June 27, 2025 • 20 mins
As pickleball players, we're constantly assessing our games—technique, shot selection, strategy. But how often do we stop to consider our partner, the fourth player on the court? Drawing from our upcoming book and a revealing real-world encounter, I'll show you how awareness and empathy toward our partner can reshape our entire experience.
Show Notes: https://betterpickleball.com/250-how-about-your-partner/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Hello and welcome to Pickleball Therapy,the podcast dedicated to
your pickleball improvement.
I'll be having a great week.
We are getting here tothe end of June 2025.
Kind of weird to think about, right?
Halfway through 2025.
We have an exciting second half ofthe year planned at Better Pickleball.
We have some new coaching programsthat we're going to be unveiling.
(00:27):
We're always trying to find ways toconnect with players who
are interested in improving.
Our whole thing is totransfer knowledge to the best of our
ability in the world of pickleball.
We do it here on the podcast, we do it onour YouTube channels, and we
also do it through coaching.
So if you're interested in any of that, ifyou're on our email list, you will
(00:47):
receive those opportunities asthey become available to you.
I wanted to do a shout out, and then weare going to dive into the podcast today.
What I'm going to talk about today is I'mgoing to talk about
remembering thefourth player on the court, and
you'll understand more in a second.
Basically, it's understandingour place within the sport.
(01:10):
I'm going to be reading from our upcomingPickleball Therapy book
that'll be coming out towards theend of September is the plan.
So be on the look out for that.
We have the pieces in place.
Things are moving ahead with it.
So we're very excitedabout that opportunity.
And then if you are interested in becomingBeing a pickleball therapist,
(01:32):
you can send me an email, put therapist inthe byline, and I will send you
information about what that means.
In a nutshell, it basically means you'recommitting to your mental
improvement, your mental journey.
You'll be involved with the podcastbecause that's what being a therapist is
in terms of listening to it and engagingwith it when you can, and then sharing it.
(01:52):
That's a really important piece of it, ishelping others, not just
ourselves with this.
Anyway, so if you want to do that, send mean email and I'll send you some
information on being a therapist.
Then in the RIF, I'm going to be talkingabout something that occurred not too
long ago that actually ties into the book.
I wanted to talk about this in thepodcast, and I happened to be doing some
(02:12):
book editing, and this was thesection that came up as well.
Serendipity, if you believe inthat stuff, is what happened here.
Before we get into that, I'm goingto do a shout out here to Tim.
Thank you very much for thecomment on the YouTube's.
If you don't know, we'reon YouTube as well.
If you care to visualize the podcast,you're welcome to watch it on
(02:33):
YouTube at pickleball Therapy.
You can see my hands flyingaround and mannerisms as I go.
This is from Tim, and that was a day ago.
It was in response to episode248, Don't Don't diminish you.
And then what Tim says is, I've beenlistening to pickleball Therapy for just
over a year now, and I can tell you thatthis podcast is the gold standard for
preparing yourself to be mentallybulletproof on the court.
(02:56):
Each week, the informationkeeps my mental game grounded and keeps me
on track and/or sometimesexcels my growth in the sport.
Give it a listen, Tim.
Thank you, Tim, very muchfor leaving that review.
As I mentioned, I'll mention it now, and Imentioned again at the end of the podcast,
these reviews are important, not justbecause they're nice to receive,
(03:16):
though they are very nice to receive.
They're important because they allow otherplayers to decide whether they
want to interact with this content.
So if the content helps you, leavinga review helps us reach other players.
And it'll help those players is the idea.
So if you a minute to dothat, that'd be great.
All right, I'm going to dive into thebook, and then I'm going to give you in
the rift the story that I want to sharewith you, which plays perfectly
(03:36):
with the topic for this week.
So let me set up the chapter foryou that I'm going to be reading.
So in the book, it's basically follows aprogression of understanding ourselves
better, understanding the sport better.
Then we start linking us and the sport.
It's built, as you know by now, prettymodular is how we do things step by step.
Now we're in this is a chapter out of partfour, which is our
(04:00):
place within pickleball.
It's a little bit different thanjust how we interact with the sport.
It's actually our place inside of it.
This chapter is entitled Don'tForget the Fourth Player.
Now, we've already talked about ourselvesad nauseam in this book because we're
talking about our perspectiveand how we see things.
We've already talked about our opponentsbefore this chapter in the book, and now
(04:20):
we're talking about the fourthplayer, who is our partner.
I'm going to read from the book now, andthen I'll come back to the RIF and we'll
talk about how thismanifested itself not too long ago
in a rec game that I was playing at.
