April 7, 2025 • 38 mins
In this empowering episode, we explore the essential role of grit in personal mastery and growth.
You’ll learn why grit is more than just pushing through — it’s about purpose, resilience, and sustained passion for your goals. We look at the practical, research-backed strategies to build grit in a way that’s healthy and sustainable, not self-destructive.
In the episode I also opens up about my own journey of perseverance through addiction, burnout, and self-doubt, and why high achievers often need a different kind of fuel to truly thrive.
If you’ve ever felt like giving up, this episode is for you.
What You’ll Learn:
- Why grit outperforms talent, IQ, and even leadership potential
- How to develop grit sustainably (without burning out)
- The role of purpose and meaning in keeping you motivated
- How to reframe failure and use it as fuel
- The importance of relationships that reinforce perseverance
- How grit supports both healing and high performance
- Introduction to the Personal Mastery Framework
Resources & Links:
- 🎯 Apply for the Personal Mastery Coaching Program: jerryhenderson.org
- 🎧 Related Episode: Self-Love: The Root from Which Personal Mastery Grows
- 📩 Connect with Jerry: jerry@jerryhenderson.org
- 📱 Instagram: @jerryahenderson
Connect & Subscribe:
The podcast is transitioning to Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson on May 5th. Subscribe now so you don’t miss an episode.
🕰️ Chapter Markers
00:00 - Introduction & Podcast Update
01:46 - What Is Grit (And Why It Matters)
03:53 - Michael Jordan and the Power of Perseverance
05:36 - Grit Outperforms Talent & IQ
07:06 - Trauma, Healing, and Finding Grit
10:22 - Introducing the Personal Mastery Framework
13:26 - Grit Turns Effort Into Achievement
14:12 - My Personal Story: From Struggle to Grit
16:30 - Building Grit: Step 1 - Connect to Your Purpose
19:41 - Building Grit: Step 2 - Deliberate Practice
23:37 - Building Grit: Step 3 - Adopt a Growth Mindset
27:18 - Building Grit: Step 4 - Embrace “Failure”
31:01 - Building Grit: Step 5 - Surround Yourself with Gritty People
I am grateful you are here,
Jerry
Setup Your FREE Strategy Call:
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Website:
www.jerryhenderson.org
🔗 Access the course "Learning How to Love Yourself" here:
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Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/jerryahenderson
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jerry Henderson (00:01):
Hello everybody and welcome to this episode of
the Permission to Love podcast.
I'm your host, jerry Henderson,and, as always, I am so
grateful that you're here today.
Today we're going to be talkingabout grit.
What is it, why is it importantand how do you develop it.
But before we get into that, Ido want to remind you that as of
May the 5th, this podcast isgoing to be changing its name
(00:24):
from the Permission to Lovepodcast to Personal Mastery with
Jerry Henderson.
If you want more informationabout the transition, why we're
doing it, what's going to beincluded in the new show, you
can listen to last week'sepisode on self-love, the root
from which personal masterygrows.
I'm really excited about thistransition.
(00:46):
I feel like we've been buildinga foundation for two years
about how to love ourselves, howto heal, how to overcome shame.
Once again, none of that'sgoing away.
We're just expanding on that,because this podcast is about
self-expansion.
It's about having a healthyrelationship with yourself, and
one of the ways that we have ahealthy relationship with
(01:08):
ourselves is learning the art,the science, the psychology of
personal mastery.
Now, also as a reminder, ifyou've not yet subscribed to or
followed this podcast yet, it'sgoing to be really important
that you do that, because thetitle of this podcast is going
to change and all of a sudden,you're going to see a new
thumbnail, you're going to see anew title if you're a
(01:30):
subscriber, but if you're not asubscriber, you're not going to
be able to find this podcastbecause it's going to be under a
different name.
So I want to encourage you,take the time to subscribe, to
follow and also share thisepisode and others with people
that you know who could benefitfrom it.
Now let's jump into today'stopic, which is about grit.
(01:51):
So let me start by asking you aquestion have you ever started
something with total fire, fullof energy, fully committed, but
somewhere along the way, thatfire started to flicker?
Maybe it was burnout that wascreeping in, maybe life hit you
with some unexpected challenges,or maybe it was that quiet,
(02:11):
gnawing feeling of doubt and youstarted asking yourself can I
really keep going to have theenergy for this?
Can I sustain that?
Well, if you've ever felt that,this episode's for you and
we're going to talk about whythat happens and how you can
develop the needed grit tocontinue to perform, to heal or
(02:31):
whatever it is that you'retrying to do in your life so
that you can sustain it, havethe energy for it and continue
to push forward towards creatingthe life that you want to live.
So what is grit?
Well, psychologist AngelaDuckworth, who literally wrote
the book on this, defines gritas passion and perseverance for
(02:54):
long-term goals.
See, grit isn't aboutshort-term bursts of motivation.
It's not about simply havingraw talent, and it's also not
just about having resilience inthe moment.
Grit's about staying the course.
It's about sticking withsomething for months, years,
even decades, especially whenprogress feels slow and no one's
(03:17):
clapping for you, nobody'scheering you on, nobody sees
those times where you're havingto pull yourself up by your
bootstraps.
But guess what Grit is aboutthat?
Pulling yourself up by yourbootstraps, being able to go
forward.
Now I do want to be clear onsomething that this isn't just
about gutting through life.
This isn't just about grindingwe're going to talk about that
(03:37):
here in a little bit but it isabout accessing a part of you,
an energy within you that has amix of raw determination, faith
and support that helps you keepmoving forward even when you
don't feel like it.
And I'm going to mention theclassic example of this, which
is Michael Jordan.
You know he was actually cutfrom his high school basketball
(03:59):
team.
I'll let that sink in for aminute but he kept on going day
after day.
Why?
Because he was fueled.
But he kept on going day afterday.
Why?
Because he was fueled bysomething that kept him going
this relentless need to getbetter, to practice.
And he had this unstoppabledrive that kept him going.
That made him debatably, in myopinion, the greatest basketball
(04:20):
player of all time.
Up to this point Now, of course, michael Jordan had a lot of
talent, but he also had a lot ofgrit, and his story wasn't
simply about instant success ornatural genius.
No, it was about grit.
And here's something that Iwant you to remember throughout
this episode Things like talent,things like determination,
(04:42):
things like pure passion thisepisode, things like talent,
things like determination,things like pure passion,
motivation, et cetera thosethings might get you going, but
guess what's going to keep yougoing?
Grit.
And so let's talk about whygrit matters so much.
Well, research shows and thisis super fascinating to me that
grit predicts success morereliably than IQ, natural
(05:04):
ability or even leadershippotential.
One of the most famous studieson this took place at West Point
Military Academy.
Researchers found that thecadets who scored higher on grit
outperformed their peers, evenwhen those peers had higher
physical fitness scores oracademic achievements.
And here's the reality Gritactually becomes the great
(05:27):
equalizer.
It bridges the gap between thegoals that we have and reality.
It is the key to manifestingthe life that we want.
You know, I think about the bookThink and Grow Rich.
Now, a lot of people, when theythink of that book, they think
it's simply about positivemindset, visualization.
Yes, there's a lot of truth init being about those things, but
(05:50):
the truth also is that it'svery clear that Napoleon Hill
talks about taking action,sustained action, staying at it
until you see the desires thatyou have come to pass.
So it's a combination, yes, ofmindset and visualization, and
determination and clarity.
But here's the truth you canhave all of that, but if you
(06:11):
don't have grit, thatstick-to-it-ness, then it
doesn't matter what your visionsand plans are, they're not
going to come to pass.
And here's the thing and I saidit earlier that grit can
outperform all those otherthings that we think that we
need in order to be successful.
That stick-to-it-ness is what'sgoing to get you through.
(06:31):
So if you see yourself assomebody who doesn't have all of
the things that you thinksomebody else has that made them
successful, or the things thatyou think you have to have in
order to be successful.
I want to challenge yourmindset around that, if you will
put in the work, if you willstick at it, not give up on your
dreams and not make the excusesthat I don't have the
(06:54):
intelligence, I don't come fromwealth, I don't have the natural
talent, I don't have the IQ orwhatever that story is, those
are just stories and grit canovercome your stories.
Now I realize that you might belistening to this podcast and
you have a history of trauma andthat trauma has maybe
diminished some of your grit andfor some of you, it actually
(07:16):
increased your grit, right, thatability to push through and get
through life regardless of whathappened.
But I want to tell yousomething right now.
