QUICK TIPS: 4 Steps to Use Assertiveness and Set Boundaries at Work

Episode Summary

In this episode, Jeremy explores how to use assertiveness—not passivity or aggression—to set clear, respectful boundaries at work. You’ll learn practical tools to protect your time, reduce burnout, and improve communication with colleagues and supervisors.

What You’ll Learn

• What assertiveness really is (and isn’t)
  
  
• Why boundary-setting is key to professional well-being
  
  
• The 4-step assertiveness framework
  
  
• Word-for-word example statements to use at work
  
  
• How to handle pushback with calm confidence
  
  
• Why assertiveness builds stronger teams and cultures
  
  

Episode Highlights

🔹 [00:44] — The difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication
🔹 [01:33] — Step 1: How to recognize when a boundary is being crossed
🔹 [02:27] — Step 2: Crafting powerful “I” statements that express needs
🔹 [03:44] — Step 3: Why clarity and directness prevent misunderstandings
🔹 [05:00] — Step 4: Tools for reinforcing your boundaries respectfully
🔹 [06:17] — What to do when people push back
🔹 [07:19] — Final thoughts on building healthier workplaces through assertiveness

Connect with Us

🌐 Website: PollackPeacebuilding.com

🌐 Dr. Pollack’s Courses: peacefulleadersacademy.com/courses/
📧 Email: [e-mail]
📱 LinkedIn: Jeremy Pollack  

📢 Share this episode with a colleague who needs support setting healthy boundaries!

Host: Dr. Jeremy Pollack from Pollack Peacebuilding Systems

More from Dr. Pollack:

• Peaceful Leaders Academy
• Conflict Resolution Playbook: Practical Communication Skills for Preventing, Managing, and Resolving Conflict
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Connect with Dr. Pollack on social media: Facebook | Twitter | YouTube | LinkedIn

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to Peace Building withDr.
Pollock.
This is a Quick Tips episodewhere I explore the strategies,
psychology and interpersonaltools that help you build better
relationships at work andbeyond.
I'm Dr.
Jeremy Pollock.
I'm a social organizationalpsychologist with a specialty in
peace and conflict psychology.
I'm also the CEO of PollockPeacebuilding Systems.
We're a workplace conflictmanagement, consulting, and

(00:24):
training firm.
Today's episode is all aboutassertiveness and how to use it
to set healthy, respectfulboundaries at work.
If you ever felt overworked,overwhelmed, interrupted,
disrespected, uh, but didn'tknow how to speak up, this
episode is for you.

(00:44):
So let's first discussassertiveness as a general
concept.
Assertiveness is the confident,calm expression of your needs,
rights, and boundaries withoutviolating the needs and rights
of others.
It's not aggression and it's notpassivity.
You can think of assertivenessas sort of the middle ground,

(01:05):
where aggressive behavior says,my needs matter and yours don't.
And passive behavior might sayyour needs matter, but mine
don't.
But assertive behavior says bothof our needs matter.
Let's work it out.
At its core, assertiveness is aform of self-respect and mutual
respect.
So let's walk through four keysteps for using assertiveness to

(01:27):
set boundaries at work withexamples and tools that you can
use right away.
Step one, identify what's notworking.
Before you can speak up, youneed clarity.
What behavior or situation iscrossing your boundaries?
Let me give you a hypothetical.
Imagine you are an employee andevery Friday your supervisor

(01:49):
sends you quote unquote, urgentclient work at 4:45 PM even
though you've clearly said thatyou're unavailable after 5:00 PM
so you stay late week afterweek.
Resentful, drained.
There's a boundary being crossedhere.
So the key here is to askyourself on a regular basis,
when do I feel drained?

(02:10):
When do I feel resentful?
Or when do I feel disrespectedat work?
Is there any kind of patternaround this?
And have I clearly communicatedmy limits or my expectations to
others?
Self-awareness is the first steptowards assertiveness.
Now, step two.
You use assertive language.
Once you've identified theissue, it's time to express it.

(02:34):
And here's where languagematters.
Assertive language is clear andspecific.
It's focused on your experience,and it's free of blame or
passive aggression.
The most effective formula issomething called an I statement,
sometimes also called anassertion message.
It's simple, but it's powerful.

(02:54):
So here's the formula I feel andthen add the emotion when add
the behavior, and I need add theboundary or request.
So for instance, as an example,you might say, I feel
overwhelmed when urgent tasksare sent at the end of the day
on Friday, and I need thoseassignments earlier so I can

(03:16):
plan and complete them during mywork hours.
Notice what's happening, you'renot making any accusations.
You don't raise your voice, youjust make a clear statement of
needs.
So again, the key here for thisstep is to practice your I
statements or your assertionmessage before a conversation.
Write it down, practice it alittle bit, keep it short, keep

(03:39):
it calm, and keep yourselfconfident in your request.
Step three.
Be clear and direct.
One of the biggest pitfalls insetting boundaries is being
vague or hoping others just kindof get it.
Assertiveness requiresdirectness.
Now, that doesn't mean you haveto be harsh.
It means don't sugarcoat or hintbe simple.