All right, don't forget the fourth player.
There is one actor we have notyet focused on, our partner.
Just as we needed Gary and Nadine to joinus that day, we also
(04:43):
needed each other to play.
No partner, equal.
No play for you.
Now, Gary and Nadine, just to give youcontext, you've read this in the book,
Gary and Nadine areour opponents that day.
So there's four of us playingyou, your partner, Gary and Nadine.
Back to the book.
Spoiler.
There is a 100% chance thatyour partner will make mistakes.
(05:04):
They will miss shotsand make bad decisions.
That is part of the game.
But your partner willalso do things right.
If nothing else, just joiningyou on the court is enough.
Remember, without them, you arenot playing pickleball right now.
Just as with your opponents, rememberthat there are other actors in this play.
They each come to the game with theirown doubts, desires, thoughts, etc.
(05:25):
Whatever theirs are, they are nomore or less valuable than yours.
As we'll explore a little bit more in thenext chapter, pickleball
does not belong to me or you.
Every player is entitled to enjoy theirrelationship with
pickleball to its fullest.
There are three steps you can take tobecome a better partner and player.
(05:45):
The first step is to rememberthat your partner is there.
This step may seem obvious,but we can sometimes become so
hyper-focused on ourselves thatwe lose sight of our partner.
We can also forget thatour actions impact them.
An easy example is the unconsciousshoulder slump or head tilt, eye roll
even, when our partner misses a shot.
(06:07):
An easy technique to avoid potentialmiscommunication with your partner
is something my co-head coach, C.J.
Johnson, teaches our students.
After every rally, turn towardsyour partner and make eye contact.
A pattle tab of smile is also good,but no matter what, turn towards your
partner and reestablisha connection with them.
(06:27):
The second step is to apply some empathy.
Our partner is a person,flawed just like us.
Just as we make mistakes, so will they.
Just as we have other thingsgoing on in our lives, so do they.
When they invariably make amistake, let them know it's fine.
You can remind them that you will misstwo, or you can let them know that you're
(06:48):
just happy to be playing andthe score doesn't matter to you.
You did, after all, read this book.
Smiley face, of course.
The third step is to see if there'ssomething you can do to create a more
positive experience for yourpartner, and by extension, you.
Perhaps your partner doesnot like it when you poach.
Then, for that game, you will do your bestnot to poach,
(07:13):
even if it is the best strategic shot.
Each of these steps are progressive.
You start with recognition, then expand itto understanding, and finally,
complete it with positive involvement.
Some specific instancesof this process at work.
Your partner popped the ball upand thinks you're upset with them.
Is there something you might say to makethem feel better or to let
(07:36):
them know you are not upset?
Your partner missed a return of serve,perhaps the second one of this game.
Are there things going on in theirlife that have their attention?
Maybe your partner got some difficult newsthat morning on their way to the courts.
Your partner didn't hit the ball where youthought it should have been hit,
(07:57):
a strategy error in your mind.
Is it possible that they have just not hadtime or guidance to progress
as far in the game as you have?
In each of these situations, rather thangoing direct to, What in the
world is my partner doing?
You take a breath and allow for thepossibility that there's more going on
(08:18):
than just an idiot or crappy partner.
They are out there doing theirthing, giving their best.
Celebrate them in thegame that you're playing.
So that's a section from the book, andthen we go back into something has to win,
someone has to win, and things like that.
So it gives you an idea of how we approachperspective here at the podcast, and we
(08:40):
will in the book, or are in the book,which is basically the idea that
we need to keep a balance in terms of whatwe're doing, which is playing pickleball,
and who else is involved around us.
And the better we understand these otheractors in the play that we're involved in,
this pickleball play that we're involvedin, the better we're going to treat them,
(09:01):
the better experience we're going to have,and ultimately, the better it's
going to be for us as well.
So it's a selfish act if youwant to think about it that way.
So that's from the book.
Hope you enjoyed it.
In the RIF, what I want to talk about nowis I want to talk about an
experience that I had recently.
It was a conversation with another playerthat I just met in a rec
(09:25):
play while I was traveling.
So to Let me lay it out for you, and thenI'll tell you what happened, and then talk
a little bit about how thatprocess of that player,
from my position, from my view of things,diminished their partner, diminished the
(09:45):
game that we had just finished playing,diminished the whole experience, and
ultimately, diminished the player.
I'm not going to use names or thingslike that, but I'll just tell you.
It was a player who, again, total wreck,didn't know these players, just met them.
