July 4, 2022 • 45 mins
Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? On this episode, Chelle gives us a front row seat of what it looks like to set aside a lifetime of people pleasing in order to find your voice.
Chelle Shapiro is a career success coach, speaker, author, and podcaster. She's passionate about helping women find more fulfilling work so they can avoid the hard core burnout she did in her career.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- The struggle of undoing societal conditioning for women
- What it looks like to balance your life as an entrepreneur
- The importance of creativity in your daily life
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chelle Shapiro (00:00):
especially as women, we put on a front a
(00:03):
little bit not because we areashamed to like say that we're
feeling this or feeling acertain way, but because we've
been trained to only show up acertain way, so even if we are
navigating it for ourselves,sometimes there's that fear that
if we're open about it, otherpeople will see that as
flawless. When really, we'rejust like exploring ourselves
and becoming better forourselves. But we're trained,
(00:27):
we're taught, we're conditionedto only show up and present
certain parts of ourselves. Andit's that unlearning it's that
undoing part that like, I thinka lot of women struggle with.
Jamie Stephens (00:41):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of
Breaking epic corporate. Eachweek I chat with everyday women
that ditch their nine to five tobet on themselves. We break down
their journey intoentrepreneurship, unpack the
lessons learned and create thevision of how this life gets to
be if you're willing to getuncomfortable and step into your
potential. I'm your host, JamieRenee, to time corporate escapee
(01:04):
and coach to burnout, womenlooking to plan their escape.
Let's go.
And welcome back to anotherepisode of Breaking up with
corporate today we have ChelleShapiro on and Chelle is a
career success coach and aspeaker and fellow podcaster
with Operation separation. So weare in a similar niche here of
(01:28):
basically letting all the peopleknow that they just need to run
from corporate. So Chelle whydon't you go ahead and introduce
yourself, just kind of tell uswhat you're doing now,
specifically, and then we'llkind of get into a little bit of
your backstory.
Chelle Shapiro (01:44):
Yeah, sure.
Thank you so much, Jamie, forbringing me on here. I'm Chelle
founder of Shell station, I'm acareer success coach, and
activation speaker and one Ihelp most of my clients with is
finding more fulfilling work.
And the reason that I do that.
And the reason that that's soimportant to me, I myself burned
out so hard. In my last job, Iwas there for over 13 years, I
(02:07):
was doing all the things wearingall the hats. And I got sick and
tired of being sick and tired, Igot tired of doing things
everybody else's way. I wastired of doing things that
didn't light me up. And I waspretty resentful, doing the
things that even though I wasgood at them, those were not
that's not where I wanted toshine. That's not what I wanted
(02:30):
to be appreciated and known for.
And so I got really sickmentally and physically. And I
knew I needed better for myself.
Several times throughout that 13year tenure, I came to a point.
points actually where I waslike, I know I need a change,
but I didn't know exactly whatit was or how to do it. And I
(02:50):
didn't have the courage andcompetence yet to pull the
trigger. Until I just couldn'tdo it anymore. And so that day
came. And I meet that's whereoperation separation came from
to with my with my podcast anddoing the lives. And that's the
name that I gave to getting outof the job, getting out of the
situation out of mycircumstances and changing all
(03:13):
of that. So yeah, that's thebasics of what I do right now.
And the conversations that I'mhaving and how I help people
navigate that. So it sounds
Jamie Stephens (03:25):
like it kind of became like a mantra. This is my
mission. I am like Operationseparation. Everything that goes
with that will tell us what kindof led up to that. What was it
that you were getting resentfulfor? And like how did you
attempt to handle it beforeleaving, if you did,
Chelle Shapiro (03:41):
I've actually written a book about this, it's
called Loving yourself isn'tselfish. And that's my
transformation journey from likechildhood, all the things that
like maybe led up to me being apeople pleaser, and a
perfectionist that I'm now likein recovery for both of those
actively, like it's a struggle,it takes readers and myself
(04:03):
through that journey of like,how I was completely silenced a
lot growing up, I was always I'mstill somebody that is a
lifelong learner. And I wouldraise my hand a lot all the time
and asked questions, whether Iknew the answer or not. I just
wanted to be curious and tolearn more and to do things
better, and to know how otherpeople were doing things so that
(04:26):
I could evolve and do things myown way and figure things out.
Even teachers would be like,Chelle work, Michelle, because
that's my full name. Michelleput your hand down and give
somebody else a chance. Likethey thought I was just showing
off all the time. And thatwasn't the case. And so you hear
that enough to like, you know,girls are taught to be seen and
(04:49):
not heard. And to just be therewithout ever like speaking up or
having an opinion or being toochatty or too nosy or too pushy
or to add to too much of any ofthe things. And so I just
stopped and as far as like whatI was gonna say I'm full of was,
I'm a helper. If you knowanything about any grams or
human design, any of thedifferent charts and
(05:12):
assessments, I am alwayssomebody that is a helper. I
help people navigate things Ihelp people get things done, I
take things off people's plate.
That's also my love language isone of my main ones is acts of
service. The other one isquality time, so many things I
know. But like, through andthrough, I help people. And I do
that to a fault because I oftenput myself on the backburner.
(05:35):
So, as a people pleaser, thatmeans that I'm showing up to try
and gain people's affection,attention, love admiration, all
the things by doing things forothers, even when they don't
necessarily serve me. Because Ijust wanted to show up and, and
be helpful, where I'm reallygood at things I'm really good
at executing on a gallopassessment, if you've taken that
(05:58):
in corporate before, there'sfive, they split you into. So
it's not 5050. But I'm splitbetween executing, and
relationship building things.
And everyone kept seeing me forthose executing things like
getting it done, theconsistently showing up the
being able to be counted uponlike to do all the things and
(06:20):
that day to day, those are thethings that you're really good
at, but like I don't like doingthem, they don't drive me they
don't motivate me, they don'tenergize me. And so getting
recognized for being able toexecute really well. Why, like
I'm resentful of the fact stillsometimes that like, those are
the things that people seefirst, not the relationships
(06:43):
that I've built, not the timethat I've put not the quality
time, more effectively, to getto know somebody and figure them
out and build thoserelationships and support
people, the relationshipbuilding side, that's what I
wanted more of, and people justweren't seeing that. And I think
that got lost along the way,because I was silenced. And so I
(07:05):
just took it, I just took theaffection and the attention and
the appreciation that I couldget where I could get it. Even
if it's not what I wanted, orhow I wanted it.
Jamie Stephens (07:16):
I think one of the curses of being like really
good at your job and beingreally good at like lots of
different things is that andbecoming that go to person
because I was in a very similarsituation where it was just
like, the reward for beingcorporate it being good. And
like a corporate environmentenvironment is not like those
(07:37):
things that you're actuallyseeking. It's really just more
work that gets piled on. Solike, it's, you can go from Oh,
look, I just figured out a wayto cut my job, you know, down to
20 hours a week. And it's like,oh, great, here's
Chelle Shapiro (07:49):
40 more hours where the stuff that I need you
to take care of it, you dobecome that pull, because it's
like, okay, but if everybodyelse were held to this standard,
I wouldn't have to do this, youknow, so I totally get that. And
it just builds and builds andbuilds. So and if and if
everybody like, I totally getthat some people are NOT GO GO
(08:11):
GO GO GO mentality. That's how Iwas raised. That's how I was
encouraged to be like a reallyhigh achiever like you give it
your all and then some, there'sno half assing anything, it
still blows my mind a little bitthat other people are not this
way. But I can't fault otherpeople for not being raised that
way that people are how theywere raised. And sometimes they
(08:34):
don't know any other way to be.
And so it takes a little bit oflike that, meeting people where
they're at, and recognizing thatnot everybody has that high
achieving personality, thatwants to like be high
functioning and getting thingsdone all the time. I also have
that personality, less and lessnow. That like if I'm not
constantly doing something,whether it's for myself or
(08:57):
someone else, I feel like that'sbeing lazy. So I always want to
be doing something specificallysomething that creates motion
and like pushes things forward.
As opposed to staying stagnantand and not doing any of the
things to move forward. And so Ibeat myself up to like, and then
there's resentment there oflike, well, now I've overworked
(09:19):
myself, and I did it to myself.
Other people asked but I alsodidn't stop. I also didn't I
also let them do it. Boundariescertainly come into play there
too, of what you will and won'tallow. And it's it's all a
really big cluster F bomb oflike, well, if I keep showing
up, this is how people are goingto see me. And if I stopped
(09:42):
showing up in this way arepeople going to think that I'm
not supporting them anymore.
Like this is how they the itprevents you perpetuates the
cycle. If I slow down formyself, I feel guilty that I'm
not doing enough for others andIf I do too much for others, I
feel guilty that I'm not doingenough for myself. It's It's a
(10:04):
never ending cycle. Would yousay that
Jamie Stephens (10:07):
you're still kind of working through that and
learning how to navigate thatparticular piece of? Yeah, yeah,
Chelle Shapiro (10:14):
I absolutely i, now that I've not been working
for somebody else, for the lastthree years, I've gone through
this whole transformationjourney. And this mindset shift,
but the work doesn't end there.
