Episode Transcript
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Jerry Henderson (00:00):
Hello everybody
and welcome to Personal Mastery
.
I'm your host, jerry Henderson,and if you're ready to create a
life that feels as good on theinside as it looks on the
outside, you're in the rightplace.
Let's get started.
Today, in this episode, I'mgoing to share with you how to
stop ruminating.
So if you're trying to figureout how to break that loop of
(00:23):
constantly overthinking, or youfeel stuck inside your head and
you can't seem to turn theswitch off about your past
mistakes or the fears of thefuture, or what you should have
said or shouldn't have said inthat conversation, you are in
the right place, because todayI'm going to be sharing with you
four tips that can help youstop ruminating.
Not next week, not next month,but you can actually start today
(00:47):
to break that cycle.
So the first thing that's goingto be really important in this,
the first tip, is to understandwhy we ruminate.
We need to understand the loopso that we can break the loop.
The first reason that weruminate is because of our
default mode network.
That's the part of our brainthat almost acts like a
screensaver.
When we're not activelythinking, we're not actively
(01:09):
engaged in a task, that part ofour brain kicks in.
And then what happens?
When that part of our brain,that screensaver, kicks on and
it becomes active, it's kickingup all of those subconscious
thoughts or those negativethoughts.
So we default into this mode ofnegativity, overthinking, et
cetera, and we get trapped in aloop because of that default
mode network.
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Now the second reason weruminate is that our brain is
trying to seek closure.
We're actually trying to staysafe by trying to resolve
emotional pain or deal with apoint of confusion in our life.
But what actually happens isour brain gets stuck in, just
chewing it over and over andover, but no solutions or no
progress is actually found.
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Another reason that we mightruminate is because of feelings
of shame that we carry, orbecause we have a negative
self-view.
When we feel like we're notgood enough or that we always
mess up, our brain is going toruminate on our mistakes to try
to confirm that belief, to tryto reinforce those feelings that
we have.
Another thing that can triggerit is social rejection, because
this is a survival instinct forus when we are rejected socially
(02:14):
.
I mean it's an evolutionarything that we have to try to
figure out what we did wrong andwhat we should do the next time
.
But the challenge is, whenwe're ruminating, we're not
actually solving problems.
We're just replaying thatscenario.
That can cause us to have moreanxiety, socially, etc.
So it's not good for us, butonce again, it can be triggered
by negative social interactions.
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Another thing that can triggerit is perfectionism or a need
for control.
If you're a high achiever oryou're a person who feels like
everything is yourresponsibility, either because
of childhood trauma or otherpainful life experiences, you
feel like you have to be incontrol or responsible for
everything.
You're going to ruminate a lotBecause rumination gives the
illusion of control and it givesthe illusion that we can figure
(02:59):
out what happened and figureout how to fix it.
Rumination actually feels likeproblem solving.
It's triggering all of thesechemicals and neural pathways in
us that has the same feeling ofproblem solving.
But the challenge is ruminationis simply overthinking.
We're not actually solvingproblems.
We're actually using it as acoping mechanism to give us the
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feeling that we're problemsolving.
So those are just a few of thereasons why we ruminate.
There's others and you mighthave personal experiences that
are different than that, butthose are some common reasons.
But the key is to remember thatit almost happens automatically
, before we're even aware.
It just sneaks up on us andwe're doing it.
And so now I want to starttalking about how to stop it,
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how to break that cycle.
And the first thing that youcan do when you notice that
you're starting to ruminate isto break that cycle, break that
state by resetting your nervoussystem.
Because here's the trap that wefind ourselves in with
rumination we can't think ourway out of rumination.
Rumination is a thinkingproblem and, to paraphrase
Einstein, who said, you cannotsolve your problems with the
(04:06):
same thinking that created thoseproblems.
And so we can't think our wayout of it.
We have to feel our way out ofrumination.
And why is this?
It's because the brain, whenit's ruminating, what's
happening is?
