier shoes and
the jeans and everything.
I wasn't particularly a femininegirl and so I kind of you know
I was obviously judged for thatand you know, I felt like, well,
(30:01):
when I finally came out, then Iwould be entering a world where
I wouldn't be so judged.
And it turned out I was becauseI didn't fit into that box.
So you know you were talkingabout fitting into boxes and so
forth.
It's kind of like you youescape one box and you get
hurled into another box.
(30:22):
And I think your point is isthat we all just kind of want to
be, we want to exist, we.
You know, I don't want toimpose my life on anyone and I
don't want anyone to imposetheir life and their views and
their politics and whatever onme.
I just want to, I just want tobe, you know, and and so I.
I'm hoping that we can at somepoint get there.
(30:44):
The thing that makes me soupset with the gay community is,
I think, that so many of thethings that they've done in the
last 10, 15, 20 years have beencounterproductive to that.
I don't think that they'vemoved the needle.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Everybody made decisions for everyone.
You know that they don't evenhave the ability to come over
and you have, like these peoplethat are like no, it's black or
it's white.
You know, and I'm sorry,there's a million different.
You know things that you're notfactoring in there.
You know, and the world is muchmore evolved and complicated.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
You know, like it comes full circle back to
balance.
And so here, as a species, asyou know, as a human family,
with the male, the, themasculine and the feminine have
been out of balance, and Iactually think that's why you
know gay people exist is becausewe are an expression of those
aspects of human consciousnesscoming together coming together
(31:38):
now.
Um, I know that we're coming upum on the hour and I have some
um exciting news.
I have a deck of the medicinecards the jamie sands medicine
cards and I got them.
You pull it hard and I'll readit for you, because I came
prepared.
(32:01):
Awesome.
Well, listen, I will.
Let's do that.
Let's work as a team.
Now here's the thing.
I just want you to know like Igot these as part of a medicine
card little course that I signedup for.
But I decided I was going totake this little course and how
to read these.
You know, there's a woman thatI follow online and I really
like her a lot.
She's actually more of a tarotreader, but she was offering
this course and how to work withmedicine cards and I was like,
(32:23):
let's take this little course,and what came with it was a deck
of these medicine cards and, ofcourse, the book, and so I'm
really excited, you know, to belearning.
But I thought, let me, let mepull a card for us this morning,
right, and we'll see.
So the question is always whatyou know, what, what animal
totem can provide us with?
(32:46):
You know, the kind of wisdom weneed for the weeks ahead?
All right, so I've got my cardsall spread out here, all right,
and okay, here's one.
All right, all right.
So what I have pulled is therabbit.
Let's see what rabbit wisdomhas to offer us this week.
(33:11):
So rabbit Wow, this is aboutfear.
Huh, yeah, so Rabbit wow, thisis about fear.
Huh yeah, do you want to read?
Speaker 1 (33:22):
it.
Sure, you want me to read itAll right, sure, if you'd like,
if you pulled Rabbit.
Stop talking about horriblethings happening and get rid of
the what if?
In your vocabulary.
What if?
In your vocabulary, this cardmay signal a time of worry about
the future, or trying toexercise your control over
whatever is not yet informed thefuture.
Stop now.
(33:43):
Write your fears down, bewilling to feel them, breathe
into them and feel them runningthrough your body into Mother
Earth as a giveaway, into motherearth as a giveaway.
So, from from my perspective onthis, you know, yeah, I do feel
like this is really relative tolike what we've been talking
about you know, all day abouthow you know people were afraid
(34:06):
of the gay community.
The gay community was afraid ofpeople.
You, know, and we pushed, andwe pushed, and we pushed, you
know, and and then, once we gotto our point of position, we
became the very things that wewere trying to evade.
You know, we became the verythings that we were trying to to
fight by creating all thisstuff, by creating labels, by
(34:27):
creating things that aren'tthere to begin with.
You know, we are creating a veryfear that is destroying us.
You know, and I've always saidfrom day one you know, if
something hurts me, I don't walkaway from it.
I will stare it in the face, Iwill walk into it and I will
experience it.
If I cannot change it, then Iwill separate myself from it
(34:51):
before, before I get to a pointthat it destroys me.
But when I'm afraid ofsomething, I have to understand
what, why, how.
All all of those need to beanswered before I can fully walk
away from the situation.
So, one, I know that I'vecovered all my bases.
(35:13):
Two, I know that I've tried torelate to whatever it was that
was bringing me down.
And three, you know I, just youhave to put a full commitment
into the universe.
You know, to experience thingsand if you're not willing to
face things, then they're goingto come find you again later on,
you know.