If you have a story of pain andif that story of pain has taken
its toll on your nervous systemand you feel exhausted story of
pain and if that story of painhas taken its toll on your
nervous system and you feelexhausted, burned out and you're
in this constant state of fightor flight and you're just
feeling like you're surviving,can I encourage you with
(07:37):
something that grit can be yourbest friend.
Grit can keep you pushingforward.
Grit can keep you taking thatnext step to discover how you
can heal, how you can transformyour life.
Grit, really, if anything, isabout not giving up on us.
So I want to encourage youtoday.
Do not give up on you.
(07:58):
Grit is the key that's going tohelp you get through.
When you can't see the answers,when you can't see the future,
when you don't know what'saround the corner, when you're
trying to talk yourself out ofyour journey, when you feel like
it's hopeless and you're nevergoing to get there.
Grit is going to help you getthrough that.
It's going to help you keepgoing even when you don't see
(08:21):
the finish line.
And I know this is true.
I absolutely know it's true why.
I've seen it in my life.
I've seen how perseverance andpushing through and continuing
to learn and grow has been sotransformative for me.
I've seen it in the lives of myclients where they felt stuck.
They didn't know how to moveforward, but they just figured
out how to take that next step.
(08:42):
They got the help that theyneeded, the support that they
needed.
They decided that they wereworth not giving up on that.
They didn't want to give up onthemselves because they knew
deep down inside that they wereworthy of a life that was better
than the one that they had.
They wanted to create somethingthat made them feel alive.
And if that's you today andyou're listening to this, you
are worthy of a beautiful life.
(09:04):
You're worthy of overcomingthat story.
You're worthy of thosebeautiful relationships.
You're worthy of overcomingthat story.
You're worthy of thosebeautiful relationships.
You're worthy of building thatdream, that career.
You're worthy of health.
You're worthy of being able tobe at peace with yourself and to
live out a life that feels asgood on the inside as it looks
on the outside.
Okay, I believe in you and Ibelieve that the dreams that you
(09:27):
have are important and thatthey are a part of who you are.
Believe that the dreams that youhave are important and that
they are a part of who you are,and the mere fact that you have
them, that they're in your soul,that they're in your heart, it
is telling me, and it should betelling you that, as an
indicator, that it is possiblefor you to have that life.
And it doesn't matter if youhave any of the resources right
now.
It doesn't matter what past youcame from.
(09:49):
It doesn't matter if you haveany of the resources right now.
It doesn't matter what past youcame from.
It doesn't matter if you can'tsee the finish line.
If you can access grit and youcan make a decision to not give
up on yourself.
And I'm going to say it againthis isn't about not giving up
on your dreams.
This is about not giving up onyou.
And if you feel like you'regiving up on you and you feel
like you can't figure out how totake that next step forward, I
(10:12):
want to encourage you reach out,get help, get the things that
you need, that you can have apartner so that you don't feel
like you're having to do italone.
I want to take a moment to talkto you about the new coaching
framework that I've designed,called the Personal Mastery
Framework.
What is it?
Well, I like to say it this wayHigh performance coaching helps
(10:32):
you succeed.
Therapy helps you get healthy.
This program does both.
It's about you performing froma place of health.
It's about doing the inner workso that you can create
sustainable success, andaligning your outer world with
your inner world.
I like to say it's abouthelping you create a life that
(10:55):
feels as good on the inside asit looks on the outside.
You know, a lot of highperformance coaching is simply
about grinding success, etc.
All good things, wonderfulthings.
I like success, you like success, we like successful
relationships, successfulbusinesses.
We like our bank, you likesuccess.
We like successfulrelationships, successful
businesses.
We like our bank accounts to besuccessful.
We love all of that right, butsometimes we've been chasing and
(11:16):
trying to achieve and we get tothose places and we find that
we don't have any fulfillment,that it's lacked purpose, and so
that's why I created thePersonal Mastery Coaching
Program because I want to helpindividuals get what I wish I
would have had 10 years ago.
I want to help individualsunderstand the motivators behind
(11:37):
their achievements.
I want to help them achievemore, but do it in a way that's
sustainable, that doesn't leadto burnout or to recover from
burnout.
If you're experiencing that, Iwant people to understand that
success and performance doesn'thave to cost you your joy, your
happiness, your relationship,your health.
The program is built on sixpillars that are research-based,
evidence-based, that have beendeveloped as a part of my time
(11:59):
at Harvard University.
The first one is mindset, orthe psychology of happiness and
success.
The second one, resilience, orthe science of emotional mastery
.
The third one is about livingpresent, or the art of living
fully.
Fourth one is about alignmenthow do you get the inside to
match the outside and theoutside to match the inside?
That's where we get intostrategy, work, vision, goals,
(12:21):
habits, etc.
The fifth one is aroundconnection.
How can you build meaningfulrelationships?
Because the research is soclear, right, that if you had to
choose one thing in order toincrease your well-being, it's
better relationships.
How can you learn to develophealthier, more meaningful
connections with other people?
And also, starting withyourself, that connection,
relationship that you have withyourself.
(12:42):
And then, finally, learning howto live a life that's filled
with purpose, meaning, legacyand service to others.
And these six pillars have beenshown time and time again
through research to be such animportant part of allowing us to
live a life that we actuallywant to live, to create success
and to sustain it.
So, if you spend a lot ofenergy trying to master success,
(13:06):
master achievement, mastereverything else in your life,
but you haven't learned how tomaster yourself.
Master achievement, mastereverything else in your life,
but you haven't learned how tomaster yourself, how to build
personal mastery self-masterythen I want to encourage you Go
to my website atjerryhendersonorg and apply to
be a part of the PersonalMastery Coaching Program, and I
look forward to connecting withyou and learning more about you.
(13:26):
I love what Angela Duckworthsays about this.
She says grit turns effort intoachievement.
And here's the thing about highachievers.
High achievers aren't the oneswho never fail, they're the ones
who refuse to quit even wheneverybody else does.
I remember when I was in highschool and I'd flunked the 10th
(13:47):
grade two times you know Igraduated pretty late I was
getting kicked out of schoolevery year from the 6th grade on
.
Super rebellious, dealing drugsin school, getting in fights
with teachers.
I mean chaotic childhood andchaotic years in school.
So I just kept getting kickedout all the time because I was
always getting in trouble, I wasalways causing some problem.
(14:07):
And here's the thing I waswatching everybody around me
drop out of high school.
That was the crowd I was runningwith, but something inside of
me said no, I don't want to dropout of high school, I want to
finish this thing for somereason, and I don't know why
that was there.
Call it grace, call it God,call it the universe, but there
was something inside of me thatsaid don't give up on yourself.
(14:28):
I mean, this was when I wasaddicted to drugs and had been
in rehab at the age of 14 andhad just this pathway that
everybody said was going to endin death or in mental
institution or in prison.
But I felt like there wassomething inside of me that I
just wasn't going to give up onmyself.
And you might be listening tothis and you have every bit of
(14:50):
evidence in your life thatyou're not going to be able to
be successful.
But here's the thing Gritdoesn't see all of that.
Grit says you know what?
I feel something inside of meand I'm going to keep taking the
next step, even when it doesn'tmake sense.
It didn't make sense for me tonot drop out of school.
I mean, I was flunking out allof the time and I thought, man,
what am I going to be?
A perpetual 10th grader Woundup graduating when I was almost
(15:13):
20 years old.
But I stuck at it becausesomething inside me was calling
me to more.
And if you're listening to thispodcast, something inside of
you is calling you to morebecause you're listening to this
podcast.
You wouldn't be here if youdidn't have that sense of
wanting to change and expectinga life that is better than the
one that you have right now.
(15:34):
And let me tell you somethingtaking that next step, finding
that grid, finding the way topull up by your bootstraps and
move forward, is what's going toget you there, and it's not
going to happen overnight, right, because life is for the long
haul.
Goals are big and the pathtowards it is rarely smooth.
But I want to tell yousomething you are worthy of not
(16:00):
giving up on yourself.
Let me say it again you areworthy of not giving up on
yourself.
You are worthy of building afuture that is a future filled
with blessings, filled withabundance.
And if nobody else has evertold you, I'm telling you today
(16:22):
I believe in you and I believethat you're worthy of a life
that is full of abundance, love,purpose and meaning.
So now let's start talking abouthow do you build grit, how do
you build it sustainably,powerfully and intentionally?
Well, let's get super practical.
(16:42):
Number one connect to yourpurpose.
I just got done talking quite abit about the fact that you
matter, that you have purpose,and guess what?
Grit is fueled by meaning.