And so I go out to play.
I got to play on the court with avery good player.
(10:10):
Well, it's Jill, my wife.
She's a very good player.
And the two other players wantedto play together, which is fine.
So we played against them.
And just to give you some idea, we don'tgo out there and play our
normal game in these situations.
That just wouldn't befun for anybody, right?
It wouldn't be fun for us.It wouldn't be fun for them.
Now, we're not We're just playing.
(10:30):
We're basically keeping the balls in play.
If I get a high ball, I'm justangling it a little bit or
pushing it back into a position.
I'm not blowing it up.
I'm not hitting anybody in their bodies.
I'm not driving balls off the bounce,which I tend to do in
my competitive matches.
I'm not lobbying, right?
A lot of weapons I'm not using.
(10:51):
So I'm playing, but I'm playing just veryconservatively, I guess, if you
want to look at it that way.So we end up winning the game.
It was pretty convincing victory,11 less than five, let's say, right?
And we made a coupleof errors and whatever.
So we get off the court and oneof the players comes up to me.
Now, this is unsolicited, right?
(11:11):
I didn't engage in this conversation.
The The letter comes up to me and sayssomething to the effect of
that the player needs a better partnernext time they play against us.
And then I said something along thelines of, I thought the game was fine.
We went out there and it wasa good game and all that,
(11:33):
to which the response was that it was nota good game, and basically that they
needed a better partner and that.
So my response The sense of that was,well, I said, you're entitled to your
opinion on how you feel about things.
I can tell you that from my perspective,there's no such thing as
a bad pickleball game.
(11:54):
And I told him that Ibasically work full-time in pickleball.
I have a podcast.
I thought a lot about it, and I don'tbelieve there's a bad pickleball game, but
you're certainly entitledto your position on it.
And then kept talking about something orthe other, and it always came back to the
partner not being as good as this player,which objectively was not accurate.
(12:21):
As a coach, I can tell you that.
I mean, these two players,they were both fine.
They played fine, but theywere both about the same level.
One player had certain type offlaws in their game that I could identify,
and the other player, the one talking tome, had other flaws in their
game that I could identify.
And there wasn't a hugedifference in these two players.
(12:42):
But I'm just giving you context.
That doesn't excuse it, even ifthere was a difference in the level.
I want to be clear about that.
But this idea that I needed anew player just kept coming up.
So I don't remember what else I said.
And then the player got upset and saidsomething like, Well, I'm
entitled to my opinion.
You're Mr. Pickleball,but I'm entitled to my opinion, which I
(13:03):
said, I haven't said otherwise, have I?
You certainly areentitled to your opinion.
But I will tell you this, if you're goingto come to me and you're going to start
chatting in my ear,I don't know what players expect.
I'm just going to go like,Oh, yeah, definitely.
You have another partner.
No, I'm not going to engage in thatcontent, in that type of conversation.
(13:24):
And I would submit to you, if you're onyour journey, and
You listen to this podcast and yousubscribe to some of the concepts that we
have here, includingnot bad-bounding other players, that
perhaps it's worth making a note orhaving a action like the one that I had.
(13:46):
Because I think it's importantfor this player, the one I was speaking
with, to perhaps be exposed to a differentapproach, to be
made aware that the comment about thepartner isn't necessary, appropriate,
helpful, productive.
You pick your positive objective,and it's none of those things.
(14:10):
Just to go along with it, right?
Would just becontinuing to encourage or at least not
chastise that behavior, which ultimatelyis to the detriment of
our game, not just to the player.
It's to the detriment of our game becausethis player plays in a community.
(14:33):
This is a rec play community.
They're playing regularly together.
And so you have these negativeconversations happening
inside that community.
That's going to bring everybody down, aswe've been talking about with this
concept of diminishing ourselves.
So I just wanted to share with you whathad happened to me, how I'd reacted to it.
I'll make a suggestion to you that ifyou're, again, subscribed to the concepts
(14:54):
here, it doesn't mean that you haveto go out there and preach the gospel.
I'm not saying you have tounsolicited, announce yourselves to
everybody as to what'sright and what's wrong.
But certainly, if a player initiates theconversation with you, as this player did
with me, I don't thinkthere's anything wrong with...
Not just nothing wrong with.
I would suggest you that it's the correctthing to frame it in the way that you
(15:17):
understand your relationship with thesport, the sport itself, the other actors
in the sport, depending on theconversation, and share about how you view
things so that the other player talkingwith who maybe has an
unfortunate view of the game and the otheractors in it can maybe open their eyes
(15:40):
to a different way of thinking about it.
