April 1, 2025 • 54 mins
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Send This One to Your Lady, and Then Take Cover!!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I'm Keaton Turner, and this is the PerdianPodcast.
(00:57):
Places I'd rather be.
Well, that, folks, is my good friend RileyGreen talking about all the places he'd rather
be.
Welcome back to the Purdium Podcast.
I'm Keaton Turner.
Riley and I aren't actually good friends.
(01:19):
I like to think of him as a friend becauseevery song he puts out, I feel like I resonate
with.
But this one, this song specifically hits homefor me.
This podcast is gonna be an interesting onetoday.
This one is specifically for the ladies.
(01:42):
So men, you guys feel free to listen to it.
Feel free to clap.
Feel free to nod and cheer and shout and sayhoorah and all those things.
This one's for the ladies.
I might offend some folks.
That's okay.
That actually gets me excited usually.
(02:02):
I don't I don't tend to steer, clear ofcontroversy.
But I do a lot of talking on here, preaching,you know, ranting, whatever you want to call
it.
I do a lot of talking about things that guysshould be doing for their wives.
I ran you through the scenario of me giving amassage, trying to make date nights fun, you
(02:26):
know, being a leader, all these things.
Right?
Looking legit, feeling legit, don't be a fatslob like Fred and Tina.
But I've never addressed all the things thatladies should do.
The things that guys are looking for in awoman, the things that guys wish women knew.
(02:50):
I don't know how deep I'm gonna go.
I've not rehearsed this.
I don't have any notes on this.
I have not practiced, anything I'm about tosay.
So I don't know how deep this will go.
I don't know if anything I say on here issomething I have never said to my wife yet, so
that that could get interesting.
But I can tell you right now, the reason Ichose the intro by Riley Green, the song's
(03:13):
titled Rather Be, is because there's been somany times, so many times in my life where I,
you know, am in an argument with my wife orshe's in a mood or the house is a mess and it's
it's driven her to, like, anger or tears orwhatever.
(03:36):
And I think to myself, there are so many placesI'd rather be right now.
I there you know, I would rather be fishing.
I'd rather be I think he says seven beers deep.
I'd rather be all all kinds of differentthings.
And guys wanna say those things in the moment.
(03:56):
The problem is it only makes the moment worse.
You know, it's funny.
In a terrible moment, I feel like a lot offemales will say whatever they feel like saying
regardless is of if it makes the moment worseor not.
As men, being leaders, a lot of times, we tryto not make the moment worse, so we don't say
(04:18):
the things that we'd like to say.
I don't know.
I I have a feeling this episode's gonna get mein trouble.
I have a feeling.
I'm gonna hopefully land this plane smoothlyand not dig a big old deep hole that I can't
climb out of, but I have a feeling I have afeeling this one might get me in a slight bit
of trouble.
(04:39):
First and foremost, I'm speaking for all guysout there.
Obviously, looks are important.
When we're talking about women, ladies, what doguys kind of search out?
Looks are important.
There's no doubt about it.
Right?
Personality is also super important.
We want someone that's fun, that laughs, thatsmiles.
(05:04):
We do not want drama.
We do not want someone that's negative.
We do not want someone that's nagging.
Okay?
There's a lot of things we don't want, but morethan anything, I think this is foundational.
Men want to be respected.
(05:25):
Again, I'm speaking, first of all, firstperson, this is my own experience.
My biggest arguments in my marriage, my biggestarguments when I was dating, they all revolved
around respect.
Right?
The money we we have the money arguments justlike any other married couple.
(05:47):
Why are we spending money on this?
We shouldn't spend money on that.
You know, I want to go spend money on anotherold truck.
She doesn't understand that.
So we have all the money arguments like anybodyelse, but almost every I cannot think of one
big argument that we've had in our marriage orwhen we were dating that didn't revolve around
(06:12):
respect.
Now there have been times when she didsomething that was disrespectful to me and she
didn't know it.
That's that's part of it.
There have been times when I've done somethingdisrespectful to her and didn't know it.
But then sometimes we just do things that aredisrespectful because it's human nature, and we
(06:36):
wanted to be right, or we wanted to look goodin front of our friends, or we wanted to make
ourselves feel better, kind of, which is weird,right?
It's almost like you're in competition withyour spouse, or with your boyfriend or
girlfriend.
Some of some of this respect thing is justhuman nature, and it's so funny how the respect
(07:01):
component of a relationship is the one thatlike cuts the deepest.
So I'm gonna start with that.
And you guys are listening, you don't have awoman, or you're not into women right now, or
you know, that's not the stage of life you'rein, you just got away from a woman, you don't
want to think about another woman, turn thisepisode off because this one is for the women.
(07:27):
This is the this is the episode for the guy.
The guy's been waiting on this one.
This is the one that you get to forward to yourwife or your girlfriend or your spouse and say,
Hey, here's a cheat sheet on what's goingthrough my brain.
And this is why it might also get me introuble.
So first and foremost, guys want respect.
(07:49):
We crave it.
We will never tell you that unless we get in anargument, and then later I feel disrespected.
But guys want respect.
When you're with all your friends, we know wehave faults.
But when you're with all your friends, we wantyou to talk about all of our good qualities.
We don't want you talking about us not makingthe bed in the morning or leaving dirty clothes
(08:12):
around or not doing the dishes or not doing thelaundry or all the things, right, like staying
up too late with our buddies.
We want to feel respected.
And women, if your man is in a stage of lifewhere you feel like you can't give him respect
because he hasn't earned it, sounds like agreat conversation to go have.
(08:37):
If, if, if your boyfriend or your husband orwhatever has been looking for a job for the
last twelve months, I think it'd be pretty hardfor me to respect him also.
So so so ladies, you might not be wrong inwithholding respect, But it sounds like there
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should be a conversation that is prompted.
If you feel like you can't give respect to yourguy, one of two things are true, in my opinion.
Again, this one, this is a hot take.
This episode's gonna be a hot take.
If you feel like you cannot give respect toyour man, either you haven't had the
(09:20):
conversation with him yet about all the reasonswhy you're kind of withholding your respect or
why you don't respect him.
You're not like my dad.
My dad would do this.
My dad would do that.
I'm gonna get into that in a second.
That just triggered some guys.
Either you haven't had the conversation withhim about why you don't respect him or can't
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respect him right now, or you're with the wrongguy.
Simple as that.
I think a lot of women love, projects.
And I don't mean like, I wanna change thedrapes or the curtains or I want new hardware
for my kitchen sink, although they do likethose projects.
I think a lot of women kinda settle.
(10:04):
They find a guy that's probably like got, youknow, got a good foundation but needs some
needs some spit shine to clean him up a littlebit.
Right?
Maybe he maybe he's halfway decent looking.
Maybe he runs around the same friends groupsthat you do.
(10:24):
Maybe he, like, checks several boxes, but theboxes that actually matter, he doesn't check.
And so therefore, you don't respect him verymuch.
And if you don't respect him, this is this isreally, really wild.
I want I want people to understand this.
As a woman, if you don't respect your guy, it'snever gonna work.
(10:50):
It's never gonna work.
There was a I I wanted to find the audiobecause I was gonna let you guys listen to it.
There was a a survey done, and this surveybasically took a look at all kinds of different
aspects of marriages, And these were marriagesthat were, the couple was still married, and
(11:11):
then they followed them for a period of time.
A lot of these people were going throughcounseling, whatever, and they followed them
for a period of time, and the marriages thatfailed all shared one common theme.
And this person doing this survey could tellwith one simple gesture whether the marriage
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was going to fail or succeed.
This is true.
This is like, I'm gonna cite it.
If I can find it on my phone again, I will, Iwill cite this in the episode notes.
The person doing these surveys, the counselor,the marriage, whatever this person the person
doing the surveys could tell with one simplegesture whether the marriage was going to
(11:56):
survive or not.
And you know what that gesture was?
Quick drink.
Cliffhanger.
That gesture while the couple was sitting intherapy was if one of the two people, husband
or spouse husband or wife, one of the tworolled their eyes at their spouse.
(12:23):
Sounds wild.
Right?
I mean, we've all rolled our eyes at ourspouse.
But this is like heat of the moment.
We're going through counseling.
We are trying to fix what's broken.
If one of the two people in the marriage rolledtheir eyes in front of the counselor, I forget
the exact statistic.
(12:43):
It was in the ninety percent ended in divorcewhen one of the spouses rolled their eyes.
And so you wonder, okay, well, why is that sucha significant thing?
Well, what does rolling the eyes mean?
When someone rolls their eyes at their spouse,it's a lack of respect.
(13:04):
You're discrediting their opinion.
You don't think they know what they're talkingabout.
You don't value what they have to say.
You're not listening to understand.
You're just listening to react.
And so many times, the root of the issue isrespect.
It's not roll rolling the eyes isn't the issue.
(13:25):
That's just a little bitty action.
The issue is there's a lack of respect, andthat foundation for the marriage spills into
everything else.
When you're out to eat with friends, a littlebit of lack of respect for your spouse comes
shining through at dinner with friends.
