March 24, 2025 • 30 mins
In this episode we dive into part two of the course on learning how to love yourself. If you haven't listened to part one yet, make sure to check that out first—it sets the foundation for today's practical steps.
In this episode we walk through the science and psychology behind self-love, providing actionable tools to help you shift your thoughts, words, actions, and relationships toward greater self-acceptance.
If you've struggled with feelings of inadequacy, a harsh inner critic, or thinking there's something wrong with you, this episode will give you the tools to change that narrative and begin developing true self-love.
What You’ll Learn:
✔️ Why self-love is a skill, not a personality trait
✔️ How to rewire your brain for self-love using neuroplasticity
✔️ Thought reframing and self-compassion techniques
✔️ How affirmations work (backed by neuroscience)
✔️ Why setting boundaries is an act of self-love
✔️ How to heal attachment wounds and build healthier relationships
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction and why this course matters
01:31 Self-love is a skill (not a personality trait)
03:15 How neuroplasticity makes self-love possible
04:53 Science-backed strategies for cultivating self-love
05:51 Thought reframing: How to change negative self-talk
07:08 The power of self-compassion
10:35 Why affirmations work (backed by brain science)
12:26 How positive self-talk lowers stress and improves emotional health
15:46 How visualization rewires your brain for self-love
18:21 Why action matters: Self-care and behavioral activation
21:43 Setting boundaries as an act of self-respect
23:55 How relationships influence self-worth
26:41 Letting go of toxic relationships
Resources:
- 👉 Download the 37-page workbook: DOWNLOAD
- Book a free strategy call with me: SCHEDULE HERE
- Follow me on IG: @jerryahenderson
I am grateful you are here,
Jerry
Setup Your FREE Strategy Call:
Schedule Call
Website:
www.jerryhenderson.org
🔗 Access the course "Learning How to Love Yourself" here:
How is your relationship with yourself going?
Get your free-self assessment guide
Pick up your copy of my book:
Returning: Meditations and Reflections on Self-Love and Healing
Watch On Youtube
Get Your Free Weekly Healing Tips!
Instagram: @jerryahenderson
Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/jerryahenderson
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody and welcome to the Permission to
Love podcast.
I'm your host, jerry Henderson,and, as always, I'm so grateful
that you're here.
In today's episode, we'recontinuing the course on
learning how to love yourself.
This is a course that I createdto help individuals learn how
to have a healthier relationshipwith themselves by learning how
to love themselves, and so thisis part two.
(00:21):
If you haven't listened to partone yet, I encourage you to go
listen to it, because that'sgoing to make this make a lot
more sense, because today we'regetting into the practical steps
that you can take in order tolearn how to love yourself.
We'll be talking abouteverything from your thoughts to
your words, to your emotions,to the way that you see yourself
, your actions that you take andthen how you let other people
(00:44):
treat you.
So I know this episode could bereally powerful for you if
you're on a journey of learninghow to love yourself.
If you haven't downloaded the37-page workbook that goes with
this course, I would encourageyou to do that.
You can simply see the shownotes in this episode.
If you know somebody whostruggles with loving themselves
, maybe they're just startingtheir journey on learning how to
(01:07):
love themselves.
Maybe they're struggling withthings like imposter syndrome, a
harsh inner critic, feelinglike there's something wrong
with them, feelings ofself-loathing, or whatever the
story is.
I know they can benefit fromthis podcast series on learning
how to love yourself, so I wantto invite you and encourage you
to share it with somebody thatyou know.
So, without any other delays,let's jump into this episode.
(01:31):
So now let's start talking abouthow you can learn how to love
yourself.
What are some of the practicalthings that you can do to start
loving yourself?
Well, I want to start withletting you know that self-love
is a skill.
It's something that you candevelop.
You can develop it as a habitand a lifestyle.
You see, here's the thing.
(01:52):
Self-love is often misunderstoodas a natural trait that some
people simply have and othersdon't.
That's not the truth.
Self-love is not an inherentpersonality trait.
It is a skill that can belearned, practiced and
strengthened over time.
It's like any other skill Ifyou're trying to learn a
language, you've got to practiceit.
(02:13):
If you've got to figure out howto play an instrument, you've
got to practice it.
Self-love is the same thing andover time, with repetition and
reinforcement, it can become anatural and automatic part of
your life.
Now, before I move on anyfurther, I want to take a moment
and I want to say this to youthere is nothing wrong with you
(02:33):
If you struggle to love yourself, if you're beating yourself up
for not being able to loveyourself and you think there's
something wrong with you becauseyou don't like yourself and you
have low self-esteem, orwhatever the story is with you
because you don't like yourselfand you have low self-esteem, or
whatever the story is.
I'm going to say it to youagain there's nothing wrong with
you.
You can develop the skill ofself-love, and all the ways that
(02:53):
you feel about yourself are alot about what we talked about
earlier, those experiences thatsent us the message that there's
something wrong with us thatblock us from our own love.
Listen, nothing wrong with you,there's no shame in it, and you
can learn how to love yourself.
So now let's talk aboutdeveloping self-love.
(03:15):
I want you to understandsomething about our brains.
Our brains have the capacity tochange.
We can change the way that ourbrain is wired.
Neuroplasticity, or the abilityfor the brain to adapt and
change, means that we can formnew neural pathways through
repeated thoughts and behaviors.
When we consistently engage inself-loving thoughts, actions,
(03:39):
words, etc.
We are strengthening our neuralconnections associated with
positive regard, makingself-love feel more natural over
time.
I think that is such great newsBecause, listen, the habit that
you have right now ofcriticizing yourself, beating
yourself up, not loving yourself, feeling like there's something
(04:00):
wrong with you it's exactlythat.
It's a habit that got wired inyour brain through time, through
repetition, through you beingin there, telling yourself that
story over and over.
The good news is, as we beginto let go of that story by
choosing this is reallyimportant by choosing a new
story about ourselves, repeatingthat story, it's now putting
(04:22):
new grooves into our brain, newpathways that are going to feel
more accessible and more naturalto you over time.
And what once felt veryfamiliar to you self-hatred,
self-loathing it's going tostart to feel foreign to you as
you now begin to connect withsomething that once felt
unfamiliar to you lovingyourself that now is going to
(04:43):
start to feel very familiar toyou the brain.
We want to say thank you to itfor its ability to change
through repetition and throughintentionality.
Now let's talk about someresearch-backed strategies for
cultivating self-love.
Self-love can be nurturedthrough intentional practices
that focus on how we think aboutourselves.
