April 21, 2025 • 20 mins
Today's Play: Coach Karl Hedley emphasizes the importance of allowing players to face adversity and develop resilience. Hedley stresses the value of sports in teaching teamwork, respect, and leadership, and advises parents to support their children's growth by stepping back and letting them learn from experiences.
Today's Coach: Karl Hedley is the Boys Soccer Director at Gwinnett Soccer Association. He's coached youth soccer for 20 years and specializes in coaching middle-school-aged players.
To learn more about Bryant College Coaching, and download our new e-book, click here or go to www.bryantcollegecoaching.com
Picking Teams: A Playbook for Parents is produced by: Amy Bryant and Sasha Melamud
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amy Bryant (00:03):
Hi parents, and welcome to picking teams the
playbook for parents. Today,we're back with Carl Headley,
Academy director at GwinnettSoccer Association. So Carl, how
long have you been coaching?
Karl Hedley (00:17):
I've been coaching for just over 17 years now,
collectively, it doesn't countthe little bit I did when again
at Coastal, when they havecamps. I work camps kind of got
me into it originally. And whenI went back to England, did a
little bit, but very, verylittle. It wasn't till I came
back as actually, when my oldestdaughter started playing, when
she was nine, eight or nine. Ithink the frustrations of
(00:42):
watching the rec coach drove mecrazy, so I just, I was watching
her, like, sit back on the topof her 18 yard box, and I'm
sitting there trying not to sayanything, because I know it's
right until the very final gamewhere I spoke up and said, Get
out. Get up, step up. And a fewof the parents turn went, could
you coach him next year? Sothat's kind of that started.
(01:02):
That was back when the curesoccer club was around. So that
was because, you know, I don'tknow whether you know the story,
but the merge, but yeah, saywere two separate things. That
was about 1718, years ago. Okay,so I've been at GSA since then.
So whatever, to cure into GSAcouple of years in the rec
(01:23):
program, and then pied on to bean academy coaching and not soon
after, the academy director. Iwas the Girls Academy director
for a while, believe it or not,which I don't know whether I
meshed well with girls, but afew years later, became the boys
Academy director.
Amy Bryant (01:40):
And you played professionally, too, right?
Karl Hedley (01:43):
So I played in England, in the local non lower
leagues, non leagues in theLiverpool area. Originally came
back, came to the States in, Ithink it was 88 in the middle
beach area, like I told you astory, with the intention of
going to coastal I headed backto England in 1990 the
(02:06):
disillusioned idea of becomingPro, and then played in the
lower league, semi pro beforeCOVID. They had a little bit of
a back injury. And honestly, itwas getting to the point that
the lower leagues in England,like every game, was a fight,
and I mean a physical fight. AndI just wasn't that type of
player. I was one of the ball onthe ground. Wanted to knock it
around, and every time back thenit was lump it forward, kick it
(02:30):
as far as you can. And thenevery opportunity they had, it
was a there was a scrap, like aphysical fight. And I was just,
I got fed up with it. So betweenback injury and and all that. I
just stopped playing for many,many years, probably six or
seven years, and nothing to dowith the game. But again, you're
talking about like being in anenvironment where I was going to
amfields with Liverpoolregularly, just immersed in the
(02:52):
game. You know, which most kidsgrowing up in England are,
that's it's everything you know.
So people say, you know, whenthey when they were kids, they
wanted to be doctors, lawyers orfootball players. There was most
of the kids, me included, that Iknew only wanted to be soccer
players. We didn't. There wasnothing else we didn't know. I
mean, my favorite player thatlived just up the road for me, I
knew his license plate number byheart like it was. My passion
(03:14):
was to be him, and that's all Iwanted to do. I didn't know. But
again, the downside is, whathappens with school, right? That
was the crappy part of it all,is that school got left as a
secondary, whereas I could havebeen doing more and getting a
better education and so on andso forth. So by the way, I've
been with the thirteens,twelves, thirteens, fourteens,
(03:37):
in sort of that age group, butI've been doing those in that
age group since the 2000 andfives. Were you 13, seven years,
seven, eight years of probablyeight years of being in the
youth 13 age group.