We're in that low-grade senseof a threat.
Our systems are scanning fordanger, replaying danger,
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replaying danger, replayingmistakes, fearing about the
future, and we're trying to findsome sense of certainty, or
we're trying to find some senseof resolution.
But what's going to happen iswe're going to stay in that
cycle and we won't even takeaction because we get so trapped
in overthinking.
So to disrupt that loop, weactually need a pattern
disruption, and the easiest wayfor that to happen.
The quickest way for that tohappen is to get our body into a
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different state.
So here's some really quickways to shift from your head and
into your body to break thatloop.
Number one Cold water.
And you can do this either by acold shower or you can simply
put cold water on your face.
When you put really cold wateron your face, what's happening
is you're activating yourmammalian dive reflex.
When your body starts torespond to that shock, and what
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that's going to do is it's goingto start to shift you out of
that sympathetic arousal thatrumination has got you stuck in.
Another way to move out of thehead into the body is some
intense physical movement.
This can be 30 seconds ofpushups or jumping jacks or
going for a quick, brisk walkaround the neighborhood.
All of that shifts the bloodflow right to the rest of our
(05:31):
body and it starts to calm downthat default mode network and
put us into a more relaxed andcalm state.
Now, another thing that helpedbreak that loop is what is known
as a verbal pattern interrupt,and what this is is where you
literally say something out loudlike this is not helpful, and
you say it out loud and you sayit with some energy, and when
you do that, you're gonna engageyour salience network and your
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auditory cortex and what that'sgonna do once again is to pull
you out of that DMN default modenetwork state that you're in.
You can literally think of itlike an old TV where you're
going up and you're slapping iton the side to try to help that
signal come back on.
That's exactly what you'redoing.
You're helping you come backonline and getting yourself out
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of that state that's lost inrumination.
So maybe, if it's helpful,don't think about it like you're
trying to stop rumination inand of itself.
What you're trying to do isbring your system back online
and pull yourself out of thatlost thought, that space that
you think is helpful but is nothelpful.
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All the research tells us that.
So these things like cold waterto the face, some vigorous
physical movement and thatverbal pattern interrupt can be
really helpful to bring you backonline.
Now the third tip I want toshare with you about getting out
of rumination is to name it sothat you can tame it.
What we're going to do here isa process known as effect
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labeling.
It's a really powerful toolbecause what you're doing is
you're literally naming whatyou're experiencing.
The study that was done in 2024found that labeling a feeling
before trying to change itsignificantly improved emotional
regulation and outcomes aroundwhat was trying to be changed.
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What it does for us is it takesit from being this scary thing
that feels so out of control forus, gives it a name, allows us
to look at it and then we cansay to ourselves it's that, it's
rumination, it's not me or I'mruminating again, not that I
have some problem.
I'm engaging in something thatis very common, that is caused
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by the things that we talkedabout earlier, and giving it
that name can really help.
It's like the boogeyman underthe bed or the boogeyman in the
closet.
When you label it and youunderstand that it's just a
thought, it's not a reality, andyou actually face it, it loses
its power, it loses itsscariness and then, by labeling
it, you're actually going to bestepping into what is known as
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metacognitive awareness, whichis when you begin to observe the
mind, instead of being suckedinto it or actually being
controlled by it.
You look at it and you see whatthe mind's activity is doing
and understand that it's themind doing what the mind is
created to do what it naturallydoes.
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I like to think of it literallylike you're stepping outside of
the fog and you're observingthe fog.
You're labeling it the fog andthen you're empowered to
determine whether or not youwant to go back into the fog or
stay out of the fog, and now youstart to feel a sense of choice
around it instead of feelinglike you're a victim of it.
Now, if you need help in yourjourney of breaking that pattern
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of rumination and developing agrowth mindset and begin
creating a life that you love, Iwant to encourage you to check
out my one-on-one coachingprogram called Personal Mastery.