So I think you know facing yourfears, studying your demons,
(35:36):
studying the things that hauntyou at night, to try to
understand why these thingshappen in the world and in the
universe.
And, being honest, you knowenough to the point where
sometimes it sucks.
You know the answers you comeup with.
But but if you really look atit, you know you can't trade
(35:57):
through knowledge, understanding, for anything, because that's
what gives you truth, and truthis unconditional.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Look at the times that we're living in, and you
know we are amazing creators,and so rabbit.
Rabbit was this brave warriorat one time and an amazing
creator too, and yet, because ofthe fear, now drew to it the
things that it feared.
And I think that that's verytrue for us at this time.
(36:27):
There's so much in our world,in the news and the things that
we hear and see, that I mean soit's all fear driven.
I think we fear facing ourshadows, and yet our shadows
might be our greatest source ofstrength and courage, and so
we're able to.
You know, look at, you know,like everybody, you know, the
(36:50):
word is triggered.
You know, oh, that triggers me,that triggers me.
Well, take a look at why thattriggers you.
Why is that so fearful for you?
And go a little deeper.
I was thinking about.
I wish we had an opportunity totalk a little bit more with
Taylor last week or the weekbefore, when she said, oh, I
(37:12):
cringed at my astrological thingbecause it was about using my
discipline to make sure that allmy words are connected to my
soul.
And I think, like for Taylor,the reason why it was so
triggering is like oh, I have tolook at that.
Are my words connected to mysoul or do I just say things you
(37:33):
know?
Like?
How impeccable am I with mywords?
And I know the reason why Irelated to that so much when she
said it is because I think I'msomebody who loves language.
Obviously I'm an Englishteacher and all of that.
But, however, I've had to gothrough the journey of there's a
shadow in that, in that you canhide behind your words and you
(37:55):
can use words in a way that youknow that is not conducive for
you and your life.
You can be unconscious of thewords that you use.
And so I had to, you know, kindof really delve into that and
face that.
And so I just think Rabbit isso instructive right now,
because rabbit medicine, rabbitis saying burrow into a safe
(38:19):
space to nurture yourself andrelease your fears until it is
time again to move into thepasture, clear the prowlers who
want a piece of your juicyenergy.
Also, I think that sometimes wework so hard, you know to, to
accomplish these things, it'slike, oh, I'm going to face my
(38:40):
fear, I'm going to deal thisdown, I'm going to do all of
this.
I want to be, you know, I wantto be a better person or
whatever.
And and sometimes what we needto do, and the most helpful
thing to do, is to just rest,you know, to be quiet, and to
rest and take a take a breakfrom the fight for a little bit
before you return to it, so thatyou can approach it with more
(39:05):
wisdom.
And
Good morning.
Good morning, this is Patti,with Patti Talks Too Much.
I am here with my dear friendAnoki for another Saturday
morning live stream.
Taylor may be joining us.
It's always like a crapshootwith Taylor.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I believe, in Taylor.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
We believe in her.
But, she may be joining us, andso, for those of us who have
been following the podcast, youknow that now we've been getting
these little updates from Enokion the progress in her, um, her
new home, which you know, the,I guess the kid arrived a few
(00:50):
weeks ago and every week shedoes a little bit more.
So, enoki, hey, okay, I get it.
It's porter's birthday birthday, did she say?
She's running late?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Wow, she said she's running around.
I don't know, she's trying tomake it all happen.
Okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
She's taking, she's doing Her youngest birthday,
little Porter.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
All right, so youngest's birthday.
What little porter hold on,alright so um last week you had
some walls up so yeah, I gotsome walls up now and got one
wall left because I didn't havethe insulation to do this wall I
wanted to make sure thatwherever I was putting anything,
I had insulation.
(01:48):
But I'm getting the rest of theinsulation to clean, yay.
Beautiful At least 75% or 95%of the house will be insulated.
Today We'll have the entireroof insulated for sure, because
the roof is a really bigproblem right now.
We have a white roof.
So we thought you know what'sgonna be really reflective.
(02:10):
It's not gonna be so bad.
Yeah, the whole ceiling, I'llhave enough for it, and then
I'll have enough, um, to do atleast 75% of the walls, if I
don't get the whole wall.
So it goes a lot further in thewalls because the walls are
narrower channels.
These walls all have you knowfour-inch rock wool.
(02:30):
They're soundproof, fireproofand super insulated.
These are like sub-arcticinsulated.
But I had that left and we dida little living area Nice.
I put a couple more boards thatI had for insulation up there
and uh did that.