(13:46):
When you're with your parents, or when you'reat Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or whatever.
Like, if you don't respect your spouse, youeither need to quickly confront them about it
and why you don't respect them, or you need toget rid of them.
Sounds harsh, but you're just prolonging theinevitable if in your heart you don't respect
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the person you're connected to, but you'restill doing life together.
You're prolonging the inevitable.
Inevitable is it's not gonna survive or it doessurvive, but it comes with massive action that
is driven by a conversation.
So that's the foundational item.
You gotta respect the person.
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If you can't respect them, what are you doingwith them?
So many times you see this and it's frustratingto watch.
You see one person in the relationship pullsall the weight.
Right?
They make all the money.
They make all the decisions.
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They are the one that's more assertive orpassionate.
They kind of force the other one to getcreative and spontaneous or the one that
initiates contact.
Like, a lot of times you see this.
And maybe it works for a handful of folks, butI think a lot of people end up late in life
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resenting their partner because they don'trespect them.
They don't pull their fair share of weight inthe relationship.
They don't put anywhere near as much effortinto it.
They don't, they don't want to continue tolearn and improve as a human being.
And so I, I think respect is a big one.
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If that one strikes home, I would quickly gofigure out, man, does my wife respect me?
Does my husband respect me?
That's, that's a, I think, the foundationalissue.
Another thing that men want, and I'll go to themarried men for a second with kids, because
this is where it gets really challenging for alot of people when you enter in the kid's stage
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of life.
I think about life in chapters.
I think one of the hardest chapters, and thisis weird.
I don't know why God put these two chaptersback to back in this story.
To me, one of the best chapters of my life waswhen I got married.
I was so excited.
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I got to spend my life with this person that Iwas like madly in love with.
We dated through college.
We got to buy our first house together.
We had a condo together.
We got to live together.
And we didn't live together prior to marriage.
That's, that's something for a differentpodcast, but I'll also suggest if you're not
married, don't live with the other person.
(16:47):
I'll get into that some other day.
But that chapter of life for me was amazing.
I got to live with my best friend for the firsttime ever, and we had no rules.
It was like an endless sleepover.
We got to get a little bit naughty togetherwithout fear of anybody walking in.
We got to watch movies together.
We got to order pizza late at night.
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We got the whole weekend to do whatever wewanted.
It was amazing.
It's the best chapter of my life.
Ironically, the next chapter after that one isthe hardest chapter of my life.
In walks three kids to my life.
And I'm telling you right now, if you'remarried, between the ages of zero years old and
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five years old, especially if you have multiplekids in those ranges, that's probably going to
be your hardest chapter of life.
And the only reason I say that is because I'velistened to my parents talk about that chapter.
My mom has said multiple times.
She's like, oh, I I didn't even talk to yourdad for about a year and a half or two years,
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it feels like.
We were raising three kids under the age ofthree.
We were just trying to survive every day.
Who's doing the diapers?
Who's doing dinner?
Who's cleaning the house?
Who's doing the laundry?
And it's so easy to keep score, especiallyduring that chapter, because you're sleep
deprived, your kids need you 20 fourseven,you're overstimulated, your wife's
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overstimulated, right?
She's been, she's had someone clinging to herboob all day.
The last thing she wants is a grown man on theother boob, and and it just is a spiral.
You go from having the best chapter of yourlife, which is like an endless sleepover, kind
of an endless naughty sleepover with yourspouse, to an endless nightmare with multiple
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kids that you have to now care for, and no oneprepares you for that.
The the the freaking classes that you take atthe hospital, like, are a joke.
They don't compare you at all to bring kidshome.
I I actually can't even believe they allow kidsin their twenties to take little bitty babies
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home with them from the hospital.
It's wild.
At least that's how I felt when I took mybabies home for the first time.
So my feedback for you guys that are in thatchapter of life, it's very simple.
You just have to get through it.
I don't care how you get through it.
I don't care if you guys don't talk for twoyears.
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I don't care if you hate each other.
I don't care if you sleep in different rooms.
Get through it.
Get to the other side of that chapter.
Close that chapter.
Close that nightmare.
Now I'm painting with a broad stroke, right?
It's great having little kids.
Shelby and I were just reflecting.
We were scrolling through pictures of when ourkids were babies the other night, and she
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looked at me.
She goes, Oh, babe, one more.
And I was like, Get out of here.
You are you've lost your freaking mind thinkingwe're gonna have one more.
It's a great period of life, but it is withouta doubt the most challenging, at least in my
perspective.
And my mom, who's lived a lot of chapters oflife, agrees with me.
So my only view, like, is just get through thatchapter.
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Don't give up.
Don't say things that you can't ever take back.
Just just be quiet.
If you wanna kill her or or I'm talking to hernow.
If if you wanna kill him during that chapter,just don't.
Just don't kill him.
Just get through it.
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Don't leave him.
Don't kill him, and don't say something thatyou'll never be able to take back.
Because what happens is one day you wake up andthey're all five plus years old and older, and
they can feed themselves, they can clothethemselves, they can get around, And then all
of a sudden, you look over at your beautifulspouse and you're like, Oh, wait a second.
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I actually do love you.
We just came through a three year stormtogether, like raising these kids from like
little bitty infants to where they are now, weactually do have a blast together.
Now I remember why I married you.
Now you remember why you married me.
We, we actually have fun together.
And so that's the stage I'm in now.
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I just closed that, that baby chapter of mylife.
My youngest is five.
We probably closed that chapter a year ago.
And now we're on weekly date nights.
We're getting real close to starting to be ableto leave them home for a little while by
themselves, we like go on a walk through theneighborhood or something.
It's just a, it's a totally different chapter.
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I love her more now than I did when we gotmarried, and I wouldn't have probably said that
when we were going through the darkest, hardestdays of raising kids, you know, when they were
infants.
So, so that's what I would say for thatchapter.
Another critical, I think, foundational pieceis you have to figure out how to have fun
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together.
You have to.
Life can get so chaotic and life can end uphappening for us.
One of the things that my coach reminds me of,one of the things that my parents remind me of,
like people that are further along in marriagethan I am, one of the pieces of advice they
always give is go have fun.
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Like figure out what fun looks like.
Pull yourself out of the mundane day to daylife you're living.
Go have fun.
Like, now fun can be an hour long date nightbecause that's all, you know, you've only got
an hour.
You know, fun can be a weekend getaway whereyou don't get out of bed all weekend and you're
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naked all weekend.
Those are fun.
But you gotta go figure out how to have funtogether because, you know, I have lived
through this, especially when I was in the lastchapter of life, which is raising young kids.
It's really easy, especially as they start toget a little bit older, that weird stage where
now kids' sports are involved.
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It's really easy to go through week after weekafter week, and you look at your spouse, and
I'm like, Hey, I don't remember the last timewe had a real conversation.
I don't remember the last time we actually satdown and talked about your dreams.
What do you want to do?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
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Like, what do you think about retirement?
Where do we want to retire someday?
Like, big meaty things.
We all sit down.
It's what do you want for dinner?
I don't know.
Where do you want to go for dinner?
I don't know.
What do the kids have this week?
What are, you know, what are your parents It'sit's it's so easy to get stuck in this hamster
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wheel of a life and never pull yourself out ofit and go have fun.
I'm taking my wife this week, just, just fulltransparency.
I have to force myself to do this because I'mjust as guilty as everybody else.
I've got a job.
I've got a I've actually got a couple jobs now,this podcast being one of them, and it's easy
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to get stuck in this hamster wheel for me.
It's easy for me to think about my business 20fourseven.
I come home.
My phone's in my pocket.
I'm thinking about my business before I go tosleep.
I'm thinking about it when I get up.
It's easy for me.
I have had to challenge myself to get out ofthat and go have fun.
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And my wife has also done a really she's done afar better job than I have of getting out of
the mundane and going to have fun.
This week, Thursday night, we're going to aBrooks and Dunn concert.
I can't wait.
I'm so excited.
Now, I'm not like the biggest fan of concerts.
I'm not the biggest fan of crowds.
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I've got plenty in my business to go do to, youknow, I could say, Ah, I don't have time.
Ah, business isn't in the right place.
I want to go fix x, y, z first, and then we'lldo those fun things.
You gotta get out of the day to day.
Go have some fun.
And so we're gonna go to a concert, and thenwe're gonna spend the night, you know, up not
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that far away.
It's not some big fancy expensive trip to spendthe night, and we're gonna talk the whole next
day about our year and about what we want toget done, and we're gonna, you know, it's just
time away, just her and I to remind ourselves,oh, hey, we actually do love each other.
We actually do have a blast together.
We actually are best friends, but that's soeasy to forget, especially when you're going
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through life.
Another thing I will tell you women, you haveto stop nagging.
Stop nagging.
We as men get nagged every single day, all daylong.
We get nagged by our boss.
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We get nagged by our coworkers.
We get nagged by our friends.
We get nagged by our mom.
I'm a full grown man and I still will get amessage, oh, hey, you need to do this and don't
forget that, and we get nagged all day.
