December 1, 2022 • 29 mins
Jess is still not a Swiftie, though the contents of this special announcement episode have been in the vault for a couple of months now. Amidst her usual rambles, distractions, and stream of conscious feelings, Jess is ecstatic to share with the boo fam the launch of a brand new podcast (co-hosted with her friend and former guest Caroline Winkler): Not For Everyone.
Go support her growing podcast dreams by following on Instagram @not4everyonepod, and look out for the first episode on December 8th, 2022!!! She couldn't have done it without y'all and looks forward to popping into Peaking every now and again for continued connections with her day ones.
Peaking IG: @peakingpodcast
Not For Everyone IG: @not4everyonepod
Jess's Personal IG: @jzdebakey
Caroline's Personal IG: @thegoodsitter
Caroline's YouTube Channel: @Caroline_Angelica
__
Intro/Outro Music: "Have Mercy On Us" by Air Kid
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Oh my God, it's so funny that you say, we do a podcast all the
time, we send each other six minute voice memos, because
literally the other day was somebody was like, what's an
accept? What's the maximum acceptable
time for a length for a voice memo?
And I was like, okay, I have twodifferent answers with most
people. It's like two and a half
minutes, but like with just it will be seven.
So those are my two like I will send her set a minute voice
(00:22):
memo. Whoa,
Hi. Boo fam.
Welcome back to another episode of peeking.
(00:44):
It's been a minute in a minute. I'm Anita.
No, this is not the time for that ramble, but I have a big
announcement today. So I'm really happy to be back
with you. Keeping you up-to-date on what's
been going on the past few months.
And what is it that Out to happen next.
So stay tuned, another episode of peeking.
(01:09):
Booth am, can you believe you'rehearing from the ghost of
jessa's past? It's not actually that I don't
know what that means. It is Christmas coming up.
So maybe that was a topical reference.
Did you miss this? Did you miss my fucking crazy
things that I say to myself? Well, lucky for you, it's not
(01:33):
over. It's only just getting started.
This episode is a really specialone because I'm going to fill
you guys in. You're going to be like, first
Early Access folks. To the big news that I've been
teasing on Instagram and that I've been planning and thinking
(01:54):
about and obsessing over for thelast couple months the evolution
of peeking. The evolution of me as a
podcaster and like me chasing this weird-ass dream too.
Like have people listen to me talk.
I don't know. I don't know what to call it.
(02:14):
I don't think it's about Fame and money so it must be about
just like narcissism. I am just going to cut to the
Chase and tell you and then I will back up and give you like
the full story. So, essentially, I'm starting a
new podcast with a friend of mine.
(02:34):
You've actually met this friend because she was one of my early
guests on season 2 of peeking. Her name is Caroline Winkler.
And she has a really awesome andgrowing and successful YouTube
channel. We are starting a It cast
together, and it is launching a week from today.
So this episode you're listeningto is, let's see.
(02:58):
When is it going up, Thursday, December 1st.
I'm posting this episode which happens to be the four-year
anniversary of me, living in Chicago.
So it's kind of a big deal on a special personal day for me, a
week, from then. So Thursday.
December 8th 2022. You'll be able to get in your
ears, get in your ears wide, whotalk Like this, you're going to
(03:23):
be able to hear. I think that's what it's called.
You're gonna be able to listen to my new podcast with Caroline.
It's called, hold on. How do I like really hype this
drum roll? I only have one hand available
because I'm holding this. Mike, can you hear me slapping
my thigh? That's fucking nasty.
(03:44):
Okay. Hold on.
The podcast is called not for everyone.
He I'm really excited. Not for everyone is going to be
a podcast that even though it may not be for everyone.
It's probably for a lot of people.
It's definitely for you peekabooFam.
I'm really excited because it's going to be a place where we can
(04:06):
be authentically ourselves. We can talk about whatever the
fuck we want. A lot of people have been asking
me, like close friends, who already know this is happening
are like, oh what's it about guys?
Are you even familiar with podcasts in 2022?
Podcasts are about Everything. Okay, it's about the
personalities of the people hosting the show and wherever
(04:28):
they want to take it and I thinkthat's what's most exciting to
me. Is like it the same way that
peaking evolved over time, this will evolve over time, but
what's so much better about it? Is that I have a co-host.
You guys have been hearing me from time to time kind of like
wistfully mention. Oh, I wish I had somebody to do
(04:49):
this with week after week to share.
Ideas with and share the work with and share the like
emotional baggage with and sharethe highs with.
I don't know, like somebody to bounce off of.
I felt like that was a missing piece for Peking and that's why
I had guests because I wanted totreat them like the guest host
(05:13):
for the day, the guest co-host with me.
But you know, there's only so many people who want to come on
a podcast and open up about their Our deepest darkest low
moments in life that were opportunities to grow peaking
trademark symbol. I don't actually have a
trademark but maybe I should. Yeah, I was you know kind of
(05:35):
running out of steam with that concept and that model because
there's only so many people thatI can pull from my personal
Network who would want to do something like that.
Then when I had Caroline on peeking, Kind of like everything
made sense like it felt like where I was supposed to be.
(05:55):
It felt like, oh my gosh, this is what I've been wanting.
This is what I've been waiting for.
This is what I've been craving. Like somebody who matches my
energy who can go deep, but also, interspersed jokes, and be
self-deprecating and be goofy and laugh, while they're making
some dark commentary about theirmental state.