Ask yourself right now and askyourself regularly what matters
(17:02):
to you and why does it matter toyou?
You see, part of what I do incoaching is helping people align
their lives to what actuallymatters to them.
You know, often people arebuilding lives that they're not
even sure they really want, orthey're building lives because
of the voices that somebody elsetold them on how they should
live and what success is and allof those narratives.
(17:24):
Right, that is not the way thatwe want to live, because it's
not sustainable.
We'll wind up burning out orwe'll wind up with a lack of
fulfillment.
We'll feel disconnected fromlife and others because we're
following a script thateverybody told us that we're
supposed to live that way.
Listen, you have fullpermission, full agency, to
reinvent your life at any timealong your journey.
(17:46):
I want to invite you right now,if you're living a life that
you don't want to live, thatdoesn't resonate with you, can I
invite you to take the bravestep of asking yourself what
truly matters to you?
And then the next question whydoes it matter to you?
(18:07):
Question why does it matter toyou?
You see, viktor Frankl taught usright, that purpose and meaning
gives us the strength to endure.
If you're not familiar withViktor Frankl, he wrote the
best-selling book Man's Searchfor Meaning.
He lived in a concentrationcamp and out of there he
developed a therapeutic practiceabout how to find meaning in
(18:30):
life and from that meaning, turnit into something that is
purposeful.
You see, when we have purpose,it lives beyond us.
You see, purpose is one of thepillars, intentionally, of the
personal mastery framework.
Why?
Because purpose is somethingbeyond us, where life isn't just
about us, it transcends us, andfinding and connecting to your
(18:55):
purpose allows life to show up alot differently.
It allows you to show up a lotdifferently in life, and grit
takes its fuel from that senseof purpose, from that sense of
meaning that says you know what?
I'm going to continue onbecause I feel like I have a
purpose, I have a reason, I havemeaning, I have something
inside of me that I want tocontribute to this world, or
(19:19):
something that I want to do,simply so that I'm the highest
version of myself, so that Ifeel like I am bringing the best
version of me to this planet,to my family, to the people
around me.
That sense that I feel like Iam bringing the best version of
me to this planet, to my family,to the people around me.
That sense that I'm describingright now is going to be key in
developing and maintaining gritin your life.
(19:41):
The second thing it's deliberatepractice.
Grit grows when youconsistently show up.
There's no substitute for this.
It's getting back on the horsewhen you've fallen off for the
tenth time.
It's telling yourself to giveit another try.
It's about refining your craftand getting a little bit better.
(20:01):
It's about 1% improvement towhatever you're putting your
hand to.
1% improvement to whateveryou're putting your hand to.
And the reason this isimportant is because you're
teaching your brain that you'regoing to keep at it.
And that's how grit grows.
That's how we develop it byshowing ourselves, by taking
those steps of faith, bybelieving that if we just keep
(20:23):
showing up, god, the universe isgoing to meet us with our
effort.
You see, you can't develop gritif you don't keep showing up.
And that's the challenge withit, right?
Because a lot of times we thinkthat, well, I need the grit in
order to show up.
But it's like anything in lifeyou show up and the grit and the
grace meet you in your showingup.
(20:46):
You know, a lot of times peoplewant to get the self-confidence
before they start the podcastor before they do the thing,
whatever the thing is.
No, it's not how it works.
You do the thing and theself-confidence begins to get
developed from you doing thething, whatever the thing is.
And it is that consistency,that showing up, that grit
(21:08):
develops from.
It is the fertilizer for thesoil which, in grit, grows.
And as we stick at those things, guess what happens?
We begin to develop mastery.
You see, when we think ofpeople who have mastery in an
area, you know why they masteredit, you know why they've gotten
better at it.
You know how you develop.
Personal mastery is because youkeep showing up, you keep trying
(21:33):
, you learn from the setbacks.
You understand that your lifeis worth sticking at it and
showing up one more time.
You know it might just be thatone more time that you show up
that actually makes thebreakthrough happen.
And there's so many stories,right, of people saying I didn't
(21:54):
give up, I took that next stepand it was that next step where
the breakthrough happened.
Here's the challenge, right.
We never know when that nextstep is, and many people give up
right before the breakthrough,right before the moment where
all of their effort is gettingready to catapult them into
(22:15):
greatness, into the life thatthey want, into the relationship
that they want, into the role,the business or whatever it is.
Don't give up.
Stay consistent, and as you'reconsistent, you'll develop
mastery around whatever it is.
You know Anders Ericsson.
His research shows that masteryisn't magic, it's simply daily
(22:38):
effort.
Okay, with that, now let's talkabout the third thing that helps
you develop grit, and it's thisadopting a growth mindset.
You know I talk about mindset alot in this podcast because I
believe it is so important.
It is the lens that we see ourentire world through.
(22:58):
It is determining so much aboutyour life.
You know Carol Dweck, who I'vementioned before.
Life.
You know Carol Dweck, who I'vementioned before, her work
reminds us that believing, justsimply believing, you can
improve your life, that thingscan get better, that you're not
fixed with whatever circumstance, whatever IQ, whatever
(23:19):
personality, whatever life hasseemed to have given you.
You're not stuck with that.
If you think you're stuck withit, that's that fixed mindset.
But all the research, all theevidence, says that you're not
fixed.
In that story, intelligenceisn't fixed.
Your brain can rewire itself.
Neuroplasticity teaches that wecan change, we can improve, and
(23:41):
the mere belief that we can do.
That is what keeps us in thegame.
That we can do, that is whatkeeps us in the game.
And it's that belief that wecan change that helps grit
continue to be fostered.
Because when you attach thatbelief within the grit that
causes you to take that nextstep, you start to see changes
in your life.
(24:01):
And when you start to seechanges in your life, it fuels
you even more.
And even when you see the quote, unquote failure, you decide
that you're going to keep goingright Because just because you
failed now doesn't mean you'regoing to fail in the future.
You see, a fixed mindset says Ifailed at that business, or I
failed that business twice, so Imight as well give up because I
(24:22):
can't do it.
That's a fixed mindset.
It says that the past is goingto repeat itself, that I'm kind
of trapped in this thing.
A growth mindset says no, I canlearn from those mistakes.
I can learn from those pastfailures and make different
decisions.
Moving forward and allowingyourself to have that mindset
keeps grit alive.
(24:43):
I think about myself when I wastrying to get sober.
It took me a number of times toget sober and I could have said
to myself you know I'll.
I was trying to get sober.
It took me a number of times toget sober and I could have said
to myself you know, I'll neverbe able to get sober, I'll just
be drunk for all of my life.
I'm doomed to this because mydad was an alcoholic and my
grandmother was alcoholic and mygrandfather on both sides were
alcoholics.
I mean, I could have gone downthat story right, but instead
(25:03):
something just kept pushing meto say maybe this time will be
different, maybe this time I'llactually be able to get sober.
And guess what?
It was that one more time whereI said you know what?
I'm going to give it anothershot.
What else do I have to lose?
And I was in a desperatesituation right On the outside,
as I've shared with you.
It looked good, it looked okay,it looked like life was great,
(25:25):
but on the inside I was fallingapart and I was trying to escape
myself and, as a result of that, I was drinking myself to death
.
And, yes, I could have given up.
I could have just thrown my hatin and said this is my life.
And I want to encourage youthat if you're struggling with
things like that, give it onemore chance.
Try one more time.
This might be the time that youget sober.
(25:45):
This might be the time that youchange that behavior.
This might be the time that youhave the breakthrough you can
change.
It doesn't matter if yourparents were alcoholics.
It doesn't matter if yourparents were drug addicts.
It doesn't matter what thatgenerational curse or
generational trauma was.
When I say it doesn't matter,I'm not saying that it doesn't
matter the impact that it's hadon you.
I'm not saying that the painneeds to be ignored or dismissed
(26:09):
or undermined.
I'm not saying any of that.
But what I'm saying is thatthose things do not have to
determine your future.
Those things are chapters inyour story, but they are not the
full story.
Your full story has not beenwritten yet, and having a growth
(26:29):
mindset allows us to understandthat we're in charge of the
next chapter.
We are in charge of how werespond to life, how we view
ourselves, how we view otherpeople, the decisions that we
make.
Now, of course, we can'tcontrol everything in life.
Right, life shows up, thingshappen, but we're in full
control of what happens insideof us and having that agency,
(26:52):
that autonomy, thatself-efficacy, the belief that
internally, I can make adecision to view life through a
growth mindset which says that Ican change, my future's not
fixed and a beautiful life is infront of me if I choose to see
it that way and move towards itwith that attitude.