(02:51):
And then, uh, this is a rollout vinyl flooring, so I just
have it kind of staged hereright now, um, just so that I
could see the room, um, but uh,but you know, long term it's
going to be laid and sealed andyou know, it's really pretty.
(03:12):
It's the same as the other roomsit's awesome.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Now are you doing the electricity as you go?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
uh, yeah, so the other thing that we're going to
be working on today, um, becauseour installation board doesn't
really stick up over the joistwhere we need to put the
electric.
Yeah, it's not going tointerfere one way, or the other
thing that we're going to beworking on today because our
installation board doesn'treally stick up over the joist
where we need to put theelectric it's not going to
interfere one way or the other.
This room though I'm going totake down drywall right now, as
it seemed, because I'm going totake it down to put the outlet
(03:41):
in when I'm ready to put theoutlet in I wanted a clean space
that I could think, and youknow yeah function and have my
little, my little desk area.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
You know, that's awesome, I got some of my music
stuff in here.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
It's not set up yet.
You know what I mean.
It's not a finished productright now.
It's just a treehouse hangout,clubhouse thing that's awesome,
enoki.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
It's amazing, you know, to each week to see, kind
of um, what you're able toaccomplish week by week.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
You know yeah you know, just every week, just put
a little bit towards it and do alittle bit of what we can, you
know, and go forward from there.
You know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yeah, that's awesome, it's beautiful.
That's how you know, that's howto do it and, like I was saying
last week, it's you know, a lotof times people think this is
beyond my reach, is something Ican't do, and the thing is is
that there's, there's always,there's always a way you know,
like, if you really yeah, if you, if you really want to, um, uh,
(04:53):
you know, make something likethat happen, you know, yeah, you
know.
So you're, you're set, I mean,you're in a really, really good
position, better than manypeople in terms of, like,
working towards beingself-sufficient in a lot of ways
.
You know you've got yourchickens, you have your.
You know you have your littleanimals.
(05:14):
You have your bunnies, you knowyou have that sort of thing.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
It's perseverance and diligence and not giving up,
because where there's a will,there's a way and not giving up,
because where there's a willthere's a way.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
We've talked a lot about that.
You know, like um last week,you know just just um how much,
how much effort.
You know, like people have tobe willing to kind of make those
choices and put in the effortbecause, um, if, if, um, it's
the easy things are the thingsthat are generally not not, not
good for us, not good for ourminds and nobody.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Nobody said it was easy, Nobody said it would be
this hard.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely it's.
It's perspective and andperseverance.
So I wanted to you know howearlier I mentioned that I think
we've done this 20 times so farAround 20 times since the video
.
Yeah, yeah, we've got like halfof a pregnancy in our TV of the
(06:18):
podcast and I was thinking, okay, well, you know, that's pretty
good.
And for some reason this week Ithought I would check out
another, another podcast, youknow, and I thought I thought
you'd be interested in in this.
So you remember the L word.
Oh yeah, all right.
(06:40):
So Alicia, alicia Harley andKate Mowing started a podcast, I
think earlier this year, andit's called Pants, you know, and
so it's a podcast.
But then they also you couldsee the videos of it on YouTube
(07:03):
and so I checked out an episodebecause I was like, wow, you
know, these are, you know,because they're characters.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
She's super fun she's , so fun she's really cool in
real life okay all right in reallife.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Who which one?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
alicia, yeah, all right.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
So so they have these really interesting characters
and everybody likes the l word.
I mean, I couldn't believe howmany watch parties there were.
This was back.
This was in the nineties, early.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
We had our own chart.
Yeah, it was nuts.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
And there were so many and I couldn't believe how
many straight women watched theL word.
It was like this huge thing andthen when they tried to come
back and do these other things,it just didn't work.
So they were these interestingcharacters.
But my point is this so Ilistened to their podcast
(07:53):
because I thought that, you know, they've got an interesting
podcast Now.
They've got lots of money, soit's set up in this little
studio.
They've got these really greatmics, you know.
The sound is perfect.
They've got a producer in theback.
They've got the neon sign, youknow whatever all of that, right
and yeah.
So I was like, okay, this isgoing to be interesting, because
I was going on like I didn'treally know a lot of what they
(08:16):
did outside of the show.
Alicia was in bosh, she did.
She did a few episodes in inbosh, but's a great series.
It's a detective series, butanyway, she played like a
criminal in Bosch, at any rate.
So I listened to this episodeand I'm going to tell you kind
(08:38):
of like, basically, what didthey talk about?
They talked about what theywere watching on television.
They talked about how they liketo sit at dinner parties, like
our rectangle, our round tables,better than rectangular tables.
Um, kate was.
