February 17, 2025 • 47 mins
In this transformative episode of the Permission to Love podcast, we explore how to rewire your mind for a new reality.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in old patterns, trapped by limiting beliefs, or unable to make real change despite your self-awareness, this episode is for you.
Through guided exercises, powerful insights, and neuroscience-backed strategies, you’ll discover:
- Why your identity is a repeated pattern of thoughts and emotions—and how to break free.
- The impact of neuroplasticity on our transformation.
- How to shift your beliefs and subconscious programming to create the life you truly want.
- The role of your Reticular Activating System (RAS) in shaping your reality.
- A guided visualization exercise to step into your highest self.
This episode isn’t just about learning—it’s about experiencing transformation.
By the end, you’ll feel a shift in your mindset, knowing that you have the power to choose who you become.
FREE Coaching Call: If you're ready for deeper transformation, book a call at jerryhenderson.org.
Download Your Free Resources: Take the Resilience Quiz and access tools to help you rewire your mindset at jerryhenderson.org.
Chapters:
00:00 - Introduction: Setting the intention for transformation
02:10 - Who Are You? A Powerful Reflection on Identity
04:12 - The Power of Thought: Dr. Joe Dispenza’s Insights
06:18 - Your Beliefs Shape Your Reality and Daily Life
10:11 - Are Your Beliefs Actually True? Challenging Your Identity
17:38 - The Neuroscience of Change: Neuroplasticity & Meditation
20:00 - How to Get Unstuck and Rewire Your Mind for a New Reality
26:33 - Reprogramming Exercise: Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs
32:21 - Understanding the Reticular Activating System (RAS)
38:54 - Guided Visualization: Meeting Your Highest Self
44:26 - 7-Day Challenge: Acting as Your Future Self
I am grateful you are here,
Jerry
Setup Your FREE Strategy Call:
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Website:
www.jerryhenderson.org
🔗 Access the course "Learning How to Love Yourself" here:
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Pick up your copy of my book:
Returning: Meditations and Reflections on Self-Love and Healing
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Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/jerryahenderson
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody and welcome to this episode of the
Permission to Love podcast, apodcast where we're having
conversations aboutself-transformation, our mindset
and healing our relationshipwith ourselves.
Now, in today's episode, I'mgoing to do something a little
bit different.
I'd like for you to be open toconsidering this podcast as an
experience, because I believe ifyou truly engage with this
(00:24):
episode, if you allow yourselfto participate in the exercises,
something will shift inside ofyou, just like things shifted in
me when I first told myselfthat I was worthy of my own love
.
Just like things have shiftedin my clients as they have
breakthroughs in understandingwho they truly are, that they're
(00:45):
not trapped in their story,they're not trapped in their
beliefs, but they can transformthemselves.
They can experienceself-expansion as they're
creating the life that theyactually want to live.
So I want you to set yourintention in this episode for
something to shift inside of youby the time that you're done
(01:05):
engaging in this episode.
So what are we going to betalking about today?
We're going to be talking abouthow to rewire your mind for a
new reality.
So, if you've ever felt stuckin old patterns, trapped by
limiting beliefs, or no matterhow hard you try, you keep
repeating the same struggles,just in different forms.
(01:26):
Maybe you feel like you're veryself-aware.
You know the changes that youneed to make, but you just can't
seem to get the breakthroughs,and you're always wondering why
you're stuck and you can't seemto figure out how to embed those
new beliefs into your life andto create the new habits,
routines and the things that youwant to have in your life, so
that you can become the versionof yourself that you know you
(01:49):
have the potential to be.
So my hopes are that by the endof this episode, you're going
to know that change is possible,if you don't already know.
That it's not going to be justsomething that's in your brain
as a cerebral fact, but thatyou're actually going to feel it
in your system, and I believethat you can begin to feel it
happen as you're engaging withthis episode.
(02:10):
So let's get started, and I wantto start by asking you a
question who are you?
Take a moment, reflect on that.
You're not your name, you'renot your job, you're not your
history, you're not yourachievements, you're not your
trauma, you're not yourrelationships, you're not the
roles that you play.
Who are you?
(02:31):
Who are you beneath all of that?
I mean, who are you really,your essence?
And here's the challenge formany of us we don't realize that
our identity, all of thosethings that we claim are us our
name, our title, et cetera arejust repeated patterns of
(02:53):
thoughts and emotions, thingsthat we've learned, the
character that we've put on.
And I'm not saying that's bad.
I'm just saying that it'simportant for us to realize that
who we identify as is not theauthentic us and the identity
that we connect with, whateverit is.
You might have an identity thatyou're broken, that you're not
(03:15):
enough.
You might have an identity thatyou're never going to have
prosperity, that you're nevergoing to find a healthy
relationship.
You might have the identitythat you're stuck and that you
can't seem to figure out how toget unstuck.
And you might have an identitythat you're the one who's always
going to be on this healingjourney and that there's
something wrong with you thatyou'll never figure out how to
(03:37):
fix yourself.
And even the fact that you feellike you need to fix yourself
is a part of an identity.
But below all of that is theauthentic you, which is full of
love, power, potential, and ourjob is to tap into that and
(03:58):
connect with who we truly areand begin to shed everything
that is not us.
So I want to ask you again, inlight of all of that who are you
?
Dr Joe Dispenza talks about itlike this he says that 90% of
your thoughts today are the sameas yesterday.
(04:20):
And if you keep thinking thesame way, you're going to keep
feeling the same way.
And if you keep feeling thesame way, you're going to keep
feeling the same way.
And if you keep feeling thesame way, you're going to keep
living the same life.
Most of us don't realize thatour identity is just a repeated
pattern of thoughts and emotions.
Our thoughts lead to ourfeelings.
(04:41):
Our feelings then lead todecisions, and those decisions
are determining the way thatwe're living our life.
Because here's the thing yourmind is like a GPS.
If you keep inputting the samedestination, your old beliefs,
your old stories, you're goingto keep arriving at the same
results.
(05:01):
And here's what's going to keephappening If you don't believe
you're worthy of love, you willpush love away.
If you don't believe you'recapable of wealth and abundance
and when I say wealth andabundance I'm talking about all
of it Abundance of love, wealthof relationships thriving
emotionally, mentally,physically and, yes, financial
(05:24):
abundance.
If you don't believe thatyou're worthy of those things,
capable of those things, youwill continue to sabotage
yourself and sabotage anyopportunities that come your way
for those things to manifest inyour life.
Now listen, we're notsabotaging those things because
we want to or because we don'twant those things in our life,
(05:46):
but because our brains getprogrammed to make our beliefs a
reality.
Let me say that again Ourbrains are programmed to make
our beliefs a reality in ourlife, and so one of the hard
truths and this is one of thehard truths I work with people
in coaching is, if you look atyour life right now, much of
(06:09):
what is in your life is yourbrain's attempt to align you
with your beliefs.
Now, here's what I'm not saying.
I'm not saying that the traumayou experienced was your fault.
I'm not saying that youmanifested the actions of other
people.
No, I'm not saying any of that.
(06:30):
So never take anything that Isay about our brain wanting to
create our beliefs as indicatingthat the trauma that you
experienced or the decisions ofother people are your fault.
You don't have anyresponsibility for that.
But what we do have to takeresponsibility for are the
relationships that we'rechoosing and the beliefs that we
(06:53):
now carry about ourselves.
And, yes, even though wedevelop them as coping
mechanisms, we now get to choosenew beliefs, more empowering
beliefs, and, yes, that is ourresponsibility and I say this
with as much love andencouragement as possible that
your life is a good thermometerto look at, to show you what
(07:19):
your beliefs are.
Now let me also be very clearhere the thing that I'm talking
about as the most important partof this process is your own
internal focus in on thosethings.
We then begin to choose thethings that we believe that
(07:49):
we're worthy of, that we want,and you choosing what you
believe you're worthy of andwhat you want in your life is
going to look very different foryou than it is for somebody
else, okay, so you building thelife that you truly want isn't
about you trying to copysomebody else.
It's about you building a lifethat you want that's truly
(08:10):
aligned with your values, notjust trying to imitate, not just
trying to copy, not trying tolive somebody else's life, but
who are you, what do you want,and does your life right now
reflect the life that you want?
And does your life right nowreflect the life that you want?
Do you have the abundance ofpeace, love, joy, relationships,
connection.
All of the things that you wantAre those things manifesting
(08:34):
and showing up in your life.
It is connected to our beliefs.
Good news is that we can changeour beliefs and so, just as an
example, if you believe thatthere's something wrong with you
, that you're unworthy of love,as I said, you're going to
continue to push away lovingrelationships, and so that
(08:57):
belief is causing you tomanifest in your life a lack of
connection with other people, alack of meaningful relationships
.