And see, having that attitude,it allows us to access and
(27:16):
develop grit.
Now, the fourth thing that isimportant in developing grit is
embracing quote-unquote failure.
And I say quote-unquote becauseI don't think things are
failure unless we decide thatthey're failure.
You know, the only time it'sfailure is when we give up, when
we quit, when we don't keeptrying again.
You see, failure isn't a stopsign.
It's a stepping stone if we'llallow it to be, if we'll reframe
(27:40):
mistakes as learning.
You see, every great successstory is built on setbacks.
They all are.
Everybody had them, everybodyhas them.
You just don't get to see them.
We don't like to publicly putthem out there, we like to just
tell the success part of it.
But I'm telling you here as aperson who's gone through a lot
of this stuff there are a lot ofsetbacks that I've had, a lot
(28:01):
of the clients that I've workedwith, massive setbacks, and they
figured out how to turn thatfailure into a story that they
could use to learn from, tobuild on, to grow from.
And when we reframe it and wesee that just because something
didn't turn out the way that wewanted it to, just because the
(28:22):
marriage didn't turn out the waythat we thought it was going to
, or the career or the health orwhatever, it doesn't mean that
we have to stay stuck there.
Failure is never failure unlesswe decide to give up, to quit,
to stop.
Now let me encourage you withsomething Even if you've decided
to quit, to give up, to stop,guess what?
(28:45):
You can change that decisionright now.
You can make a differentdecision in this moment.
You can decide right now thatyou're going to start moving
forward, regardless of what'shappening.
And I'm not saying that's easy,that's hard.
And that's what that grit'sabout.
It's about the belief that myprevious chapters, as I said
(29:05):
earlier, are not going to definemy future chapters.
My past pain is not going tobecome my only story in life.
You feeling stuck right now.
You don't have to stay stuckand I know there's a lot that
goes on for many of us as traumasurvivors in the nervous system
and we have to do healing there.
(29:26):
And that's a part of that gritto say I'm going to lean into
the painful places.
I'm going to heal.
I'm not going to let that be myidentity anymore.
My identity is going to be onewho has said I've overcome, I've
learned how to move forward andI'm passing that on to other
people.
I now have a ministry, apurpose or a calling whatever
(29:46):
word you want to use to takethat pain.
Do a work of alchemy with thegrit and get in there and watch
things transform.
Now let me be clear Once againwhen I'm saying grit, I'm not
talking about beating the hellout of yourself.
I'm not talking about beinghard on yourself, diminishing
yourself or judging yourself orbeating yourself up to keep you
(30:10):
moving forward.
It's not about that.
Okay, and if anything I've saidhas made you feel that way,
it's not about that.
Grit is rooted inself-compassion, self-love,
self-acceptance, because thoseare the things that you tap into
to allow yourself to see thatyou're worthy of a life that's
(30:30):
different than the one that youhave right now.
That's why I talk about in thispodcast that your relationship
with yourself is the mostimportant one, and we've set
these foundations right andwe're continuing to build off of
them.
So grit isn't about just tryingto push yourself to the
breaking point.
No, it's about finding theenergy inside of you from a
place that knows your worth andthen overcomes the obstacles to
(30:56):
move you towards manifesting inyour life what you believe that
you're worthy of Now.
The fifth thing is surroundyourself with gritty people, and
so that might sound odd, youknow, but you do.
You need to surround yourselfwith people who have grit,
because they're going to rub offon you, and environment matters
(31:16):
.
Whether we like it or not,environment matters.
You know, nicholas Kratakis'research on this on social
networks shows that behaviorslike perseverance, joy,
gratitude, they're contagious.
They truly are.
It's an energy field that weput around ourselves and then we
put off to other people, andit's a contagious thing.
(31:37):
And just like people who arenegative can pull us down,
people who are gritty can helpmotivate us to stay at it, to
keep going.
They act as encouragers.
They act as champions, cheeringus on.
We want those type of people inour lives and, guess what?
We also want to be those typeof people in other people's
(31:58):
lives.
So I encourage you look aroundyour life right now, the people
in it.
Are they lifting you up?
Are they encouraging you?
Are they saying go for it.
Are they believing in you?
If they're not, I'd encourageyou to find those type of people
.
I'd encourage you to find acoach or a therapist who can
help you do that, who canchampion you, who can walk
(32:18):
alongside you in your growth,who can hold you accountable to
the goals and the changes thatyou want to make, who can be a
support system and a safe placefor you to be you and to work
out the things that are blockingyou from having grit, and
helping you develop it and livein it.
Now, if you do have people inyour life that are gritty like
that, I would encourage you tothank them.
(32:39):
Take the time to let them knowhow much you appreciate them,
what an encouragement they'vebeen to you.
Show them gratitude.
Here's the thing if you wantmore of those relationships
showing up in your life,gratitude's going to attract
them.
The things that we're gratefulfor are the things that we
attract.
So this week, take time to callthem, text them or write them a
(33:02):
letter, a handwritten letter.
We don't do them anymore today,and that's what makes them so
powerful.
So take time today to encouragethe person or the people,
either in your past or in yourpresent, who've helped you
persevere.
Those are important people andyou want to keep them in your
life and one of the ways youkeep them in your life is
letting them know how much youappreciate them.
Now, as we wrap this section ofthe podcast up, or this part of
(33:25):
it up, I do want to just take amoment and get personal with you
about something, because thiswhole idea of grit for me isn't
just a theory.
Early in my journey, as I'veshared with so many of you, I
made some pretty big mistakes.
I pushed myself past thebreaking point.
I mean, I thought grit meantjust pushing yourself harder,
(33:46):
working longer hours, neverstopping, and I burned out.
And that burnout cost me a lot.
It took me a long time torecover from it and I wore like
a badge of honor the fact that Ihad tremendous work capacity,
that I could get so much moredone than other people could get
done, and that I was answeringthe emails after hours and on
the weekend and I was doingeverything to the maximum.
(34:10):
And while I am still so wired tobe an achiever, to be a high
performer, I now realize thatit's not about pushing yourself
to the breaking point, it's notabout grinding, hustling until
you break Grit is not aboutthose things.
Okay, because what actuallyhappens when you live like that,
when you live that hustle, thatgrind, that constant, never
(34:33):
resting and feeling like you gotto be the one to outperform
everybody else in the world thatkind of life it actually drains
grit, it doesn't build it, andif you're in that bucket, you're
in that place of burning out.
You know, trying to proveyourself, doing all the things
that I described about myselfand you think life is simply
about grinding and you can'tfigure out how to get off that
(34:54):
achievement treadmill.
Can I encourage you aboutsomething?
I know that there's a fearthat's often associated with
slowing down, of not pushingyourself, of not driving
yourself, that you got to stayon top, you got to get ahead,
you got to prove yourself.
I get that, I really do.
But can I let you know somethingthat you can get more done by
(35:14):
changing your energy.
You can get more done when youcome from an energy that's
filled with self-compassion,self-acceptance, that's
performing and achieving as anexpression of yourself, instead
of trying to fix or to proveyourself.
Listen, I'm just going to sayit as loud and as clear as I can
, and I work with clients likethis all the time and I'm so
(35:34):
grateful to be able to work withthem and have them in my life
and to go on this journey withthem.
And part of the work isreminding individuals that you
can achieve everything you wantand do it from a place that's
more centered, more peaceful,that's rooted in an identity
that's beyond just achieving,that's rooted in an identity of
(35:58):
who you truly are.
So hear me on this you canachieve, you can perform from an
energy that's aboutself-expansion, not about having
to prove yourself or to fixyourself.
I say it a lot your achievementsare not going to heal you.
If success was going to fix you, it would have worked by now.
(36:21):
And here's part of the secretsauce which makes achievers
really become high achievers andhigh performers become extra
high performers when theyrealize they don't have to
abandon their aspirations.
They don't have to abandontheir desire to achieve, to be
healthy and to be sustainableand to have connection in
(36:41):
relationship and to enjoy theirlife and to be present.
You can do all of those thingswithout having to abandon your
desire to achieve, your desireto perform.
You're going to find, as you gethealthy in all those other
areas, you're going to have alot more energy for the things
that truly matter to you, andyou're going to have a lot more
(37:03):
energy to put towards the thingsthat you truly want to achieve
and accomplish in life.
Because it's a lot of energy toput towards the things that you
truly want to achieve andaccomplish in life, because it's
a lot of energy trying to proveyourself.