(06:17):
Like, She just matched me and she got it and she has been such
a supporter ever since she was on the show as well as a great
friend. I mean, we've known each other
for a long time. We've known each other since the
second grade but kind of the closeness of that friendship has
you know, ebbed and flowed because that's so many years.
(06:37):
We didn't really keep up that much.
Post graduating from high school, but ever, since bringing
her on peeking, we stayed in touch and we quick Reception
here from editing Jess. Maybe editing dresses, actually
the ghost of jessa's past. Anyway, that's neither here.
Nor there. I wanted to let you know that
(06:59):
one of the ways that Caroline and I keep in touch.
Actually, the main way is that we send like the longest voice,
memos back and forth and we havebeen doing that pretty much all
of 22. What the hell?
22 2022. I feel like just saying the last
two digits makes me sound like afinance, bro.
I like fiscal year 22. Isn't it actually fiscal year?
(07:22):
Twenty three? Okay.
Oh my God. So, what you heard at the
beginning of the episode, beforeI even started was of clip from
a voice memo with Caroline, I'm going to intersperse some of
those throughout the rest of theepisode, and there will be like
a bonus one at the end, like I always do.
So, when you hear her little voice coming in all giddy and
(07:42):
like, in the planning process ofnot for everyone, just know that
that's from the Archives, as Taylor.
Swift might tell you and no, I'mnot a Swifty.
I just know about that. Okay.
Yeah, it's from The Voice Memos.I just looked that up and it's
actually From the Vault if I wasgoing to be a Swifty.
So I mean the proof is in the pudding.
(08:03):
Guys, stop harassing me on the internet.
I like one song. We're kind of like The Confidant
for each other, as creators as people, who are in this weird
world of YouTube and podcasting and whatnot.
And we really connected on like so many levels and just
(08:25):
continued that awesome energy that we had in our episode of
peeking so much. So that finally, maybe, like,
six, seven months later, I was like, I've got to ask her.
It felt like asking somebody outwho I had been crushing on for a
really long time, which by the way, I've never fucking done.
(08:45):
I wait to be asked out and that means that I don't get asked out
a lot of times because you know,you can't just wait for the
things that you want lesson to myself.
But yeah, this was one of those moments where I was like I can't
wait any longer I have been forming and developing this
(09:06):
relationship with Caroline. Where are we?
Talk about this world and the things that we want and the
things that were curious about and the things we're struggling
with and I have so much fun talking to her about all of it
and it just is the makings of like my dream podcast.
And I have to suck it up and swallow my pride, and take the
(09:28):
risk of her. Really not wanting to do this,
or really not thinking I'm cool or funny or interesting at all,
to do it with, you know, like it's Vulnerable.
And I had to put myself out there but it got to a point
where I felt like the content she was posting on her YouTube
channel was so podcast adjacent that it would have been silly
(09:51):
for me not to just ask and just inquire like hey have you ever
thought about doing a podcast and oh by the way, would you
want to do one with me? And when I did that she just
like met me right there. She was like hi bitch.
Let's fucking talk. We're on the same page.
I'm can tell you right now we'reon the same page and we got on
(10:15):
the phone and talked about it more.
We found out that both of us hadbeen kind of like thinking about
each other for this. Funny enough.
She expressed to me that she felt kind of worried because she
didn't want me to think that shewas taking advantage of my
podcast, knowledge and experience so far.
(10:38):
Meanwhile, I didn't want her to think.
I was taking advantage of her following and her huge growth
and success on YouTube. Like, it was this weird thing to
navigate for me because I genuinely feel like there's no
one else I want to do this with but I didn't want it to come
across like that was because shehas people watching her and she
(11:01):
has subscribers. So it was it was weird but we
just like directly talked about all of that and kind of got over
this weird like tiptoeing that we had been doing with each
other and it has formed such an awesome foundation for what we
want to build. Like, we want this podcast to be
such an honest space to have a Conversations about all the
(11:25):
things that are on our minds, as31 year old women in 2022 who
are bold and chaotic, and irreverent, and silly and goofy.
But also like painfully deep, and introspective and dark, and
can be cynical, can be optimistic.
(11:46):
Depends on the day. Depends on the topic.
Like we want to be able to express all of ourselves in this
space too. Gather and that's what I've been
doing on Peking, but it can onlybe better with another person
and like the right person attached to it with me.
And so that's where all this came from and I cannot wait to
(12:08):
get started. Okay, so now I guess I need to
do a little bit of sappy like looking back and thinking
everyone and thanking myself, you know, like commending myself
a little bit, one of my friends room. minded me when I told her
about not for everyone that WhenI started peeking before,
(12:30):
actually, starting the peaking that, you know, and love, if you
remember this from the first episode, that means you're an OG
Buffa member, and I cannot thankyou enough and send my gratitude
enough. Remember that pre that episode?
I actually recorded a different episode of peaking that never
aired with a comedy studio in Chicago.
(12:54):
That I am a huge fan of and I goto shows there all the time.
I'm and I performed stand-up there.
Last year, the Lincoln Lodge, I was supposed to launch my
podcast through their podcast Network.
They have like a bunch of podcast that they helped produce
and it ended up falling through and just like not being the
right fit to work together. And at the time, it was
(13:18):
definitely like a knock to my ego and my confidence, but I
made the decision to go ahead and do it myself because You
know, whether this took off or not, I wanted to do it whether
it had like, backing from anything or not, or was seen as
really legit or not. I still wanted to do it.
(13:40):
And so that's where peeking originated.
