December 3, 2024 • 13 mins
The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.
Do you often say yes to others but no to yourself? Join Jason Phillips as we explore the power of boundaries, balancing personal values with external demands, and the art of saying no without guilt. Drawing from his own experiences, he'll share strategies like mastering a "slow yes" and a "fast no" to protect your time and energy while tackling challenges like high-functioning anxiety. Discover how effective communication, self-reflection, and prioritizing self-care can lead to greater peace and prosperity. Engage with our podcast community—like, share, and let us know what topics you'd like us to cover next!
To stay connected with Jason and learn about coaching, connect with Jason on social media:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jphillipsmsw/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/jphillipsmsw
Visit Jason's website for a consultation:
Website -https://www.jasonlphillips.com
To book Jason to speak to your team or organization:
https://peaceprosperitycoaching.hbportal.co/public/660d8068c9d2d600253b215b/1-Inquiry
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
All right, all right.
So we are back with anotherepisode of the Peace and
Prosperity Podcast.
I'm your host, jason Phillips,licensed therapist, confidence
expert, and today we're going tobe talking about how can you be
your best self by settingbetter boundaries.
Setting better boundaries, now,this is a topic that I've been
(00:28):
able to explore with a bunch ofmy friends and other guests and
therapists, coaches on thepodcast before, but it's
something that we have torevisit, because today I'm
hearing it more and more oftenin my sessions and when I do
speaking engagements, wherepeople are struggling with
putting themselves first or evenprioritizing themselves at all.
There, what we're doing iswe're putting ourselves last on
(00:51):
the list, and it's hurting us inthe long run.
So if you're someone whostruggles with setting these
boundaries, this is what I wantyou to do First thing.
First, I want you to identifywhat are your priorities and
what are your values.
What does this mean?
What are the things that areimportant to you?
(01:12):
Not your partner, not yourparents, not your kids, not your
boss.
But what are your priorities?
See, sometimes we haven'treally thought about what our
priorities are, because we'vebeen so busy doing and pleasing
other people we haven't had asecond to sit back and think, oh
(01:35):
, this is what I like to do, orthis is what I value, and this
is how I'm showing up, and thisis how I'm going to integrate
this into my life.
See, so like for me.
I value exercise.
I value, you know, somedowntime.
I also value education, whichis why, you know, I'm in school,
(01:56):
but these are things that Iknow outside of.
You know, being a husband,being a father, being a good
family member, these are some ofthe other things that I value.
So, because I know that, I knowthat it's important for me to
get in the gym, or it may beimportant for me to just kind of
sit back, watch a funny movie,but I'm doing the things that
(02:19):
make me feel good and not justdoing things for other people,
because we get caught up on somany other things that our
values end up getting pushed waydown and then we find ourselves
feeling like, man, I'm notmyself anymore, or dang, how did
I get to be where I'm justgoing and I don't even know the
(02:41):
direction.
Well, do you know what yourpriorities are?
When somebody asks you to dosomething, like they ask you to
hang out, they might ask you tocome over, visit, you know.
Do something fun, even go on avacation.
You have to ask yourself one,you know, do I want to even hang
out with them, right?
You know what I mean.
(03:01):
Sometimes we don't have theenergy for everybody, and that's
okay too.
Or two, is this something thataligns with what I'm trying to
kind of pour into my life?
So, for instance, if youprioritize travel and seeing the
world, when somebody asks youabout going on a vacation, if
it's somewhere you want to go,this may be a win-win for both
(03:22):
of y'all.
But if you're not in thatseason in your life, your
money's tight or maybe you don'thave the time for it.
That's a hard no.
Or maybe it's an easy no,honestly.
But you have to think where amI and what do I have room for,
before I just start overcommitting, because we'll do
that because we don't wantpeople to not like us.
(03:44):
Overcommitting, because we'lldo that because we don't want
people to not like us, or itsounds good in the moment, but
it really does not align withour priorities or our values.
Secondly, when we are workingon our boundaries and putting
ourselves first, we have tocommunicate.
But when we communicate, it hasto be clear and it has to be
(04:06):
assertive.
Y'all.
Long are the days where we cansay, hmm, let me think about it,
or you know what, maybe becausepeople will follow back up with
you pretty quickly, like I knowyou told me maybe yesterday,
can I turn that maybe into a yes, can I turn that maybe into I
think so.
(04:27):
People can be really persistent,especially depending on who
you're setting the boundarieswith.
Like some people, you can tellthem, no, I can't do it, and
they'll say, oh, hey, no problem, I'll get with you next time.