We get nagged by the parents for the teams wecoach.
(26:25):
We get nagged on social media when you see thefit dude selling some athletic apparel, like,
he's talking directly at us.
Hey, men.
Do you want a six pack?
Buy these pants.
Buy this shirt.
Buy the.
We get nagged 20 fourseven.
And so you want to know the last thing we wantis to walk in the door after getting our balls
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kicked in all day and get nagged some more.
We don't want it.
We don't like it.
It doesn't put us in a good mood.
It doesn't make us a better husband.
It doesn't make us a better dad.
You cannot continually nag someone.
Now, I'm using the word nag in a very broadsweeping way.
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I do think there are times when the woman needsto hold the man accountable for not fulfilling
and living up to his obligations.
Like when Keaton Turner has a suitcase on thefloor filled with clothes from the last trip I
was on three weeks ago.
Hey, Keaton Turner, you should probably cleanthe suitcase up, put the clothes where they
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belong.
Like but women can do that in a non naggingway.
One of the things that Shelby and I have gottenso much better about we're not there yet.
Every once in while, I have to look at her.
I looked at her this weekend.
I said, Hey, here's an idea, babe.
How about you stop nagging me?
And she looked over at me like, Oh, you wantslapped.
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And I was like, Yeah, I do want slapped, but ina fun way, not a nagging way.
We have gotten much, much better over the yearsat doing less nagging.
I also, by the way, would nag in my own specialway without even realizing it.
I would say something.
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I said something this weekend.
I don't even remember what I said.
Just shows you how much men pay attention.
I said something this weekend that hurt herfeelings.
I didn't even know it.
I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings.
I'm not a psychopath.
I don't say things just to hurt people'sfeelings for fun.
But I said something.
She didn't like it, and she let me know aboutit.
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In the moment, it took her ten minutesactually, to be honest.
She was upset for ten minutes.
I could tell she was upset.
I grabbed her.
I said, hey, what's wrong?
She let me know.
I was in my own way nagging her.
She didn't love it.
We kissed.
We hugged.
We made up, and we had a great rest of ourSaturday.
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Three or four or five years ago, that wouldruined a Saturday because of Keaton's nagging.
Three, four, five, six years ago, Shelbynagging me about my clothes sitting in the
bedroom floor probably would have ruined aSaturday.
And so we don't wanna be nagged, bottom line.
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Now, we do want to be held accountable whetherwe admit it or not.
I do want her to say, hey, babe.
Your clothes laying in the bedroom floor makethis very beautiful bedroom seem not so
beautiful.
This isn't a bachelor pad.
This is a beautiful home.
Can you put your clothes away when you get sometime?
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I would receive that so much better than Iwould a nag.
Like, Hey babe, how long are these clothesgonna sit on the floor?
You never clean up.
You never do this.
You never do that.
You always do this.
That's one of the things our marriagecounselors told us when we were getting
married, and I thought they were off theirrockers at the time.
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These old people from our church telling us howto do marriage.
Like, I know how to do marriage.
I don't need to listen to this.
But they, one of the things they said was,Don't say the word always or never when you're
in a heated moment with your spouse.
You always overreact.
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You always worry what other people think.
You never do the laundry.
You never show me respect.
You because it's not true.
Like ultimatums, when you're using always andnever, it's actually not true.
There are times when, sure, we fail to upholdour end of the marriage and we fail to perform
(30:58):
our duties, but it's not always.
And it's not never.
It's occasionally.
And so when you use words like always andnever, it automatically increases the tension
in the argument.
I think so many, and this is tough, right?
I'm, I'm, I'm doing a lot of preaching rightnow, but it's fun to preach to women because I
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feel like I only get to do it to my wife andtwo little girls.
I can now kind of do it at scale if you guyssend this out to your wives.
We don't wanna be nagged.
We wanna be held accountable as husbands, asleaders, as good boyfriends, but we don't wanna
be nagged.
And there is a very crafty way women can getwhat they want.
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Very crafty way.
And this takes me into the next stage, and I'mgonna do this in a very PG rated way.
Guys feel most connected to their significantother when you're actually physically
(32:05):
connected.
That's about all I'm gonna say because I wantto keep this PG.
Guys feel connected when you're physicallyconnected.
There there are so many very easy ways to solvean argument, to solve, you know, stress in a
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marriage, to solve like, we're on differentpages of what we want.
In my opinion, and I just know this because itworks, the best way to get a guy's attention is
a physical way.
Now, I don't say that to like be funny andschemey and slimy and all those things.
Like, a, it's kind of science.
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It works.
But then b, what happens after is important.
You now you now have your guy in a place he cantake your criticism.
If you if you feel passionate about somethingand your guy won't listen, there's a way to get
him to listen.
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And it's after he feels emotionally andphysically connected to you.
If if you think getting your guy to listencomes through nagging or comes through just
repeatedly telling him something, it doesn'twork.
I promise you.
It doesn't work.
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Guys want to feel connected.
And and and to be honest with you, the way mostguys feel connected is by getting respect.
And the way guys feel like they're gettingrespect is through the physical touch.
Period.
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Now, obviously, we want our we want our womanto listen.
We, you know, we wanna feel like we have anemotional connection.
But guys are primal.
Like, this is deep rooted animal stylebehavior, and we feel respected when physical
(34:21):
touch is at play.
I'll I'll be honest.
Guys also don't feel respected if there's neverphysical touch.
Guys actually kind of think the opposite.
They, they think the worst.
They're like, wow, I'm not getting any physicaltouch here.
(34:41):
I wonder if she's getting it somewhere else.
I wonder if she's thinking about somebody Guyshave a weird way of thinking.
Our brains work differently than than women'sbrains.
And the way we feel respected is to feelwanted.
Like, if if if the guy is getting pursued bythe woman, that to us is a show of respect.
(35:06):
It's funny.
Some of you guys don't do this, but I have Ihave little kids now, five, eight, and 10 years
old.
The one thing they love to do is watch theseanimal shows on TV, like National Geographic
style, Our Planet, like re someone's filmingthese animals out into the wild.
(35:28):
They love going to the zoo.
They just love animals.
I was just watching one the other day withAndrew.
Andrew likes a little more morbid, the an themore morbid animal stuff, where like an animal
has grabbed somebody at a zoo, he, he, youknow, he's growing into a young man, so he's
into that stuff.
(35:49):
This lion, this male lion is in a pen in a zoowith a zookeeper.
There's two zookeepers.
They're feeding the lions, and that you couldtell these zookeepers have been doing this for
years.
Like, know the lions by name.
The lions are all walking around, there's acouple females.
(36:10):
This one zookeeper was new and he was intraining, and he was doing something that
supposedly you don't do, and he was looking atthis male lion in the eyes, like staring at
him.
And, and I didn't know this, but Andrew and Iwere watching this, and this male lion looks at
(36:30):
this trainee in the eyes and stands up andwalks over to the guy, kind of just normal,
just real nonchalant, and grabs this trainer bythe arm and starts just kinda, you know,
ragdolling him for all intents and purposes.
The other trainers grab these sticks.
(36:52):
They're beating the lion over the head with it.
This lion doesn't care.
He's got this dude's arm in his mouth.
This lioness walks over and puts her head upunderneath the male lion's head, and the lion
drops the guy, lets him go.
(37:14):
And the lion, like, you can tell he's stillhe's he's all of his attention's on this guy.
The female lion continues to use her head topush the male lion away, very kinda this is
gonna sound weird, but in an animal way, like,very sensual behaviors for a lion.
And she she pushes him over to the other endother end of the pen and lays down, and the
(37:41):
lion lays down on top of her.
She did that just to keep that trainer alive.
And I'd say that because that, in my mind, Iwas like, that is the wildest thing.
This female lion just saved this trainer's lifewith one simple trick, and that was getting
(38:03):
this male lion to focus on her.
And it was all within her control.
So many times in marriage, the the the femaleis like, well, I'm I'm the one that should be
pursued.
And then the male does all the pursuing, doesall the pursuing, and at some point, the male's
(38:24):
like, you know what?
I wonder if she even likes me.
I'm gonna stop pursuing her and see if shepursues me back.
And then this weird thing happens where themale's not pursuing the female, and so she
feels slighted.
The female now is not pursuing the male back,and so he feels slighted.
(38:46):
And then it spirals because they're ondifferent pages.
Sometimes, women, you have so I shouldn't evensay sometimes.
Every single time, women, you have much morecontrol I'm getting phone calls, the lines
blowing up, the women are listening.
The women have so much more control than yougive yourself credit for.
(39:11):
Every single outcome you have in your control.
You have a special power that you need to usevery carefully.
Now don't don't over leverage it.
Right?
That's a whole different subject.
I'm not gonna go down that path.
But when men feel respected, when men feelpursued, I promise you, you're going to get a
(39:31):
different behavior than if they don't feelrespected, they don't feel like you're pursuing
them, or they feel like you're indifferent.
If they feel like you don't really care,they're not gonna really care.
It's the example of Fred and Tina that I gave.
Fred and Tina are slobs, right?
