Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
And that's why I hit pause and that's why I said we got a we
got to stop this train before it.
Stop This Train, John Mayer song.
Oh I'm sorry, this is a completetangent.
But John, Mayer's new album comes out on my birthday, July
16th. If you're listening to this the
day, it goes live, John Mayer's,new album is out.
He dropped it for my birthday. Thank you so much, King.
(00:24):
Okay. Welcome to peeking.
I'm Jess your host and maybe even your new best friend.
(00:44):
And on each episode of peeking, through conversations, with my
guests, myself and my listeners.I'm going to be exploring those
low. It's in life that are actually
our greatest chances to pee. It's the podcast.
I've been missing and I have a feeling I'm not the only one.
The type of self-help that doesn't take itself too.
Seriously, this is peeking The OG partner on peeking is back
(01:12):
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(01:34):
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burn better sense. Hi booze.
Welcome to episode 5 of peeking.It's the day before my 30th
birthday, I procrastinated on this episode and I told you guys
that for those of you who followme on Instagram, I told you that
That this episode was going to be coming a bit late.
(02:38):
Honestly, guys, I've just been having a good time and don't get
me wrong, recording peaking and putting out.
These episodes is really fun forme, but the fun part is more so
releasing the episode and hearing from all of you guys
about what you thought and how it made you feel, and just your
reaction to the things I spoke about in the things might guess,
speak about. That's what's the most fun.
Like, the day that an episode goes live, just talking to
(03:00):
myself for 30 minutes or so is an interesting Variants and is
necessary in order to get the episodes out there.
But it's not necessarily my favorite part of this process.
I don't hate it by any means butit's like I have to be in the
right head space and so I end upprocrastinating a lot.
I've kind of always been a procrastinator also ever since
(03:21):
high school. I've been that person that
leaves their work till the last minute leaves studying for a
test to the last minute and I was always a pretty good student
so it never has scorned me that I procrastinate.
So I continue to do it. I honestly feel like I'm one of
those people where my best work is under pressure, and that's
when I get energy and when I getinspiration, where things really
feel like they're on and I'm ready to go.
(03:43):
So yeah, this is just the way I am.
I'm recording this episode the day before it goes live and
technically it goes live late from when it usually does but I
also thought it would be fun to release it basically at midnight
on my birthday so that you'd be listening to it Friday morning
if you're somebody who listens, you know, in real-time as soon
as they're posted and we'll get to kind of celebrate my
(04:05):
birthday. Gather that way actually, the
focus of the episode is really entering my 30s and looking back
on my 20s and how I'm feeling about embarking on this new
chapter because I am somebody who does think about life in
chapters a little bit. I'm a slave to the passage of
time and you know, I like to reflect at these Milestones.
(04:26):
So, birthdays, New Year's even, just the change of seasons.
You guys get about me by now that I'm a pretty introspective
person, so that stuff's kind of happening.
Constantly in my brain but especially at times of
transition and change and the world kind of gives us these
natural Ebbs and flows and moments, where we can pause and
look back and look ahead. And that's what I'm finding
(04:48):
myself doing a lot these days, entering 30.
So that's what I'll talk about before I get there.
I just want to give you a quick mid-season check-in, dun dun
dun. I don't think I've mentioned
really to you guys that this is a season of peeking.
This is the first Zen. And I've planned that it's going
to be Eight Episodes long. So this is episode 5, we're
(05:10):
halfway there. My last episode of season one is
going to air at the end of August.
I think it's the 26th is that last Thursday and that'll be
episode 8, and we'll be done fora little while.
I'm coming back, I'm pretty positive, I'm coming back.
But when I set out on this journey, I wanted to make it a
enclosed amount of time so that I could hit pause and look back
(05:30):
on a season of work, a body of work and figure out.
What went. Well, what?
What didn't, what worked? What did I have fun with what
did you guys enjoy the most and then come back with a new season
that has a little more structureto it.
So I'm going to need a little bit of time before I can start
to do that. And that's why this season is
going to close at the end of thesummer.
Probably not for too long but just for enough time maybe a
(05:53):
month or so where I can get my ducks in a row and figure out
what does Peking look like moving forward and honestly what
does my own life and career looklike moving forward?
Because as you guys, I believe know when I started peeking.
It coincided with leaving my job, and taking some time off.
And I'm going to talk a lot about that in this episode.
I just want to give myself a natural pause button where I can
(06:16):
figure all that stuff out and move forward in the way that's
going to work for me. So, this is our midseason
checkpoint. So this episode is just me.