She had a big dilemma andalicia was like I'll help you,
(09:00):
I'll help you with your dilemma,I'll help you figure it out.
And she said, okay, so I'mreally, I'll help you with your
dilemma, I'll help you figure itout.
And she said okay, so I'mreally into this TV series, this
series, and I've been watchingit and there are like three more
episodes to go.
But then there's this newseries that's starting tonight
and I really, really want towatch it, but I really want to
(09:23):
finish this other series.
But then there's this otherseries, and so she's literally
like the advice that she'sasking Alicia for is what to do
about the fact that there are,and one of like one, one of the
shows that she watches and theyboth watch is the Kardashians.
Like the Kim Kardashian, theKardashians, and I think another
(09:45):
one is, is hacks, but like allthis, and I didn't even know
about, but at any rate.
So her big dilemma was what doI do?
Because I haven't finished thisseries, but this new series is
coming out.
This was this, was it Like thiswas the substance of their
podcast.
What should I do, you know?
Because I really oh, oh, andthere's this actress that I
(10:06):
really love and she's gonna showup on this and I on in this
episode and I really want to seeit.
So I'm really, I'm just torn.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
You know, these characters gave a lot of people
direction kind of you know, andthey didn't know how to be who
they wanted, or how to love, orhow to share that with their
family, or they were goingthrough and they screwed up or
they were going through thatyeah, you know, and they fucked
up and and and they stayedtogether and they worked as a
(10:38):
family and stuff.
You know, some people reallylike that stuff and that's okay.
You know, like I, I just wasnot, I'm not really into yeah, I
was more into the fact thatshane was homeless.
You know, I'm glad that she's amillionaire now, you know, but
I would have rather her had loveand nothing than, you know,
(11:00):
everything and no one.
The last few episodes of theoriginal l word, you know, all
was shattered down and Bette andTina, you know, are totally
opposite places and you know wedon't have the story behind the
kids as much.
You know, I only watched likethree of the episodes because I
didn't want it to tear down thisbeautiful family that I had in
(11:22):
my head, to tear down thisbeautiful family that I had in
my head that I built all thosememories following them, like
they're following theKardashians now.
Maybe it's because theirperspective shifted from
watching the fight of freedom tothe more Kardashianardashian
(11:46):
side of of entertainment.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Oh yeah, this is because, like, oh, because this
is, this is the epitome of of umsuccess and fulfillment is if
you can live like a kardashian.
If you can be, if you can begay and live like a kardashian,
you have arrived everythingchanged with all of the
movements I don't know how toparticipate in them anymore.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And then I feel like if I follow some of the stuff,
like there's a lot of raunchythings that are just mixed in
with stuff and I tend to stayaway from raunchy either way,
like like I've always been thelike weird crude in a room full
of drag queens you know?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
yeah, I can't, you know I can't, I can't, but
they're some of my best friends.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I want to be around them, I want to, you know,
support them.
But they're like, oh you know,they come out with their big
plastic piece and I'm like yeah,I can't do it yeah the last
drag show I went to, they hadlike eight dildos on stage and
I'm like you know why are youdoing that?
(12:50):
Because the whole purpose ofdrag was that these beautiful
men that could connect withtheir femininity, that were
these beautiful gay men, weregetting out on stage and letting
their Freddie Mercury and theirDiana Ross and their you know,
yeah, all these things it's notabout that anymore changed.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
It's not about that anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
It's really, you know , and I don't I don't use this
word lightly, but I think it'sreally degenerated drag queens
were so fucking classy yeah,we're just, they're the
classiest finest women it was,and I met one I met one in north
carolina uh, I think his namewas david, he'd been on some tv
show or whatever and he wasbeautiful, blonde, beautiful
(13:39):
makeup, very elegant, you know,he, he, he had the performer
side of things really down to apat where other people were like
painting, like snake things ontheir face and it wasn't
attractive, you know, in eitherdirection.
You know like, and it just kindof like cut down the beauty of
(14:03):
of what drag queens were.
But then here was dave.
It was beautiful, beautiful,shining, gorgeous drag queen,
you know, gorgeous, gorgeous man, you know, up there, elegantly,
and they were all the, all theyounger drag queens were like
looking at him and trying to becool, you know, with their
(14:24):
performances.
But I could tell he was likedon't, don't cut yourself down.
You know, while you're up there, you know, keep, keep some
class.
You know to yourself.
You know it's about portrayingwho you want to be.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Do you want to be a lizard, you know.
So.
It has gone a long way from thedays when you had you had men
who were tapping into thisfeminine expression.
See, I honestly think like fora very, very long time we have
(15:03):
been, humanity has beensuppressed in terms of male and
female expression, Like it'svery narrow within the male
expression.