Amy Bryant (03:52):
What was it that made you switch to the you 13
age group, or the 12, 1314,
Karl Hedley (03:58):
it was actually the it was the merger, I think
because I was doing kind ofthing, if I was doing the I was
doing the I was the GirlsAcademy director at tequila, and
the girls that I'd had, I had anolder team. So I'd like the two
the 90 sevens, I think it was,and then the 2000 and twos were
the younger team, and we've donequite well. The 2012 2000 and
(04:23):
twos have done quite well. We'dactually beat GSA at stake cup,
who were ranked number one. Itwas Judson's team. Judson and
Campbell were there trying towhatever, when state cup beat
them in state cup, and then itwas, I think it was just a topic
of conversation, like, who'sgoing to take the boys when they
merge? And knowing Nuno fromwhen I was younger. I think he
(04:43):
put a, you know, an influencedword in and said, I want Carl to
take the team. So that wasactually the first year of boys
ECM. So the U 13 is 2005 withthe first year of Boise. And I,
okay, you know. So, yeah, I'mjust a big fan of always doing
(05:05):
the same ages, just because Ithink you start to know the
kids, you know, I know that theycan't make an early training
session because of bus gettingin and off the, you know, for
middle school. And I've got anidea when testing is and you
start to understand the moodsand the buttons are kids that
you can push. And you know, I'myour son's a prime example. I
(05:26):
could push his button all theway right, but then the kids
sitting next to him, youcouldn't necessarily say the
same things. And I think thatgoes all the way through
adulthood, but I think thetemperament at a younger age is
more important, because you youlose a kid quickly, if you're
you're offensive to him, oryou're pointing out at the wrong
time and embarrass him, orwhatever. Kids exactly like
(05:49):
miles, you can do that with, butother kids you have to kind of
so I'm a big fan. In my academyset up the same way. Is every
year, the lead coach remains thelead coach. Staff. Coaches may
move in between up and down, butthe lead coach gets to have an
idea and philosophy of whatthose ages need and what they
don't need, what works, whatdoesn't work. And by the way,
(06:10):
it's easier for coaching becauseI have a curriculum that I just
keep repeating, yeah, speakingwhen it when it works and when
it doesn't work. So I thinksession plan tonight, look at
the day what we're working on.
Hit print it. And, you know,I've done it 100 times, so it
helps. But yeah, that was, thatwas the start of the boys, you
it was also, by the way, thesame year Alani and I had
(06:33):
started. Okay, so it was thegetting used to, how do you deal
with I've got 14, 1516, players,top players going into you 13,
because we did a like apreseason combined session. But
three or four of these might go.
(06:54):
And that year, a lot wentbecause they didn't have an
academy. There wasn't any so,you know, it was the 2000 fives
were. We had four went. 2006 istwo went at the time. So it was,
it was a lot to deal with,because we never had to deal
with that before. It never andsince then, I've seen a massive
change in the boy side, by theway, which is a good topic of
(07:14):
conversation, because I thinkit's a it's a completely
different setup and entity thanit used to be. It used to be
exactly the same as the girlsside. In fact, the girls side
was probably more importantbecause girls football, or girls
soccer in the States, was morepopular since at it's changed
(07:34):
completely. I mean, it'smassively changed. I think the
boy side is more popular now.
The pro games change thingsdramatically. Kids want to go to
bars or Academy, wanting to goto Spain. Want to, you know, and
it's just, I talk to Drew at theclub all the time. I'm like,
we've got to figure out how,maybe we need to run this boy
side just a little bitdifferent, because these kids up
(07:56):
until the age of, I mean, youprobably well, you will know way
more than me. Up until the ageof about 16, maybe even 17, they
couldn't care less about goingto college. They couldn't care
less, and then they hit 17 andgo, Oh, crap, you know, I'm not
going to make a pro. I'm goingto need to go to college. And by
the way, the odds aredramatically reduced, right?
(08:18):
Like these odds now of kidsgoing with these MLS Academy,
kids coming over and foreignstudents, still they're in the
one and 2% that go play correct,double EIGHT small numbers. You
know what? They don't realizethat the pro numbers are even
smaller. It's definitely themindset has changed on the boys
side, and I think it'scompletely separate now from the
(08:42):
girls on the way, where we runthings. So that's been a massive
change since the Oh fives tonow, when I'm dealing with these
parents of these youth, 13people who are just like every
single one of them, want to goto Portugal, want to go to
Spain, want to go to BostonAcademy. Or they just think if
Atlanta and I had not spottedthem, it's Atlanta United fault
(09:04):
or our fault, and they need togo somewhere else and find it
completely disillusioned. Yeah,well,
Amy Bryant (09:13):
that's, I mean, that's the thing like. And this
is what I always say, is like.
And I'll give you a personalstory about miles. You know, you
mentioned him earlier, so Mileswas struggling at the beginning
of this year, and he for thelisteners that don't know, my
ninth grader is at Atlantaunited, and he sustained an
injury during, gosh, his firstyear there, that caused him to
(09:37):
Miss about five months of theseason, and came back. He worked
really hard this summer to comeback, came back in the fall, and
wasn't getting any playing time.