It's a lot of energy trying todo things simply because you
think you're supposed to do themor you should do them, and as
you get healthy, all that energygets freed up and you can
direct that energy to the peopleand the things that you really
love, while still achieving andI'm going to tell you, achieving
(37:27):
even at a higher level than youdid before.
And I want to encourage youthat you don't have to find that
out the hard way.
You can make changes now, okay,all right.
So, with all that in mind,let's just do a quick recap.
Grit is passion and perseverancefor long-term goals.
It matters because it bridgesthe gap between effort and
(37:47):
achievement, and the good newsabout it is you can build it and
you can rebuild it and you canprotect it.
And that grit is about youbelieving in yourself.
It's about you continuing tomove forward because you believe
that you're worthy, and youbelieve that you're worthy of a
(38:09):
life filled with love,connection, passion, meaning and
purpose.
Well, thank you for joiningthis episode of the Permission
to Love podcast, and I want toremind you that, if you need
help in your journey, you can goto my website at
jerryhendersonorg.
Learn more about the PersonalMastery Coaching Framework.
And if the program resonateswith you, I encourage you to
apply for the program.
We'll connect, meet togetherand determine if working
(38:32):
together is the right fit.
And finally, I want to remindyou, as I always do, that you
are worthy of your own love.
Hello everybody and welcome to this episode of
the Permission to Love podcast.
I'm your host, jerry Henderson,and, as always, I am so
grateful that you're here today.
Today we're going to be talkingabout grit.
What is it, why is it importantand how do you develop it.
But before we get into that, Ido want to remind you that as of
May the 5th, this podcast isgoing to be changing its name
(00:24):
from the Permission to Lovepodcast to Personal Mastery with
Jerry Henderson.
If you want more informationabout the transition, why we're
doing it, what's going to beincluded in the new show, you
can listen to last week'sepisode on self-love, the root
from which personal masterygrows.
I'm really excited about thistransition.
(00:46):
I feel like we've been buildinga foundation for two years
about how to love ourselves, howto heal, how to overcome shame.
Once again, none of that'sgoing away.
We're just expanding on that,because this podcast is about
self-expansion.
It's about having a healthyrelationship with yourself, and
one of the ways that we have ahealthy relationship with
(01:08):
ourselves is learning the art,the science, the psychology of
personal mastery.
Now, also as a reminder, ifyou've not yet subscribed to or
followed this podcast yet, it'sgoing to be really important
that you do that, because thetitle of this podcast is going
to change and all of a sudden,you're going to see a new
thumbnail, you're going to see anew title if you're a
(01:30):
subscriber, but if you're not asubscriber, you're not going to
be able to find this podcastbecause it's going to be under a
different name.
So I want to encourage you,take the time to subscribe, to
follow and also share thisepisode and others with people
that you know who could benefitfrom it.
Now let's jump into today'stopic, which is about grit.
(01:51):
So let me start by asking you aquestion have you ever started
something with total fire, fullof energy, fully committed, but
somewhere along the way, thatfire started to flicker?
Maybe it was burnout that wascreeping in, maybe life hit you
with some unexpected challenges,or maybe it was that quiet,
(02:11):
gnawing feeling of doubt and youstarted asking yourself can I
really keep going to have theenergy for this?
Can I sustain that?
Well, if you've ever felt that,this episode's for you and
we're going to talk about whythat happens and how you can
develop the needed grit tocontinue to perform, to heal or
(02:31):
whatever it is that you'retrying to do in your life so
that you can sustain it, havethe energy for it and continue
to push forward towards creatingthe life that you want to live.
So what is grit?
Well, psychologist AngelaDuckworth, who literally wrote
the book on this, defines gritas passion and perseverance for
(02:54):
long-term goals.
See, grit isn't aboutshort-term bursts of motivation.
It's not about simply havingraw talent, and it's also not
just about having resilience inthe moment.
Grit's about staying the course.
It's about sticking withsomething for months, years,
even decades, especially whenprogress feels slow and no one's
(03:17):
clapping for you, nobody'scheering you on, nobody sees
those times where you're havingto pull yourself up by your
bootstraps.
But guess what Grit is aboutthat?
Pulling yourself up by yourbootstraps, being able to go
forward.
Now I do want to be clear onsomething that this isn't just
about gutting through life.
This isn't just about grindingwe're going to talk about that
(03:37):
here in a little bit but it isabout accessing a part of you,
an energy within you that has amix of raw determination, faith
and support that helps you keepmoving forward even when you
don't feel like it.
And I'm going to mention theclassic example of this, which
is Michael Jordan.
You know he was actually cutfrom his high school basketball
(03:59):
team.
I'll let that sink in for aminute but he kept on going day
after day.
Why?
Because he was fueled.
But he kept on going day afterday.
Why?
Because he was fueled bysomething that kept him going
this relentless need to getbetter, to practice.
And he had this unstoppabledrive that kept him going.
That made him debatably, in myopinion, the greatest basketball
(04:20):
player of all time.
Up to this point Now, of course, michael Jordan had a lot of
talent, but he also had a lot ofgrit, and his story wasn't
simply about instant success ornatural genius.
No, it was about grit.
And here's something that Iwant you to remember throughout
this episode Things like talent,things like determination,
(04:42):
things like pure passion thisepisode, things like talent,
things like determination,things like pure passion,
motivation, et cetera thosethings might get you going, but
guess what's going to keep yougoing?
Grit.
And so let's talk about whygrit matters so much.
Well, research shows and thisis super fascinating to me that
grit predicts success morereliably than IQ, natural
(05:04):
ability or even leadershippotential.
One of the most famous studieson this took place at West Point
Military Academy.
Researchers found that thecadets who scored higher on grit
outperformed their peers, evenwhen those peers had higher
physical fitness scores oracademic achievements.
And here's the reality Gritactually becomes the great
(05:27):
equalizer.
It bridges the gap between thegoals that we have and reality.
It is the key to manifestingthe life that we want.
You know, I think about the bookThink and Grow Rich.
Now, a lot of people, when theythink of that book, they think
it's simply about positivemindset, visualization.
Yes, there's a lot of truth init being about those things, but
(05:50):
the truth also is that it'svery clear that Napoleon Hill
talks about taking action,sustained action, staying at it
until you see the desires thatyou have come to pass.
So it's a combination, yes, ofmindset and visualization, and
determination and clarity.
But here's the truth you canhave all of that, but if you
(06:11):
don't have grit, thatstick-to-it-ness, then it
doesn't matter what your visionsand plans are, they're not
going to come to pass.
And here's the thing and I saidit earlier that grit can
outperform all those otherthings that we think that we
need in order to be successful.
That stick-to-it-ness is what'sgoing to get you through.
(06:31):
So if you see yourself assomebody who doesn't have all of
the things that you thinksomebody else has that made them
successful, or the things thatyou think you have to have in
order to be successful.
I want to challenge yourmindset around that, if you will
put in the work, if you willstick at it, not give up on your
dreams and not make the excusesthat I don't have the
(06:54):
intelligence, I don't come fromwealth, I don't have the natural
talent, I don't have the IQ orwhatever that story is, those
are just stories and grit canovercome your stories.
Now I realize that you might belistening to this podcast and
you have a history of trauma andthat trauma has maybe
diminished some of your grit andfor some of you, it actually
(07:16):
increased your grit, right, thatability to push through and get
through life regardless of whathappened.
But I want to tell yousomething right now.
If you have a story of pain andif that story of pain has taken
its toll on your nervous systemand you feel exhausted story of
pain and if that story of painhas taken its toll on your
nervous system and you feelexhausted, burned out and you're
in this constant state of fightor flight and you're just
feeling like you're surviving,can I encourage you with
(07:37):
something that grit can be yourbest friend.
Grit can keep you pushingforward.
Grit can keep you taking thatnext step to discover how you
can heal, how you can transformyour life.
Grit, really, if anything, isabout not giving up on us.
So I want to encourage youtoday.
Do not give up on you.
(07:58):
Grit is the key that's going tohelp you get through.
When you can't see the answers,when you can't see the future,
when you don't know what'saround the corner, when you're
trying to talk yourself out ofyour journey, when you feel like
it's hopeless and you're nevergoing to get there.
Grit is going to help you getthrough that.
It's going to help you keepgoing even when you don't see
(08:21):
the finish line.
And I know this is true.
I absolutely know it's true why.
I've seen it in my life.
I've seen how perseverance andpushing through and continuing
to learn and grow has been sotransformative for me.
I've seen it in the lives of myclients where they felt stuck.
They didn't know how to moveforward, but they just figured
out how to take that next step.
(08:42):
They got the help that theyneeded, the support that they
needed.
