You're Tired of Being the Strong One: Escaping the Cycle of Overextension - Episode #90

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The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.

Are you the reliable one everyone turns to—the go-to problem solver who handles it all? This episode reveals the hidden costs of always being “the strong one” and unpacks five common myths that keep high achievers overextended and burned out. Through personal stories and practical guidance, you’ll learn how to release the burden of perpetual strength, embrace vulnerability, and still fulfill your responsibilities. Discover how to protect your peace, nurture authentic relationships, and achieve sustainable productivity without sacrificing your purpose. 

Plus, remember to join our podcast community—like, share, subscribe, and let us know what topics you want us to cover next. Engage with us, send a DM, or leave a review. Let's continue this journey towards peace and prosperity together.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you allow somebody else to see you not always be
the strong one, it shows thatyou trust them.
It shows that you're a teamplayer in your relationship.
If you're always the strong one, that person doesn't know that
you are going to let them stepin so you can rely on them.
Same thing in business and atwork.
If you're always the personwho's taking on all the projects

(00:34):
or leading everything, now youdon't let somebody else grow and
rely on you, or let you rely onthem and let them step their
game up.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Peace and Prosperity Podcast
.
I'm your host, jason Phillips,licensed therapist, confidence
expert, and today we are divinginto why being the strong one is
keeping you feeling like youare stuck and is leading you to

(00:56):
being burned out.
So we're going to dive intofive reasons why you are the
strong one, or feel like youhave to be the strong one.
And then what do you do aboutit?
Because if you're listening tothe podcast, you probably are a
high achiever, you get thingsdone, you're responsible, you're
reliable, but then also you'reoverwhelmed and you're

(01:17):
overthinking about what to donext.
How do you avoid this ormitigate it in the first place?
How do you avoid this ormitigate it in the first place?
So the first myth or reason whyyou feel like you have to be
the strong one is because inyour mind, you're thinking if
you don't do it, who else will?
Right, you're so used to beingthe go to person that now it's

(01:41):
starting to be too much.
But in reality, if you don't doit, guess what happens?
They find somebody else to doit.
If you don't say yes, they getsomebody else to say yes.
So you're thinking that youryes is going to change the world
.
It's going to change thisperson's life.
It's going to make you a betterperson, better friend, better

(02:01):
family member, better colleague.
But in actuality, it's gettingyou closer to being burned out.
And maybe you said no beforeand somebody turned their back
on you.
They didn't want to fool withyou because you said no.
That's them, that's noteverybody.
So because you think nobodyelse would do it, I'm going to
let you in on the secret.

(02:22):
Somebody else would do it.
I've been that person.
I remember I worked on a projectfor work and I was new in a
position and I got this newassignment and they were like
yes, you know, mr Phillips, youcan get this done we greatly
appreciate it by this day.
So of course I got it done bythe deadline, worked extra hours

(02:42):
, worked a little on a weekendand guess what happened with
that project?
Two things One, they didn'tlook at it until much further
down the road and then, secondly, the things that I put together
they never even implemented.
So what I was stressing aboutstaying up late took some time
away from my family, it didn'teven matter.

(03:04):
So sometimes we think it's allon us, but it's really not.
Do your job and do it well, butnot to the point where now
you're starting to miss out onother time and really just feel
super stressed out because of it.
So that's myth number one, thatif you don't do it, somebody
else will do it.
So you end up being that strongperson.
The second myth is that if youare soft or not always the

(03:30):
strong one, then that means youcan't be relied upon and it
means that you it's like almosta sign of weakness.
Let me tell you this, and thisis for men and women always be
the strong one.
It shows that you trust them.
It shows that you're a teamplayer in your relationship.
If you're always a strong one,that person doesn't know that

(03:52):
you are going to let them stepin so you can rely on them.
Same thing in business and atwork.
If you're always the personwho's taking on all the projects
or leading everything, now youdon't let somebody else grow and
rely on you, or let you rely onthem and let them step their
game up.
So sometimes we think, oh, I'mgoing to get it done, I'm going

(04:13):
to knock it out, but you mightbe stepping on somebody else's
toes or not letting somebodyelse do what they want to do for
you or compliment you.
Again, that goes forrelationships and in the
workplace.
All right, so we talked aboutbeing a strong one and in the
workplace.
All right, so we talked aboutbeing a strong one.
One.
You think, if you can't do it,nobody can do it.