(05:05):
Our thoughts, how we speak toourselves, our words, how we see
our worth and value, thevisualization, engaging in daily
behaviors or those actions, andthen building supportive
connections or supportiverelationships All of these are
critical to shaping a morehealthy relationship with
ourself, which can then lead toa healthier self-concept, and
(05:28):
then it will foster long-termwell-being as we learn to
practice these things as ways toshow ourselves that we're
learning to love ourselves.
So how do we start learning tolove ourselves?
Through our thoughts, throughour words, through visualization
, through actions and throughrelationships.
All right, so let's dive intothe first one our thoughts.
(05:51):
So let's talk about self-lovingthoughts and reframing negative
beliefs and cultivatingself-compassion towards
ourselves.
So let's talk about thoughtreframing for self-love.
So let's talk about thoughtreframing for self-love.
Cognitive behavioral therapyhighlights the importance of
(06:12):
identifying and challenging ournegative core beliefs to foster
healthier self-perceptions.
Research is clear on this thatwe can disrupt our thoughts,
choose new thoughts and soreframing distorted thoughts
like I'm not good enough intomore balanced perspectives such
as I'm doing my best, that'senough.
That's going to help reduceself-criticism and you have the
(06:36):
power to do this.
You might think you can'tchange the way that you think
you can.
You just have a habit and apattern of it and you can learn
how to change that.
And part of it is thisreframing process, interrupting
it, choosing a new thought andrepeating that new thought to
ourselves.
Alright, let's start talkingabout how self-compassion can
(06:57):
reduce that internal criticismand help reduce our
psychological distress and canactually open us up to accessing
self-love.
Now the research by Dr KristenNeff shows that treating oneself
with kindness and understandingduring difficult times reduces
anxiety, depression andperfectionism.
(07:20):
She shares how self-compassioninvolves mindfulness, the
ability to observe what's goingon with us without judgment and
then allowing self-kindness tohappen.
And then the recognition thatour struggles are a shared part
of humanity and just because wehave struggles doesn't mean
(07:41):
there's something wrong with us.
Okay, to acknowledge the factthat imperfection is a part of
humanity and is a part of beinghuman is a big part of
practicing self-compassion.
Now research also shows thatpracticing self-compassion can
actually change the way that thebrain functions.
It reduces activity in theamygdala that fight or flight
(08:04):
that we have, the fear andanxiety.
It can help settle that downand it also, at the same time,
increases activation in areaslinked to emotional calm, reason
up into the prefrontal cortex,which allows us to manage stress
(08:29):
better, to see clearly and toallow ourselves to relax, and to
relax in our own presence.
Now, with all of that in mind,let's talk about some practical
ways that we can apply thisNumber one practice
thought-stopping techniques tointerrupt those negative
self-talk habits that you haveand replace it with more
(08:50):
compassionate thoughts ormantras.
What's a mantra?
It's basically a phrase thatyou're going to choose, that
you're going to have, thatyou're going to replace that
negative thought with thatyou're going to say over and
over and over in your mind.
So, for example, your mantramight be I'm worthy of love.
Your mantra might be I'm worthyof my own love.
Your mantra might be I lovemyself.
(09:12):
Whatever it is, choose it, haveit ready.
So when the negative thoughtcomes, you disrupt it and then
you replace it with the mantra.
Another thing that you can dois use self-compassionate
language when you're reflectingon your mistakes, either present
or past, and say things likeit's okay to struggle, I'm still
learning.
(09:32):
And that language shift isactually going to have an energy
shift inside of your system andyou'll begin to notice it.
You'll begin to relax towardsyourself as you give yourself
compassion.
Now the other thing I want totouch on in this space is for
you to recognize you're not yourthoughts.
Just because you have a thoughtdoesn't mean it's true.
Think about it.
(09:52):
You have all kinds of thoughts.
One day you're thinking thateverything is going to work out.
The next day you're thinkingeverything is going to fall
apart.
You can't always trust yourthoughts, don't believe
everything that you think, andthe ability to detach from our
thoughts and observe them andnot see them as us and not see
them as truth, is reallyimportant in learning how to
(10:13):
practice self-love.
All right, let's move on towords.
Words are very important andthe research shows us that if we
can use positive self-talk,it's going to enhance our
overall well-being.
So research also shows thatengaging in self-talk that's
positive can significantlyreduce stress, as we've talked
(10:34):
about before.
Right, you might have awaterline of stress that's
really high, and I do this workwith my clients where they come
in.
They've got this really highwaterline of stress and they're
really struggling on how tomanage things, and one of the
first things that we start to dois examine how they're talking
towards themselves.
Are they catastrophizing?
Are they telling themselvesthat you know they're no good,
(10:55):
they're going to fail?
You see, all that internalconflict that you're having is
wrecking your nervous system andit's causing your stress
waterline to stay pretty high,and so the smallest thing that
comes your way floods it up overyour head.
And one of the things I oftenwork with people on is getting
that waterline to become lower.
And one of the first places thatwe can start low-hanging fruit
(11:17):
is changing the way that youtalk to yourself.
And as you become more gentlewith yourself, more loving
towards yourself, you're able torelax in your presence more,
you're increasing your capacityfor other stressors.
You're able to relax in yourpresence more You're increasing
your capacity for otherstressors.
You're building your resilienceand, before you know it, you've
got a greater sense of ease andpeace because you're
self-accepting, you're lovingtowards yourself.
(11:38):
Through the practice of kindwords, kind talk, you're getting
out of fight or flight againstyourself.
You're not having to be onguard against you.
And that's an important part oflowering your stress is
changing the way that you talkto yourself up here and also the
words that come out of yourmouth, because when you say
(12:00):
something, you're activatingmultiple parts of your system.
You're thinking it, you'resaying it, you're hearing it.
It's all wiring together.
So if you want to reduce thatstress, you can start by
changing the words that you sayabout yourself.
Now the interesting thingresearch also shows that people
who practiced affirmingstatements actually experienced
lower levels of cortisol thatstress hormone and it improved
(12:23):
their ability to emotionallyregulate.
Now let's talk about the scienceof affirmations, because it is
a science, it's not just woohoo.
Affirmations work by activatingthe brain's reward centers,
particularly the ventral medialprefrontal cortex, which is
associated with self-relatedprocessing and valuation.
(12:45):
That system is an importantpart of how we're relating to
ourselves and the valuation thatwe're placing on ourselves and
other things.
So really important tounderstand that those
affirmations aren't just words.
They're activating parts ofyour brain that are making a
connection with rewards, withself-processing and valuation,
(13:07):
and this activation helpsreinforce positive self-views,
making self-love more accessible.
You're actually openingyourself to yourself by the way
that you treat yourself, whenyou decide to be more loving in
the words that you speak towardsyourself.
Now let's talk about somepractical application for this
(13:28):
Number one.
