June 9, 2025 • 23 mins
Are you stuck in a rut and can't seem to move forward—no matter how hard you try?
You're not lazy. You're not broken. You're just stuck—and in today’s episode of Personal Mastery, Jerry breaks down the 5 most powerful tools (grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and real-life coaching) that will help you move from stagnation into sustainable momentum.
You’ll learn:
- Why action leads to motivation, not the other way around
- How to leverage behavioral activation to create a breakthrough
- The role of identity and mindset in getting unstuck
- How to design for dopamine and ignite motivation again
- How to heal emotional blocks and rewire your system for clarity and energy
- How reconnecting with purpose + play can make life feel meaningful again
Whether you're burned out, emotionally overwhelmed, or just frozen in place—this episode will give you the clarity and strategy to move forward today.
🎯 Join the Personal Mastery Coaching Program
Work 1-on-1 with Jerry to realign your mindset, heal emotional blocks, and create sustainable forward motion.
👉 Schedule your free strategy call here
Chapters:
00:00 – The Truth About Feeling Stuck
02:40 – Tool #1: Take Action Before You Feel Ready
04:00 – The Science of Behavioral Activation
05:24 – Tiny Wins and the Physics of Momentum
06:10 – Tool #2: Shift Your Identity & Perspective
07:08 – The Power of “I Am” Statements + Self-Compassion
08:07 – Tool #3: Design for Dopamine
10:08 – Celebrate Small Wins (It’s a Neuroscience Hack)
11:56 – Novelty, Environment, and Cold Showers
12:45 – Sunlight, Dopamine, and Micro-Motivation
13:53 – Tool #4: Heal Emotional Blocks (Not Just Habits)
14:56 – Trauma, Stress & Motivational Dysfunction
16:04 – Mindfulness, Journaling, & Internal Clarity
18:30 – Tool #5: Reconnect to Purpose with Play
20:40 – Stop Making “Getting Out of the Rut” the Goal
22:20 – This Is Just a Chapter of Your Life
I am grateful you are here,
Jerry
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Website:
www.jerryhenderson.org
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody and welcome to Personal Mastery.
I'm your host, jerry Henderson,and if you're ready to create a
life that feels as good on theinside as it looks on the
outside, you're in the rightplace.
Let's get started.
Today, in this episode, I'mgoing to share with you five
powerful tools that can help youget unstuck.
(00:20):
Maybe you've tried all of thehacks to try to figure out how
to get unstuck, but you justcan't seem to do that.
Now, if that is all of thehacks to try to figure out how
to get unstuck but you justcan't seem to do that, now, if
that is you, I want to let youknow that you're not alone.
Even the top performers hitthis wall.
But here's the great news thereare proven ways to help you get
out of that rut, to get out ofbeing stuck, and today'm gonna
(00:43):
be sharing with you thepsychology and the neuroscience
of why action actually bringsmotivation, how to shift your
mindset towards action, whybuilding on small wins is a key
to getting unstuck,understanding the role that
emotional barriers play infeeling stuck, and how to tap
into purpose and a sense ofplayfulness to help reboot your
(01:05):
brain and ignite your motivationand help you get moving forward
again.
So let's start with tool numberone, and it's to take action
even before you feel ready.
And you might be thinking, wow,thanks a lot, take action.
That's the whole problem Ican't find motivation, I don't
want to get started, and nowyou're telling me to take some
action.
I know I reacted the same waywhen people told me that, and it
(01:28):
was really hard for me to tryto find the energy to take
action.
I mean, there was a time in mylife where I was in such a deep
rut the darkest, deepest rutthat I'd ever been in my life
and for five days I barely evengot out of bed.
I couldn't figure out how toget the motivation to do
anything at all.
But the thing that was reallykey for me breaking that and
starting to climb my way out ofthat rut and getting unstuck was
(01:52):
by taking some action, evenwhen I didn't feel like it.
And so I do want to just say toyou that I understand, I
understand the pain, Iunderstand the challenge when
we're in that deep rut, and I dowant to note something that
there's a difference betweenfeeling stuck or feeling like
we're in a rut and dealing withdepression, and if you feel like
(02:12):
you're dealing with depressionand it's gone on for a really
long time, then I want toencourage you to get some help.
You don't have to go through italone.
Find somebody a therapist, acoach who can help you start to
find your way out of that rut.
We're not designed to have todo this alone.
I certainly didn't do it alone.
(02:33):
I got the help that I needed.
So I want to encourage you ifyou need help, there's no shame
in it Get the help that you need.
Now, why is taking action, evenwhen we don't feel like we want
to or that we can, so important?
Well, psychologists call itbehavioral activation, and it's
a model and a theory that wasactually developed by a
psychologist in the 1970s and itwas used as a key breakthrough
(02:56):
treatment for depression andapathy, and the core idea behind
it is very simple Actioncreates motivation, not the
other way around, andresearchers did clinical trials
on this over and over, and theygathered the data that said that
when people are in that stateof apathy, the most important
thing they can do is to start totake action.
(03:19):
We often think that actionfollows this linear path of we
get inspired, we find somemotivation, then we take action.
But that is not how it works.
It is not a linear path.
I want you to think of it as acircle that you can enter into
at any point along the journey.
You can enter into it on action, you can enter into it on
(03:40):
motivation.
You can enter into that cycleon inspiration.
There doesn't have to be a pathof inspiration first.
Then we get some motivation,then we take action.
This behavioral activationmodel has proven that that
action can actually bringinspiration, that action can
actually be what causesmotivation.
And I often tell people in mycoaching practice don't wait for
(04:04):
motivation to show up, getstarted and allow motivation to
catch up, because it will catchup to you eventually.
How fast will it catch up?
I don't know.
But I do know this thateventually it will.
Because here's the truth aboutfeeling like we're in a rut.
It's almost like our flywheelstopped and the challenge with
(04:24):
that flywheel stopping is itfeels like it's so much effort
to start getting it going again.