That's part of just growth mypersonal growth as a player.
And it's not that I ever felt...
I will tell you that personally, it's notlike I ever felt that my opponents
or my partners weren't important.
I never thought about it.
And so myMy lack of context, my lack of
(16:03):
perspective, was not driven by anintentional dislike for
them or anything like that.
It was just an ignorance of the idea thatI should consider my partner, like with
the three steps that I just mentioned, orthat I should take into account my
opponents as just human beings out therewho are trying to do
their best on the court.
(16:24):
The part of this journey for me, and I'mgoing to call out my friend and mentor,
Coach Peter Scales, whowrote that book, Mental and Emotional
Training for Tennis,Compete, Learn, Honor.
Those principles got megoing in this arena, and it's really
opened up my mind to a different way ofthinking about sport in general, and in
(16:48):
particular, the sport that Iengage in with any frequency,
which is the sport of pickleball.
Anyway, if you feel like it, it's probablyIt's worth having the conversation
with someone who opens up the door.
Another door that I'm going to mentionreal quickly is the door, because it just
came to mind as a door ofat the end of a game when you have a tough
(17:12):
fought match or tough fought game and youhave somebody on the court say something
like, I messed that up, or basicallyputting it on themselves or some condition
that's not recognizing thework done by the winning team.
I think there's ways toapproach That's that as well.
One way I would approach, I haveapproached it in the past,
(17:34):
is to say, Yeah, you certainly...
I guess you could have made that shot, butI also remember that
Tom or Mary or whoever, I also rememberthat great save that they made.
Remember that great save?Or do you remember the...
When they were in a tell spot they were inand they got out of it,
that was really good.
And so it retakesthe framing of the situation away from the
(17:57):
negative self-centered idea into moreof a constructive big-picture idea.
And I think if you start from the premise,going back to what I'm sharing in the RIF,
if you start from the premise thatjust playing pickleball in and of itself
is a positive experience that should becelebrated, then everything
else works out, doesn't it?
Because thenI needed a better partner, or there's
(18:20):
Windy, or whatever dissolves in that.It dissolves in that, right?
It's an acid.
Acid dissolution bya proper frame claiming of...
Weren't we just playing pickleball?Pickleball is pretty fun.
So I think I'm going to go with that.
Anyway, so I hope youenjoyed this week's podcast.
One subject that I'm going to be talkingabout in the future that I'm developing to
(18:41):
thinking about now, which is, I think,really fascinating, is this concept
of insecurity.And I see insecurity.
By the way, do you ever have one of thosemoments where you've been looking for
something forever and allof a sudden you see it?
That just happened to me.That's why I had a distraction there.
I looked across.
I've been looking forthis little tripod stand.
I don't know.I looked everywhere.
(19:01):
And all of a sudden I look over hereand it's right next to me right here.
Anyway, but it's the idea of howinsecurity
ripples through how we behave sometimes onthe pickleball court or
around the pickleball court.
And when we see players actingin ways that we perhaps think are not the
best way to act, that a lot of times youcan trace it back just to insecurity.
(19:23):
And if you trace it back to that, then Ithink it gives you a better
way of empathizing with it.
So we'll talk about thatin a subsequent podcast.
I'll be out of the office next next weekbecause I'm going up to the
New York for a couple of days justhanging out, getting some food.
And then I'm going up to the MLP in NewYork and look forward to seeing
the pros up there, giving it theirall, and hopefully with a sound mind.
(19:43):
So next week, we'll have a I'm notsure exactly what we'll do next week.
It'll probably be an archive episode.
We'll find one of the best.
If you have one that you really like, thatyou think we should share with somebody
else, with other players, let us know,because what happens is if we take an old
episode and republish it, then it'llget more exposure to new players.
So if there's one that really resonateswith you, you can send us an
(20:06):
email at support@betterpickleball.Com.
Put in the subject line,recommend this episode or pull this
archive episode, something like that.
A podcast episode is fine.
And then I'll tell the team tobe on the look out for that.
And if you do send me an email onbecoming a therapist, you can send
that one to therapy@betterpickleball.Com.
And then put in the subjectline, please, therapist.
(20:27):
That really helps me identify.
I give it more priority.I'll tell you that.
If it says therapist on it, I'm like, Igot to read that one because I'm going to
respond to that one, and I'm not going torespond to solicitation ones until
I've responded to the Therapist ones.
As always, if you enjoyed the podcast,have a minute to rate and review.
I really appreciate it andshare it with your friends.