You know, these kids, mine,included, are used to that
instant gratification of, youknow, you do this, you get that,
and it happens just like that.
They're not used to having toreally work for something and
(10:00):
the time that it takes toactually achieve the goals that
you've set for yourself. So inany case, he had this
conversation with me. He said,You know, if, if I'm not
playing, then, then I think Ishould just look to go somewhere
else, like, let's just go to StLouis and play for Kansas City.
Because that Coach talked to himwhen he was at ODP, when he was
(10:21):
like, 11, right? He thinksthat's still an option that's on
the table. And he also thinksthat, as his parent, that I
would, I would drop everythingto move across the country,
right? And he got the cold,stark reality conversation from
me, which was, if you can't makeit here at the program that's
(10:43):
down the street, then we're notgoing anywhere else. It's not
Atlanta United's fault thatyou're not starting this is, you
know, and it's not your faulteither, in a lot of ways, I
mean, and you can't help aninjury, but after an injury, it
takes work to get back, andthat's what you have to embrace,
(11:04):
is that work, and if you can getthere, great. And the happy end
of the story, I will say he isgetting back and getting his
playing time now, and he'scertainly not singing that same
tune.
Karl Hedley (11:15):
Personally what I think you've done there is what
I my biggest critical pointtowards parents is, is you've
allowed adversity and asked themto deal with it, right? Which is
what most parents don't do. It'syou've got a problem. You've got
an issue. Let me fix it for you.
That's right, if you, if youlook at most top pros, and I
haven't gone and pulled most toppros, but in general, and you
(11:38):
can even look at the very top.
You can look at the Messies andthe ronaldos of the world.
There's a adversity backstory inthere somewhere for those people
who remember David Beckhamreleased because he was too
small. The amount of times thathappens with players, messy
couldn't grow, poverty area, allthose types of things. I had a
(12:01):
friend of mine who ended upplaying in in the Premier League
for Aston Miller years ago, andwas in the street, average,
above average, strong, fairlytall, quick, fairly quick, a
little bit quick. But hisadversity was he had a bad home
(12:22):
life, like he just wanted to getout of his house. So he had that
adversity, and his parents werenever going to help him deal
with that, because dad was adrunk and all whatever, all
these things beat him. Theadversity was to the goal was to
get out of that house and dosomething with his life. And he
had no other skill and trade, sohe literally worked and found
himself in the Premier League at28 what was to drive within. Was
(12:43):
to get out of where he was, asituation where he was, I'm not
saying for one minute, theparents should create that kind
of home life for adversity. Butthere's so much out there. Let
them get put on a second team.
Let them not start. Let them nothave great minutes. Ask them, go
ask the coach what they can doto get more minutes. It's not
(13:04):
simple. Parents don't need to goand ask the coach. Absolutely.
It's constant with the questionsand the wanting to understand
why their players not playing.
And the worst one is you alwaysplay your favorites. It's my
favorite one of all time. Thatisn't it funny how my favorites
are the better players. Betterplayers. Let the other ones work
(13:28):
to achieve what those playershave got, right and whatever it
is. And by the way, if you don'tlike the coach, there's going to
be another one right around thecorner, so you can go and
impress the next guy, but you'vegot to learn to deal with you go
sign it, and again, you'll knowway more about the college scene
than I do. You go sign a fouryear deal at a college and you
go off, and then within a weekof being there, the college
(13:50):
coach gets fired, and you've gota brand new guy, and he doesn't
like you, or you get a roommatethat doesn't like you. Parents
can't swoop in and deal withthese things. They got to deal
with it on their own, andthey've got to learn to get over
it and get over the adversity.
