Supporting Strong Black Men, Navigating Legacy, and Embracing Vulnerability

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
yeah, I ain't, I ain't want to waste it.
Man, we a big good spot, littlesweet spot to um to kick us off
at.
Yeah, yeah, for sure, so no,but some of the notes that I do
got for today, um, it's juststuff that I've been had
different things uh to discuss,um, but freedom speakers, but
Freedom Speakers.

(00:22):
Today is a we having a lowenergy day, all right, so bear
with us.
It's really a heavy day orheavy time of year that you
might find yourself in a familymember, someone close to you, a

(00:43):
family member, someone close toyou and one of those things that
you can find yourself in is arut, maybe, or a form of
seasonal depression.
And freedom speakers, it happensto the best of us, it most
definitely happens to me, mostdefinitely when I find myself in

(01:05):
a place where I'm reminiscingabout someone that is no longer
physically with me.
Ok, so when I say physicallywith me they had a traditional
burial and off going so to me,this person physically left, but
they spiritually are with me.
And when I get a chance, when Ispeak like they're not with me

(01:29):
is when I find myselfemotionally breaking.
They're always with me.
Man, how can I ever lose themif I can never forget them, how
can I yeah, so you know, we cometo you today at this time, most
definitely this time of year,with heavy hearts of us having

(01:51):
family members and people closeto us coming and going, at a
time where family is very closeto you start to cherish those
times because, hey, you cannever put it, you can never fool
.
I'd rather have the memory withyou than I lost, the thrill

(02:12):
than actually you know havingthat that time.
You know I would, I don't wantto stand on what if I'd rather
have the memory with you.
So, freedom of speech if youhave a loved one that suffers
from any form of mental health,never forget about them.
Okay, um, look out for them,check up on them.

(02:36):
Your strong friends, mostdefinitely those who seem as if,
um, they don't have any issuesor they seem to hold it all
together.
For those people they breakwhen they're by themselves.
That's the real, real, real rawof the person when they're

(03:03):
themselves.
And when they're when they'rethemselves, when they're by
themselves, um, I know, for me,I'm looked at in a different, at
a place in time, mostdefinitely in my life, to be the
leader and looked up to, tohave this, um, this front, if
you will, where I always seem tohave it together and I

(03:25):
understand when the world islooking at you just as a man, as
a black man.
You got to always have yourshit together.
You can't show emotion in a safespace.
It is ammunition for your enemy, it's viewed as a weakness and

(03:47):
it really.
It really, really, really,really, really should not be
Okay.
If I can cry at birth of mychildren and I can cry at the
death of a monarch of our family, I should be able to cry
because, bitch, you pissed meoff and I wanted to just fuck

(04:10):
you up so bad, but I just foundGod.
You can call God whatever nameyou want.
We just gonna say God, jesus,buddha, allah, whoever it is,
all the other.
We just gonna say God.
It's for all faiths, okay.
But I'm crying because it's theadrenaline and I don't want to

(04:31):
do well in jail.
It's just not my place.
But to add a little humorsometimes in a dark place can
kind of make you chuckle whenyou really want to cry.
So, freedom speaker.
Today I want to tell youpersonally I'm having a rough
day and it's everywhere.

(04:53):
It's not just me, it isn't apoor me.
What it is, is that here, atPermission to Speak Freely, you
should have the space to speakfreely and we want to
demonstrate that.
So I have a question to you, mybrother, as a black man how is

(05:13):
your mental health?
Often we go like, hey, how youfeel, one out of 10, how's your
mental health?
And that's the easiest way toexplain it.
I'll say today, man, I want tosay four is so bad, but I don't

(05:34):
think I can.
Four is too close to average.
I'm really, if I'm being honest, I'm in that one to two range
right now.
There's a lot been going onthis past month, month and a
half.
You know certain things I neverexperienced before.

(05:56):
You know work's always going tobe work.
You know what I'm saying.
That's going to be what it is.
Every job has its days.
So I try not to let that youknow what I'm saying get the
best of me, but it's more so thepersonal things when I walk out
of those work doors that I haveto deal with.

(06:16):
You know what I mean Like evenwhere small things can get in
the way of a good day.
Like, like traffic, you know, aquick traffic jam 10 minute
traffic jam should not botheryou that much.
You know what I mean.
That's it's gonna happen.
So you got to dig deep andfigure, like, what's really

(06:37):
going on with you.
You know, um, I recognized thatum, this was last week, maybe
Thursday or Friday.
Um, I got frustrated, um, withmy, my youngest son, to where,
you know, we had a little battlereal quick, to where I had to
apologize to him.

(06:58):
At the same time, I wanted himto understand, um, why he got a
reaction out of me.
However, I shouldn't havereacted that way.
You know, once again, he'seight.
So it's kind of like, hey,welcome into the, the big boy
club.

(07:18):
This is how we deal withtalking back.
This is how we deal withhuffing and puffing.
You're crossing that threshold,you're at eight.
Like, eight is the number youknow, um, but I did have to
recognize like I'm letting otherthings bother me, because I
don't, I don't react that way,you know.
So I legit had to take him.
I let him, I let him sit in itfor a little bit, but I had to

(07:41):
excuse me.
I had to uh, take him to theoffice and talk to him and I
could see that he reallyunderstood and appreciated that.
Um, because of how emotional hegot when I apologized and I
didn't just say my bad, son, youknow what I'm saying, or just

(08:01):
I'm sorry I explained to him indepth, a what he did wrong and b
what I did wrong and why weshould never have to go through
that again.
You know, um, my, um, oh shit,bro, my granny damn Damn, I

(08:32):
haven't.
I'm not even sure if I saidthis out loud yet.
You know it's all just been.
You know, just talking tofamily.
You know you find comfort inthings like that, but my, my
granny passed away last Thursdayand she was 94 years old.

(08:52):
You know, lived a beautifullife and you know you say that
and you're kind of like, hey,man, she was.
You know she was 94.
You know it's bound to happennow.
A lot of people do not make itto 90, let alone 94 or 100, you
know.
But you can never be ready forsomething like that.

(09:14):
You can know that it's comingin, which, you know, in the
family.
You know, we knew, after acertain event happened, it's
kind of like, hey guys, you knowthis may be happening soon, I
want you to prepare, prepareyourselves, but, um, but it
happened, um, and when ithappened, my mother, like she
wanted me to come up to thehospital, in which I understand

(09:36):
me, you know, I'm saying, Iunderstand that I don't want to
go there and see granny that way, as beautiful as it was for
those who did.
You know, they know themselves.
I know me, you know, I'd ratherremember granny, you know,

(09:57):
sneaking me a couple grahamcrackers even though I didn't
eat my food.
I'd rather you know, I'd ratherthat you know what I'm saying.
I'd rather you know, I'd ratherthat you know what I mean and
not just see her you know whatI'm saying laid up, although my
aunt, you know, she explainedand described to me of the
moment it happened and in theback of my mind, I do wish I was

(10:19):
there.
I do wish that I was there tosay thank you, granny, for
everything you know from lookingout for me, when, you know, I
was supposed to get over to overto my grandmother's house at
about four o'clock, but it'sfive o'clock and I ain't there

(10:39):
yet.
And she and she told my mom oh,he got here about four, you
know, because she was, you knowshe was working security at the
building, but but just lookingout for me that way, you know,
I'm saying I was, I was granny'sbaby, you know, and and it
hurts, you know.
However, we got to recognize,you know, we're not on our time.

(11:00):
We got to recognize, you knowwe're not on our time.
We are on borrowed time.
Whether you get 94 years, fouryears, 14 years, 24 years,
you're on borrowed time and wegot to make the most of it.
And this may sound cliche, butlife is literally too fucking

(11:22):
short.
Ok, that's my F-bomb for today.
Too fucking short.
Okay, that's my F-bomb for today.
Life is too short for us to bebickering over bullshit.
You know what I mean Causingdrama in people's lives that
ain't necessary.
Want to beef with folks overjust stupid shit.
Man, you know what I mean.
As grown people, you expect usto be to a point where it's like

(11:45):
you say you want peace, but doyou really Want peace?
You don't truly want peace Ifyou.
If you, you're at peace butyou're causing drama For
somebody else, how at peace canyou be, if that's what you
desire Really, and who's gonnahold your feet To the fire To
answer these questions?
You know.
But gonna hold your feet to thefire to answer these questions,
you know.
But I don't want to get offtopic.

(12:05):
Man, rest in peace.
Um, to granny maddie lockridgeuh, we love you.
We gonna miss you.
You did a phenomenal job.
Um, and uh, you know, we'll seeyou when we get there.
We'll see you when we get there.
Yes, ma'am, love you granny.

(12:26):
Hey, bro, that was beautiful.
That was beautiful.
Death is a, death is a, is atransition, and this is the way
that helps me with my mentalhealth and I have my small

(12:49):
reminders of letting me know howlife is fragile.
The past weekend, kyro had aseizure and by him being special
need he was a 23-week preemie.
He's nonverbal, he was not ableto communicate to us what was

(13:12):
going on.
He just was drifting in and outof consciousness but looking
for help and couldn't say.
As a parent, it's surreal for asecond Like this is really
happening.
This is really happening.

(13:32):
And having to keep it togetheras the man, the husband, it has
its challenge.
But I know that I'm beingviewed visually more than I'm
being viewed visually more thanI'm being like scaled
emotionally.
You can't see that for so muchlike I I can give symptoms, yeah

(13:54):
, of like dad shook cause KJ wasright there.
But him seeing how Vanessa andI jumped into rescue mode, like
we're caregivers at heart,regardless of your title or
education, of schooling orwhatever.
Like if you hand-to-hand carefor somebody you're a caregiver
at heart.
You don't need them.

(14:15):
Certifications are great.
But if CPR is what's going tosave that person, you know in
the most simplest facts comparedto you know, hey, you got to go
get some surgery.
Yeah, you can see that onecoming.
But the caregiver and her justcaught being so responsive
seeing what happened to himCalling like I called.

(14:35):
I was the one who called 911.
She was the one who jumped inthe mommy mode aided seeing
what's going on.
He thought he was choking soshe was patting his back.
That ended up getting him tothrow up.
So we scared Ambulance cometake him to the hospital.
Kj and I pack a bag.
We go up there.

(14:55):
He seemed like he coming too.
But being in that moment, italways takes me back to the
birth of KJ and seeing both ofmy children have a dramatic
experience coming here, excuseme, it puts me in a place like
hey man, they can be taken awayfrom me at any time.
And I already have a baby whois medically fragile Both of

(15:17):
them are actual KJ alwaysgetting his ass whooped by
nature in some kind of way manBug bites, scrapes, something,
get me.
Man Allergies, the wind, it'ssomething.
But that puts me in that placeof how fragile life can be and
me still grieving for my uncle,like me, being able to say that

(15:39):
out loud, like I miss my niggaso much.
Yeah, and I never thought thatI would feel for somebody and he
would be my emotional scapegoat.

(16:01):
We would call and talk to eachother Just man, shit, just man,
shit, just man, shit.
He like hey man, I call him.
Hey man, I got my lawn lookingbald.
Man, my neighbor whooping on mewhat I got to do.
Oh man, you got to put thistrue green down Three, four step
.
Now Come on over, get somebrews and I'll tell you about it

(16:21):
.
Come watch the game, game.
But just having those memories.
We call and talk about housestuff like damn, I gotta get a
hot water tank, but likehomeowner shit or just repair
shit, yeah, and that would beour space.
So he'll call hey, you watchingthe game.
He'll call in the middle what'sgoing on?

