Send us a text
Have you ever felt like life is slipping through your fingers, even as you chase your dreams and hit your goals?
You’re not alone. In this episode, I unpack the hidden reasons high achievers and those on a healing journey often feel disconnected from their own lives.
Grounded in neuroscience and real-world experience, I walk you through five powerful, practical steps to stop life from feeling like a blur — and instead, step fully into the moment.
Learn how to calm your body, interrupt unhealthy thought patterns, and build a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
Plus, I share insights into the new Personal Mastery Framework™ and why you don’t have to sacrifice your ambition to live a deeply present, fulfilled life.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why high achievers struggle with presence and what drives that constant restlessness
- How stress hijacks your brain and makes joy hard to feel
- What the "when-then" trap is and how it steals your peace
- The science of neuroplasticity and how to rewire your mind for presence
- Five actionable steps to start experiencing your life more fully, right now
- Why presence is not passivity, and how it actually makes you more powerful
Resources & Links:
- 🎯 Learn about the Personal Mastery Coaching Program: jerryhenderson.org
- 🎙 Listen to the transition episode: Self-Love Is the Root from Which Personal Mastery Grows
- 📲 Subscribe to the podcast now so you don’t miss the transition to Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson
Chapters:
00:00 — Welcome & Episode Preview: Are you missing out on your life?
01:52 — Quick Podcast Update: Transition to Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson
03:13 — Jerry’s Personal Story: Achieving but not living
06:06 — Why Your Brain Resists Presence: Safety over happiness
07:22 — Chronic Stress and Numbness: The hidden cost
08:48 — Overactive Default Mode Network: Stuck in autopilot
10:21 — Cognitive Overload: Why you can’t feel the moment
11:56 — The Dopamine-Cortisol Trap: Chasing wins but feeling numb
13:37 — The Role of the Nervous System: Healing hyperarousal
15:33 — Introducing the Personal Mastery Framework
18:37 — Step 1: Calm the Body to Free the Mind
22:35 — Step 2: Break the When-Then Trap
25:17 — Step 3: Anchor to Small Moments of Meaning
26:36 — Step 4: Practice Stopping and Observing
29:28 — Step 5: Train Presence with Medi
I am grateful you are here,
Jerry
Setup Your FREE Strategy Call:
Schedule Call
Website:
www.jerryhenderson.org
🔗 Access the course "Learning How to Love Yourself" here:
Access Course
How is your relationship with yourself going?
Get your free-self assessment guide
Pick up your copy of my book:
Returning: Meditations and Reflections on Self-Love and Healing
Watch On Youtube
Get Your Free Weekly Healing Tips!
Instagram: @jerryahenderson
Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/jerryahenderson
it Because maybe you're checkingall of the boxes, you're
winning on paper, and maybeyou're even admired by other
people, but you can feel it.
(00:22):
You feel like life is slippingpast you, like sand through your
fingers, moments are blurringtogether.
You've crossed one finish line,only to move the goalposts
before you can even catch yourbreath.
So today I'm going to show youwhy this happens.
Not the surface levelmotivational talk, but real
facts grounded in the science.
(00:43):
And, more importantly, I'mgoing to give you five powerful
steps that will help you to stopmissing out on your life and
finally live in the moment, andto be able to do all of that
without losing your ambition.
Right, because there's nothingwrong with your ambition.
(01:04):
There's nothing wrong with youwanting to be the highest
version of yourself.
But here's the thing Many highachievers, many high performers
or people who are on a healingjourney even they, wind up
missing on their entire lifebecause they think that someday
they're going to be able toenjoy their life when they
arrive when they feel whole orwhen they've hit that
(01:25):
achievement.
We're going to talk about allof that today in this episode,
but I just want to encourage you.
You don't have to give up onall of those things that you
want to do in order to behealthy.
You can do both.
And Hello everybody and welcometo the Permission to Love
podcast.
I'm your host, jerry Henderson,and, as always, I am so
(01:51):
grateful that you're here Now.
As a quick reminder, on May the5th, this podcast is going to
transition its name from thePermission to Love podcast to
Personal Mastery with JerryHenderson.
If you want more informationabout why that transition is
happening, you can go back andlisten to the episode that I did
on self-love, the root fromwhich personal mastery grows.
