September 2, 2025 • 38 mins
The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.
Rediscovering love after heartbreak can feel impossible, but Jason's Aunt Pam and Uncle Nate’s 25-year relationship proves otherwise. After painful divorces, they built their bond slowly on “the three C’s”: communication, commitment, and compromise—weathering health challenges, insecurities, and disagreements with grace. Their story shows how the right partner can help heal old wounds and create a deeper, more intentional love. As they say, “Life is about living, loving, and laughing.”
Plus, remember to join our podcast community—like, share, subscribe, and let us know what topics you want us to cover next. Engage with us, send a DM, or leave a review. Let's continue this journey towards peace and prosperity together.
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Website -https://www.jasonlphillips.com
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https://peaceprosperitycoaching.hbportal.co/public/660d8068c9d2d600253b215b/1-Inquiry
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm a mother, you know, and I have a lot of
respect for my kids and I don'tI get.
He can tell you that's onething I get very upset about.
I don't like that, and he's alot of the people that know me,
those you know.
He'll say I go out my way, butwe both do that.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome to the Peace and Prosperity Podcast, where we
talk mental wellness,confidence and real-life tools
to help high achievers thrive.
I'm your host, jason Phillips,licensed therapist, speaker
coach, and I'm glad you're here.
Let's get into the episode.
So today you all, I'minterviewing my Aunt Pam and
(00:46):
Uncle Nate, two of my mostfavorite people in the world.
So you all have the pleasure ofbeing introduced to family.
Uncle Nate, do you want tointroduce yourself?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Yes, I'm Nate Jackson and I'm with my wife, Pamela
Jackson, and we have beentogether for 25 years.
We are very fortunate to betogether.
Initially when we met, we bothwere going through a situation
where we had to address, and itworked out very well.
(01:21):
I met her through her mother.
Okay, I saw her leaving hermother's home and I asked her
mother who was that beautifullady that left your?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
house.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Oh, she said, oh, that's my daughter, and she went
home and I didn't get anopportunity to meet her for
probably a couple weeks orsomething of that nature, and I
was leaving my unit and when shecame up and then a mother
introduced to us and well, nowit's been about 25 years we've
(01:54):
been together.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Wow, van, do you want to introduce yourself before we
get into the story?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
My name is Pam Jackson and, yes, I had the
pleasure of meeting Nate back onFebruary 15th actually in 1999.
And he's correct about my mom.
She actually introduced ustogether and to each other I'll
say and here it is now what, 25years later?
(02:23):
I'm going to jump fast becausehe's already kind of explained
everything to you, but it's beendefinitely a beautiful,
beautiful 25 years.
I'm not saying it's all been,has been perfect, but we
definitely have been through alot these years and growing old
with him is even even better,yeah better, yeah Better.
(02:46):
And you know, I just feel veryblessed.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So I really appreciate you all being open,
kind of spur of the moment,being able to come on the
podcast and share your story.
So the reason why I asked youall to share your story is
because I meet so many people.
You know me being close to 40.
A lot of the people I work withare between 30 and 50.
Some have been married, somehave been divorced, and finding
(03:12):
love is just a challenge forthem and some, frankly, either
don't want it or don't thinkthey can find love again.
And knowing that you all wereboth previously divorced, was
that your mindset when you foundeach other, or what was your
thought process about what yourfuture would look like?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Once again.
But for some reason, actuallythe day that I met Nate even
though I was going through mysituation of, you know, of
getting ready to go through adivorce, I don't know, for some
reason I felt like he was theone, and I don't even know why.
I couldn't tell you.
It was just something about him, the way he, I guess, presented
(03:51):
himself to me.
When he first walked up to me,he said Hi, I finally get to
meet you.
My name is Nate Jackson.
And when he said that, I toldhim what my name was.
But I was so I still had a lotof hurt in me and but he was so
pleasant to me and I just likedeverything about him.
I just said, wow, he is a niceguy.
(04:12):
But I told my mom, I said butI'm not ready to date anyone, or
you know, but I really didn'tplan this, it wasn't, it wasn't
like it was planned, it happened, it happened.
And I think sometimes whenyou're, when you say things
which you'll never do again,sometimes never say never,
because I really thought that Iwas not going to ever be in a
relationship, and at least atthat time I'll say you said you
(04:37):
wanted to love yourself first.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
That was your mindset .
So a lot of people think aboutdo I work on myself first before
I get into a relationship?
What did you do?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Actually, that's exactly what I wanted to do work
on myself, because I kind ofblame myself for a lot of things
.
I thought it was my faultbecause my marriage ended and
during that time and I wastrying to find fault, find you
know, find out what could I havedone differently to not cause
him to do the things that he haddone?
(05:09):
And then I realized you knowwhat it came to me one day that
I didn't do anything wrong.
I think, as a mother and a wife, I think I did everything I was
supposed to do.
At least, I always prayed andasked God let me be the kind of
wife that you want me to be andthe kind of mother you want me
to be Not what I want to be, butwhat I should be, you know.
(05:33):
So I did try to.
I wanted to work on myself,especially with the trust,
because it was hard for me to gointo a relationship Think about
getting into a relationship,trusting again, and trust is
definitely uh, that's big, wecould spend a lot of time on on
that in itself okay, what aboutfor you?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
were you thinking about a relationship, or what
was your mindset at that time?
Speaker 3 (05:57):
uh, at the time, I would say yes, I was.
However, I was also coming outof a relationship and it was
important to me Not that Ihadn't made a mistake in my
previous marriage, I had.
However, I committed myselfthat this won't happen again and
(06:23):
me doing anything that Godwouldn't want me to do and it
was really a pleasure in meetingher because we almost gelled
right away and we went to—we'ddone so many things together and
it was actually differentbetween us.
We would try apply together.
(06:44):
We would go to different places.
We went to many places.
Matter of fact, and I thinkshe's going to tell you, we were
dated for seven years before wemarried, so we could get to
know each other oh thanks andsee how much we truly loved each
(07:04):
other, and it worked out good.
One of the things I like is sheliked that she would travel
with me and she loved to travelwith me and I loved for her to
travel with me, so it reallyworked out well.
As she said, we've beentogether over 25 years now a
(07:24):
little over 25 years it's beengood.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
So one thing you all both mentioned is your faith in
God.
How important has God been inyour personal lives and then in
your relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Oh, wow, I put it this way if it wasn't for God, I
wouldn't be here, you know,especially even for the prayers
that I had endured from others,because there was a lot of
people praying for me.
I really, truly say that Inever doubt God for one minute.
There was a many times that Ichose to give up, but I realized
(08:00):
that, you know what?
God didn't give up on me and Iwas not going to give up on him
and lose my faith.
And, as they say in the Bible,all you need is the faith of the
size of a mustard seed.
And he brought me through a lot.
Trust me, I won't get into it,but it was deep, very, very deep
(08:20):
.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Uncle Nate, what about for you?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
It was also deep for me.
As you know, I'm a retiredpolice officer and so there's
many things that I haveexperienced.
I definitely had made somemistakes, but I promise God I
wouldn't make a mistake in thisrelationship.
Like I said, we were togetherfor seven years before we
married and I have not made anymistakes as far as going out
(08:46):
doing anything, and it's beenonly 25 years now, matter of
fact, that we've been togetherand we have difficulties,
sometimes something that shedoesn't agree in and I don't
agree in, but we work togetherto iron the problem out so we
can get back to the caliber thatwe like, the relationship that
we like and to each other.