You have to be this way, andit's throughout all cultures.
And then women are expected tobe in this narrow expression and
I honestly think that thefunction of gayness, like as a
(15:25):
human consciousness expression,is to give full expression to
these areas in humanconsciousness that aren't really
allowed.
So then you have these men whoare expressing all of this
femininity.
You have women who areexpressing more masculinity, and
the purpose the purpose reallyof gayness has been to to almost
(15:49):
express these elements andthese aspects of human
consciousness that need to beexpressed but have not been
expressed within the social andcultural framework.
And so we have that which hasbeen really beautiful and I
think it's been part of ahealing process for the whole of
humanity.
(16:09):
It's like the function of gaypeople you know in society has
been, in my opinion, to giveexpression to these aspects of
femininity and masculinity thathave been repressed.
But what's happened is thepoliticization of the gay
movement has brought it down apath where you have a lot of
(16:33):
people in the gay communitysaying I don't really want to
have anything to do with this,this isn't about my expression,
it's gone from that, thatexpression that you remember in
the nineties, where these classymen who wanted to give you know
, who wanted to express all ofthis beauty and class, and the
feminine form and they haddignity.
They weren't saying listen, Iwant to show my private parts to
(16:56):
five year olds, and that's kindof what it's degenerated into
and it's.
And it's really too bad becauseI think it taps into a fear in
people, Because I remember Imean I've been around longer,
Right and so and I remember thatfor a long time people wrongly
believed that pedophiles werehomosexual, but pedophiles
(17:21):
generally tended to be straightmen.
Now what you have is you haveexpressions within the gay
community that tap into thatfear.
It's like why is this dragqueen with his junk hanging out
reading a book to myfive-year-old?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
But that's kind of where the gay community is gone,
you know, with things.
It's like it is about sex.
There's so much more to youknow, a gay relationship than
sex.
You know, sometimes sex is thesmallest, most insignificant
thing about a gay relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I can't believe the proliferation of movies that
depict lesbian relationships.
It's not really based in what,what really goes on.
So you have like this depictionand it is it's all about.
You know, sex and desire, andI'm not saying that that's not
(18:21):
part of it, but I'm sayingthere's like you were saying
there's far more to it.
I remember like gayness used tobe the expression, like gay.
Gay people in society were theones who were these
extraordinary artists anddancers, what they contributed
to society.
(18:42):
The act of breaking out ofparticular roles allowed them to
give expression to some amazingthings and make amazing
contributions to the overallculture, you know, in the arts
and in the music and all of this.
And now that's, it's not aboutthat at all, it's it has
(19:02):
degenerated into something verydifferent and we've lost our way
.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Yeah, like we were fighting for for gay people to
just exist like other people.
And then, in the process ofdoing that, like gaining that
independence.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
And then, in the process of doing that, like
gaining that independence, wewere like, okay, now we can
exist, let's, you know, rubthings in people's faces or
something you know like, andthen we got away from what it
meant to just be with the personin in a community.
I mean because it's all youknow.
I mean, like, if you live in aneighborhood most of us it's
like well, I'm going to moveinto this neighborhood with my
partner and I'd like to go tothe neighborhood, cookouts and
everything and just kind of becomfortable.
I want to go to the, the, thework, the work, holiday parties
(19:52):
with my partner and feelcomfortable.
I'm not looking to rub anythingin anyone's face, I just want
to kind of function like yeah, Ijust want to exist.
I definitely think we have aways to go.
But the thing is is what Ithink and the thing that's
gotten me, and you know what?
I don't talk about this a lot,I hardly talk about it.
(20:12):
I just walk around, you know,and I think about it and
whatever, and I keep it tomyself.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
But the direction that the gay community has gone
in the gay leadership, because Ithink that they have allowed
(20:39):
the community to be used by, oh,yeah, by by getting so bashy
and stuff, it turned it into awar and that's why I love the
older lesbian couples that comeforward and they're like.
You know, we just lived ourlife how we had to live our life
and we were respectful withpeople.
I agree, people were respectfulwith us, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
And so like we have to look at also what's happened
in the gay community, becausethe last thing I want is for
people who think that there'ssome authority in the gay
community telling me how Ishould feel, what I should think
and what my politics should be.
You don't have the right, anymore than anybody else, to tell
(21:20):
me how to think, how to feel,who I should be attracted to.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
What's the difference between you and the people that
have?
asked us the entire time.
You know, honestly, likesometimes I think, like, like,
trans is conformity, you know,because, like when you, when
you're a kid, you know, or whenI was a kid, you know, they were
like, oh, that's between a manand a woman, that's between a
man and a woman, you know, and Iwas like, well, that's kind of,
(21:44):
you know not, that's weird.