It explains why we're doing thetransition and it also explains
(02:12):
how we're not moving away fromour foundation of learning how
to have a healthy relationshipwith ourselves.
As a matter of fact, personalmastery is about that, and
here's the truth about mastery.
Mastery is about that, andhere's the truth about mastery.
Mastery is not aboutperfectionism.
It's about a continual learningand growth process that's
anchored in self-acceptance,self-compassion, so that we can
(02:34):
be the best and highest versionof ourselves and actually enjoy
the life that we're building.
How can we create a life thatfeels as good on the inside as
it looks on the outside?
Now an additional reminder ifyou've not yet had the chance to
follow or to subscribe to thispodcast, it's really important
that you do that because withthe transition the name change
(02:56):
you're not going to be able tofind this podcast if you search
for the Permission to Lovepodcast.
So if you want to make surethat you're updated and that you
follow this transitionseamlessly, hit that subscribe
or follow button.
Now here's something I want youto understand before I go any
further about this.
As I said, this isn't justtheory.
It's definitely not just theoryto me, because this is
(03:18):
something that I personallylived at the deepest level of my
life.
I spent most of my life notenjoying it.
I was chasing success, I waschasing achievements.
I was chasing all of thosethings to try to make me feel
like I was whole, to try to healme actually, and what was
happening as a result of that?
(03:39):
I was missing out on my entirelife and everything that I
thought was going to make mefeel fulfilled.
It didn't.
The career, the goals, themilestones, the recognition had
all of that, and yet I'd wake upin the morning and before my
feet even hit the ground, mybrain was already 30 steps ahead
of me.
I wasn't enjoying the presentmoment, and here's what I
(04:02):
learned I wasn't in my life as aparticipant of it.
I was actually sprinting aheadof my life, and even the good
moments, the ones that you'resupposed to stop and savor they
all started to feel like theywere happening in fast forward.
I was never present and I wouldtravel all over the world.
(04:26):
I've been to 50 plus countriesand there's so much of those
times that I feel like I wasn'teven present, for I was there as
an observer of my life, morethan a participant of my life.
And if you feel that way, thisepisode is for you and I want to
encourage you that you don'thave to live that way.
(04:48):
And, to be honest, one of mybiggest regrets in life is how
much I missed out onrelationships, relationships
with my daughters, relationshipswith my friends and just the
experience of life itself.
It really did just become ablur.
It was like I was livingsomeone else's life, because in
(05:09):
reality I was.
I was living all of thoseexpectations about what I
thought I should be, or I had tobe, in order to be loved, in
order to be accepted.
So no amount of achieving, noamount of hitting the goals ever
gave me permission to bepresent, never gave me
permission to be okay.
(05:29):
What I didn't understand at thetime as to why I was never able
to be present was it wasn'tjust because I was busy with
life.
Right, you can be busy andstill be present.
What it was about for me, andwhat it likely is for you, is
that our brains and our bodiesget trapped in a cycle that they
(05:50):
were never designed to sustain.
So let's talk about why thishappens, why we get trapped in
those cycles, especially forpeople who are high performers
and high achievers, because onceyou understand this, once you
really get your head around this, you can begin to change it Now
.
First, it's important tounderstand that your brain is
not a productivity machine.
(06:11):
Your brain is a survivalmachine, and part of what your
brain's job is to do is toconstantly scan for threats, to
forecast danger and to try topredict the future.
And so, in many ways, yourbrain is a prediction machine,
and the neuroscience is clear onthis that your brain's number
(06:33):
one job is to try to predictwhat's next, because your brain
functioning like that keeps youalive, it sustains you, right?
I've talked about this before.
Your brain's priority, as Isaid, number one is your safety
to try to predict what threatsmight be coming.
And all of that is moreimportant to your brain than
(06:54):
your happiness, than yourproductivity, than your
achievements, all of it.
That is its primary function.
And what happens if we're notcareful?
We get locked into that state.
We're always forecasting what'snext.
How do I stay ahead, how do Istay safe?
And in the short term it's veryeffective, right.
But in the long term, it robsyour ability to experience
(07:16):
what's happening right now,what's right in front of you in
this very moment Now.
The second reason that manypeople miss out on their life is
that their system, theirnervous system, is on overdrive
because of chronic stress.