And then, to be here, a year anda half later, starting a brand
new podcast that really could not have happened.
If I hadn't taken the leap and tried to do peaking on my own
It's like such a cool moment forme.
You guys have heard me talk a lot over the course of peaking
(14:03):
about Out. Just like the things that I want
in life and mostly when it comesto career but I hate that word
as the word choice for it. It's really more like just for
myself and my own fulfillment ofmy potential and all of the
things that I know I have withinme and I know I can be, I have
(14:27):
such a like pull to express my authentic self.
And feel seen so that others. Can see something of their
selves in it and feel seen to. And I want to do that on such a
(14:48):
big scale like the biggest scalethat I can and peaking felt
pretty big at some point. Like especially with people
coming over from Nikki, Glaser is podcast, people coming over
from Caroline's Channel like it's grown.
That is so affirming and so gratifying.
And is like the motor and the engine behind.
(15:12):
I don't know the difference between Motor and Engine is I
probably do if I thought about it.
Is there a difference? Wait motor engine know.
I feel like those are the same. Okay.
Anyway, that's like the motivation and like the drive
behind all of this is like feeling accepted for being
(15:37):
myself and feeling encouraged tokeep doing that and feeling like
actually it's helping people or it's you know, even if that's in
a small away as you have nothingto do right now and you're bored
and felt kind of lonely. And so you decided to listen to
this all the way. Way to the other side of the
spectrum of, like you identify with exactly every single word
(15:59):
that I express and every experience I've ever had.
And so you identify on an even larger and kind of crazy scale,
if you feel that way, please reach out because maybe we
should meet each other. If you're like the other half of
myself, I don't know what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is there's a whole spectrum of ways that
people might connect to what I do and what I say on these
(16:22):
platforms that I've built And I continue to build and every
single one of those ways means so much to me and I'm so excited
for it to keep growing because Ijust feel like it's where I'm
supposed to be and it's what I'msupposed to be doing and none of
that could have happened withoutpeeking without you guys
encouraging me continuing to listen, sending me messages that
(16:45):
you loved it. That you resonated with
something that you have questions about something that
you just like me. Like he, you know, that's a
vulnerable. A Last thing to say, but like we
all just want to be liked and I really am thankful that you made
me feel that for the last year and a half you know, the
(17:05):
internet's a scary place. I don't know if I'm going to
continue to be this liked ever again you know like branching
out into a podcast that might get a little bit bigger.
That's kind of scary and opens up a lot of space for criticism.
But I really feel Feel like it'swhat I should be doing and I'm
(17:28):
going to remind myself of peeking and the, the boo fam.
This has gotten way more emotional than I wanted it to
and I don't know if it makes sense, but it's coming from the
heart. I for once.
Feel that I'm working on something and building something
that I can see into the future. Like I have a clear vision of
(17:50):
all the places that I think not for, everyone can go and I've
really never felt that way as much as I love peeking, and you
just heard me on that romantic ramble about it.
I, I didn't see that Vision long, long term with peeking.
I definitely saw it as an amazing Outlet.
(18:11):
For myself and an amazing stepping stone.
But I didn't see it as the be-all end-all that could like
launch me into the future that I've been wanting.
And I do see that for not for everyone, and it's like so much
with credit and thanks to Caroline for like being my
(18:32):
partner in that. And for us, trusting each other
to get there together. It kind of makes me emotional
God like because I've watched your journey with peeking from a
distance just like dreamily and like removed.
And then for it to be like culminating even though I know
you said, you might have more episodes after this to be
(18:54):
culminating in like you. Marrying me.
Like, that's what it feels like.It feels like the episode like
the what the finale of a series.Even those on the finale?
We're like now, we get married. Uh, I don't know.
It's crazy. Choking.
Yeah, but it's really cool. You know, I don't feel that way
(19:17):
in my day job. I have a great job.
It's stable. And I make good money that I'm
happy with and I have benefits, and the people are nice.
And the work is solid and the mission is important to the
world, and that's all cool. But it's not something that I
(19:40):
see taking me into the future. ER and this is and I'm like,
I've just never felt more assured in that than I do right
now at the, you know, precipice of seeing what not for everyone
can become. So it's so full circle guys.
Like you've heard me stressing when I was unemployed about what
(20:04):
to do next and How do I start a business?
How do I get the podcast to growor do I just go back to
corporate? Or do I do both or, you know,
like just, how, how, how do I get to where I want to go?
Especially when I don't even know exactly where it is that I
want to go. I just know the feeling, I know
(20:25):
the like values that I want to Chase and the things that are
important to me and that when I do them, and when I see them and
when I'm in them they feel like so Fluid and so resonant.
And so a part of me, like, I know that when I experienced it
and I chase it but I don't know,ultimately like exactly where
(20:47):
it's taking me, but I know it when I'm in it and right now,
I'm in it, more than I've ever been and like, I can see it into
the future, I can, I can't see the end point, but I can see the
path a little bit further down than I've ever been able to see
that path before. For it's really cool.
(21:10):
And, you know, this must be the feeling that some people get,
like, when they get married in our starting a family or like,
you know, there's plenty of other experiences you could have
in life that it like that. Are that one thing that you've
been wanting and chasing. And when you finally have the
beginning of it, and you know, that it's right.
(21:31):
Like, you can see into the future.
People have described that to mewhether it's about their career
or their relationships or familylife or whatever else and I've
been like, yeah, okay. Like I that sounds nice.