You know, like I feel like Icould do everything that a man
could do.
But then you get to this pointwhere you're like, oh, I have to
be this person in order for theworld to think that I can love
a woman, or for the world tothink that I can work on a car,
or for the world to think that Ican do this or that.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
What does it matter what the world thinks?
I mean, who cares what theworld thinks, honestly?
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Well, that's what I'm saying.
I feel like, you know, peoplewho are trans are saying like
I'm this person.
You know why are you thatperson?
You're that person?
Because that person, thisperson that you are, doesn't fit
into who you want to be.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
That's why One of the one of the things that that's
happened is a lot of a lot ofthe folks who have become trans,
they're just gay.
They're just gay, especiallythe women.
They're just gay.
You know, like, honestly, whenI was growing up, you know,
there were times I wish I was aboy.
What kind of person wouldeither one of us be if our
breasts had been removed and wehad been on hormones for our
(22:49):
whole?
What would you be who you areright now?
Would I be?
No, I wouldn't.
So I'm.
I'm glad that I'm a woman, eventhough when I was much younger,
I wished I was a boy.
Why?
Because I looked at my brothersand they had privileges and
they were able to do things andthey had more recognition.
They were acknowledged for morethings.
They were acknowledged for thesame things that I did and I
(23:09):
didn't get acknowledged.
So it's like, well damn, thething is, is like this this
vulnerability in in our societyhas.
I think that there are forces inour society that have taken
advantage of this weak point,which is that care like people,
like that person wasn't able tofully be who they were, and so
(23:32):
they were met with analternative which involved
permanently altering theirphysical form.
The thing is is thatunfortunately, what we have is a
situation where, literallypharmaceutical companies, which
control an awful lot of publicpolicy, see this whole, the
(23:55):
whole trans thing as a way tohave permanent customers for
life, because that that personwill always need these
medications.
And you know, and unfortunatelythat's why in our culture, like
there could be something wrongwith us, but often the first
solution is surgery.
Why?
(24:15):
Because it makes more money.
So you have, like, in themedical industry, you have
surgeries like, for instance,c-sections are promoted way over
natural births.
They really promote this stuffbecause it's more of a
moneymaker than the natural,than the natural way.
(24:38):
And so you have these, thesepolicies, you have these things
that are pushed, not becauseit's pro human but because it it
there's the dollar at thebottom line, you know, of these
pharmaceutical companies.
We saw that in COVID.
It's like all of these thingsthat were pushed it really
wasn't about our health at all,it was about the profit margins
(24:59):
of these pharmaceuticalcompanies.
And unfortunately I see the samething happening in the trans
community and all of that likethere was a whole thing about
(25:19):
like we don't need these labels.
We have too many labels, youknow we should live without
labels.
Look what's happened in the gaycommunity.
It's all about labels.
But I mean, the thing is, isthat the more labels you create,
the more separation you create?
So, even within the gaycommunity, you have all of this
strife, like even the gaycommunity is not united.
Because you have all of thisstrife, like even the gay
community is not united.
Because you have all of thisstuff and it's really it's like
(25:41):
labels.
Well, I'm a this and you'rethat.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Since I came out, I have not really ever identified
as as just lesbian.
You know, like I like whensomebody actually asked me.
You know like I've been called.
You know, called lesbian.
When somebody actually asked me, you know like I've been called
lesbian.
I've been, you know, groupedwith lesbians.
Most of my friends all saythey're lesbian you know, but
(26:04):
for me I was married at 16.
I had a girlfriend before I hada boyfriend, and then I had
boyfriends and then I had agirlfriend.
You know, and I never, I couldnever, ever assimilate with the
word bi, because everybody thatI met that called themselves bi.
It was like a show it felt likeoh, I'm bi, you know like you
(26:27):
just want to make out with agirl in a room full of boys you
know that's not bi, that's.
I mean, maybe that is bi andthat's not what I am um you know
so I've said my whole life thatI was gender blind.
Like I just don't see gender,like when I'm talking to
somebody I'm talking to them intheir eyes, in their heart.
(26:48):
You know I'm connecting withthem when I'm talking to them
you know, I care about what theythink or what they're saying or
what they feel.
You know, when they're talkingto me, you know it doesn't
matter if they're a guy or agirl, if they have a good heart
and I love them.
You know we're all made the waythat we're made but at the end
of the day, like everybody, justlike focuses on on
(27:12):
sexualization because it's likesuch a powerful thing, and
you're right, the labels that wehave are what, what destroys us
, you know, and they're notaccurate.