Right, right. It's not like yougo through the process, one, one
and done. And, and then all of asudden, you're like,
(10:36):
miraculously a different changedperson, you are a work in
progress. And I myself strugglewith things every single day, I
do not fail. Because failureonly happens. In my mind,
failure only happens when Idon't try it all. But as long as
I can learn from something andbe better about it, or be more
(10:57):
intentional with what I'm doingand how I'm doing it, then
there's no failure. There canonly be positive growth and
positive impacts, because we'realways growing, learning and
changing. I myself struggleevery single day, what that
struggle is changes on an hourlybasis, probably because it
depends where my focus goes,where my energy is, but yeah,
(11:19):
you're not, you're not justgoing to change and make make
all the changes and be betterovernight. It's, it's a constant
thing that that I grow andchange through in that all my
clients or anybody that I'veseen that has gained perspective
on their life and become moremindful and self aware. It's a
constant prep process.
Jamie Stephens (11:42):
Well, I was kind of just hoping you had like the
magic bullet or something.
Because I tend to be I mean,even when I'm like resting,
quote, unquote, I'm like, mymind is still going. It's like,
I haven't read a fiction bookand so long, because like, I
feel guilty if I read fiction,whenever I could be learning
something, you know, but Itotally get this struggle, for
sure. Yeah,
Chelle Shapiro (12:03):
but you're but you actually kind of are.
Because when you're when you'rereading fiction, because a lot
of what I work on a lot ofpeople's home, like thinks that
they're not creative. I'm I'mdefinitely a creative to my
core, like I was raised thatway, I have so many artists, and
people that do art related orcreative minded things in my
family, like there's there'spainters, there were sculptors,
(12:25):
there were chefs, artists, alldifferent ways. But creativity
goes beyond that. And so whenpeople tell me specifically that
they don't have a creative bonein their body, called bullshit
on that all day, every day,because if you can problem solve
it, you can think outside thebox, if you can, like, open your
mind to doing things a differentway. That is creativity. And
(12:48):
when you are saying that youdon't feel like you're learning
anything, when you're readingfiction, you're giving your mind
an opportunity to dive intocreativity and like, listen to a
story or read a story andexplore what that those
characters are navigating. Sothat is creativity. Learning at
(13:10):
its best. Yeah, that's
Jamie Stephens (13:11):
a good shift, because I've never really
thought of it that way. Andit's, it's an interesting
perspective. And I liked the waythat it can relax a little bit.
Because I mean, I do feel likeI'm creative. And I love
picturing all the scenes and allthat stuff in my mind. Like, as
I'm reading a book or whatever,it's just so funny that just the
way that our minds work, andjust that constant exploration
(13:34):
of like, okay, what kind of shitAm I unpacking today? Because
that's what it is, like, what ishappening here, where you just,
I don't know, there's so muchstuff that comes up as an
entrepreneur that never came upin corporate, it's just like a
different mixed bag. And it'snot that, I mean, I would choose
this bag over the other bag, anyday of the week. But it is it's
(13:58):
just a constant work inprogress. And anybody who tells
you differently is either notreally self aware, or full of
shit.
Chelle Shapiro (14:06):
And I think, especially as women, we put on a
front a little bit not becausewe are ashamed to like say that,
like we're feeling this orfeeling a certain way, but
because we've been trained toonly show up a certain way. So
even if we are navigating it forourselves. Sometimes there's
that fear that if we're openabout it, other people will see
(14:28):
that as flaws. When really we'rejust like exploring ourselves
and becoming better forourselves. But we're trained,
we're taught, we're conditionedto only show up and present
certain parts of ourselves. Andit's that unlearning it's that
undoing part that like, I thinka lot of women struggle with. I
(14:49):
don't know how to be any otherway. Like I don't know who I am
without this core piece.
Jamie Stephens (14:54):
What were some of the things that you had to
undo whenever you left? Yeah,that first part The transition
where you're like, eff it, I'mdone. And then I'm like out the
door. And then what was thatkind of next day, or next week
next month, kind of what didthat look like?
Chelle Shapiro (15:10):
So, this ties in, I was gonna actually talk
about this, because because youmentioned before that you were
resting or we weren't gettinglike restful sleep, because you
were powered on all the time andalways worried about like, the
next thing are always thinkingabout what you needed to do,
what you needed to get done, whoyou needed to respond to. I was
powered on all the time. And soeven in my sleep, I was dreaming
(15:33):
about work, I use dreamingloosely, because they were
probably actually more closelyrelated to nightmares, the way
that I was having having panicattacks from all these things.
But I was dreaming about work.
And it was so lifelike, itseemed so real, that when I woke
up, I'd be like, Alright, I needto reach out to this client or
the deadline is due. And I haveto now that's the first thing I
(15:55):
have to work on. When I go tothe office, I have to get this
that the other thing done, andthen I'd reach out to the
client. And they'd be like, wenever talked about that. That's
not a real thing. We're stillover here. And so I like would
merge the two reality and mydream life together. Because
they both the same for me. I wasworking on real clients
projects, but I imagined thoseprojects. And it happened. It
(16:17):
happened more than once whereclients were like, Yeah, we're
working on this, but that Idon't know what you're talking
about. And I'm like, Yeah, butwe emailed and like I would
write, like, you know, read out,or remember what what the email
was about. And I'd like tellthem, and of course, I didn't
have it in front of me at thatmoment. Because, you know, like,
you can't pull up fax whenyou're calling. But I could see
(16:38):
it in my mind. Like I could seethe email and the text and the
proofs I worked as, as aproduction artist, production
manager at a signage company. Sowhen I speak about this previous
job, it's from all differentcreative avenues, because I
started as a graphic designer,and then quickly took on all the
(16:59):
things. But to answer yourquestion about what that was,
like, for me, in that first fewweeks, and right after, I had to
learn how to power down andrecharge. And that's where
that's actually where operationseparation came from. It started
as a challenge to myself,because nobody knew that I was
leaving, except for myboyfriend.
(17:22):
No, I didn't tell anybody elsethat you know, you want to, like
let somebody know, in casesomething was to happen,
somebody somewhere should know.
So he, he was the one that knew,but like I did all the planning.
And Operation separation was thetwo weeks that I gave myself.
And I said, I can feel even alittle bit better in these two
weeks, whatever that looks likewhatever that feels like. Then
now's the time to quit. And thatfirst week of Operation
(17:48):
separation was super hard. Now,I'm not even activated at this
point yet, like just being ableto not respond to my emails, not
answer my calls. And my bosspaid for my cell phone. So my
work phone was my personalphone. So they were one in the
same. People were emailing,calling all hours of the day and
night work didn't stop. Sotrusting myself enough to turn
(18:10):
off, turn off my devices to notrespond to not engage, to not
freak out that I wasn't beinghelpful. And checking in was a
really big shift for me. Andgradually after those two weeks,
I did feel a little bit better,not 100% better, not even maybe
probably not even 10% better.
(18:33):
But a little bit that I noticedthe difference of like, oh, this
is what I've been missing. Andlike, what else have I been
missing? And then I wanted moreof it. And I kept that promise
to myself like this is the timethat it needs to happen now no
more like passively looking forother jobs passively
interviewing and saying I havedoctor's appointments. And
(18:54):
that's why I'm coming in late.
Like, no, this is what needs tohappen. And so even after I
left, the next few months for alot of recharging. For me, it
was a lot of doing nothing andallowing myself to be okay with
that. To not be planning anddoing things all the time. I
think there was a week, anentire week where all I did was
(19:15):
lay on the couch and watch TV.
And I felt horrible doing it butit needed to be done it needed
to I needed to not be doinganything else and just take the
time for myself. Just mindlesstelevision. i There were days
where I just played a video gameon my phone. And I lose it's
(19:35):
like playing Oregon, OregonTrail as a kid, like you just
used the day you're playing TheSims and building your your
village with your family andyour people and whatever else
you're creating. And all of asudden you started at 11am and
now it's 11pm and you're likealright, so my it's months now
have gone by in the game. And aday has gone by in my life where
(19:56):
like I just lost time. And itwas something that didn't need
to be done. It was somethingthat just like was mindless,
playful energy. That and it feltgood. So yeah, just learning how
to navigate and not showing upall the time was the biggest
shift. Yeah.
Jamie Stephens (20:17):
So as an entrepreneur, and now that
you're your own boss, how do youcontinue to kind of find that
balance when, I mean, I knowthat it's, it's just a different
type of stuff that's never done.
It's, you know, I mean, it'slike, there's always more to do.
But you can always find a breaka stopping point, I'm just
curious how you kind oftransition that into
(20:38):
entrepreneurship, how you wereable to maintain it.
Chelle Shapiro (20:43):
Yeah, that's also a work in progress as
especially now that I'm in a newlocation and adjusting to a time
change. So I'm on Pacific timeright now. And I was on Eastern
time. So that's a three hourtime time adjustment. For me,
it's about following my energy.
I no longer schedule everythinguntil the cows come home,
(21:03):
because I know that that's notrealistic. I have tried to work
in time blocks, I tried thePomodoro method with like
setting timers, and then takingbreaks and like allowing myself
to do as much as I can in thenext 10 to 15 minutes and then
walking away from it. Nope, thatdoesn't work for me, because
when I'm focused on something, Igo down rabbit holes. So I just
(21:24):
follow my energy Mondays andThursdays, for me have always
been live stream days like thisis when I have live
conversations. This is when I dolike the back end stuff then to
produce the content for it.