For more information about theprogram, you can simply see the
show notes in this episode.
You'll find a link there whereyou can set up a free strategy
call where we can connect andsee if working together is the
(09:09):
right fit.
I'm really looking forward toconnecting with you, learning
more about your goals and, mostimportantly, learning more about
you.
Now, if you haven't had achance yet to subscribe to or to
follow this podcast, I want totake a moment and encourage you
to do that so that you don'tmiss out on a single episode.
Also, if you've not had achance yet to leave a review.
I want to encourage you to dothat as well, because the more
(09:32):
reviews that we get, the morelikely this podcast is going to
find its way to people who needto hear the message about how to
have a healthy relationshipwith themselves.
And I really do just want tolet you know that I'm grateful
that you're here and I'mgrateful that you're part of
this community.
Now, the fourth tip I want togive you in overcoming
rumination is to redirect thatthought energy.
(09:53):
You see, this is where a lot ofpeople fall short.
They just try to shut that partoff, to stop ruminating, and
then they don't fill it withanything else.
Well, guess what happens?
You go right back into thatdefault mode network, the
screensaver kicks right back onand all of a sudden you're lost
in rumination again.
So what we can do in thissituation is beginning to engage
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in what is known as behavioralactivation.
It's a very effective cognitivebehavioral tool that is used
all of the time to get people tostart moving forward when they
feel stuck.
So we have to ask ourselveswhat's one thing that I actually
have control over right now andstart to put your energy
towards that.
So, for example, if you'reruminating about something in
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the past that you did and youjust can't get it off of your
mind, or an old relationship.
Something that you could dothat would move you towards more
peace is to journal about it.
Let those emotions get outinstead of staying trapped
inside of you.
And a real key to behavioralactivation is it's pulling us
into the present moment, becauserumination does not live in the
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present moment.
Rumination lives in the future.
It lives in the past.
It's connected to worries andfears and regrets.
In the present moment.
There's none of that, andanything that can draw In the
present moment, there's none ofthat.
And anything that can draw youinto the present moment is going
to reduce your tendency forrumination.
You see, for many people theythink it is being present that
actually causes them to ruminate, causes them to fear.
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That's not the truth.
The present moment only haswhat is.
Think about it.
Just take a moment.
Anytime you feel anxiety, areyou here right now, in this
present moment, or are youthinking about something that
might happen?
When I'm focused in on what ishere and what is now, rumination
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ceases.
And that's the key behindbehavioral activation.
It gets us doing something orengaged in something.
That's present moment focused.
It takes our attention out ofthe space where rumination lives
, thrives and causes suffering.
Just as a quick recap of what wecovered today we covered the
(12:06):
reasons why we get involved inrumination.
We also discussed how we canbreak that loop of rumination by
resetting our nervous system.
We also discussed the power oflabeling rumination as
rumination, so that we can seeit for what it is and not get
stuck in it, and we alsodiscussed the power of
redirecting our attentiontowards action in the present
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moment.
Now, bonus tip that I wannashare with you that can help
pull all this together is whenyou find yourself ruminating or
getting into overthinking, orwhatever you want to label it as
.
Tell yourself there's a part ofme that's experiencing fear
right now and that's okay.
What you're doing is you'rewitnessing the part of you that
feels the need to overthink, toruminate, to try to project, to
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try to protect, and as you seethat part of yourself and you
meet it with compassion, insteadof judgment and beating
yourself up as to why you can'tstop ruminating and trying to
yell at yourself and tellyourself to stop it all the time
, if you'll meet yourself withcompassion, witness that part
and say there's a part of methat's afraid right now, and
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then what that does is itcreates a gentle separation
between you and the part of youthat's ruminating, and you can
see it as a part of you, but notthe whole of you, and, as a
result, you're a lot more likelyto break that pattern and get
out of that rut of rumination.
And I want to remind you thatyou are worthy of a life that
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feels as good on the inside asit looks on the outside.