We don't fit into boxes.
You can't stuff people in theboxes.
Everybody is different.
Everybody has their ownsituations, their own life,
their own experiences, their owntraumas, their own heartbreaks,
(27:34):
their own traumas, their ownheartbreaks, their own
happinesses.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I have a similar experience growing up when I,
when I, was very traumatized bythe fact that I was attracted to
women.
But I also, you know, I alsoliked boys.
But when I, when I came out andI had, you know, my first
girlfriend or whatever, and webroke up, I dated men and then I
had these lesbian friends wholater on were hyper, hyper
(28:05):
critical of the fact that I hadbeen with men.
So I wasn't a real lesbian.
Like I broke the rules, I brokethe rules.
So I wasn't a real lesbian.
Like I broke the rules, I brokethe rules.
So I wasn't a real lesbian andI never really wanted to
consider myself bisexual.
But like I, you know, I've beenwith men.
I've been with women.
I tend to be more emotionallyopen to women, but that also
(28:29):
could have to do with earlychildhood trauma, to do with
early childhood trauma.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
So it could be that I'm I'm a wounded soul who is
more open to women than I am tomen.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Because of, because of trauma, you know, and so.
So that's kind of that and Irecognize that, you know, I
recognize, well, this is, thisis what's what's happened with
me, and it might be that I healthe trauma and I, you know, I'm
more open to being, you know,with with a man emotionally,
like I can be with men and I Ienjoy their company and there
(29:07):
are a lot of really nice thingsabout being with a man.
But I've never completelyopened my heart to one, like I
never fell in love with a manand I never had that experience.
I cared very much for men but Inever't want to be in.
I felt like I had been sojudged, like because I was, I
(29:40):
wasn't an ordinary girl, youknow, I did the boy things, you
know, I climbed the trees, Ilike to play football with the
boys and and all of that, andthere was like, and I liked more
the boy clothes, you know, likeI like the heavier shoes and
the jeans and everything.
I wasn't particularly a femininegirl and so I kind of you know
I was obviously judged for thatand you know, I felt like, well,
(30:01):
when I finally came out, then Iwould be entering a world where
I wouldn't be so judged.
And it turned out I was becauseI didn't fit into that box.
So you know you were talkingabout fitting into boxes and so
forth.
It's kind of like you youescape one box and you get
hurled into another box.
(30:22):
And I think your point is isthat we all just kind of want to
be, we want to exist, we.
You know, I don't want toimpose my life on anyone and I
don't want anyone to imposetheir life and their views and
their politics and whatever onme.
I just want to, I just want tobe, you know, and and so I.
I'm hoping that we can at somepoint get there.
(30:44):
The thing that makes me soupset with the gay community is,
I think, that so many of thethings that they've done in the
last 10, 15, 20 years have beencounterproductive to that.
I don't think that they'vemoved the needle.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Everybody made decisions for everyone.
You know that they don't evenhave the ability to come over
and you have, like these peoplethat are like no, it's black or
it's white.
You know, and I'm sorry,there's a million different.
You know things that you're notfactoring in there.
You know, and the world is muchmore evolved and complicated.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
You know, like it comes full circle back to
balance.
And so here, as a species, asyou know, as a human family,
with the male, the, themasculine and the feminine have
been out of balance, and Iactually think that's why you
know gay people exist is becausewe are an expression of those
aspects of human consciousnesscoming together coming together
(31:38):
now.
Um, I know that we're coming upum on the hour and I have some
um exciting news.
I have a deck of the medicinecards the jamie sands medicine
cards and I got them.
You pull it hard and I'll readit for you, because I came
prepared.
(32:01):
Awesome.
Well, listen, I will.
Let's do that.
Let's work as a team.
Now here's the thing.
I just want you to know like Igot these as part of a medicine
card little course that I signedup for.
But I decided I was going totake this little course and how
to read these.
You know, there's a woman thatI follow online and I really
like her a lot.
She's actually more of a tarotreader, but she was offering
this course and how to work withmedicine cards and I was like,
(32:23):
let's take this little course,and what came with it was a deck
of these medicine cards and, ofcourse, the book, and so I'm
really excited, you know, to belearning.
But I thought, let me, let mepull a card for us this morning,
right, and we'll see.
So the question is always whatyou know, what, what animal
totem can provide us with?
(32:46):
You know, the kind of wisdom weneed for the weeks ahead?
All right, so I've got my cardsall spread out here, all right,
and okay, here's one.
All right, all right.
So what I have pulled is therabbit.
Let's see what rabbit wisdomhas to offer us this week.
(33:11):
So rabbit Wow, this is aboutfear.