Because I'm like, alright, well,I'm in this frame of mind. So I
just have geared myself a littlebit differently, to like, show
(21:46):
up a certain way on differentdays. Some days, I have client
calls. And that's all I havesome days, I all only do
engagement. Some days, I do onlylike back in updating my website
and checking up on emails likeclerical stuff, every day is
different. And I've learned tobe okay with that. Part of
following my energy now is Iknow, I won't take calls or do
(22:08):
any heavy lifting in my businessuntil a certain time in the
morning, because anything beforethat it's just me time. Yeah, I
might engage becauserelationship building is who I
want to be known for. And it'sfun for me to respond to
people's comments and questionsand messages. But that doesn't
take that doesn't drain me. SoI'm okay doing that before, like
(22:31):
10 or 11am. But I won't havelike full on strategy sessions,
I won't do any like, heavylifting on my website or like,
because I make changes there toremember, I'm a recovering
perfectionist and a designer. Soif I start doing something, I'm
probably going to be doing itfor a few hours. But I just take
that me time in the morning. Andthen the other part of it is
(22:54):
recognizing that I have moreenergy in the morning. So I'm
going to do my best work then.
And yes, I do do work in theevening, because a lot of
clients prefer it they want tomeet after the day is done. Like
their their nine to five workday or whenever they end or
after they feed feed the kidsdinner, or or do those things.
So there are a few things that Ido workwise in the evening, but
(23:14):
those don't require as muchenergy and won't drain me as
much when I know my energy islower. So I do I do cut myself a
little bit of slack, and allowmyself to play with my schedule
pretty pretty flexibly, like Ihave a loose plan, I'll probably
probably make a post it I won'tfive. Again, I won't schedule it
out completely. But like everyday I haven't posted and I write
(23:36):
down, what are the three to fivethings that I'd like to get done
today. And every day is gonna bedifferent. So if I don't get all
three to five of those things onthat post it done every single
day, okay, tomorrow's anotherday. But tomorrow, my priorities
might be different. Those threeto five things might not be the
same things that I didn't get tothe day before. So I it's like a
(23:56):
nice to have list. It's like,here's what I would like to see
done. And if I get one of thosethings done, I feel good about
it. If the other four didn'thappen, okay, then they weren't
as much of a priority as Ithought, or they can wait, or
I'll get to them tomorrow or Iwon't. And every day is a new
post it because otherwise thelist just grows and grows and
(24:17):
grows. So yeah, I've playedaround with the ways that that
worked for me and not beatingmyself up about it when things
don't go the way I plan.
Jamie Stephens (24:29):
No, I can relate to that. I mean, I I've tried
time blocking. I've triedPomodoro I've tried I mean
specific days for things andI've kind of just like, accepted
the fact that that is just nothow my brain works. Because I am
very, very good at planningeverything out like 47 steps.
But then whenever I see thatplan, I'm like, Oh my God, I
(24:53):
feel so overwhelmed. And then Ijust kind of turned into this
like mess. Yeah, that is the onething that has worked for me
too. As far as like following myenergy, because I'm I'm the same
way I very much in the morning,that's my knee time, that's my
reflective time, that's myanything that I want to get
done, that's going to require meto like really kind of put my
(25:14):
thinking cap on or kind of thinkoutside the box or go inside and
kind of sit with myself. Likeall of those things have to
happen in the morning. I, I'veeven tried to like schedule
podcasts in the evening torecord and I have noticed that
it's just not the same, like myenergy is different. My like,
I'm just tired. I mean, whenit's dark outside, I'm done. No,
(25:37):
it's just, I get like trying tofind what it is that works for
you. And I think that's one ofthe real gifts of
entrepreneurship is really likeonce you do find what works for
you having that flexibility andfreedom to kind of design your
life around how you feel. And itmakes such a difference, like
(25:58):
the way that you show up and howyou show up. And
Chelle Shapiro (26:01):
yeah, I get that. Yeah, I mean, I've also
tried to like excessivelyschedule out my, my Google
calendar. And, and I mean, withthings that are not business
related, like I've put on therea time block for meditation, or
I've clicked on their time blockto engage or wind down to eat, I
(26:22):
have whoops school reminders setto like, remind me to eat,
because when I'm focused onthings and going down that
rabbit hole, I don't alwaysremember to get up and do those
things. So it's good to havethose things on the calendar and
scheduled at specific times tokeep that consistency in my
brain remembering that whetheror not I actually stop and do
(26:42):
those things is a differentstory. Because, again, if I'm
deep in something, and I'm like,Oh, I just need a few more
minutes to finish it, finish it,or like get through it. Let's
get through this one part. Andthen I can break. And then maybe
lunch happens a little bitlater. But it still happens.
Because I've been reminded ofit. It's not like I just
(27:03):
completely circumvent it anddon't have it at all. Because
the I definitely did that. Incorporate, I definitely was like
if I don't get all these thingsdone in this timely fashion. And
at this time when it's do aheadof schedule or like all these
things, people will be mad atme. I cannot take a two minute
(27:27):
break to go to the bathroom. Idon't remember to drink water.
And when I'm stopping for lunchbreak, like I'm not really
stopping because I'm stuffing myfood in my mouth and shoving him
and shoving it down my throatwhile I'm also on this call
while I'm tweaking this filewhile I'm sending this email.
And that's not a healthy way todo those things. And yeah, if I
(27:48):
walked away from my desk forlike two seconds, my previous
boss would be like, what, howcome you're not here? Where were
you? I came to look for you. AndI'm like, I needed to use the
restroom like chill. But really,it got hammered in and
reinforced that if I steppedaway for even a moment to heat
my food or whatever it was thatthe place was going to fall
(28:11):
apart or it felt like it becausepeople were like, Where were you
I came to look for you in theone moment that I was gone.
That's when you needed me? Ordid you could you have survived
and waited 10 seconds. So I'm itfeels so much better. Now that I
just do things in a healthierway for myself. That's really
good.
Jamie Stephens (28:31):
So you said your book is called Loving yourself
isn't selfish. So tell me someof the ways that you have chosen
to love yourself? And also, ifthere's any stories about how
you came up with that title, ifsomebody had told you that or
anything like that, can we gointo that a little bit? Yeah,
Chelle Shapiro (28:51):
the ways that that you can love yourself.
Let's let's start with that. AndI'm not I'm definitely not
voting the quoting the book,because because I don't think we
actually had a list of ways tolove yourself in there. But we
definitely we definitely coveredall those things. But the
overarching things were likeself acceptance, and giving
yourself space. If you havesomething to say that that's
(29:13):
that's an overarching theme inall of my work, not just in my
book, if you have something tosay speak up. You don't need to
stay silent. You don't need tokeep doing things that everybody
else wants you to do autonomy.
I'm really big on autonomy,finding what works for you.
There's a million ways to doeverything he maybe not a
million I'm exaggerating, butthere's always more than one way
(29:34):
to do something. And so for mewhat works is and what's always
been my way of doing things, theend the way that I figured out
the small the actual thing thatI'm trying to do. I play around
with every other people's waysof doing things all the time.
I'll read an instruction manualor watch this video I'll go take
this person's course I'll test amillion test the waters a
(29:58):
million different Ways, again, amillion is overreaching, and
very, very generic. You knowwhat I mean? I'll try things in
so many different variations andcombinations. And I'll see which
pieces of that work for me. Andthen that's what I put together
and create my own thing. Sofinding your way and having that
(30:19):
autonomy, not letting anybodystick it to you. And like,
again, like having boundaries inplace, knowing what you need,
and asking for it, asking forhelp. Like, there's so many
different things that you can doto love yourself. And because I
was such a people, pleaser, ahelper, no boundaries in place
(30:41):
wanted that affection andattention. Even when I thought I
was being myself, I wasn'tmyself because I didn't know who
I was. So knowing who you are,and figuring that out and taking
time and space to do that foryourself, is the way to love
yourself. A lot of people thinkthat like self help and self
(31:01):
care is bubble backs, andmeditation and yoga or going for
a run. And yeah, it is thosethings, it can be those things
it can be mani pedi ease or likewhatever like thing it is that
you do to feel good aboutyourself. But it's also the
(31:21):
inner work that you do onyourself, accepting yourself for
who you are, where you are, whenyou are how you are all the
different ways. And maybe youdon't have all those down all at
once. But yeah, there, I didn'thave any of that. I didn't feel
supported I, I just reallyneeded to overhaul myself in so
many ways. And once I could seethat for myself, I wanted
(31:44):
everybody else to be able to seethat for themselves, too. So
that's really, so many differentways that you can learn to love
yourself, and not feel guiltyabout it. And as far as where
that title came from, I had anamazing book coach, Linda Vetri,
Snuggles. And she's one of thehigh vibe women that I am joined
(32:08):
with on Thursdays for one of ourlive streams. And when I first
met her, we didn't meet in a ina business way of like working
together, we met through amutual friend on LinkedIn. And
then we were curious to learnmore about each other. We have
done a discovery call like itget to know you coffee thing,
(32:30):
not even a zoom, we did anactual old school like phone
call. And she was like, I alwaysdo this for the first call.
Because like, I want people toget to know, like, know, and
trust me, like I don't want themto like, see any reactions that
we have or like, we can takelike the facial cues and
recognition out of it for thefirst one. And that that was
(32:51):
different for me because I itespecially during the pandemic
got used to people wanting toshow up face to face even
virtually, yeah.
And I had no preconceivednotions of like, and I did ask
our mutual friend like, hey,like, do you think this is gonna
(33:11):
be a sales pitch? Because somany people are like always
sliding into your DMS with like,the spammy content or trying to
sell you or like, How can Isupport you, and then they
really want to pitch you and Ihate them. But I didn't know
what it was gonna be. And Iremoved all expectations, any
anything that I I could havepossibly attached to it being
and it just was a frankconversation that then turned
(33:34):
into you. Well, I help peoplewrite books in 30 days, this is
what Linda does not me. Shehelps people write books in 30
days or less from their soul.