(16:52):
Or if I'm watching the game,I'm pretty sure he watching the
game.
So my phone ring is becausesomething happened and that
would be like just our shit.
That would be our shit, man,but me getting the chance to
that.
That hits me on the memory.
That hits me on the seasonaldepression side of it.
I used to have fond, fondmemories of going to my uncle
and aunt's home during holidaytime, all of us making fun like

(17:12):
this, this bougie aunt and uncle.
But now I'm the bougie uncle.
We, the rich uncle and auntie,we all know we got our shit
together.
We all right too.
But it's like, hey, I'm verythankful for that image.
I'm very thankful for that.
We just went and seen EvelynRandall, aka my Bump.

(17:37):
Respect her, that's my Bump.
Rip to her.
And Granny, I think her name isTeresa, that is Vanessa's
grandmother andgreat-grandmother.
We went to their grave sitesand sang and praised her, heard
a good song and went to herrestaurant she liked to eat,

(17:58):
which was Famous.
Dave's had some whiskey onbehalf of her, just because you
know that's her drink and thatwas my own, and tequila is an
honorary mention.
Tequila is very delicious butnot hydrating.
I did my own research.
But those people who arepioneers in our family, I get to

(18:24):
see like they really set atrend, they trailblazed, and we
get to have those memories ofthem.
It always touches me,especially around the holidays,
because you miss their presence.
You miss whatever it is thatthey brought, whatever attitude
it was, whatever dish it was,whatever character it was.

(18:45):
It would be that my uncle wouldalways bring a pot of collard
greens and banana pudding.
That was his thing.
That was his thing.
Evelyn would always buy theboys suits for church.
She would always get themsomething church-infused.

(19:05):
She got them a tambourine oneyear and she didn't usually go
shopping.
She'd just tell you and you'dtake the change and go yeah for
sure.
You know how Granny be themankles ain't going to always
make it.
Having those memories andhaving those experiences leads

(19:33):
me to looking for comfortsometimes.
So, freedom speakers, I'm goingto let you into my mental health
.
Please keep up for a second.
Evelyn and Big Ed, big Chief aswe called him, they visit me
and they visit me in the form ofcards that's bird whenever I'm

(19:56):
feeling in a place of likedespair or like that's it like
this this is it.
This is achieved so much it.
This is it.
This is achieved so much.
I guess this is it.
I'll see them in the bird form.
And there's two, two redcardinals.
One is red and black, the otherone is red and gray.

(20:18):
The gray one, evelyn, becauseshe had more gray than he did my
baby.
She had a whole little gravy,everything jumping off of that.
But I see them and they visitme in that manner and I look for

(20:40):
comfort in nature as I meditate, as I try to find and convince
myself.
Okay, that's really whatmeditation is.
It's worship and praying reallyto yourself, like, hey, this is
what happened, this is what Iexist in, this is my real life
right here.
This isn't a facade, this isn'tfiltered through a social media
, anything.
This really just happened to me.

(21:00):
How do I thank God for it?
Yeah, very difficult, but howdo I?
How do I?
Sometimes I gotta dig in themarchives, bro.
Dig in them archives.
I promised myself I was gonnahold it together today.

(21:22):
I even smoked some really goodweed so I could keep my nerves
right, it's legal here in Ohio,it's legal, it's legal, it's
legal.
But that I have to think of themoments and memories.
So it's like how can I evermiss them, if they always with
me?
If I could just pull it fromthe archive, yeah, if I can say

(21:43):
hey man, I remember that manteaching me how to cut grass.
Yeah, first job.
He's like no, you got to putthe stripes in there, make the
line.
The tire got to pass over, justover the line.
Just enough, let me show you,let me demonstrate, so you don't
miss nothing.
And he would be cool as shitwith it.
They do with one hand.
Come back around, it was thecoolest shit.

(22:03):
You know, making chores lookcool, but it's really not even
chores, it's a skill Teachingyou like hey man, go out here.
And you know you got to do it.
But doing that man.
And even with Evelyn, I wasaround for quite some time.
I was a little, yeah, in thebackground for a while.
I didn't know how that worked,but you know, I made it through

(22:24):
the trials and everything.
I'm the victorious one, atleast at this time.
I died to my baby, but withEvelyn, when I came around, I've
always had the memories of herwhen we would go to church and
she would just be herself, justmost lively, clapping and
everything.
And she used to have this bun.
And it wasn't a real hair bun,though it looked like hair.

(22:51):
It wasn't hair, the attachmentit was this she would brush her
hair back, like slick it backand then put the bun.
Like.
It'll be a different angle ofdifferent Sundays, so I might
have a little low one, but itwas salt and pepper and it
blended and I was like, oh man,evelyn, y'all need to sleep.
They like that ain't her feet.
But she would just be clappingaway long nails but feeling like

(23:16):
right at home at the UnitedHouse of Prayer for all people.
You hop, I couldn't continue togo because I signed up as a
heathen a long time ago and thenI wanted to spread God on my
assignment.
Come as you are, come as I am,man, you know.
But these are things I pulledfrom the archives that make me

(23:38):
laugh, that stop me from crying,because I be crying like a
bitch and also man you hit itright on the head, man because
you know we keep our loved onesalive in those memories.
Like you mentioned, cutting thegrass, man.
So now, like every time you cutthe grass you know what I'm
saying it's like Big Ed is therewith AB and he taught me this I

(23:58):
got to keep the stripes, yeah.
And then you teach the boysthat it's like where did that
come from?
That might have came from Big A.
He learned that from somebody.
So, like it just goes on and onand on.
You know my wife she lost hergrandmother.
We lost our grandmothers, ourmom's moms, the same year, the

(24:22):
same year, man, my grandmother,uh, may 2015, her grandmother,
december of 2015, um, and nowshe always gets you know, and
which I understand is you know,sometimes, you know, holiday
season ain't the same after youlose a huge, huge part of your
family, like that back um and so, um, I believe she said around

(24:43):
around Easter, she gets a littledown.
You know what I mean, becauseEaster, that's the holiday that
grandma do grandma house onEaster.
So you know what I've asked herto do is like with the kids,
like recreate those memoriesthat you have with her.
You said she made a dope ass.

(25:04):
What was it?
I believe it was a peach co.
You said she made a dope ass.
What was it?
I believe it was a peachcobbler.
She made a dope ass, peachcobbler.
So every year, every Easter,make a peach cobbler and try to
get it to taste just likegrandma.
You may not get it, oh no, thatain't grand.
This is actually nasty.
Hey, hit it again next year.
Hey, hit it again next year.

(25:24):
Hey, next holiday, next holiday, but try to keep it special
with the Easter, though Holidaycan be something else.
Try to get them greens together.
So I say this, man.
I say this just on a happiernote for a second man.
This is why family traditionsis so important.
Yeah, being able to pass onexperiences and memories and
stories and pastimes of thehappy moments of people who are

(25:47):
no longer here, but you arekeeping them alive in somebody
else's memory.
Yeah, so when I get to see KJwear his big-ass shirt, it be
one of them.
Like rest in peace, chief.
Rest in peace, big Chief.
I'm like man, but don't cut thegrass.
Yeah, that's better, but I getit.
It's just like the kids.

(26:17):
Yeah, that's better Othersiblings that I was found
through my father's side of thefamily Very new information to
me, man, but I've been veryaccepted by them and it just do
me well to be like, hey, man, wewas looking for you and I'm
like, damn man, that's beautiful.
I'm really a superhero, orphantype nigga man.

(26:39):
Like I'm an orphan in y'all.
I just was out here.
What I'm looked at is like thebig, big baller brother from the
city.
So they had always known youwas out there.
That's something, man.
So information that still shakesme is the passing of my father.
He passed in 2013, congestedheart failure.

(27:02):
He was a mechanic and a truckdriver.
So me getting that tinkeringkind of came through, probably
genetically from him.
But then my uncle used totinker.
He would work on cars and justman, that nigga felt like he
could fix everything.
Bruh, he.

(27:23):
I mean you tell him you had aproblem with something.
Man, he on the spot to be ableto try to help you fix it, man.
So I think that's kind of Atleast to be able to tell you
what it was.
Yeah, something, take it upthere.
I can't tell you I can't fix it, but I can tell you exactly
what it is.
I can tell you something elsethey driving you.
So I most definitely get thatin man and respect that man.

(27:50):
But uh, my sisters uh, who I'vebeen in contact more uh with,
have been, you know, awesomeevery other day.
What's up, bro, hey, when youcoming down?
And they're in yazoo city,mississippi.
So shout out to yazoo city fromuh here, permission to speak
freely.
Podcast and host chief ali.
So shout out to y'all from us,like I said, I'm in and I got a
sister, wendy, that's here.
She lives here in Cleveland,ohio, where we broadcast from.

(28:12):
Very thankful for her.
She's been very, very acceptingas well.
We post a link up actuallypretty soon, sometime before the
end of the year, holiday season, holiday season up actually
pretty soon, uh, sometime theend of before the end of the
year, but holiday season,holiday season.
So, man, to me that's a, that'sa.
That's the closest I can get tohim, uh, physically, yeah, but

(28:32):
I'm looking for signs throwingnow that I'm, I'm aware and I'm
just I'm able to kind of copewith like, hey, man, you know, I
never get to meet him likephysically, so that, so that
that get me, you know, it get me.
But it really bonding thehappiness into it.

(28:54):
It's like, nigga, I'm really myown motherfucking man.
Yeah, for sure, man, I'm reallytrailblazing my own shit,
definitely.
And if I and if I could man,like you know, I feel
comfortable in saying,especially being how your new
found family is accepting you.
Man, that's just, that's direct.
Just feel like the man he was.

(29:15):
You know, sam didn't get achance to meet him, but they
wouldn't feel the way they do Ifhe didn't feel that way.
If he didn't feel that way.
But them displaying the type ofperson he was through how they
are with you and like, hey, thisis Brother Kent, come on, come
join us, come down, come on downto Mississippi, come on, this
is where we, you know andwelcoming you.

(29:37):
So them carrying that legacy ofhim through their acceptance
and their welcoming andembracing of you man, that just
speaks to the kind of man he was.
I definitely believe that, forsure, and I respect that.
My other sibling, or that mysibling knew me or knew about

(30:02):
yeah, and attempted to reach out.
I block one of them yeah, youknow, scamming a lot going on
that year I just, uh, I was.
My trust issues was even worsethen than they are now, but I'm
growing.
I'm growing, yeah, uh, but I'mvery, very thankful for the

(30:27):
being embraced and beingaccepted and just being able to
communicate with one another andreally having that just for me,
like that's really just for me.
And I know, sometimes with us asmen most definitely black men
sometimes we look to needsomething just for us.