Use daily affirmations such asI'm worthy of love and respect,
I accept myself as I am, andhere's what I want to encourage
you.
Practice those when you're in agood state, so that you're
building the muscle of them.
Okay, because we want to havethem ready for when we're trying
to replace negative self-talkwith neutral or, better yet,
(13:50):
positive statements, for example, instead of saying I'm a
failure, reframe it as I'mlearning and growing from this
experience.
So there's a couple of thingshappening here.
One, we're practicing theaffirmations so that when the
bad times do come, we have themready.
And then also our system isgetting more used to those
(14:11):
affirmations and they're easierfor us to say out of our mouth,
hearing ourselves say those goodthings about us.
It's becoming more comfortablefor us so that when we do get
into the negative thinking ornegative self-talk, we have
something that we already knowthat we can go to to replace it
with.
Now, if you need support on yourjourney of learning how to have
(14:32):
a healthy relationship withyourself by practicing things
like self-compassion andself-love, I want to encourage
you to set up a complimentarycoaching call where we'll spend
60 minutes together getting toknow each other and see if
working together is a right fit.
You can set up that free callby going to my website at
jerryhendersonorg.
So if you're ready to transformyour relationship with yourself
(14:52):
, transform the relationships inyour life and ultimately
transform your life.
Then set up that free call,because the truth is, no matter
what you're going through, youdon't have to go through it
alone.
You can overcome the burnoutthat you might have experienced.
You can get off of theachievement treadmill, you can
(15:13):
learn to love and acceptyourself as you are.
You can have healthy,life-giving relationships.
And here's the truth You'reworthy of those things in your
life, and part of understandingthat we're worthy is letting go
of those limiting beliefs,rewiring ourselves and then
having support for the journey.
So, once again, go to mywebsite or see the resource
(15:36):
section and set up your freediscovery call.
I'm looking forward to hearingabout your goals and, most
importantly, I'm looking forwardto getting to know you.
So now let's start talking aboutvisualization.
Visualization is very powerfulin learning to love ourselves
because it's helping rewire oursystems.
So what's the research behindthis?
Visualization enhancesself-perception and motivation,
(16:00):
and it's used a lot in sportspsychology for people to
visualize themselves havingsuccess, and what it's shown to
do is actually increaseself-efficacy or the belief that
you actually can do something,which is a really important part
of being able to overcomethings like shame and accessing
self-love.
And the other thing that itdoes is.
(16:21):
It increases our confidencebecause, as we see ourselves
being loved, as we practicevisualization exercises of
seeing ourselves succeed, seeingourselves believing in
ourselves, has a powerful impacton our nervous system.
Now, one of the things that youcan do for visualization is
guided imagery, and it's alsogoing to help with emotional
(16:41):
healing.
Guided imagery can be usedtherapeutically to promote
self-love by helping individualsvisualize themselves as loved,
accepted and worthy.
The research shows thatvisualization helps rewire the
brain's emotional responses,fostering feelings of safety and
(17:02):
acceptance.
It's powerful stuff as youvisualize yourself being loved,
being worthy of love, and thengiving yourself your own love.
Extremely powerful, guys.
It's not just some littlepractice.
Your brain is actually startingto get rewired, which moves us
into understanding the role ofvisualization and
neuroplasticity.
(17:22):
Visualization stimulates thesame brain regions involved in
actual experiences, stimulatesthe same brain regions involved
in actual experiences.
It's reinforcing positiveneural pathways associated with
self-worth.
You see, what's happening isyour brain's seeing that and
it's not making a differencebetween.
Is it happening now or is itjust something I'm thinking
about?
And if you need some evidenceon this, just take a moment and
(17:45):
think about going andconfronting that person that
you've been wanting to confront.
What happens is you visualizeyourself in that conversation.
You get a pit in your gut, allthese emotions start to rise up,
you get a lot of anxiety.
You feel really uncomfortable.
Well, your brain doesn't knowthat that's not happening right
now.
It feels it happening, it'santicipating it and it's also
(18:06):
feeling all of that as if it washappening in the moment.
We want to use that for thepositive in visualizing us
loving ourselves Same actualsystem.
We're just doing it in a waythat works for us instead of
works against us.
Now let's talk about somepractical application.
On this Number one, engage indaily visualization exercises
(18:27):
where you picture yourselfthriving, being loved, feeling
confident.
Use future self-visualizationto imagine the best version of
yourself so that you can believein yourself and you can believe
that you're worthy of love andgood things.
And then finally visualizeyourself loving all the parts of
yourself, yes, even that partthat you feel like is so
(18:49):
unlovable.
Loving that part of yourselfand actually visualize you
loving you.
It's a powerful exercise whenyou do it.
Now let's move on to starttalking about our actions.
I always say to my clients yourbrain wants to see that you
believe what you're saying bytaking action on it.
When you take action onsomething that you say that
you're going to do that, you saythat you believe what you're
(19:10):
saying by taking action on it.
When you take action onsomething that you say that
you're going to do, that you saythat you believe in that is
sending a signal to your brainthat you actually believe it,
which is helping embed it intoyour nervous system.
So now let's talk about therole of self-care in mental
health, or in our well-being,and in showing ourselves that
we're worthy of love.
You know, engaging inconsistent self-care behaviors,
(19:33):
such as proper exercise,nutrition, sleep, relaxation,
has been linked to improvedmental health and the reduction
of symptoms of depression andanxiety.
So listen, self-care is notsomething that's indulgent.
It's something that's necessaryfor us to be at our best.
It's something that's reallyimportant in us practicing
(19:54):
self-love, because self-care isa self-loving action and you're
signaling your brain that youbelieve that you're worthy of
love by taking that action.
Now let's move on to anothersignal that you can send your
brain through your actions,which is behavioral activation
and mood improvement that thatbrings about.
What is behavioral activation?
It's a therapy approach used tocombat depression and it
(20:17):
encourages engaging inmeaningful, value-driven
activities to counteractnegative emotions.
So if you're sitting there andbelieving that you're unworthy
of love and you don't want to doanything and you can't find the
motivation to get up and toeven take any action at all,
this therapeutic approach asksyou to take the action that you
(20:39):
would take if you weren't inthat state.
So, for example, sometimes forme, one of the things I'll do is
I'll get up and I'll get mybody moving.
I'll go take a walk, and that'sa self-loving action towards
myself, because it's exerciseand it also allows me to clear
my head.
And can I say that there wasany motivation in me that wanted
me to get up and take that walk?
Absolutely not Zero, but I knewthat if I took the action, I
(21:04):
would be signaling to my brainthat I believed that I was
worthy of good things, and italso allowed me to disrupt the
cycle and it was allowing myselfto get unstuck right.