If if, like, you're just like, yeah, you knowwhat?
Screw it.
(39:51):
Life is what it is.
I'm a slob.
I don't really care if my husband like, he'sgonna reciprocate the same behavior.
So I know this one's unconventional, but Ireally do believe women deserve so much more
(40:12):
credit for how they can set their man up forsuccess, and that comes through respect.
And I know this is biblical.
I know there's gonna be a ton of women thatsay, Well, yeah, but I need my respect first.
Totally get it.
The male's gotta do his part.
I preach to the guys every day.
(40:33):
The male's gotta be respectful.
The male's gotta be the leader.
The male can't be a bum.
He's gotta be a lifelong learner.
He's gotta be spontaneous and creative and allthe things we've already talked about in all
the other episodes.
But women have so much control.
And I really think that you guys can make yourman invincible in a weird way.
(41:02):
I know it sounds crazy.
With the right woman, a man I I believe this.
I just fully I've lived this for my own life.
I've heard other people say this.
With the right woman, a man can do anything.
Like, with the right woman, a man can quit hisjob, go start a company, be successful.
(41:25):
With the right woman, a man can go get anypromotion he wants.
With the right woman who is doing the rightthings and building her guy up and showing
respect, it gives the guy a superpower.
It's the weirdest thing.
But the opposite is true.
(41:46):
The wrong woman can tear even the best guydown.
You've seen this I mean, you've seen thisthroughout history.
You can look at, you know, people from ancienttimes, you can look at people more recently.
Right?
Like, look at Will Smith.
Look at Will Smith and Jada.
(42:07):
It is so fundamental, so primal, so it's sowild to me how the right woman can make a man
into something unbelievable, and the wrongwoman can tear a man down into something
(42:28):
unbelievable.
Some of the I know a couple of guys, man, I'dlove to say them by name, but I it's too close
to home, and I don't know how it would don'tknow how it would land.
I probably couldn't land it well.
I know two brothers.
Put it to you this way.
I know two brothers.
They're very similar.
(42:50):
Very similar brothers.
They've got the same upbringing.
Obviously, they're brothers.
I think they're both talented.
They are both really good guys.
I think they're both smart, but not crazysmart.
Just normal guys that have got a lot of goodqualities, lot of good traits.
(43:11):
They married two opposite styles of women.
One of them married a woman that saw noboundaries, that saw no cloudy days, that had a
very optimistic approach on life, that wasspontaneous, that was fun, that was respectful,
(43:33):
that built her man up, that really was just acreator.
She was a creator.
The other woman never smiled, nagged twentyfour seven, did not respect the people around
(43:55):
her, especially her husband, did not build himup, actually reminded him of all the things he
screwed up and failed at.
And I I cannot tell you how different the twopaths for those two men have been over the last
(44:18):
x number of years.
They both have kids.
I can't tell you how different the kids are andthe successes and results of the kids' lives.
And it's all because of one thing.
It's because of the woman and the superpowersthat the woman possesses.
(44:40):
The guys are the same.
They're brothers.
They're almost identical.
They might as well be twins.
Very similar.
And, and you gotta wonder, what's thedifference?
Why has one taken one path in life and theother taken a different?
(45:02):
And why have the offspring resulted?
It's because of the woman.
I think the most important I've said thisbefore.
The most important decision we as men can makeand you as women can make in life is who you
spend it with.
(45:23):
And and I think it changes the trajectory ofhistory for your family and for your your
bloodline.
It's wild.
But I do I do think women needed to hear a fewof those things.
There's a ton more I'd like to talk about.
I'm already forty four minutes in.
Again, I'd love to go deeper.
(45:45):
I'd love to talk more about how and why Ibelieve some of the things I do.
I got lucky, to be honest with you.
I got super lucky with my wife.
She's lived through all of my BS, and I onlyspeak from experience.
I think I am successful in in large part.
(46:06):
I had great parents, no doubt, but I amsuccessful because of the woman I chose.
%.
And and I'm successful because I've been ableto keep her around.
We put our heads down in the valleys, and wejust figured out how to get through it, and
we've celebrated we're on the mountains.
(46:28):
We've broken away from the mundane and tried togo have fun.
We've kept things spontaneous.
We laugh.
We fight just like everybody else.
But I think she now more than ever is realizinghow unbelievably critical her role is in the
(46:51):
story of our lives, and I think it's amazing,to be honest with you, because it's a lot of
times, especially in, you know, Biblicalupbringings, you see, you know, the the woman
stays at home.
The man goes to work.
The woman defaults to a lot of the things a manlike, and you get this weird kind of, I don't
(47:15):
know, vibe that the man's the provider, thewoman's the mother, the maternal thing, and
it's just kind of how it is.
The woman is the one with the superpower thatmakes it all work or not work.
I I I fully believe, you know, I I I get a hugekick out of knowing guys that are successful.
(47:42):
I I wanna know how they did it.
I want to know their bad times.
I want to know how they handled life in thegood times.
I want to know what they do with their money.
So many times, when I see someone that's beensuccessful, I take a look over at their wife,
and I'm like, what kind of person is thisdude's wife?
(48:06):
And it's super rare to find someone.
I only know one or two guys that are, reallysuccessful that don't have a marriage that I
would want to try to emulate, and I would arguethose guys aren't that successful.
I would argue that they appear successful onthe outside, but on the inside, they're
(48:32):
battling this constant uphill battle with theirlife partner who is sabotaging their happiness.
And so I just think, I think women, you have ahuge, huge opportunity to use your superpower
to build up your husband, to build up your man,whoever that is, and to bring out all the good.
(48:58):
And if you do it in the right way, if youcommunicate it in the right way, at the right
times, with the right tone, and the rightphysical touch, it is a recipe for success.
I just I believe it.
I believe it.
I've lived through it, and and I think I'm aproduct of that.
(49:20):
I I, you know, I I would be I don't think I'dbe anywhere near the guy or anywhere near
successful without my, without my life partner.
So that's what I've got.
I hope, I hope I don't get any hate mail fromwomen.
I hope that landed the right way.
(49:41):
I just don't think I don't think women getenough credit for being as influential as they
are.
And I think some of them just need to hear yourfamily's success.
Ironically, you may not wanna hear this, but Ithink your family's success and happiness rests
(50:02):
a lot more on your shoulders than you maybeunderstand some days.
So no pressure, females.
I'll go back to talking to the males everyepisode here on after, because they gotta go do
their part, no doubt.
We've gotta be leaders, and we gotta berespectful.
But I do think the women have a massiveopportunity.
(50:23):
And and hopefully hopefully, if you don't ifyou're not getting what you want out of your
man, hopefully, this drives some conversationto go say, hey.
Because I the beauty of the beauty of me doingthis podcast, this is a blessing and a curse,
is I get my words used against me.
(50:45):
So now what I get to go face when I am fallingshort of all the words I just described,
because my wife is a listener, she willpolitely remind me, hey, big boy.
Why don't you go re listen to Episode 98?
So so that's the beauty and the curse of doingthis.
(51:07):
But I I really believe it.
I think this is foundational, primal stuff thatwe just got to hear.
And I'm gonna play this one back for myselfprobably many times over the coming years.
So thanks guys for listening.
I pray you're killing it.
I pray you're getting your per diem, and I praythat you go have some of these conversations
(51:29):
because I I'm having them.
I'm having them in the hot tub.
I love having these conversations even when Idon't wanna hear some of the feedback and how
I've fallen short.
It always makes us better.
Makes me better, which in turn makes her betterand makes our marriage better, makes us better
parents.
And that's that's the goal, lifelong learners.
(51:50):
So thanks for listening.
Pray you're killing it.
Pray you're getting your per diem, and I prayyou tune back in tomorrow.
Thanks, guys.
Oh, and one last thing before I forget.
I was gonna send you out with our intro or ourour, our typical outro, the theme music for the
podcast.
I'm gonna mix it up this time.
(52:10):
And today, I'm sending you out with one of myfavorites.
And I play this song every once in a while whenmy wife knows I've reached my limit with her
BS, when I've reached my limit with hernagging, when we're not on the same page, when
I don't feel like cleaning my room, when Idon't feel like doing the dishes, I put this
(52:36):
song on.
So hopefully, you guys get a little enjoymentout of it.
For the guys, if you're smiling while listeningto this, I pray your wife's not sitting next to
you.
(53:03):
But today she met me at the door, said I wouldhave to choose.
If I hit that fishing hole today, she'd bepacking all her things and she be gone by noon.
(53:24):
Well, I'm gonna miss her when I get home.
Right now, I'm on this lakeshore.
And I'm sitting in the sun, I'm sure it'll hitme.
(53:49):
When I walk through that door tonight, yeah,I'm gonna miss her.
Oh, looky there.
I've got a bite.
Alright.
I'm Keaton Turner, and this is the PerdianPodcast.
(00:57):
Places I'd rather be.
Well, that, folks, is my good friend RileyGreen talking about all the places he'd rather
be.
Welcome back to the Purdium Podcast.
I'm Keaton Turner.
Riley and I aren't actually good friends.