Unless they're in danger, letthem get on with it, because
there's going to be issues, andthey're going to have problems,
and they're going to haveproblems they need to solve, on
and off the pitch, by the way,you know for me, but you look
(14:12):
at, you look at the theconversation you've had with
Miles, where are we moving to todo what? What is it we're trying
to accomplish? Just to say weplayed at a pro Academy, because
that tends to it all of asudden. It tends to identify you
as who you are. You are Jim thatplays for Atlanta united. You
(14:32):
leave Atlanta united, and nowyou're just Jim. How do you how
do you change your life to suitwho you really are, because
that's your identity. I grew upwith so many kids that I knew
that you're the kid who goes toback then the academies were
different center or center ofexcellence, but you were the kid
that went to Liverpool, you werethe kid that went to Everton,
(14:53):
and then all of a sudden youweren't, and nobody really knows
who the kid is anymore, becausehe never had any sort of life
around that you go to St Louisto the end result to be less
than 1% of the Academy kids tohave a chance to make a living
playing the game. By the waythat started, England is point
01 2% to make a living. Andmaking a living is earning a few
(15:17):
100 pound a week in the lowerleagues, or just getting bus
fare or whatever. That's such asmall number. And you're talking
about in a country with hundredsof pro clubs here, we've got, I
mean, how many times you'regoing to make a living? And by
the way, when they get into likeMLS, what are they on now, 60
grand? Yeah, very much. Thesedays, you can't live on that,
(15:39):
what do we find? What are wemoving for? What are we trying
to accomplish? You've got thebest opportunity right here in
your best and your doorstep.
You've got a pro club here that,by the way, will spot you, as we
tell kids at our club all thetime the amount of players that
we send after you, 13, afteryou, 14, after you 15. And by
(16:01):
the way, those are the ones thatnormally end up staying. They're
not the ones that went in at 11and 12. It's the ones that went
in at 1516, they stay, they getoff to a d1 college, or in the
case of one or two, they gettheir opportunity to play in the
first team or be around thefirst team, but it's so few and
far between. We just got to stepback and take, take a dose of
(16:24):
reality and go. It's your dream,and you don't need to break it,
but it's there has to besomething else that has to be,
Amy Bryant (16:31):
yeah, so what would you say? What's the message here
to our families, like, whatshould that other thing be? Why
should their kids be playingsport? What's it really all
about
Karl Hedley (16:40):
it to me. I mean, you've got loads of values that
come from playing sport, right,the teamwork and the camaraderie
and the respect and all thesedifferent things. And that's all
always for me, is, you know, isabout, as a coach, the first
thing I want to do is try anddevelop the player first, right?
For the for the reasons we justgave less than a percent is
going to go pro and make aliving play like they're going
(17:01):
to be doctors and lawyers andbrick players and painters and
all that. Be respectful peoplewhen you do that. If we can
teach that through sport, anysport, it's got a massive But to
me, what we just talked about,the first thing parents need to
do is get out of their way. Justget out of their way and let
them develop to become young menyoung women. Let them step into
(17:24):
their life as it's going tobecome. You can guide them and
be advice for them when they gethome or the rest of it needs to
be. What did, what did the coachask it? What did he? Did he ask
you something during thissession? What did you talk about
during the session? Because I'vegot parents that you've seen
them fence huggers, as we callthem. They're right up against
the fence. They're looking atyour every move. And if that kid
(17:47):
comes off sweating and drowningin sweat and exhausted and go
straight home, they think thatis success, and that's what
success looks like. But askthem, What did you learn? What
did you talk about? What pointsdid you get from the session
that's got way more value, andsometimes it can be just, I
(18:08):
learned to, you know, encouragemy teammates. I learned to talk
to my teammates alone, to bepositive. I just mentioned. I
love the age groups, 12 and 13,but there's such a negative
everything's like, Oh no, youknow, they have that long whiny
syllables at the end, like, whatare you doing forever? I know
you've heard it from boys. Itdrives you nuts. And my goal, a
(18:32):
lot of times in a session, isjust to change that. You know,
you can be a leader. You'reright. Your words are right.
What you're saying is, yeah,what he just did was crap, but
there's a way to tell him it wascrap, because you've got to have
the players drive in the sessionright at the end of the day. I
can help him and guide him intohim, but when they step over the
white line on a Saturday,they've got to drive each other.
(18:55):
They've got to tell each otherthey can do better or work
harder, or that pass wasn't goodenough for your level, or
whatever it is, but the whiningthing, just so even if it's
something like that in a sessionthat I learned today to
encourage my teammates or talkto my right back and make him
talk in a little bit more, orget him to get him to step up a
little bit, I think those thingshave more value than anything.
(19:17):
Parents don't need to say, Iwatched you tonight, and you
didn't do this, this and this,if you watched and they didn't
work hard enough, they weremisbehaving and they weren't
watching them, they weren'tpaying attention. That's that's
a parent conversation, to me.
The rest of it is, let them getin there, get out of the way.
Let them make the mistakes. Andat the end of it, you get what
you get. These kids are going tomake it in spite of you and me,
(19:40):
or they're not going to make itin spite of you and me, that's
the bottom line for me, right?