(30:49):
This is where, you know,marriage usually comes into play
and I'm a firm believer inmarriage, okay, but I'm not a
believer in monogamy and not anegative, but believer of
everybody.
Beat the black man ass, okay,you know how much love I deserve

(31:15):
, how much love I put in, howmuch work I put in, yeah, to
heal me or to help shield mefrom what the world already
promises.
Yeah, sometimes one woman ain'tenough.
Sometimes you need the strengthof, like, hey, her mother and
maybe her the husband's mother.
So you got that pact that, hey,we all have the mutual interest

(31:38):
in that man.
The same with the grandfathersif they were there, yeah, but in
reality of where we live in now, it ain't always like that,
yeah, so if it isn, they werethere, but in reality, where we
live in now.
It ain't always like that.
So, if it isn't more heavily,more needed that that man needs
more love from black women.
And I ain't saying romance, Iain't saying he gotta have sex

(31:59):
with these women, but he need ahealthy mutual relationship with
that woman for her to protecthim how she wants to be
protected by him innately.
Protect us too, god damn it.
Yeah, don't ever feel like weokay, because we ain't never
okay.
Yeah, man, we always are underattack.

(32:21):
Oh, man, you, you talking rightnow, bro, because it's
something I've been thinkingabout this last week.
Man, you know people will hateyou because of how great you are
.
They ain't did nothing to them.
You know we call them haters orplayer haters.

(32:41):
You know hoe-ass niggas in somecircles.
That's a fact.
You know that's, that's a fact.
You know that's a.
That's a disease, man, thatjealousy of you, you, you
feeling some way about somebody,just because of what they're
able to do for people or howthey look out for people, you

(33:03):
know saying how they would evenlook out for you.
But you're just so, you know,saying certain people got too
much pride, or to my don't, Idon't, I don't need her, I don't
need him, I don't need nobodyand and just want to hate.
You know I'm saying.
How many times you heard astory where it's like, hey, I
would love to give the businessto my son, but he ain't
responsible, he's a fucker.

(33:24):
Yeah, you, you know what I'msaying.
And for somebody who it didcome down to, they still earned
it through trust, throughlearning the business, from
exhibiting responsibility andmaturity.
And a little bit of luck.
A little bit of luck, man.
You had a rich dad.
Hey, man, cool, I still had toearn this shit, you can.

(33:44):
So, as I was saying, man is it?
You can, you can fuck up yourlottery ticket in any kind of
way and if you've got it out themud and hand it to you if you
had help with it, you really canfuck it up by taking it for
granted.
I think a lot of times we do dothat because we we'll get in
our ruts, we'll, we'll or we'llget comfortable, which happens.
You, you know what I'm saying.

(34:05):
That's not a negative, butbeing able to adjust yourself is
just a superpower.
Within that, being able to belike, hey, man, you know what?
This is me.
This is me.
I got to stand in this one, Ifucked up.
A lot of people can't say thatone.
Or even sometimes, for theprotection of their own shit,
they'll be like, no, nigga, thisis mine of their own shit.

(34:29):
To be like, no, nigga, this ismine, this is mine.
Okay, I earned this.
I put the time in, I work forit.
Nobody handed me nothing as usbeing in business together.
Bros like, hey, we both gotdifferent roles in this shit,
certain certain battles.
Bros like hey, you want a pieceof this guy.
You, you know what I'm saying.
You want a piece of this guy.
Or it's like hey, man, this oneonly for me.

(34:52):
You can handle this one, thisis only for me.
But it's a joint venture.
Okay, we look to take thenegative narrative out of
employee versus employer.
At the same time, it's deeperthan the job.
That's where the loneliness ofsuccess comes in, because
sometimes people only therebecause you pay them.

(35:13):
And when it comes to business,that's okay.
But you can't be attached tothings like that.
When bills and expenses come,nigga, I'm not attached to that
light bill.
Get this bitch the fuck awayfrom me.
It's costing me, it's costingme.
And then you ain't invited tothe parties.
No more, bro, bro, man, so it,the success gets, gets lonely

(35:35):
because you are working,whatever you putting your time
into finally is taking off.
It's finally paying off, man.
You finally are piecing thisshit together, man, from
whatever template you may see orbe around, but you carving
yourself.
Yeah, you carving yourself like, hey, I see Brody doing what he

(35:57):
doing.
Man, I like how he handlingshit or how he handled that
situation, like his swag or likehis style.
That takes a very mature andsecure person, most definitely
as a man, to be like, hey, bro,I look to you, this is fly to
what you do, man, or how youhandling things.
That's fly.
Or me being in a position whereit's looked at like hey, man,
you're successful.

(36:17):
And I'm like, nah, man, don'tdo that man, you're making the
spot hot.
I'm just a squirrel trying toget you.
Yeah, I'm trying to get you.
You make me.
Yeah, I'm trying to bust all Ican, but it's like, hey, you um,
like, I don't do that man, Idon't want to be the, I don't
want to be the man.
I, I don't want that, eventhough it's like, hey, as you

(36:38):
said, nigga, you can't chooseyour audience.
You can't choose your audience.
You don't choose your audience.
You don't choose your audience,you don't choose the message
you see.
So people looking to follow islike, hey, that's a, that's
fucking amazing.
What do I do with that power?
Yeah, what do I do with that?

(36:58):
Do I turn into the penguin andI fuck up some political,
judicial congress type shit, I'mthe boss of the underworld.
Or do I go ahead and be likehey man?
I give an example for whoeverlooks to see and be that beacon
of like hey man, I can be.
I love to make this storytriumph, but I'd be crying all

(37:21):
day if I really told you howmuch pain I had to go through,
yeah, to be able to say, man, Iain't hurting like that, no more
, I'm not.
I'm not as in much pain as Ionce was.
Do I hurt?
Fuck, yeah, I fight titans,okay.
You ever been in a?

(37:42):
You ever seen a boxing match?
It's rounds.
Some niggas don't make it.
12 fucking rounds, not at all.
And it used to be 15.
Let's get the shake, okay.
Do you know the endurance ittakes to fight Like in any form,
and all fights are not physical?
Yeah, but do you know theendurance it takes to just put
up with the shit, to fight theshit To just be like, hey man,

(38:08):
you shit.
To fight this shit.
To just be like, hey man, youcan have this one because I need
a break.
You can have it.
I just don't want to getknocked out.
Okay, just don't knock me out.
Or it's like I'm I'm not givingup.
You know, I'm saying I knowwhat I'm doing is right, I know
what I'm doing is for somebody Ilove.
I'm not giving up on them, evenif they've given up on

(38:28):
themselves.
You know, sometimes you can'tdo too much when it gets to that
point Because they say, man,how can I help you if you won't
help yourself?
Yeah, I can't want it more thanyou.
They can't want it more thanyou, I cannot.
Yeah, and that twinkles intothe entitlement man, just
freedom speakers.
Man, if you, if you findyourself in a place where you

(38:51):
are making your gains in lifeand you putting your yourself
first and you putting yoursuccess first and people start
falling off they never wassupposed to be fucking with you
from the first yeah, All right.
If you make an advancement foryourself, that can potentially
blossom for everybody and thisperson get mad.
They never wanted to see youshine.

(39:14):
They, they never wanted to seeyou shine.
That is not something that youneed to have ingested into your
life, into your circle in anyway, shape or form.
Okay, so the hard part about itis standing on your word with it
, because you can clearly say byyourself I'm done with the
motherfucker, I'm finished, I'mfinished, I'm finished, I'm
finished.
But once time actually goes, oh, in the past and you get hit

(39:37):
with real life shit.
Your hot water tank go out, man.
You need some breaks.
You like man, I don't give afuck about this bitch right now,
nigga, I don't give a fuckabout this bitch right now,
nigga, I can't get to work.
Other things start to supersedeand take precedent of your
importance, but you can let thatshit just sometimes go.
When you got to stand on it,you got to stand on it.

(39:57):
So having to mourn you beingthe one who initiates I ain't
fucking with you, yeah, and Ican't.
I found myself Permission tolike.
I found myself permission tospeak freely, permission to
speak freely.
I found myself in a place whereI was mentally sick and it was
self induced.
It was self induced of I washaving so much fun with the

(40:22):
people around me.
I was actually taking care oftheir responsibilities for them
because I just wanted to havefun.
I was actually taking care oftheir responsibilities for them
because I just wanted to havefun, I was just kicking it.
Or what is in my power to beable to change lives in an
instant?
You're fired, nigga.
Nigga, try to stand on you.
Tell him that real quick.
Nigga, you say you're hired.
Motherfucker, we really touchyou, hug, kiss, above or below

(40:45):
the belt, shut it out, man.
But really touch you, hug, kiss, above or below the belt.
But it comes with that power.
Just as I hate, you comes witha certain power.
You say it enough, you dosomething.
Just like, if I say I love youenough, it comes with a certain
power.
You said enough, it'll dosomething to it.
So me just knowing that andexercising that, man, it puts me

(41:08):
in a place of like, hey, Igotta say the right things to
people.
So when I'm dealing with work,I gotta be fragile with their
emotions, just like mine.
Um, when it comes to thechildren, I gotta exercise that
on how I speak to them.
To my wife I'm, I'm, I'm at aplace like I say, man, I'm
falling back in love with, withwifey, I'm finding us growing

(41:33):
out of COVID.
That was really traumatic to us, with our, our children, our
babies, our business, ourlivelihood with her almost lost
everything.
You know, no fault to myself,but something I'm growing
through.
So me me finding me in thesespaces where I'm helping, I'm
finding me almost like I'mneglecting people who really

(41:55):
need me because I'm thinkingthat they're okay and I'm not
paying attention to that.
Hey, I always holler that I'mnot okay, I need aid, I need
help.
I need to make sure that I'mputting these people first,
meaning my children and my wifeand my business and my employees
, my team, everybody first,before I help somebody just
because we trying to have fun,we trying to kick it, add it to

(42:15):
the bill, throw it in the bag,run the Amex up, bitch, ain't no
limit.
We about to have fun.
It's great, it's Gucci whateverit is.
It's Gucci whatever it is.
And getting caught in that,myself not preparing for, hey,
you still got your own shit todo.
You still got artists coming up.
You still got a team you got tokeep morale with.
You still got a wife you wantto make love to.

(42:37):
You want to present yourself asa fly husband, as a man to us.
All of these things in my mind,like trying to balance them all
, trying to find myself like whoI?
Who am I in fatherhood?
What examples do I have do likethat we spoke about a little

(43:00):
bit earlier?
I found me having my momentswith KJ and normally we have our
deep dad talks right beforeit's time for his nigga to go to
bed.
Let's laugh.
Kj ain't like the same personman.
It's weird.
Yeah, they both with Aries.
Yeah, aries, they both Aries.
Birthday is a day apart.
Yeah, very similar in character.

(43:22):
You know what I'm saying, butthey're going to change the
world because of how inquisitivethey are, how many questions
that they ask.
At the same time, they reallylike to be in control in a lot
of ways that we may notunderstand.
So one of the things that I didpick up with KJ is when he does
come out into my man cave, alsoknown as Lounge 87, another home

(43:45):
of Permission to Speak for thepodcast.
You can catch us on allstreaming platforms when KJ and
I are having our conversations.
Don't kick me.
He'll come on out there andjust catch me watching a game or
watching a comfort movie whichalmost any Marvel movie you do,
for sure and he'll bring up aconversation and normally it's
music, because he's a music headas well.