But then there are some peoplewhere you tell them, no, I can't
, oh, why not?
Come on, don't do that to me,man, you told me that last time.
(04:50):
Oh, so that's what it's like.
You don't have time for yourfriends anymore.
You're going to do me like that.
They try to guilt trip you.
Now that's a whole otherpodcast.
We're not going to get intothat.
But I want you to communicateyour no's really assertively and
clearly, and I would also sayswiftly too, like if you know
(05:11):
this is something that does notfit for you.
There's no real reason indelaying the no.
It may feel like you have tothink about it, but sometimes we
know it's a no, but we're like,oh, how do I say the no?
The best way to say the no isto say the no.
(05:32):
When we are slow with our no,we give people hope, like, oh,
maybe you know, maybe tomorrowthey're going to, they're going
to change their mind, or maybe,if I do this, then that'll get
them closer to a yes.
When you know sometimes thereis nothing that person can do,
that's going to make them getcloser to a yes.
(05:54):
So I want you to be assertiveand be okay with it.
People will respect you morewith that assertive no.
I don't care if you're talkingto your partner, your family
member, whoever that is, becausethey'll know wow, you know what
Brandy is really committed toworking out right now, or Brandy
(06:15):
is really committed to you knowhis job or his career.
It doesn't make you a badperson.
It makes you actually a personof integrity, responsibility,
and people will know, like youknow what I respect, that I can
rock with that.
Hey, peace and Prosperityfamily.
I want to take a moment to talkabout something vital for all
(06:38):
organizations employee wellness.
Here's what some of the pastorganizations have shared about
their experiences.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
So far, I've learned that my mental health has a huge
impact as a leader on my team'shealth, but also to be looking
out for signs that I've alreadybeen seeing and learning tips on
how I can take those back tohelp myself as well as my team.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So I really appreciate Jason because he
really put a lot of stuff inperspective for me.
I don't get a lot of days offyou know what I'm saying so when
I do take one off, I feelreally, really guilty.
It's like, oh my gosh, I got somuch to do, but knowing that,
like, hey, it's okay, take abreak, be yourself and then come
back to this and you'll bebetter, it's just, it's nice to
keep hearing that.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
So that's good, but it was good to reevaluate and
see that you know, everyone hasburnout, things like that and
also just learning how to dealwith it more effectively.
Be yourself, love yourself, andother people are going to love
you too.
Like regardless.
And workplace is not justworkplace, this is family.
He was a great speaker,probably one of the best ones
(07:40):
that I've seen so far.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
If you're interested in investing in your team's
mental health, visit Jason LPhillips dot com or visit the
link below, and let's talk aboutcreating a thriving work
environment for yourorganization.
A thriving work environment foryour organization.
Now back to the episode.
Next thing I want you to dowhen it comes to setting
(08:02):
boundaries for yourself.
I want you to set some personaltime aside for you.
We schedule so many otherthings, but are you scheduling
time for yourself?
This could mean taking yourselfout on a sweet date.
This could mean, like sometimesfor me it's allocating time to
just play Madden, like that'sall I'm doing for that, you know
(08:24):
, hour or two or three.
It just depends on what I gotgoing on here.
I'm be honest.
But it's okay to set the time,but I want you to set it and
stick to it.
Don't make empty promises toyourself, saying, oh, I'm going
to do this for me and then, whenthat time comes, oh man, you
know what I'm going to have toreschedule.
(08:45):
So you, that means you haveprioritized everybody else, you
were on time for them and whatthey had, but you, but you
reschedule on yourself.
It's kind of like I hear thisand I've done it before too.
On yourself.
It's kind of like I hear this,and I've done it before too
where we make sure we geteverybody else to their
appointments or if, like, ifyou're a therapist, you make
sure you're there for everybodyand their appointments, you
(09:07):
don't call off or nothing.
But then sometimes you haveyour own appointment and you're
like you know what, I'm going togo ahead and reschedule this
one.
It's like, wait what?
You just made sure thateverybody else got to there,
what they needed to do, butyou're going to reschedule
something that's for you.
No, set that personal time foryou and stick to it.
(09:28):
The next thing you want to dowhen you're setting boundaries
for yourself, your time is ofthe essence.
For yourself, your time is ofthe essence, as my homie, dr RJ
would say.
Before you commit, make sureyou check your calendar, which
is your board of directors.
So I want you to make sure yougive a slow yes and a fast no,
(09:50):
and I also want you to setlimits on your availability.
Has anybody ever asked you like,hey, what you got going on on
Friday?