And when that happens, it putsyour body in what is called
sympathetic dominance.
Your fight or flight mode is onall of the time.
(07:40):
It is dominating your life.
Your parasympathetic nervoussystem is not activated life.
Your parasympathetic nervoussystem is not activated.
You're living a life where yoursympathetic system is
dominating your entire nervoussystem.
Research out of Harvard showsthat high cortisol, that stress
hormone that we talk about a lot, actually numbs the pleasure
(08:00):
centers of your brain.
So what does that mean?
What happens as a result ofthat?
Well, what starts to happen inour lives is that even when good
things happen, they don't landfor us, they don't feel good,
they don't feel like we thinkthey should, because our overall
system is numbed.
And another reason that thishappens is that people are often
(08:21):
too busy bracing for impact.
They're bracing for thenegative to happen, for the shoe
to drop, especially if you're atrauma survivor, because you
don't feel like it's safe toenjoy the good, because you're
waiting for the bad to happen,and so when the good happens,
it's dismissed, it's glazed overand it's not really absorbed,
(08:42):
and so we miss out on theability to savor life.
Now, another reason we can feellike we're missing out on our
entire life and we're neverpresent is because our brain's
default mode network isoveractive.
So what is the brain's defaultmode network?
I want you to think about itlike your brain's autopilot
system for overthinking, andwhen we're not engaged or we're
(09:06):
not focused, that system takesover and it can get stuck in an
overactive state through thingslike trauma, through things like
chronic stress, and when ittakes over, it can start to loop
the past worries, past regrets.
That's where rumination comesfrom.
It can get into catastrophizingthe future or just worrying
(09:27):
about what might happen.
That often doesn't happen,right, like 80, some percent of
what we worry about never comesto pass.
And another thing that it doeswhen it's highly active is it
gets involved in a lot ofself-criticism.
Now the research also showsthat for high achievers, high
performers, who are stuck inchronic stress, this DMN network
(09:47):
, it becomes dominant.
So even when you're resting,your mind is still replaying
mistakes, scanning for threats,questioning your worth.
So you're up there all the timein your mind, right?
You're so much in your brainthat you're not in your body,
you're not in the present moment, you're not with other people,
(10:08):
and you get told things likeyou're here but you're never
here.
I know you, but I don't knowyou.
A lot of what you'reexperiencing around that is
because the DMN is in anoveractive state.
Now, the fourth thing that makesus feel like we're missing out
on our lives is that ourcognitive load is maxed out.
What do I mean by that?
(10:29):
Well, cognitive load theoryshows that when we juggle too
much.
We've got too much going on inour brains.
We're always trying to thinkabout what we should be doing or
what we shouldn't have done, orwhat's wrong with us or
whatever's going on up there.
Our working memory it getssaturated.
Our working memory it getssaturated.
(10:52):
You literally lose the capacityto notice the moment that
you're actually living in.
Your brain stops payingattention to your external
environment, your body,sensations, what's going on?
Because it's overloaded.
That's why you can drive homeon.
Because it's overloaded.
That's why you can drive homemindlessly and not even know how
you got there, and that's why ayear can pass by and feel like
(11:13):
it was a month.
That's why you can observe yourfamily members or your friends
in your life and stand back andnot even remember much of what's
going on, feeling disconnectedfrom your most important
relationships.
Now the fifth thing I'm going totalk about that keeps us stuck
in this state is that you getcaught in the cortisol and
(11:34):
dopamine trap.
This is very common for highachievers, high performers.
Why?
Because we chase these dopaminehits, whether we realize it or
not.
What we're doing is we get sofocused in on the next goal, the
next win, that next payoff.
You're always chasing that nextmoment where you feel like you
made it or you achieved.
(11:55):
But here's the trap.
Here's what happens when we'rein that state that stress once
again spiking cortisol.
And you know what cortisol isdoing?
It's decreasing your dopaminereceptors, it's decreasing the
sensitivity that your dopaminereceptors have.
And what happens as a result ofthat?
(12:16):
That translates into you nowneed bigger and bigger wins just
to feel alive.
And what worked in the past tomake you feel good about your
achievements, about your success, doesn't do it the same anymore
.
And then what happens is everyday starts feeling more and more
numb, more and more hollow, andthen a sense of hopelessness
(12:38):
can begin to set in because thepromise of the payoff isn't
there anymore.