You have a great imagination like And I don't know with this,
(21:54):
I see it. And I think probably maybe each
person has that one thing that they are seeking and when they
find the the door to it, they can see everything.
All the possibility to come. And then, you know, probably
(22:17):
that thing changes over time to as priorities change, like,
somebody could have that with their career. you know, for the
first 30 years of their life andthen Get on a good track with
that, and then they pivot and their priorities change.
And they want to find that with,you know, starting a family or
(22:38):
add. That those are the only two
examples that come to me right now.
But you know, with maybe there'sa corporate career in a creative
aspect and something else, and something else, like there's so
many dimensions to life and everybody prioritises them
differently. And for me, this has been the
priority like, because So connected to me, it's so
(23:03):
personal to me. The priority has always been
like where am I going to go withthe things that I know I can
bring to the world and for some people, what they can bring to
the world is raising their kids really in an amazing household
(23:26):
that teaches their boys not to be misogynist. it's then, you
know, and for some people it's Doing a podcast or whatever like
and because I am finding it and getting closer and closer like
I'm now getting positive feedback like I'm getting
positive reinforcement like yes you're in the right direction.
(23:47):
Yes. Now you can see a little bit
more of what's ahead? Yes.
Keep going. You'll be able to see a little
bit more like it's so affirming dude it's all we've been talking
about boof. Am I hope that this felt like a
good conclusion? I Yes to you.
I'm not saying that this is the end of peeking.
(24:10):
There may be times when I want to come back here and just talk
to the boof, am like this. So I'm leaving that door open,
but I will say, Somebody like flush their toilet upstairs.
So I'm just going to let that water sound pass.
(24:31):
Also, all the flushing noises was not me peeing, a flood.
It was me emptying out basis of water.
While I do that, I'm looking at this picture on Instagram of
Pete Davidson, and M Radha. Emily rhetta schakowsky
Ratajkowski. I don't know how you say her
last name. The model.
(24:51):
How does he do it? I know I always end up talking
about Pete Davidson, but like, Imean, speaking of people finding
their purpose, He has really found it in like, banging the
hottest women. Although I don't even know if
they're the hottest women, but like, the societally accepted
(25:12):
hottest women. I mean, they are hot, I won't
deny and at least there brunettes but You know, there's
more to life than a flat abdomenand a fat ass.
But Pete would disagree and I get it, I do get it.
As I look at these pictures of em Radha.
(25:34):
Why is that what? You know what?
It's probably not a toilet flushes.
Probably my neighbor showering. And that's why the waters
rushing, should I wait and come back, or do you guys care?
I don't even know what I was saying.
So I'm going to hit pause and I'm going to be right back,
okay? It wouldn't be an episode of
peeking. If we didn't have some
(25:54):
background noise what was I talking about before rambling,
about em Radha and fat asses. Oh yeah, I'm going to leave the
door open with peeking but I will say that my focus is going
to be not for everyone and I really, really hope.
Honestly, I expect boof am that.You're To follow me on over
(26:15):
there at least for a little like, try it out.
I know that we're saying, it's not for everyone, but that's
more. It's like a cheeky thing, okay?
Like loosen up. It is for everyone, we are super
like accepting inclusive, open-minded people.
I think that's kind of the fun about it is like that is true
(26:35):
but also what is true is that weare specific personalities and
it you know, we're not going to be for everyone.
Don't want to be for everyone. I want to be for me.
I want to be myself. And Whoever likes, it can stay
yes. And I love, they were coming up
with it and like an active brainstorm back and forth.
(26:56):
See, we're already good at this.I love this so fucking much.
I would be very happy to immediately named the podcasts,
not for everyone. Let's take it to the next level.
I can't wait, I'm thrilled aboutit.
I just like, can't say enough, exciting, awesome things, and
Find me over there so I guess. Okay.
(27:16):
How do you find me? I already told you, but I'll say
it again. The first episode of not for
everyone. Goes up on Thursday, December
8th, we're going to be weekly Thursdays.
So you know, you were always used to Thursdays on peeking.
Now you're going to get it weekly.
You can follow us on Instagram at not for the number for every
(27:38):
one pod. So not the number for everyone
pod. Yeah.
That's that's really it for now.We have awesome branding like
Caroline and I did a photo shootand worked with a brand
designer. Also just had a vision.
This is getting way too far ahead of myself, which is what I
always do. But I have a vision of us doing
(28:00):
a really fun photo shoot together for promo materials.
Shoutout to Rhema decide who wasour photographer.
She's dc-based and then Hunter shoot, why can't I remember
Hunters last name? She's like my gal, hold please
Hunter Myers. Her company is called verdure
(28:20):
verdure, I should have really asked her before shouting this
out because I'm probably butchering it, but like, verdure
design. Covey ERD, you re She helped us
with all of our branding, our logo so you'll see it all on the
Instagram page. It's going to go up either today
or tomorrow and yeah, thanks foreverything boof.
(28:46):
Am I love you so much? You'll always be a part of me.
I'm part of you. Indefinitely the water's running
again. I'm just trying to quote Mariah
You'll always be my baby. Is that a weird fucking
emotional way to end this? Yes.
And that's what our whole ride has been.
(29:08):
So, Carry On Carry On My WaywardSon.
Okay, I need to go, I need to stop.
I need to go for more peeking, stay tuned.
I may just surprise you one of these days you can find me at
peeking podcast on Instagram until then and you can also find
(29:29):
me at not for the number for everyone pod on Instagram.