And I had no idea about thatthis I want I knew I always
wanted to be an author. I knewthat I always like had a book in
me probably several books. I didat that point, have like
(33:57):
children's books that I werealready like, in the process or
in my mind, and I had outlinesfor them. This was none of that
this was a totally differentthing. We went through this, we
had a conversation and she waslike, Hey, do you want to just
do this exercise, it'll likehelp you release things. I call
we could dive in on this. I likea whole other point because I
think it's a conversation initself. I call it an exorcism.
(34:19):
This is not what Linda calls it.
But that's what it felt like forme. She took me through this
exercise of releasing thingsthat were holding me back. And
we needed to do that in order tohave me be at the level of my
soul. Even the breathingexercises that she took me
(34:41):
through and then the way thatshe was like oh I can feel I
feel this like tickle in mythroat or like she started
coughing and she was feeling myenergy that I was blocked and as
I'm a manifesting generator onmy human design chart, and my
throat chakra is one of my mainMy main channels and often, and
(35:02):
she didn't know this about me,this was still our first
conversation. She didn't knowthis about me. And she was like,
I can feel like you're nottelling me something like,
there's something that you'reholding back. And I was like,
well, like, do get a block in mythroat, like I get a knot in my
throat, like a physical thing,when I'm not speaking my truth
when I'm holding something backbecause of that, that ingrained
(35:24):
way of like, girls should beseen and not heard, and being
told to not speak up or raise myhand. And so even not even
realizing I was doing it, shecould sense it through the
phone, we're not on a phonecall, she can't see this. So she
walked me through this exercise,and she was like, Alright, now
that you've done that, she'slike, first, well, hydrate,
(35:46):
hydrate a lot, you're probablygonna be tired tomorrow, and
breasts. And I just felt such aweight off of my entire body
after that. Were those that booktitle. And then my chapters of
my book came from, was when sheasked me some very, very
pointed, matter of fact,questions, maybe like 10 to 12,
(36:07):
just the first thing that comesto your mind, what do you want
the world to know? What do youwant people to know about you?
Like, what do you want? How areyou going to show up? Where are
you going to teach? Like, allshe just whatever the questions
were, I don't remember the exactquestions. And those were my
answers. And that was theoutline of my book. And she was
like your books right there. Idon't want to take you through
the whole process, because it'sher thing. Yeah. She just asked
(36:29):
me some very simple questionsonce I was at the level of my
soul. And that's what came up.
That is so cool. Yeah,
Jamie Stephens (36:36):
I'm so curious.
Now I'm gonna have to hop on oneof those 30 days
Chelle Shapiro (36:43):
start to finish a book was born and published.
Jamie Stephens (36:48):
That is so cool.
Yeah. How has that processchanged things for you like
having a book being a publishedauthor, having that just kind of
birthing experience, almost towhere it's really just, you
know, coming forth for me, like,how did that change things for
you, as far as well, yourbusiness, but then also just
kind of like your personal
Chelle Shapiro (37:11):
state, you changed my life, and my business
in quite a few ways. I wasalready at this time seeing a
therapist, but this process wasway more beneficial for me, than
anything that I could have gonethrough as a therapist. Now, I'm
not negating any of the workthat I did with a therapist, I
(37:31):
think every high functioningwoman should have a therapist at
one point in their life, becausethere's probably some crap that
you need to unpack, and, and,and work through. But this
process was different. Becausewhere you're in when you're in
therapy, it's very one sided.
You don't know anything aboutthe other person. It's very,
(37:52):
like you're sharing yourself andgetting none of them. And as a
relationship builder, I neededthat connection. And Linda and I
were building our relationship,we were building a friendship.
We were building trust waybeyond anything that she could
help me with therapy wise. Andthen some, I would definitely
(38:13):
call that some kind of some kindof therapy was happening there,
whether he liked it or not. Butit was just a release so much
trauma that I had pent up that Ididn't even know was there. And
so things just kept tumblingout. She would ask questions, we
would transcribe my responses tothem. And that's like the book
(38:35):
just kept coming and kept comingand kept coming. Stories just
kept coming up. She'd asked meto clarify one thing, or like,
what did you mean by this, andthen I'd go down this whole
other rabbit hole with a wholeother story. And she's like, Oh,
we can put that here. I likethings just kept coming up.
(38:57):
Things. I just kept workingthrough more and more things.
This is part of like the ongoingjourney of self awareness and
healing, and transformation. Andbeing an entrepreneur, because
as I grow and change and learn,these are now things that I can
bring to other people. These arenow things that I feel more
(39:18):
confident about helping otherpeople navigate to, it really
helped me clarify my voice toknowing and pulling out some
stories that like, Oh, this ispart of my, my bigger picture.
This is why I'm here. This iswhere this came from this how we
connect the dots and how I gotto this level of burnout and
(39:39):
healing and meeting all of this,the continued conversations
through the high vibeconversation. The high vibe
conversations is what the showis called on Thursdays that
other people can do. It's it'slike having a candid, candid
conversation. That's private,but people are seeing it People
can get an inside look intothat, like an inside glimpse
(40:03):
into like the real, realrawness, for lack of a better
word phrase of like what we'vegone through, and it's
relatable. So it's changed mybusiness, because I'm
vulnerable, more outwardly. I'mnot ashamed to hide it. And I,
again, I'm speaking up and youcan't silence me now. Unless you
want me to be quiet, becauseI've been rambling on and on.
(40:27):
But yeah, like this is it's,it's remarkable. It's like
you've taken you can't put thegenie back in the bottle. Now,
you can't, I can't there's noundoing this, this progress.
There's no going back. There'sno being the Chelle version one
that I was, I am going to keepevolving and being new versions
(40:47):
of myself. And the business isgoing to change as I change too.
Because as I get better, youcan't you can't stay I can't
stay the same. So everyeverything grows and changes.
And I'm excited. I'm excitedabout it. Yeah. I'm excited to
see what's next. That's awesome.
Jamie Stephens (41:09):
All right. Well, as we wrap up here, do you want
to tell people where they canfind you? And listen in on these
conversations? All of thethings?
Chelle Shapiro (41:17):
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. easiest place to find meis on LinkedIn, Chelle ch, E,
Ll. E. Shapiro S H, A P IO is myhandle. You can also go and
follow the company page, whichis Chelle station, ch, e LL, e
s, t a t i o n. And the websiteis actually get shelled G E T,
S, H E, ll e d.com. So a littlebit confusing there between the
(41:38):
Chelle and the shell. We didn'teven cover that today about how
those things relate. Maybethat's another topic too, for
another day. But LinkedIn is theeasiest place to find me. You
can also connect with me onInstagram. And as I mentioned
earlier, some of the eveningwork that I do is more the one
(41:59):
on one training and helpingpeople show up and brand
themselves and put themselvesout there to separate themselves
and find more fulfilling work.
So the LinkedIn training isThursday evenings on clubhouse
in the thought leadershipbranding room. And so if you
(42:20):
want to learn how to stand outand do that, on your LinkedIn
profile, and from an onlineperspective, feel free to jump
jumping in join our conversationon Thursdays on clubhouse, so
many ways to connect with me. Idon't even know if I've named
them all. Yeah, and I'll
Jamie Stephens (42:39):
link everything in the show notes as well. I
just wanted to give a quicklike, Hey, if you're just
listening, I know some timelistening
Chelle Shapiro (42:46):
clubhouse, LinkedIn, Instagram. That's
where I'm at.
Jamie Stephens (42:48):
Yeah. Awesome.
Well, thank you so much. So
Chelle Shapiro (42:52):
yeah, it's been a pleasure, Jamie. I look
forward to continuing ourconversation, and seeing what
change we can bring together.
Jamie Stephens (43:00):
All right, so who is ready for their own
operation separation. SomethingI want to shout from the
rooftops I know you've heard itfrom me. And now you've heard it
from Shell story too. So likejumping straight into the key
takeaways. Number one, sick andtired. Don't wait until your
body and mind are on the vergeof collapse before you make your
(43:21):
plan to leave that job that'skilling you. Number two
boundaries, combat peoplepleasing, always doing what
everybody else wants you to do.
And ignoring what lights you upwill leave you empty,
unfulfilled and resentful. Justbecause you're good at something
or you've done it in the pastdoesn't mean you have to do it
now. Number three, breaking thecycle. When you break free from
(43:42):
people pleasing, or whateveryour thing is, be prepared that
a lot of people won't like yournew boundary. Know this and just
be prepared to remember thatthis is a way of honoring
yourself. Number four, andlearning. As a society, women
are conditioned to only show upin a certain way or only show
part of themselves. We've beentold our whole lives were too
(44:05):
loud or too direct or too smartor too, whatever. The more you
peel back those layers andunlearn. The more you figure out
who you really are, and it's alla work in progress. Number five,
follow your energy. Ifscheduling blocks and tomato
timers don't work for you, don'tforce it. Some tasks are just
better at a certain time of day.