And then, as a result of that,we start to find ways to even
numb out more through drinking,through more work or whatever it
is that we engage in to try totake away that feeling of
disappointment, that life isn'tfeeling as vibrant, as whole, as
(13:02):
good anymore.
So it becomes a downward spiral.
We're trying to escape fromwhat once gave us a sense of
escape.
That's not working anymore andwe wind up not being present for
the majority of our life.
At that point Now, when you putall of that together that we've
talked about, the thing thatreally starts to happen is your
nervous system is chronicallydysregulated and this gets into
(13:25):
the deep wiring for many highachievers, for many high
performers, and the thing thatneeds to be healed and you have
to address this in order to livea life that feels meaningful
where you're present.
For Because when you're carryingall of that chronic stress or
unprocessed trauma and yourwhole system is in a state of
(13:45):
chronic hyperarousal, the resultbecomes that your entire
nervous system doesn't feel safeanymore.
Your mind cannot settle becauseyou're carrying a sense of
chronic red alert and your brain, as we talked about in the
beginning of this number one jobwhat Survival?
(14:05):
And when you're in a chronicstate of this, your brain won't
settle because it perceives thatwe're constantly in a threat
zone.
And when you're in a threatzone, you are not in a relaxed
zone.
And polyvagal theory talksabout this, about how our
nervous system can stay in thatstuck state and, as a result of
(14:26):
that system can stay in thatstuck state and, as a result of
that, that hypervigilance that'sgoing on with us due to work
stress, due to life stress, dueto that high achieving,
performing state that we feellike we have to keep achieving.
When we're there, we're notgoing to be able to enjoy the
present moment.
We are going to miss out on ourlife.
Life is going to be a blurbecause it doesn't feel safe to
(14:46):
savor life anymore.
So, with all of that in mind,what do we do?
Well, here's the good newsEvery single one of those
patterns are trainable.
Your brain is plastic.
It can change your body, it'sadaptable, it can recalibrate
and, for you and your life, eventhough you feel stuck, I want
(15:10):
to let you know that you can getunstuck, and I'm going to give
you some tips right now abouthow you can do that, how you can
get unstuck from a state offeeling like you can't enjoy
your life, that you're missingout on all of it, and how you
can begin to be present andenjoy your life so you don't
feel like you're missing out onall of the beautiful things that
(15:30):
you're trying to create andbuild.
I want to take a moment to talkto you about the new coaching
framework that I've designed,called the Personal Mastery
Framework.
What is it?
Well, I like to say it this wayHigh-performance coaching helps
you succeed.
Therapy helps you get healthy.
This program does both.
It's about you performing froma place of health.
(15:53):
It's about doing the inner workso that you can create
sustainable success and aligningyour outer world with your
inner world.
I like to say it's abouthelping you create a life that
feels as good on the inside asit looks on the outside.
You know, a lot ofhigh-performance coaching is
simply about grinding success,etc.
(16:14):
All good things, wonderfulthings.
I like success, you likesuccess.
We like successfulrelationships, successful
businesses, we like our bankaccounts to be successful.
We love all of that right.
But sometimes we've beenchasing and trying to achieve
and we get to those places andwe find that we don't have any
fulfillment, that it's lackedpurpose, and so that's why I
(16:37):
created the Personal MasteryCoaching Program because I want
to help individuals get what Iwish I would have had 10 years
ago.
I want to help individualsunderstand the motivators behind
their achievements.
I want to help them achievemore, but do it in a way that's
sustainable, that doesn't leadto burnout or to recover from
burnout.
If you're experiencing that, Iwant people to understand that
(16:58):
success and performance doesn'thave to cost you your joy, your
happiness, your relationship,your health.
The program is built on sixpillars that are research-based,
evidence-based, that have beendeveloped as a part of my time
at Harvard University.
The first one is mindset, orthe psychology of happiness and
success.
The second one, resilience, orthe science of emotional mastery
.
The third one is about livingpresent, or the art of living
(17:21):
fully.
Fourth one is about livingpresent, or the art of living
fully.
Fourth one is about alignmenthow do you get the inside to
match the outside and theoutside to match the inside?
That's where we get intostrategy, work, vision, goals,
habits, etc.