(09:07):
But the most important thing isthat how we blend together, how
we do things together, how weshe loved traveling with me.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Like that travel how many cruises have you on,
because I know you all used tocruise quite a bit.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
We've been about five cruises.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
I think we've been on , yeah, something like that.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
But you know what, jason, the most important thing
I feel is communication.
Because I was telling Nate, youknow, a lot of times when
you're in relationships and I'mspeaking from my past it's like
when there's no communicationand sometimes you try to figure
out what that person is thinkingabout or what they're thinking.
A lot of times men think aboutthey make me think about bills a
(09:48):
lot and you'd be thinking, oh,why aren't they thinking about
me?
You know, a lot of times weexpect a whole lot from men, but
I realized that sometimes it'sokay to sit down and talk about
what you're thinking about orwhat you know, what you want to
do.
You know, share things.
And I told Nick when we firstgot together.
He asked me, he said what canwe do to make this relationship
(10:08):
work?
I said the most important thingis communication.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
My mentor talks about that.
He said for a relationship towork you have to have the three
C's communication, commitmentand compromise.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Wow, I like that.
Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
So you all talked about well we, you kind of
alluded to communication.
What's the communication likewith you all now, and has it
gotten better?
Do you like?
What's it like?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
I think it has gotten better, because of course we're
getting older now.
So you think, but not that wedon't have differences now Right
, but we do.
You know like we may get mad ateach other, might not say
nothing for a few hours to eachother, but I'm the one that
usually come and say, OK, hey,all right, you can walk around
the house and don't talk to metoday or something.
And he's because he's verystubborn, and I am to a certain
(10:59):
extent too, but he likes to, hehe'll get so mad.
I'm like okay, let's talk aboutit.
So we got to talk.
Sometimes we might yell at eachother and then we realize that,
hey, you know, we know we loveeach other.
But you know, and sometimeslove hurts.
I don't care how heavy you are,it hurts because you care.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
So how do you say something I guess I'll bring it
up how do you say something thatyou know may hurt Aunt Pam, but
either she needs to hear it oryou feel like you have to.
You need to voice it.
What's that process like?
Speaker 3 (11:35):
How do I say something to her?
She needs to know I willcommunicate with her that this
occurred and I didn't like it,and I think there's a way that
you can do things.
I guess I said it, Jason.
As you know, I was a policeofficer, retired detective, and
I've done a lot of things asbeing a detective and being a
(11:59):
police officer and this sort ofcomes to me sometimes about
certain things that I'veobserved, I've seen, I've
witnessed and even some things Imade a mistake in.
So I have to more or less lookat it and say I don't want this
in my marriage, this to happenagain.
And, as I said, we've beentogether over 25 years and, as I
(12:24):
said, we've been together over25 years, so you know it's
definitely working.
Do we get angry with each otherthat we don't talk for a few
hours?
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Yes, but you said a few hours, so not a few days, or
oh no.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
No, no, we don't.
I couldn't live like that no,we don't, no, no no, you know a
few days no we don't separatefrom each other.
No, no, no, no, no.
Well, that's something you are.
We're in two bedrooms.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
I can't even get mad and go in that room.
We're sleeping in the same room, you know.
I just, I just I don't know, Ijust believe in there is a
problem, we can work it out andthere's nothing too big that we
can't talk about.
You know, I mean I'm not goingto sit in this house and you
don't talk to me.
He knows I would tell him hey,okay, so you're not going to
(13:09):
talk to me, you know, and thenhe'll cut the television down.
Finally we'll start talking.
But you know, and some of thethings be simple, don't they To
me?
I think they're simple.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
You don't want me to elaborate on what he get mad at
me about well, I do, because,because the research says that
couples argue about 70 or 70 ofthe arguments around the same
thing.
Would you all say that that'saccurate, is it?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
yeah, I think so.
Yeah, now I was just.
I laugh at it because I look atit like, ok, you really think
that good of me?
I don't even think that good ofmyself.
He'll, he'll.
He'll always say that he saw melaughing with someone.
I'm like laughing with him.
It's very simple, ok, and he'lllike guys that kid, like guys
(14:02):
that kid.
I look at them as my sons.
You know, the same way with him, with girls, little girl, young
girls that knew Officer Jacksonor whatever.
When he talks, I'm always I'mhappy when he can talk with them
and if they have a questionabout something, I don't take it
like, oh, they like you orsomething.
(14:23):
Well, he'll take it to thepoint.
Like the guy liked me and hesaw me flirting with him.
I don't even flirt, I don'teven know how to flirt, and I'm
like it's very simple, crazystuff.
And I tell him I say Nate, Ilove you.
I'm not worried about thoseothers out there, I don't care
what those people think.
You know I'm with you.
(14:44):
Am I right or wrong?
You don't want me to talk aboutthat, right?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Oh, no, you go ahead, Titch it is.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
And I always say don't feel that way, because to
me that's insulting.
To me.
I wouldn't want nobody to thinkthat way of me, because I'm a
mother, you know, and I have alot of respect for my kids and I
don't I get.
He can tell you.
That's one thing I get veryupset about.
I don't like that and he's alot of the people that know me,
(15:12):
those you know, he'll say I goout my way, but we both do that
because we both love people.
We're both people, we're both.
We're so much alike.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
So how do y'all resolve it?
Talk about it.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Just talk about it and I tell him.
You know, I tell him, I say youpromised me you're not going to
do that anymore and he'llpromise me, but then you're
going to do it again anyway.
He promised me Well, but he, Itell him, you know, do you see
me accusing?
I say we're past that stage now.
You know we're too old for that.
(15:48):
You know I'm too old for it.
I know I can just handle youand you're talking about trying
to get me to talk to somebody.
I'm talking to somebody else.
I'm like no, it's not like that, I'm not.
I've never been that way.
Anybody that knows me, eveneven guys that I used to shoot
marbles with I they watched megrew up together when they said
they always saw Nate, nate, yougot a great wife.
(16:10):
You know, none of my friends Inever had no dealings with in
that way.
Even when my dad died, they allcame to the, to the funeral
home, to, you know to, to showtheir pay, their respect.
And I was telling Nate and theywould say talk about a girl can
shoot some marbles.
I mean, I shoot marbles, shootslingshots, because I was very
(16:31):
tomboyish growing up.
You know my audience probablydoesn't know too much about
shooting marbles.
Oh well, if you grew up likethat in dirt, you know you.
Just you get down on your knees, you draw a circle.
You know you smooth the dirtout, draw a circle, put your
marbles in and you, I used toshoot for hummies.
I don't know if they know whatthat is, but they're big, big,
(16:52):
beautiful marbles and I used tocollect them in a big box and I
would go around.
The guys used to come to thehouse, miss Cat and Pam come out
and shoot marbles with me and Iwould go out and shoot marbles.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So I guess what I'm hearing then too is you are
still very much in love witheach other.
Is that accurate?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Oh, yes, oh, yes, no doubt about it.
I can't even.
I'll put it to you like thishere.
I still have the same feelingsthat I had and I still have the
same feelings that I had and Ican share this with you when we
first started dating.
I was living with my aunt and Ithink you remember where your
Uncle Nate lived.
I couldn't wait to get off, toget my bags, pack my bags, to go
(17:36):
to his place and it was like Iremember saying Lord, if I'm
wrong, I don't want to be right.