But the truth is it's thelittle actions, just that little
bit of pushing it forward.
It's going to get the flywheelgoing and as it gets going it's
going to start to build energy,it's going to start to bring
motivation and inspiration toyou.
(04:45):
So how do we put this tool ofaction in action?
Well, the first thing is startwith anything, a very tiny step
or task.
You can put on some niceclothes, right, get out of those
sweats, get out of that robe orwhatever it is.
Put on some clothes that youfeel good in and that's going to
start signaling to your brainto start feeling different.
(05:06):
So if you're in that rut,you're probably going to have to
force yourself to begin to dosome things to get that positive
energy going.
And here's the truth Energybegets energy.
It's basic physics andpsychology that an object in
motion tends to stay in motion.
Now, the second tool that canhelp us get out of a rut is to
(05:27):
start shifting our perspective,and this is around our identity
and our mindset.
And here's the truth about thiswe're often stuck or staying
stuck because of how we'reseeing ourselves or how we're
seeing the situation.
And there's two big shifts thatcan happen in this space for us
, and the first is building someidentity-based actions or
(05:49):
habits, and the second isleaning into a growth mindset
with self-compassion.
You know I'm a big fan ofself-compassion and it's rare
that I don't bring this upbecause the research shows this
is one of the most powerfulthings to help us get unstuck,
to help us reach our goals andto help us build the life that
feels as good on the inside asit looks on the outside.
(06:10):
So the tool that we can use hereis, instead of saying I'm stuck
, I'm unmotivated, I don't knowwhat to do, start saying I am
the kind of person that finds away.
I am experiencing feeling stuck, instead of I am stuck.
You see, what we're trying todo here is send a signal to our
(06:30):
brain about what we believeabout ourselves and the identity
that we carry about ourselves.
And so if we're using languageall of the time about I'm you
know, I'm or I am is one of themost powerful statements that we
can use, because we attach ouridentity to whatever comes after
that.
So if we can say things likeI'm the kind of person who finds
(06:50):
a way, I'm acknowledging thefact that I'm in a moment that
doesn't feel so good that whereI feel stuck or I feel like I'm
in a rut, but it alsoacknowledges that I have the
capacity, that me, as the personwho's experiencing this, has
the capacity and the tools tofind my way out of this.
So be very careful to not judgeyourself, to not tell yourself
(07:12):
that you're lazy, that you'reincapable, that this always
happens to you.
We don't want to go down thatpath, okay.
We want to go down the path ofself-compassion.
Even if you don't feel likegiving yourself self-compassion
or you don't think that youdeserve it, that's the exact
time to give it to yourself,because that self-compassion is
going to change your energytowards yourself and you're
(07:33):
going to free up energy thatyou're using to beat yourself up
, judging yourself for beingstuck, calling yourself stupid,
that you can't figure it out, orwhatever you're feeling.
When you stop doing that,you're going to free up that
energy and that's energy thatyou can start directing towards
finding solutions, finding theenergy to then start moving
(07:53):
forward and taking that walk,putting on those nice clothes,
brushing your teeth, cleaning upone corner of the room,
whatever it is.
Take that energy that you'reusing of beating yourself up and
start directing it towards someaction.
Now the third tool I want toshare with you is about
designing for dopamine.
I mean, dopamine is a goodfriend and I know it gets a bad
(08:15):
rap these days about beingaddicted to it and I talk a lot
about it and the challenges ofwhen we do get addicted to it,
but it's also something that canreally serve us, because when
we're feeling stuck, one of thethings that can be a part of
that is that we either havedopamine depletion or we're not
activating our dopamine.
And here's the thing dopamineis a key neurotransmitter for us
(08:38):
to be motivated.
It's the thing that causes usto pursue, to seek the reward.
And when we stop caring aboutthe reward because we feel like
we're in such a rut, we couldstart getting trapped in that
rut.
And we need to figure out howto access dopamine and I'm going
to share some tips with youabout that real quick on how to
do it.
And the first thing that you cando is to celebrate every single
(09:02):
win, because here's the thingwe're really good at judging
ourselves and beating ourselvesup for our failures, or beating
ourselves up that we're in therut and we don't celebrate any
movement or action that we try.
That's gonna help us get out ofthe rut.
And if dopamine is a part ofpursuing based off of rewards,
why would we ever get motivatedto change if we're not giving
(09:25):
ourselves a reward for thatchange?
And so those times where youget up, when you don't feel like
getting up, or you do thatthing, when you don't feel like
doing that thing, whatever it is, I want to encourage you,
celebrate it, do a little happydance, give yourself a high five
, tell yourself attaboy,attagirl, do something that
(09:46):
celebrates it.
Because when you're doing that,you're actually getting your
brain to release the chemicals,the reward chemicals around it
and you're starting to trickyour brain into wanting to do
that and to move away from thatrut by the simple act of
celebrating every single littlething.
And listen, I get it.
(10:08):
I'm not the type of guy who'shistorically allowed myself to
celebrate the little things,right, because I've always felt
like, well, that's just tablestakes, that's what you're
supposed to do, that's like theentry fee to do these things,
and I never allowed myself tocelebrate when I was doing the
small things.
But here's the thing whenyou're in a rut, when you're
(10:28):
feeling stuck, it's absolutelyessential that you do it,
because what you're trying to dois activate dopamine, and
dopamine is a key part of rewardand motivation, and when we're
feeling stuck, we're probablynot releasing a lot of it.
We're not knowing how to accessit, so we want to find the ways
to access it and, once again,the key way that you can do that
(10:51):
celebrate the smallest of wins.
Now, another thing that canhelp you access your dopamine is
to change your environment orchange your routine, because
dopamine is associated withnovelty and when we get stuck in
a rut because we're doing thesame thing all of the time, one
of the things that can help usbreak that is to do things that
(11:12):
are outside of the norm for us,and I know that can be hard.
When you don't find anymotivation right.
The friend calls and says hey,do you want to do this?