And let me be clear again I'mgoing to take a lot of time in
this episode and be clear aboutthings that you are not
responsible for, the originalwound that caused you to feel
(09:19):
like there's something wrongwith you and that you don't
deserve love.
But what you have now is thepower to change that belief.
And as you change that beliefand you do the work and you do
the rewiring, you will thenbegin to choose connection,
choose relationships whereintimacy can thrive, where you
(09:41):
can show up as the best versionof yourself can thrive, where
you can show up as the bestversion of yourself, where you
can be seen and felt, seen andsee others in relationship.
That is possible for you, nomatter what your story is right
now.
Self-transformation, yourability to transform yourself
and transform your life, issomething you have the ability
(10:04):
to do.
That power is inside of you Now, in light of that, let me ask
you another question.
What if everything you think youknow about yourself isn't the
truth?
We're just going to play withthis question for a second.
What if everything you thinkabout yourself isn't the truth?
What if it's just habits?
(10:28):
What if we're all just acollection?
Our personality, the way thatwe respond to people, the
triggers that we have, thebeliefs that we have are just
habits.
I want you to take a moment,take a deep breath and think
about that and let that sink in.
And here's the truth about thatwe are habits, we are
(10:52):
programming, we are wiring, andthat programming and wiring is
going to either create a lifethat we want and is going to
serve us, or it's going tocreate a life that we don't want
and it's not going to serve us.
And I want to say this again onemore time you are not your past
, you are not your trauma, youare not your limiting beliefs,
(11:17):
and just because those thingsexist in your life don't mean
that they're true.
They're habits and they'reprogramming.
And here's the beautiful newsabout this that if they're
habits and programming, they canbe changed.
Now, once again, what I'm notsaying is that those things
(11:38):
didn't happen in your life.
Yes, you experienced trauma.
Yes, you experienced pain.
Yes, you were born in thathouse to that family.
Yes, you experienced those.
Yes, you experienced pain.
Yes, you were born in thathouse to that family.
Yes, you experienced thosepainful things in your life.
Yes, you have the name that youhave.
All of that is true.
But what I am saying is thatthose things are not the essence
of who you are.
(12:00):
And if that is true, you canchoose who you want to become.
You have agency to choose whoyou become.
That is in your hands.
From this day forward, I wantyou to hold on to that.
(12:22):
I want you to connect with thatthat you are not at the mercy
of your past.
You are not at the mercy ofyour present.
You get to choose who you wantto become, no matter what your
circumstances are.
That power to transformyourself lives within you.
It lives within every singleone of us, and it's one of the
(12:44):
greatest things that we have ashumans the ability to choose who
we become.
And if you're feeling someresistance around that, I just
want to ask you to stick with me, and I also want to ask you to
reflect on whether or not thatmight be some of the programming
(13:05):
, some of the wiring right,because if we carry a belief
that we can't change, thatbelief is going to keep us stuck
in the version of us that wedon't feel like is serving us.
And if we have that belief,that belief got developed over
time, it became a habit.
We experienced things thatmaybe reinforced the message to
us that we couldn't change, andthe crazy thing about it is it
becomes a habit.
We experience things that maybereinforce the message to us
that we couldn't change, and thecrazy thing about it is it
(13:27):
becomes a loop.
We believe that we can't change, so we create scenarios that
prevent us from change, and thenwe try to change, but yet we
sabotage that change.
And then that comes back totrying to reinforce the message
that we can't change.
And one of the key things is tomake the decision and it is a
decision to begin to believethat you have the power to
(13:50):
change and then be committed toprogram that belief into your
system, into your words, intoyour actions, into your way of
being.
And I want to say to you, evenif you don't believe that you
can change, I believe that youcan.
And how can I have that belief?
You might be thinking.
Well, you don't know me.
I know humans, I know myself, Iknow the people that I coach.
(14:14):
I know what happened in my lifeas I transformed my life, as I
went through a process ofself-transformation letting go
of the beliefs that there wassomething wrong with me that was
unworthy of love, healing myrelationship with myself so I
didn't have to drink to try toescape myself learning how to
have connection in life-givingrelationships, helping other
(14:36):
people experience thatself-transformation, watching
them as they create the lifethat they want to live, as they
let go of those limiting beliefsand understand that in their
life they have the power totransform their relationship
with themselves, transform theirrelationship with others and,
by doing so, transform theirentire life.
(14:59):
Even if you don't believe thatyou can, I believe that you can
and I know that you can.
Okay, if you feel like you'vebeen doing the work reading the
books, gaining self-awareness,understanding your patterns but
you're still stuck, I just wantto take a moment and talk to you
(15:19):
, because here's the truthAwareness isn't enough.
You can know why youself-sabotage, you can
understand your limiting beliefs, but knowing isn't the same as
breaking free.
Self-transformation isn't aboutlearning more.
It's about unlearning thethings that have kept you small.
Change is about shedding allthe things that are not you so
(15:44):
you can live from the authenticperson that you truly are.
And change is also aboutstepping out of the old story
that you're not ready, you'renot enough, you're not capable.
It's about fully reclaimingyour power.
And here's an important thingyou don't have to do it alone.
(16:05):
I help people just like youwake up and break free from the
old beliefs and the old patterns.
We're not talking about justsetting goals, but becoming who
you were truly meant to beShedding the shame, getting rid
of the low self-confidence,learning how to choose healthy
(16:26):
relationships.
Finally healing yourrelationship with yourself so
that you can thrive.
So if this resonates with youand you're feeling that pull to
change, if you know you're readyfor something deeper, I want to
offer you a free coaching call,not to sell you, but to get
real about where you are, whereyou want to be and what's truly
(16:48):
standing in the way.
So can I encourage you, stopwaiting, stop thinking about it
and take some action, becauseyour brain wants to see that
you're serious about makingthese changes, and one of the
ways that our brain starts tobelieve that we're serious is
that we take action.
So I want to invite you to goto my website at
jerryhendersonorg or simply seethe show notes in this episode
(17:11):
to book your free call today andlet's connect and see if
working together is the rightfit Because listen, the next
chapter of your life doesn'tstart when you feel ready.
It starts when you decide.
So, if you're ready to go on aprocess of self-transformation
and start creating the life thatyou truly want to live, set up
(17:32):
that free call and I'm reallylooking forward to learning more
about you.
So now let's talk about theneuroscience behind this.
Your brain is not fixed.
You know I love talking aboutthis.
It is constantly rewiringitself, even when you don't
think it is.
It is rewiring itself, and thisis called what Neuroplasticity.
(17:56):
And there's some interestingresearch that Harvard has done
that shows that meditation canliterally increase gray matter
in the brain.
Why?
How?
Because it's strengthening theareas responsible for focus,
emotional regulation andresilience.
So that study alone shows usthat when we engage in behaviors
(18:19):
, when we choose to do thingslike meditation, it's changing
brain structure.
And not only is it changingbrain structure, it's helping us
connect and tap into the thingsthat are going to help us
change our lives, like the focus, like the emotional regulation,
like the resilience.
And that's just one researchexample among hundreds that show
(18:43):
when you change what yourepeatedly think, feel and do,
you are changing your brain'sstructure.
So what does that mean for us inthe context of what I'm talking
about today?
It means that, even if you haveall of those beliefs that you
(19:04):
feel like are so true about youthat you feel like are so who
you are, that you don't have tocarry that forward.
You can change it.
You can change the way thatyour brain sees, perceives and
believes.
And when you change the beliefs, you change your life.
(19:25):
And so what this also means isthat that belief that you're
stuck, it's not true.
You're just running on oldprogramming.
Yes, you feel stuck, yes, youcan't see how to get out of
where you're at right now, butit doesn't mean you're
permanently stuck.
It just means that you'rerunning on old programming and
(19:50):
as you get new programming andas you learn how to install that
new programming in your brain,you will naturally get unstuck.
For many people they focus in ontheir stuckness instead of
focusing in on what's going toget them unstuck.
And when you start to learn thebeliefs that are creating the
(20:10):
behaviors, or that lack ofbehaviors, that are keeping you
stuck, and then you begin toinstall new beliefs and then
begin to take new behaviors,you're naturally going to get
unstuck.
So one helpful tip and what Ido a lot with my clients is to
shift the focus from the problemto the belief and to the
(20:30):
empowerment that you have tochange the belief, to change how
you see it so that you can moveaway from the disempowering
belief and feeling that you'restuck to an empowering curiosity
that says what belief has mestuck?
That says what belief has mestuck?
What behaviors or non-behaviorshave me feeling stuck?