I was just that happy I hadn'teven gotten a divorce yet, but
it was in the making but I wasjust so happy about the
relationship that I was in andit was like when we would see
each other, we would smile Likewe had that.
(17:57):
You remember that look, oh,yeah, you still give me that
look, don't you?
Yeah, but it was so it.
You get that feeling.
It's a feeling that I can'texplain that it was like wow,
and I, and and I'm gonna sharethis with you and I don't know
if you might want to cut part ofthis out there's a difference
between making love and theother thing, you know, like a
(18:19):
quickie or whatever, and this iswhat really made me love him,
because he knew how to love me,and that's so important too.
Even in the years of my othermarriage, I don't remember the
love like that.
I really don't.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
So Uncle Nate, and we didn't say but Uncle Nate,
you're older than our Pam too.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yes, I am.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
So who keeps up with who?
I'm trying?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
to keep up with him.
Okay, you know what my auntused to say when I would come
home and she would see me.
She'd say girl, you're going tokill that man.
That's what she would say to me, right?
And I would look at her and say, wait a minute.
She was in her late 70s, almost80, right?
And she said is it ending?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
No, it's getting good .
Speaker 1 (19:04):
And she would say you're going to kill that man.
Why do you go over there everyweek?
I say because he wants me overthere.
I don't want to be over there.
So I said but why are youtalking like that?
She said I don't know.
I guess she was looking at hisage and my age.
Well, I told Nate one night.
I said, boy, they just don'tknow You're going to be the one
(19:27):
to kill me.
And we used to laugh about that,didn't we?
We still laugh about it.
It's still fun.
You know, to me it's like Ididn't know what it was like
growing old with someone thatyou know you could really still
have those feelings, for I mean,you still love each other.
But it's beyond deep and it'seven behind just the making love
(19:48):
, beyond just the making love.
It's it's just a feeling like,oh, I don't even know how to
even express it.
Can you express what thatfeeling is that you feel in your
heart?
It doesn't long as you're justwith that person, just being
next to them to me is a greatfeeling.
Go ahead, uncle Nate.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Yeah, well, I don't know how much I can add to what
she's saying, but you know itwas really good.
I like the idea that we used totravel together.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You got that traveling.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
We used to have so much fun.
We did have a lot of funtraveling.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
We had a lot of fun traveling and I love the idea of
that.
When she was working and I wasworking, and then, when she was
off, I was off and we wastogether.
That was.
I mean it just.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
We're still together now.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Yes, it was just a tremendous feeling because we
both had gone through somethingand we were over it and now we
had each other.
Can I say, am I jealous aboutcertain things?
Of course I am, and I guessthis is because I do love her.
Because, yeah, I do love her,probably because of my old job
(21:01):
as being a law enforcementofficer, being a pimp, while I
was in the law enforcementoffice.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
He was a dad, daddy, cool daddy.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
Yeah, and so there are so many things that I
observe that you know.
Maybe sometimes it comes to mewhen she said I look at her, say
something about someone else.
Am I a jealous person?
Yes, has she been a jealousperson?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yes, Because there was a lot of women out there
that was disrespectful when wefirst got together.
So let me yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
So you all, both in past relationships, have either
been cheated on or cheated onyour partner, correct he?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
cheated, not me.
My partner cheated on me.
And that infidelity is whatended mine.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
So I want to ask Uncle Nate how did you have and
Alper, you can elaborate too,but how did you have the
confidence to love and trust inlove again?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Well, you know, I think I made a promise to God
that I wouldn't do the thingsthat I used to do, and in my
journal I even wrote some of thecrazy things that I did growing
up, and all Maybe because I wasin the country and worked with
a guy I shouldn't say workedwith a guy, but knew a lot of
(22:24):
guys that did stupid things andI don't know how I graduated
close to that same situation.
But when I met Pam, everythingjust changed.
There was no need for that.
I just wanted to be with herand she be with me, and we enjoy
each other, which we have nowfor over 25 years Over 25 years.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Yeah, close to a year .
Speaker 3 (22:50):
It has been 25 years.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Yeah, it's been 25 years.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
And I hope it continues until the end of time.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Let me ask, because people who are watching can see
people who are listening, can't?
You all are dressed all white.
I mean you all always have hada sense of style and even
dressing in similar colors orfashion.
Who started that?
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Can I answer?
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yeah, you can answer that Okay, Pam did.
I didn't force you to do it.
How about listening?
Oh, force you to do it.
How about this?
Oh, I thought you started it.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
No, you know she can dress.
Everybody that has seen Pam andknow Pam know the way she dress
and she's a fabulous dresserand always been and she put me
into that fashion Now, not thatI dress terribly when she met me
, but she added on to it and, asyou probably saw, when we went
(23:50):
to lunch today, this whitecouple walked up and said hey,
you guys really look goodtogether.
Look how you're dressed.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I thought they were talking to all four of us.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
They were talking to y'all.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Well, I'm just getting what you're saying, baby
, because, like I say, after 25years I still like to dress, we
like to dress together and shecan coordinate things so
smoothly.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
And you want to know something.
When we shop shop, it's not likewe go out shopping for clothes
like these things be old but wejust have it in our closet and
when I get ready he'll say whatyou, what you, what are you
wearing?
And I'll tell him what I'mwearing.
And he, he's good too, and Ialways loved the way nate
dressed when I met him.
It wasn't me, I think.
He used to always say what areyou wearing out tonight?
(24:42):
He wanted to be similar with mebecause he didn't want to look.
He said he didn't want to beoff with the colors and stuff,
but you know, I never reallylooked at it.
He said listen, I think yournose will hold hands too, right?
He's?
Oh, and that's.
That was another thing that wonmy heart.
(25:03):
It was the holding hands,because it made me feel like,
you know, hey, he really cared,someone really cared about me
and not ashamed to be with me.
You know that's.
I don't know why I felt thatway, because I was always, would
you say, insecure.
I would say insecure in a lotof ways.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
So how does Uncle Nate help with the insecurity?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
You know, he set me for the way I was and I just
felt like I always wanted to bejust loved and the same way.
Even when I was in school,girls hated me and I didn't.
I didn't never know why and itused to hurt me because they
used to make fun of me when Iwas little, because of my
complexion and I had thatinsecure about me.
(25:41):
A lot of people say, oh, a lotof people that start to say that
they, I wish I was like them.
They don't know.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm okay.
I'm okay, but it does touch mesometimes because I always want
to be accepted and loved and Ialways think they envy me for no
reason and because I care somuch about people For no reason,
(26:01):
and because I cared so muchabout people, I always never was
treated unfair.
I felt.
Well, I'm going to jump in.
They would make fun about oh, Iwas the like when slavery or
something like I was the and youknow what I look at it and I'm
going too far now Maybe youmight want to cut it.
People always say aboutenslavery that the light-skinned
(26:22):
person stayed on the inside,but they don't realize the
light-skinned person wentthrough even worse because their
moms were raped.
I say my mom, this didn'thappen.
But those are the things that Ilooked at too.
I'm like you know it workedboth ways.
It's that you and they can tellyou.
I don't think good of myself.
(26:44):
I really don't.
I've always had I don't want tosay I hate to use the word low
self-esteem, but I I didn'tnever think I was ever good
enough and he always made mefeel special, felt special, and
I think that meant a lot, theway he treated me and the way he
treats me now.