(44:06):
I love that about him, he intothat.
But he in that moment to me asI'm reading oh, not just we
spending time, he dictating whenwe talk.
Hey, I came out here to talk toyou, nigga, and then I let him
just run we talking, we chopping.
I'm like man, I don't want toforce him off.

(44:26):
I run we talking, we chopping.
I'm like man, I don't want toforce him off.
You know, I'm saying we, yeah,I know it's bedtime, but he's
spending time with me.
But then he had talked until helike, yeah, man, I'm sorry, I'm
gonna go to bed and I'm likedope man, give me love, give me
a hug, give him a kiss.
But he controlled that entiresituation and I just sit there
and be like he ain't challengingme because it's not wrong,

(44:51):
because he's not.
But it's like he really isexercising, speaking up or doing
things on his own, having hisown beat to shit.
I don't want to, never.
I had to be aware of that, butI didn't want to be like biggest
bad time.
You know, you had to put me inmy fucking bed For me to just do
nothing.
So I love that about him and Ilove that for him, most

(45:16):
definitely when it comes intowanting him to have a voice,
like to be able to speak up andknow, like, hey, man, your dad,
you don't know, your dad a coolass like, especially in some
adult that you don't, you don'tknow I'm, I'm, I'm the it nigga
a little bit sometimes.
Some circles, I'm in somecircles, I'm the square that

(45:37):
takes care of his circle.
Okay, I'm natting.
Some wish they could do it,like your daddy, and some I'm
the blueprint bro, but like,you'll grow up and get to see
one day how cool yourmotherfucking father really is.
Right now, I'm dragging you,I'm nagging you.
I said if I'm a square, I'm anice cube.
Hey, break that down, breakthat down.

(45:57):
I like that Poetry, my lay lowthe most.
I got it.
We're bringing it full circle.
Man, I was putting myself insituations that I didn't need to
be in.
I was making myself sickbecause I was taking on other
people's frustration that werenot my frustrations.
I had my superhero cape takenout of the closet and I wore it

(46:22):
for too long, which gave a falsesense of entitlement and I wore
it for too long which gave afalse sense of entitlement,
which gave a false sense of theycan just pull up on you and ask
you to just save them fromsociety.
Man, put me on.
Man, put me on.
It's like I'm having strugglesstaying up myself.
Man Enough to cut you in, that,like it, take care of your

(46:46):
whole life.
That's a pretty big, big favor,a pretty big.
You ain't gonna put in no workwhat you trying to do, but it's
it that that shit fucks with mymental health.
Of like, don't, don't, don'tbring the spot to me, he hiring.
Niggas like look on theinternet, not in real life.

(47:06):
Don't run up on me at dinner.
Niggas like so listen, you know.
Like you say, to bring it fullcircle, what have you learned
and how do you adjust movingforward?
You want the real answer.
Yeah, of course.
Have somebody else fucking doit.
Hey, that, yeah, that's real,that's weird, I don't, that's
something I'm learning.
Let somebody else fucking do it.

(47:26):
Hey, yeah, that's real, that'sreal.
I don't, that's something I'mlearning.
I had somebody else do thisshit.
That's something I'm learning.
Man, my plate recently has beenvery much full, especially
because I can go say I havethree different plates.
I got my husband plate, mybusiness plate, my fatherhood
plate.
We'll throw all them platestogether.

(47:49):
You're going to need more thana little styrofoam.
That's a big ass plate.
And my plate has definitelybecome full to the point to
where it's like nigga, I'mdelicate, hey, I ain't got time
for this stupid shit.
I've, literally I've feltmyself change so much.
I say, especially in this last,not even a long period of time,
bro, I say two months Don'ttake long.

(48:12):
Two months I felt myself changeinto where it's like yo, this
little goofy nonsense shit youworried about, nah, nah, you
know what I'm saying.
How do you feel about, like youmentioned, taking on other
people's traumas?
But what about when somebodyjust wants to have a

(48:32):
conversation with you, get youradvice?
Are you?
Are you empathetic to the pointwhere you get invested, to
where it's like I'm putting thison me?
Let me just give this personthis advice and move on without
taking on their problems as yourown?
I used to have a really badproblem with that.
Like I would find me, like Isaid, putting on that cape,

(48:53):
trying to help this personfigure out their issues when
they're really just trying totransfer, they're trying to pass
the buck off to beingresponsible for themselves, yeah
, and sometimes it'll turn intojust a tangible thing.
They need a material money,some type of good, and it's like

(49:15):
, hey, man, and you get to bearound a person long enough to
see like, hey, some of this shitis so conflicted, I can't make
up your deficit because youchose to do X, y, z.
So I learned not to jump rightto it.
I learned to let it air out fora second that normally you find
the person.
If you don't say yesimmediately, you kind of get to

(49:36):
see what the outcome is.
I ain't need to help, nomotherfucking way.
Let them go do their thing.
But I found me doing that at atime and it still ended up being
my fault if I don'tcontinuously do it.
So when I found me having tostop it and I did stop I found

(49:59):
it still being my issue that Inever even started it.
I never even did it or offeredto him and that just showed like
a level of entitlement.
I never even did it or offeredto him and I just showed like a
level of entitlement.
I'm damned if I do, I'm damnedif I don't, but I'm at less war
with myself because I didn't getmyself involved in something
that it wasn't an end to.
So learning to protect myselffrom myself, of not just jumping

(50:20):
in or rescuing somebody becausemy heart big enough, or my
material stretched long enough,my pockets deep enough, my heart
con enough, or my materialstretch long enough, my pockets
deep enough, my heart connedenough where, nigga, what's
breaking you is peanuts to anelephant to me.
Or it could be the internals oflike you really just want

(50:40):
somebody else to do it and youbeing lazy, so you running a
manipulation game, you running ascheme, a scam and having to
make people be accountable fortheir own shit.
Yeah, man down like that down,not at all down like that man
down.
Let me ask you this.
We was talking about um.
We gave away our age the otherday, a couple episodes ago.
Um, so 37 year old chief, yes,sir, um.

(51:06):
Is there anything you would sayto 32-year-old Chief, be it
advice, something not to do,something to do?
What would you if you couldlook 32-year-old Chief Ali in
the face right now?
Just tell him something to gethim through this next five years
.
What would you say?
Get help, solid, get help,solid.
Like get help.

(51:26):
For my mental health it is.
You gotta mourn things, deaths,the ends of things, and it isn't
always easy.
Sometimes having to sit in theto to see a person full of
circle and I'm going to justhave it with business for a

(51:47):
second to see a person full ofcircle, knowing the place we are
in business that, hey, we getto see a lot of the people who
come in introduce ourselves asowners, so on and so forth, so
that we got to sit across fromthis person.
At the same time.
Once things kind of go haywireand we couldn't, you know, come
to a good resolution with theperson, now we have to be the

(52:08):
one reprimanding and having tolet them go.
So that becomes a trauma ofhaving to have somebody's
livelihood sit in your handslike that.
And when you get to see thatthey don't possibly care and you
got to be the deciding factor,you got to hold that sometimes I

(52:31):
had it had 95% of the time withthe people that we got to walk
out the door.
They spit on us on the way out,regardless of what we do for
them.
But you got to know that inbusiness.
So this is why your memory hasto be short of like.
I didn't connect with thisperson anyway to some degree
because you want to care, butyou got to care through the
vessel of the business.
You as a person and a humancan't get too invested and
involved, because a human andnormally play on a human.

(52:54):
You can't play on this machine.
In a system that's built, wegot we trying to fix loopholes.
I remember you telling me a longtime ago when I was having
trouble, you know, say likeexpressing the issue to somebody
and you know them have arebuttal with what's going on in
their life and you just we evengo with them lines again, you
know you say, hey, it's not thatI don't care, so I can't care,

(53:19):
I can't care.
You know I'm saying if what'sgoing on with you personally
directly affects this business,you can't be here.
If you walk in here and you ina, you in a shitty mood and our
clients is feeling the effectsof you not performing at your
best, it's like, hey, you getthat shit together, leave it at

(53:40):
the door and you can pick it upwhen you leave.
Leave it at the door again onWednesday.
Don't bring that shit in here.
Well, I'll say this keep yourspace.
Yes, you got.
We even offer hey, if you havingsome mental health days or you
having a rough time, you canschedule time to be able to

(54:02):
communicate, to be able to talk,to be able to vent, to be able
to detox.
If, to be able to vent, to beable to detox, if you scheduling
10, 20, 30 minutes, even anhour, to communicate with me
personally, offering freecounseling to the team, if
that's going to get you to go inthere and feel okay with
working your 10, 12, 16, 18hours, whatever shift hours you

(54:24):
got to pull.
Do you want mornings orafternoon?
But that's another service,because I understand.
Just remember the mirror,trying to have the mirror image
of what I'm asking for and whatI want.
I need to be willing andaccepting when it comes.
So if I'm saying I need a placeto be able to sometimes speak,

(54:53):
which is normally my woman or mycounsel people who I look to,
and be like, hey, I'm hell benton this motherfucking idea, I'm
hell bent on this shit, allright, but my soul don't fully
feel OK, even though I'm OK,like I know, in business it's OK
, but in life is like I'm aboutto really fuck this person up.
I don't know where you at rightnow.
I don't like having that powerin my hand, especially for

(55:15):
somebody who we got likemultiple layered relationships.
You know what I'm saying,because if they don't turn out,
the the performance or theprogress and you can't redirect
them now you gotta cut them isalways my fault.
So if I'm always wrong, I'm adude the fuck.
I want to be.
I'm wrong anyway.

(55:35):
I'm a dude the fuck.
I want to be man Bringing itfull circle.
It makes so much sense.
So let me ask you this man ohshit, with you wearing like we
Freedom Speakers here atPermission to Speak Freely, so
with with you wearing like we,we, we freedom speakers here,
permission to speak freely, wepush the narrative so, so heavy
on family man, businessman,entrepreneurship, those are the

(55:59):
peaks of the crowns that we wear.
It's so many others, but justto tie it in, like it's really
family man, you wear so manyhats there brother, uncle, son
it's too many to break down withjust family man, business man,
you started part-time, full-time.
Now you running them whole.
Motherfuckers, bro, like that.
But you wear, you feel thepressure of every position

(56:23):
because you had it, youdeveloped it, you tweaked it,
that's true.
So you it, you developed it,that's true.
It's like I know what the fuckyou're doing wrong bitch.
I know what you're not doingbecause I used to do it.
Okay, that playing foolish withme is one of them.
You get to look your peer inthe face.
I believe in fair ones, okay, Ibelieve in fair ones.

(56:45):
Okay, I believe in fair ones.
Okay, I believe in that one.
Like that's it.
All that is to me is adifference of opinion.
We shouldn't be ever.
We should never have adifference of opinion and be
okay afterwards.
You whoop my ass, help me up.
I whoop your ass, I'm help youup, and we gonna hold this on
each other and we ain't gottaphysically whoop each other ass.

(57:06):
But it's one of them.
Like, hey, I should kick yourass.
You know you was wrong.
I got you.
Man, I'm on my shit, Just likewith myself.
I hate nigga.
I hate disappointing my woman.
Yeah, okay, I hatedisappointing women, but my
woman most definitely, and Iknow that sometimes that shit
can be used against us becausewe like to perform.