The fifth one is aroundconnection.
How can you build meaningfulrelationships?
Because the research is soclear, right, that if you had to
choose one thing in order toincrease your well-being, it's
(17:43):
better relationships.
How can you learn to develophealthier, more meaningful
connections with other peopleand also, starting with yourself
, that connection, relationshipthat you have with yourself.
And then, finally, learning howto live a life that's filled
with purpose, meaning, legacyand service to others.
And these six pillars have beenshown time and time again
(18:04):
through research to be such animportant part of allowing us to
live a life that we actuallywant to live, to create success
and to sustain it.
So, if you've spent a lot ofenergy trying to master success,
master achievement, mastereverything else in your life,
but you haven't learned how tomaster yourself, how to build
(18:24):
personal mastery, self-mastery.
Then I want to encourage you goto my website at
jerryhendersonorg and apply tobe a part of the Personal
Mastery Coaching Program, and Ilook forward to connecting with
you and learning more about you.
So let's go through thisfive-step framework about how
you can be present and enjoyyour life.
Number one we've got to startworking on calming the body in
(18:49):
order to free the mind.
Often, before you can thinkdifferently, you need to feel
differently, and this is whereregulating your nervous system
comes into play.
And there are simple tools thatyou can use on a daily basis,
like box breathing, like deepbreathing, learning to practice
that.
When you're in a calm state,you can use things like cold
(19:13):
exposure, taking that coldshower or those cold plunges
that can help reduce your systemand get it out of that state of
feeling like it's in fight orflight.
And here's what happens whenyour body starts to feel safe,
it begins to unlock your accessto your thinking brain instead
(19:34):
of your survival brain, and whenyou do that, you can see more
clearly you can begin to see thelife around you, and so if
there are things that you needto do, like somatic therapy,
other practices that allow yournervous system to relax, I would
encourage you start there,because we're going to miss out
(19:55):
on our life when our bodydoesn't feel like it's okay to
be present, it doesn't feel okayto relax and you're shaking
your leg 100 miles an hour andas soon as you sit down, you
feel like you got to get up anddo something.
You know, I remember a time inmy life where I'd sit down, try
to relax, and I'd get up and I'dstart walking around looking
for something to do, to occupyme, to distract me, to keep me
(20:19):
feeling like I was beingproductive.
And there was a moment where Igot up and was going to go do
something and I didn't even knowwhy I was getting up or what I
was going to go do.
I just started wandering aroundlooking for something to fix,
something to keep me busy,because I didn't feel safe to be
present.
So if you're in that state,this is about body.
(20:40):
This is about the body beingable to feel like it can relax,
and there are methods that youcan use to help you do that.
So I would encourage you, trythings like deep breathing
exercises while you're sittingon the couch, while you're
driving, because what that'sdoing is it's building a
foundation for your body, foryour nervous system to feel okay
(21:02):
, to feel more relaxed.
If you can start building thatfoundation, you're sending a
signal to your body that it'sokay to be and you're starting
to turn on that sympatheticnervous system.
And when you do that, you feelsafer.
To be present, to observe itallows you to let go of all that
(21:23):
chronic stress, those worriesabout tomorrow or the regrets
about the past, because you canbe with yourself in that moment.
And here's a tip that can helpyou when you're doing those deep
breathing exercises exercises,really observe your breath, get
(21:48):
into a mindful state and justwatch your abdomen rise and
lower, and that brings you intothe present moment, which, once
again, is telling your body thatit's okay to be here right now.
Because here's the truth youcan't think your way out of a
dysregulated nervous system.
You have to feel your way intoa state of calm.
And so when you're trying tocalm your body, observe it,
(22:12):
become curious about why youdon't feel safe, tell yourself
that you are safe and takeadvantage of and leverage your
body's ability to produce all ofthese chemicals that tell you
that it's okay to be here nowand, once again, one of the
things that you can do that'sreally easy is deep breathing
(22:33):
exercises.
Now, another thing that can behelpful in allowing you to be
present is to break thewhen-then trap that's so
prevalent among high achievers,high performers and people who
are on a healing journey.
And here's how that win-thentrap plays out when I achieve X,
or when I arrive to X place,then I'll feel peace, then I'll
(22:55):
give myself permission to relax.