Even if I have a down day orsomething, he's right there to
(27:04):
lift me up and we both do thatfor each other.
So I'm sorry, I think I wentoff the pattern.
I think I went off.
It really does touch my heart.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Uncle Nate, you still blue, he's still blue, I'm
sorry you want me to get up?
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Yeah it's still blue here.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
You want me to go?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
No, no, no, no.
One of the things that she wasjust explaining to you and I
communicated or talked with heris it's called African-American
culture.
Actually, I'm a dark-skinnedmale and for some reason or
another, if they especiallyfemales if they see a
light-skinned female, that'svery attractive there's that
(27:43):
jealousy that comes about, andthis is what she suffered with
in school and I had to try andassist her.
Hey, you gotta overcome this.
And because there's I can'ttell you how many times that
we've been out and mostly,mostly whites when they see us,
(28:04):
they give us compliments on howwe look.
On occasion there are someBlacks that may say something,
but on the other side they maybe envious and say something
negative about the way we look,you know.
But I can honestly say I thinkwe look pretty well when we go
out.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
You said something earlier about journaling and you
put some things in your journal.
So now you know 2024,journaling is very popular, it's
pushed.
When did you start to journal?
When did I start?
Speaker 3 (28:43):
Oh gosh, I'm glad you asked that.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
I think it was 2008.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
About 2008.
It was about my childhood.
I talked about my mom, my dad,my sister, my oldest sister,
your grandmother who wasdefinitely my favorite Coram and
, of course, my brother.
We had a very, very closerelationship and it's just
(29:08):
enjoyable.
And sometimes when I'm writinga journal, I can see my eyes get
watery because I do miss them.
And they were my favorites andthey took care of me.
If I needed something,especially when I was in college
, and I had a situation at onetime, and who did I call?
(29:28):
I called Ruthie, my littlesister.
Hey, how do I handle this?
And she's very, very, veryhelpful.
And there are times, sometimeswhen I was still working on the
police department, I would comehome on the way home and I said,
hey, let me call Ruthie.
And then it hit me sometimeshey, you can't call anyone
(29:50):
unless you're not here.
And the same thing about StoneAndrew and me.
We had a extremely closerelationship.
I mean, we oh man, we all wererelatively close, I guess,
because I was the last one, andthey also called me if they had
a problem and they think I couldassist them with it and get my
(30:11):
opinion on how to handle it.
So, and that was very importantto me, to me and even, I think,
while I was writing the journaland I thought about Andrew and
how he helped me when someonewanted to beat me up and I had
to call him in another city andAndrew was, as you know, was a
(30:33):
short dude, and I'm saying, ohman, how are you going to help
me?
But he had that tone of voiceand when he arrived he told like
hey man, this is my youngbrother.
If something happened to him,you know, this is what I'm going
to do to you.
And I don't know if he saw theproblem, but the guy didn't
bother me anymore.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
But you know what too , jason, I'm going to jump in
and say something.
Writing that journal and himcontinuing it now really has
helped him a lot through whathe's gone through with the
stroke that he had.
And I told him I said you know,continue.
I kept encouraging him tocontinue with that journal.
I said because this is going tohelp you and because sometimes
(31:18):
his biggest problem was thememory, you know, trying to
remember certain things.
And I said you know what thatjournal is going to help bring
back a lot.
I said because it's going toput your mind to thinking now
and he would sit on that patioout there and he would work on
that journal and sometimes he'dwake up through the night if he
(31:38):
can't sleep, and I may come inhere.
He's sitting in the chair rightdoing his journal and I'm like
I'm really proud of you becauseand when he finished with part
of it he'll let me read it andI'm like wow, that's really
touching.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
You know, can I cut you off now?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Oh sure, I think he's going to ask a question.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
No, go ahead I have to credit Pam and this is why I
love her so much, because sherecognized when I became ill and
suffered with the stroke.
I mean, we were working veryhard in the house here that day.
I remember doing a lot ofpush-up, working on the bicycle
(32:22):
and doing weights and things.
And we had a problem with oneof the bathrooms we had and she
said why don't you call theplumber?
I don't want to call theplumber, yeah, that's what it
was and I said I'm not going tospend $150.
So I went in there and used theplunger and I used it two times
(32:43):
and it didn't work.
First time I didn't have on mymask, second time I did, and
when it didn't work well, I hadto call the plumber and I paid.
And that night what happened?
I had to call a client inreference to an issue.
You know, because I was aprivate detective then and this
(33:06):
lady was communicating with meand I couldn't respond to her
like I wanted to and I didn'tknow why I couldn't.
Pam picked it up and she didn'ttell me.
That day I started listening tohim, yeah, and she said I'm
going to take you to the doctortomorrow morning.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
So I asked him did he want to go to the hospital that
night?
And he said no.
He said he had a headache and Isaid I need to take you to the
hospital and he said no, I don'thave a headache like that.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
And the next day, when she had an appointment, she
called me and said I made anappointment for our doctor.
Our doctor was only two minutesfrom here, two minutes.
And when she called me into theoffice and began to talk to me,
I couldn't communicate with her.
Some of the things that she wassaying I didn't understand and
(33:53):
I could see the look on her face.
She stopped, she went outsideand this is when she talked to
Pam and I think she told herthat hey, your husband suffered
a stroke.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
No, she didn't know, she figured it.
She said get him to thehospital and I'm going to.
She said you don't have to stop, they're going to be waiting
for him at the door.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
So you all, I know we could, we could be here, but we
have to go, unfortunately.
So what would you all say thatpeople should know about finding
love, keeping love and alsotaking care of themselves,
especially as we age.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
First off, I truly believe that you have to believe
in God and you have to behonest with yourself, be with
your mate and not do the rightthing and work with each other,
regardless regarding whateverthe problem may be.
Communicating is so, soimportant, and I think this
(34:49):
would definitely assist, becausebefore I didn't do all of these
things.
I was doing stupid stuff orcrazy things and I know God said
, hey, I took care of you, fool.
But now you know I don't dothese things and I just love for
us to be together.
(35:09):
I love for us to travel and dothings together.
It's just the way I think ourrelationship works and we do
things together, even in thehouse.
I don't, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
I don't work.
No project, yeah yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
She's an excellent cook.
She loves to clean the house.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
I come in and and I clean sometimes I was gonna say
this, jason, and it's somethingthat Nate taught me too Life is
about living, loving andlaughing.
Those are three more veryimportant key to a relationship,
(35:49):
and this is something that hetaught me when I first met him,
because I didn't even know howto laugh or smile.
So that to me, when you smileand when you wake up every day
and you're with someone that youlove, is it is a good feeling.
It really is, because in any,even if you're not with someone,
(36:10):
still learn how to live, loveand laugh with yourself.
Make, do things to makeyourself happy, because I walked
alone a many a days.
I had to learn how to do thatuntil I got to the point where I
was, like, you know, happy withmyself, because really I wasn't
, and you got to first loveyourself.
And then that goes along.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
I think we changed each other.
There was some issues that weeach had.
She changed my issues and Ichanged her issues that she had
and that means a great deal.
But we are happy together nowand I hope we're going to be
together.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Well, the good Lord and some of the good Lord say
hey.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
I really thank you all for you know again sharing
with me, sharing with Carol, butjust being a lovely couple and
the best aunt and uncle.
So Thanks for tuning in to thePeace and Prosperity Podcast.