(01:19):
I like to think of him as a friend becauseevery song he puts out, I feel like I resonate
with.
But this one, this song specifically hits homefor me.
This podcast is gonna be an interesting onetoday.
This one is specifically for the ladies.
(01:42):
So men, you guys feel free to listen to it.
Feel free to clap.
Feel free to nod and cheer and shout and sayhoorah and all those things.
This one's for the ladies.
I might offend some folks.
That's okay.
That actually gets me excited usually.
(02:02):
I don't I don't tend to steer, clear ofcontroversy.
But I do a lot of talking on here, preaching,you know, ranting, whatever you want to call
it.
I do a lot of talking about things that guysshould be doing for their wives.
I ran you through the scenario of me giving amassage, trying to make date nights fun, you
(02:26):
know, being a leader, all these things.
Right?
Looking legit, feeling legit, don't be a fatslob like Fred and Tina.
But I've never addressed all the things thatladies should do.
The things that guys are looking for in awoman, the things that guys wish women knew.
(02:50):
I don't know how deep I'm gonna go.
I've not rehearsed this.
I don't have any notes on this.
I have not practiced, anything I'm about tosay.
So I don't know how deep this will go.
I don't know if anything I say on here issomething I have never said to my wife yet, so
that that could get interesting.
But I can tell you right now, the reason Ichose the intro by Riley Green, the song's
(03:13):
titled Rather Be, is because there's been somany times, so many times in my life where I,
you know, am in an argument with my wife orshe's in a mood or the house is a mess and it's
it's driven her to, like, anger or tears orwhatever.
(03:36):
And I think to myself, there are so many placesI'd rather be right now.
I there you know, I would rather be fishing.
I'd rather be I think he says seven beers deep.
I'd rather be all all kinds of differentthings.
And guys wanna say those things in the moment.
(03:56):
The problem is it only makes the moment worse.
You know, it's funny.
In a terrible moment, I feel like a lot offemales will say whatever they feel like saying
regardless is of if it makes the moment worseor not.
As men, being leaders, a lot of times, we tryto not make the moment worse, so we don't say
(04:18):
the things that we'd like to say.
I don't know.
I I have a feeling this episode's gonna get mein trouble.
I have a feeling.
I'm gonna hopefully land this plane smoothlyand not dig a big old deep hole that I can't
climb out of, but I have a feeling I have afeeling this one might get me in a slight bit
of trouble.
(04:39):
First and foremost, I'm speaking for all guysout there.
Obviously, looks are important.
When we're talking about women, ladies, what doguys kind of search out?
Looks are important.
There's no doubt about it.
Right?
Personality is also super important.
We want someone that's fun, that laughs, thatsmiles.
(05:04):
We do not want drama.
We do not want someone that's negative.
We do not want someone that's nagging.
Okay?
There's a lot of things we don't want, but morethan anything, I think this is foundational.
Men want to be respected.
(05:25):
Again, I'm speaking, first of all, firstperson, this is my own experience.
My biggest arguments in my marriage, my biggestarguments when I was dating, they all revolved
around respect.
Right?
The money we we have the money arguments justlike any other married couple.
(05:47):
Why are we spending money on this?
We shouldn't spend money on that.
You know, I want to go spend money on anotherold truck.
She doesn't understand that.
So we have all the money arguments like anybodyelse, but almost every I cannot think of one
big argument that we've had in our marriage orwhen we were dating that didn't revolve around
(06:12):
respect.
Now there have been times when she didsomething that was disrespectful to me and she
didn't know it.
That's that's part of it.
There have been times when I've done somethingdisrespectful to her and didn't know it.
But then sometimes we just do things that aredisrespectful because it's human nature, and we
(06:36):
wanted to be right, or we wanted to look goodin front of our friends, or we wanted to make
ourselves feel better, kind of, which is weird,right?
It's almost like you're in competition withyour spouse, or with your boyfriend or
girlfriend.
Some of some of this respect thing is justhuman nature, and it's so funny how the respect
(07:01):
component of a relationship is the one thatlike cuts the deepest.
So I'm gonna start with that.
And you guys are listening, you don't have awoman, or you're not into women right now, or
you know, that's not the stage of life you'rein, you just got away from a woman, you don't
want to think about another woman, turn thisepisode off because this one is for the women.
(07:27):
This is the this is the episode for the guy.
The guy's been waiting on this one.
This is the one that you get to forward to yourwife or your girlfriend or your spouse and say,
Hey, here's a cheat sheet on what's goingthrough my brain.
And this is why it might also get me introuble.
So first and foremost, guys want respect.
(07:49):
We crave it.
We will never tell you that unless we get in anargument, and then later I feel disrespected.
But guys want respect.
When you're with all your friends, we know wehave faults.
But when you're with all your friends, we wantyou to talk about all of our good qualities.
We don't want you talking about us not makingthe bed in the morning or leaving dirty clothes
(08:12):
around or not doing the dishes or not doing thelaundry or all the things, right, like staying
up too late with our buddies.
We want to feel respected.
And women, if your man is in a stage of lifewhere you feel like you can't give him respect
because he hasn't earned it, sounds like agreat conversation to go have.
(08:37):
If, if, if your boyfriend or your husband orwhatever has been looking for a job for the
last twelve months, I think it'd be pretty hardfor me to respect him also.
So so so ladies, you might not be wrong inwithholding respect, But it sounds like there
(08:58):
should be a conversation that is prompted.
If you feel like you can't give respect to yourguy, one of two things are true, in my opinion.
Again, this one, this is a hot take.
This episode's gonna be a hot take.
If you feel like you cannot give respect toyour man, either you haven't had the
(09:20):
conversation with him yet about all the reasonswhy you're kind of withholding your respect or
why you don't respect him.
You're not like my dad.
My dad would do this.
My dad would do that.
I'm gonna get into that in a second.
That just triggered some guys.
Either you haven't had the conversation withhim about why you don't respect him or can't
(09:41):
respect him right now, or you're with the wrongguy.
Simple as that.
I think a lot of women love, projects.
And I don't mean like, I wanna change thedrapes or the curtains or I want new hardware
for my kitchen sink, although they do likethose projects.
I think a lot of women kinda settle.
(10:04):
They find a guy that's probably like got, youknow, got a good foundation but needs some
needs some spit shine to clean him up a littlebit.
Right?
Maybe he maybe he's halfway decent looking.
Maybe he runs around the same friends groupsthat you do.
(10:24):
Maybe he, like, checks several boxes, but theboxes that actually matter, he doesn't check.
And so therefore, you don't respect him verymuch.
And if you don't respect him, this is this isreally, really wild.
I want I want people to understand this.
As a woman, if you don't respect your guy, it'snever gonna work.
(10:50):
It's never gonna work.
There was a I I wanted to find the audiobecause I was gonna let you guys listen to it.
There was a a survey done, and this surveybasically took a look at all kinds of different
aspects of marriages, And these were marriagesthat were, the couple was still married, and
(11:11):
then they followed them for a period of time.
A lot of these people were going throughcounseling, whatever, and they followed them
for a period of time, and the marriages thatfailed all shared one common theme.
And this person doing this survey could tellwith one simple gesture whether the marriage
(11:33):
was going to fail or succeed.
This is true.
This is like, I'm gonna cite it.
If I can find it on my phone again, I will, Iwill cite this in the episode notes.
The person doing these surveys, the counselor,the marriage, whatever this person the person
doing the surveys could tell with one simplegesture whether the marriage was going to
(11:56):
survive or not.
And you know what that gesture was?
Quick drink.
Cliffhanger.
That gesture while the couple was sitting intherapy was if one of the two people, husband
or spouse husband or wife, one of the tworolled their eyes at their spouse.
(12:23):
Sounds wild.
Right?
I mean, we've all rolled our eyes at ourspouse.
But this is like heat of the moment.
We're going through counseling.
We are trying to fix what's broken.
If one of the two people in the marriage rolledtheir eyes in front of the counselor, I forget
the exact statistic.
(12:43):
It was in the ninety percent ended in divorcewhen one of the spouses rolled their eyes.
And so you wonder, okay, well, why is that sucha significant thing?
Well, what does rolling the eyes mean?
When someone rolls their eyes at their spouse,it's a lack of respect.
(13:04):
You're discrediting their opinion.
You don't think they know what they're talkingabout.
You don't value what they have to say.
You're not listening to understand.
You're just listening to react.
And so many times, the root of the issue isrespect.
It's not roll rolling the eyes isn't the issue.
(13:25):
That's just a little bitty action.
The issue is there's a lack of respect, andthat foundation for the marriage spills into
everything else.
When you're out to eat with friends, a littlebit of lack of respect for your spouse comes
shining through at dinner with friends.
(13:46):
When you're with your parents, or when you'reat Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or whatever.
Like, if you don't respect your spouse, youeither need to quickly confront them about it
and why you don't respect them, or you need toget rid of them.
Sounds harsh, but you're just prolonging theinevitable if in your heart you don't respect
(14:12):
the person you're connected to, but you'restill doing life together.