Volume 2 of just thoughts. Let's jump right into our chat
about me, turning 30. There's a lot that I want to
talk about in this episode and I'm hoping to do it in A way
that flows and makes sense, but I might jump around a little bit
(06:38):
and honestly that's okay with me.
Because I'm kind of looking at this as a diary entry of a point
in time that I want to remember in my life.
I'm a day before turning 30. I'm really excited for my 30s.
I feel very good about where I'mheaded and I feel like I'm
closer to the things that I've been wanting and dreaming of and
(07:00):
that I deserve. And that suit me and fit me.
And feel good to me than Have ever been before and that's what
you want, right? Like you just want to be making
progress. Every year, is better than the
one before because I'm getting closer and closer to the things
that I'm working for and that I'm working on and striving for.
So let's take a step back for a second and I'll talk a little
(07:23):
bit about how I look back on my 20s.
My 20s were a lot of fun, a lot of growth I think I lived them
fully it. Wow.
If I think about myself when I was 21, One, and then 24 and
then 27. And then now those are kind of
like the key Milestones of different versions of myself and
(07:44):
getting better and better over time, growing more and more over
time, becoming a better version of myself throughout my 20s and
I plan to do that forever. You know, it's not it's not
like, oh my twenties were my growth and development and
personal Discovery years. And now that I'm 30, I know who
I am and it's done for me, it'llnever be done, but a lot of it
(08:04):
happened in my 20s. And the growth that I expect to
see in my 30s will probably be adifferent type of growth.
And the growth in my 40s will bea different type of growth like
life throws. You different things at
different times and they all build on each other, to prepare
you for what's next. And so I don't think the growth
ever ends but I think there was a ton of it in my 20s that will
set me up for what's to come next and I'm so excited about
(08:27):
what's to come next, because I think it's only going to get
better. A lot of the ways that I grew
and a lot of what I learned comes.
Onto something that I talk aboutall the time on the show.
Trusting myself my confidence. Grew a ton in my 20s and
particularly in the last few years, in my late 20s is when
that confidence grew exponentially.
(08:49):
But even earlier than that, I mean I started going to therapy
when I was maybe 25 24 and I think that is something that
helped me really tap into trusting myself.
Listening to myself, doing what's right for me saying no is
a big thing that Worked on in my20s only doing things that I
want to do and that serve me andthat sounds selfish.
(09:11):
So let me back up I don't mean serve me like there's a prize at
the end of everything I do and that's the only way I'm going to
do it. Of course not but I think in my
20s I did things to appease people in my early 20s.
Especially and in my later 20s, I've started to figure out that
balance of only saying, yes to things that really feel good to
(09:32):
me and that doesn't mean not doing things for other people.
A lot of times, what feels good to me is doing something for
someone else, but it has to be, has to feel right to me.
I don't want to completely give up myself as a trade-off to
pleasing someone else. So saying, no, is something that
I am only getting better at withtime.
Something I want to carry into my 30s and I think it applies to
(09:53):
a million different parts of life anyway.
So those are a lot of the thingsthat I have worked on in my 20s
and have gotten way better at. But I know are going to continue
to be things that I work on moving forward.
Another one that comes to mind is carrying less.
What other people think? Because we just live in a world
where other people's opinions are abundant and they are on a
(10:14):
megaphone and they are everywhere that we turn with the
internet and social media. And for me, I don't like to
block those things out, but I like to not let them Define me
for me. It doesn't make sense and feel
true to myself to completely block it out because I am such a
people person and I love to get input from others and hear about
their opinions and take them into consideration innately.
(10:35):
Lie. Right?
Like me being a person who has apodcast and is interested in
growing a family on Instagram and a following there.
And you know, who likes to engage with the world and
perform to the world and entertain people.
I'm naturally a person who's seeking that validation, right?
Like, I have to own up to that part of myself and accept it.
(10:56):
So instead of trying to change that about myself, I'm just
trying to do it in a way that istrue to me.
So that even if what I put out there is going to be judged, I'm
less attached to the Men on the other side and I'm more attached
to what I'm putting out there. I want to be proud of what I put
into the world and people can take it or leave it.
It's just way less reliant on other people and way more
reliant on myself for my happiness.
(11:18):
I think that's a big part of getting older and aging and
growing through your 20s as wellas learning that no one else can
make you happy. You make yourself happy you
choose to put your time and energy into the things that are
going to give back to you in a fulfilling and meaningful way.
And you can't rely on. A on anyone else to hand that to
you on a silver platter going into 30?