Remember, if you enjoyed thepodcast, they probably will, too.
I will not see you next week, butI will see you the week after that.
(20:50):
Hope you're well, andI'll see you next time.
Hello and welcome to Pickleball Therapy,the podcast dedicated to
your pickleball improvement.
I'll be having a great week.
We are getting here tothe end of June 2025.
Kind of weird to think about, right?
Halfway through 2025.
We have an exciting second half ofthe year planned at Better Pickleball.
We have some new coaching programsthat we're going to be unveiling.
(00:27):
We're always trying to find ways toconnect with players who
are interested in improving.
Our whole thing is totransfer knowledge to the best of our
ability in the world of pickleball.
We do it here on the podcast, we do it onour YouTube channels, and we
also do it through coaching.
So if you're interested in any of that, ifyou're on our email list, you will
(00:47):
receive those opportunities asthey become available to you.
I wanted to do a shout out, and then weare going to dive into the podcast today.
What I'm going to talk about today is I'mgoing to talk about
remembering thefourth player on the court, and
you'll understand more in a second.
Basically, it's understandingour place within the sport.
(01:10):
I'm going to be reading from our upcomingPickleball Therapy book
that'll be coming out towards theend of September is the plan.
So be on the look out for that.
We have the pieces in place.
Things are moving ahead with it.
So we're very excitedabout that opportunity.
And then if you are interested in becomingBeing a pickleball therapist,
(01:32):
you can send me an email, put therapist inthe byline, and I will send you
information about what that means.
In a nutshell, it basically means you'recommitting to your mental
improvement, your mental journey.
You'll be involved with the podcastbecause that's what being a therapist is
in terms of listening to it and engagingwith it when you can, and then sharing it.
(01:52):
That's a really important piece of it, ishelping others, not just
ourselves with this.
Anyway, so if you want to do that, send mean email and I'll send you some
information on being a therapist.
Then in the RIF, I'm going to be talkingabout something that occurred not too
long ago that actually ties into the book.
I wanted to talk about this in thepodcast, and I happened to be doing some
(02:12):
book editing, and this was thesection that came up as well.
Serendipity, if you believe inthat stuff, is what happened here.
Before we get into that, I'm goingto do a shout out here to Tim.
Thank you very much for thecomment on the YouTube's.
If you don't know, we'reon YouTube as well.
If you care to visualize the podcast,you're welcome to watch it on
(02:33):
YouTube at pickleball Therapy.
You can see my hands flyingaround and mannerisms as I go.
This is from Tim, and that was a day ago.
It was in response to episode248, Don't Don't diminish you.
And then what Tim says is, I've beenlistening to pickleball Therapy for just
over a year now, and I can tell you thatthis podcast is the gold standard for
preparing yourself to be mentallybulletproof on the court.
(02:56):
Each week, the informationkeeps my mental game grounded and keeps me
on track and/or sometimesexcels my growth in the sport.
Give it a listen, Tim.
Thank you, Tim, very muchfor leaving that review.
As I mentioned, I'll mention it now, and Imentioned again at the end of the podcast,
these reviews are important, not justbecause they're nice to receive,
(03:16):
though they are very nice to receive.
They're important because they allow otherplayers to decide whether they
want to interact with this content.
So if the content helps you, leavinga review helps us reach other players.
And it'll help those players is the idea.
So if you a minute to dothat, that'd be great.
All right, I'm going to dive into thebook, and then I'm going to give you in
the rift the story that I want to sharewith you, which plays perfectly
(03:36):
with the topic for this week.
So let me set up the chapter foryou that I'm going to be reading.
So in the book, it's basically follows aprogression of understanding ourselves
better, understanding the sport better.
Then we start linking us and the sport.
It's built, as you know by now, prettymodular is how we do things step by step.
Now we're in this is a chapter out of partfour, which is our
(04:00):
place within pickleball.
It's a little bit different thanjust how we interact with the sport.
It's actually our place inside of it.
This chapter is entitled Don'tForget the Fourth Player.
Now, we've already talked about ourselvesad nauseam in this book because we're
talking about our perspectiveand how we see things.
We've already talked about our opponentsbefore this chapter in the book, and now
(04:20):
we're talking about the fourthplayer, who is our partner.
I'm going to read from the book now, andthen I'll come back to the RIF and we'll
talk about how thismanifested itself not too long ago
in a rec game that I was playing at.
All right, don't forget the fourth player.
There is one actor we have notyet focused on, our partner.