(57:28):
That's me, and we like at leastme.
I can't say everybody, but Ilike to perform, I like to be
like oh, this thing, did youhave a question for me?
I don't know.
Did I Freedom speakers?
No, no, but bringing it fullcircle, man is breaking it down,
just so you get where I'mcoming from.
When?
Just breaking it down, just soyou get where I'm coming from.
When it comes to wearing all ofthese different things, do you

(57:52):
really really still find timefor just you?
Yes, but not nearly as much asI should, not nearly as much as
I should, and not even justfinding enough time for just me,
but finding enough time for myfamily.
It gets demanding.
It's not always demanding, butit gets that way.

(58:12):
And as important as it is forfamily men to have a long time,
of course it's important for usto have that family time too.
You know what I'm saying andbeing intentional with that shit
, me and Mika were just talkingOne weekend out of the month,
this is what we're gonna startdoing.
I don't know when we're gonnastart, but we're gonna start.
We're gonna put a pin in it.
One weekend out of every month,it's family weekend, meaning

(58:36):
we're intentionally planningdoing something with the kids
going to this park, going tothis fair, going to the movies,
going like it's family weekend,it's us, and it always, because
you know it's six of us, thatshit get expensive.
Like, hey, we go to the movies,bro, and he has 120, no popcorn
, like, bring them, bring, bringthem, micah, knyx, uh, get

(59:00):
dollar tree, dollar tree, hey.
And then that if everybodystill get it's six people, and
everybody still get two items,that's 12, it's 12 out, but most
people gonna get three.
You're gonna get a price ofchips, candy, something to drink
, so that's I think, pick one 18and y'all can share.
So y'all two share, all right,y'all buddy drink, buddies,
y'all bring two straws.

(59:26):
No, I'm saying we were talkingabout finances last episode, so
we're just cutting a little bithere and there can make a huge
difference.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, exactly.
So with us planning, hey, youknow, hey, family weekend, we
probably started fresh on thenew year, starting with, like,
going, sledding and some shit.
Um, but I definitely need tofind a way to a more, more time

(59:50):
for just me.
My wife get mad at me, you know,I'm just like last night, I'm
watching game for the war seriesor is watching me.
She tell me, look, come to bed.
And I'm just kind of like, justhey, leave me alone for a
second.
I have no time to me alone fora second.
I have no time to be aloneduring the day.

(01:00:11):
And, honestly, when I am aloneduring the day let's say if I
get home before my baby boy getoff the bus and nobody's there
you know what I told.
That happened yesterday.
You know what I told myself.
Then I'm going to take a nap.
Did I take a nap?
No, it's too quiet in the house.
You, I'm saying I ain't used tothat.

(01:00:31):
I become such a accustomed tobeing a family man.
Something going on.
All I hear is artists, littlefeet tick-tapping on the kitchen
floor.
Like I can't go to sleep, I turnthe fan on or something.
You know I'm saying I'm wakingup every two minutes.
The clock ain't move.
You know I'm saying it's weirdbecause I'm so immersed in just
being this family man.
It's strange.
The only time I can get it islate at night, when they're

(01:00:53):
asleep, or early in the morning,and that's part of the reason
why I wake up so early.
My body awake me up, sometimesearly as 3, 30 am, when thatuh,
I ain't going back to sleep.
It just don't work for me.
I try, I fucking fuck my ass.
It just don't work.
Trying to go to sleep hard asshit, yeah, trying hard, ah, it

(01:01:15):
ain't working.
I just get up.
I just get up.
I fucking wash two loads ofclothes before 5 am.
You know, you know what I'msaying.
It may seem like, but you ain'tdone no laundry.
Nah, I did that shit whennobody up, you wasn't around,
when I was being responsible, Idid my whites and I did all my
pajamas together, all differentcolors and shit, you know.
But, um, but that's when I havemy time, you know so.

(01:01:38):
And again, like with my wife,when she do want me to come to
bed, just like, kinda, let mesit here here for a minute.
Please get mad at me when Ilegit fall asleep on the couch.
You slap her on the couch.
Hey, my bad, that's what mybody told me to do.
And then let's say, if it's anevening where I'm not tired, and

(01:01:58):
she is, well, I'm about to goto bed.
All right, man, hey, salute,yeah, you should not be
penalized because I'm not tired.
I'll holler at you.
Hey, rest.
Well, you know she a woman, soshe gets attached.
I can't go to sleep without you.
Don't let me be buzzing thethird or some shit, be like you

(01:02:18):
playing on my mental.
Yeah, man, how'd you sleepbefore I got here?
But hey, respect, respect.
You know we got to respect eachother's way.
You know I'm saying we got torespect each respect each
other's way.
And especially as a man thatgot his hands on so much family,
business, wife, extended familyyou know I'm saying, and I

(01:02:40):
embraced that.
I embraced that like a mug man,like it made me so happy.
I was talking about, uh, the dayafter Granny passed, I called
my uncle and I'm just like, hey,I heard about Granny and he
does very well with these typesof family tragedies.
I really don't know how he doit.
He was the master of ceremonyfor his own mother's funeral.

(01:03:03):
How, bro, sit down.
M saying mourn, but he just sostrong, I don't know.
No, I don't know.
But, um, I told unc.
I said, hey, let uh, you know,let auntie know, auntie, auntie,
val auntie, everybody know.
You know these are granny'sdaughters.
You know they're making thearrangements.

(01:03:23):
If it's anything they need meto do, you know, know what I'm
saying I will do that.
And the thing that I had in mindwas speaking at the funeral.
You know, I'm in my 30s now andyou know, when you're too young
, the family don't trust you togo up there and say shit,
because you will probably fumble.
Yeah, you're going to fumble,but you know, me and my siblings

(01:03:47):
, we're moving into that stageof adulthood where it's like no,
it's y'all turn to host familydinners.
We'll give you the recipe tothe mac and cheese we shared,
which just the way granny did it, Just how granny did it.
But it's our time to startstepping up in these moments.
You know what I'm saying,knowing how to plan these things

(01:04:09):
.
And in this case, man speakingat Granny's home, going man, and
I was going to ask my auntiedirectly, like, hey, I want to.
You know, I want to saysomething at the funeral.
Before I could say it, sheasked me.
I'm standing right behind her,she on FaceTime with my cousin

(01:04:30):
and she go you, okay, we put youon program for a month.
And I'm like, yeah, I'll behonored, yeah, honored.
And that's the exact like, yes,you know.
And then we talked about itlater that day and I'm like,
auntie, before you ask, uh, likebefore you asked me I was gonna
ask you.
She's like, oh no, I was.
I'm like I know it's a lot ofpeople ahead of me in line to

(01:04:52):
speak and stuff like that.
Cause this little vine like I'm, I'm baby cousin for real.
As far as the, the, the oldercousins, I'm the youngest one,
at 33.
And then you got my youngergeneration of cousins who are
just approaching their 20s andthey're still in their teens and
shit like that.
But as far as the oldergeneration of cousins, I'm the

(01:05:13):
baby.
They call me Vine BabyAffection.
You heard it here first.
People they call me Vine Baby.
So, um, as far as that oldergroup, I'm the baby and my
auntie entrusted me to say heyand she told me, she said no, I
thought of you right from thejump and that just made me feel

(01:05:35):
so good.
That made me feel so good.
So you know, I legit I want toput something together for
granny, something granny beproud of and remember her.
You know her legacy and who she, who she was, for sure, for
sure.
I believe that's, that's one ofthe most honorable things that
you can do for somebody is togive them a really good uh home

(01:05:57):
going.
When they called yeah, you knowyou want them to, uh, you want
them to show up there, flywherever they go.
You know what I'm saying,definitely.
So I asked you this what is, um,what does your legacy mean to
you?
What does my legacy mean to me?
Yeah, I want my children tospeak for me.
I want my children to speak forme.
So when it's sunday and my allmy children is together, the

(01:06:24):
same way me and my siblings gettogether now and they talking
about daddy and I ain't got tobe dead for this to happen I
want to hear too.
You know I'm saying I want themto speak for me on how I would
rather I was crazy.
Y'all remember that one timedaddy hit my ass up.
You know I'm saying, and thosethings I remember.
Dad man, like he used to, youknow that used to wash our hair

(01:06:44):
like I wash my girl's hair.
My wife does their hair, but Iwash it.
They should just like my mamahair, just like my wife's hair,
just long, thick.
It's a lot fucking detanglingprocess.
So I wash the hair and theytend to do like a little better
with me.
And then my wife got thattrauma of also being
tender-headed.
While I don't give a fuck, Iwill be as gentle as I can be.

(01:07:07):
You know what I'm saying withmy girls.
You know, and I want my girlsto remember.
It's the small thing.
It's the small thing.
Yeah, I remember when dadtaught me how to ride a bike,
back when we was living over atthe apartment.
I remember when dad taught mehow to drive.
I remember when I brought myfirst boyfriend home and dad ran
him off.
You know I'm saying, like thoselittle things, it's gonna be the

(01:07:28):
big thing, like linux, yeah,I'm here to see linux.
What the fuck are you?
It's like a f-bomb.
Today I'm here to see linux,but, um, but I want to be
remembered from those thosesmall, intangible things.
Is college going to be paid for?
Yes, we're going to make sureyou get your first vehicle.
Yes, we're going to make surewe're going to give you the
tools to make sure you know howto take care of your credit.

(01:07:50):
Yes, but I want to beremembered for those small
things.
Hey man, daddy made a good-asscheeseburger.
I love him.
With Daddy-made burger.
He can season the shit out themribs I'm alive and I can tell
y'all my man does make a reallygood rib.
But those that don't eat pork,you missing out.
It's pretty good.
We get a little beef rib Alittle more expensive.

(01:08:11):
Soy rib he's soy, he's soy ribs, baby Soy.
No fucking soy ribs.
It's going to fall apart.
But that's how I want to beremembered.
I want my children to speak forme and my and my wife, like the
family I'm directly responsiblefor you know what I'm saying
For her to remember who I was.

(01:08:32):
And you know we don't know whenwe gonna go.
We don't know when we gonna go,and if I happen to go too soon,
I pray to God.
Can I have 94 years, likeGranny did?
And I get 94.
At the minimum, yeah, 94.
Minimum, minimum.
I don't want to be like, allright, 94, so that's my ticket.
The 14th of september, uh, theyear 2086, you out of here,

(01:08:56):
right, man?
That's a good man, but um,that's that's what I want, man.
What about you?
I had that question for you,man, I didn.
I didn't really bother askingme too much.
It's all good, though, but uh,if, if I had to say, if I had to
, as it's coming to me now, justriding, riding where I'm, how

(01:09:17):
I'm riding.
Now I would want to speak formyself, for my legacy, just
because so many people havespoken for me of I believe in.
You got to speak up foryourself because a motherfucker
kill you and say you enjoy thatshit.
They say you enjoy thepunishment that you was under
because you never fucking saidnothing.
So, no, I have to speak up andmy children will be the

(01:09:41):
reflection of that.
But that's me being like thisis what I am, this is what I
represent, this is what I am.
This is what I represent.
This is what I have done, thisis what I expose myself to.
This is what the triumphs Ihave overcome.
You get to see a marvel in frontof you, not just the stories of
.
I think I was talking to uhthere's the other day because it

(01:10:04):
was chopping with him like oneof my favorite movies to watch
on, something Just like, get mymorale up is Troy.
So when Troy come out and helaid it with some holes in this
thing like the little boy, comeand find him.
He laid up.
He had a bunch of bitches.
You know what I'm saying, buthe gorgeous and he a good
warrior.
But the little boy tell himlike, hey, man, the behemoth or
whatever he was fighting, thebarbarian you're fighting, he's

(01:10:26):
huge.
I wouldn't want to fight him.
And he just looked at the niggacasually, like then no one
would remember your name.
But just I'm here to prove myown legacy for everybody to see.
Don't speak for me, my shit,speak for itself.
My children will inherit that.
My children will be the nextcoming of that.