(44:28):
Explore what works for you bypaying attention to how you feel
and letting energy be yourguide. Number six, loving
yourself is not selfish. Hereare some easy ways you can love
yourself that are beyond theself care routines, you know,
set boundaries, practice selfacceptance. Speak up, know who
you are. Be aware of what youneed, and ask for it. Alright,
(44:52):
that's it. Thanks so much toshell for being on the show
today. I have linked everythingup in the show notes. If you
feel like being around Rock Stargo ahead and send this episode
to a friend or leave a review somore women can find this show
Have a great week and I'll seeyou next time
especially as women, we put on a front a
(00:03):
little bit not because we areashamed to like say that we're
feeling this or feeling acertain way, but because we've
been trained to only show up acertain way, so even if we are
navigating it for ourselves,sometimes there's that fear that
if we're open about it, otherpeople will see that as
flawless. When really, we'rejust like exploring ourselves
and becoming better forourselves. But we're trained,
(00:27):
we're taught, we're conditionedto only show up and present
certain parts of ourselves. Andit's that unlearning it's that
undoing part that like, I thinka lot of women struggle with.
Jamie Stephens (00:41):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of
Breaking epic corporate. Eachweek I chat with everyday women
that ditch their nine to five tobet on themselves. We break down
their journey intoentrepreneurship, unpack the
lessons learned and create thevision of how this life gets to
be if you're willing to getuncomfortable and step into your
potential. I'm your host, JamieRenee, to time corporate escapee
(01:04):
and coach to burnout, womenlooking to plan their escape.
Let's go.
And welcome back to anotherepisode of Breaking up with
corporate today we have ChelleShapiro on and Chelle is a
career success coach and aspeaker and fellow podcaster
with Operation separation. So weare in a similar niche here of
(01:28):
basically letting all the peopleknow that they just need to run
from corporate. So Chelle whydon't you go ahead and introduce
yourself, just kind of tell uswhat you're doing now,
specifically, and then we'llkind of get into a little bit of
your backstory.
Chelle Shapiro (01:44):
Yeah, sure.
Thank you so much, Jamie, forbringing me on here. I'm Chelle
founder of Shell station, I'm acareer success coach, and
activation speaker and one Ihelp most of my clients with is
finding more fulfilling work.
And the reason that I do that.
And the reason that that's soimportant to me, I myself burned
out so hard. In my last job, Iwas there for over 13 years, I
(02:07):
was doing all the things wearingall the hats. And I got sick and
tired of being sick and tired, Igot tired of doing things
everybody else's way. I wastired of doing things that
didn't light me up. And I waspretty resentful, doing the
things that even though I wasgood at them, those were not
that's not where I wanted toshine. That's not what I wanted
(02:30):
to be appreciated and known for.
And so I got really sickmentally and physically. And I
knew I needed better for myself.
Several times throughout that 13year tenure, I came to a point.
points actually where I waslike, I know I need a change,
but I didn't know exactly whatit was or how to do it. And I
(02:50):
didn't have the courage andcompetence yet to pull the
trigger. Until I just couldn'tdo it anymore. And so that day
came. And I meet that's whereoperation separation came from
to with my with my podcast anddoing the lives. And that's the
name that I gave to getting outof the job, getting out of the
situation out of mycircumstances and changing all
(03:13):
of that. So yeah, that's thebasics of what I do right now.
And the conversations that I'mhaving and how I help people
navigate that. So it sounds
Jamie Stephens (03:25):
like it kind of became like a mantra. This is my
mission. I am like Operationseparation. Everything that goes
with that will tell us what kindof led up to that. What was it
that you were getting resentfulfor? And like how did you
attempt to handle it beforeleaving, if you did,
Chelle Shapiro (03:41):
I've actually written a book about this, it's
called Loving yourself isn'tselfish. And that's my
transformation journey from likechildhood, all the things that
like maybe led up to me being apeople pleaser, and a
perfectionist that I'm now likein recovery for both of those
actively, like it's a struggle,it takes readers and myself
(04:03):
through that journey of like,how I was completely silenced a
lot growing up, I was always I'mstill somebody that is a
lifelong learner. And I wouldraise my hand a lot all the time
and asked questions, whether Iknew the answer or not. I just
wanted to be curious and tolearn more and to do things
better, and to know how otherpeople were doing things so that
(04:26):
I could evolve and do things myown way and figure things out.
Even teachers would be like,Chelle work, Michelle, because
that's my full name. Michelleput your hand down and give
somebody else a chance. Likethey thought I was just showing
off all the time. And thatwasn't the case. And so you hear
that enough to like, you know,girls are taught to be seen and
(04:49):
not heard. And to just be therewithout ever like speaking up or
having an opinion or being toochatty or too nosy or too pushy
or to add to too much of any ofthe things. And so I just
stopped and as far as like whatI was gonna say I'm full of was,
I'm a helper. If you knowanything about any grams or
human design, any of thedifferent charts and
(05:12):
assessments, I am alwayssomebody that is a helper. I
help people navigate things Ihelp people get things done, I
take things off people's plate.
That's also my love language isone of my main ones is acts of
service. The other one isquality time, so many things I
know. But like, through andthrough, I help people. And I do
that to a fault because I oftenput myself on the backburner.
(05:35):
So, as a people pleaser, thatmeans that I'm showing up to try
and gain people's affection,attention, love admiration, all
the things by doing things forothers, even when they don't
necessarily serve me. Because Ijust wanted to show up and, and
be helpful, where I'm reallygood at things I'm really good
at executing on a gallopassessment, if you've taken that
(05:58):
in corporate before, there'sfive, they split you into. So
it's not 5050. But I'm splitbetween executing, and
relationship building things.
And everyone kept seeing me forthose executing things like
getting it done, theconsistently showing up the
being able to be counted uponlike to do all the things and
(06:20):
that day to day, those are thethings that you're really good
at, but like I don't like doingthem, they don't drive me they
don't motivate me, they don'tenergize me. And so getting
recognized for being able toexecute really well. Why, like
I'm resentful of the fact stillsometimes that like, those are
the things that people seefirst, not the relationships
(06:43):
that I've built, not the timethat I've put not the quality
time, more effectively, to getto know somebody and figure them
out and build thoserelationships and support
people, the relationshipbuilding side, that's what I
wanted more of, and people justweren't seeing that. And I think
that got lost along the way,because I was silenced. And so I
(07:05):
just took it, I just took theaffection and the attention and
the appreciation that I couldget where I could get it. Even
if it's not what I wanted, orhow I wanted it.
Jamie Stephens (07:16):
I think one of the curses of being like really
good at your job and beingreally good at like lots of
different things is that andbecoming that go to person
because I was in a very similarsituation where it was just
like, the reward for beingcorporate it being good. And
like a corporate environmentenvironment is not like those
(07:37):
things that you're actuallyseeking. It's really just more
work that gets piled on. Solike, it's, you can go from Oh,
look, I just figured out a wayto cut my job, you know, down to
20 hours a week. And it's like,oh, great, here's
Chelle Shapiro (07:49):
40 more hours where the stuff that I need you
to take care of it, you dobecome that pull, because it's
like, okay, but if everybodyelse were held to this standard,
I wouldn't have to do this, youknow, so I totally get that. And
it just builds and builds andbuilds. So and if and if
everybody like, I totally getthat some people are NOT GO GO
(08:11):
GO GO GO mentality. That's how Iwas raised. That's how I was
encouraged to be like a reallyhigh achiever like you give it
your all and then some, there'sno half assing anything, it
still blows my mind a little bitthat other people are not this
way. But I can't fault otherpeople for not being raised that
way that people are how theywere raised. And sometimes they
(08:34):
don't know any other way to be.
And so it takes a little bit oflike that, meeting people where
they're at, and recognizing thatnot everybody has that high
achieving personality, thatwants to like be high
functioning and getting thingsdone all the time. I also have
that personality, less and lessnow. That like if I'm not
constantly doing something,whether it's for myself or
(08:57):
someone else, I feel like that'sbeing lazy. So I always want to
be doing something specificallysomething that creates motion
and like pushes things forward.
As opposed to staying stagnantand and not doing any of the
things to move forward. And so Ibeat myself up to like, and then
there's resentment there oflike, well, now I've overworked
(09:19):
myself, and I did it to myself.
Other people asked but I alsodidn't stop. I also didn't I
also let them do it. Boundariescertainly come into play there
too, of what you will and won'tallow. And it's it's all a
really big cluster F bomb oflike, well, if I keep showing
up, this is how people are goingto see me. And if I stopped
(09:42):
showing up in this way arepeople going to think that I'm
not supporting them anymore.
Like this is how they the itprevents you perpetuates the
cycle. If I slow down formyself, I feel guilty that I'm
not doing enough for others andIf I do too much for others, I
feel guilty that I'm not doingenough for myself. It's It's a
(10:04):
never ending cycle. Would yousay that
Jamie Stephens (10:07):
you're still kind of working through that and
learning how to navigate thatparticular piece of? Yeah, yeah,
Chelle Shapiro (10:14):
I absolutely i, now that I've not been working
for somebody else, for the lastthree years, I've gone through
this whole transformationjourney. And this mindset shift,
but the work doesn't end there.
Right, right. It's not like yougo through the process, one, one
and done. And, and then all of asudden, you're like,
(10:36):
miraculously a different changedperson, you are a work in
progress. And I myself strugglewith things every single day, I
do not fail. Because failureonly happens. In my mind,
failure only happens when Idon't try it all. But as long as
I can learn from something andbe better about it, or be more
(10:57):
intentional with what I'm doingand how I'm doing it, then
there's no failure. There canonly be positive growth and
positive impacts, because we'realways growing, learning and
changing. I myself struggleevery single day, what that
struggle is changes on an hourlybasis, probably because it
depends where my focus goes,where my energy is, but yeah,
(11:19):
you're not, you're not justgoing to change and make make
all the changes and be betterovernight. It's, it's a constant
thing that that I grow andchange through in that all my
clients or anybody that I'veseen that has gained perspective
on their life and become moremindful and self aware. It's a
constant prep process.