Thanks so much guys. I'll talk to you soon.
Are you just giggling? The whole time was doing that?
(29:53):
Why does this feel like we're about to hook up?
This feels, this is so romantic and I'm have like butterflies.
Oh my God, it's so funny that you say, we do a podcast all the
time, we send each other six minute voice memos, because
literally the other day was somebody was like, what's an
accept? What's the maximum acceptable
time for a length for a voice memo?
And I was like, okay, I have twodifferent answers with most
people. It's like two and a half
minutes, but like with just it will be seven.
So those are my two like I will send her set a minute voice
(00:22):
memo. Whoa,
Hi. Boo fam.
Welcome back to another episode of peeking.
(00:44):
It's been a minute in a minute. I'm Anita.
No, this is not the time for that ramble, but I have a big
announcement today. So I'm really happy to be back
with you. Keeping you up-to-date on what's
been going on the past few months.
And what is it that Out to happen next.
So stay tuned, another episode of peeking.
(01:09):
Booth am, can you believe you'rehearing from the ghost of
jessa's past? It's not actually that I don't
know what that means. It is Christmas coming up.
So maybe that was a topical reference.
Did you miss this? Did you miss my fucking crazy
things that I say to myself? Well, lucky for you, it's not
(01:33):
over. It's only just getting started.
This episode is a really specialone because I'm going to fill
you guys in. You're going to be like, first
Early Access folks. To the big news that I've been
teasing on Instagram and that I've been planning and thinking
(01:54):
about and obsessing over for thelast couple months the evolution
of peeking. The evolution of me as a
podcaster and like me chasing this weird-ass dream too.
Like have people listen to me talk.
I don't know. I don't know what to call it.
(02:14):
I don't think it's about Fame and money so it must be about
just like narcissism. I am just going to cut to the
Chase and tell you and then I will back up and give you like
the full story. So, essentially, I'm starting a
new podcast with a friend of mine.
(02:34):
You've actually met this friend because she was one of my early
guests on season 2 of peeking. Her name is Caroline Winkler.
And she has a really awesome andgrowing and successful YouTube
channel. We are starting a It cast
together, and it is launching a week from today.
So this episode you're listeningto is, let's see.
(02:58):
When is it going up, Thursday, December 1st.
I'm posting this episode which happens to be the four-year
anniversary of me, living in Chicago.
So it's kind of a big deal on a special personal day for me, a
week, from then. So Thursday.
December 8th 2022. You'll be able to get in your
ears, get in your ears wide, whotalk Like this, you're going to
(03:23):
be able to hear. I think that's what it's called.
You're gonna be able to listen to my new podcast with Caroline.
It's called, hold on. How do I like really hype this
drum roll? I only have one hand available
because I'm holding this. Mike, can you hear me slapping
my thigh? That's fucking nasty.
(03:44):
Okay. Hold on.
The podcast is called not for everyone.
He I'm really excited. Not for everyone is going to be
a podcast that even though it may not be for everyone.
It's probably for a lot of people.
It's definitely for you peekabooFam.
I'm really excited because it's going to be a place where we can
(04:06):
be authentically ourselves. We can talk about whatever the
fuck we want. A lot of people have been asking
me, like close friends, who already know this is happening
are like, oh what's it about guys?
Are you even familiar with podcasts in 2022?
Podcasts are about Everything. Okay, it's about the
personalities of the people hosting the show and wherever
(04:28):
they want to take it and I thinkthat's what's most exciting to
me. Is like it the same way that
peaking evolved over time, this will evolve over time, but
what's so much better about it? Is that I have a co-host.
You guys have been hearing me from time to time kind of like
wistfully mention. Oh, I wish I had somebody to do
(04:49):
this with week after week to share.
Ideas with and share the work with and share the like
emotional baggage with and sharethe highs with.
I don't know, like somebody to bounce off of.
I felt like that was a missing piece for Peking and that's why
I had guests because I wanted totreat them like the guest host
(05:13):
for the day, the guest co-host with me.
But you know, there's only so many people who want to come on
a podcast and open up about their Our deepest darkest low
moments in life that were opportunities to grow peaking
trademark symbol. I don't actually have a
trademark but maybe I should. Yeah, I was you know kind of
(05:35):
running out of steam with that concept and that model because
there's only so many people thatI can pull from my personal
Network who would want to do something like that.
Then when I had Caroline on peeking, Kind of like everything
made sense like it felt like where I was supposed to be.
(05:55):
It felt like, oh my gosh, this is what I've been wanting.
This is what I've been waiting for.
This is what I've been craving. Like somebody who matches my
energy who can go deep, but also, interspersed jokes, and be
self-deprecating and be goofy and laugh, while they're making
some dark commentary about theirmental state.
(06:17):
Like, She just matched me and she got it and she has been such
a supporter ever since she was on the show as well as a great
friend. I mean, we've known each other
for a long time. We've known each other since the
second grade but kind of the closeness of that friendship has
you know, ebbed and flowed because that's so many years.
(06:37):
We didn't really keep up that much.
Post graduating from high school, but ever, since bringing
her on peeking, we stayed in touch and we quick Reception
here from editing Jess. Maybe editing dresses, actually
the ghost of jessa's past. Anyway, that's neither here.
Nor there. I wanted to let you know that
(06:59):
one of the ways that Caroline and I keep in touch.
Actually, the main way is that we send like the longest voice,
memos back and forth and we havebeen doing that pretty much all
of 22. What the hell?