Huh, yeah, so Rabbit wow, thisis about fear.
Huh yeah, do you want to read?
Speaker 1 (33:22):
it.
Sure, you want me to read itAll right, sure, if you'd like,
if you pulled Rabbit.
Stop talking about horriblethings happening and get rid of
the what if?
In your vocabulary.
What if?
In your vocabulary, this cardmay signal a time of worry about
the future, or trying toexercise your control over
whatever is not yet informed thefuture.
Stop now.
(33:43):
Write your fears down, bewilling to feel them, breathe
into them and feel them runningthrough your body into Mother
Earth as a giveaway, into motherearth as a giveaway.
So, from from my perspective onthis, you know, yeah, I do feel
like this is really relative tolike what we've been talking
about you know, all day abouthow you know people were afraid
(34:06):
of the gay community.
The gay community was afraid ofpeople.
You, know, and we pushed, andwe pushed, and we pushed, you
know, and and then, once we gotto our point of position, we
became the very things that wewere trying to evade.
You know, we became the verythings that we were trying to to
fight by creating all thisstuff, by creating labels, by
(34:27):
creating things that aren'tthere to begin with.
You know, we are creating a veryfear that is destroying us.
You know, and I've always saidfrom day one you know, if
something hurts me, I don't walkaway from it.
I will stare it in the face, Iwill walk into it and I will
experience it.
If I cannot change it, then Iwill separate myself from it
(34:51):
before, before I get to a pointthat it destroys me.
But when I'm afraid ofsomething, I have to understand
what, why, how.
All all of those need to beanswered before I can fully walk
away from the situation.
So, one, I know that I'vecovered all my bases.
(35:13):
Two, I know that I've tried torelate to whatever it was that
was bringing me down.
And three, you know I, just youhave to put a full commitment
into the universe.
You know, to experience thingsand if you're not willing to
face things, then they're goingto come find you again later on,
you know.
So I think you know facing yourfears, studying your demons,
(35:36):
studying the things that hauntyou at night, to try to
understand why these thingshappen in the world and in the
universe.
And, being honest, you knowenough to the point where
sometimes it sucks.
You know the answers you comeup with.
But but if you really look atit, you know you can't trade
(35:57):
through knowledge, understanding, for anything, because that's
what gives you truth, and truthis unconditional.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Look at the times that we're living in, and you
know we are amazing creators,and so rabbit.
Rabbit was this brave warriorat one time and an amazing
creator too, and yet, because ofthe fear, now drew to it the
things that it feared.
And I think that that's verytrue for us at this time.
(36:27):
There's so much in our world,in the news and the things that
we hear and see, that I mean soit's all fear driven.
I think we fear facing ourshadows, and yet our shadows
might be our greatest source ofstrength and courage, and so
we're able to.
You know, look at, you know,like everybody, you know, the
(36:50):
word is triggered.
You know, oh, that triggers me,that triggers me.
Well, take a look at why thattriggers you.
Why is that so fearful for you?
And go a little deeper.
I was thinking about.
I wish we had an opportunity totalk a little bit more with
Taylor last week or the weekbefore, when she said, oh, I
(37:12):
cringed at my astrological thingbecause it was about using my
discipline to make sure that allmy words are connected to my
soul.
And I think, like for Taylor,the reason why it was so
triggering is like oh, I have tolook at that.
Are my words connected to mysoul or do I just say things you
(37:33):
know?
Like?
How impeccable am I with mywords?
And I know the reason why Irelated to that so much when she
said it is because I think I'msomebody who loves language.
Obviously I'm an Englishteacher and all of that.
But, however, I've had to gothrough the journey of there's a
shadow in that, in that you canhide behind your words and you
(37:55):
can use words in a way that youknow that is not conducive for
you and your life.
You can be unconscious of thewords that you use.
And so I had to, you know, kindof really delve into that and
face that.
And so I just think Rabbit isso instructive right now,
because rabbit medicine, rabbitis saying burrow into a safe
(38:19):
space to nurture yourself andrelease your fears until it is
time again to move into thepasture, clear the prowlers who
want a piece of your juicyenergy.
Also, I think that sometimes wework so hard, you know to, to
accomplish these things, it'slike, oh, I'm going to face my
(38:40):
fear, I'm going to deal thisdown, I'm going to do all of
this.
I want to be, you know, I wantto be a better person or
whatever.
And and sometimes what we needto do, and the most helpful
thing to do, is to just rest,you know, to be quiet, and to
rest and take a take a breakfrom the fight for a little bit
before you return to it, so thatyou can approach it with more
(39:05):
wisdom.
And
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