How to Take Accountability - Episode #76

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The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.

 Embrace accountability and manage high-functioning anxiety with practical strategies for personal growth and self-discovery. Learn how taking responsibility can boost confidence, enhance relationships, and foster integrity. We’ll explore ways to assess your capacity, heal personal areas, and manage anxiety effectively, all while reminding you to practice self-compassion. Tune in for actionable advice and insights to empower your journey. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
All right, all right, all right, all right, all right
, Y'all, we are going theretoday.
So today we're going to betalking about how to take
accountability.
Now, y'all know this is alwaysone of the hotter, most pressing
topics on the podcast, becausewe want to know, like, how can

(00:25):
we step it up?
And you know, when you takemore accountability, you are
more confident and it takes youto have ownership, to really
have a lot of integrity, to saythat I'm going to take
accountability and then toactually go ahead and put that
into practice.
So before we talk about how totake accountability, I want to
first talk about why you need totake accountability.

(00:49):
One is going to enhance yourcharacter.
So if you're thinking, how canI be a better person, how can I
be more responsible?
How can people trust me more?
The more you lean into beingaccountable, the higher you're
going to be on that scale.
Whether it be again,trustworthiness, integrity,
people are going to look to youbecause you're owning up and

(01:11):
saying, look, I want to step mygame up, and often we're
pointing at somebody else youdid this or you did that.
You didn't do this.
You made me feel this way,right?
How many times have we heardthat?
You made me feel, you made medo?
Come on now.
Does somebody really have thatmuch power over you where they

(01:32):
can make you do these things ordid something?
They do lead you to feel acertain way and then, because of
that result or, at the endresult, was you behaving in a
certain manner?
But let's pause and stop alwaysputting the blame on someone
else and what they made you do.
It didn't happen like that.

(01:53):
You had a role in it too.
So why don't we always takeaccountability?
Because we feel like, if wetake accountability, I'm a bad
person.
I did something wrong.
Listen, we all make mistakes,self-included.
So the more we can takeaccountability, the more we can
have an even ground like levelthe playing field, and move from

(02:15):
there.
Another reason we don't takeaccountability is we feel like
we're going to be exposed orfound out.
Oh, if I say I did this or Ididn't do that, then that means
I'm not as good as I say I am.
Trust me, whether you say it oryou don't say it, it's not
changing how people feel aboutyou or what you have done or

(02:37):
what you haven't done, buttrying to avoid it or downplay
it.
That's not a good look, y'all.
So let's get into now that wetalked about, like why we need
to and why we don't.
How do we?
The first?
Don't overcommit.
There are times when we saywe're going to do something
because we want to be nice, wewant to help somebody out, but

(03:00):
then we feel like or we get intothe situation and figure out oh
, this is too much for me.
I said I was going to helpBrandy, joe, jackie, kevin.
I can't help all these people,but don't blame them because
they asking you for help.
Take accountability that yousaid yes to all of those people.

(03:21):
That's the first step.
Don't overcommit.
Look at your calendar first Ifyou're trying to help somebody
financially, look at yourpocketbook, look at your bank
account before you say, yes, Igot you.
And then you get mad at themwhen it was you who gave them
the yes.
The same thing in relationshipstoo.
You say, hey, I'm going to dothis around the house, or I'm
going to do, you know, spendthis much time with you, this

(03:42):
around the house, or I'm goingto do, you know, spend this much
time with you.
Do you truly have that muchtime to give, do you?
Because if you don't, it's OK,but I want you to think about it
first before you just willinglygive that yes.
And now that person is upsetwith you and you're like, well,
you put too much on me now, butyou agree to it.

(04:04):
So it was a two way street.
It wasn't just that person.
So, number one, do not overcommit.
Number two this is where thework comes in.
I want you to identify where doyou feel the most hurt, where
do you feel like you are notbeing heard or the healing needs

(04:24):
to happen?
And once you identify wherethat place is, I want you to get
the help that you need.
You see what happened rightthere.
You identify this is the sourceof pain and after you
identified it, now you're sayingI'm gonna do something about it
.
That is you takingaccountability.
So when you show up in theserelationships, when you show up

(04:45):
for yourself, now, the healingis already in process.
Yeah, that that number two isgoing to be a game changer.
Hey, peace and prosperityfamily.
I want to take a moment to talkabout something vital for all
organizations Employee wellness.
I focus on tackling issues suchas low morale, burnout and

(05:08):
helping teams thrive byimproving their employee
wellness.
Here's what some of the pastorganizations have shared about
their experiences.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
Vincent Phillips has been a tremendous value to our
team.
His session on psychologicalsafety and mental health tools
for leadership has been immensefor all of us.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
The privilege of joining Mr Jason Phillips a
wonderful session aboutpsychological safety and
psychological health.
There are a lot of keytakeaways from from his
presentation.
I mean he discussed just howleadership impacts team health
and team mental health.