22 2022. I feel like just saying the last
two digits makes me sound like afinance, bro.
I like fiscal year 22. Isn't it actually fiscal year?
(07:22):
Twenty three? Okay.
Oh my God. So, what you heard at the
beginning of the episode, beforeI even started was of clip from
a voice memo with Caroline, I'm going to intersperse some of
those throughout the rest of theepisode, and there will be like
a bonus one at the end, like I always do.
So, when you hear her little voice coming in all giddy and
(07:42):
like, in the planning process ofnot for everyone, just know that
that's from the Archives, as Taylor.
Swift might tell you and no, I'mnot a Swifty.
I just know about that. Okay.
Yeah, it's from The Voice Memos.I just looked that up and it's
actually From the Vault if I wasgoing to be a Swifty.
So I mean the proof is in the pudding.
(08:03):
Guys, stop harassing me on the internet.
I like one song. We're kind of like The Confidant
for each other, as creators as people, who are in this weird
world of YouTube and podcasting and whatnot.
And we really connected on like so many levels and just
(08:25):
continued that awesome energy that we had in our episode of
peeking so much. So that finally, maybe, like,
six, seven months later, I was like, I've got to ask her.
It felt like asking somebody outwho I had been crushing on for a
really long time, which by the way, I've never fucking done.
(08:45):
I wait to be asked out and that means that I don't get asked out
a lot of times because you know,you can't just wait for the
things that you want lesson to myself.
But yeah, this was one of those moments where I was like I can't
wait any longer I have been forming and developing this
(09:06):
relationship with Caroline. Where are we?
Talk about this world and the things that we want and the
things that were curious about and the things we're struggling
with and I have so much fun talking to her about all of it
and it just is the makings of like my dream podcast.
And I have to suck it up and swallow my pride, and take the
(09:28):
risk of her. Really not wanting to do this,
or really not thinking I'm cool or funny or interesting at all,
to do it with, you know, like it's Vulnerable.
And I had to put myself out there but it got to a point
where I felt like the content she was posting on her YouTube
channel was so podcast adjacent that it would have been silly
(09:51):
for me not to just ask and just inquire like hey have you ever
thought about doing a podcast and oh by the way, would you
want to do one with me? And when I did that she just
like met me right there. She was like hi bitch.
Let's fucking talk. We're on the same page.
I'm can tell you right now we'reon the same page and we got on
(10:15):
the phone and talked about it more.
We found out that both of us hadbeen kind of like thinking about
each other for this. Funny enough.
She expressed to me that she felt kind of worried because she
didn't want me to think that shewas taking advantage of my
podcast, knowledge and experience so far.
(10:38):
Meanwhile, I didn't want her to think.
I was taking advantage of her following and her huge growth
and success on YouTube. Like, it was this weird thing to
navigate for me because I genuinely feel like there's no
one else I want to do this with but I didn't want it to come
across like that was because shehas people watching her and she
(11:01):
has subscribers. So it was it was weird but we
just like directly talked about all of that and kind of got over
this weird like tiptoeing that we had been doing with each
other and it has formed such an awesome foundation for what we
want to build. Like, we want this podcast to be
such an honest space to have a Conversations about all the
(11:25):
things that are on our minds, as31 year old women in 2022 who
are bold and chaotic, and irreverent, and silly and goofy.
But also like painfully deep, and introspective and dark, and
can be cynical, can be optimistic.
(11:46):
Depends on the day. Depends on the topic.
Like we want to be able to express all of ourselves in this
space too. Gather and that's what I've been
doing on Peking, but it can onlybe better with another person
and like the right person attached to it with me.
And so that's where all this came from and I cannot wait to
(12:08):
get started. Okay, so now I guess I need to
do a little bit of sappy like looking back and thinking
everyone and thanking myself, you know, like commending myself
a little bit, one of my friends room. minded me when I told her
about not for everyone that WhenI started peeking before,
(12:30):
actually, starting the peaking that, you know, and love, if you
remember this from the first episode, that means you're an OG
Buffa member, and I cannot thankyou enough and send my gratitude
enough. Remember that pre that episode?
I actually recorded a different episode of peaking that never
aired with a comedy studio in Chicago.
(12:54):
That I am a huge fan of and I goto shows there all the time.
I'm and I performed stand-up there.
Last year, the Lincoln Lodge, I was supposed to launch my
podcast through their podcast Network.
They have like a bunch of podcast that they helped produce
and it ended up falling through and just like not being the
right fit to work together. And at the time, it was
(13:18):
definitely like a knock to my ego and my confidence, but I
made the decision to go ahead and do it myself because You
know, whether this took off or not, I wanted to do it whether
it had like, backing from anything or not, or was seen as
really legit or not. I still wanted to do it.
(13:40):
And so that's where peeking originated.
And then, to be here, a year anda half later, starting a brand
new podcast that really could not have happened.
If I hadn't taken the leap and tried to do peaking on my own
It's like such a cool moment forme.
You guys have heard me talk a lot over the course of peaking
(14:03):
about Out. Just like the things that I want
in life and mostly when it comesto career but I hate that word
as the word choice for it. It's really more like just for
myself and my own fulfillment ofmy potential and all of the
things that I know I have withinme and I know I can be, I have
(14:27):
such a like pull to express my authentic self.
And feel seen so that others. Can see something of their
selves in it and feel seen to. And I want to do that on such a
(14:48):
big scale like the biggest scalethat I can and peaking felt
pretty big at some point. Like especially with people
coming over from Nikki, Glaser is podcast, people coming over
from Caroline's Channel like it's grown.