(04:02):
Be plain.
Let's say your coworkerfrequently stops by your desk to
chat, breaking your focus fromwhatever you're doing.
And you like them, but it'shurting your productivity.
This sort of constant pattern ofstopping by.
So you're not gonna saysomething like, listen, I can't
talk right now.
I'm just very busy.
That's.
True, but it's not very directin terms of making a request

(04:23):
based on your needs.
So instead, you might saysomething like this, look, I
enjoy talking with you, but Ineed uninterrupted time to focus
between nine and 11:00 AM.
Can we catch up during lunchinstead?
That's clear.
And it also offers analternative, which shows you're
not shutting them out, you'reprotecting your work time, but
you're also including them at alater time.

(04:45):
So the key here is use the yesand strategy.
It goes like this.
Yes, I'd like to help with thatproject, and I need two days to
shift my schedule.
This lets you affirm therelationship while maintaining
your limits.
Okay, step four.
In using assertiveness, hold theline with consistency.

(05:06):
One of the hardest parts ofboundary setting is
reinforcement.
People will forget yourboundaries or they might test
them or they might push back.
If you give in after setting aboundary, you're teaching people
that it wasn't very serious.
Consistency doesn't mean beinginflexible, it just means being
reliable.
Let's say you told your team notto schedule meetings during your

(05:28):
deep work block from two to 4:00PM but a colleague books one
anyway.
Instead of silently attendingand just kind of feeling
resentful.
You could reply with somethinglike, I've blocked off two to
4:00 PM for deep work as wediscussed.
Can we move this to four 15 ortomorrow morning?
You're not being difficult.
You're maintaining a boundarythat you already set and

(05:48):
reminding them with respect,you're using again, that yes,
and still including them.
Not brushing them off, butletting them know where your
boundary is.
So here's a tool for you in thisstep.
create written boundarieswherever possible.
For example, you could setcalendar blocks for focus time.
You could add response timeexpectations to your email

(06:09):
signature.
You could reinforce verbally ifneeded, but let your systems
support your limits as much aspossible.
Now, I wanna talk about handlingpushback or discomfort when you
start to set boundaries throughassertiveness.
What if the other person, forinstance, doesn't respond well
to your.
Boundary setting.

(06:30):
That's okay.
Assertiveness doesn't guaranteecomfort.
It guarantees clarity anddiscomfort.
Doesn't mean you did somethingwrong.
Here's what to remember.
Just stay calm.
Don't escalate the situation.
Repeat your boundary if needed.
For example, you might say, Iunderstand this timing is
frustrating.
At the same time, I need tostick to the schedule that I've

(06:51):
set so I can do my best work.
I'm happy to help within thoseboundaries.
Use the broken record technique.
Repeat your message kindly,gently, but without justifying
or arguing or necessarilybacking down.
You could be flexible, butagain, you have to set
boundaries that work for you.
Otherwise, you're just gonna endup feeling resentful and not

(07:12):
doing great work.
You might say, as I mentioned,I'm not available after 5:00 PM
but I can handle this firstthing tomorrow.
Assertive boundaries like thisbuild stronger workplaces.
Some people fear that settingboundaries makes them seem
selfish or rigid or,uncooperative.
But here's the truth,assertiveness builds trust.

(07:33):
It tells others that you cancount on me to speak honestly.
You'll always know where Istand.
And I respect both of us enoughto be clear with what I need if
you model this and you helpothers communicate this way as
well, and everyone starts tocommunicate in a more assertive
way where they set boundariesthat are healthy for themselves,

(07:53):
workplaces become healthier,they become more transparent and
less prone to burnout orconflict due to passive
aggressiveness ormiscommunication.
Let's recap the four steps tousing assertiveness at work.
Number one, identify what's notworking.
Tune into when you feelresentful or drained or

(08:13):
overextended.
Number two, use a sort oflanguage.
Speak with confidence using youreye statements and clear
requests.
Number three, be clear anddirect.
Don't sugarcoat it.
Don't be vague.
State your needs plainly withrespect.
And number four, hold the linewith consistency, reinforce your
boundaries calmly and followthrough.

(08:36):
And remember, assertiveness is amuscle that gets stronger with
use.
You may feel uncomfortable atfirst trying to implement it,
but each time you speak up withclarity and respect,
strengthening your confidenceand your relationships.
Thanks for tuning into PeaceBuilding with Dr.
Pollock.
If this episode helped you andyou think it can help others,

(08:56):
please share it.
And for ongoing learning and toreally master your workplace
conflict resolution skills,consider joining my Peaceful
Leaders Club Club members getaccess to exclusive content
coaching with me and my expert,conflict coaches, and my entire
online course library.
You [e-mail]
slash club, or click on the linkin the show notes below and if

(09:17):
your company needs training orconflict intervention or
mediation, [e-mail] to
learn more about our services.
Until next time, speak clearly,set boundaries respectfully, and
lead with integrity.