You're prolonging the inevitable.
Inevitable is it's not gonna survive or it doessurvive, but it comes with massive action that
is driven by a conversation.
So that's the foundational item.
You gotta respect the person.
(14:33):
If you can't respect them, what are you doingwith them?
So many times you see this and it's frustratingto watch.
You see one person in the relationship pullsall the weight.
Right?
They make all the money.
They make all the decisions.
(14:53):
They are the one that's more assertive orpassionate.
They kind of force the other one to getcreative and spontaneous or the one that
initiates contact.
Like, a lot of times you see this.
And maybe it works for a handful of folks, butI think a lot of people end up late in life
(15:19):
resenting their partner because they don'trespect them.
They don't pull their fair share of weight inthe relationship.
They don't put anywhere near as much effortinto it.
They don't, they don't want to continue tolearn and improve as a human being.
And so I, I think respect is a big one.
(15:41):
If that one strikes home, I would quickly gofigure out, man, does my wife respect me?
Does my husband respect me?
That's, that's a, I think, the foundationalissue.
Another thing that men want, and I'll go to themarried men for a second with kids, because
this is where it gets really challenging for alot of people when you enter in the kid's stage
(16:05):
of life.
I think about life in chapters.
I think one of the hardest chapters, and thisis weird.
I don't know why God put these two chaptersback to back in this story.
To me, one of the best chapters of my life waswhen I got married.
I was so excited.
(16:26):
I got to spend my life with this person that Iwas like madly in love with.
We dated through college.
We got to buy our first house together.
We had a condo together.
We got to live together.
And we didn't live together prior to marriage.
That's, that's something for a differentpodcast, but I'll also suggest if you're not
married, don't live with the other person.
(16:47):
I'll get into that some other day.
But that chapter of life for me was amazing.
I got to live with my best friend for the firsttime ever, and we had no rules.
It was like an endless sleepover.
We got to get a little bit naughty togetherwithout fear of anybody walking in.
We got to watch movies together.
We got to order pizza late at night.
(17:09):
We got the whole weekend to do whatever wewanted.
It was amazing.
It's the best chapter of my life.
Ironically, the next chapter after that one isthe hardest chapter of my life.
In walks three kids to my life.
And I'm telling you right now, if you'remarried, between the ages of zero years old and
(17:35):
five years old, especially if you have multiplekids in those ranges, that's probably going to
be your hardest chapter of life.
And the only reason I say that is because I'velistened to my parents talk about that chapter.
My mom has said multiple times.
She's like, oh, I I didn't even talk to yourdad for about a year and a half or two years,
(17:56):
it feels like.
We were raising three kids under the age ofthree.
We were just trying to survive every day.
Who's doing the diapers?
Who's doing dinner?
Who's cleaning the house?
Who's doing the laundry?
And it's so easy to keep score, especiallyduring that chapter, because you're sleep
deprived, your kids need you 20 fourseven,you're overstimulated, your wife's
(18:19):
overstimulated, right?
She's been, she's had someone clinging to herboob all day.
The last thing she wants is a grown man on theother boob, and and it just is a spiral.
You go from having the best chapter of yourlife, which is like an endless sleepover, kind
of an endless naughty sleepover with yourspouse, to an endless nightmare with multiple
(18:43):
kids that you have to now care for, and no oneprepares you for that.
The the the freaking classes that you take atthe hospital, like, are a joke.
They don't compare you at all to bring kidshome.
I I actually can't even believe they allow kidsin their twenties to take little bitty babies
(19:05):
home with them from the hospital.
It's wild.
At least that's how I felt when I took mybabies home for the first time.
So my feedback for you guys that are in thatchapter of life, it's very simple.
You just have to get through it.
I don't care how you get through it.
I don't care if you guys don't talk for twoyears.
(19:28):
I don't care if you hate each other.
I don't care if you sleep in different rooms.
Get through it.
Get to the other side of that chapter.
Close that chapter.
Close that nightmare.
Now I'm painting with a broad stroke, right?
It's great having little kids.
Shelby and I were just reflecting.
We were scrolling through pictures of when ourkids were babies the other night, and she
(19:51):
looked at me.
She goes, Oh, babe, one more.
And I was like, Get out of here.
You are you've lost your freaking mind thinkingwe're gonna have one more.
It's a great period of life, but it is withouta doubt the most challenging, at least in my
perspective.
And my mom, who's lived a lot of chapters oflife, agrees with me.
So my only view, like, is just get through thatchapter.
(20:12):
Don't give up.
Don't say things that you can't ever take back.
Just just be quiet.
If you wanna kill her or or I'm talking to hernow.
If if you wanna kill him during that chapter,just don't.
Just don't kill him.
Just get through it.
(20:34):
Don't leave him.
Don't kill him, and don't say something thatyou'll never be able to take back.
Because what happens is one day you wake up andthey're all five plus years old and older, and
they can feed themselves, they can clothethemselves, they can get around, And then all
of a sudden, you look over at your beautifulspouse and you're like, Oh, wait a second.
(20:56):
I actually do love you.
We just came through a three year stormtogether, like raising these kids from like
little bitty infants to where they are now, weactually do have a blast together.
Now I remember why I married you.
Now you remember why you married me.
We, we actually have fun together.
And so that's the stage I'm in now.
(21:18):
I just closed that, that baby chapter of mylife.
My youngest is five.
We probably closed that chapter a year ago.
And now we're on weekly date nights.
We're getting real close to starting to be ableto leave them home for a little while by
themselves, we like go on a walk through theneighborhood or something.
It's just a, it's a totally different chapter.
(21:39):
I love her more now than I did when we gotmarried, and I wouldn't have probably said that
when we were going through the darkest, hardestdays of raising kids, you know, when they were
infants.
So, so that's what I would say for thatchapter.
Another critical, I think, foundational pieceis you have to figure out how to have fun
(22:04):
together.
You have to.
Life can get so chaotic and life can end uphappening for us.
One of the things that my coach reminds me of,one of the things that my parents remind me of,
like people that are further along in marriagethan I am, one of the pieces of advice they
always give is go have fun.
(22:24):
Like figure out what fun looks like.
Pull yourself out of the mundane day to daylife you're living.
Go have fun.
Like, now fun can be an hour long date nightbecause that's all, you know, you've only got
an hour.
You know, fun can be a weekend getaway whereyou don't get out of bed all weekend and you're
(22:45):
naked all weekend.
Those are fun.
But you gotta go figure out how to have funtogether because, you know, I have lived
through this, especially when I was in the lastchapter of life, which is raising young kids.
It's really easy, especially as they start toget a little bit older, that weird stage where
now kids' sports are involved.
(23:07):
It's really easy to go through week after weekafter week, and you look at your spouse, and
I'm like, Hey, I don't remember the last timewe had a real conversation.
I don't remember the last time we actually satdown and talked about your dreams.
What do you want to do?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
(23:27):
Like, what do you think about retirement?
Where do we want to retire someday?
Like, big meaty things.
We all sit down.
It's what do you want for dinner?
I don't know.
Where do you want to go for dinner?
I don't know.
What do the kids have this week?
What are, you know, what are your parents It'sit's it's so easy to get stuck in this hamster
(23:49):
wheel of a life and never pull yourself out ofit and go have fun.
I'm taking my wife this week, just, just fulltransparency.
I have to force myself to do this because I'mjust as guilty as everybody else.
I've got a job.
I've got a I've actually got a couple jobs now,this podcast being one of them, and it's easy
(24:13):
to get stuck in this hamster wheel for me.
It's easy for me to think about my business 20fourseven.
I come home.
My phone's in my pocket.
I'm thinking about my business before I go tosleep.
I'm thinking about it when I get up.
It's easy for me.
I have had to challenge myself to get out ofthat and go have fun.
(24:33):
And my wife has also done a really she's done afar better job than I have of getting out of
the mundane and going to have fun.
This week, Thursday night, we're going to aBrooks and Dunn concert.
I can't wait.
I'm so excited.
Now, I'm not like the biggest fan of concerts.
I'm not the biggest fan of crowds.
(24:55):
I've got plenty in my business to go do to, youknow, I could say, Ah, I don't have time.
Ah, business isn't in the right place.
I want to go fix x, y, z first, and then we'lldo those fun things.
You gotta get out of the day to day.
Go have some fun.
And so we're gonna go to a concert, and thenwe're gonna spend the night, you know, up not
(25:16):
that far away.
It's not some big fancy expensive trip to spendthe night, and we're gonna talk the whole next
day about our year and about what we want toget done, and we're gonna, you know, it's just
time away, just her and I to remind ourselves,oh, hey, we actually do love each other.
We actually do have a blast together.
We actually are best friends, but that's soeasy to forget, especially when you're going
(25:43):
through life.
Another thing I will tell you women, you haveto stop nagging.
Stop nagging.
We as men get nagged every single day, all daylong.
We get nagged by our boss.
(26:05):
We get nagged by our coworkers.
We get nagged by our friends.
We get nagged by our mom.
I'm a full grown man and I still will get amessage, oh, hey, you need to do this and don't
forget that, and we get nagged all day.