(20:53):
What are the new beliefs thatcould get me unstuck?
What did the person do?
Who's no longer stuck?
How did they get themselvesunstuck?
And when you ask that question,it unlocks your curiosity and
gets you out of the spiral andthen gets movement happening.
And when we have movement, allkinds of amazing things start to
(21:16):
happen in our life.
The other great news about ourbrain's ability to change and
our ability to change ourbeliefs is that you don't have
to wait years to change.
Transformation can literallyhappen in moments or in a moment
.
And this is one of the mostpowerful things in coaching is
(21:37):
when I'm working with somebodyin a session, I always tell them
I'm a partner in thinking withyou and as we're working
together in a session, they havethat aha moment and something
literally shifts.
It's like their entire systemshifted, made a connection,
their brain fired and wired abelief that then they felt in
(21:59):
their body.
They might have felt it intheir gut or they might have
felt it in their chest, but abreakthrough just happened.
A transformation actuallyhappened in that moment, as
their entire system just got anupdate of the programming that
actually caused the shift tohappen in that moment.
(22:20):
It is truly a beautiful thingto watch and an honor to be a
part of when somebody has thattype of breakthrough.
And here's what's sofascinating about this is that
when we have those shifts, whathappens inside of us begins to
get expressed outside of us.
I'm going to say it again, and Isay this with love and
(22:40):
compassion your reality is amirror of your internal world.
If you believe abundance ispossible world, if you believe
abundance is possible, yourbrain will start finding
evidence to support that belief.
If you believe that you'reunlovable, that there's
something wrong with you, yourbrain is going to keep finding
(23:03):
evidence to reinforce that.
If you believe that you'reworthy of love, your brain is
going to start seeing thingsabout yourself that show you
that you are worthy of goodthings and love.
And we're going to talk aboutthe science behind this in just
a second.
But here's what I want to drivehome right now.
This is not just wishfulthinking.
(23:25):
This is biology.
The research shows that ourbeliefs, what we think about,
what we feel, what we do all ofthat is tied together and it's
actually altering the brain inthe direction that it thinks is
serving us.
And, yes, that even includesall the things that you wish
(23:47):
weren't in your life.
All right, now let's go even alittle bit deeper on this.
Let's start talking about thesubconscious mind and how our
subconscious mind is driving somuch of our life.
In fact, 95% of your thoughtsand actions come from your
subconscious mind, the part ofyou that's running on autopilot.
(24:11):
Think about it.
You don't have to remindyourself to breathe, to blink or
to even drive your car.
After years of practice, it'sjust autopilot for you and your
beliefs that work in the sameway and that's a good thing, but
it's also a very frustratingthing.
So, for example, if you weretold as a child frustrating
(24:32):
thing.
So, for example, if you weretold as a child money's hard to
make, or you have to do thingsthat you don't want to do in
order to make money, or peoplelike us don't get ahead, or love
always ends in pain, orwhatever the story and narrative
is For me.
I grew up on the welfare systemin US poverty, and so money was
always associated with stress.
(24:54):
I remember getting up at two inthe morning and watching my dad
sit on the couch chain smoking,hyper stressed out about how to
get money, how to get groceries, how to pay the bills, and I
remember my mother shopliftingin order for us to have
groceries.
And so there was so muchtension, so much challenge
(25:16):
around money that that gottransferred to me and I had to
do a lot of work to begin toaccept abundance and not see
money as something that'sstressful, and as a kid I had no
idea that that stuff wasgetting programmed in me that I
was adopting a belief.
And then what happened is itgot stored in my subconscious
(25:38):
mind.
And so let me ask you what arethe beliefs that you have right
now when you think about money,when you think about
relationships, when you thinkabout yourself?
And if you need helpunderstanding what those are,
just start to ask yourself howdo you talk about yourself?
How do you talk about money?
How do you talk aboutrelationships?
(26:02):
How do you feel emotionallywhen it comes to the thought of
relationships?
How do you feel emotionallywhen you think about you
expanding, becoming the highestversion of yourself?
How does that feelenergetically in your system?
That is a big clue about thebeliefs that you hold and what's
stored in your subconscious.
And the challenge is, oursubconscious takes those
messages, takes those beliefs astruths, and then we live them
(26:26):
out without even realizing it,and then we scratch our heads as
to why our life is the way thatit is.
But once again, here's the greatnews.
I'm going to keep reminding youof this you can reprogram
yourself and, yes, you canreprogram your subconscious mind
.
And you know what?
(26:46):
While we're here during thisepisode, let's do a
reprogramming exercise right now.
So, if you're not driving andyou're in a place where you can
do this, I'm going to walk youthrough a quick exercise.
If you're not in a place whereyou can do this, go back to this
episode and allow yourself toexperience this exercise Right
(27:07):
now.
I invite you to close your eyes, take a deep breath in, let it
out.
Take another deep breath in,let it out.
Now take a moment.
Think of a limiting beliefyou've carried for years.
(27:27):
For example, I'm not worthy oflove, I'll never find a loving
relationship.
I'm not worthy of success.
What is it Now, ask yourselfSociety, a family member, an
(27:53):
intimate partner?
Now imagine taking that beliefand holding it in your hands
like an old, outdated book, andnow set it down.
See yourself taking that oldbook, that outdated book with
those outdated beliefs, and setit down.
(28:16):
Now replace it with a newbelief that you want to carry.
For example, I'm worthy ofsuccess.
I'm worthy of love.
I allow abundance in all itsforms.
I am able to do everything Iput my mind to.
(28:40):
I am enough.
And say it out loud, if you canSay it with me I am worthy of
success.
I am worthy of love.
I allow abundance in all of itsforms Connect with it
(29:03):
emotionally.
I am worthy of love, I amworthy of success.
I allow abundance in all of itsforms.
Guess what?
You just rewired your brain alittle bit in that moment,
(29:30):
seriously, in that moment, youjust practiced reprogramming
your brain.
You identified a limitingbelief.
You chose to set that beliefaside.
You identified a life-givingbelief and you chose to start
installing that in your systemthrough thinking it, saying it
and feeling it.
That, my friend, is a big partof how we rewire our brains.
(29:53):
And here's the other thing tokeep in mind it is the small
shifts that lead to bigtransformations.
And one of the things I remindpeople about all the time is
that people often overestimatewhat they can do in a year and
underestimate what they can doin five years.
Because, listen, this is a lifethat you're building and your
(30:17):
life doesn't have to be built inthe next 30 days.
And that's what we often do islike I got to change everything
in the next 30 days and if Idon't, there's something wrong
with me.
Well, guess what?
You're setting yourself up forfailure in doing that, because
your belief system is that youcan't change, and so you're
going to make change so hardthat you're going to fail at it,
and then you failing at it isgoing to reinforce the belief
(30:39):
that you can't change.
See how beliefs can set us upfor failure.
See how beliefs can keep usstuck in a pattern.
What if the belief was shifted?
What if you said I believe thatI'm worthy of a life that is
full of love and abundance, andso I'm building a life, and a
life gets built with time andpatience.
(31:02):
It is a marathon, not a sprint,and so I'm okay with installing
one new belief system or onenew habit every six months,
every three months, every year,whatever it is, because at the
end of six months and you've nowinstalled a new belief system
and then you're able to installa new one.
(31:23):
Listen, in a year from now,you've at least let go of two
beliefs that you don't wantanymore and installed two
beliefs that you truly want.
Instead of repeating a patternof setting yourself up for
failure, tapping out, wonderingwhat's wrong with you, trying it
again, and then you're juststaying stuck in a repeated
(31:44):
pattern of trying, failing,trying, failing, and no wonder
you feel like you can't change.
Focus in on small shifts thattruly get embedded into your
system, and those are the thingsthat are going to bring the big
transformations, because you'restacking it together and then,
all of a sudden, you're nolonger the person that you were
(32:07):
before.
You're no longer the personthat doesn't believe that you're
worthy of love and abundance.
You resonate and know thatyou're worthy of those things
because transformational changeis happening from the inside out
.
Okay, now let's talk about yourbrain's RSA system, or its
reticular activating system.
So what is that system?
(32:28):
It is the system that isfiltering your reality.
Your brain is constantly beingbombarded with information
millions, if not billions, ofbits of information per second
but it is only consciouslyprocessing a small fraction of
(32:50):
it.
Why?
Because of the reticularactivating system.
It's a network in your brainthat's acting as a filter and
it's constantly working.
Because here's the truththere's no way that you could
take in all of the informationthat you see and actually do
something with it.
(33:10):
And, as an exercise, take amoment, look around.