Amy Bryant (19:49):
Yeah, it's a great message. I love that. It's a
great way to end. So thanks somuch for being here. Carl, it
was great to have you, and youshared so many excellent
insights. I appreciate it. Thankyou. Appreciate it. Thanks so
much for listening today. Ifyou're looking for more
(20:10):
practical advice for parentingyour athlete, check out my new
ebook. Let them play a nononsense guide for parents. It's
available on Amazon for Kindleand on our website, links in the
show Notes.
Hi parents, and welcome to picking teams the
playbook for parents. Today,we're back with Carl Headley,
Academy director at GwinnettSoccer Association. So Carl, how
long have you been coaching?
Karl Hedley (00:17):
I've been coaching for just over 17 years now,
collectively, it doesn't countthe little bit I did when again
at Coastal, when they havecamps. I work camps kind of got
me into it originally. And whenI went back to England, did a
little bit, but very, verylittle. It wasn't till I came
back as actually, when my oldestdaughter started playing, when
she was nine, eight or nine. Ithink the frustrations of
(00:42):
watching the rec coach drove mecrazy, so I just, I was watching
her, like, sit back on the topof her 18 yard box, and I'm
sitting there trying not to sayanything, because I know it's
right until the very final gamewhere I spoke up and said, Get
out. Get up, step up. And a fewof the parents turn went, could
you coach him next year? Sothat's kind of that started.
(01:02):
That was back when the curesoccer club was around. So that
was because, you know, I don'tknow whether you know the story,
but the merge, but yeah, saywere two separate things. That
was about 1718, years ago. Okay,so I've been at GSA since then.
So whatever, to cure into GSAcouple of years in the rec
(01:23):
program, and then pied on to bean academy coaching and not soon
after, the academy director. Iwas the Girls Academy director
for a while, believe it or not,which I don't know whether I
meshed well with girls, but afew years later, became the boys
Academy director.
Amy Bryant (01:40):
And you played professionally, too, right?
Karl Hedley (01:43):
So I played in England, in the local non lower
leagues, non leagues in theLiverpool area. Originally came
back, came to the States in, Ithink it was 88 in the middle
beach area, like I told you astory, with the intention of
going to coastal I headed backto England in 1990 the
(02:06):
disillusioned idea of becomingPro, and then played in the
lower league, semi pro beforeCOVID. They had a little bit of
a back injury. And honestly, itwas getting to the point that
the lower leagues in England,like every game, was a fight,
and I mean a physical fight. AndI just wasn't that type of
player. I was one of the ball onthe ground. Wanted to knock it
around, and every time back thenit was lump it forward, kick it
(02:30):
as far as you can. And thenevery opportunity they had, it
was a there was a scrap, like aphysical fight. And I was just,
I got fed up with it. So betweenback injury and and all that. I
just stopped playing for many,many years, probably six or
seven years, and nothing to dowith the game. But again, you're
talking about like being in anenvironment where I was going to
amfields with Liverpoolregularly, just immersed in the
(02:52):
game. You know, which most kidsgrowing up in England are,
that's it's everything you know.
So people say, you know, whenthey when they were kids, they
wanted to be doctors, lawyers orfootball players. There was most
of the kids, me included, that Iknew only wanted to be soccer
players. We didn't. There wasnothing else we didn't know. I
mean, my favorite player thatlived just up the road for me, I
knew his license plate number byheart like it was. My passion
(03:14):
was to be him, and that's all Iwanted to do. I didn't know. But
again, the downside is, whathappens with school, right? That
was the crappy part of it all,is that school got left as a
secondary, whereas I could havebeen doing more and getting a
better education and so on andso forth. So by the way, I've
been with the thirteens,twelves, thirteens, fourteens,
(03:37):
in sort of that age group, butI've been doing those in that
age group since the 2000 andfives. Were you 13, seven years,
seven, eight years of probablyeight years of being in the
youth 13 age group.