I often tell people we don'twait for motivation to show up.
We get moving and thenmotivation catches up.
And that's a lot about whatthis is.
(21:24):
When we want to feel a certainway, sometimes what we have to
do is start moving in thatdirection and allow the emotions
to change and to catch up, andour brain starts to get the
signal that, well, maybe we areokay, maybe we do love ourselves
because we're acting in waysthat shows us that we love
ourselves.
Now another action that'simportant is setting boundaries
(21:46):
as an act of self-respect.
Now, the research is clear onthis as well, that setting and
maintaining healthy boundariesis crucial for self-respect.
Because here's the thing ifwe're letting people walk all
over us, we're sending themessage to ourselves that we're
worthy of being walked over, andthen we're not worthy of people
respecting our values, and thenwe're also not teaching people
(22:08):
how we want to be treated, andthen we're also teaching
ourselves that we're okay withbeing treated poorly.
And the research is clearSetting boundaries increases
self-esteem.
Why?
Because it's tapping into ourbelief in our personal
self-respect and that we'reworth being honored.
Okay, so let's talk about someof the practical applications,
(22:28):
about actions.
Number one incorporate regularself-care routines that
prioritize physical andemotional health.
Number two set boundaries withpeople or situations that drain
your energy or diminish yourself-worth, and then engage in
activities that align with yourvalues or who you want to become
, the things that bring you joy.
(22:49):
They're going to reinforce yoursense of purpose and
self-respect.
All right, now let's move on toour next and final piece about
the five areas, which isrelationships.
Relationships are such a keypart of learning to love
ourselves, and so we want tobuild supporting and affirming
connections.
Now let's talk a little bitabout the impact of social
(23:11):
support on self-esteem.
Research consistently showsthat social support is a
critical factor in mental healthand self-esteem.
Positive relationships providevalidation, encouragement and a
sense of belonging, all of whichreinforce self-love.
That long-term study by Harvardon what causes well-being will
(23:37):
say that the one thing, if youhave to choose just one thing in
your life to have a greatersense of well-being, it's
relationships.
Now, we also know it can takeus in the opposite direction,
right?
One negative relationship cando a lot of damage, but positive
relationships can do a lot toshow us that we're worthy of
love.
So now let's talk aboutattachment theory and self-love.
(23:58):
Now, the research does showthat those early attachment
experiences with our caregiversdo shape how we view ourselves.
However and this is a bighowever secure attachments in
adulthood through friendships,romantic relationships or
therapeutic alliances can helprepair attachment wounds and
(24:21):
foster self-love.
So the research shows you'renot stuck in whatever attachment
style you have If you have aninsecure, avoidant or secure
attachment style, we're notstuck in that.
We can learn how to loveourselves.
We can learn how to havehealthy connections with other
people, and those healthyconnections can help us have a
(24:42):
healthier relationship withourselves and open us up to
self-love.
Now the next thing that'simportant in relationships are
choosing relationships that aremodeling the type of behaviors
that we want to demonstrate inour life.
Surrounding yourself withpeople who model self-love and
healthy boundaries is going tohelp reinforce those behaviors
(25:04):
in your own life.
And we talk about you're thesum total of your five closest
relationships, and there's a lotof truth in that.
So when we're with people whoare constantly negative and they
don't know how to lovethemselves or set up boundaries,
that's gonna be a model for us.
We're gonna pick up on thatconsciously and subconsciously
and we're gonna perpetuate thatbehavior in our own life.
So the relationships that youhave, it's really important that
(25:27):
you choose them wisely because,as you see other people do that
, it's gonna help.
You have the permission to doit for yourself.
So now let's talk about how wecan actually put this into play,
how we can practice this in ourlife.
Number one cultivaterelationships with individuals
who uplift and support yourgrowth.
Choose okay, begin to chooserelationships that you believe
(25:51):
are gonna align with who youwant to be, what you want to
believe about yourself.
Because I always say we'rechoosing what we believe that
we're worthy of, and the morethat we believe that we're
worthy of good things, we'regoing to start choosing those
good things.
But we can also start to choosegood things as a future,
telling towards ourselves thatthat's what we want to have,
(26:14):
that's how we want to feel aboutourselves, and allow ourselves
to get through the discomfort ofbeing in a healthy relationship
.
And yes, for people who areused to being in unhealthy
relationships, a healthyrelationship is going to feel
uncomfortable, but with timeit's going to start to feel more
comfortable to you.
The second thing is seek outtherapeutic or coaching
(26:34):
relationships that provide asafe space for exploring and
nurturing self-love.
I often tell people thateverybody needs at least one
fully disclosing relationshipwhere they can be themselves,
where they can be vulnerable andjust be who they are and be met
with empathy.
And I also tell peoplesometimes you got to pay for
(26:54):
that right, because we can'talways put that burden on our
partner, and then sometimes wedon't want to put that burden on
our friends, and so we need aplace where we can truly be
ourselves and be met with loveand empathy.
It's so important.
Now, the next thing that'simportant is distancing yourself
from toxic or drainingrelationships that reinforce
negative self-beliefs, and yes,that includes family.
Now, the next thing that'simportant is distancing yourself
from toxic or drainingrelationships that reinforce
(27:15):
negative self-beliefs, and yes,that includes family members,
and yes, it includes the onesthat are really hard for you to
separate yourself from.
And yes, you might feel someguilt as a result of it, but
here's the truth you don't haveto feel guilt in choosing
yourself, because as you chooseyourself, you become a better
version of yourself, and thenyou're showing up as a better
(27:40):
you with everybody in your life.
So not only are you doingyourself a favor, you're doing
them a favor as well.
Well, we've covered a lot inthis course, and so I just want
to give a quick summary of whatwe've gone over so far.
Number one we've learned thatevery one of us is worthy of our
own love.
You're inherently worthy ofyour love because you exist.
Number two we've talked abouthow essential self-love is to
(28:01):
our overall well-being.
We also took a look at thesignificant challenges that come
up in our life when self-loveis blocked.
We've also learned thatself-love is a skill, it's a
habit that anyone can develop,and we also took a look at how
we can rewire ourselves andlearn how to practice self-love
(28:22):
by engaging in thoughts that aremore loving, words that are
more loving, visualization thatallows ourselves to see
ourselves being loved, takingactions towards ourselves that
are self-loving, and thenchoosing relationships that
reinforce our self-worth andhelp send the message to us that
(28:42):
we are worthy of love and thatwe're worthy of our own love.
That's something I really wantto emphasize in all of this Be
patient with yourself.
This is a process.
It's going to take time.
You're retraining yourself.
