The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.
Unlock the secrets to nurturing healthier relationships as we explore the profound impact of confidence on communication, conflict resolution, and boundaries. Ever wondered how low confidence might be the hidden culprit behind communication challenges or why poor conflict resolution could be preventing you from feeling truly heard? We break it all down, revealing how insecurity often morphs into a need for external validation, fuelling jealousy and attention-seeking behaviors. Discover practical strategies to recognize and address these confidence issues, empowering you to foster more fulfilling connections.
We'll also be discussing the art of setting robust boundaries and overcoming the fear of rejection that often leads to settling in unsatisfactory relationships. Building confidence isn't just beneficial for personal growth; it sets a powerful precedent for those around you. Our conversation doesn't stop there. We also tackle high functioning anxiety, providing self-help strategies and emphasizing the importance of seeking professional guidance for those moments when anxiety seems overwhelming. Prepare to gain insights from a relationship expert in our next episode, offering a deeper dive into these crucial topics. Don't miss out on the opportunity to enhance your personal well-being and relational harmony. Plus, remember to join our podcast community—like, share, subscribe, and let us know what topics you want us to cover next. Engage with us, send a DM, or leave a review. Let's continue this journey towards peace and prosperity together.
To stay connected with Jason and learn about coaching, connect with Jason on social media:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jphillipsmsw/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/jphillipsmsw
Visit Jason's website for a consultation:
Website -https://www.jasonlphillips.com
To book Jason to speak to your team or organization:
https://peaceprosperitycoaching.hbportal.co/public/660d8068c9d2d600253b215b/1-Inquiry
Episode Transcript
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Peace and Prosperity
Podcast.
Y'all we today we're talkingabout confidence and the impact
confidence can have onrelationships.
Y'all know a lot of times whenwe talk about confidence here,
we talk about it from you knowhow it impacts the individual,
(00:27):
whether that be your anxietylevel, your stress level.
You know how you want to avoidburnout.
We talk about those things butwe forget if you don't have the
right level of confidence itwill do disasters in your
relationship.
Disasters in your relationship.
So I'm going to break it downin a couple of different ways on
(00:48):
how your confidence especiallyif you have lack of confidence
or low confidence how it canreally derail your relationship.
The first way is that you willrun into communication
challenges.
Think about a relationship thatyou had where you know maybe
you're having some arguments,you're getting into it about
this or that and you try toexpress yourself and either you
(01:11):
don't have a lot of confidenceor maybe your partner doesn't
have great confidence.
So they're continuously tryingto prove their point without
hearing what you have to say,because they're like if I over
talk you, then I can kind ofoverpower you in a sense, not
physically, but in the contextof this argument and you end up
(01:32):
with a lot of communicationissues.
You're not hearing them.
They're not hearing you becauseyou feel like I just got to get
this out.
I got to get this out becauseif I don't, then it means that
or you're telling yourself itmeans something about you if you
can't articulate your point inthat moment.
Or vice versa, your partner mayfeel like if I can't get it all
(01:55):
out right now, you know it'sover.
You know you're going to sitdown and listen to me and
initially this can seem likesolely a communication issue.
But if we dig deeper, we'llprobably see that somebody or
both parties are dealing withlow confidence, maybe low
self-esteem, and this could havestemmed from issues way before
(02:16):
the relationship.
But now we're showing up Right.
So sometimes when we don't dealwith past issues, past hurt,
past trauma, it'll rear its headin our current relationship.
So that's the first way y'allwe got to be mindful of those
communication issues and howthey show up when there's a lack
of confidence.
The second thing that willhappen you will find yourself
(02:38):
with poor conflict resolution,because now you can't really
resolve things.
Conflict resolution because nowyou can't really resolve things
.
If it doesn't go your way.
You're like you know what I'mdone, because you're taking it
very personally when thingsdon't go your way so you don't
end up resolving any conflict.
That's a confidence issue,because you want to be able to
(02:59):
say you know what?
Let me take accountability.