(11:39):
I have been saying this a lot topeople who ask me about it, I
feel younger than I ever have. I mean, I'm always tired and I
have back pain, knee pain, and hangovers last for three days.
And I'm not actually like physically necessarily feeling
younger, but I carry myself in away that feels younger, I feel
(12:03):
more Carefree. I feel like I have More faith in
myself, more confidence in myself.
And I while it's, I guess commonknowledge that, as you get
older, you become more confident.
I also think we often attached, the ideals of confidence and
carefree and just doing whateveryou want to young people like to
an 18 year old or something and it couldn't be further from the
(12:25):
truth at least for myself. When I was 18, the weight of the
world was on my shoulders. I felt so burdened by
everything. What I needed to do at school
and what My parents thought and wanted for me and what?
My peers thought, and their judgments of me.
And what I read about in magazines and saw online and I
felt small and over the course of my 20s, I have worked to no
(12:48):
longer feel that way and I've been lucky enough to be in
environments that have pulled meout of feeling that way and I
thrust myself into a lot of those environments and made
myself uncomfortable in order topush those boundaries and lift
that weight off of my shoulders to the point where I feel way
more Carefree now, Than I ever have before and it's a beautiful
thing and I don't know that everyone when they get to 30
(13:11):
feels that way. But for me it's what I've been
able to do for myself. And there's a lot of things now
that I do and ways that I interact with the world that I
could have never imagined doing 10 years ago, I might have
really wanted to deep down in mysoul, but never thought I would
actually be that person that lives so boldly and I'm really,
(13:32):
really proud of myself that I'vegotten to a point where I Do
that and it's natural almost to me.
I think I'm really lucky that that's something that I've been
able to find at this age and I think freeing myself of a lot of
the things that I thought I was supposed to want and supposed to
achieve by 30 has really helped me get here.
There's a lot of pressure around30 as an age.
(13:56):
I think that pressure particularly exists and is more
palpable amongst women, but I know that it exists for men as
well. Just the idea that you need to
Everything figured out by this time, great job, great
relationship, maybe getting married, maybe starting to have
kids. I don't feel that I am ready for
that because I'm still investingin me, and that's okay.
(14:19):
That's actually exactly what I should be doing right now.
I feel more in alignment with myself and what I should be
doing, then I ever have before and if I had stayed thinking,
the way I was thinking when I was 25 and when I was in a
relationship and when I was kindof just doing Doing the stuff
that everybody does without questioning it.
Then I would be in a much different place today and I am
(14:41):
so glad that I'm not for me. That's not my journey.
And I feel really empowered by the fact that I'm entering 30
with none of those things. I don't have a job right now and
that's by choice. I don't have a relationship
right now. I don't know if that's by choice
or not, but I'm completely fine with it.
I'm completely at peace with it.I'm not stressed about nailing
(15:01):
that down anytime soon. It'll happen when it happens.
And actually, I think, I am almost like meant to be single
and meant to be on my own right now so that I can figure out the
career stuff I have going on so that I can figure out.
Do I even want kids so that I can figure out all this stuff so
that, you know, when I find a person to compliment my life,
that's exactly what they are. They're a compliment.
(15:22):
I'm really glad that. I'm at a place where I can
consciously enter Partnerships and think in those ways and
represent myself. I'm just not interested in
choosing the things that everyone else automatically
chooses. Has because if it's happening,
automatically then, are you evenchoosing it?
Even if I decide, I want to go back to a corporate job making
(15:43):
good money going to an office 925 and I want to get married
and I want to have kids and I want to move to the suburbs and
whatever. That's all great.
There's no shade, there's no shame.
And if you're doing that and youit's what you want and you know
it's what you want. Great.
And I'm happy for you that you've gotten to the point
where, you know that and you're now achieving that for yourself.
But for me I just needed to challenge that and needed.
(16:05):
Challenge. Whether that's what I want
instead of just falling into it.Because so many other people are
doing it, and I think there's probably more people out there
who can learn from that type of Outlook.
So, this is never passing judgment on anyone else's path.
I just want to make that CrystalClear.
I'm just sharing my experience and my story and the way that I
think about these things, and I hope that it can help someone
(16:27):
else and be beneficial for them.I actually feel mentally and
emotionally like way ahead. I feel like the way that I live
my life. Has put me away ahead of if I
had settled into the Norms that are fed to me.