If today's episode brought youclarity, encouragement or even a
(37:19):
moment of calm, share it withsomeone who needs to hear it too
.
Your support helps us keepthese conversations going.
And remember you don't have todo it all alone.
If you're navigating stress,burnout or just need a space to
reset, I'm here to support you.
Connect with me at jasonlphillPhillips dot com or send me a
(37:43):
message on social media.
Until next time, protect yourpeace, pursue your purpose and
keep showing up for you.
Be blessed.
I'm a mother, you know, and I have a lot of
respect for my kids and I don'tI get.
He can tell you that's onething I get very upset about.
I don't like that, and he's alot of the people that know me,
those you know.
He'll say I go out my way, butwe both do that.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome to the Peace and Prosperity Podcast, where we
talk mental wellness,confidence and real-life tools
to help high achievers thrive.
I'm your host, jason Phillips,licensed therapist, speaker
coach, and I'm glad you're here.
Let's get into the episode.
So today you all, I'minterviewing my Aunt Pam and
(00:46):
Uncle Nate, two of my mostfavorite people in the world.
So you all have the pleasure ofbeing introduced to family.
Uncle Nate, do you want tointroduce yourself?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Yes, I'm Nate Jackson and I'm with my wife, Pamela
Jackson, and we have beentogether for 25 years.
We are very fortunate to betogether.
Initially when we met, we bothwere going through a situation
where we had to address, and itworked out very well.
(01:21):
I met her through her mother.
Okay, I saw her leaving hermother's home and I asked her
mother who was that beautifullady that left your?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
house.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Oh, she said, oh, that's my daughter, and she went
home and I didn't get anopportunity to meet her for
probably a couple weeks orsomething of that nature, and I
was leaving my unit and when shecame up and then a mother
introduced to us and well, nowit's been about 25 years we've
(01:54):
been together.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Wow, van, do you want to introduce yourself before we
get into the story?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
My name is Pam Jackson and, yes, I had the
pleasure of meeting Nate back onFebruary 15th actually in 1999.
And he's correct about my mom.
She actually introduced ustogether and to each other I'll
say and here it is now what, 25years later?
(02:23):
I'm going to jump fast becausehe's already kind of explained
everything to you, but it's beendefinitely a beautiful,
beautiful 25 years.
I'm not saying it's all been,has been perfect, but we
definitely have been through alot these years and growing old
with him is even even better,yeah better, yeah Better.
(02:46):
And you know, I just feel veryblessed.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So I really appreciate you all being open,
kind of spur of the moment,being able to come on the
podcast and share your story.
So the reason why I asked youall to share your story is
because I meet so many people.
You know me being close to 40.
A lot of the people I work withare between 30 and 50.
Some have been married, somehave been divorced, and finding
(03:12):
love is just a challenge forthem and some, frankly, either
don't want it or don't thinkthey can find love again.
And knowing that you all wereboth previously divorced, was
that your mindset when you foundeach other, or what was your
thought process about what yourfuture would look like?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Once again.
But for some reason, actuallythe day that I met Nate even
though I was going through mysituation of, you know, of
getting ready to go through adivorce, I don't know, for some
reason I felt like he was theone, and I don't even know why.
I couldn't tell you.
It was just something about him, the way he, I guess, presented
(03:51):
himself to me.
When he first walked up to me,he said Hi, I finally get to
meet you.
My name is Nate Jackson.
And when he said that, I toldhim what my name was.
But I was so I still had a lotof hurt in me and but he was so
pleasant to me and I just likedeverything about him.
I just said, wow, he is a niceguy.
(04:12):
But I told my mom, I said butI'm not ready to date anyone, or
you know, but I really didn'tplan this, it wasn't, it wasn't
like it was planned, it happened, it happened.
And I think sometimes whenyou're, when you say things
which you'll never do again,sometimes never say never,
because I really thought that Iwas not going to ever be in a
relationship, and at least atthat time I'll say you said you
(04:37):
wanted to love yourself first.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
That was your mindset .
So a lot of people think aboutdo I work on myself first before
I get into a relationship?
What did you do?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Actually, that's exactly what I wanted to do work
on myself, because I kind ofblame myself for a lot of things
.
I thought it was my faultbecause my marriage ended and
during that time and I wastrying to find fault, find you
know, find out what could I havedone differently to not cause
him to do the things that he haddone?
(05:09):
And then I realized you knowwhat it came to me one day that
I didn't do anything wrong.
I think, as a mother and a wife, I think I did everything I was
supposed to do.
At least, I always prayed andasked God let me be the kind of
wife that you want me to be andthe kind of mother you want me
to be Not what I want to be, butwhat I should be, you know.
(05:33):
So I did try to.
I wanted to work on myself,especially with the trust,
because it was hard for me to gointo a relationship Think about
getting into a relationship,trusting again, and trust is
definitely uh, that's big, wecould spend a lot of time on on
that in itself okay, what aboutfor you?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
were you thinking about a relationship, or what
was your mindset at that time?
Speaker 3 (05:57):
uh, at the time, I would say yes, I was.
However, I was also coming outof a relationship and it was
important to me Not that Ihadn't made a mistake in my
previous marriage, I had.
However, I committed myselfthat this won't happen again and
(06:23):
me doing anything that Godwouldn't want me to do and it
was really a pleasure in meetingher because we almost gelled
right away and we went to—we'ddone so many things together and
it was actually differentbetween us.
We would try apply together.
(06:44):
We would go to different places.
We went to many places.
Matter of fact, and I thinkshe's going to tell you, we were
dated for seven years before wemarried, so we could get to
know each other oh thanks andsee how much we truly loved each
(07:04):
other, and it worked out good.
One of the things I like is sheliked that she would travel
with me and she loved to travelwith me and I loved for her to
travel with me, so it reallyworked out well.
As she said, we've beentogether over 25 years now a
(07:24):
little over 25 years it's beengood.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
So one thing you all both mentioned is your faith in
God.
How important has God been inyour personal lives and then in
your relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Oh, wow, I put it this way if it wasn't for God, I
wouldn't be here, you know,especially even for the prayers
that I had endured from others,because there was a lot of
people praying for me.
I really, truly say that Inever doubt God for one minute.
There was a many times that Ichose to give up, but I realized
(08:00):
that, you know what?
God didn't give up on me and Iwas not going to give up on him
and lose my faith.
And, as they say in the Bible,all you need is the faith of the
size of a mustard seed.
And he brought me through a lot.
Trust me, I won't get into it,but it was deep, very, very deep
(08:20):
.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Uncle Nate, what about for you?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
It was also deep for me.
As you know, I'm a retiredpolice officer and so there's
many things that I haveexperienced.
I definitely had made somemistakes, but I promise God I
wouldn't make a mistake in thisrelationship.
Like I said, we were togetherfor seven years before we
married and I have not made anymistakes as far as going out
(08:46):
doing anything, and it's beenonly 25 years now, matter of
fact, that we've been togetherand we have difficulties,
sometimes something that shedoesn't agree in and I don't
agree in, but we work togetherto iron the problem out so we
can get back to the caliber thatwe like, the relationship that
we like and to each other.
(09:07):
But the most important thing isthat how we blend together, how
we do things together, how weshe loved traveling with me.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Like that travel how many cruises have you on,
because I know you all used tocruise quite a bit.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
We've been about five cruises.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
I think we've been on , yeah, something like that.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
But you know what, jason, the most important thing
I feel is communication.