We get nagged by the parents for the teams wecoach.
(26:25):
We get nagged on social media when you see thefit dude selling some athletic apparel, like,
he's talking directly at us.
Hey, men.
Do you want a six pack?
Buy these pants.
Buy this shirt.
Buy the.
We get nagged 20 fourseven.
And so you want to know the last thing we wantis to walk in the door after getting our balls
(26:50):
kicked in all day and get nagged some more.
We don't want it.
We don't like it.
It doesn't put us in a good mood.
It doesn't make us a better husband.
It doesn't make us a better dad.
You cannot continually nag someone.
Now, I'm using the word nag in a very broadsweeping way.
(27:18):
I do think there are times when the woman needsto hold the man accountable for not fulfilling
and living up to his obligations.
Like when Keaton Turner has a suitcase on thefloor filled with clothes from the last trip I
was on three weeks ago.
Hey, Keaton Turner, you should probably cleanthe suitcase up, put the clothes where they
(27:41):
belong.
Like but women can do that in a non naggingway.
One of the things that Shelby and I have gottenso much better about we're not there yet.
Every once in while, I have to look at her.
I looked at her this weekend.
I said, Hey, here's an idea, babe.
How about you stop nagging me?
And she looked over at me like, Oh, you wantslapped.
(28:01):
And I was like, Yeah, I do want slapped, but ina fun way, not a nagging way.
We have gotten much, much better over the yearsat doing less nagging.
I also, by the way, would nag in my own specialway without even realizing it.
I would say something.
(28:21):
I said something this weekend.
I don't even remember what I said.
Just shows you how much men pay attention.
I said something this weekend that hurt herfeelings.
I didn't even know it.
I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings.
I'm not a psychopath.
I don't say things just to hurt people'sfeelings for fun.
But I said something.
She didn't like it, and she let me know aboutit.
(28:44):
In the moment, it took her ten minutesactually, to be honest.
She was upset for ten minutes.
I could tell she was upset.
I grabbed her.
I said, hey, what's wrong?
She let me know.
I was in my own way nagging her.
She didn't love it.
We kissed.
We hugged.
We made up, and we had a great rest of ourSaturday.
(29:05):
Three or four or five years ago, that wouldruined a Saturday because of Keaton's nagging.
Three, four, five, six years ago, Shelbynagging me about my clothes sitting in the
bedroom floor probably would have ruined aSaturday.
And so we don't wanna be nagged, bottom line.
(29:25):
Now, we do want to be held accountable whetherwe admit it or not.
I do want her to say, hey, babe.
Your clothes laying in the bedroom floor makethis very beautiful bedroom seem not so
beautiful.
This isn't a bachelor pad.
This is a beautiful home.
Can you put your clothes away when you get sometime?
(29:46):
I would receive that so much better than Iwould a nag.
Like, Hey babe, how long are these clothesgonna sit on the floor?
You never clean up.
You never do this.
You never do that.
You always do this.
That's one of the things our marriagecounselors told us when we were getting
married, and I thought they were off theirrockers at the time.
(30:07):
These old people from our church telling us howto do marriage.
Like, I know how to do marriage.
I don't need to listen to this.
But they, one of the things they said was,Don't say the word always or never when you're
in a heated moment with your spouse.
You always overreact.
(30:30):
You always worry what other people think.
You never do the laundry.
You never show me respect.
You because it's not true.
Like ultimatums, when you're using always andnever, it's actually not true.
There are times when, sure, we fail to upholdour end of the marriage and we fail to perform
(30:58):
our duties, but it's not always.
And it's not never.
It's occasionally.
And so when you use words like always andnever, it automatically increases the tension
in the argument.
I think so many, and this is tough, right?
I'm, I'm, I'm doing a lot of preaching rightnow, but it's fun to preach to women because I
(31:22):
feel like I only get to do it to my wife andtwo little girls.
I can now kind of do it at scale if you guyssend this out to your wives.
We don't wanna be nagged.
We wanna be held accountable as husbands, asleaders, as good boyfriends, but we don't wanna
be nagged.
And there is a very crafty way women can getwhat they want.
(31:45):
Very crafty way.
And this takes me into the next stage, and I'mgonna do this in a very PG rated way.
Guys feel most connected to their significantother when you're actually physically
(32:05):
connected.
That's about all I'm gonna say because I wantto keep this PG.
Guys feel connected when you're physicallyconnected.
There there are so many very easy ways to solvean argument, to solve, you know, stress in a
(32:31):
marriage, to solve like, we're on differentpages of what we want.
In my opinion, and I just know this because itworks, the best way to get a guy's attention is
a physical way.
Now, I don't say that to like be funny andschemey and slimy and all those things.
Like, a, it's kind of science.
(32:53):
It works.
But then b, what happens after is important.
You now you now have your guy in a place he cantake your criticism.
If you if you feel passionate about somethingand your guy won't listen, there's a way to get
him to listen.
(33:14):
And it's after he feels emotionally andphysically connected to you.
If if you think getting your guy to listencomes through nagging or comes through just
repeatedly telling him something, it doesn'twork.
I promise you.
It doesn't work.
(33:35):
Guys want to feel connected.
And and and to be honest with you, the way mostguys feel connected is by getting respect.
And the way guys feel like they're gettingrespect is through the physical touch.
Period.
(33:56):
Now, obviously, we want our we want our womanto listen.
We, you know, we wanna feel like we have anemotional connection.
But guys are primal.
Like, this is deep rooted animal stylebehavior, and we feel respected when physical
(34:21):
touch is at play.
I'll I'll be honest.
Guys also don't feel respected if there's neverphysical touch.
Guys actually kind of think the opposite.
They, they think the worst.
They're like, wow, I'm not getting any physicaltouch here.
(34:41):
I wonder if she's getting it somewhere else.
I wonder if she's thinking about somebody Guyshave a weird way of thinking.
Our brains work differently than than women'sbrains.
And the way we feel respected is to feelwanted.
Like, if if if the guy is getting pursued bythe woman, that to us is a show of respect.
(35:06):
It's funny.
Some of you guys don't do this, but I have Ihave little kids now, five, eight, and 10 years
old.
The one thing they love to do is watch theseanimal shows on TV, like National Geographic
style, Our Planet, like re someone's filmingthese animals out into the wild.
(35:28):
They love going to the zoo.
They just love animals.
I was just watching one the other day withAndrew.
Andrew likes a little more morbid, the an themore morbid animal stuff, where like an animal
has grabbed somebody at a zoo, he, he, youknow, he's growing into a young man, so he's
into that stuff.
(35:49):
This lion, this male lion is in a pen in a zoowith a zookeeper.
There's two zookeepers.
They're feeding the lions, and that you couldtell these zookeepers have been doing this for
years.
Like, know the lions by name.
The lions are all walking around, there's acouple females.
(36:10):
This one zookeeper was new and he was intraining, and he was doing something that
supposedly you don't do, and he was looking atthis male lion in the eyes, like staring at
him.
And, and I didn't know this, but Andrew and Iwere watching this, and this male lion looks at
(36:30):
this trainee in the eyes and stands up andwalks over to the guy, kind of just normal,
just real nonchalant, and grabs this trainer bythe arm and starts just kinda, you know,
ragdolling him for all intents and purposes.
The other trainers grab these sticks.
(36:52):
They're beating the lion over the head with it.
This lion doesn't care.
He's got this dude's arm in his mouth.
This lioness walks over and puts her head upunderneath the male lion's head, and the lion
drops the guy, lets him go.
(37:14):
And the lion, like, you can tell he's stillhe's he's all of his attention's on this guy.
The female lion continues to use her head topush the male lion away, very kinda this is
gonna sound weird, but in an animal way, like,very sensual behaviors for a lion.
And she she pushes him over to the other endother end of the pen and lays down, and the
(37:41):
lion lays down on top of her.
She did that just to keep that trainer alive.
And I'd say that because that, in my mind, Iwas like, that is the wildest thing.
This female lion just saved this trainer's lifewith one simple trick, and that was getting
(38:03):
this male lion to focus on her.
And it was all within her control.
So many times in marriage, the the the femaleis like, well, I'm I'm the one that should be
pursued.
And then the male does all the pursuing, doesall the pursuing, and at some point, the male's
(38:24):
like, you know what?
I wonder if she even likes me.
I'm gonna stop pursuing her and see if shepursues me back.
And then this weird thing happens where themale's not pursuing the female, and so she
feels slighted.
The female now is not pursuing the male back,and so he feels slighted.
(38:46):
And then it spirals because they're ondifferent pages.
Sometimes, women, you have so I shouldn't evensay sometimes.
Every single time, women, you have much morecontrol I'm getting phone calls, the lines
blowing up, the women are listening.
The women have so much more control than yougive yourself credit for.
(39:11):
Every single outcome you have in your control.
You have a special power that you need to usevery carefully.
Now don't don't over leverage it.
Right?
That's a whole different subject.
I'm not gonna go down that path.
