The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.
Can a lack of confidence sabotage your relationships? In this episode, we explore how insecurity affects communication, fosters unhealthy dependence on validation, and compromises boundaries. Learn practical strategies to address these challenges and build more balanced, fulfilling connections. Plus, we tackle high-functioning anxiety, offering tips for self-management and guidance on seeking professional support. Plus, remember to join our podcast community—like, share, subscribe, and let us know what topics you want us to cover next. Engage with us, send a DM, or leave a review. Let's continue this journey towards peace and prosperity together.
To stay connected with Jason and learn about coaching, connect with Jason on social media:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jphillipsmsw/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/jphillipsmsw
Visit Jason's website for a consultation:
Website -https://www.jasonlphillips.com
To book Jason to speak to your team or organization:
https://peaceprosperitycoaching.hbportal.co/public/660d8068c9d2d600253b215b/1-Inquiry
Episode Transcript
All right y'all.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Peace and Prosperity
Podcast.
We're getting into it.
Today we are talking aboutconfidence, and a lot of times
when we have this conversationabout confidence, we talk about
it from how confidence impactsyou as an individual.
How confidence impacts you asan individual, whether that be,
(00:28):
you know, in your workplace orwhen it comes to anxiety and
managing stress.
But today we're going to talkabout how lack of confidence can
impact your relationship.
So let's go ahead and jumpright into it Out the gate.
When your confidence is not ata healthy level, you will end up
with communication issues inyour relationship.
You're like OK, how, Jason, howBreak this down?
(00:50):
I will.
So one you will notice in yourrelationship you will find
yourself doing one or two things.
One you might be moreaggressive when you talk,
meaning you feel like I got toget it all out.
You got to be listening andlooking at me, paying attention.
You want your partner hangingon to every word because they
have to hear you and know thatwhat you mean is gospel, what
(01:14):
you mean is important in any hitof them.
Not listening to you, You'retaking that very, very
personally.
Wait, hold on and you may raiseyour voice more, you may become
more aggressive, because you'retrying to dominate that space
right there.
The other way it can show up isyou don't say anything.
You'll find yourself being tooquiet.
(01:36):
Let's think about some issuesthat you're going through in
your relationship and you youknew this was an issue, but you
didn't speak up about it.
And time goes by and it happensagain and you don't say nothing
.
And again and again, and that'sthe lack of confidence causing
you to be quiet when you reallyneed to voice your opinion on
something.
And then you look up, years goby and you think, well, how did
(01:59):
we get here in this relationship?
How did we end up here in thisrelationship, right?
How did we end up?
You know, moving across thecountry?
Or how did I give up my job?
How did I give up my hobbies?
How did this happen?
You were silent the whole timewhen you should have been
advocating for yourself andactually speaking your mind,
right?
You know, mean what you say.
(02:20):
Say what you mean.
You were silent because youlacked confidence.
Say, say what you mean.
You were silent because youlacked confidence.
That's the first way thatconfidence can impact your
relationship negatively.
The second way that it can showup is you will find yourself
having very poor conflictresolution.
So now you and your partner,y'all getting into it, but
(02:41):
nothing is getting resolvedbecause you becoming very
defensive in the argument or youmay find yourself shutting down
big time.
So the lack of you having goodconflict resolution skills is
now impacting your relationship.
But if you were more confident,you wouldn't take things as
(03:03):
personal or as personally,however you want to put it.
Now I will say you may still bedefensive and you may still
want to prove your point.
However, when things come up,you will say you know what?
Let me not focus on you, let'sfocus on the problem, let's
attack the issue.
But if you feel like everythingis an attack, you're not going
to get anywhere.
(03:23):
The third one is insecurity.
Now, this one is huge becausewhen you don't address your
insecurities now, you will getinto that relationship and
looking for your partner tovalidate you every step of the
way.
So now, what do you think aboutthis?
Or if you got a decision tomake, you want their opinion
(03:45):
Almost to the point where itbecomes a problem, or vice versa
, Maybe your partner is seekingexternal validation because they
lack confidence.
This reminds me of you ever seea couple out and you thinking,
oh man, why, why is she wearingthat or why is he dressed like
that?
Why did they let that happen?
Now, for some couples, this isjust how they roll.
But sometimes that partnerfeels like I have to look a
(04:08):
certain way, to feel a certainway, even if it means that I'm
jeopardizing my relationship, orI have to act a certain way out
of insecurity.
Maybe you end up being a littlebit more flirtatious because
you want to make sure that yourpartner knows that you're
attractive, but they know that,but your insecurity doesn't make
you feel that.