No, I don't want to do anything.
Or those things that you haveon your list that you've wanted
to do like none of it sounds atall appealing.
But here's what I want toencourage you to do Do it now,
anyway.
(11:32):
Do it bored, do it frustrated,do it unmotivated.
Drag your butt to it, whateverit is, because what it's going
to do is it's going to start todisrupt the routine.
It's going to get you out ofthe environment and that change,
that novelty, is going to startreleasing dopamine in your
brain and that's going to startmoving you towards some
(11:52):
inspiration, towards somemotivation that can help you get
unstuck.
A couple other things that I'llquickly share with you about how
you can access your dopamine,get that flowing again.
Number one is sunlight gettingyourself out in the sun.
It can be as little as just 10minutes, and if there's anybody
who's a big fan of sunlight,it's Huberman.
Right, he talks about it allthe time, about how it can help
(12:13):
us release dopamine, getmotivated, etc.
And so get out in the sun.
And if you're in a place that'sgot a lot of clouds and a
little bit of sun, get yourselfone of those sun lamps.
Okay, it's really important,especially when we're in a rut,
because when we're in a rut, wewant to stay in bed or sit on
the couch and we're in the darkor whatever it is, and we're
(12:35):
scrolling on our phones andwatching TV, working on the
computer and we've got all thatblue light exposure In that time
.
We need to get out and get somesunlight.
Now, another thing that you cando to get some dopamine release
and get a quick hit ofmotivation is take a cold shower
or do cold therapy, and I knowthe mere thought of it, right,
it's like dear God.
(12:56):
No, I don't want to do that.
But here's the thing it hasbeen shown to increase dopamine
levels in your systems for hoursafterwards.
I know it's uncomfortable, andthat's part of the point, right,
because a lot of times we'llprocrastinate or we'll be in a
rut.
Because we don't want to dosome uncomfortable thing, we're
(13:17):
avoiding pushing ourselves,we're avoiding tackling all of
those things that we just don'twant to do and have no
motivation around.
Taking a cold shower actuallyshocks the system and you get
over that barrier of not wantingto do something uncomfortable
and you, like, break through itby giving yourself that shock.
And what that also does is itmakes the other things that
(13:39):
you're avoiding doing a littleeasier to do, because your
body's already gone throughsomething very uncomfortable.
Now thinking about doing thatother thing doesn't feel as
uncomfortable and you're goingto find more motivation to do
those things and help you getunstuck.
Now the fourth tool is aboutattacking the emotional barriers
that we're facing when we'restuck and when we're in a rut.
(14:01):
Because here's the thingsometimes being in a rut isn't
about habits or routines.
It can be about a much deeperemotional block that's keeping
us stuck in that pattern.
It's really important toidentify these things and
address them, especially forthose of us who've experienced
trauma or we're living inchronic stress.
And sometimes when we're stuck,it's because we're in freeze
(14:21):
mode, and freeze mode is aresponse to stress.
Right, we have our fight flight, freeze fawn.
Those are all a part of thatstress response, that trauma
response.
Because when we're in a chronicstate of stress, we're in that
chronic state of red alertwaiting for the shoe to drop,
and our nervous system is onhigh alert all of the time.
(14:42):
We're going to get depleted,our energy gets depleted, our
motivation gets depleted.
Because we're spending so muchof our effort on managing all of
that, it's no wonder that weget stuck, it's no wonder that
we find ourselves in a rut.
The research shows us that ifwe've had traumatic stress, it
actually leads to what is calledmotivational dysfunction.
(15:03):
Did you know that was a thing?
It's an actual thing.
Because trauma and chronicstress and the inability to
manage our emotions it starts toundermine things like
self-efficacy, which is such animportant part of us being
motivated, moving towards ourgoals.
It also impacts our locus ofcontrol, it also impacts our
(15:24):
self-esteem and all of thosethings are the ingredients that
normally help us find ourmotivation and move forward.
And the research shows us thatbeing in that state, having
experienced trauma or being in achronic state of stress,
literally affects the brain'sability to self-regulate and to
find motivation.
So can I encourage you withsomething right now that if
(15:45):
that's your experience, that'syour story, it's not your fault.
You're dealing with somethingthat is a natural outcome of the
experiences that you've had,and then you beating yourself up
for the fact that you can'tseem to find your way out of it
it's not going to serve you,it's just going to keep you
stuck in that state.
Other practices that can help usprocess things emotionally and
(16:08):
help us get unstuck are thingslike mindfulness, meditation,
journaling, really going throughand understanding what you're
feeling, why you feel likeyou're stuck.
All of that can help increaseyour ability to navigate those
emotions, and those actions inand of themselves can start to
produce some motivation andinspiration inside of you.
(16:29):
And here's the important thingto understand Many high
achievers they just try to powerthrough this right.
They just try to power throughgetting out of the rut, without
understanding the emotionalissues that are behind a lot of
this.
And the research shows us thatsheer willpower alone it's not
enough.
You know, willpower is finiteand when we're spending it on
(16:49):
all these other things and we'redepleted of it and we feel like
we're in a rut, we don't have alot of it to try to get unstuck
.
And so doing these things ofunderstanding what's going on
with us, emotionally, addressingthat, allowing healing to come
there, that's going to allow usto get to the root of some of
these issues and then to startmoving forward in a much
(17:10):
healthier way.
Now, if you need some help infiguring out how to get unstuck
and start to move forward, Iwant to invite you to check out
my one-on-one coaching programcalled Personal Mastery, if
you'd like more informationabout the program, and to set up
a free strategy.
Call to see if working togetheris the right fit.
I encourage you to check outthe show notes.
In this episode, I'm lookingforward to hearing from you,
(17:31):
learning more about the goalsthat you have and, most
importantly, learning more aboutyou.
From you learning more aboutthe goals that you have and,
most importantly, learning moreabout you Now.