I think if I had done that, thenI wouldn't I wouldn't be as
happy. I'm so glad that that didn't pan
(16:47):
out. I'm so glad this is something I
see on Instagram all the time. I'm so glad I didn't end up with
what I thought I wanted. Because, wow, now I realize it's
not what I wanted at all and I needed the space to figure that
out and not everybody gets that and I'm really glad that
something in the universe Shook and was like for This is not
what it is. So even though by other people's
(17:08):
metrics, I might be behind. I feel like, for myself, I'm
right on track. If not ahead, if not like really
onto something unique and special and right for me, and
that's a really cool feeling. I'm honestly, Freddy falling,
I'm surrendering to, what happens, what happens when I
don't have a job? What happens when I'm not so
(17:29):
stressed about work. So stressed about staying on the
path that everybody else is on. And he else has told me as
valuable that goes to relationships and dating and
marriage and children and settling down and all of that to
what happens when I let go of chasing those things and I just
see what comes to me when I am authentically myself.
(17:50):
So I'm kind of a nomad. I'm kind of a Wanderer right now
but it's in the right direction.It's getting me closer to the
right path. I know it.
My friend always reminds me of aquote that it feels good to be
lost in the right direction and that's completely I feel so,
even though I don't even know what I'm going to be doing in
three months. And if I had, for example,
(18:11):
stayed at my last job, I would know exactly what I could be
doing for the next several years, I feel a lot better now,
not knowing. All right, with the last bit of
this episode, I wanted to do something kind of different
where I'm going to answer questions that the fam submitted
on Instagram. So that came from you all from
my booze, I got maybe ten questions, total, some of them
(18:33):
didn't exactly fit into the episode.
Or I've already addressed in theup front section.
So if I don't specifically call out your question.
I either have talked about it already and in the upfront or I
may have called it out on Instagram and just responded to
it directly online. Otherwise I wanted to address
the other ones, I'll keep it kind of short and sweet and a
lot of these things are going tobe topics that I cover in the
(18:55):
future in more depth. But, you know, I wanted to just
talk to you guys more directly alittle bit and see what it is
that you're interested in hearing about turning 30,
looking back on your 20, Is getting older growing up
becoming an adult quote unquote,even though I never feel like an
adult. Okay, let's jump in.
So, one question reads, are your30s better than your 20s because
(19:16):
you have money and wisdom? What are your thoughts on that?
Yes, is the easy answer. But money is a very small part
of the equation, in my opinion. I mean, as you guys know, and as
I've been talking about this whole episode, I'm not currently
making money. Do I have money saved up?
That is helping me to, you know,live a certain Tile and live
comfortably and I planned all that.
(19:37):
Yes, but money is a very small part of the equation.
In terms of your 30s, being better than your 20s.
I think, the majority of the reason that your 30s could be
better is that you're growing over time and you're collecting
that wisdom over time. And so, every year is better
than the one before it. And the ones before that.
That's just how I live my life, is every year is your best year
(19:58):
yet. Not to say, anybody's doing it
wrong. But if you're doing it right in
my view, that's the right way todo it is, Every, every year gets
better, because you're taking what you got the year before and
building on it. And building is what feels good
in life, right? Like building yourself, building
your life, building, relationships building.
(20:21):
Anything that you want. It's all about building it up.
Next question. Also, kind of money related.
What do you value spending moneyon now versus in your late 20s
versus in your early 20s? Okay.
In my early 20s. I didn't really think very much
about how I was spending money. So clothes cheap clothes from
(20:42):
Forever, 21, and places like that.
And, you know, alcohol and chipotle.
Those were probably like the main things I spent money on, in
my early 20s, late 20s, I started to make more legitimate
amounts of money in my late 20s and a big hobby for me, was
makeup in, probably from age, like, 25 to 27 or something.
I was really big into watching YouTube tutorials of makeup.
(21:05):
Influencers, and Beauty gurus, and whatever they call it.
And I would buy like, oh my God,so many products that they
recommended, it was stupid. So, I spent a lot of money on
makeup. The amount of money that I spent
at Sephora in like 2017 is a number that I'll take to the
Grave with me. I don't spend that much money on
makeup. Now I know some of you are
listening and you're like, Jessestill love skincare and makeup
(21:26):
and all that. Yes.
But I don't spend as much on it.I restock what I have and what I
need when I run out of it, but I'm not buying will.
Lenalee like every product on the market to try it, because
I'm just over it at that point at this point.
So that's my makeup should feel.And also in my late 20s, I'd say
I spent a lot of money on expensive, dinners events
(21:49):
travel. I still will be spending money
on those things, but maybe a little bit more selectively.
I think that covid had a big influence on how I'm selective
about that type of thing. And also, just influence me to
cook more at home or to be less focused on my meals.