They decided that they wereworth not giving up on that.
They didn't want to give up onthemselves because they knew
deep down inside that they wereworthy of a life that was better
than the one that they had.
They wanted to create somethingthat made them feel alive.
And if that's you today andyou're listening to this, you
are worthy of a beautiful life.
(09:04):
You're worthy of overcomingthat story.
You're worthy of thosebeautiful relationships.
You're worthy of overcomingthat story.
You're worthy of thosebeautiful relationships.
You're worthy of building thatdream, that career.
You're worthy of health.
You're worthy of being able tobe at peace with yourself and to
live out a life that feels asgood on the inside as it looks
on the outside.
Okay, I believe in you and Ibelieve that the dreams that you
(09:27):
have are important and thatthey are a part of who you are.
Believe that the dreams that youhave are important and that
they are a part of who you are,and the mere fact that you have
them, that they're in your soul,that they're in your heart, it
is telling me, and it should betelling you that, as an
indicator, that it is possiblefor you to have that life.
And it doesn't matter if youhave any of the resources right
now.
It doesn't matter what past youcame from.
(09:49):
It doesn't matter if you haveany of the resources right now.
It doesn't matter what past youcame from.
It doesn't matter if you can'tsee the finish line.
If you can access grit and youcan make a decision to not give
up on yourself.
And I'm going to say it againthis isn't about not giving up
on your dreams.
This is about not giving up onyou.
And if you feel like you'regiving up on you and you feel
like you can't figure out how totake that next step forward, I
(10:12):
want to encourage you reach out,get help, get the things that
you need, that you can have apartner so that you don't feel
like you're having to do italone.
I want to take a moment to talkto you about the new coaching
framework that I've designed,called the Personal Mastery
Framework.
What is it?
Well, I like to say it this wayHigh performance coaching helps
(10:32):
you succeed.
Therapy helps you get healthy.
This program does both.
It's about you performing froma place of health.
It's about doing the inner workso that you can create
sustainable success, andaligning your outer world with
your inner world.
I like to say it's abouthelping you create a life that
(10:55):
feels as good on the inside asit looks on the outside.
You know, a lot of highperformance coaching is simply
about grinding success, etc.
All good things, wonderfulthings.
I like success, you like success, we like successful
relationships, successfulbusinesses.
We like our bank, you likesuccess.
We like successfulrelationships, successful
businesses.
We like our bank accounts to besuccessful.
We love all of that right, butsometimes we've been chasing and
(11:16):
trying to achieve and we get tothose places and we find that
we don't have any fulfillment,that it's lacked purpose, and so
that's why I created thePersonal Mastery Coaching
Program because I want to helpindividuals get what I wish I
would have had 10 years ago.
I want to help individualsunderstand the motivators behind
(11:37):
their achievements.
I want to help them achievemore, but do it in a way that's
sustainable, that doesn't leadto burnout or to recover from
burnout.
If you're experiencing that, Iwant people to understand that
success and performance doesn'thave to cost you your joy, your
happiness, your relationship,your health.
The program is built on sixpillars that are research-based,
evidence-based, that have beendeveloped as a part of my time
(11:59):
at Harvard University.
The first one is mindset, orthe psychology of happiness and
success.
The second one, resilience, orthe science of emotional mastery
.
The third one is about livingpresent, or the art of living
fully.
Fourth one is about alignmenthow do you get the inside to
match the outside and theoutside to match the inside?
That's where we get intostrategy, work, vision, goals,
(12:21):
habits, etc.
The fifth one is aroundconnection.
How can you build meaningfulrelationships?
Because the research is soclear, right, that if you had to
choose one thing in order toincrease your well-being, it's
better relationships.
How can you learn to develophealthier, more meaningful
connections with other people?
And also, starting withyourself, that connection,
relationship that you have withyourself.
(12:42):
And then, finally, learning howto live a life that's filled
with purpose, meaning, legacyand service to others.
And these six pillars have beenshown time and time again
through research to be such animportant part of allowing us to
live a life that we actuallywant to live, to create success
and to sustain it.
So, if you spend a lot ofenergy trying to master success,
(13:06):
master achievement, mastereverything else in your life,
but you haven't learned how tomaster yourself.
Master achievement, mastereverything else in your life,
but you haven't learned how tomaster yourself, how to build
personal mastery self-masterythen I want to encourage you Go
to my website atjerryhendersonorg and apply to
be a part of the PersonalMastery Coaching Program, and I
look forward to connecting withyou and learning more about you.
(13:26):
I love what Angela Duckworthsays about this.
She says grit turns effort intoachievement.
And here's the thing about highachievers.
High achievers aren't the oneswho never fail, they're the ones
who refuse to quit even wheneverybody else does.
I remember when I was in highschool and I'd flunked the 10th
(13:47):
grade two times you know Igraduated pretty late I was
getting kicked out of schoolevery year from the 6th grade on
.
Super rebellious, dealing drugsin school, getting in fights
with teachers.
I mean chaotic childhood andchaotic years in school.
So I just kept getting kickedout all the time because I was
always getting in trouble, I wasalways causing some problem.
(14:07):
And here's the thing I waswatching everybody around me
drop out of high school.
That was the crowd I was runningwith, but something inside of
me said no, I don't want to dropout of high school, I want to
finish this thing for somereason, and I don't know why
that was there.
Call it grace, call it God,call it the universe, but there
was something inside of me thatsaid don't give up on yourself.
(14:28):
I mean, this was when I wasaddicted to drugs and had been
in rehab at the age of 14 andhad just this pathway that
everybody said was going to endin death or in mental
institution or in prison.
But I felt like there wassomething inside of me that I
just wasn't going to give up onmyself.
And you might be listening tothis and you have every bit of
(14:50):
evidence in your life thatyou're not going to be able to
be successful.
But here's the thing Gritdoesn't see all of that.
Grit says you know what?
I feel something inside of meand I'm going to keep taking the
next step, even when it doesn'tmake sense.
It didn't make sense for me tonot drop out of school.
I mean, I was flunking out allof the time and I thought, man,
what am I going to be?
A perpetual 10th grader Woundup graduating when I was almost
(15:13):
20 years old.
But I stuck at it becausesomething inside me was calling
me to more.
And if you're listening to thispodcast, something inside of
you is calling you to morebecause you're listening to this
podcast.
You wouldn't be here if youdidn't have that sense of
wanting to change and expectinga life that is better than the
one that you have right now.
(15:34):
And let me tell you somethingtaking that next step, finding
that grid, finding the way topull up by your bootstraps and
move forward, is what's going toget you there, and it's not
going to happen overnight, right, because life is for the long
haul.
Goals are big and the pathtowards it is rarely smooth.
But I want to tell yousomething you are worthy of not
(16:00):
giving up on yourself.
Let me say it again you areworthy of not giving up on
yourself.
You are worthy of building afuture that is a future filled
with blessings, filled withabundance.
And if nobody else has evertold you, I'm telling you today
(16:22):
I believe in you and I believethat you're worthy of a life
that is full of abundance, love,purpose and meaning.
So now let's start talking abouthow do you build grit, how do
you build it sustainably,powerfully and intentionally?
Well, let's get super practical.
(16:42):
Number one connect to yourpurpose.
I just got done talking quite abit about the fact that you
matter, that you have purpose,and guess what?
Grit is fueled by meaning.
Ask yourself right now and askyourself regularly what matters
(17:02):
to you and why does it matter toyou?
You see, part of what I do incoaching is helping people align
their lives to what actuallymatters to them.
You know, often people arebuilding lives that they're not
even sure they really want, orthey're building lives because
of the voices that somebody elsetold them on how they should
live and what success is and allof those narratives.
(17:24):
Right, that is not the way thatwe want to live, because it's
not sustainable.
We'll wind up burning out orwe'll wind up with a lack of
fulfillment.
We'll feel disconnected fromlife and others because we're
following a script thateverybody told us that we're
supposed to live that way.
Listen, you have fullpermission, full agency, to
reinvent your life at any timealong your journey.
(17:46):
I want to invite you right now,if you're living a life that
you don't want to live, thatdoesn't resonate with you, can I
invite you to take the bravestep of asking yourself what
truly matters to you?
And then the next question whydoes it matter to you?
(18:07):
Question why does it matter toyou?
You see, viktor Frankl taught usright, that purpose and meaning
gives us the strength to endure.
If you're not familiar withViktor Frankl, he wrote the
best-selling book Man's Searchfor Meaning.