(04:29):
This is why we have to addressour own stuff before we hop into
a relationship, because whatcan happen is we can shift the
blame and say, no, this is, thisis about you.
You're making me feel this way.
No, no, no, no, no.
Nobody is making you feelanything.
Making you feel anything.
(04:52):
There may be past hurt, pasttrauma, past issues that haven't
been addressed, and now they'reshowing up by you being more
insecure.
So that validation or seekingvalidation from other people
that will cause a lot ofproblems in a relationship.
Hey, Peace and Prosperityfamily.
I want to take a moment to talkabout something vital for all
organizations employee wellness.
I focus on tackling issues suchas low morale, burnout and
(05:18):
helping teams thrive byimproving their employee
wellness.
Here's what some of the pastorganizations have shared about
their experiences.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Vincent Phillips has been a tremendous value to our
team.
His session on psychologicalsafety and mental health tools
for leadership has been immensefor all of us.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
The privilege of joining Mr Jason Phillips'
wonderful session aboutpsychological safety and
psychological health.
There were a lot of keytakeaways from his presentation.
I mean he discussed just howleadership impacts team health
and team mental health.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I was in Jason's session today and I just took
away a lot of invaluableinformation to bring back to my
shop.
If you're interested ininvesting in your team's mental
health, visit jasonlphillipscomor visit the link below and
let's talk about creating athriving work environment for
your organization.
Now back to the episode.
(06:20):
So let's talk about fear ofrejection.
There may be some times whereyou fear being rejected and
because of that fear, you'redoing things in a relationship
that you just wouldn't do.
You're bending over backwards.
You have no boundaries.
You're letting your partnertalk to you crazy.
You're letting them disrespectyou.
You're letting them takeadvantage of you.
(06:42):
They're showing out in front ofthe kids.
Now you feel like I have to letthem do this because I don't
want to be by myself.
And maybe this is not somethingthat you think about at the
forefront, but on a deeper level.
You're letting it happenbecause of the lack of
confidence.
You think if I stand up formyself, if I become assertive,
(07:04):
then they won't want me.
And now nobody will want me andI'll be alone.
We go to the worst extreme.
The last thing I want to sayabout you know the lack of
confidence and how it shows up,or you know what it can do in a
relationship is that you willfind yourself becoming somebody
who you don't even know.
What do I mean?
I mean that because you didn'thave boundaries, because you
(07:27):
fear rejection, because therewere communication issues, you
are now showing up in arelationship as a shell of
yourself and you're looking upit's been months later or maybe
years later and you're askingyourself how in the heck did I
get here?
That's because you stoppedworking on yourself.
You put all the stock into therelationship or into your
(07:50):
partner.
You never advocated foryourself, you never said no, you
only let your partner runthings.
And now, because of that,you're disappointed in yourself,
you're embarrassed, you'reashamed of where you are now.
So this is why I'm so big onyou building up your confidence
(08:11):
as an individual.
So when you get into therelationship, you know how to
not be passive and be quiet, butspeak your mind.
There may be decisions that haveto be made.
Maybe you're all about to movein together.
Let's talk about the bills.
Let's not just think we'regoing to figure it out.
But how are we going to figureit out?
What do you want this space tolook like?
(08:32):
There may be questions that youwant to ask hey, who is that
person?
What does that person mean toyou?
That essentially needs to beanswered, but because of fear,
you're not asking the question.
So now, emotions are growingstronger, you're falling in love
with this person, you seeyourself spending the rest of
(08:53):
your life with this person, butthere are so many different
issues that haven't standardsthat are true and near to your
heart.
(09:20):
Listen, y'all, the lack ofconfidence in relationships
would not only cause problems inthe beginning, but it will
cause problems over and over andover again.
So it's best to address itearly, address it head on and
know that you are doing the bestthing for you and your future.
When you do so, all right,y'all, we might have to do a
(09:43):
part two on this one.
I'm just saying this was heavy.
Get a guest on here.
Let me know who y'all want meto have this conversation with.
All right y'all.
Peace.
Thank you all for listening toanother episode of the Peace and
Prosperity podcast.
Again, if you are feeling like,hey, I'm experiencing high
functioning anxiety, don't beatyourself up about it.
(10:05):
It is okay.
We all experience anxiety fromtime to time, and I gave you a
couple of things that you can doon your own, but don't hesitate
to reach out to a professionalto better manage what you're
going through.
Okay, and lastly, make sure, ifyou have not like, share,
(10:26):
subscribe to the podcast andsend this out to a friend, and
if you want to hear certainepisodes or have certain
conversations, let me know.
You can shoot me a DM or justleave a review and I will
definitely follow up.
All right, y'all Be blessed,peace.
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