That's going to take practice.
It's going to take patience,and even if you fall back and
(29:02):
you struggle and you findyourself getting back into old
patterns guess what?
That's not a failure.
It's an opportunity for you topractice self-love in that
moment, to be compassionate andkind to yourself, even when
you're not doing what you thinkyou should be doing right.
We have all these shoulds, butI want to encourage you be
(29:24):
patient with yourself.
How long have you been carryingthat sense that you're not
lovable.
Give yourself some time.
I carried it for 40 plus years,so it took me some time to
learn how to love myself, tobelieve that I was worthy of
love and then to start showingmyself that I am and always will
be worthy of love by the waythat I treat myself.
(29:44):
I really hope you enjoyed parttwo of the course around
learning how to love yourself.
Now, if you want to revisitthis course at any time, of
course, you can just simplylisten to these episodes again,
but if you want the videoversion, you can simply see the
show notes in this episode andyou can get access to the video
version of this course.
Well, thank you for joining mefor this episode, and I want to
(30:06):
remind you, as always, that youare worthy of your own love.
Hello everybody and welcome to the Permission to
Love podcast.
I'm your host, jerry Henderson,and, as always, I'm so grateful
that you're here.
In today's episode, we'recontinuing the course on
learning how to love yourself.
This is a course that I createdto help individuals learn how
to have a healthier relationshipwith themselves by learning how
to love themselves, and so thisis part two.
(00:21):
If you haven't listened to partone yet, I encourage you to go
listen to it, because that'sgoing to make this make a lot
more sense, because today we'regetting into the practical steps
that you can take in order tolearn how to love yourself.
We'll be talking abouteverything from your thoughts to
your words, to your emotions,to the way that you see yourself
, your actions that you take andthen how you let other people
(00:44):
treat you.
So I know this episode could bereally powerful for you if
you're on a journey of learninghow to love yourself.
If you haven't downloaded the37-page workbook that goes with
this course, I would encourageyou to do that.
You can simply see the shownotes in this episode.
If you know somebody whostruggles with loving themselves
, maybe they're just startingtheir journey on learning how to
(01:07):
love themselves.
Maybe they're struggling withthings like imposter syndrome, a
harsh inner critic, feelinglike there's something wrong
with them, feelings ofself-loathing, or whatever the
story is.
I know they can benefit fromthis podcast series on learning
how to love yourself, so I wantto invite you and encourage you
to share it with somebody thatyou know.
So, without any other delays,let's jump into this episode.
(01:31):
So now let's start talking abouthow you can learn how to love
yourself.
What are some of the practicalthings that you can do to start
loving yourself?
Well, I want to start withletting you know that self-love
is a skill.
It's something that you candevelop.
You can develop it as a habitand a lifestyle.
You see, here's the thing.
(01:52):
Self-love is often misunderstoodas a natural trait that some
people simply have and othersdon't.
That's not the truth.
Self-love is not an inherentpersonality trait.
It is a skill that can belearned, practiced and
strengthened over time.
It's like any other skill Ifyou're trying to learn a
language, you've got to practiceit.
(02:13):
If you've got to figure out howto play an instrument, you've
got to practice it.
Self-love is the same thing andover time, with repetition and
reinforcement, it can become anatural and automatic part of
your life.
Now, before I move on anyfurther, I want to take a moment
and I want to say this to youthere is nothing wrong with you
(02:33):
If you struggle to love yourself, if you're beating yourself up
for not being able to loveyourself and you think there's
something wrong with you becauseyou don't like yourself and you
have low self-esteem, orwhatever the story is with you
because you don't like yourselfand you have low self-esteem, or
whatever the story is.
I'm going to say it to youagain there's nothing wrong with
you.
You can develop the skill ofself-love, and all the ways that
(02:53):
you feel about yourself are alot about what we talked about
earlier, those experiences thatsent us the message that there's
something wrong with us thatblock us from our own love.
Listen, nothing wrong with you,there's no shame in it, and you
can learn how to love yourself.
So now let's talk aboutdeveloping self-love.
(03:15):
I want you to understandsomething about our brains.
Our brains have the capacity tochange.
We can change the way that ourbrain is wired.
Neuroplasticity, or the abilityfor the brain to adapt and
change, means that we can formnew neural pathways through
repeated thoughts and behaviors.
When we consistently engage inself-loving thoughts, actions,
(03:39):
words, etc.
We are strengthening our neuralconnections associated with
positive regard, makingself-love feel more natural over
time.
I think that is such great newsBecause, listen, the habit that
you have right now ofcriticizing yourself, beating
yourself up, not loving yourself, feeling like there's something
(04:00):
wrong with you it's exactlythat.
It's a habit that got wired inyour brain through time, through
repetition, through you beingin there, telling yourself that
story over and over.
The good news is, as we beginto let go of that story by
choosing this is reallyimportant by choosing a new
story about ourselves, repeatingthat story, it's now putting
(04:22):
new grooves into our brain, newpathways that are going to feel
more accessible and more naturalto you over time.
And what once felt veryfamiliar to you self-hatred,
self-loathing it's going tostart to feel foreign to you as
you now begin to connect withsomething that once felt
unfamiliar to you lovingyourself that now is going to
(04:43):
start to feel very familiar toyou the brain.
We want to say thank you to itfor its ability to change
through repetition and throughintentionality.
Now let's talk about someresearch-backed strategies for
cultivating self-love.
Self-love can be nurturedthrough intentional practices
that focus on how we think aboutourselves.
(05:05):
Our thoughts, how we speak toourselves, our words, how we see
our worth and value, thevisualization, engaging in daily
behaviors or those actions, andthen building supportive
connections or supportiverelationships All of these are
critical to shaping a morehealthy relationship with
ourself, which can then lead toa healthier self-concept, and
(05:28):
then it will foster long-termwell-being as we learn to
practice these things as ways toshow ourselves that we're
learning to love ourselves.
So how do we start learning tolove ourselves?
Through our thoughts, throughour words, through visualization
, through actions and throughrelationships.
All right, so let's dive intothe first one our thoughts.
(05:51):
So let's talk about self-lovingthoughts and reframing negative
beliefs and cultivatingself-compassion towards
ourselves.
So let's talk about thoughtreframing for self-love.
So let's talk about thoughtreframing for self-love.
Cognitive behavioral therapyhighlights the importance of
(06:12):
identifying and challenging ournegative core beliefs to foster
healthier self-perceptions.
Research is clear on this thatwe can disrupt our thoughts,
choose new thoughts and soreframing distorted thoughts
like I'm not good enough intomore balanced perspectives such
as I'm doing my best, that'senough.
That's going to help reduceself-criticism and you have the
(06:36):
power to do this.