He lived in a concentrationcamp and out of there he
developed a therapeutic practiceabout how to find meaning in
(18:30):
life and from that meaning, turnit into something that is
purposeful.
You see, when we have purpose,it lives beyond us.
You see, purpose is one of thepillars, intentionally, of the
personal mastery framework.
Why?
Because purpose is somethingbeyond us, where life isn't just
about us, it transcends us, andfinding and connecting to your
(18:55):
purpose allows life to show up alot differently.
It allows you to show up a lotdifferently in life, and grit
takes its fuel from that senseof purpose, from that sense of
meaning that says you know what?
I'm going to continue onbecause I feel like I have a
purpose, I have a reason, I havemeaning, I have something
inside of me that I want tocontribute to this world, or
(19:19):
something that I want to do,simply so that I'm the highest
version of myself, so that Ifeel like I am bringing the best
version of me to this planet,to my family, to the people
around me.
That sense that I feel like Iam bringing the best version of
me to this planet, to my family,to the people around me.
That sense that I'm describingright now is going to be key in
developing and maintaining gritin your life.
(19:41):
The second thing it's deliberatepractice.
Grit grows when youconsistently show up.
There's no substitute for this.
It's getting back on the horsewhen you've fallen off for the
tenth time.
It's telling yourself to giveit another try.
It's about refining your craftand getting a little bit better.
(20:01):
It's about 1% improvement towhatever you're putting your
hand to.
1% improvement to whateveryou're putting your hand to.
And the reason this isimportant is because you're
teaching your brain that you'regoing to keep at it.
And that's how grit grows.
That's how we develop it byshowing ourselves, by taking
those steps of faith, bybelieving that if we just keep
(20:23):
showing up, god, the universe isgoing to meet us with our
effort.
You see, you can't develop gritif you don't keep showing up.
And that's the challenge withit, right?
Because a lot of times we thinkthat, well, I need the grit in
order to show up.
But it's like anything in lifeyou show up and the grit and the
grace meet you in your showingup.
(20:46):
You know, a lot of times peoplewant to get the self-confidence
before they start the podcastor before they do the thing,
whatever the thing is.
No, it's not how it works.
You do the thing and theself-confidence begins to get
developed from you doing thething, whatever the thing is.
And it is that consistency,that showing up, that grit
(21:08):
develops from.
It is the fertilizer for thesoil which, in grit, grows.
And as we stick at those things, guess what happens?
We begin to develop mastery.
You see, when we think ofpeople who have mastery in an
area, you know why they masteredit, you know why they've gotten
better at it.
You know how you develop.
Personal mastery is because youkeep showing up, you keep trying
(21:33):
, you learn from the setbacks.
You understand that your lifeis worth sticking at it and
showing up one more time.
You know it might just be thatone more time that you show up
that actually makes thebreakthrough happen.
And there's so many stories,right, of people saying I didn't
(21:54):
give up, I took that next stepand it was that next step where
the breakthrough happened.
Here's the challenge, right.
We never know when that nextstep is, and many people give up
right before the breakthrough,right before the moment where
all of their effort is gettingready to catapult them into
(22:15):
greatness, into the life thatthey want, into the relationship
that they want, into the role,the business or whatever it is.
Don't give up.
Stay consistent, and as you'reconsistent, you'll develop
mastery around whatever it is.
You know Anders Ericsson.
His research shows that masteryisn't magic, it's simply daily
(22:38):
effort.
Okay, with that, now let's talkabout the third thing that helps
you develop grit, and it's thisadopting a growth mindset.
You know I talk about mindset alot in this podcast because I
believe it is so important.
It is the lens that we see ourentire world through.
(22:58):
It is determining so much aboutyour life.
You know Carol Dweck, who I'vementioned before.
Life.
You know Carol Dweck, who I'vementioned before, her work
reminds us that believing, justsimply believing, you can
improve your life, that thingscan get better, that you're not
fixed with whatever circumstance, whatever IQ, whatever
(23:19):
personality, whatever life hasseemed to have given you.
You're not stuck with that.
If you think you're stuck withit, that's that fixed mindset.
But all the research, all theevidence, says that you're not
fixed.
In that story, intelligenceisn't fixed.
Your brain can rewire itself.
Neuroplasticity teaches that wecan change, we can improve, and
(23:41):
the mere belief that we can do.
That is what keeps us in thegame.
That we can do, that is whatkeeps us in the game.
And it's that belief that wecan change that helps grit
continue to be fostered.
Because when you attach thatbelief within the grit that
causes you to take that nextstep, you start to see changes
in your life.
(24:01):
And when you start to seechanges in your life, it fuels
you even more.
And even when you see the quote, unquote failure, you decide
that you're going to keep goingright Because just because you
failed now doesn't mean you'regoing to fail in the future.
You see, a fixed mindset says Ifailed at that business, or I
failed that business twice, so Imight as well give up because I
(24:22):
can't do it.
That's a fixed mindset.
It says that the past is goingto repeat itself, that I'm kind
of trapped in this thing.
A growth mindset says no, I canlearn from those mistakes.
I can learn from those pastfailures and make different
decisions.
Moving forward and allowingyourself to have that mindset
keeps grit alive.
(24:43):
I think about myself when I wastrying to get sober.
It took me a number of times toget sober and I could have said
to myself you know I'll.
I was trying to get sober.
It took me a number of times toget sober and I could have said
to myself you know, I'll neverbe able to get sober, I'll just
be drunk for all of my life.
I'm doomed to this because mydad was an alcoholic and my
grandmother was alcoholic and mygrandfather on both sides were
alcoholics.
I mean, I could have gone downthat story right, but instead
(25:03):
something just kept pushing meto say maybe this time will be
different, maybe this time I'llactually be able to get sober.
And guess what?
It was that one more time whereI said you know what?
I'm going to give it anothershot.
What else do I have to lose?
And I was in a desperatesituation right On the outside,
as I've shared with you.
It looked good, it looked okay,it looked like life was great,
(25:25):
but on the inside I was fallingapart and I was trying to escape
myself and, as a result of that, I was drinking myself to death
.
And, yes, I could have given up.
I could have just thrown my hatin and said this is my life.
And I want to encourage youthat if you're struggling with
things like that, give it onemore chance.
Try one more time.
This might be the time that youget sober.
(25:45):
This might be the time that youchange that behavior.
This might be the time that youhave the breakthrough you can
change.
It doesn't matter if yourparents were alcoholics.
It doesn't matter if yourparents were drug addicts.
It doesn't matter what thatgenerational curse or
generational trauma was.
When I say it doesn't matter,I'm not saying that it doesn't
matter the impact that it's hadon you.
I'm not saying that the painneeds to be ignored or dismissed
(26:09):
or undermined.
I'm not saying any of that.
But what I'm saying is thatthose things do not have to
determine your future.
Those things are chapters inyour story, but they are not the
full story.
Your full story has not beenwritten yet, and having a growth
(26:29):
mindset allows us to understandthat we're in charge of the
next chapter.
We are in charge of how werespond to life, how we view
ourselves, how we view otherpeople, the decisions that we
make.
Now, of course, we can'tcontrol everything in life.
Right, life shows up, thingshappen, but we're in full
control of what happens insideof us and having that agency,
(26:52):
that autonomy, thatself-efficacy, the belief that
internally, I can make adecision to view life through a
growth mindset which says that Ican change, my future's not
fixed and a beautiful life is infront of me if I choose to see
it that way and move towards itwith that attitude.
And see, having that attitude,it allows us to access and
(27:16):
develop grit.
Now, the fourth thing that isimportant in developing grit is
embracing quote-unquote failure.
And I say quote-unquote becauseI don't think things are
failure unless we decide thatthey're failure.
You know, the only time it'sfailure is when we give up, when
we quit, when we don't keeptrying again.
You see, failure isn't a stopsign.
It's a stepping stone if we'llallow it to be, if we'll reframe
(27:40):
mistakes as learning.
You see, every great successstory is built on setbacks.
They all are.
Everybody had them, everybodyhas them.
You just don't get to see them.
We don't like to publicly putthem out there, we like to just
tell the success part of it.
But I'm telling you here as aperson who's gone through a lot
of this stuff there are a lot ofsetbacks that I've had, a lot
(28:01):
of the clients that I've workedwith, massive setbacks, and they
figured out how to turn thatfailure into a story that they
could use to learn from, tobuild on, to grow from.
And when we reframe it and wesee that just because something
didn't turn out the way that wewanted it to, just because the
(28:22):
marriage didn't turn out the waythat we thought it was going to
, or the career or the health orwhatever, it doesn't mean that
we have to stay stuck there.