You know, ok, I'm free, or whatyou doing this weekend?
I don't think nothing.
Oh, can you help me move?
Oh, can you?
Can you go to the mall with me.
Oh, can you run a few errandswhen I was growing up.
(10:12):
People don't really say as muchnow, but it'll be.
Hey, I need you to shoot a movewith me.
All right, shoot a move.
What does that mean?
It'll be.
Hey, I need you to shoot a movewith me.
All right, shoot a move.
What does that mean?
Sometimes, shooting a move canend up being an all day, all
night thing.
Y'all know what I'm talkingabout.
For those who listen, let meknow, like, shoot me a message
or something.
When you somebody will say Ineed you to shoot a move with me
(10:33):
, that shoot a move could beeight, nine hours in your mind.
That shooter move could beeight, nine hours In your mind.
You probably planned on an hour, maybe two.
So set limits on youravailability.
Your time is precious.
And then, last but definitelynot least, I want you to start
(10:58):
practicing self-care andself-reflection.
Take inventory of what'sworking for you, like, what are
the things that, for yourself-care, have been fabulous?
You do it seamlessly, you cando it with the routine, you can
flow right into it.
But then what are those thingsthat you're still struggling
with?
What are those consistentthemes where you find yourself
(11:18):
running into roadblocks in thisarea of your life and you know,
if you had maybe more moretraining, if you had more
coaching, more therapy aroundthis particular thing or issue,
it will make you that muchbetter.
That's you also prioritizingyourself, setting that boundary
(11:39):
and pouring back into you.
We cannot slip on practicingself-care and self-reflection,
whether you do it with yourjournal or whether you do it
with your therapist, whether youdo it with your coach, your
mentor.
I want you to take that timeout and have it just for you.
Yeah, when it comes to settingthese boundaries, we gotta be
(12:02):
tight.
Long gone are the days where wecan just kinda think that other
people are going to respect ourtime, they're going to respect
our space and we don't have tobe really intentional about this
.
Hey, as always, y'all beblessed Peace about this.
Hey, as always, y'all beblessed Peace.
(12:22):
Thank you all for listening toanother episode of the Peace and
Prosperity Podcast.
Again, if you are feeling like,hey, I'm experiencing high
functioning anxiety, don't beatyourself up about it.
It is okay.
We all experience anxiety fromtime to time, and I gave you a
couple of things that you can doon your own, but don't hesitate
(12:45):
to reach out to a professionalto better manage what you're
going through.
Okay, and lastly, make sure, ifyou have not like, share,
subscribe to the podcast andsend this out to a friend, and
if you want to hear certainepisodes or have certain
conversations, let me know.
You can shoot me a DM or justleave a review and I will
(13:09):
definitely follow up.
All right, y'all be blessed,peace.
All right, all right.
So we are back with anotherepisode of the Peace and
Prosperity Podcast.
I'm your host, jason Phillips,licensed therapist, confidence
expert, and today we're going tobe talking about how can you be
your best self by settingbetter boundaries.
Setting better boundaries, now,this is a topic that I've been
(00:28):
able to explore with a bunch ofmy friends and other guests and
therapists, coaches on thepodcast before, but it's
something that we have torevisit, because today I'm
hearing it more and more oftenin my sessions and when I do
speaking engagements, wherepeople are struggling with
putting themselves first or evenprioritizing themselves at all.
There, what we're doing iswe're putting ourselves last on
(00:51):
the list, and it's hurting us inthe long run.
So if you're someone whostruggles with setting these
boundaries, this is what I wantyou to do First thing.
First, I want you to identifywhat are your priorities and
what are your values.
What does this mean?
What are the things that areimportant to you?
(01:12):
Not your partner, not yourparents, not your kids, not your
boss.
But what are your priorities?
See, sometimes we haven'treally thought about what our
priorities are, because we'vebeen so busy doing and pleasing
other people we haven't had asecond to sit back and think, oh
(01:35):
, this is what I like to do, orthis is what I value, and this
is how I'm showing up, and thisis how I'm going to integrate
this into my life.
See, so like for me.
I value exercise.
I value, you know, somedowntime.
I also value education, whichis why, you know, I'm in school,
(01:56):
but these are things that Iknow outside of.
You know, being a husband,being a father, being a good
family member, these are some ofthe other things that I value.
So, because I know that, I knowthat it's important for me to
get in the gym, or it may beimportant for me to just kind of
sit back, watch a funny movie,but I'm doing the things that
(02:19):
make me feel good and not justdoing things for other people,
because we get caught up on somany other things that our
values end up getting pushed waydown and then we find ourselves
feeling like, man, I'm notmyself anymore, or dang, how did
I get to be where I'm justgoing and I don't even know the
(02:41):
direction.