This was my bad, I got thiswrong, I didn't empathize with
you.
But you won't be able to dothat if it's all about you or
you feel like if I say that itwas my fault, then that means
I'm not enough.
Excuse me, right.
So you become super, superdefensive and nobody likes when
(03:23):
they're being attacked or whenyou can't even take any type of
constructive feedback about howyou're showing up in that
relationship.
So confidence is tricky becausein so many ways that we don't
always think about, it'll showup and hit us there too.
So the third way confidence orlack of confidence can show up
(03:43):
in a relationship is insecurity.
Okay, yep, I said it, wedefinitely go in there.
Insecurities, and this one ishuge.
It is huge because when someoneis insecure, that means that
they're not sure of themselves.
They may not feel like they areenough.
They're looking for externalvalidation, and this can do a
(04:07):
couple of things.
One it could mean that yourpartner is now stepping out or
you.
You're looking for validation.
Your confidence is not great,so you're looking for other
people or other experiences tovalidate you.
That's going to be a problem,particularly if you're in a
committed, committedrelationship or vice versa.
If your partner is seekingexternal validation, you may
(04:31):
feel like, well, how come Ican't get this right.
And it's not you.
It's that this person'sinsecurity is starting to cause
more problems in yourrelationship.
You ever seen where you out andabout and you'll see a couple
and I'm not, I'm not judging,but you'll see a couple, maybe
somebody's just a certain way,and you're like, dang, hold up,
(04:51):
what type of attention are theytrying to get?
And you'll think, well, howcome he or she, why did they let
them leave the house like that?
That may not have anything todo with that partner.
It could be that person sayingyou know what?
Let me, you know, show that Istill have it.
So I want more attention.
Because, you know, attentionfrom my partner is just not
enough.
I'm still feeling like I needmore validation.
(05:13):
My partner's hitting all mylove languages, but that's not
enough.
I still need more.
These are some of those deeperseated issues that definitely
need to be addressed, but theywreak havoc on the relationship
itself too.
So, yeah, insecurity y'allthat's a big one.
If you notice it, takeaccountability for it, but also
take responsibility and takeaction about it.
(05:34):
Hey, peace and prosperity,family.
I want to take a moment to talkabout something vital for all
organizations employee wellness.
Here's what some of the pastorganizations have shared about
their experiences have sharedabout their experiences so far.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
I've learned that my mental health has a huge impact
as a leader on my team's health,but also to be looking out for
signs that I've already beenseeing and learning tips on how
I can take those back to helpmyself as well as my team.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So I really appreciate Jason, because he
really put a lot of stuff inperspective for me.
I don't get a lot of days off.
You know what I'm saying.
So when I do take one off, Idon't get a lot of days off, you
know what I'm saying.
So when I do take one off, Ifeel really, really guilty.
It's like, oh my gosh, I got somuch to do.
But knowing that, like hey,it's okay, take a break, be
yourself and then come back tothis and you'll be better.
It's just, it's nice to keephearing that, so that's good.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
But it was good to reevaluate and see that you know
everyone has burnout thingslike that and also just learning
how to deal with it moreeffectively.
Be yourself, love yourself, andother people are going to love
you too.
Like regardless.
And workplace is not justworkplace, this is family.
He was a great speaker.
Yeah, probably one of the bestones that I've seen so far.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
If you're interested in investing in your team's
mental health, visitjasonlphillipscom or visit the
link below and let's talk aboutcreating a thriving work
environment for yourorganization.
Now back to the episode.
Another way that lack ofconfidence can really mess up
(07:07):
your relationship yeah, I wouldsay it'll mess up your
relationship is you won't haveany boundaries.
What does that mean?
Anything goes.
You don't know when to say yes,you don't know when to say no.
You just have like no backbonebecause you're like, well, I
don't want this to you know, Idon't want to say no and now I
don't end up, I don't have arelationship.