Jamie Stephens (11:42):
Well, I was kind of just hoping you had like the
magic bullet or something.
Because I tend to be I mean,even when I'm like resting,
quote, unquote, I'm like, mymind is still going. It's like,
I haven't read a fiction bookand so long, because like, I
feel guilty if I read fiction,whenever I could be learning
something, you know, but Itotally get this struggle, for
sure. Yeah,
Chelle Shapiro (12:03):
but you're but you actually kind of are.
Because when you're when you'rereading fiction, because a lot
of what I work on a lot ofpeople's home, like thinks that
they're not creative. I'm I'mdefinitely a creative to my
core, like I was raised thatway, I have so many artists, and
people that do art related orcreative minded things in my
family, like there's there'spainters, there were sculptors,
(12:25):
there were chefs, artists, alldifferent ways. But creativity
goes beyond that. And so whenpeople tell me specifically that
they don't have a creative bonein their body, called bullshit
on that all day, every day,because if you can problem solve
it, you can think outside thebox, if you can, like, open your
mind to doing things a differentway. That is creativity. And
(12:48):
when you are saying that youdon't feel like you're learning
anything, when you're readingfiction, you're giving your mind
an opportunity to dive intocreativity and like, listen to a
story or read a story andexplore what that those
characters are navigating. Sothat is creativity. Learning at
(13:10):
its best. Yeah, that's
Jamie Stephens (13:11):
a good shift, because I've never really
thought of it that way. Andit's, it's an interesting
perspective. And I liked the waythat it can relax a little bit.
Because I mean, I do feel likeI'm creative. And I love
picturing all the scenes and allthat stuff in my mind. Like, as
I'm reading a book or whatever,it's just so funny that just the
way that our minds work, andjust that constant exploration
(13:34):
of like, okay, what kind of shitAm I unpacking today? Because
that's what it is, like, what ishappening here, where you just,
I don't know, there's so muchstuff that comes up as an
entrepreneur that never came upin corporate, it's just like a
different mixed bag. And it'snot that, I mean, I would choose
this bag over the other bag, anyday of the week. But it is it's
(13:58):
just a constant work inprogress. And anybody who tells
you differently is either notreally self aware, or full of
shit.
Chelle Shapiro (14:06):
And I think, especially as women, we put on a
front a little bit not becausewe are ashamed to like say that,
like we're feeling this orfeeling a certain way, but
because we've been trained toonly show up a certain way. So
even if we are navigating it forourselves. Sometimes there's
that fear that if we're openabout it, other people will see
(14:28):
that as flaws. When really we'rejust like exploring ourselves
and becoming better forourselves. But we're trained,
we're taught, we're conditionedto only show up and present
certain parts of ourselves. Andit's that unlearning it's that
undoing part that like, I thinka lot of women struggle with. I
(14:49):
don't know how to be any otherway. Like I don't know who I am
without this core piece.
Jamie Stephens (14:54):
What were some of the things that you had to
undo whenever you left? Yeah,that first part The transition
where you're like, eff it, I'mdone. And then I'm like out the
door. And then what was thatkind of next day, or next week
next month, kind of what didthat look like?
Chelle Shapiro (15:10):
So, this ties in, I was gonna actually talk
about this, because because youmentioned before that you were
resting or we weren't gettinglike restful sleep, because you
were powered on all the time andalways worried about like, the
next thing are always thinkingabout what you needed to do,
what you needed to get done, whoyou needed to respond to. I was
powered on all the time. And soeven in my sleep, I was dreaming
(15:33):
about work, I use dreamingloosely, because they were
probably actually more closelyrelated to nightmares, the way
that I was having having panicattacks from all these things.
But I was dreaming about work.
And it was so lifelike, itseemed so real, that when I woke
up, I'd be like, Alright, I needto reach out to this client or
the deadline is due. And I haveto now that's the first thing I
(15:55):
have to work on. When I go tothe office, I have to get this
that the other thing done, andthen I'd reach out to the
client. And they'd be like, wenever talked about that. That's
not a real thing. We're stillover here. And so I like would
merge the two reality and mydream life together. Because
they both the same for me. I wasworking on real clients
projects, but I imagined thoseprojects. And it happened. It
(16:17):
happened more than once whereclients were like, Yeah, we're
working on this, but that Idon't know what you're talking
about. And I'm like, Yeah, butwe emailed and like I would
write, like, you know, read out,or remember what what the email
was about. And I'd like tellthem, and of course, I didn't
have it in front of me at thatmoment. Because, you know, like,
you can't pull up fax whenyou're calling. But I could see
(16:38):
it in my mind. Like I could seethe email and the text and the
proofs I worked as, as aproduction artist, production
manager at a signage company. Sowhen I speak about this previous
job, it's from all differentcreative avenues, because I
started as a graphic designer,and then quickly took on all the
(16:59):
things. But to answer yourquestion about what that was,
like, for me, in that first fewweeks, and right after, I had to
learn how to power down andrecharge. And that's where
that's actually where operationseparation came from. It started
as a challenge to myself,because nobody knew that I was
leaving, except for myboyfriend.
(17:22):
No, I didn't tell anybody elsethat you know, you want to, like
let somebody know, in casesomething was to happen,
somebody somewhere should know.
So he, he was the one that knew,but like I did all the planning.
And Operation separation was thetwo weeks that I gave myself.
And I said, I can feel even alittle bit better in these two
weeks, whatever that looks likewhatever that feels like. Then
now's the time to quit. And thatfirst week of Operation
(17:48):
separation was super hard. Now,I'm not even activated at this
point yet, like just being ableto not respond to my emails, not
answer my calls. And my bosspaid for my cell phone. So my
work phone was my personalphone. So they were one in the
same. People were emailing,calling all hours of the day and
night work didn't stop. Sotrusting myself enough to turn
(18:10):
off, turn off my devices to notrespond to not engage, to not
freak out that I wasn't beinghelpful. And checking in was a
really big shift for me. Andgradually after those two weeks,
I did feel a little bit better,not 100% better, not even maybe
probably not even 10% better.
(18:33):
But a little bit that I noticedthe difference of like, oh, this
is what I've been missing. Andlike, what else have I been
missing? And then I wanted moreof it. And I kept that promise
to myself like this is the timethat it needs to happen now no
more like passively looking forother jobs passively
interviewing and saying I havedoctor's appointments. And
(18:54):
that's why I'm coming in late.
Like, no, this is what needs tohappen. And so even after I
left, the next few months for alot of recharging. For me, it
was a lot of doing nothing andallowing myself to be okay with
that. To not be planning anddoing things all the time. I
think there was a week, anentire week where all I did was
(19:15):
lay on the couch and watch TV.
And I felt horrible doing it butit needed to be done it needed
to I needed to not be doinganything else and just take the
time for myself. Just mindlesstelevision. i There were days
where I just played a video gameon my phone. And I lose it's
(19:35):
like playing Oregon, OregonTrail as a kid, like you just
used the day you're playing TheSims and building your your
village with your family andyour people and whatever else
you're creating. And all of asudden you started at 11am and
now it's 11pm and you're likealright, so my it's months now
have gone by in the game. And aday has gone by in my life where
(19:56):
like I just lost time. And itwas something that didn't need
to be done. It was somethingthat just like was mindless,
playful energy. That and it feltgood. So yeah, just learning how
to navigate and not showing upall the time was the biggest
shift. Yeah.
Jamie Stephens (20:17):
So as an entrepreneur, and now that
you're your own boss, how do youcontinue to kind of find that
balance when, I mean, I knowthat it's, it's just a different
type of stuff that's never done.
It's, you know, I mean, it'slike, there's always more to do.
But you can always find a breaka stopping point, I'm just
curious how you kind oftransition that into
(20:38):
entrepreneurship, how you wereable to maintain it.
Chelle Shapiro (20:43):
Yeah, that's also a work in progress as
especially now that I'm in a newlocation and adjusting to a time
change. So I'm on Pacific timeright now. And I was on Eastern
time. So that's a three hourtime time adjustment. For me,
it's about following my energy.
I no longer schedule everythinguntil the cows come home,
(21:03):
because I know that that's notrealistic. I have tried to work
in time blocks, I tried thePomodoro method with like
setting timers, and then takingbreaks and like allowing myself
to do as much as I can in thenext 10 to 15 minutes and then
walking away from it. Nope, thatdoesn't work for me, because
when I'm focused on something, Igo down rabbit holes. So I just
(21:24):
follow my energy Mondays andThursdays, for me have always
been live stream days like thisis when I have live
conversations. This is when I dolike the back end stuff then to
produce the content for it.