Wherever you're at, there is somuch going on in your
environment right now Sounds,movement, items, this podcast,
my voice, all of this stuff.
And if your brain had to focusin on everything that's
currently happening in yoursituation right now, it would be
(33:31):
overwhelmed.
You'd get shut down.
And if you were asked to sitdown and describe every detail
of everything that's happeningwith you right now, it would
take you forever.
You'd have to describe thecolors, the items, the textures,
the sense, the sound.
I mean all of it.
How long would it take you towrite all of that out and truly
(33:54):
describe it?
Take take you a really longtime.
So what your brain is doing isit's filtering out everything
that it thinks is unnecessary inthat moment, so that you can
actually focus in on whatmatters.
So this RAS system isdetermining what you notice and
what you ignore.
It's why, as I've shared before, when you decide to buy a new
(34:17):
car, you suddenly start seeingthat exact car everywhere.
That car was always there, butyour brain never noticed it
before.
And guess what?
Now your brain has tuned intoit because it's important to you
now, because you own that car.
And this whole RAS system is oneof the ways how your beliefs
(34:38):
are shaping your reality.
So, for example, if you believeI'm always struggling, your RAS
will filter reality to show youevidence of struggle, missed
opportunities, financialhardship, roadblocks.
But if you shift your belief toabundance is all around me,
(35:01):
your RAS will start filteringreality to reveal new
opportunities, helpful peopleand unexpected blessings.
Your brain, through this RASsystem, is wired to seek out, to
notice and to bring into yourawareness what your beliefs are
(35:24):
and is determining what youfocus on.
So take a moment and askyourself what is my RAS
filtering in and, moreimportantly, what do I want it
to focus on instead?
Do I want to focus on blessings?
(35:44):
Do I want to focus in on thebeauty of who I am?
Do I want to focus in onopportunities or do I want to
continue to focus in on thingsthat are limiting me, keeping me
from transformation, keeping mefrom expansion?
And what we do to change thatfilter is we start installing
(36:04):
new beliefs.
And the way that we installthose new beliefs, for example,
is what we just did earlierabout letting go of limiting
beliefs, deciding what beliefsthat we want and then connecting
with them and starting torewire our brains.
And as we do things like thatand other things, it will
install new beliefs.
Then our RAS filter will say,huh, those things are important
(36:27):
to us and it'll start to noticethose things in our life.
And when we notice those thingsin our life, we start to create
more and more and more of them,and this is one of the ways
that the law of attraction works.
You're not simply justattracting things in your life.
You're actually becoming awareof the abundance that is in your
life and, as you're aware ofthat, you start seeing it,
(36:50):
attracting it because you'renoticing it.
And the more that you'renoticing it, the more that
you're believing that you'reworthy of it, and that belief
that you're worthy of it startsto attract more and more of it
in your life.
And all of this is coming backto those core beliefs that we
carry, and this is one of thereasons that the first thing I
always start with in coaching ishelping people understand their
(37:13):
relationship with themselves.
What do I mean by that?
How do you talk to yourself,how do you see yourself, what do
you believe about yourself?
Because the way that we seeourselves and the relationship
that we have with ourselves isdetermining all of this other
stuff that's unfolding in ourlives.
Okay, now what I want to do isI want to walk you through
another exercise.
(37:35):
I want you to truly connectwith this exercise as a part of
the rewiring process, as a partof installing those new beliefs
in your system, and I want youto be open to experiencing
whatever shifts can happeninside of you.
Open yourself up to selftransformation, your ability to
(37:58):
change yourself, your ability toshow up for yourself.
You can transform your life.
You're actually the only onewho can transform your life.
Nobody else out there can do itfor you.
And I tell people that all thetime.
I might be your coach, but I'mnot the one who's actually going
to have to make the changes.
(38:18):
I can be a partner in yourthinking, I can offer you input,
I can help guide, I can helpwith courage, I can help hold
accountable, I can give youresources, but at the end of the
day, my biggest job is toempower my clients to make the
change that they want to make,so that they coach themselves
(38:40):
and so that they create the lifethat they want.
So I want you to take a momentand connect with that ability
that you have to transform yourown life as we start this
exercise.
So I'm going to invite youagain.
If you're in a place where youcan close your eyes, take in a
deep breath, let it out.
(39:02):
Take in another deep breath,let it out.
Relax your body.
Notice any place that you'recarrying, any tension.
Just allow yourself to relax.
Now, imagine you're standing infront of a doorway.
(39:22):
Behind that door is yourhighest self, the highest
version of you.
Now I want to invite you toopen the door, you to open the
(39:42):
door Now.
I want to invite you to seeyourself stepping through the
door.
What do you see?
How does this version of youwalk, speak, live, feel that
energy filling your body,connect with that version of
yourself Once again.
How do they talk?
(40:04):
What do they say aboutthemselves?
What do they believe, carrythemselves?
What is their posture like whenthey move?
How do they walk?
How do they live their life?
(40:26):
What emotions do they carrywith them?
What do their relationshipslook like?
See that version of yourselfand then step into that version.
Literally, see yourself walkingover to that version of
(40:49):
yourself and step inside of it.
Inside of it.
Let the energy of your highestself fill your mind, your heart
(41:11):
and your body.
Right now, in this moment.
Now, as that version of you,back with you into this present
moment.
Now, from this moment forward,you truly are not the same
person who pressed play on thisepisode.
(41:33):
The first exercise, if youengaged in it, actually made new
connections in your brain, evenif it was at the micro level.
It made a new connection inyour brain and as you make more
and more of those connections,they'll build up together and
(41:53):
then, all of a sudden, you'llhave a superhighway in your
brain of a connection that isassociated with a new belief
that you want to carry aboutyourself and your life.
And then the other exerciseallowed you to see the version
of yourself that is living asyour highest self.
(42:14):
It's what we talked about inthe beginning of this podcast
episode.
It is the true, authentic you,the you that is love, that is
joy and that is centered in asense of confidence, connection,
wholeness.
That is the identity.
(42:36):
That is who you truly are.
And as you connect with thattrue identity, your highest self
, you can begin to let go of allthe things that are not you.
And, the truth be told, it'sactually about allowing yourself
to be who you already are, thatversion of yourself that you
(42:59):
just saw.
You just connected withAllowing yourself, giving
yourself the permission to bewho you truly are.
I often tell people, like Imentioned earlier, that change
is about unlayering.
It's not so much about becoming, it's about allowing.
(43:20):
We are uncovering everythingthat is not us.
We are shedding everything thatis not us, so that we can allow
ourselves to be who we alreadytruly are.
And so you're not trying tobolt on all these things that
you think you should be doing orwho you should be.
You're getting rid ofeverything that isn't the
(43:44):
authentic you.
You're allowing the expressionof all that you already are.
You see, here's the thingthat's so important about this.
We often think that we'rebroken or we need to be fixed.
No, we are already all thethings that we want to be.
(44:05):
We just have to get everythingout of the way.
That's not that, and the workthat we've talked about on this
podcast today is aboutidentifying those things that
are not us, allowing ourselvesto set it down and then
connecting with who we trulyalready are, and then allowing
ourselves to live like it on adaily basis.
(44:26):
Now I want to leave you with alittle challenge For the next
seven days.
I want to encourage you to actas the person that you already
are, that highest self that youconnected with.
Allow yourself to act like thateach and every day.
(44:47):
And here's what's important.
You're retraining your body,you're retraining your emotions,
you're retraining your thoughts.
Okay.
So if it feels clunky, if itfeels awkward, that's okay.
It doesn't mean that thosethings aren't true about you.
It means that you've hadmomentum in one direction for
(45:07):
decades and now we're shiftingmomentum towards our authentic
self.
Think about it that way.
That's what you're actuallydoing.
You're retraining yourself tolive according to who you truly
are.
The second thing I want you todo for the next seven days is to
think, speak and move from thatnew identity.
(45:30):
Write down words that you wantto say about yourself.
Write down thoughts that youwant to think about yourself.
Write down thoughts that youwant to think about yourself.
Move your body in a way thatconnects with that new identity.
And research shows thatchanging our physiology or our
positioning can shift thechemicals, our energy.
It's very powerful.
(45:50):
So, in those moments whenyou're feeling like you're not
worthy or you're feeling shame,simply standing up and doing a
superwoman or a superman posewhere you stand strong, legs
apart, hands on your hip, withyour arms spread wide, head held
high, with confidence thatshift in posture will shift your
(46:11):
energy.
And many people underestimatethe movement of their body, the
positioning of their body whenit comes to change.
It's an important part ofchange.
And then the final thing I wantto encourage you to do for the
next seven days keep remindingyourself of this truth.
You are rewiring your mind fora new reality.