Just as we needed Gary and Nadine to joinus that day, we also
(04:43):
needed each other to play.
No partner, equal.
No play for you.
Now, Gary and Nadine, just to give youcontext, you've read this in the book,
Gary and Nadine areour opponents that day.
So there's four of us playingyou, your partner, Gary and Nadine.
Back to the book.
Spoiler.
There is a 100% chance thatyour partner will make mistakes.
(05:04):
They will miss shotsand make bad decisions.
That is part of the game.
But your partner willalso do things right.
If nothing else, just joiningyou on the court is enough.
Remember, without them, you arenot playing pickleball right now.
Just as with your opponents, rememberthat there are other actors in this play.
They each come to the game with theirown doubts, desires, thoughts, etc.
(05:25):
Whatever theirs are, they are nomore or less valuable than yours.
As we'll explore a little bit more in thenext chapter, pickleball
does not belong to me or you.
Every player is entitled to enjoy theirrelationship with
pickleball to its fullest.
There are three steps you can take tobecome a better partner and player.
(05:45):
The first step is to rememberthat your partner is there.
This step may seem obvious,but we can sometimes become so
hyper-focused on ourselves thatwe lose sight of our partner.
We can also forget thatour actions impact them.
An easy example is the unconsciousshoulder slump or head tilt, eye roll
even, when our partner misses a shot.
(06:07):
An easy technique to avoid potentialmiscommunication with your partner
is something my co-head coach, C.J.
Johnson, teaches our students.
After every rally, turn towardsyour partner and make eye contact.
A pattle tab of smile is also good,but no matter what, turn towards your
partner and reestablisha connection with them.
(06:27):
The second step is to apply some empathy.
Our partner is a person,flawed just like us.
Just as we make mistakes, so will they.
Just as we have other thingsgoing on in our lives, so do they.
When they invariably make amistake, let them know it's fine.
You can remind them that you will misstwo, or you can let them know that you're
(06:48):
just happy to be playing andthe score doesn't matter to you.
You did, after all, read this book.
Smiley face, of course.
The third step is to see if there'ssomething you can do to create a more
positive experience for yourpartner, and by extension, you.
Perhaps your partner doesnot like it when you poach.
Then, for that game, you will do your bestnot to poach,
(07:13):
even if it is the best strategic shot.
Each of these steps are progressive.
You start with recognition, then expand itto understanding, and finally,
complete it with positive involvement.
Some specific instancesof this process at work.
Your partner popped the ball upand thinks you're upset with them.
Is there something you might say to makethem feel better or to let
(07:36):
them know you are not upset?
Your partner missed a return of serve,perhaps the second one of this game.
Are there things going on in theirlife that have their attention?
Maybe your partner got some difficult newsthat morning on their way to the courts.
Your partner didn't hit the ball where youthought it should have been hit,
(07:57):
a strategy error in your mind.
Is it possible that they have just not hadtime or guidance to progress
as far in the game as you have?
In each of these situations, rather thangoing direct to, What in the
world is my partner doing?
You take a breath and allow for thepossibility that there's more going on
(08:18):
than just an idiot or crappy partner.
They are out there doing theirthing, giving their best.
Celebrate them in thegame that you're playing.
So that's a section from the book, andthen we go back into something has to win,
someone has to win, and things like that.
So it gives you an idea of how we approachperspective here at the podcast, and we
(08:40):
will in the book, or are in the book,which is basically the idea that
we need to keep a balance in terms of whatwe're doing, which is playing pickleball,
and who else is involved around us.
And the better we understand these otheractors in the play that we're involved in,
this pickleball play that we're involvedin, the better we're going to treat them,
(09:01):
the better experience we're going to have,and ultimately, the better it's
going to be for us as well.
So it's a selfish act if youwant to think about it that way.
So that's from the book.
Hope you enjoyed it.
In the RIF, what I want to talk about nowis I want to talk about an
experience that I had recently.
It was a conversation with another playerthat I just met in a rec
(09:25):
play while I was traveling.
So to Let me lay it out for you, and thenI'll tell you what happened, and then talk
a little bit about how thatprocess of that player,
from my position, from my view of things,diminished their partner, diminished the
(09:45):
game that we had just finished playing,diminished the whole experience, and
ultimately, diminished the player.
I'm not going to use names or thingslike that, but I'll just tell you.
It was a player who, again, total wreck,didn't know these players, just met them.
And so I go out to play.
I got to play on the court with avery good player.
(10:10):
Well, it's Jill, my wife.
She's a very good player.
And the two other players wantedto play together, which is fine.