(01:10:47):
It's like hey, I see why niggastake out the whole family
because of that man who isbroadcasting what he is.
Imagine when he teaching hischildren in his household.
Yeah, imagine how he prepared.
I showed this to Nessa the otherday.
We was just, we was just.
She asked like I need my creditcard not working.
You got another card I coulduse.
I'm like try to fucking scam meor some shit.

(01:11:07):
But I'm like no, I got you.
So I go to a little spot I gothidden Just out in the open,
though and I grab it and I keeplike important documents in
there.
So I told her like, hey, man,this little, this little jewelry
bag down here, if somethingever happened, just take this
with you and just go, get in thecar and just go.
So she's like what do you mean?
I'm like I got a Liam Nielsen,I got to explain my fucking

(01:11:30):
stuff.
Something never happened to me,but it's like we joke about it.
This is your passport, we jokeabout it.
But it's really one of themlike hey, babe, like we spoke
earlier, like hey, man, as ablack, a black man baby, I'm
always under attack.
I'm always under attack bysociety, by the positions that I
have and hold and all of thatshit.

(01:11:52):
So if something was to happento me, I need to make sure
you're cool, even in my death.
That doesn't mean that I don'tstill protect the queen, even
from my motherfucking self.
Okay, yeah, so any bitches inthe back, if I die, don't you
step up at my fucking funeral,bitch, don't you say a goddamn
thing.
I personally kicked him.
That's a joke.
That's a joke, but I'm seriousas fuck.
If it was ho, if you had acrush, don't you step up at all?

(01:12:15):
I would personally escort thesehoes out.
Hey, speaking of which, becauseI told my wife about this, you
got a list of non-hireables.
I have a list of people who andit's not long, it's not long.
It's not long.
I have a list of people who arenot allowed to be at my funeral
.
You wouldn't expect me to saythat, would you?
No, bro, because I got.

(01:12:36):
My wife has this list, bro.
It's not written down.
I've told her it's a very shortlist.
Y'all had it over ribs.
It's either one or two peopleand it's not two.
This nigga, that nigga and themniggas, everybody else cool,
but fuck them.
And they have opportunity toredeem themselves.
I can go back to them and say,hey, baby, take them off the

(01:12:56):
list, then next year they beback on them.
Can I ask you, number three?
What can I ask you, numberthree?
Nah, nah.
What Can I ask you, numberthree?
Nah, nah.
They'll know when they try tostep up, okay, and it's like hey
, he didn't fuck with you, youain't fuck with him.
Stop the bullshit.
That was two F-bombs in twoseconds, right there.
That's my fourth one.
If I'm getting better, then I'mworking on my language.
I'm working on my language.

(01:13:18):
I'm trying to be funny.
I'm truly working on mylanguage.
I feel you, bro, but you knowGod ain't through with me yet
I'm trying not to cuss excuse meat my children.
That's when they all come out,okay.

(01:13:38):
So remember that's our curse isit adds seasoning to it.
It adds seasoning.
Sit the fuck down like oh shit.
They only respect the thought.
They only understand.
Hey, go have a seat.
Go eat your food.

(01:13:58):
Did you finish your nuggets?
Eat one more.
Take a bite, eat your food, goeat your food.
Hey, go sit down and eat thatfood.
Now you crying man and then mybaby girl, her ass.
Don't tell your mom.
I don't give a fuck.
Hold on your baby snitching onyou.

(01:14:20):
Don't tell your mom, mom on myside, go on up there and tell
her.
Why don't you cut your ass outtoo?
Go eat them nuggets.
So for all children who mightlisten to the show I know this
is not a children-rated show,but I have nieces and nephews
who listen Uncle Juan love y'alland y'all know how Uncle Juan
is Love y'all too.
All right, so, but for all theother children that don't know

(01:14:43):
us or don't know how we are, atthe minimum you're going to get
is us cussing.
Okay, your child is safe.
Your child is safe at Uncle Vonand Uncle Juan Daycare.
All right, they are safe.
You might smell some liquor, youmight smell some trees, but the

(01:15:04):
kids are going to be safe andthey're going to eat, they're
going to have fun.
They're going to want to comeback.
Yeah, okay, they're going towant to come back.
But them bad kids, oh, weregulate them.
Oh, they get that, we regulatethem okay.
And when I mean bad, I ain'tmean mischievous, like they just
doing little shit, because weused to be doing mischievous

(01:15:25):
shit.
Yeah for sure.
So I get it.
But when you like trying toharm somebody purposely, that's
when we like okay, man, I'mgoing to put the taser on low
and I'm going to just zap thebottom of this nigga's feet.
Okay, parents ain't going tosee they got sock shoes back on.
They ain't going to see thatshit.
Examine his nigga feet.
His feet probably dirty,because kids that got dirty feet
are bad as fuck.
I don't see kids with cleanfeet do fucked up shit.

(01:15:47):
Dirty feet drink nothing butRed Pop and Flame Hot Cheetos.
Saggy diapers, yeah, and theyspeak extremely fucking well,
hey, if you four eat Flame HotCheetos, okay, drinking Chili
Willies?
Remember Chili Willies?
Hell, yeah, come on, man, chiliWillie's, I'm from around here,
I'm from around the way,drinking a cart.
You got the milk mustache.
I mean the douche cup, mustachefrom the cart and shit.

(01:16:08):
Oh yeah, hell yeah that shit.
Come back to the house halfempty.
The Chili Willie's you used toget a dairyman's juice Right the
dairyman's, the orange joint.

(01:16:28):
And, real quick man, one of mywhite friends back in the day, I
ain't like this nigga because Igot me some the iced tea.
He's like oh, that's the ghettotea, bro, that's the ghetto tea
I'm.
I just fucking ghetto tea, whatyou mean?
He's like no, bro, I didn'tmean anything by that.
The ghetto tea.
I'm like is it because I'mblack?
Is it because I'm black?

(01:16:48):
Hold on, talk about what's theghetto tea.
Was it the dairyman's, thedairyman's Iced tea?
You know, that's like the icedtea, the fruit punch, it's like
the fruit berry, the iced tea,half gallon, half gallon joint.
You could find the full gallonif you went in the inner city.
Okay, you ain't going to findthat at Dairy Mart out South

(01:17:10):
Euclid man, or you ain't goingto find that out in Westlake
Circle K.
No, you had to go Clevelandinner city.
4408, 44103.
Them the two I remember growingup A4.
, a4.
, a4.
Yeah, yeah.
So shout out to Cleveland.
Ohio.
216, baby, but it was that, bro.

(01:17:32):
I remember as a kid getting thefood stamp.
My mama used to give us thebrown food stamp, or sometimes
she'd give my big sister thegreen one.
I think that was the $5 one.
The purple one was like $10,maybe one.
I think that was the $5 one.
The purple one was like $10,maybe.
I don't think I had that muchtrust.
Hey, we was last KQ.
Hey, go to the store, get somebread, some milk.
I used to get sent up with theWIC coupons, though we used to

(01:17:55):
get the green ones.
Yeah, I don't remember them,ripped them bitches out.
So you can get two box cereal,or no, it was cereals in ounces,
so you can get like 33 ouncesof cereal.
So you have to look at the box.
All right, this box 12.8 ounces, this box 11.2 ounces, and add
them ounces up.
So, nigga, if you nigga 0.6ounces over you, you gotta wash

(01:18:21):
a whole box of cereal like man,let me get these two out.
No, you can't get this, yougotta get a smaller box, or you
just he's like man, let me getthese two ounces.
Nah, you can't get these ouncesof cereal.
You got to get the smaller box,or you just ain't going to get
no cereal and you ain't takeadvantage of all them ounces If
they sing you up with that WICcoupon.
You got 34 ounces of cereal.
You better be using like 30 to32 ounces If you come back and

(01:18:41):
you only got 26 ounces of cereal.
No, you should have got the bigbox of the Cheerios and the
small box of the whatever.
You know what I'm saying,stretch them ounces out.
Nostalgic moment, real quick.
People similar.
I remember as a kid goingshopping with my mother and she
used to do that.
We I'm a, I'm a EBT baby, I'm aWIC baby, I'm a Section 8 baby.

(01:19:03):
That shit Groomed me To be likethat Nigga.
I know what good eating is.
Some of these kids Only know mymama cooked Steak and shrimp
Without that shit Back in theday, steakums and shrimp.
Kids today Only know Steak andshrimp and shit Because of EBT.
That's a fact.
At least I knew we did.
Now they getting crab legs onthat shit, seafood boils, all

(01:19:23):
that shit, bro.
But nostalgic moment, man.
She would count the ounces andmeasure out in the dollars of
like, oh no, it's cheaper to getthis, because if you get two of
these this is this, this right,here is 64 ounces, you get two
of that.
That's 128.
You get this because if you getthis, this is $32 and you get
three of them.
Now you got to get four.
Now you came out $2.38 morewhen you could have got a pack

(01:19:45):
of meat.
You got the bigger pack of meatand not just get this little
cheap.
But it would be how much momswould process, like they're all
the twos and fues.
Speaking as someone who hasbeen to the grocery store with
your mom, as I said, man, at 32,I would have got help, I would
have got help.
Man, I got help a littleearlier.

(01:20:05):
I understand your trauma.
I love you, miss Gil, love youMommy, but all of those things
that say I used to annoy me as akid.
It comes out as an adult, whenI have to sit in them seats now
of like what is the better boxof cereal Because I only got $20

(01:20:27):
.
Yeah, damn, mommy was makingshit happen though.
Straight up, straight up, man,damn man.
I'm like, sure man.
And can we talk about that, man?
Because we often talk about,you know, we in America, for my
people listening outside theStates, but you know we often
hear about the oil crisis, theprice of gas.

(01:20:49):
You know I mean things likethat, um, taxes being high, but
we gotta talk real quick.
Cereal has gotten outrageous.
Nigga.
Every now and again I get ataste for don't laugh at me, man
wheaties.
I like wheaties, I really do.
I like the taste.
I don't feel guilty after.
Like I feel guilty as fuckafter eating like some Fruity
Pebbles or some shit.
Like man, I shouldn't age that.
I'm too old to be eating FruityPebbles, sugary-ass shit, color

(01:21:12):
dye and shit.
But the Wheaties I never feelguilty about.
Go to get a box of Wheat.
I'm like hell, yeah, shout outto her.
I'm getting a Simone Biles box.
It was like $6 for like just aregular little standard.
I can get like three balls outof this bitch.