The fifth tool I want to talkto you about is reigniting,
reconnecting to your sense ofpurpose, and doing that with a
sense of playfulness, becauseoften one of the things that
happens to us, or one of thereasons we get in a rut is we've
disconnected from our sense ofpurpose and our joy around that
(17:54):
purpose and this is especiallytrue for high achievers because
you've been pushing yourself,you've been driving yourself,
you've not been rewardingyourself, you've been raising
the bar, and nothing is evergood enough.
And you have a life thateverybody thinks is a pretty
good life, but you're insidethere going.
I don't like it, I'm notenjoying it, and you've
disconnected with your purposeand life is no longer fun for
you.
(18:14):
So here's what I want to inviteyou to do I want you to ask
yourself the question is thereone thing in your life that you
not everybody else but that youactually care about, that you
actually want to connect toright now?
I'm sure, if you think hardenough and you give yourself
enough space, that something'sgoing to come to the surface,
(18:37):
because for many of us, thereason we get stuck is that
we're doing all of this stuffthat doesn't really matter, it
doesn't have any meaning to it,and so, if that's the case,
we've got to find a way toconnect to something that feels
meaningful to us, and I knowthat can feel really hard.
There was a time in my lifewhen nothing felt meaningful,
nothing felt purposeful.
(18:57):
I didn't want to do a darnthing and I mean, if somebody
would have asked me the questionthat I just asked you, I would
have said nothing.
But here's the truth.
I eventually found my way tofinding the thing that felt
meaningful, that felt purposeful, and began to really connect
with that and that became thatlittle spark that I needed
inside of me to get things goingagain.
(19:18):
So once again, let me ask youis there that one little thing
inside of you right now that youcan say, yeah, that matters to
me.
Is it an important relationship?
Is it some type of hobby orthing that you do that you feel
alive when you do it?
Right now it just kind of feelsdead to you.
Can I encourage you to, rightnow, in this season, try to push
(19:43):
away as many of the shoulds orthe energy around I should be
doing this and move towards whatyou could be doing, what you
would like to be doing, what youwould be doing, even if you
didn't get paid for it, even ifyou didn't have to, you'd really
want to, and then start takingaction towards it.
(20:04):
One simple little thing do itand then put some fun into it
while you're doing it, becausethat play is going to release
those feel good chemicals.
It's going to re-spark some ofthat stuff inside of you where
you kind of maybe feel a littlelike dead in here or whatever
that is Doing things that areconnected to purpose.
Adding some play, making it fun, can really help that all come
(20:28):
back alive inside of you and youstart to find your way out of
the rut.
Because here's the truth aboutbeing in a rut.
We can get so serious abouttrying to find our way out of
the rut Because here's the truthabout being in a rut.
We can get so serious abouttrying to find our way out of
the rut or to get unstuck andwalking around thinking like
what's wrong with me that Ican't figure out how to get out
of this, and we start tocatastrophize and going gosh, if
I don't get out of this in thenext week or so, life's going to
(20:48):
start to fall apart, or why doI always do this?
Et cetera.
All of that is like fun suckingenergy.
It's just taking it all away.
And we need to put some funback into things Because the
truth is we're making gettingout of a rut and getting unstuck
something that's just a ton ofwork that feels like energy in
(21:10):
and of itself that we don't wantto expend and so turning it
away from all of that.
Okay, right now, if you're inthe rut, your purpose is not to
get out of the rut.
Don't make that your focus.
Make the focus the process,because we get so
outcome-oriented that we neverenjoy the present moment, we
(21:32):
don't enjoy the people that arearound us, we don't savor life,
and then we're on our pathtowards the rut.
So I encourage you, do not tryto make getting out of the rut
your goal.
Make taking a small action yourgoal and celebrating it.
Make the behaviors that releasethose feel-good chemicals in
your life your goal.
(21:52):
You see where our attentiongoes, our energy goes, and if
we're putting a lot of attentionon the fact we're spending a
lot of time ruminating about thefact that we're in a rut, we're
more likely to stay in the rut.
But if we shift our attentionand our energy to the habits, to
the behavior, to who we want tobe, to having some fun, all of
that starts to actuallynaturally flow us out of feeling
(22:16):
stuck and into a state wherewe're starting to thrive again.
And so can I encourage you aboutsomething you have a purpose in
life.
You're important, you matter,and I'm so glad that you're here
and you're part of thiscommunity.
I care about you and I know itfeels really tough to be in that
rut and to feel stuck, and Iknow how it feels to not feel so
good about yourself.
(22:38):
But can I tell you something?
This moment in your life isjust a chapter in the story.
It's not the full story.
This is just one chapter andyour story has not been fully
written yet.
You matter, you're important,you have a purpose.
I care about you.
Other people care about you.
Even if you can't see it, evenif you don't think they do, they
(23:01):
do.
So I want to invite you to starttrying to use some of these
tools, any of them.
Just start with one of them.
Don't feel overwhelmed that yougot to do all five.
Just start with the one thatfeels the most resonant to you.
Take some action on it Now.
If you haven't had a chance yetto subscribe to or to follow
this podcast, I want to take amoment and encourage you to do
(23:22):
that so that you don't miss outon a single episode.
Also, if you've not had achance yet to leave a review, I
want to encourage you to do thatas well, because the more
reviews that we get, the morelikely this podcast is going to
find its way to people who needto hear the message about how to
have a healthy relationshipwith themselves, and I want to
remind you that you are worthyof a life that feels as good on
(23:46):
the inside as it looks on theoutside.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
(26:29):
Now.
In this episode, I'm going tobe sharing with you.
I'm going to be sharing withyou Now.
If you need some help infiguring out how to get unstuck
and start to move forward, Iwant to invite you to check out
my one-on-one coaching programcalled Personal Mastery, If
you'd like more informationabout the program, and to set up
(26:51):
a free strategy.
Call to see if working togetheris the right fit.
You can simply see thedescription section of this
video.
I'm looking forward to hearingfrom you, learning more about
the goals that you have and,most importantly, learning more
about you.