Amy Bryant (03:52):
What was it that made you switch to the you 13
age group, or the 12, 1314,
Karl Hedley (03:58):
it was actually the it was the merger, I think
because I was doing kind ofthing, if I was doing the I was
doing the I was the GirlsAcademy director at tequila, and
the girls that I'd had, I had anolder team. So I'd like the two
the 90 sevens, I think it was,and then the 2000 and twos were
the younger team, and we've donequite well. The 2012 2000 and
(04:23):
twos have done quite well. We'dactually beat GSA at stake cup,
who were ranked number one. Itwas Judson's team. Judson and
Campbell were there trying towhatever, when state cup beat
them in state cup, and then itwas, I think it was just a topic
of conversation, like, who'sgoing to take the boys when they
merge? And knowing Nuno fromwhen I was younger. I think he
(04:43):
put a, you know, an influencedword in and said, I want Carl to
take the team. So that wasactually the first year of boys
ECM. So the U 13 is 2005 withthe first year of Boise. And I,
okay, you know. So, yeah, I'mjust a big fan of always doing
(05:05):
the same ages, just because Ithink you start to know the
kids, you know, I know that theycan't make an early training
session because of bus gettingin and off the, you know, for
middle school. And I've got anidea when testing is and you
start to understand the moodsand the buttons are kids that
you can push. And you know, I'myour son's a prime example. I
(05:26):
could push his button all theway right, but then the kids
sitting next to him, youcouldn't necessarily say the
same things. And I think thatgoes all the way through
adulthood, but I think thetemperament at a younger age is
more important, because you youlose a kid quickly, if you're
you're offensive to him, oryou're pointing out at the wrong
time and embarrass him, orwhatever. Kids exactly like
(05:49):
miles, you can do that with, butother kids you have to kind of
so I'm a big fan. In my academyset up the same way. Is every
year, the lead coach remains thelead coach. Staff. Coaches may
move in between up and down, butthe lead coach gets to have an
idea and philosophy of whatthose ages need and what they
don't need, what works, whatdoesn't work. And by the way,
(06:10):
it's easier for coaching becauseI have a curriculum that I just
keep repeating, yeah, speakingwhen it when it works and when
it doesn't work. So I thinksession plan tonight, look at
the day what we're working on.
Hit print it. And, you know,I've done it 100 times, so it
helps. But yeah, that was, thatwas the start of the boys, you
it was also, by the way, thesame year Alani and I had
(06:33):
started. Okay, so it was thegetting used to, how do you deal
with I've got 14, 1516, players,top players going into you 13,
because we did a like apreseason combined session. But
three or four of these might go.
(06:54):
And that year, a lot wentbecause they didn't have an
academy. There wasn't any so,you know, it was the 2000 fives
were. We had four went. 2006 istwo went at the time. So it was,
it was a lot to deal with,because we never had to deal
with that before. It never andsince then, I've seen a massive
change in the boy side, by theway, which is a good topic of
(07:14):
conversation, because I thinkit's a it's a completely
different setup and entity thanit used to be. It used to be
exactly the same as the girlsside. In fact, the girls side
was probably more importantbecause girls football, or girls
soccer in the States, was morepopular since at it's changed
(07:34):
completely. I mean, it'smassively changed. I think the
boy side is more popular now.
The pro games change thingsdramatically. Kids want to go to
bars or Academy, wanting to goto Spain. Want to, you know, and
it's just, I talk to Drew at theclub all the time. I'm like,
we've got to figure out how,maybe we need to run this boy
side just a little bitdifferent, because these kids up
(07:56):
until the age of, I mean, youprobably well, you will know way
more than me. Up until the ageof about 16, maybe even 17, they
couldn't care less about goingto college. They couldn't care
less, and then they hit 17 andgo, Oh, crap, you know, I'm not
going to make a pro. I'm goingto need to go to college. And by
the way, the odds aredramatically reduced, right?
(08:18):
Like these odds now of kidsgoing with these MLS Academy,
kids coming over and foreignstudents, still they're in the
one and 2% that go play correct,double EIGHT small numbers. You
know what? They don't realizethat the pro numbers are even
smaller. It's definitely themindset has changed on the boys
side, and I think it'scompletely separate now from the
(08:42):
girls on the way, where we runthings. So that's been a massive
change since the Oh fives tonow, when I'm dealing with these
parents of these youth, 13people who are just like every
single one of them, want to goto Portugal, want to go to
Spain, want to go to BostonAcademy. Or they just think if
Atlanta and I had not spottedthem, it's Atlanta United fault
(09:04):
or our fault, and they need togo somewhere else and find it
completely disillusioned. Yeah,well,
Amy Bryant (09:13):
that's, I mean, that's the thing like. And this
is what I always say, is like.
And I'll give you a personalstory about miles. You know, you
mentioned him earlier, so Mileswas struggling at the beginning
of this year, and he for thelisteners that don't know, my
ninth grader is at Atlantaunited, and he sustained an
injury during, gosh, his firstyear there, that caused him to
(09:37):
Miss about five months of theseason, and came back. He worked
really hard this summer to comeback, came back in the fall, and
wasn't getting any playing time.
You know, these kids, mine,included, are used to that
instant gratification of, youknow, you do this, you get that,
and it happens just like that.