Because I was telling Nate, youknow, a lot of times when
you're in relationships and I'mspeaking from my past it's like
when there's no communicationand sometimes you try to figure
out what that person is thinkingabout or what they're thinking.
A lot of times men think aboutthey make me think about bills a
(09:48):
lot and you'd be thinking, oh,why aren't they thinking about
me?
You know, a lot of times weexpect a whole lot from men, but
I realized that sometimes it'sokay to sit down and talk about
what you're thinking about orwhat you know, what you want to
do.
You know, share things.
And I told Nick when we firstgot together.
He asked me, he said what canwe do to make this relationship
(10:08):
work?
I said the most important thingis communication.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
My mentor talks about that.
He said for a relationship towork you have to have the three
C's communication, commitmentand compromise.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Wow, I like that.
Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
So you all talked about well we, you kind of
alluded to communication.
What's the communication likewith you all now, and has it
gotten better?
Do you like?
What's it like?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
I think it has gotten better, because of course we're
getting older now.
So you think, but not that wedon't have differences now Right
, but we do.
You know like we may get mad ateach other, might not say
nothing for a few hours to eachother, but I'm the one that
usually come and say, OK, hey,all right, you can walk around
the house and don't talk to metoday or something.
And he's because he's verystubborn, and I am to a certain
(10:59):
extent too, but he likes to, hehe'll get so mad.
I'm like okay, let's talk aboutit.
So we got to talk.
Sometimes we might yell at eachother and then we realize that,
hey, you know, we know we loveeach other.
But you know, and sometimeslove hurts.
I don't care how heavy you are,it hurts because you care.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
So how do you say something I guess I'll bring it
up how do you say something thatyou know may hurt Aunt Pam, but
either she needs to hear it oryou feel like you have to.
You need to voice it.
What's that process like?
Speaker 3 (11:35):
How do I say something to her?
She needs to know I willcommunicate with her that this
occurred and I didn't like it,and I think there's a way that
you can do things.
I guess I said it, Jason.
As you know, I was a policeofficer, retired detective, and
I've done a lot of things asbeing a detective and being a
(11:59):
police officer and this sort ofcomes to me sometimes about
certain things that I'veobserved, I've seen, I've
witnessed and even some things Imade a mistake in.
So I have to more or less lookat it and say I don't want this
in my marriage, this to happenagain.
And, as I said, we've beentogether over 25 years and, as I
(12:24):
said, we've been together over25 years, so you know it's
definitely working.
Do we get angry with each otherthat we don't talk for a few
hours?
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Yes, but you said a few hours, so not a few days, or
oh no.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
No, no, we don't.
I couldn't live like that no,we don't, no, no no, you know a
few days no we don't separatefrom each other.
No, no, no, no, no.
Well, that's something you are.
We're in two bedrooms.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
I can't even get mad and go in that room.
We're sleeping in the same room, you know.
I just, I just I don't know, Ijust believe in there is a
problem, we can work it out andthere's nothing too big that we
can't talk about.
You know, I mean I'm not goingto sit in this house and you
don't talk to me.
He knows I would tell him hey,okay, so you're not going to
(13:09):
talk to me, you know, and thenhe'll cut the television down.
Finally we'll start talking.
But you know, and some of thethings be simple, don't they To
me?
I think they're simple.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
You don't want me to elaborate on what he get mad at
me about well, I do, because,because the research says that
couples argue about 70 or 70 ofthe arguments around the same
thing.
Would you all say that that'saccurate, is it?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
yeah, I think so.
Yeah, now I was just.
I laugh at it because I look atit like, ok, you really think
that good of me?
I don't even think that good ofmyself.
He'll, he'll.
He'll always say that he saw melaughing with someone.
I'm like laughing with him.
It's very simple, ok, and he'lllike guys that kid, like guys
(14:02):
that kid.
I look at them as my sons.
You know, the same way with him, with girls, little girl, young
girls that knew Officer Jacksonor whatever.
When he talks, I'm always I'mhappy when he can talk with them
and if they have a questionabout something, I don't take it
like, oh, they like you orsomething.
(14:23):
Well, he'll take it to thepoint.
Like the guy liked me and hesaw me flirting with him.
I don't even flirt, I don'teven know how to flirt, and I'm
like it's very simple, crazystuff.
And I tell him I say Nate, Ilove you.
I'm not worried about thoseothers out there, I don't care
what those people think.
You know I'm with you.
(14:44):
Am I right or wrong?
You don't want me to talk aboutthat, right?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Oh, no, you go ahead, Titch it is.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
And I always say don't feel that way, because to
me that's insulting.
To me.
I wouldn't want nobody to thinkthat way of me, because I'm a
mother, you know, and I have alot of respect for my kids and I
don't I get.
He can tell you.
That's one thing I get veryupset about.
I don't like that and he's alot of the people that know me,
(15:12):
those you know, he'll say I goout my way, but we both do that
because we both love people.
We're both people, we're both.
We're so much alike.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
So how do y'all resolve it?
Talk about it.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Just talk about it and I tell him.
You know, I tell him, I say youpromised me you're not going to
do that anymore and he'llpromise me, but then you're
going to do it again anyway.
He promised me Well, but he, Itell him, you know, do you see
me accusing?
I say we're past that stage now.
You know we're too old for that.
(15:48):
You know I'm too old for it.
I know I can just handle youand you're talking about trying
to get me to talk to somebody.
I'm talking to somebody else.
I'm like no, it's not like that, I'm not.
I've never been that way.
Anybody that knows me, eveneven guys that I used to shoot
marbles with I they watched megrew up together when they said
they always saw Nate, nate, yougot a great wife.
(16:10):
You know, none of my friends Inever had no dealings with in
that way.
Even when my dad died, they allcame to the, to the funeral
home, to, you know to, to showtheir pay, their respect.
And I was telling Nate and theywould say talk about a girl can
shoot some marbles.
I mean, I shoot marbles, shootslingshots, because I was very
(16:31):
tomboyish growing up.
You know my audience probablydoesn't know too much about
shooting marbles.
Oh well, if you grew up likethat in dirt, you know you.
Just you get down on your knees, you draw a circle.
You know you smooth the dirtout, draw a circle, put your
marbles in and you, I used toshoot for hummies.
I don't know if they know whatthat is, but they're big, big,
(16:52):
beautiful marbles and I used tocollect them in a big box and I
would go around.
The guys used to come to thehouse, miss Cat and Pam come out
and shoot marbles with me and Iwould go out and shoot marbles.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So I guess what I'm hearing then too is you are
still very much in love witheach other.
Is that accurate?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Oh, yes, oh, yes, no doubt about it.
I can't even.
I'll put it to you like thishere.
I still have the same feelingsthat I had and I still have the
same feelings that I had and Ican share this with you when we
first started dating.
I was living with my aunt and Ithink you remember where your
Uncle Nate lived.
I couldn't wait to get off, toget my bags, pack my bags, to go
(17:36):
to his place and it was like Iremember saying Lord, if I'm
wrong, I don't want to be right.
I was just that happy I hadn'teven gotten a divorce yet, but
it was in the making but I wasjust so happy about the
relationship that I was in andit was like when we would see
each other, we would smile Likewe had that.
(17:57):
You remember that look, oh,yeah, you still give me that
look, don't you?
Yeah, but it was so it.
You get that feeling.