Failure is never failure unlesswe decide to give up, to quit,
to stop.
Now let me encourage you withsomething Even if you've decided
to quit, to give up, to stop,guess what?
(28:45):
You can change that decisionright now.
You can make a differentdecision in this moment.
You can decide right now thatyou're going to start moving
forward, regardless of what'shappening.
And I'm not saying that's easy,that's hard.
And that's what that grit'sabout.
It's about the belief that myprevious chapters, as I said
(29:05):
earlier, are not going to definemy future chapters.
My past pain is not going tobecome my only story in life.
You feeling stuck right now.
You don't have to stay stuckand I know there's a lot that
goes on for many of us as traumasurvivors in the nervous system
and we have to do healing there.
(29:26):
And that's a part of that gritto say I'm going to lean into
the painful places.
I'm going to heal.
I'm not going to let that be myidentity anymore.
My identity is going to be onewho has said I've overcome, I've
learned how to move forward andI'm passing that on to other
people.
I now have a ministry, apurpose or a calling whatever
(29:46):
word you want to use to takethat pain.
Do a work of alchemy with thegrit and get in there and watch
things transform.
Now let me be clear Once againwhen I'm saying grit, I'm not
talking about beating the hellout of yourself.
I'm not talking about beinghard on yourself, diminishing
yourself or judging yourself orbeating yourself up to keep you
(30:10):
moving forward.
It's not about that.
Okay, and if anything I've saidhas made you feel that way,
it's not about that.
Grit is rooted inself-compassion, self-love,
self-acceptance, because thoseare the things that you tap into
to allow yourself to see thatyou're worthy of a life that's
(30:30):
different than the one that youhave right now.
That's why I talk about in thispodcast that your relationship
with yourself is the mostimportant one, and we've set
these foundations right andwe're continuing to build off of
them.
So grit isn't about just tryingto push yourself to the
breaking point.
No, it's about finding theenergy inside of you from a
place that knows your worth andthen overcomes the obstacles to
(30:56):
move you towards manifesting inyour life what you believe that
you're worthy of Now.
The fifth thing is surroundyourself with gritty people, and
so that might sound odd, youknow, but you do.
You need to surround yourselfwith people who have grit,
because they're going to rub offon you, and environment matters
(31:16):
.
Whether we like it or not,environment matters.
You know, nicholas Kratakis'research on this on social
networks shows that behaviorslike perseverance, joy,
gratitude, they're contagious.
They truly are.
It's an energy field that weput around ourselves and then we
put off to other people, andit's a contagious thing.
(31:37):
And just like people who arenegative can pull us down,
people who are gritty can helpmotivate us to stay at it, to
keep going.
They act as encouragers.
They act as champions, cheeringus on.
We want those type of people inour lives and, guess what?
We also want to be those typeof people in other people's
(31:58):
lives.
So I encourage you look aroundyour life right now, the people
in it.
Are they lifting you up?
Are they encouraging you?
Are they saying go for it.
Are they believing in you?
If they're not, I'd encourageyou to find those type of people
.
I'd encourage you to find acoach or a therapist who can
help you do that, who canchampion you, who can walk
(32:18):
alongside you in your growth,who can hold you accountable to
the goals and the changes thatyou want to make, who can be a
support system and a safe placefor you to be you and to work
out the things that are blockingyou from having grit, and
helping you develop it and livein it.
Now, if you do have people inyour life that are gritty like
that, I would encourage you tothank them.
(32:39):
Take the time to let them knowhow much you appreciate them,
what an encouragement they'vebeen to you.
Show them gratitude.
Here's the thing if you wantmore of those relationships
showing up in your life,gratitude's going to attract
them.
The things that we're gratefulfor are the things that we
attract.
So this week, take time to callthem, text them or write them a
(33:02):
letter, a handwritten letter.
We don't do them anymore today,and that's what makes them so
powerful.
So take time today to encouragethe person or the people,
either in your past or in yourpresent, who've helped you
persevere.
Those are important people andyou want to keep them in your
life and one of the ways youkeep them in your life is
letting them know how much youappreciate them.
Now, as we wrap this section ofthe podcast up, or this part of
(33:25):
it up, I do want to just take amoment and get personal with you
about something, because thiswhole idea of grit for me isn't
just a theory.
Early in my journey, as I'veshared with so many of you, I
made some pretty big mistakes.
I pushed myself past thebreaking point.
I mean, I thought grit meantjust pushing yourself harder,
(33:46):
working longer hours, neverstopping, and I burned out.
And that burnout cost me a lot.
It took me a long time torecover from it and I wore like
a badge of honor the fact that Ihad tremendous work capacity,
that I could get so much moredone than other people could get
done, and that I was answeringthe emails after hours and on
the weekend and I was doingeverything to the maximum.
(34:10):
And while I am still so wired tobe an achiever, to be a high
performer, I now realize thatit's not about pushing yourself
to the breaking point, it's notabout grinding, hustling until
you break Grit is not aboutthose things.
Okay, because what actuallyhappens when you live like that,
when you live that hustle, thatgrind, that constant, never
(34:33):
resting and feeling like you gotto be the one to outperform
everybody else in the world thatkind of life it actually drains
grit, it doesn't build it, andif you're in that bucket, you're
in that place of burning out.
You know, trying to proveyourself, doing all the things
that I described about myselfand you think life is simply
about grinding and you can'tfigure out how to get off that
(34:54):
achievement treadmill.
Can I encourage you aboutsomething?
I know that there's a fearthat's often associated with
slowing down, of not pushingyourself, of not driving
yourself, that you got to stayon top, you got to get ahead,
you got to prove yourself.
I get that, I really do.
But can I let you know somethingthat you can get more done by
(35:14):
changing your energy.
You can get more done when youcome from an energy that's
filled with self-compassion,self-acceptance, that's
performing and achieving as anexpression of yourself, instead
of trying to fix or to proveyourself.
Listen, I'm just going to sayit as loud and as clear as I can
, and I work with clients likethis all the time and I'm so
(35:34):
grateful to be able to work withthem and have them in my life
and to go on this journey withthem.
And part of the work isreminding individuals that you
can achieve everything you wantand do it from a place that's
more centered, more peaceful,that's rooted in an identity
that's beyond just achieving,that's rooted in an identity of
(35:58):
who you truly are.
So hear me on this you canachieve, you can perform from an
energy that's aboutself-expansion, not about having
to prove yourself or to fixyourself.
I say it a lot your achievementsare not going to heal you.
If success was going to fix you, it would have worked by now.
(36:21):
And here's part of the secretsauce which makes achievers
really become high achievers andhigh performers become extra
high performers when theyrealize they don't have to
abandon their aspirations.
They don't have to abandontheir desire to achieve, to be
healthy and to be sustainableand to have connection in
(36:41):
relationship and to enjoy theirlife and to be present.
You can do all of those thingswithout having to abandon your
desire to achieve, your desireto perform.
You're going to find, as you gethealthy in all those other
areas, you're going to have alot more energy for the things
that truly matter to you, andyou're going to have a lot more
(37:03):
energy to put towards the thingsthat you truly want to achieve
and accomplish in life.
Because it's a lot of energy toput towards the things that you
truly want to achieve andaccomplish in life, because it's
a lot of energy trying to proveyourself.
It's a lot of energy trying todo things simply because you
think you're supposed to do themor you should do them, and as
you get healthy, all that energygets freed up and you can
direct that energy to the peopleand the things that you really
love, while still achieving andI'm going to tell you, achieving
(37:27):
even at a higher level than youdid before.
And I want to encourage youthat you don't have to find that
out the hard way.
You can make changes now, okay,all right.
So, with all that in mind,let's just do a quick recap.
Grit is passion and perseverancefor long-term goals.
It matters because it bridgesthe gap between effort and
(37:47):
achievement, and the good newsabout it is you can build it and
you can rebuild it and you canprotect it.
And that grit is about youbelieving in yourself.
It's about you continuing tomove forward because you believe
that you're worthy, and youbelieve that you're worthy of a
(38:09):
life filled with love,connection, passion, meaning and
purpose.
Well, thank you for joiningthis episode of the Permission
to Love podcast, and I want toremind you that, if you need
help in your journey, you can goto my website at
jerryhendersonorg.
Learn more about the PersonalMastery Coaching Framework.
And if the program resonateswith you, I encourage you to
apply for the program.
We'll connect, meet togetherand determine if working
(38:32):
together is the right fit.
And finally, I want to remindyou, as I always do, that you
are worthy of your own love.
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