So we played against them.
And just to give you some idea, we don'tgo out there and play our
normal game in these situations.
That just wouldn't befun for anybody, right?
It wouldn't be fun for us.It wouldn't be fun for them.
Now, we're not We're just playing.
(10:30):
We're basically keeping the balls in play.
If I get a high ball, I'm justangling it a little bit or
pushing it back into a position.
I'm not blowing it up.
I'm not hitting anybody in their bodies.
I'm not driving balls off the bounce,which I tend to do in
my competitive matches.
I'm not lobbying, right?
A lot of weapons I'm not using.
(10:51):
So I'm playing, but I'm playing just veryconservatively, I guess, if you
want to look at it that way.So we end up winning the game.
It was pretty convincing victory,11 less than five, let's say, right?
And we made a coupleof errors and whatever.
So we get off the court and oneof the players comes up to me.
Now, this is unsolicited, right?
(11:11):
I didn't engage in this conversation.
The The letter comes up to me and sayssomething to the effect of
that the player needs a better partnernext time they play against us.
And then I said something along thelines of, I thought the game was fine.
We went out there and it wasa good game and all that,
(11:33):
to which the response was that it was nota good game, and basically that they
needed a better partner and that.
So my response The sense of that was,well, I said, you're entitled to your
opinion on how you feel about things.
I can tell you that from my perspective,there's no such thing as
a bad pickleball game.
(11:54):
And I told him that Ibasically work full-time in pickleball.
I have a podcast.
I thought a lot about it, and I don'tbelieve there's a bad pickleball game, but
you're certainly entitledto your position on it.
And then kept talking about something orthe other, and it always came back to the
partner not being as good as this player,which objectively was not accurate.
(12:21):
As a coach, I can tell you that.
I mean, these two players,they were both fine.
They played fine, but theywere both about the same level.
One player had certain type offlaws in their game that I could identify,
and the other player, the one talking tome, had other flaws in their
game that I could identify.
And there wasn't a hugedifference in these two players.
(12:42):
But I'm just giving you context.
That doesn't excuse it, even ifthere was a difference in the level.
I want to be clear about that.
But this idea that I needed anew player just kept coming up.
So I don't remember what else I said.
And then the player got upset and saidsomething like, Well, I'm
entitled to my opinion.
You're Mr. Pickleball,but I'm entitled to my opinion, which I
(13:03):
said, I haven't said otherwise, have I?
You certainly areentitled to your opinion.
But I will tell you this, if you're goingto come to me and you're going to start
chatting in my ear,I don't know what players expect.
I'm just going to go like,Oh, yeah, definitely.
You have another partner.
No, I'm not going to engage in thatcontent, in that type of conversation.
(13:24):
And I would submit to you, if you're onyour journey, and
You listen to this podcast and yousubscribe to some of the concepts that we
have here, includingnot bad-bounding other players, that
perhaps it's worth making a note orhaving a action like the one that I had.
(13:46):
Because I think it's importantfor this player, the one I was speaking
with, to perhaps be exposed to a differentapproach, to be
made aware that the comment about thepartner isn't necessary, appropriate,
helpful, productive.
You pick your positive objective,and it's none of those things.
(14:10):
Just to go along with it, right?
Would just becontinuing to encourage or at least not
chastise that behavior, which ultimatelyis to the detriment of
our game, not just to the player.
It's to the detriment of our game becausethis player plays in a community.
(14:33):
This is a rec play community.
They're playing regularly together.
And so you have these negativeconversations happening
inside that community.
That's going to bring everybody down, aswe've been talking about with this
concept of diminishing ourselves.
So I just wanted to share with you whathad happened to me, how I'd reacted to it.
I'll make a suggestion to you that ifyou're, again, subscribed to the concepts
(14:54):
here, it doesn't mean that you haveto go out there and preach the gospel.
I'm not saying you have tounsolicited, announce yourselves to
everybody as to what'sright and what's wrong.
But certainly, if a player initiates theconversation with you, as this player did
with me, I don't thinkthere's anything wrong with...
Not just nothing wrong with.
I would suggest you that it's the correctthing to frame it in the way that you
(15:17):
understand your relationship with thesport, the sport itself, the other actors
in the sport, depending on theconversation, and share about how you view
things so that the other player talkingwith who maybe has an
unfortunate view of the game and the otheractors in it can maybe open their eyes
(15:40):
to a different way of thinking about it.
That's part of just growth mypersonal growth as a player.
And it's not that I ever felt...
I will tell you that personally, it's notlike I ever felt that my opponents
or my partners weren't important.