(46:35):
So if you need to write thatdown, if you need to have some
reminders, put it on a phonescreensaver or whatever it is.
Put down the phrase I amrewiring myself for a new
reality.
Well, thank you for joining thisepisode of the Permission to
Love podcast.
Always so thankful to be ableto be on this journey with you,
(46:55):
and I want to say that I reallyam really proud of you for
showing up, listening andengaging in the exercises that
are a part of this episode.
Now, if you've not yet had achance to follow or to subscribe
to this podcast, I want toencourage you to take a moment
to do that, because that's goingto keep you updated on when new
episodes come out.
And also, if this episodehelped you, send it to one
(47:16):
person who you think needs tohear it, because if it helped
you, it's going to help them aswell.
Now, if you need additionalresources to help you on your
journey, I want to encourage youto go to my website at
jerryhendersonorg.
I've got a few downloads there,a quiz you can take as well,
and you can also learn moreabout my coaching program.
And finally, I want to remindyou, as always, that you are
(47:38):
worthy of your own love.
Hello everybody and welcome to this episode of the
Permission to Love podcast, apodcast where we're having
conversations aboutself-transformation, our mindset
and healing our relationshipwith ourselves.
Now, in today's episode, I'mgoing to do something a little
bit different.
I'd like for you to be open toconsidering this podcast as an
experience, because I believe ifyou truly engage with this
(00:24):
episode, if you allow yourselfto participate in the exercises,
something will shift inside ofyou, just like things shifted in
me when I first told myselfthat I was worthy of my own love
.
Just like things have shiftedin my clients as they have
breakthroughs in understandingwho they truly are, that they're
(00:45):
not trapped in their story,they're not trapped in their
beliefs, but they can transformthemselves.
They can experienceself-expansion as they're
creating the life that theyactually want to live.
So I want you to set yourintention in this episode for
something to shift inside of youby the time that you're done
(01:05):
engaging in this episode.
So what are we going to betalking about today?
We're going to be talking abouthow to rewire your mind for a
new reality.
So, if you've ever felt stuckin old patterns, trapped by
limiting beliefs, or no matterhow hard you try, you keep
repeating the same struggles,just in different forms.
(01:26):
Maybe you feel like you're veryself-aware.
You know the changes that youneed to make, but you just can't
seem to get the breakthroughs,and you're always wondering why
you're stuck and you can't seemto figure out how to embed those
new beliefs into your life andto create the new habits,
routines and the things that youwant to have in your life, so
that you can become the versionof yourself that you know you
(01:49):
have the potential to be.
So my hopes are that by the endof this episode, you're going
to know that change is possible,if you don't already know.
That it's not going to be justsomething that's in your brain
as a cerebral fact, but thatyou're actually going to feel it
in your system, and I believethat you can begin to feel it
happen as you're engaging withthis episode.
(02:10):
So let's get started, and I wantto start by asking you a
question who are you?
Take a moment, reflect on that.
You're not your name, you'renot your job, you're not your
history, you're not yourachievements, you're not your
trauma, you're not yourrelationships, you're not the
roles that you play.
Who are you?
(02:31):
Who are you beneath all of that?
I mean, who are you really,your essence?
And here's the challenge formany of us we don't realize that
our identity, all of thosethings that we claim are us our
name, our title, et cetera arejust repeated patterns of
(02:53):
thoughts and emotions, thingsthat we've learned, the
character that we've put on.
And I'm not saying that's bad.
I'm just saying that it'simportant for us to realize that
who we identify as is not theauthentic us and the identity
that we connect with, whateverit is.
You might have an identity thatyou're broken, that you're not
(03:15):
enough.
You might have an identity thatyou're never going to have
prosperity, that you're nevergoing to find a healthy
relationship.
You might have the identitythat you're stuck and that you
can't seem to figure out how toget unstuck.
And you might have an identitythat you're the one who's always
going to be on this healingjourney and that there's
something wrong with you thatyou'll never figure out how to
(03:37):
fix yourself.
And even the fact that you feellike you need to fix yourself
is a part of an identity.
But below all of that is theauthentic you, which is full of
love, power, potential, and ourjob is to tap into that and
(03:58):
connect with who we truly areand begin to shed everything
that is not us.
So I want to ask you again, inlight of all of that who are you
?
Dr Joe Dispenza talks about itlike this he says that 90% of
your thoughts today are the sameas yesterday.
(04:20):
And if you keep thinking thesame way, you're going to keep
feeling the same way.
And if you keep feeling thesame way, you're going to keep
feeling the same way.
And if you keep feeling thesame way, you're going to keep
living the same life.
Most of us don't realize thatour identity is just a repeated
pattern of thoughts and emotions.
Our thoughts lead to ourfeelings.
(04:41):
Our feelings then lead todecisions, and those decisions
are determining the way thatwe're living our life.
Because here's the thing yourmind is like a GPS.
If you keep inputting the samedestination, your old beliefs,
your old stories, you're goingto keep arriving at the same
results.
(05:01):
And here's what's going to keephappening If you don't believe
you're worthy of love, you willpush love away.
If you don't believe you'recapable of wealth and abundance
and when I say wealth andabundance I'm talking about all
of it Abundance of love, wealthof relationships thriving
emotionally, mentally,physically and, yes, financial
(05:24):
abundance.
If you don't believe thatyou're worthy of those things,
capable of those things, youwill continue to sabotage
yourself and sabotage anyopportunities that come your way
for those things to manifest inyour life.
Now listen, we're notsabotaging those things because
we want to or because we don'twant those things in our life,
(05:46):
but because our brains getprogrammed to make our beliefs a
reality.
Let me say that again Ourbrains are programmed to make
our beliefs a reality in ourlife, and so one of the hard
truths and this is one of thehard truths I work with people
in coaching is, if you look atyour life right now, much of
(06:09):
what is in your life is yourbrain's attempt to align you
with your beliefs.
Now, here's what I'm not saying.
I'm not saying that the traumayou experienced was your fault.
I'm not saying that youmanifested the actions of other
people.
No, I'm not saying any of that.
(06:30):
So never take anything that Isay about our brain wanting to
create our beliefs as indicatingthat the trauma that you
experienced or the decisions ofother people are your fault.
You don't have anyresponsibility for that.
But what we do have to takeresponsibility for are the
relationships that we'rechoosing and the beliefs that we
(06:53):
now carry about ourselves.
And, yes, even though wedevelop them as coping
mechanisms, we now get to choosenew beliefs, more empowering
beliefs, and, yes, that is ourresponsibility and I say this
with as much love andencouragement as possible that
your life is a good thermometerto look at, to show you what
(07:19):
your beliefs are.
Now let me also be very clearhere the thing that I'm talking
about as the most important partof this process is your own
internal focus in on thosethings.
We then begin to choose thethings that we believe that
(07:49):
we're worthy of, that we want,and you choosing what you
believe you're worthy of andwhat you want in your life is
going to look very different foryou than it is for somebody
else, okay, so you building thelife that you truly want isn't
about you trying to copysomebody else.
It's about you building a lifethat you want that's truly
(08:10):
aligned with your values, notjust trying to imitate, not just
trying to copy, not trying tolive somebody else's life, but
who are you, what do you want,and does your life right now
reflect the life that you want?
And does your life right nowreflect the life that you want?
Do you have the abundance ofpeace, love, joy, relationships,
connection.
All of the things that you wantAre those things manifesting
(08:34):
and showing up in your life.
It is connected to our beliefs.
Good news is that we can changeour beliefs and so, just as an
example, if you believe thatthere's something wrong with you
, that you're unworthy of love,as I said, you're going to
continue to push away lovingrelationships, and so that
(08:57):
belief is causing you tomanifest in your life a lack of
connection with other people, alack of meaningful relationships
.
And let me be clear again I'mgoing to take a lot of time in
this episode and be clear aboutthings that you are not
responsible for, the originalwound that caused you to feel
(09:19):
like there's something wrongwith you and that you don't
deserve love.
But what you have now is thepower to change that belief.
And as you change that beliefand you do the work and you do
the rewiring, you will thenbegin to choose connection,
choose relationships whereintimacy can thrive, where you
(09:41):
can show up as the best versionof yourself can thrive, where
you can show up as the bestversion of yourself, where you
can be seen and felt, seen andsee others in relationship.
That is possible for you, nomatter what your story is right
now.
Self-transformation, yourability to transform yourself
and transform your life, issomething you have the ability
(10:04):
to do.
That power is inside of you Now, in light of that, let me ask
you another question.
What if everything you think youknow about yourself isn't the
truth?
We're just going to play withthis question for a second.
What if everything you thinkabout yourself isn't the truth?