(01:21:32):
Like $6?
Like a 28 ounce box?
Like the little is.
She was little, she was littleApartment size and my daughter
can pour that shit with one hand.
My daughter need to be holdingthe bottle like this.
You know, for some $6 box ofcereal.
What's going on with the cerealChief?
It's hard out here for a person.
So I'd like to comment firstjust on the Wheaties.

(01:21:56):
Shout out to everybody on thefront of the Wheaties box.
I hope one day that I'msomewhere in greatness and they
put me on the front of aWheaties box where, like my wife
, real good with crafting.
But they put me on the front ofa Wheaties box or something.
That'd be dope.
That'd be dope Me, like cuttinggrass on the front of that
bitch or something.
Dad, shit, dad of the year.
But hey man, I don't think.
I don't think kids is eatingcereal as much as they was as we

(01:22:19):
did.
I think kids in the mornings iseating flame of hot Cheetos,
eating barbecue lays, takis,takis.
They eating leftover wing stopfrom last night.
Or some of the kids, man, theyjust they intermediate fasting,
if you will.
They just not eating in themorning.
So cereal has come.
Outrageous man.
And KJ like Wheaties.

(01:22:41):
So I don't ever mind him eatingthat man.
But when I tried to have like afather-dad moment one day, like,
hey man, pour you a bowl ofcereal and pour me one too, I
did not like eating those littlemattresses.
Man, that shit dry.
You got to soak it in therelong enough because that shit is
like what you talking about.
Little mattresses Wheatiestastes like little apartment

(01:23:04):
size mattresses.
Man Frosted Wheaties tasteslike Little apartment size
Matches.
Man Frosted Wheaties Is they,even with the, and I drink my.
You talking about Frosted miniwheats, wheaties, no, wheaties.
Is the Like the product 19Wheat, my bad, yeah, I don't
like my nigga talking about thefrosted mini wheats.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was like my.
My Apartment matches, myapologies.
My apologies, they had likelittle pillows, I don't like

(01:23:24):
them.
And I tried to eat them With KJBoxers.
Look similar.
Yeah, they the orange, they theorange boxers.
So that's what got me confused,my apologies.
And they got wheat in the name.
3d for the speakers.
My apologies, man, but I triedto eat them With KJ Cause KJ eat
them.
Yeah, and they was just so whofucking dry for me and I'm a
cereal person.
Like as a kid, we would eatcereal.

(01:23:46):
My mother had remember we wasjust talking about WIC I'm a
food staff.
My mother would be one of them.
Ones Like she'll go get a raincheck if all the shit that was
supposed to be there ain't there.
I want a rain check on myGeorgia's wings.
That's a five-pound bag ofGeorgia's wings.
I want my motherfucking shit.
But we would get cereal and eatit just as a dry snack.
Yeah, she would put that shitin the lunch baggie for us.
We'd eat that.
She'd make her own trail mix,we'd eat that.

(01:24:07):
And if we didn't have no milk,it was like nigga, you be all
right with some water, you'll befine.
One of them, nigga, drink somewater, you'll be fine.
But we, that was nigga.
That was to us.
That was living.
Yeah, for sure, that was livingwhen you had the right cereals
in the house.
That was definitely something,man, and I'm going to say this
because my cousin, she, used tocome over to our house in the

(01:24:32):
summertime and be there.
From a kid's perspective, theywas there for like the whole
summer, but maybe in realitythey was there for like nine
days.
Yeah, your kid time, differentthan your brother's time, my kid
time.
So so, bro, so my mom's wouldgo to the store, load up the
cereals and shit, right, hey,man, you had to wake up early to

(01:24:56):
make sure you got the cerealyou want, because between just
my siblings there's five of us.
And then you got Wayne there,dj Maurice, sharice, four extra
kids.
The Cap'n Crunch gonna be gone,man, you know what I'm saying.
That was the one y'all likewhich we?

(01:25:18):
Cap'n Crunch, oh, firstCinnamon Toast Crunch, that was
the one For real, for real.
That was always my like top.
Like, yeah, cinnamon ToastCrunch, nigga, cinnamon Toast
Crunch be gone.
Plus Mommy, she got the littlebox, can't get the family side.
Like, hey, mom, we got fourextra kids staying, we need big
boxes this time, please.
But so she get the little shit.

(01:25:42):
Like Craig, but cereal be gone.
Man, you ain't get up.
You woke up at 10 thinking youabout to get some cereal On a
Saturday.
No 10 to shift over.
Nigga, it's over with, it'sover.
You might want to wait tilllunch.
Nigga, get you a fried bolognasandwich or something it's over
with.
And she used Bando Busting outthe Bando Fried bologna.

(01:26:03):
Nigga, that was the one man.
My sisters did that shit thebest.
You used to pop the little holeat the top of that,
motherfucker.
Yeah, that's the shit, becauseyou had to stab it a little bit,
otherwise the middle of yourbologna not going to cook.
It'll get hot.
But you got to exhaust it.
Yeah, or before you even cookit, you can just slice it and
make of bologna so it would stayflat in the skillet.
But that's some of the firstshit.

(01:26:24):
I learned how to cook Bolognasandwiches, grilled cheese
sandwiches, um, ramen noodlesyou know, bro, we survived off
nigga, shit like that and LilDebbie cakes.
Shout out to my nigga, zay.
Rest in peace.
To Zay I ain't have a bike.
Growing up Did not have a bike,but he had a bike.

(01:26:44):
So, nigga, we got a bike.
It seemed like he used to get abike like every Christmas, and
then can I have your old one.
And then his grandmother gaveit away to somebody.
What the fuck, nigga?
I'm over here, not bike-less.
I'm down the street.
I got to run behind you, butsomebody invented these things.
Is called pegs.
Be a max, baby, be a max.
Somebody came through with thepegs.

(01:27:06):
Now I'm on the back of the yeah, so you can put them on the
front or the back.
Be on the handlebar eating thedry cereal, you know, but no man
, so definitely.
Shout out to Zay, man that wasmy best friend growing up.
Shout out to Juice as well, man, like when I talk about this
friendship, if I had a dollar,zay had 50 cent.

(01:27:26):
If Zay had two dollars, juicegot a dollar, like we was
together.
If I got a quarter, nigga, wegoing to get a Swiss roll and we
splitting that bitch.
This is my boy, you know whatI'm saying so spending time at
his house.
Did I tell the story about whenGrandmama smacked him in the
back when I was stepping on thefloor?
She was mopping the floor.
No, but here we go, yeah, man,so man, bro.

(01:27:49):
So we over at Zay House, man, weplaying the games.
Xbox came out and we was socold, like everybody agreed in
the neighborhood this oneChristmas to get a different
game system.
Ain't no sense of us all havingthe same game.
So, nigga, tell your grandmamayou want the Xbox, you get the
GameCube, we get the PlayStationand my brother had the

(01:28:12):
Dreamcast.
So in the neighborhood we gotall the games.
We unfuck-wittable Whatevergetting played, nintendo,
whatever we own it, we know howto play it.
We used to all the controllers.
Nintendo always had theweirdest controllers.
We own it.
Got the C buttons over heredoing weird shit.
We playing a wrestling game.
I don't even know how to get inthe ring.

(01:28:33):
You gotta press C, you gottapress the C button up here.
Weird shit, but we own it.
We know what to do.
Wrestlemania, wrestlemania, allthat shit.
Super Smash Brothers hey, thiswas the shit.
So one day, me and Zay man, weat Zay's house I was in the old
neighborhood, by the way, man,his house has been demolished.

(01:28:54):
It fucking broke my heart.
But we in there for like threehours playing a game, kicking it
.
You know, I guess his grandmadidn't have like a mop or like
the mop broke or some shit.
So she's on her hands and kneeswashing the kitchen floor.
We came in through the backdoor.

(01:29:16):
So, nigga, my shoes are on theother side of the kitchen.
I'm like bro, my shoes overthere, your grandma in there,
you're mopping the floor.
You're like, bro, my shoes overthere, your grandma in there,
you're mopping the floor.
You're like, alright, we'rejust going to wait a little
minute, wait until she's done.
I go in there and get him.
Man, zay, go to tiptoe his assacross that wet floor.

(01:29:36):
His grandmama came in there,smacked the shit out of my boy
on the back.
Wow, what the fuck your assdoing in here.
I just mopped this goddamnfloor.
Five shoes over here.
How you gonna fuck his shoesover here?
I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry, grandma, I'm sorry,fuck.

(01:29:58):
Grab the shoes.
We out the door Like I ain'tcome back over your house for a
while.
I don't think I'm welcome back.
Rest in peace to my boy Zay.
I named my bike.
I have a bike now.
As an adult, I bought my ownfucking bike.
My bike's name is Zay, andthat's one of the things.
Just a memorial episode.
When I ride my bike, my boy Zaywith me Cause that's where we on

(01:30:24):
the bike I'm talking wholeneighborhood, nigga we, up to
the clear Superior, nigga thelibrary, wherever we needed to
go, we would drive all Ride Allthe way to the lake, through MLK
Drive, and every time we gounder the them bridges we would
just start saying All the cusswords Shit, motherfucker, bitch,
ho, like we would.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, shit,motherfucker, god damn.

(01:30:46):
We'd say that shit, damn, damn,damn damn.
Be honest, just, you know, wewas man, we was wild man, but
that was my boy.
And yeah, man, nostalgic shit,nostalgic shit, man that.
Take me back to me talking to KJrecently just on a.
He got a bike and he likeriding on this bike around the
neighborhood, different places.

(01:31:06):
But we had told him I'm like,hey, man, you know, when we was
kids our bike was like our firstmeans of transportation.
Bro, we everywhere on here.
I'm like we wouldn't even clock, we didn't even know miles, we
just everywhere, bro, and I'mlike man we.
I told him one day what ourSaturday routines used to be.

(01:31:29):
I'm like man, me and Uncle Budused to be gym rats.
We would go to Kvassik Rec,we'd go to Sterling or we'd go
to like Thurgood Marshall orHuff and we'd go swim, we'd go
to weights, we'd go boxing, we'dwrestle weights, we boxing, we
wrestling, we doing all kind ofactivities.
We some active-ass kids, activekids.
Nigga, you grew up, most ofthem grew up.
Most of us grew up in like therecreation centers in Cleveland.

(01:31:50):
You know somewhere, go to Corey.
My grandma used to go giveswimming lessons at Corey.
Yeah, corey, that's where Ilearned how to swim, yeah, so we
would go up there.
We grew up on Austin.
Corey sits on the corner ofDrexel.
Austin is right across thestreet.
They go down that way and, bythe way, they named Austin after
the lady who babysat us when wewas kids.
She babysitted everybody in theneighborhood.
That's dope man, and I wentover there.
You know how they name thestreets after certain

(01:32:11):
celebrities, though.
Celebrities Steve Harvey, leonBia from the news, bone Thugs
and Harmony just got a streetman.
They named our street after thelady who looked after the
neighborhood.
Hey, that's dopey shit, that'ssome community shit.
That's like somebody in CityHall or somebody locally Like I
went up there.
You should put Bob and Ann upthere.