Well, do you know what yourpriorities are?
When somebody asks you to dosomething, like they ask you to
hang out, they might ask you tocome over, visit, you know.
Do something fun, even go on avacation.
You have to ask yourself one,you know, do I want to even hang
out with them, right?
You know what I mean.
(03:01):
Sometimes we don't have theenergy for everybody, and that's
okay too.
Or two, is this something thataligns with what I'm trying to
kind of pour into my life?
So, for instance, if youprioritize travel and seeing the
world, when somebody asks youabout going on a vacation, if
it's somewhere you want to go,this may be a win-win for both
(03:22):
of y'all.
But if you're not in thatseason in your life, your
money's tight or maybe you don'thave the time for it.
That's a hard no.
Or maybe it's an easy no,honestly.
But you have to think where amI and what do I have room for,
before I just start overcommitting, because we'll do
that because we don't wantpeople to not like us.
(03:44):
Overcommitting, because we'lldo that because we don't want
people to not like us, or itsounds good in the moment, but
it really does not align withour priorities or our values.
Secondly, when we are workingon our boundaries and putting
ourselves first, we have tocommunicate.
But when we communicate, it hasto be clear and it has to be
(04:06):
assertive.
Y'all.
Long are the days where we cansay, hmm, let me think about it,
or you know what, maybe becausepeople will follow back up with
you pretty quickly, like I knowyou told me maybe yesterday,
can I turn that maybe into a yes, can I turn that maybe into I
think so.
(04:27):
People can be really persistent,especially depending on who
you're setting the boundarieswith.
Like some people, you can tellthem, no, I can't do it, and
they'll say, oh, hey, no problem, I'll get with you next time.
But then there are some peoplewhere you tell them, no, I can't
, oh, why not?
Come on, don't do that to me,man, you told me that last time.
(04:50):
Oh, so that's what it's like.
You don't have time for yourfriends anymore.
You're going to do me like that.
They try to guilt trip you.
Now that's a whole otherpodcast.
We're not going to get intothat.
But I want you to communicateyour no's really assertively and
clearly, and I would also sayswiftly too, like if you know
(05:11):
this is something that does notfit for you.
There's no real reason indelaying the no.
It may feel like you have tothink about it, but sometimes we
know it's a no, but we're like,oh, how do I say the no?
The best way to say the no isto say the no.
(05:32):
When we are slow with our no,we give people hope, like, oh,
maybe you know, maybe tomorrowthey're going to, they're going
to change their mind, or maybe,if I do this, then that'll get
them closer to a yes.
When you know sometimes thereis nothing that person can do,
that's going to make them getcloser to a yes.
(05:54):
So I want you to be assertiveand be okay with it.
People will respect you morewith that assertive no.
I don't care if you're talkingto your partner, your family
member, whoever that is, becausethey'll know wow, you know what
Brandy is really committed toworking out right now, or Brandy
(06:15):
is really committed to you knowhis job or his career.
It doesn't make you a badperson.
It makes you actually a personof integrity, responsibility,
and people will know, like youknow what I respect, that I can
rock with that.
Hey, peace and Prosperityfamily.
I want to take a moment to talkabout something vital for all
(06:38):
organizations employee wellness.
Here's what some of the pastorganizations have shared about
their experiences.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
So far, I've learned that my mental health has a huge
impact as a leader on my team'shealth, but also to be looking
out for signs that I've alreadybeen seeing and learning tips on
how I can take those back tohelp myself as well as my team.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So I really appreciate Jason because he
really put a lot of stuff inperspective for me.
I don't get a lot of days offyou know what I'm saying so when
I do take one off, I feelreally, really guilty.
It's like, oh my gosh, I got somuch to do, but knowing that,
like, hey, it's okay, take abreak, be yourself and then come
back to this and you'll bebetter, it's just, it's nice to
keep hearing that.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
So that's good, but it was good to reevaluate and
see that you know, everyone hasburnout, things like that and
also just learning how to dealwith it more effectively.
Be yourself, love yourself, andother people are going to love
you too.
Like regardless.
And workplace is not justworkplace, this is family.
He was a great speaker,probably one of the best ones
(07:40):
that I've seen so far.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
If you're interested in investing in your team's
mental health, visit Jason LPhillips dot com or visit the
link below, and let's talk aboutcreating a thriving work
environment for yourorganization.
A thriving work environment foryour organization.
Now back to the episode.