I never thought about it.
And so myMy lack of context, my lack of
(16:03):
perspective, was not driven by anintentional dislike for
them or anything like that.
It was just an ignorance of the idea thatI should consider my partner, like with
the three steps that I just mentioned, orthat I should take into account my
opponents as just human beings out therewho are trying to do
their best on the court.
(16:24):
The part of this journey for me, and I'mgoing to call out my friend and mentor,
Coach Peter Scales, whowrote that book, Mental and Emotional
Training for Tennis,Compete, Learn, Honor.
Those principles got megoing in this arena, and it's really
opened up my mind to a different way ofthinking about sport in general, and in
(16:48):
particular, the sport that Iengage in with any frequency,
which is the sport of pickleball.
Anyway, if you feel like it, it's probablyIt's worth having the conversation
with someone who opens up the door.
Another door that I'm going to mentionreal quickly is the door, because it just
came to mind as a door ofat the end of a game when you have a tough
(17:12):
fought match or tough fought game and youhave somebody on the court say something
like, I messed that up, or basicallyputting it on themselves or some condition
that's not recognizing thework done by the winning team.
I think there's ways toapproach That's that as well.
One way I would approach, I haveapproached it in the past,
(17:34):
is to say, Yeah, you certainly...
I guess you could have made that shot, butI also remember that
Tom or Mary or whoever, I also rememberthat great save that they made.
Remember that great save?Or do you remember the...
When they were in a tell spot they were inand they got out of it,
that was really good.
And so it retakesthe framing of the situation away from the
(17:57):
negative self-centered idea into moreof a constructive big-picture idea.
And I think if you start from the premise,going back to what I'm sharing in the RIF,
if you start from the premise thatjust playing pickleball in and of itself
is a positive experience that should becelebrated, then everything
else works out, doesn't it?
Because thenI needed a better partner, or there's
(18:20):
Windy, or whatever dissolves in that.It dissolves in that, right?
It's an acid.
Acid dissolution bya proper frame claiming of...
Weren't we just playing pickleball?Pickleball is pretty fun.
So I think I'm going to go with that.
Anyway, so I hope youenjoyed this week's podcast.
One subject that I'm going to be talkingabout in the future that I'm developing to
(18:41):
thinking about now, which is, I think,really fascinating, is this concept
of insecurity.And I see insecurity.
By the way, do you ever have one of thosemoments where you've been looking for
something forever and allof a sudden you see it?
That just happened to me.That's why I had a distraction there.
I looked across.
I've been looking forthis little tripod stand.
I don't know.I looked everywhere.
(19:01):
And all of a sudden I look over hereand it's right next to me right here.
Anyway, but it's the idea of howinsecurity
ripples through how we behave sometimes onthe pickleball court or
around the pickleball court.
And when we see players actingin ways that we perhaps think are not the
best way to act, that a lot of times youcan trace it back just to insecurity.
(19:23):
And if you trace it back to that, then Ithink it gives you a better
way of empathizing with it.
So we'll talk about thatin a subsequent podcast.
I'll be out of the office next next weekbecause I'm going up to the
New York for a couple of days justhanging out, getting some food.
And then I'm going up to the MLP in NewYork and look forward to seeing
the pros up there, giving it theirall, and hopefully with a sound mind.
(19:43):
So next week, we'll have a I'm notsure exactly what we'll do next week.
It'll probably be an archive episode.
We'll find one of the best.
If you have one that you really like, thatyou think we should share with somebody
else, with other players, let us know,because what happens is if we take an old
episode and republish it, then it'llget more exposure to new players.
So if there's one that really resonateswith you, you can send us an
(20:06):
email at support@betterpickleball.Com.
Put in the subject line,recommend this episode or pull this
archive episode, something like that.
A podcast episode is fine.
And then I'll tell the team tobe on the look out for that.
And if you do send me an email onbecoming a therapist, you can send
that one to therapy@betterpickleball.Com.
And then put in the subjectline, please, therapist.
(20:27):
That really helps me identify.
I give it more priority.I'll tell you that.
If it says therapist on it, I'm like, Igot to read that one because I'm going to
respond to that one, and I'm not going torespond to solicitation ones until
I've responded to the Therapist ones.
As always, if you enjoyed the podcast,have a minute to rate and review.
I really appreciate it andshare it with your friends.
Remember, if you enjoyed thepodcast, they probably will, too.
I will not see you next week, butI will see you the week after that.
(20:50):
Hope you're well, andI'll see you next time.
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