It's a feeling that I can'texplain that it was like wow,
and I, and and I'm gonna sharethis with you and I don't know
if you might want to cut part ofthis out there's a difference
between making love and theother thing, you know, like a
(18:19):
quickie or whatever, and this iswhat really made me love him,
because he knew how to love me,and that's so important too.
Even in the years of my othermarriage, I don't remember the
love like that.
I really don't.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
So Uncle Nate, and we didn't say but Uncle Nate,
you're older than our Pam too.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yes, I am.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
So who keeps up with who?
I'm trying?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
to keep up with him.
Okay, you know what my auntused to say when I would come
home and she would see me.
She'd say girl, you're going tokill that man.
That's what she would say to me, right?
And I would look at her and say, wait a minute.
She was in her late 70s, almost80, right?
And she said is it ending?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
No, it's getting good .
Speaker 1 (19:04):
And she would say you're going to kill that man.
Why do you go over there everyweek?
I say because he wants me overthere.
I don't want to be over there.
So I said but why are youtalking like that?
She said I don't know.
I guess she was looking at hisage and my age.
Well, I told Nate one night.
I said, boy, they just don'tknow You're going to be the one
(19:27):
to kill me.
And we used to laugh about that,didn't we?
We still laugh about it.
It's still fun.
You know, to me it's like Ididn't know what it was like
growing old with someone thatyou know you could really still
have those feelings, for I mean,you still love each other.
But it's beyond deep and it'seven behind just the making love
(19:48):
, beyond just the making love.
It's it's just a feeling like,oh, I don't even know how to
even express it.
Can you express what thatfeeling is that you feel in your
heart?
It doesn't long as you're justwith that person, just being
next to them to me is a greatfeeling.
Go ahead, uncle Nate.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Yeah, well, I don't know how much I can add to what
she's saying, but you know itwas really good.
I like the idea that we used totravel together.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You got that traveling.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
We used to have so much fun.
We did have a lot of funtraveling.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
We had a lot of fun traveling and I love the idea of
that.
When she was working and I wasworking, and then, when she was
off, I was off and we wastogether.
That was.
I mean it just.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
We're still together now.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Yes, it was just a tremendous feeling because we
both had gone through somethingand we were over it and now we
had each other.
Can I say, am I jealous aboutcertain things?
Of course I am, and I guessthis is because I do love her.
Because, yeah, I do love her,probably because of my old job
(21:01):
as being a law enforcementofficer, being a pimp, while I
was in the law enforcementoffice.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
He was a dad, daddy, cool daddy.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
Yeah, and so there are so many things that I
observe that you know.
Maybe sometimes it comes to mewhen she said I look at her, say
something about someone else.
Am I a jealous person?
Yes, has she been a jealousperson?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yes, Because there was a lot of women out there
that was disrespectful when wefirst got together.
So let me yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
So you all, both in past relationships, have either
been cheated on or cheated onyour partner, correct he?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
cheated, not me.
My partner cheated on me.
And that infidelity is whatended mine.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
So I want to ask Uncle Nate how did you have and
Alper, you can elaborate too,but how did you have the
confidence to love and trust inlove again?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Well, you know, I think I made a promise to God
that I wouldn't do the thingsthat I used to do, and in my
journal I even wrote some of thecrazy things that I did growing
up, and all Maybe because I wasin the country and worked with
a guy I shouldn't say workedwith a guy, but knew a lot of
(22:24):
guys that did stupid things andI don't know how I graduated
close to that same situation.
But when I met Pam, everythingjust changed.
There was no need for that.
I just wanted to be with herand she be with me, and we enjoy
each other, which we have nowfor over 25 years Over 25 years.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Yeah, close to a year .
Speaker 3 (22:50):
It has been 25 years.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Yeah, it's been 25 years.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
And I hope it continues until the end of time.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Let me ask, because people who are watching can see
people who are listening, can't?
You all are dressed all white.
I mean you all always have hada sense of style and even
dressing in similar colors orfashion.
Who started that?
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Can I answer?
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yeah, you can answer that Okay, Pam did.
I didn't force you to do it.
How about listening?
Oh, force you to do it.
How about this?
Oh, I thought you started it.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
No, you know she can dress.
Everybody that has seen Pam andknow Pam know the way she dress
and she's a fabulous dresserand always been and she put me
into that fashion Now, not thatI dress terribly when she met me
, but she added on to it and, asyou probably saw, when we went
(23:50):
to lunch today, this whitecouple walked up and said hey,
you guys really look goodtogether.
Look how you're dressed.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I thought they were talking to all four of us.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
They were talking to y'all.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Well, I'm just getting what you're saying, baby
, because, like I say, after 25years I still like to dress, we
like to dress together and shecan coordinate things so
smoothly.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
And you want to know something.
When we shop shop, it's not likewe go out shopping for clothes
like these things be old but wejust have it in our closet and
when I get ready he'll say whatyou, what you, what are you
wearing?
And I'll tell him what I'mwearing.
And he, he's good too, and Ialways loved the way nate
dressed when I met him.
It wasn't me, I think.
He used to always say what areyou wearing out tonight?
(24:42):
He wanted to be similar with mebecause he didn't want to look.
He said he didn't want to beoff with the colors and stuff,
but you know, I never reallylooked at it.
He said listen, I think yournose will hold hands too, right?
He's?
Oh, and that's.
That was another thing that wonmy heart.
(25:03):
It was the holding hands,because it made me feel like,
you know, hey, he really cared,someone really cared about me
and not ashamed to be with me.
You know that's.
I don't know why I felt thatway, because I was always, would
you say, insecure.
I would say insecure in a lotof ways.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
So how does Uncle Nate help with the insecurity?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
You know, he set me for the way I was and I just
felt like I always wanted to bejust loved and the same way.
Even when I was in school,girls hated me and I didn't.
I didn't never know why and itused to hurt me because they
used to make fun of me when Iwas little, because of my
complexion and I had thatinsecure about me.
(25:41):
A lot of people say, oh, a lotof people that start to say that
they, I wish I was like them.
They don't know.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm okay.
I'm okay, but it does touch mesometimes because I always want
to be accepted and loved and Ialways think they envy me for no
reason and because I care somuch about people For no reason,
(26:01):
and because I cared so muchabout people, I always never was
treated unfair.
I felt.
Well, I'm going to jump in.
They would make fun about oh, Iwas the like when slavery or
something like I was the and youknow what I look at it and I'm
going too far now Maybe youmight want to cut it.
People always say aboutenslavery that the light-skinned
(26:22):
person stayed on the inside,but they don't realize the
light-skinned person wentthrough even worse because their
moms were raped.
I say my mom, this didn'thappen.
But those are the things that Ilooked at too.
I'm like you know it workedboth ways.
It's that you and they can tellyou.
I don't think good of myself.
(26:44):
I really don't.
I've always had I don't want tosay I hate to use the word low
self-esteem, but I I didn'tnever think I was ever good
enough and he always made mefeel special, felt special, and
I think that meant a lot, theway he treated me and the way he
treats me now.
Even if I have a down day orsomething, he's right there to
(27:04):
lift me up and we both do thatfor each other.
So I'm sorry, I think I wentoff the pattern.
I think I went off.
It really does touch my heart.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Uncle Nate, you still blue, he's still blue, I'm
sorry you want me to get up?
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Yeah it's still blue here.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
You want me to go?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
No, no, no, no.
One of the things that she wasjust explaining to you and I
communicated or talked with heris it's called African-American
culture.