They're not used to having toreally work for something and
(10:00):
the time that it takes toactually achieve the goals that
you've set for yourself. So inany case, he had this
conversation with me. He said,You know, if, if I'm not
playing, then, then I think Ishould just look to go somewhere
else, like, let's just go to StLouis and play for Kansas City.
Because that Coach talked to himwhen he was at ODP, when he was
(10:21):
like, 11, right? He thinksthat's still an option that's on
the table. And he also thinksthat, as his parent, that I
would, I would drop everythingto move across the country,
right? And he got the cold,stark reality conversation from
me, which was, if you can't makeit here at the program that's
(10:43):
down the street, then we're notgoing anywhere else. It's not
Atlanta United's fault thatyou're not starting this is, you
know, and it's not your faulteither, in a lot of ways, I
mean, and you can't help aninjury, but after an injury, it
takes work to get back, andthat's what you have to embrace,
(11:04):
is that work, and if you can getthere, great. And the happy end
of the story, I will say he isgetting back and getting his
playing time now, and he'scertainly not singing that same
tune.
Karl Hedley (11:15):
Personally what I think you've done there is what
I my biggest critical pointtowards parents is, is you've
allowed adversity and asked themto deal with it, right? Which is
what most parents don't do. It'syou've got a problem. You've got
an issue. Let me fix it for you.
That's right, if you, if youlook at most top pros, and I
haven't gone and pulled most toppros, but in general, and you
(11:38):
can even look at the very top.
You can look at the Messies andthe ronaldos of the world.
There's a adversity backstory inthere somewhere for those people
who remember David Beckhamreleased because he was too
small. The amount of times thathappens with players, messy
couldn't grow, poverty area, allthose types of things. I had a
(12:01):
friend of mine who ended upplaying in in the Premier League
for Aston Miller years ago, andwas in the street, average,
above average, strong, fairlytall, quick, fairly quick, a
little bit quick. But hisadversity was he had a bad home
(12:22):
life, like he just wanted to getout of his house. So he had that
adversity, and his parents werenever going to help him deal
with that, because dad was adrunk and all whatever, all
these things beat him. Theadversity was to the goal was to
get out of that house and dosomething with his life. And he
had no other skill and trade, sohe literally worked and found
himself in the Premier League at28 what was to drive within. Was
(12:43):
to get out of where he was, asituation where he was, I'm not
saying for one minute, theparents should create that kind
of home life for adversity. Butthere's so much out there. Let
them get put on a second team.
Let them not start. Let them nothave great minutes. Ask them, go
ask the coach what they can doto get more minutes. It's not
(13:04):
simple. Parents don't need to goand ask the coach. Absolutely.
It's constant with the questionsand the wanting to understand
why their players not playing.
And the worst one is you alwaysplay your favorites. It's my
favorite one of all time. Thatisn't it funny how my favorites
are the better players. Betterplayers. Let the other ones work
(13:28):
to achieve what those playershave got, right and whatever it
is. And by the way, if you don'tlike the coach, there's going to
be another one right around thecorner, so you can go and
impress the next guy, but you'vegot to learn to deal with you go
sign it, and again, you'll knowway more about the college scene
than I do. You go sign a fouryear deal at a college and you
go off, and then within a weekof being there, the college
(13:50):
coach gets fired, and you've gota brand new guy, and he doesn't
like you, or you get a roommatethat doesn't like you. Parents
can't swoop in and deal withthese things. They got to deal
with it on their own, andthey've got to learn to get over
it and get over the adversity.
Unless they're in danger, letthem get on with it, because
there's going to be issues, andthey're going to have problems,
and they're going to haveproblems they need to solve, on
and off the pitch, by the way,you know for me, but you look
(14:12):
at, you look at the theconversation you've had with
Miles, where are we moving to todo what? What is it we're trying
to accomplish? Just to say weplayed at a pro Academy, because
that tends to it all of asudden. It tends to identify you
as who you are. You are Jim thatplays for Atlanta united. You
(14:32):
leave Atlanta united, and nowyou're just Jim. How do you how
do you change your life to suitwho you really are, because
that's your identity. I grew upwith so many kids that I knew
that you're the kid who goes toback then the academies were
different center or center ofexcellence, but you were the kid
that went to Liverpool, you werethe kid that went to Everton,
(14:53):
and then all of a sudden youweren't, and nobody really knows
who the kid is anymore, becausehe never had any sort of life
around that you go to St Louisto the end result to be less
than 1% of the Academy kids tohave a chance to make a living
playing the game. By the waythat started, England is point
01 2% to make a living. Andmaking a living is earning a few
(15:17):
100 pound a week in the lowerleagues, or just getting bus
fare or whatever. That's such asmall number. And you're talking
about in a country with hundredsof pro clubs here, we've got, I
mean, how many times you'regoing to make a living? And by
the way, when they get into likeMLS, what are they on now, 60
grand? Yeah, very much. Thesedays, you can't live on that,
(15:39):
what do we find? What are wemoving for? What are we trying
to accomplish? You've got thebest opportunity right here in
your best and your doorstep.