That is so affirming and so gratifying.
And is like the motor and the engine behind.
(15:12):
I don't know the difference between Motor and Engine is I
probably do if I thought about it.
Is there a difference? Wait motor engine know.
I feel like those are the same. Okay.
Anyway, that's like the motivation and like the drive
behind all of this is like feeling accepted for being
(15:37):
myself and feeling encouraged tokeep doing that and feeling like
actually it's helping people or it's you know, even if that's in
a small away as you have nothingto do right now and you're bored
and felt kind of lonely. And so you decided to listen to
this all the way. Way to the other side of the
spectrum of, like you identify with exactly every single word
(15:59):
that I express and every experience I've ever had.
And so you identify on an even larger and kind of crazy scale,
if you feel that way, please reach out because maybe we
should meet each other. If you're like the other half of
myself, I don't know what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is there's a whole spectrum of ways that
people might connect to what I do and what I say on these
(16:22):
platforms that I've built And I continue to build and every
single one of those ways means so much to me and I'm so excited
for it to keep growing because Ijust feel like it's where I'm
supposed to be and it's what I'msupposed to be doing and none of
that could have happened withoutpeeking without you guys
encouraging me continuing to listen, sending me messages that
(16:45):
you loved it. That you resonated with
something that you have questions about something that
you just like me. Like he, you know, that's a
vulnerable. A Last thing to say, but like we
all just want to be liked and I really am thankful that you made
me feel that for the last year and a half you know, the
(17:05):
internet's a scary place. I don't know if I'm going to
continue to be this liked ever again you know like branching
out into a podcast that might get a little bit bigger.
That's kind of scary and opens up a lot of space for criticism.
But I really feel Feel like it'swhat I should be doing and I'm
(17:28):
going to remind myself of peeking and the, the boo fam.
This has gotten way more emotional than I wanted it to
and I don't know if it makes sense, but it's coming from the
heart. I for once.
Feel that I'm working on something and building something
that I can see into the future. Like I have a clear vision of
(17:50):
all the places that I think not for, everyone can go and I've
really never felt that way as much as I love peeking, and you
just heard me on that romantic ramble about it.
I, I didn't see that Vision long, long term with peeking.
I definitely saw it as an amazing Outlet.
(18:11):
For myself and an amazing stepping stone.
But I didn't see it as the be-all end-all that could like
launch me into the future that I've been wanting.
And I do see that for not for everyone, and it's like so much
with credit and thanks to Caroline for like being my
(18:32):
partner in that. And for us, trusting each other
to get there together. It kind of makes me emotional
God like because I've watched your journey with peeking from a
distance just like dreamily and like removed.
And then for it to be like culminating even though I know
you said, you might have more episodes after this to be
(18:54):
culminating in like you. Marrying me.
Like, that's what it feels like.It feels like the episode like
the what the finale of a series.Even those on the finale?
We're like now, we get married. Uh, I don't know.
It's crazy. Choking.
Yeah, but it's really cool. You know, I don't feel that way
(19:17):
in my day job. I have a great job.
It's stable. And I make good money that I'm
happy with and I have benefits, and the people are nice.
And the work is solid and the mission is important to the
world, and that's all cool. But it's not something that I
(19:40):
see taking me into the future. ER and this is and I'm like,
I've just never felt more assured in that than I do right
now at the, you know, precipice of seeing what not for everyone
can become. So it's so full circle guys.
Like you've heard me stressing when I was unemployed about what
(20:04):
to do next and How do I start a business?
How do I get the podcast to growor do I just go back to
corporate? Or do I do both or, you know,
like just, how, how, how do I get to where I want to go?
Especially when I don't even know exactly where it is that I
want to go. I just know the feeling, I know
(20:25):
the like values that I want to Chase and the things that are
important to me and that when I do them, and when I see them and
when I'm in them they feel like so Fluid and so resonant.
And so a part of me, like, I know that when I experienced it
and I chase it but I don't know,ultimately like exactly where
(20:47):
it's taking me, but I know it when I'm in it and right now,
I'm in it, more than I've ever been and like, I can see it into
the future, I can, I can't see the end point, but I can see the
path a little bit further down than I've ever been able to see
that path before. For it's really cool.
(21:10):
And, you know, this must be the feeling that some people get,
like, when they get married in our starting a family or like,
you know, there's plenty of other experiences you could have
in life that it like that. Are that one thing that you've
been wanting and chasing. And when you finally have the
beginning of it, and you know, that it's right.
(21:31):
Like, you can see into the future.
People have described that to mewhether it's about their career
or their relationships or familylife or whatever else and I've
been like, yeah, okay. Like I that sounds nice.
You have a great imagination like And I don't know with this,
(21:54):
I see it. And I think probably maybe each
person has that one thing that they are seeking and when they
find the the door to it, they can see everything.
All the possibility to come. And then, you know, probably
(22:17):
that thing changes over time to as priorities change, like,
somebody could have that with their career. you know, for the
first 30 years of their life andthen Get on a good track with
that, and then they pivot and their priorities change.
And they want to find that with,you know, starting a family or
(22:38):
add. That those are the only two
examples that come to me right now.