What if it's just habits?
(10:28):
What if we're all just acollection?
Our personality, the way thatwe respond to people, the
triggers that we have, thebeliefs that we have are just
habits.
I want you to take a moment,take a deep breath and think
about that and let that sink in.
And here's the truth about thatwe are habits, we are
(10:52):
programming, we are wiring, andthat programming and wiring is
going to either create a lifethat we want and is going to
serve us, or it's going tocreate a life that we don't want
and it's not going to serve us.
And I want to say this again onemore time you are not your past
, you are not your trauma, youare not your limiting beliefs,
(11:17):
and just because those thingsexist in your life don't mean
that they're true.
They're habits and they'reprogramming.
And here's the beautiful newsabout this that if they're
habits and programming, they canbe changed.
Now, once again, what I'm notsaying is that those things
(11:38):
didn't happen in your life.
Yes, you experienced trauma.
Yes, you experienced pain.
Yes, you were born in thathouse to that family.
Yes, you experienced those.
Yes, you experienced pain.
Yes, you were born in thathouse to that family.
Yes, you experienced thosepainful things in your life.
Yes, you have the name that youhave.
All of that is true.
But what I am saying is thatthose things are not the essence
of who you are.
(12:00):
And if that is true, you canchoose who you want to become.
You have agency to choose whoyou become.
That is in your hands.
From this day forward, I wantyou to hold on to that.
(12:22):
I want you to connect with thatthat you are not at the mercy
of your past.
You are not at the mercy ofyour present.
You get to choose who you wantto become, no matter what your
circumstances are.
That power to transformyourself lives within you.
It lives within every singleone of us, and it's one of the
(12:44):
greatest things that we have ashumans the ability to choose who
we become.
And if you're feeling someresistance around that, I just
want to ask you to stick with me, and I also want to ask you to
reflect on whether or not thatmight be some of the programming
(13:05):
, some of the wiring right,because if we carry a belief
that we can't change, thatbelief is going to keep us stuck
in the version of us that wedon't feel like is serving us.
And if we have that belief,that belief got developed over
time, it became a habit.
We experienced things thatmaybe reinforced the message to
us that we couldn't change, andthe crazy thing about it is it
becomes a habit.
We experience things that maybereinforce the message to us
that we couldn't change, and thecrazy thing about it is it
(13:27):
becomes a loop.
We believe that we can't change, so we create scenarios that
prevent us from change, and thenwe try to change, but yet we
sabotage that change.
And then that comes back totrying to reinforce the message
that we can't change.
And one of the key things is tomake the decision and it is a
decision to begin to believethat you have the power to
(13:50):
change and then be committed toprogram that belief into your
system, into your words, intoyour actions, into your way of
being.
And I want to say to you, evenif you don't believe that you
can change, I believe that youcan.
And how can I have that belief?
You might be thinking.
Well, you don't know me.
I know humans, I know myself, Iknow the people that I coach.
(14:14):
I know what happened in my lifeas I transformed my life, as I
went through a process ofself-transformation letting go
of the beliefs that there wassomething wrong with me that was
unworthy of love, healing myrelationship with myself so I
didn't have to drink to try toescape myself learning how to
have connection in life-givingrelationships, helping other
(14:36):
people experience thatself-transformation, watching
them as they create the lifethat they want to live, as they
let go of those limiting beliefsand understand that in their
life they have the power totransform their relationship
with themselves, transform theirrelationship with others and,
by doing so, transform theirentire life.
(14:59):
Even if you don't believe thatyou can, I believe that you can
and I know that you can.
Okay, if you feel like you'vebeen doing the work reading the
books, gaining self-awareness,understanding your patterns but
you're still stuck, I just wantto take a moment and talk to you
(15:19):
, because here's the truthAwareness isn't enough.
You can know why youself-sabotage, you can
understand your limiting beliefs, but knowing isn't the same as
breaking free.
Self-transformation isn't aboutlearning more.
It's about unlearning thethings that have kept you small.
Change is about shedding allthe things that are not you so
(15:44):
you can live from the authenticperson that you truly are.
And change is also aboutstepping out of the old story
that you're not ready, you'renot enough, you're not capable.
It's about fully reclaimingyour power.
And here's an important thingyou don't have to do it alone.
(16:05):
I help people just like youwake up and break free from the
old beliefs and the old patterns.
We're not talking about justsetting goals, but becoming who
you were truly meant to beShedding the shame, getting rid
of the low self-confidence,learning how to choose healthy
(16:26):
relationships.
Finally healing yourrelationship with yourself so
that you can thrive.
So if this resonates with youand you're feeling that pull to
change, if you know you're readyfor something deeper, I want to
offer you a free coaching call,not to sell you, but to get
real about where you are, whereyou want to be and what's truly
(16:48):
standing in the way.
So can I encourage you, stopwaiting, stop thinking about it
and take some action, becauseyour brain wants to see that
you're serious about makingthese changes, and one of the
ways that our brain starts tobelieve that we're serious is
that we take action.
So I want to invite you to goto my website at
jerryhendersonorg or simply seethe show notes in this episode
(17:11):
to book your free call today andlet's connect and see if
working together is the rightfit Because listen, the next
chapter of your life doesn'tstart when you feel ready.
It starts when you decide.
So, if you're ready to go on aprocess of self-transformation
and start creating the life thatyou truly want to live, set up
(17:32):
that free call and I'm reallylooking forward to learning more
about you.
So now let's talk about theneuroscience behind this.
Your brain is not fixed.
You know I love talking aboutthis.
It is constantly rewiringitself, even when you don't
think it is.
It is rewiring itself, and thisis called what Neuroplasticity.
(17:56):
And there's some interestingresearch that Harvard has done
that shows that meditation canliterally increase gray matter
in the brain.
Why?
How?
Because it's strengthening theareas responsible for focus,
emotional regulation andresilience.
So that study alone shows usthat when we engage in behaviors
(18:19):
, when we choose to do thingslike meditation, it's changing
brain structure.
And not only is it changingbrain structure, it's helping us
connect and tap into the thingsthat are going to help us
change our lives, like the focus, like the emotional regulation,
like the resilience.
And that's just one researchexample among hundreds that show
(18:43):
when you change what yourepeatedly think, feel and do,
you are changing your brain'sstructure.
So what does that mean for us inthe context of what I'm talking
about today?
It means that, even if you haveall of those beliefs that you
(19:04):
feel like are so true about youthat you feel like are so who
you are, that you don't have tocarry that forward.
You can change it.
You can change the way thatyour brain sees, perceives and
believes.
And when you change the beliefs, you change your life.
(19:25):
And so what this also means isthat that belief that you're
stuck, it's not true.
You're just running on oldprogramming.
Yes, you feel stuck, yes, youcan't see how to get out of
where you're at right now, butit doesn't mean you're
permanently stuck.
It just means that you'rerunning on old programming and
(19:50):
as you get new programming andas you learn how to install that
new programming in your brain,you will naturally get unstuck.
For many people they focus in ontheir stuckness instead of
focusing in on what's going toget them unstuck.
And when you start to learn thebeliefs that are creating the
(20:10):
behaviors, or that lack ofbehaviors, that are keeping you
stuck, and then you begin toinstall new beliefs and then
begin to take new behaviors,you're naturally going to get
unstuck.
So one helpful tip and what Ido a lot with my clients is to
shift the focus from the problemto the belief and to the
(20:30):
empowerment that you have tochange the belief, to change how
you see it so that you can moveaway from the disempowering
belief and feeling that you'restuck to an empowering curiosity
that says what belief has mestuck?
That says what belief has mestuck?
What behaviors or non-behaviorshave me feeling stuck?
(20:53):
What are the new beliefs thatcould get me unstuck?
What did the person do?
Who's no longer stuck?
How did they get themselvesunstuck?
And when you ask that question,it unlocks your curiosity and
gets you out of the spiral andthen gets movement happening.
And when we have movement, allkinds of amazing things start to
(21:16):
happen in our life.
The other great news about ourbrain's ability to change and
our ability to change ourbeliefs is that you don't have
to wait years to change.
Transformation can literallyhappen in moments or in a moment
.
And this is one of the mostpowerful things in coaching is
(21:37):
when I'm working with somebodyin a session, I always tell them
I'm a partner in thinking withyou and as we're working
together in a session, they havethat aha moment and something
literally shifts.
It's like their entire systemshifted, made a connection,
their brain fired and wired abelief that then they felt in
(21:59):
their body.
They might have felt it intheir gut or they might have
felt it in their chest, but abreakthrough just happened.
A transformation actuallyhappened in that moment, as
their entire system just got anupdate of the programming that
actually caused the shift tohappen in that moment.