As my main, like social event. So, yeah, but expensive.
Dinners were big for me in my mid to late 20s to it was like
(22:13):
something that became a hobby for a little while.
Okay. And now, what do I value
spending money on investing in myself baby?
That's what it all comes back to.
So, obviously, like I mentioned,I saved up to be able to take
this time off, because that's what I needed.
Personally, that's what I neededprofessionally.
That's what I needed to set up my life moving.
(22:35):
In forward. I am thinking about how I might
invest money into this podcast, to make it grow even more and
turn it into a small business. Potentially, I, when it comes to
material things, don't get me wrong, I still spend money on
those things, but it's more about like making myself feel
good and not just a quick fix a cheap Thrill?
(22:56):
Is that what it's called? Yeah, it's less about Cheap
Thrills. So for clothes, it's very
focused on like what clothing doI like that will make You feel
most confident instead of just the random trendy thing that I
want to have for the party on Saturday.
I also love to buy things for myspace, like my home home decor
(23:16):
Home, Goods is the best store ever.
And I think that's important because the space that you
surround yourself with, in my view has an impact on your mood
and your outlook on life. I keep my apartment really
clean, I also keep it really cute and that's something I'm
willing to spend some money on. I recently started paying for a
cleaning service. This once a month and that's
been a huge game changer, and then finally, like interests of
(23:40):
mine that make me happy and makeme feel fulfilled.
So I love going to comedy shows and a lot of times, I don't
necessarily have like a go-to person that's always going to
want to go with me. So I'll just buy two tickets to
a show that I know is coming up in however, many months for a
comedian. I really want to see and I don't
know who's going to get the second ticket at the time that I
buy it but I buy it and I plan on going and I plan on finding a
(24:02):
friend or someone to take with me to that show.
Sometimes I'll even go alone also, by the way.
So those are the things I spend money on now, next question, was
about worrying about your careerin your 20s and does it get
easier? It does get easier, but I think
career, it's work, right? So you're always going to.
It's always going to be not the most fun thing in the world.
(24:24):
It's work. Even people who work on things
that they love. They're still working, they're
not laying on a beach all the time.
There's still stressors that come up.
So I think we all need to be a little bit realistic about About
reminding ourselves, its work and it's never going to be a
breeze and a walk in the park. Like I don't really know if I
buy into the whole. If you do what you love, you
don't work a day in your life thing.
(24:44):
I think to do what you love, youhave to actually work really
hard. It's really hard to get to a
place where you can sustain yourlifestyle and make money to
support yourself and do that without working.
So, I don't know. I don't love that idiom.
All of that being said, late 20sor 30s.
You have a better handle on whatmatters to you?
(25:05):
Lies. You understand what your
priorities and values are a little bit more and so you can
tailor your career towards thosethings.
So if you value money versus time versus work-life balance
versus benefits versus the people at your job versus the
content of what you actually do,there's a whole kind of equation
probably that someone could create up all those different
(25:27):
factors in choosing a career in choosing a job and I think as
you work a little bit and work at different jobs throughout.
Your 20s or in different roles, you start to learn what you like
and what you don't like, what makes you feel better and what
makes you feel worse. And then you can kind of mix all
those things together to figure out.
Okay, what's the right path for me?
(25:48):
That has more of the good thingsin the bad things for me
personally. So, I always think it's based on
priorities knowing and recognizing that nothing's going
to be perfect and it's always going to be work.
So I hope that answers the question.
All right, I think that those were the main questions I wanted
to answer on the Hide itself. Thank you guys for submitting
(26:08):
them. I will continue to do these
types of q&a's if you like them.Also I want you to know that in
an upcoming episode, I'm going to spend a little bit more time
on the career topic itself. So I hope that'll be interesting
and informative and just resonate with you guys because I
have a lot more that I can sharetheir on kind of what my journey
has been. Not just what I'm doing right
(26:29):
now and I think that's all for today.
So, hope you have a great Great.Just as birthday or a great
whatever day it is when you're listening to this.
Thanks for being here and celebrating with me.
Thanks for listening to my Rambles, as always, and peace
and blessings my booze, love y'all.
(26:50):
If you want more peeking, make sure you're subscribed.
So you get notified. Whenever a new episode goes
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If you rate and leave a review that would really mean a lot to
me. And finally, follow peaking on
Instagram at peaking podcast, I'm there every day and I love
(27:13):
to hear from you. That's all thanks.
Sam. I wanted to shake my iced coffee
but it's the ice has mostly melted.
It just sounds like a sad wet mess.
So I'll stop doing that now.