But you know, with maybe there'sa corporate career in a creative
aspect and something else, and something else, like there's so
many dimensions to life and everybody prioritises them
differently. And for me, this has been the
priority like, because So connected to me, it's so
(23:03):
personal to me. The priority has always been
like where am I going to go withthe things that I know I can
bring to the world and for some people, what they can bring to
the world is raising their kids really in an amazing household
(23:26):
that teaches their boys not to be misogynist. it's then, you
know, and for some people it's Doing a podcast or whatever like
and because I am finding it and getting closer and closer like
I'm now getting positive feedback like I'm getting
positive reinforcement like yes you're in the right direction.
(23:47):
Yes. Now you can see a little bit
more of what's ahead? Yes.
Keep going. You'll be able to see a little
bit more like it's so affirming dude it's all we've been talking
about boof. Am I hope that this felt like a
good conclusion? I Yes to you.
I'm not saying that this is the end of peeking.
(24:10):
There may be times when I want to come back here and just talk
to the boof, am like this. So I'm leaving that door open,
but I will say, Somebody like flush their toilet upstairs.
So I'm just going to let that water sound pass.
(24:31):
Also, all the flushing noises was not me peeing, a flood.
It was me emptying out basis of water.
While I do that, I'm looking at this picture on Instagram of
Pete Davidson, and M Radha. Emily rhetta schakowsky
Ratajkowski. I don't know how you say her
last name. The model.
(24:51):
How does he do it? I know I always end up talking
about Pete Davidson, but like, Imean, speaking of people finding
their purpose, He has really found it in like, banging the
hottest women. Although I don't even know if
they're the hottest women, but like, the societally accepted
(25:12):
hottest women. I mean, they are hot, I won't
deny and at least there brunettes but You know, there's
more to life than a flat abdomenand a fat ass.
But Pete would disagree and I get it, I do get it.
As I look at these pictures of em Radha.
(25:34):
Why is that what? You know what?
It's probably not a toilet flushes.
Probably my neighbor showering. And that's why the waters
rushing, should I wait and come back, or do you guys care?
I don't even know what I was saying.
So I'm going to hit pause and I'm going to be right back,
okay? It wouldn't be an episode of
peeking. If we didn't have some
(25:54):
background noise what was I talking about before rambling,
about em Radha and fat asses. Oh yeah, I'm going to leave the
door open with peeking but I will say that my focus is going
to be not for everyone and I really, really hope.
Honestly, I expect boof am that.You're To follow me on over
(26:15):
there at least for a little like, try it out.
I know that we're saying, it's not for everyone, but that's
more. It's like a cheeky thing, okay?
Like loosen up. It is for everyone, we are super
like accepting inclusive, open-minded people.
I think that's kind of the fun about it is like that is true
(26:35):
but also what is true is that weare specific personalities and
it you know, we're not going to be for everyone.
Don't want to be for everyone. I want to be for me.
I want to be myself. And Whoever likes, it can stay
yes. And I love, they were coming up
with it and like an active brainstorm back and forth.
(26:56):
See, we're already good at this.I love this so fucking much.
I would be very happy to immediately named the podcasts,
not for everyone. Let's take it to the next level.
I can't wait, I'm thrilled aboutit.
I just like, can't say enough, exciting, awesome things, and
Find me over there so I guess. Okay.
(27:16):
How do you find me? I already told you, but I'll say
it again. The first episode of not for
everyone. Goes up on Thursday, December
8th, we're going to be weekly Thursdays.
So you know, you were always used to Thursdays on peeking.
Now you're going to get it weekly.
You can follow us on Instagram at not for the number for every
(27:38):
one pod. So not the number for everyone
pod. Yeah.
That's that's really it for now.We have awesome branding like
Caroline and I did a photo shootand worked with a brand
designer. Also just had a vision.
This is getting way too far ahead of myself, which is what I
always do. But I have a vision of us doing
(28:00):
a really fun photo shoot together for promo materials.
Shoutout to Rhema decide who wasour photographer.
She's dc-based and then Hunter shoot, why can't I remember
Hunters last name? She's like my gal, hold please
Hunter Myers. Her company is called verdure
(28:20):
verdure, I should have really asked her before shouting this
out because I'm probably butchering it, but like, verdure
design. Covey ERD, you re She helped us
with all of our branding, our logo so you'll see it all on the
Instagram page. It's going to go up either today
or tomorrow and yeah, thanks foreverything boof.
(28:46):
Am I love you so much? You'll always be a part of me.
I'm part of you. Indefinitely the water's running
again. I'm just trying to quote Mariah
You'll always be my baby. Is that a weird fucking
emotional way to end this? Yes.
And that's what our whole ride has been.
(29:08):
So, Carry On Carry On My WaywardSon.
Okay, I need to go, I need to stop.
I need to go for more peeking, stay tuned.
I may just surprise you one of these days you can find me at
peeking podcast on Instagram until then and you can also find
(29:29):
me at not for the number for everyone pod on Instagram.
Thanks so much guys. I'll talk to you soon.
Are you just giggling? The whole time was doing that?
(29:53):
Why does this feel like we're about to hook up?
This feels, this is so romantic and I'm have like butterflies.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Law & Order: Criminal Justice System - Season 1 & Season 2
Season Two Out Now! Law & Order: Criminal Justice System tells the real stories behind the landmark cases that have shaped how the most dangerous and influential criminals in America are prosecuted. In its second season, the series tackles the threat of terrorism in the United States. From the rise of extremist political groups in the 60s to domestic lone wolves in the modern day, we explore how organizations like the FBI and Joint Terrorism Take Force have evolved to fight back against a multitude of terrorist threats.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com