You might think you can'tchange the way that you think
you can.
You just have a habit and apattern of it and you can learn
how to change that.
And part of it is thisreframing process, interrupting
it, choosing a new thought andrepeating that new thought to
ourselves.
Alright, let's start talkingabout how self-compassion can
(06:57):
reduce that internal criticismand help reduce our
psychological distress and canactually open us up to accessing
self-love.
Now the research by Dr KristenNeff shows that treating oneself
with kindness and understandingduring difficult times reduces
anxiety, depression andperfectionism.
(07:20):
She shares how self-compassioninvolves mindfulness, the
ability to observe what's goingon with us without judgment and
then allowing self-kindness tohappen.
And then the recognition thatour struggles are a shared part
of humanity and just because wehave struggles doesn't mean
(07:41):
there's something wrong with us.
Okay, to acknowledge the factthat imperfection is a part of
humanity and is a part of beinghuman is a big part of
practicing self-compassion.
Now research also shows thatpracticing self-compassion can
actually change the way that thebrain functions.
It reduces activity in theamygdala that fight or flight
(08:04):
that we have, the fear andanxiety.
It can help settle that downand it also, at the same time,
increases activation in areaslinked to emotional calm, reason
up into the prefrontal cortex,which allows us to manage stress
(08:29):
better, to see clearly and toallow ourselves to relax, and to
relax in our own presence.
Now, with all of that in mind,let's talk about some practical
ways that we can apply thisNumber one practice
thought-stopping techniques tointerrupt those negative
self-talk habits that you haveand replace it with more
(08:50):
compassionate thoughts ormantras.
What's a mantra?
It's basically a phrase thatyou're going to choose, that
you're going to have, thatyou're going to replace that
negative thought with thatyou're going to say over and
over and over in your mind.
So, for example, your mantramight be I'm worthy of love.
Your mantra might be I'm worthyof my own love.
Your mantra might be I lovemyself.
(09:12):
Whatever it is, choose it, haveit ready.
So when the negative thoughtcomes, you disrupt it and then
you replace it with the mantra.
Another thing that you can dois use self-compassionate
language when you're reflectingon your mistakes, either present
or past, and say things likeit's okay to struggle, I'm still
learning.
(09:32):
And that language shift isactually going to have an energy
shift inside of your system andyou'll begin to notice it.
You'll begin to relax towardsyourself as you give yourself
compassion.
Now the other thing I want totouch on in this space is for
you to recognize you're not yourthoughts.
Just because you have a thoughtdoesn't mean it's true.
Think about it.
(09:52):
You have all kinds of thoughts.
One day you're thinking thateverything is going to work out.
The next day you're thinkingeverything is going to fall
apart.
You can't always trust yourthoughts, don't believe
everything that you think, andthe ability to detach from our
thoughts and observe them andnot see them as us and not see
them as truth, is reallyimportant in learning how to
(10:13):
practice self-love.
All right, let's move on towords.
Words are very important andthe research shows us that if we
can use positive self-talk,it's going to enhance our
overall well-being.
So research also shows thatengaging in self-talk that's
positive can significantlyreduce stress, as we've talked
(10:34):
about before.
Right, you might have awaterline of stress that's
really high, and I do this workwith my clients where they come
in.
They've got this really highwaterline of stress and they're
really struggling on how tomanage things, and one of the
first things that we start to dois examine how they're talking
towards themselves.
Are they catastrophizing?
Are they telling themselvesthat you know they're no good,
(10:55):
they're going to fail?
You see, all that internalconflict that you're having is
wrecking your nervous system andit's causing your stress
waterline to stay pretty high,and so the smallest thing that
comes your way floods it up overyour head.
And one of the things I oftenwork with people on is getting
that waterline to become lower.
And one of the first places thatwe can start low-hanging fruit
(11:17):
is changing the way that youtalk to yourself.
And as you become more gentlewith yourself, more loving
towards yourself, you're able torelax in your presence more,
you're increasing your capacityfor other stressors.
You're able to relax in yourpresence more You're increasing
your capacity for otherstressors.
You're building your resilienceand, before you know it, you've
got a greater sense of ease andpeace because you're
self-accepting, you're lovingtowards yourself.
(11:38):
Through the practice of kindwords, kind talk, you're getting
out of fight or flight againstyourself.
You're not having to be onguard against you.
And that's an important part oflowering your stress is
changing the way that you talkto yourself up here and also the
words that come out of yourmouth, because when you say
(12:00):
something, you're activatingmultiple parts of your system.
You're thinking it, you'resaying it, you're hearing it.
It's all wiring together.
So if you want to reduce thatstress, you can start by
changing the words that you sayabout yourself.
Now the interesting thingresearch also shows that people
who practiced affirmingstatements actually experienced
lower levels of cortisol thatstress hormone and it improved
(12:23):
their ability to emotionallyregulate.
Now let's talk about the scienceof affirmations, because it is
a science, it's not just woohoo.
Affirmations work by activatingthe brain's reward centers,
particularly the ventral medialprefrontal cortex, which is
associated with self-relatedprocessing and valuation.
(12:45):
That system is an importantpart of how we're relating to
ourselves and the valuation thatwe're placing on ourselves and
other things.
So really important tounderstand that those
affirmations aren't just words.
They're activating parts ofyour brain that are making a
connection with rewards, withself-processing and valuation,
(13:07):
and this activation helpsreinforce positive self-views,
making self-love more accessible.
You're actually openingyourself to yourself by the way
that you treat yourself, whenyou decide to be more loving in
the words that you speak towardsyourself.
Now let's talk about somepractical application for this
(13:28):
Number one.
Use daily affirmations such asI'm worthy of love and respect,
I accept myself as I am, andhere's what I want to encourage
you.
Practice those when you're in agood state, so that you're
building the muscle of them.
Okay, because we want to havethem ready for when we're trying
to replace negative self-talkwith neutral or, better yet,
(13:50):
positive statements, for example, instead of saying I'm a
failure, reframe it as I'mlearning and growing from this
experience.
So there's a couple of thingshappening here.
One, we're practicing theaffirmations so that when the
bad times do come, we have themready.
And then also our system isgetting more used to those
(14:11):
affirmations and they're easierfor us to say out of our mouth,
hearing ourselves say those goodthings about us.
It's becoming more comfortablefor us so that when we do get
into the negative thinking ornegative self-talk, we have
something that we already knowthat we can go to to replace it
with.
Now, if you need support on yourjourney of learning how to have
(14:32):
a healthy relationship withyourself by practicing things
like self-compassion andself-love, I want to encourage
you to set up a complimentarycoaching call where we'll spend
60 minutes together getting toknow each other and see if
working together is a right fit.