But when men feel respected, when men feelpursued, I promise you, you're going to get a
(39:31):
different behavior than if they don't feelrespected, they don't feel like you're pursuing
them, or they feel like you're indifferent.
If they feel like you don't really care,they're not gonna really care.
It's the example of Fred and Tina that I gave.
Fred and Tina are slobs, right?
If if, like, you're just like, yeah, you knowwhat?
Screw it.
(39:51):
Life is what it is.
I'm a slob.
I don't really care if my husband like, he'sgonna reciprocate the same behavior.
So I know this one's unconventional, but Ireally do believe women deserve so much more
(40:12):
credit for how they can set their man up forsuccess, and that comes through respect.
And I know this is biblical.
I know there's gonna be a ton of women thatsay, Well, yeah, but I need my respect first.
Totally get it.
The male's gotta do his part.
I preach to the guys every day.
(40:33):
The male's gotta be respectful.
The male's gotta be the leader.
The male can't be a bum.
He's gotta be a lifelong learner.
He's gotta be spontaneous and creative and allthe things we've already talked about in all
the other episodes.
But women have so much control.
And I really think that you guys can make yourman invincible in a weird way.
(41:02):
I know it sounds crazy.
With the right woman, a man I I believe this.
I just fully I've lived this for my own life.
I've heard other people say this.
With the right woman, a man can do anything.
Like, with the right woman, a man can quit hisjob, go start a company, be successful.
(41:25):
With the right woman, a man can go get anypromotion he wants.
With the right woman who is doing the rightthings and building her guy up and showing
respect, it gives the guy a superpower.
It's the weirdest thing.
But the opposite is true.
(41:46):
The wrong woman can tear even the best guydown.
You've seen this I mean, you've seen thisthroughout history.
You can look at, you know, people from ancienttimes, you can look at people more recently.
Right?
Like, look at Will Smith.
Look at Will Smith and Jada.
(42:07):
It is so fundamental, so primal, so it's sowild to me how the right woman can make a man
into something unbelievable, and the wrongwoman can tear a man down into something
(42:28):
unbelievable.
Some of the I know a couple of guys, man, I'dlove to say them by name, but I it's too close
to home, and I don't know how it would don'tknow how it would land.
I probably couldn't land it well.
I know two brothers.
Put it to you this way.
I know two brothers.
They're very similar.
(42:50):
Very similar brothers.
They've got the same upbringing.
Obviously, they're brothers.
I think they're both talented.
They are both really good guys.
I think they're both smart, but not crazysmart.
Just normal guys that have got a lot of goodqualities, lot of good traits.
(43:11):
They married two opposite styles of women.
One of them married a woman that saw noboundaries, that saw no cloudy days, that had a
very optimistic approach on life, that wasspontaneous, that was fun, that was respectful,
(43:33):
that built her man up, that really was just acreator.
She was a creator.
The other woman never smiled, nagged twentyfour seven, did not respect the people around
(43:55):
her, especially her husband, did not build himup, actually reminded him of all the things he
screwed up and failed at.
And I I cannot tell you how different the twopaths for those two men have been over the last
(44:18):
x number of years.
They both have kids.
I can't tell you how different the kids are andthe successes and results of the kids' lives.
And it's all because of one thing.
It's because of the woman and the superpowersthat the woman possesses.
(44:40):
The guys are the same.
They're brothers.
They're almost identical.
They might as well be twins.
Very similar.
And, and you gotta wonder, what's thedifference?
Why has one taken one path in life and theother taken a different?
(45:02):
And why have the offspring resulted?
It's because of the woman.
I think the most important I've said thisbefore.
The most important decision we as men can makeand you as women can make in life is who you
spend it with.
(45:23):
And and I think it changes the trajectory ofhistory for your family and for your your
bloodline.
It's wild.
But I do I do think women needed to hear a fewof those things.
There's a ton more I'd like to talk about.
I'm already forty four minutes in.
Again, I'd love to go deeper.
(45:45):
I'd love to talk more about how and why Ibelieve some of the things I do.
I got lucky, to be honest with you.
I got super lucky with my wife.
She's lived through all of my BS, and I onlyspeak from experience.
I think I am successful in in large part.
(46:06):
I had great parents, no doubt, but I amsuccessful because of the woman I chose.
%.
And and I'm successful because I've been ableto keep her around.
We put our heads down in the valleys, and wejust figured out how to get through it, and
we've celebrated we're on the mountains.
(46:28):
We've broken away from the mundane and tried togo have fun.
We've kept things spontaneous.
We laugh.
We fight just like everybody else.
But I think she now more than ever is realizinghow unbelievably critical her role is in the
(46:51):
story of our lives, and I think it's amazing,to be honest with you, because it's a lot of
times, especially in, you know, Biblicalupbringings, you see, you know, the the woman
stays at home.
The man goes to work.
The woman defaults to a lot of the things a manlike, and you get this weird kind of, I don't
(47:15):
know, vibe that the man's the provider, thewoman's the mother, the maternal thing, and
it's just kind of how it is.
The woman is the one with the superpower thatmakes it all work or not work.
I I I fully believe, you know, I I I get a hugekick out of knowing guys that are successful.
(47:42):
I I wanna know how they did it.
I want to know their bad times.
I want to know how they handled life in thegood times.
I want to know what they do with their money.
So many times, when I see someone that's beensuccessful, I take a look over at their wife,
and I'm like, what kind of person is thisdude's wife?
(48:06):
And it's super rare to find someone.
I only know one or two guys that are, reallysuccessful that don't have a marriage that I
would want to try to emulate, and I would arguethose guys aren't that successful.
I would argue that they appear successful onthe outside, but on the inside, they're
(48:32):
battling this constant uphill battle with theirlife partner who is sabotaging their happiness.
And so I just think, I think women, you have ahuge, huge opportunity to use your superpower
to build up your husband, to build up your man,whoever that is, and to bring out all the good.
(48:58):
And if you do it in the right way, if youcommunicate it in the right way, at the right
times, with the right tone, and the rightphysical touch, it is a recipe for success.
I just I believe it.
I believe it.
I've lived through it, and and I think I'm aproduct of that.
(49:20):
I I, you know, I I would be I don't think I'dbe anywhere near the guy or anywhere near
successful without my, without my life partner.
So that's what I've got.
I hope, I hope I don't get any hate mail fromwomen.
I hope that landed the right way.
(49:41):
I just don't think I don't think women getenough credit for being as influential as they
are.
And I think some of them just need to hear yourfamily's success.
Ironically, you may not wanna hear this, but Ithink your family's success and happiness rests
(50:02):
a lot more on your shoulders than you maybeunderstand some days.
So no pressure, females.
I'll go back to talking to the males everyepisode here on after, because they gotta go do
their part, no doubt.
We've gotta be leaders, and we gotta berespectful.
But I do think the women have a massiveopportunity.
(50:23):
And and hopefully hopefully, if you don't ifyou're not getting what you want out of your
man, hopefully, this drives some conversationto go say, hey.
Because I the beauty of the beauty of me doingthis podcast, this is a blessing and a curse,
is I get my words used against me.
(50:45):
So now what I get to go face when I am fallingshort of all the words I just described,
because my wife is a listener, she willpolitely remind me, hey, big boy.
Why don't you go re listen to Episode 98?
So so that's the beauty and the curse of doingthis.
(51:07):
But I I really believe it.
I think this is foundational, primal stuff thatwe just got to hear.
And I'm gonna play this one back for myselfprobably many times over the coming years.
So thanks guys for listening.
I pray you're killing it.
I pray you're getting your per diem, and I praythat you go have some of these conversations
(51:29):
because I I'm having them.
I'm having them in the hot tub.
I love having these conversations even when Idon't wanna hear some of the feedback and how
I've fallen short.
It always makes us better.
Makes me better, which in turn makes her betterand makes our marriage better, makes us better
parents.
And that's that's the goal, lifelong learners.
(51:50):
So thanks for listening.
Pray you're killing it.
Pray you're getting your per diem, and I prayyou tune back in tomorrow.
Thanks, guys.
Oh, and one last thing before I forget.
I was gonna send you out with our intro or ourour, our typical outro, the theme music for the
podcast.
I'm gonna mix it up this time.
(52:10):
And today, I'm sending you out with one of myfavorites.
And I play this song every once in a while whenmy wife knows I've reached my limit with her
BS, when I've reached my limit with hernagging, when we're not on the same page, when
I don't feel like cleaning my room, when Idon't feel like doing the dishes, I put this
(52:36):
song on.
So hopefully, you guys get a little enjoymentout of it.
For the guys, if you're smiling while listeningto this, I pray your wife's not sitting next to
you.
(53:03):
But today she met me at the door, said I wouldhave to choose.
If I hit that fishing hole today, she'd bepacking all her things and she be gone by noon.
(53:24):
Well, I'm gonna miss her when I get home.
Right now, I'm on this lakeshore.
And I'm sitting in the sun, I'm sure it'll hitme.
(53:49):
When I walk through that door tonight, yeah,I'm gonna miss her.
Oh, looky there.
I've got a bite.
Alright.
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