Episode #75: Self‑Care as Social Etiquette

In this empowering episode, Putting Yourself on the List, Zakiyyah Benjamin explores one of the most overlooked principles of modern etiquette: the etiquette of self‑respect. So many of us pour into others while quietly neglecting our own needs. This episode offers a transformative reminder that prioritizing yourself is not selfish—it is a core element of emotional intelligence, personal boundaries, and confidence etiquette.

Through thoughtful storytelling and practical guidance, Zakiyyah helps listeners understand why honoring your well‑being is essential to living with grace, presence, and intention. Rooted in trending themes such as self‑care etiquette, social etiquette, feminine refinement, and personal development, this episode reflects the kind of meaningful, life‑elevating content that has made this show a favorite among listeners seeking the best etiquette podcast experience.

A powerful, affirming listen for anyone ready to stop disappearing into their responsibilities and start honoring their value with clarity, elegance, and purpose.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hello and welcome back to the Peerless Etiquette podcast.
I am Misses Benjamin and as always, I am so grateful you are
listening today. Before we begin, I want to

(00:21):
invite you into a moment with me, A moment of stillness,
warmth, and intention. I'm sitting here with a cup of
vanilla almond black tea, and I want to describe it to you the

(00:42):
way I'm experiencing it. The steam rises slowly, carrying
the soft sweetness of vanilla, that warm, familiar scent that
feels like a gentle hand on yourshoulder.
Beneath it is the deeper, rounder note of almond, almost

(01:07):
buttery, almost nostalgic, like something you've tasted in
childhood but can't quite name. And then there's the T Bold,
grounding, steady, the kind of tea that reminds you you are

(01:28):
here in this moment, and that this moment belongs to you.
As I take a sip, the warmth spreads across my chest and I
feel my shoulders drop just a little.
It's a small reminder that even in a full life, a beautiful,

(01:54):
demanding, purpose driven life, there is room for softness,
there is room for breath, there is room for me.
And that energy is the energy I want to bring into today's

(02:17):
episode, the reminder that you too deserve to be on your own To
Do List not as an afterthought, not as a reward, but as a
priority. Stay tuned.

(02:50):
Every step of dance, every word of jail refine.
It's not a moment, it's a daily hill.
Kindness in your pocket, grace in your hand.
Feel this side of cave well against.

(03:13):
I want to begin with a story, one that shaped the way I move
through my life today. As many of you know, I am a wife
to an amazing judge, my husband,Christopher Benjamin, a man who

(03:35):
shares my passion for civility, diplomacy, and intentional
living. Together we raise our children,
bright, musical, artistic, curious girls who fill our home
with laughter, questions, and the kind of joy that makes you

(04:01):
want to be better every day. And beyond my family, I carry a
purpose that feels bigger than me, a calling to teach, to
create, to guide, and to elevate.

(04:22):
I am blessed with discerning wonderful clients who value
quality as much as I do, and I pour myself into every detail I
craft for them. But there was a season, a long

(04:43):
one, when my schedule felt like it was running me instead of me
running it. Every day was full.
Full of tasks, full of responsibilities, full of
expectations, full of people whoneeded something from me.

(05:04):
One afternoon, after juggling deadlines, motherhood, marriage,
and my mission, I sat down exhausted.
I'd realized something simple but profound.
I wasn't on my own To Do List. Everyone else had a place.

(05:29):
Every task had a place. Every obligation had a place.
But I didn't, and that moment became a turning point.
I learned slowly, intentionally,that if I didn't place myself on

(05:49):
my list, I would slowly disappear from my own life.
So today, as we step into a new year together, I want to talk
about the etiquette of self kindness.

(06:10):
The practice of treating yourself with the same grace,
thoughtfulness, and respect thatyou extend to everyone else.
Let's begin with the truth. Putting yourself on your To Do
List is not indulgent. It is responsible.

(06:34):
It is sustainable. It is essential when you care
for yourself, you show up with more clarity, make decisions
with more confidence, give with more generosity and live with
more intention. When you neglect yourself,

(06:56):
everything becomes heavier, eventhe things you love.
You cannot pour from an empty cup and you shouldn't try.
You cannot nurture others while starving yourself of rest, joy,
or peace. You cannot lead with excellence

(07:19):
if you are running on fumes. Etiquette begins with how you
treat yourself. The tone you set internally
becomes the tone you bring to the world.
Self Kindness is a form of etiquette, one that often goes

(07:41):
unspoken. It looks like speaking gently to
yourself even when you're disappointed, honoring your
limits without guilt, resting without apologizing, nourishing
your body with intention, protecting your peace as if it

(08:03):
were sacred, and giving yourselfpermission to be human self.
Kindness is not weakness. It is wisdom.
It is emotional intelligence. It is the foundation of a life

(08:23):
lived with intention. When you treat yourself with
kindness, you model kindness foreveryone around you.
Your children, your partner, your clients, your community.
You teach them through your example that self respect is not

(08:47):
optional. Let's talk about how to do this
in real life, not in theory, butin practice.
Here are intentional ways to place yourself on your To Do
List this year. Schedule your rest the same way

(09:09):
you schedule your work. Rest is not accidental, it is
planned. Create small rituals that bring
you joy. A cup of tea, My favorite.
A morning stretch. A quiet moment before the house
wakes up. Say no when your plate is full.

(09:34):
A graceful no is an act of self respect.
Ask for help without apologizing.
You are not meant to carry everything alone.
Give yourself grace when things don't go as planned.
Perfection is not the goal. Presence with intention is.

(10:02):
Celebrate your wins, even the quiet ones.
Especially the quiet ones. These are not luxuries, these
are necessities. My dear listener, if you're
hearing this and thinking I don't know where to start, let
me speak to you as a friend. Start small.

(10:27):
Start gently. Start with one moment a day that
belongs to you. You deserve to be cared for, you
deserve to be remembered, and you deserve to be on your own
list. Your life is not just about what

(10:50):
you do for others, it is also about who you are becoming.
As I finish this cup of vanilla almond tea, I'm reminded that
intention is a quiet power. When you choose to place
yourself on your To Do List, youchoose to honor your life, your

(11:16):
purpose, and your well-being. This year, may you move with
clarity. May you choose yourself with
confidence. May you treat yourself with the
same grace you offer to the world.
Thank you for spending this timewith me.

(11:38):
Stay intentional, stay inspired,and stay peerless.
When I am not inspiring, coaching, motivating, and
teaching etiquette, I am immersing myself in the beauty
of music. These are the rhythms and

(12:02):
expressions that remind us of refinement in its purest form.
You may have noticed that at thebeginning, the end, and
throughout my episodes, I add music created exclusively for
peerless etiquette. I truly hope you enjoy it and

(12:26):
appreciate it, and until next time, stay peerless.
Every step of dance, every word of jam, refine.

(12:50):
It's not a moment, it's a daily hell.
Kindness in your pocket, grace in your hand.
Peerless etiquette. Well, against all we live with a
purpose, all we shine, we care. Kindness and grace floating

(13:15):
through the air here. This etiquette is more than the
name is the art of living. Hold the door.
I let your heart unfold. Manners on old fashioned.
That pure gold smile is the armor and not is the key.

(13:38):
Pill is etiquet. Setting spirits free.
It's not just how, it's the why in the world we're finding blows
and what we do and say. Kindness Cross tall Grace takes
the lead. Pill is etiquette plans to find
the sea. Oh, we live with her.
This soul, we live with her, oh we shine, we care how at a kids

(14:08):
more than a lazy ought to live in a timeless place.

(14:43):
Let your heart take flour.