You can set up that free callby going to my website at
jerryhendersonorg.
So if you're ready to transformyour relationship with yourself
(14:52):
, transform the relationships inyour life and ultimately
transform your life.
Then set up that free call,because the truth is, no matter
what you're going through, youdon't have to go through it
alone.
You can overcome the burnoutthat you might have experienced.
You can get off of theachievement treadmill, you can
(15:13):
learn to love and acceptyourself as you are.
You can have healthy,life-giving relationships.
And here's the truth You'reworthy of those things in your
life, and part of understandingthat we're worthy is letting go
of those limiting beliefs,rewiring ourselves and then
having support for the journey.
So, once again, go to mywebsite or see the resource
(15:36):
section and set up your freediscovery call.
I'm looking forward to hearingabout your goals and, most
importantly, I'm looking forwardto getting to know you.
So now let's start talking aboutvisualization.
Visualization is very powerfulin learning to love ourselves
because it's helping rewire oursystems.
So what's the research behindthis?
Visualization enhancesself-perception and motivation,
(16:00):
and it's used a lot in sportspsychology for people to
visualize themselves havingsuccess, and what it's shown to
do is actually increaseself-efficacy or the belief that
you actually can do something,which is a really important part
of being able to overcomethings like shame and accessing
self-love.
And the other thing that itdoes is.
(16:21):
It increases our confidencebecause, as we see ourselves
being loved, as we practicevisualization exercises of
seeing ourselves succeed, seeingourselves believing in
ourselves, has a powerful impacton our nervous system.
Now, one of the things that youcan do for visualization is
guided imagery, and it's alsogoing to help with emotional
(16:41):
healing.
Guided imagery can be usedtherapeutically to promote
self-love by helping individualsvisualize themselves as loved,
accepted and worthy.
The research shows thatvisualization helps rewire the
brain's emotional responses,fostering feelings of safety and
(17:02):
acceptance.
It's powerful stuff as youvisualize yourself being loved,
being worthy of love, and thengiving yourself your own love.
Extremely powerful, guys.
It's not just some littlepractice.
Your brain is actually startingto get rewired, which moves us
into understanding the role ofvisualization and
neuroplasticity.
(17:22):
Visualization stimulates thesame brain regions involved in
actual experiences, stimulatesthe same brain regions involved
in actual experiences.
It's reinforcing positiveneural pathways associated with
self-worth.
You see, what's happening isyour brain's seeing that and
it's not making a differencebetween.
Is it happening now or is itjust something I'm thinking
about?
And if you need some evidenceon this, just take a moment and
(17:45):
think about going andconfronting that person that
you've been wanting to confront.
What happens is you visualizeyourself in that conversation.
You get a pit in your gut, allthese emotions start to rise up,
you get a lot of anxiety.
You feel really uncomfortable.
Well, your brain doesn't knowthat that's not happening right
now.
It feels it happening, it'santicipating it and it's also
(18:06):
feeling all of that as if it washappening in the moment.
We want to use that for thepositive in visualizing us
loving ourselves Same actualsystem.
We're just doing it in a waythat works for us instead of
works against us.
Now let's talk about somepractical application.
On this Number one, engage indaily visualization exercises
(18:27):
where you picture yourselfthriving, being loved, feeling
confident.
Use future self-visualizationto imagine the best version of
yourself so that you can believein yourself and you can believe
that you're worthy of love andgood things.
And then finally visualizeyourself loving all the parts of
yourself, yes, even that partthat you feel like is so
(18:49):
unlovable.
Loving that part of yourselfand actually visualize you
loving you.
It's a powerful exercise whenyou do it.
Now let's move on to starttalking about our actions.
I always say to my clients yourbrain wants to see that you
believe what you're saying bytaking action on it.
When you take action onsomething that you say that
you're going to do that, you saythat you believe what you're
(19:10):
saying by taking action on it.
When you take action onsomething that you say that
you're going to do, that you saythat you believe in that is
sending a signal to your brainthat you actually believe it,
which is helping embed it intoyour nervous system.
So now let's talk about therole of self-care in mental
health, or in our well-being,and in showing ourselves that
we're worthy of love.
You know, engaging inconsistent self-care behaviors,
(19:33):
such as proper exercise,nutrition, sleep, relaxation,
has been linked to improvedmental health and the reduction
of symptoms of depression andanxiety.
So listen, self-care is notsomething that's indulgent.
It's something that's necessaryfor us to be at our best.
It's something that's reallyimportant in us practicing
(19:54):
self-love, because self-care isa self-loving action and you're
signaling your brain that youbelieve that you're worthy of
love by taking that action.
Now let's move on to anothersignal that you can send your
brain through your actions,which is behavioral activation
and mood improvement that thatbrings about.
What is behavioral activation?
It's a therapy approach used tocombat depression and it
(20:17):
encourages engaging inmeaningful, value-driven
activities to counteractnegative emotions.
So if you're sitting there andbelieving that you're unworthy
of love and you don't want to doanything and you can't find the
motivation to get up and toeven take any action at all,
this therapeutic approach asksyou to take the action that you
(20:39):
would take if you weren't inthat state.
So, for example, sometimes forme, one of the things I'll do is
I'll get up and I'll get mybody moving.
I'll go take a walk, and that'sa self-loving action towards
myself, because it's exerciseand it also allows me to clear
my head.
And can I say that there wasany motivation in me that wanted
me to get up and take that walk?
Absolutely not Zero, but I knewthat if I took the action, I
(21:04):
would be signaling to my brainthat I believed that I was
worthy of good things, and italso allowed me to disrupt the
cycle and it was allowing myselfto get unstuck right.
I often tell people we don'twait for motivation to show up.
We get moving and thenmotivation catches up.
And that's a lot about whatthis is.
(21:24):
When we want to feel a certainway, sometimes what we have to
do is start moving in thatdirection and allow the emotions
to change and to catch up, andour brain starts to get the
signal that, well, maybe we areokay, maybe we do love ourselves
because we're acting in waysthat shows us that we love
ourselves.
Now another action that'simportant is setting boundaries
(21:46):
as an act of self-respect.
Now, the research is clear onthis as well, that setting and
maintaining healthy boundariesis crucial for self-respect.
Because here's the thing ifwe're letting people walk all
over us, we're sending themessage to ourselves that we're
worthy of being walked over, andthen we're not worthy of people
respecting our values, and thenwe're also not teaching people
(22:08):
how we want to be treated, andthen we're also teaching
ourselves that we're okay withbeing treated poorly.
And the research is clearSetting boundaries increases
self-esteem.
Why?