Next thing I want you to dowhen it comes to setting
(08:02):
boundaries for yourself.
I want you to set some personaltime aside for you.
We schedule so many otherthings, but are you scheduling
time for yourself?
This could mean taking yourselfout on a sweet date.
This could mean, like sometimesfor me it's allocating time to
just play Madden, like that'sall I'm doing for that, you know
(08:24):
, hour or two or three.
It just depends on what I gotgoing on here.
I'm be honest.
But it's okay to set the time,but I want you to set it and
stick to it.
Don't make empty promises toyourself, saying, oh, I'm going
to do this for me and then, whenthat time comes, oh man, you
know what I'm going to have toreschedule.
(08:45):
So you, that means you haveprioritized everybody else, you
were on time for them and whatthey had, but you, but you
reschedule on yourself.
It's kind of like I hear thisand I've done it before too.
On yourself.
It's kind of like I hear this,and I've done it before too
where we make sure we geteverybody else to their
appointments or if, like, ifyou're a therapist, you make
sure you're there for everybodyand their appointments, you
(09:07):
don't call off or nothing.
But then sometimes you haveyour own appointment and you're
like you know what, I'm going togo ahead and reschedule this
one.
It's like, wait what?
You just made sure thateverybody else got to there,
what they needed to do, butyou're going to reschedule
something that's for you.
No, set that personal time foryou and stick to it.
(09:28):
The next thing you want to dowhen you're setting boundaries
for yourself, your time is ofthe essence.
For yourself, your time is ofthe essence, as my homie, dr RJ
would say.
Before you commit, make sureyou check your calendar, which
is your board of directors.
So I want you to make sure yougive a slow yes and a fast no,
(09:50):
and I also want you to setlimits on your availability.
Has anybody ever asked you like,hey, what you got going on on
Friday?
You know, ok, I'm free, or whatyou doing this weekend?
I don't think nothing.
Oh, can you help me move?
Oh, can you?
Can you go to the mall with me.
Oh, can you run a few errandswhen I was growing up.
(10:12):
People don't really say as muchnow, but it'll be.
Hey, I need you to shoot a movewith me.
All right, shoot a move.
What does that mean?
It'll be.
Hey, I need you to shoot a movewith me.
All right, shoot a move.
What does that mean?
Sometimes, shooting a move canend up being an all day, all
night thing.
Y'all know what I'm talkingabout.
For those who listen, let meknow, like, shoot me a message
or something.
When you somebody will say Ineed you to shoot a move with me
(10:33):
, that shoot a move could beeight, nine hours in your mind.
That shooter move could beeight, nine hours In your mind.
You probably planned on an hour, maybe two.
So set limits on youravailability.
Your time is precious.
And then, last but definitelynot least, I want you to start
(10:58):
practicing self-care andself-reflection.
Take inventory of what'sworking for you, like, what are
the things that, for yourself-care, have been fabulous?
You do it seamlessly, you cando it with the routine, you can
flow right into it.
But then what are those thingsthat you're still struggling
with?
What are those consistentthemes where you find yourself
(11:18):
running into roadblocks in thisarea of your life and you know,
if you had maybe more moretraining, if you had more
coaching, more therapy aroundthis particular thing or issue,
it will make you that muchbetter.
That's you also prioritizingyourself, setting that boundary
(11:39):
and pouring back into you.
We cannot slip on practicingself-care and self-reflection,
whether you do it with yourjournal or whether you do it
with your therapist, whether youdo it with your coach, your
mentor.
I want you to take that timeout and have it just for you.
Yeah, when it comes to settingthese boundaries, we gotta be
(12:02):
tight.
Long gone are the days where wecan just kinda think that other
people are going to respect ourtime, they're going to respect
our space and we don't have tobe really intentional about this
.
Hey, as always, y'all beblessed Peace about this.
Hey, as always, y'all beblessed Peace.
(12:22):
Thank you all for listening toanother episode of the Peace and
Prosperity Podcast.
Again, if you are feeling like,hey, I'm experiencing high
functioning anxiety, don't beatyourself up about it.
It is okay.
We all experience anxiety fromtime to time, and I gave you a
couple of things that you can doon your own, but don't hesitate
(12:45):
to reach out to a professionalto better manage what you're
going through.
Okay, and lastly, make sure, ifyou have not like, share,
subscribe to the podcast andsend this out to a friend, and
if you want to hear certainepisodes or have certain
conversations, let me know.
You can shoot me a DM or justleave a review and I will
(13:09):
definitely follow up.
All right, y'all be blessed,peace.
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