Because I'm like, alright, well,I'm in this frame of mind. So I
just have geared myself a littlebit differently, to like, show
(21:46):
up a certain way on differentdays. Some days, I have client
calls. And that's all I havesome days, I all only do
engagement. Some days, I do onlylike back in updating my website
and checking up on emails likeclerical stuff, every day is
different. And I've learned tobe okay with that. Part of
following my energy now is Iknow, I won't take calls or do
(22:08):
any heavy lifting in my businessuntil a certain time in the
morning, because anything beforethat it's just me time. Yeah, I
might engage becauserelationship building is who I
want to be known for. And it'sfun for me to respond to
people's comments and questionsand messages. But that doesn't
take that doesn't drain me. SoI'm okay doing that before, like
(22:31):
10 or 11am. But I won't havelike full on strategy sessions,
I won't do any like, heavylifting on my website or like,
because I make changes there toremember, I'm a recovering
perfectionist and a designer. Soif I start doing something, I'm
probably going to be doing itfor a few hours. But I just take
that me time in the morning. Andthen the other part of it is
(22:54):
recognizing that I have moreenergy in the morning. So I'm
going to do my best work then.
And yes, I do do work in theevening, because a lot of
clients prefer it they want tomeet after the day is done. Like
their their nine to five workday or whenever they end or
after they feed feed the kidsdinner, or or do those things.
So there are a few things that Ido workwise in the evening, but
(23:14):
those don't require as muchenergy and won't drain me as
much when I know my energy islower. So I do I do cut myself a
little bit of slack, and allowmyself to play with my schedule
pretty pretty flexibly, like Ihave a loose plan, I'll probably
probably make a post it I won'tfive. Again, I won't schedule it
out completely. But like everyday I haven't posted and I write
(23:36):
down, what are the three to fivethings that I'd like to get done
today. And every day is gonna bedifferent. So if I don't get all
three to five of those things onthat post it done every single
day, okay, tomorrow's anotherday. But tomorrow, my priorities
might be different. Those threeto five things might not be the
same things that I didn't get tothe day before. So I it's like a
(23:56):
nice to have list. It's like,here's what I would like to see
done. And if I get one of thosethings done, I feel good about
it. If the other four didn'thappen, okay, then they weren't
as much of a priority as Ithought, or they can wait, or
I'll get to them tomorrow or Iwon't. And every day is a new
post it because otherwise thelist just grows and grows and
(24:17):
grows. So yeah, I've playedaround with the ways that that
worked for me and not beatingmyself up about it when things
don't go the way I plan.
Jamie Stephens (24:29):
No, I can relate to that. I mean, I I've tried
time blocking. I've triedPomodoro I've tried I mean
specific days for things andI've kind of just like, accepted
the fact that that is just nothow my brain works. Because I am
very, very good at planningeverything out like 47 steps.
But then whenever I see thatplan, I'm like, Oh my God, I
(24:53):
feel so overwhelmed. And then Ijust kind of turned into this
like mess. Yeah, that is the onething that has worked for me
too. As far as like following myenergy, because I'm I'm the same
way I very much in the morning,that's my knee time, that's my
reflective time, that's myanything that I want to get
done, that's going to require meto like really kind of put my
(25:14):
thinking cap on or kind of thinkoutside the box or go inside and
kind of sit with myself. Likeall of those things have to
happen in the morning. I, I'veeven tried to like schedule
podcasts in the evening torecord and I have noticed that
it's just not the same, like myenergy is different. My like,
I'm just tired. I mean, whenit's dark outside, I'm done. No,
(25:37):
it's just, I get like trying tofind what it is that works for
you. And I think that's one ofthe real gifts of
entrepreneurship is really likeonce you do find what works for
you having that flexibility andfreedom to kind of design your
life around how you feel. And itmakes such a difference, like
(25:58):
the way that you show up and howyou show up. And
Chelle Shapiro (26:01):
yeah, I get that. Yeah, I mean, I've also
tried to like excessivelyschedule out my, my Google
calendar. And, and I mean, withthings that are not business
related, like I've put on therea time block for meditation, or
I've clicked on their time blockto engage or wind down to eat, I
(26:22):
have whoops school reminders setto like, remind me to eat,
because when I'm focused onthings and going down that
rabbit hole, I don't alwaysremember to get up and do those
things. So it's good to havethose things on the calendar and
scheduled at specific times tokeep that consistency in my
brain remembering that whetheror not I actually stop and do
(26:42):
those things is a differentstory. Because, again, if I'm
deep in something, and I'm like,Oh, I just need a few more
minutes to finish it, finish it,or like get through it. Let's
get through this one part. Andthen I can break. And then maybe
lunch happens a little bitlater. But it still happens.
Because I've been reminded ofit. It's not like I just
(27:03):
completely circumvent it anddon't have it at all. Because
the I definitely did that. Incorporate, I definitely was like
if I don't get all these thingsdone in this timely fashion. And
at this time when it's do aheadof schedule or like all these
things, people will be mad atme. I cannot take a two minute
(27:27):
break to go to the bathroom. Idon't remember to drink water.
And when I'm stopping for lunchbreak, like I'm not really
stopping because I'm stuffing myfood in my mouth and shoving him
and shoving it down my throatwhile I'm also on this call
while I'm tweaking this filewhile I'm sending this email.
And that's not a healthy way todo those things. And yeah, if I
(27:48):
walked away from my desk forlike two seconds, my previous
boss would be like, what, howcome you're not here? Where were
you? I came to look for you. AndI'm like, I needed to use the
restroom like chill. But really,it got hammered in and
reinforced that if I steppedaway for even a moment to heat
my food or whatever it was thatthe place was going to fall
(28:11):
apart or it felt like it becausepeople were like, Where were you
I came to look for you in theone moment that I was gone.
That's when you needed me? Ordid you could you have survived
and waited 10 seconds. So I'm itfeels so much better. Now that I
just do things in a healthierway for myself. That's really
good.
Jamie Stephens (28:31):
So you said your book is called Loving yourself
isn't selfish. So tell me someof the ways that you have chosen
to love yourself? And also, ifthere's any stories about how
you came up with that title, ifsomebody had told you that or
anything like that, can we gointo that a little bit? Yeah,
Chelle Shapiro (28:51):
the ways that that you can love yourself.
Let's let's start with that. AndI'm not I'm definitely not
voting the quoting the book,because because I don't think we
actually had a list of ways tolove yourself in there. But we
definitely we definitely coveredall those things. But the
overarching things were likeself acceptance, and giving
yourself space. If you havesomething to say that that's
(29:13):
that's an overarching theme inall of my work, not just in my
book, if you have something tosay speak up. You don't need to
stay silent. You don't need tokeep doing things that everybody
else wants you to do autonomy.
I'm really big on autonomy,finding what works for you.
There's a million ways to doeverything he maybe not a
million I'm exaggerating, butthere's always more than one way
(29:34):
to do something. And so for mewhat works is and what's always
been my way of doing things, theend the way that I figured out
the small the actual thing thatI'm trying to do. I play around
with every other people's waysof doing things all the time.
I'll read an instruction manualor watch this video I'll go take
this person's course I'll test amillion test the waters a
(29:58):
million different Ways, again, amillion is overreaching, and
very, very generic. You knowwhat I mean? I'll try things in
so many different variations andcombinations. And I'll see which
pieces of that work for me. Andthen that's what I put together
and create my own thing. Sofinding your way and having that
(30:19):
autonomy, not letting anybodystick it to you. And like,
again, like having boundaries inplace, knowing what you need,
and asking for it, asking forhelp. Like, there's so many
different things that you can doto love yourself. And because I
was such a people, pleaser, ahelper, no boundaries in place
(30:41):
wanted that affection andattention. Even when I thought I
was being myself, I wasn'tmyself because I didn't know who
I was. So knowing who you are,and figuring that out and taking
time and space to do that foryourself, is the way to love
yourself. A lot of people thinkthat like self help and self
(31:01):
care is bubble backs, andmeditation and yoga or going for
a run. And yeah, it is thosethings, it can be those things
it can be mani pedi ease or likewhatever like thing it is that
you do to feel good aboutyourself. But it's also the
(31:21):
inner work that you do onyourself, accepting yourself for
who you are, where you are, whenyou are how you are all the
different ways. And maybe youdon't have all those down all at
once. But yeah, there, I didn'thave any of that. I didn't feel
supported I, I just reallyneeded to overhaul myself in so
many ways. And once I could seethat for myself, I wanted
(31:44):
everybody else to be able to seethat for themselves, too. So
that's really, so many differentways that you can learn to love
yourself, and not feel guiltyabout it. And as far as where
that title came from, I had anamazing book coach, Linda Vetri,
Snuggles. And she's one of thehigh vibe women that I am joined
(32:08):
with on Thursdays for one of ourlive streams. And when I first
met her, we didn't meet in a ina business way of like working
together, we met through amutual friend on LinkedIn. And
then we were curious to learnmore about each other. We have
done a discovery call like itget to know you coffee thing,
(32:30):
not even a zoom, we did anactual old school like phone
call. And she was like, I alwaysdo this for the first call.
Because like, I want people toget to know, like, know, and
trust me, like I don't want themto like, see any reactions that
we have or like, we can takelike the facial cues and
recognition out of it for thefirst one. And that that was
(32:51):
different for me because I itespecially during the pandemic
got used to people wanting toshow up face to face even
virtually, yeah.
And I had no preconceivednotions of like, and I did ask
our mutual friend like, hey,like, do you think this is gonna
(33:11):
be a sales pitch? Because somany people are like always
sliding into your DMS with like,the spammy content or trying to
sell you or like, How can Isupport you, and then they
really want to pitch you and Ihate them. But I didn't know
what it was gonna be. And Iremoved all expectations, any
anything that I I could havepossibly attached to it being
and it just was a frankconversation that then turned
(33:34):
into you. Well, I help peoplewrite books in 30 days, this is
what Linda does not me. Shehelps people write books in 30
days or less from their soul.