Thank you, if you're new here,I'm Jerry, no-transcript.
(34:15):
No-transcript.
(44:18):
It's a one-on-one coachingprogram that is designed to help
you on your journey of creatinga life that feels as good on
the inside as it looks on theoutside.
The coaching program is basedon six evidence-based pillars
around things like mindsetresilience to bring alignment
with your internal world thosedesires, your hopes and dreams
(44:38):
and your external world, to helpyou deepen connections and a
sense of belonging in yourrelationships.
To learn how to practicepresence so that you're not
missing out on your life.
And to connect with your truesense of purpose so that you're
living the life that you trulybelieve that you were meant to
live.
So if you'd like to learn moreabout the art and science of
(44:59):
personal mastery, I encourageyou to check out the show notes
in this episode.
You'll find a link there whereyou can set up a free strategy
call so that we can connect anddetermine if working together is
the right fit.
So if you're ready to take thatnext step, set up that free
call.
I'm looking forward to learningmore about the goals that you
have.
Hello everybody and welcome to Personal Mastery.
I'm your host, jerry Henderson,and if you're ready to create a
life that feels as good on theinside as it looks on the
outside, you're in the rightplace.
Let's get started.
Today, in this episode, I'mgoing to share with you five
powerful tools that can help youget unstuck.
(00:20):
Maybe you've tried all of thehacks to try to figure out how
to get unstuck, but you justcan't seem to do that.
Now, if that is all of thehacks to try to figure out how
to get unstuck but you justcan't seem to do that, now, if
that is you, I want to let youknow that you're not alone.
Even the top performers hitthis wall.
But here's the great news thereare proven ways to help you get
out of that rut, to get out ofbeing stuck, and today'm gonna
(00:43):
be sharing with you thepsychology and the neuroscience
of why action actually bringsmotivation, how to shift your
mindset towards action, whybuilding on small wins is a key
to getting unstuck,understanding the role that
emotional barriers play infeeling stuck, and how to tap
into purpose and a sense ofplayfulness to help reboot your
(01:05):
brain and ignite your motivationand help you get moving forward
again.
So let's start with tool numberone, and it's to take action
even before you feel ready.
And you might be thinking, wow,thanks a lot, take action.
That's the whole problem Ican't find motivation, I don't
want to get started, and nowyou're telling me to take some
action.
I know I reacted the same waywhen people told me that, and it
(01:28):
was really hard for me to tryto find the energy to take
action.
I mean, there was a time in mylife where I was in such a deep
rut the darkest, deepest rutthat I'd ever been in my life
and for five days I barely evengot out of bed.
I couldn't figure out how toget the motivation to do
anything at all.
But the thing that was reallykey for me breaking that and
starting to climb my way out ofthat rut and getting unstuck was
(01:52):
by taking some action, evenwhen I didn't feel like it.
And so I do want to just say toyou that I understand, I
understand the pain, Iunderstand the challenge when
we're in that deep rut, and I dowant to note something that
there's a difference betweenfeeling stuck or feeling like
we're in a rut and dealing withdepression, and if you feel like
(02:12):
you're dealing with depressionand it's gone on for a really
long time, then I want toencourage you to get some help.
You don't have to go through italone.
Find somebody a therapist, acoach who can help you start to
find your way out of that rut.
We're not designed to have todo this alone.
I certainly didn't do it alone.
(02:33):
I got the help that I needed.
So I want to encourage you ifyou need help, there's no shame
in it Get the help that you need.
Now, why is taking action, evenwhen we don't feel like we want
to or that we can, so important?
Well, psychologists call itbehavioral activation, and it's
a model and a theory that wasactually developed by a
psychologist in the 1970s and itwas used as a key breakthrough
(02:56):
treatment for depression andapathy, and the core idea behind
it is very simple Actioncreates motivation, not the
other way around, andresearchers did clinical trials
on this over and over, and theygathered the data that said that
when people are in that stateof apathy, the most important
thing they can do is to start totake action.
(03:19):
We often think that actionfollows this linear path of we
get inspired, we find somemotivation, then we take action.
But that is not how it works.
It is not a linear path.
I want you to think of it as acircle that you can enter into
at any point along the journey.
You can enter into it on action, you can enter into it on
(03:40):
motivation.
You can enter into that cycleon inspiration.
There doesn't have to be a pathof inspiration first.
Then we get some motivation,then we take action.
This behavioral activationmodel has proven that that
action can actually bringinspiration, that action can
actually be what causesmotivation.
And I often tell people in mycoaching practice don't wait for
(04:04):
motivation to show up, getstarted and allow motivation to
catch up, because it will catchup to you eventually.
How fast will it catch up?
I don't know.
But I do know this thateventually it will.
Because here's the truth aboutfeeling like we're in a rut.
It's almost like our flywheelstopped and the challenge with
(04:24):
that flywheel stopping is itfeels like it's so much effort
to start getting it going again.
But the truth is it's thelittle actions, just that little
bit of pushing it forward.
It's going to get the flywheelgoing and as it gets going it's
going to start to build energy,it's going to start to bring
motivation and inspiration toyou.
(04:45):
So how do we put this tool ofaction in action?
Well, the first thing is startwith anything, a very tiny step
or task.
You can put on some niceclothes, right, get out of those
sweats, get out of that robe orwhatever it is.
Put on some clothes that youfeel good in and that's going to
start signaling to your brainto start feeling different.
(05:06):
So if you're in that rut,you're probably going to have to
force yourself to begin to dosome things to get that positive
energy going.
And here's the truth Energybegets energy.
It's basic physics andpsychology that an object in
motion tends to stay in motion.
Now, the second tool that canhelp us get out of a rut is to
(05:27):
start shifting our perspective,and this is around our identity
and our mindset.
And here's the truth about thiswe're often stuck or staying
stuck because of how we'reseeing ourselves or how we're
seeing the situation.