Guess what?
It's a lie.
It's a trap, and I tell peopleall the time that we have this
narrative in this story, thatthe season that we're in of
chronic stress, always trying toperform, never being able to be
present, is a season.
We keep using that language.
Well, it's just a season, andwhen the season is over, then
(23:18):
I'll recalibrate, then I'llallow myself to relax and enjoy
things, then I'll recalibrate,then I'll allow myself to relax
and enjoy things.
But can I encourage you onsomething that if your season
has turned into months, years,decades, it's not a season
anymore, it's a lifestyle, andit's living a life that's in a
dysregulated state and there'sno way for you to feel present
(23:40):
in that and there's no way thatyou're not going to feel like
you're missing out on yourentire life when you're in that
state.
And here's something reallyimportant to remember in all of
this If you can't give yourselfpermission now to enjoy life,
you're not going to be able todo it then, because the same
version of you who is here nowis going to be there when you
(24:01):
get to whatever place in yourmind that you think you need to
get to in order to allowyourself to enjoy your life.
So how can you break thatwhen-then trap?
Build micro moments of presenceinto your day and, if you need
to schedule them, put a reminderon your phone or an alarm to
(24:22):
have joyful interruptionsthroughout your day.
And, if you need to schedulethem, put a reminder on your
phone or an alarm to have joyfulinterruptions throughout your
day.
Maybe it's taking time to getout and get some sunlight.
Maybe it's listening to somemusic that you really enjoy.
Maybe it's a 60-second pause tojust allow yourself to express
gratitude All of those things.
(24:43):
What they're going to do isthey're going to bring you into
the present moment and allow youto observe and engage in your
environment.
And here's the great thing theresearch backs this up that if
you take these moments and pauseand connect, you're going to
build more resilience and you'regoing to increase your vagal
tone, which is a part of thatpolyvagal theory that I talked
(25:05):
about earlier.
And when you increase yourvagal tone, it helps you get
into a better state ofrelaxation, and when you're more
relaxed, you're able to bepresent and enjoy your life.
Now third thing you can do tostop feeling like you're missing
out on your life is to anchorinto small moments that feel
meaningful, and what we'retrying to do here is to train
(25:28):
our brain to start looking formeaningful moments.
And a practical way you can dothis is to keep a journal around
this or to make notes on yourphone and ask yourself what
moment today made me feel alive?
Was there a moment today that Ifelt alive, that I savored it
(25:48):
for just a moment, that I wasable to experience it?
And this ties back to what wejust talked about making those
interruptions throughout yourday to allow yourself to have
and experience joy.
And the research shows that ifwe'll allow ourselves to
experience it and then savor itby journaling it, by anchoring
(26:08):
in it, by marking it.
What it does is it boostsdopamine in your brain and it
starts to rewire your braintowards more appreciation.
It starts to wire your brain tosee all of the things around
your life that you want toconnect with.
And guess what that's doing?
It's pulling you out of stressstate.
(26:30):
It's allowing you to see yourlife, experience it and stop
feeling like you're missing outon it.
Now, the fourth thing you can dois to practice stopping and
observing.
So what do I mean by this?
Well, this is the practice ofallowing yourself to pause and
to observe between thetransitions throughout your day.
(26:52):
So, between meetings, betweencalls, between tasks, use the
stop technique.
Take a moment, stop, take abreath and observe what's going
on in the moment, observe howyou're feeling, what's going on
with your body, just observe,step into the observer mode so
(27:13):
that you can be present beforeyou just move on to the next
thing.
And what this is doing is it'sbuilding what is called
meta-awareness and it'sactivating the insular cortex.
And what that's doing is it'simproving your ability to
emotionally regulate.
And the research shows thatwhen we're in this practice of a
more mindful state, which ispausing, observing our
(27:37):
environment, observing what'sgoing on with us without
judgment, just letting it be.
What these mindful pauses aredoing is they're actually
reducing activity in theamygdala, and when we do that,
stress is lowered, cortisol islowered, all of the things that
are keeping us from being ableto enjoy our lives and to savor
(27:57):
them are reduced and we're ableto be more present.
Now the fifth thing that you cando to help yourself be present,
to not miss out on your life,is to train yourself in the
ability to be present withpractices like meditation or
centering prayer.