(04:34):
And then you think, if you arenot the strong one, then that
means you're soft and that's aproblem.
The next thing is being a strongone.
You feel like in order for youto take a break, you have to
earn it.
Have I really done enough tosay let me pause and figure this
out, or have I really doneenough to take a step back and

(04:56):
let somebody else help me.
I'm going to tell you thiswithout me even knowing you or
your specific situation.
You have already done enough.
What you are doing is stressingyourself out, trying to make
this person happy, that personhappy, this person over there
happy.
You're trying to keep themcomfortable and now you're about

(05:18):
to lose it Again.
We're talking like you'regetting really, really close to
blowing up on somebody or justnot being yourself because you
feel like I have to earn my rest.
Listen, y'all, I get it On thejob.
You get into the job andthey're like look, you start off
with sometimes zero hours ofPTO and you have to accrue with

(05:39):
those hours.
It's not the same for your life.
You don't have to earn theright to say look, I'm not going
to push through this weekend, Iwant to sleep in.
You don't have to earn theright to say I'm not going to
this baby shower, this whateverevent.
No, take some time off andchill for you.

(06:01):
I know that might sting alittle bit, but it's the honest
truth.
Y'all, you've already earnedyour rest.
The next thing I want to talkabout when it comes to being the
strong one, sometimes we thinklike if I'm not the strong one,
that means I can't handle awhole bunch.
Who are you trying to prove,where you keep taking on all of

(06:21):
these things?
In reality, your resume speaksfor itself and I'm not talking
about your workplace resume.
I'm talking about yourcharacter resume, who you are as
a person.
We know you can handle a lot.
You know you can handle a lot.
Now is the time for you to sayyou know what.
Let me pass the torch.
One of my favorite races towatch, or sports to watch, is

(06:45):
like the relay race and wherepeople you know they pass the
baton.
And what I noticed when theypass that baton, no matter if
you're the first person oryou're the last, the anchor
you're trusting somebody else tocarry that load and get you
further, closer to the goal.
But when you think you have tohandle it all again, you're not
trusting that person and it'slike you're taking on too much

(07:07):
and sometimes, when we're doingthe most, we can miss something.
You start making like littlemistakes and you're like wait,
this is not like me.
People start to look at you alittle funny.
You're a little bit more tired.
There's all of these thingsthat mount up because you're
trying to take it all on andhandle it.
Let somebody else step in.

(07:28):
Uh, let somebody else step in.
The last thing I want to talkabout, when it comes to being
the strong one and carrying itall on your, on your if you're
watching, I'm saying yourshoulders, but we carry that
load is that there are timeswhere you think nobody else gets
what you're going through and Ihear this one a lot, especially

(07:48):
with women, because y'all cantake on a whole lot and you
think nobody else gets it and inreality, sometimes nobody else
does.
But what I often will say isshare this with some of your
colleagues, some of your familymembers who are women, and see
if they can relate or just shareit period, because this mental
load, this emotional load thatyou're carrying is starting to

(08:13):
show and even though you thinknobody else can get it maybe
nobody else gets the fullpicture from A to Z but I want
you to start to think aboutallowing somebody else in, and
that means that you be moretruthful about what you are
carrying.
Sometimes you've been carryingit for so long.
People have gotten used to youone being a strong one but also

(08:36):
being super independent, whereyou don't let anybody else in on
what's going on.
Sometimes you got stuff goingon in the background where it
looks like you have it alltogether, like you are again
that person where people arelike, look, I got something
going on.
Let me call you up because Iknow you're going to give me
some good counsel.

(08:56):
You're not going to judge methe whole time.
You're going through ityourself in the background, but
you've been so afraid ofjudgment, people talking about
you or thinking differently ofyou, that you don't even let
people know that you are humantoo and you have life stressors
as well.
Y'all all of these reasons areletting us know one we don't

(09:20):
have to keep carrying the load.
Other people can get it doneand, more importantly, it's
starting to take a real toll ofyou doing it all.
Let's talk about being able toask for help.
You can go back and listen tothe whole episode where I talk
about how to ask for help andwhat that looks like.
But finally, being moretransparent, especially if

(09:43):
you're aware let's start takingsome action on what we want to
do.
So we're not always that go-toperson.
All right, y'all.
As always, y'all.
Be blessed Peace.
Thanks for tuning in to thePeace and Prosperity Podcast.
If today's episode brought youclarity, encouragement or even a

(10:07):
moment of calm.
Share it with someone who needsto hear it too.
Calm share it with someone whoneeds to hear it too.
Your support helps us keepthese conversations going.
And remember you don't have todo it all alone.
If you're navigating stress,burnout or just need a space to
reset, I'm here to support you.
Connect with me atjasonlphillipscom or send me a

(10:32):
message on social media.
Until next time, protect yourpeace, pursue your purpose and
keep showing up for you.
Be blessed.