Actually, I'm a dark-skinnedmale and for some reason or
another, if they especiallyfemales if they see a
light-skinned female, that'svery attractive there's that
(27:43):
jealousy that comes about, andthis is what she suffered with
in school and I had to try andassist her.
Hey, you gotta overcome this.
And because there's I can'ttell you how many times that
we've been out and mostly,mostly whites when they see us,
(28:04):
they give us compliments on howwe look.
On occasion there are someBlacks that may say something,
but on the other side they maybe envious and say something
negative about the way we look,you know.
But I can honestly say I thinkwe look pretty well when we go
out.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
You said something earlier about journaling and you
put some things in your journal.
So now you know 2024,journaling is very popular, it's
pushed.
When did you start to journal?
When did I start?
Speaker 3 (28:43):
Oh gosh, I'm glad you asked that.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
I think it was 2008.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
About 2008.
It was about my childhood.
I talked about my mom, my dad,my sister, my oldest sister,
your grandmother who wasdefinitely my favorite Coram and
, of course, my brother.
We had a very, very closerelationship and it's just
(29:08):
enjoyable.
And sometimes when I'm writinga journal, I can see my eyes get
watery because I do miss them.
And they were my favorites andthey took care of me.
If I needed something,especially when I was in college
, and I had a situation at onetime, and who did I call?
(29:28):
I called Ruthie, my littlesister.
Hey, how do I handle this?
And she's very, very, veryhelpful.
And there are times, sometimeswhen I was still working on the
police department, I would comehome on the way home and I said,
hey, let me call Ruthie.
And then it hit me sometimeshey, you can't call anyone
(29:50):
unless you're not here.
And the same thing about StoneAndrew and me.
We had a extremely closerelationship.
I mean, we oh man, we all wererelatively close, I guess,
because I was the last one, andthey also called me if they had
a problem and they think I couldassist them with it and get my
(30:11):
opinion on how to handle it.
So, and that was very importantto me, to me and even, I think,
while I was writing the journaland I thought about Andrew and
how he helped me when someonewanted to beat me up and I had
to call him in another city andAndrew was, as you know, was a
(30:33):
short dude, and I'm saying, ohman, how are you going to help
me?
But he had that tone of voiceand when he arrived he told like
hey man, this is my youngbrother.
If something happened to him,you know, this is what I'm going
to do to you.
And I don't know if he saw theproblem, but the guy didn't
bother me anymore.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
But you know what too , jason, I'm going to jump in
and say something.
Writing that journal and himcontinuing it now really has
helped him a lot through whathe's gone through with the
stroke that he had.
And I told him I said you know,continue.
I kept encouraging him tocontinue with that journal.
I said because this is going tohelp you and because sometimes
(31:18):
his biggest problem was thememory, you know, trying to
remember certain things.
And I said you know what thatjournal is going to help bring
back a lot.
I said because it's going toput your mind to thinking now
and he would sit on that patioout there and he would work on
that journal and sometimes he'dwake up through the night if he
(31:38):
can't sleep, and I may come inhere.
He's sitting in the chair rightdoing his journal and I'm like
I'm really proud of you becauseand when he finished with part
of it he'll let me read it andI'm like wow, that's really
touching.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
You know, can I cut you off now?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Oh sure, I think he's going to ask a question.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
No, go ahead I have to credit Pam and this is why I
love her so much, because sherecognized when I became ill and
suffered with the stroke.
I mean, we were working veryhard in the house here that day.
I remember doing a lot ofpush-up, working on the bicycle
(32:22):
and doing weights and things.
And we had a problem with oneof the bathrooms we had and she
said why don't you call theplumber?
I don't want to call theplumber, yeah, that's what it
was and I said I'm not going tospend $150.
So I went in there and used theplunger and I used it two times
(32:43):
and it didn't work.
First time I didn't have on mymask, second time I did, and
when it didn't work well, I hadto call the plumber and I paid.
And that night what happened?
I had to call a client inreference to an issue.
You know, because I was aprivate detective then and this
(33:06):
lady was communicating with meand I couldn't respond to her
like I wanted to and I didn'tknow why I couldn't.
Pam picked it up and she didn'ttell me.
That day I started listening tohim, yeah, and she said I'm
going to take you to the doctortomorrow morning.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
So I asked him did he want to go to the hospital that
night?
And he said no.
He said he had a headache and Isaid I need to take you to the
hospital and he said no, I don'thave a headache like that.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
And the next day, when she had an appointment, she
called me and said I made anappointment for our doctor.
Our doctor was only two minutesfrom here, two minutes.
And when she called me into theoffice and began to talk to me,
I couldn't communicate with her.
Some of the things that she wassaying I didn't understand and
(33:53):
I could see the look on her face.
She stopped, she went outsideand this is when she talked to
Pam and I think she told herthat hey, your husband suffered
a stroke.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
No, she didn't know, she figured it.
She said get him to thehospital and I'm going to.
She said you don't have to stop, they're going to be waiting
for him at the door.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
So you all, I know we could, we could be here, but we
have to go, unfortunately.
So what would you all say thatpeople should know about finding
love, keeping love and alsotaking care of themselves,
especially as we age.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
First off, I truly believe that you have to believe
in God and you have to behonest with yourself, be with
your mate and not do the rightthing and work with each other,
regardless regarding whateverthe problem may be.
Communicating is so, soimportant, and I think this
(34:49):
would definitely assist, becausebefore I didn't do all of these
things.
I was doing stupid stuff orcrazy things and I know God said
, hey, I took care of you, fool.
But now you know I don't dothese things and I just love for
us to be together.
(35:09):
I love for us to travel and dothings together.
It's just the way I think ourrelationship works and we do
things together, even in thehouse.
I don't, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
I don't work.
No project, yeah yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
She's an excellent cook.
She loves to clean the house.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
I come in and and I clean sometimes I was gonna say
this, jason, and it's somethingthat Nate taught me too Life is
about living, loving andlaughing.
Those are three more veryimportant key to a relationship,
(35:49):
and this is something that hetaught me when I first met him,
because I didn't even know howto laugh or smile.
So that to me, when you smileand when you wake up every day
and you're with someone that youlove, is it is a good feeling.
It really is, because in any,even if you're not with someone,
(36:10):
still learn how to live, loveand laugh with yourself.
Make, do things to makeyourself happy, because I walked
alone a many a days.
I had to learn how to do thatuntil I got to the point where I
was, like, you know, happy withmyself, because really I wasn't
, and you got to first loveyourself.
And then that goes along.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
I think we changed each other.
There was some issues that weeach had.
She changed my issues and Ichanged her issues that she had
and that means a great deal.
But we are happy together nowand I hope we're going to be
together.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Well, the good Lord and some of the good Lord say
hey.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
I really thank you all for you know again sharing
with me, sharing with Carol, butjust being a lovely couple and
the best aunt and uncle.
So Thanks for tuning in to thePeace and Prosperity Podcast.
If today's episode brought youclarity, encouragement or even a
(37:19):
moment of calm, share it withsomeone who needs to hear it too
.
Your support helps us keepthese conversations going.
And remember you don't have todo it all alone.
If you're navigating stress,burnout or just need a space to
reset, I'm here to support you.
Connect with me at jasonlphillPhillips dot com or send me a
(37:43):
message on social media.
Until next time, protect yourpeace, pursue your purpose and
keep showing up for you.
Be blessed.
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