Things like meditation orcentering prayer whatever you
(28:30):
want to use really are notoptional if you're going to live
a life that's grounded inpresence, because what it is is,
it's actually strength trainingfor the mind.
You're building a foundation,you're building the muscle of
learning that it's okay to bepresent.
The world's not going to fallapart if you take time to
experience the present moment.
(28:51):
Now here's the key for many ofus.
When we start a practice ofmeditation or centering prayer,
all this stuff comes up right,all the worries, and we think
I'm wasting my time.
I should be doing these thingsover here.
I'm too busy to take time to dothis.
I want you to think about it,like I said earlier, that you're
building a muscle, You're goingto the mental gym, you're
(29:11):
allowing yourself to feel, to bepresent, to let all that stuff
come up, observe it and then tonotice that life didn't fall
apart because you took some timeto center yourself, to be with
yourself.
And once again, it is yourmental gym, Because you took
some time to center yourself, tobe with yourself.
(29:31):
And once again, it is yourmental gym and it's going to
help you perform better and,most importantly, it's going to
help you be present.
It's going to help youexperience your life, because
once again, we do not want toget into the trap where we have
built a life that we're not evengiving ourselves permission to
experience.
And here's the great newsbehind this the research shows
(29:55):
that if you just start with fiveminutes a day and you start by
focusing on your breath,allowing yourself to relax, you
do a quick body scan of whereyou're carrying stress and you
just allow yourself to be andobserve your thoughts without
judgment and just engage in thepresent moment, the research
(30:16):
shows that what it's going to dois it's going to reduce that
default mode networkhyperactivity.
It's also going to build moregray matter in your prefrontal
cortex, that part of your brainthat has reasoning, that allows
you to be more calm, that canlook at situations through a
lens that is more relaxed, morereasonable.
(30:37):
And when that part of our brainis more active, we're actually
able to be more present and, asa result of that happening and
our brain being rewired, we'rebuilding a foundation that we
can carry forward throughout therest of our day.
It gives us the ability tonotice when we're getting
stressed, when we're starting tokick into that hyperactivity,
(31:00):
and it helps us to notice whenwe're not present and gives us
something to anchor back into,to bring us into the present
moment.
Because for many people who arein these states of chronic
stress, or always trying toachieve or not feeling safe,
they don't realize that they'veslipped out of the present
moment.
And building that foundationthrough intentional times of
(31:21):
meditation, centering, prayerwill give you the awareness of
what presence feels like, sothat you can become aware of
when you've slipped out of it,when you're not practicing it
and when you're back into thatloop of missing out on your life
.
So let's just do a little recapabout these steps, or this
roadmap to help you practicepresence.
(31:43):
Number one calm the body so thatyou can free the mind.
Number two interrupt thewhen-then trap.
Number three anchor to smallmoments of meaning.
Number four practice stoppingand observing.
Number five train presence withmeditation.
(32:04):
And here's something that I wantyou to think about when you
think about presence.
Presence is not passivity,presence is actually work and
presence is power, because whenyou're fully here, you make
better decisions, you havebetter connections in your
relationship, you're feelingmore alive, you have more energy
(32:27):
because you don't feel likelife is passing you by, and
you're releasing more of thesefeel-good chemicals in your
brain that help you stay moremotivated, that help you achieve
at a better level.
Because guess what?
Ultimately, this moment, rightnow you listening to this
podcast this is your life.
(32:48):
Your life isn't in the past,your life is not in the future.
The only moment that exists isthe present moment, and we're
living a lie.
We're living in a space ofself-deception when we think
that our life is out there,somewhere, that we're going to
build a life that we're going toarrive to, then we're going to
(33:09):
have the permission to enjoy it.
Not going to happen.
Why?
Because life is right now.
This moment is your life.
The present moment is the onlymoment that exists.
You actually get to feel andsavor the life that you're
working so hard to create, andguess what you know?
(33:30):
What starts to happen is thatyou start to build a life that
feels as good on the inside asit looks on the outside.
Well, thank you for joining metoday, and I hope you found some
value in learning how to notfeel like life is passing you by
, that you can actually enjoyyour life, you can be present
and you can stop feeling likeyou're missing out on your
(33:51):
entire life, and I want toremind you, as I always do, that
you are worthy of your own love.