Because it's tapping into ourbelief in our personal
self-respect and that we'reworth being honored.
Okay, so let's talk about someof the practical applications,
(22:28):
about actions.
Number one incorporate regularself-care routines that
prioritize physical andemotional health.
Number two set boundaries withpeople or situations that drain
your energy or diminish yourself-worth, and then engage in
activities that align with yourvalues or who you want to become
, the things that bring you joy.
(22:49):
They're going to reinforce yoursense of purpose and
self-respect.
All right, now let's move on toour next and final piece about
the five areas, which isrelationships.
Relationships are such a keypart of learning to love
ourselves, and so we want tobuild supporting and affirming
connections.
Now let's talk a little bitabout the impact of social
(23:11):
support on self-esteem.
Research consistently showsthat social support is a
critical factor in mental healthand self-esteem.
Positive relationships providevalidation, encouragement and a
sense of belonging, all of whichreinforce self-love.
That long-term study by Harvardon what causes well-being will
(23:37):
say that the one thing, if youhave to choose just one thing in
your life to have a greatersense of well-being, it's
relationships.
Now, we also know it can takeus in the opposite direction,
right?
One negative relationship cando a lot of damage, but positive
relationships can do a lot toshow us that we're worthy of
love.
So now let's talk aboutattachment theory and self-love.
(23:58):
Now, the research does showthat those early attachment
experiences with our caregiversdo shape how we view ourselves.
However and this is a bighowever secure attachments in
adulthood through friendships,romantic relationships or
therapeutic alliances can helprepair attachment wounds and
(24:21):
foster self-love.
So the research shows you'renot stuck in whatever attachment
style you have If you have aninsecure, avoidant or secure
attachment style, we're notstuck in that.
We can learn how to loveourselves.
We can learn how to havehealthy connections with other
people, and those healthyconnections can help us have a
(24:42):
healthier relationship withourselves and open us up to
self-love.
Now the next thing that'simportant in relationships are
choosing relationships that aremodeling the type of behaviors
that we want to demonstrate inour life.
Surrounding yourself withpeople who model self-love and
healthy boundaries is going tohelp reinforce those behaviors
(25:04):
in your own life.
And we talk about you're thesum total of your five closest
relationships, and there's a lotof truth in that.
So when we're with people whoare constantly negative and they
don't know how to lovethemselves or set up boundaries,
that's gonna be a model for us.
We're gonna pick up on thatconsciously and subconsciously
and we're gonna perpetuate thatbehavior in our own life.
So the relationships that youhave, it's really important that
(25:27):
you choose them wisely because,as you see other people do that
, it's gonna help.
You have the permission to doit for yourself.
So now let's talk about how wecan actually put this into play,
how we can practice this in ourlife.
Number one cultivaterelationships with individuals
who uplift and support yourgrowth.
Choose okay, begin to chooserelationships that you believe
(25:51):
are gonna align with who youwant to be, what you want to
believe about yourself.
Because I always say we'rechoosing what we believe that
we're worthy of, and the morethat we believe that we're
worthy of good things, we'regoing to start choosing those
good things.
But we can also start to choosegood things as a future,
telling towards ourselves thatthat's what we want to have,
(26:14):
that's how we want to feel aboutourselves, and allow ourselves
to get through the discomfort ofbeing in a healthy relationship
.
And yes, for people who areused to being in unhealthy
relationships, a healthyrelationship is going to feel
uncomfortable, but with timeit's going to start to feel more
comfortable to you.
The second thing is seek outtherapeutic or coaching
(26:34):
relationships that provide asafe space for exploring and
nurturing self-love.
I often tell people thateverybody needs at least one
fully disclosing relationshipwhere they can be themselves,
where they can be vulnerable andjust be who they are and be met
with empathy.
And I also tell peoplesometimes you got to pay for
(26:54):
that right, because we can'talways put that burden on our
partner, and then sometimes wedon't want to put that burden on
our friends, and so we need aplace where we can truly be
ourselves and be met with loveand empathy.
It's so important.
Now, the next thing that'simportant is distancing yourself
from toxic or drainingrelationships that reinforce
negative self-beliefs, and yes,that includes family.
Now, the next thing that'simportant is distancing yourself
from toxic or drainingrelationships that reinforce
(27:15):
negative self-beliefs, and yes,that includes family members,
and yes, it includes the onesthat are really hard for you to
separate yourself from.
And yes, you might feel someguilt as a result of it, but
here's the truth you don't haveto feel guilt in choosing
yourself, because as you chooseyourself, you become a better
version of yourself, and thenyou're showing up as a better
(27:40):
you with everybody in your life.
So not only are you doingyourself a favor, you're doing
them a favor as well.
Well, we've covered a lot inthis course, and so I just want
to give a quick summary of whatwe've gone over so far.
Number one we've learned thatevery one of us is worthy of our
own love.
You're inherently worthy ofyour love because you exist.
Number two we've talked abouthow essential self-love is to
(28:01):
our overall well-being.
We also took a look at thesignificant challenges that come
up in our life when self-loveis blocked.
We've also learned thatself-love is a skill, it's a
habit that anyone can develop,and we also took a look at how
we can rewire ourselves andlearn how to practice self-love
(28:22):
by engaging in thoughts that aremore loving, words that are
more loving, visualization thatallows ourselves to see
ourselves being loved, takingactions towards ourselves that
are self-loving, and thenchoosing relationships that
reinforce our self-worth andhelp send the message to us that
(28:42):
we are worthy of love and thatwe're worthy of our own love.
That's something I really wantto emphasize in all of this Be
patient with yourself.
This is a process.
It's going to take time.
You're retraining yourself.
That's going to take practice.
It's going to take patience,and even if you fall back and
(29:02):
you struggle and you findyourself getting back into old
patterns guess what?
That's not a failure.
It's an opportunity for you topractice self-love in that
moment, to be compassionate andkind to yourself, even when
you're not doing what you thinkyou should be doing right.
We have all these shoulds, butI want to encourage you be
(29:24):
patient with yourself.
How long have you been carryingthat sense that you're not
lovable.
Give yourself some time.
I carried it for 40 plus years,so it took me some time to
learn how to love myself, tobelieve that I was worthy of
love and then to start showingmyself that I am and always will
be worthy of love by the waythat I treat myself.
(29:44):
I really hope you enjoyed parttwo of the course around
learning how to love yourself.
Now, if you want to revisitthis course at any time, of
course, you can just simplylisten to these episodes again,
but if you want the videoversion, you can simply see the
show notes in this episode andyou can get access to the video
version of this course.
Well, thank you for joining mefor this episode, and I want to
(30:06):
remind you, as always, that youare worthy of your own love.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com