And I had no idea about thatthis I want I knew I always
wanted to be an author. I knewthat I always like had a book in
me probably several books. I didat that point, have like
(33:57):
children's books that I werealready like, in the process or
in my mind, and I had outlinesfor them. This was none of that
this was a totally differentthing. We went through this, we
had a conversation and she waslike, Hey, do you want to just
do this exercise, it'll likehelp you release things. I call
we could dive in on this. I likea whole other point because I
think it's a conversation initself. I call it an exorcism.
(34:19):
This is not what Linda calls it.
But that's what it felt like forme. She took me through this
exercise of releasing thingsthat were holding me back. And
we needed to do that in order tohave me be at the level of my
soul. Even the breathingexercises that she took me
(34:41):
through and then the way thatshe was like oh I can feel I
feel this like tickle in mythroat or like she started
coughing and she was feeling myenergy that I was blocked and as
I'm a manifesting generator onmy human design chart, and my
throat chakra is one of my mainMy main channels and often, and
(35:02):
she didn't know this about me,this was still our first
conversation. She didn't knowthis about me. And she was like,
I can feel like you're nottelling me something like,
there's something that you'reholding back. And I was like,
well, like, do get a block in mythroat, like I get a knot in my
throat, like a physical thing,when I'm not speaking my truth
when I'm holding something backbecause of that, that ingrained
(35:24):
way of like, girls should beseen and not heard, and being
told to not speak up or raise myhand. And so even not even
realizing I was doing it, shecould sense it through the
phone, we're not on a phonecall, she can't see this. So she
walked me through this exercise,and she was like, Alright, now
that you've done that, she'slike, first, well, hydrate,
(35:46):
hydrate a lot, you're probablygonna be tired tomorrow, and
breasts. And I just felt such aweight off of my entire body
after that. Were those that booktitle. And then my chapters of
my book came from, was when sheasked me some very, very
pointed, matter of fact,questions, maybe like 10 to 12,
(36:07):
just the first thing that comesto your mind, what do you want
the world to know? What do youwant people to know about you?
Like, what do you want? How areyou going to show up? Where are
you going to teach? Like, allshe just whatever the questions
were, I don't remember the exactquestions. And those were my
answers. And that was theoutline of my book. And she was
like your books right there. Idon't want to take you through
the whole process, because it'sher thing. Yeah. She just asked
(36:29):
me some very simple questionsonce I was at the level of my
soul. And that's what came up.
That is so cool. Yeah,
Jamie Stephens (36:36):
I'm so curious.
Now I'm gonna have to hop on oneof those 30 days
Chelle Shapiro (36:43):
start to finish a book was born and published.
Jamie Stephens (36:48):
That is so cool.
Yeah. How has that processchanged things for you like
having a book being a publishedauthor, having that just kind of
birthing experience, almost towhere it's really just, you
know, coming forth for me, like,how did that change things for
you, as far as well, yourbusiness, but then also just
kind of like your personal
Chelle Shapiro (37:11):
state, you changed my life, and my business
in quite a few ways. I wasalready at this time seeing a
therapist, but this process wasway more beneficial for me, than
anything that I could have gonethrough as a therapist. Now, I'm
not negating any of the workthat I did with a therapist, I
(37:31):
think every high functioningwoman should have a therapist at
one point in their life, becausethere's probably some crap that
you need to unpack, and, and,and work through. But this
process was different. Becausewhere you're in when you're in
therapy, it's very one sided.
You don't know anything aboutthe other person. It's very,
(37:52):
like you're sharing yourself andgetting none of them. And as a
relationship builder, I neededthat connection. And Linda and I
were building our relationship,we were building a friendship.
We were building trust waybeyond anything that she could
help me with therapy wise. Andthen some, I would definitely
(38:13):
call that some kind of some kindof therapy was happening there,
whether he liked it or not. Butit was just a release so much
trauma that I had pent up that Ididn't even know was there. And
so things just kept tumblingout. She would ask questions, we
would transcribe my responses tothem. And that's like the book
(38:35):
just kept coming and kept comingand kept coming. Stories just
kept coming up. She'd asked meto clarify one thing, or like,
what did you mean by this, andthen I'd go down this whole
other rabbit hole with a wholeother story. And she's like, Oh,
we can put that here. I likethings just kept coming up.
(38:57):
Things. I just kept workingthrough more and more things.
This is part of like the ongoingjourney of self awareness and
healing, and transformation. Andbeing an entrepreneur, because
as I grow and change and learn,these are now things that I can
bring to other people. These arenow things that I feel more
(39:18):
confident about helping otherpeople navigate to, it really
helped me clarify my voice toknowing and pulling out some
stories that like, Oh, this ispart of my, my bigger picture.
This is why I'm here. This iswhere this came from this how we
connect the dots and how I gotto this level of burnout and
(39:39):
healing and meeting all of this,the continued conversations
through the high vibeconversation. The high vibe
conversations is what the showis called on Thursdays that
other people can do. It's it'slike having a candid, candid
conversation. That's private,but people are seeing it People
can get an inside look intothat, like an inside glimpse
(40:03):
into like the real, realrawness, for lack of a better
word phrase of like what we'vegone through, and it's
relatable. So it's changed mybusiness, because I'm
vulnerable, more outwardly. I'mnot ashamed to hide it. And I,
again, I'm speaking up and youcan't silence me now. Unless you
want me to be quiet, becauseI've been rambling on and on.
(40:27):
But yeah, like this is it's,it's remarkable. It's like
you've taken you can't put thegenie back in the bottle. Now,
you can't, I can't there's noundoing this, this progress.
There's no going back. There'sno being the Chelle version one
that I was, I am going to keepevolving and being new versions
(40:47):
of myself. And the business isgoing to change as I change too.
Because as I get better, youcan't you can't stay I can't
stay the same. So everyeverything grows and changes.
And I'm excited. I'm excitedabout it. Yeah. I'm excited to
see what's next. That's awesome.
Jamie Stephens (41:09):
All right. Well, as we wrap up here, do you want
to tell people where they canfind you? And listen in on these
conversations? All of thethings?
Chelle Shapiro (41:17):
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. easiest place to find meis on LinkedIn, Chelle ch, E,
Ll. E. Shapiro S H, A P IO is myhandle. You can also go and
follow the company page, whichis Chelle station, ch, e LL, e
s, t a t i o n. And the websiteis actually get shelled G E T,
S, H E, ll e d.com. So a littlebit confusing there between the
(41:38):
Chelle and the shell. We didn'teven cover that today about how
those things relate. Maybethat's another topic too, for
another day. But LinkedIn is theeasiest place to find me. You
can also connect with me onInstagram. And as I mentioned
earlier, some of the eveningwork that I do is more the one
(41:59):
on one training and helpingpeople show up and brand
themselves and put themselvesout there to separate themselves
and find more fulfilling work.
So the LinkedIn training isThursday evenings on clubhouse
in the thought leadershipbranding room. And so if you
(42:20):
want to learn how to stand outand do that, on your LinkedIn
profile, and from an onlineperspective, feel free to jump
jumping in join our conversationon Thursdays on clubhouse, so
many ways to connect with me. Idon't even know if I've named
them all. Yeah, and I'll
Jamie Stephens (42:39):
link everything in the show notes as well. I
just wanted to give a quicklike, Hey, if you're just
listening, I know some timelistening
Chelle Shapiro (42:46):
clubhouse, LinkedIn, Instagram. That's
where I'm at.
Jamie Stephens (42:48):
Yeah. Awesome.
Well, thank you so much. So
Chelle Shapiro (42:52):
yeah, it's been a pleasure, Jamie. I look
forward to continuing ourconversation, and seeing what
change we can bring together.
Jamie Stephens (43:00):
All right, so who is ready for their own
operation separation. SomethingI want to shout from the
rooftops I know you've heard itfrom me. And now you've heard it
from Shell story too. So likejumping straight into the key
takeaways. Number one, sick andtired. Don't wait until your
body and mind are on the vergeof collapse before you make your
(43:21):
plan to leave that job that'skilling you. Number two
boundaries, combat peoplepleasing, always doing what
everybody else wants you to do.
And ignoring what lights you upwill leave you empty,
unfulfilled and resentful. Justbecause you're good at something
or you've done it in the pastdoesn't mean you have to do it
now. Number three, breaking thecycle. When you break free from
(43:42):
people pleasing, or whateveryour thing is, be prepared that
a lot of people won't like yournew boundary. Know this and just
be prepared to remember thatthis is a way of honoring
yourself. Number four, andlearning. As a society, women
are conditioned to only show upin a certain way or only show
part of themselves. We've beentold our whole lives were too
(44:05):
loud or too direct or too smartor too, whatever. The more you
peel back those layers andunlearn. The more you figure out
who you really are, and it's alla work in progress. Number five,
follow your energy. Ifscheduling blocks and tomato
timers don't work for you, don'tforce it. Some tasks are just
better at a certain time of day.
(44:28):
Explore what works for you bypaying attention to how you feel
and letting energy be yourguide. Number six, loving
yourself is not selfish. Hereare some easy ways you can love
yourself that are beyond theself care routines, you know,
set boundaries, practice selfacceptance. Speak up, know who
you are. Be aware of what youneed, and ask for it. Alright,
(44:52):
that's it. Thanks so much toshell for being on the show
today. I have linked everythingup in the show notes. If you
feel like being around Rock Stargo ahead and send this episode
to a friend or leave a review somore women can find this show
Have a great week and I'll seeyou next time
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