Speaker 1 (05:49):
In Jason's session today and I just took away a lot
of invaluable information tobring back to my shop.
You're interested in investingin your team's mental health?
Visit Jason L Phillips dot comor visit the link below, and
let's talk about creating athriving work environment for
your organization.

(06:09):
Now back to the episode Numberthree be open to apologizing.
See, that was my thing, becausesome of y'all don't like to
forgive, don't like to apologizeand do not like to say hey, I
was in the wrong.
My bad, I'll never forget.
I had two colleagues.
They were getting into it,upset about whatever work stuff,

(06:31):
and I remember asking one of mycolleagues like hey, what,
what's the situation?
And she said well, she feelslike blah, blah, blah.
A, you know, this is what thesituation is.
And she was so, so deep intowhat she said.
She said I'm not going to.
What did she say?
She said I'm not going toapologize for what I did because

(06:53):
I meant everything I said, butI will apologize if she took it
a certain way.
And whatever she said, I waslike hold up, hold up, hold up.
Basically, you're not giving areal apology.
You feel what I'm saying?
Like, she said I'm going toapologize not for what I said
but for how she took it.

(07:15):
If she took it that way, all Iknow is that that right there
threw me for a loop because like, are you apologizing or are you
not?
And then the last piece isafter you apologize, I want you,
oh.
And then the last piece afteryou apologize, is ask yourself
how am I contributing to thisproblem?

(07:38):
See, when you takeaccountability, you don't just
put it on the other person, butyou have to look inward at what
is your role or what has yourrole been in this situation.
How are you contributing to it?
And we often don't want to dothat.
How are you contributing to it?
And we often don't want to dothat?
But that, right there, ithumbles you and it lets the

(07:58):
other person know that you aretruly sincere about doing
something in this situation andyou're not just putting it on
them.
This will help you in anyrelationship.
Let's say you're a parent andyou're upset with how your kids
are behaving or what they'redoing or not doing in school.
How are you contributing to it?

(08:19):
Don't just put it all on yourkid, even if it's only five
percent of something that youcould do differently, that five
percent goes a long way.
Because now you're saying, OK,look, I've been letting you get
away with not studying on aweekend when I know or I knew
you should have been studyingmore.

(08:40):
That's ownership.
That's saying that, hey, I canbe a little bit more strict with
you, I can be more disciplinedwith you and not putting it all
on the child in a relationship.
You've been upset because thisperson, you're not communicating
well, but you take ownershipand say you know what?
But there are some times whenyou're talking to me and I'm

(09:00):
checked out, I'll be honest, I'mI'm waiting to respond, and
it's going in one ear and outthe other because I'm still hurt
from when you disrespected meor when I didn't feel heard two
times ago.
So I am contributing to thepoor communication now with
yourself.
Maybe there's some goals thatyou have set for you and you're

(09:23):
looking at your environment iswhy you can't reach these goals.
Well, I don't have all thenecessary tools or my mindset's
not right.
My health when my health isbetter, then I'll be able to
perform or to move like I wantto.
You know what that sounds like.
It sounds like you only takeaccountability when it's

(09:45):
conditional.
I want you to takeaccountability for that too.
That is you contributing to theproblem.
See, accountability can go along way and it can help in a
number of ways too.
But we have to be open totaking a lot more ownership and
stop putting the blame on otherpeople, other systems, other

(10:06):
situations.
But what can we truly do toaddress this problem?
Y'all let me know how you startshowing up and what changes
happen in your life when youstart to take more
accountability.
All right, y'all, y'all beblessed Peace.
Thank you all for listening toanother episode of the Peace and

(10:28):
Prosperity Podcast.
Again, if you are feeling like,hey, hey, I'm experiencing high
functioning anxiety, don't beatyourself up about it.
It is okay.
We all experience anxiety fromtime to time and I gave you a
couple of things that you can doon your own, but don't hesitate
to reach out to a professionalto better manage what you're

(10:51):
going through.
Okay, and lastly and lastly,make sure, if you have not like
share, subscribe to the podcastand send this out to a friend.
And if you want to hear certainepisodes or have certain
conversations, let me know.
You can shoot me a DM or justleave a review and I will

(11:12):
definitely follow up.
All right, y'all Be blessedPeace.