You've got a pro club here that,by the way, will spot you, as we
tell kids at our club all thetime the amount of players that
we send after you, 13, afteryou, 14, after you 15. And by
(16:01):
the way, those are the ones thatnormally end up staying. They're
not the ones that went in at 11and 12. It's the ones that went
in at 1516, they stay, they getoff to a d1 college, or in the
case of one or two, they gettheir opportunity to play in the
first team or be around thefirst team, but it's so few and
far between. We just got to stepback and take, take a dose of
(16:24):
reality and go. It's your dream,and you don't need to break it,
but it's there has to besomething else that has to be,
Amy Bryant (16:31):
yeah, so what would you say? What's the message here
to our families, like, whatshould that other thing be? Why
should their kids be playingsport? What's it really all
about
Karl Hedley (16:40):
it to me. I mean, you've got loads of values that
come from playing sport, right,the teamwork and the camaraderie
and the respect and all thesedifferent things. And that's all
always for me, is, you know, isabout, as a coach, the first
thing I want to do is try anddevelop the player first, right?
For the for the reasons we justgave less than a percent is
going to go pro and make aliving play like they're going
(17:01):
to be doctors and lawyers andbrick players and painters and
all that. Be respectful peoplewhen you do that. If we can
teach that through sport, anysport, it's got a massive But to
me, what we just talked about,the first thing parents need to
do is get out of their way. Justget out of their way and let
them develop to become young menyoung women. Let them step into
(17:24):
their life as it's going tobecome. You can guide them and
be advice for them when they gethome or the rest of it needs to
be. What did, what did the coachask it? What did he? Did he ask
you something during thissession? What did you talk about
during the session? Because I'vegot parents that you've seen
them fence huggers, as we callthem. They're right up against
the fence. They're looking atyour every move. And if that kid
(17:47):
comes off sweating and drowningin sweat and exhausted and go
straight home, they think thatis success, and that's what
success looks like. But askthem, What did you learn? What
did you talk about? What pointsdid you get from the session
that's got way more value, andsometimes it can be just, I
(18:08):
learned to, you know, encouragemy teammates. I learned to talk
to my teammates alone, to bepositive. I just mentioned. I
love the age groups, 12 and 13,but there's such a negative
everything's like, Oh no, youknow, they have that long whiny
syllables at the end, like, whatare you doing forever? I know
you've heard it from boys. Itdrives you nuts. And my goal, a
(18:32):
lot of times in a session, isjust to change that. You know,
you can be a leader. You'reright. Your words are right.
What you're saying is, yeah,what he just did was crap, but
there's a way to tell him it wascrap, because you've got to have
the players drive in the sessionright at the end of the day. I
can help him and guide him intohim, but when they step over the
white line on a Saturday,they've got to drive each other.
(18:55):
They've got to tell each otherthey can do better or work
harder, or that pass wasn't goodenough for your level, or
whatever it is, but the whiningthing, just so even if it's
something like that in a sessionthat I learned today to
encourage my teammates or talkto my right back and make him
talk in a little bit more, orget him to get him to step up a
little bit, I think those thingshave more value than anything.
(19:17):
Parents don't need to say, Iwatched you tonight, and you
didn't do this, this and this,if you watched and they didn't
work hard enough, they weremisbehaving and they weren't
watching them, they weren'tpaying attention. That's that's
a parent conversation, to me.
The rest of it is, let them getin there, get out of the way.
Let them make the mistakes. Andat the end of it, you get what
you get. These kids are going tomake it in spite of you and me,
(19:40):
or they're not going to make itin spite of you and me, that's
the bottom line for me, right?
Amy Bryant (19:49):
Yeah, it's a great message. I love that. It's a
great way to end. So thanks somuch for being here. Carl, it
was great to have you, and youshared so many excellent
insights. I appreciate it. Thankyou. Appreciate it. Thanks so
much for listening today. Ifyou're looking for more
(20:10):
practical advice for parentingyour athlete, check out my new
ebook. Let them play a nononsense guide for parents. It's
available on Amazon for Kindleand on our website, links in the
show Notes.
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