(22:20):
It is truly a beautiful thingto watch and an honor to be a
part of when somebody has thattype of breakthrough.
And here's what's sofascinating about this is that
when we have those shifts, whathappens inside of us begins to
get expressed outside of us.
I'm going to say it again, and Isay this with love and
(22:40):
compassion your reality is amirror of your internal world.
If you believe abundance ispossible world, if you believe
abundance is possible, yourbrain will start finding
evidence to support that belief.
If you believe that you'reunlovable, that there's
something wrong with you, yourbrain is going to keep finding
(23:03):
evidence to reinforce that.
If you believe that you'reworthy of love, your brain is
going to start seeing thingsabout yourself that show you
that you are worthy of goodthings and love.
And we're going to talk aboutthe science behind this in just
a second.
But here's what I want to drivehome right now.
This is not just wishfulthinking.
(23:25):
This is biology.
The research shows that ourbeliefs, what we think about,
what we feel, what we do all ofthat is tied together and it's
actually altering the brain inthe direction that it thinks is
serving us.
And, yes, that even includesall the things that you wish
(23:47):
weren't in your life.
All right, now let's go even alittle bit deeper on this.
Let's start talking about thesubconscious mind and how our
subconscious mind is driving somuch of our life.
In fact, 95% of your thoughtsand actions come from your
subconscious mind, the part ofyou that's running on autopilot.
(24:11):
Think about it.
You don't have to remindyourself to breathe, to blink or
to even drive your car.
After years of practice, it'sjust autopilot for you and your
beliefs that work in the sameway and that's a good thing, but
it's also a very frustratingthing.
So, for example, if you weretold as a child frustrating
(24:32):
thing.
So, for example, if you weretold as a child money's hard to
make, or you have to do thingsthat you don't want to do in
order to make money, or peoplelike us don't get ahead, or love
always ends in pain, orwhatever the story and narrative
is For me.
I grew up on the welfare systemin US poverty, and so money was
always associated with stress.
(24:54):
I remember getting up at two inthe morning and watching my dad
sit on the couch chain smoking,hyper stressed out about how to
get money, how to get groceries, how to pay the bills, and I
remember my mother shopliftingin order for us to have
groceries.
And so there was so muchtension, so much challenge
(25:16):
around money that that gottransferred to me and I had to
do a lot of work to begin toaccept abundance and not see
money as something that'sstressful, and as a kid I had no
idea that that stuff wasgetting programmed in me that I
was adopting a belief.
And then what happened is itgot stored in my subconscious
(25:38):
mind.
And so let me ask you what arethe beliefs that you have right
now when you think about money,when you think about
relationships, when you thinkabout yourself?
And if you need helpunderstanding what those are,
just start to ask yourself howdo you talk about yourself?
How do you talk about money?
How do you talk aboutrelationships?
(26:02):
How do you feel emotionallywhen it comes to the thought of
relationships?
How do you feel emotionallywhen you think about you
expanding, becoming the highestversion of yourself?
How does that feelenergetically in your system?
That is a big clue about thebeliefs that you hold and what's
stored in your subconscious.
And the challenge is, oursubconscious takes those
messages, takes those beliefs astruths, and then we live them
(26:26):
out without even realizing it,and then we scratch our heads as
to why our life is the way thatit is.
But once again, here's the greatnews.
I'm going to keep reminding youof this you can reprogram
yourself and, yes, you canreprogram your subconscious mind
.
And you know what?
(26:46):
While we're here during thisepisode, let's do a
reprogramming exercise right now.
So, if you're not driving andyou're in a place where you can
do this, I'm going to walk youthrough a quick exercise.
If you're not in a place whereyou can do this, go back to this
episode and allow yourself toexperience this exercise Right
(27:07):
now.
I invite you to close your eyes, take a deep breath in, let it
out.
Take another deep breath in,let it out.
Now take a moment.
Think of a limiting beliefyou've carried for years.
(27:27):
For example, I'm not worthy oflove, I'll never find a loving
relationship.
I'm not worthy of success.
What is it Now, ask yourselfSociety, a family member, an
(27:53):
intimate partner?
Now imagine taking that beliefand holding it in your hands
like an old, outdated book, andnow set it down.
See yourself taking that oldbook, that outdated book with
those outdated beliefs, and setit down.
(28:16):
Now replace it with a newbelief that you want to carry.
For example, I'm worthy ofsuccess.
I'm worthy of love.
I allow abundance in all itsforms.
I am able to do everything Iput my mind to.
(28:40):
I am enough.
And say it out loud, if you canSay it with me I am worthy of
success.
I am worthy of love.
I allow abundance in all of itsforms Connect with it
(29:03):
emotionally.
I am worthy of love, I amworthy of success.
I allow abundance in all of itsforms.
Guess what?
You just rewired your brain alittle bit in that moment,
(29:30):
seriously, in that moment, youjust practiced reprogramming
your brain.
You identified a limitingbelief.
You chose to set that beliefaside.
You identified a life-givingbelief and you chose to start
installing that in your systemthrough thinking it, saying it
and feeling it.
That, my friend, is a big partof how we rewire our brains.
(29:53):
And here's the other thing tokeep in mind it is the small
shifts that lead to bigtransformations.
And one of the things I remindpeople about all the time is
that people often overestimatewhat they can do in a year and
underestimate what they can doin five years.
Because, listen, this is a lifethat you're building and your
(30:17):
life doesn't have to be built inthe next 30 days.
And that's what we often do islike I got to change everything
in the next 30 days and if Idon't, there's something wrong
with me.
Well, guess what?
You're setting yourself up forfailure in doing that, because
your belief system is that youcan't change, and so you're
going to make change so hardthat you're going to fail at it,
and then you failing at it isgoing to reinforce the belief
(30:39):
that you can't change.
See how beliefs can set us upfor failure.
See how beliefs can keep usstuck in a pattern.
What if the belief was shifted?
What if you said I believe thatI'm worthy of a life that is
full of love and abundance, andso I'm building a life, and a
life gets built with time andpatience.
(31:02):
It is a marathon, not a sprint,and so I'm okay with installing
one new belief system or onenew habit every six months,
every three months, every year,whatever it is, because at the
end of six months and you've nowinstalled a new belief system
and then you're able to installa new one.
(31:23):
Listen, in a year from now,you've at least let go of two
beliefs that you don't wantanymore and installed two
beliefs that you truly want.
Instead of repeating a patternof setting yourself up for
failure, tapping out, wonderingwhat's wrong with you, trying it
again, and then you're juststaying stuck in a repeated
(31:44):
pattern of trying, failing,trying, failing, and no wonder
you feel like you can't change.
Focus in on small shifts thattruly get embedded into your
system, and those are the thingsthat are going to bring the big
transformations, because you'restacking it together and then,
all of a sudden, you're nolonger the person that you were
(32:07):
before.
You're no longer the personthat doesn't believe that you're
worthy of love and abundance.
You resonate and know thatyou're worthy of those things
because transformational changeis happening from the inside out
.
Okay, now let's talk about yourbrain's RSA system, or its
reticular activating system.
So what is that system?
(32:28):
It is the system that isfiltering your reality.
Your brain is constantly beingbombarded with information
millions, if not billions, ofbits of information per second
but it is only consciouslyprocessing a small fraction of
(32:50):
it.
Why?
Because of the reticularactivating system.
It's a network in your brainthat's acting as a filter and
it's constantly working.
Because here's the truththere's no way that you could
take in all of the informationthat you see and actually do
something with it.
(33:10):
And, as an exercise, take amoment, look around.
Wherever you're at, there is somuch going on in your
environment right now Sounds,movement, items, this podcast,
my voice, all of this stuff.
And if your brain had to focusin on everything that's
currently happening in yoursituation right now, it would be
(33:31):
overwhelmed.
You'd get shut down.
And if you were asked to sitdown and describe every detail
of everything that's happeningwith you right now, it would
take you forever.
You'd have to describe thecolors, the items, the textures,
the sense, the sound.
I mean all of it.
How long would it take you towrite all of that out and truly
(33:54):
describe it?
Take take you a really longtime.
So what your brain is doing isit's filtering out everything
that it thinks is unnecessary inthat moment, so that you can
actually focus in on whatmatters.
So this RAS system isdetermining what you notice and
what you ignore.
It's why, as I've shared before, when you decide to buy a new
(34:17):
car, you suddenly start seeingthat exact car everywhere.
That car was always there, butyour brain never noticed it
before.
And guess what?
Now your brain has tuned intoit because it's important to you
now, because you own that car.
And this whole RAS system is oneof the ways how your beliefs
(34:38):
are shaping your reality.