(01:32:31):
I was going to take a picture ofthe street sign.
I'm like, oh, they don't nameAustin after somebody who was it
.
And I see they named it afterMiss Hollifield man Got a little
picture on there.
I'm little picture on there.
I'm like that's hard though,man, that's hard.
Shout out to miss hollifield.
Man, she's still over theredoing her thing.
I don't think there's no kidsover there now.
It might be, I don't know.
But she shout out to you thankyou, miss hollifield, for

(01:32:54):
everything.
I remember you taking care ofus and getting popped in wet rag
when fuck up.
Thank you, you needed that.
Hey, man, you find yourselfforgiven a lot for practicing
forgiveness as you get older andyou get to see like, hey, I
needed that.
They should have killed me as akid all the shit I did.

(01:33:16):
It took a village.
They should have fucked me up.
Man, he ain't no good.
Throw him away.
Throw him away.
I get it, though, man.
Shout out to those who coverthe children and cover the
babies, who cover the fools, whocover the adults, who cover the
people who in need, who justyou know.
Hey, man, thank you for justpeople being there, having that

(01:33:37):
person to lean on, and you saidthat this beautiful person was
able to make such an impact thather name will continuously live
on.
People will argue about hername because they didn't miss
the fucking street, you didn'tmiss Austin, because she was on
your fucking phone tweeting andshit.
Do you know who that lady is?
Hattie Hollifield Way.
So, yeah, most people call herMiss Hattie.

(01:34:00):
I always call her MissHollifield, miss Hattie May P
Straight up.
So, man, let me ask you thisman We'll close out this very
beautiful, insightful, importantepisode, really geared to us as
men Memorial episode being ableto grieve, being able to

(01:34:24):
process just true, true lifefeelings.
Man, do you feel comfortablebeing able to express yourself
freely?
No, and I think that's aproblem with us men.

(01:34:47):
We gotta get better at that,you know.
We really gotta get better atbeing honest, being vulnerable,
being open, expressive, beingfree to cry publicly, publicly.

(01:35:09):
You know, you and I, man, wealways talk about Killer Mike's
last album, michael, you know,and then on the song he had Shed
Tears, which really is like agospel song.
But he said I shed tears everymorning in the bathroom mirror,
face to face with fate, had toface my fear.
Just being honest.

(01:35:31):
That's why he won that Grammy.
That's a very honest album.
But men, especially black men,man, we got to do so much better
with being open, with thatemotion and expressing freely,
being able to say hey, man, thathurt my feeling.
I ain't like the way you saidthat to me, I ain't like when

(01:35:54):
you did that.
But instead we want to fight,right, man, what?
We go straight there.
That's nothing but that's justmismanaged emotion.
That's mismanaged emotion.
You know saying that'smismanaged emotion and it get
dangerous when we mismanage ouremotions.
Somebody get hurt, somebody getkilled, when we mismanage our

(01:36:15):
shit.
You know I'm saying um, so atthis point, you know my answer
is still no.
I don't feel completelycomfortable, but I recognize
that as a problem and I'mworking on it and I want to get
better.
You know saying be it with my,with my woman.
You know I'm saying with my,with you, with my partners.
You know I'm saying and let'sbe able to be able to sit and

(01:36:35):
talk and be open.
You know I'm saying and shedthem tears, let that shit out.
Let it out.
It's okay, it's a safe space.
You know I'm saying so.
I, yeah, that's uh, yeah, yeah,how do you, how do you feel
about being being open, speakingfreely?
Um, I'm, I find me at a placenow exercising that because,

(01:37:03):
being known in some circles ofbeing a person who is the one
that will say what most peopledon't want to say, um, I muted
that and it made me sick.
I found me withholding orharboring, and it didn't come
out in healthy ways, or what dothey call it?
Passive, aggressive.
I'll just let shit keep goingand going and going, and then

(01:37:25):
it'd be one little thing andthen I I'll blow up for eight
months worth of shit.
I've been harboring, yeah, andit's like hold on, wait a minute
.
And it's like you, you deserveprobably all this shit.
I'm saying, but I should havegave it to you when you should
have, when you got it, comparedto me, hold, no, yeah, for sure,
man, uh, so I find me trying tonot trying.

(01:37:47):
I find me walking the path ofspeaking more freely.
But I'm also recognizing thepower of what I'm saying,
because I don't want to have aman conversation with my teenage
son that he can't process and Iscar him by being so verbally
brutal of, like you a man, butit's like, is he though?

(01:38:09):
Yeah, like, yeah, he's on hisway, but yeah, I just really
became a man.
Yeah, so me talking to my wifeof this is what I need, and not
turning her off from it notbeing, but so be already
recognizing myself.
Like hey, nigga you a littleaggressive.
I'm like I am Dang what.
Yeah, I thought my shotspractice of being nice, I

(01:38:29):
thought this was nice.
We was like, ah, you got a longway to go.
You better.
Yeah, I'm practicing, butmaking sure that I get the point
across, but I don't.
I don't leave a stench with themessage.
I don't leave a stench with themessage.
So, being able to feelcomfortable with her and have

(01:38:51):
her be my safe space At a timewe didn't have that and that's
what I desperately, desperatelyneeded of hey, I'm getting
fucked up by the world.
I don't think you really seethat, because I smile, I crack
jokes, I'm laughing, ha ha, butI'm really fucking the joker in
my mind.
I'm really sick as fuck.

(01:39:12):
I'm really sick.
I'm sick, but I laugh it offbecause what antidote is there?
What antidote is there?
Money don't fix certain shitgot money don't fix it.
It brings more enemy.
It makes more shit dark becauseyou don't even know who really

(01:39:33):
there for you.
You don't know, yeah, butlearning, hey.
I can't say something ill tothis person.
That does depend on me, becausein some cases you learn, like
nigga, I'm almost.
Sometimes all people got on anemployer side, yeah, or on a
friend side of we, well, adults.

(01:39:53):
Now how do I tell my friend,like you being a shitty dad, you
being a shitty mom, I don'twant to feed into your delusion,
but you gotta got to, you gotto like.
So already, being faced withthese challenges of day to day
man, I find me just trying toexercise and say what's right
and not just what's likepolitically right.

(01:40:13):
Like saying, as I say to my son, like just give you an example,
go through that boy phase,sometimes not washing his ass,
and he faking washing his ass.
So he in there running waterand like he sound like he
following the step.
So I'm like okay, my nigga, youput the water on the rag,
squeeze it.

(01:40:33):
If you gonna fake to do it, youmight as well just not do it,
because you still costing usRight, still costing us All,
right, all of these steps.
You might as well either did itor just not did it at all.
Hanging in the balance, you makeyourself an enemy.
You gotta pick a side man.
Wash your ass, but don't washyour ass.

(01:40:54):
It's costing us the fuckingsame.
It's costing us the same, butit's on you to make this
decision.
So I don't want to be you dirty,funky, musty butt boy, ass
motherfucker.
I don't want to hit him withthat.
I want to make him like hey man, you too handsome to be
stinking like that.
I want to positively reinforcehim, but he got a black dad that

(01:41:14):
didn't have that.
So I'm trying to.
I'm trying to.
I was going to say that's whatthey're going to do outside.
Oh, nigga, somebody bust youshould.
And when they find out, hey,it's this nigga right here.
Ain't no safe place for you now?
Not at all.
Not in a junior high schoolcafeteria, hell, no, in the

(01:41:39):
middle of a test, he'd be quiet.
Niggas are scripting.
Hey, hey, hey.
Remember KJ was staying in myclass.
Remember, ken was staying in myclass.
So our nostalgic moment,freedom speakers.
I remember one of my teachers inmiddle school, eighth grade.
I ended up calling my motherand I was probably having a
rough day.
I probably just disrupted thisfucking class.

(01:42:00):
I'm pretty sure I was.
I'm a disruptive grown-up, soI'm pretty sure I was a
disruptive child.
Um, but the teacher ended upcalling my mother and my mother
would always like do hersurprise, get pop-ups on your
shit.
So I seen my mama at the doorwhen I'm in my last class and
I'm like oh shit, that's my mama, damn.

(01:42:20):
And if you know my mama, alsoknown as big kim big kim, don't
play.
My mother is probably one of thetoughest, smartest, brilliant,
beautiful women I've ever comeacross in my life.
But sometimes my nigga can usethat shit for evil.
All right, it ain't all hersinging in the fucking church

(01:42:41):
and trying to get into heaven,get the first hundred seats in
heaven.
Ain't that camp, it's the thebrutal.
You gonna get down and lay downbenny seagull warden type camp.
So she pull up and I know mymama.
I try to beat her to the doorbefore she come in there because
she about to embarrass the fuckout of me and she always had a

(01:43:03):
real thick big thing aboutembarrassment.
So when I tried to get to thedoor, she just coming right on
in like uh-uh and slapped theshit out of me in front of all
of my friends and I knew it wascoming.
I had to stand there and takeit.
But as soon as she slapped me,get your motherfucking ass in

(01:43:25):
that goddamn hallway.
I'm like oh shit.
One of my childhood friends,marcus Gdomski, aka.
He called him too.
He was like damn man, miss Kim,slapped that Eminem off that
nigga face.
And if you knew me before, Ihad a beard.
I got a birthmark on my cheekthat looked like a little M&M.

(01:43:46):
They used to be like get thatlittle chip of shit on your face
.
Remember, kids?
They make me cruel as fuck Kids, cruel as fuck man.
They talk about anything, aboutyour motherfucking ass.
But my homies just know I'mlike hey, man, this is how it is
man, this nigga he cool.
But they're like, miss Kim,tough as fuck, tough as fuck.
I gave KJ that story like hey,some of my niggas to this day

(01:44:06):
never forget that shit.
That's how they remember me.
Hey, nigga, you remember yourmama whooped your ass at the
school that one day.
You all remember you.
I've done great things in theworld.
Why you fucking remember me forthat shit skill, nigga, man,
don't bring that whole ass shitup, man Hayden, what is?
I ain't never seen your mama atschool.
Nick, did you graduate school?

(01:44:28):
Nigga, that's the worst concern, nigga, what your mama was at,
nigga, fuck you.
I was a chronic C student whenI showed up.
But Freedom Speakers thisepisode was brought to you by
Chief Ali.
One have a permission to speakfreely.
We really wanted to be able tospeak as honest as we can and

(01:44:51):
develop this space to be safefor people, for the listeners,
for men, most definitely Forthose that find grace in what we
say in our teachings and findpeace in our laughter and our
stories that relate and connectto us like this.
This is really what weultimately want to do.
Uh, yeah, we can.

(01:45:12):
We can talk about any andeverything up under the sun, but
we really like to talk aboutthe real things that we handle,
our day-to-day things, man, thatthe things that relate to
people love to have children, oryou be mad at your job, or you
know your spouse ain't right, orhey, man, you looking for some
guidance as a man, how tosharpen your shit up, or, you

(01:45:32):
know, we're just being able torelate to certain scenarios.
Man, we, we want to touch thepeople and we want to make sure
that, hey, we bring in our raw,authentic selves to y'all here
at.
Permission to to Speak Freely.
I'm your host, chief Ali andLaylo the most.
Thanks for listening.
Permission to Speak Freely.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

Stuff You Should Know

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Supporting Strong Black Men, Navigating Legacy, and Embracing Vulnerability

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

Stuff You Should Know

All Episodes

Supporting Strong Black Men, Navigating Legacy, and Embracing Vulnerability

Crime Junkie