And there's two big shifts thatcan happen in this space for us
, and the first is building someidentity-based actions or
(05:49):
habits, and the second isleaning into a growth mindset
with self-compassion.
You know I'm a big fan ofself-compassion and it's rare
that I don't bring this upbecause the research shows this
is one of the most powerfulthings to help us get unstuck,
to help us reach our goals andto help us build the life that
feels as good on the inside asit looks on the outside.
(06:10):
So the tool that we can use hereis, instead of saying I'm stuck
, I'm unmotivated, I don't knowwhat to do, start saying I am
the kind of person that finds away.
I am experiencing feeling stuck, instead of I am stuck.
You see, what we're trying todo here is send a signal to our
(06:30):
brain about what we believeabout ourselves and the identity
that we carry about ourselves.
And so if we're using languageall of the time about I'm you
know, I'm or I am is one of themost powerful statements that we
can use, because we attach ouridentity to whatever comes after
that.
So if we can say things likeI'm the kind of person who finds
(06:50):
a way, I'm acknowledging thefact that I'm in a moment that
doesn't feel so good that whereI feel stuck or I feel like I'm
in a rut, but it alsoacknowledges that I have the
capacity, that me, as the personwho's experiencing this, has
the capacity and the tools tofind my way out of this.
So be very careful to not judgeyourself, to not tell yourself
(07:12):
that you're lazy, that you'reincapable, that this always
happens to you.
We don't want to go down thatpath, okay.
We want to go down the path ofself-compassion.
Even if you don't feel likegiving yourself self-compassion
or you don't think that youdeserve it, that's the exact
time to give it to yourself,because that self-compassion is
going to change your energytowards yourself and you're
(07:33):
going to free up energy thatyou're using to beat yourself up
, judging yourself for beingstuck, calling yourself stupid,
that you can't figure it out, orwhatever you're feeling.
When you stop doing that,you're going to free up that
energy and that's energy thatyou can start directing towards
finding solutions, finding theenergy to then start moving
(07:53):
forward and taking that walk,putting on those nice clothes,
brushing your teeth, cleaning upone corner of the room,
whatever it is.
Take that energy that you'reusing of beating yourself up and
start directing it towards someaction.
Now the third tool I want toshare with you is about
designing for dopamine.
I mean, dopamine is a goodfriend and I know it gets a bad
(08:15):
rap these days about beingaddicted to it and I talk a lot
about it and the challenges ofwhen we do get addicted to it,
but it's also something that canreally serve us, because when
we're feeling stuck, one of thethings that can be a part of
that is that we either havedopamine depletion or we're not
activating our dopamine.
And here's the thing dopamineis a key neurotransmitter for us
(08:38):
to be motivated.
It's the thing that causes usto pursue, to seek the reward.
And when we stop caring aboutthe reward because we feel like
we're in such a rut, we couldstart getting trapped in that
rut.
And we need to figure out howto access dopamine and I'm going
to share some tips with youabout that real quick on how to
do it.
And the first thing that you cando is to celebrate every single
(09:02):
win, because here's the thingwe're really good at judging
ourselves and beating ourselvesup for our failures, or beating
ourselves up that we're in therut and we don't celebrate any
movement or action that we try.
That's gonna help us get out ofthe rut.
And if dopamine is a part ofpursuing based off of rewards,
why would we ever get motivatedto change if we're not giving
(09:25):
ourselves a reward for thatchange?
And so those times where youget up, when you don't feel like
getting up, or you do thatthing, when you don't feel like
doing that thing, whatever it is, I want to encourage you,
celebrate it, do a little happydance, give yourself a high five
, tell yourself attaboy,attagirl, do something that
(09:46):
celebrates it.
Because when you're doing that,you're actually getting your
brain to release the chemicals,the reward chemicals around it
and you're starting to trickyour brain into wanting to do
that and to move away from thatrut by the simple act of
celebrating every single littlething.
And listen, I get it.
(10:08):
I'm not the type of guy who'shistorically allowed myself to
celebrate the little things,right, because I've always felt
like, well, that's just tablestakes, that's what you're
supposed to do, that's like theentry fee to do these things,
and I never allowed myself tocelebrate when I was doing the
small things.
But here's the thing whenyou're in a rut, when you're
(10:28):
feeling stuck, it's absolutelyessential that you do it,
because what you're trying to dois activate dopamine, and
dopamine is a key part of rewardand motivation, and when we're
feeling stuck, we're probablynot releasing a lot of it.
We're not knowing how to accessit, so we want to find the ways
to access it and, once again,the key way that you can do that
(10:51):
celebrate the smallest of wins.
Now, another thing that canhelp you access your dopamine is
to change your environment orchange your routine, because
dopamine is associated withnovelty and when we get stuck in
a rut because we're doing thesame thing all of the time, one
of the things that can help usbreak that is to do things that
(11:12):
are outside of the norm for us,and I know that can be hard.
When you don't find anymotivation right.
The friend calls and says hey,do you want to do this?
No, I don't want to do anything.
Or those things that you haveon your list that you've wanted
to do like none of it sounds atall appealing.
But here's what I want toencourage you to do Do it now,
anyway.
(11:32):
Do it bored, do it frustrated,do it unmotivated.
Drag your butt to it, whateverit is, because what it's going
to do is it's going to start todisrupt the routine.
It's going to get you out ofthe environment and that change,
that novelty, is going to startreleasing dopamine in your
brain and that's going to startmoving you towards some
(11:52):
inspiration, towards somemotivation that can help you get
unstuck.
A couple other things that I'llquickly share with you about how
you can access your dopamine,get that flowing again.
Number one is sunlight gettingyourself out in the sun.
It can be as little as just 10minutes, and if there's anybody
who's a big fan of sunlight,it's Huberman.
Right, he talks about it allthe time, about how it can help
(12:13):
us release dopamine, getmotivated, etc.
And so get out in the sun.
And if you're in a place that'sgot a lot of clouds and a
little bit of sun, get yourselfone of those sun lamps.