(07:27):
So you're letting things go orletting things fly in the
relationship that normally youwouldn't, because you would be
much more assertive about somethings or certain things, but
because you are nervous thatthis person could tiptoe and
walk out your life, you say yesto everything and then you look
back and say, dang, I knowthat's not me, I know I wouldn't
(07:49):
want my partner to spend all mymoney to disrespect me, to not
make, you know, not us have anofficial title or Other things
are going on in a relationshipthat are just not something that
you would necessarily go for,but because you're operating out
of fear.
(08:10):
You let these things happen.
You let this person talk to youa certain way.
You let this person not upholdyour values.
Because you don't want to bealone.
You think that if you do speakup for yourself, it's going to
mean well, this could be thelast person I get Right.
I don't want that for me.
I've seen it happen with my mom.
(08:31):
I've seen it happen with my dad.
I saw what happened when theytried to stand up for us as kids
or when they tried to say thisis what they didn't want or did
want in a relationship.
So now your boundaries go outthe window because of things
that you've said or seen before.
So be mindful of just how muchare you putting up with, because
(08:51):
your confidence is not where itshould be, your self-esteem is
not where it's not at a healthylevel.
So so many things in arelationship you're letting it
fly.
Yeah, let's pause on that.
You deserve better.
You actually deserve whateveryou want, you know within reason
(09:12):
, but you definitely don'tdeserve to be disrespected or to
be walked over out of fear.
Ask yourself, when somethinghappens to you, when you let
something slide, ask yourself amI operating out of a place of
fear, and this is why I'mletting this happen, or am I
truly okay with this situation,right?
Only you can answer thatquestion, but I want you to take
(09:33):
a pause and do it.
So, the last thing that I wantto say on confidence and how it
will show up and impact yourrelationship or prevent you from
being in a healthy relationship, is that the lack of confidence
can result in a fear ofrejection In your mind.
(09:54):
You can think nobody wants me,I'm not worthy, I'm not getting
picked.
So because of that fear, or thefear of not getting picked
again, you change, and not in away that is progressive for you.
You change in a way that you'reashamed of.
If you're wondering like, okay,am I this person?
(10:15):
Is my confidence impacting howI'm showing up in relationships,
ask yourself do you haveboundaries and are you
reinforcing the boundaries?
What are your communication?
Issues like how is thecommunication in a relationship?
Are you operating out of a fearof rejection?
And, lastly, how are y'allresolving conflicts?
(10:36):
Or are you just throwing yourhands up and saying you know
what?
I can't do nothing about this.
You can, you can, but youprobably don't feel like you can
.
So because you don't feel likeit, you're taking that as a fact
.
I want to say managingconfidence in a relationship and
really thinking about how, whenyou build up your confidence,
(10:56):
just how empowering it will befor you If you have family or
kids, how empowering it will befor them to see you operate out
of a space of confidence.
That in itself can bemotivating to take the stance or
take the initiative to reallydo something about it and pay
attention to how you showing up.
(11:18):
Are you being too passive, areyou being too aggressive, are
you snapping and, lastly, areyou operating out of fear of
being alone and because of that,you're just settling?
All right, y'all, we're gonnahave to do a part two.
I'll probably, uh, bring arelationship expert on here to
really dialogue on some ways toto address this, but I wanted to
(11:38):
give you some things to thinkabout on how your confidence, or
lack of confidence, could trulybe hurting your relationships.
All right, y'all.
As always, be blessed Peace.
Thank you all for listening toanother episode of the Peace and
Prosperity Podcast.
(11:59):
Again, if you are feeling like,hey, I'm experiencing high
functioning anxiety, don't beatyourself up about it.
It is okay.
We all experience anxiety fromtime to time, and I gave you a
couple of things that you can doon your own, but don't hesitate
to reach out to a professionalto better manage what you're
(12:20):
going through.
Okay, and lastly, make sure, ifyou have not like, share,
subscribe to the podcast andsend this out to a friend.
And if you want to hear certainepisodes or have certain
conversations, let me know.
You can shoot me a DM or justleave a review and I will
(12:41):
definitely follow up.
All right, y'all Be blessed,peace.
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