So, for example, if you believeI'm always struggling, your RAS
will filter reality to show youevidence of struggle, missed
opportunities, financialhardship, roadblocks.
But if you shift your belief toabundance is all around me,
(35:01):
your RAS will start filteringreality to reveal new
opportunities, helpful peopleand unexpected blessings.
Your brain, through this RASsystem, is wired to seek out, to
notice and to bring into yourawareness what your beliefs are
(35:24):
and is determining what youfocus on.
So take a moment and askyourself what is my RAS
filtering in and, moreimportantly, what do I want it
to focus on instead?
Do I want to focus on blessings?
(35:44):
Do I want to focus in on thebeauty of who I am?
Do I want to focus in onopportunities or do I want to
continue to focus in on thingsthat are limiting me, keeping me
from transformation, keeping mefrom expansion?
And what we do to change thatfilter is we start installing
(36:04):
new beliefs.
And the way that we installthose new beliefs, for example,
is what we just did earlierabout letting go of limiting
beliefs, deciding what beliefsthat we want and then connecting
with them and starting torewire our brains.
And as we do things like thatand other things, it will
install new beliefs.
Then our RAS filter will say,huh, those things are important
(36:27):
to us and it'll start to noticethose things in our life.
And when we notice those thingsin our life, we start to create
more and more and more of them,and this is one of the ways
that the law of attraction works.
You're not simply justattracting things in your life.
You're actually becoming awareof the abundance that is in your
life and, as you're aware ofthat, you start seeing it,
(36:50):
attracting it because you'renoticing it.
And the more that you'renoticing it, the more that
you're believing that you'reworthy of it, and that belief
that you're worthy of it startsto attract more and more of it
in your life.
And all of this is coming backto those core beliefs that we
carry, and this is one of thereasons that the first thing I
always start with in coaching ishelping people understand their
(37:13):
relationship with themselves.
What do I mean by that?
How do you talk to yourself,how do you see yourself, what do
you believe about yourself?
Because the way that we seeourselves and the relationship
that we have with ourselves isdetermining all of this other
stuff that's unfolding in ourlives.
Okay, now what I want to do isI want to walk you through
another exercise.
(37:35):
I want you to truly connectwith this exercise as a part of
the rewiring process, as a partof installing those new beliefs
in your system, and I want youto be open to experiencing
whatever shifts can happeninside of you.
Open yourself up to selftransformation, your ability to
(37:58):
change yourself, your ability toshow up for yourself.
You can transform your life.
You're actually the only onewho can transform your life.
Nobody else out there can do itfor you.
And I tell people that all thetime.
I might be your coach, but I'mnot the one who's actually going
to have to make the changes.
(38:18):
I can be a partner in yourthinking, I can offer you input,
I can help guide, I can helpwith courage, I can help hold
accountable, I can give youresources, but at the end of the
day, my biggest job is toempower my clients to make the
change that they want to make,so that they coach themselves
(38:40):
and so that they create the lifethat they want.
So I want you to take a momentand connect with that ability
that you have to transform yourown life as we start this
exercise.
So I'm going to invite youagain.
If you're in a place where youcan close your eyes, take in a
deep breath, let it out.
(39:02):
Take in another deep breath,let it out.
Relax your body.
Notice any place that you'recarrying, any tension.
Just allow yourself to relax.
Now, imagine you're standing infront of a doorway.
(39:22):
Behind that door is yourhighest self, the highest
version of you.
Now I want to invite you toopen the door, you to open the
(39:42):
door Now.
I want to invite you to seeyourself stepping through the
door.
What do you see?
How does this version of youwalk, speak, live, feel that
energy filling your body,connect with that version of
yourself Once again.
How do they talk?
(40:04):
What do they say aboutthemselves?
What do they believe, carrythemselves?
What is their posture like whenthey move?
How do they walk?
How do they live their life?
(40:26):
What emotions do they carrywith them?
What do their relationshipslook like?
See that version of yourselfand then step into that version.
Literally, see yourself walkingover to that version of
(40:49):
yourself and step inside of it.
Inside of it.
Let the energy of your highestself fill your mind, your heart
(41:11):
and your body.
Right now, in this moment.
Now, as that version of you,back with you into this present
moment.
Now, from this moment forward,you truly are not the same
person who pressed play on thisepisode.
(41:33):
The first exercise, if youengaged in it, actually made new
connections in your brain, evenif it was at the micro level.
It made a new connection inyour brain and as you make more
and more of those connections,they'll build up together and
(41:53):
then, all of a sudden, you'llhave a superhighway in your
brain of a connection that isassociated with a new belief
that you want to carry aboutyourself and your life.
And then the other exerciseallowed you to see the version
of yourself that is living asyour highest self.
(42:14):
It's what we talked about inthe beginning of this podcast
episode.
It is the true, authentic you,the you that is love, that is
joy and that is centered in asense of confidence, connection,
wholeness.
That is the identity.
(42:36):
That is who you truly are.
And as you connect with thattrue identity, your highest self
, you can begin to let go of allthe things that are not you.
And, the truth be told, it'sactually about allowing yourself
to be who you already are, thatversion of yourself that you
(42:59):
just saw.
You just connected withAllowing yourself, giving
yourself the permission to bewho you truly are.
I often tell people, like Imentioned earlier, that change
is about unlayering.
It's not so much about becoming, it's about allowing.
(43:20):
We are uncovering everythingthat is not us.
We are shedding everything thatis not us, so that we can allow
ourselves to be who we alreadytruly are.
And so you're not trying tobolt on all these things that
you think you should be doing orwho you should be.
You're getting rid ofeverything that isn't the
(43:44):
authentic you.
You're allowing the expressionof all that you already are.
You see, here's the thingthat's so important about this.
We often think that we'rebroken or we need to be fixed.
No, we are already all thethings that we want to be.
(44:05):
We just have to get everythingout of the way.
That's not that, and the workthat we've talked about on this
podcast today is aboutidentifying those things that
are not us, allowing ourselvesto set it down and then
connecting with who we trulyalready are, and then allowing
ourselves to live like it on adaily basis.
(44:26):
Now I want to leave you with alittle challenge For the next
seven days.
I want to encourage you to actas the person that you already
are, that highest self that youconnected with.
Allow yourself to act like thateach and every day.
(44:47):
And here's what's important.
You're retraining your body,you're retraining your emotions,
you're retraining your thoughts.
Okay.
So if it feels clunky, if itfeels awkward, that's okay.
It doesn't mean that thosethings aren't true about you.
It means that you've hadmomentum in one direction for
(45:07):
decades and now we're shiftingmomentum towards our authentic
self.
Think about it that way.
That's what you're actuallydoing.
You're retraining yourself tolive according to who you truly
are.
The second thing I want you todo for the next seven days is to
think, speak and move from thatnew identity.
(45:30):
Write down words that you wantto say about yourself.
Write down thoughts that youwant to think about yourself.
Write down thoughts that youwant to think about yourself.
Move your body in a way thatconnects with that new identity.
And research shows thatchanging our physiology or our
positioning can shift thechemicals, our energy.
It's very powerful.
(45:50):
So, in those moments whenyou're feeling like you're not
worthy or you're feeling shame,simply standing up and doing a
superwoman or a superman posewhere you stand strong, legs
apart, hands on your hip, withyour arms spread wide, head held
high, with confidence thatshift in posture will shift your
(46:11):
energy.
And many people underestimatethe movement of their body, the
positioning of their body whenit comes to change.
It's an important part ofchange.
And then the final thing I wantto encourage you to do for the
next seven days keep remindingyourself of this truth.
You are rewiring your mind fora new reality.
(46:35):
So if you need to write thatdown, if you need to have some
reminders, put it on a phonescreensaver or whatever it is.
Put down the phrase I amrewiring myself for a new
reality.
Well, thank you for joining thisepisode of the Permission to
Love podcast.
Always so thankful to be ableto be on this journey with you,
(46:55):
and I want to say that I reallyam really proud of you for
showing up, listening andengaging in the exercises that
are a part of this episode.
Now, if you've not yet had achance to follow or to subscribe
to this podcast, I want toencourage you to take a moment
to do that, because that's goingto keep you updated on when new
episodes come out.
And also, if this episodehelped you, send it to one
(47:16):
person who you think needs tohear it, because if it helped
you, it's going to help them aswell.
Now, if you need additionalresources to help you on your
journey, I want to encourage youto go to my website at
jerryhendersonorg.
I've got a few downloads there,a quiz you can take as well,
and you can also learn moreabout my coaching program.
And finally, I want to remindyou, as always, that you are
(47:38):
worthy of your own love.
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