Okay, it's really important,especially when we're in a rut,
because when we're in a rut, wewant to stay in bed or sit on
the couch and we're in the darkor whatever it is, and we're
(12:35):
scrolling on our phones andwatching TV, working on the
computer and we've got all thatblue light exposure In that time
.
We need to get out and get somesunlight.
Now, another thing that you cando to get some dopamine release
and get a quick hit ofmotivation is take a cold shower
or do cold therapy, and I knowthe mere thought of it, right,
it's like dear God.
(12:56):
No, I don't want to do that.
But here's the thing it hasbeen shown to increase dopamine
levels in your systems for hoursafterwards.
I know it's uncomfortable, andthat's part of the point, right,
because a lot of times we'llprocrastinate or we'll be in a
rut.
Because we don't want to dosome uncomfortable thing, we're
(13:17):
avoiding pushing ourselves,we're avoiding tackling all of
those things that we just don'twant to do and have no
motivation around.
Taking a cold shower actuallyshocks the system and you get
over that barrier of not wantingto do something uncomfortable
and you, like, break through itby giving yourself that shock.
And what that also does is itmakes the other things that
(13:39):
you're avoiding doing a littleeasier to do, because your
body's already gone throughsomething very uncomfortable.
Now thinking about doing thatother thing doesn't feel as
uncomfortable and you're goingto find more motivation to do
those things and help you getunstuck.
Now the fourth tool is aboutattacking the emotional barriers
that we're facing when we'restuck and when we're in a rut.
(14:01):
Because here's the thingsometimes being in a rut isn't
about habits or routines.
It can be about a much deeperemotional block that's keeping
us stuck in that pattern.
It's really important toidentify these things and
address them, especially forthose of us who've experienced
trauma or we're living inchronic stress.
And sometimes when we're stuck,it's because we're in freeze
(14:21):
mode, and freeze mode is aresponse to stress.
Right, we have our fight flight, freeze fawn.
Those are all a part of thatstress response, that trauma
response.
Because when we're in a chronicstate of stress, we're in that
chronic state of red alertwaiting for the shoe to drop,
and our nervous system is onhigh alert all of the time.
(14:42):
We're going to get depleted,our energy gets depleted, our
motivation gets depleted.
Because we're spending so muchof our effort on managing all of
that, it's no wonder that weget stuck, it's no wonder that
we find ourselves in a rut.
The research shows us that ifwe've had traumatic stress, it
actually leads to what is calledmotivational dysfunction.
(15:03):
Did you know that was a thing?
It's an actual thing.
Because trauma and chronicstress and the inability to
manage our emotions it starts toundermine things like
self-efficacy, which is such animportant part of us being
motivated, moving towards ourgoals.
It also impacts our locus ofcontrol, it also impacts our
(15:24):
self-esteem and all of thosethings are the ingredients that
normally help us find ourmotivation and move forward.
And the research shows us thatbeing in that state, having
experienced trauma or being in achronic state of stress,
literally affects the brain'sability to self-regulate and to
find motivation.
So can I encourage you withsomething right now that if
(15:45):
that's your experience, that'syour story, it's not your fault.
You're dealing with somethingthat is a natural outcome of the
experiences that you've had,and then you beating yourself up
for the fact that you can'tseem to find your way out of it
it's not going to serve you,it's just going to keep you
stuck in that state.
Other practices that can help usprocess things emotionally and
(16:08):
help us get unstuck are thingslike mindfulness, meditation,
journaling, really going throughand understanding what you're
feeling, why you feel likeyou're stuck.
All of that can help increaseyour ability to navigate those
emotions, and those actions inand of themselves can start to
produce some motivation andinspiration inside of you.
(16:29):
And here's the important thingto understand Many high
achievers they just try to powerthrough this right.
They just try to power throughgetting out of the rut, without
understanding the emotionalissues that are behind a lot of
this.
And the research shows us thatsheer willpower alone it's not
enough.
You know, willpower is finiteand when we're spending it on
(16:49):
all these other things and we'redepleted of it and we feel like
we're in a rut, we don't have alot of it to try to get unstuck
.
And so doing these things ofunderstanding what's going on
with us, emotionally, addressingthat, allowing healing to come
there, that's going to allow usto get to the root of some of
these issues and then to startmoving forward in a much
(17:10):
healthier way.
Now, if you need some help infiguring out how to get unstuck
and start to move forward, Iwant to invite you to check out
my one-on-one coaching programcalled Personal Mastery, if
you'd like more informationabout the program, and to set up
a free strategy.
Call to see if working togetheris the right fit.
I encourage you to check outthe show notes.
In this episode, I'm lookingforward to hearing from you,
(17:31):
learning more about the goalsthat you have and, most
importantly, learning more aboutyou.
From you learning more aboutthe goals that you have and,
most importantly, learning moreabout you Now.
The fifth tool I want to talkto you about is reigniting,
reconnecting to your sense ofpurpose, and doing that with a
sense of playfulness, becauseoften one of the things that
happens to us, or one of thereasons we get in a rut is we've
disconnected from our sense ofpurpose and our joy around that
(17:54):
purpose and this is especiallytrue for high achievers because
you've been pushing yourself,you've been driving yourself,
you've not been rewardingyourself, you've been raising
the bar, and nothing is evergood enough.
And you have a life thateverybody thinks is a pretty
good life, but you're insidethere going.
I don't like it, I'm notenjoying it, and you've
disconnected with your purposeand life is no longer fun for
you.
(18:14):
So here's what I want to inviteyou to do I want you to ask
yourself the question is thereone thing in your life that you
not everybody else but that youactually care about, that you
actually want to connect toright now?
I'm sure, if you think hardenough and you give yourself
enough space, that something'sgoing to come to the surface,
(18:37):
because for many of us, thereason we get stuck is that
we're doing all of this stuffthat doesn't really matter, it
doesn't have any meaning to it,and so, if that's the case,
we've got to find a way toconnect to something that feels
meaningful to us, and I knowthat can feel really hard.
There was a time in my lifewhen nothing felt meaningful,
nothing felt purposeful.
(18:57):
I didn't want to do a darnthing and I mean, if somebody
would have asked me the questionthat I just asked you, I would
have said nothing.
But here's the truth.
I eventually found my way tofinding the thing that felt
meaningful, that felt purposeful, and began to really connect
with that and that became thatlittle spark that I needed
inside of me to get things goingagain.
(19:18):
So once again, let me ask youis there that one little thing
inside of you right now that youcan say, yeah, that matters to
me.
Is it an important relationship?
Is it some type of hobby orthing that you do that you feel
alive when you do it?
Right now it just kind of feelsdead to you.
Can I encourage you to, rightnow, in this season, try to push
(19:43):
away as many of the shoulds orthe energy around I should be
doing this and move towards whatyou could be doing, what you
would like to be doing, what youwould be doing, even if you
didn't get paid for it, even ifyou didn't have to, you'd really
want to, and then start takingaction towards it.
(20:04):
One simple little thing do itand then put some fun into it
while you're doing it, becausethat play is going to release
those feel good chemicals.
It's going to re-spark some ofthat stuff inside of you where
you kind of maybe feel a littlelike dead in here or whatever
that is Doing things that areconnected to purpose.
Adding some play, making it fun, can really help that all come
(20:28):
back alive inside of you and youstart to find your way out of
the rut.
Because here's the truth aboutbeing in a rut.
We can get so serious abouttrying to find our way out of
the rut Because here's the truthabout being in a rut.
We can get so serious abouttrying to find our way out of
the rut or to get unstuck andwalking around thinking like
what's wrong with me that Ican't figure out how to get out
of this, and we start tocatastrophize and going gosh, if
I don't get out of this in thenext week or so, life's going to
(20:48):
start to fall apart, or why doI always do this?
Et cetera.
All of that is like fun suckingenergy.
It's just taking it all away.
And we need to put some funback into things Because the
truth is we're making gettingout of a rut and getting unstuck
something that's just a ton ofwork that feels like energy in
(21:10):
and of itself that we don't wantto expend and so turning it
away from all of that.
Okay, right now, if you're inthe rut, your purpose is not to
get out of the rut.
Don't make that your focus.
Make the focus the process,because we get so
outcome-oriented that we neverenjoy the present moment, we
(21:32):
don't enjoy the people that arearound us, we don't savor life,
and then we're on our pathtowards the rut.
So I encourage you, do not tryto make getting out of the rut
your goal.
Make taking a small action yourgoal and celebrating it.
Make the behaviors that releasethose feel-good chemicals in
your life your goal.
(21:52):
You see where our attentiongoes, our energy goes, and if
we're putting a lot of attentionon the fact we're spending a
lot of time ruminating about thefact that we're in a rut, we're
more likely to stay in the rut.
But if we shift our attentionand our energy to the habits, to
the behavior, to who we want tobe, to having some fun, all of
that starts to actuallynaturally flow us out of feeling
(22:16):
stuck and into a state wherewe're starting to thrive again.
And so can I encourage you aboutsomething you have a purpose in
life.
You're important, you matter,and I'm so glad that you're here
and you're part of thiscommunity.
I care about you and I know itfeels really tough to be in that
rut and to feel stuck, and Iknow how it feels to not feel so
good about yourself.
(22:38):
But can I tell you something?
This moment in your life isjust a chapter in the story.
It's not the full story.
This is just one chapter andyour story has not been fully
written yet.
You matter, you're important,you have a purpose.
I care about you.
Other people care about you.
Even if you can't see it, evenif you don't think they do, they
(23:01):
do.
So I want to invite you to starttrying to use some of these
tools, any of them.
Just start with one of them.
Don't feel overwhelmed that yougot to do all five.
Just start with the one thatfeels the most resonant to you.
Take some action on it Now.
If you haven't had a chance yetto subscribe to or to follow
this podcast, I want to take amoment and encourage you to do
(23:22):
that so that you don't miss outon a single episode.
Also, if you've not had achance yet to leave a review, I
want to encourage you to do thatas well, because the more
reviews that we get, the morelikely this podcast is going to
find its way to people who needto hear the message about how to
have a healthy relationshipwith themselves, and I want to
remind you that you are worthyof a life that feels as good on
(23:46):
the inside as it looks on theoutside.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
(26:29):
Now.
In this episode, I'm going tobe sharing with you.
I'm going to be sharing withyou Now.
If you need some help infiguring out how to get unstuck
and start to move forward, Iwant to invite you to check out
my one-on-one coaching programcalled Personal Mastery, If
you'd like more informationabout the program, and to set up
(26:51):
a free strategy.
Call to see if working togetheris the right fit.
You can simply see thedescription section of this
video.
I'm looking forward to hearingfrom you, learning more about
the goals that you have and,most importantly, learning more
about you.
Thank you, if you're new here,I'm Jerry, no-transcript.
(34:15):
No-transcript.
(44:18):
It's a one-on-one coachingprogram that is designed to help
you on your journey of creatinga life that feels as good on
the inside as it looks on theoutside.
The coaching program is basedon six evidence-based pillars
around things like mindsetresilience to bring alignment
with your internal world thosedesires, your hopes and dreams
(44:38):
and your external world, to helpyou deepen connections and a
sense of belonging in yourrelationships.
To learn how to practicepresence so that you're not
missing out on your life.
And to connect with your truesense of purpose so that you're
living the life that you trulybelieve that you were meant to
live.
So if you'd like to learn moreabout the art and science of
(44:59):
personal mastery, I encourageyou to check out the show notes
in this episode.
You'll find a link there whereyou can set up a free strategy
call so that we can connect anddetermine if working together is
the right fit.
So if you're ready to take thatnext step, set up that free
call.
I'm looking forward to learningmore about the goals that you
have.
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